Videos are great! Only one serious question: her: i'm offended (no good reason) me: Tell me why you feel this way her: i'm fine / i don't wanna talk about it This is the main problem when interacting with women. No idea how to deal with it. Walking away doesn't seem to help either.
@@simosavustaja9420 There is a response that I find useful and that is to say "If that is the way you want to behave/act then see what it gets you". Then walk away and leave her alone until she comes back to you. If she doesn't come back then she made her decision. Put the ball in her court and she will realise her behaviour will leave her lonely and she will either change or she will be alone. If she does not accept responsibility for her actions, she never will and dodge that bullet. Women and people generally are still children inside and need a firm hand sometimes. She is an adult but you are a man and men need to be responsible and respected.
If your woman doesn’t agree that there’s right and wrong, an objective reality, then you should leave her immediately. The ONLY way a couple can survive is if both people work together to find the right way, to see objective truth together. If she cares about her own feelings more than the truth, run from her fast!
Yes, objective truth “together”. That’s crucial. If her version of objective truth includes several thousand genders, then it would behoove you to keep moving and find someone who lives here, on planet Earth, in reality.
While it is factually worst if a woman cheats. Studies showed that it's percieved worst if a man feels something for another woman to women than cheats, while it's the opposit for men. This makes a lot of sense evolutionary speaking. Women ACTUALLY care less if their compagnon cheats than for men, considering reproduction, the girl shouldnt care if he makes a baby to another woman as long as he doesnt care about it and doesnt interract with that woman or the baby anymore but if he is emotionally attached to another woman that's really bad, she might loose the provider he represents. On the other side, if a woman cheats that's even worst because then if the girl gets pregnant, the guy has very high chances for the baby to not be his and moreover to not even know it, that's terrible. But men will care waaaay less if she's emotionnaly attached to another man as long as she's faithfull. Also sexual investment is not the same at all for women and men, so cheating is worst for a woman.
There’s nothing romantic about constantly trying to prove yourself to a woman again and again and again and again. Her constant testing sounds like suffering instead.
All you need to know is how to stand your ground in a conflict and how to make a girl to think about you, to her testings in the relationship either exaggerate it (if it is not serious) or draw a line that you wont accept such attitude towards yourself no matter what. Remember girls are seeking for men who make them feel like they want to chase you and if you going her way you aren't the one she is chasing. Be sure not to dive in any conflict with a woman, just make a point and leave arguing. Men are the one who inclined to actians instead of whining or anything. You dont like it? Leave her and say no word, even if she is right she shouldn't be talking like she is, but having an attitude that both if you win or more of yourself.
@@pruje this is eye opening, never thought of this the way you put it, society and other men ridicule you, but in reality you laugh at them back... nice
I guess what she means is that there is the Fact of Cheating and there is the reason behind it, which can be good or bad, depending on what persons side you view it. If for example the women cheated before and the man cheates now for revenge, he cheated on her but kinda in a justified way almost. Not saying that this scenario is healthy or whatever, just trying to give an example. People would say the guy is trash bc he cheated, others would say he is right. Depends on the view.
I think it's worth mentioning that if a woman does this once or twice that is one thing, but if she's done this to you repeatedly she is leaning on you like a crutch instead of facing her past traumas. Do not let her do this gentlemen, she will quickly realize that she can manipulate you without you standing up for yourself. That sex she gives you after you've "demonstrated strong masculinity" in this instance is not a reward, or because she respects you, but rather a manipulation to keep you from calling her out on the repeatedly toxic behavior. as always excellent work Alexander!
Women tactics: hold onto a grudge for 10 years then bring it back up when she wants to start trouble. Then after you talk she will just argue over your logic.
I've noticed this over the years about a lot of women as well. Its almost as if they can't reason because they think everything is simply a feeling instead of there being facts that may refute both sides' claims to some degree. Especially when both sides polarize well past the point of reason (somewhere in the middle), this phenomenon is clearly observable. The real problem I'm seeing on women lately is this massive ego they bring into conversations about anything. They start asking really basic questions that any expert would find odd given that most of the things being asked should already be known and mastered before even entering into the topic of conversation. The female often then tries to project emotions onto what's being said and claims that they're being oppressed or the man is just being condescending or insulting when in fact she was never in any position of knowledge, experience, or prowess to begin with. Women just don't seem to be able to tell when they aren't in a position to speak with an ego. Most of the time, they don't even realize how egotistical they are being in their "questions". Many men know when they are not in a position of sufficient knowledge and experience to really weigh heavily in on a topic or especially start long inquiries with the tone as if they are checklisting you and making sure you didn't forget anything. Only an expert can do that and 99% of the time, the man is the superior. Why do women think they get to speak with such impunity when they have no qualifications or accomplishments? Its very odd from a logic standpoint.
@@nicholaslucas5183 most of these broads ain't worth the constant analysis and talking off the ledge. I mean if she's paying for my professional opinion that's fine I guess. But if all she's bringing to the table is that sass, sweaty waist trainers, subpar sex and STRESS...no thanks I'm out. Let her fall off her own tower of bullshit!
Somewhat related to the points you raised, has anyone else ever noticed, on some women, a very subtle shift in expression during a conversation that suggests that they’ve switched gears and are no longer running on their ‘logical drive” but their ‘emotional drive’? They’ll appear a bit lost and confused if the conversation has grown too ‘geeky’, too philosophical, too abstract, but if you infuse it with colorful, flowery language, you’ll see her face begin to reanimate and show interest and at least the appearance of comprehension (even if slightly feigned) of what is being discussed. Maybe there’s a forum or another RUclips channel like this one, but for women, where they’ve raised the same question, but in reverse, how if any of them have ever noticed men tune out when they (women) unleash a stream of emotional consciousness upon their conversations.
Women's logic is purely based on emotions. No point logically arguing with a woman, you are waisting your time and energy... If you get sucked into an argument with a woman & you, yourself get emotional, you are doomed. Women love to argue, emotional chaos is a woman's domain. Don't try to change a woman's mind, focus on changing her emotional state. Distract her, change her focus. Use humour. Don't react to her bating you!
It's very important to make a distinction when her behavior is OK and when she is crossing all the boundaries. This video shows one side of the story, but you should not tolerate an immature or mean woman.
"There's no objective truth." Right, what's the weight of proton? Our best assumption is that we live in a reality, one in which there's rules that exist. We can have interpretations, but the most productive way we can go about in this world is that we assume things exist for us to observe. If things are truly subjective, then nothing exists outside of our own minds. Either things exist, in which case, there's objective truth. Or things are subjective, in which case you cannot assume any other human is real. Existence outside of your own mind requires an objective truth of some kind. (Apologies for the rant, that's my opinion.)
@@forestadamo4209 Never said it was, I also listened to what she said afterwards, she said they both had their own, separate, objective truths. This probably wasn't the place to post it, but it's one of the few things that sets me off at all. I was a little triggered. ;)
I'm with you Owen. Relativism is a mental dead-end which is commonly espoused. It always jumps out at me too and I want to argue it back into oblivion where it belongs.
@@roca967 It's good in therapy and for understanding people. It matters in relationships as humans are not fully rational. Aside from a few cases, I fully agree with you.
@@owingseven Yeah, I guess to tie it into the context of the video, the way I'd summarize it is that we sometimes have to puzzle out emotional reactions before we can discuss different perspectives in our pursuit of... the objective truth.
There are two kinds of argument styles women perform: 1.) One where she knows she's correct, she will then stay on that subject matter throughout the argument. And 2.) This one is where she knows her argument is bullshit when she doesn't stay on point and attacks anything that hits a nerve. Now, personally, I just leave the situation until things simmer down, especially, if she pulls a toddler level meltdown in public. It doesn't matter where we are located, I will leave the situation before some white knight decides to get involved.
If a woman put a toddler meltdown in public I should question if I should stay in that relationship. "Dirty laundry stay/ should be washed at home" or some quote like that, it means any drama should be private.
I know your content is primarily made for man. However as a woman I love watching your videos and learning from them. Thank you for sharing your perspective and knowledge!
This is actually the best thing you can do to learn about men and tgeir expectations for women. I tried reading/watching content of women for women, but cannot find anything of quakity. Can you suggest anything?
@@russgurpa1306 there's no such thing, the mainstream content for women is "how to be a whor. and don't be cought in the prosses" that the main goal nowadays of every LORÉAL girl.
@@russgurpa1306 women's self improvement comes in the form of cosmetics, not self/knowledge growth. You'll find thousands of makeup channels but almost no knowledge improvement channels for women. Men are selected by their ability to protect the household. Women are selected by their fertility/beauty. Simple as that.
@@bricktea3645 Men are primarily *Overt Communicators* (Direct & Logical) Women are primarily *Covert Communicators* (In-direct & Emotional) So Women actually take responsibility LESS then Men do due to there Biological Design. Blaming IS a Covert Behaviour
@@bricktea3645 You're not entirely wrong, but the reality is that women are socially encouraged to not take responsibility, whilst men are shamed for it. So on the whole it's worse with the ladies
I've noticed that when I get upset at my boyfriend, it's because of my personal interpretations of his actions, not the truth of situations. It's quickly help me think and act more rationally. I tell him how I feel as opposed to assuming wrongdoing, or blaming him for my thoughts and feelings.
Although your analysis is spot on, as per usual, you focus only on men working towards emotional maturity but not women which is actually more important as their fears and lack of their handling is the cause of the issue....
I agree with your point. In Alex's defense, this is a men oriented channel. I would also argue that the more you work on yourself and the better You you become, you'll be able to better recognize the level of emotional development the women you meet are in.
I doubt that AGs message would get through to the women who really need it. Many women wouldn't like being 'told' this information from a man on a channel that focusses on mens issues. But I agree with the OP. There are women who watch this channel. Hopefully some genuine female evo psych creators are out there working on content for the ladies.
while what you say is true, it doesn't matter. women don't need to, and no one will make them. They aren't really wired for it, they don't like doing it, and no one will make them.
This channel makes me think... why bother with women. You can either have it easy with a lower quality that you dont fancy, or have i hard with someone you are attracted to. But the easiest of all, is just to avoid them all together.
@Yash Yadav trust me man we Indians in india are in good condition these Western women are doomed because of them Western men are suffering (mostly american).
Yash Yadav Having a family is hard! And if you live in the western world, then there is no traditionalism left. Im not saying be a bachelor, i say do whatever you like! Travel the world alone, work less, watch tv.. whatever you want
titu bhoi Same in Europe. Europeans are going extinct as ethnicities too, so even in a biological regard it doesnt make sense to have kids. Europe is going to be something completely different in 50 years.
@@Northern85Star I usnerstand brother, if i was born in an Western country then I will never ever marry because there is no reason to maary most women there want weeding but they don't want to become wife.and you said it right don't be alone but don't marry anyone.
This is the most valuable information in these times of insulation. Although maybe coming to an end, still amazing knowledge to have. Almost feeling trapped in with our lass during the quarantine, just knowing this 10 could have had the situation feeling like a holiday instead of quarantine. Love the content
Great advice in this one. One of women's fears once they're in a relationship is that her guy will leave her. The chaos comes from the anxiety produced by that fear. By walking through her feelings rather than feeling a need to defend yourself, you demonstrate not only that you are a rock in the sense of not being afraid of her, but also that you are not going to leave her even despite her chaos. It actually proves by deeds rather than by words that her fears are unfounded, and that she can have confidence in you. I don't know how far this rationale will extend, but where feelings are concerned, actions are almost always better than words. Thanks for also responding to Georgia Free's comment on her boyfriend being up-front. I had similar thoughts as your Patron. I enjoy and respect both your channels, so I was curious as to the nuance of the disagreement on this one.
Oh, I also find it ironic whenever anyone says there's no such thing as objective truth. It is an assertion of an objective truth to say there are no objective truths.
You should understand that most guys do not want to be a mentalist or psychologist for their partner nor do men feel the need or see the value to perform any of those functions in a relationship. What is the point really, to get her to become more rational? Most guys just dont want to deal with that level of BS....but for those men who do or have a nack for it, good luck. However, I strongly suspect that it will become tiresome, even for them at some point...
As a woman, I've followed this channel for well over an year now. Though this channel is targeted at male audience, I still find it very helpful as it allows me to see the double standards and hypocrisy of us women. Viewing things from the other side's perspective really helps you identify faults that you yourself wouldn't have been able to see for yourself and so you know what not to do in a relationship. And though the comments section is generally despising women, it still helps me to see things from a male's perspective. You get to read things here which you wont read elsewhere. The comments section seems like a safe zone for men to open up truly how they feel/have felt with most women. Honestly, this channel needs a larger female audience. I don't think this channel is only useful for men.
100% agree with everything you said. I'm curious... Are you aware of any similar Chanel's that exist for women who are seeking to genuinely understand men? I feel like.mennwould benefit from doing what you are doing... Lurking in a space made for their opposite fender, and seeing life through a different lens. But as far as I'm aware, no channels exist of women that are striving to understand men.
Why women here if more women here this space will be broken no more free speach for men they will argue and try to manipulate men if majority of women here loooks like men in these page never learn
@@shakirghazali2890 Oh no, I believe that's the opposite what she just said. I'm glad that she finds this helpful, and I hope other women would find it too. Why would you deny women here who try their best to participate and understand you, and us all, as human beings? I'm a guy, and even thou I disagree on some comments here which are hateful towards women, I still think it's important that there is a place where people can make such comments and vent their frustrations. It's important that everyone has their right to free speech, so they can argue their point. You don't have to agree with them, just as long as no one's trying to control or censor other people's opinions. It's our differences and misunderstandings that leads to problems in the first place. We need discussion and participation, not segregation, to come along better together, and to cultivate our understanding of each other.
I agree hira. This is the first video of his I have seen and I agree with most of what he says. Only thing I would add is that codependency is not a female-only issue, which he doesnt specifically address. Very interesting video.
No it would not have.. I am living with one, trust me, this logic / sweet reasoning doesn't work on her .. I have audio recordings to prove that.. Glad you escaped.. I am planning on an escape route .. but I am worried about the impact on our kids.. that's the only thing holding me back.
The best video this year! Boy did I land myself in some stupid arguments from my now separated wife! I had enough, I left the home. Questioning my own self worth, my identity. Best thing I ever did. Now I get to enjoy the pleasures of Critical thinking again and actually doing something meaningful other than just work.
What a great explanation of codependency! Taking responsibility of someone's else's feelings. Wow, mind blowingly easy to understand why I was so miserable in my marriage.
I have known my wife for about 49 years. You could count our disagreements on one hand with half of the fingers missing.(actually, I can't think of any) All is well. It can happen. I am still in love with her.
“allow her to express her femininity in the safety of your masculinity” wow what wise words. i realized i’ve never had that, but in turn have learned lots of emotional self regulation. great wisdom thanks for sharing.
"allow her to express her femininity in the safety of your masculinity" iow a dude has to stand there and listen to this barrage of absurd irrational, illogical insanity and somehow remain stoic....or he can realize he does not have to deal with this level of bs and take him and his masculinity as far away from the source of said insanity...
KennedyM, can you then explain what a man should say during the inevitably lengthy time in the vortex nonsense as she bombards you with a barrage of baseless accusation built out of an overactive imagination detached from reality? After each successive accusation, seems we can either ignore it which will piss her off more. Or engage by asking questions/agree/disagree which means now we are playing into her frame and taking responsibility for her emotions. And doesn’t all of this reward bad behavior by giving her attention?
The point about not participating in her "reality" is spot on, but I completely disagree with the bit on arguments. Disagreements are fine, but the most successful relationships I've seen and have been a part of have a zero tolerance policy on disrespect. "If you raise your voice at me or insult me, I'm walking out and not coming back. Full stop. I will listen to any complaint delivered with respect." It works.
Tbh if she even gets into an argument over you going camping then it´s probably not worth it, either she´s just acting emotional to test you or she is generally upset both cases you should be unfazed about it. Solving all her problems for her doesn´t help her she must learn to solve her problems herself, you are only there as her support as she is to you. If she has some honest big problems and she needs your help you should be there but if it is not large enough you are stifling her potential growth.
Thank you Alexander for giving so much value in your videos. I owe a lot of how I understand relationships now to your content, and I come to realize that the beauty of relationships lays in its complexity. It truly as a form of art, you have to use a lot of tools and understand so many concepts, then apply them and test them on yourself and in the real world. Your videos are a pleasure to watch, and I can say without a doubt that relationships-wise you are my favorite channel. Take care of yourself, you have a very strong energy and I'm sure the value you're giving will come back to you even more, so keep it up.
Communication is really important, the problem is when you sit it down and communicate, you both agree it's been resolved and you're both on the same page. But she's not over it because she wasn't honest or she thinks of something else later so she stews in a pot until it causes a toxic argument later because she doesn't want to speak up.
Relevant for almost any conflict, a level belief requires no explanation. Alex you're amazing with this stuff. I see so many parallels in my own experiences with conflicts and resolution.
I really appreciate the content. For myself, I no longer interact with women and I can't care to assist, educate, or empathize. I limit my interactions to paying the cashier at the grocery store. I never realized how peaceful life could be.
Maybe there was a conversation leading up the point, but if I ask someone the question "is there objective truth or is everything subjective?" If the first answer from the persons mouth is: Well, if someone cheated... Yeah, if that is the first thing that pops into your mind I would rather avoid you, whatever it takes
Do this when arguing with a woman, she's screaming and yelling, you look at her and say, "So...what's your point?" Their heads get all confused and they don't have a point, they just like to scream and yell. Then they will probably say they hate you and leave.
To the curiously defensive woman at the start of the video: There's no "your truth". You don't get to own the truth. Truth is objective. What's subjective is your own experience. The problem with trying to call it "your truth" is that you try to grant your extremely fallible experience the qualities of being factual thanks to exploiting the meaning of "truth". Doing so gives you free reign to delude yourself as much as possible to make up any bullshit story that automatically justifies any/everything you do. Respect for the truth is the healthy self-check we need against our biases. So no. You don't have "your truth." You have your story. How it looks under the lens of truth remains to be seen.
Thank you, AG. Great video and fantastic topic. Quite a bit is made of the tendency for a Woman to typically select for a mate, a Man that provides safety and security. Generally, the discussion thereafter tends to focus solely on tangible resources. We often forget that emotional safety and security is every bit as valuable as are tangible resources. I would estimate that the arguments, tests, and manipulations that you are referring to in this video will happen in every relationship in one form or another. They can, however, be mitigated to a perfectly manageable degree through observation and discernment. The work you complete early in the relationship by observing each other, under various circumstances, will lay the ground work for how the pairing progresses and whether or not you are a match. You must take leadership over demonstrating that she has, in you, someone she can express anything to, feel anything with. That she can come to you with the most far-flung thoughts, emotions, suppositions, judgements and what have you. That when she does, she will not be dismissed, judged or shamed for thinking this or that - that you have the resilience to accept the things about her, and we all have them, that maybe are not so great. This can go a long way towards establishing how you communicate with each other and it will create the safety and security she needs - that she can trust you with who she is, to see her, and you won’t back away. You can’t avoid discussions or disagreements but you certainly can set the tone for whether or not they come from an abundance of honesty or scarcity of it. If she feels emotionally safe and secure with you, there is much less likelihood that she will have a need, or even want, to keep things percolating in her mind until she is upset about one thing, but really there are overarching upsets that provide the soil in which upsets grow. Anecdotally, I know when we have done the work because there comes a point where you can sit with each other and not have to be talking about anything. When you can be happy, silent in a room with each other, that, for me, is when I know she feels safe and secure enough to not feel the silence is a void and need to fill it because she accepts that I know her and I choose to be with her. That’s powerful. I submit that one of the most important things you can work on early in any pairing is establishing how you communicate with each other so that it never comes across as though you are speaking different languages to each other and expecting understanding to simply manifest from that chaos. At least with respect to her emotional well being, to a certain extent, she needs to know you are the rock her river can flow over. Do the work early and neither of you will have much of an issue later on, when it can become a real problem. My best to you and yours. Looking forward to your next.
Best advice ever, that is my single most problem I have with women. In an argument with women there is no logic and I never had an idea how to deal with this nonsense without making myself an idiot or arrogant jerk. Thanks man!
In the camping scenario you use is simple. First tell her to check herself for the way she is treating you. She has no right to treat you badly. Two, remind her that you can make decisions regarding yourself by yourself. Three, give me rational reasons why it's a problem, no hissy fits or discussion done. If she can't give any then she needs to realize she is being crazy and needs to stop such behavior or kick rocks. Also demanding or ordering you to not go is not an option on her part at all. If she. If you want, clarify you MAY consider any request by her provided the benefit is sufficient for you to consider it. Cut that toxic drama behavior out of your life immediately. She is responsible for learning to act like an adult. I will simply check that behavior and tell her to shape up and act reasonably or get out. Too hard for some? Don't care. Life is too short.
I really think the part you said where the guy said ``me and my girlfriend never fight`` and they are probably one of the examples who broke up during corona . Did you hear that relationships took a new low in terms of break up during the corona lock down . This shows that most people cant stand each other
Thanks for this, I now see the issues of my past relationship. I was far too emotional, and if she attempted to make me feel like her emotions of being upset or sad were my fault, and that if I didnt say I'm sorry, i was not validating her feelings. Since a women will typically say that it doesnt matter if they got mad over something stupid, because emotions are always valid. I would try to talk about our issues in a good manner but the problem was I did this alllll the time, which would be annoying to anyone. I also got sucked into the fights that she started. I truth, there were plenty of times where she was the logical one who stated something, and I took that and tried to fix it, but it made her angrier instead of just saying she was right at the beginning. Idk its complicated. But I learned a lot from this video.
I get your point here, stay separated from her emotional accusations - however - after going through that 10 times in 8 months with my last Ex, the 11th time was the occasion to end it. Women don't just turn their attitude around the way you suggested, they can have this perpetual emotional response that is not worth the effort to walk through again, and again, and again.
Hello Alexander, thanks for the content. In this case i don't agree with you when you say staying strong and masculine by making your point of view and step aside from the conflict. My two last ex girlfriends wanted to win every fight by having the reason all the time, they didn't care about reality, truth or logic. So they got dumped, it became a pain in the ass arguing nonsense all the time.
For me stay strong and masculine is make your point of view and try to make them enter to reason, if they don't see the problem, or truly listen and it's like talking to the wall and there's no way to progress as a couple. Best solution after giving a few chances to talk is dumping her.
I'm having my first kid with my womens and have been slowly fading while losing my grip on reality. Thanks for your informative content. It has given me the answers I've been needing. Subbed
Watching this video reminds me of once incident I had with my wife. She was giving off some bad temper towards our kids, at least more than what they deserve at that time; since they were being naughty. I knew something was off, so, I told the kids to go into their room and asked her why was she that upset. She actually gave me a bad temper and told me if she can't be in a bad mood. Her behaviour was definitely not acceptable, but I didn't raise my voice and I just told her to tell me what's going on and whatever she is facing, just talk about it instead of throwing tantrums and exploding. It took a while for her to calm down and back to normal. I felt like I handled the situation well, though, she didn't really apologize to me about that :) Anyways, great videos as always Alex!
DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT EVEEER "Share your feelings" with a girl and tell her that "you like her"! She has to be the one telling you that. This is because it makes you look weak and vulnerable. The moment you start confiding in your girl with your issues is the moment she'll lose respect for you! Women will say they want a man who will express his emotions with them. But Guess what? Women will also tell you that they want a "Nice Guy". Anything they say HAS to be translated backwards. They CRAVE Bad Boys who WILL NOT open up to them. If you need a shoulder to cry on, pay a therapist! -Stop being Naive. Join the "EXODUS".
Hey Alex, thanks for the interesting topic. I've had experiences like these before that ended up devolving into an abusive and manipulative relationship, and it gives me a lot of post-clarity with this new perspective in mind. A few things that confused me though. I was confused about why every mention of one partner being more level-headed and in touch with reality is considered them being more masculine. Perhaps in this strict hypothetical of a woman being out of touch and a man being the sturdy anchor in reality, this definition of masculinity can be defined appropriately, but part of me found it a little insulting to think that the roles could not be reversed in some cases. Imagine a hypothetical where an emotional man with his own abandonment issues is upset because his girlfriend wants to spend a weekend away with her friends and in his eyes, she is just trying to get away from him. In this example, the woman has to be the anchor and not step down into the man's murky view of reality. Now, maybe I'm missing the point. I've only just discovered your channel. If this channel is meant to be a place to nurture men's masculine identities then that's great, I think a lot of men nowadays are guilty of acting too violent or too irrational as a symptom of a lack of emotional security with themselves, but it wasn't entirely clear. If this is not the case then maybe in the future you could keep the examples gender-neutral in order for more people to feel welcome in joining your brilliant discussions, or alternatively present multiple examples with reverse gender roles to show that life is not such a one-way street, or if you'd rather not do any of this, which I'd respect, just provide a clear introduction that this video is a hypothetical on male interaction in a traditional male-masculine/female-feminine framework. Of course, it doesn't have to be as wordy as that but I'm sure you understand. Personally, I understood every point you made in the video came from a place of good intention; however, some groups might think of this video as a way to look down upon women. Simply put, I think your points came across as a little old-fashioned but maybe I'm missing something. But again, fantastic video and it really gave me a fresh take on direct personal issues in my life and indirect ones of my friends' lives. Thank you for the read!
my first wife told me that i was too good at arguing and she couldn't take it. As if using reason and evidence and logic was somehow cheating. She didn't know what the rules needed to be but they needed to allow her to win more often. How does a person respond to that? as if both of us being controlled by her irrational feelings would have somehow been better than just one of us being so controlled. Just really an awful woman. Never should have married her, but my experience since then tells me it's common behavior.
You could even go as far as to say that a man is no longer acting as a man should if a woman can have any leverage over him. The man should automatically win every argument because logically he should never be in a position where actual facts are against him.
Hah! Your desire to go camping with a few friends is considered insensitive and evokes feelings of rejection in her eyes and therefore her feelings are justified. But when she wants to go out clubbing with her girlfriends and maybe get it on with some random guy and you feel the same way, you are considered controlling and unreasonable. Sheer madness
Listening to this, it makes it seem like the woman is some kinda child that needs to be protecting. Due to my own laziness I don't think this would be good thing for me to deal with. How often would this come up in a relationship honestly? 3 times a year or something? I might be able to handle that but if it's more than that wew lad.
Women are indeed best conceptualized as children. That's not exactly a slur, since children are wonderful... But expecting them to behave in responsible and mature ways usually ends in disappointment eventually.
No woman I have ever met states her emotions as calmly and emotionless as you did. Isn’t going to happen. FYI, almost 52 years of marriage taught me that 90% of "arguments" can be avoided by agreeing to discuss the problem when both parties cool down. By doing this, often the next day, both parties discover the whole reason for the "argument" was ridiculous. Also makes calm discussion easier when a little distance from the emotions is gained.
I would give a half-hearted or empty-hearted "Okay, If you say so" ... whatever deflates the emotions by giving faux submissiveness or clear apathy. At a point where it can be discussed with less emotions or more rationalism, I might bring the issue up again. Recognizing the time that a woman wants to draw you into an argument and deflating the issue can go a long way into maintaining peace in the relationship.
Amazing video - incredible insight. The only problem is that males aren't born to decode female chaos. So when a female attacks a male, the male will respond to the attack. If a female just expressed (and god forbid owned) THEIR anxieties in a way that men could understand - Hint: I'm feeling anxious about your camping trip - end hint, men could help them. When she frames it as, "You do this and that that I don't like", and attacks her man endlessly....there's going to be a fight. Then she'll cry to her girlfriends, "He's such a bastard, he doesn't even try to understand my feelings and he's so selfish". Then she'll join in the SJW chats, "Women are nurturing and caring". "We need more women CEO's to be more balanced". HaHaHa.
there definitely is the objective truth, but unfortunately, most people are not self-aware, their interpretation of the truth is subjective, but they are somehow convinced that they are being objective. i tend to avoid people who are unwilling to see things from many perspectives, and the ones who become verbally aggressive during a conversation or a discussion. if someone is aggressive when hearing a different opinion, then I'm sure that person cannot be objective.
Yeah boys it doesn’t work. My girl is to smart for that. In one of our fights I take all this steps and she just said: if you don’t felt open enough to show your emotions about my behavior I won’t talk to you. And she just stay complete quiet for 2 days. I stay strong, don’t taking a single bait but she saw that and said: well apparently your masculinity is more important then my fellings and stay with that reason superiority is amazing for u” what about know guys? Any help? Has being 2 days on that... (she saw a girl looking at me at the gym constantly and felt realy insecure about it/ no I was not looking at the girl just the girl at me).
1:14-1:32 well said. I don't think people think about this enough (or at all) and to put short i appreciate you putting this in the video so that at the very least someone can see and notice it. Nonetheless I regress, well said
Alexander Grace I watch all your videos from your first video that you uploaded till this video now. You are awesome 👍👍👍👍
Seconded
Videos are great! Only one serious question:
her: i'm offended (no good reason)
me: Tell me why you feel this way
her: i'm fine / i don't wanna talk about it
This is the main problem when interacting with women. No idea how to deal with it. Walking away doesn't seem to help either.
Made the same each video is a dictionary of knowledge
Do not put up with any abuse. No one needs an adversary.
@@simosavustaja9420 There is a response that I find useful and that is to say "If that is the way you want to behave/act then see what it gets you". Then walk away and leave her alone until she comes back to you. If she doesn't come back then she made her decision.
Put the ball in her court and she will realise her behaviour will leave her lonely and she will either change or she will be alone.
If she does not accept responsibility for her actions, she never will and dodge that bullet.
Women and people generally are still children inside and need a firm hand sometimes.
She is an adult but you are a man and men need to be responsible and respected.
If your woman doesn’t agree that there’s right and wrong, an objective reality, then you should leave her immediately. The ONLY way a couple can survive is if both people work together to find the right way, to see objective truth together. If she cares about her own feelings more than the truth, run from her fast!
Yes, objective truth “together”. That’s crucial. If her version of objective truth includes several thousand genders, then it would behoove you to keep moving and find someone who lives here, on planet Earth, in reality.
Brian Mardiney runing How is that Masculine exactly
Yeah, thought the same when she said that...
@@scorpionenergy6256 metaphorically, not literally
So basically, don't date an atheist.
Interviewee:
Man's cheat = cheat
Woman's cheat = extenuating circumstances.
Ya, she's one of "them".
She will attempt to convince you
A man is responsible for her cheating and she should not be held accountable.
And you must apologise to her
Yeah, they always forget the extreme boredom they put in between the couple just after few months of being together.
Been there, done that. In EVERY situation - cheating or otherwise - she *always* justifies whatever stupid thing she does.
While it is factually worst if a woman cheats.
Studies showed that it's percieved worst if a man feels something for another woman to women than cheats, while it's the opposit for men.
This makes a lot of sense evolutionary speaking.
Women ACTUALLY care less if their compagnon cheats than for men, considering reproduction, the girl shouldnt care if he makes a baby to another woman as long as he doesnt care about it and doesnt interract with that woman or the baby anymore but if he is emotionally attached to another woman that's really bad, she might loose the provider he represents.
On the other side, if a woman cheats that's even worst because then if the girl gets pregnant, the guy has very high chances for the baby to not be his and moreover to not even know it, that's terrible. But men will care waaaay less if she's emotionnaly attached to another man as long as she's faithfull.
Also sexual investment is not the same at all for women and men, so cheating is worst for a woman.
There’s nothing romantic about constantly trying to prove yourself to a woman again and again and again and again. Her constant testing sounds like suffering instead.
All you need to know is how to stand your ground in a conflict and how to make a girl to think about you, to her testings in the relationship either exaggerate it (if it is not serious) or draw a line that you wont accept such attitude towards yourself no matter what. Remember girls are seeking for men who make them feel like they want to chase you and if you going her way you aren't the one she is chasing. Be sure not to dive in any conflict with a woman, just make a point and leave arguing. Men are the one who inclined to actians instead of whining or anything. You dont like it? Leave her and say no word, even if she is right she shouldn't be talking like she is, but having an attitude that both if you win or more of yourself.
It never ends. The best option is to have other options.
It's a zero sum game. The more you care the less she does. Minimal effort, maximal gains.
Its not suffering, its f*cking anoying.
Yeah, this is one of the reasons I am glad I'm gay. Guys have a lot less baggage. I feel bad for straight guys.
I still love these videos.
@@pruje this is eye opening, never thought of this the way you put it, society and other men ridicule you, but in reality you laugh at them back... nice
Two sides to every story isn't truth. It is two witnesses stating what they witnessed. There are no two opposite truths.
There’s three sides in each story, two people’s interpretations and the objective truth
I guess what she means is that there is the Fact of Cheating and there is the reason behind it, which can be good or bad, depending on what persons side you view it. If for example the women cheated before and the man cheates now for revenge, he cheated on her but kinda in a justified way almost. Not saying that this scenario is healthy or whatever, just trying to give an example.
People would say the guy is trash bc he cheated, others would say he is right. Depends on the view.
The only difference in truth is people being economical with it. It's the difference between the prosecutor's statement and the defence's statement.
exactly! There are people that have no idea of what truth means
@@ProtoIndoEuropean88 Agreed
There are three sides to every story. Yours, theirs and the truth.
correction: hers and the truth
I guess someone here failed to maintain his frame. 😵
Wise words
ahh yes, the truth points to itself
No there is one side truth
As soon as ANYONE says "My truth" I immediately lose any respect for them and any point they're trying to make in an argument.
100% Correct.
💯
Well, my truth is that your right!
Let's not be so though on the mentally challenged
This is literally how my ex work
Bill Burr said in one of his jokes that "women would be great detectives as long as they make the case personal" I love it so much :D
LMAO this is brilliant!!
Anyone else find women illogical?
@paula so there is no equality in a relationship respectively between men and women?!
Men approach situations on a logical level. Women approach situations on an emotional level. Logic doesn't matter to them.
Hollaaaa
@paula or.....dont deal with them...
Yes. That is why they make terrible leaders
I think it's worth mentioning that if a woman does this once or twice that is one thing, but if she's done this to you repeatedly she is leaning on you like a crutch instead of facing her past traumas. Do not let her do this gentlemen, she will quickly realize that she can manipulate you without you standing up for yourself. That sex she gives you after you've "demonstrated strong masculinity" in this instance is not a reward, or because she respects you, but rather a manipulation to keep you from calling her out on the repeatedly toxic behavior.
as always excellent work Alexander!
Women tactics: hold onto a grudge for 10 years then bring it back up when she wants to start trouble. Then after you talk she will just argue over your logic.
They’re complicated I tell you
Exactly........
I've noticed this over the years about a lot of women as well. Its almost as if they can't reason because they think everything is simply a feeling instead of there being facts that may refute both sides' claims to some degree. Especially when both sides polarize well past the point of reason (somewhere in the middle), this phenomenon is clearly observable.
The real problem I'm seeing on women lately is this massive ego they bring into conversations about anything. They start asking really basic questions that any expert would find odd given that most of the things being asked should already be known and mastered before even entering into the topic of conversation. The female often then tries to project emotions onto what's being said and claims that they're being oppressed or the man is just being condescending or insulting when in fact she was never in any position of knowledge, experience, or prowess to begin with.
Women just don't seem to be able to tell when they aren't in a position to speak with an ego. Most of the time, they don't even realize how egotistical they are being in their "questions". Many men know when they are not in a position of sufficient knowledge and experience to really weigh heavily in on a topic or especially start long inquiries with the tone as if they are checklisting you and making sure you didn't forget anything. Only an expert can do that and 99% of the time, the man is the superior. Why do women think they get to speak with such impunity when they have no qualifications or accomplishments? Its very odd from a logic standpoint.
Yes I'm very surprised he's come out with a video where he's asking a man to be a psychologist to a woman. Still a subscriber.
@@nicholaslucas5183 most of these broads ain't worth the constant analysis and talking off the ledge. I mean if she's paying for my professional opinion that's fine I guess. But if all she's bringing to the table is that sass, sweaty waist trainers, subpar sex and STRESS...no thanks I'm out. Let her fall off her own tower of bullshit!
Somewhat related to the points you raised, has anyone else ever noticed, on some women, a very subtle shift in expression during a conversation that suggests that they’ve switched gears and are no longer running on their ‘logical drive” but their ‘emotional drive’? They’ll appear a bit lost and confused if the conversation has grown too ‘geeky’, too philosophical, too abstract, but if you infuse it with colorful, flowery language, you’ll see her face begin to reanimate and show interest and at least the appearance of comprehension (even if slightly feigned) of what is being discussed.
Maybe there’s a forum or another RUclips channel like this one, but for women, where they’ve raised the same question, but in reverse, how if any of them have ever noticed men tune out when they (women) unleash a stream of emotional consciousness upon their conversations.
Women's logic is purely based on emotions. No point logically arguing with a woman, you are waisting your time and energy...
If you get sucked into an argument with a woman & you, yourself get emotional, you are doomed. Women love to argue, emotional chaos is a woman's domain.
Don't try to change a woman's mind, focus on changing her emotional state. Distract her, change her focus. Use humour. Don't react to her bating you!
@@builderbob3149 Or have no woman. :)
It's very important to make a distinction when her behavior is OK and when she is crossing all the boundaries. This video shows one side of the story, but you should not tolerate an immature or mean woman.
Been tolerating more than one trying to be “masculine” and it obviously backfired
@@fx4147 Yep, same here. Doesn't work at all for immature women who doesn't even listen.
"There's no objective truth."
Right, what's the weight of proton?
Our best assumption is that we live in a reality, one in which there's rules that exist. We can have interpretations, but the most productive way we can go about in this world is that we assume things exist for us to observe. If things are truly subjective, then nothing exists outside of our own minds.
Either things exist, in which case, there's objective truth. Or things are subjective, in which case you cannot assume any other human is real.
Existence outside of your own mind requires an objective truth of some kind.
(Apologies for the rant, that's my opinion.)
She litteraly said that there is an objective truth right after. Plus you know damn well that's not the subject of the video.
@@forestadamo4209 Never said it was, I also listened to what she said afterwards, she said they both had their own, separate, objective truths.
This probably wasn't the place to post it, but it's one of the few things that sets me off at all.
I was a little triggered. ;)
I'm with you Owen. Relativism is a mental dead-end which is commonly espoused. It always jumps out at me too and I want to argue it back into oblivion where it belongs.
@@roca967 It's good in therapy and for understanding people. It matters in relationships as humans are not fully rational.
Aside from a few cases, I fully agree with you.
@@owingseven Yeah, I guess to tie it into the context of the video, the way I'd summarize it is that we sometimes have to puzzle out emotional reactions before we can discuss different perspectives in our pursuit of... the objective truth.
There are two kinds of argument styles women perform:
1.) One where she knows she's correct, she will then stay on that subject matter throughout the argument.
And
2.) This one is where she knows her argument is bullshit when she doesn't stay on point and attacks anything that hits a nerve.
Now, personally, I just leave the situation until things simmer down, especially, if she pulls a toddler level meltdown in public. It doesn't matter where we are located, I will leave the situation before some white knight decides to get involved.
Bill burr
Bill Burr it is )))
@@russgurpa1306 "...they go rouge..." LOL Bill Burr wisdom classes
If a woman put a toddler meltdown in public I should question if I should stay in that relationship. "Dirty laundry stay/ should be washed at home" or some quote like that, it means any drama should be private.
Facts. Its like in class when a girl loud talks you and you say nothing and some idiot yells out "hush Mode!"
I know your content is primarily made for man. However as a woman I love watching your videos and learning from them. Thank you for sharing your perspective and knowledge!
This is actually the best thing you can do to learn about men and tgeir expectations for women. I tried reading/watching content of women for women, but cannot find anything of quakity. Can you suggest anything?
@@russgurpa1306 "Can you suggest anything?" .......and you are still waiting...lol, I wonder why?
@@wernergansert6377 LGBT doing their homework.
@@russgurpa1306 there's no such thing, the mainstream content for women is "how to be a whor. and don't be cought in the prosses" that the main goal nowadays of every LORÉAL girl.
@@russgurpa1306 women's self improvement comes in the form of cosmetics, not self/knowledge growth. You'll find thousands of makeup channels but almost no knowledge improvement channels for women. Men are selected by their ability to protect the household. Women are selected by their fertility/beauty. Simple as that.
Taking responsibility? By a women? They are not designed to do so. Blaming on the other hand, yeah, that's right up there in her architecture!
Ur not being honest,don't u think guys also tend to shift the blame on others or project their insecurities?
@@bricktea3645 Men are primarily *Overt Communicators* (Direct & Logical)
Women are primarily *Covert Communicators* (In-direct & Emotional)
So Women actually take responsibility LESS then Men do due to there Biological Design. Blaming IS a Covert Behaviour
@@Attiues not all men are good but we can hold our own 1000 times better than women
@@bricktea3645 You're not entirely wrong, but the reality is that women are socially encouraged to not take responsibility, whilst men are shamed for it. So on the whole it's worse with the ladies
@@AeneasGemini I am not sure which side to take but most influential people are men but most of the prison population is also men.
I've noticed that when I get upset at my boyfriend, it's because of my personal interpretations of his actions, not the truth of situations. It's quickly help me think and act more rationally. I tell him how I feel as opposed to assuming wrongdoing, or blaming him for my thoughts and feelings.
Honestly, i could care less about how she feels if she started an argument for no reason
Although your analysis is spot on, as per usual, you focus only on men working towards emotional maturity but not women which is actually more important as their fears and lack of their handling is the cause of the issue....
Girls don't need to improve anything, what they do is already enough for getting what they want
@@sjw7345 which will change soon enough as more men get tired of the games and nonsense.
I agree with your point. In Alex's defense, this is a men oriented channel. I would also argue that the more you work on yourself and the better You you become, you'll be able to better recognize the level of emotional development the women you meet are in.
I doubt that AGs message would get through to the women who really need it. Many women wouldn't like being 'told' this information from a man on a channel that focusses on mens issues.
But I agree with the OP.
There are women who watch this channel. Hopefully some genuine female evo psych creators are out there working on content for the ladies.
while what you say is true, it doesn't matter. women don't need to, and no one will make them. They aren't really wired for it, they don't like doing it, and no one will make them.
This channel makes me think... why bother with women. You can either have it easy with a lower quality that you dont fancy, or have i hard with someone you are attracted to. But the easiest of all, is just to avoid them all together.
@Yash Yadav trust me man we Indians in india are in good condition these Western women are doomed because of them Western men are suffering (mostly american).
@Yash Yadav good luck, you're gonna need it.
Yash Yadav Having a family is hard! And if you live in the western world, then there is no traditionalism left. Im not saying be a bachelor, i say do whatever you like! Travel the world alone, work less, watch tv.. whatever you want
titu bhoi Same in Europe. Europeans are going extinct as ethnicities too, so even in a biological regard it doesnt make sense to have kids. Europe is going to be something completely different in 50 years.
@@Northern85Star I usnerstand brother, if i was born in an Western country then I will never ever marry because there is no reason to maary most women there want weeding but they don't want to become wife.and you said it right don't be alone but don't marry anyone.
Mistake #1 was getting into the argument to begin with. I don't argue, I walk away. Don't got time for it.
"My truth"
^^^literally NOBODY in the STEM fields say this, or think this way.
This is the most valuable information in these times of insulation. Although maybe coming to an end, still amazing knowledge to have.
Almost feeling trapped in with our lass during the quarantine, just knowing this 10 could have had the situation feeling like a holiday instead of quarantine.
Love the content
Great advice in this one. One of women's fears once they're in a relationship is that her guy will leave her. The chaos comes from the anxiety produced by that fear. By walking through her feelings rather than feeling a need to defend yourself, you demonstrate not only that you are a rock in the sense of not being afraid of her, but also that you are not going to leave her even despite her chaos. It actually proves by deeds rather than by words that her fears are unfounded, and that she can have confidence in you. I don't know how far this rationale will extend, but where feelings are concerned, actions are almost always better than words.
Thanks for also responding to Georgia Free's comment on her boyfriend being up-front. I had similar thoughts as your Patron. I enjoy and respect both your channels, so I was curious as to the nuance of the disagreement on this one.
Oh, I also find it ironic whenever anyone says there's no such thing as objective truth. It is an assertion of an objective truth to say there are no objective truths.
You should understand that most guys do not want to be a mentalist or psychologist for their partner nor do men feel the need or see the value to perform any of those functions in a relationship. What is the point really, to get her to become more rational? Most guys just dont want to deal with that level of BS....but for those men who do or have a nack for it, good luck. However, I strongly suspect that it will become tiresome, even for them at some point...
As a woman, I've followed this channel for well over an year now. Though this channel is targeted at male audience, I still find it very helpful as it allows me to see the double standards and hypocrisy of us women. Viewing things from the other side's perspective really helps you identify faults that you yourself wouldn't have been able to see for yourself and so you know what not to do in a relationship.
And though the comments section is generally despising women, it still helps me to see things from a male's perspective. You get to read things here which you wont read elsewhere. The comments section seems like a safe zone for men to open up truly how they feel/have felt with most women.
Honestly, this channel needs a larger female audience. I don't think this channel is only useful for men.
100% agree with everything you said.
I'm curious... Are you aware of any similar Chanel's that exist for women who are seeking to genuinely understand men?
I feel like.mennwould benefit from doing what you are doing... Lurking in a space made for their opposite fender, and seeing life through a different lens.
But as far as I'm aware, no channels exist of women that are striving to understand men.
OMFG... please share with ALL your friends, lol... every little bit helps
Why women here if more women here this space will be broken no more free speach for men they will argue and try to manipulate men if majority of women here loooks like men in these page never learn
@@shakirghazali2890 Oh no, I believe that's the opposite what she just said. I'm glad that she finds this helpful, and I hope other women would find it too. Why would you deny women here who try their best to participate and understand you, and us all, as human beings?
I'm a guy, and even thou I disagree on some comments here which are hateful towards women, I still think it's important that there is a place where people can make such comments and vent their frustrations. It's important that everyone has their right to free speech, so they can argue their point. You don't have to agree with them, just as long as no one's trying to control or censor other people's opinions.
It's our differences and misunderstandings that leads to problems in the first place. We need discussion and participation, not segregation, to come along better together, and to cultivate our understanding of each other.
I agree hira. This is the first video of his I have seen and I agree with most of what he says. Only thing I would add is that codependency is not a female-only issue, which he doesnt specifically address. Very interesting video.
Oh man. This would have changed so much for me 10 years ago in a relationship with a narcissist. Luckily that relationship is over.
I know how you feel man.
No it would not have.. I am living with one, trust me, this logic / sweet reasoning doesn't work on her .. I have audio recordings to prove that.. Glad you escaped.. I am planning on an escape route .. but I am worried about the impact on our kids.. that's the only thing holding me back.
The best video this year!
Boy did I land myself in some stupid arguments from my now separated wife! I had enough, I left the home. Questioning my own self worth, my identity. Best thing I ever did. Now I get to enjoy the pleasures of Critical thinking again and actually doing something meaningful other than just work.
I'm going to have to support Alexander Grace's Patreon. This channel is a goldmine!
What a great explanation of codependency! Taking responsibility of someone's else's feelings. Wow, mind blowingly easy to understand why I was so miserable in my marriage.
I have known my wife for about 49 years.
You could count our disagreements on one hand with half of the fingers missing.(actually, I can't think of any)
All is well. It can happen. I am still in love with her.
It's always good to be slow to speak, and ready to hear.
“allow her to express her femininity in the safety of your masculinity” wow what wise words. i realized i’ve never had that, but in turn have learned lots of emotional self regulation. great wisdom thanks for sharing.
"allow her to express her femininity in the safety of your masculinity" iow a dude has to stand there and listen to this barrage of absurd irrational, illogical insanity and somehow remain stoic....or he can realize he does not have to deal with this level of bs and take him and his masculinity as far away from the source of said insanity...
KennedyM, can you then explain what a man should say during the inevitably lengthy time in the vortex nonsense as she bombards you with a barrage of baseless accusation built out of an overactive imagination detached from reality? After each successive accusation, seems we can either ignore it which will piss her off more. Or engage by asking questions/agree/disagree which means now we are playing into her frame and taking responsibility for her emotions.
And doesn’t all of this reward bad behavior by giving her attention?
The point about not participating in her "reality" is spot on, but I completely disagree with the bit on arguments. Disagreements are fine, but the most successful relationships I've seen and have been a part of have a zero tolerance policy on disrespect. "If you raise your voice at me or insult me, I'm walking out and not coming back. Full stop. I will listen to any complaint delivered with respect." It works.
Tbh if she even gets into an argument over you going camping then it´s probably not worth it, either she´s just acting emotional to test you or she is generally upset both cases you should be unfazed about it. Solving all her problems for her doesn´t help her she must learn to solve her problems herself, you are only there as her support as she is to you. If she has some honest big problems and she needs your help you should be there but if it is not large enough you are stifling her potential growth.
Thank you Alexander for giving so much value in your videos. I owe a lot of how I understand relationships now to your content, and I come to realize that the beauty of relationships lays in its complexity. It truly as a form of art, you have to use a lot of tools and understand so many concepts, then apply them and test them on yourself and in the real world. Your videos are a pleasure to watch, and I can say without a doubt that relationships-wise you are my favorite channel.
Take care of yourself, you have a very strong energy and I'm sure the value you're giving will come back to you even more, so keep it up.
this just sounds like the job of a man in a relationship, is to be the woman's personal therapist.
YIKES!!!
No thanks to that
Lol, true...you have to clean up daddys mess...
Therapist, daddy figure she didnt have, provider, etc.
Really valuable lesson from Alexander, thank you for bringing clarity on this topic
I'm loving this conversation.
excellent content brother.
As now being an engaged guy
this was really helpful.
Found yourself a unicorn, yeah?
actually i had a vicious argument with my friend but after watching this, it taught me to be the better understanding person and remain calmed
I'll watch this video when I actually get a girlfriend to have a fight or argument with...
...these videos don't expire do they?
Who on earth would want to go through this just to make a simple decision on how to spend their spare time.
Communication is really important, the problem is when you sit it down and communicate, you both agree it's been resolved and you're both on the same page. But she's not over it because she wasn't honest or she thinks of something else later so she stews in a pot until it causes a toxic argument later because she doesn't want to speak up.
This was so enlightening
This is what postmodernism does.
Relevant for almost any conflict, a level belief requires no explanation. Alex you're amazing with this stuff. I see so many parallels in my own experiences with conflicts and resolution.
I really appreciate the content. For myself, I no longer interact with women and I can't care to assist, educate, or empathize. I limit my interactions to paying the cashier at the grocery store. I never realized how peaceful life could be.
Me: I need to fix the roof this weekend because otherwise it will rain straight on top of our heads this fall
My woman: you’re abandoning me!
Me: I would be honored if you would join me and help me fix the roof.
Maybe there was a conversation leading up the point, but if I ask someone the question "is there objective truth or is everything subjective?"
If the first answer from the persons mouth is: Well, if someone cheated...
Yeah, if that is the first thing that pops into your mind I would rather avoid you, whatever it takes
This is the most helpful video you uploaded as well as the silence video
Do this when arguing with a woman, she's screaming and yelling, you look at her and say, "So...what's your point?" Their heads get all confused and they don't have a point, they just like to scream and yell. Then they will probably say they hate you and leave.
To the curiously defensive woman at the start of the video:
There's no "your truth". You don't get to own the truth. Truth is objective. What's subjective is your own experience. The problem with trying to call it "your truth" is that you try to grant your extremely fallible experience the qualities of being factual thanks to exploiting the meaning of "truth". Doing so gives you free reign to delude yourself as much as possible to make up any bullshit story that automatically justifies any/everything you do.
Respect for the truth is the healthy self-check we need against our biases. So no. You don't have "your truth."
You have your story. How it looks under the lens of truth remains to be seen.
After watching a video on narcissistic baiting yesterday, today, this video pops up. Awesome response to being baited.
The only winning move is not to play.
I think this is a very important video for many men who haven't yet understood what's being said here. Nice one!
Thank you, AG. Great video and fantastic topic. Quite a bit is made of the tendency for a Woman to typically select for a mate, a Man that provides safety and security. Generally, the discussion thereafter tends to focus solely on tangible resources. We often forget that emotional safety and security is every bit as valuable as are tangible resources. I would estimate that the arguments, tests, and manipulations that you are referring to in this video will happen in every relationship in one form or another. They can, however, be mitigated to a
perfectly manageable degree through observation and discernment. The work you complete early in the relationship by observing each other, under various circumstances, will lay the ground work for how the pairing progresses and whether or not you are a match.
You must take leadership over demonstrating that she has, in you, someone she can express anything to, feel anything with. That she can come to you with the most far-flung thoughts, emotions, suppositions, judgements and what have you. That when she does, she will not be dismissed, judged or shamed for thinking this or that - that you have the resilience to accept the things about her, and we all have them, that maybe are not so great. This can go a long way towards establishing how you communicate with each other and it will create the safety and security she needs - that she can trust you with who she is, to see her, and you won’t back away. You can’t avoid discussions or disagreements but you certainly can set the tone for whether or not they come from an abundance of honesty or scarcity of it. If she feels emotionally safe and secure with you, there is much less likelihood that she will have a need, or even want, to keep things percolating in her mind until she is upset about one thing, but really there are overarching upsets that provide the soil in which upsets grow.
Anecdotally, I know when we have done the work because there comes a point where you can sit with each other and not have to be talking about anything. When you can be happy, silent in a room with each other, that, for me, is when I know she feels safe and secure enough to not feel the silence is a void and need to fill it because she accepts that I know her and I choose to be with her. That’s powerful.
I submit that one of the most important things you can work on early in any pairing is establishing how you communicate with each other so that it never comes across as though you are speaking different languages to each other and expecting understanding to simply manifest from that chaos. At least with respect to her emotional well being, to a certain extent, she needs to know you are the rock her river can flow over. Do the work early and neither of you will have much of an issue later on, when it can become a real problem. My best to you and yours.
Looking forward to your next.
Insightful. Thanks.
Men show their best in a Relationship whilst Women show their worst 😂
Being so articulate is a skill I highly desire
This is some of the best advice I've seen on the topic well done.
If you go camping and she says “oh, it’s ok, go have fun”, you should probably be nervous about that too.
I needed to hear this. Thank you
Best advice ever, that is my single most problem I have with women. In an argument with women there is no logic and I never had an idea how to deal with this nonsense without making myself an idiot or arrogant jerk. Thanks man!
In the camping scenario you use is simple. First tell her to check herself for the way she is treating you. She has no right to treat you badly. Two, remind her that you can make decisions regarding yourself by yourself. Three, give me rational reasons why it's a problem, no hissy fits or discussion done. If she can't give any then she needs to realize she is being crazy and needs to stop such behavior or kick rocks. Also demanding or ordering you to not go is not an option on her part at all. If she. If you want, clarify you MAY consider any request by her provided the benefit is sufficient for you to consider it. Cut that toxic drama behavior out of your life immediately. She is responsible for learning to act like an adult. I will simply check that behavior and tell her to shape up and act reasonably or get out. Too hard for some? Don't care. Life is too short.
Clarity like this is the essence of what we as men need... to better articulate ourselves and react accordingly
I really think the part you said where the guy said ``me and my girlfriend never fight`` and they are probably one of the examples who broke up during corona . Did you hear that relationships took a new low in terms of break up during the corona lock down . This shows that most people cant stand each other
Thanks for this, I now see the issues of my past relationship. I was far too emotional, and if she attempted to make me feel like her emotions of being upset or sad were my fault, and that if I didnt say I'm sorry, i was not validating her feelings. Since a women will typically say that it doesnt matter if they got mad over something stupid, because emotions are always valid. I would try to talk about our issues in a good manner but the problem was I did this alllll the time, which would be annoying to anyone. I also got sucked into the fights that she started. I truth, there were plenty of times where she was the logical one who stated something, and I took that and tried to fix it, but it made her angrier instead of just saying she was right at the beginning. Idk its complicated. But I learned a lot from this video.
I get your point here, stay separated from her emotional accusations - however - after going through that 10 times in 8 months with my last Ex, the 11th time was the occasion to end it. Women don't just turn their attitude around the way you suggested, they can have this perpetual emotional response that is not worth the effort to walk through again, and again, and again.
There's the truth..then there is everything else. No such thing as your truth.
Hello Alexander, thanks for the content. In this case i don't agree with you when you say staying strong and masculine by making your point of view and step aside from the conflict. My two last ex girlfriends wanted to win every fight by having the reason all the time, they didn't care about reality, truth or logic. So they got dumped, it became a pain in the ass arguing nonsense all the time.
For me stay strong and masculine is make your point of view and try to make them enter to reason, if they don't see the problem, or truly listen and it's like talking to the wall and there's no way to progress as a couple. Best solution after giving a few chances to talk is dumping her.
I always step away from irrational screaming.... no excuses ever.
I'm having my first kid with my womens and have been slowly fading while losing my grip on reality. Thanks for your informative content. It has given me the answers I've been needing. Subbed
Watching this video reminds me of once incident I had with my wife. She was giving off some bad temper towards our kids, at least more than what they deserve at that time; since they were being naughty. I knew something was off, so, I told the kids to go into their room and asked her why was she that upset. She actually gave me a bad temper and told me if she can't be in a bad mood. Her behaviour was definitely not acceptable, but I didn't raise my voice and I just told her to tell me what's going on and whatever she is facing, just talk about it instead of throwing tantrums and exploding. It took a while for her to calm down and back to normal. I felt like I handled the situation well, though, she didn't really apologize to me about that :) Anyways, great videos as always Alex!
DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT EVEEER "Share your feelings" with a girl and tell her that "you like her"! She has to be the one telling you that. This is because it makes you look weak and vulnerable. The moment you start confiding in your girl with your issues is the moment she'll lose respect for you!
Women will say they want a man who will express his emotions with them.
But Guess what?
Women will also tell you that they want a "Nice Guy". Anything they say HAS to be translated backwards. They CRAVE Bad Boys who WILL NOT open up to them. If you need a shoulder to cry on, pay a therapist!
-Stop being Naive. Join the "EXODUS".
Please do more about arguing with a woman. That's a big topic
Hey Alex, thanks for the interesting topic. I've had experiences like these before that ended up devolving into an abusive and manipulative relationship, and it gives me a lot of post-clarity with this new perspective in mind. A few things that confused me though. I was confused about why every mention of one partner being more level-headed and in touch with reality is considered them being more masculine. Perhaps in this strict hypothetical of a woman being out of touch and a man being the sturdy anchor in reality, this definition of masculinity can be defined appropriately, but part of me found it a little insulting to think that the roles could not be reversed in some cases. Imagine a hypothetical where an emotional man with his own abandonment issues is upset because his girlfriend wants to spend a weekend away with her friends and in his eyes, she is just trying to get away from him. In this example, the woman has to be the anchor and not step down into the man's murky view of reality. Now, maybe I'm missing the point. I've only just discovered your channel. If this channel is meant to be a place to nurture men's masculine identities then that's great, I think a lot of men nowadays are guilty of acting too violent or too irrational as a symptom of a lack of emotional security with themselves, but it wasn't entirely clear. If this is not the case then maybe in the future you could keep the examples gender-neutral in order for more people to feel welcome in joining your brilliant discussions, or alternatively present multiple examples with reverse gender roles to show that life is not such a one-way street, or if you'd rather not do any of this, which I'd respect, just provide a clear introduction that this video is a hypothetical on male interaction in a traditional male-masculine/female-feminine framework. Of course, it doesn't have to be as wordy as that but I'm sure you understand. Personally, I understood every point you made in the video came from a place of good intention; however, some groups might think of this video as a way to look down upon women. Simply put, I think your points came across as a little old-fashioned but maybe I'm missing something.
But again, fantastic video and it really gave me a fresh take on direct personal issues in my life and indirect ones of my friends' lives. Thank you for the read!
It's not "your truth" it's your opinion
All truth is subjective...
That statement is objective
my first wife told me that i was too good at arguing and she couldn't take it. As if using reason and evidence and logic was somehow cheating. She didn't know what the rules needed to be but they needed to allow her to win more often. How does a person respond to that? as if both of us being controlled by her irrational feelings would have somehow been better than just one of us being so controlled. Just really an awful woman. Never should have married her, but my experience since then tells me it's common behavior.
You could even go as far as to say that a man is no longer acting as a man should if a woman can have any leverage over him. The man should automatically win every argument because logically he should never be in a position where actual facts are against him.
Hah! Your desire to go camping with a few friends is considered insensitive and evokes feelings of rejection in her eyes and therefore her feelings are justified. But when she wants to go out clubbing with her girlfriends and maybe get it on with some random guy and you feel the same way, you are considered controlling and unreasonable.
Sheer madness
Who wants to deal with all that insanity?
Listening to this, it makes it seem like the woman is some kinda child that needs to be protecting. Due to my own laziness I don't think this would be good thing for me to deal with.
How often would this come up in a relationship honestly? 3 times a year or something? I might be able to handle that but if it's more than that wew lad.
3 times a year? You'd have to be really lucky for it to be so rare.
More like 2 - 3 times a week if your lucky
Women are indeed best conceptualized as children.
That's not exactly a slur, since children are wonderful... But expecting them to behave in responsible and mature ways usually ends in disappointment eventually.
They act like children because they are allowed to. It's that simple.
Women gain wisdom as their beauty fades." so the closer to the wall she gets the more reasonable she will be
No woman I have ever met states her emotions as calmly and emotionless as you did. Isn’t going to happen.
FYI, almost 52 years of marriage taught me that 90% of "arguments" can be avoided by agreeing to discuss the problem when both parties cool down. By doing this, often the next day, both parties discover the whole reason for the "argument" was ridiculous. Also makes calm discussion easier when a little distance from the emotions is gained.
So u mean if there is an arguement or if she is upset for whatever reason. I should not take it personaly but talk with her about her emotions?
Never take it personally. If it becomes too much then leave. Once you become emotional, you lose.
I would give a half-hearted or empty-hearted "Okay, If you say so" ... whatever deflates the emotions by giving faux submissiveness or clear apathy. At a point where it can be discussed with less emotions or more rationalism, I might bring the issue up again. Recognizing the time that a woman wants to draw you into an argument and deflating the issue can go a long way into maintaining peace in the relationship.
This ties into the stoicist philosophy quite well. I love the accurate examples of how exactly a situation like this might unfold. Thanks.
This advice sounds borderline close to being in a toxic relationship.
Amazing video - incredible insight.
The only problem is that males aren't born to decode female chaos. So when a female attacks a male, the male will respond to the attack.
If a female just expressed (and god forbid owned) THEIR anxieties in a way that men could understand - Hint: I'm feeling anxious about your camping trip - end hint, men could help them.
When she frames it as, "You do this and that that I don't like", and attacks her man endlessly....there's going to be a fight.
Then she'll cry to her girlfriends, "He's such a bastard, he doesn't even try to understand my feelings and he's so selfish".
Then she'll join in the SJW chats, "Women are nurturing and caring". "We need more women CEO's to be more balanced".
HaHaHa.
Its even in pop culture, people argue and fight because they CARE. Once they stop caring they stop fighting.
That sounds like a lot of work!
-Stiffler
The only winning move is not to play
there definitely is the objective truth, but unfortunately, most people are not self-aware, their interpretation of the truth is subjective, but they are somehow convinced that they are being objective. i tend to avoid people who are unwilling to see things from many perspectives, and the ones who become verbally aggressive during a conversation or a discussion. if someone is aggressive when hearing a different opinion, then I'm sure that person cannot be objective.
This is very valuable advice thankyou!!!!!
This is one of the best of your videos I have seen, well done Sir
Objective truth = Reality.
Subjective truth = The lies you tell yourself to avoid the accountability of accepting the actual truth.
Thanks for making videos like these, I’m learning a lot not only about woman but also about humans, I’m 16 btw glad I’m learning this now
This doesn't always work but the fear of it not working will keep you in relationships with low quality women.
Yeah boys it doesn’t work. My girl is to smart for that. In one of our fights I take all this steps and she just said: if you don’t felt open enough to show your emotions about my behavior I won’t talk to you. And she just stay complete quiet for 2 days. I stay strong, don’t taking a single bait but she saw that and said: well apparently your masculinity is more important then my fellings and stay with that reason superiority is amazing for u” what about know guys? Any help? Has being 2 days on that... (she saw a girl looking at me at the gym constantly and felt realy insecure about it/ no I was not looking at the girl just the girl at me).
1:14-1:32 well said. I don't think people think about this enough (or at all) and to put short i appreciate you putting this in the video so that at the very least someone can see and notice it. Nonetheless I regress, well said
Both parties should be adults! In minds, behaviors, words and actions!