You're not alone in this, all the therapists I ever talked to had been of no help to me. One of them was telling me her life story and giving me advice from her own experiences that were different than mine. Another one was giving me quotes, silly exercises and telling me my depression will go away if I take a walk every morning and other useless stuff like that. When I opened up about my parents, she was avoiding my questions and changing the subject. 🙄 I gave up on therapy because of people like that, who are not passionate about their job and are just doing their job for the money. It's sad but I think a great therapist is very hard to find. 😓
Nothing beats when I had a therapist telling me what I am already doing. She told me I should focus on meditation, physical activity and eat healthy. I told her that I already doing these things. She then told me to try out a new antidepressiva. I already tried 9-12 of them already with very bad side effects. It is all so sad, Adam.
Hey there Adam ! Thanks so much for you honesty and realness. I think what you are doing right now is amazing! Im still to scared to put a video on you tube and yet you are helping people like me because you are brave and you are facing fears daily! The wrong therapists are awful!! I've experienced verbal abuse from therapists and made complaints in the past. I have a support worker, she won't email or call people or use her phone or computer, she won't find me places to go for help...BUT SHE LAUGHS! she make jokes and laugh, as I die inside needing to be near like minded people, and her laughing when I need help breaks me. I can't believe how those who are meant to help us, laugh and make light of our inner desperation and inner terror and lonliness and they make us feel more alone and more empty. I've just had an operation and nobody in there understood why I was crying, I explained I have anxiety, ADHD, and awaiting an ASD assessment as I'm hypersensitive to sound, light and emotios, and I was told to cheer up and smile! I felt broken and being home alone to heal feels less alone. I think you have found something that gives to others and helps. That's like a job, so you are already achieving so much. Being without people who understand and searching for help in this country is heart breaking. Some of us just want a coffee and a lovely chat with someone who understands what its like to struggle daily. I'm from Kent and tried to get therapy. I was so desperately alone as I'm 41 and my 2 children are now at university. I just want humans around me who are calm, kind, emotionally intelligent and understanding . Social services and a support worker can't find me 1 single place to go or any therapy, it's all dead ends. I'm blessed and I do have some beautiful hearted friends. People who get me and struggle too. If you don't have that life is pure he'll and it feels so lonely. I think youbare brave and I know this time next year you will have some good real understanding people in your life... it took me time, but im really getting there with my friendship. I would still like a regular place to go. I started maths at college but I hate maths. I wanted to face my fears but it causes a lot of anxiety. I understand that deep missing something feeling, that emptiness and I try so hard, yet most people will never understand how we feel and laughing , telling us to do more , get off our bottoms and try, just shows they have no idea how we struggle every second of every day just getting through simple days. You are an inspiration! I will happily have a coffee and a little stroll with you as a new friend next year when I've recovered from my op! There are many people who care and understand you but sadly they are too struggling to find a way to meet you... so keep going, you are in your 30s ONLY! You have plenty of time for your own family, a career you can cope with and a supportive bunch of friends! I believe in you! Melissa ✨️
You are very kind Melissa, I dont see this as me being brave or any of that, honestly some days I just feel like an out of control child throwing anything up that is a bit too much to share and even cringy. Some days I back down from posting anything while other days I simple want to post endlessly all the nonsense that rushes to the front of the mind and overwhelmes me in the hope that getting it out helps. Non of that feels like it helps people, if anything its shocking that people even found this channel and still make a choice to watch the things on here. People say it helps, I hope deep down it does, but I question if it actually helps anybody or if its a misery loves company situation where we are juts looking for that feeling of belonging after spending so long feeling lost. I honestly dont know. I appreciate your kindness towards me, it sounds like you have and are going through so horrible battles yourself and I can only wish you the best as you make steady progress to a point where you feel more in control and like you are where you want to be, whatever that looks like to you. Thankyou for your kindness, you made me a little emotional, people see things in me I just cannot see.. Thankyou 🙏🏼
@Add- I think it takes courage to be so open. You say the things I feel and can share with some good people, but you share to the entire world! I understand why you feel the way you do and you have the right to feel exactly how you do, without shame. You never chose to feel the way you do. I was 39 when I was diagnosed with ADHD, 41 now and diagnosed with EDS. I brought my children up alone and my whole life has been a secret battle with the "norms" in society. I had to fake happy, be a mother, daughter, etc, always had pleasing rolls. For you to show your vulnerability to the world and say things like its not OK for a therapist to laugh, it didn't feel right, you've just let others know that they can speak up too. As a mother, I'd be very proud of my children if when they are your age, they are like you! At the moment all you see is the social stuff the "norms" put value on. But look at who you are as a person, you are using your struggles, vulnerability and lowest moments to let others know they are not alone. You tried baking and when it went a little wrong, you ate it from the tin and still showed us that you tried. You go on walks when you can and you keep tried to find ways to improve your life. I feel exhausted watching how hard you try, so that therapist dosnt know a thing about you, you try harder and you do so well with what you are coping alone with. Only the past few years have I collected individual friends from little 1 day groups I've tried. I've made a new family with all these individual friends, while I faced fears , suffering, needing help but turned down at every try...and I tried endlessly, but the rejection was so crushing. The thing is, I never knew In my mid 30s I'd have these friends, but just like you, ALONE, I kept trying to find little things to do or places and now I have at least some great friends, so this is very likely to happen to you, so please remember things can change for the better. I feel anxiety every single day. I dread conversations, yet I want to talk. I fear and dread everything all the time, yet if I don't try I can feel worse. I have to have days alone to recuperate from people and life and life is really difficult. You may be right, Mysery loves company, but when I feel low and click on to see that you feel it too, I don't feel bad i feel I do have company. I also get inspired because I also doubt myself and yes you do have to say waht therapists want to hear when you wanting them to accept you as I've been turned away many times... BUT YOU HAVE SAID IT OUT LOUD! THANK YOU! Some of us have to be what others want just to get help or we can get rejected, or we are made to feel bad for our Mysery and fear and self doubt, how the F does that help us? It makes us hide away further into our fear and the fact society does reject the vulnerable, the people with real difficulties and it wants an easy fix! You are so open, so brave and one day you may see all the good that other people see in you... but if you don't right now and you feel crap, you have such a right to feel that way because its not in your head, it's not you... society is not set up for people who think alot, feel a lot and feel low and need emotional support and kindness. You are feeling like you do, not just because of who you are but the fact you are you, you probably have been treated worst than many people because people tend to be better to the louder , the socially strong and confident people. You are in a difficult situation and you want and deserve better, but right now just thank you for being you! Who you are is why many people watch you, because you are like so many of us who are voiceless. I have some amazing moments, laughter and happiness and feel loved by friends, but when they go, the fear and emptiness sets in... I try hard but reality is very frightening because its all forms, paperwork, bills, and what feels like interigation when I try for therapy or speak to a doctor, I can cry because I get so anxious and I cant get my words out, so daily life really does feel frightening and I only feel safer with a friend. Right now you are alone with your thoughts so often, no wonder you feel like you do. You and so many of us have been pushed to the side I society and when we try, we are reminded of our failings and its crushing, we feel bad enough. Sorry I went on. I've wanted to message for a while but wasn't brave enough. Thank you for your honesty and bravery, which is more than any therapists has shown me and thank you for facing your fears on your dark days because you are giving so much to society by just being you! There's many people that respect you because you are exactly who you are. I admire you and I know there's many people out there just waiting to meet a friend like you.... keep going 💪 but allow yourself rest and time too, because you deserve self care too. There's a place called recovery college, its free and for people struggling with mental health. Maybe they have that in your area. They go on little walks together, have some small face to face groups that help with confidence . Last year I met a new best friend in a group called finding your genius, and it was just a chance to speak to like minded kind people. I do hope there's better things ahead for you. If society let's us down at least we know it's not in our heads, many of us try hard and can't always physically or mentally manage the Same pace and stresses, but we don't choose to struggle. I was a resident liaison officer and now I can't cope with the idea of a form or a phone call, because life can be just too much pressure and not enough understanding and gentleness.... here's a hug 🤗 I hope it helps for a second at least.
@@melissavs6673 I wont go into everything here in the comments but thankyou, I had to take a few breaks while reading this to pull my emotions together. There is an email address on the 'about' section of my page (maybe only via browser unless youtube fixed that) please if you want to drop me message, do so. You are brave enough, you showed that here. Never question yourself with those sorts of things. I appreciate your kindness and support💙
Hey Adam, I've had a look, but I can't find another email to contact you on. I'm using a mobile, so maybe I can't see the same info as if I were using a computer? I did look afew times on the info page. I would happily email you if that's possible? No pressure, though. I felt low today before I saw your vid. It was lovely seeing you with some hope . You've worked so hard to get to this point. Its great you have found a person who shows you respect and listens. I know you are willing to try so hard, I've seen all the effort so far. I think if they listen and get to know who you truly are, they can help guide you and you can get on a path that brings you happiness. Again, you have inspired me. As I recover from my op, I feel isolated and want to be near people, yet I was meant to be in college today, and my anxiety got the best of me. Seeing you with a more positive energy and hopeful has given me hope. It's still just the beginning of our separate journeys, but it was nice to have a reminder that pushing through such difficult emotions, keeping up the fight when its so difficult, can be worth it and there is hope! 🤗 Thank you for your bravery, openness, and for sharing your journey. People believe in you. There is so much you can achieve because you have such strength. Good luck in your counselling sessions and I hope the new year brings you the happiness you deserve. 😊
@@melissavs6673 yes unfortunately for whatever reason, youtube doesn't display things in the app, easy solution is simply visit youtube in a web browser and go to my page and it will open up that way. Why its this way I will never know but unfortunately that is out of our control. I'm sorry to hear you had a bit of a tough day. It can be very tricky to find a balance when we want to be around people to feel less isolated, but our entire body locks up with anxiety, its a very difficult situation to manage, I can only talk for myself but I have found if I keep giving in to the anxiety, it only makes it worse and worse, until I jump in. Now that isn't for everybody obviously, as we all have our own unique ways of being, but I do feel that a calculated risk, is sometimes more beneficial than it may seem. Ultimately, take your time and fond your path, everybody walks a different one, at a different speed, what works for 1 might not work at all for another, but trust yourself and your ability, sometimes, its all we have so we have to lear to back ourselves from time to time. 💙
I really so tired myself to hear what I already know. "You should go out meeting some people", "You should go find a new hobby", "You should go out having a walk"... Someone telling me this can make my day worse than it is.
A good therapist would/should never tell you what to do or give you advice. They’re supposed to give you space/support to discover your own solutions not impose them on you.
I had to try several counsellors over many years before I finally found one I really connected properly and felt comfortable with. I love the one I have now but it's not life changing. It's a listening ear and some understanding and feedback. I've never found that calling of what i'm meant to be doing either. My life has been a jumbled mess. But I've realised it's ok. I am a good person with a good heart and that is what and who I am. I may feel like I haven't succeeded in the way society judges, but I have succeeded at the most important thing in life and that is to be a good person in this crazy world. I continue to try and find my fit in society and the workplace.. but maybe ease the pressure off of yourself. Life will somehow take you on a bizarre journey. Things will happen you never imagined, and I'm sure you will find your place in it all. 🙏
I've been off work for almost a year(severe anxiety and finally diagnosed asd and adhd) this has given me the opportunity to get disability and yes it has helped with stress and given me time to work on my passion(music)... BUT.. I also need to keep busy I always feel worse when I procrastinate and get nothing done(I'm sure you know all this too) find a passion if you can and still maybe think about a diagnosis it doesn't have to be a long term solution but having a break from certain stresses can help till you figure out what road to go down. ❤
I feel the same way as you do. Grew up in a small town and graduated college at 23 and now I'm almost 28 and still have no clue what to do with my life. The worse is that the more time passes by the more you get adjusted to this kind of state where you are lost. It becomes the new normal and it's even more difficult to figure yourself out. It sucks to be in this loop because it can feel like prison sometimes
Im not going to attempt deep & meaningful advice as I’m 53 and still searching myself lol. What I will say is from watching your videos, I’m wondering if a solution (short term or not) is staring you in the face and it’s RUclips itself. So far it’s provided you with a platform to vent frustrations, comments of support, a bit of income and something to focus on. Think of ways to expand the channel, get a pet and film it, do food reviews, interview people with similar problems, show us how to make mince pies (lol). You’ve already done the hard part and got a small audience and been noticed. Just keep being you with your down to earth dry wit and see what happens? Nothing to lose at the end of the day. All the best.
I hear you, I try, I just feel so... stiff lol like as soon as I start recording I dont completely relax, I feel like I have to be 'proper' and then that feels fake and forced.. just need to shake off a bit and relax 😅
I highly recommend that you get yourself a bible and read the book of Ecclesiastes. I promise you, it's essential reading for someone in your situation. Give it a bash, you have nothing to lose.. You are lost and you are needing a new direction, which you won't get from others. Their advice is useless. I get your circumstances completely. I really do. And thank you for your honesty. I subbed. 👍
Your lucky to even get an appointment the way the NHS is now (useless beyond repair). if you ask me, one of the main reasons why so many people are depressed right now is because they have forgotten what the point of life is. It's not to work your ass off for a boss you don't like, it's too love and to be loved. I would suggest using that money to make yourself feel good and find a partner. someone who gets you, someone you want to grow old with. You can have that! anyone can and when you do you'll be happy even if your homeless.
If only it was that sort of money 😅 but I hear what you are saying here. I think for me I need to sort myself out to find that level for myself before any poor unfortunate soul finds themselves involved in my mess. I dont want to add stress etc to anybody else's life. I would rather build and help eachother grow
Finding love gets harder and harder with age whereas jobs do not. People get married off... jobs are always there. Nobody should deny themselves love, the positive impacts change people.@@Add-
@@JessicaMarinaRushieHi, sorry for getting involved, just wanted to say that men think differently than women, we think a romantic partner is all we need, if we love and are loved - life solved. But men need to feel useful, they are providers by nature, if a man doesn't have his life & mental state in order, he can't provide anything (that's how they feel/think).
Hi Adam. I’m currently training in counselling. What I’m understanding is counsellors are never meant to tell you what to do or how to fix your problems. They are there to help you realise that you already have the solutions to your own problems. Within you. They are supposed to provide a safe space for you to be able to relax and open up, which will then gently guide you the root of your issues. We are our own masters and nobody can ever understand us better than we understand ourselves. True counsellors are aware of this. Self help books can be of great use but you have to use your intuition and find the ones that resonate with you. We are all so uniquely wired there is no one size fits all in life. But we can receive inspiration and motivation from others. Also: do not ever compare your life experience to others. In a positive or a negative way. Comparison is the thief of joy.
So why even bother with a counsellor, if they are supposed to provide a safe space to open up and talk to, yet cannot offer anything in return that I dont already know? If self help books are to be found of my own intuition, why bother with a counsellor at all? If I already know everything and should turn to my own intuition for help? Counsellors are a waste of time ??
My own experience with a 5 - 7 year trained (and 20 year+ seasoned) psychologist, is that it is a vastly different experience, from the experience you described. A good phycologist will guide you through a dark forest. A cheerful coach will try to convince you that the forest ain't dark.
I went into counselling for free as well. It felt like I could just say the 'correct' words or say everything is going great even though it was a complete lie and the counsellor would put on this whole act and say 'wow look how much you have improved' I have been out of work for a few years now and I hate it but everytime I try to get help that aspect of me not having work seems to be the focus and truthfully that is just a symptom of my overall depression. I feel completely lost and like everyone is out to stop me from progressing which leads me to getting more and more bitter and resentful which I know isn't good but after a while you just can't take it anymore.
I have felt this, you answer questions about your circumstances and they that those are the problems, when they are the results to the underlying problems that you want the help with, but alas, nothing better than sticking on the wrong thing, no matter how you try to drive them away from it.. can totally understand
I relate Adam I feel exactly the same as yourself. Not knowing purpose or direction I feel the same and it crushes me mentally every single day. I had a really bad experience with a counsellor. Apparently I made them feel uncomfortable because due to being sensory overloaded / anxious I couldn't give them eye contact.... They actually said I am making them nervous! I came out the room feeling 100x worse. I haven't updated my youtube for a while been in a rut. What you said today I relate 💯 I often feel like running away
I made similar experiences Adam. Sometimes also online sessions can help, especially if there are not so many local options. In my opinion, there are different levels on which people approach these things: A. Just think positive. -> You need power to produce these thoughts. B. Have an exiting goal that is worth striving for. -> The goal empowers you, positive thoughts come on their own or are easier to produce. C. Understand who you really are, detached from your history, your thoughts and therewith the limited version of you. There is a way of effortless living, as it was known in ancient cultures and is described in ancient teachings such as Taoism. This is not just a concept but a realistic path that many people follow, including psychotherapists who are looking for more profound solutions. There are good books in which the implementation is described in practical terms. There is a link to a very good video in one of my last comments. -> It's not any longer about producing positive thoughts, having aims or something like this. More or less it's about flowing with life and using the chances that come up.
i want to share my notes in my life journey with you i hope it helps in terms of finding purpose and motivation, after a lot of research, books and videos consumed, i found various techniques and concepts: 1) extrinsic motivation is tiring and at the end, fake, while intrinsic motivation provides infinite energy to work and live, this intrinsic motivation can be stuff like money, wanting to make a song, whatever, the idea is that is something that you know you want from the inside. 2) inspiration and joy are the absolute keys to finding purpose, whatever brings you that inspiration or happines in the present moment (something as easy as just walking in a forest) will help you understand what you actually want for your life, your purpose will be absolutely transparent if you follow your joy in the present moment. other stuff im trying also is being appreciative of the now, not pushing away my emotions in the present, happines, anger, whatever it is. i think this stuff helps me to find alignment with my inner-self, not seeing my actions as good or bad, mistakes or successes, thats all a social construct just like shame, to me, actions are just steps in different directions until i find what i need to feel more connected to the world, thats why they say "any action is better than no action".
If you do build a log cabin can you build me one too? I'd love to live in the forest. 🥰 I am the same. Really. But I feel my life has taken a different turn. I am not academic, I have loads of qualifications but no real path. I have had councillors like you say, rubbish unhelpful and laugh as if your problems aren't theirs and they don't give a dam. One thing I would say is if you pay, make sure they offer free consultations first. So you can get a feel for eachother and to see if you'd be a good fit for eachother. Remember you'd be paying so make sure you are getting the right one for you. Good luck 🍀
Hey Adam! I feel what you're going through, I had people throw similar things at me. You're totally right. If it was just "Get off your arse and do something!" you would not need help. The impression I got from you through your videos is that you're quite willing to do something. I also suffer from depression and I also went through the motions of finding a therapist. Finding someone at all was not that difficult. Finding someone who has an effect on my mental health was, but I only recognized this in hindsight. I am a person who tends to just run with things even if I clearly see that they are not benficial to me. Thus I did 2 complete therapies without them having an effect on me. I am on my third therapy now and it does have a profound effect. Here is what I would do differently if I had to do it all over again: 1. Fail early: If I would face red flags like "Just get off your arse...", it would be over for me. You're doing that right already! If I realize that the therapy does not have an effect or I can't see profound, deep changes, communicate this to my therapist. "What we are doing right now is missing the mark...". If that happens too often, look for a new therapist. 2. You recognize a good therapist by a) their credentials and training - good therapists go through long years of training. In germany that is having a master in psych. + therapy training... that's roughly 8-10 years of professional training. b) good therapists do a LOT of anamnesis to REALLY learn about your situation and they write it down and create of case profile together with you - in my case with my good therapist that was like 6 - 7 sessions only learning about me, with me filling out questionaires, answering her questions, etc... Questionaires can be multiple choice or open ended. On thing responded to where like 40 open ended questions pertaining to my situation 3. You don't fix a mind like you would fix a car. Most times even if you roughly know what's wrong it's trial and error to find what helps you. There are a few things that my therapist could tell me right away, though. 1. Keep well hydrated, that is important for the mind correctly functioning. 2. Approach things like a scientist/have a scientific mindset: This makes trial and error easier and prevents you from disappointment. e.g. Will I click with this specific therapist? Will I like to do X, Y or Z? What does actually work for me? That mindset protects you from disappointment because the intended result is insight and not a specific outcome. I hope I could help you a bit. Take care over there!
I will keep a lot of this in mind thanks, there are a lot of good points here and I can totally relate to the attitude of just going with something regardless of its benefits, that is something I need to work on for sure Really appreciate this input, thank you.
I know this might not be the right comment for this video but... Did you ever think about reading audiobooks? You have a wonderful voice and your Intonation is really great when you are making a Point. I would listen to it. Greetings from Germany brother, keep your chin up.🤝
@@Add-A good start would be, in my opininion, Not to do it as a way to create income, but simply to enjoy the experience. There are great books in the Public domain, you could even read as a Podcast or Here on RUclips without camera. I think "The willows" by Algernon Blackwood would be great, you have the perfect voice for it.
@@Add- Please do me a favour and start out with Michael Crichton's Jurassic Park and The Lost World novels. Joke aside, I totally agree with rintochicki, your voice is like made for audiobooks!
yeah i havent had good experience either, there are quite a lot of people within rhe field that theoretically understand but when it comes down to it they arent very good at understanding the client. but i believe generally it is hard as some people do better with certain treatments. For example,, people hype up cbt bur when ive been talking to people, i can accurately describe rhe logic behind most of my behaviour / issues, so then they dont know what to do ro help me, rhey think the problems solved🙂. I really do hope that you're able ro find rhe rifht thing, my hope is rhat if i join some sort of athletics club i can get some elemenr of purpose and community. Really hope you find more success adam.
I think that in its self is potentially a good help, that element of purpose, sure it won't fix everything, but sometimes it can be enough to tickle a little something that can be a driving force. Fingers crossed for you.
I have been sitting on this sort of thinking for a little, I just can't help but feel I would simply be attempting to run from problems and returning only returns to the same problems with now less time and less money to put towards some sort of fix. I can't lie.. I struggle a lot being able to look beyond the negative stuff.. and its the fastest way to feel stuck 😬
The "supporter" being rushed and not actually giving you the time is the complete opposite to what help is. Giving the people time, and actually listening to them. That service seems pointless and will actually add to the negativity..... That quote "get of your arse and do something" is spoken by some one is can't be arsed themselves to actually listen to the person in trouble.
i dont know about the healthcare system in the UK but here in germany it is possible that when there are no therapists available within a reasonable amount of waiting time (they usually have waiting lists up to 6 months), then you can look for a therapist you have to pay for by yourself but get the cost covered by the health insurance - it is just a little more paperwork. maybe there is something similar in the UK? (maybe try calling your health insurance to find out all the options they offer). but even if you should find out you have to pay it by yourself: see it as an investment in your mental health. i really wish for you to find someone who you feel a connection with (someone who is really passionate about their job and helping - as they should when choosing this profession)
It is extremely difficult to find a good therapist. Most have no idea what they are doing, or are fakers or just have no interest. The work required in therapy is complex, time-consuming and requires patience and intelligence. I’d say less than 5% of so-called therapists are actually fit to do the work. I’d also say that it’ll never work out unless you take full responsibility for the work that you need to do. Trial and error makes up a large part of the work.
Im wondering if even a bad or mediocre therapist you’re showing up to in the right way might help inch things forward for you. being mindful and boundaried and empathetic when someone is just being dumb or clueless 😅
No. Simply because a therapist that is not fit to facilitate the work required to be done by the client will in most cases either confuse and delay the client or make things worse! There are serious problems associated with would-be therapists who neither have the skill nor the ethics to work effectively.
I can never seem to find the right help I thought it was my mind that was blocking my recovery but I have now heard how good hypnotherapy is so I am going to give that a go
I personally found a counselor through my work, I work in a school, quite a lot of schools have counceling available for staff as well as students. Maybe try looking for woodshop technician jobs in schools? Just a thought 😊
Counsellors are like any people you are not going to click with them all, it takes a little time to find the right fit. You need to persist, you do have the right to request a different counsellor even through the NHS.
I just rather take psychology and self- health courses because I don’t particularly like BS like this! It’s easier said, then done but if things don’t workout the only person I can be mad at is myself or try a different course.
I did a brief counselling course, unfortunately they are very expensive and the NHS only provide short six week courses - and six weeks is not enough. Having received a lot of counselling myself on-and-off, it is difficult to get a good fit and if it feels wrong then 'vote with your feet'. You will be shocked how unregulated the profession is, so just make sure they are certified with a registered/accredited organisation like BACP or UKCP. Unhelpful advice from a professional - when we can't articulate how we feel through the depressive mental fog - is very damaging. Nobody should be waving a stick at you and setting targets about the future, they should be helping you now, in the present moment, and to see through that fog yourself - not boss you about. I am also going through an acute mental crisis at the moment, and I can see the same upset and turmoil in you today. I think you are extraordinarily brave, and I am in awe of you. I thank you for sharing so openly. But do what FEELS right for you, and not the life expectations and targets that people get so caught up in.
I appreciate what you are saying. I guess I'm just feeling lost in terms of help, turning to what you are 'meant' to turn to for help seems to not be it, leaves me kinda clueless what the next move is other than 'snapping out of it' As for what feels right, I think I dropped that ball years ago, constantly having internal fights about what feels right vs what is expected, always trying to do what is expected. What feels right isn't a situation I could do, there's a knock on to others around me and its not for them to pick up any slack that would occur. Yet, doing what is expected is crushing
@@Add- I understand Adam. It is difficult with mental health, to know what to do for the best. The fact is, there isn't as much help for hidden health problems. Like you, I'm in my thirties and live at home. I have tremendous guilt about being a burden - despite being told otherwise. I am still conflicted about doing what is right and comparing myself to what society expects. Deep down I know that this is unhelpful and society is far too rigid. I think you are actually an example of how life should be led - I know you can't see it. But seeing how happy you were yesterday about the baking, and sharing the simple pleasures with others was very touching. We live in a world now where simple, innocent pleasures are either overlooked or taken for granted. I can feel the world turning away from love, things are getting worse. We need a radical approach to turn things around. I find you very refreshing, and society needs more Adams. So please don't lose sight of who you are - whatever path you find yourself on.
gave up on lame and free counseling/therapy years ago. not going to spare any expense next time. (also when we’re ready… sleep, exercise, food, meditation/journaling are nonnegotiables).
Meditation is one thing I cannot get to grips with, I just seem to not get it or something. Everybody has such positive things to say about it and I just simply cannot seem to get it.
i have a broad definition of meditation. anything you do with your mind while your body is still and usually with eyes closed. could be mantra, mindfulness, relaxation, visualization, sounds/music, guided, nsdr/yoganidra, breath, etc. a lot to explore. ✌️ its not a cure all but it may be part of the solution.
Hi Adam - There is on-line professional help available that extends beyond the boundaries of your small town. Consider trying cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT). CBT is a practical, short-term form of psychotherapy. It helps people to develop skills and strategies for becoming and staying healthy. The therapist works like a coach to guide you toward achieving your goals and provides support with thoughts that can sometimes sabotage you to see what is real or perceived. Don't give up.
Go to the BACP directory. Find someone with at least 20 years’ experience. I wouldn’t ever choose a recently qualified counsellor. I’m not being funny but it’s not that hard to get qualified these days. When you’re dealing with trauma and long term mental health problems you want someone who’s been around the block. I also would never do telephone counselling. You don’t know how you’re going to “feel” about someone until you meet them. And also good counsellors will want to do sessions in person because you can pick up a lot from the emotions someone is physically expressing. I’m saying these things as someone who has just done 10 years of weekly psychotherapy. I mean, I was able to pay for the therapy myself (which wasn’t easy at times) I know it’s much harder if you’re just allocated to someone via the NHS.
Man.. rough spot.. question: what do you like to do? Try to aim for that.. put it as a goal 2-5 years out and go for that. Life gonna be tough for a while, but like you said about hell and back, there is only one way out.. and that’s keep going. You seem to like doing videos, maybe try to lean into that. Learn editing, audio etc. I met people making money from filming weddings, taking photos for companies etc. Then ofcourse youtube as side gig. Whatever you decide, remember depression is a wave 🌊 it comes in and hits you, but if you stick it out, it just passes over you and continues away from you.. it really is like its washing right over you. You got this! Like every other time. Think of it who’s the strongest humans of all? We are, we gone through shit and live to tell about it. I gotta tell you, Im amazed how you dare speaking up about it, on camera! I got a huge fear of being on camera, anxiety hits me and I take any video down I put up. Having the video up, and share how depression feels like, not something I think I could do. BUT you can! Not only can, but you DO! You got this!
I think how I 'can' do this is its all smoke and mirrors, really, nobody knows me as in who I am day to day like people closest to me. So everybody that sees these videos, will only know of me, what they pick up from the amount of time they watch. we live in a world full of judgement, and people will judge everything about me based on the 1 and a half minuets they 'watch' , I am not 100% the person that you all see, so its not totally me that is judged, I share a lot of parts that are not glitter and gold, but there is also a chunk that people can relate to, that tells me something..
@@Add-Hmm, that’s a really good point about being on camera I never thought about. And actually makes me think of why I get anxiety of being on camera. Thanks for pointing that out.
When it comes to anxiety, I always try and understand it, I am 'lucky' in that respect I think as I am able to understand most of why something makes me anxious which then helps me think through it. For me its harder to work through anxiety in the day to day dealings with people because you don't know how people will be with you, but online, if things get really bad, you just block people and remind yourself pixels on a screen is all it is.
Adam before you put your financial eggs into one basket, please listen to this message and see if it resonates/makes sense. Adam if I remember correctly you went through major life changing trauma back in your Uni/College days to the point you were even released from your studies without any say so in the matter, and of course if I remember correctly there was a personal relationship amongst all of that and a whole cocktail of emotions going on in the process. Personally I think this is where your major struggles started. If I remember correctly you or your situation dismissed it as a fact of life, but having one's life turned upside down especially when we aren't equipped to properly process it all is far from a fact of life and needs processing with correct closure. Such a traumatic event could even be deemed as arrested development in my opinion, which is something very much close to my heart at the moment. If this clicks/makes sense please reply back. As someone who has been through life transformations of that nature (our views of direction totally turned on its head), I know just how traumatic, confusing and even disorientating such events can be... If this resonates, please reply back. Much respect to you. 🙂
Yes John there is a heavy argument towards that moment in my life being a completely overwhelming time which potentially could be a root cause to a few things. I think how much would depend on the individual looking into it, but I wouldnt disagree with what you have here.
@@Add- Without processing the whole cocktail of emotions it can be really difficult to ascertain the impact a collective of situations one after another may have truly had on ourselves. Thing is it's really easy to reflect on such situations as our own personal failings and then it can become part of a foundation of our identity (how we view ourselves and our worth). Unprocessed alone I would imagine it can feel like a heavy weight/cloud on our shoulders, a weight we carry with us in our every approach to life's situations and we might not even be consciously aware of it as through time and habit we have climatised to it all. If I am honest I approach mental health/well-being from a Spiritual perspective, that is living a authentic life, true to ourselves, true to others, but beyond that Spiritually strong, and that is someone filled with self-belief and self-awareness, strong within themselves and in the driving seat of their lives. All of this approach is a solid foundation that can weather all manner of storms, and I know the steps to get there, and my time is always free, as I potentially go about doing God's work. 🙂 PS: Adam, you come across as a very people person (attuned to others). You know as part of my work back around 2000 I touched on mental health and it was very much the seed that has seen me start to flourish in the directions it has taken me in, something until then I wasn't consciously aware of. I wonder if you were to envisage all your current struggles gone with the knowledge and understanding in the processes that went into that if you in turn would do the same for others. Sometimes we need to cross stepping stones before we start to see the hidden gems of character within ourselves and how those hidden gems when unlocked can really be the making of us and the difference to the many. Perhaps food for thought. 🙂
You have 6k followers through your talents, your personality. I think you have a community of people, your people. If you can connect live with a few of them they might be able to connect and help you, and you help them. You clearly have something, is there a way you could use/ benefit from this success. You are an uncommon person, not many could get this following so a solution that works will be uncommon I think. Hope this helps.
If you watch a significant number of NDE videos, you realize we design our own life and challenges before we get here. So it's of your own making, and it is for a purpose, specifically for your spiritual growth, which may be different from others. Not sure if that helps, but maybe it can give a new view on things. And it's not just an idea, it is fact, imo.
A therapist won't help you with your life purpose, I believe. They can help with specific problems, like grief, abuse, personality disorders...but not with finding someone's individual reason to live. Besides, most people feel the same but deal with it by distracting themselves with kids, partners, addictions, activities...
Hey Adam , really nice video! I was wondering if I could help you enhance Editing in your videos and also make a highly engaging Thumbnail which will help your video to reach to a wider audience .
talk therapy is largely useless and the document everything you say, privacy nightmare. just try to get anxiety or adhd stimulants, other than that all you can do is learn how to cope on your own
I like making videos. I haven't done it in ten years. Do you like making videos, or would you like to? Is there a way we could do something together, at a distance? Just a thought
And by the way, after seeing better help sponsoring do many youtubers I follow, I decided to try it. I don't know if it's in your budget but just saying, you could give it a try. When I startedand we didn't know each other, all we had was "how are you" and "have you read the info I sent you" but over time it gets better. With any therapist
Without out a doubt overthinking is a massive issue for sure. But its the result not the cause, but it does cycle around to become the never ending cycle.
Noooo,no way,just take that money and go...go to other place,other town..profesional help is not for you,just run away from that sad town you are living in.
You're not alone in this, all the therapists I ever talked to had been of no help to me. One of them was telling me her life story and giving me advice from her own experiences that were different than mine. Another one was giving me quotes, silly exercises and telling me my depression will go away if I take a walk every morning and other useless stuff like that. When I opened up about my parents, she was avoiding my questions and changing the subject. 🙄 I gave up on therapy because of people like that, who are not passionate about their job and are just doing their job for the money. It's sad but I think a great therapist is very hard to find. 😓
Nothing beats when I had a therapist telling me what I am already doing. She told me I should focus on meditation, physical activity and eat healthy. I told her that I already doing these things. She then told me to try out a new antidepressiva. I already tried 9-12 of them already with very bad side effects.
It is all so sad, Adam.
Hey there Adam ! Thanks so much for you honesty and realness. I think what you are doing right now is amazing! Im still to scared to put a video on you tube and yet you are helping people like me because you are brave and you are facing fears daily!
The wrong therapists are awful!! I've experienced verbal abuse from therapists and made complaints in the past. I have a support worker, she won't email or call people or use her phone or computer, she won't find me places to go for help...BUT SHE LAUGHS! she make jokes and laugh, as I die inside needing to be near like minded people, and her laughing when I need help breaks me. I can't believe how those who are meant to help us, laugh and make light of our inner desperation and inner terror and lonliness and they make us feel more alone and more empty.
I've just had an operation and nobody in there understood why I was crying, I explained I have anxiety, ADHD, and awaiting an ASD assessment as I'm hypersensitive to sound, light and emotios, and I was told to cheer up and smile! I felt broken and being home alone to heal feels less alone.
I think you have found something that gives to others and helps. That's like a job, so you are already achieving so much. Being without people who understand and searching for help in this country is heart breaking. Some of us just want a coffee and a lovely chat with someone who understands what its like to struggle daily.
I'm from Kent and tried to get therapy. I was so desperately alone as I'm 41 and my 2 children are now at university. I just want humans around me who are calm, kind, emotionally intelligent and understanding . Social services and a support worker can't find me 1 single place to go or any therapy, it's all dead ends.
I'm blessed and I do have some beautiful hearted friends. People who get me and struggle too. If you don't have that life is pure he'll and it feels so lonely. I think youbare brave and I know this time next year you will have some good real understanding people in your life... it took me time, but im really getting there with my friendship.
I would still like a regular place to go. I started maths at college but I hate maths. I wanted to face my fears but it causes a lot of anxiety. I understand that deep missing something feeling, that emptiness and I try so hard, yet most people will never understand how we feel and laughing , telling us to do more , get off our bottoms and try, just shows they have no idea how we struggle every second of every day just getting through simple days.
You are an inspiration! I will happily have a coffee and a little stroll with you as a new friend next year when I've recovered from my op! There are many people who care and understand you but sadly they are too struggling to find a way to meet you... so keep going, you are in your 30s ONLY! You have plenty of time for your own family, a career you can cope with and a supportive bunch of friends! I believe in you! Melissa ✨️
You are very kind Melissa, I dont see this as me being brave or any of that, honestly some days I just feel like an out of control child throwing anything up that is a bit too much to share and even cringy.
Some days I back down from posting anything while other days I simple want to post endlessly all the nonsense that rushes to the front of the mind and overwhelmes me in the hope that getting it out helps.
Non of that feels like it helps people, if anything its shocking that people even found this channel and still make a choice to watch the things on here.
People say it helps, I hope deep down it does, but I question if it actually helps anybody or if its a misery loves company situation where we are juts looking for that feeling of belonging after spending so long feeling lost.
I honestly dont know.
I appreciate your kindness towards me, it sounds like you have and are going through so horrible battles yourself and I can only wish you the best as you make steady progress to a point where you feel more in control and like you are where you want to be, whatever that looks like to you.
Thankyou for your kindness, you made me a little emotional, people see things in me I just cannot see..
Thankyou 🙏🏼
@Add- I think it takes courage to be so open. You say the things I feel and can share with some good people, but you share to the entire world!
I understand why you feel the way you do and you have the right to feel exactly how you do, without shame. You never chose to feel the way you do.
I was 39 when I was diagnosed with ADHD, 41 now and diagnosed with EDS. I brought my children up alone and my whole life has been a secret battle with the "norms" in society. I had to fake happy, be a mother, daughter, etc, always had pleasing rolls.
For you to show your vulnerability to the world and say things like its not OK for a therapist to laugh, it didn't feel right, you've just let others know that they can speak up too.
As a mother, I'd be very proud of my children if when they are your age, they are like you! At the moment all you see is the social stuff the "norms" put value on. But look at who you are as a person, you are using your struggles, vulnerability and lowest moments to let others know they are not alone.
You tried baking and when it went a little wrong, you ate it from the tin and still showed us that you tried. You go on walks when you can and you keep tried to find ways to improve your life. I feel exhausted watching how hard you try, so that therapist dosnt know a thing about you, you try harder and you do so well with what you are coping alone with.
Only the past few years have I collected individual friends from little 1 day groups I've tried. I've made a new family with all these individual friends, while I faced fears , suffering, needing help but turned down at every try...and I tried endlessly, but the rejection was so crushing. The thing is, I never knew In my mid 30s I'd have these friends, but just like you, ALONE, I kept trying to find little things to do or places and now I have at least some great friends, so this is very likely to happen to you, so please remember things can change for the better.
I feel anxiety every single day. I dread conversations, yet I want to talk. I fear and dread everything all the time, yet if I don't try I can feel worse. I have to have days alone to recuperate from people and life and life is really difficult.
You may be right, Mysery loves company, but when I feel low and click on to see that you feel it too, I don't feel bad i feel I do have company. I also get inspired because I also doubt myself and yes you do have to say waht therapists want to hear when you wanting them to accept you as I've been turned away many times... BUT YOU HAVE SAID IT OUT LOUD! THANK YOU!
Some of us have to be what others want just to get help or we can get rejected, or we are made to feel bad for our Mysery and fear and self doubt, how the F does that help us? It makes us hide away further into our fear and the fact society does reject the vulnerable, the people with real difficulties and it wants an easy fix!
You are so open, so brave and one day you may see all the good that other people see in you... but if you don't right now and you feel crap, you have such a right to feel that way because its not in your head, it's not you... society is not set up for people who think alot, feel a lot and feel low and need emotional support and kindness. You are feeling like you do, not just because of who you are but the fact you are you, you probably have been treated worst than many people because people tend to be better to the louder , the socially strong and confident people.
You are in a difficult situation and you want and deserve better, but right now just thank you for being you! Who you are is why many people watch you, because you are like so many of us who are voiceless.
I have some amazing moments, laughter and happiness and feel loved by friends, but when they go, the fear and emptiness sets in... I try hard but reality is very frightening because its all forms, paperwork, bills, and what feels like interigation when I try for therapy or speak to a doctor, I can cry because I get so anxious and I cant get my words out, so daily life really does feel frightening and I only feel safer with a friend.
Right now you are alone with your thoughts so often, no wonder you feel like you do. You and so many of us have been pushed to the side I society and when we try, we are reminded of our failings and its crushing, we feel bad enough.
Sorry I went on. I've wanted to message for a while but wasn't brave enough. Thank you for your honesty and bravery, which is more than any therapists has shown me and thank you for facing your fears on your dark days because you are giving so much to society by just being you!
There's many people that respect you because you are exactly who you are. I admire you and I know there's many people out there just waiting to meet a friend like you.... keep going 💪 but allow yourself rest and time too, because you deserve self care too.
There's a place called recovery college, its free and for people struggling with mental health. Maybe they have that in your area. They go on little walks together, have some small face to face groups that help with confidence . Last year I met a new best friend in a group called finding your genius, and it was just a chance to speak to like minded kind people.
I do hope there's better things ahead for you. If society let's us down at least we know it's not in our heads, many of us try hard and can't always physically or mentally manage the Same pace and stresses, but we don't choose to struggle. I was a resident liaison officer and now I can't cope with the idea of a form or a phone call, because life can be just too much pressure and not enough understanding and gentleness.... here's a hug 🤗 I hope it helps for a second at least.
@@melissavs6673 I wont go into everything here in the comments but thankyou, I had to take a few breaks while reading this to pull my emotions together.
There is an email address on the 'about' section of my page (maybe only via browser unless youtube fixed that) please if you want to drop me message, do so. You are brave enough, you showed that here. Never question yourself with those sorts of things. I appreciate your kindness and support💙
Hey Adam, I've had a look, but I can't find another email to contact you on. I'm using a mobile, so maybe I can't see the same info as if I were using a computer? I did look afew times on the info page. I would happily email you if that's possible? No pressure, though.
I felt low today before I saw your vid. It was lovely seeing you with some hope . You've worked so hard to get to this point. Its great you have found a person who shows you respect and listens. I know you are willing to try so hard, I've seen all the effort so far. I think if they listen and get to know who you truly are, they can help guide you and you can get on a path that brings you happiness.
Again, you have inspired me. As I recover from my op, I feel isolated and want to be near people, yet I was meant to be in college today, and my anxiety got the best of me. Seeing you with a more positive energy and hopeful has given me hope.
It's still just the beginning of our separate journeys, but it was nice to have a reminder that pushing through such difficult emotions, keeping up the fight when its so difficult, can be worth it and there is hope! 🤗
Thank you for your bravery, openness, and for sharing your journey. People believe in you. There is so much you can achieve because you have such strength. Good luck in your counselling sessions and I hope the new year brings you the happiness you deserve. 😊
@@melissavs6673 yes unfortunately for whatever reason, youtube doesn't display things in the app, easy solution is simply visit youtube in a web browser and go to my page and it will open up that way. Why its this way I will never know but unfortunately that is out of our control.
I'm sorry to hear you had a bit of a tough day. It can be very tricky to find a balance when we want to be around people to feel less isolated, but our entire body locks up with anxiety, its a very difficult situation to manage, I can only talk for myself but I have found if I keep giving in to the anxiety, it only makes it worse and worse, until I jump in.
Now that isn't for everybody obviously, as we all have our own unique ways of being, but I do feel that a calculated risk, is sometimes more beneficial than it may seem.
Ultimately, take your time and fond your path, everybody walks a different one, at a different speed, what works for 1 might not work at all for another, but trust yourself and your ability, sometimes, its all we have so we have to lear to back ourselves from time to time. 💙
I really so tired myself to hear what I already know. "You should go out meeting some people", "You should go find a new hobby", "You should go out having a walk"... Someone telling me this can make my day worse than it is.
A good therapist would/should never tell you what to do or give you advice. They’re supposed to give you space/support to discover your own solutions not impose them on you.
@@GraviticWar how are you doing today, mate?
I had to try several counsellors over many years before I finally found one I really connected properly and felt comfortable with. I love the one I have now but it's not life changing. It's a listening ear and some understanding and feedback.
I've never found that calling of what i'm meant to be doing either. My life has been a jumbled mess. But I've realised it's ok. I am a good person with a good heart and that is what and who I am. I may feel like I haven't succeeded in the way society judges, but I have succeeded at the most important thing in life and that is to be a good person in this crazy world.
I continue to try and find my fit in society and the workplace.. but maybe ease the pressure off of yourself. Life will somehow take you on a bizarre journey. Things will happen you never imagined, and I'm sure you will find your place in it all. 🙏
I've been off work for almost a year(severe anxiety and finally diagnosed asd and adhd) this has given me the opportunity to get disability and yes it has helped with stress and given me time to work on my passion(music)... BUT.. I also need to keep busy I always feel worse when I procrastinate and get nothing done(I'm sure you know all this too) find a passion if you can and still maybe think about a diagnosis it doesn't have to be a long term solution but having a break from certain stresses can help till you figure out what road to go down. ❤
I feel the same way as you do. Grew up in a small town and graduated college at 23 and now I'm almost 28 and still have no clue what to do with my life. The worse is that the more time passes by the more you get adjusted to this kind of state where you are lost. It becomes the new normal and it's even more difficult to figure yourself out. It sucks to be in this loop because it can feel like prison sometimes
Im not going to attempt deep & meaningful advice as I’m 53 and still searching myself lol. What I will say is from watching your videos, I’m wondering if a solution (short term or not) is staring you in the face and it’s RUclips itself. So far it’s provided you with a platform to vent frustrations, comments of support, a bit of income and something to focus on.
Think of ways to expand the channel, get a pet and film it, do food reviews, interview people with similar problems, show us how to make mince pies (lol). You’ve already done the hard part and got a small audience and been noticed. Just keep being you with your down to earth dry wit and see what happens? Nothing to lose at the end of the day. All the best.
I hear you, I try, I just feel so... stiff lol like as soon as I start recording I dont completely relax, I feel like I have to be 'proper' and then that feels fake and forced.. just need to shake off a bit and relax 😅
I highly recommend that you get yourself a bible and read the book of Ecclesiastes. I promise you, it's essential reading for someone in your situation. Give it a bash, you have nothing to lose.. You are lost and you are needing a new direction, which you won't get from others. Their advice is useless. I get your circumstances completely. I really do. And thank you for your honesty. I subbed. 👍
Your lucky to even get an appointment the way the NHS is now (useless beyond repair). if you ask me, one of the main reasons why so many people are depressed right now is because they have forgotten what the point of life is. It's not to work your ass off for a boss you don't like, it's too love and to be loved. I would suggest using that money to make yourself feel good and find a partner. someone who gets you, someone you want to grow old with. You can have that! anyone can and when you do you'll be happy even if your homeless.
why a life partner though. why not a friend or community to spend time with. partners shouldnt NEED each other imo
If only it was that sort of money 😅 but I hear what you are saying here. I think for me I need to sort myself out to find that level for myself before any poor unfortunate soul finds themselves involved in my mess. I dont want to add stress etc to anybody else's life. I would rather build and help eachother grow
Finding love gets harder and harder with age whereas jobs do not. People get married off... jobs are always there. Nobody should deny themselves love, the positive impacts change people.@@Add-
@@JessicaMarinaRushieHi, sorry for getting involved, just wanted to say that men think differently than women, we think a romantic partner is all we need, if we love and are loved - life solved. But men need to feel useful, they are providers by nature, if a man doesn't have his life & mental state in order, he can't provide anything (that's how they feel/think).
👍@@cla855
Hi Adam. I’m currently training in counselling. What I’m understanding is counsellors are never meant to tell you what to do or how to fix your problems. They are there to help you realise that you already have the solutions to your own problems. Within you. They are supposed to provide a safe space for you to be able to relax and open up, which will then gently guide you the root of your issues. We are our own masters and nobody can ever understand us better than we understand ourselves. True counsellors are aware of this.
Self help books can be of great use but you have to use your intuition and find the ones that resonate with you. We are all so uniquely wired there is no one size fits all in life. But we can receive inspiration and motivation from others.
Also: do not ever compare your life experience to others. In a positive or a negative way. Comparison is the thief of joy.
So why even bother with a counsellor, if they are supposed to provide a safe space to open up and talk to, yet cannot offer anything in return that I dont already know?
If self help books are to be found of my own intuition, why bother with a counsellor at all?
If I already know everything and should turn to my own intuition for help? Counsellors are a waste of time ??
My own experience with a 5 - 7 year trained (and 20 year+ seasoned) psychologist, is that it is a vastly different experience, from the experience you described. A good phycologist will guide you through a dark forest. A cheerful coach will try to convince you that the forest ain't dark.
I went into counselling for free as well. It felt like I could just say the 'correct' words or say everything is going great even though it was a complete lie and the counsellor would put on this whole act and say 'wow look how much you have improved' I have been out of work for a few years now and I hate it but everytime I try to get help that aspect of me not having work seems to be the focus and truthfully that is just a symptom of my overall depression. I feel completely lost and like everyone is out to stop me from progressing which leads me to getting more and more bitter and resentful which I know isn't good but after a while you just can't take it anymore.
I have felt this, you answer questions about your circumstances and they that those are the problems, when they are the results to the underlying problems that you want the help with, but alas, nothing better than sticking on the wrong thing, no matter how you try to drive them away from it.. can totally understand
I relate Adam I feel exactly the same as yourself. Not knowing purpose or direction I feel the same and it crushes me mentally every single day.
I had a really bad experience with a counsellor. Apparently I made them feel uncomfortable because due to being sensory overloaded / anxious I couldn't give them eye contact.... They actually said I am making them nervous! I came out the room feeling 100x worse.
I haven't updated my youtube for a while been in a rut. What you said today I relate 💯
I often feel like running away
I made similar experiences Adam. Sometimes also online sessions can help, especially if there are not so many local options. In my opinion, there are different levels on which people approach these things:
A. Just think positive. -> You need power to produce these thoughts.
B. Have an exiting goal that is worth striving for. -> The goal empowers you, positive thoughts come on their own or are easier to produce.
C. Understand who you really are, detached from your history, your thoughts and therewith the limited version of you. There is a way of effortless living, as it was known in ancient cultures and is described in ancient teachings such as Taoism. This is not just a concept but a realistic path that many people follow, including psychotherapists who are looking for more profound solutions. There are good books in which the implementation is described in practical terms. There is a link to a very good video in one of my last comments. -> It's not any longer about producing positive thoughts, having aims or something like this. More or less it's about flowing with life and using the chances that come up.
i want to share my notes in my life journey with you i hope it helps
in terms of finding purpose and motivation, after a lot of research, books and videos consumed, i found various techniques and concepts:
1) extrinsic motivation is tiring and at the end, fake, while intrinsic motivation provides infinite energy to work and live, this intrinsic motivation can be stuff like money, wanting to make a song, whatever, the idea is that is something that you know you want from the inside.
2) inspiration and joy are the absolute keys to finding purpose, whatever brings you that inspiration or happines in the present moment (something as easy as just walking in a forest) will help you understand what you actually want for your life, your purpose will be absolutely transparent if you follow your joy in the present moment.
other stuff im trying also is being appreciative of the now, not pushing away my emotions in the present, happines, anger, whatever it is.
i think this stuff helps me to find alignment with my inner-self, not seeing my actions as good or bad, mistakes or successes, thats all a social construct just like shame, to me, actions are just steps in different directions until i find what i need to feel more connected to the world, thats why they say "any action is better than no action".
If you do build a log cabin can you build me one too? I'd love to live in the forest. 🥰
I am the same. Really. But I feel my life has taken a different turn. I am not academic, I have loads of qualifications but no real path. I have had councillors like you say, rubbish unhelpful and laugh as if your problems aren't theirs and they don't give a dam. One thing I would say is if you pay, make sure they offer free consultations first. So you can get a feel for eachother and to see if you'd be a good fit for eachother. Remember you'd be paying so make sure you are getting the right one for you. Good luck 🍀
Hey Adam! I feel what you're going through, I had people throw similar things at me. You're totally right. If it was just "Get off your arse and do something!" you would not need help. The impression I got from you through your videos is that you're quite willing to do something.
I also suffer from depression and I also went through the motions of finding a therapist. Finding someone at all was not that difficult. Finding someone who has an effect on my mental health was, but I only recognized this in hindsight. I am a person who tends to just run with things even if I clearly see that they are not benficial to me. Thus I did 2 complete therapies without them having an effect on me. I am on my third therapy now and it does have a profound effect. Here is what I would do differently if I had to do it all over again:
1. Fail early: If I would face red flags like "Just get off your arse...", it would be over for me. You're doing that right already! If I realize that the therapy does not have an effect or I can't see profound, deep changes, communicate this to my therapist. "What we are doing right now is missing the mark...". If that happens too often, look for a new therapist.
2. You recognize a good therapist by a) their credentials and training - good therapists go through long years of training. In germany that is having a master in psych. + therapy training... that's roughly 8-10 years of professional training. b) good therapists do a LOT of anamnesis to REALLY learn about your situation and they write it down and create of case profile together with you - in my case with my good therapist that was like 6 - 7 sessions only learning about me, with me filling out questionaires, answering her questions, etc... Questionaires can be multiple choice or open ended. On thing responded to where like 40 open ended questions pertaining to my situation
3. You don't fix a mind like you would fix a car. Most times even if you roughly know what's wrong it's trial and error to find what helps you.
There are a few things that my therapist could tell me right away, though.
1. Keep well hydrated, that is important for the mind correctly functioning.
2. Approach things like a scientist/have a scientific mindset: This makes trial and error easier and prevents you from disappointment. e.g. Will I click with this specific therapist? Will I like to do X, Y or Z? What does actually work for me? That mindset protects you from disappointment because the intended result is insight and not a specific outcome.
I hope I could help you a bit.
Take care over there!
I will keep a lot of this in mind thanks, there are a lot of good points here and I can totally relate to the attitude of just going with something regardless of its benefits, that is something I need to work on for sure
Really appreciate this input, thank you.
I know this might not be the right comment for this video but... Did you ever think about reading audiobooks? You have a wonderful voice and your Intonation is really great when you are making a Point. I would listen to it.
Greetings from Germany brother, keep your chin up.🤝
Thanks, not the first time somebody has said that. I just wouldn't have a clue where to start 😅
@@Add-A good start would be, in my opininion, Not to do it as a way to create income, but simply to enjoy the experience. There are great books in the Public domain, you could even read as a Podcast or Here on RUclips without camera.
I think "The willows" by Algernon Blackwood would be great, you have the perfect voice for it.
@@Add- Please do me a favour and start out with Michael Crichton's Jurassic Park and The Lost World novels. Joke aside, I totally agree with rintochicki, your voice is like made for audiobooks!
I will look into things but the irony of it all is I am a terrible reader 😅
yeah i havent had good experience either, there are quite a lot of people within rhe field that theoretically understand but when it comes down to it they arent very good at understanding the client. but i believe generally it is hard as some people do better with certain treatments. For example,, people hype up cbt bur when ive been talking to people, i can accurately describe rhe logic behind most of my behaviour / issues, so then they dont know what to do ro help me, rhey think the problems solved🙂. I really do hope that you're able ro find rhe rifht thing, my hope is rhat if i join some sort of athletics club i can get some elemenr of purpose and community. Really hope you find more success adam.
I think that in its self is potentially a good help, that element of purpose, sure it won't fix everything, but sometimes it can be enough to tickle a little something that can be a driving force. Fingers crossed for you.
Could use the money to go travelling. Maybe it’ll spark something
I have been sitting on this sort of thinking for a little, I just can't help but feel I would simply be attempting to run from problems and returning only returns to the same problems with now less time and less money to put towards some sort of fix.
I can't lie.. I struggle a lot being able to look beyond the negative stuff.. and its the fastest way to feel stuck 😬
The "supporter" being rushed and not actually giving you the time is the complete opposite to what help is. Giving the people time, and actually listening to them. That service seems pointless and will actually add to the negativity.....
That quote "get of your arse and do something" is spoken by some one is can't be arsed themselves to actually listen to the person in trouble.
i dont know about the healthcare system in the UK but here in germany it is possible that when there are no therapists available within a reasonable amount of waiting time (they usually have waiting lists up to 6 months), then you can look for a therapist you have to pay for by yourself but get the cost covered by the health insurance - it is just a little more paperwork. maybe there is something similar in the UK? (maybe try calling your health insurance to find out all the options they offer). but even if you should find out you have to pay it by yourself: see it as an investment in your mental health. i really wish for you to find someone who you feel a connection with (someone who is really passionate about their job and helping - as they should when choosing this profession)
Un petit signe de Lyon, FRANCE 🇲🇫
Courage à vous 🙏
It is extremely difficult to find a good therapist. Most have no idea what they are doing, or are fakers or just have no interest. The work required in therapy is complex, time-consuming and requires patience and intelligence. I’d say less than 5% of so-called therapists are actually fit to do the work.
I’d also say that it’ll never work out unless you take full responsibility for the work that you need to do. Trial and error makes up a large part of the work.
Im wondering if even a bad or mediocre therapist you’re showing up to in the right way might help inch things forward for you. being mindful and boundaried and empathetic when someone is just being dumb or clueless 😅
No. Simply because a therapist that is not fit to facilitate the work required to be done by the client will in most cases either confuse and delay the client or make things worse! There are serious problems associated with would-be therapists who neither have the skill nor the ethics to work effectively.
I can never seem to find the right help I thought it was my mind that was blocking my recovery but I have now heard
how good hypnotherapy is so I am going to give that a go
Please let us know how that goes!
Will do😊
I personally found a counselor through my work, I work in a school, quite a lot of schools have counceling available for staff as well as students. Maybe try looking for woodshop technician jobs in schools? Just a thought 😊
Unfortunately, the care and diligence in regards to mental health matters on the NHS is not the one.
*Info sent. I hope it helps👍
@@GraviticWar Agreed
Counsellors are like any people you are not going to click with them all, it takes a little time to find the right fit. You need to persist, you do have the right to request a different counsellor even through the NHS.
I just rather take psychology and self- health courses because I don’t particularly like BS like this! It’s easier said, then done but if things don’t workout the only person I can be mad at is myself or try a different course.
I did a brief counselling course, unfortunately they are very expensive and the NHS only provide short six week courses - and six weeks is not enough. Having received a lot of counselling myself on-and-off, it is difficult to get a good fit and if it feels wrong then 'vote with your feet'. You will be shocked how unregulated the profession is, so just make sure they are certified with a registered/accredited organisation like BACP or UKCP. Unhelpful advice from a professional - when we can't articulate how we feel through the depressive mental fog - is very damaging. Nobody should be waving a stick at you and setting targets about the future, they should be helping you now, in the present moment, and to see through that fog yourself - not boss you about.
I am also going through an acute mental crisis at the moment, and I can see the same upset and turmoil in you today. I think you are extraordinarily brave, and I am in awe of you. I thank you for sharing so openly. But do what FEELS right for you, and not the life expectations and targets that people get so caught up in.
I appreciate what you are saying. I guess I'm just feeling lost in terms of help, turning to what you are 'meant' to turn to for help seems to not be it, leaves me kinda clueless what the next move is other than 'snapping out of it'
As for what feels right, I think I dropped that ball years ago, constantly having internal fights about what feels right vs what is expected, always trying to do what is expected.
What feels right isn't a situation I could do, there's a knock on to others around me and its not for them to pick up any slack that would occur. Yet, doing what is expected is crushing
@@Add- I understand Adam. It is difficult with mental health, to know what to do for the best. The fact is, there isn't as much help for hidden health problems.
Like you, I'm in my thirties and live at home. I have tremendous guilt about being a burden - despite being told otherwise. I am still conflicted about doing what is right and comparing myself to what society expects. Deep down I know that this is unhelpful and society is far too rigid.
I think you are actually an example of how life should be led - I know you can't see it. But seeing how happy you were yesterday about the baking, and sharing the simple pleasures with others was very touching. We live in a world now where simple, innocent pleasures are either overlooked or taken for granted.
I can feel the world turning away from love, things are getting worse. We need a radical approach to turn things around. I find you very refreshing, and society needs more Adams. So please don't lose sight of who you are - whatever path you find yourself on.
gave up on lame and free counseling/therapy years ago. not going to spare any expense next time. (also when we’re ready… sleep, exercise, food, meditation/journaling are nonnegotiables).
Meditation is one thing I cannot get to grips with, I just seem to not get it or something. Everybody has such positive things to say about it and I just simply cannot seem to get it.
i have a broad definition of meditation. anything you do with your mind while your body is still and usually with eyes closed. could be mantra, mindfulness, relaxation, visualization, sounds/music, guided, nsdr/yoganidra, breath, etc. a lot to explore. ✌️ its not a cure all but it may be part of the solution.
Hi Adam - There is on-line professional help available that extends beyond the boundaries of your small town. Consider trying cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT). CBT is a practical, short-term form of psychotherapy. It helps people to develop skills and strategies for becoming and staying healthy. The therapist works like a coach to guide you toward achieving your goals and provides support with thoughts that can sometimes sabotage you to see what is real or perceived. Don't give up.
Adam, you should do Beer reviews. They would be great.
I dont drink beer 😅
Man I have always found them useless talking to people that have similar xp in life is better and it's free
It can take time and experimentation to find out what works and what doesnt
Go to the BACP directory. Find someone with at least 20 years’ experience. I wouldn’t ever choose a recently qualified counsellor. I’m not being funny but it’s not that hard to get qualified these days. When you’re dealing with trauma and long term mental health problems you want someone who’s been around the block. I also would never do telephone counselling. You don’t know how you’re going to “feel” about someone until you meet them. And also good counsellors will want to do sessions in person because you can pick up a lot from the emotions someone is physically expressing.
I’m saying these things as someone who has just done 10 years of weekly psychotherapy. I mean, I was able to pay for the therapy myself (which wasn’t easy at times) I know it’s much harder if you’re just allocated to someone via the NHS.
Man.. rough spot.. question:
what do you like to do?
Try to aim for that.. put it as a goal 2-5 years out and go for that.
Life gonna be tough for a while, but like you said about hell and back, there is only one way out.. and that’s keep going.
You seem to like doing videos, maybe try to lean into that. Learn editing, audio etc.
I met people making money from filming weddings, taking photos for companies etc. Then ofcourse youtube as side gig.
Whatever you decide, remember depression is a wave 🌊 it comes in and hits you, but if you stick it out, it just passes over you and continues away from you.. it really is like its washing right over you. You got this! Like every other time. Think of it who’s the strongest humans of all? We are, we gone through shit and live to tell about it.
I gotta tell you, Im amazed how you dare speaking up about it, on camera!
I got a huge fear of being on camera, anxiety hits me and I take any video down I put up. Having the video up, and share how depression feels like, not something I think I could do. BUT you can! Not only can, but you DO!
You got this!
I think how I 'can' do this is its all smoke and mirrors, really, nobody knows me as in who I am day to day like people closest to me. So everybody that sees these videos, will only know of me, what they pick up from the amount of time they watch. we live in a world full of judgement, and people will judge everything about me based on the 1 and a half minuets they 'watch' , I am not 100% the person that you all see, so its not totally me that is judged, I share a lot of parts that are not glitter and gold, but there is also a chunk that people can relate to, that tells me something..
@@Add-Hmm, that’s a really good point about being on camera I never thought about. And actually makes me think of why I get anxiety of being on camera. Thanks for pointing that out.
When it comes to anxiety, I always try and understand it, I am 'lucky' in that respect I think as I am able to understand most of why something makes me anxious which then helps me think through it. For me its harder to work through anxiety in the day to day dealings with people because you don't know how people will be with you, but online, if things get really bad, you just block people and remind yourself pixels on a screen is all it is.
Adam before you put your financial eggs into one basket, please listen to this message and see if it resonates/makes sense. Adam if I remember correctly you went through major life changing trauma back in your Uni/College days to the point you were even released from your studies without any say so in the matter, and of course if I remember correctly there was a personal relationship amongst all of that and a whole cocktail of emotions going on in the process. Personally I think this is where your major struggles started. If I remember correctly you or your situation dismissed it as a fact of life, but having one's life turned upside down especially when we aren't equipped to properly process it all is far from a fact of life and needs processing with correct closure. Such a traumatic event could even be deemed as arrested development in my opinion, which is something very much close to my heart at the moment. If this clicks/makes sense please reply back. As someone who has been through life transformations of that nature (our views of direction totally turned on its head), I know just how traumatic, confusing and even disorientating such events can be... If this resonates, please reply back. Much respect to you. 🙂
Yes John there is a heavy argument towards that moment in my life being a completely overwhelming time which potentially could be a root cause to a few things. I think how much would depend on the individual looking into it, but I wouldnt disagree with what you have here.
@@Add- Without processing the whole cocktail of emotions it can be really difficult to ascertain the impact a collective of situations one after another may have truly had on ourselves. Thing is it's really easy to reflect on such situations as our own personal failings and then it can become part of a foundation of our identity (how we view ourselves and our worth). Unprocessed alone I would imagine it can feel like a heavy weight/cloud on our shoulders, a weight we carry with us in our every approach to life's situations and we might not even be consciously aware of it as through time and habit we have climatised to it all.
If I am honest I approach mental health/well-being from a Spiritual perspective, that is living a authentic life, true to ourselves, true to others, but beyond that Spiritually strong, and that is someone filled with self-belief and self-awareness, strong within themselves and in the driving seat of their lives. All of this approach is a solid foundation that can weather all manner of storms, and I know the steps to get there, and my time is always free, as I potentially go about doing God's work. 🙂
PS: Adam, you come across as a very people person (attuned to others). You know as part of my work back around 2000 I touched on mental health and it was very much the seed that has seen me start to flourish in the directions it has taken me in, something until then I wasn't consciously aware of. I wonder if you were to envisage all your current struggles gone with the knowledge and understanding in the processes that went into that if you in turn would do the same for others. Sometimes we need to cross stepping stones before we start to see the hidden gems of character within ourselves and how those hidden gems when unlocked can really be the making of us and the difference to the many. Perhaps food for thought. 🙂
You have 6k followers through your talents, your personality. I think you have a community of people, your people. If you can connect live with a few of them they might be able to connect and help you, and you help them. You clearly have something, is there a way you could use/ benefit from this success. You are an uncommon person, not many could get this following so a solution that works will be uncommon I think. Hope this helps.
If you watch a significant number of NDE videos, you realize we design our own life and challenges before we get here. So it's of your own making, and it is for a purpose, specifically for your spiritual growth, which may be different from others. Not sure if that helps, but maybe it can give a new view on things. And it's not just an idea, it is fact, imo.
A therapist won't help you with your life purpose, I believe. They can help with specific problems, like grief, abuse, personality disorders...but not with finding someone's individual reason to live.
Besides, most people feel the same but deal with it by distracting themselves with kids, partners, addictions, activities...
Hey Adam , really nice video! I was wondering if I could help you enhance Editing in your videos and also make a highly engaging Thumbnail which will help your video to reach to a wider audience .
if you wish to reach out to me properly you will need to use a browser and you will find a way to reach me properly not via comments.
talk therapy is largely useless and the document everything you say, privacy nightmare. just try to get anxiety or adhd stimulants, other than that all you can do is learn how to cope on your own
I like making videos. I haven't done it in ten years. Do you like making videos, or would you like to? Is there a way we could do something together, at a distance? Just a thought
And by the way, after seeing better help sponsoring do many youtubers I follow, I decided to try it. I don't know if it's in your budget but just saying, you could give it a try. When I startedand we didn't know each other, all we had was "how are you" and "have you read the info I sent you" but over time it gets better. With any therapist
Oh and I go to a psychiatrist and am taking medication
I wonder if you’re overthinking everything, no one knows why they’re here, they just are and life unfolds as you do it. Just start
Without out a doubt overthinking is a massive issue for sure. But its the result not the cause, but it does cycle around to become the never ending cycle.
Hope you find something that helps Adam, life isn’t easy, I find that too, but don’t give up. Life is harder when we quiet
Noooo,no way,just take that money and go...go to other place,other town..profesional help is not for you,just run away from that sad town you are living in.
😅 if only it was that much, its no where near as much as people think
do yourself a favour and get contact lenses
Ah yes, the solution to all lifes problems. Excellent shout.