The Dumbest Dating Mistake Everyone Makes... (Matthew Hussey, Get The Guy)

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  • Опубликовано: 23 окт 2024

Комментарии • 1,8 тыс.

  • @monalisisodia
    @monalisisodia 7 лет назад +2594

    Dude, that's a brilliant life skill to have: Be ruthless with your actions, not with your tone. Thank you:)

    • @monalisisodia
      @monalisisodia 7 лет назад +40

      Vex T Umm maybe you've judged a bit too soon. Another way of looking at that writing is that it's absolutely crisp and to the point. That being said, you're entitled to your opinion. :) Have a good day ahead!

    • @JaelH7
      @JaelH7 7 лет назад +3

      Perfect summary. Thanks Monali!!!

    • @adityas444
      @adityas444 6 лет назад +2

      Monali Sisodia your Indian & Indian's don't date they directly get arranged with some unknown guy... so get out from here.. (a fellow Indian)

    • @DavidDragonstar123
      @DavidDragonstar123 6 лет назад +2

      Yeah, but you're being passive aggressive.

    • @DavidDragonstar123
      @DavidDragonstar123 6 лет назад +3

      And Sherlock is stereotyping your entire race to what is only common practice in your race's native country. That's not cool.

  • @karnagilgamesh3095
    @karnagilgamesh3095 2 года назад +326

    This man is an artist with his words when dealing with sensitive women. He basically told them to not be masculine and aggressive in the most passive way I've heard. His referring to women as people when he said "one the dumbest mistakes people make in dating..." In order to not make them feel like he was calling them dumb was amusing and smart.

    • @Onetime4justice
      @Onetime4justice 2 года назад +26

      I noticed that too, unfortunately both sexes have the tendency to forget that the opposite side are just people.

    • @Chiungalla79
      @Chiungalla79 2 года назад +7

      The kind of aggression he is talking about is at least as common among females. So it is kind of sexist of you that you have thrown the word masculine in there.

    • @TheWhisperTexan
      @TheWhisperTexan 2 года назад +15

      @@Chiungalla79 Can't women sometimes be masculine and men sometimes be feminine. We both have both traits. How is that sexist?

    • @Chiungalla79
      @Chiungalla79 2 года назад +12

      @@TheWhisperTexan
      I agree with your first two sentences. But it changes nothing, and calling this masculine is still sexist. Why? Because it is as common with women as it is with men. But calling it masculine suggests that it is rarer among women. It suggests that it is a male trait that at times is expressed by females. And it isn`t.

    • @TheJas20
      @TheJas20 2 года назад +8

      He's the wahmen whisper

  • @melly4746
    @melly4746 7 лет назад +2926

    To be honest, I'm not caught up in finding a man, etc. I love how your lessons are so universally applicable to navigating life in general.

    • @lisaess
      @lisaess 7 лет назад +15

      Melissa H 100%

    • @stephanieig9430
      @stephanieig9430 7 лет назад +74

      SERIOUSLY!!!! As Matthew was saying all of this I wasn't even thinking or processing it only in regards to men or dating, I was thinking about it in all aspects of life in general! So enlightening!

    • @Dana-gd2fs
      @Dana-gd2fs 7 лет назад +6

      I agree!

    • @Nuriyaha
      @Nuriyaha 7 лет назад +4

      Agree!

    • @Goddessglow888
      @Goddessglow888 7 лет назад +1

      Melissa H exactly

  • @Saltydogg909
    @Saltydogg909 6 лет назад +101

    very true. I've never been mad at a person i planned on never seeing again. my wife on the other hands makes me want to jump into on coming traffic.

  • @hkvideos9674
    @hkvideos9674 7 лет назад +420

    "Be ruthless in your actions, be kind in your tone"----- Life lesson.
    Thank you Matthew 🙏🏼

    • @ZipMapp
      @ZipMapp 5 лет назад

      Slap your partner and mutilate him... but with smile and sweet words

    • @alanrennox7340
      @alanrennox7340 2 года назад +12

      This is like the old adage, speak softly, but carry a big stick..

    • @koltred
      @koltred Год назад

      such a empowering yet simple concept its like we have managed to blind ourselves from it.

  • @Bamgeutcutiepie
    @Bamgeutcutiepie 7 лет назад +149

    It's so strange though. Because this advise is not only true, but it just holds so much power. When you are nice and sweet but keep your standard and all that, people just come crawling back to you. It's got this magmatic power over people. It works on me when guys do it to me, and it works when I do it to guys and other friends. It's just very very powerful. Haha. I've never seen it fail. Matthew is absolutely right on this one.

  • @jjuniper274
    @jjuniper274 7 лет назад +487

    I was married 24 years, and my husband passed away 4.5 years ago. When we were first seeing each other, I was sweet, vulnerable, and he knew what I did and did not tolerate. He reciprocated. 😊 Amazingly, I was only 19. He was as kind to me, as I was to him. And in the rough times, it was that sweetness that we remembered, and held us together.
    Never underestimate how kindness can exalt and liberate.
    ☮️ Peace 😊

    • @miayana2539
      @miayana2539 6 лет назад

      Jen Mulyck This is so sweet

    • @annaanna3169
      @annaanna3169 6 лет назад

      it is

    • @TheYankeesUnited
      @TheYankeesUnited 6 лет назад +6

      j juniper very sweet and I hope you find love again.

    • @Vkz0207
      @Vkz0207 5 лет назад +2

      The only gift in life that can never be taken back and always remembered is the time spent with the loved ones. May god bless you and your husband”s soul.

    • @venilson160
      @venilson160 5 лет назад

      ♡♡♡♡

  • @Deppherillion
    @Deppherillion 6 лет назад +1127

    It's funny to watch this as a guy...

    • @OieseGG
      @OieseGG 6 лет назад +5

      Yeah 😂😂😂

    • @alaplaya5
      @alaplaya5 6 лет назад +69

      It’s funny to watch this as someone who isn’t neither in love not interested in a relationship 😂 soo much drama

    • @lexbaldwin5613
      @lexbaldwin5613 6 лет назад +66

      It’s funny that in this video he is making course corrections for girls who misinterpret what he’s saying and in the comments girls misinterpret the video.

    • @SR-yx4ky
      @SR-yx4ky 5 лет назад +9

      But I guess this does not only work for women

    • @ItsNotRealLife
      @ItsNotRealLife 5 лет назад +1

      S R
      I doubt it works at all

  • @boomerangsruckflug8513
    @boomerangsruckflug8513 7 лет назад +244

    It's the expectations! As soon as we fall in love we begin to imagine being already married with them! That's why we get that disappointed which tempts us to overreact!

    • @patriciaearley4177
      @patriciaearley4177 5 лет назад +6

      I agree too emotionally attached

    • @arorajivlogs1641
      @arorajivlogs1641 3 года назад

      hopes and drems are enemy....

    • @Peaceful_Gojira
      @Peaceful_Gojira 2 года назад +3

      @@arorajivlogs1641 wrong: high expectations are enemies...dreams and hopes drive us forward. EXPECTING all dreams and hopes to come true is silly, but still a good force to keep us thinking positive and creatively.

    • @KingRandor82
      @KingRandor82 2 года назад

      I don't know if you realize this or not, but you just gave every single man who's had dating issues some serious inspiration :)

    • @clublulu399
      @clublulu399 2 года назад

      Yeaaaa… that’s crazy.

  • @jojoalexander1822
    @jojoalexander1822 7 лет назад +87

    This is soooo true
    You've got to be confident with yourself and love yourself and then you won't put up with crap from other people. Fall in love with life and your dreams and goals and then you'll attract other people
    You can't chase love it has to chase you
    ❤️

  • @klulouis
    @klulouis 7 лет назад +361

    I'm a newly trained therapist & I 100% agree w/this. I am constantly teaching my clients how to become emotionally intelligent & empowering them to find stability/control in their identity... not in someone's actions or lack thereof.

    • @leofeza9325
      @leofeza9325 6 лет назад +1

      Sounds smart

    • @sobreaver
      @sobreaver 6 лет назад +5

      emotionally intelligent (nailed)
      “Education is no substitute for intelligence.”
      ― Frank Herbert
      “It is so shocking to find out how many people do not believe that they can learn, and how many more believe learning to be difficult.”
      ― Frank Herbert, Dune

    • @ItsNotRealLife
      @ItsNotRealLife 6 лет назад +2

      k-love
      "Constantly teaching" I can see why you're new to the profession if you're always telling them to do something
      What is "emotionally intelligent"?

    • @FindingsOfAnArmouredMind
      @FindingsOfAnArmouredMind 5 лет назад

      +Agent J Back it up.

    • @howunoriginal2
      @howunoriginal2 5 лет назад

      🙌♥️

  • @samweintraub5695
    @samweintraub5695 6 лет назад +143

    This doesn’t just apply for dating. Great life skill to learn. Thanks man keep up the good work

  • @tiffany669
    @tiffany669 7 лет назад +1185

    This actually makes a lot of sense, thank you!

    • @sarawissad7593
      @sarawissad7593 6 лет назад +1

      冰雪皇后 are u à hater with too much free time on his hand? Cause u'r on alll of his videos, u spend time watching first then hate after :D

    • @leofeza9325
      @leofeza9325 6 лет назад +1

      You think?

    • @Tronman63
      @Tronman63 6 лет назад +1

      Obviously because it's the truth and they can't handle the truth!

    • @ItsNotRealLife
      @ItsNotRealLife 6 лет назад

      Waldzwölfen
      Because he's talking nonsense
      He just tells them what they want to hear
      A lot of women are very susceptible to this kind of bs AND from A MAN too
      You meet a man, you like that man, he likes you, you have a wonderful life together
      OR you keep going for the 'bad boys' because you think they're give you great sex - you don't, they're too full of themselves and you end up a 40yo spinster and all the younger prettier girls are arriving to take you place
      Nice guys also give you great sex too
      But they've already been snapped up by the smart women while the others are still being mistreated by the so-called 'bad boys' aka dickheads and losers

    • @ItsNotRealLife
      @ItsNotRealLife 6 лет назад

      Waldzwölfen
      Unbelievable isn't it eh

  • @podawe8051
    @podawe8051 2 года назад +68

    This is so true. As a guy, if a girl is angry or bitter or bratty, I just get annoyed. If she is super sweet and warm and friendly (even if I know I'm being a jerk) and then suddenly starts ignoring me or not wanting to see me as a consequence of my actions, I start to panic and try to redeem myself. Moral of the story ladies, ALWAYS be sweet and caring even if inside you're boiling, but don't be afraid to follow through with your actions when your standards aren't met

    • @TheSpecialJ11
      @TheSpecialJ11 Год назад

      I feel like we're hardwired to pay attention to actions and just get annoyed by "appearances". I don't know what it is. When a girl is sweet to me I'm just over the moon for her. Catty, bratty is the biggest turn off, moreso than appearance. I was instantly uninterested in one of the hottest women I've met when she responded to someone with a snarky (not in jest) tone.

  • @juliensorel5529
    @juliensorel5529 2 года назад +179

    The saddest part is that this is exactly what a caring dad would tell his young girl about life and people.
    Those women obviously never had any of this.

    • @boomds5602
      @boomds5602 2 года назад +16

      That’s a ridiculous assumption to make

    • @lithari1480
      @lithari1480 2 года назад +31

      @@boomds5602 But probably true.

    • @cardboardclub
      @cardboardclub 2 года назад +16

      I feel like a lot of fathers don’t talk to his daughter about her dating life, no matter how caring they are. There’s a lot of fathers who just don’t acknowledge that their daughter will date at all because in a way it’s accepting that they are growing up.

    • @juliensorel5529
      @juliensorel5529 2 года назад +6

      @@cardboardclub A caring father knows he isn't immortal, he knows he has to give his daughter everything he can so she can deal with men, with love, with death.

    • @Chiungalla79
      @Chiungalla79 2 года назад +3

      In many cases the insight is more missing than the care I guess.

  • @ncaged6753
    @ncaged6753 7 лет назад +746

    Screw him, I'm not gonna send one of these sweet-salty messages, I'm not gonna be nice, I'm not gonna be kind! #BOYBYE

    • @box_head1018
      @box_head1018 5 лет назад +3

      Did great in spider-verse

    • @AutumnOnFire
      @AutumnOnFire 5 лет назад +8

      Hot damn, i looked down and saw this at the exact moment it happened!

    • @ItsNotRealLife
      @ItsNotRealLife 5 лет назад +6

      N Caged
      How's that working out for you?

  • @mariyamlifsha8684
    @mariyamlifsha8684 7 лет назад +103

    This is so true. Keep standards. No one can push anyone down. ☺

  • @themeg5199
    @themeg5199 4 года назад +15

    He is literally talking about boundaries. Like read the book “Boundaries” and “Who’s pulling your strings.”

  • @gracelewis6071
    @gracelewis6071 7 лет назад +53

    To everyone asking how you do this - it's boundaries! It's taken me a long time to really get this, and took a while to really hit home, but it's SO worth learning. Anne Katherine's two books - boundaries and where to draw the line are SO helpful, and Iyanala Vanzant's shows and RUclips channel (the r spot) are SO good for reminders and reorienting to this way of thinking.
    Matthew this is spot on. So good too! I love hearing this in a new way - it really hits home for me. I'm dealing with a narcissist ex that I still have to be in contact with, and this is a really great additional lens to view it through. Where is he focusing on tone, and where can I focus on action? Yes! So helpful to have as a life skill :) thank you. This helps in more ways than perhaps even you know. Us women are often not taught how to do this - as perhaps your comment section is showing. In some/many cases actively discouraged from having these in the appropriate priority. All the help we can get in re-prioritizing the important one - action - is so, so welcome!!

  • @lisarussell8874
    @lisarussell8874 Год назад +13

    "You who i barely know had that much of an effect on me." Applicable in other areas of life as well.

  • @davidriley7659
    @davidriley7659 7 лет назад +189

    (male here) Yesterday i viewed a profile on bumble who came out with a list of demands (and it came off really rude). I read the list and thought to myself, yes, i meet all these requirements, but i dont particularly like your attitude. I know people have requirements (as they dont want to be burnt), but its the way you present them.
    Update: So i ended up adding her just out of interest. Her first comment was "Hey Poo". Ummm ok... maybe a typo. Then after that she was just really rude. very closed, aggressive comments. Just said "ok, thanks" and unmatched. Just odd. A real person too.

    • @mstfua9400
      @mstfua9400 7 лет назад +31

      magpie_girl It has nothing to do with being lazy.
      Men with standards, expectations, demands are called as self-centered, narcissist... etc. Afterall, they should be glad even for getting a girl, a divine gift to him. Yeah... that mentality exist amongst women mostly.
      Other than that, just like how women are bored of judged based on looks only, men also are bored of being judged based on utility, based on how they can match women's demands.
      In reality, women are actually more lazy.

    • @davidriley7659
      @davidriley7659 7 лет назад +32

      Just to clarify, it was just a list of demands, said absolutely nothing about her personality/hobbies/interests. Sure, everyone has a list of traits they're looking for, but this is a mutual relationship. If i wrote "you must cook me dinner every night, have sex with me, keep house clean, keep mouth shut" on my profile, everyone would think "wtf", yet she thinks it's ok to write that. Probably wondering why she can't find "Mr Right"

    • @thecurrentmoment
      @thecurrentmoment 6 лет назад +14

      I think guys are basically looking for a woman who is attractive, fun, nice, and has a brain, in that order mostly. I've noticed in my experience with women that I am happy to spend time with women who meet those requirements, I really enjoy it; they don't need to have a giant laundry list of things I expect from them. In fact, I don't expect much of them, just that they are willing to get along and have fun. Now, I have much more stringent requirements for a wife, but that is way down the track. I find that women have much tighter criteria for what they 'want' in a man, like a wish list, and are more willing to rule out men based on some little feature. Maybe this is why men don't make demands on their profiles - they would rather meet someone they can enjoy time with than someone who meets their ideal preferences but is a bitch.

    • @aamnahere6250
      @aamnahere6250 6 лет назад +7

      Mustafa U. That's a highly stereotypical comment. Not all men and women have a long wishlist which potential candidates have to fit in or abide by. I would never be with a man who doesn't respect me and for whom I am not a priority not because I am a queen but because he'll be my priority as well. Men are not viewed as utilities yes, women like to be loved and pampered but as long as it's mutual there is nothing wrong with that. Everyone has demands irrespective of gender and they don't have to make sense to all of us to be respected unless someone is outright rude and demeaning.

    • @simplyrowen
      @simplyrowen 6 лет назад +13

      This is my take as someone of the opposite gender. Let me clarify that I will be using words like some, most, a lot of times, etc. But I will never say "all" because I know that isn't the case. Nothing is absolute, let's keep that in mind.
      Let's continue. I think most women have experienced a lot of asshole men who just want to have sex and are willing to be dishonorable, dishonest and right down rude and demeaning in order to get it, that it ends up burning them, scarring them and turning them into the aggressor. I can say I was pissed off at one point in my life and just sick of it. I have been insulted on dating apps by strangers out of the blue. If I was at work and not answered for the day, I'd open up the app to insults too. Someone who seemed normal on the app would turn into a douche in person, on the phone texting during the date, not paying attention, conversation without substance, trying to touch me thought evidently I wasn't into someone who isn't even paying attention to me. Sure, I would not talk to them again, I would accept any more dates, but the bottom line is, you can have so many of those experiences before you just want to eliminate the possibility of meeting one of those men in person. That's when you turn bitter and turn to writing lists of do's and don't. I am not saying it is right, what I am saying is, these women are wounded.
      Unfortunately, you have two choices: Pull out of the game, or come to terms that you will have to interview many bad singers, before there is someone you can give stage time because they can belt. But it takes patience, a deep self understanding to not allow yourself to become bitter and learning from the signs to adjust who you give a chance at a date. I ended up knowing how to spot the "I just wanna fuck" guys from the "I do wanna fuck, but I also want to get to know you" guys and my dating went a lot better. But Matthew is right, actions, no words are important.

  • @EngineeredTruth
    @EngineeredTruth 5 лет назад +23

    I'm a dude and this applies to me. I didn't like Matthew's content at first, but it has grown on me fast!

  • @omnigardenstudios
    @omnigardenstudios 7 лет назад +5

    It hurts when your dating someone you really like and they choose to leave. Especially when you did your best to work things out and be kind and compassionate. I do always feel a little better about myself when I respond in this way. It lets them know that you are full of kindness and love instead of bitterness and hate. Great advice!

  • @rad636
    @rad636 6 лет назад +1178

    “Be ruthless in my actions, be ruthless in my actions, be ruthless in my actions”
    Tomorrow news headline: crazy ex bf kills girl for cheating

    • @shin-ishikiri-no
      @shin-ishikiri-no 6 лет назад +87

      He smiled and said "Oh, you're cheating on me!? Hmm, a little surprising but no big deal. Wanna go for lunch tomorrow?" then slits her throat on the way home.

    • @Asskicker14
      @Asskicker14 6 лет назад +7

      lol

    • @alexandroskovner6359
      @alexandroskovner6359 5 лет назад +6

      ?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!??!?!??!?!?!?

    • @huntersuraj9052
      @huntersuraj9052 5 лет назад +3

      😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

    • @marcotucker3431
      @marcotucker3431 5 лет назад +1

      Nice.

  • @DrSaraEDavis
    @DrSaraEDavis 7 лет назад +79

    Totally needed to hear this tonight, especially after being 2/2 stood up this weekend. I'm taking myself on a date!
    Matthew...such useful information!

    • @oliviaharris5957
      @oliviaharris5957 7 лет назад +1

      GO GIRL YES

    • @stickyrubb
      @stickyrubb 2 года назад

      That's a bummer.. I hope you're happy wherever you're at now c:

    • @podawe8051
      @podawe8051 2 года назад +1

      He stood you up twice? Damn that's rough I'm sorry to hear that happened to you 😔

    • @ikeskifan
      @ikeskifan 2 года назад +8

      Try life as a man.

    • @Xspurr
      @Xspurr 2 года назад +1

      By two diffrent men..?

  • @ieugeniya
    @ieugeniya 7 лет назад +25

    Hi Matthew!! Thank you for this one! 🙏🏻 I literally watch this video every day because I am determined to burn this idea in my brain and re-wire my neural network for how I handle my own emotions and other people's behavior! 💪🏻
    I also been using that advice in the other areas of my life and let me tell you, for the first time in my life I feel like I AM "in control" (your words!). I am still working on getting all my shit together, but for the past two weeks I actually made progress because NO ONE EVER explained it as well as you did! So, my deepest gratitude for this video. 💋

  • @hannahbrooks5683
    @hannahbrooks5683 7 лет назад +46

    As always Matthew, you touched my heart and brought tears to my eyes. This message, like so many, is so simple yet so incredibly profound. I've said it a thousand times and I'll say it again, thank you Matthew for sharing your gifts with the world. :)

  • @melissadaggett6238
    @melissadaggett6238 5 лет назад +5

    You are simply brilliant. You not only gave amazing dating advice here, but this can also apply to parenting as well. The minute we lose control of our tone, the focus is on us rather than on their actions. What you are saying here is setting a clear and firm boundary while communicating in a loving tone. Because the truth is, this is a kind of tough love that when the other person sees the boundary or consequence of his unacceptable behavior, he has a higher probability of changing to avoid that consequence in future relationships. If we get out of control with our emotions, they feed on the attention and drama. We have to actually remove the attention and that shows them they lose the close access by treating us in a way we won’t allow. This is a great way to show our sons how to treat women too. Moms who have good boundaries for how we will he treated by saying, “The most loving thing I can do for both of us right now is to not allow you to treat me this way.” And then lower your investment immediately so they feel it. Whether that means leaving the room, not being so accessible, or not continuing to do for them extra things and effort you did before until you see a true change of heart and behavior. But the loving tone is still there. We can even tell them “I care about you too much and I respect myself too much to allow you to be this version of yourself with me. It’s not ok, it’s not good for you and your future and it’s not good for me.” Thank you for doing what you do, Matt, your advice is sound, spot on, empowering and wise. Best dating coach out there. I’m a fan for life.

  • @cassandra.a
    @cassandra.a 7 лет назад +5

    Setting the boundary is the tone. Sticking with it is the action. Setting the boundary + sticking with it = self respect. #loveyoself

  • @Sarahmarknz01
    @Sarahmarknz01 5 лет назад +417

    He looks like Jesus speaking to the little children lol

    • @murcielagosv9244
      @murcielagosv9244 5 лет назад +6

      Everyone knows Jesus wasn't white.

    • @horizen1345
      @horizen1345 4 года назад +9

      @@murcielagosv9244 nor was he any other color, because he doesn't exist.

    • @Nina-vv3ev
      @Nina-vv3ev 4 года назад

      Neo NZ yasss 😂

    • @chaseo4557
      @chaseo4557 4 года назад +6

      Neo NZ because women are children

    • @carieyounginsurance
      @carieyounginsurance 4 года назад

      🤣🤣🤣🤣👍

  • @monicaperdomo3983
    @monicaperdomo3983 7 лет назад +20

    I LOVE this guy!! Thank you, Matthew, for such great positive messages in your videos that leave me smiling ear to ear, feeling empowered, and wanting to be the best version of myself. We are all a work in progress.

  • @DESIGNERGAL2181
    @DESIGNERGAL2181 7 лет назад +2

    Exercising your standards is a fabulous way to weed out the wrong guys before you've invested too much of yourself. It takes courage. People respond well to boundaries when presented in a kind and caring way. 🙏 Matthew for making this video

  • @CaroAlbahaca
    @CaroAlbahaca 7 лет назад +17

    This does not only apply only in dating but in relationships in general. Thank you!

  • @vitortrevisan336
    @vitortrevisan336 2 года назад +2

    That's awesome advice! Over many years I've noticed how much being gentle, actually caring and being altruist is so powerful, but not to get what you want, but to actually find meaning and peace in life

    • @joan5844
      @joan5844 2 года назад

      Greetings from Nigeria 🇳🇬 I'm just seeing you here for the first time...I will like to know you more I hope you wouldn't mind

  • @gloriamedola4863
    @gloriamedola4863 7 лет назад +11

    THIS IS PURE GOLD.
    It's 2017, still no flying cars but at least we've got this video :)
    I'd love to see practical examples of how you act ruthlessly in your actions. I often struggle to find the right balance and I end up showing too much interest.
    Loving your improvement over the years, keep it up.

  • @kimphan5418
    @kimphan5418 2 года назад +2

    The bliss point is a byproduct of authenticity. You don't want to aim for it, just be authentic and naturally the communication will reach that bliss point.

  • @franklin22222
    @franklin22222 7 лет назад +466

    One video per week is not enough Matthew.

    • @MySon1sAdorable
      @MySon1sAdorable 7 лет назад +12

      franklingirl23 I agree but he has other things going on. You know what I miss, those love line calls... he needs to do something like that again! Learned so much from those!

    • @bostenlemaire6895
      @bostenlemaire6895 7 лет назад +4

      quality!

    • @laurenc1796
      @laurenc1796 6 лет назад +1

      Your my bliss point😍

    • @DefinitionLegend
      @DefinitionLegend 6 лет назад +1

      Nothing is enough for women unfortunately example A the original comment

    • @clipz8688
      @clipz8688 6 лет назад +1

      franklingirl23 why?

  • @wesrichmond
    @wesrichmond 4 года назад +6

    (Male Here) When a woman starts texting me nasty things, I ALWAYS make sure she has the last word and stop responding. This gives me the high-ground while it gives her a false and temporary sense of justification. Eventually, we know how this scenario unfolds...

  • @Msruru100
    @Msruru100 7 лет назад +149

    I absolutely love this! I agree that's so much more powerful. I'd love if you could make a video on how you think we can implement being "ruthless" in action. Also, i wonder if this translates into indifference? So maybe you've been with the guy or girl for a while now but still are ruthless in actions. To me that I feel like that might come across as not caring.. not sure if that makes sense. I'd love to get other people's opinions

    • @MyVlogTherapy
      @MyVlogTherapy 7 лет назад +14

      Msruru100 it's true, examples are needed. People's definition of ruthless and sweet vary, person to person and culture to culture.

    • @MsHaileyD
      @MsHaileyD 7 лет назад +15

      I think it's not so much not caring as having the courage of you convictions. Understanding your worth and what is acceptable for you and sticking to those standards but in a respectful way.

    • @carriematiku932
      @carriematiku932 7 лет назад +5

      Msruru100 think of the relationship later on when things have become comfortable and you start to relax on your personal standards and giving in on things that are important to you... It will just get worse until you're resentful and feel that he doesn't care about your feelings... On the other hand once your standards are known...there is no need to test them and you can relax and enjoy the relationship as there is trust that you are protecting the others boundaries

    • @clipz8688
      @clipz8688 6 лет назад

      Msruru100 ok

    • @sobreaver
      @sobreaver 6 лет назад +1

      Ruthless = consequent, that's all. You are kind and approach people by giving them a chance to be themselves without fear of your judgements but are not afraid to let them know if something displeased you (either with words or gesturs, again with kindness yet with transparent actions - hopefully or not, the other will be intelligent enough to understand or else you will need to take a more direct route, not more abrasive, just direct). But being charmed, we sometimes over look some details. This is why later couple have it more rough, relationship changes, more aware of personal differences and personal details and less charmed and 'controlled' by your own instincts and more by your 'logic' and sometimes unreasonable reason. Deep in the human unconscious is a pervasive need for a logical universe that makes sense. But the real universe is always one step beyond logic (Frank Herbert - Dune book series). In indifference, your will is not there. If your will is there but you think it's kind of indifference, you might be misjudging indifference for a lack of self-knowledge toward who you are and what affects you. What do you despise? By this are you truly known. (Frank Herbert). If it is truly indifference then you know you are done here, time to move on. 'Ruthless' in your actions, lead yourself, not others. Enjoy your time while you still have some =]

  • @iambiggus
    @iambiggus 5 месяцев назад +2

    I am a middle aged autistic person who is coming to grips with his prognosis, and I am legitimately using your videos to learn how to interreact with people in general and women specifically. It is a huge help in discovering what my mistakes have been in previous interactions. Thank you for clear and concise direction.

    • @user-pc8vn6ym7r
      @user-pc8vn6ym7r 4 месяца назад

      Welcome, brother! Yes, it can change. Just takes a bit of work. Good luck!

  • @TheSamttatze
    @TheSamttatze 7 лет назад +9

    oh my god, THIS is it! this is the exact issue i have with myself...
    if there is anymore in-depth stuff you could do about this, that would be lovely! if not, still thank you for this! i ll keep chanting "Be sweet in your tone and ruthless in your actions" now lol
    thank you, matthew

  • @Joyce-ff7ms
    @Joyce-ff7ms 5 лет назад +19

    Repeat after me ladies, be ruthless in your actions and not your tone!! 🤣🤣 He's right, I think everywoman needs to be just as sweet and smooth as velvet, but inside the velvet lies the iron hand!

    • @valvalval2863
      @valvalval2863 4 года назад

      @R V oof someone got his heart broken

  • @MsHaileyD
    @MsHaileyD 7 лет назад +7

    I completely 100% agree with you Matt. I once dated a guy that annoyed me so much because I was always the one that had to go up to him if I wanted to talk or dance with him. I hated that I had to do all the work. It annoyed me so much but mostly because I knew I was still going to put in that effort because I liked him.

    • @akira357
      @akira357 6 лет назад +6

      Because he's above your standards that's why.

    • @chriscodling6573
      @chriscodling6573 6 лет назад

      Sounds a bit childish, but I guess men and women are different

    • @kujas
      @kujas 6 лет назад

      now you know how it feels to be a man boo boo.

  • @anamaria8
    @anamaria8 6 лет назад +1

    it is funny how i watch the guy not truly following only because his energy does enough for me to feel so much better about life in general.he really goes the extra mile in his study on human emotions,as through a maturity journey.Thank you,Matthew Hussey and big Congrats!!!

  • @hannahs8
    @hannahs8 7 лет назад +54

    Matthew you are brilliant!! I can apply this to all aspects in my life. Thank you!

  • @sarrahsiraj6289
    @sarrahsiraj6289 6 лет назад +3

    Being ruthless in your actions and kind in your tone is not just confined to relationships or dating... it goes beyond it.. and yeah we get angry on things we care about.. A great advice. Thanks mathew i admire you alot and the points you bring up

  • @FB-yz8is
    @FB-yz8is 7 лет назад +12

    Omgggg Matty I needed this... This is where I go wrong.. Not just in my love life.. But with other relationships as well... I cannot keep my cool!! I will definitely start changing my tone!! And show with my actions! Another one of your am amazing tips... I love u so much.. 😘

  • @chris20sith
    @chris20sith 4 года назад +1

    So much truth in what he saying, especially about screwing over your own standards. The main line of actions vs words but also the fact that with your actions it shows you have more of a self worth and higher self esteem.

  • @rebekahv1898
    @rebekahv1898 7 лет назад +6

    I think this is gold 💰 I'd like to just take a step further and say that (and I actually think this was said in the texting video) holding a standard also goes hand in hand with letting go of the outcome. Maybe this guy will walk away if yu draw a line. We seem to have a consensus that this means they weren't the right person, and I agree with that; but I just want to also note that we have to recognize that letting someone else walk away can be emotionally painful. Isn't that why we don't hold up our own standards?
    I truly believe we should hold up standards and be as ruthless in our actions as situations require (for example not just in dating, I'm a Mom of a small child and this is more my focus in interactions rather than dating right now - but the same thing applies. As it would apply in business or in having integrity in your profession). Upholding standards is KEY to moving through this life. And I love that Matthew teaches such applicable ways to do that. I love these videos.
    But to the other people put there that may be reading this and have struggled like I have with being ruthless for fear of the emotional pain it may cause: letting go of the outcome and telling myself that I am responsible for the emotions I feel and that I can deal with them no matter what, transformed my life. It's one small step but it's a step somewhere :)

  • @suzanneh2679
    @suzanneh2679 5 лет назад +4

    Powerful. Every relationship, not just a romantic one, nailed, right there.

  • @mandm2054
    @mandm2054 7 лет назад +42

    this is sooooooo true. Ok, important question Matthew! If we've made the tone mistake with someone already, can we back-track to being sweet & warm with him, and make a full recovery? i.e take our power back? Or is the damage already done?

    • @aleksisnaim5517
      @aleksisnaim5517 7 лет назад +5

      Mandy Reynolds let me answer you can totally turn on back but you need to be consistently sweet for him to forget it

    • @mandm2054
      @mandm2054 7 лет назад +1

      Aleksis Naim oohhh boy lol consistentlysweet consistentlysweet- gonna have to have that on loop in my head whenever I interact with him now, no matter what he does!(or doesn't!) ahaha CHALLENGE. ACCEPTED.

    • @everope
      @everope 7 лет назад +15

      Consistently sweet and salty (bliss point), but never butthurt.

    • @jackfavvv
      @jackfavvv 6 лет назад +1

      Why recover when you can just cut that person out of your life completely?

    • @thrilla72
      @thrilla72 6 лет назад +1

      jackfavvv People we really like cone along once every few years.

  • @aminaandersen8911
    @aminaandersen8911 7 лет назад +1

    Not just a relationship coach but a communications strategist!! I think this is so applicable to our daily communication too

  • @freyanaher8177
    @freyanaher8177 7 лет назад +3

    for the situation i'm in right now being ghosted by a guy i really do like, this has been more useful advice in one video than all the advice from my friends combined! ruthless actions & kind tone is all the clarity i needed - thanks matt! x

    • @sharonjackson7940
      @sharonjackson7940 2 года назад

      I was ghosted as well and we just so happened to see one another in passing by accident , I decided to be ruthless in my actions by not responding to the text messages and kinder in my tone all at once , good for me.

  • @wasifawali646
    @wasifawali646 7 лет назад +1

    dear Matthew, you put the truth too nicely that in isolation we are always about accepting bad treatments. just by listening to your words I feel confident! much love :*

  • @suntzu3541
    @suntzu3541 5 лет назад +362

    Worst mistake : Dating at all. Lmao

    • @Michaelandthisisit
      @Michaelandthisisit 5 лет назад +18

      War is better.

    • @shoryu87
      @shoryu87 5 лет назад +2

      wow

    • @romanpapec6735
      @romanpapec6735 4 года назад +1

      And remmember people that is what Sun Tzu said. Not to be ignored.

    • @TheReapersSon
      @TheReapersSon 4 года назад +3

      Yep. Especially because it’s been proven by social science studies that the large number of women out there, once they manage to start earning more than their man, are almost always likely to leave him for someone else. So why would a man sign up for a relationship only to have to work to stifle his woman’s economic potential to keep her around when it’s better to keep her as a strong, single, independent woman who can go out and have her career? Meanwhile the man doesn’t lose out on anything because he never participated in the rigged game in the first place and can keep more of his resources for himself.
      Remember, men in relationships: hypergamy is real and it’s only a matter of time before it strikes you down.

    • @kellensarien9039
      @kellensarien9039 4 года назад +4

      Correct. You are under no obligation, and should not even attempt, to give women what they want, especially if it involves a sacrifice on your part. Do not give women anything.

  • @mariamzalumyan3665
    @mariamzalumyan3665 5 лет назад +2

    It is very true, I do it all the time and it always works, they are bewitched. Noone deserves to be prioritized, unless they have deserved by their own actions. Thanks Matthew Hussey.

  • @anitabonghit2758
    @anitabonghit2758 6 лет назад +171

    women, everything you have been told by the corpwrate media is reliable and trust worthy. you are all perfect and 'worth it'. you dont need to grow, self reflect, and improve as a human being, its men that need to change.
    just keep whining, and 1 day everything will just fall into your lap. probably around age 37

    • @Temporarilyeternalboi
      @Temporarilyeternalboi 6 лет назад +12

      Anders Breivik Sarcasm

    • @thatguyoverthere2295
      @thatguyoverthere2295 5 лет назад +8

      Judging by your profile picture this is a joke. Honestly it’s what people believe which makes me sad

    • @alissaa2809
      @alissaa2809 5 лет назад +16

      Funny, if you would warch matthews Videos, you would know that is not what he is advocating. He advocates always working on yourself in Order to attract a mate that is also high value. Be high value, than you will get high value mates.

    • @ZipMapp
      @ZipMapp 5 лет назад +6

      ​@@alissaa2809 Except what you call "high value" for yourself is miles away from bringing anything interesting into a relationship, to not say toxic

    • @ephapax1
      @ephapax1 4 года назад +1

      Anita Bonghit haha the wall defeats them all by age 37.

  • @KanameKashita
    @KanameKashita 6 лет назад

    There's also the feeling of relief after you vent out your anger through words. A lot of times, those people want to show their emotions through actions, but by the time they get an opportunity to do so, their anger have already been let out verbally.

  • @jewelysjourney7136
    @jewelysjourney7136 7 лет назад +5

    Great message!!! (So true!!!) I'm guilty of the angry passive aggressive text. Thanks for calling us out on our behaviors.

    • @jonvicmamon2529
      @jonvicmamon2529 2 года назад

      Ouch. Why women in your country like that.women and men in our country may be poor but they are like that. They are already matured in the age of 18 20 24. That why 95percent of our married people have lifetime partner. But great message but that speaker. There nit much standard in country. We date them to know them. And there loyalty integrity no matter how hurt we are. Thats what famiky oriented made there son. And for me the cause of that in your country are the divorced rate and emotional damage that your culture. Put on the kids of divorce. My opinion only 50 percent divorce on your country right. Because they run from responsibilities.

    • @joan5844
      @joan5844 2 года назад

      Greetings from Nigeria 🇳🇬 I'm just seeing you here for the first time tho...I will like to know you more I hope you wouldn't mind

  • @jartotable
    @jartotable 4 года назад +1

    Exactly, tone is so important. I don't like to give extreme emotions one way or the other. You're giving away your power. I'm so nice when I text a guy, it takes him a hot second to realise I've said "next". Boundaries can be said nicely. I live in a small town so saying 'next' nicely is paramount for me. He may be fixing my car, plumbing my bathroom etc in the future. 🤣 There's an art in showing someone the door, without them realising that they're now already outside..

  • @marisajane7229
    @marisajane7229 7 лет назад +10

    It's true! I never thought about it that way before but it's so true! Thank you Matthew! You're so good at telling us what we need to hear, while being so cute at the same time so that we don't want to kill you ;) I'm so upset you were in LA and I missed it!

  • @grzegorzbozyk2023
    @grzegorzbozyk2023 6 лет назад +1

    Amazing. I never heard of this - yet it fits and it seems I learned this on my own.
    You see the worst thing with me is not me getting angry. No, my anger is temporary.
    The worst is when I'm starting to ignore a person, acting indifferent, don't even bother to respond or I'm using a broken record trick. If I'm acting like this - that person should really start to worry. Because this means that I've really had enough and it's not gonna be easy to change my attitude.

  • @laurarosario5781
    @laurarosario5781 7 лет назад +66

    Hello Matthew! yes, I'm commenting I'm not shy anymore thanks to your videos! anyway, this video made laugh a bit! I did Liked it! and I agree with you! but it's funny to me cause' I did acted de correct way last week I believe with this guy I was dating but he kinda acted like the woman angry you were describing here! he was telling me he was dating another girl and he wanted not to date me anymore and I was like "that's ok!" and he got really mad at me! it was like the more calm I was responding, the more angry he got! I even had to block him cause he got abusive, trying to continue arguing and began insulting for 3 days ! I really liked him and I never seen that side of him! but I'm so glad I'm out! that was crazy..I'm not taking that from no one! Thanks for your job! you're really amazing! Hello from the Caribbean! Hope to see you soon!

    • @HaHaHaLMFAOtv
      @HaHaHaLMFAOtv 7 лет назад +17

      Laura Rosario sounds like you scratched his ego. I'm glad you're ok :)

    • @MsHaileyD
      @MsHaileyD 7 лет назад +11

      Good for you and I'm glad you're ok as well. I agree it sounded like he just wanted a reaction but not the one he got.

    • @ruby4751
      @ruby4751 7 лет назад +10

      Lmao sounds like he was trying to make you jealous. He probably felt insecure, like you're too pretty for him. That is so immature!

    • @anniebe4992
      @anniebe4992 7 лет назад +10

      Laura Rosario he wanted you to fight for him instead of letting him go to that girl, lol. good reaction from your side😉

    • @ruby4751
      @ruby4751 7 лет назад +10

      guys, I get he wanted her to "react" or "fight" for him, but that is immature and not the right way to get a confirmation on the relationship or for her to boost his ego if he was feeling insecure. The CORRECT way to get those things is to talk to her maturely! Ask her where their relationship stands, tell her he's feeling insecure. And in return she'll let him know what the deal is, and compliment him to make him feel better ! That's how real mature adults do it!

  • @aprilstrickland5597
    @aprilstrickland5597 5 лет назад +1

    Very true! I completely changed a man and molded him into a better person. He was closed off. The 1st 7 months were very hard. But I seen a better man trying to find his way out. Finally I silently left. 3 months later, we are dating again and I have no doubt after therapy, career changing and completely dropping his xwife out of his life... there's nothing this man wouldn't do for me. Be sweet in the way that you speak. Be ruthless in your actions... though I've been watching these videos for about 2 years now. Not just this 1. Thank you for making them. I've really learned a lot.

  • @KiaraBhanushali
    @KiaraBhanushali 7 лет назад +33

    dayyymnn! makes alot of sense! Lesson Learned today for life!

  • @sobreaver
    @sobreaver 6 лет назад

    Be ruthless in your actions, be kind in your tone. Damn, such a simple phrase that resumes so much about life. That's a leader moto, commanding respect for yourself in the eyes of others because of your consequent nature.It's about being transparent, you can be kind but you're not likely to fuck around, plain and simple. Everyone should be a leader and they should only (genuinely and honestly) lead themselves. You have the best communication skill videos out there Matthew !

  • @Manders3900
    @Manders3900 7 лет назад +30

    Hi Matthew, can you make a video about moving too slowly with a guy and why some of us might do this?
    I personally like being friends with someone before I decide if I like them, but this seems to turn off and annoy a lot of guys. I also suppose I don't find a lot of guys physically attractive enough to like them from the get-go.

    • @prettyfarfromOK
      @prettyfarfromOK 7 лет назад +2

      Wow I have exactly the same. Video in
      this topic would be very helpful :/

    • @cheerubebayonettaholopaine2638
      @cheerubebayonettaholopaine2638 6 лет назад +1

      i agree with that. such a video would be interesting! 😀

    • @johnniehart3672
      @johnniehart3672 6 лет назад +10

      Ladies nothing wrong with that, however, if that’s the case why not go dutch until you both decide the relationship is worth pursuing

    • @ColbyWanKenoby
      @ColbyWanKenoby 6 лет назад +7

      The first thing you have to understand, is that due to men's wiring, they want sex 98% of the time, so when they go on a date, their expectations and/or hopes are that they will get sex by the end of night. Be forward with your feelings and intentions. A guy doesn't want to waste his time, energy, effort and money without something in return, and just hanging out with you platonically isn't going to satisfy him. The reason that would be is that men and women have very different brains. We stimulate ourselves mentally in differing ways than women might. If my options are: hang out with a girl that doesn't want to be sexual, or hang out with a guy friend whom I can have interesting discussions with about things that interest me and that is a common interest, or do a fun activity with that guy friend, I am always going to pick that guy friend. It isn't anyone's fault, but women and men simply don't generally find the same activities stimulating. Guys want to play a game or watch sports or go do an activity, whereas girls are content with eating and gossiping, generally. Of course everyone enjoys fun activities, but if I can enjoy a fun activity with my guy friends or a girl, I'm going to pick the guy.
      Anyway, sorry for the lengthy response. I am trying to be objective and honest in my response, which will be the most helpful type of response in the long run, even if it isn't what people want to hear.
      On the opposite end of the spectrum -- if you want to keep a guy coming around and you don't want him sleeping with other girls, bombard him with sex so regularly that he doesn't have time to be with other girls, and he will think you're amazing for always want to have sex. My favorite relationship I've had was with the girl that was most willing and most upfront about her sexuality and sex drive. She would actively ask me to have sex at the drop of a hat, and it was perfect.

    • @thrilla72
      @thrilla72 6 лет назад +14

      Why be with a woman who doesn't even find him physically attractive. He'd have to work extremely hard to create attraction. Then she's liable to dump him after the first mistake he makes.

  • @marcokuhner2445
    @marcokuhner2445 2 года назад

    Winning with kindness. This I powerful. You don’t go low, you stay respectful but hold on to your values.
    We men will appreciate you for it + you don’t seem toxic (which is totally the case when you explode over text and make the guy feel like he fucked up so hard he is forced to come clean now)

  • @jmproductions5948
    @jmproductions5948 5 лет назад +6

    “Be Ruthless in your actions, be kind in your tone.” - Matthew Hussey, (A wise man)

  • @jay-jd4di
    @jay-jd4di 2 года назад +2

    I would like to thank this guy because men have things to learn and they are learning(unfortunately it’s harder for men) but now there is someone also teaching women who also needed things to be taught, also very nice to see that there are women who understand both the gender need each other and willing to learn in order to become better for both. One thing I’d like to add for just for women who aren’t aware of this is ‘ The ugliest of you(not trying to insult anyone) still will have options to choose from, she may not like it that’s another story but even an average looking man(which is a moderately attractive man) has 0 options nowadays, which is so sad, so women if you like a man please show him(with clear indicator, not that we don’t pick up on subtle clues, it’s cause subtle clues mean different from woman to woman, meaning some of you are just trying to be nice and then you blame men for misinterpreting it)

  • @gitanjalinandan
    @gitanjalinandan 5 лет назад +3

    Love this one especially. It’s calling for us to be Empowered. Love the vision you are building Matt of strong, attractive dating women!

  • @ThrivingWithGaylaDGaia
    @ThrivingWithGaylaDGaia 5 лет назад +1

    This is a brilliant example of what it means to be "meek" which is often hard to break down. Not being hateful or using tone to be verbally aggressive is such good advice - and takes practice. Meek doesn't mean passive. It means solid, clear, but kind, not offended, not taking things personally, recognizing what is and is not for me, standing firm in what's for me so I can turn away from what's not for me in a non-offensive way. It really says, I have no control over how another chooses to show up - I take responsibility for myself without judgement or defensiveness.

  • @zariah2589
    @zariah2589 7 лет назад +34

    Actions do speak louder than words but how do you show it , that you're not tolerant of what they did ?

    • @machine5464
      @machine5464 7 лет назад +8

      Depends what they did that you aren't okay with. Let them know what and why. If it's important then don't let them get away with continually doing it. If they always are late, they may start being on time when they show up and you aren't there.

    • @zariah2589
      @zariah2589 7 лет назад +1

      Makes sense ,but for some things there won't be an action to show in return

    • @machine5464
      @machine5464 7 лет назад +1

      If you don't mind me asking, what might be something you can't respond to?

    • @nauhxa
      @nauhxa 7 лет назад

      You show you are not tolerant by not tolerating it. By making a decision to move on and stop seeing him.

    • @ayeshhas5641
      @ayeshhas5641 7 лет назад

      zariah 25 how Bout letting them know and following with an action to reinforce it.

  • @pinkmuffin9842
    @pinkmuffin9842 4 года назад +1

    I love how I now have a tiny Mattthew in my head that helps me navigating. I watched this video about a year ago and have completely forgotten about it.
    Today I rewatched some of your videos and I was like "Hey, I already do that! This has already helped me out".

  • @lifebyjo3999
    @lifebyjo3999 7 лет назад +4

    So brilliant and so true! That's what I've always loved about Matthew. He always gives great advise that is so versatile and so powerful it has no bounds!

  • @nathanfinley7654
    @nathanfinley7654 2 года назад

    This guy really is a wise man. He just knows how to take the high road and he's more powerful because of it. He has also dedicated himself to lifting others up which makes it all the more better.
    I pray you all find genuine happiness

  • @mandm2054
    @mandm2054 7 лет назад +115

    Would an example of ruthless be: Respond sweetly to his (occasional) messages, but put in no effort of my own? Thereby effectively putting up a wall?

    • @phoenixdoes1438
      @phoenixdoes1438 7 лет назад +71

      That's a good idea, but i wouldn't call that ''putting up a wall' rather it is just putting minimum effort into someone who puts minimal efforts towards us. You can't give 100% of your attention to someone giving 20%.

    • @elisejayde
      @elisejayde 7 лет назад +55

      only invest in him, how much he invests in you. do not invest based on how much you like him. like a back and forth game of tennis. same amount of effort and investment on either side.

    • @mandm2054
      @mandm2054 7 лет назад +15

      Yeah, it's so annoying liking someone more than they like you, ugh! Gotta just friendzone him in my mind. Thanks for the feedback xx

    • @jessicaedwards8066
      @jessicaedwards8066 7 лет назад +5

      Looks like everyone in this thread is taking Matthew's advice! Helping ourselves while helping others :)

    • @何正尹
      @何正尹 7 лет назад +11

      I would think, but not getting out of your way to spend time with this person is a wall of it's own?
      He invites you to a movie, like all of a sudden
      "Oh, I'm sorry, I had other plans for the night. But I'd love to go if you could ask me earlier." And stall accepting invitations for a while?
      That would be my idea of sweet words but ruthless actions.

  • @KatiaMX2210
    @KatiaMX2210 Год назад +1

    I keep coming back to this video periodically because is such an important life lesson.
    Thank you!

  • @lunarebeccaada4191
    @lunarebeccaada4191 7 лет назад +9

    Thank you for this great video! So I did everything right.I have "something going on" with somebody and he plays hot'n cold with me.Short explanation:He wanted to see me at his office,to give him a document,later than said,he's not sure,he will be around and I could give it to any of his coworkers,but he might be there,maybe. Not the first time this happens.I still spoke very sweet with him over the phone.The situation is too complex to explain all in short now.I just decided,I'm worth more than just a "maybe" and sended the document by post. As he realized,that I didn't come to his office,he sended his documents also by post,but the difference is,that they have been in his office for one week already, because he was expecting me to come over.Sorry for the long text and thanks for this great advise.

    • @thrilla72
      @thrilla72 6 лет назад

      Luna Adamma Are the two of you dating? Doesn't sound like it. You can't apply this advice to your situation of that's the case.

    • @clipz8688
      @clipz8688 6 лет назад

      Luna Adamma Nice

  • @SuperQdaddy
    @SuperQdaddy 6 лет назад

    Yes..dont allow people to push your buttons..and show emotional responce..stay I controll... I'm Italian and it's been a challenge...be in control !!!..great info

  • @ATrueLoveOfficial
    @ATrueLoveOfficial 5 лет назад +3

    *Comprising and screwing your standards* - I bet many of us could relate to this. Well done again Matthew. This is another powerful message from you. :)

    • @joan5844
      @joan5844 2 года назад

      Hii greetings to you from Nigeria 🇳🇬 I'm just seeing you here for the first time tho...I will like to know you more I hope you wouldn't mind

  • @danadalton9915
    @danadalton9915 7 лет назад

    Matthew, again, thank you. I'm a student of yours and just recently met a guy with whom the chemistry is off the chart but has yet to ask me out. I see him socially as we are in the same circles. Tonight he saw me with another guy and I could tell he was unhappy. It is incredibally difficult for me to see him unhappy. I tear up just writing that line, I'm a sensitive person. What I got from this video was that he may have needed to know the consequences of not taking action yet. I was as warm and talkative with him as always. I am just happy to be excited about someone again.😀😀😀

  • @davidbroughall3782
    @davidbroughall3782 6 лет назад +14

    If we make plans on Tuesday for a Friday date, including the when, where and how of it, then as far as I'm concerned, the plans are made, and don't need to be confirmed or updated. If I need to make a change, I'll let you know. If you need to make a change, you let me know. Otherwise, we don't need to talk about it again. If you can't handle that, then sorry, you're not for me. That's the standard I maintain as a man.

    • @sheffrudytke1086
      @sheffrudytke1086 5 лет назад +2

      You should still text her the morning of or night before. It shows you care and looking forward to meeting her

    • @user-iu2um8fd8n
      @user-iu2um8fd8n 4 года назад +2

      @@sheffrudytke1086 Why should he please her needs before he even met her? There is no need to show care and it is obvious that he is looking forward meeting her, because if not, he would not meet her.

    • @nk47100
      @nk47100 4 года назад

      SheffRudyTKE Yes, I don’t think it’s necessary but a little extra kindness never hurts! It’s nice to say something like, I’m looking forward to seeing you tonight! It’s a harmless and sweet message.

    • @davidbroughall3782
      @davidbroughall3782 3 года назад +1

      @@ChatteNoireBlancheI can understand that if the date is made two weeks in the future, but a man making a date for three days in the future and then feeling he has to reconfirm to make sure that it's still on smacks of desperation. I get that women like to be chased, but it sounds like you're using that as an excuse for backing out of a date you didn't really want in the first place.

  • @j348011
    @j348011 6 лет назад

    I'm so glad to hear you say this! I figured this out on my own and he keeps coming back though. Feel very indifferent about it most of the time when I see him. I also figured out that THEY will always come back even 10 years later. I still stand my ground on needed respect, honesty, and trust. He and I never even dated, because I could see he didn't respect me, or other women, and I didn't feel I could trust him and told him so as well. My question is Why does he still want to be around me and he has a new girlfriend too? I see him staring at me even when he is with her. He and other men I know will not leave me alone. I don't understand why? I love live has been DRAMA CENTRAL!!!! I have pretty much given up and at 46 and single still. On top of all of this I have not dated anyone in I think 8 years now. You should hear the thing's people say to me that I don't even really know. I don't look my age ( I still get carded sometimes) so I see younger men walking up to me and I can tell they are in their 20's and I RUN out the door!!! I think I am really a hopeless case. My Dad said to me before he passed away a year ago that I need to find a man who is COMPLETELY OPEN! Haha I said, you just figured that out? That is why I was living in San Francisco. I am trapped in the Mid West. I have people I don't know, come up to me and say you don't fit here, when I am just out shopping for food. Or they just come up and start touching me. Which FREAKS ME OUT! At this point in my life I feel like I am just waiting for the disappointment most of the time.

  • @anewloveofficial9137
    @anewloveofficial9137 6 лет назад +3

    The dumbest mistake that I had done in my life was rejecting the person that loved me the most but value the guy who couldn't afford to care for me. If only I could bring back those times I would have corrected that mistake so I can be happy again.

    • @bademoxy
      @bademoxy 6 лет назад

      so after rejecting a guy who truly loved you and then the second guy wasn't wealthy enough to support you , you ended up alone?
      i'd say you are the perfect example of the worst type of woman to try having a relationship with .
      please do all decent men a favor and just bang the psychotic players.

    • @madeasimmons9746
      @madeasimmons9746 Год назад

      Why can't you support him financially while he is a stay at home hubby?

    • @josephberrie9550
      @josephberrie9550 Год назад

      value should not mean money and afford is entitlement and that is one thing men do not like

  • @victorp7932
    @victorp7932 2 года назад

    Thats great. Actions speak louder than words.
    Some people don't get it though so just consistently do it until they do.

  • @candyk7981
    @candyk7981 7 лет назад +6

    Matthew is so brilliant. Ladies please listen to this!!!!!!!!!

  • @estercungu1283
    @estercungu1283 7 лет назад +1

    I love the fact that you always have a new advice regarding the dating life even after all these years as a dating coach! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

  • @RebeccaDawson
    @RebeccaDawson 7 лет назад +12

    I'm curious, how would this be applied in a marriage? There are times I wish my husband took more effort and I've been guilty of using bad tone and hate myself for becoming that upset woman you speak of in this video.
    What sort of ruthless action can a married woman take since she loves him and is definitely going out with him again?

    • @ginguyen4739
      @ginguyen4739 7 лет назад +2

      Rebecca Dawson seem like no one can answer that 😓

    • @thecurrentmoment
      @thecurrentmoment 6 лет назад +7

      Lol "is definitely going out with him again"
      I have no experience of being married so take this with a grain of salt, but I would say that if you are committed to a certain thing happening, then be clear (but not rude or harsh) about what the consequences will be and give him an opportunity to fulfil on that. It would pay to get his consent too, to make sure that he understands why you want that action and that he has a say (else it comes out like nagging).
      For some negative example, my Mum tries to nag Dad (and myself sometimes) about leaving clutter lying around and getting rid of excess accumulated stuff (mostly books, souveniers, and things we've collected - I'm a lot like my dad). One time she got sick of Da'd's ancient books taking up space and just left them outside in the weather. Dad found them when he was looking for a particular book and, lo and behold it was outside! He wasn't happy with that, and it probably made him more resolute in holding onto his stuff and trying to protect it. Another time she threw out a whole lot of my stuff from school. Kind of fair enough as it is taking up room in their house (if only I had my own house to put stuff in), I just wish she had told me.
      So, the problem with those examples is that she kept complaining about them, but never did anything, never set a line in the sand, so nobody did anything about the stuff,then all of a sudden, SHE decided that enough was enough and it suddenly had to go. I have an issue with people deciding the fate of my belongings, some of which hold value to me, and I feel she violated some important boundaries.
      A better way to handle it (and finally my advice for you), would be for her to discuss the impact of it on her, so we know exactly how it is affecting her, but also for her to listen to why we do that and the problems we face (I.e. we want to keep stuff that has value to us, often real, practical value, but we don't know where to put it) so she knows where we are coming from. Then both parties agree to a realistic outcome, e.g. "need to have books organised and fitting in such and such an area by end of next year". If they both agree and the end of the year comes around, then any books not in that area can be disposed of by her, no questions. If he is having trouble with it, then offer him support, extend the deadline, whatever, as long you both agree with it. That would be ruthless action, but with plenty of opportunity. If
      Of course, you have to be willing to accept the same ruthless action from him, this is where compromise comes in, I guess
      I think it's also helpful to distinguish between things that are merely annoying to you and things that are actually unacceptable to you. If they are unacceptable to you then don't accept them, but if they are merely annoying then don't get caught in the trap of trying to change him into YOUR ideal version of him, because you wouldn't like that from him either.
      Hope that's valuable, like I said, I've never been married so take it with a grain of salt

    • @jackfavvv
      @jackfavvv 6 лет назад

      It's 2018, divorce him.
      Marriage in this age is more of a contract than ritual, really.

    • @thrilla72
      @thrilla72 6 лет назад +3

      Dale Redpath What Dale said was great. Essentially communicate clearly and effectively with him. NO HINTING. Men are not good with hints.

    • @clipz8688
      @clipz8688 6 лет назад

      Rebecca Dawson nice

  • @Timber_wolf85
    @Timber_wolf85 2 года назад

    Your reasoning for both men and women are quite the wisdom. I hear every bit of it.

  • @misstarshiny1
    @misstarshiny1 7 лет назад +6

    Matt do a video about meeting people and getting dates! This is where I struggle and can't go past to the first phase 😕

    • @soapwater501
      @soapwater501 7 лет назад

      stars Watch RSDTyler. His advice is mostly for men, but who knows...some of there teachings might be applicable for women too.

  • @stardustastrology6618
    @stardustastrology6618 7 лет назад +2

    Exactly, people need a certain level of consciousness to be aware of this... thank you for helping women raise it Matthew :)

  • @acruzp
    @acruzp 6 лет назад +60

    You know, as a man, I'm putting this to good use.
    Next time a woman raises her tone at me because she's hungry, or had a bad day at work, I'll kindly tell her that I'm not into that and I'll just drop her off at her place.

    • @f.s.2642
      @f.s.2642 5 лет назад +12

      Or feed her

    • @GM-qt3bm
      @GM-qt3bm 5 лет назад +6

      I treat them like however they present themselves to me. If they want to whine about being really hungry or get angry, then I act like they're 5 years old and say "that doesnt sound like restaurant food talk to me". If they laugh and understand what they're doing, cool. If not, then enjoy cold cereal while I go to the next one. Also, what a dumb video.. the advice given always seems to be common sense to the gender it's not geared towards

    • @bvresplendor3169
      @bvresplendor3169 4 года назад +1

      @@f.s.2642 why? I dont wanna spend my money on some arrogant bitch

    • @skullvenomxo
      @skullvenomxo 4 года назад +1

      @@f.s.2642 Is she a child ?

  • @desireedewyse5006
    @desireedewyse5006 7 лет назад +1

    It was a pleasure meeting you at the CTRL Collective event. Thank you for the advice & reminder to always bring levity & fun to the conversation, even when the topic is heartfelt & somewhat serious. After closing the book on a 12 year relationship, the very thought of entering the dating scene is completely overwhelming. In my best disgruntled 2 year old spirit, I stomp my foot and assert: no, I don’t want to! I’ll work on that. :)
    I'm in the process of taking steps for my future by freezing my eggs so I don't feel the need to rush things and doing my research on spotting Peter Pan by reading ‘Attached.’ an effort to minimize time with Avoidant attachment style men.
    I am blessed to have a life I love, great family & wonderful friends... and again, thank you for the reminder that I am happily single until an amazing guy comes along who rocks my world, compliments and inspires me to new levels.
    I know the intent of the event was to build community...even though it didn't look as you had envisioned, rest assured, I met some lovely ladies that I'm looking forward to grabbing wine with in the near future. You and Jameson have a standing invite to our wine shenanigans.
    Any additional comments are greatly welcome.
    Cheers to a wonderful life (and the FedEx man delivering my hero to my doorstep in Peter Pan land ;)

    • @AnotherFancyUser
      @AnotherFancyUser 2 года назад +1

      If you see the world or men for that matter as peter pan (all of them, by saying peter pan land, I know what you mean, child men) then it will be difficult for you to find that person "who rocks my world". A man is another human being with problems, vices but also qualities, hopes and dreams.
      Try not to get caught in the paretto distribution, you will only meet players, unless that is what you want, which is also another way to stay peter pan, I know is difficult because women find more attractive those men (those who had the dark triad personality) specially on women who are still young or did not mature.
      As he said in another, the majority of normal men will try to talk to you at the best moment, and even if we approach we don't know what to say at the moment, don't be easy, but be easy in the beginning so you can give him a chance.

  • @EnterJustice
    @EnterJustice 4 года назад +6

    Keep your words sweet, put your impact in your actions instead.

  • @sarahrice2695
    @sarahrice2695 7 лет назад +1

    LOVE IT! I've recently started applying this and it gets real results! Whether the guy responds the way I want to, or I just move on without having invested my emotional energy, it's a win/win! No frustration, no lost time or energy....this is a huge life changer! Thanks!

  • @marksmith7258
    @marksmith7258 2 года назад +5

    I think this may promote not communicating well. I know you're saying to change your tone but at no point did you mention letting them know their behavior is not accepted. Men are not mind readers

  • @deborahl9216
    @deborahl9216 5 лет назад +1

    Matthew Hussey, you have to STOP being so good! You nailed this one on the head, my friend.

  • @swedishgirl2506
    @swedishgirl2506 7 лет назад +51

    Yeah, I get so annoyed with girls that whine about these guys, but are constantly in and out of a relationship with them.

    • @javiersanabria7513
      @javiersanabria7513 6 лет назад +3

      swedish girl exactly those are what my mom calls stupid little girls.

    • @atyomommashouse9881
      @atyomommashouse9881 6 лет назад

      Yeah but I'll bet those guys have ca$h or something else the girls really want. If a guy really is a loser with nothing to provide girls will cut him off for real and won't go back.

    • @clipz8688
      @clipz8688 6 лет назад

      swedish girl pReAcH gUrL!

    • @Fenar_
      @Fenar_ 6 лет назад

      Those guys bring excitement to the relationship, girls like the games sometimes.

    • @kujas
      @kujas 6 лет назад

      wow gurll your suppose to be helping your fellow woman not put them down. You sound very bitter, who hurt you?

  • @aleriveraflavia
    @aleriveraflavia 7 лет назад +1

    Matt, I thank you so much for always clearing the fog on what we should aim to work on, which is why I'd absolutely love it if you posted more videos about accountability systems. What do you do to stay on top of both your professional and your personal to-do lists? Do you have an agenda? Is it a paper one or a digital one? How do you keep yourself accountable to your goals? Would you mind expanding on your external system of organization and on your internal path to constant execution? I know that many of us would find it beneficial on our trek to build a life replete with value and grounded in confidence.