That pregnancy story.... If one of my friends gave birth on my couch I'd be doing whatever necessary to help them. I don't have a lot of extra money so replacing my couch wouldn't be something I could do quickly but... so what. I'll grab some pillows and sit on the floor until I can get a replacement. I'd be far more worried about my friend and the baby than a piece of furniture. Their lives and well being are far more valuable to me. Would it suck to be without a couch? Sure. But it would be far worse to me to be without that friend.
Yeah that's my thought too. I really don't understand ops "friend" cause if it were me I would say to not even worry about the couch unless they really want to contribute something but only if they bring it up
Same. I don't have money for a couch (I got mine now for a steal and it has a great frame, so I want to get it reupholstered instead of replaced) but the important part is the baby. Would I ask for help with paying for it to be cleaned/recovered? Probably but not right away and CERTAINLY I would be putting that baby first. Visiting at the hospital, offering baby watching while they caught up on self-care, cooking meals, etc would all come first. There'd be lots of jokes about it as well, calling my living room baby's first out-of-the-womb home, teasing the other aunties about being the favorite auntie, etc.
For the giving birth on the couch story, I believe there are comments or an edit from op clarifying that she and her wife intended to offer to pay for the couch, but they were overwhelmed with being new moms and hadn’t done it yet. Additionally, Ella was not kicked out of the house and forced to stand outside, she was just asked (along with everyone besides the nurse friend) to leave the room.
To be fair, even though I do think OP and partner should offer to have the couch cleaned or replaced, it’s perfectly understandable that it is not the first thing they think about. Giving birth is a huge deal, let alone a premature baby (even if not that much premature, 1-2 weeks are a lot for a newborn) and on a friend’s couch!! OP needs a few weeks to recover and heal, and then to settle into having a brand new baby. I am not at all surprised the couch wasn’t top of mind.
the comments on the second one were wild. did they think that op like. purposely had a baby at her friends' house to try and ruin her couch????? it hasn't even been a WEEK of her GIVING LITERAL BIRTH before ella's first interaction with her since was asking to pay for her sofa??? of course op didn't offer yet, she was busy taking care of her newborn that again, SHE HAD A WEEK AGO im getting as mad as shaaba, reddit comments are the worst
Fr I don't understand how people seriously think a couple of stains on a couch are that much of a big deal, that second comment was insane especially. The way some people's brains work make me wonder how they survived to adulthood ngl
For the first story, what puts it fully into YTA territory for me is that OP refuses to let their bf know they're adopting a new animal beforehand. It doesn't matter if the relationship was landlord/tenant, roommates, etc. You should still notify those you share space with if you're bringing in another pet.
Even if you are a registered cat or dog foster home, raise service animals before they enter their office training or you work at a shelter/rescue place where sometimes it’s necessary to being animals home for rehabilitation you at least say something before you show up and will usually have some idea of time frames. Did OP mention rehoming them or where they are finding these animals. Regardless telling your significant other it’s your home and they have no say tells you a lot about how much OP values and respects their partner.
It’s OP’s attitude of MY house. They don’t think they need to let the boyfriend know (not even discuss it, just let him know) because in OP’s opinion the boyfriend doesn’t have any claim to the living space and so no right to an opinion.
I don't think it is ok either but maybe OP used to share this information but stopped doing it because bf kept reacting badly. I think the fight they had in OP post is the result of a long time argument that has been festering for months and that is why they said what they said in a harsh way. Anyway I still think OP is not the drama : their bf knew what he was getting into, why on earth did he move in with a extreme rat lover/rescuer if he hates rodent ??
I dunno man, a rat is a really small addition to 22 other rescue pets. If you've already got even just 4 or 5 rats, another one isn't even going to be noticeable. Especially not to someone who doesn't like them and doesn't interact with them at all like the bf. Clearly, OP has the space, money, and time to care for them, so all power to them. The only part I take issue with is the attitude of "MY house cuz I pay for it" despite clearly understanding that their financial situations are very different and that bf has been living there for 2 years. That feels gross. And while bf is justified in becoming uncomfortable with the boundaries he initially agreed to, it seems like he went for a blow-up instead of a calm discussion. I'd say ESH.
Birth story: My home is my safe space. If I was the friend who had the apartment, I'd likely be a bit traumatized by the suddenness of the situation, the being asked to leave and not knowing if my friend was okay, and not even having my own home to retreat back into. I also know I'd have trouble finding somewhere else safe to go. But that's not the fault of the pregnant friend. Mother and baby's health are the priorities. I can see tentatively asking about the sofa. I can see long sessions with my therapist about it. I can even see a bit of distancing myself while I sort out my feelings. But blaming the mother? No. Ella isn't the drama for feeling some type of way, she's the drama for expressing it as "this was something you chose to do to me" and not "this scary situation we all went through affected me, too, and I might need a little time, but I'm happy you're all healthy".
In an edit or comment it mentions that Ella was only asked to leave the room, not her entire home, but yes, you put my feelings into words so well. Couldn't agree more
Ella wasn’t asked to leave the house though, only to leave the room. Together with the 3 other friends. And that is also a perfectly reasonable thing for both the medical staff and the person giving birth to ask. Even if it is Ella’s own house. This is an emergency situation and childbirth can also be very dangerous (something we often forget), and in this case there is the additional risk caused by it not being a clean environment (in terms of additional risk of infection, etc, not saying Ella’s house is dirty). Asking the majority of people to leave the room is perfectly reasonable. Not leave the house, just leave the room.
I feel like traumatized is very much the wrong word to use, having your friend suddenly go into labour and being asked to leave the room for a few hours is hardly going to give you PTSD. At the end of the day, the only real consequence is a couple of stains on a couch
In the unexpected birth story, I can see Ella being upset / disappointed in the moment about being kicked out of her own living room. In the moment. Definitely can't imagine holding onto it as a grudge once you've had time to think things through and calm down
I think the fact that she had previously asked OP if she could be in the delivery room with her and her wife explains that though. She might have expected OP to eventually change her tune on that or maybe would have been equally bitter if OP had delivered in a hospital and Ella wasn't let in the room. I actually wonder if this was OP-specific or if Ella had also asked Sarah (the other currently-pregnant friend) if she could be with Sarah when **she** delivers.
"Spooky season is over" NOT IN MY HOUSE ETA: In the first story, the boyfriend also says he doesn't really like rodents and... then why would you move in with someone who regularly rescues rodents? I can't help wondering if it was transactional for him - he would put up with the rodents so he didn't have to pay rent while he was in university & may not even really like OP that much
That is a possibility. Or the boyfriend was okay with 4-5 rodents at first, because he really liked OP and was okay to accept that, but not 23 of them. It also sounds like even though the rodents have their own apartment, OP brings them into the house regularly and carries them on their person, which might make OP uncomfortable. We’d need to know more about the relationship history and situation to know everyone’s true motives, but it does in any case sound like at this point in time OP and the boyfriend have serious differences and are probably not a good couple match (anymore).
The birth story: nta also if I was the child when they grow up in this scenario, once I'm able to I'd give my parents the money back (with inflation), but I'm a people pleaser so
So many of the comments for the second story were ignoring the actual issue Ella had with OP (according to the post)! It wasn't about the couch!! Ella was mad she wasn't allowed to be in the room while OP was giving birth. They're treating her like she's a victim when she's just mad she didn't get her way. You just know she wouldn't give a flying flip about the couch if they let her stay.
You don't know that, the couch could of been a close/precious item to here and if it had a big mess on it, anyone would be upset and she has right to be upset, but her reaction is silly and she shouldn't be billing OP so soon, or they could of shared the bill at least.
@@MysteriousMoth3000 possibly, but she **asked to be in the delivery room** with OP ages ago and the other friends said she was upset because she was made to leave the room. I think she's making it about the couch (because being upset about an expensive item of furniture is more reasonable) but it's actually about her wanting to be the first person to see OP's baby for some reason (in my opinion)
Story 1: Threatening someone's living situation (unless they're a danger to you or others) is terrible. The boyfriend will never feel safe/secure in this home again, because it's been made clear that he has no power there.
Completely agree. OP’s attitude towards the living situation is really crappy. I’d be so anxious if at any argument (and in my opinion this was not a super serious argument, although OP and the boyfriend might feel otherwise) my partner told me to leave. I’d not be surprised if the boyfriend is avoiding bringing up issues in the relationship because of this, which is a bad situation in any relationship if one person doesn’t feel able to voice their opinion and needs.
@@s.a.4358 I definitely get this impression. The fact that he just wanted a heads up about new animals before they arrived and then when it turned into a fight he mentioned that he also hates that OP carries the rodents around their house seems to me like he's been holding that in for a while because he's scared to say anything that might threaten his living situation. Edit to add: I forgot the "until he learns some damn respect" line!! OMG OP is so toxic!!!!!
I had my third baby very fast in an unexpected home birth. It is VERY messy. So I agree it's kind to offer to pay for the couch but honestly that friend sounds super entitled. You two nailed it with the main character call.
Here in the Netherlands pretty much every single person has liability insurance (aansprakelijkheidsverzekering - lovely long Dutch word!). It costs like only a few quid per month and it's for exactly those kinds of sofa situations: you accidentally damage something belonging to someone else? No big deal, just claim it from your insurance. This greatly reduces the drama in such situations. You just know you can say "hey, that damage you accidentally did, could you get your insurance to cover it please?" and they'll most likely respond "sure, no problem!"
My boyfriend walked into the room as I was at that part of the video, and we noticed the same thing. In German, it's "Haftpflichtversicherung," and though I haven't needed to use it, the ease of mind it gives is amazing. Absolute non issue if you live in a country that has it.
@@Sandrina42 Yeah, same, I have it, but never claimed anything. It really is a peace of mind thing and that's also why it's so dirt cheap, because hardly anybody ever claims anything. :)
In the US, there's a decent likelihood that Ella's home insurance would cover replacing the couch (or at least part of the cost) since it was damaged in a medical emergency that occurred within her property.
I feel for OP in the last story (FWB); but what they're missing is that they were already given the opportunity to be friends with the guy after he ended the With Benefits part. He came to them *as a friend* while having a hard time with his divorce, and OP was unable to be that by putting their own romantic feelings ahead of his feelings of grief/etc, and then bringing it up again in a work context. Leave him be, OP ❤
I feel for OP in the last story. I've been on the other side of it where a friend confessed his feelings for me. I did not reciprocate and in his desperation to maintain friendship with me, drove me further away. Someone explained to him that he needed to give me space which he did. After about a year, we talked it out and slowly rebuilt our friendship. He's now one of the very few people I've kept in touch with from college. There's no guarantee OP will be able to reconnect with their friend but I hope they learn more about their self through this and grow from it.
I love seeing the different reactions from Jamie & Shaaba. Like Jamie's all chill and silent fuming while Shaaba's wildly gesturing and declaring war on all injustice, I just love yall's energy
i think in the second story (baby birth on the sofa) the point wasn't really the sofa. op said they are perfectly fine paying for it, what bothered them was that the friend sent the bill without any other comment or acknowledgement, which seemed cold and rude. then they found out that the friend was mad that she couldn't be in the room while op was giving birth (apparently she had asked before to be there in the hospital). i think it's more about that, the friend isn't mainly pissed about the couch, but that she was sent out. which imo is completely unreasonable of her
I am just as angry as Shaaba right now about that second story. I can't believe the commenters are acting that way. This is giving the same energy as people who call pregnant women "unreasonable" or mistrust their emotions just because they're pregnant. It feels kind of like a product of misogyny and not listening to women/pregnant women. People just don't respect how big of an ordeal that is.
I’m definitely a “please give me a warning” person when it comes to visitors lol. I’m such an anxious train wreck that I will be mentally reeling for days after a sudden visitor thinking about the things that were on the table or the dishes in the sink or the fact that the floor wasn’t swept or something
I'm an extreme introvert, and having someone in my home without at least a few days to mentally prepare, much less prepare the home via cleaning, is suuuuper stressful. My hubby had a friend for awhile that would just randomly come with him on hubby's way home from work a couple days a week and it always got my back up. This friend was also the type to not allow me to just hide in the bedroom, even with a good excuse ("I'm paying the bills and need some quiet") so it came to a point where I had to tell hubby that I'd really rather they do these sudden meetups elsewhere. (In case you're worried- They kinda fell apart on their own before hubby actually had to implement that rule with said friend; I wasn't the reason they don't talk anymore.) But having someone just randomly drop in without so much as a phone call first??? It had better be a world-shattered, life-destroyed kind of emergency, or I'm not answering the fekkin door!
36 weeks is early, that baby definitely spent time in NICU. My nephew was born at 36 weeks and the nurses didn’t even realise my sister was in active labour; when she finally got checked out she had to go straight to delivery and my BIL nearly missed it because they sent him home. With her 3rd my sister slept through labour and my niece was nearly born in the car. Pregnancy and labour are weird, unpredictable and potentially dangerous. They should just be happy that Mum & baby are safe and well.
Replacement for a sofa covered in amniotic fluid: $700 Designer towels, now also covered in amniotic fluid: $200 Ambulance bill: $3000 Knowing your friends is safe and ok after unexpectedly giving birth to a child: *Priceless*
I somewhat get the first OP, since I'm also very much my house, my money, my rules kind of a person. The difference is that I live alone and plan to continue doing so. I'd say it's a terrible idea to share your living-space, if you aren't ready to make compromises. The comment about her boyfriend being one of the rescues does sound a bit true. I wonder what she would do if one of her pets clearly couldn't handle living with so many other animals? "Learn to appreciate my help or try your luck on the streets"?
Seems like they keep rodents which are EXTREMELY social.... plus it sounds like she has a separate house for them and only has them on shoulder for bonding time. Plus it's not like their loose these pets have enclosures when not supervised bonding time
Emergency vet here, and story 1 is hoarder territory. As lovely as it sounds that OP is able to rescue and possibly care for the pets, unless they're ALL rats (or birds), it's just not sufficient care. I have more horror stories about people with a saviour complex than from the average person that is ignorant of their pet's needs. Housing rats with a resp infection together is also the best way for the infection to spread. It's not a healthy mindset, it's not healthy for the pets, and it's not something you can do on your own. Fostering? Sure. Volunteering? Even better. Adopting seniors with comorbidities that will undoubtedly need more care than just a feed-walk-clean litter? Strong no in my opinion. That being said, ESH. OP's bf knew about the rescuing - if they weren't helping with what's a HUGE part of OP's life, then are they even compatible? [P.S. Multi cat households, i.e., >4-5 cats, are usually a disaster unless the house is HUGE and each cat has designated safe spaces. The old couple also sound like they're moving into unhealthy adoption territory. :( Good intentions, possibly questionable execution.]
Yup, having 'good intentions' absolutely shouldn't matter if someone is still keeping a ton of pets in a space too small for them and/or does not have the resources actually needed. It's still not always good enough care, even if someone's keeping animals better than the hell they came from
You're jumping to conclusions here. We don't know how big the house is, how big the animals are, or how much space they each have. We don't know if they have space to run around outside at all (if it's safe for them to do so). And OP never said they stuck the new rat into the cage with the rest before treating the illness. As far as we know, OP lives in a giant mansion, and their "granny house" is the size of a typical upper-middle class home. They might very well have the amount of space necessary for 23 pets to live comfortably, especially if most of them are smaller sized ones like the rat in question. And they might very well have a quarantine set up for new arrivals to clear any diseases before they join the rest. I have definitely met people with the "savior complex" you speak of; I'm not denying that MAY be the case. But you're assuming it IS the case when we have no evidence other than a total number of rescue pets and the knowledge that one is a rat.
I will say that I need to know the context of what they mean by “23rd rescue”. Do they mean over a span of time or that they currently have 23 animals? With rats especially, where you should always have more than 1 and with a lifespan of 2-3 years. Over 5 years you could easily rescue 23 (adults, especially if sickly to begin with) while never having more than 3-5 at a time. Also, considering that a good cage can comfortably fit about 9 and feel luxurious having more than 5 rats at a time is common. Personally, I love rats but the way I bond with animals is that I like to know each one’s personality and have a closer bond so having more than 4-5 at a time is not for me. The most I’ve had at a time was 4 but that was for a short time my first rat was over 2 when I got my 3 new rats. I usually try to get 3 at a time so that the younger ones don’t bother the older ones too much with their boundless energy (they have a friend their own age coming in with them).
As someone who was in hospital for just over a month to try and keep my little impatient lady in, she decided to take matters into her own hands at just a couple days before 36 weeks 😅 she was officially premature but 36 weeks + is basically officially the "safe" zone. Still premature kinda but mine didn't even need nicu! And as someone who's had a nightmare post birth mostly due to post birth exhaustion, absolutely NTA and ffs just chill about the couch, i agree 100% with Shabba, wait for op to suggest first and maybe bring it up gently and tactfully later if op doesn't mention it herself and ideally split costs if possible.
Yeah, I was wondering why nobody even considered how terrified she must have been not just going into labor unexpectedly but also pre term. It is, like you said, generally safe but there can still be complications. I'd be terrified honestly.
Story 1. Knowing that rats don't live more than 2 years. If this is her 23rd rescue. It doesn't necessarily mean she has 23 rats at the moment. She stated that she mainly adopts older and neglected rats.
For the first story, OP is TA. OP continually calls it only OP's house. It doesn't matter if OP is the one that owns it. If you're living with a partner, it's now your JOINT home, not just yours. Between that and them being on such different pages with the pets, they need to break up, because they're not compatible and neither are respecting each other.
A granny flat is also known as a Casita or mother-in-law suite in the States. It's sometimes attached to the main house, but with a separate entrance, or a small separated place (like a 1B 1 BR with a kitchenette and additional room) like a studio layout or tiny house setup.
Having the baby on the couch is not dramatic it's traumatic! My cousin's water broke and they immediately headed for the hospital. Her husband had to pull over and by the time he got out of the car and around it the baby was already in her pajama pants. The baby's birth certificate has the address of a bank because the baby was essentially born in the parking lot. Now I understand a couch is an investment, and handing somebody a bill is a bit outrageous. If nothing else, I would simply say something about we have to get the couch cleaned, allowing the opening for the conversation and giving OP the chance to say give me the bill when you get it, and if that doesn't work we can go from there. I'm raging right along with you Shabba!
It would be especially traumatic to have a preterm baby unexpectedly like OP did. 36 weeks is generally considered safe but still preterm and still comes with risks. It would be scary enough unexpectedly giving birth in someone else's home but to do so before 38 weeks I'd be freaking out.
@@shirleymarie2288 agreed. 1-2 weeks is a lot for a soon to be born or newborn baby. And giving birth on a couch, when one is not expecting it, is scary. It is great to hear that everything went well and both mom and baby are healthy, but mentally OP also needs to get over the stress and shock of how the birth happened. I also don’t get why Ella wants to be present at the birth. Not even talking about the body fluids, bloods, etc but I would get so anxious seeing a friend go through the pain and discomfort of childbirth, while being unable to assist. The one friend staying makes sense, her role is to have her hand crushed and say encouraging things, but I wouldn’t want to just stand there watching and not able to assist in any way.
I have 2 cats, 2 snakes, 8 tarantulas, and 3 colonies of isopods. I keep everyone on a schedule through an app and check on every non cat 2-4x a day. Cats get more obvious attention and my snakes chill with me when I do maintenance on their enclosures. I can't imagine doubling that work as I already have a tight schedule with the few I have. I see people with 300+ Ts and I can't fathom how they have space and time for them. 🕷💖
Rat mama here. It sounds like he has more of an issue with the "rodents" than the plethora of animals. The big thing that's not being talked about so much, is that the animals have their own house. Rodents get free range time or maybe on their mamas shoulders, but it's not like there are animals traipsing about the joint. (Maybe I'm wrong). I have a feeling if she had a puppy ir kitten that she carried around the house with her, it woulda taken a few more years for it to get to this point. If they're running about the house, I would side with his frustration, but if they're out in their own home, it's the same as a man cave, a workshop, a workout room, etc etc etc. And in this latter situation, it sounds like he needed to communicate clearr that the rodents made him feel uneasy and if maybe she could bring them in the house around him less. They don't communicate.
For the pregnant story: it's so mind boggling to me that Ella would be angry at OP for literally any reason. And the paraphrasing commentor is the biggest drama in that whole post lol Imagine OP had an accident where they got hurt (god forbid), and the couch was ruined with blood... After the situation happened, and the emergency was called and all that, I would be more focused on if my friend is healing and resting rather than if they offered to pay me immediately after. Giving birth also requires a recovery process, and add to that she's now also has a premature baby to take care of... I would give OP a few weeks before someone else's couch crosses their mind ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I have no opinion on the first story other than, as a rat owner who often does rescues and sees the conditions rats can be subjected to, I really appreciate that person for rescuing that poor thing. I hope the rat is doing well!
Just popping in as an owner of two rescued domestic rabbits, rabbits should ALWAYS live indoors regardless of the time of day or season. It's a huge misconception that rabbits are okay to live outside as living outside poses a lot of threats to a domestic rabbits health and safety and significantly reduces their life expectancy. There is also a lot of misinformation about the type of housing that rabbits require, most people think rabbits should be kept in cages or hutches but they actually thrive when they're able to free roam inside houses just like dogs and cats would provided that they are litterbox trained.
My dad was the type of person who took "our doors are always open:)" completely and 100% literally. It could be years later, and if someone once told him he's always welcome, or they'd be there for him, if he needs to he will be there. Zero warning. Fascinating man, love him dearly
The first story definitely gives financial abuse vibes. Like from a conversation to get out of our house is quite extreme. And it does feel abit like "my way or the highway" kind of thing.
Shaaba talking about Asian families and the Open Door Policy? Felt very seen. Appointments? We don’t know her. Also, the word ‘atithi’ (‘guest’ in some Indian languages) means someone who doesn’t consult a timeframe (lunar cycles) to visit someone.
it's funny bc im asian and we're the complete opposites, at least in modern times (our grandparents definitely visited each other without a heads up lol) it's just polite to ask before visiting someone
For the couch replacement discussion, i think it's also worth noting that if it is a money issue, reupholstering the couch can be a cheaper way of repairing the damages
First story, to me, OP is not the drama until they lash out, at which point, ESH. It sounds like rescuing unwanted animals is very much OP's primary motivation, and BF knew this. Given that rats live about 3 years, and OP tends to adopt older animals, it's pretty likely that there is a fairly high turnover, with OP effectively providing a hospice for these animals. Especially with boyfriend saying "I'm sick of the rodents" and acting as though these animals are disgusting, he would not be the drama if he was saying he couldn't take it and would leave, but saying OP needs to abandon her life's purpose so he can stay is full drama. That is not how adult relationships work. OP then holding his dependency over him makes them a massive drama, too, but boyfriend is definitely not sounding reasonable.
1st one-- Ytd. The "I'll do what I want" clinched it for me. No matter how "pure" your animal rescuing intentions, there are now 2 of you in this situation. Also, you have a savior complex. Join a rescue organization and become part of their fostering program. Otherwise you're a hoarder. Let the animals who are healthy (as that rat will be) get their own families and their own attention. Also, is this your first rat, since bf seems particularly triggered by this one. OP's bf, run a mile. They are q hoarder and are acting a parent. From their wording, they look on you as an accessory and a free-loader.
I agree with the saviour complex, something about the way OP kept patting themselves on the back for being SO good gave me the ick. Like yeah rescuing animals is cool, but that doesn't mean you get to disrespect your partner.
I foster for a shelter, and it is a wonderful experience. Plus, I can help more animals than I could with adopting (though I do have one dog). But if anyone ever said they couldn't deal with that, then I can't deal with them. I will always put animals ahead of any relationship. Some people aren't compatible, and they simply need to admit that.
My sister got a cat years ago that had had a bad life as a female cat, and she kept if my brother-in-law would leave his clothes on the floor or something she would pee on them. My brother-in-law nicknamed her princess Pee Pee lol. Once the cat got used to the place and my brother-in-law stopped and leaving his clothes on the floor, she stopped it.
I think with the birth story, if I were in that situation I'd contact the partner pretty soon after, offer congratulations and support then say "I'm sorry to do this but at some point in the future would it be possible to discuss financial contribution to a new sofa/cleaning options with you guys? Not now. At a future date. For now, you guys concentrate and get yourselves settled and enjoy the newborness, getting sleep where you can. You got this!" so you're letting them know it's something you need/want but it's not a priority.
My mom's labour (both times I believe) were 40 minutes to an hour. Imagine thinking labour only lasts 2-12 hours and that you know better than the EMTs. If the person birthing were able to be moved without disturbing her and her baby the EMTs would've done so.
A detail bugging me about the first one is OP talking like she expected rent from her boyfriend. She makes it sound like there's nothing at all he's bringing to their lives besides money, like capacity for unconditional love or enjoys the chores. It's as if he's a stray man and not her partner. But worse, it makes me feel icky cuz it sounds like OP just hates poor people (he's paying for school with his earnings) she's more than just the drama, but what she really is is a word that violates community guidelines 😂
Yup, the comment about the boyfriend being one of OP’s rescues made me laugh because I also had that feeling. OP sounds like they do not consider the boyfriend an equal at all and also doesn’t value them as a partner.
OP said she hires a maid, so... presumably, bf really isn't doing any household chores. I agree that her attitude towards him seems kinda gross, but saying she "just hates poor people" is definitely jumping to conclusions.
@@animeartist888 having someone come in to clean once per week is not going to reduce all chores. It helps to keep the house clean, of course, but things like bathrooms and kitchens need to be cleaned more than once a week, there is cooking, taking out the trash, doing laundry, etc.
The pregnancy story the friend seems unhinged she didn't seem to have a problem with op popping the baby out on her sofa until she was asked to leave the room. As someone that's had a baby I wouldn't want my whole friendship group seeing my goodies at the worst time it's been through. And the ppl in the comments didn't seem to read the post or know child birth, when the bab decides to come there is no stopping it xx
#1 YTA. Just because OP has a lot of money, making it a "my money, my house, my rules" is no healthy couple's life, it's toxic, and it's telling the partner that they aren't equals in the relationship. #2 WTAF and that comment was 100% Ella #3 I feel for OP but... YTD. Agree with Shaaba and Jamie fully.
On the first story, i think something that is interesting is that both parties immediately went to the extreme without being willing to compromise. We don't have any indication that the boyfriend has ever expressed any issues with the current arrangement before exploding like this. If he didn't bring it up before, then his reaction sounds like he bottled until he couldn't be respectful about it, but it could be they have had these convos but op didn't mention it. That could have avoided the ugly blowout by compromising earlier. If the boyfriend has a problem with rodents specifically, that could have agreed that OP would stick to non-rodents, or wouldn't carry them around on their shoulder when boyfriend was home, maybe the rodents could all be in the second house so boyfriend didn't need to be around them, maybe OP kept the rodents they already have but didn't get more after they passed, etc. While I think it's totally fair for OP to have the rescuing as a non-negotiable, i do think they should have been selling to compromise on details of how that rescuing happened, and then if a compromise still couldn't be reached they could go their separate ways. I also think it was wrong of the boyfriend to have given the first ultimatum that their partner wasn't allowed to adopt another pet or he'd break up with them, especially since this is the first time it's been discussed at all as far as we know
1st one- I don't care how long you know someone. Obsessions like 'rescuing pets" can get worse. OP's level of disrespect for her partner, not even considering compromise, shows some serious psychological issues.
I don't think with the last story that they should contact him at all in the future. He's made it perfectly clear he doesn't want her in his life either as a relationship, for sex or friendship. It's done. She should leave him alone.
@@snake.haired The "Eventually" is kind of important here. OP wasn't dropping it, the guy might have felt worn down or awkward being direct and so worded it this way, but hopes OP will just take a hint and leave it.
Peach Reddit Story: YTA. With love, you are not actually taking his feelings or even your own feelings into account. You are bargaining with him for less than the connection you actually want, to avoid the discomfort of rejection. You are going through the stages of grief which is valid, but you need to accept that M is no longer a part of that process. It's totally okay to not be over your feelings toward M, but you can't expect him to deal with your feelings for you or participate in a relationship that he does not want. Your feelings are yours to process and he's not the one to help you right now. I'm sensing a fear of starting over, like you won't find someone else to feel this way about, or someone who will want the same level of connection that you do. But you can. Heal and move forward on your own journey, and don't settle for less than what you want and need just because you're afraid to hold out for it.
First story (op is the ah but here's some context on the number of animals - assuming they are all rats) If she has 23 rats, that isn't actually an unusually large number. I myself have 10 in a group who live comfortably in one large cage. It is not the same as 23 dogs etc. rats thrive in groups and with that many I would expect she has a group of males and a separate group of females. 11/ 12 per group is very very normal particularly for more experienced keepers. As for them sitting on her shoulder. Well that's just rats, if you're handling them they WILL gravitate to your shoulder 😂 and if you've got a hood, well that's their new favourite sleeping spot so tough luck! That being said, her reaction is poor and definitely makes her the ah. But if he isn't a fan of rats, then it's not going to last anyway. Rat people don't function without our tiny besties.
39:25 my aunt accidnetly had my cousin in her bed (literally brand new mattress and sheets and carpet ruined), and I can confirm that the financial portion of this is why the friend is mad. It was a literal nightmare for my aunt and her ex to have to deal with the unexpected cost that came with my cousin’s birth, along with being new parents especially sense they lived in a rental home. I think this entire friend group just needs to help out both the friend who had the baby and the friend with the couch because their besties are both having a really stressful and sudden event happen and deserve support.
From the title I expected a story like those on the show “I didn’t know I was pregnant” (s/o to Mama Doctor Jones who does reactions to these episodes!! They’re wild😂). What a letdown, lol. Anyway she’s NTA 1000%. You can’t plan when your body naturally goes into labor (not counting c-sections) and some births are hella fast!! Congrats on your little squish, and Jamie’s right the “friend” has massive MCS.
3rd-- YTD. He is in the middle of a divorce (3 weeks??). The legal side (splitting assets etc) might still be going on and starting a new relationship now is not a good idea. Friend's emotions are all over the place and he's probably exhausted. Also, OP doesn't want to become a reason for him to lose more. And frankly, OP was being tacky and a little desperate and gross. It was like she pounced the moment he was "free" completely ignoring his feelings. It probably came across as gleeful.
With the pregnancy story I had heard it from another podcast but didn’t like their viewpoint on it. I agree with how you guys reacted and I’m glad as most of the stuff you do I have very similar viewpoints with. Thank you for this. I definitely thought i was being weird about it as I thought that Ella seemed rude to have the first form of contact to be the bill for the sofa. And not even to just check up on her “friend”.
Pregnancy story. A pregnant friend can ruin my couch for a squish. Im fine with that. I ahve had one kid in the back of a car and one in a helicopter becasue i didnt have time from forst pain to delivery. Stay safe mommas!!!!!
2:29 there are close friends that are pseudo family, they can turn up whenever and if I'm not ready they know they can make themselves a cuppa and relax for a bit. One or two of them even have a house key for if we're out.
One of my favorite memories of a former friend was an unexpected visit. Her dad worked all over the state and had a tendency to drop by after a job sometimes to grab a beer or a snack and chat with my parents. Occasionally he'd have my friend with him. One day I was taking a shower when my best friend, without warning, just walks into the bathroom and starts talking to me like I'm not totally naked and indisposed. Granted, there was a shower curtain, but it was still very surreal. That's when I knew we were really close lol.
Several others countries have a version of Thanksgiving. Most are obviously based on their own historical events, but at least Brazil I believe was inspired by American traditions rather than a specific event or belief.
I feel super uncomfortable around pregnant people, babies, and would feel extremely put off if someone gave birth on my couch... I still wouldn't have acted like that. Even if I had a super nice couch, if it was a good friend of mine, I would just gently say something to the effect of "hey, just so you know, my couch was kind of ruined. If at all possible, I would greatly appreciate your assistance in a replacement/deep cleaning in the future. But no pressure, it would just be really helpful."
I wish we knew what all the 23 animals are cause if theyre all rodents, that feels waaaaay different than bigger animals. Especially cause rodents generally dont live that long compared to other pets. Like fish? 23 fish happens so easily.
I don't care who the person is. No one is allowed to come to my home unannounced. If I'm expecting you and you're more than 5 minutes early, you're also not coming in. The only exception is Halloween, but then, I'm expecting people to just show up.
I've been a cat rescuer for decades. Top number of fosters had been 40, very short-term! However, average over 6yrs time was 25. I'm now at 8 cuz i cant financially support more. Its her passion. If he cant theyre not meant to be. Not the drama.
Love her but my mother is a prime example of "drops in with no warning." Even texting or calling before she heads over would be nice; she usually calls when she's almost here and then asks, "can I stop by?" Most other people either don't need to come up, or give more notice. My husband has borderline anxieties about people seeing our place when it's not straightened up, yet rarely puts the effort in to keep it neat. He'd rather turn into a cleaning tornado and clean more in 2 hours than the months beforehand.
When I was in high school, we had 97 birds, from finches and button quail to parrots and cockatoos, in a 3 br apartment (US). The bigger birds were in one of the bedrooms (then I had one and mom the third) and the little ones in a custom aviary on the porch (the size of the balcony above) with a storage room containing roosting boxes attached. It was….interesting.
@ Most of them were the little guys…largest ones outside were the cockatiels and one Roseolla (sp?) parrot who didn’t do as well inside. She wasn’t big though, still little. Then in that bedroom we took the doors off the closet for more room, laid linoleum down over the carpet (not attached, just a covering to keep the carpet decent) and ringed the room with large single or double cages. The pairs were mostly in the closet side. Most of it was my mom wanting to breed and sell some, but that didn’t work out really. And then we each had some pet ones that were hand-raised. My two were a blue-fronted Amazon named Misha (because he would trip over his feet on a table as a baby, so I figured he needed something graceful and named him after Baryshnikov) and a bare-eyed cockatoo named Widget after the sound she made. It was the late 80s in southern CA, and yes, the apartments knew - at least about the outside ones. The neighbors loved them so no one complained so they didn’t tell us we couldn’t. Nothing was attached to the building and the doors were easily reattached when we left.
what is up with all the comments on the pregnancy story?? it really feels like they saw OP was very apologetic and already blaming herself a lot, so they had an opportunity to dogpile without consequences, im shocked
2nd-- NTD. Ella totally is. If she had called or visited, her sending the bill wouldn't be that bad. Also, discussing this face to face would be preferable to sending a bill. The bill being the only communication? No, OP. Not the drama. You were within the "likelihood zone," and maybe should have thought about that (if you didn't). But just like women not being able to hold in periods, once the baby's coming, it's coming. It is Ella's house, but she is not entitled to stay. The place is unsanitary as it is.
Animal rescue is great, but that is not how we treat our S.O. My in-laws have more than 60 animals- a lot of cleaning and money and time, my hubby and SiL have grown up resenting it- missing out on time with parents, holidays (can't leave them for more than 1 night), issues with money, reluctant to have any pets.
The giving birth story is a great example of privilege. What I mean by that is, if I feel we are going ok financially I would not even think about asking my friend to pay for the couch or to clean it. But when finances are tight and living paycheck to paycheck money is unfortunately a big factor. I know for my family right now we couldn't afford a new couch or to have our couch professionally cleaned and it would cause me great stress. It's easy to be generous when you don't have financial stress. For many people, buying a new couch would be impossible so it would be a huge deal for them. In saying that, I don't at all agree with the friend's sense of entitlement to watch the birth, or how she is now ignoring her friend! Just wanted to make the point that sometimes it's really a privilege to be able to be generous.
Interesting thought…The lady having a baby on her friends couch… Was she mad because she doesn’t like the wife (The friend: "We were friends first") and since the wife was gone, she could “HA HA” on the wife and say, “I GOT TO BE THERE HOLDING HER HAND…SORRY FOR YOU”… ORRR, The friend wants to actually be the wife instead? 🧐🤔... It's just interesting that the friend seemed to be more mad about the fact she was told to wait outside... I know everybody is caught up with the sofa, but one of the first things she got mad at was being told to wait outside and she didn't want to because she wanted to be there. 🤔... IDK, Just an interesting observation.
My wife and i have 16 (soon to be 18) pets all with differing needs. Im the one that wants to collect all the pets in need while my wife has more concerns and restrictions. As a couple we work together to decide what is feasible for our family and what isnt and that has been the case over the course of our whole almost 7 year marriage regardless of which of us was financially supporting us at the time.
i completely agree agree that the owner of the couch was the drama, however, if i was the owner of the couch, i wouldn't be able to buy a new couch due to my low income and a couch is pretty integral to my lifestyle so i would have to reach out to my friend and ask them to pay for it relatively quickly, of course i would do it kindly but i disagree with "sort it out yourself and then ask them in a few months" because a lot of people aren't in the position to do that and "sitting on the floor" is not a viable option despite what some of the comments say, especially if it's a family home
Story 1: even though she means well, I personally don't think she's going to be able to give all the pets the time and attention that they need. I have rats and they have cage mates, but they also want and need a lot of my attention and time, especially getting time out to play and explore. I had nine and the only reason they got enough attention was because they were shared with my mom
I just really enjoy watching you 2 discusing the stories when you get different badges. My partner and I can get to common ground, but we are too chaotic and passionate when we comunicate 😂 Love the sinergy between you two. Hugs from Chile 💜💜💜
These videos/podcast episodes are so helpful!! I found myself in a tricky situation not too long ago, and was able to step back and think "if this were an AITA post, what advice would Shaaba and Jamie give me?" And I was able to to help myself!
3rd story: I can understand where OP is coming from but it’s clear that boundaries have been crossed. I’ve been the clingy person before and it is a tough place to be. I offer respect and support for OP because navigating these feelings may take time. My advice is to try to focus on personal activities/things you like to do or make you happy whenever thoughts and feelings about the former friend come up so that you don’t feel a spiral of emotions. And try to remember that your feelings of attraction aren’t wrong, but the choices you make because of those feelings have consequences.
"The partner is one of the rescues" its true. My aunt was one of these kinds of people, they need the adoration/something to be praised for. It is also common for animal hoarders to downplay how disgusting their living conditions actually are and playing up how angelic they are for rescuing these poor unfortunate creatures. Part of why OP is so mad is because their partner isnt praising their "noble deeds".
Maybe I am too much like OP #1 and I would live her life if I could, but someone telling me I couldn't I would probably choose the animals. Especially if most animals were outside and out of his space. Other than when she brings one in for socializing. I think OP crossed the line at instant get out, but I would probably break up with him and give him a month to find a place if he needs it. I agree with ESH.
Ok, so with the last one, I do find myself identifying with OP and remembering that I was sort of that awkward way in my late teens and early twenties. I fell hard for someone I was just supposed to have a casual thing with, and then got a bit pushy because I didn't want to lose the person and it just got very awkward. I don't know how common that is for someone that young, or if maybe some of us are just more awkward than others, but I do hope that OP is able to grow from this and that things get less awkward between OP and M. However, if nothing is salvageable from this, I hope OP realizes that it doesn't make them a bad person, that sometimes these things happen, and I hope that OP is kinder to themself over this than it seems they have been.
In the US, students have two types of loans: subsidized and unsubsidized. Subsidized loans are part of government financial aid, so not everyone gets them and the amount is very limited. Interest is paid off my the government while you are a full time student, and interest begins accruing after you graduate. Unsubsidized loans, government or private, accrue interest while you are in school, so by the time you graduate you are in more debt than the amount you actually took out. The only difference between this and any other loan is that you are not required to make payments until an agreed amount of time, usually a few months, after you graduate. So no, you don't have to start paying off debt in school, but it is recommended to pay off at least the interest every month because it is usually compounding (the interest of one month is taxed in the next). This ensures you are in a slightly more manageable amount of debt out of school. For example, I took out a total of ~$80,000 for undergrad and paid off my interest every month with money from a part time job. By the time I graduated, I had put a lot of money into the loan so I only owed the $80,000 I borrowed in the first place.
First story. I’m super biased as I’m that rescue person in the relationship. I have no expectation that my partner will parent the animals. Having a cleaner can definitely make a difference with that many pets too. Sounds like the partner is resenting how much attention the pets are getting. I would say OP is the drama for blowing up but I don’t like that the bf gave an ultimatum. It just sounds like they’re not compatible
Well, I don't have any personal experience with pregnancy and childbirth, but if I learned anything from family comedies from the 2000s it's that the baby inevitably comes at the most inopportune time and completely throws all of everyone's plans into disarray, so I guess if all that happens to you from having a pregnant friend is that your couch got messed up, then you got off pretty easily.
Regarding the last story. OP is the drama but its a situation where they need to give them time, the other person is going through a divorce and a lot of stuff going on but give them time and space, there's still a possibility of friendship or even a romantic relationship or something in the future if the other person feels more ready for it but the main thing is to give them space and most importantly respect their feelings as well instead of pushing for something they don't want as much as you do
Honestly with them going through a divorce they probably are in the position they're in need of OP to just be there for them as a friend not more but they realise OP wants more but they can't handle that right now with everything with the divorce
Oof the birth story!! I think it’s totally normally and valid for Ella to have FEELINGS about being asked to leave her house, her couch and possibly other things being wrecked. However the perspective is missing, in life surprises and accidents happen. People die unexpectedly on couches, people are born unexpectedly on couches. Vent your feelings to a good friend or therapist, accept that they do not belong at the new mummies’ door and that’s that. I do find it slightly odd that OP didn’t think to offer to cover the couch cleaning/replacement preemptively I think for that point though we need more info as to the time lapse between the birth and the friend’s weird “invoice”. If it was a week, it’s understandable new mums were still in it. If like 3 months, I think it a little crappy not to have reached out and offered something as a solution themselves. If I had some kind of bio event (vomiting, diarrhea, etc) that wrecked a friend’s couch, even if I were in the hospital - assuming I was conscious I’d be mortified and I’d ask my partner to make it super clear we’d reimburse whatever was needed for their cleanup/replacement. If I weren’t conscious, I’n pretty sure my partner would offer of their own accord anyway. To me it’s an ESH where OP is only a bit of the drama, their friend is definitely way way worse but I wouldn’t have waited for a bill.
I feel like everyone sucks in the first story. it's weird OP adopts the animals without letting their partner know beforehand. Like it doesn't need to be asking for permission, it just needs to be a "btw im getting a new rat this weekend babe" and not a "lol so i got a new rat." You just need to let your partner know that sort of stuff? However, not only did the boyfriend move in with OP, but after two years he suddenly blew up at OP and it doesn't sound like he had previously voiced his issues. Like he just let it all build up and then exploded and also gave OP an ultimatum, which is just unhealthy and unreasonable. He knew what he was getting himself into. They just aren't compatible with each other at all.
The last one reminds me of a similar situation between me (F) and a FWB (M). Let's call him P. I started the FWB situation and started eventually getting stronger feelings for him. When he noticed that he ended that situation for my good. I was somewhat upset but I did and do not blame him. I did give him his space. He's a decent guy, but because of him ending that situationship, I eventually met my partner, who I love very much and been with for about a decade! I wish P all the best and hope he is content and happy
That pregnancy story....
If one of my friends gave birth on my couch I'd be doing whatever necessary to help them. I don't have a lot of extra money so replacing my couch wouldn't be something I could do quickly but... so what. I'll grab some pillows and sit on the floor until I can get a replacement. I'd be far more worried about my friend and the baby than a piece of furniture. Their lives and well being are far more valuable to me.
Would it suck to be without a couch? Sure. But it would be far worse to me to be without that friend.
Yeah that's my thought too. I really don't understand ops "friend" cause if it were me I would say to not even worry about the couch unless they really want to contribute something but only if they bring it up
Same. I don't have money for a couch (I got mine now for a steal and it has a great frame, so I want to get it reupholstered instead of replaced) but the important part is the baby. Would I ask for help with paying for it to be cleaned/recovered? Probably but not right away and CERTAINLY I would be putting that baby first. Visiting at the hospital, offering baby watching while they caught up on self-care, cooking meals, etc would all come first. There'd be lots of jokes about it as well, calling my living room baby's first out-of-the-womb home, teasing the other aunties about being the favorite auntie, etc.
For the giving birth on the couch story, I believe there are comments or an edit from op clarifying that she and her wife intended to offer to pay for the couch, but they were overwhelmed with being new moms and hadn’t done it yet. Additionally, Ella was not kicked out of the house and forced to stand outside, she was just asked (along with everyone besides the nurse friend) to leave the room.
To be fair, even though I do think OP and partner should offer to have the couch cleaned or replaced, it’s perfectly understandable that it is not the first thing they think about. Giving birth is a huge deal, let alone a premature baby (even if not that much premature, 1-2 weeks are a lot for a newborn) and on a friend’s couch!! OP needs a few weeks to recover and heal, and then to settle into having a brand new baby. I am not at all surprised the couch wasn’t top of mind.
the comments on the second one were wild. did they think that op like. purposely had a baby at her friends' house to try and ruin her couch????? it hasn't even been a WEEK of her GIVING LITERAL BIRTH before ella's first interaction with her since was asking to pay for her sofa??? of course op didn't offer yet, she was busy taking care of her newborn that again, SHE HAD A WEEK AGO
im getting as mad as shaaba, reddit comments are the worst
I feel neutral about children, but those comments were a whole other thing. Shocked.
Fr I don't understand how people seriously think a couple of stains on a couch are that much of a big deal, that second comment was insane especially. The way some people's brains work make me wonder how they survived to adulthood ngl
For the first story, what puts it fully into YTA territory for me is that OP refuses to let their bf know they're adopting a new animal beforehand. It doesn't matter if the relationship was landlord/tenant, roommates, etc. You should still notify those you share space with if you're bringing in another pet.
Even if you are a registered cat or dog foster home, raise service animals before they enter their office training or you work at a shelter/rescue place where sometimes it’s necessary to being animals home for rehabilitation you at least say something before you show up and will usually have some idea of time frames. Did OP mention rehoming them or where they are finding these animals.
Regardless telling your significant other it’s your home and they have no say tells you a lot about how much OP values and respects their partner.
It’s OP’s attitude of MY house. They don’t think they need to let the boyfriend know (not even discuss it, just let him know) because in OP’s opinion the boyfriend doesn’t have any claim to the living space and so no right to an opinion.
I don't know, if you already have 22 pets another one is not going to make much of a difference. I don't think that's the bfs real issue
I don't think it is ok either but maybe OP used to share this information but stopped doing it because bf kept reacting badly. I think the fight they had in OP post is the result of a long time argument that has been festering for months and that is why they said what they said in a harsh way.
Anyway I still think OP is not the drama : their bf knew what he was getting into, why on earth did he move in with a extreme rat lover/rescuer if he hates rodent ??
I dunno man, a rat is a really small addition to 22 other rescue pets. If you've already got even just 4 or 5 rats, another one isn't even going to be noticeable. Especially not to someone who doesn't like them and doesn't interact with them at all like the bf. Clearly, OP has the space, money, and time to care for them, so all power to them. The only part I take issue with is the attitude of "MY house cuz I pay for it" despite clearly understanding that their financial situations are very different and that bf has been living there for 2 years. That feels gross. And while bf is justified in becoming uncomfortable with the boundaries he initially agreed to, it seems like he went for a blow-up instead of a calm discussion. I'd say ESH.
Birth story: My home is my safe space. If I was the friend who had the apartment, I'd likely be a bit traumatized by the suddenness of the situation, the being asked to leave and not knowing if my friend was okay, and not even having my own home to retreat back into. I also know I'd have trouble finding somewhere else safe to go. But that's not the fault of the pregnant friend. Mother and baby's health are the priorities. I can see tentatively asking about the sofa. I can see long sessions with my therapist about it. I can even see a bit of distancing myself while I sort out my feelings. But blaming the mother? No. Ella isn't the drama for feeling some type of way, she's the drama for expressing it as "this was something you chose to do to me" and not "this scary situation we all went through affected me, too, and I might need a little time, but I'm happy you're all healthy".
What a valuable view, expressed eloquently. Thank you for commenting 😊
In an edit or comment it mentions that Ella was only asked to leave the room, not her entire home, but yes, you put my feelings into words so well. Couldn't agree more
Ella wasn’t asked to leave the house though, only to leave the room. Together with the 3 other friends. And that is also a perfectly reasonable thing for both the medical staff and the person giving birth to ask. Even if it is Ella’s own house. This is an emergency situation and childbirth can also be very dangerous (something we often forget), and in this case there is the additional risk caused by it not being a clean environment (in terms of additional risk of infection, etc, not saying Ella’s house is dirty). Asking the majority of people to leave the room is perfectly reasonable. Not leave the house, just leave the room.
I feel like traumatized is very much the wrong word to use, having your friend suddenly go into labour and being asked to leave the room for a few hours is hardly going to give you PTSD. At the end of the day, the only real consequence is a couple of stains on a couch
In the unexpected birth story, I can see Ella being upset / disappointed in the moment about being kicked out of her own living room. In the moment. Definitely can't imagine holding onto it as a grudge once you've had time to think things through and calm down
I think the fact that she had previously asked OP if she could be in the delivery room with her and her wife explains that though. She might have expected OP to eventually change her tune on that or maybe would have been equally bitter if OP had delivered in a hospital and Ella wasn't let in the room.
I actually wonder if this was OP-specific or if Ella had also asked Sarah (the other currently-pregnant friend) if she could be with Sarah when **she** delivers.
"Spooky season is over" NOT IN MY HOUSE
ETA: In the first story, the boyfriend also says he doesn't really like rodents and... then why would you move in with someone who regularly rescues rodents? I can't help wondering if it was transactional for him - he would put up with the rodents so he didn't have to pay rent while he was in university & may not even really like OP that much
I see that point, for sure!
Yeah. It's darker and darker every day. Halloween is just the start of a whole spooky fall and winter
@@wheelofhands Exactly!
That is a possibility. Or the boyfriend was okay with 4-5 rodents at first, because he really liked OP and was okay to accept that, but not 23 of them. It also sounds like even though the rodents have their own apartment, OP brings them into the house regularly and carries them on their person, which might make OP uncomfortable.
We’d need to know more about the relationship history and situation to know everyone’s true motives, but it does in any case sound like at this point in time OP and the boyfriend have serious differences and are probably not a good couple match (anymore).
The birth story: nta also if I was the child when they grow up in this scenario, once I'm able to I'd give my parents the money back (with inflation), but I'm a people pleaser so
So many of the comments for the second story were ignoring the actual issue Ella had with OP (according to the post)! It wasn't about the couch!! Ella was mad she wasn't allowed to be in the room while OP was giving birth. They're treating her like she's a victim when she's just mad she didn't get her way. You just know she wouldn't give a flying flip about the couch if they let her stay.
also you just know that if she had gotten her way she would never shut up about it
You don't know that, the couch could of been a close/precious item to here and if it had a big mess on it, anyone would be upset and she has right to be upset, but her reaction is silly and she shouldn't be billing OP so soon, or they could of shared the bill at least.
@@MysteriousMoth3000 possibly, but she **asked to be in the delivery room** with OP ages ago and the other friends said she was upset because she was made to leave the room. I think she's making it about the couch (because being upset about an expensive item of furniture is more reasonable) but it's actually about her wanting to be the first person to see OP's baby for some reason (in my opinion)
Story 1: Threatening someone's living situation (unless they're a danger to you or others) is terrible. The boyfriend will never feel safe/secure in this home again, because it's been made clear that he has no power there.
Completely agree. OP’s attitude towards the living situation is really crappy. I’d be so anxious if at any argument (and in my opinion this was not a super serious argument, although OP and the boyfriend might feel otherwise) my partner told me to leave. I’d not be surprised if the boyfriend is avoiding bringing up issues in the relationship because of this, which is a bad situation in any relationship if one person doesn’t feel able to voice their opinion and needs.
@@s.a.4358 I definitely get this impression. The fact that he just wanted a heads up about new animals before they arrived and then when it turned into a fight he mentioned that he also hates that OP carries the rodents around their house seems to me like he's been holding that in for a while because he's scared to say anything that might threaten his living situation.
Edit to add: I forgot the "until he learns some damn respect" line!! OMG OP is so toxic!!!!!
I had my third baby very fast in an unexpected home birth. It is VERY messy. So I agree it's kind to offer to pay for the couch but honestly that friend sounds super entitled. You two nailed it with the main character call.
Here in the Netherlands pretty much every single person has liability insurance (aansprakelijkheidsverzekering - lovely long Dutch word!). It costs like only a few quid per month and it's for exactly those kinds of sofa situations: you accidentally damage something belonging to someone else? No big deal, just claim it from your insurance. This greatly reduces the drama in such situations. You just know you can say "hey, that damage you accidentally did, could you get your insurance to cover it please?" and they'll most likely respond "sure, no problem!"
Nederlander gedetecteerd
My boyfriend walked into the room as I was at that part of the video, and we noticed the same thing. In German, it's "Haftpflichtversicherung," and though I haven't needed to use it, the ease of mind it gives is amazing. Absolute non issue if you live in a country that has it.
@@Sandrina42 Yeah, same, I have it, but never claimed anything. It really is a peace of mind thing and that's also why it's so dirt cheap, because hardly anybody ever claims anything. :)
In the US, there's a decent likelihood that Ella's home insurance would cover replacing the couch (or at least part of the cost) since it was damaged in a medical emergency that occurred within her property.
A Dutch tweet might as well be 10.5 words
I feel for OP in the last story (FWB); but what they're missing is that they were already given the opportunity to be friends with the guy after he ended the With Benefits part. He came to them *as a friend* while having a hard time with his divorce, and OP was unable to be that by putting their own romantic feelings ahead of his feelings of grief/etc, and then bringing it up again in a work context. Leave him be, OP ❤
I feel for OP in the last story. I've been on the other side of it where a friend confessed his feelings for me. I did not reciprocate and in his desperation to maintain friendship with me, drove me further away. Someone explained to him that he needed to give me space which he did. After about a year, we talked it out and slowly rebuilt our friendship. He's now one of the very few people I've kept in touch with from college. There's no guarantee OP will be able to reconnect with their friend but I hope they learn more about their self through this and grow from it.
I love seeing the different reactions from Jamie & Shaaba. Like Jamie's all chill and silent fuming while Shaaba's wildly gesturing and declaring war on all injustice, I just love yall's energy
i think in the second story (baby birth on the sofa) the point wasn't really the sofa. op said they are perfectly fine paying for it, what bothered them was that the friend sent the bill without any other comment or acknowledgement, which seemed cold and rude. then they found out that the friend was mad that she couldn't be in the room while op was giving birth (apparently she had asked before to be there in the hospital). i think it's more about that, the friend isn't mainly pissed about the couch, but that she was sent out. which imo is completely unreasonable of her
I am just as angry as Shaaba right now about that second story. I can't believe the commenters are acting that way. This is giving the same energy as people who call pregnant women "unreasonable" or mistrust their emotions just because they're pregnant. It feels kind of like a product of misogyny and not listening to women/pregnant women. People just don't respect how big of an ordeal that is.
I’m definitely a “please give me a warning” person when it comes to visitors lol. I’m such an anxious train wreck that I will be mentally reeling for days after a sudden visitor thinking about the things that were on the table or the dishes in the sink or the fact that the floor wasn’t swept or something
I'm an extreme introvert, and having someone in my home without at least a few days to mentally prepare, much less prepare the home via cleaning, is suuuuper stressful. My hubby had a friend for awhile that would just randomly come with him on hubby's way home from work a couple days a week and it always got my back up. This friend was also the type to not allow me to just hide in the bedroom, even with a good excuse ("I'm paying the bills and need some quiet") so it came to a point where I had to tell hubby that I'd really rather they do these sudden meetups elsewhere. (In case you're worried- They kinda fell apart on their own before hubby actually had to implement that rule with said friend; I wasn't the reason they don't talk anymore.)
But having someone just randomly drop in without so much as a phone call first??? It had better be a world-shattered, life-destroyed kind of emergency, or I'm not answering the fekkin door!
36 weeks is early, that baby definitely spent time in NICU. My nephew was born at 36 weeks and the nurses didn’t even realise my sister was in active labour; when she finally got checked out she had to go straight to delivery and my BIL nearly missed it because they sent him home. With her 3rd my sister slept through labour and my niece was nearly born in the car. Pregnancy and labour are weird, unpredictable and potentially dangerous. They should just be happy that Mum & baby are safe and well.
Replacement for a sofa covered in amniotic fluid: $700
Designer towels, now also covered in amniotic fluid: $200
Ambulance bill: $3000
Knowing your friends is safe and ok after unexpectedly giving birth to a child: *Priceless*
"Cause they'rer batshit" 😂 You are so funny Jamie, and also right.
I somewhat get the first OP, since I'm also very much my house, my money, my rules kind of a person. The difference is that I live alone and plan to continue doing so. I'd say it's a terrible idea to share your living-space, if you aren't ready to make compromises.
The comment about her boyfriend being one of the rescues does sound a bit true. I wonder what she would do if one of her pets clearly couldn't handle living with so many other animals? "Learn to appreciate my help or try your luck on the streets"?
Agree. I red flagged the red flag/green flag. 😂
Seems like they keep rodents which are EXTREMELY social.... plus it sounds like she has a separate house for them and only has them on shoulder for bonding time. Plus it's not like their loose these pets have enclosures when not supervised bonding time
Emergency vet here, and story 1 is hoarder territory. As lovely as it sounds that OP is able to rescue and possibly care for the pets, unless they're ALL rats (or birds), it's just not sufficient care. I have more horror stories about people with a saviour complex than from the average person that is ignorant of their pet's needs. Housing rats with a resp infection together is also the best way for the infection to spread. It's not a healthy mindset, it's not healthy for the pets, and it's not something you can do on your own. Fostering? Sure. Volunteering? Even better. Adopting seniors with comorbidities that will undoubtedly need more care than just a feed-walk-clean litter? Strong no in my opinion. That being said, ESH. OP's bf knew about the rescuing - if they weren't helping with what's a HUGE part of OP's life, then are they even compatible?
[P.S. Multi cat households, i.e., >4-5 cats, are usually a disaster unless the house is HUGE and each cat has designated safe spaces. The old couple also sound like they're moving into unhealthy adoption territory. :( Good intentions, possibly questionable execution.]
Yup, having 'good intentions' absolutely shouldn't matter if someone is still keeping a ton of pets in a space too small for them and/or does not have the resources actually needed.
It's still not always good enough care, even if someone's keeping animals better than the hell they came from
You're jumping to conclusions here. We don't know how big the house is, how big the animals are, or how much space they each have. We don't know if they have space to run around outside at all (if it's safe for them to do so). And OP never said they stuck the new rat into the cage with the rest before treating the illness. As far as we know, OP lives in a giant mansion, and their "granny house" is the size of a typical upper-middle class home. They might very well have the amount of space necessary for 23 pets to live comfortably, especially if most of them are smaller sized ones like the rat in question. And they might very well have a quarantine set up for new arrivals to clear any diseases before they join the rest.
I have definitely met people with the "savior complex" you speak of; I'm not denying that MAY be the case. But you're assuming it IS the case when we have no evidence other than a total number of rescue pets and the knowledge that one is a rat.
I will say that I need to know the context of what they mean by “23rd rescue”. Do they mean over a span of time or that they currently have 23 animals? With rats especially, where you should always have more than 1 and with a lifespan of 2-3 years. Over 5 years you could easily rescue 23 (adults, especially if sickly to begin with) while never having more than 3-5 at a time. Also, considering that a good cage can comfortably fit about 9 and feel luxurious having more than 5 rats at a time is common. Personally, I love rats but the way I bond with animals is that I like to know each one’s personality and have a closer bond so having more than 4-5 at a time is not for me. The most I’ve had at a time was 4 but that was for a short time my first rat was over 2 when I got my 3 new rats. I usually try to get 3 at a time so that the younger ones don’t bother the older ones too much with their boundless energy (they have a friend their own age coming in with them).
All the commenters on the baby couch story were totally Ella; writing from different accounts 🤭
As someone who was in hospital for just over a month to try and keep my little impatient lady in, she decided to take matters into her own hands at just a couple days before 36 weeks 😅 she was officially premature but 36 weeks + is basically officially the "safe" zone. Still premature kinda but mine didn't even need nicu! And as someone who's had a nightmare post birth mostly due to post birth exhaustion, absolutely NTA and ffs just chill about the couch, i agree 100% with Shabba, wait for op to suggest first and maybe bring it up gently and tactfully later if op doesn't mention it herself and ideally split costs if possible.
Yeah, I was wondering why nobody even considered how terrified she must have been not just going into labor unexpectedly but also pre term. It is, like you said, generally safe but there can still be complications. I'd be terrified honestly.
Story 1. Knowing that rats don't live more than 2 years. If this is her 23rd rescue. It doesn't necessarily mean she has 23 rats at the moment. She stated that she mainly adopts older and neglected rats.
For the first story, OP is TA. OP continually calls it only OP's house. It doesn't matter if OP is the one that owns it. If you're living with a partner, it's now your JOINT home, not just yours. Between that and them being on such different pages with the pets, they need to break up, because they're not compatible and neither are respecting each other.
A granny flat is also known as a Casita or mother-in-law suite in the States. It's sometimes attached to the main house, but with a separate entrance, or a small separated place (like a 1B 1 BR with a kitchenette and additional room) like a studio layout or tiny house setup.
Having the baby on the couch is not dramatic it's traumatic! My cousin's water broke and they immediately headed for the hospital. Her husband had to pull over and by the time he got out of the car and around it the baby was already in her pajama pants. The baby's birth certificate has the address of a bank because the baby was essentially born in the parking lot. Now I understand a couch is an investment, and handing somebody a bill is a bit outrageous. If nothing else, I would simply say something about we have to get the couch cleaned, allowing the opening for the conversation and giving OP the chance to say give me the bill when you get it, and if that doesn't work we can go from there. I'm raging right along with you Shabba!
It would be especially traumatic to have a preterm baby unexpectedly like OP did. 36 weeks is generally considered safe but still preterm and still comes with risks. It would be scary enough unexpectedly giving birth in someone else's home but to do so before 38 weeks I'd be freaking out.
@@shirleymarie2288Amen
Especially if it's her first pregnancy
@@shirleymarie2288 agreed. 1-2 weeks is a lot for a soon to be born or newborn baby. And giving birth on a couch, when one is not expecting it, is scary. It is great to hear that everything went well and both mom and baby are healthy, but mentally OP also needs to get over the stress and shock of how the birth happened.
I also don’t get why Ella wants to be present at the birth. Not even talking about the body fluids, bloods, etc but I would get so anxious seeing a friend go through the pain and discomfort of childbirth, while being unable to assist. The one friend staying makes sense, her role is to have her hand crushed and say encouraging things, but I wouldn’t want to just stand there watching and not able to assist in any way.
I have 2 cats, 2 snakes, 8 tarantulas, and 3 colonies of isopods. I keep everyone on a schedule through an app and check on every non cat 2-4x a day. Cats get more obvious attention and my snakes chill with me when I do maintenance on their enclosures. I can't imagine doubling that work as I already have a tight schedule with the few I have. I see people with 300+ Ts and I can't fathom how they have space and time for them. 🕷💖
Ya what species the animals are makes a huge difference.
Rat mama here. It sounds like he has more of an issue with the "rodents" than the plethora of animals. The big thing that's not being talked about so much, is that the animals have their own house. Rodents get free range time or maybe on their mamas shoulders, but it's not like there are animals traipsing about the joint. (Maybe I'm wrong). I have a feeling if she had a puppy ir kitten that she carried around the house with her, it woulda taken a few more years for it to get to this point. If they're running about the house, I would side with his frustration, but if they're out in their own home, it's the same as a man cave, a workshop, a workout room, etc etc etc. And in this latter situation, it sounds like he needed to communicate clearr that the rodents made him feel uneasy and if maybe she could bring them in the house around him less. They don't communicate.
And OP said the house was clean, so I don't think the cat story is a good analogy.
39:20 beautiful shaaba trying to be wholesome, meanwhile Jamie "Cuz they're batshit... what the hell"
😂😂😂
For the pregnant story: it's so mind boggling to me that Ella would be angry at OP for literally any reason. And the paraphrasing commentor is the biggest drama in that whole post lol Imagine OP had an accident where they got hurt (god forbid), and the couch was ruined with blood... After the situation happened, and the emergency was called and all that, I would be more focused on if my friend is healing and resting rather than if they offered to pay me immediately after. Giving birth also requires a recovery process, and add to that she's now also has a premature baby to take care of... I would give OP a few weeks before someone else's couch crosses their mind ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I have no opinion on the first story other than, as a rat owner who often does rescues and sees the conditions rats can be subjected to, I really appreciate that person for rescuing that poor thing. I hope the rat is doing well!
Just popping in as an owner of two rescued domestic rabbits, rabbits should ALWAYS live indoors regardless of the time of day or season. It's a huge misconception that rabbits are okay to live outside as living outside poses a lot of threats to a domestic rabbits health and safety and significantly reduces their life expectancy. There is also a lot of misinformation about the type of housing that rabbits require, most people think rabbits should be kept in cages or hutches but they actually thrive when they're able to free roam inside houses just like dogs and cats would provided that they are litterbox trained.
I would die if someone came to visit me without notice. I am scandinavian, give me at least half a week (a week to a month would be ideal tho)
My dad was the type of person who took "our doors are always open:)" completely and 100% literally.
It could be years later, and if someone once told him he's always welcome, or they'd be there for him, if he needs to he will be there. Zero warning. Fascinating man, love him dearly
The first story definitely gives financial abuse vibes. Like from a conversation to get out of our house is quite extreme. And it does feel abit like "my way or the highway" kind of thing.
Shaaba talking about Asian families and the Open Door Policy? Felt very seen. Appointments? We don’t know her.
Also, the word ‘atithi’ (‘guest’ in some Indian languages) means someone who doesn’t consult a timeframe (lunar cycles) to visit someone.
Omgggg I just had a major fb of the movie "adithi kab jae ga" or sth like that! Abt a guest that just wouldnt leave!
it's funny bc im asian and we're the complete opposites, at least in modern times (our grandparents definitely visited each other without a heads up lol) it's just polite to ask before visiting someone
The answers to the pregnancy story are absolutely unhinged
For the couch replacement discussion, i think it's also worth noting that if it is a money issue, reupholstering the couch can be a cheaper way of repairing the damages
First story, to me, OP is not the drama until they lash out, at which point, ESH. It sounds like rescuing unwanted animals is very much OP's primary motivation, and BF knew this. Given that rats live about 3 years, and OP tends to adopt older animals, it's pretty likely that there is a fairly high turnover, with OP effectively providing a hospice for these animals. Especially with boyfriend saying "I'm sick of the rodents" and acting as though these animals are disgusting, he would not be the drama if he was saying he couldn't take it and would leave, but saying OP needs to abandon her life's purpose so he can stay is full drama. That is not how adult relationships work. OP then holding his dependency over him makes them a massive drama, too, but boyfriend is definitely not sounding reasonable.
1st one-- Ytd. The "I'll do what I want" clinched it for me. No matter how "pure" your animal rescuing intentions, there are now 2 of you in this situation. Also, you have a savior complex. Join a rescue organization and become part of their fostering program. Otherwise you're a hoarder. Let the animals who are healthy (as that rat will be) get their own families and their own attention.
Also, is this your first rat, since bf seems particularly triggered by this one.
OP's bf, run a mile. They are q hoarder and are acting a parent. From their wording, they look on you as an accessory and a free-loader.
I agree with the saviour complex, something about the way OP kept patting themselves on the back for being SO good gave me the ick. Like yeah rescuing animals is cool, but that doesn't mean you get to disrespect your partner.
I foster for a shelter, and it is a wonderful experience. Plus, I can help more animals than I could with adopting (though I do have one dog). But if anyone ever said they couldn't deal with that, then I can't deal with them. I will always put animals ahead of any relationship. Some people aren't compatible, and they simply need to admit that.
My sister got a cat years ago that had had a bad life as a female cat, and she kept if my brother-in-law would leave his clothes on the floor or something she would pee on them. My brother-in-law nicknamed her princess Pee Pee lol. Once the cat got used to the place and my brother-in-law stopped and leaving his clothes on the floor, she stopped it.
I think with the birth story, if I were in that situation I'd contact the partner pretty soon after, offer congratulations and support then say "I'm sorry to do this but at some point in the future would it be possible to discuss financial contribution to a new sofa/cleaning options with you guys? Not now. At a future date. For now, you guys concentrate and get yourselves settled and enjoy the newborness, getting sleep where you can. You got this!" so you're letting them know it's something you need/want but it's not a priority.
My mom's labour (both times I believe) were 40 minutes to an hour. Imagine thinking labour only lasts 2-12 hours and that you know better than the EMTs. If the person birthing were able to be moved without disturbing her and her baby the EMTs would've done so.
A detail bugging me about the first one is OP talking like she expected rent from her boyfriend. She makes it sound like there's nothing at all he's bringing to their lives besides money, like capacity for unconditional love or enjoys the chores. It's as if he's a stray man and not her partner. But worse, it makes me feel icky cuz it sounds like OP just hates poor people (he's paying for school with his earnings) she's more than just the drama, but what she really is is a word that violates community guidelines 😂
Yup, the comment about the boyfriend being one of OP’s rescues made me laugh because I also had that feeling. OP sounds like they do not consider the boyfriend an equal at all and also doesn’t value them as a partner.
OP said she hires a maid, so... presumably, bf really isn't doing any household chores. I agree that her attitude towards him seems kinda gross, but saying she "just hates poor people" is definitely jumping to conclusions.
@@animeartist888 having someone come in to clean once per week is not going to reduce all chores. It helps to keep the house clean, of course, but things like bathrooms and kitchens need to be cleaned more than once a week, there is cooking, taking out the trash, doing laundry, etc.
The pregnancy story the friend seems unhinged she didn't seem to have a problem with op popping the baby out on her sofa until she was asked to leave the room. As someone that's had a baby I wouldn't want my whole friendship group seeing my goodies at the worst time it's been through. And the ppl in the comments didn't seem to read the post or know child birth, when the bab decides to come there is no stopping it xx
#1 YTA. Just because OP has a lot of money, making it a "my money, my house, my rules" is no healthy couple's life, it's toxic, and it's telling the partner that they aren't equals in the relationship.
#2 WTAF and that comment was 100% Ella
#3 I feel for OP but... YTD. Agree with Shaaba and Jamie fully.
On the first story, i think something that is interesting is that both parties immediately went to the extreme without being willing to compromise.
We don't have any indication that the boyfriend has ever expressed any issues with the current arrangement before exploding like this. If he didn't bring it up before, then his reaction sounds like he bottled until he couldn't be respectful about it, but it could be they have had these convos but op didn't mention it.
That could have avoided the ugly blowout by compromising earlier. If the boyfriend has a problem with rodents specifically, that could have agreed that OP would stick to non-rodents, or wouldn't carry them around on their shoulder when boyfriend was home, maybe the rodents could all be in the second house so boyfriend didn't need to be around them, maybe OP kept the rodents they already have but didn't get more after they passed, etc.
While I think it's totally fair for OP to have the rescuing as a non-negotiable, i do think they should have been selling to compromise on details of how that rescuing happened, and then if a compromise still couldn't be reached they could go their separate ways.
I also think it was wrong of the boyfriend to have given the first ultimatum that their partner wasn't allowed to adopt another pet or he'd break up with them, especially since this is the first time it's been discussed at all as far as we know
1st one- I don't care how long you know someone. Obsessions like 'rescuing pets" can get worse. OP's level of disrespect for her partner, not even considering compromise, shows some serious psychological issues.
I don't think with the last story that they should contact him at all in the future. He's made it perfectly clear he doesn't want her in his life either as a relationship, for sex or friendship. It's done. She should leave him alone.
"Eventually he agreed to give each other space and see again in a few months" doesn't sound all that clear to me.
@@snake.haired The "Eventually" is kind of important here. OP wasn't dropping it, the guy might have felt worn down or awkward being direct and so worded it this way, but hopes OP will just take a hint and leave it.
@@Labrecque- 🤭 Hinting rather than saying what you mean is by definition being unclear
Peach Reddit Story: YTA. With love, you are not actually taking his feelings or even your own feelings into account. You are bargaining with him for less than the connection you actually want, to avoid the discomfort of rejection. You are going through the stages of grief which is valid, but you need to accept that M is no longer a part of that process. It's totally okay to not be over your feelings toward M, but you can't expect him to deal with your feelings for you or participate in a relationship that he does not want. Your feelings are yours to process and he's not the one to help you right now. I'm sensing a fear of starting over, like you won't find someone else to feel this way about, or someone who will want the same level of connection that you do. But you can. Heal and move forward on your own journey, and don't settle for less than what you want and need just because you're afraid to hold out for it.
First story (op is the ah but here's some context on the number of animals - assuming they are all rats)
If she has 23 rats, that isn't actually an unusually large number. I myself have 10 in a group who live comfortably in one large cage. It is not the same as 23 dogs etc. rats thrive in groups and with that many I would expect she has a group of males and a separate group of females. 11/ 12 per group is very very normal particularly for more experienced keepers.
As for them sitting on her shoulder. Well that's just rats, if you're handling them they WILL gravitate to your shoulder 😂 and if you've got a hood, well that's their new favourite sleeping spot so tough luck!
That being said, her reaction is poor and definitely makes her the ah. But if he isn't a fan of rats, then it's not going to last anyway. Rat people don't function without our tiny besties.
I used to own rats, and they love nothing more in my experience than chilling out in a hoodie ❤
39:25 my aunt accidnetly had my cousin in her bed (literally brand new mattress and sheets and carpet ruined), and I can confirm that the financial portion of this is why the friend is mad. It was a literal nightmare for my aunt and her ex to have to deal with the unexpected cost that came with my cousin’s birth, along with being new parents especially sense they lived in a rental home. I think this entire friend group just needs to help out both the friend who had the baby and the friend with the couch because their besties are both having a really stressful and sudden event happen and deserve support.
From the title I expected a story like those on the show “I didn’t know I was pregnant” (s/o to Mama Doctor Jones who does reactions to these episodes!! They’re wild😂). What a letdown, lol. Anyway she’s NTA 1000%. You can’t plan when your body naturally goes into labor (not counting c-sections) and some births are hella fast!! Congrats on your little squish, and Jamie’s right the “friend” has massive MCS.
3rd-- YTD. He is in the middle of a divorce (3 weeks??). The legal side (splitting assets etc) might still be going on and starting a new relationship now is not a good idea. Friend's emotions are all over the place and he's probably exhausted. Also, OP doesn't want to become a reason for him to lose more.
And frankly, OP was being tacky and a little desperate and gross. It was like she pounced the moment he was "free" completely ignoring his feelings. It probably came across as gleeful.
With the pregnancy story I had heard it from another podcast but didn’t like their viewpoint on it. I agree with how you guys reacted and I’m glad as most of the stuff you do I have very similar viewpoints with. Thank you for this. I definitely thought i was being weird about it as I thought that Ella seemed rude to have the first form of contact to be the bill for the sofa. And not even to just check up on her “friend”.
Pregnancy story. A pregnant friend can ruin my couch for a squish. Im fine with that. I ahve had one kid in the back of a car and one in a helicopter becasue i didnt have time from forst pain to delivery. Stay safe mommas!!!!!
2:29 there are close friends that are pseudo family, they can turn up whenever and if I'm not ready they know they can make themselves a cuppa and relax for a bit. One or two of them even have a house key for if we're out.
One of my favorite memories of a former friend was an unexpected visit. Her dad worked all over the state and had a tendency to drop by after a job sometimes to grab a beer or a snack and chat with my parents. Occasionally he'd have my friend with him. One day I was taking a shower when my best friend, without warning, just walks into the bathroom and starts talking to me like I'm not totally naked and indisposed. Granted, there was a shower curtain, but it was still very surreal. That's when I knew we were really close lol.
American realizing that thanksgiving is only an American holiday
Canada also has it, but theirs is in October
It isn't 🤔 Canada also celebrate it.
Several others countries have a version of Thanksgiving. Most are obviously based on their own historical events, but at least Brazil I believe was inspired by American traditions rather than a specific event or belief.
@@faithpearlgenied-a5517 You'll be surprised to find out what continent Canada is on.
I feel super uncomfortable around pregnant people, babies, and would feel extremely put off if someone gave birth on my couch... I still wouldn't have acted like that. Even if I had a super nice couch, if it was a good friend of mine, I would just gently say something to the effect of "hey, just so you know, my couch was kind of ruined. If at all possible, I would greatly appreciate your assistance in a replacement/deep cleaning in the future. But no pressure, it would just be really helpful."
The amount of uncaring and unsympathetic comments on the couch birth story honestly surprised me..
I wish we knew what all the 23 animals are cause if theyre all rodents, that feels waaaaay different than bigger animals. Especially cause rodents generally dont live that long compared to other pets.
Like fish? 23 fish happens so easily.
Kitty had a lot of opinions about the second story, understandably lol
Hell yes! Just what I need to complete my task 🎉
Thanks for the dopamine boost guys ❤
hope you smashed it! x
I don't care who the person is. No one is allowed to come to my home unannounced. If I'm expecting you and you're more than 5 minutes early, you're also not coming in. The only exception is Halloween, but then, I'm expecting people to just show up.
I've been a cat rescuer for decades. Top number of fosters had been 40, very short-term! However, average over 6yrs time was 25. I'm now at 8 cuz i cant financially support more. Its her passion. If he cant theyre not meant to be. Not the drama.
Love her but my mother is a prime example of "drops in with no warning." Even texting or calling before she heads over would be nice; she usually calls when she's almost here and then asks, "can I stop by?"
Most other people either don't need to come up, or give more notice.
My husband has borderline anxieties about people seeing our place when it's not straightened up, yet rarely puts the effort in to keep it neat. He'd rather turn into a cleaning tornado and clean more in 2 hours than the months beforehand.
When I was in high school, we had 97 birds, from finches and button quail to parrots and cockatoos, in a 3 br apartment (US). The bigger birds were in one of the bedrooms (then I had one and mom the third) and the little ones in a custom aviary on the porch (the size of the balcony above) with a storage room containing roosting boxes attached. It was….interesting.
How…? When…? Did the apts know?! That is astounding.
@ Most of them were the little guys…largest ones outside were the cockatiels and one Roseolla (sp?) parrot who didn’t do as well inside. She wasn’t big though, still little. Then in that bedroom we took the doors off the closet for more room, laid linoleum down over the carpet (not attached, just a covering to keep the carpet decent) and ringed the room with large single or double cages. The pairs were mostly in the closet side. Most of it was my mom wanting to breed and sell some, but that didn’t work out really. And then we each had some pet ones that were hand-raised. My two were a blue-fronted Amazon named Misha (because he would trip over his feet on a table as a baby, so I figured he needed something graceful and named him after Baryshnikov) and a bare-eyed cockatoo named Widget after the sound she made.
It was the late 80s in southern CA, and yes, the apartments knew - at least about the outside ones. The neighbors loved them so no one complained so they didn’t tell us we couldn’t. Nothing was attached to the building and the doors were easily reattached when we left.
Divorces... give participants at least 6 months to a year to get their head on straight.
20:42 I think the word you're looking for is consentient :) (possibly congruent, concordant or unanimous as well)
THANK YOU!
@@shaaba ohmigosh my pleasure 😁 (as a nerdy but devout peach, I am eternally honored that you saw-- and even replied to-- my comment!)
what is up with all the comments on the pregnancy story?? it really feels like they saw OP was very apologetic and already blaming herself a lot, so they had an opportunity to dogpile without consequences, im shocked
2nd-- NTD. Ella totally is. If she had called or visited, her sending the bill wouldn't be that bad. Also, discussing this face to face would be preferable to sending a bill. The bill being the only communication? No, OP. Not the drama.
You were within the "likelihood zone," and maybe should have thought about that (if you didn't). But just like women not being able to hold in periods, once the baby's coming, it's coming.
It is Ella's house, but she is not entitled to stay. The place is unsanitary as it is.
Animal rescue is great, but that is not how we treat our S.O.
My in-laws have more than 60 animals- a lot of cleaning and money and time, my hubby and SiL have grown up resenting it- missing out on time with parents, holidays (can't leave them for more than 1 night), issues with money, reluctant to have any pets.
yay it's 1 am and i literally cannot sleep, gonna watch it bc eh it's not like I have an exam or anything tomorrow so issok
I never like this idea that if your partner doesn't give financaly they have no say in the relationship. THATS NOT HOW RELATIONSHIPS WORK
The giving birth story is a great example of privilege. What I mean by that is, if I feel we are going ok financially I would not even think about asking my friend to pay for the couch or to clean it. But when finances are tight and living paycheck to paycheck money is unfortunately a big factor. I know for my family right now we couldn't afford a new couch or to have our couch professionally cleaned and it would cause me great stress.
It's easy to be generous when you don't have financial stress. For many people, buying a new couch would be impossible so it would be a huge deal for them.
In saying that, I don't at all agree with the friend's sense of entitlement to watch the birth, or how she is now ignoring her friend!
Just wanted to make the point that sometimes it's really a privilege to be able to be generous.
Interesting thought…The lady having a baby on her friends couch…
Was she mad because she doesn’t like the wife (The friend: "We were friends first") and since the wife was gone, she could “HA HA” on the wife and say, “I GOT TO BE THERE HOLDING HER HAND…SORRY FOR YOU”…
ORRR, The friend wants to actually be the wife instead? 🧐🤔...
It's just interesting that the friend seemed to be more mad about the fact she was told to wait outside...
I know everybody is caught up with the sofa, but one of the first things she got mad at was being told to wait outside and she didn't want to because she wanted to be there. 🤔...
IDK, Just an interesting observation.
23:39 Seth Meyers explains how his second child was born in a lobby in his Netflix special. Some deliveries are super fast.
that’s exactly what i was thinking of LMAO!! that’s a good special
My wife and i have 16 (soon to be 18) pets all with differing needs. Im the one that wants to collect all the pets in need while my wife has more concerns and restrictions. As a couple we work together to decide what is feasible for our family and what isnt and that has been the case over the course of our whole almost 7 year marriage regardless of which of us was financially supporting us at the time.
i completely agree agree that the owner of the couch was the drama, however, if i was the owner of the couch, i wouldn't be able to buy a new couch due to my low income and a couch is pretty integral to my lifestyle so i would have to reach out to my friend and ask them to pay for it relatively quickly, of course i would do it kindly but i disagree with "sort it out yourself and then ask them in a few months" because a lot of people aren't in the position to do that and "sitting on the floor" is not a viable option despite what some of the comments say, especially if it's a family home
Story 1: even though she means well, I personally don't think she's going to be able to give all the pets the time and attention that they need. I have rats and they have cage mates, but they also want and need a lot of my attention and time, especially getting time out to play and explore. I had nine and the only reason they got enough attention was because they were shared with my mom
I just really enjoy watching you 2 discusing the stories when you get different badges. My partner and I can get to common ground, but we are too chaotic and passionate when we comunicate 😂
Love the sinergy between you two.
Hugs from Chile 💜💜💜
These videos/podcast episodes are so helpful!! I found myself in a tricky situation not too long ago, and was able to step back and think "if this were an AITA post, what advice would Shaaba and Jamie give me?" And I was able to to help myself!
3rd story: I can understand where OP is coming from but it’s clear that boundaries have been crossed. I’ve been the clingy person before and it is a tough place to be. I offer respect and support for OP because navigating these feelings may take time. My advice is to try to focus on personal activities/things you like to do or make you happy whenever thoughts and feelings about the former friend come up so that you don’t feel a spiral of emotions. And try to remember that your feelings of attraction aren’t wrong, but the choices you make because of those feelings have consequences.
"The partner is one of the rescues" its true. My aunt was one of these kinds of people, they need the adoration/something to be praised for. It is also common for animal hoarders to downplay how disgusting their living conditions actually are and playing up how angelic they are for rescuing these poor unfortunate creatures. Part of why OP is so mad is because their partner isnt praising their "noble deeds".
Maybe I am too much like OP #1 and I would live her life if I could, but someone telling me I couldn't I would probably choose the animals. Especially if most animals were outside and out of his space. Other than when she brings one in for socializing. I think OP crossed the line at instant get out, but I would probably break up with him and give him a month to find a place if he needs it. I agree with ESH.
Love you Shaaba!!🩷🩷🍑🍑 Love you Jamie!!💛💛🥔🥔
hugs christina!! 🍑✨
Once again I’m begging for you to raise the volume on your mics or in post. I hate not being able to hear this on my commutes!
Ok, so with the last one, I do find myself identifying with OP and remembering that I was sort of that awkward way in my late teens and early twenties. I fell hard for someone I was just supposed to have a casual thing with, and then got a bit pushy because I didn't want to lose the person and it just got very awkward.
I don't know how common that is for someone that young, or if maybe some of us are just more awkward than others, but I do hope that OP is able to grow from this and that things get less awkward between OP and M. However, if nothing is salvageable from this, I hope OP realizes that it doesn't make them a bad person, that sometimes these things happen, and I hope that OP is kinder to themself over this than it seems they have been.
In the US, students have two types of loans: subsidized and unsubsidized. Subsidized loans are part of government financial aid, so not everyone gets them and the amount is very limited. Interest is paid off my the government while you are a full time student, and interest begins accruing after you graduate. Unsubsidized loans, government or private, accrue interest while you are in school, so by the time you graduate you are in more debt than the amount you actually took out. The only difference between this and any other loan is that you are not required to make payments until an agreed amount of time, usually a few months, after you graduate.
So no, you don't have to start paying off debt in school, but it is recommended to pay off at least the interest every month because it is usually compounding (the interest of one month is taxed in the next). This ensures you are in a slightly more manageable amount of debt out of school. For example, I took out a total of ~$80,000 for undergrad and paid off my interest every month with money from a part time job. By the time I graduated, I had put a lot of money into the loan so I only owed the $80,000 I borrowed in the first place.
First story. I’m super biased as I’m that rescue person in the relationship. I have no expectation that my partner will parent the animals. Having a cleaner can definitely make a difference with that many pets too. Sounds like the partner is resenting how much attention the pets are getting. I would say OP is the drama for blowing up but I don’t like that the bf gave an ultimatum. It just sounds like they’re not compatible
Well, I don't have any personal experience with pregnancy and childbirth, but if I learned anything from family comedies from the 2000s it's that the baby inevitably comes at the most inopportune time and completely throws all of everyone's plans into disarray, so I guess if all that happens to you from having a pregnant friend is that your couch got messed up, then you got off pretty easily.
Regarding the last story. OP is the drama but its a situation where they need to give them time, the other person is going through a divorce and a lot of stuff going on but give them time and space, there's still a possibility of friendship or even a romantic relationship or something in the future if the other person feels more ready for it but the main thing is to give them space and most importantly respect their feelings as well instead of pushing for something they don't want as much as you do
Honestly with them going through a divorce they probably are in the position they're in need of OP to just be there for them as a friend not more but they realise OP wants more but they can't handle that right now with everything with the divorce
Oof the birth story!! I think it’s totally normally and valid for Ella to have FEELINGS about being asked to leave her house, her couch and possibly other things being wrecked. However the perspective is missing, in life surprises and accidents happen. People die unexpectedly on couches, people are born unexpectedly on couches. Vent your feelings to a good friend or therapist, accept that they do not belong at the new mummies’ door and that’s that. I do find it slightly odd that OP didn’t think to offer to cover the couch cleaning/replacement preemptively I think for that point though we need more info as to the time lapse between the birth and the friend’s weird “invoice”. If it was a week, it’s understandable new mums were still in it. If like 3 months, I think it a little crappy not to have reached out and offered something as a solution themselves. If I had some kind of bio event (vomiting, diarrhea, etc) that wrecked a friend’s couch, even if I were in the hospital - assuming I was conscious I’d be mortified and I’d ask my partner to make it super clear we’d reimburse whatever was needed for their cleanup/replacement. If I weren’t conscious, I’n pretty sure my partner would offer of their own accord anyway. To me it’s an ESH where OP is only a bit of the drama, their friend is definitely way way worse but I wouldn’t have waited for a bill.
if someone shows up at my for without calling first, they better be prepared to wait till they go back home and call first
The thing is, what if the friend is not financially able to buy themselves a new sofa?
I feel like everyone sucks in the first story. it's weird OP adopts the animals without letting their partner know beforehand. Like it doesn't need to be asking for permission, it just needs to be a "btw im getting a new rat this weekend babe" and not a "lol so i got a new rat." You just need to let your partner know that sort of stuff? However, not only did the boyfriend move in with OP, but after two years he suddenly blew up at OP and it doesn't sound like he had previously voiced his issues. Like he just let it all build up and then exploded and also gave OP an ultimatum, which is just unhealthy and unreasonable. He knew what he was getting himself into. They just aren't compatible with each other at all.
The last one reminds me of a similar situation between me (F) and a FWB (M). Let's call him P. I started the FWB situation and started eventually getting stronger feelings for him. When he noticed that he ended that situation for my good. I was somewhat upset but I did and do not blame him. I did give him his space. He's a decent guy, but because of him ending that situationship, I eventually met my partner, who I love very much and been with for about a decade! I wish P all the best and hope he is content and happy