SO EXCITED to hear your guys' comments on this video! Your questions were AMAZING!! Here is a list of the questions we talked about in today's video, and where in the video you can find them: 00:50: Q1: How do I start the conversation about boundaries? 02:35: Q2: Is it okay to make out? French kiss? Cuddle? What were YOUR boundaries? - First we talk about why boundaries will look different for different couples. - Then we share the three main boundaries we set in our relationship. 05:15: Q3: Is my heart made of ice if I don't want to kiss before my wedding day? 05:30: Q4: What do you do if you and your significant other disagree on boundaries? 06:25: Q5: We're having trouble keeping our boundaries? Should we get married sooner? 07:25: Q6: Is it okay to go on vacation together while dating? 08:05: Q7: Is it normal to still want to go further? 09:10: Q8: We crossed our boundaries. Should we break up? - We also talk about how to have a healthy relationship with your boundaries! 10:00: Q9: Is it okay for boundaries to change the longer you're in a relationship? - We also talk about the one thing I wish we'd done differently with our boundaries. 10:50: Q10: How do I separate personal convictions from people pleasing?
Guys, every time I watch you a big smile immediately appears on my face!! God bless you and your family! Congrats on your new baby!! I got sooo happy and excited for you!! I hope and pray everything's gonna be fine!! Stay strong!! Please pray for me too, I really need that! I really want a guy with whom I will be just like you!! Really happy and content!! I'm struggling very much these days... I'm not very well... A week ago I broke up with my boyfriend... We've been together for a year... Long distance.. I really wanted to make this relathionship work out.. And I'm devastated... Because I thought he was the one for me, and he had so many things I want in a guy... But unfortunately it didn't work out... And the sorrow is still here, in me... I feel lost and I wonder... All those moments and efforts for nothing???... Was it all a lie??... He never loved me??... Please pray for me!!... I really need that!.. Please pray that I will overcome this situation and that God will bring a man that will truly be for me, ready for me, the right one for me and that I will be ready for him too!.. 😩😭😥😌🖤❤️🙏🏽🙏🏽
I've heard boundaries explained like this. Imagine sexual sin is a big, deep hole in the ground. The closer you get, the more chances are you'll fall into it. Having boundaries are like building a fence around the pit. The idea is not to see how close you can get without falling in. The idea is to protect you can keep you safe. That said, I do think the boundaries depend on the couple. Some people will be okay with kissing and others won't. It's about what you and the other person feel comfortable with. And you boundaries can definitely change over time. Maybe you think you'd be okay with making out, but then you do and it stirs up desires and you decide that no, it brings you too close to temptation so you decide not to. I definitely agree that it needs to be an ongoing conversation with your girlfriend/boyfriend.
4:08-boundaries 1) clothes stay on. Never being naked in front of eachother 2) no sleeping in the same bed 3) Don’t touch eachother where undergarments go
Aww that's sweet most guys need to think like that they would want someone to treat their daughter with respect and love take it from David cycles can repeat....
Great video on boundaries! After several failed relationships, I realized I was very weak in this area, so my standard became no kissing until marriage. I brought this up on a first date a few times, and pretty much made it known this was non-negotiable. My wife and I kept that standard and had our first kiss on our wedding day, and it was so special! I realize this may not work for everyone, but it worked great in our case.
I was always taught that in order to keep the “big rules”, you have to keep the “little ones”. In order to not crash your car, you need to make sure that you aren’t ignoring traffic laws, using your phone, letting people/music distract you, etc. You can still cross way too many lines without full on having sex. Boundaries are not a bad thing to have and I think you should make sure to continually check on yours to see if you need to readjust anything.
As a Muslim, this helps me a lot too. Growing up in the U.S, I conflict a lot with dating with faith or not (and it is a challenge because society usually nudges you in one direction). It's so wonderful to hear yall as practicing Christians talk about this because it truly helps other people in different faiths as well so thank you once again!
This was really encouraging for me to see!! Thank you for your comment! I’ve found that, irregardless of whichever faith one follows or whichever faith one believes in, most of us are all struggling with the same issues. It’s encouraging to know that, even with a different faith, we both are seeking a right relationship when it comes to both romance and God.
Wow, I could almost cry listening to this! I so wish this was the message I got when I was younger. Myself and many of my friends still carry the damage of toxic messages on sex and “purity.” This is legitimately the most beautiful and healthy dialogue I have ever heard on the subject- not making an idol of your boundaries, different people having different boundaries/humility, discussing tension, etc. Thank you so much for the work you are doing. You are helping so many young people. ❤️
From a guy’s perspective - this video was amazing! Thank you for answering all these questions, especially in a logical, relatable way that wasn’t demeaning. I hope you guys have a blessed day!
I just have to say I really appreciate how candid and encouraging these videos are! Like a lot of people, I come from a pretty conservative background where physical boundaries, etc, were either not really talked about or were really rule-centric. I love that your videos always point us back to seeking God’s heart instead of following a set list of rules
Thanks for such a transparent video, it was very helpful! I really appreciate that you acknowledge that everyone's boundaries are going to look different, and that there shouldn't be any shame or judgement attached to that.
on your first question, I would add as well: a good guy will also probably be frustrated that you are not going to do X. As in: (s)he is still a good guy if they kinda wanted to go further (even as they know they shouldn't) and feel that uncomfortable feeling of frustration and just... uuuuuggghhhh... you know? Because not being sexually active especially as you advance in your life can get really frustrating and it doesn't make you a bad guy (or gal) if you transparently admit to your partner that this is hard and frustrating for you. Just my take
Definitely! I think the difference can be in how often you bring it up and the way you speak to your partner about it. If you're being transparent and sharing what's going on inside of you, that's great! If it comes up every time you approach that boundary or in a way that is subtly shaming or trying to manipulate your partner, that's obviously not great. Context, frequency, and tone can make such a difference in these kinds of conversations!
@@raindown1321 i totally agree, it's normal to feel disappointed and even frustrated, but it says a lot when the partner chooses to either respect and honor their partner's decision and boundaries or let their personal desires take priority! tone and word selection are very important in those conversations... transparency is good, but manipulation and guilt tripping are NOT.
I see what you mean. With my girlfriend, we are strong Christians and know we certainly won't have sex or touch certain body parts until marriage. But it was surprising to both of us to find we're comfortable going far in intense kissing and cuddling. Obviously we feel that frustration you're talking about, but it's less of a genuine irritation and more of an exciting tease. We know we have to walk a balance but it's fun to share that experience with each other.
Y’all are SERIOUSLY the best. I know I comment this all of the time but it’s true. Like the vibe you give off is just so comforting and happy and I’m so grateful for your videos! It really feels like I’m listening to my older siblings or cousins or something 🥰
Lol that statement seems pretty bold but after watching several of their videos I think you are right!!!!!! Lol they are awesome!!! Insightful and so down right Biblical. I Love it! I sooooo wish I had had them when I was younger, instead of the "circus" I had
Thanks for answering my question! I agree with everything you said. My boyfriend and I have dated more than a year and a half. In the beginning I stressed out so much about purity and constant comparison and boundaries and guilt. Now I’ve learned every couple is different. You just need to listen to your body and communicate to figure out your boundaries.
This video gave me peace. In past relationships I had never really felt a true physical attraction, but in my relationship now I've been in that period of tension (it feels great to want my boyfriend, but we both are aiming to honor God) and Ive felt bad for being in that place. So thank you because no it doesn't mean for me to loosen my boundaries, but I dont want to be inconsistent as a girlfriend for the sake of not allowing that attraction to flourish.
I'd love to see you and James do a video on boundaries in marriage! I'm getting married in 24 days but who's counting? 😍 you look great, Tiffany by the way
Yes please! It will be great to have your insight into Advice you have her own boundaries with regards to finances, friendships with the same or opposite sex, in laws and going out with friends etc
This was the most down to earth video on Christian dating I have watched. My bf and I are both 30 and had been single for ten years, and also have a few other thing a working against us, so living in that tension is where we always are. 😆 hearing that it’s normal is honestly such a relief. Thank you
In regards to fast forwarding your marriage date to keep yourselves abstinent until you are married, I think that also may depend on the couple. I have friends who got married after 4 months because they knew that they had trouble with sexual sin, and that was their choice to make and it worked out great for them. They knew they wanted to get married to each other, so they didn't see any reason to wait. I know that's their own story and it won't be the same for everyone, but I guess the matter is subjective to each couple.
That’s not bad at all. 1 Corinthians 7:9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
I agree...but maybe with a more mature/older couple. I think this can be OK as long as you’ve really worked through other areas of your relationship... I know a young couple that ended up divorced in less than 6 months because...as it came out...they basically wanted to have sex. When the sex wasn’t so fun anymore, she got out. On the other hand, my bestie met her 2nd husband closer to her 30’s when she knew herself much better, and she just knew, as you pointed out, they they were going to get married. I think she told me about him in the Spring, and they were married in the Fall. And though they both wanted to wait until after marriage for sex, sex wasnt the reason that got married so quickly.
So good! For the question about whether you should end the relationship if you’ve crossed boundaries, I would also suggest if you are with someone who is not on the same page and allowing or causing compromise, it is best to end it. If you’re not equally yoked with someone who is trying to honor God, or who is causing/encouraging compromise, it is best to stop. God wants the best and would never want us to be with someone or in a situation that would cause us for forfeit his word in our lives or living in a way to please him! This is different if it was just falling into temptation, but please be sure to be with someone who is also on a path to please and honor Jesus! Otherwise, STOP!
You guys talk so much sense!! I wish more Christian youtubers spoke the same grounded wisdom you guys speak. You don’t over spiritualise, don’t complicate and you’re very realistic. So helpful, thank you ❤️
The questions & responses @ 8:00- 9:52 were so... freeing. God is so gracious and when I really have been in an environment to understand the significance of Grace, I think about Roman 6 and how you're so appreciative that you don't want to continue in sin. You want to honor Christ even more.
Our boundaries were very similar. We adjusted as we went, sometimes deciding to move forward, other times pulling back and praying together if we felt like we went a little too far. Our main rule was to never be in either his apartment or my parents house alone. We spent a LOT of time in a car or other public places. If his roommate wasn’t home We would just sit outside the apartment in the car and talk. It gave us a measure accountability, but privacy to talk as well. We did a lot of restaurant sitting and activities during our dating/engagement when we couldn’t have someone else in the house with us.
Great questions and answers. There really is no set standards and rules. It is about personal relationship with God and what you feel He is guiding you toward. I really feel that in the Christian circle, we expect people to marry young, have many children, have short courtships, and short engagements. 1 Corinthians 7:9 is often used to support short courtships and engagements. Paul talks about the calling of celibacy in this passage and challenges as to whether it is the right calling for an individual. I often hear many Christians say that if you want to have sex with someone, that is God's sign that you are supposed to get married. That is not the benchmark or standard to get married and it is so misleading to guide young men and women in that false standard. Marriage is built on so much more than physical intimacy. Marriage is to emulate the love that Christ has for the Church and that is built on something different than just sex and physical intimacy. We miss stressing the importance of sharing values, goals, knowing one another's standards on finances, family, careers, division of labour, faith, etc.
The question “should we get married if we can’t stop crossing our physical boundaries?” reminds me of this verse: “But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with lust” - 1 Corinthians 7:9 Now obviously this differs under different circumstances, but l do think this verse should be taken into account as it is accounting for a situation many Christian couples find themselves in. God understands how you feel and you are not alone in your feelings. This is why he gave us the Bible as a guide to stay pure ❤️ Love the video Tiffany!
Good vid!. With my girlfriend, we are strong Christians and know we of course won't have sex or touch certain body parts until marriage. But it was surprising to both of us to find we're comfortable going far in intense kissing and cuddling. We think what we do is probably too much for a lot of Christian's standards, but we feel it works for us and that the Holy Spirit has not disapproves in either of us. So we go with it and enjoy each other! We EXACTLY feel that tension between intense attraction and honoring God, and it's actually super enjoyable to walk that balance with each other and look forward to the future.
I think also with the PDA’s it can also help to think about what is appropriate and respectful for each setting- eg; how affectionate you are with each other will be different when in a conservative church (depends on the church) versus hanging out with close friends or family or even hanging out by yourselves :)
Wow, perfect timing! I've been single for 6 years and my last relationship ended because he broke up with me rather than talk about our boundaries or find a healthy way to live in the tension you were talking about. I am now talking with someone I met through an app and he seems like a really great Christian man and I am hoping he asks me on a date but it makes me so nervous because how do I date as an adult and keep boundaries!? This video made me feel so much better! Thank you!
As a atheist i cannot understand intrinsically the entire god and church related stuff, beside this i had the feeling, that the video was VERY well structured and well thought through, plus you both seem really likeable and reasonable. I am currently in a relationship with a christian girl and we decided to wait until marriage, i really respect her and her decision, further i think it is a "sweet" thing to do and very honorable. Your video was very helpfull to me, thanks.
Tiffany, thank you so much for this video! This is sooo helpful as nobody around me really talks about these important topics. The level of openness and honesty you and James display is helping a ton of people avoid not only making mistakes, but falling into the guilt trap when they do. Love, from Korea
I’m so ridiculously grateful for you guys. Listening to this when I’m dating hits so differently than when I was listening to this when I wasn’t dating. I’m so grateful for this. Thank you!❤️
I am 39 years old and I wish these conversations were happening when I was younger instead of...Kiss dating goodbye and don't date anyone until you wanna marry them. I love the fact that both of you give advice from a woman's perspective as well as the man's perspective. Both equally valid! Thank you for being so open with us and giving us all encouragement.
So many highlights that hit home for me as a christian teen girl, pursuing dating relationship and a relationship with Christ. I love the part about healthy tension: it's good to feel a pull to take the relationship further, this means you're attracted to each other! But also so important to feel tension to obey God because he loves us. Only our heavenly Father knows what is best in the long run. Thanks for a helpful, down to earth video full with sincere advice
I really love your guys' channel! You both seem so comfortable with each other and so comfortable talking about these things (aa everyone should be). I'm really the only religious one in my family so it's really nice seeing mentors like you two. Also, congratulations on the baby!!!!! :)
This is so good! Thank you so much for this; you two are one of the only Christian couples I know that actually give sound advice. Thank you for the reminder that Jesus has forgiven me, and that it’s okay to be affectionate with your boyfriend/girlfriend (of course, with healthy/shared boundaries).
We blow by our boundaries because we are only looking at the actions and we ignore the emotions. Emotions lead to actions and actions lead to more and deeper emotions which result in more and deeper actions. You see they must be accounted for together because often the emotions are much farther along then the actions. So if you’re feeling extra frisky to start then you are already closer to the point of no return so to speak so you may need to limit your actions sooner sometimes. Point of no return = slave to self.
This was great! One thing I would say regarding changing boundaries is that for me, as I really cherished the relationship with my partner, the physical boundaries became more respected. We used to be quite physical and make out in the early days of our relationship when everything was new and exciting. We found, however, that the physical attraction, whilst it remained, was not satisfying since we both agree on not having sex before marriage. The emotional intimacy and vulnerability I share with my partner leaves me feeling loved and safe.
I'm a Christian guy, and I just found your Christian sex talk videos recently, and I've really gotten a lot out of them, and found them very encouraging. Is there any chance that you two could make a video or series talking about the Bible book "Song of Solomon", and the sexual side of it, and how it paints a picture of what a Christian marriage is to look like? Lots of people talk about the spiritual side of that book, which I understand and agree with, but I believe it has a physical side too, and I think that young Christians may see God in a different light if they see that in that book, He's showing them how to have an amazing sex life in marriage, and that He's not a kill joy. Edit: I'm aware that getting into the sexual side of SOS would probably make the video R rated. Perhaps (if you do it) either set up an age restriction on that (those) video(s), or or make it available for purchase like your wedding night talks.
When you are feeling better...I'd really love to hear your video on EMOTIONAL BOUNDARIES! This is a HUGE issue for so many women! Please do this video! Congratulations to you both! The Lord bless you all!!!!❤❤❤❤🤗
Wow!! Thank you so much for this video! I've been really struggling with the people-pleasing vs. setting personal convictions when it comes to boundaries in my relationship with my boyfriend and I so appreciate your wisdom on this topic! Thank you again for making such fantastic videos. You guys are down to earth, real, and so encouraging in a world where there are so many voices and opinions on this matter. Thanks for speaking up and sharing!!
I absolutely love these videos! I'm currently single but I like to watch all of these because it's really good for me to know before getting into a relationship! You guys do so well with each and every one of these questions and really expand what I thought I knew. I hope your morning sickness gets better! Congrats on the baby! I was so excited for you two.
Hi Tiffany and James! Could you make a video on when/how to open up to a partner about a past sexual immorality? When I was in my early teens I was addicted to pornography until Jesus freed me from those chains! Since I have been dating my boyfriend for a few months now I’m considering telling him. I know there does have to be a certain level of trust in the relationship, and I do trust him and would so appreciate it if he were to ever confide in me something like this. I’m just not sure how to say it. I’ve told 2 family members of this past addiction but want him to know. Thank you for y’all’s help :)
Did you get an answer? My suggestion. Watch a relevant video with him, such as this one, watch it with him, then ask him, has he had a problem with his viewing? That then gives you a lead into telling your story. Chances are that as a guy, he has struggled too. HelloMyNameIsDragonRider: Is Masturbation a Sin? ruclips.net/video/Nm0luMk83E8/видео.html
This is what I’m kinda going through right now as I’m in the beginning stages of a public relationship and it’s weird to hold his hand in front of family.
Aw I really appreciate your sweet but Jesus-filled commentary on this! I especially loved what you both said about not letting the shame of crossing a boundary we had set consume or define us or our relationship! (it was dealt with in a healthy way, we both felt it was somewhere we shouldn't go in future and that was that!)
The words of your mouths and the meditations of your hearts continually point us toward a loving relationship with our Lord of lords. God bless you both and your ministry always!🙏 PS I still love the couch 😄
11:17 (in high school) my boyfriend put his arm around me in church after service in front of our moms(in the youth center) and i am well known by the pastors and leaders because i am on worship team and from across the room our pastor told me “leave space for Jesus” and yes I understand that is necessary and the only way to have a God pleasing relationship but if it is your boyfriends arm around your girlfriend especially next to their parents….guys..
I really love this video! Thank you for the insight! I just have to say, my boyfriend's name is James and watching your husband in these videos does amuse me because he literally reminds me of my James, the way he talks, his mannerisms. It really cracks me up🤣 But on a serious note. Since my relationship became serious and i ran across your videos I have learned so much and I really appreciate everything you do♥
Thanks Guys for your video i think me and my girlfriend have some boundries which is a good starting place i think i struggle with the tension thing but i know it's important to honour God
Thanks a lot you've really helped me see that tension is the right way to feel in the struggle to honour God . And that we can have boundaries and they grow too as we grow in our relationships .
I would highly suggest Theology of the Body for beginners by Christopher West. Great read for singles, those dating, the married-everyone! It essentially is a response to the sexual revolution, to help us recall the goodness of our sexuality, and how honouring God's plan for us actually is a participation with the Holy Trinity! Theology of the Body has really helped guide my boyfriend and I's discussions about physical boundaries. It is written by a Catholic, but hey, Protestants read the Bible and that was also compiled by the Catholic Church ;) I also know of Protestants who really appreciate this teaching, as it is full of scripture, exploring Genesis, the Song of Songs and Ephesians.
I just started reading the love languages books by Gary Chapman. It has been helpful and eye opening and I don't even have a boyfriend. I am blessed from reading a lot of Christian books
Awesome video Tiffany! If I am ever in a relationship, I’ll come back to this. But I have decided in advanced that I want to save making out and obviously sex for marriage.
SO EXCITED to hear your guys' comments on this video! Your questions were AMAZING!! Here is a list of the questions we talked about in today's video, and where in the video you can find them:
00:50: Q1: How do I start the conversation about boundaries?
02:35: Q2: Is it okay to make out? French kiss? Cuddle? What were YOUR boundaries?
- First we talk about why boundaries will look different for different couples.
- Then we share the three main boundaries we set in our relationship.
05:15: Q3: Is my heart made of ice if I don't want to kiss before my wedding day?
05:30: Q4: What do you do if you and your significant other disagree on boundaries?
06:25: Q5: We're having trouble keeping our boundaries? Should we get married sooner?
07:25: Q6: Is it okay to go on vacation together while dating?
08:05: Q7: Is it normal to still want to go further?
09:10: Q8: We crossed our boundaries. Should we break up?
- We also talk about how to have a healthy relationship with your boundaries!
10:00: Q9: Is it okay for boundaries to change the longer you're in a relationship?
- We also talk about the one thing I wish we'd done differently with our boundaries.
10:50: Q10: How do I separate personal convictions from people pleasing?
Ohhh that’s a great question!!!
Guys, every time I watch you a big smile immediately appears on my face!! God bless you and your family! Congrats on your new baby!! I got sooo happy and excited for you!! I hope and pray everything's gonna be fine!! Stay strong!! Please pray for me too, I really need that! I really want a guy with whom I will be just like you!! Really happy and content!! I'm struggling very much these days... I'm not very well... A week ago I broke up with my boyfriend... We've been together for a year... Long distance.. I really wanted to make this relathionship work out.. And I'm devastated... Because I thought he was the one for me, and he had so many things I want in a guy... But unfortunately it didn't work out... And the sorrow is still here, in me... I feel lost and I wonder... All those moments and efforts for nothing???... Was it all a lie??... He never loved me??... Please pray for me!!... I really need that!.. Please pray that I will overcome this situation and that God will bring a man that will truly be for me, ready for me, the right one for me and that I will be ready for him too!.. 😩😭😥😌🖤❤️🙏🏽🙏🏽
I've heard boundaries explained like this. Imagine sexual sin is a big, deep hole in the ground. The closer you get, the more chances are you'll fall into it. Having boundaries are like building a fence around the pit. The idea is not to see how close you can get without falling in. The idea is to protect you can keep you safe.
That said, I do think the boundaries depend on the couple. Some people will be okay with kissing and others won't. It's about what you and the other person feel comfortable with. And you boundaries can definitely change over time. Maybe you think you'd be okay with making out, but then you do and it stirs up desires and you decide that no, it brings you too close to temptation so you decide not to. I definitely agree that it needs to be an ongoing conversation with your girlfriend/boyfriend.
So good
4:08-boundaries
1) clothes stay on. Never being naked in front of eachother
2) no sleeping in the same bed
3) Don’t touch eachother where undergarments go
I tell my girlfriend I want to treat her how I want someone to treat my daughter in the future if I have A girl
Aww that's sweet most guys need to think like that they would want someone to treat their daughter with respect and love take it from David cycles can repeat....
That sounds weird
Great video on boundaries! After several failed relationships, I realized I was very weak in this area, so my standard became no kissing until marriage. I brought this up on a first date a few times, and pretty much made it known this was non-negotiable. My wife and I kept that standard and had our first kiss on our wedding day, and it was so special! I realize this may not work for everyone, but it worked great in our case.
I was always taught that in order to keep the “big rules”, you have to keep the “little ones”. In order to not crash your car, you need to make sure that you aren’t ignoring traffic laws, using your phone, letting people/music distract you, etc. You can still cross way too many lines without full on having sex. Boundaries are not a bad thing to have and I think you should make sure to continually check on yours to see if you need to readjust anything.
As a Muslim, this helps me a lot too. Growing up in the U.S, I conflict a lot with dating with faith or not (and it is a challenge because society usually nudges you in one direction). It's so wonderful to hear yall as practicing Christians talk about this because it truly helps other people in different faiths as well so thank you once again!
This was really encouraging for me to see!! Thank you for your comment! I’ve found that, irregardless of whichever faith one follows or whichever faith one believes in, most of us are all struggling with the same issues. It’s encouraging to know that, even with a different faith, we both are seeking a right relationship when it comes to both romance and God.
Jesus saves 😇
Wow, I could almost cry listening to this! I so wish this was the message I got when I was younger. Myself and many of my friends still carry the damage of toxic messages on sex and “purity.” This is legitimately the most beautiful and healthy dialogue I have ever heard on the subject- not making an idol of your boundaries, different people having different boundaries/humility, discussing tension, etc. Thank you so much for the work you are doing. You are helping so many young people. ❤️
From a guy’s perspective - this video was amazing! Thank you for answering all these questions, especially in a logical, relatable way that wasn’t demeaning. I hope you guys have a blessed day!
I just have to say I really appreciate how candid and encouraging these videos are! Like a lot of people, I come from a pretty conservative background where physical boundaries, etc, were either not really talked about or were really rule-centric. I love that your videos always point us back to seeking God’s heart instead of following a set list of rules
Please do a video on appropriate boundaries for engaged couples!
Week 3 - spiritual boundaries?!
I second that
‘Enough space between us for the Holy Spirit and a Bible’ has me in pieces!! Oh Tiffany 🤣🤣🤣🙌🏻💖
Thanks for such a transparent video, it was very helpful! I really appreciate that you acknowledge that everyone's boundaries are going to look different, and that there shouldn't be any shame or judgement attached to that.
on your first question, I would add as well: a good guy will also probably be frustrated that you are not going to do X. As in: (s)he is still a good guy if they kinda wanted to go further (even as they know they shouldn't) and feel that uncomfortable feeling of frustration and just... uuuuuggghhhh... you know? Because not being sexually active especially as you advance in your life can get really frustrating and it doesn't make you a bad guy (or gal) if you transparently admit to your partner that this is hard and frustrating for you. Just my take
Definitely! I think the difference can be in how often you bring it up and the way you speak to your partner about it. If you're being transparent and sharing what's going on inside of you, that's great! If it comes up every time you approach that boundary or in a way that is subtly shaming or trying to manipulate your partner, that's obviously not great. Context, frequency, and tone can make such a difference in these kinds of conversations!
@@raindown1321 i totally agree, it's normal to feel disappointed and even frustrated, but it says a lot when the partner chooses to either respect and honor their partner's decision and boundaries or let their personal desires take priority! tone and word selection are very important in those conversations... transparency is good, but manipulation and guilt tripping are NOT.
I see what you mean. With my girlfriend, we are strong Christians and know we certainly won't have sex or touch certain body parts until marriage. But it was surprising to both of us to find we're comfortable going far in intense kissing and cuddling. Obviously we feel that frustration you're talking about, but it's less of a genuine irritation and more of an exciting tease. We know we have to walk a balance but it's fun to share that experience with each other.
@@brysonorosa632 My bf and I are the same with those boundaries. Did you guys end up getting married?
Y’all are SERIOUSLY the best. I know I comment this all of the time but it’s true. Like the vibe you give off is just so comforting and happy and I’m so grateful for your videos! It really feels like I’m listening to my older siblings or cousins or something 🥰
The wisest couple in the world - Tiffany and James!
Lol that statement seems pretty bold but after watching several of their videos I think you are right!!!!!! Lol they are awesome!!! Insightful and so down right Biblical. I Love it! I sooooo wish I had had them when I was younger, instead of the "circus" I had
Hhah at the beginning I thought it said, “Weirdest couple in the world" 😂
Thanks for answering my question! I agree with everything you said. My boyfriend and I have dated more than a year and a half. In the beginning I stressed out so much about purity and constant comparison and boundaries and guilt. Now I’ve learned every couple is different. You just need to listen to your body and communicate to figure out your boundaries.
I’m so glad you’ve been able to find a place of peace with your boundaries!!🙌🙌
This video gave me peace. In past relationships I had never really felt a true physical attraction, but in my relationship now I've been in that period of tension (it feels great to want my boyfriend, but we both are aiming to honor God) and Ive felt bad for being in that place. So thank you because no it doesn't mean for me to loosen my boundaries, but I dont want to be inconsistent as a girlfriend for the sake of not allowing that attraction to flourish.
Excellent! Thank you. This needs to be discussed in our churches and sadly it's not.
I agree. What I got from my church was "don't have sex until marriage." Which is true - but not that helpful when it comes to boundaries.
I had a much different experience. Every church I've been to talked about boundaries and purity constantly.
It is sad 😢
I know right
I'd love to see you and James do a video on boundaries in marriage! I'm getting married in 24 days but who's counting? 😍 you look great, Tiffany by the way
Hey there! Is this the sort of topic you're looking to hear covered?
ruclips.net/video/XrzTPE4G_Bc/видео.html
Wow! Many blessings!
Yes please! It will be great to have your insight into Advice you have her own boundaries with regards to finances, friendships with the same or opposite sex, in laws and going out with friends etc
As for me and my house podcast has a great episode on this! Milena and Jordan are so awesome
Thank you for answering these questions!! You guys are such great examples for a God-centered relationship!🥰🙏🏼💕
I love James! He’s not awkward at all and super easy going 😄 Hope Tiffany feels better soon x
This was the most down to earth video on Christian dating I have watched. My bf and I are both 30 and had been single for ten years, and also have a few other thing a working against us, so living in that tension is where we always are. 😆 hearing that it’s normal is honestly such a relief. Thank you
In regards to fast forwarding your marriage date to keep yourselves abstinent until you are married, I think that also may depend on the couple. I have friends who got married after 4 months because they knew that they had trouble with sexual sin, and that was their choice to make and it worked out great for them. They knew they wanted to get married to each other, so they didn't see any reason to wait. I know that's their own story and it won't be the same for everyone, but I guess the matter is subjective to each couple.
That’s not bad at all. 1 Corinthians 7:9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
I agree...but maybe with a more mature/older couple. I think this can be OK as long as you’ve really worked through other areas of your relationship... I know a young couple that ended up divorced in less than 6 months because...as it came out...they basically wanted to have sex. When the sex wasn’t so fun anymore, she got out. On the other hand, my bestie met her 2nd husband closer to her 30’s when she knew herself much better, and she just knew, as you pointed out, they they were going to get married. I think she told me about him in the Spring, and they were married in the Fall. And though they both wanted to wait until after marriage for sex, sex wasnt the reason that got married so quickly.
The most straightforward video I've found on the subject. God bless you guys!
So good! For the question about whether you should end the relationship if you’ve crossed boundaries, I would also suggest if you are with someone who is not on the same page and allowing or causing compromise, it is best to end it. If you’re not equally yoked with someone who is trying to honor God, or who is causing/encouraging compromise, it is best to stop. God wants the best and would never want us to be with someone or in a situation that would cause us for forfeit his word in our lives or living in a way to please him! This is different if it was just falling into temptation, but please be sure to be with someone who is also on a path to please and honor Jesus! Otherwise, STOP!
Oh that’s a really good point!! I didn’t even think of that - thank you for adding this!!
You deserve so many more views and subscribes 😍
You guys talk so much sense!! I wish more Christian youtubers spoke the same grounded wisdom you guys speak. You don’t over spiritualise, don’t complicate and you’re very realistic. So helpful, thank you ❤️
so happy for your pregnancy! congrats 😍
The questions & responses @ 8:00- 9:52 were so... freeing. God is so gracious and when I really have been in an environment to understand the significance of Grace, I think about Roman 6 and how you're so appreciative that you don't want to continue in sin. You want to honor Christ even more.
As a married woman, I wish I would have gotten advice like this! Y'all are so spot on! ♥️
Our boundaries were very similar. We adjusted as we went, sometimes deciding to move forward, other times pulling back and praying together if we felt like we went a little too far. Our main rule was to never be in either his apartment or my parents house alone. We spent a LOT of time in a car or other public places. If his roommate wasn’t home We would just sit outside the apartment in the car and talk. It gave us a measure accountability, but privacy to talk as well. We did a lot of restaurant sitting and activities during our dating/engagement when we couldn’t have someone else in the house with us.
Great questions and answers. There really is no set standards and rules. It is about personal relationship with God and what you feel He is guiding you toward.
I really feel that in the Christian circle, we expect people to marry young, have many children, have short courtships, and short engagements.
1 Corinthians 7:9 is often used to support short courtships and engagements. Paul talks about the calling of celibacy in this passage and challenges as to whether it is the right calling for an individual.
I often hear many Christians say that if you want to have sex with someone, that is God's sign that you are supposed to get married. That is not the benchmark or standard to get married and it is so misleading to guide young men and women in that false standard. Marriage is built on so much more than physical intimacy. Marriage is to emulate the love that Christ has for the Church and that is built on something different than just sex and physical intimacy.
We miss stressing the importance of sharing values, goals, knowing one another's standards on finances, family, careers, division of labour, faith, etc.
The question “should we get married if we can’t stop crossing our physical boundaries?” reminds me of this verse: “But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with lust”
- 1 Corinthians 7:9
Now obviously this differs under different circumstances, but l do think this verse should be taken into account as it is accounting for a situation many Christian couples find themselves in. God understands how you feel and you are not alone in your feelings. This is why he gave us the Bible as a guide to stay pure ❤️ Love the video Tiffany!
Good vid!. With my girlfriend, we are strong Christians and know we of course won't have sex or touch certain body parts until marriage. But it was surprising to both of us to find we're comfortable going far in intense kissing and cuddling. We think what we do is probably too much for a lot of Christian's standards, but we feel it works for us and that the Holy Spirit has not disapproves in either of us. So we go with it and enjoy each other! We EXACTLY feel that tension between intense attraction and honoring God, and it's actually super enjoyable to walk that balance with each other and look forward to the future.
I think also with the PDA’s it can also help to think about what is appropriate and respectful for each setting- eg; how affectionate you are with each other will be different when in a conservative church (depends on the church) versus hanging out with close friends or family or even hanging out by yourselves :)
That’s an AWESOME point. Thank you for adding this to the discussion!!
Tiffany Dawn ❤️❤️
Wow, perfect timing! I've been single for 6 years and my last relationship ended because he broke up with me rather than talk about our boundaries or find a healthy way to live in the tension you were talking about. I am now talking with someone I met through an app and he seems like a really great Christian man and I am hoping he asks me on a date but it makes me so nervous because how do I date as an adult and keep boundaries!? This video made me feel so much better! Thank you!
Has he asked you yet? 😍
@@sihlezulu9200 He asked today if we could have a phone date! If that goes well I'm hoping he'll ask for a real one! :)
As a atheist i cannot understand intrinsically the entire god and church related stuff, beside this i had the feeling, that the video was VERY well structured and well thought through, plus you both seem really likeable and reasonable. I am currently in a relationship with a christian girl and we decided to wait until marriage, i really respect her and her decision, further i think it is a "sweet" thing to do and very honorable. Your video was very helpfull to me, thanks.
Your videos are such a blessing! Hope you feel better, will be praying for you! xx
You are my favorite Christian channel ever and I've been telling so many people about you! Thanks Tiffany and James 😁
Tiffany, thank you so much for this video! This is sooo helpful as nobody around me really talks about these important topics. The level of openness and honesty you and James display is helping a ton of people avoid not only making mistakes, but falling into the guilt trap when they do. Love, from Korea
I’m so glad!! This makes me so happy!!
안녕하세요
I’m so ridiculously grateful for you guys. Listening to this when I’m dating hits so differently than when I was listening to this when I wasn’t dating. I’m so grateful for this. Thank you!❤️
I am 39 years old and I wish these conversations were happening when I was younger instead of...Kiss dating goodbye and don't date anyone until you wanna marry them. I love the fact that both of you give advice from a woman's perspective as well as the man's perspective. Both equally valid! Thank you for being so open with us and giving us all encouragement.
So many highlights that hit home for me as a christian teen girl, pursuing dating relationship and a relationship with Christ.
I love the part about healthy tension: it's good to feel a pull to take the relationship further, this means you're attracted to each other! But also so important to feel tension to obey God because he loves us. Only our heavenly Father knows what is best in the long run.
Thanks for a helpful, down to earth video full with sincere advice
I really love your guys' channel! You both seem so comfortable with each other and so comfortable talking about these things (aa everyone should be). I'm really the only religious one in my family so it's really nice seeing mentors like you two. Also, congratulations on the baby!!!!! :)
This is so good! Thank you so much for this; you two are one of the only Christian couples I know that actually give sound advice. Thank you for the reminder that Jesus has forgiven me, and that it’s okay to be affectionate with your boyfriend/girlfriend (of course, with healthy/shared boundaries).
You guys are so amazing and helpful.
We blow by our boundaries because we are only looking at the actions and we ignore the emotions. Emotions lead to actions and actions lead to more and deeper emotions which result in more and deeper actions. You see they must be accounted for together because often the emotions are much farther along then the actions. So if you’re feeling extra frisky to start then you are already closer to the point of no return so to speak so you may need to limit your actions sooner sometimes. Point of no return = slave to self.
This was great! One thing I would say regarding changing boundaries is that for me, as I really cherished the relationship with my partner, the physical boundaries became more respected. We used to be quite physical and make out in the early days of our relationship when everything was new and exciting. We found, however, that the physical attraction, whilst it remained, was not satisfying since we both agree on not having sex before marriage. The emotional intimacy and vulnerability I share with my partner leaves me feeling loved and safe.
I love how as your relationship progressed you respected each other’s boundaries even more! 🙌🙌
I look forward to these videos every week! Thanks for being so real 😊
I'm a Christian guy, and I just found your Christian sex talk videos recently, and I've really gotten a lot out of them, and found them very encouraging. Is there any chance that you two could make a video or series talking about the Bible book "Song of Solomon", and the sexual side of it, and how it paints a picture of what a Christian marriage is to look like? Lots of people talk about the spiritual side of that book, which I understand and agree with, but I believe it has a physical side too, and I think that young Christians may see God in a different light if they see that in that book, He's showing them how to have an amazing sex life in marriage, and that He's not a kill joy.
Edit: I'm aware that getting into the sexual side of SOS would probably make the video R rated. Perhaps (if you do it) either set up an age restriction on that (those) video(s), or or make it available for purchase like your wedding night talks.
When you are feeling better...I'd really love to hear your video on EMOTIONAL BOUNDARIES! This is a HUGE issue for so many women! Please do this video! Congratulations to you both! The Lord bless you all!!!!❤❤❤❤🤗
These are such good answers! honestly it's hard to find christians who will talk about these things openly and without shame!! love it!!!
Oh yay!!! I’m so glad they were helpful!!
Wow!! Thank you so much for this video! I've been really struggling with the people-pleasing vs. setting personal convictions when it comes to boundaries in my relationship with my boyfriend and I so appreciate your wisdom on this topic! Thank you again for making such fantastic videos. You guys are down to earth, real, and so encouraging in a world where there are so many voices and opinions on this matter. Thanks for speaking up and sharing!!
I’m always SO excited for these Q&As! Thank you so much for filming them-they’re a highlight for my week! ❤️
really needed this, thank you so much :)
I absolutely love these videos! I'm currently single but I like to watch all of these because it's really good for me to know before getting into a relationship! You guys do so well with each and every one of these questions and really expand what I thought I knew. I hope your morning sickness gets better! Congrats on the baby! I was so excited for you two.
Hello Tiffany and James thanks for sharing these with us. I think they're just on point
You guys are the best. Love these real talk videos- such healthy perspectives
I absolutely loved listening to this! 🙂
Such good advice! Thank you to this beautiful couple ❤️
Hi Tiffany and James! Could you make a video on when/how to open up to a partner about a past sexual immorality?
When I was in my early teens I was addicted to pornography until Jesus freed me from those chains! Since I have been dating my boyfriend for a few months now I’m considering telling him. I know there does have to be a certain level of trust in the relationship, and I do trust him and would so appreciate it if he were to ever confide in me something like this. I’m just not sure how to say it. I’ve told 2 family members of this past addiction but want him to know.
Thank you for y’all’s help :)
So, how did it go?
Did you get an answer?
My suggestion. Watch a relevant video with him, such as this one, watch it with him, then ask him, has he had a problem with his viewing? That then gives you a lead into telling your story. Chances are that as a guy, he has struggled too. HelloMyNameIsDragonRider: Is Masturbation a Sin?
ruclips.net/video/Nm0luMk83E8/видео.html
you two are amazing! thanks for this video! God bless you both!!
Can relate to James doing the subconscious distance thing. I was subconsciously uncomfortable with expressing pda while at church/with family .
This is what I’m kinda going through right now as I’m in the beginning stages of a public relationship and it’s weird to hold his hand in front of family.
Aw I really appreciate your sweet but Jesus-filled commentary on this! I especially loved what you both said about not letting the shame of crossing a boundary we had set consume or define us or our relationship! (it was dealt with in a healthy way, we both felt it was somewhere we shouldn't go in future and that was that!)
I love you two!
One question I’ve had for a while: What exactly do you mean by “making out”? There seem to be a few different definitions.
yes I'd also like to know it
2:21 you look adorable my bespectacled sister! 🤓
Hope your baby starts treating you better soon Tiff! Thanks so much for the video, I was just wondering about this!
There is such a need for conversations like this. Awesome video, Thank you! 💕
The words of your mouths and the meditations of your hearts continually point us toward a loving relationship with our Lord of lords. God bless you both and your ministry always!🙏
PS I still love the couch 😄
11:17 (in high school) my boyfriend put his arm around me in church after service in front of our moms(in the youth center) and i am well known by the pastors and leaders because i am on worship team and from across the room our pastor told me “leave space for Jesus” and yes I understand that is necessary and the only way to have a God pleasing relationship but if it is your boyfriends arm around your girlfriend especially next to their parents….guys..
this channel makes my soul calm and happy and brings me closer to God! thank you,God bless you ! 💕
That makes me SO HAPPY 😍😍😍
I really love this video! Thank you for the insight! I just have to say, my boyfriend's name is James and watching your husband in these videos does amuse me because he literally reminds me of my James, the way he talks, his mannerisms. It really cracks me up🤣 But on a serious note. Since my relationship became serious and i ran across your videos I have learned so much and I really appreciate everything you do♥
Wow, this video is all about me and significant other. So thankful Tiffany.
🤗🤗🤗
Another super good video!!! I love that sentiment, “celebrate living in the tension”!!
I love this... We need more of this content in South Africa
You guys make my heart so happy
Very candid and encouraging. Thank you Tiffany and James❣️
I’m so glad!!
Thanks for sharing. Gave me some stuff to think about.
Love your videos!! Thank you for doing these ❤❤
I enjoyed this video ❤ I wish it was longer😂❤
Excellent sharing! I love it.
LOVE LOVE LOVE you guys. Thank you. You are amazing! So Insightful and beautifully Biblical 🥰 I wish I'd heard you when I was young.
Oh yay!!! This was so encouraging!!
I loved this video. Thank you very much. Stuff needs to be discussed more like this
I’m so glad you loved it!😍🙌
This was so so so helpful! Thanking God for your wisdom and insight into this topic 🙌🏽❤
I’m so glad!!
Great video! Yes, completely agree at the end of the day we want our actions to honor God.
Thanks Guys for your video i think me and my girlfriend have some boundries which is a good starting place i think i struggle with the tension thing but i know it's important to honour God
23 pages of questions!? You should make a second video covering the others!!
Right?! There were SO MANY!!
Thanks a lot you've really helped me see that tension is the right way to feel in the struggle to honour God .
And that we can have boundaries and they grow too as we grow in our relationships .
I’m so glad this could help!!
CONGRATULATIONS on your pregnancy!
When you start talking to a guy in a dating sense for the first time and start watching dating videos immediately 😂
I just don't want to kiss and I want to be completely pure before my wedding. Keeping it simple.
I would highly suggest Theology of the Body for beginners by Christopher West. Great read for singles, those dating, the married-everyone! It essentially is a response to the sexual revolution, to help us recall the goodness of our sexuality, and how honouring God's plan for us actually is a participation with the Holy Trinity! Theology of the Body has really helped guide my boyfriend and I's discussions about physical boundaries. It is written by a Catholic, but hey, Protestants read the Bible and that was also compiled by the Catholic Church ;) I also know of Protestants who really appreciate this teaching, as it is full of scripture, exploring Genesis, the Song of Songs and Ephesians.
I’ve heard of this book and I’ve been meaning to read it for the longest time! Thank you for this recommendation!!
Couples should find out what their *Love languages* are & avoid crossing those love languages, according to their convictions.
I just started reading the love languages books by Gary Chapman. It has been helpful and eye opening and I don't even have a boyfriend. I am blessed from reading a lot of Christian books
Awesome video Tiffany! If I am ever in a relationship, I’ll come back to this.
But I have decided in advanced that I want to save making out and obviously sex for marriage.
This was so helpful and wise! Loved the part on shame and how it is not of God. Thanks for making this video!
Your videos always seem too short! More please and thank you! 😊
Also praying for a healthy pregnancy 🙏🏽
Oh yay!! I’m always afraid we make the videos too long - so that’s encouraging to hear they’re not!!🤗 Thank you for your prayers too!!
I love that you have timestamps
As a follow up to the first question, when is a good time to start the conversation? I'd assume not on a first date!