Thank you Sarah for the auDHD recognition. I always know it's good content when I miss something as my mind wanders and rewind to catch the bit I missed. Did that loads here. Nice one.
From a woman with ADHD, this interview is giving woman with ADHD (the listen and talk at the same is SO relatable) all the ones sound like stress-induced coping skills
Both the DSM-5 and ICD diagnostic criteria were written based on little boys! They never considered girls (much less adult women) so women never fully fit the diagnostic criteria because we are historically (and largely still are) ignored during research…
Watching this, my partner and I really agree about Sarah's observation that we all really have too many distractions and interruptions to our daily lives now. I cannot imagine how a grown up from even 50 years ago would deal with such a lifestyle now. Thanks for a very informative discussion.
There are two ways of dealing with problems with, for example, time management (like you have with everything in life that triggers some fear in people): - you have the people that get overwhelmed, that try to avoid that uncomfortable feeling, and will procrastinate till the last minute, waiting for that adrenaline to kick in. I guess, these type of people get diagnosed more easily with ADHD, because the struggle will show up earlier in life, because it's impossible to keep on doing it this way in most adult lives.. - Now, you have another way of dealing with that uncomfortable feeling: you keep it under tight control. You're never late, but always 30minutes too early. You're overly organised. You know you have to finish it at once, else you will get distracted, and will get into trouble. Etc.. And that's where it is possible to have a lot of 'one' answers on the first questions of the test. What I found very interesting here, is that she said: she does it like that becáuse she feels immediate anxiety that it won't get finished. And I think the essential difference lies in there. Áre you actually organised? Dó you actually have a clear sense of time? Or do you just want to get rid of that uncomfortable feeling of anxiety you might possibly fail, if you would loosen up a little bit? Do you allow yourself to loosen up sometimes? What happens, what do you feel if something disturbs your process? Where does that anxiety even come from if you seem to have no problems with finishing? And that's why, for diagnosing ADHD, they tend to look back at your childhood. Were you actually this organised as a kid? Were you forgetful? Did you finish your tasks on time? Were you a dreamer in class? (But remember, life didn't throw that many expectations at you yet in those days, so things were easier) The most difficult people to diagnose, and those people who get their diagnosis later in life, are the ones that are very good and clever of building up systems to cope with their pitfalls. That's also why they say that ADHD/ASD/AuDHD is sometimes very hard to diagnose and only becomes clear when the expectations of life start to outweigh the mechanisms one has build to handle their challenges. I guess this will greatly depend on how big your need for control is, I guess. (And I also want to point out, that like you said, the symptoms of ASS might cover up the symptoms of ADHD. And people with ASS have a big need for that feeling of control, or else they feel anxiety rising) Like for example, I'm really good at organising. But that's because I spend my whole teenage years, learning, experimenting with systems that could help me with my organisational struggles. Trying out systems that could help me remember things, systems that made it easier to find important things back. I learned with trial and error, what works for me. For example, I can't sit down, I have to remain busy, or I'll forget what I was doing. I never loose my keys! But that's because I studied very intensely what caused me to loose my keys, and how I could lessen the chance those causes could interfere in the first place. Then I have put all my focus on training myself, like Pavlov's dog, to do the same thing évery time I come home. In the beginning you need alot of focus, but after a while, you do it without thinking. And I think automate much of your behaviour, make it a routine, is a really good way for people with adhd (and people in general) But it is also clearly stated that one can only speak of ADHD, a disorder, if it really affects someones ability to function properly in the life you have built for yourself, and the society you live in. And it seems you are doing fine with it all, so if that is really the case, and it's not a case of convincing yourself ánd other, you have everything under control (and deep down, you don't feel an immens fear of losing control) then it's actually true that you don't have a disorder, no ADHD, no AuDHD. But the main thing with women is that they are masters in masking. So it seems these women have it altogether, and they actually also believe it themselves, because they actually don't know how it feels for others. They think some mood swings are normal, while it is actually because they put that much energy in masking, that causes their downs.. I actually also find this really interesting, because I always believed, that if you put our neurospiced brains in the right environment, the right job, .. Most of us wouldn't have any problems at all. She said that her impulsive traits, flexibility, creativity, and so on, are actually a big advantage for her type of job. So I think that the main challenge for neurodivers people is to find where you are actually good at, what seemingly negative traits could actually be very helpful in another environment? What environment? In which circumstances do you thrive? What réally catch your interest? Our type of brain is only a 'problem' because we live in a neurotypical world. But their are alot of communities, jobs, .. where it is actually the other way around. Don't focus on how you keep on failing in the neurotypical world, search for that environment where you will thrive becáuse of that brain of yours. ND brains are not made to function in the NT environment. Stop focusing on trying, stop wasting your energy, your confidence. Start working wíth your brain, instead of forcing it in ways you know it will be difficult. (That's like setting yourself up for failure, all the time) (except if you have some masochistic tendencies, keep on going!) (And here you have the honour of witnessing a typical AuDHD brain at work: likes monologues, can't write simple comments, only books 💪
Fab explanations. I agree this is what is happening here. The relaxed parenting she had was ideal for her. She is very intelligent and, like you, worked out what works for her and implemented it. She is her own ADHD coach. I am sad that you are right about masking and mood swings though. What a lovely couple though.
This was very helpful to read, thanks! I'm here for the squidge merch 😅 I would be the reverse of Sara, starting with pretty much 4/5s but I don't have that internal engine, so haven't really (still) devised those systems..I think she hits the nail on the head with the externalising; should we be labelling based on success (read executive function capability) in today's world..
Great explanation. For me things come under duty, and not duty. If it's duty then I'm able to do it, because duty is things that absolutely have to be done, school run, sorting out children, cleaning the crockery and cutlery you're going to be using and things like that, everything else that I can't fit in the duty box doesn't get done. If I could convince my brain that everything fell under the heading of duty then I'd get a lot more done, but it's not a choice, it's just how my brain categorises the components of my life. It's either critical or it's not critical, and if it's not critical, it's not critical, and that's when the procrastination kicks in. It's still hard to get moving to do the things that are duty, but for those things I have self discipline. It's just lacking in most other aspects. There are definitely jobs where it can be useful and fulfilling though. I used to work at Maplins, and despite the pay and conditions it was the best job I ever had. Everyone that worked there was ND, except the manager, and the job description was pretty much fix customers problems with the stock. So every day was different, most days were interesting, there were thousands of items of stock to learn about and I was actually helping people. It's a crying shame that poor management made the company go under in the end. It was a ND employment haven.
Hi Steen, I completely understand your apprehension about ADHD medication after your experience with anti-depressants. I just wanted to let you know that depending on the ADHD medication you have been prescribed, many don’t have to be taken every day. Some people do take them daily, like myself, because the biggest benefit for me is emotional regulation. However, many will only take it on workdays to help them focus better and concentrate on more than one thing, rather than their brains being like “oh, squirrel,” as Sara describes. 😁 They then don’t take it on weekends to avoid appetite suppression and take a short break from some side effects. Side effects can include anxiety and a racing heart, but I found that these eased over time with continued use. I gave myself the first week off work to allow the side effects to take hold, but since I didn’t have any pressure to do anything, I managed to control them. The racing heart can be scary, but as long as it goes away or happens infrequently, my doctor and psychiatrist aren’t too worried. It sounds like you have more of a presentation of Inattentive ADHD, and I can say that medication has changed my life for the better. The benefits for me far outweigh the side effects I might have from time to time. I remember to do my washing, hang it out to dry, bring it in, and put it away. 😂 I am able to finish projects. I can open my emails, although I still have days when I can’t face them. I don’t suffer from RSD as much, and I’m not triggered by perceived criticism. My relationship with my husband is the best it’s ever been because we argue less, and he understands me better. I also take anti-anxiety medication (duloxetine) alongside 50mg of Elvanse. I’ve always struggled with low mood and anxiety, and ADHD meds on their own don’t completely help my brain. But the two together? Well, I’m 49 years old, and in the last six months, I have never felt so happy, content, and motivated in my life. I have an amazing psychiatrist, doctor, and therapist. It’s important to get all three right. Keep changing until you do. I was struggling with sleep, and my doctor basically cured that overnight for me. If you ever want to chat, I’m happy to support you through trying the meds. I’ve helped others do the same. I’m a beagle behaviour trainer, and I work with anti-anxiety meds for dogs. My main role is to support my clients through the side effects their beagle may experience because people give up too quickly on medication for themselves and their dogs when they don’t have someone to tell them, “It’s okay, this will ease. I promise.” 😊
This is great feedback on medication. Thanks. Got inattentive ADHD and looking to get back on medication. Nice to know it works! (Methylphenidate didn't sit well).
I think that Sarah might still have ADHD but she may also be AuDHD which she mentioned herself. The fact that she is so organised does sound like a coping mechanism and I would be inclined to ask her how tired she feels at times as she may be massively over compensating. It is more common for ADHD women in partnerships with other ADHDers to have to do this
Then again, brain function and related behaviour and personality are a wide spectrum . Where is the dividing line of ADHD and what is considered 'normal'? I think, if someone does not have symptoms that effect their life negatively .. you're not really justified in calling it ADHD. At that point it just becomes "oh, are you like that too? High-five"
The 'Autism in Females' theme (many YT videos) does cover a lot of the traits Sarah mentions, and perhaps explains the way that historically ADHD was thought to be a male issue. Females tend to be good at 'masking', males tend toward the 'individualistic'
I also had a child that didn't like sleep, I can't even imagine how she functions at that level tbh..But then poor sleep in children is also connected with it I believe 😬
Sara is defining the difference between having symptoms, and having symptoms that amount to a disorder. She's functional ADH. But I do need to say washing is a 7 part process. The third part - pulling the washing out - can be triggered by a washing basket placed in a very prominent place, like a walkway.
I was 60 when I scored over 95% on an ADHD test. Explained so much of my life direction from only being interested in sport in school, hating anything under the heading 'work' and spending most of my life as a musician. It's all about the dopamine!
The 1st Dr. stopped me mid-test and diagnosed me. I didn't want to believe him. The 2nd Dr. did the same. When I left his office i left my keys behind. He said, "see? That's classic " You are obviously ADD.
I was 1000% Sara once upon a time. Masking is a strong thing. Bless Sara, it seems like she's on the journey of internalising the reality that there shouldn't be stigma around neurodivergence. It's clear she knows and believes it on the surface, but internalising that deeply is hard sometimes. Sara is one of my all time favourite comedians, it was really nice to see this interview.
It's really hard to accept sometimes that the struggles you thought were normal were something you could have had help with. Also she's managed to figure out some strong coping mechanisms herself. Reminds me of people who complain about their "NT" parent who doesn't get why they can't just suck it up and deal with it. It's like no honey, that was the only option your ND parent had to cope so they just think it's normal.
@@ADHD_Chatter_Podcast I particularly enjoy the fleeting, amused smile you have at specific moments during the responses of your interviewees. It makes it even more entertaining!
Steen reminds me of my husband a lot. 😅 and this conversation and their interaction is quite familiar to me. I’ve got an autism diagnosis but suspect I might be in the squidge zone for ADHD as well and I recognise a lot of myself in Sara’s descriptions of her experience. It’s fascinating 😊
Thank you! Great interview and it gave me a lot of insights! The only thing that bothered me was why do much revolved around whether Sara has or hasn't got it, as if there was a clearly defined thing that we call ADHD. I see it more like a cluster of shoddy mechanisms. We learn how to cope or overcome some of them, but it's like joggling 6 balls and a Chihuahua. You might keep it together for a little while, but it will have to stop pretty soon, unless you also juggle some grass and a hydrant... Back to the point, when one of those mechanisms causes you trouble, the adhd community can help you find words for it, get multiple personal stories about it, and a looped video of a doctor saying "we just don't know" 😜 And that teaches you different types of strategies and accommodations to deal with that mechanism, but using it often gets you stuck on the past...
I've been doing loads and loads of online tests, hyperfixating on the idea of adhd, said 5 to ever and I mean EVERY question in your quiz. And I finally got my referral so I am eventually moving forward for official Audhd diagnosis. Your interviews have been so freeing for me and they allow me to see myself as at least semi-normal. So thank you so so much. ☺️
Be careful what you wish for. Are those with ADHD in _your_ social groups treated well or viewed as problematic? Younger folks generally are far more accepting and understanding of the labels ('just normal variety'), while older folks find it unusual ("wasn't a thing when I was brought up" view). Discuss carefully with your doctor/therapist as to expectations - there's no curing 'you're normal', but you can live better!
I was hyper-organized when I was working. I would often get a task done as soon as it presented itself because I knew it wouldn't get done otherwise. All of this was a part of my masking. I would say watching this conversation, listening to her (OMG rejection sensitivity!), and her responses to the questions that she is probably ADHD and might benefit from a professional assessment. And, she's obviously resistant. Good interview though. Sara is quite obviously very intelligent, and thoughtful. I liked her.
I presented like Sara. It is common for females to present this way. For me it was fine until I burned out and started peri menopause. I have been diagnosed with ADHD and ASD.
Oh my goodness… Sara you remind me of me so much! I was that parent! And I would be telling my husband off. And he would react and I’d be thinking wow you’re so over sensitive. And I understood psychologically what the kids needed too. I understood and I needed it o happen that way and found it frustrating when it didn’t. Overwhelming actually. Because…. As it all turned out I have autism and adhd (diagnosed in my 50’s). So that explained SO MUCH. It’s really helped me see myself! Sara - think that you like me and probs audhd and that might make everything a bit more understandable. Btw. My kiddos are all somewhat ND. But just two of them are diagnosed with autism. But that was the 90’s 🤪
I love how self aware adhd people are. I’m adhd and I see how positive the positives are. I think we have to live in and with both aspects. I mean who finishes the contents of the packet of x knowing that going in lol
so insightful, very brave and revealing , thanks , you are all enough , be kind to yourself ,enjoy your thing, avoid the time wasting negative distractions.....
This was so good to watch. Great interviewing and respect to Sarah and Steen for your honesty and openness. You can see the genuine care and love you have for each other. I’d not watched ADHD chatter before. I do have ADHD but it was my interest in Sarah that made me watch. Looking forward to watching more episodes now though. 😊
I'm just learning for myself, love Sara's honesty. I'm a little confused between childhood trauma and ADHD as the "tick boxes" are very similar? Open honest conversation is good but they can get into a cycle without answers if you're on the learning path
23:06 those with ADD/ADHD process light differently. When writing I change my screen or paper to mauve or blue as it is easier to see. Big thing with living with adhd is managing the symptoms well quite helpful. I say this anecdotally. I've known all my life I was different and always getting into trouble at school. My mother didn't bother to take me to be tested but took my younger two siblings to be tested. It wasn't until I'd had child number 2 and wanted to go to Uni to study I finally was tested. At 28 yo I was diagnosed. I have 3 kids with it too. It is interesting how our family members respond to the questionnaire during the workup for diagnosis.
Sarah's comment about the world being success driven is so true. I made a comment to a friend awhile back saying just that and they don't understand how you could be happy with less. But we can...🙈🙉🙊
Exactly, because you know that you can always want more and it won't necessarily make you any happier..It can make you feel odd in Western society to say that though.
I can slowly start drip feeding this knowledge to all my children that i know are on the spectrum, of what has been a long & exhausting emotional journey,and not be always dragging around the reason ive always been this way.
I also wanted to say Steen. Agree completely regarding the negative experience of coming off awful anti depressants that were not working. The cold turkey experience was awful. I take dexamphetamine for my ADHD. I was diagnosed last January and it took a while to find the right one for me. Dex has a short half life in the human system. As such you can take it or not take it. Its not addictive for us its a levelling up. Like caffine not keeping us awake at night. I would suggest uncoupling your distress at coming off antidepressants to this issue of adhd meds. I think you're preventing yourself from experiencing a number of benefits. For Sara i think its interesting as i also was very organised and task orientated when younger. I am very responsible so despite it costing quite a lot personally i took task completion very seriously. However like a classuc adhd i would rely iften on hyperfocus when i could to get me theough. The role oestrogen plays in this is extremely interesting. Ive never been pregnant but was oestrogen dominant and then due to cancer put into medical menopause at that point the adhd symptoms came to the fore. Without oestrogen i was no longer able to mask. Very interesting. Thanks guys!
I've never heard this before, and just had a lightbulb moment - by pure chance I found out I was pregnant the same week I was due to start my Masters, it was kind of a personal test to see if I could do it, as being organised enough to hit deadlines has always been a challenge..but I don't think I missed one during that 9m period! Woah. I actually remember thinking at the time 'I was expecting to feel fuzzy headed while pregnant, but I feel like I'm on fire with this, phew!'
I took different online tests before I went for diagnosis and would recommend them as a first step. Life is hard for many of us for many reasons but discovering your neurotype can help explain things and learning coping strategies and hints and hacks can make it easier. *All* neurodivergent traits are just human traits but if you're ticking lots of boxes, it's a good guess that you're neurodivergent. However there are indicators that are really just part of your personality, rather than your neurotype (typical or divergent) but they're all part of your neurobiology. I'm AuDHD and the traits often overlap but they also clash, camouflage and confuse. I'm a great organiser but very untidy. I'm time blind but desperate to be on time. I'm absent minded and really forgetful but I used to know everyone's birthdays......etc. etc. It's important to understand that we're all unique individuals and so no two neurodivergent people will be the same. Denying neurodivergent behaviour, perception and thinking as "we all do that " is only because it's considered as something that is *wrong* and that concept can cause harm.
Welcome to the club! Also, I fixated on the green light, v unflattering. Secondly, love how they were wearing the same colour combo top & bottom matching blue black 😊
She comes across to me as AuDHD. Which would explain the 50%. I'm Autistic and ADHD. Getting my ADHD treated has changed my life SO MUCH. I really suggest trying it. If it helps, then you k ow. If it doesn't, then it doesn't. 🤷 ❤
OMG....medication story is soooooo relatable. I now have been labeled medication resistant and basicly uncooperative. What they don't list is the horrible experiences of anti depressant and hormone medication through my 40s after giving birth , excessive masking being a parent and wife by cultural standards, and then going into peri menopause. Now finding out about the estrogen connection to adhd in women, it makes so much sense. However, I am very medication reluctant because, I am too sensitive!
Hearing about the link between ADHD and hormones has been life-saving because so much makes sense now. I'm so sensitive to hormone changes and sensory overload (from masking and parenting) which leads to emotional dysregulation and shame. Medication has been so helpful because my mind doesn't run round and round and exacerbates my cyclical struggles.
The withdrawl issue from antidepressants is the issue I am grappling with regarding taking stimulants. I think it would be the same kind of withdrawl as people really do struggle to come off stimulants. For me I think the diagnosis is enough for me to rebuild my life now.
I have been through so many journeys of various meds, with ups and downs, and ... Stimulants are easy. Start small, and there is no "coming off" them. Find that level and brand that gives you a more functional life. I've never ever had a bad experience coming down from stimulants, I've only had slight jitters which is common when you've got your limit. I could write a whole book on this, that the best level is the level before you get any "feeling" from then, where you're feeling normal but you just get surprised at all the stuff you got done. Don't fear the meds, as long as you remember there's a process to get to where you want to be.
SSRIs are much worse for withdrawal. Some more obvious points to consider: you have to let SSRIs build up in your system to know if they will work for you or not. Stimulants work right away, it's just a matter of adjusting to them and finding the right dose. Also if stimulants commonly caused withdrawal we wouldn't be so prone to forgetting to take our meds 😂
I wish people who don’t have this disorder, would not down play and dismiss this debilitating disorder. I have combined type moderate to severe and was diagnosed at 50! It’s debilitating and I feel that it is getting worse as I get older. ❤
This is fascinating. I have bipolar disorder and ADHD and the ADHD has kind of been overshadowed by the bipolar. It all comes across as laziness but I just don’t have the impetus to start a task, let alone finish it
Back in the 1980's a pediatrician said to me we will know within the week if your 14 year old has ADHD after we trial Ritalin. It acts as an upper if you are not ADHD. My child said to me (within days) that he felt 'calmer' on the medication. He was high functioning and had been missed in a previous assessment.
My son has ADHD, would forget things or I’d ask him to do something and he’d say ok. Then later I would ask if he’d done it he’d say no but I’ll do it right now so I don’t forget again. I asked, not nagged and I wasn’t angry with him for forgetting, just accepted that he did forget and I needed to remind him. I also wrote his daily chore on a magnetic dry erase board posted on the fridge so he could check and make sure he’d done them before leaving with friends as the consequence to not doing chores is I’d bring them home to do chores and then they had to stay home. Only happened once. I never got angry, just stated the consequences and then carried them out. I also let them have a day off school and take them to lunch and a movie if they got all A’s and B’s on their report card. The consequence for doing well in school. Consequences aren’t always bad.
~17:00 Yes. Diagnosis as a 'failing to succeed' explanation. Often one can succeed in many different ways. Only useful if the 'label' gives advantages (21:49!). Far too many 'goals' are too narrow [prime minister, president, astronaut]. Very few want to un-block drains and sewers, but so much more important to so many! [apologies for the apparent 'job' extremes]
I so feel Sarah saying she might be showing ADHD traits because she has to be the organiser for 2...so she is overwhelmed. As I understand it, that's one of the things that ADHD people have a problem with: overwhelmed by inputs and choice. And if she's doing it for him and their kids it can be absolutely destroying lying exhausting.
She might have Asperges as well. I have both. I was positively diagnosed with ADHD 3 times, (I needed convincing 😆) But I am a cleaner for a living and a van driver, both of which are things ADHD are bad at. These were the beginning signs that I also have Asperges. I think creative people, particularly stand up comedians are making their ADHD work for them. It isn't a problem until its a problem. Knowledge is power though. It helps to know how your brain works to be able to manage the self as well as possible.
I think she has a point though. When the environment is extreme enough everyone will become overwhelmed. Most ND traits are traits NTs have as well, just to a much lesser degree.
I remember the day when I was told I had it severe as you could have it but in my head I was still in denial then when I was given the diagnosis I definitely grieved and went though a period of anger resentment and grief! I was diagnosed in my 40’s but I’ve always known i had it then my daughter was also diagnosed and with medication it has totally transformed our lives! I think as I wasn’t naughty at school I was just missed and I left school with terrible grades but a B in drama only because it was no writing involved 😂 I can always remember that won a award in swimming Which was for talking while under water 😂😂😂 I am proud that I have it but it really does annoy the hell out of me when people either don’t believe it is real and that it’s just a naughty child with bad parents! I wish those people could walk a day in our lives! It’s definitely true about finding a partner who is also the same and my husband has OCD which has all the same symptoms. Everything about pregnancy and breast feeding was exactly what I went through. I am proud and embrace it and I’m glad there is now more understanding about ADHD and neurodiversity 🙂
25:04 can't help but notice that Sara seems a little (hyper) focused on "misdiagnosis", when for a ridiculously large percentage of us the correct word is "comorbidities" even though they pointed to accepting having more than one condition earlier. Why do people often feel more comfortable with things like Au/ADHD but not depression/ADHD or CPTSD/ADHD?
45:42 Ah in this case because they tried to treat the depression just with drugs rather than with therapy and coping mechanisms like CBT without taking into account comorbidities. That's why the drugs didn't work and why misdiagnosis is such a focus point. That must have been very hard for both of them. 🧡
Becuase discernment is super important, is has so much impact, and some feelings of control about it. They have to build a life with it. I mean, he was depressed in the past, but it is different in comparison to adhd, and cptsd also makes dopamine work in a different way.....Personally, i accept labels, divergent terms and ideas, but i also try to leave labels out of it at the same time, so, everybody handles things differently.
lovely couple. surprised Audhd is not considered though. i saw Sara touch on the subject but it wasnt developed. i understand its an adhd podcast but there is an entire spectrum of which Sara may find herself . wishing you all well, xx
I really don't understand the "driven by a motor" question! It baffles me. There's different ways to interpret it. Is the motor feeling in my stomach, my legs, my brain? Do you feel it accelerate or is it supposed to feel constantly on? Agghhh
I can't identify with this either. I recognize all the ADHD symptoms in myself though I don't always experience them in the typical way, for example I don't fidget or shake my leg, but I also don't sit still like other people. I adjust my hair more, look around the room more, shift my position more. But I haven't been able to figure out what driven by a motor is supposed to feel like to know if I would just describe it differently or if I just don't experience it.
I think it just means feeling energised to do things without any specific direction - restless, on edge and propelled to do things to use up the energy, without thought-out, conscious planning. You're always 'buzzing' and ready to go, but that feeling comes before the plan.
You may not have hyperactive/impulsive ADHD where you're constantly on the go, and unable to sit still. I have the inattentive kind of ADHD and the hyperactivity is all in my brain, its exhausting! Thats why I was diagnosed with generalised anxiety before ADHD, you sound like you are talking about anxiety in your comment.
I would like to know the number of times she interrupts and takes over the answer and how many minutes she talks. It’s only for my info, not judgement. I think she learned to use tools that manage her executive function. Just pondering . . .
9:50 Yup, did 35000 words in essays for my A Level English coursework in the 72 hours before the final deadline, and did indeed get a B, though it was a B- lol. As goes looking back and grieving, once you have kids any change would mean that you're not where you are now, with those kids. So for me I'm content with my life, failure to achieve potential or not lol. At least I know why I am like I am, that was the missing piece for me for most of my life. Like am I actually different, or not? And yes, I am, and it's relatively well understood. As goes treatment though, I'm not sure there is a lot that can be done. We're just what we are. We're the watchers for injustice, and the first to react in a crisis, and that's enough for me to want to me, and not "normal". Having lived as me for nearly fifty years I've learned what makes me happy, and achieving my potential wouldn't have been it! I just like to help people, and learn about things I'll never do lol. Being ADHD is great for pub quizzes, if nothing else ;D
I tried to score myself but got totally confused which was 1 and which was 5. I'm sure she answered 5 to question 5 when it should have been 1 as she agreed, that messed up my head and I gave up.
Just want to say that it's a bit misleading to say that having diagnosed depression or CPTSD is a "misdiagnosis" because "what you really have is ADHD/ASD". You can have all of the above all at once. In fact CPTSD is very common in autistic people, especially if you have gone undiagnosed growing up. And depression is a very common symptom of both ADHD and Autism, because being either or both is really hard - again especially if you get diagnosed in adulthood. However, treating an ND person for depression or CPTSD is going to be different from how you'd treat and support an NT person. Getting the wrong treatment can be really harmful. (I'm an auDHDer btw)
I’m actually the only person in my little family of four who does not have ADHD. My husband and both children have it. My family does not have it so it wasn’t until we married that I got a crash course. Lol
Why is it always the husbands disagreeing with the professionals. They would rather blame their spouse of being lazy or unmotivated than help them get treatment?
We all need organization but some of us have figured out what Sarah has, that you have to handle it right away or it's a disaster. She should not have been answering 1 to those questions!
5:07 much better than the last one. Though I dislike Matt Handjo- Hancock INTENSELY I (ugh..) "appriciate" having him on as we have to see and hear all ADHD voices, even the ones who are w⚓s, even if it's just so we can avoid "reasons" becoming "excuses" Not taking back the dislike though...
Antidepressants take weeks to work, but ADHD meds will work DAY ONE. My advice, just take one pills for one day. If you hate the way they make you feel, don’t take them ever again!
What i find interesting is that there seem to be so many people being diagnosed. Where the hell has all this problem come from ? And it does seem to coincide with the rise of the Internet ?
Sarah is wrong about self esteem my son was diagnosed at ten his self esteem remained low for years in any situation he would always focus more on the neagtive, he had support att school it did not make any difference to his sense of self esteem.
I thought I developed adhd when I got broadband and there was so much to watch online and I couldn’t sort anything out, I’ve always left everything to the last minute, however I have stopped being really impulsive, which I was for 40 years, My sex drive went when I got to a certain age, so surely this made a nonsense of this ‘adhd symptom’, it was just hormones. My friend got it aged 38 after he smoked skunk everyday for 25 years,he was fine when he was young. Another friend got it because from early childhood his mother did absolutely everything for him and he never got a chance to develop those organisational pathways. Another because he ate junk food all his life. Some got it because they experienced all the above! Everyone has it! Nobody has it!
At 16 mins she hits the mark - we are, as a society, suffering with overwhelm and disregulation in a world gone mad. Why have we made personality into a disorder? Why are we calling personality traits 'symptoms'? Why are so many people chomping at the bit to get a 'diagnosis' to justify their way of being? ADHD is not genetic, there is no ADHD gene, but we do learn from our parents so it makes more sense that it's a case of nurture, not nature. However, I believe the struggle is real. Both myself and partner would very easily pass the test.
@@Reddiscodancer not really sure where to start with this so will just address your points one by one. What you're describing is a capitalist society designed, unsurprisingly, for neurotypical people. It's demanding for everyone. It's just particularly demanding for neurodivergent people. One of our biggest challenges is to separate features (rather than "symptoms") of neurodiversity from our personality. It's the biggest barrier to shaking off a lifetime of shame and guilt. Neurodiversity very much is genetic. Is autism nurture rather than nature? Is OCD taught?
That's a big assumption - that people just want an ADHD diagnosis to 'justify their way of being'. Also ADHD *is* actually thought to be mostly genetic. And there's no 'test' - it's not an exam - a psychiatrist makes an assessment. There's often a lot of positives about having ADHD, but if you don't see it as having any negatives, or realise it can be very often debilitating and can ruin peoples lives, then I think its very unlikely you actually have ADHD. In your case, it probably is just your personality, and you're a bit disorganised or something. That is not the same thing.
@Reddiscodancer Actually, it's not ADHD if the traits don't cause any problem in living your life in this society. You can only speak of ADHD, the disorder, if those traits interfere with your day to day life and the level you can function in this society in a healthy way.. That's the case with all disorders. You might be a bit antisocial, for example, that doesn't give you an antisocial disorder. It becomes a disorder if you experience problems in functioning in the real world
@@nikkyk4839 The genetics behind ADHD aren't understood yet, actually the whole molecular-neurological pathways causing ADHD aren't even fully understood yet. There is no such thing as óne ADHD, there are alot of genes that can have a little impact, but these are influenced by the environment, and other things, like other genes for example. So yes, there can be a genetic component, but that's not necessarily the case. And even if some genes, that can have an influence on developing ADHD, are present, this doesn't automatically cause ADHD. (Some people seem to think that simple Mendelian genetics we learn in school, are how all diseases/disorders/.., how all our inheritance principles work, but that's definitely nót the case. The field of genetics is way more complicated!)
I don’t know who this couple are but I can’t cope with her constantly talking over her husband. It’s hard to watch as she doesn’t let him get a full sentence out. I’ve had to stop watching. I know I interrupt people when they’re talking all the time, I didn’t realise quite how annoying it was. I’ll have to try even harder to bite my tongue.
Steen mate you would benefit from some therapy for medical trauma which is what you have from your terrible doctors before who very badly fucked you up with antidepressants withdrawal.
OMG she really is in denial. I’ve no idea if they’re going to get into this, but she clearly doesn’t know that there are very different presentations (often between genders). Also, NO one is diagnosed to explain why they haven’t achieved anything. What does that mean? I’m really sad and upset by this. Not what I expected to feel. She actually seems very audhd to me. But obviously, that’s not a dx. 🙄
If you are not qualified to diagnose you should not be dismissing the person’s own experience and perception of their life, we can all have tendencies that look like diagnosable traits. What is important is the whole experience and how it impacts on life ability.
Had to stop as soon as Sarah was saying that she basically believes that ADHD is over diagnosed. She ain't no expert, so her opinion means jack. Already have a parent that believes the nonsense anout Autism and vaccines that I'm not going to put up with any other hot takes.
The more you listen, the more her perspective makes sense. She has a different view to "it doesn't exist" and more of a "the world is fucked and we are all overloaded".
@@invadersin5203 which is kind of like the people saying "all lives matter" when the Black Lives Matter movement was happening. Yes it is a stressful time to be alive but add on being neurodivergent to that trying to navigate through this mess. She doesn't get to diminish other people's struggles to make herself feel better.
I feel like AudHD and I completely agree with Sarah, the only reason we are called “ADhD/Autism/AudHD” is the modern society standard of “normal/ functioning/sucsses” and way of living.
Thank you Sarah for the auDHD recognition. I always know it's good content when I miss something as my mind wanders and rewind to catch the bit I missed. Did that loads here. Nice one.
From a woman with ADHD, this interview is giving woman with ADHD (the listen and talk at the same is SO relatable) all the ones sound like stress-induced coping skills
Both the DSM-5 and ICD diagnostic criteria were written based on little boys! They never considered girls (much less adult women) so women never fully fit the diagnostic criteria because we are historically (and largely still are) ignored during research…
Watching this, my partner and I really agree about Sarah's observation that we all really have too many distractions and interruptions to our daily lives now. I cannot imagine how a grown up from even 50 years ago would deal with such a lifestyle now. Thanks for a very informative discussion.
There are two ways of dealing with problems with, for example, time management (like you have with everything in life that triggers some fear in people):
- you have the people that get overwhelmed, that try to avoid that uncomfortable feeling, and will procrastinate till the last minute, waiting for that adrenaline to kick in. I guess, these type of people get diagnosed more easily with ADHD, because the struggle will show up earlier in life, because it's impossible to keep on doing it this way in most adult lives..
- Now, you have another way of dealing with that uncomfortable feeling: you keep it under tight control. You're never late, but always 30minutes too early. You're overly organised. You know you have to finish it at once, else you will get distracted, and will get into trouble. Etc.. And that's where it is possible to have a lot of 'one' answers on the first questions of the test.
What I found very interesting here, is that she said: she does it like that becáuse she feels immediate anxiety that it won't get finished. And I think the essential difference lies in there. Áre you actually organised? Dó you actually have a clear sense of time? Or do you just want to get rid of that uncomfortable feeling of anxiety you might possibly fail, if you would loosen up a little bit? Do you allow yourself to loosen up sometimes? What happens, what do you feel if something disturbs your process? Where does that anxiety even come from if you seem to have no problems with finishing? And that's why, for diagnosing ADHD, they tend to look back at your childhood. Were you actually this organised as a kid? Were you forgetful? Did you finish your tasks on time? Were you a dreamer in class? (But remember, life didn't throw that many expectations at you yet in those days, so things were easier)
The most difficult people to diagnose, and those people who get their diagnosis later in life, are the ones that are very good and clever of building up systems to cope with their pitfalls. That's also why they say that ADHD/ASD/AuDHD is sometimes very hard to diagnose and only becomes clear when the expectations of life start to outweigh the mechanisms one has build to handle their challenges. I guess this will greatly depend on how big your need for control is, I guess.
(And I also want to point out, that like you said, the symptoms of ASS might cover up the symptoms of ADHD. And people with ASS have a big need for that feeling of control, or else they feel anxiety rising)
Like for example, I'm really good at organising. But that's because I spend my whole teenage years, learning, experimenting with systems that could help me with my organisational struggles. Trying out systems that could help me remember things, systems that made it easier to find important things back. I learned with trial and error, what works for me. For example, I can't sit down, I have to remain busy, or I'll forget what I was doing. I never loose my keys! But that's because I studied very intensely what caused me to loose my keys, and how I could lessen the chance those causes could interfere in the first place. Then I have put all my focus on training myself, like Pavlov's dog, to do the same thing évery time I come home. In the beginning you need alot of focus, but after a while, you do it without thinking. And I think automate much of your behaviour, make it a routine, is a really good way for people with adhd (and people in general)
But it is also clearly stated that one can only speak of ADHD, a disorder, if it really affects someones ability to function properly in the life you have built for yourself, and the society you live in. And it seems you are doing fine with it all, so if that is really the case, and it's not a case of convincing yourself ánd other, you have everything under control (and deep down, you don't feel an immens fear of losing control) then it's actually true that you don't have a disorder, no ADHD, no AuDHD.
But the main thing with women is that they are masters in masking. So it seems these women have it altogether, and they actually also believe it themselves, because they actually don't know how it feels for others. They think some mood swings are normal, while it is actually because they put that much energy in masking, that causes their downs..
I actually also find this really interesting, because I always believed, that if you put our neurospiced brains in the right environment, the right job, .. Most of us wouldn't have any problems at all. She said that her impulsive traits, flexibility, creativity, and so on, are actually a big advantage for her type of job.
So I think that the main challenge for neurodivers people is to find where you are actually good at, what seemingly negative traits could actually be very helpful in another environment? What environment? In which circumstances do you thrive? What réally catch your interest?
Our type of brain is only a 'problem' because we live in a neurotypical world. But their are alot of communities, jobs, .. where it is actually the other way around. Don't focus on how you keep on failing in the neurotypical world, search for that environment where you will thrive becáuse of that brain of yours. ND brains are not made to function in the NT environment. Stop focusing on trying, stop wasting your energy, your confidence. Start working wíth your brain, instead of forcing it in ways you know it will be difficult. (That's like setting yourself up for failure, all the time) (except if you have some masochistic tendencies, keep on going!)
(And here you have the honour of witnessing a typical AuDHD brain at work: likes monologues, can't write simple comments, only books 💪
Fab explanations. I agree this is what is happening here. The relaxed parenting she had was ideal for her. She is very intelligent and, like you, worked out what works for her and implemented it. She is her own ADHD coach. I am sad that you are right about masking and mood swings though. What a lovely couple though.
This comment is informative, however it's far too long for my ADHD brain to finish.
This was very helpful to read, thanks! I'm here for the squidge merch 😅 I would be the reverse of Sara, starting with pretty much 4/5s but I don't have that internal engine, so haven't really (still) devised those systems..I think she hits the nail on the head with the externalising; should we be labelling based on success (read executive function capability) in today's world..
Great explanation. For me things come under duty, and not duty. If it's duty then I'm able to do it, because duty is things that absolutely have to be done, school run, sorting out children, cleaning the crockery and cutlery you're going to be using and things like that, everything else that I can't fit in the duty box doesn't get done.
If I could convince my brain that everything fell under the heading of duty then I'd get a lot more done, but it's not a choice, it's just how my brain categorises the components of my life. It's either critical or it's not critical, and if it's not critical, it's not critical, and that's when the procrastination kicks in.
It's still hard to get moving to do the things that are duty, but for those things I have self discipline. It's just lacking in most other aspects.
There are definitely jobs where it can be useful and fulfilling though. I used to work at Maplins, and despite the pay and conditions it was the best job I ever had. Everyone that worked there was ND, except the manager, and the job description was pretty much fix customers problems with the stock. So every day was different, most days were interesting, there were thousands of items of stock to learn about and I was actually helping people. It's a crying shame that poor management made the company go under in the end. It was a ND employment haven.
Brilliantly put 👍
Hi Steen,
I completely understand your apprehension about ADHD medication after your experience with anti-depressants.
I just wanted to let you know that depending on the ADHD medication you have been prescribed, many don’t have to be taken every day.
Some people do take them daily, like myself, because the biggest benefit for me is emotional regulation. However, many will only take it on workdays to help them focus better and concentrate on more than one thing, rather than their brains being like “oh, squirrel,” as Sara describes. 😁 They then don’t take it on weekends to avoid appetite suppression and take a short break from some side effects.
Side effects can include anxiety and a racing heart, but I found that these eased over time with continued use. I gave myself the first week off work to allow the side effects to take hold, but since I didn’t have any pressure to do anything, I managed to control them.
The racing heart can be scary, but as long as it goes away or happens infrequently, my doctor and psychiatrist aren’t too worried.
It sounds like you have more of a presentation of Inattentive ADHD, and I can say that medication has changed my life for the better. The benefits for me far outweigh the side effects I might have from time to time.
I remember to do my washing, hang it out to dry, bring it in, and put it away. 😂
I am able to finish projects. I can open my emails, although I still have days when I can’t face them.
I don’t suffer from RSD as much, and I’m not triggered by perceived criticism.
My relationship with my husband is the best it’s ever been because we argue less, and he understands me better.
I also take anti-anxiety medication (duloxetine) alongside 50mg of Elvanse. I’ve always struggled with low mood and anxiety, and ADHD meds on their own don’t completely help my brain. But the two together? Well, I’m 49 years old, and in the last six months, I have never felt so happy, content, and motivated in my life.
I have an amazing psychiatrist, doctor, and therapist. It’s important to get all three right. Keep changing until you do.
I was struggling with sleep, and my doctor basically cured that overnight for me.
If you ever want to chat, I’m happy to support you through trying the meds. I’ve helped others do the same. I’m a beagle behaviour trainer, and I work with anti-anxiety meds for dogs. My main role is to support my clients through the side effects their beagle may experience because people give up too quickly on medication for themselves and their dogs when they don’t have someone to tell them, “It’s okay, this will ease. I promise.” 😊
Great comment, thank you!
This is great feedback on medication. Thanks. Got inattentive ADHD and looking to get back on medication. Nice to know it works! (Methylphenidate didn't sit well).
That’s great. My son takes Elvanse but does struggle with sleep. How did you fix yours please? 😊
@@ExamWhisperer delayed sleep phase disorder is common with ADHD. Are the meds causing a sleep problem or are they making an existing problem worse?
I think that Sarah might still have ADHD but she may also be AuDHD which she mentioned herself. The fact that she is so organised does sound like a coping mechanism and I would be inclined to ask her how tired she feels at times as she may be massively over compensating. It is more common for ADHD women in partnerships with other ADHDers to have to do this
Then again, brain function and related behaviour and personality are a wide spectrum . Where is the dividing line of ADHD and what is considered 'normal'?
I think, if someone does not have symptoms that effect their life negatively .. you're not really justified in calling it ADHD. At that point it just becomes "oh, are you like that too? High-five"
And the mention of having to make small talk with a support act for weeks on tour was exhausting
The 'Autism in Females' theme (many YT videos) does cover a lot of the traits Sarah mentions, and perhaps explains the way that historically ADHD was thought to be a male issue. Females tend to be good at 'masking', males tend toward the 'individualistic'
Exactly!!!
I also had a child that didn't like sleep, I can't even imagine how she functions at that level tbh..But then poor sleep in children is also connected with it I believe 😬
Sara is defining the difference between having symptoms, and having symptoms that amount to a disorder. She's functional ADH.
But I do need to say washing is a 7 part process. The third part - pulling the washing out - can be triggered by a washing basket placed in a very prominent place, like a walkway.
I was 60 when I scored over 95% on an ADHD test. Explained so much of my life direction from only being interested in sport in school, hating anything under the heading 'work' and spending most of my life as a musician. It's all about the dopamine!
The 1st Dr. stopped me mid-test and diagnosed me. I didn't want to believe him.
The 2nd Dr. did the same. When I left his office i left my keys behind. He said, "see? That's classic "
You are obviously ADD.
I'm a musician too! Music is the only thing I didn't get tired of 😅
@@ImaginarySusan that’s not a diagnosis now. That would be ADHD inattentive now.
I only eat with big spoons. Fear of spilling food. Grew up food insecure. Thank you so much for your work.
When pregnant I am so calm, well organised and industrious. Not pregnant disorganised, tend to panic can't accomplish. Now I know why. 😊
I was 1000% Sara once upon a time. Masking is a strong thing. Bless Sara, it seems like she's on the journey of internalising the reality that there shouldn't be stigma around neurodivergence. It's clear she knows and believes it on the surface, but internalising that deeply is hard sometimes. Sara is one of my all time favourite comedians, it was really nice to see this interview.
It's really hard to accept sometimes that the struggles you thought were normal were something you could have had help with. Also she's managed to figure out some strong coping mechanisms herself. Reminds me of people who complain about their "NT" parent who doesn't get why they can't just suck it up and deal with it. It's like no honey, that was the only option your ND parent had to cope so they just think it's normal.
You’ve blossomed into such a talented interviewer Alex! ❤❤❤
Thank you!!
@@ADHD_Chatter_Podcast Yes I agree - you are excellent. Very hard to find a good, insightful interviewer who knows how to listen.
@@ADHD_Chatter_Podcast I particularly enjoy the fleeting, amused smile you have at specific moments during the responses of your interviewees. It makes it even more entertaining!
Steen reminds me of my husband a lot. 😅 and this conversation and their interaction is quite familiar to me. I’ve got an autism diagnosis but suspect I might be in the squidge zone for ADHD as well and I recognise a lot of myself in Sara’s descriptions of her experience. It’s fascinating 😊
A wonderful interview - thank you for being so open and intelligent.
Thank you! Great interview and it gave me a lot of insights!
The only thing that bothered me was why do much revolved around whether Sara has or hasn't got it, as if there was a clearly defined thing that we call ADHD.
I see it more like a cluster of shoddy mechanisms. We learn how to cope or overcome some of them, but it's like joggling 6 balls and a Chihuahua. You might keep it together for a little while, but it will have to stop pretty soon, unless you also juggle some grass and a hydrant...
Back to the point, when one of those mechanisms causes you trouble, the adhd community can help you find words for it, get multiple personal stories about it, and a looped video of a doctor saying "we just don't know" 😜
And that teaches you different types of strategies and accommodations to deal with that mechanism, but using it often gets you stuck on the past...
I've been doing loads and loads of online tests, hyperfixating on the idea of adhd, said 5 to ever and I mean EVERY question in your quiz. And I finally got my referral so I am eventually moving forward for official Audhd diagnosis. Your interviews have been so freeing for me and they allow me to see myself as at least semi-normal. So thank you so so much. ☺️
I to have been doing research and tests and I also said 5 on 90 percent of the test
Be careful what you wish for. Are those with ADHD in _your_ social groups treated well or viewed as problematic? Younger folks generally are far more accepting and understanding of the labels ('just normal variety'), while older folks find it unusual ("wasn't a thing when I was brought up" view).
Discuss carefully with your doctor/therapist as to expectations - there's no curing 'you're normal', but you can live better!
She says some very wise things
She does indeed!
I was hyper-organized when I was working. I would often get a task done as soon as it presented itself because I knew it wouldn't get done otherwise. All of this was a part of my masking. I would say watching this conversation, listening to her (OMG rejection sensitivity!), and her responses to the questions that she is probably ADHD and might benefit from a professional assessment. And, she's obviously resistant. Good interview though. Sara is quite obviously very intelligent, and thoughtful. I liked her.
As soon as she added qualifiers to her answers that said autism to me
I presented like Sara. It is common for females to present this way. For me it was fine until I burned out and started peri menopause. I have been diagnosed with ADHD and ASD.
Absolutely true, the points about 'if only diagnosis was made 12, 13, 14 etc'. and, 'deadlines force you' to complete a task.
Oh my goodness… Sara you remind me of me so much! I was that parent! And I would be telling my husband off. And he would react and I’d be thinking wow you’re so over sensitive. And I understood psychologically what the kids needed too. I understood and I needed it o happen that way and found it frustrating when it didn’t. Overwhelming actually. Because…. As it all turned out I have autism and adhd (diagnosed in my 50’s). So that explained SO MUCH. It’s really helped me see myself! Sara - think that you like me and probs audhd and that might make everything a bit more understandable. Btw. My kiddos are all somewhat ND. But just two of them are diagnosed with autism. But that was the 90’s 🤪
I love how self aware adhd people are. I’m adhd and I see how positive the positives are. I think we have to live in and with both aspects. I mean who finishes the contents of the packet of x knowing that going in lol
so insightful,
very brave and revealing , thanks ,
you are all enough , be kind to yourself ,enjoy your thing,
avoid the time wasting negative distractions.....
I’m a washing machine rather than a big spoon which is handy as I can interrupt my own cycle😊
Great interview, lovely warm hearted couple xx
This was so good to watch. Great interviewing and respect to Sarah and Steen for your honesty and openness. You can see the genuine care and love you have for each other. I’d not watched ADHD chatter before. I do have ADHD but it was my interest in Sarah that made me watch. Looking forward to watching more episodes now though. 😊
I'm just learning for myself, love Sara's honesty. I'm a little confused between childhood trauma and ADHD as the "tick boxes" are very similar? Open honest conversation is good but they can get into a cycle without answers if you're on the learning path
23:06 those with ADD/ADHD process light differently. When writing I change my screen or paper to mauve or blue as it is easier to see. Big thing with living with adhd is managing the symptoms well quite helpful. I say this anecdotally. I've known all my life I was different and always getting into trouble at school. My mother didn't bother to take me to be tested but took my younger two siblings to be tested. It wasn't until I'd had child number 2 and wanted to go to Uni to study I finally was tested. At 28 yo I was diagnosed. I have 3 kids with it too. It is interesting how our family members respond to the questionnaire during the workup for diagnosis.
Sarah's comment about the world being success driven is so true. I made a comment to a friend awhile back saying just that and they don't understand how you could be happy with less. But we can...🙈🙉🙊
Exactly, because you know that you can always want more and it won't necessarily make you any happier..It can make you feel odd in Western society to say that though.
I can slowly start drip feeding this knowledge to all my children that i know are on the spectrum, of what has been a long & exhausting emotional journey,and not be always dragging around the reason ive always been this way.
I didn't get diagnosed and on meds until I was 67. Life is so much better now!!
I also wanted to say Steen. Agree completely regarding the negative experience of coming off awful anti depressants that were not working. The cold turkey experience was awful. I take dexamphetamine for my ADHD. I was diagnosed last January and it took a while to find the right one for me. Dex has a short half life in the human system. As such you can take it or not take it. Its not addictive for us its a levelling up. Like caffine not keeping us awake at night. I would suggest uncoupling your distress at coming off antidepressants to this issue of adhd meds. I think you're preventing yourself from experiencing a number of benefits.
For Sara i think its interesting as i also was very organised and task orientated when younger. I am very responsible so despite it costing quite a lot personally i took task completion very seriously. However like a classuc adhd i would rely iften on hyperfocus when i could to get me theough. The role oestrogen plays in this is extremely interesting. Ive never been pregnant but was oestrogen dominant and then due to cancer put into medical menopause at that point the adhd symptoms came to the fore. Without oestrogen i was no longer able to mask. Very interesting. Thanks guys!
I've never heard this before, and just had a lightbulb moment - by pure chance I found out I was pregnant the same week I was due to start my Masters, it was kind of a personal test to see if I could do it, as being organised enough to hit deadlines has always been a challenge..but I don't think I missed one during that 9m period! Woah. I actually remember thinking at the time 'I was expecting to feel fuzzy headed while pregnant, but I feel like I'm on fire with this, phew!'
I took different online tests before I went for diagnosis and would recommend them as a first step.
Life is hard for many of us for many reasons but discovering your neurotype can help explain things and learning coping strategies and hints and hacks can make it easier.
*All* neurodivergent traits are just human traits but if you're ticking lots of boxes, it's a good guess that you're neurodivergent. However there are indicators that are really just part of your personality, rather than your neurotype (typical or divergent) but they're all part of your neurobiology.
I'm AuDHD and the traits often overlap but they also clash, camouflage and confuse.
I'm a great organiser but very untidy. I'm time blind but desperate to be on time. I'm absent minded and really forgetful but I used to know everyone's birthdays......etc. etc.
It's important to understand that we're all unique individuals and so no two neurodivergent people will be the same. Denying neurodivergent behaviour, perception and thinking as "we all do that " is only because it's considered as something that is *wrong* and that concept can cause harm.
Welcome to the club! Also, I fixated on the green light, v unflattering.
Secondly, love how they were wearing the same colour combo top & bottom matching blue black 😊
She comes across to me as AuDHD. Which would explain the 50%. I'm Autistic and ADHD. Getting my ADHD treated has changed my life SO MUCH. I really suggest trying it. If it helps, then you k ow. If it doesn't, then it doesn't. 🤷 ❤
OMG....medication story is soooooo relatable. I now have been labeled medication resistant and basicly uncooperative. What they don't list is the horrible experiences of anti depressant and hormone medication through my 40s after giving birth , excessive masking being a parent and wife by cultural standards, and then going into peri menopause. Now finding out about the estrogen connection to adhd in women, it makes so much sense. However, I am very medication reluctant because, I am too sensitive!
Some genes influence how we metabolise medication. Have you heard of pharmacogenetic testing?
Have you tried bio-identical progesterone? Follow kate deering or kitty martone.
Hearing about the link between ADHD and hormones has been life-saving because so much makes sense now. I'm so sensitive to hormone changes and sensory overload (from masking and parenting) which leads to emotional dysregulation and shame.
Medication has been so helpful because my mind doesn't run round and round and exacerbates my cyclical struggles.
The withdrawl issue from antidepressants is the issue I am grappling with regarding taking stimulants. I think it would be the same kind of withdrawl as people really do struggle to come off stimulants. For me I think the diagnosis is enough for me to rebuild my life now.
I have been through so many journeys of various meds, with ups and downs, and ...
Stimulants are easy. Start small, and there is no "coming off" them. Find that level and brand that gives you a more functional life. I've never ever had a bad experience coming down from stimulants, I've only had slight jitters which is common when you've got your limit.
I could write a whole book on this, that the best level is the level before you get any "feeling" from then, where you're feeling normal but you just get surprised at all the stuff you got done.
Don't fear the meds, as long as you remember there's a process to get to where you want to be.
SSRIs are much worse for withdrawal. Some more obvious points to consider: you have to let SSRIs build up in your system to know if they will work for you or not. Stimulants work right away, it's just a matter of adjusting to them and finding the right dose. Also if stimulants commonly caused withdrawal we wouldn't be so prone to forgetting to take our meds 😂
Thank you all so much ❤
In the interest of balance (hate Matt Hancock) this is definitely one of my favourites. Some great insights, really helpful.
Steen going like: Oh that was meant for Sara?
That is me my entire life XDD
I wish people who don’t have this disorder, would not down play and dismiss this debilitating disorder. I have combined type moderate to severe and was diagnosed at 50! It’s debilitating and I feel that it is getting worse as I get older. ❤
Conversation on the train, hit home. I think it's down to fear of rejection, even from complete strangers! Hyper vigilance - CPTSD?
This is fascinating. I have bipolar disorder and ADHD and the ADHD has kind of been overshadowed by the bipolar. It all comes across as laziness but I just don’t have the impetus to start a task, let alone finish it
So agree with the constant potential thing .. I live an easy quiet life now
"Smokes on a Train", the new Samuel "El" Jackson film.
Love this interview ❤
Great to hear Bex!
Thoroughly enjoyed this❤❤😂 thanks
After airing their grievances on Mock the Week, they still got married. I was sure that was the end of their relationship live, on air.
Loved this. Great interview.
Back in the 1980's a pediatrician said to me we will know within the week if your 14 year old has ADHD after we trial Ritalin. It acts as an upper if you are not ADHD. My child said to me (within days) that he felt 'calmer' on the medication.
He was high functioning and had been missed in a previous assessment.
My son has ADHD, would forget things or I’d ask him to do something and he’d say ok. Then later I would ask if he’d done it he’d say no but I’ll do it right now so I don’t forget again. I asked, not nagged and I wasn’t angry with him for forgetting, just accepted that he did forget and I needed to remind him. I also wrote his daily chore on a magnetic dry erase board posted on the fridge so he could check and make sure he’d done them before leaving with friends as the consequence to not doing chores is I’d bring them home to do chores and then they had to stay home. Only happened once. I never got angry, just stated the consequences and then carried them out. I also let them have a day off school and take them to lunch and a movie if they got all A’s and B’s on their report card. The consequence for doing well in school. Consequences aren’t always bad.
~17:00 Yes. Diagnosis as a 'failing to succeed' explanation. Often one can succeed in many different ways. Only useful if the 'label' gives advantages (21:49!).
Far too many 'goals' are too narrow [prime minister, president, astronaut].
Very few want to un-block drains and sewers, but so much more important to so many! [apologies for the apparent 'job' extremes]
The devils shovel- most ACCURATE description of big spoons! 😂❤
I HATE big spoons
Omg I totally relate to his story of antidepressants it was horrible
I so feel Sarah saying she might be showing ADHD traits because she has to be the organiser for 2...so she is overwhelmed. As I understand it, that's one of the things that ADHD people have a problem with: overwhelmed by inputs and choice. And if she's doing it for him and their kids it can be absolutely destroying lying exhausting.
She might have Asperges as well. I have both. I was positively diagnosed with ADHD 3 times, (I needed convincing 😆) But I am a cleaner for a living and a van driver, both of which are things ADHD are bad at. These were the beginning signs that I also have Asperges.
I think creative people, particularly stand up comedians are making their ADHD work for them.
It isn't a problem until its a problem. Knowledge is power though. It helps to know how your brain works to be able to manage the self as well as possible.
I think she has a point though. When the environment is extreme enough everyone will become overwhelmed. Most ND traits are traits NTs have as well, just to a much lesser degree.
Great conversation thank you,I have 3 neurodivergent grandchildren, I also a squig !xx
I remember the day when I was told I had it severe as you could have it but in my head I was still in denial then when I was given the diagnosis I definitely grieved and went though a period of anger resentment and grief! I was diagnosed in my 40’s but I’ve always known i had it then my daughter was also diagnosed and with medication it has totally transformed our lives! I think as I wasn’t naughty at school I was just missed and I left school with terrible grades but a B in drama only because it was no writing involved 😂 I can always remember that won a award in swimming Which was for talking while under water 😂😂😂 I am proud that I have it but it really does annoy the hell out of me when people either don’t believe it is real and that it’s just a naughty child with bad parents! I wish those people could walk a day in our lives! It’s definitely true about finding a partner who is also the same and my husband has OCD which has all the same symptoms. Everything about pregnancy and breast feeding was exactly what I went through. I am proud and embrace it and I’m glad there is now more understanding about ADHD and neurodiversity 🙂
RSD's up there, definitely agree; especially with "romantic" rejection.
I know they'll have their problems however they appear a lovely couple who not dismissive of each other.
I am so shocked that people have the cheek to ‘diagnose’ you!!
25:04 can't help but notice that Sara seems a little (hyper) focused on "misdiagnosis", when for a ridiculously large percentage of us the correct word is "comorbidities" even though they pointed to accepting having more than one condition earlier.
Why do people often feel more comfortable with things like Au/ADHD but not depression/ADHD or CPTSD/ADHD?
45:42 Ah in this case because they tried to treat the depression just with drugs rather than with therapy and coping mechanisms like CBT without taking into account comorbidities.
That's why the drugs didn't work and why misdiagnosis is such a focus point.
That must have been very hard for both of them. 🧡
Becuase discernment is super important, is has so much impact, and some feelings of control about it. They have to build a life with it. I mean, he was depressed in the past, but it is different in comparison to adhd, and cptsd also makes dopamine work in a different way.....Personally, i accept labels, divergent terms and ideas, but i also try to leave labels out of it at the same time, so, everybody handles things differently.
@@gangapoornima I think you're approaching it very sensibly.
I don’t know these people but this was the most chaotic podcast ever.
It should be called HFT - Half Fulfilled Tasks. Thanks for describing the experience so perfectly. Wait… squirrel…
lovely couple. surprised Audhd is not considered though. i saw Sara touch on the subject but it wasnt developed. i understand its an adhd podcast but there is an entire spectrum of which Sara may find herself . wishing you all well, xx
I really don't understand the "driven by a motor" question! It baffles me. There's different ways to interpret it. Is the motor feeling in my stomach, my legs, my brain? Do you feel it accelerate or is it supposed to feel constantly on? Agghhh
I can't identify with this either. I recognize all the ADHD symptoms in myself though I don't always experience them in the typical way, for example I don't fidget or shake my leg, but I also don't sit still like other people. I adjust my hair more, look around the room more, shift my position more.
But I haven't been able to figure out what driven by a motor is supposed to feel like to know if I would just describe it differently or if I just don't experience it.
I think it just means feeling energised to do things without any specific direction - restless, on edge and propelled to do things to use up the energy, without thought-out, conscious planning. You're always 'buzzing' and ready to go, but that feeling comes before the plan.
You may not have hyperactive/impulsive ADHD where you're constantly on the go, and unable to sit still. I have the inattentive kind of ADHD and the hyperactivity is all in my brain, its exhausting!
Thats why I was diagnosed with generalised anxiety before ADHD, you sound like you are talking about anxiety in your comment.
In the squidge. Is there a better way of describing ADHD lite?
I would like to know the number of times she interrupts and takes over the answer and how many minutes she talks. It’s only for my info, not judgement. I think she learned to use tools that manage her executive function. Just pondering . . .
Her adhd is going to be different- women have hormones- and loving him she is a people pleaser and remembers thing s for him… ❤😂
I wish it was called an ‘assessment’ instead of ‘diagnosis’. Feels less sick and diseasie, yet just as effective.
What a great idea
@@Leelafaust Thanks 😊 Language is powerful 👍
Yet where are you going to? Oh my ADHD Assessment. Very busy today. 😂
Lift is still available here in Australia, even available with caffeine!
9:50 Yup, did 35000 words in essays for my A Level English coursework in the 72 hours before the final deadline, and did indeed get a B, though it was a B- lol.
As goes looking back and grieving, once you have kids any change would mean that you're not where you are now, with those kids. So for me I'm content with my life, failure to achieve potential or not lol. At least I know why I am like I am, that was the missing piece for me for most of my life. Like am I actually different, or not? And yes, I am, and it's relatively well understood.
As goes treatment though, I'm not sure there is a lot that can be done. We're just what we are. We're the watchers for injustice, and the first to react in a crisis, and that's enough for me to want to me, and not "normal". Having lived as me for nearly fifty years I've learned what makes me happy, and achieving my potential wouldn't have been it!
I just like to help people, and learn about things I'll never do lol. Being ADHD is great for pub quizzes, if nothing else ;D
I tried to score myself but got totally confused which was 1 and which was 5. I'm sure she answered 5 to question 5 when it should have been 1 as she agreed, that messed up my head and I gave up.
Just want to say that it's a bit misleading to say that having diagnosed depression or CPTSD is a "misdiagnosis" because "what you really have is ADHD/ASD".
You can have all of the above all at once. In fact CPTSD is very common in autistic people, especially if you have gone undiagnosed growing up. And depression is a very common symptom of both ADHD and Autism, because being either or both is really hard - again especially if you get diagnosed in adulthood.
However, treating an ND person for depression or CPTSD is going to be different from how you'd treat and support an NT person. Getting the wrong treatment can be really harmful.
(I'm an auDHDer btw)
I’m actually the only person in my little family of four who does not have ADHD. My husband and both children have it. My family does not have it so it wasn’t until we married that I got a crash course. Lol
A lot of times the parents of ADHD people also have ADHD
So far three generations in my family
I saw these two walking the dog. Man had some rascal yellow trousers IIRC.
are there ANY celebs who don't have adhd?
Why is it always the husbands disagreeing with the professionals. They would rather blame their spouse of being lazy or unmotivated than help them get treatment?
Yeah, AuDHD maybe Sarah - I'm exactly the same, super ADHD but I Need organisation (possible OCD too)
We all need organization but some of us have figured out what Sarah has, that you have to handle it right away or it's a disaster. She should not have been answering 1 to those questions!
I would buy squidge merch
If it’s Bruce Forsyth the price is right then you got quality
5:07 much better than the last one. Though I dislike Matt Handjo- Hancock INTENSELY I (ugh..) "appriciate" having him on as we have to see and hear all ADHD voices, even the ones who are w⚓s, even if it's just so we can avoid "reasons" becoming "excuses"
Not taking back the dislike though...
I agree, we have to hear ALL adhd voices, thank you for your support!
I HATED being categorised!! I was "unique" up until the time I took the test. SUCKS!
Antidepressants take weeks to work, but ADHD meds will work DAY ONE. My advice, just take one pills for one day. If you hate the way they make you feel, don’t take them ever again!
What i find interesting is that there seem to be so many people being diagnosed.
Where the hell has all this problem come from ?
And it does seem to coincide with the rise of the Internet ?
There's also Hyper Vigilance, which is adhad- ajacent. ✌️
sorry typos
Sarah is wrong about self esteem my son was diagnosed at ten his self esteem remained low for years in any situation he would always focus more on the neagtive, he had support att school it did not make any difference to his sense of self esteem.
Still dont know what the "big spoons" thing is.....i know "rusty spoons".....😂
❤❤❤
I thought I developed adhd when I got broadband and there was so much to watch online and I couldn’t sort anything out, I’ve always left everything to the last minute, however I have stopped being really impulsive, which I was for 40 years, My sex drive went when I got to a certain age, so surely this made a nonsense of this ‘adhd symptom’, it was just hormones. My friend got it aged 38 after he smoked skunk everyday for 25 years,he was fine when he was young. Another friend got it because from early childhood his mother did absolutely everything for him and he never got a chance to develop those organisational pathways. Another because he ate junk food all his life. Some got it because they experienced all the above! Everyone has it! Nobody has it!
At 16 mins she hits the mark - we are, as a society, suffering with overwhelm and disregulation in a world gone mad. Why have we made personality into a disorder? Why are we calling personality traits 'symptoms'? Why are so many people chomping at the bit to get a 'diagnosis' to justify their way of being? ADHD is not genetic, there is no ADHD gene, but we do learn from our parents so it makes more sense that it's a case of nurture, not nature. However, I believe the struggle is real. Both myself and partner would very easily pass the test.
@@Reddiscodancer not really sure where to start with this so will just address your points one by one. What you're describing is a capitalist society designed, unsurprisingly, for neurotypical people. It's demanding for everyone. It's just particularly demanding for neurodivergent people.
One of our biggest challenges is to separate features (rather than "symptoms") of neurodiversity from our personality. It's the biggest barrier to shaking off a lifetime of shame and guilt.
Neurodiversity very much is genetic. Is autism nurture rather than nature? Is OCD taught?
That's a big assumption - that people just want an ADHD diagnosis to 'justify their way of being'. Also ADHD *is* actually thought to be mostly genetic. And there's no 'test' - it's not an exam - a psychiatrist makes an assessment. There's often a lot of positives about having ADHD, but if you don't see it as having any negatives, or realise it can be very often debilitating and can ruin peoples lives, then I think its very unlikely you actually have ADHD. In your case, it probably is just your personality, and you're a bit disorganised or something. That is not the same thing.
@Reddiscodancer Actually, it's not ADHD if the traits don't cause any problem in living your life in this society. You can only speak of ADHD, the disorder, if those traits interfere with your day to day life and the level you can function in this society in a healthy way..
That's the case with all disorders. You might be a bit antisocial, for example, that doesn't give you an antisocial disorder. It becomes a disorder if you experience problems in functioning in the real world
adhd is genetic tho
@@nikkyk4839 The genetics behind ADHD aren't understood yet, actually the whole molecular-neurological pathways causing ADHD aren't even fully understood yet. There is no such thing as óne ADHD, there are alot of genes that can have a little impact, but these are influenced by the environment, and other things, like other genes for example. So yes, there can be a genetic component, but that's not necessarily the case. And even if some genes, that can have an influence on developing ADHD, are present, this doesn't automatically cause ADHD.
(Some people seem to think that simple Mendelian genetics we learn in school, are how all diseases/disorders/.., how all our inheritance principles work, but that's definitely nót the case. The field of genetics is way more complicated!)
I don’t know who this couple are but I can’t cope with her constantly talking over her husband. It’s hard to watch as she doesn’t let him get a full sentence out. I’ve had to stop watching.
I know I interrupt people when they’re talking all the time, I didn’t realise quite how annoying it was. I’ll have to try even harder to bite my tongue.
Steen mate you would benefit from some therapy for medical trauma which is what you have from your terrible doctors before who very badly fucked you up with antidepressants withdrawal.
OMG she really is in denial. I’ve no idea if they’re going to get into this, but she clearly doesn’t know that there are very different presentations (often between genders). Also, NO one is diagnosed to explain why they haven’t achieved anything. What does that mean?
I’m really sad and upset by this. Not what I expected to feel. She actually seems very audhd to me. But obviously, that’s not a dx.
🙄
If you are not qualified to diagnose you should not be dismissing the person’s own experience and perception of their life, we can all have tendencies that look like diagnosable traits. What is important is the whole experience and how it impacts on life ability.
🐿
The towel bit is a man thing😂
Autism seems more likely. Do that test.
Def the world is wrong.....
Had to stop as soon as Sarah was saying that she basically believes that ADHD is over diagnosed. She ain't no expert, so her opinion means jack. Already have a parent that believes the nonsense anout Autism and vaccines that I'm not going to put up with any other hot takes.
Give it another go, she warms up and the edits at the beginning are misleading
The more you listen, the more her perspective makes sense. She has a different view to "it doesn't exist" and more of a "the world is fucked and we are all overloaded".
@@invadersin5203 which is kind of like the people saying "all lives matter" when the Black Lives Matter movement was happening. Yes it is a stressful time to be alive but add on being neurodivergent to that trying to navigate through this mess. She doesn't get to diminish other people's struggles to make herself feel better.
@@butlerns1That seems like the opposite of what she's doing
can people with adhd just shut up about it for five minutes
Oh I'm sorry did you accidentally stumble onto a podcast about ADHD and wonder why they were talking about ADHD?
I feel like AudHD and I completely agree with Sarah, the only reason we are called “ADhD/Autism/AudHD” is the modern society standard of “normal/ functioning/sucsses” and way of living.