How To End An Affair With Someone You Love

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  • Опубликовано: 26 июн 2024
  • In this video Dr. Joe Beam of the Marriage Helper organization guides you on how to end an affair with someone you love.
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    In this video, Dr. Beam discusses the way that you can and should end an affair with someone you love. You don’t want to hurt this person and the situation is difficult. These facts are not lost on Dr. Beam who provides some things for you to consider in terms of deciding whether continuing your affair with this person is the most loving thing to do for them.
    Dr. Beam explains that though ending the affair with someone you love will hurt both of you, that there are ways to end the affair that will result in less long-term pain in the future.
    Another key point that Dr. Beam makes is that it is important to be decisive. Once you realize the right path, end the affair immediately or else your emotions will make it more difficult for you to complete and make the process more difficult.
    Dr. Beam also explains some possible reactions that the other person might have and how that could affect you.
    He explains what you should do immediately after ending the affair that will prevent some long-term pain for you and will begin the healing process for your marriage as quickly as possible.
    Dr. Beam emphasizes the importance of looking at both the short term and the long term when making the decision to end your affair or not. In the short term, it will be painful, difficult, and will remove a source of joy from your life.
    It is in the long-term that you will be better off and will likely receive more fulfillment from ending the affair. With difficult decisions in life Dr. Beam suggests looking both at the short term and the long term in determining the true value of your possible actions.
    If your marriage has been hurt by an affair, we have Workshops, Coaching, and Online Courses that can help!
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Комментарии • 439

  • @GuppyPal
    @GuppyPal 2 года назад +81

    My parents divorced when I was 21. The marriage had been dead for a long time, and both my parents had lots of problems. I remember wishing they would get a divorce when I was in high school so I wouldn't have to deal with both parents at the same time, and it was obvious to me there was no point to the marriage even then. I think too many people think staying together for the kids is always the right answer. Sometimes it is. Sometimes it isn't. These situations are almost always extremely complicated.

  • @JamesKevinForbis
    @JamesKevinForbis Год назад +41

    Thank you for this. I had an emotional affair with a coworker. It never became more than flirting at work and texting and calling on the phone. It was still incredibly difficult to end because of the emotional investments we had made in one another. It dragged on and on and finally ending it was the best thing I did to start building back trust in my marriage.

    • @vanessaaugust93
      @vanessaaugust93 2 месяца назад

      If I may ask, what were the steps you did to end it. I know someone thats having an affair with co worker and still continue communicating at work and thinks that he's inlove with this person and that it won't change. On the other hand he's still in his marriage and attempted to leave but hasnt

    • @user-dm1xh6bz3i
      @user-dm1xh6bz3i 17 дней назад

      If i had a dime for everytime i have seen some married person having an affair at work

  • @bhavyasuvarna7518
    @bhavyasuvarna7518 3 года назад +41

    Hard to make the decision but when you go for it,it completely changes your life and leaves you in peace.

  • @gelgoorx
    @gelgoorx 2 года назад +24

    As having cheated on my ex I'll say it's a Terrible thing it eats at you and makes you miserable, you gotta bite the bullet and go through the pain of speration and move on .

  • @kuinitofilau8830
    @kuinitofilau8830 5 лет назад +133

    The changes I saw in my husband who was unfaithful was that he started drinking which he never did, he cut off his family which he would never have done because he does everything for them and overall he's just a different person from the one I married...sometimes I don't know who he is but I'm still praying for him and our marriage and our children. It's a sticky situation but I'm trying to trust in God.

    • @gitarist25
      @gitarist25 4 года назад +6

      how did things work out?

    • @andreamoscoso4065
      @andreamoscoso4065 3 года назад +3

      Trust in God regardless and pray that He guides you and your family including your husband.
      This might help someone.
      For people who go through childbirth or physical problems or weight gain. Either stick it through, these things can heal especially after being cut down there for childbirth and many women get a mesh placed down there. Sometimes its placed badly and will hurt so it will need to surgically or with therapy get fixed. If someone doesn't want to wait they should get divorced and not do that to someone and no the partner does not love them not in a real way not where it needs to be might be confused but still. Also be honest before a relationship/ marriage.
      Being emotionally invested into someone else, emotionally thinking about someone else starting to invest in someone else like that, having an emotional affair not my words but from many honest people, it affects people (both sides).
      Also porn is the same, emotionally physically, spiritually and soul wise. In being honest and trying, and taking the steps to get out of there and working with your wife/husband. I'm sure it helped to try to do something better.
      ~ For anyone else reading the comment section porn and also emotional investement to whatever degree in others affects your soul, it is cheating spiritually and physically and sets you to look at women in an unhealthy way for your mind and soul and thus this is setting you up for failure. The woman notices and feels this that you are not properly invested and cheating looking at/ to others and of course it will be a complete turn off. I suggest work on this for your sake and your future wife's sake so that you won't cause problems in that area or bring problems into your relationship and then marriage. Build trust. No trust= no connection and rejection/ turn offs. Most women percieve/ feel this cheating /porn etc (because the proof is evident even if you try to hide it) and know that you are not invested where you should be so it makes them reject the person. So it could just become a nasty cycle that goes no where until you decide to. Don't bring this into a relationship when they never expected it or asked for it, same for women with their men. Goes both ways for men and women. Many seek others or porn in the relationship stage which is cheating (this of course causes problems and alienates everyone) and so its at times brought into the marriage. Its not like it will go away with marriage. So make sure its not a thing anymore before getting into a relationship and then even worse into a marriage. Start right. Its precious years for both of you. Be honest and do all you can to not set yourself up. You seek other women it leads to failure there is no sugar coating or denying it don't set yourself up for it but do everything you can to not go that route. Best of luck. Pray.

    • @amberrose573
      @amberrose573 3 года назад +5

      Dnt pray for a cheating husband ..
      Simply bcz thats a choice he took and God does not overrule choices

    • @P.willow
      @P.willow 3 года назад +3

      Sounds like a very unhappy person tbh if he's not himself. You probably hurt his happiness by begging him to stay. What's wro g with people been happy. Just to make others happy and secure one person has to spend the rest of their life unhappy? Sounds selfish to me.

    • @kathleenprice3388
      @kathleenprice3388 2 года назад +1

      Kuini bless you im so sorry for i admire you for trying but i think hes lost and sadly be is so wrong and doesnt love or appreciand you but you are the only one that can .ove forward but please try to be strong with what you decide i send you love prayers and pray for you and children xx

  • @deborahkarg-zl1xi
    @deborahkarg-zl1xi Год назад +9

    When people get married they do it for life. But if your husband or wife takes you for granted and you try to talk about but it stays the same, you will come to a point of leaving.

  • @davidpearson8954
    @davidpearson8954 5 лет назад +142

    You are a good guy. Thank you for your honesty and wisdom. Not to mention your bravery for admitting to your faults publicly.

    • @nataliejeanbart7262
      @nataliejeanbart7262 3 года назад +6

      Exactly, his honestly is very refreshing. I feel like I know him.. wierd. God bless his soull

  • @czilkha
    @czilkha Год назад +11

    It is important to recognize if the beliefs and values about marriage being forever - no matter if you are incompatible and bitterly unhappy, are truly your values or beliefs or those of your family, community or culture.

  • @jazzyandfunky
    @jazzyandfunky 5 лет назад +88

    My father cheated on my mum with numerous lovers. He had a baby with one random girl. My mum couldn't cope with it and moved out with my sister and I, but they still tried to work on it. At that point he met a much younger girl and fell in love madly. This finally ended my parents' marriage. Dad and his lover are now together for 26 years, most of this married. He didn't change to a completely different person, he is still a bit of a d**k ;) but apparently him and his wife are a better match than him and my mum were. The only thing I remember from early childhood is harsh words, lack of bond, loads of arguments. Dad and my stepmother have 2 daughters. I like them all a lot. I think there are so many people who married too young, grew too apart along the way or got too far with their anger/misery to maintain the marriage.

  • @valarieheart1805
    @valarieheart1805 5 лет назад +49

    My parents' relationship changed me from a little girl who believed in love to someone who just have trust issues around men.

    • @kimjordan7454
      @kimjordan7454 5 лет назад +3

      Yes I feel the same way..i DO NOT WANT TO be a WHORE LIKE MY FATHER n follow in his footsteps...bit I don't know how to save my marriage r do I even want to..i feel like I'm just there because of my son

    • @sobharai3983
      @sobharai3983 4 года назад +1

      Exactly the same problem with me

    • @kathleenprice3388
      @kathleenprice3388 2 года назад +1

      Hey valarie i hope you have moved forard trust me there are decent true men out there x

  • @aliabdelaziz905
    @aliabdelaziz905 4 года назад +54

    Once I ended the affair of over 2 years I was able to rebuild my marriage and now everything is great and we are planning our 3rd child. I know how hard it is when you have two great women in your life I could have sworn god made my mistress just for me she was perfect but I couldn’t leave my family and I had to pull the plug. I know how hard it is

    • @christagalvan5638
      @christagalvan5638 4 года назад +21

      Danny my husband had an affair for 2 years and has decided to stay with me to try and rebuild our relationship. We go to counseling and he doesn't speak to her anymore but he says he still loves her and is trying for our family. Reading your comment gives me a little hope

    • @Yummy333
      @Yummy333 2 года назад +7

      @@christagalvan5638 at least he is being honest, just don’t give up on him, sometimes we fall in love outside of our marriage just to learn a lesson… I hope 🤞🏾 you guys stick together ❤️

    • @grantweston4981
      @grantweston4981 2 года назад +11

      Im not bashing you here, but I think you need know God and who He is a little bit better. God wouldn't make a mistress foe you...or anyone for the matter. God expects a person to remain in their covenant marriage. Your not the only one to be deceived by this way of thinking. Its the devil and his pawns that are putting the hood over your head to blind you. Im glad you ended the affair. Please put God back in your Marriage and read scripture. Find out how us men are called to be towards our spouse, our children ,and others. Peace be with you and God bless.

    • @aliabdelaziz905
      @aliabdelaziz905 2 года назад +7

      @@grantweston4981 I understand where you’re coming from but I wouldn’t say I put god too much in my life, but we did have our 3rd child and my marriage is actually going very well. We actually all got back from Disneyland last night. I haven’t fell into temptation at all and I’m happy.

    • @BlkOnyx0508
      @BlkOnyx0508 Год назад +6

      @@Yummy333 don't give up on him?! A person who is telling you to your face he doesn't want you? No.

  • @unicorn998
    @unicorn998 3 года назад +13

    I was having an affair for almost 2 yrs, tried desperately to leave for the past 6 mnths. Thought therepy would help but nothing did help. He started keeping one foot out of the affair and wanted to stay friends with benefits. One day I lost my head fought hard things got violent and abusive with him then he beat me up hard and i had to end everything and exposed the affair to his wife. It was the final end. But I've been in guilt ever since.

  • @myrnahernandez6244
    @myrnahernandez6244 3 года назад +141

    It’s too painful to be the other woman. He never loves you enough to leave. 🥴😢

    • @rootedrotor525
      @rootedrotor525 3 года назад +19

      Same goes if you're the other man hun. She never loves you enough to leave.

    • @mineshukri3444
      @mineshukri3444 3 года назад +6

      So true

    • @brondomichael910
      @brondomichael910 3 года назад

      I know of a man who help me solve my problem what'zpp him now for help+2348073317460

    • @sarahcosta4882
      @sarahcosta4882 2 года назад +50

      Do you know what it's like for the wife he leaves? The pain is excruciating, the betrayal is beyond words, the broken life he leaves behind him to be with "the other woman" can't be described. There's plenty of single men in the world, do yourself a favor, stay as far away from a married man as possible!

    • @LuisGonzalez-sb9lx
      @LuisGonzalez-sb9lx 2 года назад +4

      Same goes to a gay love triangle. He never loves you enough to leave.

  • @theeprincess777
    @theeprincess777 5 лет назад +29

    Classic Joe teaching. Love these types of lessons I miss this format It's easier to follow and digest. It keeps my interest much better than the new modified back and forth two person videos/podcasts thank you

    • @MarriageHelper
      @MarriageHelper  5 лет назад +4

      Glad to hear you are enjoying the material. Thank you for your feedback!

  • @VanessaSimon26
    @VanessaSimon26 11 месяцев назад +15

    Living in sexless marriage. Being neglected and ignored by my husband I fell
    in love with another man. He found out, even though we decided on an open relationship.
    I ended the affair today. I can’t stop crying.

    • @bekind3050
      @bekind3050 10 месяцев назад +3

      I feel you😢. We are strong. We will overcome. 🙏

    • @eccomiqua7960
      @eccomiqua7960 8 месяцев назад +1

      Why crying? What is the reason of your tears? Do you regret being unfaithful or do you miss your AP?

    • @ananardelli
      @ananardelli 6 месяцев назад +4

      Why would you want to stay in a marriage like that? Some things can’t be fixed. I’m sorry but I couldn’t do it.

    • @openrealm
      @openrealm 4 месяца назад +2

      @@ananardelli Yeah, to the original poster also, why did you end the affair instead of the marriage? Even with all that is said here not withstanding, for me it would have been the marriage that would have ended.

  • @pw4259
    @pw4259 2 года назад +8

    Had affair 13 years it's ended now I am happy and moved on I do think about her and still love her but let me say there are no winners

  • @listiyanischna
    @listiyanischna 5 лет назад +56

    My parents were in bad marriage and my mom divorced him because i suggested that. They were unhappy and fighting constantly. Life is not black and white.

    • @sharaa.5011
      @sharaa.5011 4 года назад +4

      Well said!

    • @dinostoriesbyaimar4404
      @dinostoriesbyaimar4404 4 года назад +7

      Its about AN AFFAIR, not about BAD MARRIAGE.

    • @zuzu7250
      @zuzu7250 3 года назад +4

      @@dinostoriesbyaimar4404 bad marriages lead to affairs- If a woman has no physical attraction for her hubby, she can’t just leave because she would have no means of support. She is simply seeking the love and affection she desperately needs - no sense in breaking up a marriage because of trying to satisfy one basic need that is not being met within the marriage. That would be stupid.

    • @brondomichael910
      @brondomichael910 3 года назад

      @@zuzu7250 .I know of a man who help me solve my problem what'zpp him now for help+2348073317460

    • @brondomichael910
      @brondomichael910 3 года назад

      @@EadsB7002 .I know of a man who help me solve my problem what'zpp him now for help+2348073317460

  • @katiebr
    @katiebr 4 года назад +14

    That’s so very true!!!!’ A lover is a lover, not a spouse and you will get caught! It always happens!

  • @hrkp5518
    @hrkp5518 5 лет назад +34

    Dr. Joe Beam is truly better than Jim Beam.

  • @czilkha
    @czilkha Год назад +4

    thank you so much for sharing your story and pffering a pathway out for those struggling. As a therapist for almost 40 years, I use your link often.

  • @PutTheShovelDown
    @PutTheShovelDown 3 года назад

    Great advice!

  • @regiz5358
    @regiz5358 5 лет назад +8

    You are so great! Thanks! Hard topic though!

  • @joelethridge7864
    @joelethridge7864 5 лет назад +52

    My wife was the most incredible mother before her affair. Since she left she has not called and checked on them once during my week. (We have them week in week off) She misses their ball games to be with him. She would never miss anything of our children before him. She is not the same person she once was. It’s devastating.

    • @shelleysimone8100
      @shelleysimone8100 4 года назад +11

      Joel Ethridge There are no words for the unrelenting pain Joel. Been there.Just want you to know that healing is just as real an option as complete devastation.Go after your healing, you deserve it.

    • @brondomichael910
      @brondomichael910 3 года назад

      .I know of a man who help me solve my problem what'zpp him now for help+2348073317460

    • @robmartin9129
      @robmartin9129 2 года назад +4

      All the best bro trust me on this your wife's lack of disconnect is her complete shame of what she has done to you. Her guilt will eat her up at over and over

    • @Yummy333
      @Yummy333 2 года назад +2

      She is probably feeling guilt and regret that why she withdrew from you guys

    • @StrategicTumi
      @StrategicTumi Год назад +2

      Ag that is just sad. so sorry and hope you are okay

  • @cocory3914
    @cocory3914 5 лет назад +94

    What about moral and commitment? Honesty and loyalty? I understand love is important but cheating is wrong. You just don’t do that while you are married.

    • @shelleysimone8100
      @shelleysimone8100 4 года назад +5

      Coco Ry sounds like you are referring to what happens between people who are cheating as love.Lust maybe, very strong emotions maybe, limerance maybe, but love is always honest and has nothing to do with the powerful emotions of attachment and desire that often exists between persons involved in an affair.That cannot and never will be love. but I understand and agree with what you said otherwise.

    • @zuzu7250
      @zuzu7250 3 года назад +8

      What about these sexless marriages?
      A wife loses sexual attraction for her husband but she is totally dependent on him financially. She loves her husband and he loves her- but without attraction . She wouldn’t mind if he finds someone who can fulfill his intimacy needs.. then she DOES find a man with whom there IS mutual attraction. HE IS in a sexless marriage and is financially dependent on HIS wife.what is so wrong with these people ( senior citizens- children are grown and gone- rarely check on them- no friends in common- lonely boring existence). What is so wrong in allowing these people to enjoy the little bit of life they have?

    • @zuzu7250
      @zuzu7250 3 года назад +3

      SHELLEY-ANNE CLARKE it can be love- If one spouse has no physical attraction for the other , they can still LOVE each other- they have just lost their need of intimacy with each other- is that really a “marriage”? Sounds more like a committed friendship- one can reap the benefits of having a friend who is committed to your health and welfare but one should be glad to have his spouse seek intimacy with a lover who genuinely cares about her. Especially when the sexual attraction in the marriage is non- existent . And especially too, when the people are over 65- let them be happy for each other- allow them to find soMe happiness in their twilight years.

    • @zuzu7250
      @zuzu7250 3 года назад +3

      @@shelleysimone8100 if that is true, then MOST marriages are based on LUST...

    • @andreamoscoso4065
      @andreamoscoso4065 3 года назад

      @@zuzu7250 This might help. For people who go through childbirth or physical problems or weight gain. Either stick it through, these things can heal especially after being cut down there for childbirth and many women get a mesh placed down there. Sometimes its placed badly and will hurt so it will need to surgically or with therapy get fixed. If someone doesn't want to wait they should get divorced and not do that to someone and no the partner does not love them not in a real way not where it needs to be might be confused but still. Also be honest before a relationship/ marriage.
      Being emotionally invested into someone else, emotionally thinking about someone else starting to invest in someone else like that, having an emotional affair not my words but from many honest people, it affects people (both sides).
      Also porn is the same, emotionally physically, spiritually and soul wise. In being honest and trying, and taking the steps to get out of there and working with your wife/husband. I'm sure it helped to try to do something better.
      ~ For anyone else reading the comment section porn and also emotional investement to whatever degree in others affects your soul, it is cheating spiritually and physically and sets you to look at women in an unhealthy way for your mind and soul and thus this is setting you up for failure. The woman notices and feels this that you are not properly invested and cheating looking at/ to others and of course it will be a complete turn off. I suggest work on this for your sake and your future wife's sake so that you won't cause problems in that area or bring problems into your relationship and then marriage. Build trust. No trust= no connection and rejection/ turn offs. Most women percieve/ feel this cheating /porn etc (because the proof is evident even if you try to hide it) and know that you are not invested where you should be so it makes them reject the person. So it could just become a nasty cycle that goes no where until you decide to. Don't bring this into a relationship when they never expected it or asked for it, same for women with their men. Goes both ways for men and women. Many seek others or porn in the relationship stage which is cheating (this of course causes problems and alienates everyone) and so its at times brought into the marriage. Its not like it will go away with marriage. So make sure its not a thing anymore before getting into a relationship and then even worse into a marriage. Start right. Its precious years for both of you. Be honest and do all you can to not set yourself up. You seek other women it leads to failure there is no sugar coating or denying it don't set yourself up for it but do everything you can to not go that route. Best of luck. Pray for both Trust in Jesus that He guides you both give everything all of it to Him.

  • @ioanachis33
    @ioanachis33 3 года назад +4

    I adore the way how you say the things .

  • @MrScooter33333
    @MrScooter33333 4 года назад +1

    So true..well said..heartfelt

  • @New-mg4zp
    @New-mg4zp 4 года назад +3

    Very honest man thank u for your story

  • @carolkline5843
    @carolkline5843 2 года назад +14

    I can relate to what hes saying .Iv never cheated in my marriage or past relationships .Its best to be honest with each other if the relationship or marriage not working. I am in my 60s now and single by choice .

  • @lettysaldana9032
    @lettysaldana9032 5 лет назад +26

    It's hard when you find out your husband is having affair and you also find out you have breast cancer..

    • @jollycolours
      @jollycolours 4 года назад +15

      Hugs. I just saw your comment, it was a year ago, I hope you're healthy, happy and doing great right now. Love and light to you!

    • @jasminsacco8214
      @jasminsacco8214 2 года назад +3

      I am so sorry. Sending you my prayers and hug
      Hope all is well with you.

    • @daisyx1002
      @daisyx1002 8 месяцев назад

      I wish you good health and happiness. God bless you ❤

  • @ingridaccount
    @ingridaccount 3 года назад +7

    Thank you for the video!
    So much wisdom!

    • @brondomichael910
      @brondomichael910 3 года назад

      I know of a man who help me solve my problem what'zpp him now for help+2348073317460

  • @cherylharris8654
    @cherylharris8654 4 года назад +50

    Tell you how I ended it I was the wife and his mistress was trying to connive me out of everything while I was sick so I decided to let her have him and get a good taste of the lying cheating drunk . And I cleaned him out and she was pissed smartest thing I ever did .

  • @ajfourie6493
    @ajfourie6493 4 года назад +101

    I am instantly convinced that marriage is something you must not commit to. Don't ever get married.

    • @carolalexis691
      @carolalexis691 4 года назад +4

      So true

    • @goldendreams8577
      @goldendreams8577 4 года назад +1

      Yes, it ruins lives.

    • @andreamoscoso4065
      @andreamoscoso4065 3 года назад +2

      This might help someone.
      For people who go through childbirth or physical problems or weight gain. Either stick it through, these things can heal especially after being cut down there for childbirth and many women get a mesh placed down there. Sometimes its placed badly and will hurt so it will need to surgically or with therapy get fixed. If someone doesn't want to wait they should get divorced and not do that to someone and no the partner does not love them not in a real way not where it needs to be might be confused but still. Also be honest before a relationship/ marriage.
      Being emotionally invested into someone else, emotionally thinking about someone else starting to invest in someone else like that, having an emotional affair not my words but from many honest people, it affects people (both sides).
      Also porn is the same, emotionally physically, spiritually and soul wise. In being honest and trying, and taking the steps to get out of there and working with your wife/husband. I'm sure it helped to try to do something better.
      ~ For anyone else reading the comment section porn and also emotional investement to whatever degree in others affects your soul, it is cheating spiritually and physically and sets you to look at women in an unhealthy way for your mind and soul and thus this is setting you up for failure. The woman notices and feels this that you are not properly invested and cheating looking at/ to others and of course it will be a complete turn off. I suggest work on this for your sake and your future wife's sake so that you won't cause problems in that area or bring problems into your relationship and then marriage. Build trust. No trust= no connection and rejection/ turn offs. Most women percieve/ feel this cheating /porn etc (because the proof is evident even if you try to hide it) and know that you are not invested where you should be so it makes them reject the person. So it could just become a nasty cycle that goes no where until you decide to. Don't bring this into a relationship when they never expected it or asked for it, same for women with their men. Goes both ways for men and women. Many seek others or porn in the relationship stage which is cheating (this of course causes problems and alienates everyone) and so its at times brought into the marriage. Its not like it will go away with marriage. So make sure its not a thing anymore before getting into a relationship and then even worse into a marriage. Start right. Its precious years for both of you. Be honest and do all you can to not set yourself up. You seek other women it leads to failure there is no sugar coating or denying it don't set yourself up for it but do everything you can to not go that route. Best of luck. Pray.

    • @osagejane5578
      @osagejane5578 3 года назад

      ever

  • @terriacurling3631
    @terriacurling3631 3 года назад

    Awesome Dr. Beam

  • @lilianikeh6382
    @lilianikeh6382 11 месяцев назад +8

    It's not easy to remain faithful in your marriage especially when you're often neglected, abused, always having communication problems, so as the wife you're scared of speaking with him,often lonely without your spouse making out time for you yet you're still young.
    As a young woman, you would definitely get seduction and advances from men however be careful not to be carried away by pleasure cox it hurts at the long run especially your relationship with your kids

    • @ananardelli
      @ananardelli 6 месяцев назад

      Why would you want to stay in a marriage like that? Some things can’t be fixed. I’m sorry but I couldn’t do it.

    • @user-yx6jm5pn4n
      @user-yx6jm5pn4n 3 месяца назад +1

      If you are abused and neglected, have the courage to leave your marriage. You only get one life. Live it well.

  • @joveeviernes673
    @joveeviernes673 5 лет назад

    thanks you for sharing

  • @venkateshchagi2944
    @venkateshchagi2944 Год назад +3

    Absolutely 100% true of whatever you said!!! Every word and every thought oh my god are just the same!! Great advise, Thank you very much!! Really appreciated!!

  • @LukiaSl
    @LukiaSl 2 года назад +16

    Well my parents divorced. My dad had an affair and ended up marrying that woman and they stayed together for the next 30 years. The affair usually happens because there is already some incompatibility or dysfunction in the marriage, so it was good that they divorced. I can understand why people think of their kids and choose to stay. But honestly if that's the case then they should have thought about it earlier. I don't believe for a second that after being dishonest and disloyal to your partner, you really do love them and everything is as if nothing happened. People may compromise for other reasons, but in my opinion when you truly love your partner and are content in a relationship you don't go searching for love, sex and connection with another. The best thing you can do is be honest and then have the guts to go for what you want, including consequences.

    • @estheragbo6153
      @estheragbo6153 2 года назад

      Hello this really works for me. I know of a great man| who helped me bring my ex back, he can aIso heIp you, he does a perfect work I'm assuring you, you gonna testify

    • @estheragbo6153
      @estheragbo6153 2 года назад

      Wh'atsap him for heIp

  • @vjs0902
    @vjs0902 4 года назад +31

    Do yourself a favor don’t cheat. You will be sorry. He is right about values and beliefs. So if you cheat you modify to your needs. Can’t due that. Yes I loved but you are insane to think that it’s ok to kept a relationship or friendship with affair partner. You are hurting your spouse and the other person partner. Have some human decency. Blocked them, let go and forgive yourself and pray to God. It’s going to be painful but more painful is hurting your spouse and standing in front of God for his judgement. Your thinking only of you and not thinking of the human emotion.

    • @brondomichael910
      @brondomichael910 3 года назад

      I know of a man who help me solve my problem what'zpp him now for help+2348073317460

  • @gregb4799
    @gregb4799 5 лет назад

    Great advice 👍

  • @sandraleighty5369
    @sandraleighty5369 5 лет назад +17

    This type of situation involves a degree of unreality. You may hardly know this person. Deep wounds are the root cause. Ps 147:3 friends.

  • @steel-tn4cj
    @steel-tn4cj Год назад

    This really helped me thank you

  • @jessicaramos25
    @jessicaramos25 Год назад +3

    It changed my character I became someone that I didn’t know recognize.

  • @g-wynn4477
    @g-wynn4477 5 лет назад +38

    Wish I had heard these videos 11 years ago. Listening now with both ears wide open. Good to know. Maybe I can help someone else from making the same mistakes. Thanks!!

    • @ourfatherswar3464
      @ourfatherswar3464 4 года назад

      g- wynn yooo

    • @sohamyogaindia6275
      @sohamyogaindia6275 4 года назад +2

      Can you help me?

    • @brondomichael910
      @brondomichael910 3 года назад

      @@sohamyogaindia6275 .I know of a man who help me solve my problem what'zpp him now for help+2348073317460

    • @rajis9103
      @rajis9103 2 года назад +1

      Help me to come out this pain pls

  • @ladyanne8139
    @ladyanne8139 5 лет назад +45

    I will never STOP loving the person. Come whatever. It can end. I will still love them.

    • @yasminrico9122
      @yasminrico9122 5 лет назад +4

      If you love ur lover let em go. Set it free n set urself free

    • @iloveyoushima
      @iloveyoushima 5 лет назад +5

      Just don't get married

    • @xxgil2
      @xxgil2 4 года назад +1

      Me too.

  • @jeanettelabonte5504
    @jeanettelabonte5504 5 лет назад +12

    It's very easy if you want to end a relationship with someone you love if you are married asked for God help. But if you are single you love that person it depend on you.

  • @yongsanpi9482
    @yongsanpi9482 4 года назад +3

    I love the way u talked sir.. thank u so much I. So down now

  • @michaelmcclure468
    @michaelmcclure468 Год назад

    Thank you Dr. Beam

  • @kimlynch209
    @kimlynch209 Год назад

    Exactly, spot on!

  • @raygrey2018
    @raygrey2018 4 года назад +25

    I’ve ended it so many times as we are both in relationships but we are like magnets to each other... I hate myself for the potential pain I could cause to their family and mine... I just want to be strong enough to walk away.

    • @aliabdelaziz905
      @aliabdelaziz905 4 года назад +5

      I’ve been there! The hardest thing I’ve ever done was leave my mistress and I’ve recovered from a pill addiction. She’s perfect and understands you she’s smart and you never every felt like that with anyone right?

    • @xxgil2
      @xxgil2 4 года назад +6

      Ray Grey same boat here. Worked with her for years and everyone kept commenting on how similar we were. I was annoyed by it. Even my wife cautioned me and her husband was jealous of me because of whatever vibe we were giving. Ended up together after years of avoiding it and ended it a bunch of times too. I am past the guilt now. For better or worse we are part of each other’s life. All we can do is be the best spouses/parents we can be under the circumstances and live together in our hearts and apart physically. It is what it is.

    • @grantweston4981
      @grantweston4981 2 года назад +3

      @@xxgil2 no. That's cop out way of thinking with zero responsibility. Its a very sinful way to think my guy.

    • @xxgil2
      @xxgil2 2 года назад +2

      @@grantweston4981 and who are you to judge?

    • @andriajohnson6521
      @andriajohnson6521 Год назад

      Am in the same situation now

  • @youmnaspirit
    @youmnaspirit Год назад

    Thank you so much for these beautiful info. I cried at 09:53

  • @luanntexascitizen4345
    @luanntexascitizen4345 5 лет назад +46

    Biggest mistake was taking back my cheating husband. He did it over and over again.

    • @fireeye33
      @fireeye33 3 года назад +5

      they will....it will never stop....

    • @andreamoscoso4065
      @andreamoscoso4065 3 года назад

      This might help.
      For people who go through childbirth or physical problems or weight gain. Either stick it through, these things can heal especially after being cut down there for childbirth and many women get a mesh placed down there. Sometimes its placed badly and will hurt so it will need to surgically or with therapy get fixed. If someone doesn't want to wait they should get divorced and not do that to someone and no the partner does not love them not in a real way not where it needs to be might be confused but still. Also be honest before a relationship/ marriage.
      Being emotionally invested into someone else, emotionally thinking about someone else starting to invest in someone else like that, having an emotional affair not my words but from many honest people, it affects people (both sides).
      Also porn is the same, emotionally physically, spiritually and soul wise. In being honest and trying, and taking the steps to get out of there and working with your wife/husband. I'm sure it helped to try to do something better.
      ~ For anyone else reading the comment section porn and also emotional investement to whatever degree in others affects your soul, it is cheating spiritually and physically and sets you to look at women in an unhealthy way for your mind and soul and thus this is setting you up for failure. The woman notices and feels this that you are not properly invested and cheating looking at/ to others and of course it will be a complete turn off. I suggest work on this for your sake and your future wife's sake so that you won't cause problems in that area or bring problems into your relationship and then marriage. Build trust. No trust= no connection and rejection/ turn offs. Most women percieve/ feel this cheating /porn etc (because the proof is evident even if you try to hide it) and know that you are not invested where you should be so it makes them reject the person. So it could just become a nasty cycle that goes no where until you decide to. Don't bring this into a relationship when they never expected it or asked for it, same for women with their men. Goes both ways for men and women. Many seek others or porn in the relationship stage which is cheating (this of course causes problems and alienates everyone) and so its at times brought into the marriage. Its not like it will go away with marriage. So make sure its not a thing anymore before getting into a relationship and then even worse into a marriage. Start right. Its precious years for both of you. Be honest and do all you can to not set yourself up. You seek other women it leads to failure there is no sugar coating or denying it don't set yourself up for it but do everything you can to not go that route. Best of luck. Pray.

    • @brondomichael910
      @brondomichael910 3 года назад

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    • @brondomichael910
      @brondomichael910 3 года назад

      @@EadsB7002 .I know of a man who help me solve my problem what'zpp him now for help+2348073317460

    • @brondomichael910
      @brondomichael910 3 года назад

      @@fireeye33 .I know of a man who help me solve my problem what'zpp him now for help+2348073317460

  • @069220
    @069220 5 лет назад +55

    Staying with someone just because you are married will not get you any medals, you’ll be miserable forever! Bravo! Doing what’s right is doing what makes you happy, not being socially acceptable. Married and happiness do NOT always go hand in hand! Why stay with someone you have no respect or love for? Why stay with someone who has broken ever vow they ever took?

    • @ireneingles9427
      @ireneingles9427 5 лет назад +1

      What happened in my nation ship was my partner was having affair with lots of women you keep getting on the internet and picking up these only has sex ones so I sorted to pick up with a bloke and have a fair for a living years with him to get back at my partner for doing it to me but up for a living years I was so it'd to say to the guy it's over cause he was acting strange I could do wings and avoiding me so I knew it's time to get out so I just told him I'm getting off the merry go round and say I know I said goodbye and I think Alyssa best thing I ever did

    • @user-bu7cd9hx4q
      @user-bu7cd9hx4q 5 лет назад +10

      True why stay married and be miserable

    • @tmendez31
      @tmendez31 5 лет назад +6

      069220 leaving your marriage for happiness (temporary happiness) doesn’t win any medals either. But if your spouse commits adultery then you can leave the marriage; leaving for the right reasons is ok.
      In truth, many marriages that survived the toughest times actually became much stronger.
      Marriage, like life, is a roller coaster. Full of ups and downs, it’s great when you are up but crappy when you are down. So I always tell people that they shouldn’t give up. Even after someone cheats there is hope, but a screw up that badly is a legitimate reason to leave. Most of the divorces are caused by someone who has either decided to leave for someone else or just to get away from their spouse who isn’t making them happy.
      Sticking it out through the hard times may not give medals, but it has produced some long lasting marriages. Many couples you talk to that have been married for like 50+ years will tell you there was a time that they were miserable. There is hope.

    • @069220
      @069220 5 лет назад +4

      Troy Mendez : ha ha ha, you haven’t met my wife! Physically, mentally and emotionally a demon. Changed into the devil THE day I married her. Don’t judge me, we each walk our own path. You have all the answers huh?

    • @lordabiabi1964
      @lordabiabi1964 5 лет назад +11

      This “marriage helper” actually fantasized about his wife getting hit by a bus before divorcing her only to remarry her after his mistress dumped him. What a joke.

  • @donnaallgaier-lamberti3933
    @donnaallgaier-lamberti3933 11 месяцев назад +1

    Your honesty is refreshing AND surprising. I thought all therapists were perfect! Ha Ha!

  • @aidenvanvollenhovengonzale5441
    @aidenvanvollenhovengonzale5441 Год назад +1

    This just
    .. i really needed this

    • @MarriageHelper
      @MarriageHelper  Год назад

      Thank you so much @aidenvanvollenhovengonzale5441. We truly appreciate your comment and are grateful to have you as part of our community here on RUclips. PLEASE Subscribe if you haven't already! We post new content regularly! And also, don't hesitate to reach out to us if there's anything else we can do for you. Our phone number is 1 866 903 0990! We'd love to be your support system!
      Blessings,

  • @ladyanne8139
    @ladyanne8139 5 лет назад +50

    How selfish of the cheater to STAY ONLY TO NOT LOOK BAD. AS MY HUSBAND DID!

    • @ladyanne8139
      @ladyanne8139 5 лет назад +14

      Dr.Bean. no. I would never take my husband back after leaving me and married the woman lover for 3 yrs. And had the nerve to want to remarry me. NO.

    • @ladyanne8139
      @ladyanne8139 5 лет назад +5

      You are trying to give rational to dreadful suffering

    • @reneehrhardt4133
      @reneehrhardt4133 5 лет назад +1

      @@ladyanne8139 No you wouldn't. Once he remarried he is considered to be defiled to your marriage. Not sure where it is in the Bible but I read it and heard a well known pastor speak of it as well.

  • @mifasola1
    @mifasola1 5 лет назад +27

    After 40 years with my spouse he passed away and months later I entered a relationship with a medical professional who was married with 2 grown adult children who still lived at home. He said he stayed for the children. I decided after 6 months I could not continue this fake relationship. I cut off all contact with no explanation. My feelings for him were intense but I didn't think we could move forward. He would never have left his baggage for me. I was taking my bucket to an empty well.

    • @shellbells339
      @shellbells339 4 года назад +5

      Baggage?

    • @Jc-ei7hz
      @Jc-ei7hz 4 года назад +4

      mi fa so la so his family is baggage? It sounds like you thing his family is garbage. Look in the mirror.

    • @annawimpey5307
      @annawimpey5307 3 года назад +3

      He can't walk away. I see that now. It's not baggage, its responsibility and family. THANK YOU

    • @maryh3470
      @maryh3470 3 года назад +1

      Amen. Been there, done that. I know exactly what ur saying.

    • @ZENOBlAmusic
      @ZENOBlAmusic 8 месяцев назад

      Amen

  • @littlemissy8356
    @littlemissy8356 2 года назад +3

    He is so kind. So good.

    • @estheragbo6153
      @estheragbo6153 2 года назад

      Hello this really works for me. I know of a great man| who helped me bring my ex back, he can aIso heIp you, he does a perfect work I'm assuring you, you gonna testify

    • @estheragbo6153
      @estheragbo6153 2 года назад

      Wh'atsap him for heIp

  • @astridevadevimayasarisembi2625
    @astridevadevimayasarisembi2625 5 лет назад +7

    I am watching and listening.

  • @rasel9777
    @rasel9777 4 года назад

    Nice

  • @nellab5314
    @nellab5314 5 лет назад +10

    Control! that’s what it’s all about

  • @tatumsocorrotolentino1804
    @tatumsocorrotolentino1804 2 года назад +4

    this made me cry especially for the children involved they bring the trauma tl their adult life

    • @estheragbo6153
      @estheragbo6153 2 года назад

      Hello this really works for me. I know of a great man| who helped me bring my ex back, he can aIso heIp you, he does a perfect work I'm assuring you, you gonna testify

    • @estheragbo6153
      @estheragbo6153 2 года назад

      Wh'atsap him for heIp

  • @carolinagonzales1935
    @carolinagonzales1935 4 года назад +4

    I just remember one good speaker who once said when you fall and committed mistakes its okay don't make it too long, learn from it, a righteous man do what is right and aiming for it... How I wish my husband watch your video, they are golden wisdom coming from your own experience

  • @rjchavez4897
    @rjchavez4897 4 месяца назад

    Fear of losing any relationship with kids is huge. They get crushed when you split up with your spouse, regardless of age or maturity. Then they are angry, disappointed, and dismissive of you. This is as painful a thing as I can imagine.

  • @AssimRucinski
    @AssimRucinski 3 года назад +5

    Why do people
    still get married in this day and time. Seriously, why ?

  • @song1178
    @song1178 Год назад +2

    Just end it no matter what

  • @sincerefaithfulness
    @sincerefaithfulness 3 месяца назад +2

    The agony of being a human being.. We didn’t even ask to be born

  • @drnalliramya6686
    @drnalliramya6686 4 года назад

    So true

  • @yordanosteklu6156
    @yordanosteklu6156 5 лет назад

    Wowwwww...Amazing messages tnx 💕💕💕💕💖💕💕💕💕💕👑

  • @lidyateweldemedhin7973
    @lidyateweldemedhin7973 4 месяца назад

    I lost it when he said in a homewrecker ❤❤❤

  • @treasurcanada5953
    @treasurcanada5953 2 года назад

    Read my mind completely

  • @jadeannflowerbird5511
    @jadeannflowerbird5511 4 года назад +3

    Don't have an affair in the first place , I understand why some people do because there partner could be abusive , Etc

  • @mixiemiks5047
    @mixiemiks5047 5 лет назад +5

    Yes its true your rigth, and i would like to thank you for helping me to figure it out because this happening to me, also, its much better to end it now

  • @lorriekelly964
    @lorriekelly964 5 лет назад +16

    yep. it's. hard. and
    sex. has. nothing
    to. do. with. it.
    the. feelings. of
    love. is. really. about. u . that. has
    nothing. to. do. with. the. other. person. That. is
    only. if. the. other
    feels. the. same
    sometime. it's. all
    about. u .

  • @maritesdoloresdomincel4776
    @maritesdoloresdomincel4776 3 года назад +14

    Thank God i came out from the emotional affair before it become deeper. The Holy has convicted me that what i did. i Repent.

    • @brondomichael910
      @brondomichael910 3 года назад

      I know of a man who help me solve my problem what'zpp him now for help+2348073317460

  • @KatrinaDancer
    @KatrinaDancer 5 лет назад +10

    The actual content related 2 the title starts @ 14:39 😏 Right b4 that he says he's almost out of time 😝 The advice is end the affair immediately & decisively & never contact that person again 🙄

    • @sazzlepop321
      @sazzlepop321 4 года назад

      katrinadancer weird wasn’t it??

  • @regiz5358
    @regiz5358 5 лет назад +1

    True! will get caught!

  • @Expensive-op6pn
    @Expensive-op6pn 5 месяцев назад

    I want to end it but I don’t know how things will play out. He’ll ask me why and I’ll say the same issues as I had before accepting his proposal, then he’ll say I need to seem him individually bla bla bla. I agree with no contact but we’re in the same circles, we need to work together, he mentors me. What if he can’t be professional about it and victimizes me? Why did I agree to it in the first place? People had to convince me to agree. I’ve been giving him hints here and there that I might leave at the slightest issue. I’m hoping I can gather the courage to do it once and for all. Thank you so much Dr for this information.

  • @suecarrigan4765
    @suecarrigan4765 5 лет назад +23

    I have no intentions of doing so , I've waited a lifetime to find him and until he says its over I'm not going anywhere

    • @akcr5769
      @akcr5769 Год назад

      Any updates? I’m in that situation

  • @89brandowar
    @89brandowar 4 года назад +10

    It's still too soon to tell but my wife is having an affair and I've seen her change so much already. We have 2 teen daughters and she has one in her back pocket incantation even have an honest conversation with my daughter with out her repeating everything to my wife. I'm trying to take it slow and work on fixing my marriage but every time I turn around I keep getting pushed back

    • @edengetachew3952
      @edengetachew3952 10 месяцев назад

      Ohh that’s really sweet. Hope it t will all work out for you for the best

  • @roylenekornovich3267
    @roylenekornovich3267 5 лет назад +19

    Why would the cheating spouse have to tell the betrayed spouse that he cheated?! Someone decided I needed to know of my husbands betrayal when I could have lived happily ever after never hearing those devastating words. My husband was such a good man and was as devastated as I was when he learned I knew. Most devastating for sure and certainly life changing.

    • @Tom_in_CA
      @Tom_in_CA 7 месяцев назад +1

      Good question. Why force that kind of pain on someone? Seems unnecessary…and cruel.

  • @virginialacar3218
    @virginialacar3218 5 лет назад +3

    I love my ♌♌ man that is so very kind, thoughtful,loving,caring honest very patient understanding and very supportive..I really hope we will be meeting soon...

  • @bwilson7872
    @bwilson7872 4 года назад

    I am there ...

  • @tellnolies8530
    @tellnolies8530 4 года назад +5

    Some times they end it and you wind up in a body bag!

  • @haydeejohnson8290
    @haydeejohnson8290 4 года назад +11

    Modifying your morals and values to accommodate a deceitful and unfaithful situation doesn't make you a better person. At the point that you've had your cake and eat it too in the affair, for however long, your current focus after discovery, should be to give your deceived partner ultimate peace of mind by matching your words to your changed behavior.

  • @cathymejia5124
    @cathymejia5124 5 лет назад +1

    Oh my God..!

  • @kbal1451
    @kbal1451 5 лет назад +21

    If you change your beliefs and values to different ones, maybe that just makes you not a better/worse person just a different person. If by changing your beliefs and values you are going to hurt people you care about....like your children who depend on you and a partner who has been good and faithful to you. Perhaps you should just adult up and consider other people!

  • @laundrybest2290
    @laundrybest2290 2 года назад

    Since like change topic. For what people who are in Need of good understanding and better knowledge as a chiristianity believer

  • @alemoradnug8064
    @alemoradnug8064 4 года назад +1

    How to move on in this kind of relationship

  • @maumaugabytv
    @maumaugabytv 5 лет назад

    Any how someone will get hurt. You or the other

  • @HuricaneChampagne
    @HuricaneChampagne 5 лет назад +6

    My current lover and I agreed to end it fore the sake of his life. I don’t have a real life so therefore I can’t be hurt and feel pain

    • @Cetza-qt8gd
      @Cetza-qt8gd 5 лет назад +2

      HuricaneChampagne um what your life is precious !!

    • @jenniferraymond3913
      @jenniferraymond3913 5 лет назад +3

      HuricaneChampagne WRONG!! You have a life, you feel pain. I have been where you are and said the very same words, it’s a coping mechanism...... we ALL feel pain.

  • @patrycjasochran4846
    @patrycjasochran4846 3 года назад +13

    So what you supposed to do if you don't love your wife/husband and you have kids with them? Should you stay and pretend to be happy? Should you pretend affection and hope kids don't notice it's all fake? What about your happiness? Once you get married does it mean you are tidied up even if you both no longer love each other?

    • @MoparMikeMM
      @MoparMikeMM 2 года назад +2

      Try following the program, communicate with your spouse, one or probably both of you have done minute things throughout the relationship that over time caused the one wanting out to view the other as toxic or unattractive and fabricate excuses to justify leaving instead of working on things. People marry for a reason, most of the time, find that original attraction and work with that to rekindle the relationship.

    • @trenicejohnson15
      @trenicejohnson15 2 года назад +8

      You said vows. 40+ year marriages are not held together by fleeting emotions like love and happiness. Marriage is about commitment and duty.

    • @EZ-nq3pq
      @EZ-nq3pq 2 года назад +1

      If you are out of love and do not think that you can be responsible for the marriage, you communicate and if you both cant make it happen, you can get a divorce you do Not Cheat!!!! It is very simple...

    • @grantweston4981
      @grantweston4981 2 года назад

      @@trenicejohnson15 absolutely!

    • @grantweston4981
      @grantweston4981 2 года назад +4

      Love is a CHOICE. Not just a "feeling". People fall in and out of love in their marriage all the time. They choose to stay committed to each other and work on it. You are responsible for making yourself happy and sharing that happiness with your spouse. Its not your spouses responsibility to make, and keep, you happy. You should be content with what God has blessed you with. Work on yourself. Don't cheat and make your marriage work!

  • @suecarrigan4765
    @suecarrigan4765 5 лет назад +1

    No need, it never even got of the ground

  • @kolokolo508
    @kolokolo508 7 месяцев назад +1

    Do you think I should send it to my husband? He has an affair. Told me about it, is in love with her. I do not want him to go.

  • @MariaPerez-wr1xg
    @MariaPerez-wr1xg 5 лет назад +3

    No im scared so complicated no love for my husband but scared for my kids love them to much plz help me

  • @kathycarrillo916
    @kathycarrillo916 2 года назад

    Ok

  • @lclegris
    @lclegris 5 лет назад

    What if

  • @shawaynebourne344
    @shawaynebourne344 2 года назад +2

    People fall in and out of love every day.husbands wants out of the marriage.wife wants out of the marriage.what is they to fight for reality,.

  • @marvelenemhlepukoi9959
    @marvelenemhlepukoi9959 4 года назад

    I Need your help to restore my marriage that is in turmoil and my husband have hired two difference lawyers but I am always refusing the divorce. Thou I do not live in the USA but my spouse lives there.

  • @davidsamoei2374
    @davidsamoei2374 3 месяца назад

    But believe system keep changing as we grow.

  • @daniella7923
    @daniella7923 4 года назад +11

    We stayed friends. Instead of cutting off contact completely. We flirt, but, we communicated enough and know we will never be. He rushed into a marriage and he's gotta live with that now.

    • @mounikarao9710
      @mounikarao9710 4 года назад +1

      Then..how r u..did u find the person you really want to spend ur precious time..I would like to know

    • @daniella7923
      @daniella7923 4 года назад +2

      @@mounikarao9710 time is too precious to waste. I'm great👍

    • @sharifastewart7316
      @sharifastewart7316 4 года назад +5

      Daniella So, Are you trying to say that this guy wasn’t in a real marriage just because he felt it was a bit rushed? By the way, most people do PLAN their marriages and contemplate 🤔 it for months before getting hitched. So, he is full of it! He knew what he was doing, when he decided to take his woman as his lawful wedded wife! You are foolish and just wanted him to tell you what you wanted to hear.