That episode still kills me. Because they absolutely could have had it be both. Yes the guy had a hormone disorder and that created a situation where he didn't think he experienced sexual attraction. And yes she actually was asexual and had nothing wrong with her.
One kind of toxic concept that I've seen thrown around sometimes within the ace community is that we are all born that way and will always be ace. I feel pretty secure in the fact that I personally will not change orientation, but I also don't believe that I was born destined to be ace and I do believe that sexuality can change over time. I'm happy how I am and don't want a romantic relationship or sex but that doesn't mean someone else's feelings might not evolve over time. The born this way narrative can be abused to make aces who used to have a different orientation feel invalidated as well.
I absolutely hate "born this way" narratives. I feel like too much of the flavor is "I was born this way and can't help it, so you have to accept me since I can't change it." Like wait a second--even if I HAD chosen my identity or some aspects of it, I don't want to be treated like I'm apologizing for it or like I'm only asking for acceptance because there's no "cure"! And also--as you said--I don't believe sexuality is set in stone like some incomplex inherited trait present at birth, and I don't believe identifying as one thing makes a person forever that thing. OTHER people shouldn't be telling me I can and should change, but change needs to be a freedom I am afforded for myself. And while most people are not fluid, some are. Some people take a while to figure themselves out and that's also valid. We need asexuality awareness to let people know asexuality is one answer you might arrive upon, but it's not like you only have one chance to purchase a label and then you must live by it the rest of your life. It's a description of what you feel. If what you feel changes, you change labels.
@@swankivy Thank you for the thoughtful reply. :) I try to always treat everyone with respect because I don't know where they are mentally/emotionally and being mean doesn't help anyone. There are a lot of people who used to be in a straight or gay relationship for example and they just have no attraction to other people anymore even if they did in the past, whether due to aging, medicine, or just changing what they personally want. Maybe they already had kids, etc. and now they just can't look at anyone and find them sexy anymore. That might change and it might not, but as of the present I consider those people ace too if they want to be considered ace.
It was hilarious that my doctor, upon my self hating ace ass asking how my hormones were, saying “I’d ideally want to see everyone with your hormone levels as the ideal. So you are fine.” Did that shut up anyone making further comments? Nope! They demanded another test the Doctor OBVIOUSLY must have overlooked. I asked that to my doctor, and he told me “why would I check that when it’s only an indicator for the hormones being wrong and we just checked those?” You can probably tell …. This kept happening back and forth. My doctor has always been a fuc*ing saint.
Yikes. Yeah, some folks are ignorant - it happens ... but ... yeah, some are just dishonest and misrepresent ... well, a whole lot of stuff - themselves, what they say. And alas, there's a lot of toxicity there out there in the land of MRA, etc. Alas, unfortunate, as there are some real men's issues out there too, but often overrun and outshouted by other drivel and toxicity and other such crud. And that whole "incel" thing ... always struck me as seriously wrong-headed - like they're presuming somebody already "owes" them something ... no ... not how that works, ... not at all. Ugh. Well ... at least you well responded to it. Yay! And yeah, blocking ... if someone is going to be / continue to be that much of a problem or jerk or whatever ... yeah, quite appropriate. Alas, many get sucked into their own bubbles ... and often of toxic misinformation - but some, that's where they reside and what they continue to consume ... and, alas, algorithms are often more than happy to continue feeding such to them if that's what they want to consume.
Yeah. For a lot of them, they aren't willing to look at themselves for why they're not satisfied with what they've got and can't achieve what they want. They've felt all their lives that they deserve something they've been told is part of a happy life and they are looking for someone to blame for why they didn't get it. So it's much easier to just say "women are broken and selfish" rather than "wait, why do we think we are guaranteed a relationship with a woman, as if what she feels and wants in return is irrelevant?" Unfortunately, the fact that there ARE plenty of systemic problems men face because of patriarchy attracts some of them to the entirely reactionary "Men's Movement." There are definitely forces at work influencing men to be unable to express emotions, have no connections with others outside of sex, be forced into "toughness," experience sexual assault and can't talk about it or access resources, and may be discriminated against in family court. Feminism addresses these issues too, and wants to protect men too. It sucks that men's movements like "Red Pill" dialogues always want to focus only on the men's issues and "get them back" for men AGAINST women, instead of seeing patriarchy as a system that systemically disadvantages women but also has some disadvantages for EVERYONE.
Fun end transition!
Also, great glasses! I need new ones and I think I want a similar shape 👓
I bet he watched the episode of House when he posted that comment. 🤔
Could be.
That episode still kills me. Because they absolutely could have had it be both. Yes the guy had a hormone disorder and that created a situation where he didn't think he experienced sexual attraction. And yes she actually was asexual and had nothing wrong with her.
One kind of toxic concept that I've seen thrown around sometimes within the ace community is that we are all born that way and will always be ace. I feel pretty secure in the fact that I personally will not change orientation, but I also don't believe that I was born destined to be ace and I do believe that sexuality can change over time. I'm happy how I am and don't want a romantic relationship or sex but that doesn't mean someone else's feelings might not evolve over time. The born this way narrative can be abused to make aces who used to have a different orientation feel invalidated as well.
I absolutely hate "born this way" narratives. I feel like too much of the flavor is "I was born this way and can't help it, so you have to accept me since I can't change it." Like wait a second--even if I HAD chosen my identity or some aspects of it, I don't want to be treated like I'm apologizing for it or like I'm only asking for acceptance because there's no "cure"! And also--as you said--I don't believe sexuality is set in stone like some incomplex inherited trait present at birth, and I don't believe identifying as one thing makes a person forever that thing. OTHER people shouldn't be telling me I can and should change, but change needs to be a freedom I am afforded for myself. And while most people are not fluid, some are. Some people take a while to figure themselves out and that's also valid. We need asexuality awareness to let people know asexuality is one answer you might arrive upon, but it's not like you only have one chance to purchase a label and then you must live by it the rest of your life. It's a description of what you feel. If what you feel changes, you change labels.
@@swankivy Thank you for the thoughtful reply. :) I try to always treat everyone with respect because I don't know where they are mentally/emotionally and being mean doesn't help anyone.
There are a lot of people who used to be in a straight or gay relationship for example and they just have no attraction to other people anymore even if they did in the past, whether due to aging, medicine, or just changing what they personally want. Maybe they already had kids, etc. and now they just can't look at anyone and find them sexy anymore. That might change and it might not, but as of the present I consider those people ace too if they want to be considered ace.
It was hilarious that my doctor, upon my self hating ace ass asking how my hormones were, saying “I’d ideally want to see everyone with your hormone levels as the ideal. So you are fine.”
Did that shut up anyone making further comments? Nope! They demanded another test the Doctor OBVIOUSLY must have overlooked.
I asked that to my doctor, and he told me “why would I check that when it’s only an indicator for the hormones being wrong and we just checked those?”
You can probably tell …. This kept happening back and forth.
My doctor has always been a fuc*ing saint.
It is annoying when people don't want to be educated and the frame of the glasses look nice
Yikes. Yeah, some folks are ignorant - it happens ... but ... yeah, some are just dishonest and misrepresent ... well, a whole lot of stuff - themselves, what they say. And alas, there's a lot of toxicity there out there in the land of MRA, etc. Alas, unfortunate, as there are some real men's issues out there too, but often overrun and outshouted by other drivel and toxicity and other such crud. And that whole "incel" thing ... always struck me as seriously wrong-headed - like they're presuming somebody already "owes" them something ... no ... not how that works, ... not at all. Ugh. Well ... at least you well responded to it. Yay! And yeah, blocking ... if someone is going to be / continue to be that much of a problem or jerk or whatever ... yeah, quite appropriate. Alas, many get sucked into their own bubbles ... and often of toxic misinformation - but some, that's where they reside and what they continue to consume ... and, alas, algorithms are often more than happy to continue feeding such to them if that's what they want to consume.
Yeah. For a lot of them, they aren't willing to look at themselves for why they're not satisfied with what they've got and can't achieve what they want. They've felt all their lives that they deserve something they've been told is part of a happy life and they are looking for someone to blame for why they didn't get it. So it's much easier to just say "women are broken and selfish" rather than "wait, why do we think we are guaranteed a relationship with a woman, as if what she feels and wants in return is irrelevant?" Unfortunately, the fact that there ARE plenty of systemic problems men face because of patriarchy attracts some of them to the entirely reactionary "Men's Movement." There are definitely forces at work influencing men to be unable to express emotions, have no connections with others outside of sex, be forced into "toughness," experience sexual assault and can't talk about it or access resources, and may be discriminated against in family court. Feminism addresses these issues too, and wants to protect men too. It sucks that men's movements like "Red Pill" dialogues always want to focus only on the men's issues and "get them back" for men AGAINST women, instead of seeing patriarchy as a system that systemically disadvantages women but also has some disadvantages for EVERYONE.
lol That guy's a real piece of work. Not good work. lol