I love how Shaaba isn’t afraid to disagree with the popular opinion, I see a lot of Reddit based channels just spit out the most popular co-signed opinion, but Shaaba’s perspective is really refreshing and authentic
Shaaba's really the only Reddit channel that I watch, partially because of this and partially because she doesn't near-exclusively pick super. I guess sensationalized? Stories? Like not saying they're fake, but she doesn't exclusively pick the ones that get passed around for being horrifically misogynistic or shitty, she looks at complicated situations and gives her best judgment. It's way more interesting, even when I disagree.
I love when youtubers have their own opinion. Especially when I think reddit got it wrong! Reddit doesn't usually give people room to have different opinions.
Exactly! Even when I’ve disagreed with her in the past, even when I thought she had a genuinely bad take on a story, she felt real. She feels like someone you could genuinely have a con with and is willing to learn.
Hmm I wouldn't agree with this, I watch a lot of reddit creators most seemingly share their genuine opinions. I would argue that smosh, two hot takes, reddit on wiki, comfort level pod, oz media, the click and ok Storytime are all very genuine and authentic reddit creators
For the last one I think the MIL might be staring at OP to annoy her and make her end up yelling/snapping at MIL and then MIL can tell people about it to make OP to look even more like the villain. I think she's making all of the "you must think I'm so stupid" for the same reason. She's trying to elicit a response from OP that she can use against OP. Props to OP for staying calm. I wouldn't have been able to
That one really makes me think of the old Grimm Brothers tale "The Six Swans" when the MIL steals the mute Queen's newborns and says the Queen ate them to get her killed because the MIL doesn't like her. This is just less extreme, thankfully 😅
Yes ! I've been saying that for years. Also in the case of adults lashing out and/or being toxic because of hurt/trauma/mental health problems. It's not their fault, and one should be empathetic to some degree, but as an adult it is their responsibility to manage.
My mother-in-law was a treasure. She passed away last year and we miss her immensely. My husband has a stressful mother-in-law...not like some crazy ones, my mother just creates anxiety wherever she goes.
If Shaaba has taught us anything, it's boundaries! If your mom can respect your boundaries and you and your husband communicate them, you guys can maintain a healthy relationship 🫂
Thats what always struck me about nightmare MIL stories, the partners (typically husbands) are never held as accountable as i think they should be and i think thats a symptom of misogyny. Dont get me wrong, hold the MIL's accountable for their actions, but also i think more energy should be directed to the lack of action from the adult children
To me the lock screen one is more that they were noticing a pattern of behavior with the MIL with her attention with the child without interest in the rest of the family.
The first one, my in laws also dismissed their symptoms when we drove 8+ hours to visit them. They wanted to see us so I guess they didn’t say anything. My FIL was having visible symptoms and very tired, kept coughing everywhere and kept falling asleep. I asked him if he was sick and he said he was fine, just allergies. It wasn’t allergies, it was COVID. They gave us Covid when we visited and I’m also high risk. I had to go to the ER for high heart rate (resting 140) and difficulty breathing when I got home. I couldn’t speak for 2 weeks because I got laryngitis. Now I won’t see them unless they all take Covid tests because of my lack of trust. We still see them but we have them all take Covid tests before we see them.
The last MIL gave me the creeps like what the heck why are you staring?? The manipulation is really on another level too And then it didn’t help in the slightest when I closed full screen the videos jumpcuts to 0:11… To answer your question Shaaba, yes, that was incredibly scary even if that was definitely not intentional on your part 😭
In order for change to happen. The problematic person needs to first recognize that there is a problem. Next, they need to want to change the problem, and finally, need to put in the work consistently to change the problem. Without those steps, change will not/can not happen.
Last story, they need to ask MIL to get help and if she won't, then they need to go no-contact. Because that lady sounds like my grandma, and my grandma's unaddressed mental issues just got worse and worse over the years. Before she died it was to the point that she was a danger to herself and those around her. That is not something you want to deal with long term, trust me.
The story with the lock screen i think it's not about the lockscreen. That is why the op isn't bothered by her family sharing the pictures. It's about them having set boundaries for MIL but MIL is finding as many loopsholes that she can get away with. Like in the rest of the post. So yes. It is creepy she does that. Not because of the lockscreen but for the blatant lack of consideration for boundaries
Currently sitting in the emergency room waiting room and this video is a great distraction. (Just a health scare, first tests were normal, just waiting for the blood work now.. this was probably just a case of a severe anxiety attack messing me up for the past week...)
Thank you both! Everything seems to be completely normal. Turns out it was "just" my anxiety messing around with my heart for a week and a stressful day caused a bit of a panic attack. Now that everything has been checked out I feel a lot calmer and I know that my dog and plant babies are not gonna be orphans anytime soon, because my heart decided to explode or something. Plus I look a bit like I got groped by an octopus, since the EKG suction cups left some marks, so that is fun, haha. Most action my asexual ass got in many years. :D
Phew! So glad it was a scare and not an immediate emergency! I will say though, listen to your body, and if another scare happens don’t be afraid to seek medical help. So many people feel “foolish” and avoid seeking medical help because in the past it wasn’t “serious enough” then it can be too late and a minor problem becomes a serious one. Keep trusting your gut and seek help when you/your body feels you need it! Give your fur babies and plant babies some love!
@@rebeccajesse4604 Thank you, I'm obviously very relieved as well and honestly shocked how my symptoms basically vanished after getting the results. Bye bye concerning heart palpitations, weird pressure & pains etc. And since my heart is apparently super healthy I can also rest easy whenever I have odd skipped beats and such in the future. (I always thought that they are results of anxiety, but.. well the anxiety didn't think so, haha) I also told one paramedic and one doctor that I'm a bit embarrassed about calling emergency services, especially since my panic lessened as soon as the paramedics arrived. But both were very understanding and assured me that it was the right decision and that it's better to be safe than sorry. I'm fortunate that I live in a country with decent health care, so I at least don't have to fear going into debt for any medical emergency. Even my ambulance ride will probably only cost me around 10€ (The same as my Uber ride home, haha) But due to my anxiety I haven't been to a doctor in years.. but that will change now. I'm gonna go more regularly for general check-ups and whenever I actually have an issue. This whole experience wasn't exactly fun, haha.
For the picture one, my Grandma is kinda similar. And the weirdness factor comes from the fact that my Grandma uses any information she has about us to make it seem like we are closer than we are. So maybe OP is feeling weird that JNMIL feels like she is so close to their LO even though she isn't.
I have actually used the "you must think I'm a terrible person if you think I'd ever think or say those things about you" it was to an insecure person who later told me that being told that made them realize that they were making others feel like they were considered terrible in their eyes rather than just being down on themself like they thought. It actually helped them be less insulting to themself so that was great
story 1: I just feel like now is a good time we should remember that the word "narcissist" does NOT equate automatically to a true diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It's become one of those psychiatric words that get thrown around carelessly as a casual descriptor like we did with OCD, ADHD, gaslighting, etc. It's important to recognize that some people really do have this to the point that it's a struggle and they need professional help, but also to remember to check ourselves because some people are just selfish by nature and have been enabled far too long. And when handing out judgments online, we never really have the context to know if that line was crossed.
Yeah narcissist probably gets the worst of this treatment. Its basically become the Bad Person Disorder and its really frustrating as theres other ways to describe shit behaviour and not all bad behaviour needs to be pathologised.
100%. it’s also important to keep in mind that true narcissist personality disorder is statistically a trauma response to some pretty horrific circumstances. So while we do not need to put ourselves in harms way trying to fix them, we also do not need to demonize them to others. Compassion and understanding does not mean you need to support them and put yourself in harms way (emotionally). Don’t just be like “they had a rough time I should just take it” but also don’t go telling everyone that they are an absolutely garbage person. You can tell people how you were treated and they can form their own opinions but that can be handled in a respectful, non-demonizing, way.
First story: I think the appropriate "natural consequence" would be that MIL needs to take a covid test before coming in the house. Like you said, back-and-forth giving and taking of contact isn't great to do to someone.
i got a few things to say, one i honestly just love your voice, its so smoothing and tickles my autistic brain lmao. secondly, i love that you arent demonising people with narcissism, most people dont take the time to explain it like you and as someone who has good friends who have narcissism its refreshing to see
I don't think that saying someone "is a narcissist" is the same thing as diagnosing them with NPD; i.e., I think that someone can be a narcissist in colloquial terms without it going to clinical levels, and you can't assume someone means the same thing as the psychological diagnosis just because they use that word.
There is a big difference between being a narcissist and having narcissistic tendencies. I agree that the term is being overly diagnosed, but that MIL has some serious issues.
I've dealt with a narcissistic person before, too, and it's genuinely one of the hardest things to get out of, but it is truly the best decision. This was with a partner, though, so a bit different than these story lines, and I get why it would be different in that your partner might still want contact with their mother, even if you want to go no contact!! I really appreciate you, Shaaba. Yours and Jamie's channels are my comfort! My message for someone in that situation right now is that it is not your fault, even if someone is telling you that, and you deserve so much better! ❤
One thing I will say I very much appreciate, amongst many things, about Shaaba is that she compliments all OP's accomplishments. Whether they just got married, just had a baby, just got a new job, whatever. She's always so sweet and says congratulations on this and or that and idk I just really love that, it's so cute and sweet❤ 🫶🏾
Idk I can see why lockscreen op is annoyed -- OP doesn't like MIL's oblivious boundary crossing, and then MIL obliviously goes and shows off evidence of her crossing more boundaries. Engaging with the woman must be infuriating.
Totally agree. Imo the lock screen photos are annoying because they make it seem like MIL has more access/intimacy with OP and baby than she really does, like she's cosplaying grandma instead of putting in the work to be respectful and supportive in the ways OP needs
I also understand her confused feelings at the idea alone of someone having a screenshot of a photo of your baby as their lockscreen. Like it's easy to understand why someone would have a photo of their grandchild as their lockscreen, but the entire idea of someone other than OP sending her a photo, and then her taking a screenshot from that person who isn't OP... feels off, compared to how exchanges usually go. That being said it's very, very likely that the MIL just doesn't understand technology all that deeply and does not have the type of associations younger people might have to a screenshot.
The problem is that it seems like MIL doesn't know there are boundaries she's crossing. The OP said that she doesn't understand technology and likely has no idea she's banned from stuff. Has anyone communicated any of these issues with her? If she's been talked to and is still acting weird, that's one thing. But if not, they need to communicate.
I think it’s different in every culture. Here in my area parents throw a party after the baby is born and that is when guests bring gifts. You don’t bring them to the hospital so that the new parents then have to schlepp them all home along with the new baby…
The long example from commenters on the last one... I've used something similar with a narc that was trying to paint me in a bad light with things I never said. The look on their face was priceless, they were stumped. I've also gone no contact since then. And in another situation when they were trying to gaslight me by denying things that happened (for the 500th time) I voiced "my concern" over their memory slipping and also said that I had noticed it happening more frequently. In a concerned voice I said that nowadays doctors can scan early for alzheimers. Yes, I did this with others present, but just a few close family members, and I did that so they couldn't lash back at me as easily as they usually do. Their face went red but not a peep. A few moments later they agreed that the thing had happned after all. As soon as they tried to gaslight me again later on I started voicing my concern again. I realised I had come very far and finally was un-gaslightable. I trusted my memories and stood up for myself. When I went no contact like six months later they hadn't gaslighted me again, but I ended the relationship because of other manipulations that I also saw clearar and that hadn't stopped.
I feel like I comment this on every Shaaba video I have ever watched and this is not an attack on Shaaba, it’s an attack on people who don’t understand what a narcissist is. Narcissist is not a synonym to abuser, it is a disorder caused by repeated childhood trauma that persists for many years. People with NPD deserve empathy for the abuse they have faced though this does not mean that they don’t deserve consequences for their actions. They however do not deserve consequences for someone else abusing someone which a lot of people like to do, “I was abused by a narcissist and you’re a narcissist on the internet so you deserve to be berated by me” Also not every self absorbed or abusive person is a narcissist and not every narcissist is a self absorbed person or an abuser. Edit: You can also have narcissistic tendencies without having NPD which are very different from each other, one is a disorder the other is simply abusive for no reason.
Hi first time commenting. The last one you said something about handing the MIL a carrot to chop ... I strongly suggest not allowing MIL near any cutlery (and perhaps all sharp objects should safely locked away when she visits) ... then again I watch a lot of true crime videos so I typically err on the side of caution. Love your videos, thank you for making them.
These posts just make me so grateful that the worst thing my MIL ever did was mention how there's so many new commers to the area now that she doesn't recognise people on the street... While me and an other DIL are new commers and were in the room. But she didn't mean anything by it and immediately appologised for coming accross that way 😆 I can't imagine how hard it must be dealing with those people daily.
Not my mother in law, but my grandma has been shaming my stepmom for her mental health issues and previous attempts on her life. Basically cut off the entire family bc we sided with my step mom, this subreddit kinda reminds me of that whole situation
The second mil sounds more awkward than malicious. I can see how it would be frustrating, but I wonder if it would help if OP came up with some subjects they have in common that they could talk about. Read the same book, listen to the same podcast, share a hobby, go to some event together?
My first pediatrician when I was a new squish told my mom that 1 you can't spoil a baby so I cried pick me up, 2 sleep when the baby is sleeping and 3 just use common sense and everything will be fine.
Others have said it as well but I really love how much you form your own opinion and stick to it, unless you get new information or a different perspective that makes you reconsider! Also super valued everything you shared re: narcissism!! And hearing what you said about taking Covid seriously was really nice when it can feel like barely anyone takes it seriously anymore. Also, that was quite the range in stories here, that last one was wild wtf
It is absolutely creepy for someone to use a screenshot of someone else’s picture as anything. If you have to take a screenshot, that means you‘re not supposed to have it. Don’t use a picture you‘re not supposed to have, especially someone’s kids.
Using a reward/punishment tactic on a narcissist is not ideal, but it might be workable. Hear me out - if you're not interested in fostering a close, deep relationship, but can't cut this person out, it can make your life easier. You can't force them into therapy, and even if they agree you can't force them to take it seriously. So if you must facilitate some kind of contact (for the sake of the other parent or younger siblings, for example), do whatever works.
The last one really could be a horror movie: M.I.L. it would start with the wedding or shortly before and show an apparently loving and accepting MIL and then slowly theae behaviors start to appear. By the end she's either trying to frame DIL for murder or trying to kill her outright. MIL would need to be played by someone you wouldn't expect as a villain, maybe Toni Collete and DIL could be Jenna Ortega.
HELLO SHAABA!! , since i remember you once said you love people recommendation for subreddits , then i would like for you to try r/facepalm , it is really funny where we see people beinf dumb or r/trueoffmychest , it is about people talking about life experiences cute or horrible and it is a fun roller coaster
Regarding spam calls: subscribe to the telephone preference service (it's completely free and now includes mobiles) - they legally can't cold call you anymore. With the last one, I don't think the behaviour is necessarily intentionally malicious. It's possible that the mother-in-law has some deep rooted self-esteem issues from past experiences (constantly being punished or berated for minor mistakes). I'm surprised that Shaaba didn't touch on this as it sounds similar to RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Disorder), which is a common co-morbidity with ADHD. Overall though, regardless of intent or reasoning, she definitely needs some professional help.
I don't see why using 1st MIL's narcissistic tactics back would be a bad thing. When you're "training" a dog, you don't talk to it like it's a person and try to rationalize why you want it to behave a certain way, because they don't understand human language and that's not how their mind works. You have to use canine tactics to establish rapport. If MIL doesn't understand empathetic reasoning, talk to her in a way she understands. You have to teach people in the way that they learn.
but narcissism is a whole THING… whether or not they have NPD, they truly believe they are CORRECT and the rest of the world is the problem, and more often than not that means they can’t accept ANY criticism.
Good video have a awesome weekend ❤ i dont have any in laws but some of these stories are crazy to me , i hope that the people involved in these situations find a solution 🙏
The one with the disabled child - it seems like MIL is in denial and is hoping the kid will just snap out of it and be ok. She clearly has no understanding of normal milestones for a 3 month old, let alone those of one with disabilities. I've seen that attitude toward people with various challenges, where someone is trying desperately to prove that the other person doesn't have those challenges because they can't handle the thought. It's like a lot of people fall one way or the other. They either pretend there are no issues or they overcompensate and treat the kid like they can't do anything. I have a friend who is the latter - her parents babied her so much because of her birth injury she is incapable of being self-sufficient as an adult, even though she really could be. They overtake every effort she's made to grow more independent and now they're aging, but still doing it.
I am just so happy that I have such a good mother in law lol yes she is alot lol but she always means well lol she has taught me a lot of things that I should have learned from my own mother and is always there with her extraness when I'm in need lol
12 weeks old babies sleep, eat, cry and poop. They are cute, they gurgle a bit, but honestly you can't expect a lot more. Yes, they grow, learn and change every they, but a 3 months old is barely out of newborn stage, what do you want them to do, a back flip? Humans that age can't even see clearly, are just learning to see distant objects and recognize faces.
The last one: I have a relative that does the thing with stating out loud how people have a bad perception and opinion of her, even though we don't. And I've met others like that but that I havn't been close to or known long term. I think it's a kind of coping from abuse of being overly criticised and experienced a lot of "failures" in ones social life, such as hard time keeping and making friends, being the "punching bag" in most your friend groups, bullied in general etc. Sometimes it feels like people are doing it so they can get the response of disgagreeing, that they have a need for someone to acctually tell them that they arn't dumb or ugly or undeserving of love etc. Sometimes it also feels like they are trying to get ahead of the critique. You can't hurt me if I already predicted your opininon to be even worse. I wouldn't assume this behaviour as malicous intent. If she is out to make OP look bad infront of others, then that could be proved by just talking to others about their observations and experiences with her.
My MIL is very sweet, but when my husband and I first started dating, and I first met her, she pissed him off because she started complaining about how he had a gambling addiction, and I was thinking, "um, what!?" Turns out, he had just gone on a planned poker trip before I met him, and he lost like a few thousand dollars. However, he had been planning and saving for the trip for a year. He knew he was most likely going to lose it all: the trip was really about playing poker with his boys, (also, now that we've been married for 12 years, I can confirm, he does not have a gambling addiction). His mom is a bit of an over-reactor, particularly when it comes to behaviors like gambling, drinking, smoking, etc.
First one, with my mom, I have to fight, scream and make a big drama to get a point across to her. When she asks why I am doing such a big deal I tell her that's the only way she listens and then it usually gets the message across that there is a boundary line there and she needs to respect it.... not saying it's the perfect solution or that it will work with everyone, but it works for us hehehe As for the comment of the reward system, for me, find what works! Is it good, is it bad? Who cares! If it works it works!! Don't use it with everyone but it's fine to change depending on the person you are dealing with. If you can cut ties with a toxic person great, but if you can make a relationship work where it's not hurting you, that's even better in my book! Second one, you're just bothered that she is obsessed with Grand child. I get it, I had people obsessing over stuff and irritating me, it feels creepy. But I would let it go. It's her first grand child, understandable and probably it will wear off into a healthy level of love by time. She might still be a little overbearing and a discussion might end up being necessary, but it might settle down on it's own especially since now there is a distance. Good luck!
I don't think it's near like that messy and your dicidemy false. It's one thing for mill to see the pictures.It's another thing for her to have control of the pictures and therefore be able to use them to influence other people's behavior/perceptions. Think about it in terms of a musician. Yeah, it's perfectly fine for your friend.Who's also a musician to hear the song.But if they're performing it behind your back that takes away the control of the song.
@@neilcognitowhen MIL shows off to others that she has it as a lockscreen, it makes it look like she is way closer than she really is. like my grandma has me as a lockscreen, and the photo is literally from when i saw her one day because we are close and saw eachother frequently before i moved away. i would think the MIL is pretty close with the. family of i saw the baby on the lockscreen
In case anyone finds this helpful, here is how my husband and I deal with crazy (but well intentioned) mother-in-law things: He is responsible for boundary setting with his family and I am responsible for the same with mine. We communicate with each other so if there’s an issue we can nip it in the bud on behalf of our partner. My mother-in-law has no idea that I am at all bothered by her controlling ways and same goes for the dynamic between my mom and husband. (Although to be fair, my mom is kind of the chill one.) We know our biological parents better and know how to deal with them, plus it’s a lot easier to damage in-law relationships than it is mother-son/mother-daughter relationships (at least for us). PS: I know father-laws can be crazy too, but I’m sure it can be addressed the same way. I don’t have a dad and my father-in-law is the peacemaker of the family so that’s why they weren’t brought up.
Last mother in law is giving delusion/psychosis vibes to me, possibly because I have recently watched MDJ’s long form video on Andrea Yates. The description is giving a picture of a person who is reeeeally out of touch with reality, and it sounds like she’s making these comments even when they’re not in front of other people. It sounds less calculating and more out of control/losing track of reality to me as a person who was also enmeshed with their mother. My own mother is much more anxious and hurt about my partner not being ok with her anymore, but she still does her utmost to try to do things to help him like her/be cordial to him, maybe because she’s terrified of losing access to me. She’s the same with my brother’s wife.
I do not understand why people snap their fingers and clap their hands loudly in front of little babies faces. One of my coworkers (Anna) had twins in late January (they were early by about 7 weeks) and they spend the first month of their lives in the NICU. Anna brought them for the first time to meet us in the office in July. They were awake but clearly on their way to nap time having fed just before they came over, and fussing a bit. Two of us who are CLOSE to Anna took one each after they had been toured around the office and walked around with them doing, you know, all the soothing things that will put babies to sleep while working a little bit (distracted admittedly). Holding them up against your chest, pat pat pat, gentle bouncing and swaying back and forth (I have 28 cousins younger than me, I have taken care of too many babies, there is just a natural movement to it all). Just giving Anna a break and letting her be a whole adult person for a bit and visit other adults. It took about 30 minutes to settle them and once they were asleep we brought them back to their buggy. Cue lady from a different team who only knows Anna to see her, pretty sure they don't even know each others names, coming over to see the babies. Anna just finished strapping in the sleeping infants getting ready to take them back home. And this woman leans down takes a look at them AND IMMEDIATELY STARTS SNAPPING HER FINGERS IN THEIR LITTLE FACES saying loudly "Look at me! Look at me!". All of us who had just gotten them asleep looked shocked. I put my hand out and said quietly "please stop" and she proceeds to loudly start clapping in their ears. Anna looked at me furious and pleading, confused as to what to do (I mean who does that). And I stepped in front of her and said firmly "Stop! They just fell asleep and it is their nap time! Back up". She had the audacity to look confused but I stared at her until she just scurried away. Anna didn't want to cause a scene but was obviously unhappy about what happened. She hasn't brought the babies in to see us since.
Referring to someone as narcissistic or a narcissist doesn’t necessarily refer to someone with NPD. Just like referring to someone as paranoid doesn’t mean they have PPD, or describing someone as avoidant doesn’t mean they have APD, etc. The word far predates the diagnosis, and had continually been used separate from the diagnosis to this day. It’s also not a slur or created to be derogatory to people with NPD. Words can mean multiple things That being said, I am trying to be more careful how I use the term so as not to hurt anyone with NPD, but I think part of that comes back to separating the descriptor and the diagnosis which uses the word in the label
I'm not exactly sure what Shaaba means when she says feeling 'some kinda way' and I've noticed she uses it a lot. Is it a catch-all term for negative emotions like upset, bitter, uncomfortable? Why not be more specific? No hate here I just don't really understand this turn of phrase.
Yeah, basically. "I'm having painful emotions, and when people are in pain they sometimes lash out when they don't mean to, and I'm trying to manage my own shit but if I misjudge things and wrong you then I'm genuinely sorry but request your grace" took too long to say.
LMAO as IF a narcissist would ever go to therapy when confronted about their issues 😂 also “it’s not their fault”?? They’re perfectly aware of what is right or wrong, they’re 100% responsible of their actions.
16:21 I'm confused. MIL was overly excited to see the baby, so she got no access to photos, but OP admits MIL probably didn't even know she was blocked because she doesn't really understand social media, but it's weird she has those pictures of the baby as her background? People were probably just sending her picks like, "oh, I love this one!" and she's like "yeah, me too! I didn't see that one on my feed!" And OP said she doesn't mind them doing that. Also, "and failed to see anything wrong with that." Did you tell them there was something wrong with that? They are older, and it used to be the norm that you were rude if you didn't want to see the baby immedialty. Did anyone tell them that isn't the norm anymore, or did you just freak out and block her from seeing pictures of her grandchild? Huh?
I love how Shaaba isn’t afraid to disagree with the popular opinion, I see a lot of Reddit based channels just spit out the most popular co-signed opinion, but Shaaba’s perspective is really refreshing and authentic
Shaaba's really the only Reddit channel that I watch, partially because of this and partially because she doesn't near-exclusively pick super. I guess sensationalized? Stories? Like not saying they're fake, but she doesn't exclusively pick the ones that get passed around for being horrifically misogynistic or shitty, she looks at complicated situations and gives her best judgment. It's way more interesting, even when I disagree.
I love when youtubers have their own opinion. Especially when I think reddit got it wrong! Reddit doesn't usually give people room to have different opinions.
Exactly! Even when I’ve disagreed with her in the past, even when I thought she had a genuinely bad take on a story, she felt real. She feels like someone you could genuinely have a con with and is willing to learn.
Hmm I wouldn't agree with this, I watch a lot of reddit creators most seemingly share their genuine opinions. I would argue that smosh, two hot takes, reddit on wiki, comfort level pod, oz media, the click and ok Storytime are all very genuine and authentic reddit creators
For the last one I think the MIL might be staring at OP to annoy her and make her end up yelling/snapping at MIL and then MIL can tell people about it to make OP to look even more like the villain. I think she's making all of the "you must think I'm so stupid" for the same reason. She's trying to elicit a response from OP that she can use against OP. Props to OP for staying calm. I wouldn't have been able to
That one really makes me think of the old Grimm Brothers tale "The Six Swans" when the MIL steals the mute Queen's newborns and says the Queen ate them to get her killed because the MIL doesn't like her. This is just less extreme, thankfully 😅
@ Haha yeah. Definitely less extreme but the goal of the MIL is the same. Some people just don't want others to be happy.
Also, omg Shaaba no! Don't hand the crazy MIL staring at you a carrot and a knife O_O'
“Just because it’s not your fault, doesn’t mean it’s not your problem. “
i LOVE this sentiment!! Thank you for the insight mama Shaaba!! ❤❤
I’ll be using this with a tricky employee, love this sentiment from Shaaba
Yes ! I've been saying that for years. Also in the case of adults lashing out and/or being toxic because of hurt/trauma/mental health problems. It's not their fault, and one should be empathetic to some degree, but as an adult it is their responsibility to manage.
My mother-in-law was a treasure. She passed away last year and we miss her immensely.
My husband has a stressful mother-in-law...not like some crazy ones, my mother just creates anxiety wherever she goes.
If Shaaba has taught us anything, it's boundaries! If your mom can respect your boundaries and you and your husband communicate them, you guys can maintain a healthy relationship 🫂
The partners (aka. child of MIL) need to do better jobs setting boundaries so their significant other is not facing the brunt of this behaviorrrr!
Thats what always struck me about nightmare MIL stories, the partners (typically husbands) are never held as accountable as i think they should be and i think thats a symptom of misogyny. Dont get me wrong, hold the MIL's accountable for their actions, but also i think more energy should be directed to the lack of action from the adult children
To me the lock screen one is more that they were noticing a pattern of behavior with the MIL with her attention with the child without interest in the rest of the family.
That entire story is silly goose behaviour. If you are actively pushing MIL out of your lives, what do you expect the results would be?
Mil should present a clear covid test on the doorstep.
But do it in front of them so it can't be fake
@@vocalsunleashed- i agree she wouldnt think twice about faking it- but if she does it in front of them, theyre already exposed to possible covid
The first one, my in laws also dismissed their symptoms when we drove 8+ hours to visit them. They wanted to see us so I guess they didn’t say anything. My FIL was having visible symptoms and very tired, kept coughing everywhere and kept falling asleep. I asked him if he was sick and he said he was fine, just allergies. It wasn’t allergies, it was COVID. They gave us Covid when we visited and I’m also high risk. I had to go to the ER for high heart rate (resting 140) and difficulty breathing when I got home. I couldn’t speak for 2 weeks because I got laryngitis. Now I won’t see them unless they all take Covid tests because of my lack of trust.
We still see them but we have them all take Covid tests before we see them.
The last MIL gave me the creeps like what the heck why are you staring?? The manipulation is really on another level too
And then it didn’t help in the slightest when I closed full screen the videos jumpcuts to 0:11… To answer your question Shaaba, yes, that was incredibly scary even if that was definitely not intentional on your part 😭
In order for change to happen. The problematic person needs to first recognize that there is a problem. Next, they need to want to change the problem, and finally, need to put in the work consistently to change the problem. Without those steps, change will not/can not happen.
thank you for talking abt people with npd like they are humans and not monsters
Last story, they need to ask MIL to get help and if she won't, then they need to go no-contact. Because that lady sounds like my grandma, and my grandma's unaddressed mental issues just got worse and worse over the years. Before she died it was to the point that she was a danger to herself and those around her. That is not something you want to deal with long term, trust me.
The story with the lock screen i think it's not about the lockscreen. That is why the op isn't bothered by her family sharing the pictures. It's about them having set boundaries for MIL but MIL is finding as many loopsholes that she can get away with. Like in the rest of the post. So yes. It is creepy she does that. Not because of the lockscreen but for the blatant lack of consideration for boundaries
Currently sitting in the emergency room waiting room and this video is a great distraction.
(Just a health scare, first tests were normal, just waiting for the blood work now.. this was probably just a case of a severe anxiety attack messing me up for the past week...)
Good luck with the blood work! Sending you hugs
Hope you're okay, fellow peach!
Thank you both!
Everything seems to be completely normal. Turns out it was "just" my anxiety messing around with my heart for a week and a stressful day caused a bit of a panic attack. Now that everything has been checked out I feel a lot calmer and I know that my dog and plant babies are not gonna be orphans anytime soon, because my heart decided to explode or something. Plus I look a bit like I got groped by an octopus, since the EKG suction cups left some marks, so that is fun, haha. Most action my asexual ass got in many years. :D
Phew! So glad it was a scare and not an immediate emergency! I will say though, listen to your body, and if another scare happens don’t be afraid to seek medical help. So many people feel “foolish” and avoid seeking medical help because in the past it wasn’t “serious enough” then it can be too late and a minor problem becomes a serious one. Keep trusting your gut and seek help when you/your body feels you need it! Give your fur babies and plant babies some love!
@@rebeccajesse4604 Thank you, I'm obviously very relieved as well and honestly shocked how my symptoms basically vanished after getting the results. Bye bye concerning heart palpitations, weird pressure & pains etc. And since my heart is apparently super healthy I can also rest easy whenever I have odd skipped beats and such in the future. (I always thought that they are results of anxiety, but.. well the anxiety didn't think so, haha)
I also told one paramedic and one doctor that I'm a bit embarrassed about calling emergency services, especially since my panic lessened as soon as the paramedics arrived. But both were very understanding and assured me that it was the right decision and that it's better to be safe than sorry.
I'm fortunate that I live in a country with decent health care, so I at least don't have to fear going into debt for any medical emergency. Even my ambulance ride will probably only cost me around 10€ (The same as my Uber ride home, haha)
But due to my anxiety I haven't been to a doctor in years.. but that will change now. I'm gonna go more regularly for general check-ups and whenever I actually have an issue. This whole experience wasn't exactly fun, haha.
For the picture one, my Grandma is kinda similar. And the weirdness factor comes from the fact that my Grandma uses any information she has about us to make it seem like we are closer than we are. So maybe OP is feeling weird that JNMIL feels like she is so close to their LO even though she isn't.
I have actually used the "you must think I'm a terrible person if you think I'd ever think or say those things about you" it was to an insecure person who later told me that being told that made them realize that they were making others feel like they were considered terrible in their eyes rather than just being down on themself like they thought. It actually helped them be less insulting to themself so that was great
story 1: I just feel like now is a good time we should remember that the word "narcissist" does NOT equate automatically to a true diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It's become one of those psychiatric words that get thrown around carelessly as a casual descriptor like we did with OCD, ADHD, gaslighting, etc. It's important to recognize that some people really do have this to the point that it's a struggle and they need professional help, but also to remember to check ourselves because some people are just selfish by nature and have been enabled far too long. And when handing out judgments online, we never really have the context to know if that line was crossed.
You should watch Elliot songs video "narcissist are people to" I think it's called
Yeah narcissist probably gets the worst of this treatment. Its basically become the Bad Person Disorder and its really frustrating as theres other ways to describe shit behaviour and not all bad behaviour needs to be pathologised.
100%. it’s also important to keep in mind that true narcissist personality disorder is statistically a trauma response to some pretty horrific circumstances. So while we do not need to put ourselves in harms way trying to fix them, we also do not need to demonize them to others. Compassion and understanding does not mean you need to support them and put yourself in harms way (emotionally). Don’t just be like “they had a rough time I should just take it” but also don’t go telling everyone that they are an absolutely garbage person. You can tell people how you were treated and they can form their own opinions but that can be handled in a respectful, non-demonizing, way.
First story: I think the appropriate "natural consequence" would be that MIL needs to take a covid test before coming in the house. Like you said, back-and-forth giving and taking of contact isn't great to do to someone.
i got a few things to say, one i honestly just love your voice, its so smoothing and tickles my autistic brain lmao. secondly, i love that you arent demonising people with narcissism, most people dont take the time to explain it like you and as someone who has good friends who have narcissism its refreshing to see
I don't think that saying someone "is a narcissist" is the same thing as diagnosing them with NPD; i.e., I think that someone can be a narcissist in colloquial terms without it going to clinical levels, and you can't assume someone means the same thing as the psychological diagnosis just because they use that word.
There is a big difference between being a narcissist and having narcissistic tendencies. I agree that the term is being overly diagnosed, but that MIL has some serious issues.
Have never been this early to a Shaaba video before! The ‘bloodcurdling’ was indeed scary!!
Yeah you and me both
I've dealt with a narcissistic person before, too, and it's genuinely one of the hardest things to get out of, but it is truly the best decision. This was with a partner, though, so a bit different than these story lines, and I get why it would be different in that your partner might still want contact with their mother, even if you want to go no contact!! I really appreciate you, Shaaba. Yours and Jamie's channels are my comfort! My message for someone in that situation right now is that it is not your fault, even if someone is telling you that, and you deserve so much better! ❤
One thing I will say I very much appreciate, amongst many things, about Shaaba is that she compliments all OP's accomplishments. Whether they just got married, just had a baby, just got a new job, whatever. She's always so sweet and says congratulations on this and or that and idk I just really love that, it's so cute and sweet❤ 🫶🏾
Idk I can see why lockscreen op is annoyed -- OP doesn't like MIL's oblivious boundary crossing, and then MIL obliviously goes and shows off evidence of her crossing more boundaries. Engaging with the woman must be infuriating.
Totally agree. Imo the lock screen photos are annoying because they make it seem like MIL has more access/intimacy with OP and baby than she really does, like she's cosplaying grandma instead of putting in the work to be respectful and supportive in the ways OP needs
I also understand her confused feelings at the idea alone of someone having a screenshot of a photo of your baby as their lockscreen. Like it's easy to understand why someone would have a photo of their grandchild as their lockscreen, but the entire idea of someone other than OP sending her a photo, and then her taking a screenshot from that person who isn't OP... feels off, compared to how exchanges usually go. That being said it's very, very likely that the MIL just doesn't understand technology all that deeply and does not have the type of associations younger people might have to a screenshot.
The problem is that it seems like MIL doesn't know there are boundaries she's crossing. The OP said that she doesn't understand technology and likely has no idea she's banned from stuff. Has anyone communicated any of these issues with her? If she's been talked to and is still acting weird, that's one thing. But if not, they need to communicate.
27:26 why did I also think of the name Mary for the last MIL? Also that staring thing is an imitation tactic and a threat. Hope OP's doing ok.
Wait I'm supposed to take gifts to visit a new baby? I would think the shower was the right place for that
Not everyone has a shower, and it's customary to bring a small token like a stuffed animal, flowers, or a snack.
@@rage_of_aquarius well I hope my sister in law forgives me for never bringing anything 16 years ago cuz I didn't know
@nebulan did you give her a baby shower gift?
I think it’s different in every culture. Here in my area parents throw a party after the baby is born and that is when guests bring gifts. You don’t bring them to the hospital so that the new parents then have to schlepp them all home along with the new baby…
@@krazycats564 of course
The long example from commenters on the last one... I've used something similar with a narc that was trying to paint me in a bad light with things I never said. The look on their face was priceless, they were stumped. I've also gone no contact since then.
And in another situation when they were trying to gaslight me by denying things that happened (for the 500th time) I voiced "my concern" over their memory slipping and also said that I had noticed it happening more frequently. In a concerned voice I said that nowadays doctors can scan early for alzheimers. Yes, I did this with others present, but just a few close family members, and I did that so they couldn't lash back at me as easily as they usually do. Their face went red but not a peep.
A few moments later they agreed that the thing had happned after all. As soon as they tried to gaslight me again later on I started voicing my concern again. I realised I had come very far and finally was un-gaslightable. I trusted my memories and stood up for myself. When I went no contact like six months later they hadn't gaslighted me again, but I ended the relationship because of other manipulations that I also saw clearar and that hadn't stopped.
the lockscreen one is absolutely creepy and op has every right to be creeped out and annoyed by it.
I feel like I comment this on every Shaaba video I have ever watched and this is not an attack on Shaaba, it’s an attack on people who don’t understand what a narcissist is. Narcissist is not a synonym to abuser, it is a disorder caused by repeated childhood trauma that persists for many years. People with NPD deserve empathy for the abuse they have faced though this does not mean that they don’t deserve consequences for their actions. They however do not deserve consequences for someone else abusing someone which a lot of people like to do, “I was abused by a narcissist and you’re a narcissist on the internet so you deserve to be berated by me”
Also not every self absorbed or abusive person is a narcissist and not every narcissist is a self absorbed person or an abuser.
Edit: You can also have narcissistic tendencies without having NPD which are very different from each other, one is a disorder the other is simply abusive for no reason.
This is your regular reminder that you're all awesome, beautiful and valid little peaches, just the way you are ❤🧡💛💚💙💜 Love you all ❤🧡💛💚💙💜
Husband in story 2 is wonderful. I agree it feels innocent to me but also think there’s good reason for OP to feel some way.
Love you!!! Recognised the scary woman from Get Out and instantly knew i needed to watch this one-
Hi first time commenting. The last one you said something about handing the MIL a carrot to chop ... I strongly suggest not allowing MIL near any cutlery (and perhaps all sharp objects should safely locked away when she visits) ... then again I watch a lot of true crime videos so I typically err on the side of caution. Love your videos, thank you for making them.
My first thought too -- don't know if you should give her a sharp knife.
These posts just make me so grateful that the worst thing my MIL ever did was mention how there's so many new commers to the area now that she doesn't recognise people on the street... While me and an other DIL are new commers and were in the room. But she didn't mean anything by it and immediately appologised for coming accross that way 😆
I can't imagine how hard it must be dealing with those people daily.
Not my mother in law, but my grandma has been shaming my stepmom for her mental health issues and previous attempts on her life. Basically cut off the entire family bc we sided with my step mom, this subreddit kinda reminds me of that whole situation
The second mil sounds more awkward than malicious.
I can see how it would be frustrating, but I wonder if it would help if OP came up with some subjects they have in common that they could talk about. Read the same book, listen to the same podcast, share a hobby, go to some event together?
Shaaba + pink hair is just so beautiful. Like... I'm mesmerized
Wow, the title of this video wasn't hyperbolic at all, and I'm genuinely scared at that last post lol.
My first pediatrician when I was a new squish told my mom that 1 you can't spoil a baby so I cried pick me up, 2 sleep when the baby is sleeping and 3 just use common sense and everything will be fine.
I mean this in a good way, as she was a big part of my childhood, but that intro really reminded me of Yammy/Yammyxox!
Others have said it as well but I really love how much you form your own opinion and stick to it, unless you get new information or a different perspective that makes you reconsider! Also super valued everything you shared re: narcissism!! And hearing what you said about taking Covid seriously was really nice when it can feel like barely anyone takes it seriously anymore. Also, that was quite the range in stories here, that last one was wild wtf
It is absolutely creepy for someone to use a screenshot of someone else’s picture as anything. If you have to take a screenshot, that means you‘re not supposed to have it. Don’t use a picture you‘re not supposed to have, especially someone’s kids.
Using a reward/punishment tactic on a narcissist is not ideal, but it might be workable. Hear me out - if you're not interested in fostering a close, deep relationship, but can't cut this person out, it can make your life easier. You can't force them into therapy, and even if they agree you can't force them to take it seriously. So if you must facilitate some kind of contact (for the sake of the other parent or younger siblings, for example), do whatever works.
The last one really could be a horror movie: M.I.L. it would start with the wedding or shortly before and show an apparently loving and accepting MIL and then slowly theae behaviors start to appear. By the end she's either trying to frame DIL for murder or trying to kill her outright. MIL would need to be played by someone you wouldn't expect as a villain, maybe Toni Collete and DIL could be Jenna Ortega.
All I know is that I’m obsessed with both you and Jamie individually and as a couple! 🥰🥰
Oh, that last one made me pull a face, weird
Love you shaaba all of your videos are amazing
HELLO SHAABA!! , since i remember you once said you love people recommendation for subreddits , then i would like for you to try r/facepalm , it is really funny where we see people beinf dumb or r/trueoffmychest , it is about people talking about life experiences cute or horrible and it is a fun roller coaster
Regarding spam calls: subscribe to the telephone preference service (it's completely free and now includes mobiles) - they legally can't cold call you anymore.
With the last one, I don't think the behaviour is necessarily intentionally malicious. It's possible that the mother-in-law has some deep rooted self-esteem issues from past experiences (constantly being punished or berated for minor mistakes).
I'm surprised that Shaaba didn't touch on this as it sounds similar to RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Disorder), which is a common co-morbidity with ADHD.
Overall though, regardless of intent or reasoning, she definitely needs some professional help.
I don't see why using 1st MIL's narcissistic tactics back would be a bad thing. When you're "training" a dog, you don't talk to it like it's a person and try to rationalize why you want it to behave a certain way, because they don't understand human language and that's not how their mind works. You have to use canine tactics to establish rapport. If MIL doesn't understand empathetic reasoning, talk to her in a way she understands. You have to teach people in the way that they learn.
but narcissism is a whole THING… whether or not they have NPD, they truly believe they are CORRECT and the rest of the world is the problem, and more often than not that means they can’t accept ANY criticism.
People aren't dogs, when there's malicious intent in doing something that's still malicious
@@Whirlbee there's no malicious intent from OP tho, it's just trying to find something that works by speaking MIL's language
@@rage_of_aquarius can you be sure it is their language though?
Good video have a awesome weekend ❤ i dont have any in laws but some of these stories are crazy to me , i hope that the people involved in these situations find a solution 🙏
Stop being horrible to my bebe 🫰🏻🫰🏻🫰🏻😅
That was quite a range! Hope the husband of the last op wises up
Clicked so fast, love a good Shaaba vid ❤
omg love you Shaaba!!!
The one with the disabled child - it seems like MIL is in denial and is hoping the kid will just snap out of it and be ok. She clearly has no understanding of normal milestones for a 3 month old, let alone those of one with disabilities. I've seen that attitude toward people with various challenges, where someone is trying desperately to prove that the other person doesn't have those challenges because they can't handle the thought.
It's like a lot of people fall one way or the other. They either pretend there are no issues or they overcompensate and treat the kid like they can't do anything. I have a friend who is the latter - her parents babied her so much because of her birth injury she is incapable of being self-sufficient as an adult, even though she really could be. They overtake every effort she's made to grow more independent and now they're aging, but still doing it.
Absolutely love this series! Always so excited to see it 🍑⭐️
28:55 How does Shaaba know my butt is fuzzy?
I am just so happy that I have such a good mother in law lol yes she is alot lol but she always means well lol she has taught me a lot of things that I should have learned from my own mother and is always there with her extraness when I'm in need lol
12 weeks old babies sleep, eat, cry and poop. They are cute, they gurgle a bit, but honestly you can't expect a lot more. Yes, they grow, learn and change every they, but a 3 months old is barely out of newborn stage, what do you want them to do, a back flip? Humans that age can't even see clearly, are just learning to see distant objects and recognize faces.
Me watching this with COVID right now 🤧
Oh nooo! Get well soon fellow Peach ❤
@@marleensier3335 thank you! It's definitely doing the rounds again, that selfish MIL isn't helping
Feel better soon! xx
Get well soon!
The last one: I have a relative that does the thing with stating out loud how people have a bad perception and opinion of her, even though we don't. And I've met others like that but that I havn't been close to or known long term. I think it's a kind of coping from abuse of being overly criticised and experienced a lot of "failures" in ones social life, such as hard time keeping and making friends, being the "punching bag" in most your friend groups, bullied in general etc. Sometimes it feels like people are doing it so they can get the response of disgagreeing, that they have a need for someone to acctually tell them that they arn't dumb or ugly or undeserving of love etc. Sometimes it also feels like they are trying to get ahead of the critique. You can't hurt me if I already predicted your opininon to be even worse. I wouldn't assume this behaviour as malicous intent. If she is out to make OP look bad infront of others, then that could be proved by just talking to others about their observations and experiences with her.
My MIL is very sweet, but when my husband and I first started dating, and I first met her, she pissed him off because she started complaining about how he had a gambling addiction, and I was thinking, "um, what!?" Turns out, he had just gone on a planned poker trip before I met him, and he lost like a few thousand dollars. However, he had been planning and saving for the trip for a year. He knew he was most likely going to lose it all: the trip was really about playing poker with his boys, (also, now that we've been married for 12 years, I can confirm, he does not have a gambling addiction). His mom is a bit of an over-reactor, particularly when it comes to behaviors like gambling, drinking, smoking, etc.
Hi Shaaba, just dyed my hair pink, but it turned out fuscia. I am just wondering what shade of pink you are using?
I'm so confused about the last one, it kinda just seems like she thinks that
Shaaba your reddit videos are so soothing to me 😭💗
Love you Shaaba!!🩷🩷🍑🍑
Love you Shaabaaaa
First one, with my mom, I have to fight, scream and make a big drama to get a point across to her. When she asks why I am doing such a big deal I tell her that's the only way she listens and then it usually gets the message across that there is a boundary line there and she needs to respect it.... not saying it's the perfect solution or that it will work with everyone, but it works for us hehehe As for the comment of the reward system, for me, find what works! Is it good, is it bad? Who cares! If it works it works!! Don't use it with everyone but it's fine to change depending on the person you are dealing with. If you can cut ties with a toxic person great, but if you can make a relationship work where it's not hurting you, that's even better in my book!
Second one, you're just bothered that she is obsessed with Grand child. I get it, I had people obsessing over stuff and irritating me, it feels creepy. But I would let it go. It's her first grand child, understandable and probably it will wear off into a healthy level of love by time. She might still be a little overbearing and a discussion might end up being necessary, but it might settle down on it's own especially since now there is a distance. Good luck!
These videos make me glad I’m single 😂
I don't think it's near like that messy and your dicidemy false. It's one thing for mill to see the pictures.It's another thing for her to have control of the pictures and therefore be able to use them to influence other people's behavior/perceptions. Think about it in terms of a musician. Yeah, it's perfectly fine for your friend.Who's also a musician to hear the song.But if they're performing it behind your back that takes away the control of the song.
How is a screenshot sent to her by family and friends gonna "influence behaviour"?
@@neilcognitowhen MIL shows off to others that she has it as a lockscreen, it makes it look like she is way closer than she really is. like my grandma has me as a lockscreen, and the photo is literally from when i saw her one day because we are close and saw eachother frequently before i moved away. i would think the MIL is pretty close with the. family of i saw the baby on the lockscreen
In case anyone finds this helpful, here is how my husband and I deal with crazy (but well intentioned) mother-in-law things:
He is responsible for boundary setting with his family and I am responsible for the same with mine. We communicate with each other so if there’s an issue we can nip it in the bud on behalf of our partner. My mother-in-law has no idea that I am at all bothered by her controlling ways and same goes for the dynamic between my mom and husband. (Although to be fair, my mom is kind of the chill one.) We know our biological parents better and know how to deal with them, plus it’s a lot easier to damage in-law relationships than it is mother-son/mother-daughter relationships (at least for us).
PS: I know father-laws can be crazy too, but I’m sure it can be addressed the same way. I don’t have a dad and my father-in-law is the peacemaker of the family so that’s why they weren’t brought up.
I had an amazing mother-in-law She is now dead but she would cut my hair, as just one example
Last mother in law is giving delusion/psychosis vibes to me, possibly because I have recently watched MDJ’s long form video on Andrea Yates. The description is giving a picture of a person who is reeeeally out of touch with reality, and it sounds like she’s making these comments even when they’re not in front of other people. It sounds less calculating and more out of control/losing track of reality to me as a person who was also enmeshed with their mother. My own mother is much more anxious and hurt about my partner not being ok with her anymore, but she still does her utmost to try to do things to help him like her/be cordial to him, maybe because she’s terrified of losing access to me. She’s the same with my brother’s wife.
I do not understand why people snap their fingers and clap their hands loudly in front of little babies faces. One of my coworkers (Anna) had twins in late January (they were early by about 7 weeks) and they spend the first month of their lives in the NICU. Anna brought them for the first time to meet us in the office in July. They were awake but clearly on their way to nap time having fed just before they came over, and fussing a bit. Two of us who are CLOSE to Anna took one each after they had been toured around the office and walked around with them doing, you know, all the soothing things that will put babies to sleep while working a little bit (distracted admittedly). Holding them up against your chest, pat pat pat, gentle bouncing and swaying back and forth (I have 28 cousins younger than me, I have taken care of too many babies, there is just a natural movement to it all).
Just giving Anna a break and letting her be a whole adult person for a bit and visit other adults.
It took about 30 minutes to settle them and once they were asleep we brought them back to their buggy.
Cue lady from a different team who only knows Anna to see her, pretty sure they don't even know each others names, coming over to see the babies. Anna just finished strapping in the sleeping infants getting ready to take them back home. And this woman leans down takes a look at them AND IMMEDIATELY STARTS SNAPPING HER FINGERS IN THEIR LITTLE FACES saying loudly "Look at me! Look at me!".
All of us who had just gotten them asleep looked shocked. I put my hand out and said quietly "please stop" and she proceeds to loudly start clapping in their ears. Anna looked at me furious and pleading, confused as to what to do (I mean who does that). And I stepped in front of her and said firmly "Stop! They just fell asleep and it is their nap time! Back up". She had the audacity to look confused but I stared at her until she just scurried away. Anna didn't want to cause a scene but was obviously unhappy about what happened. She hasn't brought the babies in to see us since.
Referring to someone as narcissistic or a narcissist doesn’t necessarily refer to someone with NPD. Just like referring to someone as paranoid doesn’t mean they have PPD, or describing someone as avoidant doesn’t mean they have APD, etc. The word far predates the diagnosis, and had continually been used separate from the diagnosis to this day. It’s also not a slur or created to be derogatory to people with NPD. Words can mean multiple things
That being said, I am trying to be more careful how I use the term so as not to hurt anyone with NPD, but I think part of that comes back to separating the descriptor and the diagnosis which uses the word in the label
Leaving a comment for the algorithm
Grandparents ALWAYS use grandchild photos as their lockscreen/screensaver. ESPECIALLY when they’re little! Normal-@ss behaviour.
I'm not exactly sure what Shaaba means when she says feeling 'some kinda way' and I've noticed she uses it a lot. Is it a catch-all term for negative emotions like upset, bitter, uncomfortable? Why not be more specific? No hate here I just don't really understand this turn of phrase.
Yeah, basically. "I'm having painful emotions, and when people are in pain they sometimes lash out when they don't mean to, and I'm trying to manage my own shit but if I misjudge things and wrong you then I'm genuinely sorry but request your grace" took too long to say.
It means "I feel uneasy about this and I haven't worked out why yet."
It's not always said in a negative context though, I've seen people use it for positive and other emotions
LMAO as IF a narcissist would ever go to therapy when confronted about their issues 😂 also “it’s not their fault”?? They’re perfectly aware of what is right or wrong, they’re 100% responsible of their actions.
12:45 😂 LOL
I’m so lucky my MIL is great! 🫶🏻
16:21 I'm confused. MIL was overly excited to see the baby, so she got no access to photos, but OP admits MIL probably didn't even know she was blocked because she doesn't really understand social media, but it's weird she has those pictures of the baby as her background? People were probably just sending her picks like, "oh, I love this one!" and she's like "yeah, me too! I didn't see that one on my feed!" And OP said she doesn't mind them doing that. Also, "and failed to see anything wrong with that." Did you tell them there was something wrong with that? They are older, and it used to be the norm that you were rude if you didn't want to see the baby immedialty. Did anyone tell them that isn't the norm anymore, or did you just freak out and block her from seeing pictures of her grandchild? Huh?