11 FATAL MISTAKES of Story Writing Q5 (and how to Avoid them)
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25 Language Devices: Defined & Explained!
1. Pathetic Fallacy
Is when the weather or the atmosphere describes the mood.
For example, when the weather is rainy people are sad and depressed
2nd example, the dark night could symbolise something supernatural like 3AM Satan etc…
2. Personification
Is when a non-human is given human qualities.
For example, the tree is waving to John as drives away.
3. Simile
When you are comparing two things using ‘like’ or ‘as’
For example, his facial vision looked like a falcon’s eye
4. Metaphor
Is when you are comparing two things with is or are
Example He is an orc
5. Extended Metaphor
Pick a metaphor and explain how --- > turn in to an extended metaphor
Metaphor --- > Life is a rollercoaster. Now turning into extended metaphor add explanation so, Life is a rollercoaster you don’t know when you will be at the top or at the bottom, it will all happen in an instance, at the greatest heights you will be at the greatest heights and at times it will crash, but every day is never the same, just like in a turn in a Rolle coaster is never the same.
6. Oxymoron
2 opposite words side-by-side
Example, the small giant
7. Juxtaposition
You explain an oxymoron.
The small giant tip-toing trying to reach the top shelf, however, his small arms and puny fingers prevented him from grabbing the bar of jam.
8. Symbolism
Is when objects represent a meaning.
For example, moon and the star represent Islam.
2nd Example, if you get a priest you will think someone died.
In Macbeth the dagger links to death.
9. Semantic field
Is where words are linked to an idea.
For example, PPE, 2m and Hand Sanitiser, Head of Year link to COVID.
10. Irony
Is when events in the text surprises the characters. Something not expected!
Mr Birling offering a 1000.
Scrooge changing his nature.
11. Rhetorical Question
Question does not require an answer
12. Hyperbole
Is when you hype, when over-exaggerating.
I am going to eat the whole restaurant.
13. Assonance
Is the repetition of the vowel sound.
I am too cool for school. Oooooo
14. Alliteration
Words in a row begin with the same letter.
15. Sibilance
Is when words in a row have the s letter or the s sound
Example: the snake was slowly hissing
16. Euphemism
Is when you say something in an indirect manner.
He is not with us anymore.
17. Emotive Language
Is when the writer makes the reader feel emotional. By making them angry.
18. Onomatopoeia
Words describe the sound
Boom bang skirr pop
19. Ruel of 3 / Power of 3 / Triplets
Words or phrases in a row describe something (3)
The table is black, hard and wide
20. Facts/ Stats
Uses evidence to support their facts.
50 % of the students prefer using email rather than social media .
21. Plosive
Reptation of harsh sound
Words such as 'P' 'D' 'B'
22. Zoomorphism
Is when you give a person animal features.
Example John barked at me / John shouted at me.
23. Opinion
24. Repetition
Language Device and Structure.
Is when the writer uses the words repletely to create an effect.
Where is being repeated and why is that important
25. Noun, Verbs, Adjectives, Adverbs
Structure
Flashback - when you go back in time ,3 days ago etc..
Foreshadowing - when the writer gives clue about future ‘my heart was beating fast’
Zoom in - focus on one thing for example ‘pen’ , ‘specific character ‘
Zoom out - normally used to talk about setting
Dialogue - when the character speak ‘hey there !’
New character
New setting
Change in tone
Short sentence - to build up tense
Long sentence - add details and slow down the narrative
Short /long sentence - may show importance in both
Shift in focus - talks about object then talks about another object for example ‘pen’ to ‘table’
Cyclical structure - similar stuff happening with beginning and ending
Juxtaposition
Extended metaphor
Pace
List
Pov
Overall tone
Chronogical order
Climax
Repetition
Links
Mood , pathetic fallacy
I got 35/40 on my question 5 in my yr10 mock (it was marked by 2 teachers) , and I’m not even that good at English. The one thing I kept in my mind was to write a story I’d genuinely want to read. Don’t think too hard about the examiner, just think about what would interest you and your creativity will flow.
I got the same when not being great at English. I just based mine of Wednesday Adams 💀
😂😂😂😂@@em-jonesx07
Awesome, thanks Mr Salles. Q5 is my favourite of the language papers, just need to fight against my natural instinct to include violent death in my story. I wonder why so many students write about dark themes - probably a side-effect of being a 16-year old.
my character always ends up dying its not even funny😭😭😭
I got told not to do that so that I don’t get reported 😅
@@elise-dw8wp Ah yes, the fate that awaits every single GCSE q5 character. Honestly, can relate. The only time I've given a character a happy ending was when I wrote from a dog's POV
@@panda3751 Although it would be cool if MI6 turned up at your school the day after your exam
@@nwarrier2338 no but if the story is meant to be a happy ending idk what id do
Concerning point 3, I wrote a story about a victim of the Yakuza organ harvesting trade being seeded with experimental Stemcells to be essentially harvested in agony until the day he dies, strapped to a filthy mattress in a fish warehouse with sixty others confined to the same fate in my mocks. I got 36 marks outta 40 but now I'm second guessing myself in case I get some old ass examiner 😬
Edit: I passed with a Grade 7 last year but it's such an honour to see this comment getting bombarded with replies now GCSE season's back again- I really hope my old work helps in any way and everyone feel free to use this as a community space to share what grade you get! 😃Good luck! (I know you'll all pass 😁)
No, it sounds brilliant
@@MrSallesTeachesEnglish Why thank you
hey this sounds like a rlly interesting story... do you mind sharing it so I can read it? I'm in year 11 as well :)
@@sudarshanakarthikeyan8363 Sure thing- hope you've got one of your own primed and ready for tomorrow!
I stare at the ceiling, willing it to cave in and crush us. This derelict fish processing plant is probably decades old, but it just won't give in to my prayers. I guess God's taking the day off.
Snapping me back from my stupor are the pitiful howls and whimpers of the rows of human beings on every side, strapped to soiled and stained mattresses. We wriggle and writhe in our own muck, more cramped than the animals caged in wet markets just beyond the tantalizingly thin walls.
Trotting between the rows of human crop like T-Rexes are the Harvesters; cool and uncaring as they inspect their merchandise. Some stoop and get straight to work in a business-like fashion, slashing with scythes and scooping organs and entrails into silver bowls. Others take their time, enjoying every squeal as the blade is slowly driven deeper: we're supposed to be the subjects, but I've identified more kinds of psychopath here than I ever did at University.
You can tell who the newcomers are by their screams. They're shrill and airy, soaked in surprise and disbelief (as opposed to our more haggard bellows of pain and wrath). Eventually the shock fades, and this awful reality begins to feel like... well, reality. I was one of the first, and if this project goes on much longer, should be one of the first to die. It could still be another forty years until my body is too shriveled and deprived to be raped any further.
Eyes drifting down to my bare torso, I stare at the exposed skin bathed in harsh blue light. Every single scar and scrape is dragged into stark clarity. I have been cut more times than there are stars in the sky, but there will be no culling for me, or any of us. Time and pain are our only companions.
It truly has been so long since I was abducted that I don't actually recall how it happened. I can't even be sure whether I was taken or given. I can't remember whether I have a family, a job, a birthday! All that remain are homework assignments and deadlines. Pathetic. If I do have a past, it's certainly multiple choice.
The organ harvesting trade has always been cruel, but with the invention of Stemcells it has the potential to be in infinite. How could such clandestine technology find its way into the hands of these demons? Your guess is as good as mine. Perhaps God has gone on vacation, or he's laughing uncontrollably.
Despite the strong pinpricks of betrayal, I silently beg Him for death, no matter how agonizing. Even if I wind up in hell, I'd kiss Satan's feet. I certainly hope that this isn't hell. Forty years sounds so much shorter than eternity.
I look back to the ceiling, my one last hope. Please crush us. Please.
I'm honestly surprised my teacher marked that instead of sending me to therapy, I wish you nothing but luck and prosperity for tomorrow- let me know how you do and we got this! ✊
@@crellercorps That is one of the best things I’ve ever read , well I barely read to begin with 👏👏👏
thank you for this sir! it's nice to know i can write about romance and not be ashamed, since for whatever reason i've naturally gravitated towards writing gore for question 5.
but the last mock period i think it went quite well since i got 22 marks for the writing bit. but then again not all examiners are gonna be like my english teacher lol
Keep in mind everyone, creativity of story is not what provides your marks, its your creative use of language such as constantly maintaining the use of ambitious vocab WITH high level language devices which are accurate and your tone and purpose of course and just basic things you'll end up doing naturally, do not flood your mind with the creativity and insane plot of your story, do create a simple plot with the beginning middle climax and end but maintain a creative use of language overall and throughout.
what was your question and story about
@@hiist2212 I followed Mr Everything English's Priest story, it worked fantastically , all i did was make the angel or demon who gives the Priest his record, an animal, and it works because the Priest is a person who meets the animal and the whole point about the animal and its origin is it's supposed to be a mystery, up to interpretation.
Hello sir can you preplan an essay and slightly adapt it to the question
My students loved writing scenes adapted from The Walking Dead. I couldn't fight it, so I just made sure they prepared decent practice stories with it.
Yes, sometimes you just have to roll with those punches, spades, shotguns and mayhem...
can you do a walkthrough for q5 so we can see how you would approach the question etc
So glad Q5 is enough to pass 🙏🙏
For the point on the tenses, couldn't you alternate depending on context? I.e you mention Caesar being nervous as he edges towards death in the present, and in the past you go into detail of his former jovial experiences with Brutus.
I’d assume yes as long as u make it obvious that it’s a flash back. Saying things like ‘his mind was filled with past memories…’
what was the video title to watch next, about story ideas or something it didn’t come up? :(
how do you differentiate between a description and a story? My teacher said it doesn't matter and you can do the same thing for both.
My teacher said it doesnt even matter to mention which one are you going to write. Write straight away without mentioning😂
yeah my teacher said u can do the story for the description and vice versa, I don't think it matters much, just do some description in the story and you'll be fine with either aha
Descriptions don't usually have dialogues
@@b07x good point
Stories tend to follow a more linear and start to finish structure while descriptions are not based on a narrative plot line like a story is. Descriptions do still need structures in the planning, but those structures are less noticeable than they are if you were writing a story.
Could you make a short video on how to do the 8 quotes and 8 explanations for Q2, please?
Hey Mr Salles, I wrote a dual narrative story which I have used in my mocks twice as I memorised it. My teacher said it's top grades but I would love to get full marks and know where I can improve. Is it possible for you to mark it, please
‘Seek and ye shall find…’
The memories materialised slowly… like ripples surfacing from the depths of an endless sea. Seek, the woman whispered. Moonlight faded into a colourless silver. “Time grows short,” she whispered. “Seek, so you can find.”
Alessandro bolted awake. A deluge of whispers and warnings swirled around his senses. “Beatrice. Where are you? Oh, Beatrice!” He shouted out, but his own voice was muted… like a dream. His heart writhed in a swamp of loneliness. As if love was exiled.
Guilt is a hunter. Shame is a hunter. And Alessandro was their hostage. A wandering hostage. Lost in the wilderness of a shadowed forest. Lost from the closeness of his Lord. Separated from his beloved. He was pulled into an inferno of darkness. Time consorted into an abyss of ferocious rage and fury.
**
Fate stares deep into my clear green eyes, and its expression darkens, no longer cajoling, but threatening.
“Abandon him.”
I shall - not yet. I shall climb to hell and heaven first.
I pleaded, “Please, for the sake of God. Give him a chance. This journey will be his salvation and I will guide him until he reaches paradiso. I’ll help him seek it. I wept. I implored. I fought. Tears flowed from my eyes for him. “Any- any-any anything to save his soul from damnation. He will learn to love again.”
I could hear my melancholic heart aching and whispering. Alessandro, I was not there for you on Earth. But I will be your Virgil, your Beloved on your spiritual quest. Climb to the skies, seek, journey, so we can rebehold the stars. You cannot see me, but I am your compass, watching you, guiding you… but time is minuscule.
**
'ABANDON ALL HOPE
YE WHO ENTER HERE -'
These ominous words greeted him on the threshold of abhorrence. Crossing the River Styx, his eyes burned with fear. Soulless mortals were wandering aimlessly- for eternity. Black toxic liquid flowed in every direction, submerging Cleopatra, Cassius, and Judas. No light, no escape; stirring ashes; biting snakes; demons whipping; Satan chewing on sinners. The sixth circle of hellfire was ablaze. Flames everywhere. Fire up the river, where it cascaded among crimson thorns and snakes; flame down down the river, where it roared and rumbled against the anguish cries of the sinners. Thick black smoke on limbo, lust, gluttony, greed, wrath, heresy, violence. Ablaze under the realm of the watchful eyes of Satan. Ablaze were all the six circles of inferno. Ablaze was the sight in front of Alessandro.
A hand grabbed his leg. “ I am Pope Nicholas III. I wore the Great Mantle. I was proud. Unloving. And you will burn with me!’
“Beatrice, where are you?”
**
Guilt walks on all fours. It creeps, encircles, and climbs. It presses its thumbs to your throat.
You scream for me. Yet here I am. On Mount Purgatory. How good wouldn’t it be if you lived a sinless existence? How good wouldn't it be if you knew how to love before? I know I wasn’t there, but love can never be discarded. Sometimes, some souls have to go…salvation requires sacrifice.
**
Bright sunlight streamed through the air as if it was fashioned of gold dust. Alessandro regained consciousness, only to find a heavenly realm of beauty. The sky, a glistening tapestry of stars, enlightened his soul. He looked around, there were shimmering fabrics in sea blue, deep amethyst, and gleaming emeralds from the kaleidoscope of the ornament trees. The sun’s rays unzipped him from the gloom, the golden light of the newly emerging sun caressing his face like a newborn. He was at once battered by a deluge of emotions: silver grey hair cascading over delicate shoulders, an amulet of lapis lazuli, warm chocolate eyes with a lovelier shade of brown, tears dripping down her moonlike face, pearls forged from rain. A dreamlike mist swirled around her.
**
I see your face. You are gazing up at me from the celestial shadows. Your eyes are mournful, and yet in them, I sense a veneration of your redemption. I will gladly make this ultimate sacrifice. What you want to find will never be located in time. And so, I lift my eyes from yours and I contemplate the horizon.
My gift for you is salvation.
With one last final whisper, I wear the death mask and step into the void.
**
The dreamlike mist evaporated. A thousand splintering shards of lurid light emerged like a scythe, slicing the air.
“Seek, but ye shall not find..” she whispered.
“Beatrice! Where are you? NO!” Alessandro beseeched. “Let us behold the stars, O beloved!”
Salvation requires sacrifice.
Paradiso became an inferno. An inferno of his shame.
Shame is a hunter.
His shame was all around him.
aired
Can you repeat points from question 2 and 3 on question 4?
Yes you can
They are marked by different people, so they won't know that you've repeated points
My exam question was “something unexpected happening” so I did it from the beginning where everything was happy then it goes unexpected instead of starting from the crisis
Sorry, I’m not sure if it is my device but I don’t know what video you are talking about at the end of the video. There is no end screen card and no links anywhere, I think a pinned comment might be useful.
What do you say about using one of Mr Everything English's Plots for Question 5?
Examiners have become more and more wary of people using copied ideas for stories that this year they will be checking them for forms of plagiarism and potentially cheating. Don’t use someone else’s because examiners have said you COULD be disqualified
I've seen some english teachers advising against it. the examiners will know it's inauthentic.
LOVE THE THUMBNAIL
MR SALES
SELL ME SOMETHING!!!
Sir, how to be fully prepared for Q5 in paper 2? Is it possible to predict the question that will come up?
is it a good idea to write about romance cuz it is easy ?
8:25 except Perfume - Patrick Suskind ;)
Interesting
i only talked abt the relevant content of the story of the question in one paragraph being the 4th as the first 3 lead to it and the last one is the aftermath will i lose marks for that?
Got mine today, wish me luck
hi sir is there a chance that they only give u either 2 descriptions or 2 stories? or will it always be a description and a story
always a description and story
It can be both descriptions or stories, it's not certain
Is AQA and Edexcel imaginative writing the same? Because there are no guides for edexcel
Could I doit from the perspective of a leaf or something like that
Deffo
How can you guarantee / signpost techniques that may not be obvious to the examiners,. For example, what if you use fricatives or sibilance and they don't realise and read it as a normal phrase?
They must be either badly written or the examiners are bad
I wouldn't worry about trying to include those types of techniques.. just write in a way that's engaging and not forced
Why is this coming up on my fyp after my exam 😢
For past and present, would it be acceptable to start in the present, then go past tense with a flashback and come back at the end with present?
thats what my teacher says to do so yeah probably
list: Asyndetic and polysyndetic, ending in ing : present continuous verbs am i right sir
I’m so the wrong person to ask. I’ve never found a use for them.
Can you do descriptive writing next
Make dua for me that i do well cos im scared😢
"No good writer ever wrote about somebody's nostrils" 8:25
Sir, what grade/mark did you get in your GCSE?
would you actually get less marks for writing a description? Thats my usual go-to and I don’t want to end up losing marks just for writing with a different format.
if its your usual go to you'll probably be better at writing in that format, and as the exam is tomorrow you haven't really got time to learn a new technique/format so it'll be easier to write in a way that's comfortable for you instead of a way that may get other people more marks.
No, on average students are better at story writing - you may be better at description
@@moleinah0le thanks
@@MrSallesTeachesEnglish thanks
What video do I watch next?
Sir i was just wondering if for the story you could write a message with the first word of each sentence. Im thinking of doing it but am unsure if the examiner will notice.
the examiner wont notice
Do i just revise 2 characters and two settings and the introduction of the crisis and then revise on the punctuation?
Sounds good
hope you are well sir, but is it possible that some years they can do 2 description questions or 2 story writing questions instead of giving
us the option for both??
It has happened once
Can you make a vid on creative writing edexcel paper 1?
I much prefer descriptive writing though so do i sacrifice comfortability in order to be more creative?
No, do what works for you
Sir, do you recommend first person writing or third person writing?
1st person gives a sense of attachment between the reader and writer, third person shows detachment so it depends on the type of story you write. third persn is also a narrative.
Hi sir, do you think students will be given less marks for using a premade storyline such as the priest story?
I am premaking my storyline but its gonna be something i have come up with. Examiners have stated that they are tired of seeing popular storylines over and over and may deduct marks
Can I copy a response from a student who got grade 9 in question 5?
Hi sir what’s the video that you said at the end, the link didn’t show for me
can you use colons in place of 'because'?
Im gonna have fun the language exam
can i already plan out a description for a good and bad setting that i can maneuver in my writing?
Yes
Kind teacher 🎉❤
sir is there any descriptions I can memorise that can work for any story?
does it have to start with the crisis?
No, but it’s gripping if you do
@@MrSallesTeachesEnglish thank you!
So for question 5 is it fine if your story is inspired by real life characters and people of influence? Doesnt count as plagarism?
That’s fine
For Point 5 would it be fine using a flashback cos in my mocks I did it and it worked (37/40)
Totally
Should I write in first person or third?
everyone remember to not do rubric enfringement
in our mock lots of people did this and nearly got no marks
Wait what
Will we always get an opportunity to write about a story in the exam?
no there is a chance that there will be 2 description questions
@@nabilahmed442 like both with a picture?
has that ever come up
@@user-gy3rd3pi3s He's messing with you man, yes you will do a story or a description but both will be options
@@abdullahhanan4941 are you sure because I think Mr Salles also said this once?
@@user-gy3rd3pi3s no you can get only 2 descriptions or 2 stories. It will always be 1 statement and 1 picture (i think although maybe they could give you 2 statements or pictures not sure about this one). it says this in the specification although this would be quite mean
Mr salles will you be allowed to swear in Q5 for your story?
No need. Just write: she swore
Hi sir what if you consistently write in past, then switch to present and remain in it like halfway through ? If its intentional does it work? 7:07
Only if it makes sense
thank you
in terms of characters, how many characters do you recommend introducing?
1-3
@@MrSallesTeachesEnglish thank you!
so where is the video
came here looking for exactly that
what video
The video is grade
thankyou , so much
Hi sir, could you give me feedback and possibly a mark on a question 5 I have written?
Write a story in which a dramatic event occurs [40 marks]
One step forward. That was the only thought that sat in Ben's mind as he pummelled each foot towards the floor and thrusted himself forward, in hopes that he would arrive on time. A countdown rang out through his head, as he recklessly ran as fast as a rocket, unsure of whether he will land in his destination.
A sudden blare of a car alarm blasted him back to his mundane and repetitive morning routine: an alarm. Then the usual coffee, cereal, TV and the undone tie that still seemed to cling around his neck, choking him to the point that any bit of air seemed like a divine blessing from god. Nothing interesting ever happened in Ben's life. Not at school, not at home, or at the Sunday football club that his parents forced him to go to, which he couldn't be any more bothered about. Or maybe he was just blind to anything exciting, and couldn't be any more ungrateful of the things he was served on a silver plate. But not today. Today he was going to get a real taste of what shock and adrenaline feels like, and break out of the chains of his everyday life.
Dust was kicked up in the air like a thick storm cloud bringing a hailstorm of tiny pebbles that were flung in the air as Ben zoomed forward. His school bag hung off his back like a thruster detaching off a rocket, the fear of being late to class fuelled his already overworked legs that felt like overworked pistons. But today, Ben wasn't going to class. Not today.
A sudden screech of tyres sent Ben's head turning to his left so quick that he almost would've dropped down dead from a broken neck, only to see fragments of smoking, burning rubber soaring past Ben's eyes whilst he stood before a hunk of metal, as gargantuous as an asteroid. Adrenaline, something that never existed in Ben's life was coursing through his veins like a racing river on a rough rainy day. But it was useless: nothing could save him from the certain death that was about to occur. Ben clenched his teeth and winced as he braced for impact.
Touchdown.
Some great description. But we need to like Ben before you kill him, otherwise we don’t care. Too many rockets. The tenses in the first paragraph aren’t consistent
@@MrSallesTeachesEnglish”too many rockets” 😂😂😂
Can you write a story about the picture or can you only describe it?
Yes
Sir what would you say about copying a bit of story or plot from an anime or other shows if there was a relevant question on it?
bruh shush 💀
@@532s ?
It could be plagiarism so don't.
@@amongusplaz9020change it then
It’d be fine, I doubt the examiner would notice. Just change a few names here and there or add your own touch.
Aren't you allowed to use mr everything Englishs' priest plot because surely the examiner can't penalise you because they've seen similar plots?
True enough
can I write about the fortnite battle pass in my story ??????
yres
Yes
G you are the goat
i cant write stories though
think about daydreaming that’s my only advice 😂
is it best to write in past or present tense?
Either but not both
@@MrSallesTeachesEnglish thank you sir, you are honestly the best english teacher ive ever come across
Can you mark my english essay I did?
Q5 on english langguage paper 2 please.
Let me know and I can send it to you
Is it best to write in first person or third person?
3rd
@@MrSallesTeachesEnglish thanks
What grade would 30/40 be on q5?
Around grade 8 since you'll be right under the grade 9 boundary which is around 65/80, assuming you get the same mark for questions 1-4. You'd get a total of 60/80 in that case.
@@msh1380 Thankyou I got those marks in my mock so I'm hoping to achieve an 8/9 on Monday
I think i am using a semi colon wrong. Can someone please give me example where a semicolon is used correctly?
@@rachelv8164 Thankyou for the example but i don't think i will understand how to use a semicolon. If possible could you explain why you put a semicolon at her; eyes wide? I thought you only used semicolons in place of a connective.
@@ghostqueen1101 to use a semicolon you need to make sure that:
-both phrases make sense by themselves. This means you can say 'she was very tall; she towered over everyone in the room' but you can't say 'she was very tall; and ugly' because 'and ugly' does not make sense on its own.
- you also need to make sure that the two phrases link so you can't say 'she was tall; he ate cabbages' because they have nothing to do with eachother.
I hope that makes sense?
@@lizbiz4171 Thankyou! I can understand now.
This is my example: I am sad; i cried.
@Ghost Queen
If you can put "so' between the clauses then you can use a semi-colon.
@@leapfrogtutoring3700Thankyou for the advice!
2nd
hahah wow so cool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1st
no one asked grow up
If you want to be a good writer then DON'T watch this ANNOYING windblower. He obviously adores himself !
Hold on, why can’t an annoying windblower teach someone how to write? This ad hominem attack is not in the spirit of RUclips. It belongs on Twitter. Adoringly yours, Mr Salles
@@MrSallesTeachesEnglish Great response sir. They obviously do NOT know what they're talking about
literally who r u
trying to be smooth with @firstratetutors
11min 11 secs
Can you make a vid about edexcel paper 1?