I mean I've held a "habit" for over a year, but still I go one day without and it's like it was never done in the first place. I literally can't build anything into a "habit " it's a struggle every single time.
This is my experience as well. The 366th time requires just as much effort as attempt 10, even if I have been consistent. The exception to that rule, is if the habit is driven by some sort of intense emotional response. Then it's law.
Yes, had to query that and was basically looking for this comment, and it's at the top of the board. Sometimes it's like a chunk of the bridge falls out and you never know when or where. My mum and sister were helping me with equations when I was a kid and I got them and worked with them.. Then one day it was like my mind had deleted the file(s) and I had to learn how they work all over again.. And cooking, and painting. The motions don't seem perfunctory and often I'm either forgetting or reinventing. It's a bit like Deadpool (if you read the comics or read about him on Wikipedia). In his case his brain is constantly regenerating so he forgets what he's doing sometimes because he loses the programme. It comes in handy when he fights and defeats some evil genius that can download people's fighting styles. With painting it might give my pictures more depth because I'll suddenly forget a technique/movement and do a different one instead. It's called jamais vu, as in "never seen" and I think it can strike in many habits that he claims should be established and intact.
It’s actually the reverse for me. I know doing the thing is an exhausting process of me getting off-track, beating myself up for not staying focused, telling myself that staying focused will make the task go by faster, rinse and repeat until I’m exhausted once again so I decide to lay in bed scrolling through Reddit for a break. Then three hours pass and I’m back at where I started. So starting it is the easy part, but I psych myself out of it because of the arduous process of trying to do it.
@@JRoseBooks the information he gives here is generalizing and plain untrue - sure, not everyone suffers from all aspects of adhd but he said all people with adhd can simply keep a habit and that is false.
@@TheBitKriegerI think dr K is referring to adhd without comorbidities (which is how they tend to do research). People can have more than one issue in real life, and that can also have an effect on the ability to keep habits.
@@gulplastgaffel My problem is that he makes it sound like everyone with adhd can keep habits. Granted, I people can have adhd without executive deficit but many many have (I saw numbers ranging from 30-90%). Sure, research has to isolate problems but Dr. K is here in the role of a science communicator / psychologist, not a researcher, so it would make much more sense to not talk about "pure" adhd but when giving advice or motivation to include many people. Because I can't keep a habit and at least 30% of us with adhd can't either and his video made me stop watching because his videos can't help me as I am not included.
I don't form habits in two weeks, it takes months and even then, something can derail it. Like getting sick for a few days and then have to start building the new habits all over again. I agree that there are habits that stick but that took years, not two weeks.
I'm 45 today (happy birthday to me, yay) and I don't have a single habit. I can force myself to do a thing for months, and then one day I'll realize it's been days or weeks and I didn't even remember the thing exists.
It’s even worse when your PMS causes severe depression which derails your habit, so you probably only have 2 good weeks before the bad week followed by a week of getting back on track. I seriously can’t stand myself anymore.
As someone with audhd, I didn’t even know until recently that a habit is something that is done automatically without thinking. I have never had a habit in my entire life.
Same. If someone looked at my life externally they would say me brushing my teeth is a habit but the only reason I do that consistently is because I feel when they are dirty and it keeps me from falling asleep
Some people with ASD can have issues with the Endocannabinoid System. Also people with food disorders (which ASD people usually have). Such as Gluten sensitivity, IBS, or other internal biome stuff. A few studies on this from 2019-2022. Technology networks has a good article on this. From personal experience, once I started avoiding trigger foods for celiac/IBS and respected my ASD burnout, habit building became easier over a couple years. It was a struggle before that though. Took an enormous amount of effort.
This has been what I’ve done my whole life to cope with my ADHD!! I find it a lot easier to force myself to do things (like a project at work or cleaning the house) when I have a podcast playing in my headphones and a coffee or energy drink. That way my brain is stimulated a little bit. It feels like it gives me a little bit of motivation. Once I get the task started initially, it’s way easier for me to keep going because I know I’m close to finishing. I give myself tasks over and over every day to build habits! Especially at work.
I have become relatively successful in life through forcing myself to do things despite being chronically bored and inattentive. The downside is that I only learned that from being in high pressure/competitive academic and professional environments that border on being abusive.
Exactly. Once pressure is gone. Progress is also gone. Once progress is gone, pressure is on. Once pressure is ON AGAIN, mental health OFF, then progress ON/OFF. Repeat that but worse & better depending on stuff that influences your day. If you're THAT lucky, pressure is GONE, mental health slowly stabilises, then progress happens SLOWLY BUT HEALTHILY WITHOUT ME WORKING TO EXHAUSTION.
That makes sense. If I can get excited enough about something to do it everyday voluntarily for a month then I’m almost addicted to doing it every day for a year or 2. But the habit doesn’t set in if I have to force myself to do it every day. There has only been one exception. When I cleaned a lot to prevent someone from leaving me. (Neat freak neurotic jerk). It lasted about 2 months after they left me.
I have this too and I notice the life span of that focus (example: working out consistently) for me lasts 2 years. And when something adds on top of that system like a big stressor or new job, it gets frustratingly difficult for me to keep up with the habit I built and I lose the momentum. When I attempt to get back to that habit, it's challenging to force my brain to wanna do it >_
So agree. My max is 9months to a year. These will be rewarding healthy routines I'm loving and are really fundamental to my identity even! About the only exception that exists is addiction. So morning caffeine is one habit that has lasted me decades. Can't think of any habits that have lasted more than a year that aren't based on something addictive.
I feel like a habitual life for me is so mundane and depressing. When habits make up too much of my life, it becomes too much for me. The habits I have grown to develop are really fulfilling but reaching that breaking point is so easy for me...
balance is key probably have things you absolutely need done as habits whilst leaving the things you enjoy as true interests to bounce around in think of it like being your own support system, its much easier to enjoy the things you want to do when you don't have a ton of responsibilities and guilt weighing you down
this can also be a bad thing. it explains why im an alcoholic. alcohol is already physically addictive to neurotypical people. you add in the idea that habits can be an adhd person's saving grace and that addiction becomes way stronger. i currently drink every day. the past week, ive been making efforts to make exercise a part of my routine, and im trying to cut back on the amount i drink because i drink so much that if i quit cold turkey on my own, i risk death. this video helped me realize that if i force myself to live healthier, it will eventually no longer feel forced. wish me luck guys.
Bro, I am a diagnosed ADHD guy, I was an alcoholic for four years, drinking atleast 12 to 15 500ml beer cans per day, it would fluctuate when I would decided to become sober. But I was never able to quit completely, It was always a 20 to 15 days break from drinking and then back again. It was such a habit that drinking was on my mind first thing in the morning. After 4 years I went to a psychiatrist and he asked me to admit myself to a two month long abstaining mission with 24hr medical help. It worked, I broke the cycle, now I am 7 months sober. The doctor has promised me to teach me how I can learn to drink socially after 9 months. I did relapse twice but just for a day. Never kick yourself for relapsing, get back to sobriety from the next day. Wish you all the best
@@bobenshibobsled I used to work in a rehab. Go to rehab. It sounds like you are ready. Even if you just go to remember what sobriety feels like. Use the money on hobbies. Who cares if you finish them? Take a class.
Hi. I was diagnosed at 18 ( this year ) with ADHD after struggling for years, noticeably since I was around 12 years old, I spoke to a psychiatrist 2 years ago and managed to get on a waiting list and be seen within 2 years; which is incredibly lucky for someone living in England or the UK . Our waiting lists can be up to 10 years, although usually around 6 or 7. My "habit" is what I do to slow down my racing thoughts and think a bit more clearly.
I use a combination of calenders, reminders, and project management tools to try stay on track. Still struggling to do a few tasks that have stayed on the To Do list for a few years but it still helps me a lot to use these tools 😆
Hahaha... trust me, I get little to NOTHING done without a calendar. The main reason I know I have assignments to finish is because they updated the website to have this "Assignment Due" section. And I look at that website MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY (school days only ofc -- main reason why things don't get done on weekends). And... I think I'll forget the class venues again next week. THIS IS WEEK 5. So, yeah... fml.
I think issues with executive functioning actually mess up habits for people with adhd cause something can't become automatic to you if you have to walk yourself through every step everytime
After 10 years of being awful at school and never doing my homework, starting a new school in year 11 actually finally was the thing to kick me into gear and i actually formed some good school/homework habits for the first time- Then our school introduced ipads to replace paper and the pandemic hit.
That explains why it was SO HEALING for me to move to a different place and get a job taking care of people for a living. It was hard and painful to change but all my priorities and understandings and viewpoints healed.
My dad was a special ed teacher for most of my childhood so he made a point to teach me great habits. Things like carrying notebooks/pocket calenders at all times to right down reminders and wearing a watch so I rarely get effected by time blindess. These days that stuff has been replaced with my phone so now I've developed a habit of setting alarms and calendar notifications aswell as asking my bosses and friends to text me important issues so I have a physical reminder
My dad (AuDHD) hates the idea of habits, but I keep guiding him towards repeating positive behavior and the funny part is that he can't even remember he has done it before or that he has been repeating something and forming a habit, but in the end it sticks around and he isn't stressing over it. Works wonders. He's also very intelligent, so that helps because he learns quickly, unlike most other people around me. Combating his addictions and bad habits, though... bro didn't even take breakfast and is now hyperfocused on some random TV news for 3 hours and then gets stressed because he is late _and_ hungry, just because he sat on the chair > automatically grabs the remote control > automatically turns the TV on > "oh, see, that random mayor from a random city just got sent to jail. Mayors, right?"
That might be the Autism side of him - oddly, people with Autism struggle with forming habits, and may not even be able to have a habit, period. I'm autistic and have never been able to form a habit. I can, and have, tried to do things like forced consistency to create a habit and successfully repeat a behavior daily for Months. BUT then if I miss that one daily alarm or reminder it's just Gone. It is as if that action never existed, and I never feel like I'm missing it. Everything I do, I have to think about and be conscious of to do it. It never just happens, and I am often mystified and somewhat impressed when I watch someone just Do something mindlessly, because it's a habit, while their brain talks and thinks on something completely different. Like what?? How???
@@artofmkd It is a lot of things at the same time. He's an ENFP jungian cognitive type, Autistic, Bipolar (me too), ADHD, his mom was psychotic (probably bipolar as well, idk) and also a bit cold and distant and simple minded, and she died of cancer when he was a teenager. His father was actually his step father (which was rather conservative and which he both loved and hated), they were very poor and it could be a violent neighborhood sometimes, he grew up during the hippie years/was part of the hippie movement and hanged/hangs out mostly with artsy people. He's also been through a somewhat long abusive relationship before he met my mom. He is not exactly gifted, but even being more intelligent than average means he can get away with figuring things out on the spot instead of putting work into repeating them over and over, and if it doesn't work: "doesn't matter, it is in the past, I don't even remember it and you should forget about it too". What I mean is, the Autism makes it hard to form habits, but he'd be very chaotic and anti-order anyways, autism or not😄
@@MultiSenhor That makes a lot of sense! I'm glad you two have each other. You've really thought through his care and treatment; I hope you are taking as good care of yourself as well.
@artofmkd I'm AuDHD and it's absolutely possible for me to form habits, but those bitches ain't set in stone unless it's been months, and when they are it's more of a soft one like sandstone than a granite. They definitely have high energy and low energy versions just by nature, but planning out bare minimums on purpose is also helpful after it's been going for a week or so to maintain momentum I have to put significant effort into imagining immediate consequences (going to the dentist for the first time in forever helped me get used to the feeling of a clean mouth so imagining how much extra flossing gunk two days worth would be helps me clean my mouth every day) Also I have to bribe myself indirectly by making the task itself more tolerable (i.e. gloves and a soap dispensing palm brush for dishes, and fountain pens for bullet journaling/task listing. I ain't choose the fountain pen life the fountain pen life chose me 😅)
It doesn’t work like that for me though. I could do something every day for months and then one day forget and the “habit” is broken. I use the sink regularly without a thought, yet once in a blue moon I’ll forget which side is hot/cold when I’ve been doing it for years.
Doesn't explain why after doing something for months or even years, like a workout routine, if I mess up that routine for even just one day, it's like starting the entire cycle from the very start again. I know people in person who are exactly the same and have seen a lot about this in groups I'm a part of.
Yes this happens to me as well. I’ll have a habit like working out for a couple months straight, then miss a day for whatever reason (too busy, sick, etc) then it takes me months to even get back into a semi-frequent habit. This happens even with medication too.
Yes this is just as true. The habit can be built but once something interrupts that it’s like starting over. Not sure how to help this. I’ve struggled with it over and over. Months of “good” habits - working out, hygiene; one day slipped and then it’s months of “bad habits” until I can force myself to start again. It seems harder too every time I go through this cycle
I’m not formally diagnosed however I am prescribed ADHD medication from a psychiatrist. This sounds pretty accurate. Dieting was an issue for me up until I found a routine with my eating and exercising. Also I found that viewing certain aspects of life through a “video game” lens, makes it easier to build habits that I would normally not want to do. Hope anyone reading this knows that they have the power to change their life ❤
@@AG-up7kx I’m almost 100 percent certain I have ADHD and mild OCD. There is an intake phase when you start treatment at a pyschiatrist when they ask you about 100 - 150 questions. After you answer, they evaluate how they can treat your symptoms. To answer your question, ADHD manifests differently in everyone therefore a lot of the times the doctor won’t straight up say “You have ADHD”. It’s just kind of assumed since you tick all the boxes
It comes full circle when you realize those “productive” habits that make you a “good person” are being taken to unhealthy extremes and leading to burnout.
I have been running my life "on a timer" for the past year, every single day, I always have an alarm going at all times and when it rings I know I have to move to something else It has made me more efficient and capable of getting into my work mindset and makes me enjoy my free time a lot more I suggest anyone that has productivity problems to give it a go and see what's up
Holy crap! So my pediatrician’s assessment of “learning disability” really could have just been the difficulty in accessing the study habit in an unfamiliar subject until I got to mastery (e.g., software engineering) 🤯
yup…. i love habits, i love my routine, the second i have to add something, its like pushing two negative magnets together :/ its even worse when the thing is uncomfortable, i still struggle with a lot of things that should be a habit
I did this with taking a shower first thing in the morning, I don’t let myself scroll laying in bed in the morning. I also have to brush my teeth before noon.
Diagnosed ADHD 18 years ago,I’m 63 now. It explained why I cannot finish much,why I can’t focus over time and soon lose interest. But one thing felt some strange: I easily learn song texts and have hundereds in my head which I can pick from anytime. This video kind of explains at least a bit of it.
Your informed and science backed answers are so helpful. I only listen to credible people like you who know what they're talking about. With everynew thing, i struggle a lot in the beginning, very slopoy and chaotic. Then after a while i get the hang of it. But it's not a good look at first.
This matches my experiences. Even huge habits that take over an hour a day yo do. Once I started going to the gym every single day after a couple weeks I would NEVER miss a day unless I was sick and it became my favorite and most habitual part of the day
@@MrB123w unlike missing a day of a habit get yourself to want to go to the gym if you want to go to the gym then habits be damnned, you'll just go because you _want_ to not because youre forcing yourself to
Actually that’s very helpful information to me. A lot of my issues come from not being able to trust myself to do the things I need to do but if my habit abilities are not affected by adhd then that’s really fking good news!
This feels accurate to me, I started a gym routine a couple years ago and have been super consistent and disciplined with going to the gym 3x a week unless sick or traveling, but I still struggle with other areas in life. Would love to develop more healthy habits
I just love to learn from you. You are amazing at explaining things! So level headed and humble. Please keep doing what you're doing! We need men like you!!
I've tried to build habits and could succeed for a while. I tried to eat healthier for like a year, but it was exhausting and time-consuming. A couple of years ago, I was taking a walk outside for 20 mins a day, then winter hit🥶 and I still haven't been able to start again. Even just having a routine for basic hygiene is harder than I want to admit. I could have a habit for years, and one little thing in my life changes, and it just disappears like it never existed in the first place. So I think that part of my brain is broken too.
Brooo, I absolutely love you. I love the knowledge you share, and your passion. I just watched your vid on ADHD/Stimulants, and hearing that psychotherapy is just as effective as meds kind of blew my mind. (Plus it’s effects lasting for up to a year after sounds amazing, kind of the opposite of stimulant withdrawal in a way)
It feels like I'm never in control of what forms into a habit and what doesn't. I could try doing something for a month and nothing comes of it, or I randomly do something and from then on it must be part of my permanent personal routine. I feel like I'm at the mercy of chance and it's very frustrating
Every time one of your videos pop up on my feed I just know you’re going to say something that makes me hang on to your every word. Which is a tough thing to do for someone who has an extremely hard time holding onto information from any source. Appreciate your opinions and knowledge! Thanks.
Managed to set myself up with both this and the emotional-driven avoidance, and now I just argue instead of taking advice even tho I ASKED FOR IT😅 I’m really starting to have trouble believing my rationalizing though, what with all the constant introspection, so it will get better. I love my friends and family for their forgiveness. My little brother really saved me in particular. He is a powerful person to me.
alright but what if you just cant form habits i literally do the thing once a day for an entire month, i forget to do it one time after and bam its just gone habits are supposed to make things easier but theyre always just as taxing
@@pursnikitty exactly, it just doesnt feel easier after a few months to do it doesnt it? like i hear people talking about habits as if brushing their teeth is just easier after 2 weeks of doing it
I have adhd. I am 43 and ironically, I am very good with time management and tasks. That's because from an early age I was forced to live in foreign countries and paying bills on time or being on time was a major necessity for building a good rapport with people and services. I also have an autistic - adhd son now whose sole responsibility is on me. There too I do a great job. I am always always pro active, I connect with all his professionals in his life, I never miss appointments. But when it comes to my own personal hygiene, or reading something I enjoy, or doing everyday tasks in an order, I am a mess...but I do force myself and do them, but after that, I have to shut myself from the world and numb my brain by watching TV. Nothing else calms down my brain. It's tragic.
This explains why working out comes second nature if I can force myself to do it for two weeks, but those first two weeks are so incredibly difficult I almost always fail.
I have a habit of feeding my cannabinoid receptors, cannabis each day. Helps me focus and develop my program so much easier without all the extra adhd traffic.
The only real habit I have is brushing my teeth 2 times a day. Sleep schedule, eating, self care, exercise are all inconsistent. I don't think I have actual habits lol. The 21 days rule doesn't apply to me apparently. I have been able to exercise for 1-2 months until one day I just stopped. I've given up on habits.
I have diagnosed Adhd. I got a sony Ericsson when i was 10 years old. I imeadeldly startet to use the calendar and its reminder function. I cope well with friends and planning. University and household are very difficult to maintain for me. I now dropped out of uni and started a job training with less flexible hours and way less self organization.
I don’t know about that. Even really simple, fundamental habits like brushing your teeth, I did consistently for my entire childhood yet it never actually formed a habit, so the second I was a teen and not being carried by my parents every step of the process, I didn’t do it half the time because it was never a habit. I’ve also heard consistent sentiments from basically everyone else with ADHD
@@daphneglasurus7886 it's both at the same time. We have the power to stay calm in situations that put others into a panic, among other abilities to make up for the challenges. There's a way to harness ADD and make it work for you, but one has to find the right career I believe. Not easy but there must be a way.. just a matter of finding it.
For me, this absolutely depends on what the habit is. For instance, I've been a hardcore mountain biker and gym-goer since my twenties. I have no trouble finding the discipline to train athletically. I don't need to force myself to go to the gym. (Unless I'm really tired). I don't need to force myself to stick to a running training plan. Not only do I not have a problem making myself train, I look forward to it because I love it. Maintaining a calendar... Not so much. (That would be fair to myself, I have kept a running Google keep task list now for many years).
Dr K, you should surely know that 2 weeks doesn't form a habit. Studies have shown it can be as short as several days to as long as hundreds to properly form a habit, and there needs to be certain components to form a habit as well
My main diagnosis is autism, but I have ADHD traits. I spent a good few months with a rule of "I can't play Skyrim unless I've spent 30 minutes drawing today, or written at least 500 words." My gaming mouse broke a couple weeks ago, and what do you know, I still draw and write every day.
Reading the comments, I'm glad I'm not the only one who can't build a habit through 2 weeks of consistency. I don't have anything to back this, but I think it probably has to do with the mental load. Making yourself do something for 2 weeks isn't always difficult. I think it can even stimulate the part of ADHD brains that seek novelty. However, putting something on autopilot is much more difficult. Any habit, I need to actively think about each step of it. After a few weeks, this becomes tedious and frustrating. It never fully integrates. So if you're tired, physically or mentally, it's easy for this task to drop off, because you don't have the energy to force the processes needed to do it. Again, I don't have the neuroscientific or psychological info to back this, but this is how my experience feels, and why I think habit building can be difficult.
I notice forming a habit in my adolescent years with adhd is more easier than adulthood. Try to get me to do something different in my 20s is like arguing with a bear to leave you alone. The amount of stubbornness ADHD can hold is at a profound level in adults due to evolutionary changes in our brain. ADHD can put you in a mental headlock too if you don't tame the beast. It can spark suicide attempts, hostility and trust issues. ADHD has a mind of its own, it can decide what it wants to keep and what to leave out.
I have pretty bad ADHD and calendars and timers are my saving grace. I will 100% forget something unless I put it in my calendar or have a daily timer for it. I also tend to keep habits once formed but it does take a long time to get those bonds to form and stick.
I was able to develop a habit of locking the sliding glass door after taking the dogs out, the problem is that i forget my dad is out there and so i have accidentally locked him out a couple of times and i know if i tried to explain in full why im not doing it intentionally he would say im trying to "justify" (he has used this so much in the past to make me feel bad that its such a dirty word to me) my actions and not me trying to genuinely explain how adhd works and that it is something that i cant help even with my meds and i hate that so often he will get upset and mad at me for things that are related to my adhd and then later for something thats not the same thing and is a different connection in my mind but will use the generalized function (i can be extremely forgetful for somethings, however i work in a way to help my forgetfulness and how some things are set up in the house can help me manage the forgetfulness for somethings better than others)
That explains why I've had a life full of lists, calendars, mini notebooks, a map of the school on my binder with my schedule taped next to it and the routes outlined.
this is literally me with fitness, been an obese kid all my life then i started going to the gym and fitness, now im consistently reading research papers about the subject to train better, even considering to change careers
I mean, how do you know know what day it is? Keep track of the days of the week like you’ve been doing since kindergarten. If you don’t know the number look at your smartphone or smartwatch. Your smartphone even has a calendar app, which I don’t really use, or you can use a physical calendar of you have the space. I understand why keeping track of the days is important. I don’t understand the timer thing unless you mean alarm clocks. ⏰ But I have other disabilities as well. Keep it up Dr. K!
I can't count the times I've tried and tried to be organized and use a calendar or diary, I just can't do it. I hyperfocus on writing down everything the first day and then proceed to try to force myself to use it until I completely forget it ever existed or I'm so done with trying I just decide to stop. 😅
I agree. I am not sure about 'healthy habits' like working out as in many replies here, but a routine definitely works. Say I applied for a class, then sure I'll forget the first couple times. But once it settles in my system as a same time every week thing, I do just fine. Focus is another thing tho. 😂
Its been a great lifeline for me. Ive been in therapy for almost a year now and have been slowly getting better. HG really helped give me the confidence to take that next step and still helps me when I need an extra boost
As that said, this doesn’t hold through for me. The issue is whether the habit is actually reinforcing enough. I did a yoga sequence that was very highly recommended by a friend who was into the same spiritual discipline as I was for three months faithfully. Yeah I got more flexible, but it didn’t have the effect in terms of meditation or Insight that I was looking for. I didn’t feel different when I quit. People told me that if I shifted to an eight hour eating window, that it would get easy. I tried it for three months and was, Attic when I decided to just quit because it also didn’t have the effect I wanted. I got into the bedmaking habit and that one lasted for years, but it’s been gone recently. I guess the procrastination happens just more easily reinforced.
Hmm. It's quite the opposite in my experience (and in my impressions of others' experiences. I mean, there are countless memes and shorts from the neurodiverse that reflect my experiences). It's easy and exciting to do something novel and interesting for a few weeks. However, even in the rare case when I maintain something for months, and love the thing and the benefits of the thing, it doesn't become a habit. It's more like inertia. A single missed day will sap 60-100% of that inertia. If I don't stop completely after one missed beat, it becomes excrutiating to keep going. It's often hard to continue the thing even if I get myself to start. At that point it only takes one or two more stutters to grind to a halt. It's worth noting that life doesn't allow 100% consistency. Hiccups are inevitable. Sooner or later there will be a trip away from home, a period of sickness, a friend in crisis, a crunch time at work, the sudden need to move house, etc. When I lose my inertia, the idea of the thing also slips from my mind, and I become hostile toward external reminders. If I didn't disable them during the period of disruption, it's a hurculean task to dismiss an alert instead of wiping the reminders from existence. If the reminder is persistent then the anger grows, ensuring that I don't do the thing. Over time the fury grows larger while grinding away at my willpower, and I ultimately lash out at the person or disable the application. On the other hand, given time to cool down after losing my inertia I'll occasionally remember the thing, but it's rarely at an actionable moment. When I think of it in an actionable moment it's excrutatingly hard to take that action, even if I loved it before. It will be days, weeks or even months before the narrow windows of memory, the capacity for intentional action, and the capacity to overcome that resistance, all align. If I sieze that opportunity I only gain the tiniest bit of inertia. It''s an enormous challenge to keep remembering and doing the thing until I've regained sufficient inertia to resume the pattern. Even then, I'm just back to where I started. After months of consistent repetition it's still only inertia, ready to fall away given a moment of distraction or hesitation.
I dont eat breakfast bad habit, im 50 and need it to have energy. But its so bad i dont feel the hunger in my head, but i can hear on my stomach so I forget it, even if im saying remember i put a note in the “remember breakfast” still forgets because its not in my system to do it natural..
My issue with this was (the same today) that I can't really choose what habit I want.. Its more like “uh I like that!” and all of the sudden Its a habit…
I get burnt out in 2 weeks, then never want to do that thing again 😅 the only thing I can do for more than a month, are MMOs, and i'm burnt out on that too. After burnout, it can take months before I can make myself do anything else. It's like trying to find an electron - you point a detector somewhere, and hope it shows up - other than that, it's anybody's guess where it might be.
To all of the people who have trouble developing habits quickly and maintaining them for long periods of time without being derailed, let me introduce you to omnihabits. Omnihabits are habits that reinforce other habits, kind of like atomic habits. Omnihabits are like a key that allows you to access and quickly reopen other habits. Say your omnihabit is journaling. If you journal the progress of a new habit and eventually are derailed, picking up the old habit will be much easier by first engaging with your omnihabit. I would also like to point out that never wanting to do or generally disliking your omnihabit is absolutely meta. The more you do said thing and actively dislike it, the better. This will literally grow a part of the brain that increases willpower and discipline. If you begin to like your omnihabit, that's not bad it still serves a function, but it does lose a little bit of its special sauce. It doesn't lose all of its mojo, though. Whatever habit you built with it will be much easier to re-establish. But it loses the ability to make habits form quicker.
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I mean I've held a "habit" for over a year, but still I go one day without and it's like it was never done in the first place. I literally can't build anything into a "habit " it's a struggle every single time.
This is my experience as well. The 366th time requires just as much effort as attempt 10, even if I have been consistent.
The exception to that rule, is if the habit is driven by some sort of intense emotional response. Then it's law.
My experience as well
Yes, had to query that and was basically looking for this comment, and it's at the top of the board.
Sometimes it's like a chunk of the bridge falls out and you never know when or where. My mum and sister were helping me with equations when I was a kid and I got them and worked with them.. Then one day it was like my mind had deleted the file(s) and I had to learn how they work all over again..
And cooking, and painting. The motions don't seem perfunctory and often I'm either forgetting or reinventing. It's a bit like Deadpool (if you read the comics or read about him on Wikipedia). In his case his brain is constantly regenerating so he forgets what he's doing sometimes because he loses the programme. It comes in handy when he fights and defeats some evil genius that can download people's fighting styles.
With painting it might give my pictures more depth because I'll suddenly forget a technique/movement and do a different one instead. It's called jamais vu, as in "never seen" and I think it can strike in many habits that he claims should be established and intact.
Me, too! Thank you! Just takes that one time missed and it's like I never formed the habit to begin with.
Same here 😢
ADHD brain in a nutshell
- actually doing the thing is the easy part
- getting yourself to do the thing is the hard part.
And not hating yourself for being unable to do it because you know full well how easy it is when you actually do it
This is the biggest killer.
@@Elipson52008 I go into hyper focus with most work I do, but as you say getting into it in the first place sucks.
It’s actually the reverse for me. I know doing the thing is an exhausting process of me getting off-track, beating myself up for not staying focused, telling myself that staying focused will make the task go by faster, rinse and repeat until I’m exhausted once again so I decide to lay in bed scrolling through Reddit for a break. Then three hours pass and I’m back at where I started.
So starting it is the easy part, but I psych myself out of it because of the arduous process of trying to do it.
I still face failures because of this despite talent.
Idk about that. I’ll do something consistently for months and it takes like a couple days of not doing it to completely derail that routine or habit.
Exactly - when it comes to adhd, dr k is, unfortunately, not a good source of information :/
This is just a short; it can’t explain it all. I’d recommend watching some of his longer videos around ADHD. Because it has a lot of contradictions.
@@JRoseBooks the information he gives here is generalizing and plain untrue - sure, not everyone suffers from all aspects of adhd but he said all people with adhd can simply keep a habit and that is false.
@@TheBitKriegerI think dr K is referring to adhd without comorbidities (which is how they tend to do research). People can have more than one issue in real life, and that can also have an effect on the ability to keep habits.
@@gulplastgaffel My problem is that he makes it sound like everyone with adhd can keep habits. Granted, I people can have adhd without executive deficit but many many have (I saw numbers ranging from 30-90%). Sure, research has to isolate problems but Dr. K is here in the role of a science communicator / psychologist, not a researcher, so it would make much more sense to not talk about "pure" adhd but when giving advice or motivation to include many people. Because I can't keep a habit and at least 30% of us with adhd can't either and his video made me stop watching because his videos can't help me as I am not included.
I don't form habits in two weeks, it takes months and even then, something can derail it. Like getting sick for a few days and then have to start building the new habits all over again. I agree that there are habits that stick but that took years, not two weeks.
I'm 45 today (happy birthday to me, yay) and I don't have a single habit. I can force myself to do a thing for months, and then one day I'll realize it's been days or weeks and I didn't even remember the thing exists.
It’s even worse when your PMS causes severe depression which derails your habit, so you probably only have 2 good weeks before the bad week followed by a week of getting back on track. I seriously can’t stand myself anymore.
YES most of the time getting sick or even getting my period puts me back at square 1
@@jvalravn7228yeah I have to wonder if any of the studies/scans or even the "2 week" thing took afabs into account
Building habits takes about 13 weeks iirc. I don't know where the shorter duration comes from, but it's a common misnomer.
As someone with audhd, I didn’t even know until recently that a habit is something that is done automatically without thinking. I have never had a habit in my entire life.
Same. If someone looked at my life externally they would say me brushing my teeth is a habit but the only reason I do that consistently is because I feel when they are dirty and it keeps me from falling asleep
@@Anxiousbugomg this is so me as well
Literally. Not even brushing my teeth is a habit and I do it everyday 😭😭😭
Same 🫠🫠
@@Anxiousbugomg exactly
Tell me why it takes me 10 months to build a habit
Some people with ASD can have issues with the Endocannabinoid System.
Also people with food disorders (which ASD people usually have).
Such as Gluten sensitivity, IBS, or other internal biome stuff.
A few studies on this from 2019-2022.
Technology networks has a good article on this.
From personal experience, once I started avoiding trigger foods for celiac/IBS and respected my ASD burnout, habit building became easier over a couple years.
It was a struggle before that though. Took an enormous amount of effort.
@@Night-kc5mr What is ASD burnout? What changes did you make?
@@6IGNITION9I'd like to hear too
I’d tell you I highly doubt EVERY habit you’ve earnestly attempted to form took 10 months.
Cause you’re depressed
This has been what I’ve done my whole life to cope with my ADHD!! I find it a lot easier to force myself to do things (like a project at work or cleaning the house) when I have a podcast playing in my headphones and a coffee or energy drink. That way my brain is stimulated a little bit. It feels like it gives me a little bit of motivation.
Once I get the task started initially, it’s way easier for me to keep going because I know I’m close to finishing. I give myself tasks over and over every day to build habits! Especially at work.
@chrisdtowsend exactly the same here
Same here
I have become relatively successful in life through forcing myself to do things despite being chronically bored and inattentive. The downside is that I only learned that from being in high pressure/competitive academic and professional environments that border on being abusive.
@@TheNeoMosala I’m stuck in there. I would love your advice.
@@TheNeoMosala Yes I understand the boredom.!!
Exactly. Once pressure is gone. Progress is also gone. Once progress is gone, pressure is on.
Once pressure is ON AGAIN, mental health OFF, then progress ON/OFF. Repeat that but worse & better depending on stuff that influences your day.
If you're THAT lucky, pressure is GONE, mental health slowly stabilises, then progress happens SLOWLY BUT HEALTHILY WITHOUT ME WORKING TO EXHAUSTION.
@@alicianightfall9742 all too real
"...& then you'll be okay..." was the best thing to hear. The most motivating.
That makes sense. If I can get excited enough about something to do it everyday voluntarily for a month then I’m almost addicted to doing it every day for a year or 2.
But the habit doesn’t set in if I have to force myself to do it every day. There has only been one exception. When I cleaned a lot to prevent someone from leaving me. (Neat freak neurotic jerk). It lasted about 2 months after they left me.
Yeah it defo feels like if i get into something for a while...it almost becomes like a compulsive thing i cant stop.
Been doing duo lingo for two years now
I have this too and I notice the life span of that focus (example: working out consistently) for me lasts 2 years. And when something adds on top of that system like a big stressor or new job, it gets frustratingly difficult for me to keep up with the habit I built and I lose the momentum. When I attempt to get back to that habit, it's challenging to force my brain to wanna do it >_
So agree. My max is 9months to a year. These will be rewarding healthy routines I'm loving and are really fundamental to my identity even! About the only exception that exists is addiction. So morning caffeine is one habit that has lasted me decades. Can't think of any habits that have lasted more than a year that aren't based on something addictive.
I feel like a habitual life for me is so mundane and depressing. When habits make up too much of my life, it becomes too much for me. The habits I have grown to develop are really fulfilling but reaching that breaking point is so easy for me...
balance is key probably
have things you absolutely need done as habits whilst leaving the things you enjoy as true interests to bounce around in
think of it like being your own support system, its much easier to enjoy the things you want to do when you don't have a ton of responsibilities and guilt weighing you down
@@loriyoshistory this is so me, life doesn’t feel like life we everything has to structured
People with ADHD often face societal stigma, with others assuming they’re "lazy," "unmotivated," or "just need to try harder."
this can also be a bad thing. it explains why im an alcoholic. alcohol is already physically addictive to neurotypical people. you add in the idea that habits can be an adhd person's saving grace and that addiction becomes way stronger. i currently drink every day. the past week, ive been making efforts to make exercise a part of my routine, and im trying to cut back on the amount i drink because i drink so much that if i quit cold turkey on my own, i risk death. this video helped me realize that if i force myself to live healthier, it will eventually no longer feel forced. wish me luck guys.
Bro, I am a diagnosed ADHD guy, I was an alcoholic for four years, drinking atleast 12 to 15 500ml beer cans per day, it would fluctuate when I would decided to become sober. But I was never able to quit completely, It was always a 20 to 15 days break from drinking and then back again. It was such a habit that drinking was on my mind first thing in the morning. After 4 years I went to a psychiatrist and he asked me to admit myself to a two month long abstaining mission with 24hr medical help. It worked, I broke the cycle, now I am 7 months sober. The doctor has promised me to teach me how I can learn to drink socially after 9 months. I did relapse twice but just for a day. Never kick yourself for relapsing, get back to sobriety from the next day.
Wish you all the best
@@bobenshibobsled I used to work in a rehab. Go to rehab. It sounds like you are ready. Even if you just go to remember what sobriety feels like. Use the money on hobbies. Who cares if you finish them? Take a class.
Hi. I was diagnosed at 18 ( this year ) with ADHD after struggling for years, noticeably since I was around 12 years old, I spoke to a psychiatrist 2 years ago and managed to get on a waiting list and be seen within 2 years; which is incredibly lucky for someone living in England or the UK . Our waiting lists can be up to 10 years, although usually around 6 or 7. My "habit" is what I do to slow down my racing thoughts and think a bit more clearly.
I use a combination of calenders, reminders, and project management tools to try stay on track. Still struggling to do a few tasks that have stayed on the To Do list for a few years but it still helps me a lot to use these tools 😆
Hahaha... trust me, I get little to NOTHING done without a calendar. The main reason I know I have assignments to finish is because they updated the website to have this "Assignment Due" section. And I look at that website MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY (school days only ofc -- main reason why things don't get done on weekends).
And... I think I'll forget the class venues again next week. THIS IS WEEK 5. So, yeah... fml.
I think issues with executive functioning actually mess up habits for people with adhd cause something can't become automatic to you if you have to walk yourself through every step everytime
After 10 years of being awful at school and never doing my homework, starting a new school in year 11 actually finally was the thing to kick me into gear and i actually formed some good school/homework habits for the first time-
Then our school introduced ipads to replace paper and the pandemic hit.
That explains why it was SO HEALING for me to move to a different place and get a job taking care of people for a living. It was hard and painful to change but all my priorities and understandings and viewpoints healed.
My dad was a special ed teacher for most of my childhood so he made a point to teach me great habits. Things like carrying notebooks/pocket calenders at all times to right down reminders and wearing a watch so I rarely get effected by time blindess. These days that stuff has been replaced with my phone so now I've developed a habit of setting alarms and calendar notifications aswell as asking my bosses and friends to text me important issues so I have a physical reminder
My dad (AuDHD) hates the idea of habits, but I keep guiding him towards repeating positive behavior and the funny part is that he can't even remember he has done it before or that he has been repeating something and forming a habit, but in the end it sticks around and he isn't stressing over it. Works wonders. He's also very intelligent, so that helps because he learns quickly, unlike most other people around me. Combating his addictions and bad habits, though... bro didn't even take breakfast and is now hyperfocused on some random TV news for 3 hours and then gets stressed because he is late _and_ hungry, just because he sat on the chair > automatically grabs the remote control > automatically turns the TV on > "oh, see, that random mayor from a random city just got sent to jail. Mayors, right?"
Your dad is quite a relatable man
That might be the Autism side of him - oddly, people with Autism struggle with forming habits, and may not even be able to have a habit, period. I'm autistic and have never been able to form a habit. I can, and have, tried to do things like forced consistency to create a habit and successfully repeat a behavior daily for Months. BUT then if I miss that one daily alarm or reminder it's just Gone. It is as if that action never existed, and I never feel like I'm missing it. Everything I do, I have to think about and be conscious of to do it. It never just happens, and I am often mystified and somewhat impressed when I watch someone just Do something mindlessly, because it's a habit, while their brain talks and thinks on something completely different. Like what?? How???
@@artofmkd It is a lot of things at the same time. He's an ENFP jungian cognitive type, Autistic, Bipolar (me too), ADHD, his mom was psychotic (probably bipolar as well, idk) and also a bit cold and distant and simple minded, and she died of cancer when he was a teenager. His father was actually his step father (which was rather conservative and which he both loved and hated), they were very poor and it could be a violent neighborhood sometimes, he grew up during the hippie years/was part of the hippie movement and hanged/hangs out mostly with artsy people. He's also been through a somewhat long abusive relationship before he met my mom. He is not exactly gifted, but even being more intelligent than average means he can get away with figuring things out on the spot instead of putting work into repeating them over and over, and if it doesn't work: "doesn't matter, it is in the past, I don't even remember it and you should forget about it too".
What I mean is, the Autism makes it hard to form habits, but he'd be very chaotic and anti-order anyways, autism or not😄
@@MultiSenhor That makes a lot of sense! I'm glad you two have each other. You've really thought through his care and treatment; I hope you are taking as good care of yourself as well.
@artofmkd I'm AuDHD and it's absolutely possible for me to form habits, but those bitches ain't set in stone unless it's been months, and when they are it's more of a soft one like sandstone than a granite. They definitely have high energy and low energy versions just by nature, but planning out bare minimums on purpose is also helpful after it's been going for a week or so to maintain momentum
I have to put significant effort into imagining immediate consequences (going to the dentist for the first time in forever helped me get used to the feeling of a clean mouth so imagining how much extra flossing gunk two days worth would be helps me clean my mouth every day)
Also I have to bribe myself indirectly by making the task itself more tolerable (i.e. gloves and a soap dispensing palm brush for dishes, and fountain pens for bullet journaling/task listing. I ain't choose the fountain pen life the fountain pen life chose me 😅)
It doesn’t work like that for me though. I could do something every day for months and then one day forget and the “habit” is broken. I use the sink regularly without a thought, yet once in a blue moon I’ll forget which side is hot/cold when I’ve been doing it for years.
Story of my life, fr, two weeks is a sadistic joke, and then bam, squirrel!
Doesn't explain why after doing something for months or even years, like a workout routine, if I mess up that routine for even just one day, it's like starting the entire cycle from the very start again. I know people in person who are exactly the same and have seen a lot about this in groups I'm a part of.
Fr
Yes this happens to me as well. I’ll have a habit like working out for a couple months straight, then miss a day for whatever reason (too busy, sick, etc) then it takes me months to even get back into a semi-frequent habit. This happens even with medication too.
Yes this is just as true. The habit can be built but once something interrupts that it’s like starting over. Not sure how to help this. I’ve struggled with it over and over. Months of “good” habits - working out, hygiene; one day slipped and then it’s months of “bad habits” until I can force myself to start again. It seems harder too every time I go through this cycle
Glad to know we aren't alone
Good news is every time you find your way back to that habit it gets stronger (so be careful what you fall back on 💀)
I’m not formally diagnosed however I am prescribed ADHD medication from a psychiatrist. This sounds pretty accurate. Dieting was an issue for me up until I found a routine with my eating and exercising. Also I found that viewing certain aspects of life through a “video game” lens, makes it easier to build habits that I would normally not want to do. Hope anyone reading this knows that they have the power to change their life ❤
They might be living in a country where the medication is considered over-the -counter or something or just a prescription is enough.
@@AG-up7kx I’m almost 100 percent certain I have ADHD and mild OCD. There is an intake phase when you start treatment at a pyschiatrist when they ask you about 100 - 150 questions. After you answer, they evaluate how they can treat your symptoms. To answer your question, ADHD manifests differently in everyone therefore a lot of the times the doctor won’t straight up say “You have ADHD”. It’s just kind of assumed since you tick all the boxes
@@kewoshk I live in the US. All I need is a prescription from any authorized doctor
@@AG-up7kx Additionally, there's always having a different diagnosis that covers the medication
Why has the psychiatrist who prescribed it not diagnosed you?
It comes full circle when you realize those “productive” habits that make you a “good person” are being taken to unhealthy extremes and leading to burnout.
I have been running my life "on a timer" for the past year, every single day, I always have an alarm going at all times and when it rings I know I have to move to something else
It has made me more efficient and capable of getting into my work mindset and makes me enjoy my free time a lot more
I suggest anyone that has productivity problems to give it a go and see what's up
This is so true but if something disrupts the routine of this habit, all hell breaks loose
Holy crap! So my pediatrician’s assessment of “learning disability” really could have just been the difficulty in accessing the study habit in an unfamiliar subject until I got to mastery (e.g., software engineering) 🤯
yup…. i love habits, i love my routine, the second i have to add something, its like pushing two negative magnets together :/
its even worse when the thing is uncomfortable, i still struggle with a lot of things that should be a habit
I did this with taking a shower first thing in the morning, I don’t let myself scroll laying in bed in the morning. I also have to brush my teeth before noon.
🍪
Same here! Showers in the mornings seemed so daunting before but now it's what I look forward to when I wake up
@@yesyoucan7877 you hell bruh
you know what maybe i don't have adhd
my teeth is the hardest part for me .... i am now spending ten grand english pounds to fix them :/
Diagnosed ADHD 18 years ago,I’m 63 now. It explained why I cannot finish much,why I can’t focus over time and soon lose interest. But one thing felt some strange: I easily learn song texts and have hundereds in my head which I can pick from anytime. This video kind of explains at least a bit of it.
Your informed and science backed answers are so helpful. I only listen to credible people like you who know what they're talking about. With everynew thing, i struggle a lot in the beginning, very slopoy and chaotic. Then after a while i get the hang of it. But it's not a good look at first.
Task anxiety and depression makes this feel impossible
This matches my experiences. Even huge habits that take over an hour a day yo do. Once I started going to the gym every single day after a couple weeks I would NEVER miss a day unless I was sick and it became my favorite and most habitual part of the day
Exercise is an excellent "medicine" for us people with ADHD
How do you get back into it after a day off?
@@MrB123w unlike missing a day of a habit
get yourself to want to go to the gym
if you want to go to the gym then habits be damnned, you'll just go because you _want_ to
not because youre forcing yourself to
Actually that’s very helpful information to me. A lot of my issues come from not being able to trust myself to do the things I need to do but if my habit abilities are not affected by adhd then that’s really fking good news!
This feels accurate to me, I started a gym routine a couple years ago and have been super consistent and disciplined with going to the gym 3x a week unless sick or traveling, but I still struggle with other areas in life. Would love to develop more healthy habits
I just love to learn from you. You are amazing at explaining things! So level headed and humble. Please keep doing what you're doing! We need men like you!!
I just got diagnosed with AuDHD and also started watching your videos. SO much of what you say has explained why I went undiagnosed until my late 30s.
Thank you for pointing out one saving grace, it makes it feel less hopeless.
I've tried to build habits and could succeed for a while. I tried to eat healthier for like a year, but it was exhausting and time-consuming. A couple of years ago, I was taking a walk outside for 20 mins a day, then winter hit🥶 and I still haven't been able to start again. Even just having a routine for basic hygiene is harder than I want to admit. I could have a habit for years, and one little thing in my life changes, and it just disappears like it never existed in the first place. So I think that part of my brain is broken too.
This is so true! Iv developed habits that had definitely have helped me.
Brooo, I absolutely love you.
I love the knowledge you share, and your passion.
I just watched your vid on ADHD/Stimulants, and hearing that psychotherapy is just as effective as meds kind of blew my mind.
(Plus it’s effects lasting for up to a year after sounds amazing, kind of the opposite of stimulant withdrawal in a way)
It feels like I'm never in control of what forms into a habit and what doesn't. I could try doing something for a month and nothing comes of it, or I randomly do something and from then on it must be part of my permanent personal routine. I feel like I'm at the mercy of chance and it's very frustrating
Every time one of your videos pop up on my feed I just know you’re going to say something that makes me hang on to your every word. Which is a tough thing to do for someone who has an extremely hard time holding onto information from any source. Appreciate your opinions and knowledge! Thanks.
100%. I have a daily coding challenge, and Duolingo work I do every day. Fought like hell to get them, but been 3 years strong since 💪🏾
I read that habits take longer to form for peoole with ADHD. It was a weird number, something like 58 or 68 days or repetitions.
It’s how I have managed to get through life. Forcing myself to do the right things. It has been hella hard and sucked but it works.
True! Been cold showering and doing 50 squats in the morning for the past 7+ years without skipping a day! 🔥
Managed to set myself up with both this and the emotional-driven avoidance, and now I just argue instead of taking advice even tho I ASKED FOR IT😅 I’m really starting to have trouble believing my rationalizing though, what with all the constant introspection, so it will get better. I love my friends and family for their forgiveness. My little brother really saved me in particular. He is a powerful person to me.
alright but what if you just cant form habits
i literally do the thing once a day for an entire month, i forget to do it one time after and bam its just gone
habits are supposed to make things easier but theyre always just as taxing
I can do something regularly for an entire year and then lose that habit out of nowhere.
@@pursnikitty exactly, it just doesnt feel easier after a few months to do it doesnt it?
like i hear people talking about habits as if brushing their teeth is just easier after 2 weeks of doing it
This makes so much sense now.
Hear a lot of those suffering ADHD who cut down on glucose/carbs and highly processed foods, coffee, seeing good results. Trying it and it’s working.
I have adhd. I am 43 and ironically, I am very good with time management and tasks. That's because from an early age I was forced to live in foreign countries and paying bills on time or being on time was a major necessity for building a good rapport with people and services. I also have an autistic - adhd son now whose sole responsibility is on me. There too I do a great job. I am always always pro active, I connect with all his professionals in his life, I never miss appointments. But when it comes to my own personal hygiene, or reading something I enjoy, or doing everyday tasks in an order, I am a mess...but I do force myself and do them, but after that, I have to shut myself from the world and numb my brain by watching TV. Nothing else calms down my brain. It's tragic.
This explains why working out comes second nature if I can force myself to do it for two weeks, but those first two weeks are so incredibly difficult I almost always fail.
Some habits i pick up very quickly, but others are really difficult to pick up
I have a habit of feeding my cannabinoid receptors, cannabis each day. Helps me focus and develop my program so much easier without all the extra adhd traffic.
The only real habit I have is brushing my teeth 2 times a day. Sleep schedule, eating, self care, exercise are all inconsistent. I don't think I have actual habits lol.
The 21 days rule doesn't apply to me apparently. I have been able to exercise for 1-2 months until one day I just stopped. I've given up on habits.
Can confirm, endocannabinoid system is intact. I activate it with exogenous cannabinoids daily.
I have diagnosed Adhd. I got a sony Ericsson when i was 10 years old. I imeadeldly startet to use the calendar and its reminder function. I cope well with friends and planning. University and household are very difficult to maintain for me. I now dropped out of uni and started a job training with less flexible hours and way less self organization.
Keeping streaks for my daily habits has been one of the best things I ever did
I don’t know about that. Even really simple, fundamental habits like brushing your teeth, I did consistently for my entire childhood yet it never actually formed a habit, so the second I was a teen and not being carried by my parents every step of the process, I didn’t do it half the time because it was never a habit. I’ve also heard consistent sentiments from basically everyone else with ADHD
Thank you for being a voice of reason that ADHD is indeed a disorder and not a super power. It is a disability.
Just because you fail to manage your nervous system does not make it a disorder.
@@daphneglasurus7886 it's both at the same time. We have the power to stay calm in situations that put others into a panic, among other abilities to make up for the challenges. There's a way to harness ADD and make it work for you, but one has to find the right career I believe. Not easy but there must be a way.. just a matter of finding it.
Wow thanks such good information about the habit. Will try that now and forever 😊
For me, this absolutely depends on what the habit is.
For instance, I've been a hardcore mountain biker and gym-goer since my twenties. I have no trouble finding the discipline to train athletically. I don't need to force myself to go to the gym. (Unless I'm really tired). I don't need to force myself to stick to a running training plan. Not only do I not have a problem making myself train, I look forward to it because I love it.
Maintaining a calendar... Not so much. (That would be fair to myself, I have kept a running Google keep task list now for many years).
That explains why I feel more secure and productive with a companion.
Dr K, you should surely know that 2 weeks doesn't form a habit. Studies have shown it can be as short as several days to as long as hundreds to properly form a habit, and there needs to be certain components to form a habit as well
Until some random shit happens, breaking the routine, and im back to square one
My main diagnosis is autism, but I have ADHD traits.
I spent a good few months with a rule of "I can't play Skyrim unless I've spent 30 minutes drawing today, or written at least 500 words."
My gaming mouse broke a couple weeks ago, and what do you know, I still draw and write every day.
Love this explanation and validation. I thrived in the military, as it was structured. I suffer now, at the wills of my unique neurodivergence.
Wow sir, that is exactly the information I needed. Thank you 😊
Reading the comments, I'm glad I'm not the only one who can't build a habit through 2 weeks of consistency.
I don't have anything to back this, but I think it probably has to do with the mental load. Making yourself do something for 2 weeks isn't always difficult. I think it can even stimulate the part of ADHD brains that seek novelty. However, putting something on autopilot is much more difficult. Any habit, I need to actively think about each step of it. After a few weeks, this becomes tedious and frustrating. It never fully integrates. So if you're tired, physically or mentally, it's easy for this task to drop off, because you don't have the energy to force the processes needed to do it.
Again, I don't have the neuroscientific or psychological info to back this, but this is how my experience feels, and why I think habit building can be difficult.
Yess I use timers. And my weekly schedule is built around my gym and activities schedule. There is something to look forward to every day
Thank you. Merry Christmas and happy New Year’s, wish you and your family all the best
Doctor, you’re absolutely 👍 on point! Thank you 🙏🏼 for your knowledge & sharing with us ❤✌️
This came to me at exactly the right time
I notice forming a habit in my adolescent years with adhd is more easier than adulthood. Try to get me to do something different in my 20s is like arguing with a bear to leave you alone. The amount of stubbornness ADHD can hold is at a profound level in adults due to evolutionary changes in our brain. ADHD can put you in a mental headlock too if you don't tame the beast. It can spark suicide attempts, hostility and trust issues. ADHD has a mind of its own, it can decide what it wants to keep and what to leave out.
I have pretty bad ADHD and calendars and timers are my saving grace. I will 100% forget something unless I put it in my calendar or have a daily timer for it. I also tend to keep habits once formed but it does take a long time to get those bonds to form and stick.
I was able to develop a habit of locking the sliding glass door after taking the dogs out, the problem is that i forget my dad is out there and so i have accidentally locked him out a couple of times and i know if i tried to explain in full why im not doing it intentionally he would say im trying to "justify" (he has used this so much in the past to make me feel bad that its such a dirty word to me) my actions and not me trying to genuinely explain how adhd works and that it is something that i cant help even with my meds and i hate that so often he will get upset and mad at me for things that are related to my adhd and then later for something thats not the same thing and is a different connection in my mind but will use the generalized function (i can be extremely forgetful for somethings, however i work in a way to help my forgetfulness and how some things are set up in the house can help me manage the forgetfulness for somethings better than others)
That explains why I've had a life full of lists, calendars, mini notebooks, a map of the school on my binder with my schedule taped next to it and the routes outlined.
This made me feel like there is hope thank you!
I had few bad habits that I just can't get rid of and then suddenly 1 day I stopped doing it just like that
Just got out of an argument with my dad. He doesn’t understand me, and I can’t help him do so.
this is literally me with fitness, been an obese kid all my life then i started going to the gym and fitness, now im consistently reading research papers about the subject to train better, even considering to change careers
Thank you for this information!🙏
I mean, how do you know know what day it is? Keep track of the days of the week like you’ve been doing since kindergarten.
If you don’t know the number look at your smartphone or smartwatch.
Your smartphone even has a calendar app, which I don’t really use, or you can use a physical calendar of you have the space. I understand why keeping track of the days is important. I don’t understand the timer thing unless you mean alarm clocks. ⏰
But I have other disabilities as well.
Keep it up Dr. K!
I can't count the times I've tried and tried to be organized and use a calendar or diary, I just can't do it. I hyperfocus on writing down everything the first day and then proceed to try to force myself to use it until I completely forget it ever existed or I'm so done with trying I just decide to stop. 😅
This gives me hope 🙏
I agree. I am not sure about 'healthy habits' like working out as in many replies here, but a routine definitely works. Say I applied for a class, then sure I'll forget the first couple times. But once it settles in my system as a same time every week thing, I do just fine. Focus is another thing tho. 😂
There's a lot more to adhd than not using calendars or timers. They help some, predictable, things but they can't help it all.
Why have HG's shorts become my lifeline
Its been a great lifeline for me. Ive been in therapy for almost a year now and have been slowly getting better. HG really helped give me the confidence to take that next step and still helps me when I need an extra boost
Thanks! Doc for once this is clear & understandable without the long terminology.
That was fascinating thanks a lot doc❤
As that said, this doesn’t hold through for me. The issue is whether the habit is actually reinforcing enough. I did a yoga sequence that was very highly recommended by a friend who was into the same spiritual discipline as I was for three months faithfully. Yeah I got more flexible, but it didn’t have the effect in terms of meditation or Insight that I was looking for. I didn’t feel different when I quit. People told me that if I shifted to an eight hour eating window, that it would get easy. I tried it for three months and was, Attic when I decided to just quit because it also didn’t have the effect I wanted. I got into the bedmaking habit and that one lasted for years, but it’s been gone recently. I guess the procrastination happens just more easily reinforced.
The calendar and timer thing works perfectly for me with notes too until I have so many alarms set and way too many notes.
Thanks for the advice!
Hmm. It's quite the opposite in my experience (and in my impressions of others' experiences. I mean, there are countless memes and shorts from the neurodiverse that reflect my experiences). It's easy and exciting to do something novel and interesting for a few weeks. However, even in the rare case when I maintain something for months, and love the thing and the benefits of the thing, it doesn't become a habit. It's more like inertia. A single missed day will sap 60-100% of that inertia. If I don't stop completely after one missed beat, it becomes excrutiating to keep going. It's often hard to continue the thing even if I get myself to start. At that point it only takes one or two more stutters to grind to a halt. It's worth noting that life doesn't allow 100% consistency. Hiccups are inevitable. Sooner or later there will be a trip away from home, a period of sickness, a friend in crisis, a crunch time at work, the sudden need to move house, etc. When I lose my inertia, the idea of the thing also slips from my mind, and I become hostile toward external reminders. If I didn't disable them during the period of disruption, it's a hurculean task to dismiss an alert instead of wiping the reminders from existence. If the reminder is persistent then the anger grows, ensuring that I don't do the thing. Over time the fury grows larger while grinding away at my willpower, and I ultimately lash out at the person or disable the application. On the other hand, given time to cool down after losing my inertia I'll occasionally remember the thing, but it's rarely at an actionable moment. When I think of it in an actionable moment it's excrutatingly hard to take that action, even if I loved it before. It will be days, weeks or even months before the narrow windows of memory, the capacity for intentional action, and the capacity to overcome that resistance, all align. If I sieze that opportunity I only gain the tiniest bit of inertia. It''s an enormous challenge to keep remembering and doing the thing until I've regained sufficient inertia to resume the pattern. Even then, I'm just back to where I started. After months of consistent repetition it's still only inertia, ready to fall away given a moment of distraction or hesitation.
omgosh powerful message- so true!
I dont eat breakfast bad habit, im 50 and need it to have energy. But its so bad i dont feel the hunger in my head, but i can hear on my stomach so I forget it, even if im saying remember i put a note in the “remember breakfast” still forgets because its not in my system to do it natural..
My issue with this was (the same today) that I can't really choose what habit I want.. Its more like “uh I like that!” and all of the sudden Its a habit…
I get burnt out in 2 weeks, then never want to do that thing again 😅 the only thing I can do for more than a month, are MMOs, and i'm burnt out on that too.
After burnout, it can take months before I can make myself do anything else. It's like trying to find an electron - you point a detector somewhere, and hope it shows up - other than that, it's anybody's guess where it might be.
To all of the people who have trouble developing habits quickly and maintaining them for long periods of time without being derailed, let me introduce you to omnihabits. Omnihabits are habits that reinforce other habits, kind of like atomic habits. Omnihabits are like a key that allows you to access and quickly reopen other habits. Say your omnihabit is journaling. If you journal the progress of a new habit and eventually are derailed, picking up the old habit will be much easier by first engaging with your omnihabit. I would also like to point out that never wanting to do or generally disliking your omnihabit is absolutely meta. The more you do said thing and actively dislike it, the better. This will literally grow a part of the brain that increases willpower and discipline. If you begin to like your omnihabit, that's not bad it still serves a function, but it does lose a little bit of its special sauce. It doesn't lose all of its mojo, though. Whatever habit you built with it will be much easier to re-establish. But it loses the ability to make habits form quicker.