Hey guys thank you for watching!! I’m always looking for ways to improve my videos so please kindly let me know any constructive criticisms you may have 💗
Pleaseeeeee do a part 2!!!!! This is such an important topic that can’t be talked about enough, so many people have experienced this. Thank you for talking about this ❤️
It's such a shame that instead of coming together as authors and CSA victims, one was pitted against another until she had to reveal trauma she didn't want to reveal
It’s disgusting. I don’t know where she got off thinking she had a right to claim plagiarism based purely off the fact that she didn’t think multiple teachers could possibly abuse their students. It’s horrible.
And I’ve also seen people saying they hate Lolita, and being mad at a fashion style called Lolita because it’s an Easter egg to the “awful pedophilic book” and like….do people know Lolita is like….a name. Very popular name. (And also Lolita style is just modern view on Rococo what comes from Japan)
The author of Lolita even was abused as a kid by his uncle. He was horrified and upset when his book became so popular for the wrong reasons. And that so many PDF files used it as a way to groom more victims, to make their creepy movies to exploit the young actresses who played Dolores, to using the book to justify their own fantasies.
i'd be devastated if i was the writer, knowing that the book i wrote is being used as a tool to groom children by the very predators i condemned in said book
Ortiz really directed her anger in the wrong direction here. Her concerns and frustrations are so valid! But to attack another woman, another victim, is really unfortunate.
Fr, her valid frustrations of the industry is fine but she leveraged it the wrong way because she attacked another woman for it instead of talking about how authors of colours are marginalised to the sidelines while white authors are more celebrated and mainstream fully unrelated, she forced someone to come out with her trauma. Which is not okay. Valid critique and concerns but disgusting to leverage it at somebody based off of thought up claims of plagiarism, also to start claiming things that hurt another victim, that made well meaning people who wanted to help wendy out end up hurting someone who went thru what wendy did :(
I don't get why Ortiz didn't just talk to Russell directly first instead of immediately putting her on blast on the internet. Russell even seemed open to discussion online. Now she has been scared away from the public, had to relive her trauma, and had her experiences invalidated by thousands online. Ortiz's trauma and her experience as a WOC is completely and totally valid. But what she did to Russell is just shameful. I hope she learns from this experience how to better approach situations like this in the future.
I mean yes, but Russel made things worse for herself by saying "yeah I did read your book, and it was part of my research". To a WOC who is used to watching white people steal their work, that was basically an admission of guilt to Ortiz. This entire thing could have been avoided if after the first subtweet, Russel DM'd Ortiz and clarified things, asked her to not say anything, and Ortiz issued a public apology and took down her tweets without outing Russel. I'm not going to say Ortiz should have reached out first- because there was no reason for her to. The book wasn't out yet from what I understand, so she only had the summary to go on, and if possible, BIPOC people should be able to stop books that steal from them being published. More BIPOC need to call out when white people steal from them, but also, for something like *this* I think there should be a step taken back and maybe thinking for a second before jumping to conclusions. If it's published, read the book first, then decide if it's plaigarism.
I remember in high school I had the biggest crush on my history teacher. He was so sweet, quiet, handsome. I would openly flirt with him in front of the class, I would stay back pretending I needed help just to flirt with him more and as an adult now I cannot thank him enough for shutting me down every time.
A girl at my high school was the same way. But every single time, the teacher would ask her how she was doing mentally and at home. He made sure she stayed out of trouble. Turns out the girl had a really rough home life and the teacher was the only one who cared enough to give her a safe space. He didn’t take advantage of her vulnerability but instead treated her as he did his own kid. I hope she’s doing better in life now
half the 7th and 8th grade girls in my school had a mad crush on our student teacher in social studies. I don't know if any of us were forward about it, if he knew, he played dumb.
I was 14 when I got pregnant by a 22 year old man. When my family found out, nobody did anything, not even the cops. The charges were dropped because they ruled it out as “true love”, I’m not even joking. I borrowed My Dark Vanessa from a friend and it’s definitely gonna be a hard read for me. To any young girls reading this; He doesn’t like you because you’re beautiful or mature, he likes you because you are a child.
@@dani.1170 You can't consent to that at 14. And do you really see it as appropriate to be asking these invasive questions? Yes, even though they put it out on the internet themselves.
Literally older men turned abuse into a sexualization. It's gross and ignorant. Foe a book adaptation, are you serious? At least read the book and do your research. The main theme was completely lost. Damn Nikki must have wrote the best essays in school no joke.
this is why people say media literacy is dead. the number of times someone makes a thing that satirizes or is critical of something and people just thing that the thing being criticized is cool is ridiculous now.
@@lilith75 huh?? dating your professor, the person who decides whether or not you pass a class, is a massive conflict of interest no matter what your ages are
the worst part about pretty little liars is that aria’s mom is a teacher too. that means that, not only did she fail to protect her daughter as a mother, but also that she, as a mandated reporter, failed her LEGAL OBLIGATION to protect the children who attend the school. she really placed that relationship over her daughter’s safety, her job (and by extension possibly the family’s financial stability), and legal repercussions.
Disagree the worst part is we find out he knew how old Aria was because he was only there to find out what happened to Alison and they still got married (if I remember correctly)
For me the worst part is that it gives young people in abusive relationships a template for what they wish their parent was. The show basically says “look at this amazing kind mother who supports her daughter and doesn’t judge her” and it makes young people whose parents DONT allow an adult to date them feel like their parents are being cruel to them. It flips the abuse narrative on its head, basically making kids think “my 30 year-old boyfriend isn’t the abusive one, my mean parents are the abusers!”
The sad part about Lolita is that it was based off of a real girl named Sally Horner. She was KIDNAPPED by a grapeist and SAed by him for 21 months while he claiming shes his daughter. When she got back home, she was ostracized and considered "used up"......she died 2 years later in a car accident.
the sad part is people with poor reading comprehension think this book is sexualizing dolly, when it is actually a commentary on the deranged perspective of a pedophile. the author himself was a CSA survivor, and people still think this is a fantasy and not a way to process abuse. the industry really did this book injustice, taking lolita LITERALLY which is absolutely insane. how can a child be seductive? are you not just a creep for objectifying her..??
It is also rumored it was also based on NABOKOV’s own experiences being sexually abused by his uncle as a child. So sad ppl misunderstand the meaning of these story to twist it into romance
@@malenaavalos7829 You're right. That's not even a rumor, I read Nabokov's recollections of his SA (by his uncle, no less) and it's really blatant that Humbert was based on this guy. The descriptions are basically word for word the same. And yet, even with this information widely available, people w/ no reading comprehension keep either accusing Nabokov of condoning CSA or WORSE, romaticizing the story. WTF.
reminds me of the creepypasta, Sally Williams who was 8 years old and a victim of grape/SA from her uncle and is killed by that very same uncle. the creator of Sally, disgustingly aged her up to 12 years old just so she can be shipped to other creepypastas who are mostly teenage boys (ex. Jeff the Killer, Ben Drowned) and adult men (ex. Eyeless Jack). i wouldnt be surprised if the creator based Sally off Lolita and Sally Horner
I've been sorta re-watching the first couple of seasons and thars what stuck out to me as well. Okay, I understand why girls were more of "huh, a TEACHER?", but ger parents? Just wild.
omg the fact that Kate had to expose that the story was inspired by her life experiences when she clearly didn't want to was crazy it is insane that somebody who went through a very similar experience did that to her I can sympathize with both of the writers but Kate did not deserve what happend to her
When I (male) was in community college at 19 I was talking with one of my peers in between classes. I ask her out on a date and she said she was 16. I cannot describe the horror I felt when I heard that. I immediately apologized for not knowing and ran away. I felt so filthy. I skipped my next class to just feel normal again. The fact people do this to boys and girls is vile. It makes me sick to my stomach. Some people are absolutely fucked in the head.
woww I truly appreciate the fact that you have some sense of basic human decency and that you took responsibility as the adult. I can't even blame you for thinking she was of appropriate age since it isn't every day you find a high school sophomore in a community college, but I digress. you have my respect for being (ig) a good person :)
"how did you not know"? just kidding. when i was early 20's at a community college there was a guy that was nice to look at, like one of those pretty elves . ooops. he was 16. (I guess I did not think that would be a situation, with him being a tutor to some people)
I think anyone who wants to make something about a teacher-student relationship should be made to write a book report on Lolita, and if they even hint that they view Dolores as a sexual being, they should be disqualified and made to hand it off to someone who actually understands the book
Good point. I thought the arc where Ezra seems like A (even if he isnn't) was the most believable and best part of the show. But then they turned around and had aria forgive him which is insanely baffling. The way she probably romantacized meeting him meanwhile he has basically stalked and approached her.
Never finished the series but I thought that they'd met at a bar (?) and he wasn't aware that she was underage until he showed up as a teacher at her school so I'm a little curious about that. Other than that it's crazy that he thought it was a good idea to continue a relationship with her after finding out
@@slowyourroll1146 So we eventually find out that Ezra knew Alison when she was 14-15 before he knew any of the other girls, but that he wanted to write a book about her after her disappearance. In “researching” for his book about Alison, he discovers secrets about her life and her friends, including Aria. He absolutely knew who she was, how old she was, and what he was doing from the first moment they met. Although he didn’t know he’d be teaching her, hence the shock
The Lolita films and their interpretations make me absolutely sick!! One thing that stands out to me is how both adaptions choose to age Lolita up juuuust a little bit and then also hire actresses who were still wildly inappropriately young, but not prepubescent young. It tells me so much about the perspective of the directors. They wanted to sexualize these young girls, but actually having a 12-year-old on screen would show how absolutely deranged and sick Humbert is. But that's not what they wanted to show. They wanted to portray Lolita as almost adult, yet childlike, so they could give justification to Humbert's urges. Absolutely disgusting and appalling. Thank you for making this video!!
Oh and also, having teenage actresses STILL shows how absolutely sick Humbert is, my point being the directors THINK this gives Humbert justification, which shows how disgusting they are
well, I"m pretty sure they couldn't have 12 year old actors because that would have been hard to find good actors and most likely lead to them getting sued or smt like that
That's a great point! I really think that Lolita is just something that can't be adapted accurately in live action without deeply traumatising the actress playing her.
I watched the newer film a while back, and watching it I actually thought Dolores was directed and portrayed as convincingly child-like; she could have been 12 or 15, didn't really matter, clearly a child. At the start of the movie a clueless child living in her own world, and by the end of it a traumatized child with distressed behavior. She never becomes this “seductress” who seems happy and in control of her relationship with HH. Not to say that Pretty little liars’ version of grooming wasn’t bad, but this kind of a problematic portrayal of a teenager “so mature for her age”, by an adult actor who mostly looks and acts like an adult, is much more mainstream. Dolores even in the movie is nothing like Aria. Much like in the book, it starts with HH taking gratification from his interactions with her when she is clearly unaware. The later scenes where HH sees Dolores “flirting” with him are the same as in the book, so knowing the subject matter, I assumed that was meant to be a portrayal of his warped perspective, while the audience should be able to see the cracks in this narrative. By the end of it, it’s clear that much like in the book, she’s using HH’s interest in her to regain what little agency she possibly can, while planning her escape. Not that I would have ever went to any lengths to justify the making of the movie: I was disturbed by the fact that such a young actor had to do these kinds of scenes, and it was clear there were scenes that could be enjoyed in a very wrong way by very creepy viewers. Still, I would have NEVER believed that the director actually thought he was directing a love story… That makes it all the more disturbing. He really directed a movie with a character like Dolores, not like Aria, and STILL managed to romanticize it??
I was 16 when I was with a 24 year old man. My parents didn't do anything about it because I was "mature for my age" and "more mature than him" like ??? I am 25 now and could not fathom being with anyone younger than me let alone a teenager in high school. To reiterate what some other survivors have said here -- he doesn't love you, he loves that you're underage and that he's getting away with it.
Your parents failed you instead of reporting that creep to the authorities. As parents, they had a responsibility to protect you which they failed to do.
Noooo Lolita's one of my fave classics and I'm like nearly gagging hearing the Vanity Fair and directors calling it a love story Imagine missing the point THIS HARD
think we're giving Nabokov too much grace. Owl Criticism has a great video on the problem with his defense of Lolita. ruclips.net/video/rDSz_LnsEjA/видео.html
It's made even worse in a later season, when it's retroactively revealed that Ezra KNEW THE WHOLE TIME. He sought her out in the first ep KNOWING she was a sixteen year old high-schooler that was going to be his student. And the show is like: ig that's bad but they're endgame! Like no, wtf.
And the fact that he dated Ali before she went missing when she was 14/15, and she even thought she was pregnant at that point 🤡 that man should be in JAIL
@@analuizafms_wasn't it with Wilden? (I watched those seasons ince and not very attentively). Which is worse since he was lile at least 30 and a COP...
Didn’t he actually go to jail in the books because he was a predator? I never read the books, but always saw people say that he went to jail in the books.
@@Aelanin yes he did in the first one too if I'm not mistaken. I read it but it was years ago, anyway his thing with aria doesn't last at all and he goes to jail
Lolita is a horror. This reminds me of a movie called the Piano Teacher. Its about a female piano teacher and a male student and it just ends up horribly. I thought it was going to be a love story because it was listed under romance. It's a horror. From the beginning you get the sense that there is something wrong but you can't exactly tell what it is yet. And the male student is introduced as an adult (where in the novel he's 16 or 17) so I thought it was going to be some kind of cute and quirky love story between adults. Like I said, it's a horror, and has been on my mind ever since I watched it.
I remember reading a novel of similar plots, it was called "Boy Toy," I believe. I was literally like 13 and rented it from my MIDDLE SCHOOL LIBRARY!!! idk why tf the school had that book there and but thankfully, the book itself does dive into how horrible what the young boy went through was and that it wasn't his fault. And it's because of that alone that my 13-yr-old brain was able to realize that such a thing is terrible. If the novel didn't have that aspect, I probably would've been influenced into romanticizing such "relationships." Edit: I looked it up and apparently it is rated 16+ 💀it really shouldn't have been in a middle school library. And I remember when I went to check it out, the librarian made a disgusted face and said "brace yourself for this book. it's not as fun as all the other books you've checked out" (I believe I had read some romance and fantasy novels before this).
@ville__ If you made better content than this, you wouldn't have to be begging for views in someone else's comment section. It's annoying and not winning you any favors.
The adults who think a story like Lolita is one of true love , are the ones who normalize this type of abuse for kids . At age 11 a man who was 22 years old was flirting with me , me being 11 I was completely oblivious but later that night my mother pointed it out to me. My first thought was gross , I hadn’t even had a crush yet but quickly turned into curiosity and pride when my mother asked me if I thought he was cute and told me she’d talk to him for me. This small conversation led to years and years of excepting abuse from adult men because I felt special and grown for my age. Looking back my heart aches for the 11 year old child who believed adult men wanting her was a good thing . It fills me with so much sadness and rage when I think of how many children have experienced this and how there’s children still experiencing it . Thank you for sharing this video , we need more content that criticizes this instead of normalizing .
When one of my friends starts talking to a 20-something guy, Im always like "LEAVE HIM. BLOCK HIM. HES A CREEP." Its disgusting that we as literal children have to be the ones to break things off with these creeps.
It is scary. I was a young teen on omeagle and skype back in 2012 era. There are some gross and disgusting people in the world. Good on you for knowing red flags and keep taking care of your friends too. Always take care of your friends, make sure they take care of you too. ❤ stay safe.
I have just come to terms that I was groomed by a man 16 years older than me, I haven’t told anyone about him and have blocked him on everything but idk what to do now
Actress Natasha Lyonne revealed that she auditioned for the ‘97 Lolita and apparently for the audition process, the casting directors told her to eat a banana really slowly… yeah.
I study literature, I am a big fan of Lolita as a literary work and I think it would be wonderful to see it adapted to film with a female director and screenwriter. It could be one of the saddest, most heartbreaking and poetic films of all time.
A true honest adaptation of lolita would be so beautiful honestly. Lolita to me, is the saddest case of dead media literacy of all time and really shows the gross over sexualisation of young girls through people's (most Americans) treatment of the book
I would love to see this, and I would love to have Vladimir Nabokov's love-hate relationship with America being a part in it as well. In the book, Humbert and Lolita spend two years on the road, staying in hotels and motels all the time. Some hotels have a sign informing potential guests that there are "Churches nearby", which is a secret code for: "No Jews, please." However, all those hotels accomodate a man who rapes his stepdaughter in their property, and Claire Quilty, a pedophile who makes pornographic movies with minors, stays in them as well.
@ville__i understand you wanting to gain views but to put down another content creator is not the way. I have seen your comments multiple times and your opening line turns me off immediately. If you make, “better content than this,” let your videos prove it and stop commenting on other content creators videos putting them down.
What's additionally crazy about Aria is that her dad was also executing an unequal power dynamic in his affair with his adult students Meredith. Meredith is depicted as a sadistic homewrecker with mental health issues but we are made to forgive Byron as the series progresses even though he gult tripped Aria into keeping his secret and also moved the family away to conceal his affair. I think this pattern of secrecy and poor home life is probably what made Aria think it was okay to start and hide a relationship with Ezra.
My sister was groomed by her English teacher from the age of 13 all the way until she graduated. She took the case to court and the useless judicial system said there was not enough evidence to convict. He still teaches. If I ever find him I vow to do what Aria's brother did. Thankyou for this video Nikki. Artfully made as always and once again bringing light to downtrodden and swept under the rug issues. ❤
When my parents found out I was being sexually abused, they blamed me, hit me. It was my fault to them. I was just 11. This video was much needed and I hope that shows stop exploiting this trope as a means to romance.
Exactly, if you've gone through something similar you should try and fine help for them and make them feel validated. Not put them down and make it seem like only you can go through CSA
I think the messed up part about CMBYN is that unlike lolita, the author INTENTIONALLY wanted to romanticise the age gap.. its so screwed because its written AS a love story. If u read the book especially there's so many 'romantic' paragraphs, it doesn't demonise Oliver at all
being a 13 yr old girl OBSESSED with aria, seeing clips of lolita all over tumblr, AND reading the book and bringing it to school was…such a deadly combination. i really really hope videos like this can save the younger girls of today and forever etc etc. I LOVE UUUUU!!!!
the amount of times older men flirted with me when I was 12-16 is just disgusting. even at 19 I look very young, I'm incredibly short and have rosy cheeks. ironically I even had "friends" in the past who would say I was such a "loli". point being, I both looked and WAS incredibly young and yet couldn't go to the grocery store without middle aged men flirting with me and trying to get to "know" me, even though in their eyes I could've been in elementary school. maybe they hoped I was. and yet every time I'd come home disturbed and scared my family was distant, said that that's just "how it is" and even insinuated that it should be a little flattering. that its because I looked "the way you do". its horrific to think about how normalized it is for children to be seen and treated this way. very good video and if you made a part two I'd definitely watch it!
Slightly off topic, but I recently rewatched Léon: The Professional and I felt massively uncomfortable. Turns out I was watching the international release, which had an uncomfortable scene of young Natalie Portman talking to a grown man about “a girl’s first time” being special. Did research afterwards and found out the director of the film impregnated a 15 year old. So many people are brushing this movie aside and not talking about how harmful the girl’s portrayal is!! Also apparently there were rumors about a s*x scene being cut out because Natalie Portman’s parents didn’t agree to it!! 🤮 Just thought you’d find this interesting!
“My Dark Vanessa” is a book I will remember for a long time. I remember finishing it with such a heavy heart and a feeling of emptiness that a book had never brought out of me before. It was the first time I had to take a break from reading to just process. My final annotation on the book literally said “the raw emotion, the relatability, there is no way this is purely a work of fiction despite the authors note.” It was the book that caused me to start looking at other popular media I once enjoyed and find major problems (like PLL, which I loved as a teen and as an adult am shocked we watched it at all). It would be interesting to have publishers re-release ”Lolita” with the originally requested cover by the author. Everything he did was so intentional in the writing. I have no doubt his cover was just as thought out.
I work in the publishing industry, and am a traditionally published author. The reading community in recent years has a really hard time leaving people alone and pressuring authors to reveal personal things about themselves. It’s really frustrating
As someone who experienced CSA, it lasts a long time if you don’t get help. Adults manipulating and curating you into their perfect victim is easier when you are a vulnerable person or child.
I'm a high school teacher and was teaching my 14 year old students about the legal age of consent in my country, which is 14 BUT there can't be more than 3 years age difference (until the age of 16, then it's 5) AND there can't be an imbalance in power in the relationship ... so they were like "What does that last part mean?" and I explained to them: "Like bosses and employees or teachers and students" and I saw them think that over, before someone went like "You know, I feel like people should leave other people's relationships alone, like let them be with whoever they want to be with" AND I WAS SHOCKED LIKE THEY WOULD BE OKAY WITH HAVING A RELATIONSHIP WITH A FUCKING TEACHER
see thats why i feel like ppl get confused with the legal age of consent cuz for america (may be state specific) its 16 but ONLY if the other party is 16 that age of consent is strictly meant for teenagers not a 16 year old and an adult then its 18
I mean you said it, they are kids still. I remeber being a teen and being okay with many large age gap romances because "why not?". Then you grow up and understand the problem with it
@roboticgays There is no American age of consent. It varies per state. Some states it is 17, some is 18, some is 16 etc. And some have what you're referring to which is a Romeo and Juliet law. This means let's say the age of consent is 17 but you're 18 and sleep with a 16 year old. It would be legal in a state with a Romeo Juliet law because they usually cover a 3 year age difference between the two parties to ensure that highschoolers aren't prosecuted for normal high-school relationships.
Not a student teacher dynamic but one w my 40 yr old manager at a fast food restaurant when I was 18 (I started at 17 actually) and my manager eventually made it clear I was the new “fav” girl who overworked themselves for approval and I’ll always remember him telling me to watch The Professional w Natalie Portman and I loved the movie and later reflect on how he wanted that dynamic w me 😭💀
The way i knew nothing about this books and controversy and the moment the video started i thought "yeah two books about a very common experience would for sure seem similar, its almost like abusers tend to follow a pattern and grooming by teachers its sadly, not unusual"
There's a cover of Lolita with a hyperrealistic painting of a kinda sweaty (most likely horny) Humbert on it, which is the best cover I've seen of it. It's disgusting, slimy, and indicative of Humbert's entire person.
it’s tragic what happened to lolita as a story, it’s so misunderstood by the masses. it’s not a love story, it’s a story of what happens every day to young girls being hurt by older men.
the plagiarism accusations break my heart. being groomed by a teacher is unfortunately a thing that happens to a lot of women. it's so disgusting to me that russel had to be pried out of opening up about such a traumatic experience. though i understand underrepresentation (i am southeast asian), accusing a person of copying you based on an experience that commonly happens to many young girls... that was horrible.
Is nobody going to talk about how the ending part of this video is absolutely gorgeous, it completely covers the entire video despite sad topics it manages to be beautiful
From what I’ve heard, historians speculate that Nabokov was a csa victim himself because of the specific way he writes trauma in Lolita and talks about the background and trauma in the novel. It hurts me to see the way people misinterpret and twist the story to justify the sexual abuse of children, but I can only imagine the way HE felt as a possible csa victim. Justice for Dolores, Nabokov, and all csa victims ❤
Honestly it’s so sad that Nabokov’s story has been twisted so much. I’m no expert but it seems like the point of his book was to bring some sort of awareness to this issue. It’s sad that his story is being used by predators to groom these kids.
OMG I had so many friends in high school dating 27-29 year old men (most of these friends ended up teenage pregnant or suffering from severe STI’s because dating pervs is the leading reason for both in children) and their parents were all like "If I do anything we'll drive our daughter away!" Like frick. Who cares! Call the cops! Get their asses thrown in jail! Will your daughter hate you? Maybe? But it's a price to pay for their safety. You’re the parent. It’s your damn job to throw his ass to the cops! Act like an adult for fricks sake. And you have to have faith that they will grow up and one day understand why you did what they did. Sadly in some cases, these reactions are a result of the Predators tactics. They can also groom the parents. Either to accept what is going on or hold them hostage with the idea that their child will hate them and run away if they do anything to stop him from getting what the predator wants.
I was going to say it could go both ways because if the parents intervene too much it might cause the daughters to feel like their parents don't approve of the relationship and give the predators reason to isolate the girls from their families which we've seen before :( But STI and pregnancy is absolutely something you need to put your foot down for, 30 year old men have NO business near your teenage daughter
That’s not the point. Older men should not be going after young teenagers. The only reason they do that is because they want to take advantage of them. No 28 year old has anything in common with a 16 year old 🤢. Stop trying to justify this sick predatory behavior @@WhatDoesEvilMean
@@WhatDoesEvilMean 16 and 27-29 still isn’t okay… you keep commenting the age of consent under other posts like it justifies anything. Will that help the perpetrators avoid jail time? Yeah. Are they still awful predators seeking young people (pretty much children) that are way too young for them? Yeah.
My dad beat my sister when she was preyed on. Still can't believe my parents' first reaction is to beat a 13 year old than ask who picked her up in a truck and SA'd her
You cannot convince me that Wendy C. Ortiz isn't a mean girl who tried to use the abuse another woman suffered as a way to market her novel. No matter how you put it, attacking someone else, sending a mob to harass them, and discrediting their work, makes you a mean, evil person.
I wouldn't say evil, but Nikki softballed her like crazy. Accusing someone else of plagiarism without even reading their book is a horrendous thing to do, and being a POC writer doesn't justify that. Of course it's true that the publishing space is still unfair, but that isn't any kind of excuse for behavior this bad
the way Ortiz went about the whole situation was definitely poor behaviour on her part, but it's so frustrating how the whole conversation is now about Ortiz being a "mean girl" and not about the fact that two books covering very similar material in a very similar way got extremely different receptions from the publishing industry due to the race and perceived relatability of the authors. But I guess it's easier to talk about how awful and evil Ortiz is for dredging shit up than it is to point out the very real and harmful biases still present in many of our industries :\\
@@AleAKiM312 Two evils can coexist at the same time. Ortiz was mistreated by the publishing industry (though, I did read her book, way before My Dark Vanessa was published, and found it an extremely weak, wishy-washy piece of literature. There's a lot of narration regarding the characters' actions, but very little self-analysis of how she felt and what she thought. It's a book that very much remains on the very superficial level of thigns), and at the same time she's also a mean girl who decided to tear another woman down, accuse her of plagiarism, and forced her to admit that she went through sexual assault after sending a mob after her. Ortiz didn't talk about the industry, she literally went out of her way to attack Russell. This is disgusting behavior, no matter how many "but the racism of the industry ://" you write.
ok but can we talk about how beautifully made this video is? LIKE DAMN NIKKI the whole thing from graphics to sound to construction is making the videography nerd in me excited
I don’t think anything could’ve prepared me for how prevalent this sort of issue is. I’m not much older now, but when I was 23 I dated a 31 year old woman who had a thing for younger guys, which I didn’t know at the time, and I thought she loved me because I was “so mature and intelligent for my age”. Seeing these things being discussed only makes me realize more and more that the misery and coldness that I had experienced was far deeper in scope than I could’ve ever imagined. Truly remarkable analysis, thank you for sharing 🙏
I remember when I was in 6TH GRADE before the school year ended our english teacher wanted to relax by having us watch something. We ended up watching the the first two episodes of pretty little liars. Even back then Aria and Ezra's relationship felt weird to me but many of my other peers were fawning over their relationship. Two years later when I was in 8th grade, a different english teacher was employed and he ended up having inappropriate relations with 6th graders and some of my 8th grader peers. It was a really unfortunate case of how media like that can groom young kids to think their abuse is okay or normal :(
I’m sorry and no shade to you, but a teacher showing pre-teens a show involving a student-teacher relationship makes me feel so damn icky. I was 12 when PLL came out but had no idea it had a student-teacher relationship til I was 16 and I watched the show at 17 and expected Ezra to go to jail but….no. I watched the show from ages 17-19 and my god…
Nikki, this video is simply incredible. As a teenage girl, I feel the cold reminder of Lolita's influence just how you described. Even when it's not blatant, even when it's hidden or disguised, I feel it. And I'm not even a victim. I'm shamed or scoffed at for my constant anxiety about my safety, especially around men. It's seen as something I need to control, to learn how to change. But I see how they look at me, I hear their words, I can taste the disgust in the air. I may not be a victim of SA or grooming, but I am not untouched. No one like me is.
Sry to hear that. I'm honestly just worried abt u. I mean how would u avoid men? That sounds horrible to be constantly scared. Even though the more I look around the more I see that ppl are generally scared of men. But they try to not let it get to them. You know what I mean?
Unfortunately, the scenario is all too common - even I experienced this in college, which might seem different because I was an adult but that person (who I will not name) was 12 years older & expected me to help save their job by writing an expose for the college paper. Never read either book but I have heard more about “My Dark Vanessa” than “Excavation.” Another one that’s terrible is “Prey,” which is about a female teacher and male student relationship - personally one of the hardest books to read, but it helped me realize what was happening to me was wrong so that helped.
Watching the whole sponsor because I really need a minute. Nikki this is fucking amazing. Calling out predatory behavior is so needed bc omfg HOW CAN THIS SCARY DYNAMIC BE SO POPULAR IN THESE SHOWS WTFFF
One of the characters TURNED INTO A DIAMOND??? Nikki I really don’t want to watch this show but I need to know why and how this happened even though I know it won’t make sense
Just finished the vid. My heart hurts. Like I was already painfully aware of this reality but wow. Ow. Well done again Nikki. Your videos are incredible
@ville__please try a different strategy of marketing because opening with “I’m better than (creator you enjoy)” isn’t welcoming at all. It scares people away. Best of luck out there
I'm so tired of trying to inform, the damage these relationships do, with such an inappropriate age gap, but they always reduce it to me being "uptight." i been hearing "girls now are more grown up" since i was 5, 23 years ago, is always the same disgusting excuse, the thing is, i been groom, and i really feel like the general culture, misinformation and romanticization between adolescent and adult, corrupted everything, "I was like Bella Swan who likes an older person, because she has an older soul" SICK
i think it is getting better these days than it used to be, with it being less acceptable to be like that to children, even though its still a big problem im hopeful abt it. i feel like theres so much of it in politics rn with the most pedophilic shit imaginable coming from conservatives.
@@BlisaBLisaI really hope so, but i don't know really. But you right aboy the conservatives. Taking into account that at 18 they are still teenagers, and it is horrible how they are chased by guys in their 30s or 40s
Some of the details from the novel are familiar to me too. I had to re-read Lolita with my therapist because I transposed my own CSA as a scene from the novel. My heart goes out to anyone else battling CSA demons. Your life is valuable and you are more than your trauma.
Wow the "Our Shadow" segment was extremely moving, I felt beyond uncomfortable and I think you did a phenomenal job of making me as an audience member feel an INKLING of what victims of child abuse feel in terms of fear, discomfort, and sadness with how you edited that last segment. Great work !
Thank you for making this video. I'm a teenage girl and I feel kind of lost in everything. Everywhere I go I wonder how things got so warped to the point where we start sexualising ourselves. Its nice to know I'm not alone
I had a relatively recent situation where I'm only just now allowing myself to call myself a victim. I'm 17 currently and after my ex and I split I started sleeping around, everyone was age appropriate except one, one was 5 years older than me and I even got in her car. She was at my house and I can't believe I didn't listen to my friends who pointed out how weird it was, I didn't understand why they were so disappointing and concerned when finding out I slept with her. My naivety in that situation, and the fact that I'm still struggling to call it what it is just shows how vulnerable I and other young girls really are. I know it's not the same, but I think it does highlight that there is no situation where an adult, let alone a teacher, should be flirting with or sleeping with a minor
Well everyone is different and so is everyones story, we are so vulnerable as children that we can get easier manipulated. Its not your fault and you are brave for talking about it.
im 14, im in the process of pressing charges on my stepdad. he got arrested in dec. however my mom found out in august. its been months and i still cant even type that i was groomed yet alone say it. ive been rewriting this comment for so mf long lol. the manipulation i've gone through with the system is wild and i've only gone through the preliminary hearing. does anyone think what i was wearing during the nights him and i were together is a relevent question? or questioning me being in special ed just to prove i could "understand what shes saying". or threatening to throw my case due to me being "non compliant" just because i questioned her. i just cant help but think that the stigma behind some of my diagnoses and of course internalized misogyny have to do with how ive been treated. the abuse of power is crazy but just wait until he's proven guilty and i can say something. not like it'll help though, its deeply rooted misogyny and until these people die out of power were not gonna see much of a change.
I think you are very brave for it, it does not matter what you were wearing. I experienced SA even with long clothes and it took me years to realise what they did, since it happend when I was still a minor. At some point I even dressed in boys clothes and cut my hair like a boy, but I still got attention from men. I just talked about it since I felt so alone with this, at first I told my best friend about it, she never experienced something like this, but her sister. When I told my mother I broke down, since she asked if it was an acciedent (it was a family member). To be misunderstood can be really hurtful especialy in front of a lot of people. Wish you the best.
i’m so sorry this happened, i understand your frustration and the system is insanely fucked. You’re so strong for pursuing justice and I hope you get it.
Hang in there ❤ I hope you are able to get good therapy and support during these times and for the future. Dont stay quiet. Its important we keep talking about how wrong it is that grown men sexualize girls. It does not matter what the person is wearing. You are not at fault. Keep fighting ❤ i hope there are adults there to help fight for you too, you cant do this by yourself. Stay strong
While anyone aware of this show knows about Aria and Ezra no one really talks about Spencer who is so in my opinion worse. The way she is groomed multiple times and blamed for it by her family. The other one I think is odd no one ever talks about is Allison! She is the embodiment of the Lolita Nymphet. Heavily sexualized at 13, groomed by so many men, blamed for "causing trouble". She was a bully in literally middle school before spending her entire teen years running from an attempted murder and is blamed and hated for it.
Alison being a bully is unjustifiable but does that mean she deserved to be preyed upon by older guys? Hell to the fucking no! She was a TEENAGER, a minor under 18.
As a survivor of grooming, Im so happy you have pointed out how absolutely horrible this trope is. When i was groomed, my abuser tried to make it seem like she was "so cool" she faked being my age, liking my same hobbies, crap like that, but she was not only was she 5 years older than me and 6 grades ahead of me, she also had a car, license, and a job (I was 11.) She wasn't my teacher, she was my friend. She wasn't my teacher, she was my lover. She wasn't my teacher, she was the one I needed to be taught to stay away from.
Lolita was also a central part of my abuse, being one of the favorite books of my groomer-he even called me his Lolita once or twice. And one of his favorite movies? Manhattan, with Woody Allen, which he showed to me specifically for the relationship Woody Allen had with a 17 year old high schooler (I was 17 at the time myself). It's disgusting how many men engage with this literature / art / actual other disgusting human beings and see nothing wrong with it / them, misusing and weaponizing them as a way to perpetuate further abuse, as if this art / these people are examples of men getting to live the lives they themselves dream of...
I am still watching the ad before the video but am SO ready to see what you have to say. Professor here 🙋🏻♀️….. I HATE THIS TROPE EVEN AT THE UNI LEVEL. I became a prof at 26, and even without the age gap IT IS WEIRD!
@@edayavuz1667 in addition to it being weird, that would simply be financially irresponsible of me 😂 since my loans are accruing daily interest as I type this 🥲💀
29:25 if you go look at the comments of a certain lyric video of this song, you'll find comments from 10 years ago praising Aria and Ezra's relationship. Truly disturbing
You know I still love you baby And it will never change I want nobody nobody but you I want nobody nobody but you 난 다른 사람은 싫어 니가 아니면 싫어 I want nobody nobody nobody nobody 난 싫은데 왜 날 밀어내 려고 하니 자꾸 내말은 듣지 않고 왜 이렇게 다른 남자에게 날 보내려 하니 어떻게 이러니 날 위해 그렇단 그 말 넌 부족하다는 그 말 이젠 그만해 넌 나를 알잖아 왜 원하지도 않는걸 강요해 I want nobody nobody but you I want nobody nobody but you 난 다른 사람은 싫어 니가 아니면 싫어 I want nobody nobody nobody nobody I want nobody nobody but you I want nobody nobody but you 난 다른 사람은 싫어 니가 아니면 싫어 I want nobody nobody nobody nobody 난 좋은데 난 행복한데 너만 있으면 돼 더 바랄게 없는데 누굴 만나서 행복하란거야 난 널 떠나서 행복할 수 없어 날 위해 그렇단 그 말 넌 부족하다는 그 말 말이 안되는 말이란걸 왜 몰라 니가 없이 어떻게 행복해 I want nobody nobody but you I want nobody nobody but you 난 다른 사람은 싫어 니가 아니면 싫어 I want nobody nobody nobody nobody I want nobody nobody but you I want nobody nobody but you 난 다른 사람은 싫어 니가 아니면 싫어 I want nobody nobody nobody nobody I don’t want nobody body body I don’t want nobody body body 나는 정말 니가 아니면 니가 아니면 싫단 말야~ I want nobody nobody but you I want nobody nobody but you 난 다른 사람은 싫어 니가 아니면 싫어 I want nobody nobody nobody nobody I want nobody nobody but you I want nobody nobody but you 난 다른 사람은 싫어 니가 아니면 싫어 I want nobody nobody nobody nobody Back to the days when we were So young and wild and free 모든게 너무나 꿈만 같았던 그때로 돌아가고 싶은데 왜 자꾸 나를 밀어내려 해 Why do you push me away I don’t want nobody nobody Nobody nobody but you
hi nikki! i read My Dark Vanessa last month and loved it, but i hadn’t remembered any of the controversy around it. i love your approach to it and just this video overall-your insights are so thorough, and despite the very heavy subject matter you manage to be funny and conversational. i love that you’ve started making more media analysis videos and would LOVE a part 2.
I got groomed many many times as a pre teen and teenager because the lack in attention I was getting at home. This developed into me being extremely infatuated with my freshman year math teacher and junior year English teacher. I’m so extremely lucky that both these men countlessly rejected any flirting I threw at them. Being in love or obsessed with the attention of my teachers was so normalized when I was a teen that I saw nothing wrong with my heavily flirting with these grown ass men. Even when a teacher I liked got introuble for talking to a former student I got literally jealous of the attention she got. I’m 21 now and have processed the grooming I’ve experienced and come to terms with why tf I was so infatuated with my teachers, I was just so used to beinf groomed that I went and seeked it out.
@@Mentallymuzz don't worry about them its a bot and it's only trying to get you to get on their channel or something or tries to get you to reply, ignore it I see it everywhere and they have a disgusting community don't bother paying attention ( Bad grammar :( I am lazyy)
It must suck for the author of Lolita to see his book be used to romanticize CSA. He obviously wrote it to show the perspective of a terrible man, but instead people think he’s a Byronic hero. I would feel terrible if I saw that book cover on my work.
I also heard that he himself was groomed as a child by his uncle and someone who made a video about the Lolita films mentioned that it might have been a way for him to process what happened to him so if that's the case then it makes it even more disheartening to see people romanticise and create a genre out of a story that's condemning that sort of behaviour.
please mention sally horner's story in part 2. her story often goes overlooked, but it's widely believed by those who know it that it was the inspiration for lolita (though nabokov denied it). it's even referenced in lolita, but nobody talks about the real story. i also think it further proves that lolita was not ever intended to be a love story. it's based on an actual crime.
It's unlikely that the book was inspired by the case since Nabakov had been working on it since before the Sally Horner case even happened. It's more likely that it was inspired by Nabakov's own experiences with being abused as a child.
THANK YOU FOR CLARIFYING THE REAL MEANING OF LOLITA! Whenever someone calls Lolita "romance" I stare at them. If you want a romance like that go write or find one, but don't label Lolita like that, please! There's so much in that book showing Lo trying to get away from him! If she had been "precocious" as our narrator makes her out to be she wouldn't have rejected her theater teacher's "request" after she ditched Humbert.
I have such conflicting feelings about the teacher that bought Lolita for me to read in high school. I was already in an alternative school for teen parents, and I was only a sophomore. Clearly I was vulnerable, and I expressed interest in the book. My sweet naive sheltered English teacher was a 20-something woman genuinely trying to cultivate an interest in reading among us wayward girls. I am grateful that she took the initiative bc it really is a beautiful book, I just wish she would have been more present for me the rest of the year and actually helped me reflect on it. She could have offered me Vladimir’s perspective, made it clear that Humbert is an unreliable narrator, given me real world context, LIKE THOSE QUOTES FROM VLADIMIR HIMSELF.. I was already in an abusive cycle my whole life pretty much, and obviously very vulnerable as a 15 year old pregnant girl, and my immature misinterpretation of the book just made me spiral even more and led to a lot more damage that I’m dealing with now as a 29 year old. EDIT: THAT VANITY FAIR REVIEW SHOULD BE REMOVED FOREVER. THAT IS THE SINGLE MOST DAMAGING PART OF THE BOOK. I READ THAT AND RAN WITH IT THE WHOLE TIME I WAS READING
Lolita is one of those books that so absolutely wonderfully and perfectly wrote and depicts an manipulative relationship and abuser, to the point that even the readers get manipulated by the character and misses the entire point of the book. it’s weirdly synonymous with the breaking bad fandom aswell lol
ooh this also reminds me a bit of the response to midsommar. there were a lot of people who almost seemed to take this like Girl Power stance towards it, like Dani was finally getting some initiative in her life at the end, like she finally holds this power, when the whole thing of it is that she is literally indoctrinated into a cult. the opposite of having power. over yourself OR others. and it almost feels like the people who missed that prove how easy it really is to be indoctrinated into a cult
I really like the fact that you brought up how romanticizing things like grooming is not only such a horrible rhetoric but it also normalizes it for the victims. But I think another factor is it also normalizes it for other minors that still aren't educated on what grooming is. I literally had no supervision online and consumed media in which being a victim of grooming was "romantic" or a "sexual fantasy" because people romanticized it and it has distorted my view of what is romance and what is predatory behaivor. Thank you for this video honestly.
I was a young girl who unfortunately was associated with the friend group of your groomer who called themselves “the fellers” I remember when he would bring you around parties that always had girls who were under the drinking age limit including myself. I just wanted to reach out and say that I was incredibly in awe of you when you shared your story. You’re seriously one the coolest and interesting content creators on here. Love your vids :)
im a senior in highschool, and just two weeks ago one of the teachers was exposed for having sexual relations with two freshmen. watching this with that and so many other women’s stories in mind (including my own) makes this all the more harrowing. it’s true that older men don’t like you because you’re mature, but because you’re young enough to believe them when they call you “mature”
I NEED PART TWO! I love how Nikki connects the topics very well, and I could tell Nikki enjoyed diving into the topics. KEEP THE GOOD WORK UP NIKKI!!!!!
i'm only halfway through the video, but that My Dark Vanessa controversy just makes my blood boiling. like, be for real, thinking that you're the only one who experienced grooming and gets the right to write about it is just nuts. and the fact that Kate had to shut her social media down and explain herself when she shouldn't even be obligated to... i'm mad. the only good is that i learned about the book today and is now interested enough to pick it up after i'm finished with my another pile of unread books. it comes when you least expect it, i guess.
Please make a part two! It's incredibly interesting to hear you break down these toxic tropes and analyze how media misinterpretations (whether deliberate or not) can lead to so much abuse. It's fascinating and scary how long things like this have been going on, but I feel lucky to live in a time where discussion about this isn't too hard to find.
Firstly, the editing in this video is AMAZING, I love the style of your videos so much. They’re so captivating and I could binge watch them for hours. Secondly, I SO ABSOLUTELY WANT A PART TWO!! This is a topic that I have personal investment in, and I love the way you break everything into sections to tie it together, I find it very thorough while also retaining the ease of listening and understanding! Another amazing video, and an amazing channel!
gimme part 2 queen, when I re-watched pretty little liars like five years after my original watch through I was actually in shock…… I can't believe that I ever hated aria's parents or her brother for reacting the way that they did!!! There was a lot of icky weird things in that show
Wow, that ending montage was so sad. You did a beautiful job. What would the author say if he could see what his book, which contained such a profound and sad message, was warped into today?
i used to LOVE PLL like way too much it was weird. to the point where i had binged the series at least once or twice a year. if i’m remembering correctly somewhere in like season 4 Aria learns that Ezra actually knew how old she was before they met in the bar. it’s because he had met Alison, they “dated” and then he got a bit obsessed with her and was writing a novel about her. so he had done research about her life which obviously involved Aria - and this is all BEFORE THEY MET IN THE BAR! i could be remembering wrong but that is something that just sticks with me now as an adult and a victim. loving this little mini series you’re making so much! it’s cathartic and just everything you’re saying is just so factual i don’t get why it even needs to be said lmao xxx
Hey guys thank you for watching!! I’m always looking for ways to improve my videos so please kindly let me know any constructive criticisms you may have 💗
i keep rewatching ur videos while i draw and do schoolwork i love this channel so much
ur editing is so creative & pleasing 2 look at !! i rlly luv the effort u put in2 each vid
do a part 2 pleaseeee. i really love the way you approach the topic
Pleaseeeeee do a part 2!!!!! This is such an important topic that can’t be talked about enough, so many people have experienced this. Thank you for talking about this ❤️
loved the transition into the pll segment! the montage was so well made!
It's such a shame that instead of coming together as authors and CSA victims, one was pitted against another until she had to reveal trauma she didn't want to reveal
its so awful): just reminds me of how in school girls get put against each other by the same guy who is cheating on them both
yeah that was so annoying
i don’t understand how ortiz thought she’s the only one who has gone through an experience like that like you don’t have copyright over a topic
It’s disgusting. I don’t know where she got off thinking she had a right to claim plagiarism based purely off the fact that she didn’t think multiple teachers could possibly abuse their students. It’s horrible.
One wasn't pitted against another, one decided to pitt herself against the other. It's Ortiz's own fault
People misunderstanding Lolita like people misunderstood Frankenstein
And I’ve also seen people saying they hate Lolita, and being mad at a fashion style called Lolita because it’s an Easter egg to the “awful pedophilic book” and like….do people know Lolita is like….a name. Very popular name. (And also Lolita style is just modern view on Rococo what comes from Japan)
@@tayschannel2695 exactly!!
man I'm so sad. That poor writer having a book that was meant to demonize predators instead being used as justification for horrible acts.
The author of Lolita even was abused as a kid by his uncle. He was horrified and upset when his book became so popular for the wrong reasons. And that so many PDF files used it as a way to groom more victims, to make their creepy movies to exploit the young actresses who played Dolores, to using the book to justify their own fantasies.
@ville__I MAKE BETTER COMMENTS THAN YOU.
You’re bad at trolling.
Nabokov: "so I wrote this story about the trauma of a child at the hands of a pedophile"
Freaks in Hollywood: "I mean, the pedophile has a point"
i'd be devastated if i was the writer, knowing that the book i wrote is being used as a tool to groom children by the very predators i condemned in said book
The Lolita effect
Ortiz really directed her anger in the wrong direction here. Her concerns and frustrations are so valid! But to attack another woman, another victim, is really unfortunate.
Fr, her valid frustrations of the industry is fine but she leveraged it the wrong way because she attacked another woman for it instead of talking about how authors of colours are marginalised to the sidelines while white authors are more celebrated and mainstream fully unrelated, she forced someone to come out with her trauma. Which is not okay. Valid critique and concerns but disgusting to leverage it at somebody based off of thought up claims of plagiarism, also to start claiming things that hurt another victim, that made well meaning people who wanted to help wendy out end up hurting someone who went thru what wendy did :(
Not only unfortunate, but evil.
I don't get why Ortiz didn't just talk to Russell directly first instead of immediately putting her on blast on the internet. Russell even seemed open to discussion online. Now she has been scared away from the public, had to relive her trauma, and had her experiences invalidated by thousands online. Ortiz's trauma and her experience as a WOC is completely and totally valid. But what she did to Russell is just shameful. I hope she learns from this experience how to better approach situations like this in the future.
yeah it kind of got glossed over. It seemed like she was getting canceled for something that Ortiz couldn't without-a-doubt prove
I mean yes, but Russel made things worse for herself by saying "yeah I did read your book, and it was part of my research". To a WOC who is used to watching white people steal their work, that was basically an admission of guilt to Ortiz. This entire thing could have been avoided if after the first subtweet, Russel DM'd Ortiz and clarified things, asked her to not say anything, and Ortiz issued a public apology and took down her tweets without outing Russel. I'm not going to say Ortiz should have reached out first- because there was no reason for her to. The book wasn't out yet from what I understand, so she only had the summary to go on, and if possible, BIPOC people should be able to stop books that steal from them being published.
More BIPOC need to call out when white people steal from them, but also, for something like *this* I think there should be a step taken back and maybe thinking for a second before jumping to conclusions. If it's published, read the book first, then decide if it's plaigarism.
I remember in high school I had the biggest crush on my history teacher. He was so sweet, quiet, handsome. I would openly flirt with him in front of the class, I would stay back pretending I needed help just to flirt with him more and as an adult now I cannot thank him enough for shutting me down every time.
A girl at my high school was the same way. But every single time, the teacher would ask her how she was doing mentally and at home. He made sure she stayed out of trouble. Turns out the girl had a really rough home life and the teacher was the only one who cared enough to give her a safe space. He didn’t take advantage of her vulnerability but instead treated her as he did his own kid. I hope she’s doing better in life now
Now that I’m in my 20s SAME, he was homosexual and my math teacher but, I’m glad because I was in a dark place at the time
half the 7th and 8th grade girls in my school had a mad crush on our student teacher in social studies. I don't know if any of us were forward about it, if he knew, he played dumb.
You are a weirdo for that
@@sjejsj7615 kids just tend to do stupid things cuz the brain isn't developed
I was 14 when I got pregnant by a 22 year old man. When my family found out, nobody did anything, not even the cops. The charges were dropped because they ruled it out as “true love”, I’m not even joking. I borrowed My Dark Vanessa from a friend and it’s definitely gonna be a hard read for me.
To any young girls reading this; He doesn’t like you because you’re beautiful or mature, he likes you because you are a child.
@@HudaAbdulahiNone of your fucking business, how about that?
why would they rule it out as true love..??? Did you say that? Did you consent to any of that??
I'm so sorry that happened to you.
@@dani.1170 You can't consent to that at 14. And do you really see it as appropriate to be asking these invasive questions? Yes, even though they put it out on the internet themselves.
they failed you :/
it's genuinely terrible to see how a book made to express how disgusting these relationships are is being romanticized
My heart breaks for the author who was processing his own abuse through his uncle in this book.
Literally older men turned abuse into a sexualization. It's gross and ignorant. Foe a book adaptation, are you serious? At least read the book and do your research. The main theme was completely lost. Damn Nikki must have wrote the best essays in school no joke.
this is why people say media literacy is dead. the number of times someone makes a thing that satirizes or is critical of something and people just thing that the thing being criticized is cool is ridiculous now.
It really is. I appreciate the work regardless of stupid people. It's a hard book to read as a chick. Idk why people are weird
Fluttershy
I HATE WHEN PEOPLE TRY TO NORMALIZE THESE RELATIONSHIPS, EVEN IF YOUR BOTH ADULTS THERE IS AN UNHEALTHY POWER DYNAMIC
goddam bro stop screaming
AGREED
@@garmashe's right though
100% agreed, im so tired of the normalization of all this shi.
@@lilith75 huh?? dating your professor, the person who decides whether or not you pass a class, is a massive conflict of interest no matter what your ages are
the worst part about pretty little liars is that aria’s mom is a teacher too. that means that, not only did she fail to protect her daughter as a mother, but also that she, as a mandated reporter, failed her LEGAL OBLIGATION to protect the children who attend the school.
she really placed that relationship over her daughter’s safety, her job (and by extension possibly the family’s financial stability), and legal repercussions.
Her dad was also a professor at Hollis and also failed as a father. Her father having an affair with a colleague his former student too is weird
Disagree the worst part is we find out he knew how old Aria was because he was only there to find out what happened to Alison and they still got married (if I remember correctly)
For me the worst part is that it gives young people in abusive relationships a template for what they wish their parent was. The show basically says “look at this amazing kind mother who supports her daughter and doesn’t judge her” and it makes young people whose parents DONT allow an adult to date them feel like their parents are being cruel to them. It flips the abuse narrative on its head, basically making kids think “my 30 year-old boyfriend isn’t the abusive one, my mean parents are the abusers!”
@princessofhell4639 The worst part is that he was arrested and fired in the books, and the show didn't even do *that* became Ezria was popular.
Agreed
The sad part about Lolita is that it was based off of a real girl named Sally Horner. She was KIDNAPPED by a grapeist and SAed by him for 21 months while he claiming shes his daughter. When she got back home, she was ostracized and considered "used up"......she died 2 years later in a car accident.
@lolitaverseVladimir himself was molested as a kid and wrote Lolita as a coping mechanism. I’m sure he would hate seeing what his work has come to.
the sad part is people with poor reading comprehension think this book is sexualizing dolly, when it is actually a commentary on the deranged perspective of a pedophile. the author himself was a CSA survivor, and people still think this is a fantasy and not a way to process abuse. the industry really did this book injustice, taking lolita LITERALLY which is absolutely insane. how can a child be seductive? are you not just a creep for objectifying her..??
It is also rumored it was also based on NABOKOV’s own experiences being sexually abused by his uncle as a child.
So sad ppl misunderstand the meaning of these story to twist it into romance
@@malenaavalos7829 You're right. That's not even a rumor, I read Nabokov's recollections of his SA (by his uncle, no less) and it's really blatant that Humbert was based on this guy. The descriptions are basically word for word the same. And yet, even with this information widely available, people w/ no reading comprehension keep either accusing Nabokov of condoning CSA or WORSE, romaticizing the story. WTF.
reminds me of the creepypasta, Sally Williams who was 8 years old and a victim of grape/SA from her uncle and is killed by that very same uncle. the creator of Sally, disgustingly aged her up to 12 years old just so she can be shipped to other creepypastas who are mostly teenage boys (ex. Jeff the Killer, Ben Drowned) and adult men (ex. Eyeless Jack). i wouldnt be surprised if the creator based Sally off Lolita and Sally Horner
its crazy that the only problem the showrunners saw with aria and ezra's relationship was that he was her TEACHER, not that she was a kid
Exactly! Poor Ezra knowingly committing a crime😂
I've been sorta re-watching the first couple of seasons and thars what stuck out to me as well. Okay, I understand why girls were more of "huh, a TEACHER?", but ger parents? Just wild.
@@527398 and then later we find out he dated alison when she was like 13? thats crazy
@ville__ Just when I think that you can't go any lower with your spam, you create this new copypasta...
@@527398what’s worse is her dad did the same thing
omg the fact that Kate had to expose that the story was inspired by her life experiences when she clearly didn't want to was crazy
it is insane that somebody who went through a very similar experience did that to her
I can sympathize with both of the writers but Kate did not deserve what happend to her
Honestly it’s giving race rage bait.
jesus christ these replies are fucking insane why are there so many ragebait bots
@@scarletdevil2003IDK!! I’ve seen them in the comments for months now and I feel crazy bc I keep reporting it and yt doesn’t care
@@scarletdevil2003 ikkk report them guys!!! Three dots on the right “report” and “unwanted spam”
@@scarletdevil2003 report them!! Three dots on the right then “report” and “unwanted promotion or spam”
I had a teacher that wrote student romance books based off of her actual students but aged them up and the school did NOTHING about it…
FCKED UP TBH
WTF...how did people find out abt the books???
ew dude that's so gross tbh..
HOW DID YALL FIND OUT
lol there was a teacher at my middle school who did that. she was alright aside from all the borderline erotic vampire stuff based on students
When I (male) was in community college at 19 I was talking with one of my peers in between classes. I ask her out on a date and she said she was 16.
I cannot describe the horror I felt when I heard that. I immediately apologized for not knowing and ran away. I felt so filthy. I skipped my next class to just feel normal again.
The fact people do this to boys and girls is vile. It makes me sick to my stomach. Some people are absolutely fucked in the head.
woww I truly appreciate the fact that you have some sense of basic human decency and that you took responsibility as the adult. I can't even blame you for thinking she was of appropriate age since it isn't every day you find a high school sophomore in a community college, but I digress. you have my respect for being (ig) a good person :)
"how did you not know"? just kidding. when i was early 20's at a community college there was a guy that was nice to look at, like one of those pretty elves . ooops. he was 16. (I guess I did not think that would be a situation, with him being a tutor to some people)
Aww :(
Thank you for doing this! We love to see a man having basic human decency (the bar is in hell)
I think anyone who wants to make something about a teacher-student relationship should be made to write a book report on Lolita, and if they even hint that they view Dolores as a sexual being, they should be disqualified and made to hand it off to someone who actually understands the book
I think teachers should also have to do this before being hired.
Agreed!!!!!!!!!
E X A C T L Y
@ville__ get a job you bum
Exactly. Nabokov never would’ve wanted his story to be romanticized EVER.
Just wanted to mention, that Ezra f-ing KNEW that Aria was underage when he approached her and he still pursued the relationship…
Good point. I thought the arc where Ezra seems like A (even if he isnn't) was the most believable and best part of the show. But then they turned around and had aria forgive him which is insanely baffling. The way she probably romantacized meeting him meanwhile he has basically stalked and approached her.
Also, he wasn't 21... he was even older
Never finished the series but I thought that they'd met at a bar (?) and he wasn't aware that she was underage until he showed up as a teacher at her school so I'm a little curious about that. Other than that it's crazy that he thought it was a good idea to continue a relationship with her after finding out
its shown later that he did know who she was beforehand ;-;
@@slowyourroll1146
@@slowyourroll1146 So we eventually find out that Ezra knew Alison when she was 14-15 before he knew any of the other girls, but that he wanted to write a book about her after her disappearance. In “researching” for his book about Alison, he discovers secrets about her life and her friends, including Aria. He absolutely knew who she was, how old she was, and what he was doing from the first moment they met. Although he didn’t know he’d be teaching her, hence the shock
The Lolita films and their interpretations make me absolutely sick!! One thing that stands out to me is how both adaptions choose to age Lolita up juuuust a little bit and then also hire actresses who were still wildly inappropriately young, but not prepubescent young. It tells me so much about the perspective of the directors. They wanted to sexualize these young girls, but actually having a 12-year-old on screen would show how absolutely deranged and sick Humbert is. But that's not what they wanted to show. They wanted to portray Lolita as almost adult, yet childlike, so they could give justification to Humbert's urges. Absolutely disgusting and appalling. Thank you for making this video!!
Oh and also, having teenage actresses STILL shows how absolutely sick Humbert is, my point being the directors THINK this gives Humbert justification, which shows how disgusting they are
@ville__please advertise your stuff by actually making content instead of spamming in comment sections
well, I"m pretty sure they couldn't have 12 year old actors because that would have been hard to find good actors and most likely lead to them getting sued or smt like that
That's a great point! I really think that Lolita is just something that can't be adapted accurately in live action without deeply traumatising the actress playing her.
I watched the newer film a while back, and watching it I actually thought Dolores was directed and portrayed as convincingly child-like; she could have been 12 or 15, didn't really matter, clearly a child. At the start of the movie a clueless child living in her own world, and by the end of it a traumatized child with distressed behavior. She never becomes this “seductress” who seems happy and in control of her relationship with HH. Not to say that Pretty little liars’ version of grooming wasn’t bad, but this kind of a problematic portrayal of a teenager “so mature for her age”, by an adult actor who mostly looks and acts like an adult, is much more mainstream. Dolores even in the movie is nothing like Aria. Much like in the book, it starts with HH taking gratification from his interactions with her when she is clearly unaware. The later scenes where HH sees Dolores “flirting” with him are the same as in the book, so knowing the subject matter, I assumed that was meant to be a portrayal of his warped perspective, while the audience should be able to see the cracks in this narrative. By the end of it, it’s clear that much like in the book, she’s using HH’s interest in her to regain what little agency she possibly can, while planning her escape.
Not that I would have ever went to any lengths to justify the making of the movie: I was disturbed by the fact that such a young actor had to do these kinds of scenes, and it was clear there were scenes that could be enjoyed in a very wrong way by very creepy viewers. Still, I would have NEVER believed that the director actually thought he was directing a love story… That makes it all the more disturbing. He really directed a movie with a character like Dolores, not like Aria, and STILL managed to romanticize it??
I was 16 when I was with a 24 year old man. My parents didn't do anything about it because I was "mature for my age" and "more mature than him" like ??? I am 25 now and could not fathom being with anyone younger than me let alone a teenager in high school. To reiterate what some other survivors have said here -- he doesn't love you, he loves that you're underage and that he's getting away with it.
Your parents failed you instead of reporting that creep to the authorities. As parents, they had a responsibility to protect you which they failed to do.
Noooo Lolita's one of my fave classics and I'm like nearly gagging hearing the Vanity Fair and directors calling it a love story
Imagine missing the point THIS HARD
Not shocking that they also then went on to defend a literal groomer
It was literally published by a erotica company😭😭
think we're giving Nabokov too much grace. Owl Criticism has a great video on the problem with his defense of Lolita. ruclips.net/video/rDSz_LnsEjA/видео.html
It's made even worse in a later season, when it's retroactively revealed that Ezra KNEW THE WHOLE TIME. He sought her out in the first ep KNOWING she was a sixteen year old high-schooler that was going to be his student. And the show is like: ig that's bad but they're endgame! Like no, wtf.
And the fact that he dated Ali before she went missing when she was 14/15, and she even thought she was pregnant at that point 🤡 that man should be in JAIL
@@analuizafms_wasn't it with Wilden? (I watched those seasons ince and not very attentively). Which is worse since he was lile at least 30 and a COP...
@@527398 yea u was confused if it was wilde or Ezra because they kinda interlap so I'm not sure but he did date her don't know if they had sex tho
Didn’t he actually go to jail in the books because he was a predator? I never read the books, but always saw people say that he went to jail in the books.
@@Aelanin yes he did in the first one too if I'm not mistaken. I read it but it was years ago, anyway his thing with aria doesn't last at all and he goes to jail
Lolita is a horror. This reminds me of a movie called the Piano Teacher. Its about a female piano teacher and a male student and it just ends up horribly. I thought it was going to be a love story because it was listed under romance. It's a horror. From the beginning you get the sense that there is something wrong but you can't exactly tell what it is yet. And the male student is introduced as an adult (where in the novel he's 16 or 17) so I thought it was going to be some kind of cute and quirky love story between adults. Like I said, it's a horror, and has been on my mind ever since I watched it.
I remember reading a novel of similar plots, it was called "Boy Toy," I believe. I was literally like 13 and rented it from my MIDDLE SCHOOL LIBRARY!!! idk why tf the school had that book there and but thankfully, the book itself does dive into how horrible what the young boy went through was and that it wasn't his fault. And it's because of that alone that my 13-yr-old brain was able to realize that such a thing is terrible. If the novel didn't have that aspect, I probably would've been influenced into romanticizing such "relationships."
Edit: I looked it up and apparently it is rated 16+ 💀it really shouldn't have been in a middle school library. And I remember when I went to check it out, the librarian made a disgusted face and said "brace yourself for this book. it's not as fun as all the other books you've checked out" (I believe I had read some romance and fantasy novels before this).
@ville__ If you made better content than this, you wouldn't have to be begging for views in someone else's comment section. It's annoying and not winning you any favors.
The piano teacher is a hard watch! Don't think I'll ever watch it again.
There’s a video essay about the piano teacher calling it a femcel classic, femcel being the female version of an incel.
The Piano Teacher is so messed up because I don't know if I hate the woman more or the dude (because of the ending) like they are BOTH disgusting.
The adults who think a story like Lolita is one of true love , are the ones who normalize this type of abuse for kids . At age 11 a man who was 22 years old was flirting with me , me being 11 I was completely oblivious but later that night my mother pointed it out to me. My first thought was gross , I hadn’t even had a crush yet but quickly turned into curiosity and pride when my mother asked me if I thought he was cute and told me she’d talk to him for me. This small conversation led to years and years of excepting abuse from adult men because I felt special and grown for my age. Looking back my heart aches for the 11 year old child who believed adult men wanting her was a good thing . It fills me with so much sadness and rage when I think of how many children have experienced this and how there’s children still experiencing it . Thank you for sharing this video , we need more content that criticizes this instead of normalizing .
why would a mother ever do that to their child??? D: you're supposed to protect your children! sorry that happened to you i hope you're doing okay
I’m doing great now , lots changed lol . Thank you for being so considerate though! : )
No offense but this kinda shows how important it is to have a mom who's smart enough to see this as what it is
I'm so sorry you went through that
When one of my friends starts talking to a 20-something guy, Im always like "LEAVE HIM. BLOCK HIM. HES A CREEP." Its disgusting that we as literal children have to be the ones to break things off with these creeps.
It is scary. I was a young teen on omeagle and skype back in 2012 era. There are some gross and disgusting people in the world. Good on you for knowing red flags and keep taking care of your friends too. Always take care of your friends, make sure they take care of you too. ❤ stay safe.
I have just come to terms that I was groomed by a man 16 years older than me, I haven’t told anyone about him and have blocked him on everything but idk what to do now
Actress Natasha Lyonne revealed that she auditioned for the ‘97 Lolita and apparently for the audition process, the casting directors told her to eat a banana really slowly… yeah.
I study literature, I am a big fan of Lolita as a literary work and I think it would be wonderful to see it adapted to film with a female director and screenwriter. It could be one of the saddest, most heartbreaking and poetic films of all time.
A true honest adaptation of lolita would be so beautiful honestly. Lolita to me, is the saddest case of dead media literacy of all time and really shows the gross over sexualisation of young girls through people's (most Americans) treatment of the book
FR. i really really hope a female director picks it up one day and portrays it the way the author intended. maybe itd actually open ppl's eyes ...
now that you metion this i would like to watch an accurate adaptation of Lolita before dying
I would love to see this, and I would love to have Vladimir Nabokov's love-hate relationship with America being a part in it as well. In the book, Humbert and Lolita spend two years on the road, staying in hotels and motels all the time. Some hotels have a sign informing potential guests that there are "Churches nearby", which is a secret code for: "No Jews, please." However, all those hotels accomodate a man who rapes his stepdaughter in their property, and Claire Quilty, a pedophile who makes pornographic movies with minors, stays in them as well.
@ville__i understand you wanting to gain views but to put down another content creator is not the way. I have seen your comments multiple times and your opening line turns me off immediately. If you make, “better content than this,” let your videos prove it and stop commenting on other content creators videos putting them down.
What's additionally crazy about Aria is that her dad was also executing an unequal power dynamic in his affair with his adult students Meredith. Meredith is depicted as a sadistic homewrecker with mental health issues but we are made to forgive Byron as the series progresses even though he gult tripped Aria into keeping his secret and also moved the family away to conceal his affair. I think this pattern of secrecy and poor home life is probably what made Aria think it was okay to start and hide a relationship with Ezra.
i hate byron sm
I always thought that because aria saw her dad being in a relationship with his student so she thought that it was okay
@@Susumiyahh stop that’s said when I think about it like that
@@Susumiyahh This sadly makes sense
My sister was groomed by her English teacher from the age of 13 all the way until she graduated. She took the case to court and the useless judicial system said there was not enough evidence to convict. He still teaches. If I ever find him I vow to do what Aria's brother did. Thankyou for this video Nikki. Artfully made as always and once again bringing light to downtrodden and swept under the rug issues. ❤
The only time where I condone doxxing. When the justice system won’t protect you from predatory men, you have to warn others.
@@missrebel634 Same
When my parents found out I was being sexually abused, they blamed me, hit me. It was my fault to them. I was just 11.
This video was much needed and I hope that shows stop exploiting this trope as a means to romance.
I am so happy to see you understanding what Lolita was about. It drives me insane when people think it’s a love story or romanticize it.
Im only 6 minutes in and it sucks when someone with a similar experience as you invalidates your feelings and experiences.
Exactly, if you've gone through something similar you should try and fine help for them and make them feel validated. Not put them down and make it seem like only you can go through CSA
"Call me by your name" gave me the same vibes... and people took it as a forbidden love story as well 😅
I think the messed up part about CMBYN is that unlike lolita, the author INTENTIONALLY wanted to romanticise the age gap.. its so screwed because its written AS a love story. If u read the book especially there's so many 'romantic' paragraphs, it doesn't demonise Oliver at all
she talked about that movie/book in her other video; “we need to talk about inappropriate age gaps”
As a teenager, I read the book and watched the movie and I loved their story, now that I’m 21 I’m like…. 😬 “What?”
FINALLY! Ive been told by all my friends im ridiculous for thinking this..
@@kalijanis8288 I had similar experience! At first I liked the movie but then when I realized how old they were I started to feel grossed out
being a 13 yr old girl OBSESSED with aria, seeing clips of lolita all over tumblr, AND reading the book and bringing it to school was…such a deadly combination. i really really hope videos like this can save the younger girls of today and forever etc etc. I LOVE UUUUU!!!!
the amount of times older men flirted with me when I was 12-16 is just disgusting. even at 19 I look very young, I'm incredibly short and have rosy cheeks. ironically I even had "friends" in the past who would say I was such a "loli". point being, I both looked and WAS incredibly young and yet couldn't go to the grocery store without middle aged men flirting with me and trying to get to "know" me, even though in their eyes I could've been in elementary school. maybe they hoped I was. and yet every time I'd come home disturbed and scared my family was distant, said that that's just "how it is" and even insinuated that it should be a little flattering. that its because I looked "the way you do". its horrific to think about how normalized it is for children to be seen and treated this way. very good video and if you made a part two I'd definitely watch it!
Slightly off topic, but I recently rewatched Léon: The Professional and I felt massively uncomfortable. Turns out I was watching the international release, which had an uncomfortable scene of young Natalie Portman talking to a grown man about “a girl’s first time” being special. Did research afterwards and found out the director of the film impregnated a 15 year old. So many people are brushing this movie aside and not talking about how harmful the girl’s portrayal is!! Also apparently there were rumors about a s*x scene being cut out because Natalie Portman’s parents didn’t agree to it!! 🤮 Just thought you’d find this interesting!
Yeah, that movie was so gross. 🤢
“My Dark Vanessa” is a book I will remember for a long time. I remember finishing it with such a heavy heart and a feeling of emptiness that a book had never brought out of me before. It was the first time I had to take a break from reading to just process.
My final annotation on the book literally said “the raw emotion, the relatability, there is no way this is purely a work of fiction despite the authors note.” It was the book that caused me to start looking at other popular media I once enjoyed and find major problems (like PLL, which I loved as a teen and as an adult am shocked we watched it at all).
It would be interesting to have publishers re-release ”Lolita” with the originally requested cover by the author. Everything he did was so intentional in the writing. I have no doubt his cover was just as thought out.
I work in the publishing industry, and am a traditionally published author. The reading community in recent years has a really hard time leaving people alone and pressuring authors to reveal personal things about themselves. It’s really frustrating
I'd say it's just the continuation of the drama similar to ones on tumblr among the fanfic and slashfic communities. People just didn't fucking grow.
As someone who experienced CSA, it lasts a long time if you don’t get help. Adults manipulating and curating you into their perfect victim is easier when you are a vulnerable person or child.
I'm incredibly sorry that you had to go through that. I hope you've managed to heal and find peace in your life.
I'm a high school teacher and was teaching my 14 year old students about the legal age of consent in my country, which is 14 BUT there can't be more than 3 years age difference (until the age of 16, then it's 5) AND there can't be an imbalance in power in the relationship ... so they were like "What does that last part mean?" and I explained to them: "Like bosses and employees or teachers and students" and I saw them think that over, before someone went like "You know, I feel like people should leave other people's relationships alone, like let them be with whoever they want to be with" AND I WAS SHOCKED LIKE THEY WOULD BE OKAY WITH HAVING A RELATIONSHIP WITH A FUCKING TEACHER
should've asked if they were okay cause that sounds like they could be getting groomed
see thats why i feel like ppl get confused with the legal age of consent cuz for america (may be state specific) its 16 but ONLY if the other party is 16 that age of consent is strictly meant for teenagers not a 16 year old and an adult then its 18
I mean you said it, they are kids still. I remeber being a teen and being okay with many large age gap romances because "why not?". Then you grow up and understand the problem with it
@roboticgays There is no American age of consent. It varies per state. Some states it is 17, some is 18, some is 16 etc. And some have what you're referring to which is a Romeo and Juliet law. This means let's say the age of consent is 17 but you're 18 and sleep with a 16 year old. It would be legal in a state with a Romeo Juliet law because they usually cover a 3 year age difference between the two parties to ensure that highschoolers aren't prosecuted for normal high-school relationships.
Not a student teacher dynamic but one w my 40 yr old manager at a fast food restaurant when I was 18 (I started at 17 actually) and my manager eventually made it clear I was the new “fav” girl who overworked themselves for approval and I’ll always remember him telling me to watch The Professional w Natalie Portman and I loved the movie and later reflect on how he wanted that dynamic w me 😭💀
He also gave me the dvd 💀
THATS SO CREEPY 😭😭
His recommendation makes no sense; Léon rejected her so the dynamic is not achieved.
Ew that is a groomer! Dude is old enough to be your dad or uncle!
That's disturbing
The way i knew nothing about this books and controversy and the moment the video started i thought "yeah two books about a very common experience would for sure seem similar, its almost like abusers tend to follow a pattern and grooming by teachers its sadly, not unusual"
There's a cover of Lolita with a hyperrealistic painting of a kinda sweaty (most likely horny) Humbert on it, which is the best cover I've seen of it. It's disgusting, slimy, and indicative of Humbert's entire person.
it’s tragic what happened to lolita as a story, it’s so misunderstood by the masses. it’s not a love story, it’s a story of what happens every day to young girls being hurt by older men.
the plagiarism accusations break my heart. being groomed by a teacher is unfortunately a thing that happens to a lot of women. it's so disgusting to me that russel had to be pried out of opening up about such a traumatic experience. though i understand underrepresentation (i am southeast asian), accusing a person of copying you based on an experience that commonly happens to many young girls... that was horrible.
Is nobody going to talk about how the ending part of this video is absolutely gorgeous, it completely covers the entire video despite sad topics it manages to be beautiful
BABE WAKE UP NEW NIKKI CARREON VIDEO DROPPED
IM AWAKE
IM UP
@ville__ idc
From what I’ve heard, historians speculate that Nabokov was a csa victim himself because of the specific way he writes trauma in Lolita and talks about the background and trauma in the novel. It hurts me to see the way people misinterpret and twist the story to justify the sexual abuse of children, but I can only imagine the way HE felt as a possible csa victim. Justice for Dolores, Nabokov, and all csa victims ❤
Honestly it’s so sad that Nabokov’s story has been twisted so much. I’m no expert but it seems like the point of his book was to bring some sort of awareness to this issue. It’s sad that his story is being used by predators to groom these kids.
@@axolotl195 100%
I think it was something to do with his uncle
OMG I had so many friends in high school dating 27-29 year old men (most of these friends ended up teenage pregnant or suffering from severe STI’s because dating pervs is the leading reason for both in children) and their parents were all like "If I do anything we'll drive our daughter away!" Like frick. Who cares! Call the cops! Get their asses thrown in jail! Will your daughter hate you? Maybe? But it's a price to pay for their safety. You’re the parent. It’s your damn job to throw his ass to the cops! Act like an adult for fricks sake.
And you have to have faith that they will grow up and one day understand why you did what they did.
Sadly in some cases, these reactions are a result of the Predators tactics. They can also groom the parents. Either to accept what is going on or hold them hostage with the idea that their child will hate them and run away if they do anything to stop him from getting what the predator wants.
I was going to say it could go both ways because if the parents intervene too much it might cause the daughters to feel like their parents don't approve of the relationship and give the predators reason to isolate the girls from their families which we've seen before :( But STI and pregnancy is absolutely something you need to put your foot down for, 30 year old men have NO business near your teenage daughter
How old were your friends? 16 is the age of consent in most states and countries.
That’s not the point. Older men should not be going after young teenagers. The only reason they do that is because they want to take advantage of them. No 28 year old has anything in common with a 16 year old 🤢. Stop trying to justify this sick predatory behavior @@WhatDoesEvilMean
@@WhatDoesEvilMean 16 and 27-29 still isn’t okay… you keep commenting the age of consent under other posts like it justifies anything. Will that help the perpetrators avoid jail time? Yeah. Are they still awful predators seeking young people (pretty much children) that are way too young for them? Yeah.
My dad beat my sister when she was preyed on. Still can't believe my parents' first reaction is to beat a 13 year old than ask who picked her up in a truck and SA'd her
You cannot convince me that Wendy C. Ortiz isn't a mean girl who tried to use the abuse another woman suffered as a way to market her novel. No matter how you put it, attacking someone else, sending a mob to harass them, and discrediting their work, makes you a mean, evil person.
I wouldn't say evil, but Nikki softballed her like crazy. Accusing someone else of plagiarism without even reading their book is a horrendous thing to do, and being a POC writer doesn't justify that. Of course it's true that the publishing space is still unfair, but that isn't any kind of excuse for behavior this bad
the way Ortiz went about the whole situation was definitely poor behaviour on her part, but it's so frustrating how the whole conversation is now about Ortiz being a "mean girl" and not about the fact that two books covering very similar material in a very similar way got extremely different receptions from the publishing industry due to the race and perceived relatability of the authors. But I guess it's easier to talk about how awful and evil Ortiz is for dredging shit up than it is to point out the very real and harmful biases still present in many of our industries :\\
agreed
@@AleAKiM312 Two evils can coexist at the same time. Ortiz was mistreated by the publishing industry (though, I did read her book, way before My Dark Vanessa was published, and found it an extremely weak, wishy-washy piece of literature. There's a lot of narration regarding the characters' actions, but very little self-analysis of how she felt and what she thought. It's a book that very much remains on the very superficial level of thigns), and at the same time she's also a mean girl who decided to tear another woman down, accuse her of plagiarism, and forced her to admit that she went through sexual assault after sending a mob after her.
Ortiz didn't talk about the industry, she literally went out of her way to attack Russell.
This is disgusting behavior, no matter how many "but the racism of the industry ://" you write.
Ofc a book about SA from a teacher will have similarities to your book of SA from a teacher, she was really unreasonable.
ok but can we talk about how beautifully made this video is? LIKE DAMN NIKKI the whole thing from graphics to sound to construction is making the videography nerd in me excited
I don’t think anything could’ve prepared me for how prevalent this sort of issue is. I’m not much older now, but when I was 23 I dated a 31 year old woman who had a thing for younger guys, which I didn’t know at the time, and I thought she loved me because I was “so mature and intelligent for my age”. Seeing these things being discussed only makes me realize more and more that the misery and coldness that I had experienced was far deeper in scope than I could’ve ever imagined. Truly remarkable analysis, thank you for sharing 🙏
While that's normally not a concerning age gap, that feels so predatory and gross 🤮
I remember when I was in 6TH GRADE before the school year ended our english teacher wanted to relax by having us watch something. We ended up watching the the first two episodes of pretty little liars. Even back then Aria and Ezra's relationship felt weird to me but many of my other peers were fawning over their relationship.
Two years later when I was in 8th grade, a different english teacher was employed and he ended up having inappropriate relations with 6th graders and some of my 8th grader peers. It was a really unfortunate case of how media like that can groom young kids to think their abuse is okay or normal :(
I’m sorry and no shade to you, but a teacher showing pre-teens a show involving a student-teacher relationship makes me feel so damn icky. I was 12 when PLL came out but had no idea it had a student-teacher relationship til I was 16 and I watched the show at 17 and expected Ezra to go to jail but….no. I watched the show from ages 17-19 and my god…
That's just awful
Nikki, this video is simply incredible. As a teenage girl, I feel the cold reminder of Lolita's influence just how you described. Even when it's not blatant, even when it's hidden or disguised, I feel it. And I'm not even a victim. I'm shamed or scoffed at for my constant anxiety about my safety, especially around men. It's seen as something I need to control, to learn how to change. But I see how they look at me, I hear their words, I can taste the disgust in the air. I may not be a victim of SA or grooming, but I am not untouched. No one like me is.
Sry to hear that. I'm honestly just worried abt u. I mean how would u avoid men? That sounds horrible to be constantly scared. Even though the more I look around the more I see that ppl are generally scared of men. But they try to not let it get to them. You know what I mean?
ik it's from 4 months ago but this is such a legitimately beautiful comment
@@shippeitaru oh that’s actually so sweet of you to say! I’m a lyricist so I write a lot lol, one of my favorite things.
@@shippeitaruthis ! I
Unfortunately, the scenario is all too common - even I experienced this in college, which might seem different because I was an adult but that person (who I will not name) was 12 years older & expected me to help save their job by writing an expose for the college paper. Never read either book but I have heard more about “My Dark Vanessa” than “Excavation.” Another one that’s terrible is “Prey,” which is about a female teacher and male student relationship - personally one of the hardest books to read, but it helped me realize what was happening to me was wrong so that helped.
32:39 listening to this part while painting hit so hard ngl
as a victim of SA in my childhood thank you so much for this video and please please please release the next part it's such an important conversation
Watching the whole sponsor because I really need a minute. Nikki this is fucking amazing. Calling out predatory behavior is so needed bc omfg HOW CAN THIS SCARY DYNAMIC BE SO POPULAR IN THESE SHOWS WTFFF
One of the characters TURNED INTO A DIAMOND??? Nikki I really don’t want to watch this show but I need to know why and how this happened even though I know it won’t make sense
Just finished the vid. My heart hurts. Like I was already painfully aware of this reality but wow. Ow. Well done again Nikki. Your videos are incredible
@ville__please try a different strategy of marketing because opening with “I’m better than (creator you enjoy)” isn’t welcoming at all. It scares people away. Best of luck out there
Holy shit Athena!!!!??? It’s nice to see you here
I'm so tired of trying to inform, the damage these relationships do, with such an inappropriate age gap, but they always reduce it to me being "uptight." i been hearing "girls now are more grown up" since i was 5, 23 years ago, is always the same disgusting excuse, the thing is, i been groom, and i really feel like the general culture, misinformation and romanticization between adolescent and adult, corrupted everything, "I was like Bella Swan who likes an older person, because she has an older soul" SICK
i think it is getting better these days than it used to be, with it being less acceptable to be like that to children, even though its still a big problem im hopeful abt it. i feel like theres so much of it in politics rn with the most pedophilic shit imaginable coming from conservatives.
@@BlisaBLisaI really hope so, but i don't know really. But you right aboy the conservatives.
Taking into account that at 18 they are still teenagers, and it is horrible how they are chased by guys in their 30s or 40s
Isn't Bella like 18
@@hachi7100 17.
@@BlisaBLisa as if Biden isn't notorious for being overly touchy with little kids in public and on camera...
Some of the details from the novel are familiar to me too. I had to re-read Lolita with my therapist because I transposed my own CSA as a scene from the novel. My heart goes out to anyone else battling CSA demons. Your life is valuable and you are more than your trauma.
I am seriously in love with your content and the way you speak!! Please never stop
Wow the "Our Shadow" segment was extremely moving, I felt beyond uncomfortable and I think you did a phenomenal job of making me as an audience member feel an INKLING of what victims of child abuse feel in terms of fear, discomfort, and sadness with how you edited that last segment. Great work !
That ending “Our Shadow” sequence was really moving. Would love to see a part 2!
Thank you for making this video. I'm a teenage girl and I feel kind of lost in everything. Everywhere I go I wonder how things got so warped to the point where we start sexualising ourselves. Its nice to know I'm not alone
it's the unhealthy power dynamics for me ☹✊
also girl please make a part two of your inappropriate age gaps video!
I believe this is the follow up
14:14 I eminently recognized that as the one fnaf song, and oh god fnaf will always have a grasp on my life wont it?
I WANT THE SECOND PART TO THIS
My jaw is on the floor. The editing in this video is absolutely incredible and I thoroughly enjoyed seeing how you handled this topic.
I had a relatively recent situation where I'm only just now allowing myself to call myself a victim. I'm 17 currently and after my ex and I split I started sleeping around, everyone was age appropriate except one, one was 5 years older than me and I even got in her car. She was at my house and I can't believe I didn't listen to my friends who pointed out how weird it was, I didn't understand why they were so disappointing and concerned when finding out I slept with her. My naivety in that situation, and the fact that I'm still struggling to call it what it is just shows how vulnerable I and other young girls really are. I know it's not the same, but I think it does highlight that there is no situation where an adult, let alone a teacher, should be flirting with or sleeping with a minor
Well everyone is different and so is everyones story, we are so vulnerable as children that we can get easier manipulated. Its not your fault and you are brave for talking about it.
im 14, im in the process of pressing charges on my stepdad. he got arrested in dec. however my mom found out in august. its been months and i still cant even type that i was groomed yet alone say it. ive been rewriting this comment for so mf long lol. the manipulation i've gone through with the system is wild and i've only gone through the preliminary hearing. does anyone think what i was wearing during the nights him and i were together is a relevent question? or questioning me being in special ed just to prove i could "understand what shes saying". or threatening to throw my case due to me being "non compliant" just because i questioned her. i just cant help but think that the stigma behind some of my diagnoses and of course internalized misogyny have to do with how ive been treated. the abuse of power is crazy but just wait until he's proven guilty and i can say something. not like it'll help though, its deeply rooted misogyny and until these people die out of power were not gonna see much of a change.
I think you are very brave for it, it does not matter what you were wearing. I experienced SA even with long clothes and it took me years to realise what they did, since it happend when I was still a minor. At some point I even dressed in boys clothes and cut my hair like a boy, but I still got attention from men. I just talked about it since I felt so alone with this, at first I told my best friend about it, she never experienced something like this, but her sister. When I told my mother I broke down, since she asked if it was an acciedent (it was a family member). To be misunderstood can be really hurtful especialy in front of a lot of people. Wish you the best.
i’m so sorry this happened, i understand your frustration and the system is insanely fucked. You’re so strong for pursuing justice and I hope you get it.
Hang in there ❤ I hope you are able to get good therapy and support during these times and for the future. Dont stay quiet. Its important we keep talking about how wrong it is that grown men sexualize girls. It does not matter what the person is wearing. You are not at fault. Keep fighting ❤ i hope there are adults there to help fight for you too, you cant do this by yourself. Stay strong
power to u bae, u got this 💪💪💪
While anyone aware of this show knows about Aria and Ezra no one really talks about Spencer who is so in my opinion worse. The way she is groomed multiple times and blamed for it by her family. The other one I think is odd no one ever talks about is Allison! She is the embodiment of the Lolita Nymphet. Heavily sexualized at 13, groomed by so many men, blamed for "causing trouble". She was a bully in literally middle school before spending her entire teen years running from an attempted murder and is blamed and hated for it.
Alison being a bully is unjustifiable but does that mean she deserved to be preyed upon by older guys? Hell to the fucking no! She was a TEENAGER, a minor under 18.
As a survivor of grooming, Im so happy you have pointed out how absolutely horrible this trope is. When i was groomed, my abuser tried to make it seem like she was "so cool" she faked being my age, liking my same hobbies, crap like that, but she was not only was she 5 years older than me and 6 grades ahead of me, she also had a car, license, and a job (I was 11.) She wasn't my teacher, she was my friend. She wasn't my teacher, she was my lover. She wasn't my teacher, she was the one I needed to be taught to stay away from.
Lolita was also a central part of my abuse, being one of the favorite books of my groomer-he even called me his Lolita once or twice. And one of his favorite movies? Manhattan, with Woody Allen, which he showed to me specifically for the relationship Woody Allen had with a 17 year old high schooler (I was 17 at the time myself). It's disgusting how many men engage with this literature / art / actual other disgusting human beings and see nothing wrong with it / them, misusing and weaponizing them as a way to perpetuate further abuse, as if this art / these people are examples of men getting to live the lives they themselves dream of...
@ville__shut up no one cares
I am still watching the ad before the video but am SO ready to see what you have to say. Professor here 🙋🏻♀️….. I HATE THIS TROPE EVEN AT THE UNI LEVEL. I became a prof at 26, and even without the age gap IT IS WEIRD!
26?! That's crazy proud of u! For that and for not grooming jk😂
@@edayavuz1667 in addition to it being weird, that would simply be financially irresponsible of me 😂 since my loans are accruing daily interest as I type this 🥲💀
"our shadow" made me tear up, your visual style and passion is always compelling, thank you for your art
29:25 if you go look at the comments of a certain lyric video of this song, you'll find comments from 10 years ago praising Aria and Ezra's relationship. Truly disturbing
I would love a sequel on this topic. You’re so articulate in your videos and you cover this subject so well. I feel very seen here.
THE QUEEN HAS UPLOADED
You know I still love you baby
And it will never change
I want nobody nobody but you
I want nobody nobody but you
난 다른 사람은 싫어 니가 아니면 싫어
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody
난 싫은데 왜 날 밀어내
려고 하니 자꾸 내말은 듣지 않고
왜 이렇게 다른 남자에게
날 보내려 하니 어떻게 이러니
날 위해 그렇단 그 말
넌 부족하다는 그 말
이젠 그만해 넌 나를 알잖아 왜
원하지도 않는걸 강요해
I want nobody nobody but you
I want nobody nobody but you
난 다른 사람은 싫어 니가 아니면 싫어
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody
I want nobody nobody but you
I want nobody nobody but you
난 다른 사람은 싫어 니가 아니면 싫어
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody
난 좋은데 난 행복한데
너만 있으면 돼 더 바랄게 없는데
누굴 만나서 행복하란거야
난 널 떠나서 행복할 수 없어
날 위해 그렇단 그 말
넌 부족하다는 그 말
말이 안되는 말이란걸 왜
몰라 니가 없이 어떻게 행복해
I want nobody nobody but you
I want nobody nobody but you
난 다른 사람은 싫어 니가 아니면 싫어
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody
I want nobody nobody but you
I want nobody nobody but you
난 다른 사람은 싫어 니가 아니면 싫어
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody
I don’t want nobody body body
I don’t want nobody body body
나는 정말 니가 아니면 니가 아니면 싫단 말야~
I want nobody nobody but you
I want nobody nobody but you
난 다른 사람은 싫어 니가 아니면 싫어
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody
I want nobody nobody but you
I want nobody nobody but you
난 다른 사람은 싫어 니가 아니면 싫어
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody
Back to the days when we were
So young and wild and free
모든게 너무나 꿈만 같았던
그때로 돌아가고 싶은데
왜 자꾸 나를 밀어내려 해
Why do you push me away
I don’t want nobody nobody
Nobody nobody but you
hi nikki! i read My Dark Vanessa last month and loved it, but i hadn’t remembered any of the controversy around it. i love your approach to it and just this video overall-your insights are so thorough, and despite the very heavy subject matter you manage to be funny and conversational. i love that you’ve started making more media analysis videos and would LOVE a part 2.
I agree!! The editing is amazing aswell
I got groomed many many times as a pre teen and teenager because the lack in attention I was getting at home. This developed into me being extremely infatuated with my freshman year math teacher and junior year English teacher. I’m so extremely lucky that both these men countlessly rejected any flirting I threw at them. Being in love or obsessed with the attention of my teachers was so normalized when I was a teen that I saw nothing wrong with my heavily flirting with these grown ass men. Even when a teacher I liked got introuble for talking to a former student I got literally jealous of the attention she got. I’m 21 now and have processed the grooming I’ve experienced and come to terms with why tf I was so infatuated with my teachers, I was just so used to beinf groomed that I went and seeked it out.
@ville__ what…
@@Mentallymuzz don't worry about them its a bot and it's only trying to get you to get on their channel or something or tries to get you to reply, ignore it I see it everywhere and they have a disgusting community don't bother paying attention
( Bad grammar :( I am lazyy)
@@glrlygirl3197 thank you for letting me know I was genuinely so confused ❤️
@@Mentallymuzz it's alright ❤️❤️❤️
It must suck for the author of Lolita to see his book be used to romanticize CSA. He obviously wrote it to show the perspective of a terrible man, but instead people think he’s a Byronic hero. I would feel terrible if I saw that book cover on my work.
I also heard that he himself was groomed as a child by his uncle and someone who made a video about the Lolita films mentioned that it might have been a way for him to process what happened to him so if that's the case then it makes it even more disheartening to see people romanticise and create a genre out of a story that's condemning that sort of behaviour.
please mention sally horner's story in part 2. her story often goes overlooked, but it's widely believed by those who know it that it was the inspiration for lolita (though nabokov denied it). it's even referenced in lolita, but nobody talks about the real story. i also think it further proves that lolita was not ever intended to be a love story. it's based on an actual crime.
It's unlikely that the book was inspired by the case since Nabakov had been working on it since before the Sally Horner case even happened. It's more likely that it was inspired by Nabakov's own experiences with being abused as a child.
the ending made me cry, this video was so beautifully put together
IVE BEEN WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO TALK ABOUT THIS WHATT
Saneeeee
THANK YOU FOR CLARIFYING THE REAL MEANING OF LOLITA! Whenever someone calls Lolita "romance" I stare at them. If you want a romance like that go write or find one, but don't label Lolita like that, please! There's so much in that book showing Lo trying to get away from him! If she had been "precocious" as our narrator makes her out to be she wouldn't have rejected her theater teacher's "request" after she ditched Humbert.
I wish there was a Lolita movie that was made how the author wanted it to be. Showing it as a horrific tale, showing the girl as the victim.
I have such conflicting feelings about the teacher that bought Lolita for me to read in high school. I was already in an alternative school for teen parents, and I was only a sophomore. Clearly I was vulnerable, and I expressed interest in the book. My sweet naive sheltered English teacher was a 20-something woman genuinely trying to cultivate an interest in reading among us wayward girls. I am grateful that she took the initiative bc it really is a beautiful book, I just wish she would have been more present for me the rest of the year and actually helped me reflect on it. She could have offered me Vladimir’s perspective, made it clear that Humbert is an unreliable narrator, given me real world context, LIKE THOSE QUOTES FROM VLADIMIR HIMSELF.. I was already in an abusive cycle my whole life pretty much, and obviously very vulnerable as a 15 year old pregnant girl, and my immature misinterpretation of the book just made me spiral even more and led to a lot more damage that I’m dealing with now as a 29 year old.
EDIT: THAT VANITY FAIR REVIEW SHOULD BE REMOVED FOREVER. THAT IS THE SINGLE MOST DAMAGING PART OF THE BOOK. I READ THAT AND RAN WITH IT THE WHOLE TIME I WAS READING
The montage at the end was heartbreaking. Really incredible poignant stuff.
“Lolita has become every girls shadow.” RIP I cried :(
Lolita is one of those books that so absolutely wonderfully and perfectly wrote and depicts an manipulative relationship and abuser, to the point that even the readers get manipulated by the character and misses the entire point of the book.
it’s weirdly synonymous with the breaking bad fandom aswell lol
ooh this also reminds me a bit of the response to midsommar. there were a lot of people who almost seemed to take this like Girl Power stance towards it, like Dani was finally getting some initiative in her life at the end, like she finally holds this power, when the whole thing of it is that she is literally indoctrinated into a cult. the opposite of having power. over yourself OR others. and it almost feels like the people who missed that prove how easy it really is to be indoctrinated into a cult
I really like the fact that you brought up how romanticizing things like grooming is not only such a horrible rhetoric but it also normalizes it for the victims. But I think another factor is it also normalizes it for other minors that still aren't educated on what grooming is. I literally had no supervision online and consumed media in which being a victim of grooming was "romantic" or a "sexual fantasy" because people romanticized it and it has distorted my view of what is romance and what is predatory behaivor. Thank you for this video honestly.
I was a young girl who unfortunately was associated with the friend group of your groomer who called themselves “the fellers” I remember when he would bring you around parties that always had girls who were under the drinking age limit including myself.
I just wanted to reach out and say that I was incredibly in awe of you when you shared your story. You’re seriously one the coolest and interesting content creators on here. Love your vids :)
just started watching you, literally radiating so much comfort, we vibe we vibe👁👁
im a senior in highschool, and just two weeks ago one of the teachers was exposed for having sexual relations with two freshmen. watching this with that and so many other women’s stories in mind (including my own) makes this all the more harrowing. it’s true that older men don’t like you because you’re mature, but because you’re young enough to believe them when they call you “mature”
I NEED PART TWO! I love how Nikki connects the topics very well, and I could tell Nikki enjoyed diving into the topics. KEEP THE GOOD WORK UP NIKKI!!!!!
i'm only halfway through the video, but that My Dark Vanessa controversy just makes my blood boiling. like, be for real, thinking that you're the only one who experienced grooming and gets the right to write about it is just nuts. and the fact that Kate had to shut her social media down and explain herself when she shouldn't even be obligated to... i'm mad. the only good is that i learned about the book today and is now interested enough to pick it up after i'm finished with my another pile of unread books. it comes when you least expect it, i guess.
Please make a part two! It's incredibly interesting to hear you break down these toxic tropes and analyze how media misinterpretations (whether deliberate or not) can lead to so much abuse. It's fascinating and scary how long things like this have been going on, but I feel lucky to live in a time where discussion about this isn't too hard to find.
Firstly, the editing in this video is AMAZING, I love the style of your videos so much. They’re so captivating and I could binge watch them for hours.
Secondly, I SO ABSOLUTELY WANT A PART TWO!! This is a topic that I have personal investment in, and I love the way you break everything into sections to tie it together, I find it very thorough while also retaining the ease of listening and understanding!
Another amazing video, and an amazing channel!
Thank you so so much 🙏🏻
gimme part 2 queen, when I re-watched pretty little liars like five years after my original watch through I was actually in shock…… I can't believe that I ever hated aria's parents or her brother for reacting the way that they did!!! There was a lot of icky weird things in that show
Wow, that ending montage was so sad. You did a beautiful job. What would the author say if he could see what his book, which contained such a profound and sad message, was warped into today?
i used to LOVE PLL like way too much it was weird. to the point where i had binged the series at least once or twice a year. if i’m remembering correctly somewhere in like season 4 Aria learns that Ezra actually knew how old she was before they met in the bar. it’s because he had met Alison, they “dated” and then he got a bit obsessed with her and was writing a novel about her. so he had done research about her life which obviously involved Aria - and this is all BEFORE THEY MET IN THE BAR!
i could be remembering wrong but that is something that just sticks with me now as an adult and a victim.
loving this little mini series you’re making so much! it’s cathartic and just everything you’re saying is just so factual i don’t get why it even needs to be said lmao xxx