If your "entire Easter celebration was ruined" by one child not wearing matching clothes you have way bigger problems in your life than adolescent fashion choices.
This family is going to have to get used to kids not wanting to dress up in frilly pastel Easter clothes. Sounds like there is at least one kid already that doesn't want to look like something that belongs in an Easter basket. Who wants to look like Easter candy?
As soon as your mother-in-law said it is setting a bad example. I would have said explain that to me. How is my daughter talking the only way she possibly can is sitting a bad example when everybody else's child is talking the way they can. Why doesn't my daughter have the same rights as the hearing children. When she answers you that question then you can go from there. When your husband can answer you that question then you can go from there. God bless you and your daughter.
And how is her signing slowing her eatimg down any more than the others talking is slowing them down? If your mouth is busy talking, its not chewing food...
@@MissMollyDoll311 Also let the child eat at her own pace. How many food/diet issues can be traced back to 'clean up your plate' or 'there are starving kids somewhere in the world'... The food's getting cold? you can re heat it if needed.
@@MissMollyDoll311 Tell Granny that daughter won't sign if Granny doesn't talk. After all, if she thinks communication at the dinner table is so bad, she should set an example.
@@michaelplunkett8059 I think OP is waiting for MIL to apologize, while MIL may not quite get what she did wrong (as you say it may be more ignorance than maliciousness), OPs husband may have to mediate this if a relation between OP and MIL is to be salvaged.
In the story about the family dressing the same for Easter the wife irritated the heck out of me. The wife telling OP he needed to back her decisions is so hypocritical. He made a decision to let their 13 y/o wear what she wanted and the wife didn't back his decision. I can't stand double standards!
@@stirrednotshaken4823 i guess where im from is different cus ive never heard of people having to dress in exact matching/themed clothes unless it was a waky cult
@@stirrednotshaken4823 I've heard of people wearing matching pajamas for Christmas but haven't actually seen anyone in or outside of my family and friends wear them. My family does pajama movie night on Christmas Eve but not matching. I can't lie tho, we did do family photos with all of us wearing white tops and blue jeans. It was only the one time. I can't see doing it more than once, maybe twice a year but not more than that. Even the maybe twice a year is pushing it, for me anyway.
Don’t bite the hand that feeds you. OP was completely right to withdraw the support. Real life scholarships often come with guide lines or a code of conduct. I would maybe explain the exact reasons to the Mom and Shawn; maybe then someone would finally show him that actions have consequences
@@Azulakayes absolutely no need to feel guilty, but also, never ever tell neither Shawn or Frankie's mother... Shawn don't need to know, he just needs to be separated from (his "best friend") Frankie (that really isn't a friend,) and Frankie's mom sounds like one of those people who will never learn anyway, just start a smearcampaign against OP as revenge, instead of being thankful for the years she got something for free...
LOOOL, gotta love that wife’s logic in the cloathes story “we’re supposed to be a united front…so you’re supposed to blindly listen to what i say even if it makes our daughter upset” No OP NTA, your wife’s family sound weird and shallow. As long as your daughter wasn’t wearing anything inappropriate then you did nothing wrong.
The "Happy Wife; Happy Life" mantra is part of the "United Front " idea. It is an admission that your wife is to be obeyed unquestioningly, or face the consequences of the wife punishing her husband.. It is emotional bullying,. Marriages are partnerships, not dictatorships. She and her family seem very strange; themed, coordinated clothing? It is creepy at its' best!
NTA: First story, Just as wheelchairs are legs, her signing is her voice. Its a difficult adjustment for some people to understand this. Then you have service dogs to help people with seizures or people needing headphones to cancel out loud noises. I loved the words, if she can't sign then nobody can speak. I love it. Perfect. I do think that mom could have been taken into the other room to let her know that request wasn't going to happen, in a kind way the first time telling her. Then did they introduce the child and sign to the other people, explaining how she communicates? That could have also helped if they did this before dinner. I taught sign to grade schoolers because we had signers in our school. They and the teachers were hungry to learn and I bet they would be also.
I actually don't think the mil meant anything by it tbh. I think she just noticed OP's daughter's signing aka talking was making her eat slower than normal and she didn't want her food to get cold so she told her to finish her food first. I understand why OP got upset but I think taking the mil into another room and explaining would have probably been the better move. Op said if her daughter was mil's bio granddaughter that she won't have done that and she's probably right. Mil won't have done it because she would have learnt right along with OP all the negativity thrown at deaf people and would therefore have been more cautious of what she said. It's just ignorance going on here. Mil does owe the little girl an apology but OP needs to explain why an apology is needed first instead of leaving her confused.
@@livelovelife32 Eh, I think this is more than an "innocently insensitive" issue. MIL has made very little effort to even communicate with this girl and won't tell anyone else to be quiet while eating. Nah, screw that.
Story 4 honestly made me go to the actual Reddit post and it pissed me off that that final judgment was considered NTA off of the top comment because there’s actually far more people questioning OP’s behavior.
@@amandajohnson3531 I posted a link but it got deleted. Google AITA for not intervening when my younger brother was getting the consequences of his actions? This is the title of the post.
Final Story: NTA. If someone says “How Could you accuse me!?!” It’s a good sign that they did it. It’s not your job to care for her ego, it is to provide for your family. If everyone is so upset with you they can take her in.
Keep Charlotte at home send wife and her stepford family bond. I started allowing my daughter to dress herself in preschool. As long as it’s weather appropriate. All of her teachers told me this was a positive thing
My son is hearing impaired and speaks solely through ASL, which my wife and I are learning alongside him. I'm his translator for family occasions. My family waited so long for my son to communicate, they don't care that its through sign language. If someone tried to tell him not to sign, the family would fall on them like a pack of rabid wolves. They want to know what he is saying too!
"We were meant to be a united front and that I had no right to interfere IN HER DECISION". I'd hold that hypocrisy up in front of her. Good for OP for standing up for his daughter. This is super ridiculous. But I'd have been super petty about it, like if daughter is into black clothes I'd have bought her a black top with a death bunny on it or something similar, just to spite everyone and probably went in a matching outfit, but as I said, I'm petty and that would have escalated things 😅
Yes, a united front .......... as long as you agree with her. Why didn't she unite behind her OP and say it was ok for all of them to wear whatever they wanted???
Last story - tell the SIL's family "Oh yeah, you're right but sadly that's how I feel. But hey I think it's wonderful of you to support her stance and take in when she has to leave here. I'll be sure to tell her she can go to you with her kids....that's brilliant!" Do that with all the flying monkeys and they'll shut up so fast. LOL!
The Food Thief anxiety thing excuse is b.s., because now there are multiple food delivery services. I only grocery shop via Instacart, and I am still fat and eating when I want.
If she is so hungry, a BUCKET of rice and beans is literally like 3 bucks. That would save her that extra $150 a month, which she might want to put toward therapy. She has not only an eating disorder, she has an Expensive Food disorder.
@@stephanien6237 God knows NO ONE at the grocery store is going to care if they see her more than once a week. No one is even going to notice, unless she does something stupid and causes a scene. Even THEN, give it a week and she'll be forgotten.
when our 5 children were young i did not eat supper with everyone else our buget was tight noone ever went hungry but we made meals that stretched .anyway i usually cleared the table and ate what ever was left after . when they were all grown and moved out we had a family dinner here when my youngest girl made a comment that was the first time i actually sat and ate with them . my middle child a boy looked at her and said thats because dad wanted to make sure we all had enough to eat before he would eat himself. i had never said a word about it but it nearly brought me to tears knowing he had figured out what i had been doing and never brought it up. because he just figured thats how a dad is supposed to be family before self . im so proud .
“The food will get cold.” “Oh, that’s ok MIL, we’ll just use the microwave to heat it up. You don’t mind, do you?” … “It’s distracting.” “It is? Sorry. Kids, kids. You all have to be very quiet. You are distracting grandmama.”
I think a lot of people missed what the MIL was really doing. She was mad because she could not understand what the child was saying and instead of reaching out to ask if they could teach her some signs she just chose to shut the child up. If this were someone who did not speak the same language, speaking in their native tongue, she would have done the same thing. Not about food at all but about the fact she could not understand the child. Ignorance at best, discriminatory at worst.
I think you mean the MIL as the husband is learning, but regardless, no signing at the table would essentially gag about 1/3 of my family, including myself at certain points of my life. The MIL would be just as likely to institute a 'This is America, and our official language is English' rant, despite the fact that their isn't even a concrete fact in THAT phrase, either. MIL is ableist at best, and more likely, a frigging bigot who was able to just remain under the radar prior.
Thank you for standing up for your daughter what your wife was doing to her was thoughtless. Do yourself a favor find something for your wife something absolutely hideous she would hate to wear. Buy it for insist her to where it in the next family function. And when she refuses have her explain to you why it's okay for her to flat out refuse to wear something she absolutely hates but it's not okay for your daughter. Metaphorically speaking sometimes you have to dump that bucket of ice water on people for them to see what's really going on. Personally as a spouse if my husband and come up to me and say oh we have to coordinate all our clothes for this family outing it would be like hell to the no. I am me. I took your name that's enough thank you. God bless you good luck. God bless your poor daughter with this woman as a mother and her family God help her
One day the daughter is going to be able to tell her mom how much she hates having to dress up to match the shi,,,ty holiday themed clothes every other female in the family wears. And that she doesn't want to have her picture taken with the rest of the freaky butch of coconuts.
Nah ..... she wouldn't see the sense behind the analogy because it does not fit the staging of the production for the day. Face it, the woman grew up in a twisted home (since her entire family participates in the nonsense). It is a shame that she was permitted to start with the "look all the girls are dressed the same" nonsense when they started popping out kids. I shudder at the thought of how boys would have been subjected to similar look alike costumes. One has to assume that the same nonsense goes on at other holiday times ..... Valentines Day, 4th of July, Halloween, Thanksgiving, CHRISTMAS ..... omg, Christmas.
More info is needed on the Craig post, it’s too one-sided and OP doesn’t elaborate much. Did OP investigate the girl’s claim or just assume she was telling the truth? Did OP know her at all to be able to judge if she was a truthful person or not? I mean, if he did it unprovoked, he was horrible and needed a school imposed punishment but if he didn’t, OP just thumbed upped a terrible experience for him. I'm also wondering what the cause of the brother's behaviour is in regards to the incident. It's very possible he's just an AH, but it could also be due to other issues he's dealing with at school like potential bullying or some other issue he clearly isn't getting support for. Also, OP didn’t even ask for his side of the story while believing a total stranger, let him get berated maybe undeservedly, and seems to have a prejudice against him. She mentions bouts of anger but OP doesn’t give details. Like, does he get a bad attitude on occasion, does he curse at minor inconveniences, does he punch holes in walls? Like I said, she didn’t elaborate but since OP paired it up with what happened then a lot of people will take it at face value and deem Craig as a bad tempered, misogynistic AH. It’s also troubling that OP didn’t bother to go after Craig or help look for him so maybe she just doesn’t like him and made the post looking for some validation.
I agree. I think that OP's parents are at some fault as they seem to be letting whatever is going on with Craig's emotional wellbeing go unaddressed. However, the bursts of anger OP sees at home could be due to bullying he receives at school. She says he has a communication problem, but doesn't show how she tries to communicate with him either. I, personally, don't think that OP handled the situation well at all. While I might not have "taken up" for Craig in the way that the parents wanted OP too, I definitely would have shut it down and got him to the car. OP not only wasn't there to verify what happened, but she doesn't even know how long he had been mobbed up on, plus verbal beating can be far more damaging in the long run than letting things get "physical." Based solely on what OP posted, I would go ahead and prepare to move out. Ask for one last opportunity for a "family meeting" or to speak with the parents and Craig separately to explain where I was coming from, and ask that they at least consider getting Craig some help for the behavior he exhibits at home (that OP has presumably witnessed) or write it all out for both parties and leave it at that. While there may be a lot of info that OP left out that would have shown why she so easily believed the girl and gave the thumbs up for her brother to be berated en masse, I do, think OP needs some more self-reflection in there too. If he called this girl whatever random slur and 10 girls stood him in a circle and dressed him down for 10-20 minutes, exactly how does that affect him in a way that will get him to a point where he would be a better person?
Sounds to me like OP was happy to let the other girl berate him because this was the closest they could get to punishing Craig themselves. Right or wrong I couldn't say.
Is it bad that my first thought was, "Well, what if the girl was being a c*nt?" (I'm assuming that's what the insult was) For all op knows, the girls might have started it and he lashed back. More info is definitely needed.
I'm gonna put my two cents in. If you see a bunch of people berating one person, whether they are in the right or wrong, YOU BREAK IT UP!!! The OP is a scumbag for letting it go on longer than the moment she saw what was happening. I don't care what Craig said to the girl, I don't even care if it was unprovoked, the OP should have broken it up right then and there, then she should have asked some questions, and NOT GO BACK TO THE CAR TO HAVE A SMOKE LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED!!! I guarantee Craig saw her walk away, so it will be OP's fault if he "turns into a bad dude".
OP has been apart of this family long enough with a deaf daughter and her MIL doesn’t “understand” that asking the girl to stop using her hands to eat was inappropriate? Bullshit. She knew what she was doing.
What the husband has done for his wife. Support financially and emotionally his wife and another man's child, learn sign language for said child, and in return, the OP couldn't use even a sliver of the same compassion and understanding her husband showed her and her daughter. If Op keeps it up, she will have multiple children with multiple fathers and blame all of them and their mothers for her perceived slights.
@@daveo1808 She has every right to be mad and you’re an idiot for thinking that the MIL wasn’t trying to start drama. You don’t spend time with a child who communicates with her hands and not understand that telling her to stop using her hands is rude and ablest. Her husband should support his wife and the child he chose to raise and tell his mother to behave. Why are mama’s boys always so attached to the tit? Grow up.
No. Discrimination is discrimination. He can be the best father in the world but if he allows his Mother to blatantly disrespect a put down a 6 year old he is still in the wrong.
You probably should have got the whole story. Maybe he has someone bullying him (said girl) and as a result is acting out. I had similar problems in school and bullying made my temper short and cause me to lash out...
Good afternoon XOS. Thanks for the stories. Have a great day. Don't make daughter wear the same thing. Individuals need to be able to express themselves. That's like forcing twins to dress the same. It's bullying to be honest.
The year my 1st sister came to live with live with us (adopted) my mom put us in matching dresses for Easter. We agreed for that year and never again. She got the matching thing and we were fine with it but argued against it and she never forced it again
My mother is a narcissist and loved it when people would ask if we were sisters instead of mother and daughter. She would want us to dress alike, but she wore more revealing clithescthan I ever did. At one time, she insissted on the same haircuts for us both. Yes. OP will have to watch his wifw closely regarding her dealing with their daughter Charlotte. Maybe the fact she already has another daughter who is like her helps.
@@lyndatuttle I think we were lucky. My mom said I always wanted to dress my daughter's alike. I was the only child and could have. Though my sister was special needs we talked it over and agreed we would do it once. She was happy and we only had to wear them until everybody saw is. We then changed into matching rompers. I found the special egg on the hunt and split it with her so my mom was happy and never aasked is to do again.
Op could let the friend mother know that very often the biggest bullies to people that comes out are gay themselves, it would be cruel to do so but she has the option
Story about the sibling letting the brother be yelled at is the AH. OP is the adult, op believed the attacker before even asking the sibling their side, horrific sibling
Well considering the brother has a history of doing crap like that it's not surprising op believe the girl. I mean if someone has a history of doing terrible things are you just going to believe they were innocent when a mob of people are pissed at them?
@@Treveyon2010 A "History" of it she never explains or rationalizes. Like maybe he's getting bullied in school or something. But nah, she's too cool and mature to not know everything about every situation and make the right choice to let her kid brother be abused for 10 minutes as she gazes at herself in a mirror knowing she's just so darn incredible. She's a horrid sister and deserves to be tossed out. At the very least she should have de-escalated and gotten his side of the story. But nah, here's a crowbar, girls! Go to town.
In the last story If sister wants you to prepare food for her then she should had said something Yes, it would have probably raised her rent doing that but there were only two things she agreed to buy her own food and pay $300 in rent. If the food she raised the food bill by $150 she should pay that in rent if she wants to stay
Side note: let the kid wear what they want, but once a cousin dressed REALLY inappropriate and her peers ignored her clothes. This drove her nuts. When Flashdance (nicknamed developed from clothes) questioned her sister took the lead with 'You wanted attention, we chose not to be crawl for you. Deal with it."
I think it's meant to be like "worship you on our hands and knees", which is not the same thing as crawling, which is also done on your hands and knees.
Story 4 IDK. We need more information. We don’t know the younger brother side of the story and it seems like the older sibling thinks he is the golden child and dislikes him. But it also seems a 3rd party that knows both of them(the parents) deem OP was wrong.
In the story where the brother supposedly called some girl a slur did ANYONE take the time to makes sure he did this? Did anyone bother to think the brother might not have done anything wrong? WTF is wrong with you people to automatically assume the brother did something wrong? Did ANYONE bother to consider that this girl is lying! Omg everyone sucks for just assuming & hey we all know what happens when you ASSUME
Nta....however, I would have had a come to Jesus meeting with the MIL after the dinner and school her! You were right in your response. Husband should have intervened and helped this situation. Jeez
The sister who authorised the girls picking on her brother was critical of the parents for not finding out more about the names he called the girl but I didn't see any reference to the sister first finding out what prompted him to use that slur. Or talking to him about inappropriate names or anything. Was he being bullied by the girl? She doesn't know. Just assumed they were right.
@@SnowyWolborg But it is the behaviour of a person (kid or adult) who is being bullied and abused, and needs to get away from their abuser, and is reluctant to go back near them. We also only have the OP's word regarding his 'aggression'. OTOH, we can also see that she is judgemental, self righteous and more than happy to see her brother bullied and abused using the word of a potential bully as her justification. That places any comments regarding his 'aggression' in doubt, especially when they might be 'disrespect' or anger showing in response to her abuse towards him.
Last story tell sister-in-law no problem and send her to one of those lovely relatives who are commenting on how shameful it is that you're talking about her food with her. Tell her look so and so it's not only going to take you in but they said you can eat as much food as you want. And then give her her number and tell her call and find out what time you can move in tonight. I would ask her so who bought your food when you're living on your own. There's no difference of her buying food now then when she was
Last story, your sil is just being lazy and the family members have enabled that behaviour towards food and how she treats others .I have anxiety with depression and a complete mental breakdown ,getting treatment ,but when I go to the shops I'm going as part of my treatment plan to overcome my anxiety about being around other people who are complete strangers to me .I'm also a chunky lady myself and I'm proud of my body and flaws as everybody has imperfections.NTA
nah they just are against op because they don't wanna get stuck with mooching sil, this has nothing to with op kicking her out they are afraid she will come to their houses now.
The whole coordinating outfits thing. That is so my mother's family. And you're right. It's incredibly shallow and narcissistic. They hate me because I don't conform which has opened a whole can of abusive worms. I feel sorry for Charlotte
Story 2: NTA. Do not feel sorry for a second! What you were doing was always voluntary, if she’s so dependent on her kids secret donor then she should have raised her Son better to make him more appealing.
I find the creig story funny since the older sister is telling the parents that they weren’t hearing the full story while she never bother to hear the full story ether
So an angst teen calls a girl a name and these idiot Redditors say his sister should call CPS because he needs therapy? I’m astounded at the level of insanity in todays society!
I had a roommate who ate my prepared meals. I began buying microwave meals during my lunch hour and keeping it in the fridge at work. I also bought extra snacks and kept them at my desk. I stopped at stores or a fast food place on the way home and that would be dinner. Saved a lot of money because I feeding one person instead of two.
I've been a "big girl" all of my life. When I'm hungry, I buy my own food. I've never had a problem with people staring when I shop. I would never lie to shift the blame for my actions, especially onto a child.
You know, they have online shopping for most grocery stores where you can get your groceries delivered or dropped off outside of the store. Not to mention that there are self checkouts in nearly every store, she could’ve gone later/ earlier in the day when there’s less people. If its honestly an insecurity and not her being inconsiderate there are ways to go about it that don’t involve stealing from OP and her LITERAL children.
3rd story: I love how the wife said “we should be a united front” but also says that OP doesn’t get the right to intervene is really telling. If OP would have agreed with her, Lilian would have been fine. At that age, kids start to really express themselves and Lilian could have compromised instead of it being a my way or the highway deal. NTA OP.
I wouldn't let that prejudiced witch near any of my children after she said my child was banned from talking and signing would be harmful for the other kids to see. People who are that prejudiced against a disabled child could physically hurt them, this kind of prejudice is not harmless cluelessness it literally kills people as the disabled are often abused or murdered by prejudiced family.
The teen called Craig who isn't good at communication, has bouts of anger and who ran away from his sister, sounds very familiar to me. My autistic granddaughter acts exactly the same way. I think there may be something like that wrong with the boy, and he should be checked out to see if that's true or not. If it is, that sister's behavior could have caused lasting damage to his self confidence, and ESPECIALLY to their relationship. "Teaching him a lesson" if he is normal is one thing, but make ABSOLUTELY SURE he's normal FIRST. Because frankly, the evidence indicates the contrary.
@@weltonvillegal6258 An autistic kid could handle THAT if it's from a stranger. But if someone they know and trust breaks their heart, there's no coming BACK from that, that relationship is irreparable, they will NEVER trust that person again. We're going through this with my granddaughter and her dad right now. He told her he was leaving the state. The rest of the family are STILL trying to convince her she isn't a worthless piece of 💩 who doesn't deserve to be loved. Autistic kids process things differently than others do, there are no shades of gray for an autistic person everything is either black or white, no in-between is possible in their world view. Convincing an autistic Daddy's girl that it wasn't HER fault Daddy left has been a real uphill battle. You can't to do ANYTHING to compromise your relationship with an autistic person, or there will BE no relationship with them.
Craig Story: YTA, 100%. First, you don't know if he actually called that girl anything. Second, if he did, you don't know that she didn't do something to deserve it. You let a bad situation go and you made him stand there with his hands in his pockets because young men aren't allowed to knock the high holy shit out of young women (yet). You are an awful person because regardless you should have broken up the situation as an adult. Right or wrong, you could have gotten somebody hurt. You sided with strangers over your brother, without knowing a damned thing about the situation, and then had the AUDACITY to try to talk to him about it like you had a shred of authority or trust left to your name to be able to do such a thing. He runs off, you drive away because oh well... You disgust me. I hope you land on your face when they throw you out as you so justly deserve to be thrown out. I wouldn't have told you as your father, I'd have tossed your sh*t in the yard and let you figure it out for yourself when you found the locks and our numbers changed. I'd wish you luck in your life moving forward but I don't want anyone to think I actually want you to have any.
First story: Telling a deaf person not to sign is like telling someone handicapped to not use their wheelchair because it is an inconvenience.... to you. It's an ignorant thing to say.
Am I the only one who thinks the 19 yo op seems like they tailored the story? Something isn't sitting right with how she's telling the story. Plus it's odd she says she's a 19 year old woman but in the next sentence calls her brother a "teen"
The last story, op wasn't the ah but sil sure as hell is! I'm 5'1 and 160+ lbs. By medical standards, I'm right at being obese. I still do all my own shopping, and you know what I've learned? Nobody but myself cares.
The last one, we had my mother's first cousin stay with us for years and she would eat the food meant for me and my sister after school. She would not give it to us when my mother instructed her to. Then my father was complaining about my sister and I that we would sneak cooked eggs and my mother told him that her cousin was stealing the snacks and not giving it to us after school. He tried to defend that cousin, but my mother told him, who's getting bigger, because it's not the kids! To say that heavy women are stared at while they shop, no, try again.
That excuse about heavy set people/women get started at in the store is ridiculous. When I'm grocery shopping, I couldn't give a rat's ass what someone else is buying or how much they are buying. I'm much more concerned with getting my shopping done and getting out the store. SIL's insecurities are her own problem. The rest of the family can take her in and feed her.
@@creolegirl5047 Agreed ,also if she doesn't like to grocery shop because she's insecure she could ask OP to pick up extras and she would give OP the money for it. She just doesn't want to pay for food, blaming it on the kids yikes.
while growing up in the 70's, my dad would send us to Church dressed in........ leisure suits, MAN DID I HATE IT!!! 3 of us and the only difference was what color we wore. I was thankful of the day I was able to choose for myself what I wore, AND how I had my hair. IF Easter was ruined, it was made so by the entitlement o9f the mom, and the rest of the family, NOT because of what the daughter wore
"Dressing for a theme" the only times my family had similar attire was either coincidental or was event wear.(Think Creak Week or the like where volunteers get a shirt.) "Sibling said a bad word", I'm torn here. As it is possible that he was displaying bad behavior, it's equally possible that the girls have been harassing/bullying him, so he's lashing out. The issue is that we don't actually know what happened. OP is taking the girl's word at face value and didn't even think for a moment there might be more to the situation. And take it from someone who struggled with bouts of anger, it was primarily because it was the only way for boundary stomping people to stop, and most were provoked by other peoples actions. So either he's just an entitled brat, or... She has been provoking him and when he lashed out she(school girl) came storming at him 10 fold, and his sister just left him to the wolves. Given that the sister assumed he was turning bad, it makes me feel like we aren't getting the whole story. The only reason I'm not sure is because of the parents saying "We don't care" when the daughter tried bringing up the "full" story.
I don't really get the "everybody dress the same for a whole day type of thing unless it's like wearing T-shirts for a family reunion day at an amusement park (makes everyone easier to spot IMO) or for a quick, we want to dress alike for a family picture and then you're free to change type of deal. Even as an adult now, my friends and family sometimes dress alike for events but it's typically for volunteer events (organization or family t-shirt), color coordination (doesn't matter what you wear, but consider using one or more of these 3 colors in your outfit) or theme coordination (wear something "Christmas-y"). And again, it's not like one person not wearing whatever upsets anybody. We're just far more please when people show up, hang out, and enjoy.
NTA! Big woman here, and that is a stupid excuse for stealing food! She needs to leave, and next person to rake you over coals about it can take her in!
did you find out if Craig had a reason to call that girl a slur? did you even ask your brother what happened? no, you saw a group of people dogging on your brother and went to help them/took their side of the story without even considering if your brother needs help and may have been justified in whatever he said. Fam is right. You aren't playing for their team.
@@SnowyWolborg The 'problem' might be that his sister is a bully herself and was laying into him (bullying) after allowing others to abuse and bully him on the words of a potential bully. It is unlikely he jumped out of the car moving fast and that he did so when she slowed or stopped at a junction because she refused to stop abusing him in the car, or stopping to let him out.
Not stunned at-all by the ignorance of story 4. Craig's male, so by reddit standards he's always in the wrong. OP however is a horrible sister and deserves the boot. Golly, you ever investigate WHY Craig is acting out? Gee, maybe he's having difficulties in school, like being bullied or something. Hope you have a hard time out there, op. You deserve a reality check.
Last story: Your SIL is way out of line. I don't think she will stop stealing your food, so she does have to go. The next time anyone calls to harass you about evicting her thank them for opening their home to SIL, and she will be so happy to have another place to go to. Then immediately hang up the phone and block all calls, texts, emails, and social media postings from that person. For all other calls from complaining relatives, tell them that SIL will be happy to know that she can come stay with them if things don't work out between her and the first relative.😁
Argh. My daughter has step children and if any of them had a disability I would be right on board to learn what I could do to ensure the child felt welcomed and included in the family; their family. Sheesh, some people are just horrid.
For the last story: If she doesn’t want to shop herself most grocery stores offer pick up options. Kroger has it free if you spend just $35, and with food costs that’s easy.
I've had deaf friends before in college and hung out with the hard of hearing and hard of seeing crowd a lot. The amount of people who don't even think about being deaf (or blind) and what kind of challenges are there until they're confronted with someone who can't hear or see is legit huge. Even when these people do they may be confused on certain issues like walking between two signing people (don't be awkward, just walk quickly instead of doing that awkward shuffle-hop BS, getting through ASAP is less distracting.) The average person literally don't have any *clue* how insensitive it is to ask a deaf person not to sign unless they stop to use their brain, so I doubt MIL meant anything discriminatory about it and OP is being offended instead of explaining this. The way to combat actual discrimination and educate people is to take them aside and kindly explain what it means and why what they did wasn't okay, not get super special snowflake offended, refuse to explain anything, and demand an apology for something someone may legitimately think they did nothing wrong with. Honey over vinegar and so on. People definitely listen to me better when I explain why my limbs dislocate and I can't be dragged around, with kindness and understanding, so I often get kindness and understanding in return even if they don't fully realize how injured I could actually end up being. These aren't even unknown or unresearched conditions like my disability, humans have been dealing with them since before recorded history and we still have to explain this stuff because people tend to live in their own world and perceptions and there's nothing necessarily wrong with that, it's what allows people to live in many cases, but there's no reason to be hostile trying to teach them how to interact with someone who doesn't interact the way they do. Which *is* something I can understand because I can't interact in many physical ways others CAN. It's when there's pushback and refusal to understand that there's a problem.
When brother and I were old enough to eat at the adult table for holiday gatherings, we were astonished how all of relatives spoke at once to each other, and somehow manage to all understand what each other were saying through their cacophony. So with twelve months, he and I learned enough ASL with which to communicate at the following December gathering. Predictably this caused a bit of a stir as we knew what _we_ were saying, but the adults were distracted and slightly annoyed. No major drama over it; some saw the amusing aspects of it when we explained that we couldn't understand what anyone [else] was saying as they're all talking simultaneously...
In the Craig story: YTA. You immediately assume that Craig is in the wrong. Newsflash: girls can be awful to people too. Girls lie too. You royally fucked up by not putting an end to the altercation and putting him in the car, then finding out why they were berating him, from his mouth. Obviously when you get home, you tell your parents what the girl said and they can parse it with what Craig said. Then let them make the decision for how to handle this. You made yourself the villain of the piece by letting them abuse your brother when you don't really know the truth. Obviously if he called those girls a slur, he deserves to be punished, but your deliberate inaction did more harm than good. He can go to the school and claim they bullied him, which they did even if it was in response to a horrible comment from him, and could be severely punished for it.
Next holiday find something that you know whatever holiday is coming up your wife would hate absolutely hate buy it and since you wear it. And when she refused to ask her why it's okay for you to refuse to wear something you hate but not your daughter. Metaphorically speaking sometimes you just have to slap somebody upside the head.
last story, my kids got their own pandemic foodstamps during the school year, on top of my own foodstamps. my foodstamps went to bulk buying at the beginning of the month and i would always get them snacks until they got their own. and my kids used a small amount of their own to get themselves snacks every week. my oldest often got me milk and bread every week, whether i still had some foodstamps left or not. their dad tried to tell them that it's their foodstamps to be spent on themselves and i corrected him and said that if they wanted to get something for each other, they could. and so they still got each other stuff, or got me stuff because i told them that sharing meant more people were happy and taken care of. i might not be well off, but my kids know i would give them the world if i could and go out of my way to make sure they have stuff they need before getting myself something. they needed shampoos and deodorant at my house, and i needed new shoes.....i put my shoes back to make sure that i had enough to cover their needs. i did get my shoes the next month, but that was only after making sure they had what they needed. and whenever i used to live with my ex at his house with the kids, he refused to pay for my food, and i was looking for a job....but my oldest would always get the leftover food after dad and brother got their dinner, and he'd come split it with me because he wanted to make sure i ate something. and even now, even though i do have food, most of the time i don't eat regularly. so every day after school, they come to my house to wait for dad to come get them, except friday because i get them on weekends, and my oldest son will fix himself a snack and give me half of it, because he knows i probably won't eat if he doesn't. and it's not that i am starving myself, i just get too wrapped up in other things that by the time i start getting hungry, it's 2am in the morning and too late to eat anything. i do my best to raise my kids to be good future adults who care about others, even if those others are entitled jerks. it's better than being entitled themselves like their dad is trying to get them to be.
for the story with the mother of the deaf child, the MIL is the only one here who owes an apology. i don't think it had anything at all to do with food being cold, or more just her being ableist and discriminatory. the husband should be pressuring his mom into apologizing, not the other way around. and for the last story: as a chunky girl myself, i have no problem going to the grocery store (though since the pandemic i get it delivered) and even if i ever felt that way i would never steal food and then blame it on children. she really needs to get it together and if her weight is hindering her that much, she needs to takes steps to change it. that doesn't entitle her to eat your food and then lie about it. i would have given her the boot too.
People don't understand that a 'united front' is meant for parents to tackle a problem together and stand up with each other, not for one parent to make the decisions and expecting the other one to back them up no matter what. Op is NTA for not allowing his wife to bully their daughter into being her mini me.
Craig story: YTA just to play devil's advocate. Isn't it possible that he called her a "slur" in response to something she said to him? I'm not saying it is right, but OP took ZERO time to get her brother's side of the story and just left him to be ganged up on based on her subjective thoughts of him at home. In my experience, you don't just walk by someone and call them bad names for no reason. Maybe the group was bullying him. Who knows why he did that but OP didn't even ask him. Maybe he needed her help and she threw him to the wolves because she thinks he's "becoming a bad guy" as if public humiliation would help with that.
@@whiteserpent6753 How do you reconcile that observation with the fact that he was surrounded by them all abusing him? You are not wrong in what you say, but you are very wrong, and biased, in representing that as being likely in this case.
@@whiteserpent6753 Then I'm pretty sure that you should have included that clarification your initial comment if you didn't want it to come across that you were conflating the issue. However, the bias evident in your last paragraph really doesn't help your case much, nor is it a good look to say he shouldn't respond to potential bullies because bigoted individuals, as you seem to be, will immediately say he is the misogynist bully.
@@whiteserpent6753 do you have any self awareness because it doesn't look like it. On one hand you perpetuate societal abuse and on the other say it should change. You really make no sense. It doesn't matter how large a wall of words you spew; it doesn't change what you say.
Jee Zeus!! Sil is too insecure and self conscious to SHOP for food because of judgement? WTH? Maybe the judgement might drive her to buy only lean cuisine and salads?
Story 1: What kind of grown adult doesn't understand that a child who is using sign language to communicate is not doing so just for the hell of it, but out of real need? How insensitive! Disgusting, hurtful, ableist behavior, and absolutely deserves to be called out as such. Don't give an inch, Mama. You are, in some ways, your daughter's ears, and very much her advocate. She cannot defend what she cannot hear, but you certainly can, and most certainly should!
Easter celebrations story: next time, have the 13 year old wear the clothes, but tell her to make sure to destroy them by the end of the event, and get an early start on it.
Sister not sticking up for her brother story: She's in the wrong. She acted on the claims of one person to make a judgment against her brother. It could have been a rumor started by someone else. Point is, you do not automatically take anyone's side in an argument until what has really happened is proven.
she probably doesn't like him, based on her comments, so she doesn't care if it was true or not if it was, he learns a lesson if not, she doesnt care for him so whatever
I grew up with a mother who liked matching outfits for my siblings and me. But when I started having a strong objection to the things she chose we did come up with something both of us could deal with. She surely wasn't happy but she understood that I would say go climb trees with the boys whether she allowed me to bring pants to play in or not. Kids get a say in what they wear. My own fashionista wore a unique but still respectable outfit to my grandmother's funeral. I had told her no to some gloves she brought along. I was speaking with my uncle and saw her walking by wearing them - I looked up said "Line" she handed them over and went back about her way. My uncle looked at me stunned but then we went back to our conversation.
The rest of her outfit was very steampunk but still to me fit the more formal requirement of a funeral but the gloves were "outdoor work" style and we'd discussed the entire outfit.
Story 2: Frankie is a bully. Maybe he'll learn something by staying home and at least your son will have one less idiot being nasty to him. Sounds like a win. Craig story: Funny OP is talking about a full story especially since SHE didn't even get the full story herself, did she? She didn't ask Craig a single thing. It's very dodgy imo.
She tried to get his side, but when she started to ask him what had happened he left the car while it was moving and ran off. He didn't come home until about 10 pm and his mother immediately took his side and the next morning ordered OP out of the house.
Is there any legitimate reason to use that terminology against women as Craig did? I can't see one? So unless you are saying the whole thing was just a lie by the group which is possible, then what full story is required? Also like the previous response said, OP tried but Craig ran asap so
@@adambaker6794 So it's fine to let a gang of people go at your own sibling without asking them one word about what happened? She can't defend herself to her parents because she knows NOTHING other than what a girl on the street told her. She didn't really care if he did or didn't call the girl out of her name since she figured he deserved it cause he's turning into a "bad" one. She let that entire situation playout under the presumption of guilt based on her judgements about her brother. She's a sucky relative to have.
@@darlingccs2799 fine? No not particularly I wouldn't do it, but apparently she would. But why would they lie? Why is that all the sudden more likely then them telling the truth lol so he brother gets what? Nothing that'll teach eh! I'm sure the world needs more of people who think they can do no wrong
If your "entire Easter celebration was ruined" by one child not wearing matching clothes you have way bigger problems in your life than adolescent fashion choices.
Amen!
Besides, "Easter" isn't supposed to be about fashion; it's supposed to be about the Resurrection of Yeshua.
@@diarradunlap9337 or chocolate bunnies and plastic eggs full of candy or coins
Absolutely.
Wife and her family are boring and judgemental, not to mention must to be cringey to have to look at.
@@diarradunlap9337 or the Fertility Goddess Esther, you know, where Christianity co-opted the whole damn thing from to start.
This family is going to have to get used to kids not wanting to dress up in frilly pastel Easter clothes. Sounds like there is at least one kid already that doesn't want to look like something that belongs in an Easter basket. Who wants to look like Easter candy?
As soon as your mother-in-law said it is setting a bad example. I would have said explain that to me. How is my daughter talking the only way she possibly can is sitting a bad example when everybody else's child is talking the way they can. Why doesn't my daughter have the same rights as the hearing children. When she answers you that question then you can go from there. When your husband can answer you that question then you can go from there. God bless you and your daughter.
And how is her signing slowing her eatimg down any more than the others talking is slowing them down? If your mouth is busy talking, its not chewing food...
For that matter, *how long* has Grandma had to learn a little ASL? riiiight
@@MissMollyDoll311 Also let the child eat at her own pace. How many food/diet issues can be traced back to 'clean up your plate' or 'there are starving kids somewhere in the world'...
The food's getting cold? you can re heat it if needed.
@@MissMollyDoll311 Tell Granny that daughter won't sign if Granny doesn't talk. After all, if she thinks communication at the dinner table is so bad, she should set an example.
@@michaelplunkett8059 I think OP is waiting for MIL to apologize, while MIL may not quite get what she did wrong (as you say it may be more ignorance than maliciousness), OPs husband may have to mediate this if a relation between OP and MIL is to be salvaged.
In the story about the family dressing the same for Easter the wife irritated the heck out of me. The wife telling OP he needed to back her decisions is so hypocritical. He made a decision to let their 13 y/o wear what she wanted and the wife didn't back his decision. I can't stand double standards!
@@stirrednotshaken4823 i guess where im from is different cus ive never heard of people having to dress in exact matching/themed clothes unless it was a waky cult
@@stirrednotshaken4823 I've heard of people wearing matching pajamas for Christmas but haven't actually seen anyone in or outside of my family and friends wear them. My family does pajama movie night on Christmas Eve but not matching. I can't lie tho, we did do family photos with all of us wearing white tops and blue jeans. It was only the one time. I can't see doing it more than once, maybe twice a year but not more than that. Even the maybe twice a year is pushing it, for me anyway.
@@CricketsWorldJC once a year, like say Easter ... /Face palm
Don’t bite the hand that feeds you. OP was completely right to withdraw the support. Real life scholarships often come with guide lines or a code of conduct.
I would maybe explain the exact reasons to the Mom and Shawn; maybe then someone would finally show him that actions have consequences
Agreed! OP doesn't need to feel guilty. No one should support a bully, Frankie's mom can sort him out.
@@Azulakayes absolutely no need to feel guilty, but also, never ever tell neither Shawn or Frankie's mother... Shawn don't need to know, he just needs to be separated from (his "best friend") Frankie (that really isn't a friend,) and Frankie's mom sounds like one of those people who will never learn anyway, just start a smearcampaign against OP as revenge, instead of being thankful for the years she got something for free...
LOOOL, gotta love that wife’s logic in the cloathes story “we’re supposed to be a united front…so you’re supposed to blindly listen to what i say even if it makes our daughter upset”
No OP NTA, your wife’s family sound weird and shallow.
As long as your daughter wasn’t wearing anything inappropriate then you did nothing wrong.
The "Happy Wife; Happy Life" mantra is part of the "United Front " idea. It is an admission that your wife is to be obeyed unquestioningly, or face the consequences of the wife punishing her husband.. It is emotional bullying,. Marriages are partnerships, not dictatorships. She and her family seem very strange; themed, coordinated clothing? It is creepy at its' best!
NTA: First story, Just as wheelchairs are legs, her signing is her voice. Its a difficult adjustment for some people to understand this. Then you have service dogs to help people with seizures or people needing headphones to cancel out loud noises. I loved the words, if she can't sign then nobody can speak. I love it. Perfect. I do think that mom could have been taken into the other room to let her know that request wasn't going to happen, in a kind way the first time telling her. Then did they introduce the child and sign to the other people, explaining how she communicates? That could have also helped if they did this before dinner. I taught sign to grade schoolers because we had signers in our school. They and the teachers were hungry to learn and I bet they would be also.
I actually don't think the mil meant anything by it tbh. I think she just noticed OP's daughter's signing aka talking was making her eat slower than normal and she didn't want her food to get cold so she told her to finish her food first. I understand why OP got upset but I think taking the mil into another room and explaining would have probably been the better move. Op said if her daughter was mil's bio granddaughter that she won't have done that and she's probably right. Mil won't have done it because she would have learnt right along with OP all the negativity thrown at deaf people and would therefore have been more cautious of what she said. It's just ignorance going on here. Mil does owe the little girl an apology but OP needs to explain why an apology is needed first instead of leaving her confused.
If everybody else is talking why should only she be told not to? That's ablest.
She is deaf. No a grown woman in her 40s and 50s does not need to be taught common courtesy or basic empathy.
They've been married for some time. His family know by now and have had time to learn all about it. Mil is wrong.
@@livelovelife32 Eh, I think this is more than an "innocently insensitive" issue. MIL has made very little effort to even communicate with this girl and won't tell anyone else to be quiet while eating. Nah, screw that.
You are an awesome mom, thank you for standing up for your daughter. Shame on that mother n law!!
Story 4 honestly made me go to the actual Reddit post and it pissed me off that that final judgment was considered NTA off of the top comment because there’s actually far more people questioning OP’s behavior.
Can you give me the link because I'm having a hell of a time finding it
@@amandajohnson3531 I posted a link but it got deleted. Google AITA for not intervening when my younger brother was getting the consequences of his actions? This is the title of the post.
“ we were meant to be a united front, and you have no right to interfere with my decisions”
How is that a united front?
Who’s the enemy?
@@madgevanness4011 Their child. God forbid a teen think differently than their parents.
Final Story: NTA. If someone says “How Could you accuse me!?!” It’s a good sign that they did it. It’s not your job to care for her ego, it is to provide for your family. If everyone is so upset with you they can take her in.
Keep Charlotte at home send wife and her stepford family bond. I started allowing my daughter to dress herself in preschool. As long as it’s weather appropriate. All of her teachers told me this was a positive thing
My son is hearing impaired and speaks solely through ASL, which my wife and I are learning alongside him. I'm his translator for family occasions. My family waited so long for my son to communicate, they don't care that its through sign language. If someone tried to tell him not to sign, the family would fall on them like a pack of rabid wolves. They want to know what he is saying too!
"Shelter insecurity" asdgajsdajdhga I lost it xDDDDDDDD
😆
Also the unhoused
"We were meant to be a united front and that I had no right to interfere IN HER DECISION". I'd hold that hypocrisy up in front of her.
Good for OP for standing up for his daughter. This is super ridiculous.
But I'd have been super petty about it, like if daughter is into black clothes I'd have bought her a black top with a death bunny on it or something similar, just to spite everyone and probably went in a matching outfit, but as I said, I'm petty and that would have escalated things 😅
Yes, a united front .......... as long as you agree with her. Why didn't she unite behind her OP and say it was ok for all of them to wear whatever they wanted???
In a few years, that mother is going wonder why her daughter has gone NC with her.
The event had a dress code. By your stupid logic, all MIL should be able to wear white to a wedding because that's how she's expresses herself...
Last story - tell the SIL's family "Oh yeah, you're right but sadly that's how I feel. But hey I think it's wonderful of you to support her stance and take in when she has to leave here. I'll be sure to tell her she can go to you with her kids....that's brilliant!" Do that with all the flying monkeys and they'll shut up so fast. LOL!
The Food Thief anxiety thing excuse is b.s., because now there are multiple food delivery services. I only grocery shop via Instacart, and I am still fat and eating when I want.
If she is so hungry, a BUCKET of rice and beans is literally like 3 bucks. That would save her that extra $150 a month, which she might want to put toward therapy. She has not only an eating disorder, she has an Expensive Food disorder.
I’m fat and I still go to the grocery store and buy my own food. Why does she care what other people think (I doubt that anyone cares)
@@stephanien6237 I couldn't have said it better.
@@stephanien6237 God knows NO ONE at the grocery store is going to care if they see her more than once a week. No one is even going to notice, unless she does something stupid and causes a scene. Even THEN, give it a week and she'll be forgotten.
when our 5 children were young i did not eat supper with everyone else our buget was tight noone ever went hungry but we made meals that stretched .anyway i usually cleared the table and ate what ever was left after . when they were all grown and moved out we had a family dinner here when my youngest girl made a comment that was the first time i actually sat and ate with them . my middle child a boy looked at her and said thats because dad wanted to make sure we all had enough to eat before he would eat himself. i had never said a word about it but it nearly brought me to tears knowing he had figured out what i had been doing and never brought it up. because he just figured thats how a dad is supposed to be family before self . im so proud .
“The food will get cold.”
“Oh, that’s ok MIL, we’ll just use the microwave to heat it up. You don’t mind, do you?”
…
“It’s distracting.”
“It is? Sorry. Kids, kids. You all have to be very quiet. You are distracting grandmama.”
Story 1: Ask the husband what he thinks Sign Language is!? Since he’s adamant to learn.
It’s a form of communication
it was the MIL, the step-father is learning and was on OP side during the commotion.
I think a lot of people missed what the MIL was really doing. She was mad because she could not understand what the child was saying and instead of reaching out to ask if they could teach her some signs she just chose to shut the child up. If this were someone who did not speak the same language, speaking in their native tongue, she would have done the same thing. Not about food at all but about the fact she could not understand the child. Ignorance at best, discriminatory at worst.
I think you mean the MIL as the husband is learning, but regardless, no signing at the table would essentially gag about 1/3 of my family, including myself at certain points of my life. The MIL would be just as likely to institute a 'This is America, and our official language is English' rant, despite the fact that their isn't even a concrete fact in THAT phrase, either. MIL is ableist at best, and more likely, a frigging bigot who was able to just remain under the radar prior.
@@laica01 not totally, he is kinda divided on the situation asking OP to "be the bigger person"
Don't be the "bigger person"", that's just another phrase for "door mat".
Thank you for standing up for your daughter what your wife was doing to her was thoughtless. Do yourself a favor find something for your wife something absolutely hideous she would hate to wear. Buy it for insist her to where it in the next family function. And when she refuses have her explain to you why it's okay for her to flat out refuse to wear something she absolutely hates but it's not okay for your daughter. Metaphorically speaking sometimes you have to dump that bucket of ice water on people for them to see what's really going on. Personally as a spouse if my husband and come up to me and say oh we have to coordinate all our clothes for this family outing it would be like hell to the no. I am me. I took your name that's enough thank you. God bless you good luck. God bless your poor daughter with this woman as a mother and her family God help her
One day the daughter is going to be able to tell her mom how much she hates having to dress up to match the shi,,,ty holiday themed clothes every other female in the family wears. And that she doesn't want to have her picture taken with the rest of the freaky butch of coconuts.
Nah ..... she wouldn't see the sense behind the analogy because it does not fit the staging of the production for the day. Face it, the woman grew up in a twisted home (since her entire family participates in the nonsense). It is a shame that she was permitted to start with the "look all the girls are dressed the same" nonsense when they started popping out kids. I shudder at the thought of how boys would have been subjected to similar look alike costumes. One has to assume that the same nonsense goes on at other holiday times ..... Valentines Day, 4th of July, Halloween, Thanksgiving, CHRISTMAS ..... omg, Christmas.
More info is needed on the Craig post, it’s too one-sided and OP doesn’t elaborate much. Did OP investigate the girl’s claim or just assume she was telling the truth? Did OP know her at all to be able to judge if she was a truthful person or not? I mean, if he did it unprovoked, he was horrible and needed a school imposed punishment but if he didn’t, OP just thumbed upped a terrible experience for him.
I'm also wondering what the cause of the brother's behaviour is in regards to the incident. It's very possible he's just an AH, but it could also be due to other issues he's dealing with at school like potential bullying or some other issue he clearly isn't getting support for. Also, OP didn’t even ask for his side of the story while believing a total stranger, let him get berated maybe undeservedly, and seems to have a prejudice against him. She mentions bouts of anger but OP doesn’t give details. Like, does he get a bad attitude on occasion, does he curse at minor inconveniences, does he punch holes in walls?
Like I said, she didn’t elaborate but since OP paired it up with what happened then a lot of people will take it at face value and deem Craig as a bad tempered, misogynistic AH. It’s also troubling that OP didn’t bother to go after Craig or help look for him so maybe she just doesn’t like him and made the post looking for some validation.
Yeah, OP moved very, very quickly over her questioning Craig. I hardly think her asking what happened triggered all this.
I agree. I think that OP's parents are at some fault as they seem to be letting whatever is going on with Craig's emotional wellbeing go unaddressed. However, the bursts of anger OP sees at home could be due to bullying he receives at school. She says he has a communication problem, but doesn't show how she tries to communicate with him either. I, personally, don't think that OP handled the situation well at all. While I might not have "taken up" for Craig in the way that the parents wanted OP too, I definitely would have shut it down and got him to the car. OP not only wasn't there to verify what happened, but she doesn't even know how long he had been mobbed up on, plus verbal beating can be far more damaging in the long run than letting things get "physical."
Based solely on what OP posted, I would go ahead and prepare to move out. Ask for one last opportunity for a "family meeting" or to speak with the parents and Craig separately to explain where I was coming from, and ask that they at least consider getting Craig some help for the behavior he exhibits at home (that OP has presumably witnessed) or write it all out for both parties and leave it at that.
While there may be a lot of info that OP left out that would have shown why she so easily believed the girl and gave the thumbs up for her brother to be berated en masse, I do, think OP needs some more self-reflection in there too. If he called this girl whatever random slur and 10 girls stood him in a circle and dressed him down for 10-20 minutes, exactly how does that affect him in a way that will get him to a point where he would be a better person?
Sounds to me like OP was happy to let the other girl berate him because this was the closest they could get to punishing Craig themselves. Right or wrong I couldn't say.
Is it bad that my first thought was, "Well, what if the girl was being a c*nt?" (I'm assuming that's what the insult was) For all op knows, the girls might have started it and he lashed back. More info is definitely needed.
I'm gonna put my two cents in. If you see a bunch of people berating one person, whether they are in the right or wrong, YOU BREAK IT UP!!! The OP is a scumbag for letting it go on longer than the moment she saw what was happening. I don't care what Craig said to the girl, I don't even care if it was unprovoked, the OP should have broken it up right then and there, then she should have asked some questions, and NOT GO BACK TO THE CAR TO HAVE A SMOKE LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED!!! I guarantee Craig saw her walk away, so it will be OP's fault if he "turns into a bad dude".
16:39 had me crying with laughter....WHAAT?!? NTA!!!!! 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂
OP has been apart of this family long enough with a deaf daughter and her MIL doesn’t “understand” that asking the girl to stop using her hands to eat was inappropriate? Bullshit. She knew what she was doing.
What the husband has done for his wife. Support financially and emotionally his wife and another man's child, learn sign language for said child, and in return, the OP couldn't use even a sliver of the same compassion and understanding her husband showed her and her daughter. If Op keeps it up, she will have multiple children with multiple fathers and blame all of them and their mothers for her perceived slights.
@@daveo1808 She has every right to be mad and you’re an idiot for thinking that the MIL wasn’t trying to start drama. You don’t spend time with a child who communicates with her hands and not understand that telling her to stop using her hands is rude and ablest. Her husband should support his wife and the child he chose to raise and tell his mother to behave. Why are mama’s boys always so attached to the tit? Grow up.
@@daveo1808 what are you talking about? OP did nothing wrong end of story.
Why are you even focusing on this it just seems so out of place?
No. Discrimination is discrimination. He can be the best father in the world but if he allows his Mother to blatantly disrespect a put down a 6 year old he is still in the wrong.
@@kellharris2491 I didn’t say anything about the husband other than him being a mama’s boy and needing to support his wife and child.
You probably should have got the whole story. Maybe he has someone bullying him (said girl) and as a result is acting out. I had similar problems in school and bullying made my temper short and cause me to lash out...
The family is standing up for the food thief because they sure as heck don't want this jerk in their homes.
Good afternoon XOS. Thanks for the stories. Have a great day. Don't make daughter wear the same thing. Individuals need to be able to express themselves. That's like forcing twins to dress the same. It's bullying to be honest.
The year my 1st sister came to live with live with us (adopted) my mom put us in matching dresses for Easter. We agreed for that year and never again. She got the matching thing and we were fine with it but argued against it and she never forced it again
My mother is a narcissist and loved it when people would ask if we were sisters instead of mother and daughter. She would want us to dress alike, but she wore more revealing clithescthan I ever did. At one time, she insissted on the same haircuts for us both. Yes. OP will have to watch his wifw closely regarding her dealing with their daughter Charlotte. Maybe the fact she already has another daughter who is like her helps.
@@lyndatuttle I think we were lucky. My mom said I always wanted to dress my daughter's alike. I was the only child and could have. Though my sister was special needs we talked it over and agreed we would do it once. She was happy and we only had to wear them until everybody saw is. We then changed into matching rompers. I found the special egg on the hunt and split it with her so my mom was happy and never aasked is to do again.
imagine your bully is your siblings best friend. There's no escape
:'(
Op could let the friend mother know that very often the biggest bullies to people that comes out are gay themselves, it would be cruel to do so but she has the option
Story about the sibling letting the brother be yelled at is the AH. OP is the adult, op believed the attacker before even asking the sibling their side, horrific sibling
Well considering the brother has a history of doing crap like that it's not surprising op believe the girl. I mean if someone has a history of doing terrible things are you just going to believe they were innocent when a mob of people are pissed at them?
@@Treveyon2010 A "History" of it she never explains or rationalizes. Like maybe he's getting bullied in school or something. But nah, she's too cool and mature to not know everything about every situation and make the right choice to let her kid brother be abused for 10 minutes as she gazes at herself in a mirror knowing she's just so darn incredible.
She's a horrid sister and deserves to be tossed out. At the very least she should have de-escalated and gotten his side of the story. But nah, here's a crowbar, girls! Go to town.
In the last story
If sister wants you to prepare food for her then she should had said something
Yes, it would have probably raised her rent doing that but there were only two things she agreed to buy her own food and pay $300 in rent. If the food she raised the food bill by $150 she should pay that in rent if she wants to stay
Side note: let the kid wear what they want, but once a cousin dressed REALLY inappropriate and her peers ignored her clothes. This drove her nuts. When Flashdance (nicknamed developed from clothes) questioned her sister took the lead with 'You wanted attention, we chose not to be crawl for you. Deal with it."
Uh, question: what does "we chose not to be crawl for you" mean? I've gone over it several times and I'm incredibly confused.
They probably all dress up like Douglas firs and hang tinsel all over their bods.
I think it's meant to be like "worship you on our hands and knees", which is not the same thing as crawling, which is also done on your hands and knees.
Story 4 IDK. We need more information. We don’t know the younger brother side of the story and it seems like the older sibling thinks he is the golden child and dislikes him. But it also seems a 3rd party that knows both of them(the parents) deem OP was wrong.
In the story where the brother supposedly called some girl a slur did ANYONE take the time to makes sure he did this? Did anyone bother to think the brother might not have done anything wrong? WTF is wrong with you people to automatically assume the brother did something wrong? Did ANYONE bother to consider that this girl is lying! Omg everyone sucks for just assuming & hey we all know what happens when you ASSUME
sounds to me the brother is usually the family favorite and op hoped this would get him in trouble, well that certainly backfired.
@@velvety2006 I would go as far as to suggest that the OP is actually the bully in the family as there is plenty of flags that suggest this.
Nta....however, I would have had a come to Jesus meeting with the MIL after the dinner and school her! You were right in your response. Husband should have intervened and helped this situation. Jeez
The sister who authorised the girls picking on her brother was critical of the parents for not finding out more about the names he called the girl but I didn't see any reference to the sister first finding out what prompted him to use that slur. Or talking to him about inappropriate names or anything. Was he being bullied by the girl? She doesn't know. Just assumed they were right.
@@SnowyWolborg But it is the behaviour of a person (kid or adult) who is being bullied and abused, and needs to get away from their abuser, and is reluctant to go back near them. We also only have the OP's word regarding his 'aggression'. OTOH, we can also see that she is judgemental, self righteous and more than happy to see her brother bullied and abused using the word of a potential bully as her justification. That places any comments regarding his 'aggression' in doubt, especially when they might be 'disrespect' or anger showing in response to her abuse towards him.
Last story tell sister-in-law no problem and send her to one of those lovely relatives who are commenting on how shameful it is that you're talking about her food with her. Tell her look so and so it's not only going to take you in but they said you can eat as much food as you want. And then give her her number and tell her call and find out what time you can move in tonight. I would ask her so who bought your food when you're living on your own. There's no difference of her buying food now then when she was
Last story, your sil is just being lazy and the family members have enabled that behaviour towards food and how she treats others .I have anxiety with depression and a complete mental breakdown ,getting treatment ,but when I go to the shops I'm going as part of my treatment plan to overcome my anxiety about being around other people who are complete strangers to me .I'm also a chunky lady myself and I'm proud of my body and flaws as everybody has imperfections.NTA
nah they just are against op because they don't wanna get stuck with mooching sil, this has nothing to with op kicking her out they are afraid she will come to their houses now.
The whole coordinating outfits thing. That is so my mother's family. And you're right. It's incredibly shallow and narcissistic. They hate me because I don't conform which has opened a whole can of abusive worms. I feel sorry for Charlotte
Story 2: NTA. Do not feel sorry for a second! What you were doing was always voluntary, if she’s so dependent on her kids secret donor then she should have raised her Son better to make him more appealing.
Also you don’t reward a bad behaviour
I am a big fan and i love your videos......
Thanks my friend!! Enjoy listening to the new stories :)
@@xostories9252 love from India🇮🇳
I find the creig story funny since the older sister is telling the parents that they weren’t hearing the full story while she never bother to hear the full story ether
So an angst teen calls a girl a name and these idiot Redditors say his sister should call CPS because he needs therapy? I’m astounded at the level of insanity in todays society!
I had a roommate who ate my prepared meals. I began buying microwave meals during my lunch hour and keeping it in the fridge at work. I also bought extra snacks and kept them at my desk. I stopped at stores or a fast food place on the way home and that would be dinner. Saved a lot of money because I feeding one person instead of two.
I've been a "big girl" all of my life. When I'm hungry, I buy my own food. I've never had a problem with people staring when I shop. I would never lie to shift the blame for my actions, especially onto a child.
You know, they have online shopping for most grocery stores where you can get your groceries delivered or dropped off outside of the store. Not to mention that there are self checkouts in nearly every store, she could’ve gone later/ earlier in the day when there’s less people. If its honestly an insecurity and not her being inconsiderate there are ways to go about it that don’t involve stealing from OP and her LITERAL children.
3rd story: I love how the wife said “we should be a united front” but also says that OP doesn’t get the right to intervene is really telling. If OP would have agreed with her, Lilian would have been fine. At that age, kids start to really express themselves and Lilian could have compromised instead of it being a my way or the highway deal. NTA OP.
Tell family to house SIL and feed her
Bullying is a big cause to many cases of teen su***de! You took the proper steps, and is Frankie's mom waiting til it is too late?!
I wouldn't let that prejudiced witch near any of my children after she said my child was banned from talking and signing would be harmful for the other kids to see. People who are that prejudiced against a disabled child could physically hurt them, this kind of prejudice is not harmless cluelessness it literally kills people as the disabled are often abused or murdered by prejudiced family.
The teen called Craig who isn't good at communication, has bouts of anger and who ran away from his sister, sounds very familiar to me. My autistic granddaughter acts exactly the same way. I think there may be something like that wrong with the boy, and he should be checked out to see if that's true or not. If it is, that sister's behavior could have caused lasting damage to his self confidence, and ESPECIALLY to their relationship. "Teaching him a lesson" if he is normal is one thing, but make ABSOLUTELY SURE he's normal FIRST. Because frankly, the evidence indicates the contrary.
Before he says it to the really wrong girl and her brother/cousin/boyfriend decides to teach him manners.
@@weltonvillegal6258 An autistic kid could handle THAT if it's from a stranger. But if someone they know and trust breaks their heart, there's no coming BACK from that, that relationship is irreparable, they will NEVER trust that person again. We're going through this with my granddaughter and her dad right now. He told her he was leaving the state. The rest of the family are STILL trying to convince her she isn't a worthless piece of 💩 who doesn't deserve to be loved. Autistic kids process things differently than others do, there are no shades of gray for an autistic person everything is either black or white, no in-between is possible in their world view. Convincing an autistic Daddy's girl that it wasn't HER fault Daddy left has been a real uphill battle. You can't to do ANYTHING to compromise your relationship with an autistic person, or there will BE no relationship with them.
Craig Story: YTA, 100%. First, you don't know if he actually called that girl anything. Second, if he did, you don't know that she didn't do something to deserve it. You let a bad situation go and you made him stand there with his hands in his pockets because young men aren't allowed to knock the high holy shit out of young women (yet). You are an awful person because regardless you should have broken up the situation as an adult. Right or wrong, you could have gotten somebody hurt. You sided with strangers over your brother, without knowing a damned thing about the situation, and then had the AUDACITY to try to talk to him about it like you had a shred of authority or trust left to your name to be able to do such a thing. He runs off, you drive away because oh well... You disgust me. I hope you land on your face when they throw you out as you so justly deserve to be thrown out. I wouldn't have told you as your father, I'd have tossed your sh*t in the yard and let you figure it out for yourself when you found the locks and our numbers changed. I'd wish you luck in your life moving forward but I don't want anyone to think I actually want you to have any.
Thank you i was wondering if I was going crazy
Yeah, especially when she gave the damn girl the “thumbs up” to continue harassing Craig, like wtf?
First story: Telling a deaf person not to sign is like telling someone handicapped to not use their wheelchair because it is an inconvenience.... to you. It's an ignorant thing to say.
The Easter clothes fiasco. I've got to ask 'what do Easter-themed clothes look like?' I can't get images out of my head.
Am I the only one who thinks the 19 yo op seems like they tailored the story? Something isn't sitting right with how she's telling the story. Plus it's odd she says she's a 19 year old woman but in the next sentence calls her brother a "teen"
Parents need to allow their children to be themselves and not a clone. This is parental abuse. Bad mom, good dad
The last story, op wasn't the ah but sil sure as hell is! I'm 5'1 and 160+ lbs. By medical standards, I'm right at being obese. I still do all my own shopping, and you know what I've learned? Nobody but myself cares.
The last one, we had my mother's first cousin stay with us for years and she would eat the food meant for me and my sister after school. She would not give it to us when my mother instructed her to. Then my father was complaining about my sister and I that we would sneak cooked eggs and my mother told him that her cousin was stealing the snacks and not giving it to us after school. He tried to defend that cousin, but my mother told him, who's getting bigger, because it's not the kids! To say that heavy women are stared at while they shop, no, try again.
That excuse about heavy set people/women get started at in the store is ridiculous. When I'm grocery shopping, I couldn't give a rat's ass what someone else is buying or how much they are buying. I'm much more concerned with getting my shopping done and getting out the store. SIL's insecurities are her own problem. The rest of the family can take her in and feed her.
@@creolegirl5047 Agreed ,also if she doesn't like to grocery shop because she's insecure she could ask OP to pick up extras and she would give OP the money for it. She just doesn't want to pay for food, blaming it on the kids yikes.
If daughter can't talk, no one gets to talk.
while growing up in the 70's, my dad would send us to Church dressed in........ leisure suits, MAN DID I HATE IT!!! 3 of us and the only difference was what color we wore. I was thankful of the day I was able to choose for myself what I wore, AND how I had my hair. IF Easter was ruined, it was made so by the entitlement o9f the mom, and the rest of the family, NOT because of what the daughter wore
Good on Charlotte. I hope she keeps showing her individuality. I would hate having to dress up the same as the rest of the family.
"Dressing for a theme" the only times my family had similar attire was either coincidental or was event wear.(Think Creak Week or the like where volunteers get a shirt.)
"Sibling said a bad word", I'm torn here. As it is possible that he was displaying bad behavior, it's equally possible that the girls have been harassing/bullying him, so he's lashing out. The issue is that we don't actually know what happened. OP is taking the girl's word at face value and didn't even think for a moment there might be more to the situation. And take it from someone who struggled with bouts of anger, it was primarily because it was the only way for boundary stomping people to stop, and most were provoked by other peoples actions.
So either he's just an entitled brat, or... She has been provoking him and when he lashed out she(school girl) came storming at him 10 fold, and his sister just left him to the wolves. Given that the sister assumed he was turning bad, it makes me feel like we aren't getting the whole story. The only reason I'm not sure is because of the parents saying "We don't care" when the daughter tried bringing up the "full" story.
"we need to be united front and do what I WANT"
ahahhahhahahahahahhaha
no. united front is formed after discussion and compromise.
I don't really get the "everybody dress the same for a whole day type of thing unless it's like wearing T-shirts for a family reunion day at an amusement park (makes everyone easier to spot IMO) or for a quick, we want to dress alike for a family picture and then you're free to change type of deal. Even as an adult now, my friends and family sometimes dress alike for events but it's typically for volunteer events (organization or family t-shirt), color coordination (doesn't matter what you wear, but consider using one or more of these 3 colors in your outfit) or theme coordination (wear something "Christmas-y"). And again, it's not like one person not wearing whatever upsets anybody. We're just far more please when people show up, hang out, and enjoy.
NTA! Big woman here, and that is a stupid excuse for stealing food! She needs to leave, and next person to rake you over coals about it can take her in!
did you find out if Craig had a reason to call that girl a slur? did you even ask your brother what happened? no, you saw a group of people dogging on your brother and went to help them/took their side of the story without even considering if your brother needs help and may have been justified in whatever he said. Fam is right. You aren't playing for their team.
I'm curious as to the unspecified "slur".
@@SnowyWolborg The 'problem' might be that his sister is a bully herself and was laying into him (bullying) after allowing others to abuse and bully him on the words of a potential bully. It is unlikely he jumped out of the car moving fast and that he did so when she slowed or stopped at a junction because she refused to stop abusing him in the car, or stopping to let him out.
Not stunned at-all by the ignorance of story 4. Craig's male, so by reddit standards he's always in the wrong.
OP however is a horrible sister and deserves the boot. Golly, you ever investigate WHY Craig is acting out? Gee, maybe he's having difficulties in school, like being bullied or something.
Hope you have a hard time out there, op. You deserve a reality check.
Mega-kudos to the narrator for correcting the ungrammatical "to my wife and I" (as written) and correctly saying "to my wife and me".
Last story: Your SIL is way out of line. I don't think she will stop stealing your food, so she does have to go. The next time anyone calls to harass you about evicting her thank them for opening their home to SIL, and she will be so happy to have another place to go to. Then immediately hang up the phone and block all calls, texts, emails, and social media postings from that person. For all other calls from complaining relatives, tell them that SIL will be happy to know that she can come stay with them if things don't work out between her and the first relative.😁
Argh. My daughter has step children and if any of them had a disability I would be right on board to learn what I could do to ensure the child felt welcomed and included in the family; their family. Sheesh, some people are just horrid.
Get the other kids together and teach them to sign too. Tell them it would be fun to be able to talk without others knowing
1st story! MIL would've gotten an Olive branch from me alright, straight to her head!
For the last story: If she doesn’t want to shop herself most grocery stores offer pick up options. Kroger has it free if you spend just $35, and with food costs that’s easy.
She doesn’t see how this is a sensitive topic???? 😒😒😒
@@nilianstroy crazy
@@nilianstroy I think I saw that one smh like no wth, back den they didn’t want me!!!
@@nilianstroy either the person the story is about or someone who would do the same thing to the people smh
@@nilianstroy yup smh
I've had deaf friends before in college and hung out with the hard of hearing and hard of seeing crowd a lot. The amount of people who don't even think about being deaf (or blind) and what kind of challenges are there until they're confronted with someone who can't hear or see is legit huge. Even when these people do they may be confused on certain issues like walking between two signing people (don't be awkward, just walk quickly instead of doing that awkward shuffle-hop BS, getting through ASAP is less distracting.) The average person literally don't have any *clue* how insensitive it is to ask a deaf person not to sign unless they stop to use their brain, so I doubt MIL meant anything discriminatory about it and OP is being offended instead of explaining this. The way to combat actual discrimination and educate people is to take them aside and kindly explain what it means and why what they did wasn't okay, not get super special snowflake offended, refuse to explain anything, and demand an apology for something someone may legitimately think they did nothing wrong with. Honey over vinegar and so on. People definitely listen to me better when I explain why my limbs dislocate and I can't be dragged around, with kindness and understanding, so I often get kindness and understanding in return even if they don't fully realize how injured I could actually end up being.
These aren't even unknown or unresearched conditions like my disability, humans have been dealing with them since before recorded history and we still have to explain this stuff because people tend to live in their own world and perceptions and there's nothing necessarily wrong with that, it's what allows people to live in many cases, but there's no reason to be hostile trying to teach them how to interact with someone who doesn't interact the way they do. Which *is* something I can understand because I can't interact in many physical ways others CAN. It's when there's pushback and refusal to understand that there's a problem.
Simply splendid video, XO!! 🏆🏆
In that family evidently a united front means she decides and he just has to go along
Yeah, Lillian is a total control freak! It's her way or the highway when it comes to dressing a certain way
Craig's sister is a see you next Tuesday.
Yes she is.
When brother and I were old enough to eat at the adult table for holiday gatherings, we were astonished how all of relatives spoke at once to each other, and somehow manage to all understand what each other were saying through their cacophony.
So with twelve months, he and I learned enough ASL with which to communicate at the following December gathering. Predictably this caused a bit of a stir as we knew what _we_ were saying, but the adults were distracted and slightly annoyed. No major drama over it; some saw the amusing aspects of it when we explained that we couldn't understand what anyone [else] was saying as they're all talking simultaneously...
In the Craig story: YTA. You immediately assume that Craig is in the wrong. Newsflash: girls can be awful to people too. Girls lie too. You royally fucked up by not putting an end to the altercation and putting him in the car, then finding out why they were berating him, from his mouth. Obviously when you get home, you tell your parents what the girl said and they can parse it with what Craig said. Then let them make the decision for how to handle this. You made yourself the villain of the piece by letting them abuse your brother when you don't really know the truth. Obviously if he called those girls a slur, he deserves to be punished, but your deliberate inaction did more harm than good. He can go to the school and claim they bullied him, which they did even if it was in response to a horrible comment from him, and could be severely punished for it.
Next holiday find something that you know whatever holiday is coming up your wife would hate absolutely hate buy it and since you wear it. And when she refused to ask her why it's okay for you to refuse to wear something you hate but not your daughter. Metaphorically speaking sometimes you just have to slap somebody upside the head.
And if metaphorically slapping someone upside the head doesn't work...
BUt sHe’s a CHilD anD NeeeDs to oBeY hEr pARenTs!
last story, my kids got their own pandemic foodstamps during the school year, on top of my own foodstamps. my foodstamps went to bulk buying at the beginning of the month and i would always get them snacks until they got their own. and my kids used a small amount of their own to get themselves snacks every week. my oldest often got me milk and bread every week, whether i still had some foodstamps left or not. their dad tried to tell them that it's their foodstamps to be spent on themselves and i corrected him and said that if they wanted to get something for each other, they could. and so they still got each other stuff, or got me stuff because i told them that sharing meant more people were happy and taken care of. i might not be well off, but my kids know i would give them the world if i could and go out of my way to make sure they have stuff they need before getting myself something. they needed shampoos and deodorant at my house, and i needed new shoes.....i put my shoes back to make sure that i had enough to cover their needs. i did get my shoes the next month, but that was only after making sure they had what they needed.
and whenever i used to live with my ex at his house with the kids, he refused to pay for my food, and i was looking for a job....but my oldest would always get the leftover food after dad and brother got their dinner, and he'd come split it with me because he wanted to make sure i ate something. and even now, even though i do have food, most of the time i don't eat regularly. so every day after school, they come to my house to wait for dad to come get them, except friday because i get them on weekends, and my oldest son will fix himself a snack and give me half of it, because he knows i probably won't eat if he doesn't. and it's not that i am starving myself, i just get too wrapped up in other things that by the time i start getting hungry, it's 2am in the morning and too late to eat anything. i do my best to raise my kids to be good future adults who care about others, even if those others are entitled jerks. it's better than being entitled themselves like their dad is trying to get them to be.
Story 1: NTA. Your husband has the spine of a jellyfish, and you're better off without him. File for divorce and move on.
NTA your son comes first. Screw the little bully.
Ah yes, the old bullying is no big deal line from bullies, and the lack of care from the bully’s equally terrible parents.
for the story with the mother of the deaf child, the MIL is the only one here who owes an apology. i don't think it had anything at all to do with food being cold, or more just her being ableist and discriminatory. the husband should be pressuring his mom into apologizing, not the other way around.
and for the last story: as a chunky girl myself, i have no problem going to the grocery store (though since the pandemic i get it delivered) and even if i ever felt that way i would never steal food and then blame it on children. she really needs to get it together and if her weight is hindering her that much, she needs to takes steps to change it. that doesn't entitle her to eat your food and then lie about it. i would have given her the boot too.
People don't understand that a 'united front' is meant for parents to tackle a problem together and stand up with each other, not for one parent to make the decisions and expecting the other one to back them up no matter what. Op is NTA for not allowing his wife to bully their daughter into being her mini me.
Craig story: YTA just to play devil's advocate. Isn't it possible that he called her a "slur" in response to something she said to him? I'm not saying it is right, but OP took ZERO time to get her brother's side of the story and just left him to be ganged up on based on her subjective thoughts of him at home.
In my experience, you don't just walk by someone and call them bad names for no reason. Maybe the group was bullying him. Who knows why he did that but OP didn't even ask him. Maybe he needed her help and she threw him to the wolves because she thinks he's "becoming a bad guy" as if public humiliation would help with that.
@@whiteserpent6753 How do you reconcile that observation with the fact that he was surrounded by them all abusing him? You are not wrong in what you say, but you are very wrong, and biased, in representing that as being likely in this case.
@@whiteserpent6753 Then I'm pretty sure that you should have included that clarification your initial comment if you didn't want it to come across that you were conflating the issue.
However, the bias evident in your last paragraph really doesn't help your case much, nor is it a good look to say he shouldn't respond to potential bullies because bigoted individuals, as you seem to be, will immediately say he is the misogynist bully.
@@whiteserpent6753 do you have any self awareness because it doesn't look like it. On one hand you perpetuate societal abuse and on the other say it should change. You really make no sense. It doesn't matter how large a wall of words you spew; it doesn't change what you say.
Jee Zeus!! Sil is too insecure and self conscious to SHOP for food because of judgement? WTH? Maybe the judgement might drive her to buy only lean cuisine and salads?
You can shop for food online and have it delivered to your house these days. Not buying that excuse.
Not buying that excuse either. The supermarkets are full of very large people buying foods that are not good for them. No one cares.
Story 1: What kind of grown adult doesn't understand that a child who is using sign language to communicate is not doing so just for the hell of it, but out of real need? How insensitive! Disgusting, hurtful, ableist behavior, and absolutely deserves to be called out as such. Don't give an inch, Mama. You are, in some ways, your daughter's ears, and very much her advocate. She cannot defend what she cannot hear, but you certainly can, and most certainly should!
Easter celebrations story: next time, have the 13 year old wear the clothes, but tell her to make sure to destroy them by the end of the event, and get an early start on it.
If my mom made me wear something I didn't like, I always managed to "accidentally" put a hole in it, or tear it.
I love the sister who decided that since her brother f***ed around, she decided to let him find out the concequences! FAAFO!
As far as the grandma saying not to sign that is basically like telling the granddaughter to shut up
Sister not sticking up for her brother story: She's in the wrong. She acted on the claims of one person to make a judgment against her brother. It could have been a rumor started by someone else. Point is, you do not automatically take anyone's side in an argument until what has really happened is proven.
I’m glad I wasn’t the only one that thought this.
she probably doesn't like him, based on her comments, so she doesn't care if it was true or not
if it was, he learns a lesson
if not, she doesnt care for him so whatever
@@bruuh0_0 what i was thinking based on her wording, that he may have an intellectual disability, so she resents him.
I suspect that the mil would have done the same thing if the grandchild only spoken a foreign language! What a witch!
I grew up with a mother who liked matching outfits for my siblings and me. But when I started having a strong objection to the things she chose we did come up with something both of us could deal with. She surely wasn't happy but she understood that I would say go climb trees with the boys whether she allowed me to bring pants to play in or not. Kids get a say in what they wear. My own fashionista wore a unique but still respectable outfit to my grandmother's funeral. I had told her no to some gloves she brought along. I was speaking with my uncle and saw her walking by wearing them - I looked up said "Line" she handed them over and went back about her way. My uncle looked at me stunned but then we went back to our conversation.
The rest of her outfit was very steampunk but still to me fit the more formal requirement of a funeral but the gloves were "outdoor work" style and we'd discussed the entire outfit.
@@qnkendra1523 Sounds like a very cool outfit. I have some clothes with the steampunk look.
Story 2: Frankie is a bully. Maybe he'll learn something by staying home and at least your son will have one less idiot being nasty to him. Sounds like a win.
Craig story: Funny OP is talking about a full story especially since SHE didn't even get the full story herself, did she? She didn't ask Craig a single thing. It's very dodgy imo.
She tried to get his side, but when she started to ask him what had happened he left the car while it was moving and ran off. He didn't come home until about 10 pm and his mother immediately took his side and the next morning ordered OP out of the house.
Is there any legitimate reason to use that terminology against women as Craig did?
I can't see one? So unless you are saying the whole thing was just a lie by the group which is possible, then what full story is required?
Also like the previous response said, OP tried but Craig ran asap so
@@adambaker6794 So it's fine to let a gang of people go at your own sibling without asking them one word about what happened? She can't defend herself to her parents because she knows NOTHING other than what a girl on the street told her. She didn't really care if he did or didn't call the girl out of her name since she figured he deserved it cause he's turning into a "bad" one.
She let that entire situation playout under the presumption of guilt based on her judgements about her brother. She's a sucky relative to have.
@@darlingccs2799 fine? No not particularly I wouldn't do it, but apparently she would. But why would they lie? Why is that all the sudden more likely then them telling the truth lol
so he brother gets what? Nothing that'll teach eh! I'm sure the world needs more of people who think they can do no wrong
@@montelogan2457 well I suppose I think better of people? I don't why I would frankly.
I have one child who talks more than eat and YES sometimes you have to tell them to shut up and eat. /Eye roll
Why is it such a habit in America to throw people out of home at 18 yrs old ?
Nta. But red flag on the husband. He clearly thinks shawn and his bf are right to bully your other son.