I think your raw honesty and willingness to share your experience makes you a really good “big sibling” for trans kids or young lesbians who are figuring things out.
I don’t regret my top surgery but I can empathise with people who have different experiences and I value you sharing your thoughts and feelings on yours. Bodies and gender are complex, we’re all trying to get by as best as we can with what options are available to us at any given moment. I think we need to focus on how we can help each other be happy, fulfilled, and at peace. You come across as very considerate and emotionally intelligent and it’s heartening to see, given how often pain related to bodies and gender gets wielded against trans people. Finding comfort in our bodies is a lifelong effort, and I stand in solidarity with you!
I just commented on your original video about this, but I really appreciate you making this update video too. I think I'm in a similar place right now to where you were in your first video, being about a year into lesbian relationships and being very suddenly confronted with the grief of what could have been. But, it is so so good to know that that grief lessens over time.
it lessens and it completely forms and morphs! i have reached a very neutral place and i am not upset with my chest nor do i feel i am missing much. i have found many ways for people to interact with me/touch me that feel good and gender euphoric and dont make me feel like less of a lesbian, if anything it emphasizes it for me and the role i play. much health and love to you, peace will eventually work itself out and be reached one way or another
I’m very touched by your honesty and courage. Thank you. You are right: your therapist was unethical and most likely a charlatan too. To let you go without follow up meetings or referral to another therapist. You seem to have a degree of peace now. Please keep your wits about you and keep your therapy sessions more regular if you trust your therapist now! I wish you all the happiness and peace. Please be safe and take care.👏❤️🙏
Hi My name is also Cole, I'm really grateful that you shared this video as well as the last one. I feel that i relate to a lot of what you talked about, and hearing how the childhood things influenced the path you went on gave me a lot to think about with my own journey. I experienced childhood abuse and substance dependency and i think it's helpful for me to explore the ways those connect with the evolution of my gender identity. I'm currently in a sober house trying to figure out what i want for my future... Anyway thank you for your honesty and vulnerability, I really appreciate you taking the time to make this and i feel like I needed to see it
Oh I'm SO sorry Hun you had a bad home life !! When I was a child I was molested & as an adult raped a few times. It caused me to be a severe drug addict for like 20 yrs! Been sober now for 4 yrs. I think abuse is In more family's than you might think so please know that it is NOT your fault ok? My husband was raped by a male neighbor for 5 yrs when he was a little boy & he has severe bi polar as well but he's great on meds & w God's help🥰.... You're beautiful & I'm so sorry that adults didn't look out for you when you were only a child! God bless Hun 💖
Hey, just wanted to send some love. I'm a pretty binary trans guy and I'm also Very Bipolar. We are somewhat different people but I genuinely wish you peace and contentment in life. I know how unbelievably difficult... absolutely everything...can be. Your experience has value. I totally relate to going all in on something and then suddenly it all shuts off like a water tap. Bipolar disorder is so so so so frustrating and I'm sorry you also have to manage life with it and especially that it's played a role in causing you such heart wrenching pain. You deserve good things. Please take care of yourself.
@@hisservant222 I assume you're trying to help but if I treated Christians the way they've treated me throughout my life...I'd be a miserable, hateful person. Thankfully I'm very reasonable and open to all sorts of perspectives on life. I'm not a child btw, I have been trans my entire life, I came out before the internet was anything of note, and waited 11 years to even begin any sort of medical transition because I wanted to live a full adult life for a bit to make sure it was what I wanted. Many of us are like this. Many of us are logical, fully self aware adults who just want to be left alone. I am one of them. Thank you for your concern but it is not necessary. Have a lovely day.
You sound a lot like me. I’m quite sure that I’m older than you though. I also tend to jump into things, hyperfocus on it, then regret it. I was diagnosed with bipolar, took meds for a little while, then I felt like the meds weren’t for me and I figured that I don’t actually have bipolar. That being said, I’m glad that you’re feeling better on meds. I wish you luck with everything. ✌🏾
Thankyou for your honesty. Things are never black or white and it’s annoying how nearly all the videos about top surgery are the same. Like a bunch of parrots all saying the same words. There’s nothing wrong with expressing how we truly feel in fact it will help kids take their time when making decisions about their bodies.
I hope kids take time making decisions about changing their bodies in any unnatural way. Kids should not be able to make that decision much less have it made for them. At 18 as a legal adult or whatever age is considered an adult where the person lives then they should be allowed to make decisions about doing unnatural things to their body. Under 18 it is child neglect if not abuse to take a child to a gender affirming therapist. You should have to see a regular therapest and clinical psychiatrist to try and treat possible underlying mental health dissorders and chemical imbalances. Gender affirming therapist it is in the name they are seeing you to affirm you have dysphoria or that your mental health issue means you are trans. They would want to keep as many cash pay and insurance patients as possible instead of saying no it may be another issue or it is being pushed on them to where they have to refer them back to a different mental health professional or report to authoritys if it is coercion.
I am interested in the part about bodily modification (top surgery, tattoos) and the very extreme certainty and regret. Is there a symbolism that gets inverted? Or is it a different feeling? I suppose I am curious how these modifications "look" in a mental sense from the farther sides of a personal interpretation of them.
I wonder how common it is for people with CPTSD (from s*xual abuse) to have a desire to transition / do top or bottom surgery? It'd be interesting to see studies on that. I say this due to hating my own body after puberty, mostly my genit4ls, which I believe partially stemmed from the abuse happening from 11-14 when those parts really developed. I associated those parts of my body with that abuse and held shame over it. I considered transitioning until 22 but came to love my body (& feminity) after learning coping mechanisms in therapy. Your mentioning of your own abuse really has me questioning if that was a core reason for me feeling that way about my body. I'm sorry you, too, didn't have people in your life who knew boundaries and suffered from abuse. Hearing your update, that therapy, meds and your community are having such a positive impact on your life is wonderful. I'm so proud of you for taking those steps because therapy isn't easy, not at all. Thank you for your vulnerability and honesty. Subscribed! I'd love to keep up with your feelings throughout the years, if you decide to continue posting updates.
I'm so sorry about your shitty situations, being groomed was not your fault at all. I can kinda relate to the inappropriate interactions with parents. (definitely to a lesser extent, but yeah it doesn't feel good to have them comment on your body and stuff) I've never really had a good therapist except for one. She basically said she believes in me, that life is up to me, and I can make my own choices. I don't see her anymore because I hate therapy, but her words will stick. Stay strong 💖💖 even if you're not a man or woman, you do have the right to say fuck the patriarchy and take back your own body. You're awesome 😎
I think the whole reason they started using the words “top surgery“ instead of “double mastectomy“ is to direct attention away from what a dramatic and drastic step it actually is. “Top surgery“ doesn’t sound like it’s really all that big a deal. They don’t want you to give a whole lot of thought to the long-term ramifications.
@Van Van what other types are there? You can only get breast enlargement, breast reduction, or mastectomy. The majority of trans men who get top surgery get a double mastectomy.
@@sophia-pk1sc I get what you mean ... but types ≠ procedures. As, with, say, the scoliosis I have, the procedures used to correct it in other adults has changed significantly since mine, in c. 1992 ... Thus, as with Top Surgery, the question is more of which procedure is best suited for that patient, to achieve the required outcomes, and to ensure it's fit for the required purpose ...
I think it's just simpler to say top surgery. For me doesn't matter. I can't wait for the day I can. Just got my name changed to Cole legally. Very happy about it and look forward to all my T changes. :)
@@thesisypheanjournal1271 Sure. I definitely like to watch videos and research all this for myself. So I'm aware of the procedures. It's just easier on the mouth to say top surgery for me personally. However u guys want to casually word it go for it. But unless I decide to lecture anyone or educate people on it then I use the explicit terminologies.
I'm a woman but I've never felt feminine but I'm not non-binary but also not a Tomboy and not a lesbian. Is there an official term word for that? I call myself a high-testosterone female. 😄
If young people wouldn’t be allowed that choice as a young 17 yr old then most would outgrow this uncomfortable dysphoria and grow into their bodies. It’s criminal that this is allowed before the 21
a small minority of people regret transitioning. if gender-affirming care for kids, teens, and young adults is criminalized, I believe we’ll have a lot more dead trans kids. Gender affirming care is necessary. Even for young people.
@@iwromi1852 i didnt blame the 'trans' people...and good that you cant get hold of these things to destroy your body. So the people who had treatments after an hour or so are lying? According to you they must be.
@@veilbreak5867 I mean no it's not weird. Some people realize that they are Gay at a very young age. Why can't Transgender/transsexual people realize they are Transgender/transsexual at a young age? I've had this internalized since about age 10. Only now as a 17 year old am I doing something about it. I do not like "Trans trenders" But you can't let a small percentage of people affect healthcare for everyone. "Trans trenders" Need help. They have other issues that have nothing to do with gender dysphoria. Now, I'm not saying to start giving Surgery/hormones to children. I just want things to become more accessible to people who are of age. Who are sure they want to make that decision. Also, No such thing as social contagion. I've been around Gay/Transgender people most of my life. None of them have influenced my thoughts or actions. The only person that can do that is MYSELF. Sure there could be people who are "Influenced" by things like that. But we shouldn't let that ruin things for everyone.
@@iwromi1852 being gay has FA to do with transgener.....gay people dont have to mutilate themselves to live their lives. Gay people dont demand language be changed to suit them, and accuse people of hate speach for not caling them their preffered pronouns! Gap people have more in common with straight people, than trans. and many gays hate trans ideology. Trans ideology is homophobic, and misoginist. And how can 1 in 100,000 become one in a few dozen, and counting! if its not a social contagion?
@@galesk344 The problem is that no one cares what you beleive. The newest study shows that trans suicidal ideation increases post op. Sorry but that is the truth. If you don't ike it I can't help you
Hi Cole! Thank you so much for sharing! Can I ask you something out of my own experience also as a trans person: do u by any change have this kind of feelings about tattoos? Thanks a looot
Thank you for sharing your story. Is there any social space for detransitioners, something like reddit or any site with less censoring and with a possibility of making group video calls, chats, polls and such? There is some support on this topic but it is scattered across platforms. It'd be nice if there was some space, forum, something where people could be more able to participate and interact Maybe I just don't know about such place yet. I'm not detransitioner myself but would gladly join and be a support for people looking for help, emotional support etc on this path
@@cole5334 Personally, I only follow the thread occasionally because I’m not a detransitioner, but how are they transphobic? I know a lot are angry about being let down by trans ideology plus the gender therapists and surgeons, but I’ve never seen a thread saying that trans people are awful or not worthy of respect. I could have missed it though. Like I said I don’t spend a lot of time there.
@@littlecatfeet9064 then you havent been in detrans spaces lol. most detrans ppl dont believe in trans people and convert to radical feminists and join forces with terfs
who is we? you can call it whatever you want, as can i. we all use different words for our genitals, our pet names, etc, this is just another thing. mastectomy feels very gendered and sterile to me, thats not what my surgery was. it was top surgery.
![I'm Transmasculine and DON'T Want Top Surgery [CC]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/nyXQ0bVIP1s/mqdefault.jpg)
I think your raw honesty and willingness to share your experience makes you a really good “big sibling” for trans kids or young lesbians who are figuring things out.
thanks :)
I don’t regret my top surgery but I can empathise with people who have different experiences and I value you sharing your thoughts and feelings on yours. Bodies and gender are complex, we’re all trying to get by as best as we can with what options are available to us at any given moment. I think we need to focus on how we can help each other be happy, fulfilled, and at peace. You come across as very considerate and emotionally intelligent and it’s heartening to see, given how often pain related to bodies and gender gets wielded against trans people. Finding comfort in our bodies is a lifelong effort, and I stand in solidarity with you!
I just commented on your original video about this, but I really appreciate you making this update video too. I think I'm in a similar place right now to where you were in your first video, being about a year into lesbian relationships and being very suddenly confronted with the grief of what could have been. But, it is so so good to know that that grief lessens over time.
it lessens and it completely forms and morphs! i have reached a very neutral place and i am not upset with my chest nor do i feel i am missing much. i have found many ways for people to interact with me/touch me that feel good and gender euphoric and dont make me feel like less of a lesbian, if anything it emphasizes it for me and the role i play. much health and love to you, peace will eventually work itself out and be reached one way or another
I’m very touched by your honesty and courage. Thank you. You are right: your therapist was unethical and most likely a charlatan too. To let you go without follow up meetings or referral to another therapist. You seem to have a degree of peace now. Please keep your wits about you and keep your therapy sessions more regular if you trust your therapist now! I wish you all the happiness and peace. Please be safe and take care.👏❤️🙏
Hi My name is also Cole, I'm really grateful that you shared this video as well as the last one. I feel that i relate to a lot of what you talked about, and hearing how the childhood things influenced the path you went on gave me a lot to think about with my own journey. I experienced childhood abuse and substance dependency and i think it's helpful for me to explore the ways those connect with the evolution of my gender identity. I'm currently in a sober house trying to figure out what i want for my future... Anyway thank you for your honesty and vulnerability, I really appreciate you taking the time to make this and i feel like I needed to see it
Hope you're fine now!
Oh I'm SO sorry Hun you had a bad home life !! When I was a child I was molested & as an adult raped a few times. It caused me to be a severe drug addict for like 20 yrs! Been sober now for 4 yrs. I think abuse is In more family's than you might think so please know that it is NOT your fault ok? My husband was raped by a male neighbor for 5 yrs when he was a little boy & he has severe bi polar as well but he's great on meds & w God's help🥰.... You're beautiful & I'm so sorry that adults didn't look out for you when you were only a child! God bless Hun 💖
I hope you and your husband can learn a way to deal with all the trauma... stay strong!! 💕
Sending you well wishes ❤️
Hey, just wanted to send some love. I'm a pretty binary trans guy and I'm also Very Bipolar. We are somewhat different people but I genuinely wish you peace and contentment in life. I know how unbelievably difficult... absolutely everything...can be. Your experience has value. I totally relate to going all in on something and then suddenly it all shuts off like a water tap. Bipolar disorder is so so so so frustrating and I'm sorry you also have to manage life with it and especially that it's played a role in causing you such heart wrenching pain. You deserve good things. Please take care of yourself.
@@hisservant222 I assume you're trying to help but if I treated Christians the way they've treated me throughout my life...I'd be a miserable, hateful person. Thankfully I'm very reasonable and open to all sorts of perspectives on life. I'm not a child btw, I have been trans my entire life, I came out before the internet was anything of note, and waited 11 years to even begin any sort of medical transition because I wanted to live a full adult life for a bit to make sure it was what I wanted. Many of us are like this. Many of us are logical, fully self aware adults who just want to be left alone. I am one of them. Thank you for your concern but it is not necessary. Have a lovely day.
@@89ji36 you sound like your miserable so there's that.
Take care of yourself too, handsome guy!
She needed to try to help you. Not abandon you. I’m sorry, and I know how you feel. I’m going through the same thing, and the betrayal sucks.
Thank you for sharing your story. ❤ You are very brave. ❤ Stay strong ❤
You sound a lot like me. I’m quite sure that I’m older than you though. I also tend to jump into things, hyperfocus on it, then regret it. I was diagnosed with bipolar, took meds for a little while, then I felt like the meds weren’t for me and I figured that I don’t actually have bipolar. That being said, I’m glad that you’re feeling better on meds. I wish you luck with everything. ✌🏾
Hyperfixations are common with autism
You'll figure out what's going on with your mind and the right way to deal with it! Please, be fine!
Thankyou for your honesty. Things are never black or white and it’s annoying how nearly all the videos about top surgery are the same. Like a bunch of parrots all saying the same words. There’s nothing wrong with expressing how we truly feel in fact it will help kids take their time when making decisions about their bodies.
I hope kids take time making decisions about changing their bodies in any unnatural way. Kids should not be able to make that decision much less have it made for them. At 18 as a legal adult or whatever age is considered an adult where the person lives then they should be allowed to make decisions about doing unnatural things to their body. Under 18 it is child neglect if not abuse to take a child to a gender affirming therapist. You should have to see a regular therapest and clinical psychiatrist to try and treat possible underlying mental health dissorders and chemical imbalances. Gender affirming therapist it is in the name they are seeing you to affirm you have dysphoria or that your mental health issue means you are trans. They would want to keep as many cash pay and insurance patients as possible instead of saying no it may be another issue or it is being pushed on them to where they have to refer them back to a different mental health professional or report to authoritys if it is coercion.
I am interested in the part about bodily modification (top surgery, tattoos) and the very extreme certainty and regret. Is there a symbolism that gets inverted? Or is it a different feeling? I suppose I am curious how these modifications "look" in a mental sense from the farther sides of a personal interpretation of them.
uh it's not symbolism. saying my tattoos arent how i want them to look on my body is literal. it means this isnt what i want them to be.
I wonder how common it is for people with CPTSD (from s*xual abuse) to have a desire to transition / do top or bottom surgery? It'd be interesting to see studies on that. I say this due to hating my own body after puberty, mostly my genit4ls, which I believe partially stemmed from the abuse happening from 11-14 when those parts really developed. I associated those parts of my body with that abuse and held shame over it. I considered transitioning until 22 but came to love my body (& feminity) after learning coping mechanisms in therapy.
Your mentioning of your own abuse really has me questioning if that was a core reason for me feeling that way about my body. I'm sorry you, too, didn't have people in your life who knew boundaries and suffered from abuse.
Hearing your update, that therapy, meds and your community are having such a positive impact on your life is wonderful. I'm so proud of you for taking those steps because therapy isn't easy, not at all. Thank you for your vulnerability and honesty. Subscribed! I'd love to keep up with your feelings throughout the years, if you decide to continue posting updates.
I'm so sorry about your shitty situations, being groomed was not your fault at all. I can kinda relate to the inappropriate interactions with parents. (definitely to a lesser extent, but yeah it doesn't feel good to have them comment on your body and stuff) I've never really had a good therapist except for one. She basically said she believes in me, that life is up to me, and I can make my own choices. I don't see her anymore because I hate therapy, but her words will stick. Stay strong 💖💖 even if you're not a man or woman, you do have the right to say fuck the patriarchy and take back your own body. You're awesome 😎
I can’t relate to gender dysphoria but boy can I relate to a lot of your story. Much love, God be with you.
I think the whole reason they started using the words “top surgery“ instead of “double mastectomy“ is to direct attention away from what a dramatic and drastic step it actually is. “Top surgery“ doesn’t sound like it’s really all that big a deal. They don’t want you to give a whole lot of thought to the long-term ramifications.
@Van Van what other types are there? You can only get breast enlargement, breast reduction, or mastectomy. The majority of trans men who get top surgery get a double mastectomy.
@@sophia-pk1sc
I get what you mean ... but types ≠ procedures. As, with, say, the scoliosis I have, the procedures used to correct it in other adults has changed significantly since mine, in c. 1992 ...
Thus, as with Top Surgery, the question is more of which procedure is best suited for that patient, to achieve the required outcomes, and to ensure it's fit for the required purpose ...
I think it's just simpler to say top surgery. For me doesn't matter. I can't wait for the day I can. Just got my name changed to Cole legally. Very happy about it and look forward to all my T changes. :)
@@coletamburelli4120 It's not honest. It's having body parts amputated. The words used to describe it should capture the seriousness of it.
@@thesisypheanjournal1271 Sure. I definitely like to watch videos and research all this for myself. So I'm aware of the procedures. It's just easier on the mouth to say top surgery for me personally. However u guys want to casually word it go for it. But unless I decide to lecture anyone or educate people on it then I use the explicit terminologies.
I love ur hair
Thanks for making this video. Maybe it´s time for you to make a new update ?
I'm a woman but I've never felt feminine but I'm not non-binary but also not a Tomboy and not a lesbian. Is there an official term word for that? I call myself a high-testosterone female. 😄
Alpha woman? Indigo lady? Cinnamon girl?
@@S.Uranus thank you I love these!!
You are just a woman. All women look and are different, that's the beauty of it. Woman don't have to be "feminine"
If young people wouldn’t be allowed that choice as a young 17 yr old then most would outgrow this uncomfortable dysphoria and grow into their bodies. It’s criminal that this is allowed before the 21
a small minority of people regret transitioning. if gender-affirming care for kids, teens, and young adults is criminalized, I believe we’ll have a lot more dead trans kids. Gender affirming care is necessary. Even for young people.
@@iwromi1852 i didnt blame the 'trans' people...and good that you cant get hold of these things to destroy your body. So the people who had treatments after an hour or so are lying? According to you they must be.
@@veilbreak5867 I mean no it's not weird. Some people realize that they are Gay at a very young age. Why can't Transgender/transsexual people realize they are Transgender/transsexual at a young age? I've had this internalized since about age 10. Only now as a 17 year old am I doing something about it. I do not like "Trans trenders" But you can't let a small percentage of people affect healthcare for everyone. "Trans trenders" Need help. They have other issues that have nothing to do with gender dysphoria. Now, I'm not saying to start giving Surgery/hormones to children. I just want things to become more accessible to people who are of age. Who are sure they want to make that decision. Also, No such thing as social contagion. I've been around Gay/Transgender people most of my life. None of them have influenced my thoughts or actions. The only person that can do that is MYSELF. Sure there could be people who are "Influenced" by things like that. But we shouldn't let that ruin things for everyone.
@@iwromi1852 being gay has FA to do with transgener.....gay people dont have to mutilate themselves to live their lives. Gay people dont demand language be changed to suit them, and accuse people of hate speach for not caling them their preffered pronouns! Gap people have more in common with straight people, than trans. and many gays hate trans ideology.
Trans ideology is homophobic, and misoginist. And how can 1 in 100,000 become one in a few dozen, and counting! if its not a social contagion?
@@galesk344 The problem is that no one cares what you beleive. The newest study shows that trans suicidal ideation increases post op. Sorry but that is the truth. If you don't ike it I can't help you
Hi Cole! Thank you so much for sharing! Can I ask you something out of my own experience also as a trans person: do u by any change have this kind of feelings about tattoos? Thanks a looot
What is a "terf"?
Asking bc I don't know, and I keep seeing the word used in what seems to be a negative connotation....
Trans exclusionary radical feminist
Many doctors and therapists are incompetent and unfortunately I don’t see that changing anytime soon.
Thank you for sharing. God bless!
Thank you for sharing your story. Is there any social space for detransitioners, something like reddit or any site with less censoring and with a possibility of making group video calls, chats, polls and such? There is some support on this topic but it is scattered across platforms. It'd be nice if there was some space, forum, something where people could be more able to participate and interact
Maybe I just don't know about such place yet. I'm not detransitioner myself but would gladly join and be a support for people looking for help, emotional support etc on this path
There is a Reddit detransitioner thread.
not really. theyre all horribly transphobic and upsetting. theres a couple people on twitter but hard to find people that aren't awful
@@cole5334 Personally, I only follow the thread occasionally because I’m not a detransitioner, but how are they transphobic? I know a lot are angry about being let down by trans ideology plus the gender therapists and surgeons, but I’ve never seen a thread saying that trans people are awful or not worthy of respect. I could have missed it though. Like I said I don’t spend a lot of time there.
@Genevieve Pilz they’re no longer selling the dream.
@@littlecatfeet9064 then you havent been in detrans spaces lol. most detrans ppl dont believe in trans people and convert to radical feminists and join forces with terfs
Sending you well wishes ❤️
Why don’t we call it a mastectomy?
who is we? you can call it whatever you want, as can i. we all use different words for our genitals, our pet names, etc, this is just another thing. mastectomy feels very gendered and sterile to me, thats not what my surgery was. it was top surgery.
That’s why minors can’t make decisions like that. They are not mature enough. Just saying but good luck with everything.
So does she regret it?
Sending love
um.. err... uhh... good lord, out with it lady
Is that a cheese sandwich?
tofurky and fake cheese yeah
@@cole5334 You're intelligent. Slowing down and keeping options open might be beneficial. God bless.
How can you be 'non-binary' AND lesbian?🤔 Make it make sense?????!
this is the dumbest thing ive seen all week. learn ur history??? meet lesbians???
Can barely hear. Speak up or adjust your audio before you upload.
so dont watch it lmfao
@@cole5334 I didn't.
@@jemase7931 glad to hear it 👍🏻
God bless you
You are a survivor and brave young woman
This is not the supportive comment you think it is
They're not a woman.
For kids like you that received surgery before the age of 18, compensation is coming in the near future. Be patient, this practice is being exposed.
what's your email or IG, PLEASE
@islesofex