I'm INFJ and I'm not really a fan of eye contact. constant eye contact has always seemed strange and uncomfortable to me, it's like getting in people's personal space to talk to them.
This is strange. I'm very obviously a strong INFJ in many ways. I was also recently diagnosed with Asperger's and ADHD, which came as no surprise other than why it took so long to diagnose me. Asperger's people are known for not maintaining strong eye contact, yet I have such strong, direct eye contact with people when studying them, I often intentionally have to look away to keep them from noticing how I'm studying them. ??
I've been in therapy for 28 years for eye contact issues. The problem began in my teens. It was as a result of hyper criticism from a narcissistic parent. But this video shared a lot of light as to why I was affected this way as opposed to my other siblings. It makes me believe that I am actually a product of my circumstances so it can be changed. Thank you for alleviating 28 years of hell!
When I was young, I kinda creeped people out with my stare. I was scanning a person, 'x-raying' them for every detail. I was unaware how potent that stare was to people. Eventually, I realized, then began to control that stare to what I call, 'micro-stares'. It works well for me while not making others feel uncomfortable.
Same I would get into trouble alot saying it was disrespectful and inappropriate but I was in elementary school under the age of 8 and had no idea I was people watching oberserving everything. I leanred to not do that as much, I only do it when I got out and need to be aware of my surroundings, I've learned to be discreet
My dilemma when being caught up in the thought of having to make eye contact with someone, is if I should look at their left or right eye. It ends up with me missing almost everything the person said but i put together the few words I heard, fill in the blanks and respond. Probably not an INFJ thing but still, does anyone else do this?
That part where you’re lost in thought while staring in the eyes of someone isn’t infj It’s another dreamer type. And actually contradictory if you think about it. You would get caught slacking especially if it’s with something so obvious
I’ve noticed that when I’m out in public there’s something that draws babies and toddlers to just look at me, and dogs no matter the breed tends to calm down 😄. I believe we carry a powerful energy. We can’t feel it, but everyone else around us can. Strangers are either mesmerized or uncomfortable. There’s no in-between 😄
Our INFJ stare's are extremely intimidating to evil people, especially narcissists. We're literally starring at the bottom pits of your empty and broken soul. They can feel that energy.
Narcissists have a diagnosis. It's a mental health disorder. You're not meeting that many in your daily life. It's a very small percentage of the overall population. I do not think it is okay to say anyone is a narcissist without an actual diagnosis.
Being with someone in a public place, I find it a struggle. Because I'm constantly taking in the surrounding people, conversations, and other activities. Sometimes I'm just too involved with being observant that I'm somewhat detached from the one on one conversation.
From my experience I see eye contact has something really intimate, they're literally the doors to someone soul if you wanna say that, by just their eyes I can understand almost everything the person is feeling, when I talk it's hard for me to look someone in the eyes because it's too distracting trying to analyze their feelings while I explain something, I get overwhelmed, and also it's fear of judgment, I can easily understand if someone is looking at me at the wrong way or thinking something bad, however when others talk I can look at them in the eyes, I can analyze what they're saying and see if they're telling the truth or how much they care about what they're saying. I agree with everything in the video
It’s easier to maintain eye contact during small talk because it requires no deep thinking. Its so UN-engaging that I often switch to a 3rd-person perspective and study the only real input the person is giving me… their non-verbal cues. (That being said, I still avoid small talk like the plague).
When we’re talking in a group of friends and I start to tell a story, I seem to lose train of all thought when everyone turns their attention to me. I stutter, start to not make sense, watch the confusion in their eyes and then say “never mind, I forgot what I’m saying”
Holy crap this is the first time I’ve heard someone bring up peripheral vision. I use it way more than direct. And I’m a tv editor so it really helps for finding mistakes.
Eye contact has been an issue for me since I can remember for many reasons. I’ve asked other self proclaimed INFJ if they’ve had the same issue and they had no idea what I was referring to. Then they call me weird. Psh.
They don't know wassup then . I at times feel like my eye contact is too much like if I do use it all the time I'll creat too many bonds I know I can't satisfy. So I spare my eye contact. When I really want something or someone I use my eyes more. I think n I've heard this before too n I agree that we use our eyes to communicate way more than others do
If I have a crush on you and we are talking I over stare . I’m not only trying to listen to what you’re saying but I’m looking at your facial expressions while you talk . Once I get comfortable and I’m not piercing them with my stare I’ll start to notice the body language
This was brilliant! I experience all of those things. Except the 'INFJ stare'. I'm not sure that's as much of a thing as people make out. My stare is usually into the abyss not into people's faces unless I'm having the awkward eye contact thing. The peripheral vision thing is spot on. I'd never really thought about that before.
Very spot on !! When I was in high school, a classmate told me that my gaze was "piercing through the soul" I usually don't look people in the eyes directly but sometimes I do it. I think that the environment factor and the conversation type are what influence my choice the most
WOW! Someone finally knew & mentioned the peripheral thing! 😮 I realized this about myself very recently, but it’s been a habit for decades. Congrats! You have mastered the INFJ. 😂❤ -Sigma INFJ female
Ive always felt when i look into a persons eyes i can FEEL there thoughts. Not HEAR. Alot of times i can feel there nervous energy and see thete uncomfortable so i pull back eye contact. But it was well said earlier. The eyes are the windows to the soul. And being as observant as an INFJ thetes just so much going on....
This blew me away, I cant keep eye contact to save my life. Unless it's in a heated argument. Then I will stare you down and make them feel like a clown. On top of having very keen peripheral vision, Having laser eyes that makes people very intimidated, I feel we avoid it for their comfort...all the while feeling everything about them and take in their whole totality, which is always overwhelming. People literally make me wana cry, I feel so much for them. I find them so lost and programmed and generally a meme or a mess. Yet I always portray a tough and no nonsense approach to hide it. Does everyone deserve that level of care? Very few will reciprocate it so that is how I make my boundary, maybe not the best way to go about it, but every one of us knows it;s very difficult to draw boundaries in the first place. The key is to balance the tough love with a lot of encouragement of their strengths, god knows we can spot their weaknesses a mile away lol. We literally have the power to absolutely crush people or deliver a compliment that they will never forget.
My peripheral vision most definitely is the main contributor to the social anxiety i face, its also the reeason notice almost everything so much without all the details.which It allows me to get a good jump on reconizeing the moods everyone is in. When im talking to someone and look away , its partly due to visualizing of all related n remembered moments as they come to me like hundreds of clips and screenshots popping up on screen, (flooding my mind,).
One of the the clearest and most precise video about INFJs, thank you for all the informations. And speaking about the strangeness of this typology, I have one more issue with eye contact... I don't want to let others see me through my eyes and read too much, so I prefer to avoid that. My feelings and my states of beeing are only mine, unless I choose to share them. So, back off. And sometimes I just don't want to see the pathetic games, the lack of honesty or the underlying intentions behind their words. Weirdo. 🙃
I am so happy for this video because it fits me to a tee. I've wondered about it because inability to make eye contact, feeling it's unnatural and uncomfortable, seems to be contradictory to empathy. All my life, I have been a lip-reader. Rather than looking a person in the eyes, I have looked at their lips. Recently online, video chatting, the in-coming audio failed, and the person I was talking to was surprised when I was able to understand what he was saying and answer him. He tested me several times, and I always understood him. In conversations, I am so distracted by the person, that I often look away or force eye-contact to avoid scanning the person rather than paying attention to what he or she is saying. I relate to the problem of getting lost in my own thoughts even when I am interested and listening. I will stop on a comment or point internally to mull it over and find that the person has moved on past it to other topics. This happens mostly in group settings but can happen with an individual, too. The point about attraction or intimidation is so apt. I get so flustered in those cases and can't wait to get away. I will usually try to focus on something else or actually stop the interaction if possible. All the scenarios here resonate with me as an INFJ.
I am an INFJ and a hairdresser. I work in a private studio in a one-on-one situation and have always used the mirror as a tool to create a psychological gap between myself and my client. I don’t need to hold eye contact because I’m focusing on their hair while talking but when I do we are both more comfortable because we are speaking through the mirror-not face to face! This video just articulated what I’ve thought all along!
Yeah. Sometimes people tend to misunderstand us. They either think we stare and them too much or are too much "uninterested" when we lost ourselves in our thoughts. Going between this 2 extremes is not that much good for us.
this channel creeps me out coz of its accuracy.......i mean wtf these videos are exposing too much of me at this point but still i love them ..i feel understood atleast somewhere
I dont make eye contact with a lot because it seems to weird people out. So now I feel like my eyes end up darting around like a chameleon because idk where to look without looking like a jerk. Small talk makes me feel like I'm dying inside 😑
I actually prefer eye contact for it shows legitimacy and being genuine..... If a person can't hold eye contact with me during a conversation it shows me everything I need to see...
Great question! I think it all depends on the 'look' that's being given. If it's a rude look, some INFJs my use their own piercing stare to compete in a sense.. If it's an observant stare, I personally would resort to my peripheral vision to observe them without them knowing 😌
OH MY GOD! My whole life I just thought I was weird. But this is something I do so naturally; and then trying to force eye contact definitely makes me keenly uncomfortable; because I'm wondering if they are uncomfortable; and wondering that creates this kind of GLITCH that then MAKES them uncomfortable because I'm now uncomfortable, because I can sense that they can feel that I'm feeling awkward. I know to look people in the eyes; but it can come off as aggressive or too sexy; so ... argh!!!! This has been one of the Bains of my existence to this day! Best topic thus far! Deserves a subscribe my friend!
My stare is pretty intense but I get away with it cause my eyes are attractive I have to admit. Still I only make eye contact with people I really like or with family
Perfect rundown of how hard it is to look someone in the eyes. Some people are easier than others. I believe I can sense when the person expects that eye contact connection, and when it doesn't matter that much to them.
I'm so grateful for these videos everytime I watch one it confirms something I've always wondered about myself it's incredibly helpful, couldn't believe it when I listened to this video I had no idea my lack of eye contact was because I'm an INFJ and its a personality thing, let alone others feel the same wow it's so reassuring for me it just so validating, THANK YOU ❤
I’ve never liked making eye contact since I was around 11 years old. It’s a relief to know that that all my quirks, being different from most people. I have a twin brother and it’s a night and day difference in our personalities
This was too accurate. .! I always thought I may have some kind of problem for not keeping up with others.. Too awkward for my own good.. It turns out that I am in complete agreement with my personality type! This is a relief! 😄
Hi there, As usual, most is correct, besides the observing without being noticed thing. This is most likely, because I spend almost all of my live in a hostile surrounding to me! Both private and professional. Because of this, it is just part of my core being to always scan my surrounding, looking at everybody's faces, hands and overall demeanor. Every scan normally takes about under half a second, except anything about them requires longer observation. Reasons can be endless, not because of being potential harmful, that is just why I started the behavior. Most of the time the ones observed are deviating in any way from the reference I have in my head. That way I gain more experience and makes my reference come closer to reality and less prejudiced. What is obvious, is that most people are not paying attention to their surrounding in any way, so they won't noticing me at all, let alone watching them! When I come across somebody else who is observant too without intent on using the information to interact with that specific person, we recognize each other and we both are just a statistic in our minds. However, in public, where large groups of people are, like city centra or festivities or whatever, the people who also observe, mainly exists of two groups! Those with ill intent (criminals) and those who are protecting people against those criminals! It is almost as if they have little flags on their heads, once you know how to discriminate them from the masses! Because both groups have, in a sense, the same skill to recognize other observers, I almost always been categorized by either group as somebody belonging to the other group! What does that imply? That I am very safe in situations or ares where an average person isn't, because the ones that make it unsafe are convinced I am a cop, 100% of the time! But at the same time, when safety is an important issue in that area, I am picked out of the crowd and have to identify myself, or I am clearly being watched and followed for a while! How I am sure, because I professionally been a profiler of crowds myself and know this matter and the behavior of people inside out, and lots of times, when I notice being followed by one, but most of the time multiple people, they at one moment make contact with me in some kind of way, to establish whether I am a threat or not. After these moments, and they made the decision I am not a threat, there are no people following me or me a pair until I have left that area. It is very fascinating to actually see both sides of the coin, as being an observer or the one being observed. it becomes astounding simple then to recognize who is who and people have no idea how much and in what way, there is this continuous cat and mouse game going on around them! The disadvantage is that I am also sometimes expelled of certain events, because they couldn't determine for themselves the threat level I would fit in! As it is a huge problem for me when going out for a drink. Because I observe, lot of times women see me as a threat, just because of they noticed me observing them for a moment, while I hardly ever am attracted and therefore interested in them sexually. So, what I tried to say, is, I am not a grey mouse, do not see it as relevant or not, but somehow has to work on that for the aforementioned negative possible reactions.
I wasn't sure I was an INFJ until I watched this video. Every single item here is spot on me, and things I hadn't even connected to my personality type. Just figured I was kinda weird... lol.
I have to look at you to hear and understand you. If i look away you quickly become background. People I first meet accuse me of staring (like I can see into their soul lol) but after some time if i Won't look at them they get very nervous and upset and will try very hard to engage me. I cannot look at you if i am feeling negatively towards you because seeing you only increases how negatively i feel and i will have no choice but to confront you. It might fix the situation but i would still rather avoid you and the stress. It's not obvious, either. It looks like I somehow can't see you.
When I was in school whenever I just looked in someone’s direction casually they would get defensive telling me to stop death staring them or just smile at me with an uncomfortable gaze I always felt really hurt by the sudden outburst or awkwardness because I truly hadn’t done anything and I just had to learn that I had tense eyes and that the Infj stare can make others uncomfortable or scared
Oh wow this hits home all to well. At times I had to train myself to have productive eye contact due to my career choice. But in the real world that’s me to a tee.
Wow I’m so glad I stumbled upon this video. I feel like less of a weirdo now lol. I remember being pretty young and my mom saying “Eye contact!” in the middle of me talking. I still have a hard time with maintaining eye contact, however I make the conscious effort depending on the situation (like an interview). This video is me to a T.
The more I learn about myself and infj traits, the more I think that adhd and aspergers/autism traits are explained away……in me. I have had two official dx’s of adhd and have been waiting an ASd assessment.
We have Se Inferior. Our Se thus works subconsciously and continually. This is how the stare works. We look away because we see far more in a person than we want to, and more than the other person wants us to as well. We bare their souls.
Because… When I look into someone’s eyes, I get over flooded with images which in the past I found them disturbing … Nowadays I learned to understand that “ those “ images are pieces of their soul. It need practice and concentration but you can literally see someone’s “ soul “ thru their eyes . That’s why I avoid eye contact with people . because for me is a total intrusion into their private life and… too many times the “ images “ wrench literally my soul, Peace for you all. Stay true .
Me in an uncomfortable setting, well it depends on the setting and how I may have been treated. Especially if I know dxmn well I don't bother ppl until they mess with me and most likely if I react then I've let ppl do a lot of mess to me.
i avoid eye contact most of the time because I don't like them to feel uncomfortable or feel weird. but it's the case to case basis for me. but most of the time. i really avoid eye contact for some reasons. they ALWAYS say I'm too sleepy and not in this world or have a floating mind (but I'm not. i feel kind of irritated when people are always telling me this) but..sometimes I am floating i don't feel my body (most of the time) I'm also forgetful but it depends. because I feel the energy that surrounds me (every time/all the time)
The old saying “The eyes are the window to the soul” must’ve come from an INFJ without the person knowing they’re an INFJ. I’m constantly “reading” anyone breathing I come in contact with even while I’m fully engaged in conversation. Some people get wide eyed. Some take a step backwards. Some get mesmerized and look back into my eyes. 👀 This whole video is me.
B4 when I was a kid nor naive about this INFJ thing I really like looking at someone's eyes nor I don't back out when I'm looking at them but now u realize the more I see ppl and look at me the more I get hard to look at their faces.. Coz I felt that they look at me like they judge me... That's why sometimes I like to look at ppl with light aura light faces bcoz I know deep inside they are warm ang just natural ppl they dnt judge they dnt critize
lol everyone talking about INFJ stare, and I always thought why I can't even maintain eye contact at all while having a conversation with someone. On the contrary, I can make good eye contact when I'm not really listening to make sure they don't get it. This is what I've always been doing in the class 😂all the teachers and students think that I'm an attentive listener, when in reality I'm actually in my imaginative world
Earlier when i walked and jogged I saw a group of people some were standing and the others sitting I looked at them to the eyes but they avoided eye contact, I don't know why? I'm a kind of person having a mild and kind nature not a fierce dog
Found out early about the hard gaze so tried to find the “normal” amount of eye contact unless person is mean or does something to let me know not to be considerate with them. The bluntness is also a good habit to have Tho there are exceptions. Such as the person actually keeps eye contact so I’d just reciprocate and then more just to see reaction and feed into next flow of movements in conversation Also depending if at that time I’d want to be a diff character or just pass through (forgettable/plain) and always observing tho And peripheral is used to see other cues such as body language and ppl around (comes in handy when there’s a crowd so I don’t bump into ppl unless wanted. Lol)
I’m an INTP who doesn’t like making eye contact, myself, so INFJ’s wouldn’t have to worry as much about this dilemma with me. Found my doppelgänger in the background at 8:24
Interesting to think about the possibility that a lot of INTJs are neurodivergent, there isn’t research I could find on this but plenty of self-reports on Reddit.
This is very interesting. I do a weird thing when i occasionally look at someone shoulder rather than their eyes. I have no idea im doing it, and i only do it for some people. Unless pointed out to me then i try and reset. I thought i was a bit autistic maybe its just an INFJ tick.
Who the f*** are you PSYCH-Os that just nailed the themes/interactions/thoughts/observations that I have rarely (if ever) been able to express to the goldfish around me (yeah, that’s a little harsh but I saw a show and liked the turn of phrase). Every time I look up and scan the environment/people around me… I find myself awash in the information and emotion and unspoken thoughts that surround us all the time. I can’t stop this tide, so I’m teaching myself to surf 🌊🏄♂️🤙 Thanks, dudes!
Personally, I listen to the sounds approaching, or going catalog against known sounds, then use peripheral vision, mind rarely shuts off from scenarios of multitasking awareness.
Should I be blunt with people who distrust my Fe? There's this ISFP woman at work that cuts right through my "good morning" with "what do you want?", when in fact I want nothing from her.
Hey PSYCH-Os!👋
*Do you experience this strange dilemma as an INFJ?*
Comment down below 👇
I'm INFJ and I'm not really a fan of eye contact. constant eye contact has always seemed strange and uncomfortable to me, it's like getting in people's personal space to talk to them.
This is strange. I'm very obviously a strong INFJ in many ways. I was also recently diagnosed with Asperger's and ADHD, which came as no surprise other than why it took so long to diagnose me.
Asperger's people are known for not maintaining strong eye contact, yet I have such strong, direct eye contact with people when studying them, I often intentionally have to look away to keep them from noticing how I'm studying them. ??
I've been in therapy for 28 years for eye contact issues. The problem began in my teens. It was as a result of hyper criticism from a narcissistic parent. But this video shared a lot of light as to why I was affected this way as opposed to my other siblings. It makes me believe that I am actually a product of my circumstances so it can be changed. Thank you for alleviating 28 years of hell!
yesssssssss a loooooooooooooooooott
@@TrestinMeacham80 exactly
When I was young, I kinda creeped people out with my stare. I was scanning a person, 'x-raying' them for every detail. I was unaware how potent that stare was to people. Eventually, I realized, then began to control that stare to what I call, 'micro-stares'. It works well for me while not making others feel uncomfortable.
Same I would get into trouble alot saying it was disrespectful and inappropriate but I was in elementary school under the age of 8 and had no idea I was people watching oberserving everything. I leanred to not do that as much, I only do it when I got out and need to be aware of my surroundings, I've learned to be discreet
Same , gotta activate that sharigan
My dilemma when being caught up in the thought of having to make eye contact with someone, is if I should look at their left or right eye. It ends up with me missing almost everything the person said but i put together the few words I heard, fill in the blanks and respond. Probably not an INFJ thing but still, does anyone else do this?
Yes, totally relatable lol.. I do wonder if it's an INFJ thing 😆
That part where you’re lost in thought while staring in the eyes of someone isn’t infj
It’s another dreamer type.
And actually contradictory if you think about it. You would get caught slacking especially if it’s with something so obvious
I look at their mouths as they talk.
When not talking to anyone I can read ppl lips from afar
Look at the top of their nose bridge, it looks like you're looking in their eyes from their perspective.
Just above their eyes or right between them has always been my tactic. 😂
I’ve noticed that when I’m out in public there’s something that draws babies and toddlers to just look at me, and dogs no matter the breed tends to calm down 😄. I believe we carry a powerful energy. We can’t feel it, but everyone else around us can. Strangers are either mesmerized or uncomfortable. There’s no in-between 😄
You have that vibes…it is natural.
I find the “stare “ to be the best weapon against narcissists
Our INFJ stare's are extremely intimidating to evil people, especially narcissists. We're literally starring at the bottom pits of your empty and broken soul. They can feel that energy.
Narcissists have a diagnosis. It's a mental health disorder. You're not meeting that many in your daily life. It's a very small percentage of the overall population. I do not think it is okay to say anyone is a narcissist without an actual diagnosis.
Being with someone in a public place, I find it a struggle. Because I'm constantly taking in the surrounding people, conversations, and other activities. Sometimes I'm just too involved with being observant that I'm somewhat detached from the one on one conversation.
From my experience I see eye contact has something really intimate, they're literally the doors to someone soul if you wanna say that, by just their eyes I can understand almost everything the person is feeling, when I talk it's hard for me to look someone in the eyes because it's too distracting trying to analyze their feelings while I explain something, I get overwhelmed, and also it's fear of judgment, I can easily understand if someone is looking at me at the wrong way or thinking something bad, however when others talk I can look at them in the eyes, I can analyze what they're saying and see if they're telling the truth or how much they care about what they're saying.
I agree with everything in the video
This is how I see it. Exactly how I feel
@@CelesDay-x4y i'm glad to not be the only one, it feels less lonely ahah
I agree with the point you made about eye contact being more intimate.
Yes last one about being unnoticed, I leave people alone and they still come up to me, men and women of all age ranges.
It’s easier to maintain eye contact during small talk because it requires no deep thinking. Its so UN-engaging that I often switch to a 3rd-person perspective and study the only real input the person is giving me… their non-verbal cues. (That being said, I still avoid small talk like the plague).
When we’re talking in a group of friends and I start to tell a story, I seem to lose train of all thought when everyone turns their attention to me. I stutter, start to not make sense, watch the confusion in their eyes and then say “never mind, I forgot what I’m saying”
Did u find a solution to me🥴? Im severely affected by this dilemma
@@SDD313 noooo not yet! But know practice makes perfect.
Holy crap this is the first time I’ve heard someone bring up peripheral vision. I use it way more than direct. And I’m a tv editor so it really helps for finding mistakes.
Eye contact has been an issue for me since I can remember for many reasons. I’ve asked other self proclaimed INFJ if they’ve had the same issue and they had no idea what I was referring to. Then they call me weird. Psh.
They don't know wassup then . I at times feel like my eye contact is too much like if I do use it all the time I'll creat too many bonds I know I can't satisfy. So I spare my eye contact. When I really want something or someone I use my eyes more. I think n I've heard this before too n I agree that we use our eyes to communicate way more than others do
If I have a crush on you and we are talking I over stare . I’m not only trying to listen to what you’re saying but I’m looking at your facial expressions while you talk . Once I get comfortable and I’m not piercing them with my stare I’ll start to notice the body language
This was brilliant! I experience all of those things. Except the 'INFJ stare'. I'm not sure that's as much of a thing as people make out. My stare is usually into the abyss not into people's faces unless I'm having the awkward eye contact thing. The peripheral vision thing is spot on. I'd never really thought about that before.
Thankfully for us infj the abyss never feels awkward.
Occasionally someone walks past asking “what’s Bobby thinking?”.
Very spot on !! When I was in high school, a classmate told me that my gaze was "piercing through the soul"
I usually don't look people in the eyes directly but sometimes I do it. I think that the environment factor and the conversation type are what influence my choice the most
WOW! Someone finally knew & mentioned the peripheral thing! 😮 I realized this about myself very recently, but it’s been a habit for decades. Congrats! You have mastered the INFJ. 😂❤
-Sigma INFJ female
😂 Haha, takes one to know one!
Ive always felt when i look into a persons eyes i can FEEL there thoughts. Not HEAR. Alot of times i can feel there nervous energy and see thete uncomfortable so i pull back eye contact. But it was well said earlier. The eyes are the windows to the soul. And being as observant as an INFJ thetes just so much going on....
This blew me away, I cant keep eye contact to save my life. Unless it's in a heated argument. Then
I will stare you down and make them feel like a clown. On top of having very keen peripheral vision,
Having laser eyes that makes people very intimidated, I feel we avoid it for their comfort...all the while
feeling everything about them and take in their whole totality, which is always overwhelming. People literally make me wana cry, I feel so much for them. I find them so lost and programmed and generally a meme or a mess.
Yet I always portray a tough and no nonsense approach to hide it. Does everyone deserve that level of care?
Very few will reciprocate it so that is how I make my boundary, maybe not the best way to go about it, but every
one of us knows it;s very difficult to draw boundaries in the first place. The key is to balance the tough love with
a lot of encouragement of their strengths, god knows we can spot their weaknesses a mile away lol.
We literally have the power to absolutely crush people or deliver a compliment that they will never forget.
Me too. Won't take me eyes off you! DEEP stare!
My peripheral vision most definitely is the main contributor to the social anxiety i face, its also the reeason notice almost everything so much without all the details.which It allows me to get a good jump on reconizeing the moods everyone is in.
When im talking to someone and look away , its partly due to visualizing of all related n remembered moments as they come to me like hundreds of clips and screenshots popping up on screen, (flooding my mind,).
One of the the clearest and most precise video about INFJs, thank you for all the informations. And speaking about the strangeness of this typology, I have one more issue with eye contact... I don't want to let others see me through my eyes and read too much, so I prefer to avoid that. My feelings and my states of beeing are only mine, unless I choose to share them. So, back off. And sometimes I just don't want to see the pathetic games, the lack of honesty or the underlying intentions behind their words. Weirdo. 🙃
Absolutely agree with just about all of this. Especially the peripheral vision usage, I was just talking to myself about that the other day actually 😮
I am so happy for this video because it fits me to a tee. I've wondered about it because inability to make eye contact, feeling it's unnatural and uncomfortable, seems to be contradictory to empathy. All my life, I have been a lip-reader. Rather than looking a person in the eyes, I have looked at their lips. Recently online, video chatting, the in-coming audio failed, and the person I was talking to was surprised when I was able to understand what he was saying and answer him. He tested me several times, and I always understood him. In conversations, I am so distracted by the person, that I often look away or force eye-contact to avoid scanning the person rather than paying attention to what he or she is saying. I relate to the problem of getting lost in my own thoughts even when I am interested and listening. I will stop on a comment or point internally to mull it over and find that the person has moved on past it to other topics. This happens mostly in group settings but can happen with an individual, too. The point about attraction or intimidation is so apt. I get so flustered in those cases and can't wait to get away. I will usually try to focus on something else or actually stop the interaction if possible. All the scenarios here resonate with me as an INFJ.
I am an INFJ and a hairdresser. I work in a private studio in a one-on-one situation and have always used the mirror as a tool to create a psychological gap between myself and my client. I don’t need to hold eye contact because I’m focusing on their hair while talking but when I do we are both more comfortable because we are speaking through the mirror-not face to face! This video just articulated what I’ve thought all along!
The way that what goes on in my head can be accurately explained like this is crazy.
Yeah. Sometimes people tend to misunderstand us. They either think we stare and them too much or are too much "uninterested" when we lost ourselves in our thoughts. Going between this 2 extremes is not that much good for us.
I feel exposed... a lot
this channel creeps me out coz of its accuracy.......i mean wtf these videos are exposing too much of me at this point but still i love them ..i feel understood atleast somewhere
Lol, like I say, it takes one to know one.. So you're certainly not alone 😂
I knew I had issues with eye contact, but I was totally unaware of peripheral vision until it was pointed out here. Thanks.
Oddly enough.... I have come to enjoy and rely on direct eye contact......the eyes say soo much.
I dont make eye contact with a lot because it seems to weird people out. So now I feel like my eyes end up darting around like a chameleon because idk where to look without looking like a jerk. Small talk makes me feel like I'm dying inside 😑
I actually prefer eye contact for it shows legitimacy and being genuine..... If a person can't hold eye contact with me during a conversation it shows me everything I need to see...
How do INFJ s handle when others stare at them for no reason?
We stare back and we win the staring contest lol
I run away 😅 I don't like being paid too much attention
The same as others
Great question! I think it all depends on the 'look' that's being given. If it's a rude look, some INFJs my use their own piercing stare to compete in a sense.. If it's an observant stare, I personally would resort to my peripheral vision to observe them without them knowing 😌
I get stared at alot like I feel there eyes on me and it's uncomfortable even when it's positive but eventually I just ignore it.
OH MY GOD! My whole life I just thought I was weird. But this is something I do so naturally; and then trying to force eye contact definitely makes me keenly uncomfortable; because I'm wondering if they are uncomfortable; and wondering that creates this kind of GLITCH that then MAKES them uncomfortable because I'm now uncomfortable, because I can sense that they can feel that I'm feeling awkward. I know to look people in the eyes; but it can come off as aggressive or too sexy; so ... argh!!!!
This has been one of the Bains of my existence to this day!
Best topic thus far! Deserves a subscribe my friend!
My stare is pretty intense but I get away with it cause my eyes are attractive I have to admit. Still I only make eye contact with people I really like or with family
This is the first time I’ve visited a channel and had an issue deciding which video I want to watch. Every INFJ title speaks to me.
This is so damn effin true. Grr. when in an interview though.. i will eye contact hard. Hahaha
Perfect rundown of how hard it is to look someone in the eyes. Some people are easier than others. I believe I can sense when the person expects that eye contact connection, and when it doesn't matter that much to them.
I'm so grateful for these videos everytime I watch one it confirms something I've always wondered about myself it's incredibly helpful, couldn't believe it when I listened to this video I had no idea my lack of eye contact was because I'm an INFJ and its a personality thing, let alone others feel the same wow it's so reassuring for me it just so validating, THANK YOU ❤
Excellent. Accurate. Thank you!
Thank YOU for the support! 🤗
This is absolutely correct! When I talk about something important, I must look in other direction, not at the person I am talking to.
I’ve never liked making eye contact since I was around 11 years old. It’s a relief to know that that all my quirks, being different from most people. I have a twin brother and it’s a night and day difference in our personalities
First INFJ video: i did not come here to be attacked!
5th INFJ video: oooh tell me more about my weird habits!
Hahah love that 😆
This was too accurate. .!
I always thought I may have some kind of problem for not keeping up with others.. Too awkward for my own good..
It turns out that I am in complete agreement with my personality type!
This is a relief! 😄
Well that just made me even more self conscious about my gaze
Not doing this anymore because I’m also aware that looking to the other may sabotage your own day.
Hi there, As usual, most is correct, besides the observing without being noticed thing. This is most likely, because I spend almost all of my live in a hostile surrounding to me! Both private and professional. Because of this, it is just part of my core being to always scan my surrounding, looking at everybody's faces, hands and overall demeanor. Every scan normally takes about under half a second, except anything about them requires longer observation. Reasons can be endless, not because of being potential harmful, that is just why I started the behavior. Most of the time the ones observed are deviating in any way from the reference I have in my head. That way I gain more experience and makes my reference come closer to reality and less prejudiced. What is obvious, is that most people are not paying attention to their surrounding in any way, so they won't noticing me at all, let alone watching them! When I come across somebody else who is observant too without intent on using the information to interact with that specific person, we recognize each other and we both are just a statistic in our minds. However, in public, where large groups of people are, like city centra or festivities or whatever, the people who also observe, mainly exists of two groups! Those with ill intent (criminals) and those who are protecting people against those criminals! It is almost as if they have little flags on their heads, once you know how to discriminate them from the masses! Because both groups have, in a sense, the same skill to recognize other observers, I almost always been categorized by either group as somebody belonging to the other group! What does that imply? That I am very safe in situations or ares where an average person isn't, because the ones that make it unsafe are convinced I am a cop, 100% of the time! But at the same time, when safety is an important issue in that area, I am picked out of the crowd and have to identify myself, or I am clearly being watched and followed for a while! How I am sure, because I professionally been a profiler of crowds myself and know this matter and the behavior of people inside out, and lots of times, when I notice being followed by one, but most of the time multiple people, they at one moment make contact with me in some kind of way, to establish whether I am a threat or not. After these moments, and they made the decision I am not a threat, there are no people following me or me a pair until I have left that area. It is very fascinating to actually see both sides of the coin, as being an observer or the one being observed. it becomes astounding simple then to recognize who is who and people have no idea how much and in what way, there is this continuous cat and mouse game going on around them! The disadvantage is that I am also sometimes expelled of certain events, because they couldn't determine for themselves the threat level I would fit in! As it is a huge problem for me when going out for a drink. Because I observe, lot of times women see me as a threat, just because of they noticed me observing them for a moment, while I hardly ever am attracted and therefore interested in them sexually. So, what I tried to say, is, I am not a grey mouse, do not see it as relevant or not, but somehow has to work on that for the aforementioned negative possible reactions.
I wasn't sure I was an INFJ until I watched this video. Every single item here is spot on me, and things I hadn't even connected to my personality type. Just figured I was kinda weird... lol.
I have to look at you to hear and understand you. If i look away you quickly become background. People I first meet accuse me of staring (like I can see into their soul lol) but after some time if i Won't look at them they get very nervous and upset and will try very hard to engage me. I cannot look at you if i am feeling negatively towards you because seeing you only increases how negatively i feel and i will have no choice but to confront you. It might fix the situation but i would still rather avoid you and the stress. It's not obvious, either. It looks like I somehow can't see you.
When I was in school whenever I just looked in someone’s direction casually they would get defensive telling me to stop death staring them or just smile at me with an uncomfortable gaze I always felt really hurt by the sudden outburst or awkwardness because I truly hadn’t done anything and I just had to learn that I had tense eyes and that the Infj stare can make others uncomfortable or scared
the peripheral vision one, yes.
Yes, as an INFJ I can relate to most if not all of these dilemmas.
I definitely know, I'm making eye contact. I just know after a while, to break contact
If I like you, 💕 I'll gaze you down
Yes all true! Thank you 🌷🙏🌷
Oh wow this hits home all to well. At times I had to train myself to have productive eye contact due to my career choice. But in the real world that’s me to a tee.
Wow I’m so glad I stumbled upon this video. I feel like less of a weirdo now lol. I remember being pretty young and my mom saying “Eye contact!” in the middle of me talking. I still have a hard time with maintaining eye contact, however I make the conscious effort depending on the situation (like an interview). This video is me to a T.
The more I learn about myself and infj traits, the more I think that adhd and aspergers/autism traits are explained away……in me. I have had two official dx’s of adhd and have been waiting an ASd assessment.
That's what I was coming to say! INFJ and autism traits are sometimes so similar... I wonder if the mayority of people with autism are INFJ or INTJ 🤔
@@Lindalawen maybe is Asperger's. But, sometimes I think I'm really dumb. Lol
I'm beginning to think that borderline personality disorder which I was diagnosed with is actually nothing more than my infj personality
We have Se Inferior. Our Se thus works subconsciously and continually. This is how the stare works. We look away because we see far more in a person than we want to, and more than the other person wants us to as well. We bare their souls.
That's me through and through, right down to the letter. 🤫
Because… When I look into someone’s eyes, I get over flooded with images which in the past I found them disturbing … Nowadays I learned to understand that “ those “ images are pieces of their soul.
It need practice and concentration but you can literally see someone’s “ soul “ thru their eyes .
That’s why I avoid eye contact with people . because for me is a total intrusion into their private life and… too many times the “ images “ wrench literally my soul,
Peace for you all. Stay true .
Absolutely true
Thank you for the feedback 🙌
Seems like torture 😂😂😂 to not be able to know when to make eye contact or not
Maybe this sounds crazy, but my stare/eye contact feels like it helps me "hear" the person's feelings.
This is me to the Tee!
This is CRAZY accurate. Wow 😂😂😂
Me in an uncomfortable setting, well it depends on the setting and how I may have been treated. Especially if I know dxmn well I don't bother ppl until they mess with me and most likely if I react then I've let ppl do a lot of mess to me.
I could be starring at someone and wondering what size the moon is 😢
I am an ENTP, and I know that INFJ likes me just by how much he avoids locking eyes. It’s very cute.
i avoid eye contact most of the time because I don't like them to feel uncomfortable or feel weird. but it's the case to case basis for me. but most of the time. i really avoid eye contact for some reasons.
they ALWAYS say I'm too sleepy and not in this world or have a floating mind (but I'm not. i feel kind of irritated when people are always telling me this)
but..sometimes I am floating
i don't feel my body (most of the time)
I'm also forgetful but it depends.
because I feel the energy that surrounds me (every time/all the time)
This is 💯 much me
Yes mine do
The old saying “The eyes are the window to the soul” must’ve come from an INFJ without the person knowing they’re an INFJ. I’m constantly “reading” anyone breathing I come in contact with even while I’m fully engaged in conversation. Some people get wide eyed. Some take a step backwards. Some get mesmerized and look back into my eyes. 👀
This whole video is me.
B4 when I was a kid nor naive about this INFJ thing I really like looking at someone's eyes nor I don't back out when I'm looking at them but now u realize the more I see ppl and look at me the more I get hard to look at their faces.. Coz I felt that they look at me like they judge me... That's why sometimes I like to look at ppl with light aura light faces bcoz I know deep inside they are warm ang just natural ppl they dnt judge they dnt critize
lol everyone talking about INFJ stare, and I always thought why I can't even maintain eye contact at all while having a conversation with someone. On the contrary, I can make good eye contact when I'm not really listening to make sure they don't get it. This is what I've always been doing in the class 😂all the teachers and students think that I'm an attentive listener, when in reality I'm actually in my imaginative world
Spot on
Yes thats me love this video ❤😊
Earlier when i walked and jogged I saw a group of people some were standing and the others sitting I looked at them to the eyes but they avoided eye contact, I don't know why? I'm a kind of person having a mild and kind nature not a fierce dog
Found out early about the hard gaze so tried to find the “normal” amount of eye contact unless person is mean or does something to let me know not to be considerate with them.
The bluntness is also a good habit to have
Tho there are exceptions. Such as the person actually keeps eye contact so I’d just reciprocate and then more just to see reaction and feed into next flow of movements in conversation
Also depending if at that time I’d want to be a diff character or just pass through (forgettable/plain) and always observing tho
And peripheral is used to see other cues such as body language and ppl around (comes in handy when there’s a crowd so I don’t bump into ppl unless wanted. Lol)
I’m an INTP who doesn’t like making eye contact, myself, so INFJ’s wouldn’t have to worry as much about this dilemma with me.
Found my doppelgänger in the background at 8:24
Also found Lew of Unbox Therapy’s doppelgänger at 8:04. ¡No fumar!
100% me ✌❤
This explains so much about me 😭
Ahhh The peripheral side eye
Totally me!
Dogs etiquette is to not look directly to prevent conflict... That...
I don't let to many people looking in to my eyes,most likely ama try to avoid eye contact unless become necessary.n depending different situations.
I always thought that I had some form of autism and that’s why I don’t like eye contact but I do a stare to scan some new person.
Interesting to think about the possibility that a lot of INTJs are neurodivergent, there isn’t research I could find on this but plenty of self-reports on Reddit.
INTJs and INFJs, I agree
I promise I am trying. It’s just my personality 🤷♀️
This is very interesting. I do a weird thing when i occasionally look at someone shoulder rather than their eyes. I have no idea im doing it, and i only do it for some people. Unless pointed out to me then i try and reset. I thought i was a bit autistic maybe its just an INFJ tick.
Who the f*** are you PSYCH-Os that just nailed the themes/interactions/thoughts/observations that I have rarely (if ever) been able to express to the goldfish around me (yeah, that’s a little harsh but I saw a show and liked the turn of phrase). Every time I look up and scan the environment/people around me… I find myself awash in the information and emotion and unspoken thoughts that surround us all the time. I can’t stop this tide, so I’m teaching myself to surf 🌊🏄♂️🤙 Thanks, dudes!
I have to laugh at myself...awkwardly true!
Personally, I listen to the sounds approaching, or going catalog against known sounds, then use peripheral vision, mind rarely shuts off from scenarios of multitasking awareness.
I have to do 2 things at once...
So I'm an INFJ
Sounds like me for sure.
What about the ISTP stare? Are there videos on that?
I hate small talk 😠
I had a crush that asked me why i cant hold eyecontact with her for a long time while talking.......i should have showed her this vid
Actually I stare and notice the smallest details which no one notices . I can spot what brands someone wears in no time 😂
Should I be blunt with people who distrust my Fe? There's this ISFP woman at work that cuts right through my "good morning" with "what do you want?", when in fact I want nothing from her.
Me looking at people: 😶
Another INFJ looking at me: 😶
Me: 😮😎