110. The Nature of the Beast of Gender Ideology + Grace as the Antidote in a World of Pain
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- Опубликовано: 6 окт 2024
- Today’s episode is unlike any other. Although I had an entirely different episode planned, something came up recently that needed to be addressed. I said something on social media that hit a nerve for a lot of anguished people, namely, ROGD parents - ironically, the population I am most focused on addressing, and typically have great relationships with in the markedly different context of personal consulting. But this wasn’t consulting; it was the social media platform X, where misunderstandings and pile-ons abound while tone and context are in short supply. In turn, the reaction of people who felt hurt left me feeling quite hurt as well.
I spent two days intensively processing what happened and discussing it with trusted advisers. This episode is the result of that processing, and it is probably the most vulnerable thing I will ever express to the public. I ask that anyone impacted by the recent drama take the time to listen. I hope it will also be of value to others interested in how to help families impacted by the gender crisis.
If you were one of the people who felt hurt by what I said on the internet, or perhaps questioned how you should feel about it, please consider what I have to say with an open heart and mind by listening to this message in full. It may resonate in unexpected ways. In an effort to address the ocean of pain inflicted by gender ideology and the ripple effects of brushing up against them, I illuminated aspects of the nature of the beast we are up against, and addressed several interconnected matters many of us have been feeling for a while but perhaps not put words to. Along the way, I addressed matters of grief and anguish; shame and blame; victim/rescuer/perpetrator dynamics; good and evil; idealization and devaluation; and what happens when society is overtaken by a dark force that raises the stakes of our smallest foibles into life-and-death matters. Finally, I suggest a way forward that restores innocence through grace and redemption.
Although I am not normally in the habit of posting videos of myself crying on the internet, on this occasion, it felt important to share my innermost experience with you as I face the heart of the beast that is hurting us all. I invite you to grieve with me.
If you don’t want to spend an hour of your time this way, I only ask that you be willing to withhold judgment and refrain from making comments to disparage my reputation, since you are making the choice not to take into consideration what I have to say. That’s a fair request, and I would certainly do the same for you.
Likewise, if you have made critical remarks of me to others, or on social media, but you do take the time to hear me out, and you do end up feeling differently after this, I would appreciate you following up and sharing with those people how this episode impacted your perspective. Again, I would do the same for you.
In case you’re wondering: the hurt and drama surrounding these events caused me to delete the tweets in question, temporarily lock my account, and stop looking at it for a few days. While I thought I screenshotted everything, all I am left with when I look is screenshots of hurtful comments left by others, so I actually find myself without a record of what I originally said. Some people may have taken my choices to delete the tweets, lock my account, and/or ignore social media for a few days to mean something in particular, but my choices meant only that I needed a break from all of it to collect myself. What I have to say is contained in this episode when listened to as a whole.
No timestamps, no ads, no “where to find me,” no outro today.
Everyone needs to listen to this episode. Thank you!
Anyone who’s listened to you knows your heart ❤️
It’s a great one!
Keep it up! We love you and are so grateful for your voice and guts!!🙏
As an ROGD parent who is not a client of yours, but who listens to your podcast and finds it very helpful, I just want to say that I see no ill will in anything you are doing. Clearly, you are as outraged by what is happening in society as I am, and you understand that, as you noted, this cult-like ideology takes any vulnerability and makes it into a landmine. My child had vulnerabilities, and those may have made her have social challenges, and she may have made mistakes, but, without gender ideology, she would not be on a swift path to cutting off healthy body parts, and filling herself with synthetic chemicals that will permanently alter her appearance, her sexual function, her fertility and, most scarily, her overall health. She would also not be able to use the fact that I won't "affirm" her and help her medically harm her body as a reason to demonize me, and, potentially (I hope not!) to cut me off completely once she figures out a way to move to her own apt (at 18, starting college in the fall). I am sure my own vulnerabilities have helped in some way to make her vulnerable to this horror house, and I understand that you want to find (I'm assuming) patterns in ROGD parents that you might be able to point to, and say "hey, parents, consider if you have this issue or are engaging in this behavior, as it may not be helping your vulnerable child." This is not, as I see it, an attack on parents, but just an attempt to find ways our own shortcomings might be contributing in some way to our children's vulnerability to this evil.
I can see nothing in what you are doing that would indicate that you are out to get me or other parents in my position, and I am willing to bet there are many more parents who think what I think about you than there are parents who are demonizing you. Keep doing what you are doing. ROGD parents - with exceptions, I'm sure - appreciate your work, and your efforts to end this nightmarish societal scandal.
Your analogy of the sandbox seems correct. In many parts of the country today kids do not have a safe place to be vulnerable without gender ideology sinking its sharp teeth into them from many possible directions/sources. Also, I believe you are coming from a good place in your effort to explore EVERY unturned stone to help those captured and their families. So many things can trigger a young person to think trans is the answer, and throw in various comorbidities. Without naming names, I listened to a well-known detransitioner explain in a podcast 2 or 3 years ago about how her difficult home life and feeling ignored (in addition to social media) sent her down this path. This doesn't mean a parent intentionally did anything to cause this, it's just another dynamic that when explored and understood could be extremely helpful in bringing a family through the hell they are going through. Peace, Stephanie, and all the best to you!
Love to you! You’re awesome! Keep preaching it! You’re not alone! You have an army of love supporting you and in the trenches with you!
I have experienced what happened to you on a smaller scale and i think it's a common experience. I just want to applaud you for being brave and sharing your experience and for continuing on your mission undeterred by the backlash - that takes a lot of courage!
A very beautiful presentation, Stephanie. Moving and poignant❤
Wow. I didn't see what happened but I love this message regardless. Thank you for sharing your humanity, thoughtfulness, and vulnerability. Everything you said is incredibly spot-on and eye-opening. You're a rockstar.
Also I'm so sorry you went through this. It sounds awful. I hope you take care of yourself during this time and surround yourself with the support you deserve.
Please don't let this awful situation thwart your efforts. I really appreciate your grace, especially the way you describe the shadow as just one factor in the outcome. You are a tremendous resource for parents. Keep going.
“This will make you and your child hate every flaw.” PROFOUND!
Beautiful episode. In this culture people are very quick to judge and get angry or hurt, without taking the time to actually get straight what that person is really about 💜 so appreciative of all you are doing. Standing out , standing up … is something I’ve done in my personal life, including in Portland when I still lived there… it is not easy, it is not without risk… honoring the space you have to be in in order to put so much energy time and heart into your offerings.
Right on, Stephanie. You said it all, there's no other comment I can make. Grace.
This is so tough for everyone. Hope your detractors listen and learn and you can move past this and continue your much needed work in helping parents and their distressed children
'A tightrope marathon against a demonic force' - powerful image, and a beautiful message of the need for grace - and mercy - in this world. You're doing hard and much-needed work. Carry it on! [ p.s. ..one small note on terminology, I believe the Karpman drama triangle refers to the 'persecutor' role, not 'perpetrator.' Because I'm detail-oriented that way...]
This is so valuable on so many levels. Recognizing the current demand of the system as it is set up to have zero errors for the victims, their parents, and those genuinely trying to help is kind of mind-blowing. Very demonic.
Well said, Stephanie
Crying? Trans is a horror show arising from deeply narcissistic people.
We should cry if we're human.
Keep on keeping on Ms. Winn. You're fighting the good fight. We who oppose this will be vindicated. And suffering will be minimized.
What I'll have trouble reconciling are all the enablers. Even the most minor, will get away with it. Without reflection. God bless. 🐿
Another ROGD parent- bless you and disregard the haters.
We as a bloc must focus on defeating the borg.
We can’t afford to criticize each other. The enemy wants our children mutilated. Work together!
I sincerely appreciate all you are doing and have done--amazing eye opening dialogue with individuals that shines a light and opens up new possible connections and for that I thank you.
It can feel like walking a tightrope to address family trauma in the context of rogd.
Parents do the best they can with the tools they inherited, by happenstance, from the family tree. In many cases those tools or lack of them represent the parents’ own untreated emotionally traumatic childhood. If you only inherited the family toolbox hammer & sandpaper and not any linseed oil or soft chamois rags, it limits how polished the results can turn out.
Meanwhile the cult is using every lovebombing trick in the book to lure the kids away from the families with incomplete toolboxes. Therapists and parent coaches are trained to notice what’s missing from the family tree’s toolbox. We can offer to help parents upgrade or swap out the appropriate equipment for the situation. But if the parent is too invested in defending the incomplete toolbox, and cannot put down the one tool they always relied upon, then our help is rejected. The cult’s lovebombing may become irresistible to the kids. Even if the kids continue on that path, I like your discussion of grac(iousness) as always a possibility for present and future reconciliation. In truth our personhood essence is not about perfect body parts or about correct beliefs. Our relationships can transcend all these limitations when we open to grace.
Very well said!
I didn't see the tweets but I have seen many of your videos and value what you are doing and I also know that twitter is full of a lot of virtue signallers who are keen to misrepresent people to others.
Exactly. Anyone who knows your work would not feel that way. If they did/do feel you are out to hurt people, they are committed to that understanding/narrative. Their reason for that stance could be trauma as a ROGD parent or it could be their goal to cause damage to the good work you are doing.
It seems to me that some parents are afraid to parent and are too worried about what other people will think. And I don’t mean this is a bad way….
Thanks, this was really valuable. Life gave you lemons, etc., as they say.
Big hugs to you and thank you for what you do. x
Sounds like it was a reaction similar in a way to those parents who deny probable agp in their sons
I didn’t see your original tweet that was taken down, so I can’t comment on how fair or unfair the initial reactions were. But what you are saying here seems quite sensible. I’ve felt for a long time that I don’t think rogd parents are entirely victims (though, like you say, it’s not entirely *wrong* to call them victims either), and focusing on the role of larger family dynamics strikes me as common sense. It’s easy enough to just blame social media or woke schools or whatever, but the reality is more complicated.
Doing God's work! 👏
❤🇬🇧
Too much talking about it. When i was young if i told my dad i was a fem' then he'd hit me a clip around the ear. That boy grew into a man :)
41:01 "demonic forces" is spot on!!