I have a 60yr old coworker that is one of those political conundrums. When I first met him, I got vibes that he is very caring, emotional, and genuinely nice person. We seemed to see eye to eye on social justice issues, so I figured he was probably liberal like me. It was a total surprise when he said he was very active in the Republican Party, but I figured maybe he supported obscure candidates because all the popular ones seemed to have polar opposite views to his. Wrong. He told me Trump was too moderate, and he is a big DeSantis supporter. I am a trans woman (he doesn’t know), and was stunned and didn’t really know how to talk to him for weeks. It’s been months since that bombshell and we still talk a bunch because he likes me and “thinks I’m a really good friend”. I’m torn. He’s still a really nice guy and agrees on liberal issues all the time, but the fact he supports DeSantis makes me keep him at an arm’s length despite me liking him otherwise. Based on more conversations, his political stance is purely based on law and order because he’s absolutely terrified of crime. The conservative media has him in so much fear that he can’t see he’s voting opposite to all his other views. Or maybe when he talks to me he’s lying, I don’t know anymore. He’s had a bunch of family and friends cut him off for his views, but he still won’t wake up. Honestly, I would’ve cut him off too if we didn’t have neighboring cubicles because it’s distressing that he supports someone that would literally prefer to see me dead. For now I just hope he’ll wake up someday.
Do you think if you opened up to him about your status as a trans woman, and told him the ramifications that are happening to you and people like you due to DeSantis he might reevaluate his positions? Granted i know this post was made months ago, and also you shouldn't out yourself if you feel unsafe. Peace my friend.
I'd run for the hills tbh. Desantis is fucking mental and no matter what someone says about some things if they r saying Trump's moderate I wouldn't want to be in the same building as them.
I feel you as a black man shit like this can get complicated just continue trying to be his friend and show him the way I know it shouldn't be on People like us but who else is better to teach them people always push these people away instead of trying to communicate I'm trying to reach a middle ground at the very least it may not work but you can always try I don't know if that will help but it's the best advice I can give
@@tirwd He(the person in question, not DeSantis) may genuinely not be aware of how far both Trump and DeSantis are. He could easily be eating up the dream without being aware of the reality. I wouldn't write him off just yet.
"I believe that it's much more common for a bad system to corrupt an individual than it is for a bad individual to corrupt an otherwise benevolent system." I'm gonna remember that one.
"We all have the same 24 hours in the day". No we don't. Some of us have a lot of those hours eaten up working more than 40 hours a week cobelling together something like a living. Some of us have giant commutes that eat up more than the average 1.5 hours because house and rent is astronomical. Some of us have health conditions, physical and mental, that limit how long and how well we can work. Some of us have partners that fail to take on their fair share of the housekeeping, mental load, emotional load, and childcare so one party gets more than their partner's share of "downtime". the one doing the labor misses out on those 24 hours, and the one not doing it gains it. There are so many ways that we all don't have the same 24 hours and it's so glib to say otherwise. It always bugged me when Howard/ Tony Stark said "no amount of money ever bought a second of time". Then what are your cooks, cleaners, chauffeurs, gardeners, and assistants providing for you?
Not to mention that *some* people can pay others for things like childcare, cleaning, cooking etc. some people can work from home, some people don't *have to* work more but actively and willingly choose to work more or less and so on.
My FIL once told me "any problem that can be solved with money isn't an actual problem" and I've wondered for years how he sees the world. He's well off enough, but even then, that's some self-delusion
The greatest thing to ever happen to my parents' political stances was the worst thing to happen to me and my wife. Her green card was held up and endangered by the fresh hell of the Trump administration. Them seeing the end results of their "immigrants taking our jobs and living off the teat of the government!" voting positions leveraged against us made them dig deep and see that they weren't voting to hurt the rare, edge case of a immigrant needing government assistance. They were hurting every immigrant including my wife and by extension, myself. When we had to get my passport in order in the event of her potential deportation they finally sat up and listened. Four years later and my mom is full blown Pride or Die and my step-father kicked some friends out of their house for the way they were talking about immigrants. People CAN change but it seems like each individual needs different and specific circumstances. I hope we can find a better way to sway people without suffering.
There’s a great song called “Love me I’m a liberal” and it’s a satire from the perspective of a liberal about how they’re hypocritical but it opens with the very funny “10 degrees left of center in good times, 10 degrees right of center when it affects them personally.” Fortunately in your case it was the inverse
I think that one of the big things with the free speech argument is that, it stops the minute the advocate finds something truly offensive. Like, they are all fine with free speech, but then I ask them to imagine what's the worst most unclean & uncalled for things they can imagine, and to imagine someone saying it to them about them or someone they care about, then imagine that person DOES NOT STOP. They do it everywhere, they follow you home and do it, they scream it at you on the street and outside your house, your work, your kid's school. But if you try and stop them through ANY MEANS, you are told that his right to do that is more important than your right to not hear it. And most of them think that's horrible, but often that that doesn't happen, when in reality, many of us in marginalized groups do get that all the time, and what frustrates us is how often the keys to our safety are held by people who are not in community, are not required to be to hold that responsibility, and who's authority to hold that power is difficult to redistribute. I think it's why you see so many conservatives soften up if/when they get a queer or neurodiv kid, and why so many of us are so annoyed that that fluke of individual experience is STILL one of the best ways to get it and not like systemic education or ANYTHING ELSE one could think of.
~4:50 "one of the most load-bearing aspects of his worldview" I absolutely LOVE this framing and description!! There are so many things that we could discuss with family and friends and break down to which pieces of their worldview, as you describe, are "loadbearing." I just love that phrasing!!
A buddy of mine was a die hard "libertarian capitalist" even though he owned no capital. One night years ago, a bunch of us were chatting outside a bar having a smoke and I just went off about how shitty it is that we have so little input into how [the place I work] functions. That the CEO and GM were running the company into the ground all for the sake of shareholders. I got all up in my feels about worker solidarity and raged against some union busting that had just happened (I've got a bit of a syndicalist streak in me, must be my French ancestry). I seem to remember emphasizing the group over the individual and how the minimum wage must be kept low so that billionaires can have everything including power over us plebs... I was, however, drunk so I don't remember it all clearly. "Something, something, the workers united can never be defeated, something, something" ... as it goes. Later that week, I was hanging out with that guy in a different context and he told me that he was really thinking about all that I had said the last time we had hung out. He said he had never looked at stuff from that perspective... long story short, I explained to him that how he was not actually a Capitalist in the academic sense of the term, but rather just a fan boy of the current economic model. That this was probably because it had never fucked him over very hard if at all (his family is decidedly middle-class). Now-a-days he's very much a liberal, but his sister (who in the past has called me "that bearded Marxist") has joined what sounds like a high control group that "lives off the grid." They apparently had several members arrested after Jan 6. My buddy told me without that rant that night, he'd likely have joined with her and that he fully recognizes how fascistic all that is.
@@ThatDangDad yeah, we're just very worried about his sister of course. They talk constantly, she hasn't been made to cut off communication, so that's at least a good thing. There's still a door open for her.
My mom is one of those "colorblind" liberals and it is super frustrating when she believes that people of color just "need to act right" and she's fine with LGBTQ+ people but "I don't care what they do in their house, I just don't want to see it". A complete blind spot for how the culture and systems in place hurt those communities. I think it's a pretty common trait of that generation.
I'm not sure about what your saying she doesn't want to see queer folks doing in public, but I don't even care to see straight couples kissing or playing grab ass in public.
@@mydnytdeath some of them don't even see the system as a problem, for them it's all about the bad apples poisoning their sacred institutions. "Systems aren't the problem, bad people are!"
Unconscious racism, IMO. Basically, either systemic racism is real, or black people are themselves to blame for the excessive misfortune that besets African-Americans. ...The latter is a racist explanation. Edit: if that sounds mean-spirited, I've been digging racism out of my own brain for years, too. So I've got the racist in the mirror that arises on occasion.
You described my dad to a T. He grew up Oklahoma-dirt-farmer poor, worked his ass off, and created a comfortable upper-middle-class life to pass on to his kids. A good man. But he could never understand that not everyone could do the same thing even if they were afforded the same opportunities, let alone that not everyone got the same opportunities he did.
The casual way your neighbors said the things they did on that neighborhood app is absurd! Im black and it still wild. Like, they said they followed the boys around, found where they might live and garnished the whole rant by calling them "punks". I just can't! I would never use an app like that for my own personal sanity
Well the "good" news is those were screenshots from other neighborhoods in the US so I didn't dox my own neighborhood. The bad news is my neighbors weren't much better. It's a bad app that I only have to get updates about emergencies and stuff
They see themselves doing all that quite frankly absurd and overly weird sh*t as completely okay or normal, hell I bet they don’t even give it a genuine thought that “perhaps I shouldn’t be following other people to their homes like a stake out, bickering and stewing all the way” One point on the scoreboard of “ahh society scoreboard” for cognitive dissonance perhaps.
Nextdoor and Ring doorbells are helping to create more and more super fearful and anxious suburbanites. It's a "they're all coming for your stuff" vortex and it's awful. I'm sickened at the cavalier nature of peoples comments about how they would un-alive someone for trying to break into their $60k vehicle while their garage is stuffed with $10k worth of junk. Why is your stuff worth more than someone's life?
@@jaioxung this is my thing, even my most prized possession isn't worth someone's life. I'm okay with having a handful of cameras to try to recover items if they are stolen and if it helps with filing an insurance claim, but the paranoia is so unreal.
I read a thing today in a class I'm taking that actually seemed like a good response to "None of us are responsible for the past, but we're all responsible for the present and to some extent the future." It was a call to action for dismantling systems that unfairly benefit one group over another. I don't know how far I'd be able to make it with this conversation with my "colorblind" mom, but at the same time, it's nice to have a response in my back pocket.
Like I've told my white colorblind friends. I like my skin color. I just don't like that people will equate me to being lazy and violent because of my skin so when say you don't see my color, you're kinda siding with the bigots
side note: one of my favorite metaphors relating to this is something like "watching liberals try to solve societal problems without a systemic critique/class consciousness is like watching someone in the dark try to flip on the light switch, but they keep turning on the garbage disposal instead". That was sloppy recall but you get the point
its like trying to exterminate a plague by killing an insect or critter, one at a time, the reason you HAVE the plague is because something is letting a ton of critters get into your house, not because the critters are individually deciding to get into your house or whatever, if they try to do that, they cant survive, just like us humans, the species that usually become plagues are species which benefit a lot and are literally ADAPTED, to be in large groups, it would be ridiculous to think one insect could cause so much damage, and thats cause it is like that, its the group thats dangerous, not the individual (same with how its the group that makes us strong, not us as individuals)
I: This video hits home. My parents seem incapable of seeing the systemic nature of issues no matter how many times I point it out to them. And sadly, stories don't work on them because they counter them with their own... I got reminded of the time I was telling dad, (who is diabetic, so I thought he'd be rightfully outraged) about the insane price-gouging of insulin that's killing people in the USA (I think i recall hearing that the prices have at least been stopped from rising further now? I hope I recall that correctly... Hadn't been so at the time, though). Anyway, instead he started raising his voice, furiously telling me about this one diabetic Slovak woman he knows of who immigrated into the US, worked hard (whatever that entailed; I don't recall atm), and is now living a successful life there Nevermind the countless people who weren't quite so lucky... 😔
All the stuff my mother has been through in life it's hard to get her to accept that people's circumstances are not 100% due to their own failures, laziness, etc.
Personal failings can explain personal failure, but they can't explain General trends. If someone becomes homeless, you can often (not always) point to mistakes they made that got them there and you can imagine things they might have done differently. But personal failure cannot explain General trends or large-scale social phenomena. Ask your mom why there is a rise in homelessness, and whether this is something a wealthy society should allow. The real question isn't whether the individual can be blamed for their circumstances, but whether a reasonable society should allow so much suffering?
@@ianhruday9584but then a lot of them also hold the belief that morality is on a downtrend and that welfare programs have contributed to that trend. If they’re religious, esp Christian bc of the intertwinement of the church with GOP politics, it’s gonna be difficult to convince them otherwise.
@@SPGHTTFRT some people think that, but a lot of people have an incoherent mix of political opinions. There is a difference between a Libertarian who's ideologically committed to criticizing the social safety net, and someone who reacts emotionally when they hear people blaming outside factors for their situation.
@@SPGHTTFRTmorality is on a downtrend though. Conservatives used to force racists to mask themselves if they wanted to run for office. Now they can openly run on a platform of hate.
The use of storytelling over factual statements with your father is a tactic called "meta-humanization" and is most famously done by Daryl Davis. It's the best tool we have in this day and age imo.
The Dad of one of my son’s close friends posted this. He’s been “deradicalized” by his son. My son and I are very close. For the past 10 years (or more really) we’ve been having conversations about capitalism and it’s systemic injustices. My husband and I are older Gen X’ers who have benefitted greatly from the capitalist structures in place in the late 80’s when we started working. We worked hard and followed the rules, much like your Dad. We’ve even retired early to enjoy our lives. My son has ever so slowly and persistently opened our eyes to the overwhelming systemic injustices built into our capitalist structures. It took us a very long time to come around as the system you are working in strongly discourages you from veering too far out of the norm. What really started us questioning everything we’d been raised to believe was Trump’s administration during the pandemic. The stupidity was staggering yet he seemed invulnerable to consequences for even obviously illegal actions. Trump’s stupidity and outrageous behavior pushed even my super conservative husband pretty far left of his original political stances. I don’t think your experiences with your parents are out of the norm. Even those of us who benefitted greatly from capitalist systems are reasonable caring individuals. We can very clearly see the injustices of our current systems. If only our major political parties weren’t both so supportive of these systems. Republicans and Democrats may seem polarized, but they are both the same in their unwavering support of the status quo. Great video. Tell your Dad I approve! Now off to watch a second video to help your algorithm quotient!
With my recent adult ADHD diagnosis I just....really don't have much patience with the whole "personal responsibility" debate anymore. Taking that first Vyvanse pill was life changing. Everyday, routine tasks that used to be psychological agony to do (if I even did them) are just...easy now. No issue at all. Doing chores? I just decide to do them. Before Vyvanse I had no idea that was how everyone else did chores! Running errands, making routine phone calls, getting to appointments? No problem! Working full time? It used to be a mental marathon every hour of every day. But now I work 45+ hour weeks because I want to make up the lost earnings from my 20s and it's just so EASY now. The usual tactic we all use to convince boomers and other "personal responsibility" addicts is to summon up totally true and relevant "hard luck" stories like redlining and the effects of poverty and trauma and etc, but what if it turned out that willpower and personal responsibility were (at least to some extent) related to your brain's neurochemcials? What about people who were born with less of the brain juices that the human brain uses for what we call "willpower"? And what if there was a pill for that? And what if it cost lots of money to get that pill???
@That Dang Dad I'm so sorry to hear they aren't anymore (or might not be?) I'm blessed every day to live in the still-breathing shambles of a social democracy that is Australia. I'd be drugfucked and/or dead if I was born in the US, instead of just lamenting the life I could have lived. I simply couldn't have afforded the specialists and the medications that have even STARTED to lift me back out of poverty. So I'm sorry to hear about you and your partner and their insurance issues. But also: something I think about these days is how many of those guys your dad talks about - who blamed everything and everyone but themselves - how many of them were undiagnosed ADHD like me? How many town drunks? I've heard my fair share of "why can't you just X?" And it's only now, on Vyvanse, that I realise how fucking easy and obvious that advice must seem to people who aren't fighting their own brains every minute of every day. I don't think you can ever REALLY convince most boomers that even if the race was truly equal and everyone started at the same starting line - that even THEN, some of us would be running a different race? The idea that Freedom and Equality might just ALWAYS require some basic social obligation to give back, to share the load, to chip in for the support and medications that other people need? I don't think you could ever convince most boomers of that. All the best to you and your partner and mum and dad.
@@ProfDCoy I had to come to the realization I'm some form of neurodivergent in my 20's because everything started making sense once I did. And then I thought about my family, who are all odd people who are also likely ASD/ADHD and almost every one of them coped with a lot of heavy drinking. Sure, many of them are/were "functional alcoholics" but I imagine they'd have had a better life if they had gotten some help and medication decades ago.
It's a misunderstanding of psychology and nonscientific to suggest that conditions like ADHD or depression are from "chemical imbalances." If there were an imbalance of any neurotransmitters, you would probably be dead. Instead, there is some structural, physical difference in your brain along side environmental and personal (unconscious) factors that all come together to produce a set of symptoms you call ADHD. I have Narcolepsy, and likely ADHD, and I'm glad you are finding your executive function increase greatly. I also wish for the, "magic pill." But remember that stimulants like vyvanse are addictive, and their effects will considerably decrease over time, you will need a higher dose eventually. That's just physiology. Using a chemical central nervous system stimulant to improve executive function does work! But at the same time, it needs to be combined with holistic practices and therapy, because in the end, using stimulants is a crutch. There's nothing wrong with them, but they are not the end-all-be-all for treatment. If society was structured less rigidly, it would make neurodivergent people's lives much easier, and we wouldn't need to take addictive medication or suffer.
Yes! I first time I took my Focalin, 30 minutes later I said out loud, "Holy shit, is this Executive Function? Do neurotypical people feel like this every day?!" I'm still ADHD, and disabled in other ways, but life is so much more manageable and less anxious now!
If I was mentally ill and someone told me to be ashamed of it and all of its troubles are my problem and my problem alone i would probably prove that mental illness can be violent
My dad has always been pretty awesome in a very odd way. He worked maybe more than I would have liked, and it would have been nice to be closer, but held down the fort, and I learned from watching. He never talks smack about anyone or anything. He was never mean. He was never selfish. He was freaking stable while I figured out my own life. It took me decades to realize how good of a dad he was. He was simple and unexciting, but when I meet my friends' opinionated dads it feels like I'm interacting with giant, immature, negative, gossipy, low intellect, selfish man-babies. Thanks dad. lol.
@@MLBlue30 lol. Yeah. Unfortunately he married some horrible women that were abusive. Bio mom left when I was four and called me sensitive. And my step mom had OCPD or something and was like a less wealthy Mommy Dearest. I feel like my childhood would have been healthier if my Dad would have had a better radar for mentally healthy partners. That's why it took so long for me to see how great my dad was... the moms demanded all the attention, control, and drama in our lives. If I could do it over again I would have spent my life looking for the right woman for my dad.
Ive been watching a bunch of your videos and they honestly give me so much hope for the future. Just existing is scary and exhausting sometimes, and knowing theres people out there like you is really nice :)
The idea that impoverished people are thieves is harmful. Thievery goes beyond financial class but higher paying theft isn’t put on the news Many poor families are poor because they follow the saw despite these invisible hurdles that only certain communities face
My mom seems to struggle a lot with that "systems v. individuals" issue. She had a whole argument with my brother and I about ACAB because "lots of cops are nice" and she has a friend who's a cop. She defends landlords, too, cuz her fiance's parents are landlords. She sees the individuals who are kind to her personally, but not the systems they are functioning within and enforcing by doing so. It's a difficult hurdle to overcome, I think.
A lot of this seems to be the problem with people who are more concerned about appearances and decorum than their actions. I'm sure those people are nice to your mother, and then as a result those people get a free pass because "Well, they're always so polite/kind/generous etc. to me"
@@LeoMidori it is so crazy that we live in a time where a landlord can be polite to your face while definitionally threatening to take away your shelter if you don't pay them a monthly ransom, and we consider that "nice". I imagine this barbaric dynamic being laughably stupid in retrospect from the future. the casual barbarism capitalism forces us to adopt is really ugly. It's like "nice" slaveowners. it's debased but hey at least you're getting a bottle of wine for christmas right? And you have all these stories about "generous" landlords that won't raise rent as fast as others....it's completely backwards. Except, I do know one landlord who rents one of his apartments to a friend of mine, and after 17 years, offered to sell it to him while using every cent of rent he's paid as down payment. That's legit actually nice. But, those 2 are best friends.
To be fair, ACAB should really be called "the police system is terribly prejudiced". The name does literally imply that it's an individual thing when really it's a systemic issue.
Maybe one way to get through is to explain it like this: say you have a bunch of apples in a container and a few go really rotten, slimy, and gross. They ruin the bunch; you can't trust the other apples at all. You need to get rid of all of the apples, right? But also think about the container the bad apples were in; it got nasty. So it's going to remain contaminated if all you do is dump those apples and throw in new ones. You're just going to get more rotten apples over time, which will continue to ruin the bunch until you clean or replace that container... The system is the container coated in slime, bacteria, fungus, and pathogens. Maybe you can see the grime and maybe you can't but either way you run the risk of ruining your apples again and again by letting this become your new status quo and never doing anything about it. Edit: And then consider that the nasty container you're using was handed to you in this form by someone else and this person rejects the idea of you using your own autonomy to get rid of the container or clean it. You should be concerned because either they're up to something, they want to harm other people with these apples, or they refuse to believe in the science of cleanliness which the vast majority of people don't disagree with on some fundamental level. It's a bad look either way?
The saying is, a few bad apples dealt with, ruin the whole bunch. I mean as counter to a few bad apples, thats the saying. That not dealt with fast will ruin the whole bunch. Which also is true with apple storag, th on starting to go bad, you work up if possible, but also, good saying, and ssayinga few bad apples ruin the binch, is the saying. like , have you tried to pull up on your ootssstraps? Hard alone.
It's like if food in a plastic container goes moldy, it's actually not possible to fully remove the mold spores from the container, they get stuck in microscopic imperfections in the plastic, so if a plastic container goes moldy you have to throw out the container.
@pseudomugilidae5897 Oh yeah. Even more reason to throw it out and start over, then! And not keep it if someone else gave it to you, whether they meant well or not.
I also live in Kentucky as does my father, but it’s the “redneck” part, the eastern side of the state, near West Virginia and the only thing I’ve been able to change my ultra conservative fathers mind on is no-knock warrants, because I made him put himself in the position of the person getting served the warrant. What if police broke into your house and you opened fire at them thinking they were home invaders (as they are) and you get charged and arrested for trying or killing a cop, or possibly killed by those cops? So he agreed that it shouldn’t be a thing. But really that’s about it. I try that approach by appealing to his empathy but it only goes so far, and he refuses to acknowledge other points of view on most issues. I’ve noticed his opinions aren’t really his, they are the ones from Fox News and his conservative radio shows, he relies almost entirely on confirmation bias, rarely looking into the things he believes to be true, yet will shut down any opposing opinion or evidence contrary to his bias. It’s exhausting and really frustrating. He’s also very homophobic, to the point where he almost has to leave the room when he sees two men or women kiss on TV. He’s also very transphobic, despite him knowing a trans person (he didn’t know they were) and just refuses to acknowledge it. I’m at a loss and I’m so tired of trying to get him to see the light.
Professional hobo by choice here. I have had so many conversations with people and I can say a lot of conservatives want the homeless to suffer. I can't convey through text just how angry they get when they see that I'm actually a very very happy person. So strange
what a rant/vent... I should probably watch the video before trauma dumping, ill put this line at the top I wish I could deradicalize my dad... maybe id actually enjoy spending time with him for longer then 10 minutes... I went from kid without him (because he would always be working, for me and my mom and himself too obviously but definitely more us otherwise he could have taken it easier) to having him slowly gain success with his business so he shows up for dinner, and hating it because he came home around 4pm now and dinner that early after school interrupted my homework/studies and it was frustrating talking to this stranger who is so arrogant and annoying and loud and keeps saying casually hurtful things about how skinny I am or X or Y, and I cant do my schoolwork the way I used to, and as I got older and started to engage with him more as a person and parent rather then intrusion, I found out about a lot of his thoughts and ideas and ideals, and me growing up just made me realize how fucking trash they are... the one good trait (sometimes good) that I got from him was "hard worker" and even then that was partially out of my deep selfworth issues I had, my desire to be kind and helpful no matter what (radiantly kind, as I put it to myself) and just being raised with "no" as a bad word that isnt allowed... anyways, my dad is a big fkn handful and I wish I could just flip a switch and have him be nicer, not even to me anymore... just in general... id accept him being a good human to strangers and others and having empathy if it meant any time he sees me he throws a left hook or something... anyways... I guess now I am mostly sad about it, im nearly 30, and my relationship with both my parents aint great and I wish it was but I really dont have the mental fortitude to keep trying so hard with them... I dont know how to say "please be a better person, for me" in so many words and have it sink in that I am serious, its for me if nothing else, without them blowing it off as me being dramatic, or it turning into an argument where im ungrateful, or how they did their best so I cant criticize them....
[17:29] I can’t emphasize this enough. I have been clean for coming up on 11 years. And that is only because I got incredibly lucky, considering at that time I had recently lost my insurance. My then-therapist was so accommodating, he deferred my payments until I could acquire stable insurance. He was the only reason I got into rehab without taking on at least 30 grand in debt. My therapist happened to know someone who ran an inpatient rehab and he arranged a ‘scholarship’ for me to go. If it hadn’t been for that AA/NA would have basically remained the only available option. AA/NA is peer to peer, so their groups are not overseen by any type of counselor or mental health professional. Considering how common substance abuse is co-morbid with other mental health issues, the lack of a trained counselor can end up being incredibly damaging. And personally, has left profound trauma that I have still yet to fully unpack. Plus their ideological disregard for any form of harm reduction has continuously proven fatal. Sorry for the extensive diatribe, but I cannot convey the outrage I feel about this. We do such a massive disservice to addicts (and people who need any kind of healthcare, generally) by making legitimate care elusive at best and often entirely unreachable.
Glad to see this sentiment openly expressed. I was lucky enough to be born into a supportive family with resources, but had i not, NA/AA would’ve made me a statistic. Despite going out of my way to find an evidence based, non 12 step program, and assurances from staff. I arrived to find that’s exactly what I would be getting, twice. A few years and a couple relapses later I went to another, stayed 2 days, checked out after they let another patient die from alcohol withdrawals, got home, got high as fuck, and went to a hospital to detox in the psych ward for 3 days. They referred me to a medication assisted program. I completed that, and haven’t had to look back since. 12 step programs don’t work, and in a lot of cases I think that’s the point. What’s the incentive to change when a 30 inpatient program is just as likely to be covered by insurance and 10 times more profitable? Repeat customers are just a bonus.
@@williambrasky3891Hum, excuse me, I am almost 5 years clean and sober and I did it with AA and CA. I know many people for whom 12-step programs worked as well. I agree that some people need professional help. But for some, like myself, meetings and the steps are the only things that work. With counselors, I could not bring myself to open up honestly enough, admit the totality of my problem, and accept to change. I was wasting my time and their time. But with fellow addicts who had managed to get sober, I just couldn't hide the ball, they saw through me, that's what I needed.
Yes, I got to see how people with 'good' insurance and wealth get into these compassionate well-run rehabs. The state facilities are havens of abuse, chemical 'restraints', and doctors on power trips. They all push dangerous meds with little evaluation (brain scans, EEGs, etc) They destroy lives. On top of that, religious institutions and the media use addicted people to scare the public and get ratings. Americans go through so many levels of brainwashing. The purpose being divisiveness and profit. Americans think it's noble and normal to have multiple jobs to survive. It's like being proud of being abused. I say Stockholm Syndrome is part of it. The poisonous level of patriotism is part of it. Low self-esteem from all kinds of religion and propaganda is part of it. When people have a fortunate life, they often see it through the lens of how hard a person tries. Blame the victim mentality is a huge part of what's wrong in America, the world. A good example being the opioid problem. Until wealthy white people started dying left and right, it was framed as a moral problem for poor people or POC. Now we get to hear about the predatory Sackler family and other pharmaceutical companies who intentionally pushed these drugs on doctors who pushed them onto patients. Americans need to realize they're just batteries and need to revolt.
Could you vaguely describe you and your therapist's age, cultural background ... Just in case it's... not just the luck, you know.... I think there was a horizontal ladder helping you out; people can't see them ladders, but they keep stumbling into them, and if made out of the correct material, they get "lucky".
i was sent to court-ordered church via AA/NA when I was young too, and it was horrifically detrimental to my health and development. fuck that shit. that's why all evidence over the last 50 years shows it to be equal or slightly worse outcomes to doing nothing. AA is a fucking scam, and a religion, and the fact athat the government can force you to attend is blatantly unconstitutional. I don't care if it worked for this guy, or that guy, or the guy in this thread. They are averaged out by the millions of deaths AA "treatment" has led to. People parroting this nonsense need to look up the actual science and then admit that they're simply lucky and owe nothing to 12 step programs except a sense of indoctrination - or otherwise admit that they deny medical science. evidence based treatments are better, to say anything contrary is simply anti-science.
My father was a registered republican, Rush Limbaugh listening, conservative about a decade ago. But now, I've managed to turn him into a proud Socalist. Again, it took nearly 10 years, but it worked in my experience. So much so that he personally volunteered for the Sanders campaign during the last election and spent months going house to house to drum up support. Sometimes it's hard for me to remember that this man who now supports things like universal healthcare, abolishing police, and higher taxes for the rich, used to vehemently regularly argue for the opposite side in each debate (which honestly makes him extremely good at predicting the opposition's rebuttals or counterpoints). I find the best technique is to plant seeds, and occasionally use "beging the question" type statements. Wait to see if they take hold. People turn off when you try to shove any philosophy or beliefs down their throats. But if you plant seeds and wait, then you will see where your efforts are best focused. Give them small tastes, and wait for them to come back later asking for more elaboration. This means they actually care and are truly ready to be receptive to your message. Plus, you'll ultimately waste a lot less time on those who will never seriously consider your position or words. I've also found that Christians are often especially easy converts, because Jesus himself seemed to support Matxist ideals.
Ugh. This is far too relatable. My dad also assumes that if you're not doing well, it's because you're not working hard enough or you made some dumb choices, so he never helped me out "because it'll help build your character" or "because I know you're better than that." Then again, I know any financial assistance from him would come with mega strings attached, so I don't ask anyway. It's so incredibly frustrating having my parents think I don't work hard, though.
This comes from an argument I got into a friend of mine (not a white boomer, but a late gen x/early millennial. Our age difference is 2 weeks. Yes, weeks). We were talking about class, with some race thrown in, and he starts on an analogy-one that demonstrates a lot of the values you mentioned. I'm pretty sure he made this entire argument in good faith. My friend talked about how he and my roommate would go on runs and about how my roommate was faster them him (roommate is former track and field). However, my roommate never ran at full speed; he always made sure my friend could keep up. My friend would also push himself to run faster, so that my roommate could run closer to his preferred running speed. However, before he could make his conclusion (because I already saw where this analogy was going and I didn't feel like being patient), I responded, "alright, now imagine my roommate does not slow down, you're wearing ankle weights and my roommate spends the whole time going on about how you're just lazy and that's why you can't keep up before running ahead. Because that's the real world." My friend's response? "I don't think that is." And that summed up the fundamental difference. He really believed everyone started at equal footing. I understood that wasn't true.
I was a right leaning centrist, then a staunch libertarian, and now I’d say I’m pretty left of center. What caused this transition? Working showed me how shitty it is to work when you don’t fit the educated white background. I want to be libertarian but know that we can never claw back how much we have added to this system so I want my money to go to the social programs that help all of us instead of a small minority of rich people, regardless of color. I am still growing up, but I feel that if you really look and learn and listen to your neighbors it is a natural transition out of conservative thinking. Still a gun nut, still love the military, at least for the cool toys they invent, but I have come very far in other aspects and I don’t feel that those are challenged so I probably won’t give them up.
My family is white, but my grandparents lost their first son at 13 to a drunk and prescription drugged up dumbass that the highway patrol let WALK AWAY FROM THE SCENE AFTER TAKING A BOGUS INSURANCE CARD They had adopted my father, his bio mom did drugs in the womb so he was sniffing paint by 11, all of the scare tactics of the late 70s and 80s came in full force, he went to pretty much every program in the book and got beaten, neglected, abused, molested, had drugs tested on him without his consent, and eventually he was put in prison for life after his third charge stuck, one of them they charged him with “endangering a minor” that minor was HIM!!! I know bits and pieces and nowadays he’s so Gina from all the previous drug use, but mainly the several severe beatings and long stints of solitary (for 2 or 3 years during COVID, he spent upwards of 75% of his time in solitary due to understaffing So yeah, my grandfather was a master plumber, electrician, and like HVAC or something, had the biggest plumbing business in his half of the state, then my dads insurmountable court fees started adding up, a few car accidents in which NONE of them were my grandparents fault, my pa got his by a teacher counting down stop lights, second it turned green she plowed through the crosswalk he was walking on, he retired, and eventually insurance and court shit ate through his and my grandmothers state pension (she dealt with some of the worst child abuse cases for over a decade, filing paperwork, it was office and computer work but she’s reading this awful shit all day and then they force her to use an insurance that was eating hundreds out of her retirement every month So, firstborn son dead, middle daughter went out of state with her husband, youngest son life in prison, by the time I come around they’re running a failing vending business after having to come out of retirement, no dad, moms stripping, grandparents house in shambles I grew up emotionally abused by my mother causing me to turn inward and become an inhuman introvert till I was 18 and moved out, I barely felt like a person on my moms house Anyways, my main point was Big Pharma, and he was also a vet so the wars as well, ruined the life of the guy who killed my uncle, the drug war ruined the life of my bio grandmother who then produced my father pre disposed to becoming a perfect candidate for governmental abuse So, where’s that generational wealth come in? Well I’ve got a house with my grandparents that they owe a fuckton of money on and there are probably hundreds of thousands of dollars in repairs that none of us can afford or physically do (my knees and back are FUCKED from my overweight and sedentary lifestyle of my teens, I’m 22 now and I feel 47) I’ll get out of this, me and my girl and our dogs are going to be fine, I just feel so hard for my grandparents, they gave everything to their communities and their children and the US just wrenched every drop that it could away from them And if that happened to a Christian white middle class family, and the system had no problem with it, it’s running as intended, they made a buuuuuunch of money of my grandparents, it’s sickening This country has failed my family so I know for damn sure that it’s ruined others, and the way capitalism is designed, the easiest to exploit are the poor and the minorities
This video reminded me of a time in college I was at a friend's apartment and someone's significant other said unprompted "I don't believe in systems". Someone asked what that even meant and he responded "I don't believe in systemic things" upon further follow up questions he was mostly just talking about not believing in systemic racism. But I found it interesting how his initial comment was more to the heart of what his beliefs are founded on.
Tolerance breeds intolerance. If we are tolerant of everyone, that leads to us being tolerant of the intolerant. Some people’s beliefs and values include hating a specific group, and thus they cannot be tolerate. Tolerating the intolerant leads to more hatred than when we all ignored each other.
There are a couple of things that struck me. The first was how familiar the viewpoint sounded to me, and I suspect my own early boomer ('42) father has similarities in his worldview. Your approach broad out a bigger point to me: there are decent people who have been acculturated (brainwashed) to think in ways that are functionally more harmful than they understand. We have to be open to speaking with and to them, finding the best way to guide their better natures. It's perhaps easier to do with parents we love (or not). Regardless, our urgent struggle for a better, just world demands that we open our eyes (and hearts) to winning over people who might be otherwise easy to dismiss as hopeless. The bastards are a minority and they are fighting for the allegiance of folks like our parents. That allegiance is NOT A GIVEN. Thank you for reminding me of this.
First video of yours ive seen after it was suggested to me by youtube, fantastic topic!! I deeply hope i can see others continue to create videos along this similar issue, because it's something ive spent a lot of time thinking about over the years and you articulated things in a very good way. Recommending this to my friends!!!
I think it made a great point, because it’s very difficult to make somebody see that, there’s a difference between unfortunate things happening to people, and no, the system is actually designed in such a way to create these unfortunate occurrences. It’s very hard to get people to comprehend, that some of the stuff isn’t random or unfortunate, it’s intentional.
My dad was a radical. A full on Qanon antisemite who enjoyed seeing minorities suffer. We fought endlessly and there was a lot of hurt between us. He was also depressed most of his adult life. He was abused by his workplace and deeply confused about emotions and worldview. He was a broken man. He passed away in October at the age of 54. I tried to help him, tried to see his point of view. But he was mentally ill. He needed help but he referred to therapy as "jew magic". The radical people on the right are by and large people with severe mental health issues who need a lot of help. I miss my dad every day
This is such a common issue. My dad is so incredibly similar to yours... 1. He believes 'free speech' is more important than protecting minorities (including me, his queer daughter). He can't understand that not everyone has the same ability to be heard and that existing power structures ensure those with existing power can push their speech further. 2. He refuses to see that his generation had it easier when it comes to getting ahead / getting a house/capital. 3. He cannot see past the existing economic systems. He can't understand that automation will push more and more people out of jobs over time and so the existing capitalist model will completely break down (i mean, it was never a good model to begin with!). He hates the idea of something different - UBI; 'oh but no one will earn their keep', Socialism; 'oh but look at Stalin'. He truly believes that 'All roads lead to Rome' even though Rome never had automation! 4. He likes 'the good ones' of minorities (i.e. those that behave like him). He refuses to understand the system works for him but not for others, and so blames minorities who live in poverty without looking deeper. It's been frustrating trying to get through to him. He was a great dad growing up, but ultimately these days I can't hang around with him without hurting my mental health. You're right, they refuse to see things from any other perspective than their own.
literally my dad! sometimes I forget he's a Christian so I talk politics as if I'm talking to someone who wouldn't let religion get in the way of helping people, but then he starts talking about how we can fix facists by "being nice"(aka. respectability politics). Apparently, his evidence was this "healed" yt supremacist on the Kelly Clarkson Show that became one only because he was bullied for being the only yt family in his community. He also brought up Daryl Davis and how he saved so many yt supremacists by just talking to them. First of all, what?! You don't see black people like me stabbin' yt ppl left and right cause I had to deal with racism pretty much since I came out the womb! I've never grown up in blk communities ever, so it's weird when you have dudes like this who'll become full yt supremacists cause you had "a few bad encounters"... And why would I talk to a yt supremacist?! I can't just wish for these dudes to be better if they'll just outright Mortal Kombat finish me when my back is turned. Honestly, Daryl Davis is probably on a klan's death note now as I speak, people just want to feel good about fixing the evil when the evil was already in front of them..
1. Free speech is important and without it those minorities can never be heard or listened to. Remove free speech and you basically can never complain when the government does something that goes against the interest of the people. 2. Our generation has things even much easier with a lot of tools and information available to us. The problem is the governments are restricting people from building things. You want to build a house? No you won't unless the government approves. You want to love off the land by hunting, fishing and foraging? Well without a license you can't do any of those things without getting in trouble. 3. Thanks to human nature any other economic system that requires voluntary work will always fail. UBI requires that some people work while others do nothing (why work when you'll be getting your income package regardless of what you do?). 4. Everyone will always choose the people they like this is just human nature. It's why families stick together.
I'm Indian born, Dubai raised, Dublin journo educated and now a Canadian citizen for the better part do a decade. Both my parents come from upper caste Christian ancestors. Somehow, Your experience with your parents mirrors mine. There's the privileged upbringing they enjoyed but then emigrated to a soulless golden cage of a city like Dubai while being evangelicals and now, my dads all into end times Israel stuff while my mom is bitter about how life turned out for her as her son who once was on his way to a masters in divinity is now married to a once divorced woman, living a queer life and passionately atheistic humanistic and slowly becoming radically revolutionary. Thanks guy!
My dad held conservative views personally, yet he consistently voted for progressives. He saw inequality and tried to correct it. He used some of what he earned to help hardworking minorities to become more successful, one at a time, and helped build a local minority community. I didn't discuss politics with him much because, from what I saw, he did the right thing. I guess I can say that he was a good hypocrite. 🥰
I am also a dad and my thirteen year old son is coming down to visit for the summer on the twentieth. Every year we do a mutual aid project together. I was a chef for many years and my son has found he really enjoys cooking too so this year our mutual aid project is to make soup and sandwich from donations in our kitchen and then feed the homeless through a church in mascotte florida. He chose all this knowing that I was homelesls before, and that he likes to cook. This is exactly what I wanted to teach him. We use our skills in the community to give back and help those in the community that need it. My boomer folks believe in the whole welfare queen thing that Reagan started that both rightwing parties have used to destroy the social safety net in this country. They also look at the folks that are homeless as having some moral failing because they were able to do it. When I show them what they were making in entry level jobs in todays dollars (which is an insane amount, especially with the relatively low cost of living) they still don't get it.
These Gen X'ers and earlier are all so entrenched in daddy culture, worship of the strong person in the room. Never equality. Took a long time and lots of education to understand this myself, but damn, the worldview I now have without all that family fetishization propaganda (Colonialism, paternal supremacy, conservationism) shit in my head is so much easier to cope with. It's so funny/intersting how this outdated mindset relies on the idea that everyone has a certain suite of 'basics': House, car, food. Ironically, then they'll go on to strongly disparage any system designed to distribute these basics. After living with my family for a LOOOONG 11 months that just recently, thank god, ended, I noticed that they are simply not paying attention to modern life and the data we have now. They're just living in a world that left them behind, simple as that. All older folks who make it a priority to pay attention change their mind, or become super radicalized to fight harder. One or the other. Once the internet blended us all together to compare experiences, it became clear that you can't just assume everyone has a house and a car because you see a line of houses and cars the left and right of your house and car. Turns out, there's a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT more going on in the world than what you can see outside your (ideological worldview) front window.
BTW This is one of the most insightful and helpfully educational video I've ever seen on this platform btw. Sure it might take a lot of scaffolding, but I considered it very approachable to the average layman, and summarizes maybe 5 or 6 other creator's works in a very approachable way. (Graeber, Peter Coffin, Innuendo Studios, Mark Fischer, even Zizek.) All done in a relatable way for the average american, via the context of that weird group of people we vehemently disagree with ideologically but seem to be disarmingly pleasant IRL, not the psycho radical rights that call for actual public executions and yell.
Oh man this hits home as my dad is also a right of center boomer, retired PMC and a loving grandparent. Watching later after I visit him out in the burbs. Greetings from Germany 😅
Capitalism is a machine finely tuned to extract the maximum possible weath from any resource (including humans). While externalizing any costs associated.
I used to be like that. I am from Latvia and are very on the right. Sometimes almost fascist in thought. Buses with "Latvia for natural family!" are still abound. Took me to venture outside of my country and even make some anarchist friends to become a better person. Sadly most people won't have the luck to meet such awesome people i did.❤
I love the indigo light everywhere. I too come from a professional managerial white fam that wasn't openly hateful, was actively participatory in community structures, and have terrible beliefs that have made me a pariah for decades. I was a soldier in 2003 and a bona fide hooah, and now I am a leftie femme girl. Needless to say, this is our world. I say this because there seems to be a thing with the color indigo and this story. Just sayin
I have been looking for this type of stuff for months! I want to make personal change woth those close to me who believe the common "centrist" stuff. I want to maintain a relationship with those people but i will not compromise on my morals to do so. Finding a middle ground in those ideals is hard. I want to have these conversations and i do not always know how and oftwn make the situation worse for myself. But im trying. Please keep posting your progress and any tips. Thank you❤
Haven’t poked my head in since your bit on the video game with the hitchhiking teenagers. But every time I dip my toe into the TDD universe I never leave disappointed. It’s so heartening to hear an Ex Copper talk this way. As an ex con, ex Drug addict who’s struggle years are long behind me, I see the youth in the same position as me have waaaay more pitfalls. With police in my region getting more violent over time, and with the fentanyl getting more ever present, I don’t know that I’m d have survived that same “come up “ today! Love from Sk. Canada
In many ways my dad is a lot like yours. He is an amazing father with incredible work ethic and immense compassion. He genuinely wants everybody to have the same opportunities he's had but he is a very traditional Conservative Christian who will always vote Republican even when doing so has harmed him and others in so many ways that he either can't see or refuses to acknowledge. My father is a very active member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints or The Mormons as they are often called. I was raised very active growing up and even served a 2 year mission in the Philippines but I've come to realize that many religious people associate rugged individualism with Christianity to the degree that they think that Capitalism and the American Dream are Earth equivalents for Heaven, morality, and the Commandments. The Constitution was God-given and if you're struggling in this country for any reason it's because you "aren't living right." This gives them a subtle justification for why people suffer and it lets them feel better about the way they vote and the beliefs they have. In the past when I've voiced my opinion that we need better welfare systems in the US and that every citizen deserves food, shelter, education, healthcare, etc... I'm always hit with "That's Satan's Plan!" or "Are you a Communist?" or "That was Hitler's plan." When my own studies have shown that Hitler used privatization and patriotism in very similar ways to Christianity and American Patriotism today. But when I voice the same concerns and suggest that the solution should come from churches he is more than willing to agree with the same problems and approaches to solving them so long as the welfare and help comes from religions and not the government. I personally feel that relying on religion to take care of an entire nations suffering is illogical, impractical, and unnecessary. I feel that help and support should be built into our government and economic systems rather than relying on churches that can more easily turn to violence and cruelty. I believe in the separation of church and state and that goodness is self-evident and not God appointed. It terrifies me that one day because of his beliefs this kind, benevolent person who I've looked up to my entire life could watch his party commit cruelty and injustice then stand by it because God says they deserve it. Afterwards he would likely claim it was inevitable because of their sins that they should fail whoever they are and whatever they were doing. It's disheartening and frustrating to watch religion becoming weaponized in real time while still loving those that fall for it and support it. I can't hate them because they themselves are victims of an authoritarian movement but I also can't stand by and watch silently as millions of people go hungry, homeless, and suppressed. Life is complicated. I choose to be kind.
Yeah, Hitler got his ideas from the USA but even Germany gave out reparations or so I heard. Also, the Red Scare is another tactic for control, ironically they probably think Communism does harm in the way Capitalism actually does.
it doesn't actually make sense to say that feeling like someone else is controlling you makes you feel like a child because children have no control. because when a child is being controlled by a tyrant, a tyrannical parent or teacher etc, they feel the same way. they don't feel like a child, they just feel angry. at the injustice. maybe sometimes angry at the fact that they can't be infinitely strong to defeat all the villains. that feeling has nothing to do with age.
I absolutely relate to this, had a conversation with my dad recently about police violence against First Nations people in Australia and he kept coming up with all these counterexamples of individual cases from his life, when I was talking on a systemic level. weirdly enough, he totally believed that police violence against Black people was a systemic issue in the US but not in Australia, where we live - perhaps a bigger effect of not seeing these systems is thinking that things are totally different "over there"? a great video!
oooh yeeeah. this conversation is very familiar to me. I'm a dirty leftie and the black sheep of the family lol. Some of my relatives listen when I talk about injustices and some don't. I think it's interesting how far empathy can get some people. However some relatives always think I have alternative motives and try to manipulate them even when I'm talking about my own life and issues I've faced like sexism and homophobia. too bad I'm not planning to shut up any time soon. muahahaha!
That Dang Dad's difficulty of deradicalizing his Dad. I appreciate the wonderful alliteration and the content of the video. My father is pretty much like that, too
My step mother is a “traditionalist” and my father is an immigrant from Nepal. He is a commie like myself, but outwardly presents as conservative. He feels a need to be uncontroversial and I suppose blend into Americana better. She on the other hand grew up upper middle class and homeschooled in the boondocks. She doesn’t understand any domestic issues and doesn’t care about foreign affairs in the slightest. It’s genuinely strange seeing her remain unchanged while I describe the situation in Palestine or any systemic issues. I’m not sure how to get through to someone like this. Any suggestions beyond hour long dialogues ending in frustration would’ve greatly appreciated😁
I wish y’all who struggle with your family members lots of luck because in my mind the task is unrealistic. You are fighting decades of ignorance, fear, and hate. Life is too short for frustration if a mountain stands in your way, try another path!
My mum is an Indian immigrant who has said casually racist things about Chinese people being "rude" and "only [Pacific] Islanders eat fatty foods". It flies past her head whenever I tell her that linguistic differences from transliterating sentences makes Chinese people sound 'rude' to English speakers or that socioeconomic inequality leads to Pacific Islanders consuming fatty foods. She also body shamed my sister for building muscle from working out comparing her to an "African". She also health shames my dad every so often for eating fatty and fried foods as a senior without taking the time to comprehend the personal circumstances that might lead consuming those foods in the first place. She cannot comprehend why being assigned take-home unpaid paper work is a form of exploitation. She is oblivious to the recent teacher strikes in my country - education is the broad field she happens to be working in. She accuses my sister of slacking off at work without taking the time to comprehend that my sister's profession, nursing is an understaffed, underpaid field that experiences a lot of burn out. She has also frequently used "mental" and "lunatic' as ableist insults at my dad, my sister and I. She insists that if I have "pair of hands" and a "mind" than I should be able to land a job straight away and move out, without understanding the complexities of browsing listings, filling out resumes, editing CVs, being in the "know", not to mention higher costs of living in my city. She retorts with the same old tiresome "if I can do it, why can't you" and brushes off the whole "well you came here when prices were cheaper" explanation as an "excuse". She also claims that being called a "curry muncher" didn't faze at all and she was able to pull through despite it. This is also the same mum who used to shame my dad for his orderly job because it did not size up to his labouring aristocrat brothers in pharmacy, medicine and law for its respectability and financial gain. It's excruciatingly complex trying to explain complex subject matters to a migrant who doesn't read books or doesn't consume media outside of TV dramas. There are a spectrum of South Asian personalities in my country Aotearoa New Zealand. According to one locate Green Party candidate running for my local electorate, a disappointingly overwhelming number of them vote for either centre-right parties National or Act who more often than not, are Islamophobic Hindu nationalists. She lamented the dearth of South Asian lefties and Green Party voters in my country and was grateful that I was a rare example. Being a touted as a model minority is a bitch. Weaponizing South Asiannness to nefarious ends is another bitch - I can see this exemplified in none other than the persona of Vivek Ramiswammy over there in the states.
"I'm not racist. I don't even see colour. Why are you mad?" "They were drowning and I didn't help. But I didn't actively push them deeper into the water, either. Why are you mad?"
@@iamnohere This person likened someone stating they aren't racist to watching someone drown. That's ridiculous. It only sounds appealing to the lefty, slam poetry crowd. Give it a moment's thought and realize just how goofy of a comparison it is.
@@jordanthompson8268 I: They compared someone _not helping protect black people and their rights as they face systemic violence,_ and claiming they aren't racist because they _choose not to see_ these systemic issues, to watching someone drown and not helping
You should be a therapist. This was such a well thought out and insightful message. I have really struggled to understand a lot of my family members, who I know are good people, but are seeing things so differently, I no longer know how to connect or speak with them. This was very interesting. Thank you for your very calm, measured speech.
When individuals that have a philosophy of individualism have worked through their traumas, really worked through them and a clue that they haven't is when they say "I did this so they....", then there is a chance. Unfortunately, working through trauma means being able to grieve and recognize when the grief process is necessary and happening.
You know what dealing with trauma means, you communicate about it, with other people. Its impossible or night imposible and i thing anyone ever worked through that alone, ever. Because it involves aklways communication, with others, to do so. Aka other people.
Colorblindness sounds nice in theory, but it's the same with all center-type beliefs. "We must take sides, being silent only helps the oppressors." - Elie Wiesel
Sir or ma'am, as a black man, we make a trade in society; we choose charity to people's thoughts regardless of how we disagree with another's opinion. We live in a gray society, a society of indifference.
Holy sh•t! This video, was genuinely formative in terms of my perspective. I'd built a very similar view on account of my watching of Innuendo Studio's 'The Alt-Right Playbook' _(highly recommend_ if you haven't watched that already), but this was an *excellent* deconstruction of these concepts as they apply to moderates. Very well communicated, and very well moderated as well. (I've alienated moderates in discussion before by too quickly associating their apparent apathy towards alt-right, as permissive endorsement. You've demonstrated clearly how their incidental harm, can in fact be a _side effect_ of well intentioned [albiet misinformed] beliefs. Thank you for that.)
My dad is weird politically. He’s a union man and a lot of economic issues he’s so far left he’s practically a socialist while for other social and economic issues he’s like your dad and is fairly conservative. Though he hates trump and calls him “Dumb Donald.” He introduced me to George Carlin, metal, Rage against the machine, and the clash. Now he’s surprised that I became a libertarian socialist and practically an anarchist lmao.
Yeah, trying to discuss social justice with someone who has been coddled by structural privilege and mythologised notions of individual choice and behaviour is always tough. My dad is the same. If you benefit from structural privilege, it's easy to become solipsistic, and to presume that your own experiences are universal. Great video
I remember in my last job at one point we had a training session that was supposed to be doing one of those 'customer service mind sets'. The only question I remember was one that read "I believe that most of my problems are caused by: a) Myself, b) Other people." I was just starting to have a critical lens and I was relatively secure in that job (I did a daily 'fun fact' email for the entire department which gave me some leeway to be a bit more political in the guise of history facts, though I probably could have done more). I ended up writing in 'c) Large systems that operate irrespective of any individuals specific control'. I always thought that question was a really good example of these kind of blinders because of course the majority of most problems aren't caused by individuals. They're part of power system that the individuals operate within.
I think you're right on the money with the individuals vs. systems distinction as the difference that often determines whether people end up leaning left or right (outside of more outright bigotry). That's why, I think, most sociologists are pretty left-leaning. Another thing to consider, if one is trying out some lefty-inducing thought exercises, is to try to put moral judgments of people's actions in parenthesis in order to try to just understand their actions as meaningful from their perspective - in short trying to empathize with them. Anyway, I recently found your channel and I like it a lot.
22:25 I don't think it matters if it's technically the "right strategy" or not. What matters more is the what its *effect* is. If it ends up with them understanding what you're trying to say and no longer supporting something harmful (or even, hopefully, actively opposing it), then it *is* the right strategy. Plus, people in general, no mater where they stand politically, find it much easier to make connections with stories than numbers because emotions are stronger than reason. Like, stats are an abstract way to look at repercussions while personal anecdotes are a direct impact of those repercussions. Sure the stats may be more accurate, and they should be used when drafting policy etc., but, it's much easier for people to understand a story than to analyze numbers. Everyone goes on about "facts and logic", but we tend to forget it doesn't matter how accurate they are if they're only going to be overwritten by what feelings you have towards it. (This is something conservatives/reactionaries have understood very well. Ben Shapiro's "facts and logic" are just pathos arguments wrapped in a veneer of logos) Also, 1:14 Lolll. That's a mood.
@@kimberlydrennon4982 Yeah the science does say that. I just didn't know any of those studies/stats I could refer to off the top of my head that support that lol. But that's definitely the case.
It also has to do with the fact that stats are sometimes so wildlly diferent to what we would have expected them to be, (reality is crazier than anything) that we cant easilly accept them as truth or something, even when they are peer reviewed
I wonder if Beau's videos would help him understand some of what you've been saying? He's so damn good at getting points across to conservative people it's insane.
@@RevShifty Pretty sure some of it is just how he doesn't dress himself up. He looks like just the guy in a garage (or the guy on a road trip when he can afford it) that could exist either in rural communities or on the outer edges of the suburb where the DIY handymen all lair at. He's also smart enough to dumb it all down (seriously, the best educators are the ones who can take academics and break it down to "get it through to a dude at the bar" levels, it takes a lot of intelligence to translate Academian to laypersons' words).
Omfg i am soooo glad i found your channel. Im an actual 'radical' dad, like you 💙 And in the South even my loving family dont realize why i dont NOT do the things that my symptoms result in: getting arrested bc cops read my symptoms wrongly, using drugs bc i was undiagnosed for so long that my 'self-medication' became habits... thanks for reminding me not all southerners are like my neighbors.
Sending a very big appreciate for this one 💜 My dad is of an old liberal bent, trying to understand experiences outside his own, even reminding his white (often conservative) friends that "we need to change who we're listening to." He defaults to queer-friendly when in doubt, with only the occasional (unintended) microaggression. It's just that much more frustrating in those situations where he doesn't get it & digs in 😞
My wife's dad is like that. Good guy at heart, but has a really rough "tradesman's" personality. I doubt he would have come around to any of the current contemporary social issues if his only children weren't daughters.
@@brolybroly4485 your response has nothing to do with what I wrote. Might as well have told me you like pizza with anchovies. No one has advocated the strawman you are proposing. I’m certain there’s windmills you can tilt at elsewhere.
The idea that "Some people are cheating to get ahead on the ladder" necessarily implies that other people are *BEING CHEATED* to fall down the ladder.
I have a 60yr old coworker that is one of those political conundrums. When I first met him, I got vibes that he is very caring, emotional, and genuinely nice person. We seemed to see eye to eye on social justice issues, so I figured he was probably liberal like me. It was a total surprise when he said he was very active in the Republican Party, but I figured maybe he supported obscure candidates because all the popular ones seemed to have polar opposite views to his. Wrong. He told me Trump was too moderate, and he is a big DeSantis supporter. I am a trans woman (he doesn’t know), and was stunned and didn’t really know how to talk to him for weeks. It’s been months since that bombshell and we still talk a bunch because he likes me and “thinks I’m a really good friend”. I’m torn. He’s still a really nice guy and agrees on liberal issues all the time, but the fact he supports DeSantis makes me keep him at an arm’s length despite me liking him otherwise. Based on more conversations, his political stance is purely based on law and order because he’s absolutely terrified of crime. The conservative media has him in so much fear that he can’t see he’s voting opposite to all his other views. Or maybe when he talks to me he’s lying, I don’t know anymore. He’s had a bunch of family and friends cut him off for his views, but he still won’t wake up. Honestly, I would’ve cut him off too if we didn’t have neighboring cubicles because it’s distressing that he supports someone that would literally prefer to see me dead. For now I just hope he’ll wake up someday.
Do you think if you opened up to him about your status as a trans woman, and told him the ramifications that are happening to you and people like you due to DeSantis he might reevaluate his positions?
Granted i know this post was made months ago, and also you shouldn't out yourself if you feel unsafe. Peace my friend.
I'd run for the hills tbh. Desantis is fucking mental and no matter what someone says about some things if they r saying Trump's moderate I wouldn't want to be in the same building as them.
I feel you as a black man shit like this can get complicated just continue trying to be his friend and show him the way I know it shouldn't be on People like us but who else is better to teach them people always push these people away instead of trying to communicate I'm trying to reach a middle ground at the very least it may not work but you can always try I don't know if that will help but it's the best advice I can give
@@tirwd He(the person in question, not DeSantis) may genuinely not be aware of how far both Trump and DeSantis are. He could easily be eating up the dream without being aware of the reality. I wouldn't write him off just yet.
judge the person themself. not their uninformed political choice
"I believe that it's much more common for a bad system to corrupt an individual than it is for a bad individual to corrupt an otherwise benevolent system." I'm gonna remember that one.
Going to have to see evidence of a "benevolent" system, first.
I mean….it sounds completely made up and devoid of actual reality but, ok ❤
@@hagoryopi2101I hope they don't mean benevolent as a company giving pizza parties instead of a minimum wage or respecting your working hours.
@@Macheako gonna explain why or wha
@@IrumFatima-jn9fj yes 👍 a “Benevolent System” sounds like a fairy tale ❤️
"We all have the same 24 hours in the day". No we don't. Some of us have a lot of those hours eaten up working more than 40 hours a week cobelling together something like a living. Some of us have giant commutes that eat up more than the average 1.5 hours because house and rent is astronomical. Some of us have health conditions, physical and mental, that limit how long and how well we can work.
Some of us have partners that fail to take on their fair share of the housekeeping, mental load, emotional load, and childcare so one party gets more than their partner's share of "downtime". the one doing the labor misses out on those 24 hours, and the one not doing it gains it.
There are so many ways that we all don't have the same 24 hours and it's so glib to say otherwise. It always bugged me when Howard/ Tony Stark said "no amount of money ever bought a second of time". Then what are your cooks, cleaners, chauffeurs, gardeners, and assistants providing for you?
100%
Chef's kiss no notes 10/10
Also, the people who say that are often likely to scold someone with "time is money!"
Not to mention that *some* people can pay others for things like childcare, cleaning, cooking etc. some people can work from home, some people don't *have to* work more but actively and willingly choose to work more or less and so on.
My FIL once told me "any problem that can be solved with money isn't an actual problem" and I've wondered for years how he sees the world. He's well off enough, but even then, that's some self-delusion
The greatest thing to ever happen to my parents' political stances was the worst thing to happen to me and my wife. Her green card was held up and endangered by the fresh hell of the Trump administration. Them seeing the end results of their "immigrants taking our jobs and living off the teat of the government!" voting positions leveraged against us made them dig deep and see that they weren't voting to hurt the rare, edge case of a immigrant needing government assistance. They were hurting every immigrant including my wife and by extension, myself. When we had to get my passport in order in the event of her potential deportation they finally sat up and listened. Four years later and my mom is full blown Pride or Die and my step-father kicked some friends out of their house for the way they were talking about immigrants. People CAN change but it seems like each individual needs different and specific circumstances. I hope we can find a better way to sway people without suffering.
It has to effect them or someone they love or they don't care
Unfortunately the motto of America seems to have become, “If it’s not happening to ME, it’s not happening.”
@@reverb992 Let's work hard to make that "if it's not happening to me, I need to help those it's happening to." :D
There’s a great song called “Love me I’m a liberal” and it’s a satire from the perspective of a liberal about how they’re hypocritical but it opens with the very funny “10 degrees left of center in good times, 10 degrees right of center when it affects them personally.” Fortunately in your case it was the inverse
Thanks. I needed to read this.
I think that one of the big things with the free speech argument is that, it stops the minute the advocate finds something truly offensive. Like, they are all fine with free speech, but then I ask them to imagine what's the worst most unclean & uncalled for things they can imagine, and to imagine someone saying it to them about them or someone they care about, then imagine that person DOES NOT STOP. They do it everywhere, they follow you home and do it, they scream it at you on the street and outside your house, your work, your kid's school. But if you try and stop them through ANY MEANS, you are told that his right to do that is more important than your right to not hear it.
And most of them think that's horrible, but often that that doesn't happen, when in reality, many of us in marginalized groups do get that all the time, and what frustrates us is how often the keys to our safety are held by people who are not in community, are not required to be to hold that responsibility, and who's authority to hold that power is difficult to redistribute. I think it's why you see so many conservatives soften up if/when they get a queer or neurodiv kid, and why so many of us are so annoyed that that fluke of individual experience is STILL one of the best ways to get it and not like systemic education or ANYTHING ELSE one could think of.
really great thoughts
A great songwriter once said: "Men go crazy in congregations, they only get better one by one". Always found a lot of truth in that verse.
Not always though. My parents got a queer, neurodivergent and disabled kid and they instead doubled down on their bigotry
That Dang Dad's Dang Dad
~4:50 "one of the most load-bearing aspects of his worldview"
I absolutely LOVE this framing and description!!
There are so many things that we could discuss with family and friends and break down to which pieces of their worldview, as you describe, are "loadbearing."
I just love that phrasing!!
A buddy of mine was a die hard "libertarian capitalist" even though he owned no capital. One night years ago, a bunch of us were chatting outside a bar having a smoke and I just went off about how shitty it is that we have so little input into how [the place I work] functions. That the CEO and GM were running the company into the ground all for the sake of shareholders. I got all up in my feels about worker solidarity and raged against some union busting that had just happened (I've got a bit of a syndicalist streak in me, must be my French ancestry). I seem to remember emphasizing the group over the individual and how the minimum wage must be kept low so that billionaires can have everything including power over us plebs... I was, however, drunk so I don't remember it all clearly. "Something, something, the workers united can never be defeated, something, something" ... as it goes.
Later that week, I was hanging out with that guy in a different context and he told me that he was really thinking about all that I had said the last time we had hung out. He said he had never looked at stuff from that perspective... long story short, I explained to him that how he was not actually a Capitalist in the academic sense of the term, but rather just a fan boy of the current economic model. That this was probably because it had never fucked him over very hard if at all (his family is decidedly middle-class). Now-a-days he's very much a liberal, but his sister (who in the past has called me "that bearded Marxist") has joined what sounds like a high control group that "lives off the grid." They apparently had several members arrested after Jan 6. My buddy told me without that rant that night, he'd likely have joined with her and that he fully recognizes how fascistic all that is.
Damn, wild story, thanks for sharing! Glad your buddy dodged a much worse outcome!
@@ThatDangDad yeah, we're just very worried about his sister of course. They talk constantly, she hasn't been made to cut off communication, so that's at least a good thing. There's still a door open for her.
Not enough people know about Syndicalism and Mutualism.
✊️
@@Robert0Pirieconspiritualism and such like are a big worry and an alt right pipeline. Solidarity with your sitch ❤
My mom is one of those "colorblind" liberals and it is super frustrating when she believes that people of color just "need to act right" and she's fine with LGBTQ+ people but "I don't care what they do in their house, I just don't want to see it". A complete blind spot for how the culture and systems in place hurt those communities. I think it's a pretty common trait of that generation.
Aka: it's not affecting me, so what's your problem?
I'm not sure about what your saying she doesn't want to see queer folks doing in public, but I don't even care to see straight couples kissing or playing grab ass in public.
It's also really sad how they don't see that the systems could just as easily be changed to directly affect them and their lives
@@mydnytdeath some of them don't even see the system as a problem, for them it's all about the bad apples poisoning their sacred institutions.
"Systems aren't the problem, bad people are!"
Unconscious racism, IMO.
Basically, either systemic racism is real, or black people are themselves to blame for the excessive misfortune that besets African-Americans.
...The latter is a racist explanation.
Edit: if that sounds mean-spirited, I've been digging racism out of my own brain for years, too. So I've got the racist in the mirror that arises on occasion.
“Imagine if you bought a house and-“
Wait! Slow down! I’m still stuck on the first part!
You described my dad to a T. He grew up Oklahoma-dirt-farmer poor, worked his ass off, and created a comfortable upper-middle-class life to pass on to his kids. A good man. But he could never understand that not everyone could do the same thing even if they were afforded the same opportunities, let alone that not everyone got the same opportunities he did.
The casual way your neighbors said the things they did on that neighborhood app is absurd! Im black and it still wild. Like, they said they followed the boys around, found where they might live and garnished the whole rant by calling them "punks". I just can't! I would never use an app like that for my own personal sanity
Well the "good" news is those were screenshots from other neighborhoods in the US so I didn't dox my own neighborhood. The bad news is my neighbors weren't much better. It's a bad app that I only have to get updates about emergencies and stuff
They see themselves doing all that quite frankly absurd and overly weird sh*t as completely okay or normal, hell I bet they don’t even give it a genuine thought that “perhaps I shouldn’t be following other people to their homes like a stake out, bickering and stewing all the way”
One point on the scoreboard of “ahh society scoreboard” for cognitive dissonance perhaps.
Nextdoor and Ring doorbells are helping to create more and more super fearful and anxious suburbanites. It's a "they're all coming for your stuff" vortex and it's awful. I'm sickened at the cavalier nature of peoples comments about how they would un-alive someone for trying to break into their $60k vehicle while their garage is stuffed with $10k worth of junk. Why is your stuff worth more than someone's life?
...The last time I got burgled, I think the animal skulls and pentacles by the front door got them to leave fast.
...I'm an atheist now.
Darn.
@@jaioxung this is my thing, even my most prized possession isn't worth someone's life. I'm okay with having a handful of cameras to try to recover items if they are stolen and if it helps with filing an insurance claim, but the paranoia is so unreal.
I read a thing today in a class I'm taking that actually seemed like a good response to "None of us are responsible for the past, but we're all responsible for the present and to some extent the future." It was a call to action for dismantling systems that unfairly benefit one group over another. I don't know how far I'd be able to make it with this conversation with my "colorblind" mom, but at the same time, it's nice to have a response in my back pocket.
The quote I think about a lot is "It's not your FAULT but it IS your responsibility (to address)"
Like I've told my white colorblind friends. I like my skin color. I just don't like that people will equate me to being lazy and violent because of my skin so when say you don't see my color, you're kinda siding with the bigots
side note: one of my favorite metaphors relating to this is something like "watching liberals try to solve societal problems without a systemic critique/class consciousness is like watching someone in the dark try to flip on the light switch, but they keep turning on the garbage disposal instead". That was sloppy recall but you get the point
its like trying to exterminate a plague by killing an insect or critter, one at a time, the reason you HAVE the plague is because something is letting a ton of critters get into your house, not because the critters are individually deciding to get into your house or whatever, if they try to do that, they cant survive, just like us humans, the species that usually become plagues are species which benefit a lot and are literally ADAPTED, to be in large groups, it would be ridiculous to think one insect could cause so much damage, and thats cause it is like that, its the group thats dangerous, not the individual (same with how its the group that makes us strong, not us as individuals)
I: This video hits home. My parents seem incapable of seeing the systemic nature of issues no matter how many times I point it out to them. And sadly, stories don't work on them because they counter them with their own...
I got reminded of the time I was telling dad, (who is diabetic, so I thought he'd be rightfully outraged) about the insane price-gouging of insulin that's killing people in the USA (I think i recall hearing that the prices have at least been stopped from rising further now? I hope I recall that correctly... Hadn't been so at the time, though). Anyway, instead he started raising his voice, furiously telling me about this one diabetic Slovak woman he knows of who immigrated into the US, worked hard (whatever that entailed; I don't recall atm), and is now living a successful life there
Nevermind the countless people who weren't quite so lucky... 😔
All the stuff my mother has been through in life it's hard to get her to accept that people's circumstances are not 100% due to their own failures, laziness, etc.
Personal failings can explain personal failure, but they can't explain General trends. If someone becomes homeless, you can often (not always) point to mistakes they made that got them there and you can imagine things they might have done differently. But personal failure cannot explain General trends or large-scale social phenomena.
Ask your mom why there is a rise in homelessness, and whether this is something a wealthy society should allow. The real question isn't whether the individual can be blamed for their circumstances, but whether a reasonable society should allow so much suffering?
@@ianhruday9584but then a lot of them also hold the belief that morality is on a downtrend and that welfare programs have contributed to that trend. If they’re religious, esp Christian bc of the intertwinement of the church with GOP politics, it’s gonna be difficult to convince them otherwise.
@@SPGHTTFRT some people think that, but a lot of people have an incoherent mix of political opinions. There is a difference between a Libertarian who's ideologically committed to criticizing the social safety net, and someone who reacts emotionally when they hear people blaming outside factors for their situation.
@@SPGHTTFRTmorality is on a downtrend though. Conservatives used to force racists to mask themselves if they wanted to run for office. Now they can openly run on a platform of hate.
k, 95%
The use of storytelling over factual statements with your father is a tactic called "meta-humanization" and is most famously done by Daryl Davis.
It's the best tool we have in this day and age imo.
Wow, you know my father-in-law? *nervous laughter*
The Dad of one of my son’s close friends posted this. He’s been “deradicalized” by his son. My son and I are very close. For the past 10 years (or more really) we’ve been having conversations about capitalism and it’s systemic injustices. My husband and I are older Gen X’ers who have benefitted greatly from the capitalist structures in place in the late 80’s when we started working. We worked hard and followed the rules, much like your Dad. We’ve even retired early to enjoy our lives.
My son has ever so slowly and persistently opened our eyes to the overwhelming systemic injustices built into our capitalist structures. It took us a very long time to come around as the system you are working in strongly discourages you from veering too far out of the norm. What really started us questioning everything we’d been raised to believe was Trump’s administration during the pandemic. The stupidity was staggering yet he seemed invulnerable to consequences for even obviously illegal actions. Trump’s stupidity and outrageous behavior pushed even my super conservative husband pretty far left of his original political stances.
I don’t think your experiences with your parents are out of the norm. Even those of us who benefitted greatly from capitalist systems are reasonable caring individuals. We can very clearly see the injustices of our current systems. If only our major political parties weren’t both so supportive of these systems. Republicans and Democrats may seem polarized, but they are both the same in their unwavering support of the status quo.
Great video. Tell your Dad I approve! Now off to watch a second video to help your algorithm quotient!
this comment made me feel really good, thank you!
@@ThatDangDad I’m glad. Bet you and my son could have one heck of a conversation on all this! 😜
With my recent adult ADHD diagnosis I just....really don't have much patience with the whole "personal responsibility" debate anymore.
Taking that first Vyvanse pill was life changing. Everyday, routine tasks that used to be psychological agony to do (if I even did them) are just...easy now. No issue at all.
Doing chores? I just decide to do them. Before Vyvanse I had no idea that was how everyone else did chores!
Running errands, making routine phone calls, getting to appointments? No problem!
Working full time? It used to be a mental marathon every hour of every day. But now I work 45+ hour weeks because I want to make up the lost earnings from my 20s and it's just so EASY now.
The usual tactic we all use to convince boomers and other "personal responsibility" addicts is to summon up totally true and relevant "hard luck" stories like redlining and the effects of poverty and trauma and etc, but what if it turned out that willpower and personal responsibility were (at least to some extent) related to your brain's neurochemcials? What about people who were born with less of the brain juices that the human brain uses for what we call "willpower"? And what if there was a pill for that?
And what if it cost lots of money to get that pill???
My partner was on vyvanse for awhile (before insurance stopped paying) and yeah, it was completely life changing
@That Dang Dad I'm so sorry to hear they aren't anymore (or might not be?)
I'm blessed every day to live in the still-breathing shambles of a social democracy that is Australia. I'd be drugfucked and/or dead if I was born in the US, instead of just lamenting the life I could have lived. I simply couldn't have afforded the specialists and the medications that have even STARTED to lift me back out of poverty. So I'm sorry to hear about you and your partner and their insurance issues.
But also: something I think about these days is how many of those guys your dad talks about - who blamed everything and everyone but themselves - how many of them were undiagnosed ADHD like me? How many town drunks? I've heard my fair share of "why can't you just X?" And it's only now, on Vyvanse, that I realise how fucking easy and obvious that advice must seem to people who aren't fighting their own brains every minute of every day.
I don't think you can ever REALLY convince most boomers that even if the race was truly equal and everyone started at the same starting line - that even THEN, some of us would be running a different race? The idea that Freedom and Equality might just ALWAYS require some basic social obligation to give back, to share the load, to chip in for the support and medications that other people need? I don't think you could ever convince most boomers of that.
All the best to you and your partner and mum and dad.
@@ProfDCoy I had to come to the realization I'm some form of neurodivergent in my 20's because everything started making sense once I did. And then I thought about my family, who are all odd people who are also likely ASD/ADHD and almost every one of them coped with a lot of heavy drinking. Sure, many of them are/were "functional alcoholics" but I imagine they'd have had a better life if they had gotten some help and medication decades ago.
It's a misunderstanding of psychology and nonscientific to suggest that conditions like ADHD or depression are from "chemical imbalances." If there were an imbalance of any neurotransmitters, you would probably be dead. Instead, there is some structural, physical difference in your brain along side environmental and personal (unconscious) factors that all come together to produce a set of symptoms you call ADHD.
I have Narcolepsy, and likely ADHD, and I'm glad you are finding your executive function increase greatly. I also wish for the, "magic pill." But remember that stimulants like vyvanse are addictive, and their effects will considerably decrease over time, you will need a higher dose eventually. That's just physiology. Using a chemical central nervous system stimulant to improve executive function does work! But at the same time, it needs to be combined with holistic practices and therapy, because in the end, using stimulants is a crutch. There's nothing wrong with them, but they are not the end-all-be-all for treatment.
If society was structured less rigidly, it would make neurodivergent people's lives much easier, and we wouldn't need to take addictive medication or suffer.
Yes! I first time I took my Focalin, 30 minutes later I said out loud, "Holy shit, is this Executive Function? Do neurotypical people feel like this every day?!" I'm still ADHD, and disabled in other ways, but life is so much more manageable and less anxious now!
If I was mentally ill and someone told me to be ashamed of it and all of its troubles are my problem and my problem alone i would probably prove that mental illness can be violent
My dad has always been pretty awesome in a very odd way. He worked maybe more than I would have liked, and it would have been nice to be closer, but held down the fort, and I learned from watching. He never talks smack about anyone or anything. He was never mean. He was never selfish. He was freaking stable while I figured out my own life. It took me decades to realize how good of a dad he was. He was simple and unexciting, but when I meet my friends' opinionated dads it feels like I'm interacting with giant, immature, negative, gossipy, low intellect, selfish man-babies. Thanks dad. lol.
Prepare for a mad rush of people asking to be adopted.
@@MLBlue30 lol. Yeah. Unfortunately he married some horrible women that were abusive. Bio mom left when I was four and called me sensitive. And my step mom had OCPD or something and was like a less wealthy Mommy Dearest. I feel like my childhood would have been healthier if my Dad would have had a better radar for mentally healthy partners. That's why it took so long for me to see how great my dad was... the moms demanded all the attention, control, and drama in our lives. If I could do it over again I would have spent my life looking for the right woman for my dad.
Ive been watching a bunch of your videos and they honestly give me so much hope for the future. Just existing is scary and exhausting sometimes, and knowing theres people out there like you is really nice :)
The idea that impoverished people are thieves is harmful. Thievery goes beyond financial class but higher paying theft isn’t put on the news
Many poor families are poor because they follow the saw despite these invisible hurdles that only certain communities face
love this channel and enjoy the videos :)
My mom seems to struggle a lot with that "systems v. individuals" issue. She had a whole argument with my brother and I about ACAB because "lots of cops are nice" and she has a friend who's a cop. She defends landlords, too, cuz her fiance's parents are landlords. She sees the individuals who are kind to her personally, but not the systems they are functioning within and enforcing by doing so. It's a difficult hurdle to overcome, I think.
A lot of this seems to be the problem with people who are more concerned about appearances and decorum than their actions. I'm sure those people are nice to your mother, and then as a result those people get a free pass because "Well, they're always so polite/kind/generous etc. to me"
@@LeoMidori it is so crazy that we live in a time where a landlord can be polite to your face while definitionally threatening to take away your shelter if you don't pay them a monthly ransom, and we consider that "nice". I imagine this barbaric dynamic being laughably stupid in retrospect from the future. the casual barbarism capitalism forces us to adopt is really ugly. It's like "nice" slaveowners. it's debased but hey at least you're getting a bottle of wine for christmas right? And you have all these stories about "generous" landlords that won't raise rent as fast as others....it's completely backwards. Except, I do know one landlord who rents one of his apartments to a friend of mine, and after 17 years, offered to sell it to him while using every cent of rent he's paid as down payment. That's legit actually nice. But, those 2 are best friends.
To be fair, ACAB should really be called "the police system is terribly prejudiced". The name does literally imply that it's an individual thing when really it's a systemic issue.
@@KingJellyfishII If a system is bad enough, then willingly cooperating with and enforcing it makes you a bastard regardless of your other actions.
@@screamingcactus1753yeah but the American police system is nowhere near that bad lol
That looks a bit wide.
Maybe one way to get through is to explain it like this: say you have a bunch of apples in a container and a few go really rotten, slimy, and gross. They ruin the bunch; you can't trust the other apples at all. You need to get rid of all of the apples, right? But also think about the container the bad apples were in; it got nasty. So it's going to remain contaminated if all you do is dump those apples and throw in new ones. You're just going to get more rotten apples over time, which will continue to ruin the bunch until you clean or replace that container... The system is the container coated in slime, bacteria, fungus, and pathogens. Maybe you can see the grime and maybe you can't but either way you run the risk of ruining your apples again and again by letting this become your new status quo and never doing anything about it.
Edit: And then consider that the nasty container you're using was handed to you in this form by someone else and this person rejects the idea of you using your own autonomy to get rid of the container or clean it. You should be concerned because either they're up to something, they want to harm other people with these apples, or they refuse to believe in the science of cleanliness which the vast majority of people don't disagree with on some fundamental level. It's a bad look either way?
Wow, impressive metaphor!
The saying is, a few bad apples dealt with, ruin the whole bunch.
I mean as counter to a few bad apples, thats the saying. That not dealt with fast will ruin the whole bunch.
Which also is true with apple storag, th on starting to go bad, you work up if possible, but also, good saying, and ssayinga few bad apples ruin the binch, is the saying.
like , have you tried to pull up on your ootssstraps? Hard alone.
It's like if food in a plastic container goes moldy, it's actually not possible to fully remove the mold spores from the container, they get stuck in microscopic imperfections in the plastic, so if a plastic container goes moldy you have to throw out the container.
@pseudomugilidae5897 Oh yeah. Even more reason to throw it out and start over, then! And not keep it if someone else gave it to you, whether they meant well or not.
@@pseudomugilidae5897 I did not know this, and am very glad to learn it. Thank you!
The question now becomes “how do we show people the problems of the system?”
I also live in Kentucky as does my father, but it’s the “redneck” part, the eastern side of the state, near West Virginia and the only thing I’ve been able to change my ultra conservative fathers mind on is no-knock warrants, because I made him put himself in the position of the person getting served the warrant. What if police broke into your house and you opened fire at them thinking they were home invaders (as they are) and you get charged and arrested for trying or killing a cop, or possibly killed by those cops? So he agreed that it shouldn’t be a thing. But really that’s about it. I try that approach by appealing to his empathy but it only goes so far, and he refuses to acknowledge other points of view on most issues. I’ve noticed his opinions aren’t really his, they are the ones from Fox News and his conservative radio shows, he relies almost entirely on confirmation bias, rarely looking into the things he believes to be true, yet will shut down any opposing opinion or evidence contrary to his bias. It’s exhausting and really frustrating. He’s also very homophobic, to the point where he almost has to leave the room when he sees two men or women kiss on TV. He’s also very transphobic, despite him knowing a trans person (he didn’t know they were) and just refuses to acknowledge it. I’m at a loss and I’m so tired of trying to get him to see the light.
Professional hobo by choice here. I have had so many conversations with people and I can say a lot of conservatives want the homeless to suffer. I can't convey through text just how angry they get when they see that I'm actually a very very happy person. So strange
what a rant/vent... I should probably watch the video before trauma dumping, ill put this line at the top
I wish I could deradicalize my dad... maybe id actually enjoy spending time with him for longer then 10 minutes... I went from kid without him (because he would always be working, for me and my mom and himself too obviously but definitely more us otherwise he could have taken it easier) to having him slowly gain success with his business so he shows up for dinner, and hating it because he came home around 4pm now and dinner that early after school interrupted my homework/studies and it was frustrating talking to this stranger who is so arrogant and annoying and loud and keeps saying casually hurtful things about how skinny I am or X or Y, and I cant do my schoolwork the way I used to, and as I got older and started to engage with him more as a person and parent rather then intrusion, I found out about a lot of his thoughts and ideas and ideals, and me growing up just made me realize how fucking trash they are... the one good trait (sometimes good) that I got from him was "hard worker" and even then that was partially out of my deep selfworth issues I had, my desire to be kind and helpful no matter what (radiantly kind, as I put it to myself) and just being raised with "no" as a bad word that isnt allowed... anyways, my dad is a big fkn handful and I wish I could just flip a switch and have him be nicer, not even to me anymore... just in general... id accept him being a good human to strangers and others and having empathy if it meant any time he sees me he throws a left hook or something... anyways... I guess now I am mostly sad about it, im nearly 30, and my relationship with both my parents aint great and I wish it was but I really dont have the mental fortitude to keep trying so hard with them... I dont know how to say "please be a better person, for me" in so many words and have it sink in that I am serious, its for me if nothing else, without them blowing it off as me being dramatic, or it turning into an argument where im ungrateful, or how they did their best so I cant criticize them....
[17:29] I can’t emphasize this enough.
I have been clean for coming up on 11 years. And that is only because I got incredibly lucky, considering at that time I had recently lost my insurance. My then-therapist was so accommodating, he deferred my payments until I could acquire stable insurance. He was the only reason I got into rehab without taking on at least 30 grand in debt. My therapist happened to know someone who ran an inpatient rehab and he arranged a ‘scholarship’ for me to go.
If it hadn’t been for that AA/NA would have basically remained the only available option. AA/NA is peer to peer, so their groups are not overseen by any type of counselor or mental health professional. Considering how common substance abuse is co-morbid with other mental health issues, the lack of a trained counselor can end up being incredibly damaging. And personally, has left profound trauma that I have still yet to fully unpack. Plus their ideological disregard for any form of harm reduction has continuously proven fatal.
Sorry for the extensive diatribe, but I cannot convey the outrage I feel about this. We do such a massive disservice to addicts (and people who need any kind of healthcare, generally) by making legitimate care elusive at best and often entirely unreachable.
Glad to see this sentiment openly expressed. I was lucky enough to be born into a supportive family with resources, but had i not, NA/AA would’ve made me a statistic. Despite going out of my way to find an evidence based, non 12 step program, and assurances from staff. I arrived to find that’s exactly what I would be getting, twice. A few years and a couple relapses later I went to another, stayed 2 days, checked out after they let another patient die from alcohol withdrawals, got home, got high as fuck, and went to a hospital to detox in the psych ward for 3 days. They referred me to a medication assisted program. I completed that, and haven’t had to look back since.
12 step programs don’t work, and in a lot of cases I think that’s the point. What’s the incentive to change when a 30 inpatient program is just as likely to be covered by insurance and 10 times more profitable? Repeat customers are just a bonus.
@@williambrasky3891Hum, excuse me, I am almost 5 years clean and sober and I did it with AA and CA. I know many people for whom 12-step programs worked as well. I agree that some people need professional help. But for some, like myself, meetings and the steps are the only things that work. With counselors, I could not bring myself to open up honestly enough, admit the totality of my problem, and accept to change. I was wasting my time and their time. But with fellow addicts who had managed to get sober, I just couldn't hide the ball, they saw through me, that's what I needed.
Yes, I got to see how people with 'good' insurance and wealth get into these compassionate well-run rehabs. The state facilities are havens of abuse, chemical 'restraints', and doctors on power trips. They all push dangerous meds with little evaluation (brain scans, EEGs, etc) They destroy lives.
On top of that, religious institutions and the media use addicted people to scare the public and get ratings. Americans go through so many levels of brainwashing. The purpose being divisiveness and profit. Americans think it's noble and normal to have multiple jobs to survive. It's like being proud of being abused. I say Stockholm Syndrome is part of it. The poisonous level of patriotism is part of it. Low self-esteem from all kinds of religion and propaganda is part of it.
When people have a fortunate life, they often see it through the lens of how hard a person tries. Blame the victim mentality is a huge part of what's wrong in America, the world. A good example being the opioid problem. Until wealthy white people started dying left and right, it was framed as a moral problem for poor people or POC. Now we get to hear about the predatory Sackler family and other pharmaceutical companies who intentionally pushed these drugs on doctors who pushed them onto patients. Americans need to realize they're just batteries and need to revolt.
Could you vaguely describe you and your therapist's age, cultural background ...
Just in case it's... not just the luck, you know....
I think there was a horizontal ladder helping you out; people can't see them ladders, but they keep stumbling into them, and if made out of the correct material, they get "lucky".
i was sent to court-ordered church via AA/NA when I was young too, and it was horrifically detrimental to my health and development. fuck that shit. that's why all evidence over the last 50 years shows it to be equal or slightly worse outcomes to doing nothing. AA is a fucking scam, and a religion, and the fact athat the government can force you to attend is blatantly unconstitutional. I don't care if it worked for this guy, or that guy, or the guy in this thread. They are averaged out by the millions of deaths AA "treatment" has led to. People parroting this nonsense need to look up the actual science and then admit that they're simply lucky and owe nothing to 12 step programs except a sense of indoctrination - or otherwise admit that they deny medical science. evidence based treatments are better, to say anything contrary is simply anti-science.
The typical Conservative is a deeply honourable man who can be trusted with anything in the world except government.
My father was a registered republican, Rush Limbaugh listening, conservative about a decade ago. But now, I've managed to turn him into a proud Socalist. Again, it took nearly 10 years, but it worked in my experience. So much so that he personally volunteered for the Sanders campaign during the last election and spent months going house to house to drum up support. Sometimes it's hard for me to remember that this man who now supports things like universal healthcare, abolishing police, and higher taxes for the rich, used to vehemently regularly argue for the opposite side in each debate (which honestly makes him extremely good at predicting the opposition's rebuttals or counterpoints).
I find the best technique is to plant seeds, and occasionally use "beging the question" type statements. Wait to see if they take hold. People turn off when you try to shove any philosophy or beliefs down their throats. But if you plant seeds and wait, then you will see where your efforts are best focused. Give them small tastes, and wait for them to come back later asking for more elaboration. This means they actually care and are truly ready to be receptive to your message. Plus, you'll ultimately waste a lot less time on those who will never seriously consider your position or words. I've also found that Christians are often especially easy converts, because Jesus himself seemed to support Matxist ideals.
No Jesus did not support Marxist ideas lmao. Good lord, what is wrong with you people?
People aren't taught to see systems; in fact, I'd argue we are discouraged to do so because it benefits the system to not see the system.
Ugh. This is far too relatable. My dad also assumes that if you're not doing well, it's because you're not working hard enough or you made some dumb choices, so he never helped me out "because it'll help build your character" or "because I know you're better than that." Then again, I know any financial assistance from him would come with mega strings attached, so I don't ask anyway. It's so incredibly frustrating having my parents think I don't work hard, though.
Take your dad to a truck wash. He’ll clearly see that hard work does not translate into prosperity.
This comes from an argument I got into a friend of mine (not a white boomer, but a late gen x/early millennial. Our age difference is 2 weeks. Yes, weeks).
We were talking about class, with some race thrown in, and he starts on an analogy-one that demonstrates a lot of the values you mentioned. I'm pretty sure he made this entire argument in good faith. My friend talked about how he and my roommate would go on runs and about how my roommate was faster them him (roommate is former track and field). However, my roommate never ran at full speed; he always made sure my friend could keep up. My friend would also push himself to run faster, so that my roommate could run closer to his preferred running speed.
However, before he could make his conclusion (because I already saw where this analogy was going and I didn't feel like being patient), I responded, "alright, now imagine my roommate does not slow down, you're wearing ankle weights and my roommate spends the whole time going on about how you're just lazy and that's why you can't keep up before running ahead. Because that's the real world." My friend's response? "I don't think that is."
And that summed up the fundamental difference. He really believed everyone started at equal footing. I understood that wasn't true.
Algorithmic Boost!
I was a right leaning centrist, then a staunch libertarian, and now I’d say I’m pretty left of center. What caused this transition? Working showed me how shitty it is to work when you don’t fit the educated white background. I want to be libertarian but know that we can never claw back how much we have added to this system so I want my money to go to the social programs that help all of us instead of a small minority of rich people, regardless of color. I am still growing up, but I feel that if you really look and learn and listen to your neighbors it is a natural transition out of conservative thinking. Still a gun nut, still love the military, at least for the cool toys they invent, but I have come very far in other aspects and I don’t feel that those are challenged so I probably won’t give them up.
Hell yeah! Great exploration on a really tough topic. This one in particular has been weighing on my mind a lot lately.
"Facts are consumer goods"
Holy shit, what a beautifully succinct way to describe the post-truth era.
Just found your channel and loved your content. You got a new subscriber!
My family is white, but my grandparents lost their first son at 13 to a drunk and prescription drugged up dumbass that the highway patrol let WALK AWAY FROM THE SCENE AFTER TAKING A BOGUS INSURANCE CARD
They had adopted my father, his bio mom did drugs in the womb so he was sniffing paint by 11, all of the scare tactics of the late 70s and 80s came in full force, he went to pretty much every program in the book and got beaten, neglected, abused, molested, had drugs tested on him without his consent, and eventually he was put in prison for life after his third charge stuck, one of them they charged him with “endangering a minor” that minor was HIM!!! I know bits and pieces and nowadays he’s so Gina from all the previous drug use, but mainly the several severe beatings and long stints of solitary (for 2 or 3 years during COVID, he spent upwards of 75% of his time in solitary due to understaffing
So yeah, my grandfather was a master plumber, electrician, and like HVAC or something, had the biggest plumbing business in his half of the state, then my dads insurmountable court fees started adding up, a few car accidents in which NONE of them were my grandparents fault, my pa got his by a teacher counting down stop lights, second it turned green she plowed through the crosswalk he was walking on, he retired, and eventually insurance and court shit ate through his and my grandmothers state pension (she dealt with some of the worst child abuse cases for over a decade, filing paperwork, it was office and computer work but she’s reading this awful shit all day and then they force her to use an insurance that was eating hundreds out of her retirement every month
So, firstborn son dead, middle daughter went out of state with her husband, youngest son life in prison, by the time I come around they’re running a failing vending business after having to come out of retirement, no dad, moms stripping, grandparents house in shambles
I grew up emotionally abused by my mother causing me to turn inward and become an inhuman introvert till I was 18 and moved out, I barely felt like a person on my moms house
Anyways, my main point was Big Pharma, and he was also a vet so the wars as well, ruined the life of the guy who killed my uncle, the drug war ruined the life of my bio grandmother who then produced my father pre disposed to becoming a perfect candidate for governmental abuse
So, where’s that generational wealth come in? Well I’ve got a house with my grandparents that they owe a fuckton of money on and there are probably hundreds of thousands of dollars in repairs that none of us can afford or physically do (my knees and back are FUCKED from my overweight and sedentary lifestyle of my teens, I’m 22 now and I feel 47)
I’ll get out of this, me and my girl and our dogs are going to be fine, I just feel so hard for my grandparents, they gave everything to their communities and their children and the US just wrenched every drop that it could away from them
And if that happened to a Christian white middle class family, and the system had no problem with it, it’s running as intended, they made a buuuuuunch of money of my grandparents, it’s sickening
This country has failed my family so I know for damn sure that it’s ruined others, and the way capitalism is designed, the easiest to exploit are the poor and the minorities
This video reminded me of a time in college I was at a friend's apartment and someone's significant other said unprompted "I don't believe in systems". Someone asked what that even meant and he responded "I don't believe in systemic things" upon further follow up questions he was mostly just talking about not believing in systemic racism. But I found it interesting how his initial comment was more to the heart of what his beliefs are founded on.
"i don't believe in systems"
Pirates of the Caribbean meme: "Ye best start believin', cuz you're IN ONE!"
Tolerance breeds intolerance. If we are tolerant of everyone, that leads to us being tolerant of the intolerant. Some people’s beliefs and values include hating a specific group, and thus they cannot be tolerate. Tolerating the intolerant leads to more hatred than when we all ignored each other.
There are a couple of things that struck me. The first was how familiar the viewpoint sounded to me, and I suspect my own early boomer ('42) father has similarities in his worldview. Your approach broad out a bigger point to me: there are decent people who have been acculturated (brainwashed) to think in ways that are functionally more harmful than they understand. We have to be open to speaking with and to them, finding the best way to guide their better natures. It's perhaps easier to do with parents we love (or not).
Regardless, our urgent struggle for a better, just world demands that we open our eyes (and hearts) to winning over people who might be otherwise easy to dismiss as hopeless. The bastards are a minority and they are fighting for the allegiance of folks like our parents. That allegiance is NOT A GIVEN. Thank you for reminding me of this.
*brought out. 🤦🏻♂️
First video of yours ive seen after it was suggested to me by youtube, fantastic topic!! I deeply hope i can see others continue to create videos along this similar issue, because it's something ive spent a lot of time thinking about over the years and you articulated things in a very good way. Recommending this to my friends!!!
I think it made a great point, because it’s very difficult to make somebody see that, there’s a difference between unfortunate things happening to people, and no, the system is actually designed in such a way to create these unfortunate occurrences. It’s very hard to get people to comprehend, that some of the stuff isn’t random or unfortunate, it’s intentional.
Never seen one of your videos before but this is VERY relevant to me! Needless to say immediate sub! 🖤
The shudder before calvinist earned a legitimate, bark-out-loud laugh from me. Incidentally, my dad's a calvinist,
My dad was a radical. A full on Qanon antisemite who enjoyed seeing minorities suffer. We fought endlessly and there was a lot of hurt between us. He was also depressed most of his adult life. He was abused by his workplace and deeply confused about emotions and worldview. He was a broken man. He passed away in October at the age of 54. I tried to help him, tried to see his point of view. But he was mentally ill. He needed help but he referred to therapy as "jew magic". The radical people on the right are by and large people with severe mental health issues who need a lot of help. I miss my dad every day
that really sucks, i'm sorry that happened to your family
This is such a common issue. My dad is so incredibly similar to yours...
1. He believes 'free speech' is more important than protecting minorities (including me, his queer daughter). He can't understand that not everyone has the same ability to be heard and that existing power structures ensure those with existing power can push their speech further.
2. He refuses to see that his generation had it easier when it comes to getting ahead / getting a house/capital.
3. He cannot see past the existing economic systems. He can't understand that automation will push more and more people out of jobs over time and so the existing capitalist model will completely break down (i mean, it was never a good model to begin with!). He hates the idea of something different - UBI; 'oh but no one will earn their keep', Socialism; 'oh but look at Stalin'. He truly believes that 'All roads lead to Rome' even though Rome never had automation!
4. He likes 'the good ones' of minorities (i.e. those that behave like him). He refuses to understand the system works for him but not for others, and so blames minorities who live in poverty without looking deeper.
It's been frustrating trying to get through to him. He was a great dad growing up, but ultimately these days I can't hang around with him without hurting my mental health. You're right, they refuse to see things from any other perspective than their own.
Free speech is more important. You can't protect anyone without it. Socialism sucks and always has.
literally my dad! sometimes I forget he's a Christian so I talk politics as if I'm talking to someone who wouldn't let religion get in the way of helping people, but then he starts talking about how we can fix facists by "being nice"(aka. respectability politics). Apparently, his evidence was this "healed" yt supremacist on the Kelly Clarkson Show that became one only because he was bullied for being the only yt family in his community. He also brought up Daryl Davis and how he saved so many yt supremacists by just talking to them.
First of all, what?! You don't see black people like me stabbin' yt ppl left and right cause I had to deal with racism pretty much since I came out the womb! I've never grown up in blk communities ever, so it's weird when you have dudes like this who'll become full yt supremacists cause you had "a few bad encounters"...
And why would I talk to a yt supremacist?! I can't just wish for these dudes to be better if they'll just outright Mortal Kombat finish me when my back is turned. Honestly, Daryl Davis is probably on a klan's death note now as I speak, people just want to feel good about fixing the evil when the evil was already in front of them..
@@JuguAbus Daryl Davis has actually done an amazing job de-radicalizing people. Someone should do the same thing but towards communists.
1. Free speech is important and without it those minorities can never be heard or listened to. Remove free speech and you basically can never complain when the government does something that goes against the interest of the people.
2. Our generation has things even much easier with a lot of tools and information available to us. The problem is the governments are restricting people from building things. You want to build a house? No you won't unless the government approves. You want to love off the land by hunting, fishing and foraging? Well without a license you can't do any of those things without getting in trouble.
3. Thanks to human nature any other economic system that requires voluntary work will always fail. UBI requires that some people work while others do nothing (why work when you'll be getting your income package regardless of what you do?).
4. Everyone will always choose the people they like this is just human nature. It's why families stick together.
I'm Indian born, Dubai raised, Dublin journo educated and now a Canadian citizen for the better part do a decade. Both my parents come from upper caste Christian ancestors.
Somehow,
Your experience with your parents mirrors mine.
There's the privileged upbringing they enjoyed but then emigrated to a soulless golden cage of a city like Dubai while being evangelicals and now, my dads all into end times Israel stuff while my mom is bitter about how life turned out for her as her son who once was on his way to a masters in divinity is now married to a once divorced woman, living a queer life and passionately atheistic humanistic and slowly becoming radically revolutionary.
Thanks guy!
My dad held conservative views personally, yet he consistently voted for progressives. He saw inequality and tried to correct it. He used some of what he earned to help hardworking minorities to become more successful, one at a time, and helped build a local minority community. I didn't discuss politics with him much because, from what I saw, he did the right thing. I guess I can say that he was a good hypocrite. 🥰
I am also a dad and my thirteen year old son is coming down to visit for the summer on the twentieth. Every year we do a mutual aid project together. I was a chef for many years and my son has found he really enjoys cooking too so this year our mutual aid project is to make soup and sandwich from donations in our kitchen and then feed the homeless through a church in mascotte florida. He chose all this knowing that I was homelesls before, and that he likes to cook. This is exactly what I wanted to teach him. We use our skills in the community to give back and help those in the community that need it.
My boomer folks believe in the whole welfare queen thing that Reagan started that both rightwing parties have used to destroy the social safety net in this country. They also look at the folks that are homeless as having some moral failing because they were able to do it. When I show them what they were making in entry level jobs in todays dollars (which is an insane amount, especially with the relatively low cost of living) they still don't get it.
You sound like a great dad!
@@ThatDangDad thanks....Im also an ancient millenial so Ill say this "I learned it from watching you dad!!!!!!"
These Gen X'ers and earlier are all so entrenched in daddy culture, worship of the strong person in the room. Never equality. Took a long time and lots of education to understand this myself, but damn, the worldview I now have without all that family fetishization propaganda (Colonialism, paternal supremacy, conservationism) shit in my head is so much easier to cope with.
It's so funny/intersting how this outdated mindset relies on the idea that everyone has a certain suite of 'basics': House, car, food. Ironically, then they'll go on to strongly disparage any system designed to distribute these basics.
After living with my family for a LOOOONG 11 months that just recently, thank god, ended, I noticed that they are simply not paying attention to modern life and the data we have now. They're just living in a world that left them behind, simple as that. All older folks who make it a priority to pay attention change their mind, or become super radicalized to fight harder. One or the other. Once the internet blended us all together to compare experiences, it became clear that you can't just assume everyone has a house and a car because you see a line of houses and cars the left and right of your house and car. Turns out, there's a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT more going on in the world than what you can see outside your (ideological worldview) front window.
BTW This is one of the most insightful and helpfully educational video I've ever seen on this platform btw. Sure it might take a lot of scaffolding, but I considered it very approachable to the average layman, and summarizes maybe 5 or 6 other creator's works in a very approachable way. (Graeber, Peter Coffin, Innuendo Studios, Mark Fischer, even Zizek.) All done in a relatable way for the average american, via the context of that weird group of people we vehemently disagree with ideologically but seem to be disarmingly pleasant IRL, not the psycho radical rights that call for actual public executions and yell.
Oh man this hits home as my dad is also a right of center boomer, retired PMC and a loving grandparent. Watching later after I visit him out in the burbs. Greetings from Germany 😅
The actual fuel of capitalism is , and always has been , human suffering.
No it isn't stupid
Capitalism is a machine finely tuned to extract the maximum possible weath from any resource (including humans). While externalizing any costs associated.
@@dark2023-1lovesoniwhich is why the best socialized medical systems in the world have rejected crackpot American child mutilation
@@IlIlIlIlIlIlIIlIlIlIlIlIlIIIIINone of that is happening but, okay!
@@ramenbomberdeluxe4958 if you're claiming SRS doesn't occur on children you're lying or ignorant
I used to be like that. I am from Latvia and are very on the right. Sometimes almost fascist in thought. Buses with "Latvia for natural family!" are still abound. Took me to venture outside of my country and even make some anarchist friends to become a better person. Sadly most people won't have the luck to meet such awesome people i did.❤
I love the indigo light everywhere. I too come from a professional managerial white fam that wasn't openly hateful, was actively participatory in community structures, and have terrible beliefs that have made me a pariah for decades. I was a soldier in 2003 and a bona fide hooah, and now I am a leftie femme girl. Needless to say, this is our world. I say this because there seems to be a thing with the color indigo and this story. Just sayin
very thoughtful and relevant information, great presentation. appreciate the work! subscribed!
I have been looking for this type of stuff for months! I want to make personal change woth those close to me who believe the common "centrist" stuff. I want to maintain a relationship with those people but i will not compromise on my morals to do so. Finding a middle ground in those ideals is hard. I want to have these conversations and i do not always know how and oftwn make the situation worse for myself. But im trying. Please keep posting your progress and any tips. Thank you❤
Felt like you were talking about my dad the whole time. Might make a cut-down version of this to send to him sometime
Meanwhile, my dad thinks I'm oppressing him and everyone else, because I earned more than he did.
i'm staunchly against dads being oppressed ;)
Haven’t poked my head in since your bit on the video game with the hitchhiking teenagers. But every time I dip my toe into the TDD universe I never leave disappointed. It’s so heartening to hear an Ex Copper talk this way. As an ex con, ex Drug addict who’s struggle years are long behind me, I see the youth in the same position as me have waaaay more pitfalls. With police in my region getting more violent over time, and with the fentanyl getting more ever present, I don’t know that I’m d have survived that same “come up “ today!
Love from Sk. Canada
okay misterbadman
In many ways my dad is a lot like yours. He is an amazing father with incredible work ethic and immense compassion. He genuinely wants everybody to have the same opportunities he's had but he is a very traditional Conservative Christian who will always vote Republican even when doing so has harmed him and others in so many ways that he either can't see or refuses to acknowledge. My father is a very active member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints or The Mormons as they are often called. I was raised very active growing up and even served a 2 year mission in the Philippines but I've come to realize that many religious people associate rugged individualism with Christianity to the degree that they think that Capitalism and the American Dream are Earth equivalents for Heaven, morality, and the Commandments. The Constitution was God-given and if you're struggling in this country for any reason it's because you "aren't living right." This gives them a subtle justification for why people suffer and it lets them feel better about the way they vote and the beliefs they have. In the past when I've voiced my opinion that we need better welfare systems in the US and that every citizen deserves food, shelter, education, healthcare, etc... I'm always hit with "That's Satan's Plan!" or "Are you a Communist?" or "That was Hitler's plan." When my own studies have shown that Hitler used privatization and patriotism in very similar ways to Christianity and American Patriotism today. But when I voice the same concerns and suggest that the solution should come from churches he is more than willing to agree with the same problems and approaches to solving them so long as the welfare and help comes from religions and not the government. I personally feel that relying on religion to take care of an entire nations suffering is illogical, impractical, and unnecessary. I feel that help and support should be built into our government and economic systems rather than relying on churches that can more easily turn to violence and cruelty. I believe in the separation of church and state and that goodness is self-evident and not God appointed. It terrifies me that one day because of his beliefs this kind, benevolent person who I've looked up to my entire life could watch his party commit cruelty and injustice then stand by it because God says they deserve it. Afterwards he would likely claim it was inevitable because of their sins that they should fail whoever they are and whatever they were doing. It's disheartening and frustrating to watch religion becoming weaponized in real time while still loving those that fall for it and support it. I can't hate them because they themselves are victims of an authoritarian movement but I also can't stand by and watch silently as millions of people go hungry, homeless, and suppressed. Life is complicated. I choose to be kind.
Yeah, Hitler got his ideas from the USA but even Germany gave out reparations or so I heard. Also, the Red Scare is another tactic for control, ironically they probably think Communism does harm in the way Capitalism actually does.
it doesn't actually make sense to say that feeling like someone else is controlling you makes you feel like a child because children have no control.
because when a child is being controlled by a tyrant, a tyrannical parent or teacher etc, they feel the same way. they don't feel like a child, they just feel angry. at the injustice.
maybe sometimes angry at the fact that they can't be infinitely strong to defeat all the villains.
that feeling has nothing to do with age.
I absolutely relate to this, had a conversation with my dad recently about police violence against First Nations people in Australia and he kept coming up with all these counterexamples of individual cases from his life, when I was talking on a systemic level.
weirdly enough, he totally believed that police violence against Black people was a systemic issue in the US but not in Australia, where we live - perhaps a bigger effect of not seeing these systems is thinking that things are totally different "over there"?
a great video!
oooh yeeeah. this conversation is very familiar to me. I'm a dirty leftie and the black sheep of the family lol. Some of my relatives listen when I talk about injustices and some don't. I think it's interesting how far empathy can get some people. However some relatives always think I have alternative motives and try to manipulate them even when I'm talking about my own life and issues I've faced like sexism and homophobia. too bad I'm not planning to shut up any time soon. muahahaha!
That Dang Dad's difficulty of deradicalizing his Dad. I appreciate the wonderful alliteration and the content of the video. My father is pretty much like that, too
My step mother is a “traditionalist” and my father is an immigrant from Nepal. He is a commie like myself, but outwardly presents as conservative. He feels a need to be uncontroversial and I suppose blend into Americana better. She on the other hand grew up upper middle class and homeschooled in the boondocks. She doesn’t understand any domestic issues and doesn’t care about foreign affairs in the slightest. It’s genuinely strange seeing her remain unchanged while I describe the situation in Palestine or any systemic issues. I’m not sure how to get through to someone like this. Any suggestions beyond hour long dialogues ending in frustration would’ve greatly appreciated😁
I wish y’all who struggle with your family members lots of luck because in my mind the task is unrealistic. You are fighting decades of ignorance, fear, and hate.
Life is too short for frustration if a mountain stands in your way, try another path!
My mum is an Indian immigrant who has said casually racist things about Chinese people being "rude" and "only [Pacific] Islanders eat fatty foods". It flies past her head whenever I tell her that linguistic differences from transliterating sentences makes Chinese people sound 'rude' to English speakers or that socioeconomic inequality leads to Pacific Islanders consuming fatty foods. She also body shamed my sister for building muscle from working out comparing her to an "African". She also health shames my dad every so often for eating fatty and fried foods as a senior without taking the time to comprehend the personal circumstances that might lead consuming those foods in the first place. She cannot comprehend why being assigned take-home unpaid paper work is a form of exploitation. She is oblivious to the recent teacher strikes in my country - education is the broad field she happens to be working in. She accuses my sister of slacking off at work without taking the time to comprehend that my sister's profession, nursing is an understaffed, underpaid field that experiences a lot of burn out. She has also frequently used "mental" and "lunatic' as ableist insults at my dad, my sister and I. She insists that if I have "pair of hands" and a "mind" than I should be able to land a job straight away and move out, without understanding the complexities of browsing listings, filling out resumes, editing CVs, being in the "know", not to mention higher costs of living in my city. She retorts with the same old tiresome "if I can do it, why can't you" and brushes off the whole "well you came here when prices were cheaper" explanation as an "excuse". She also claims that being called a "curry muncher" didn't faze at all and she was able to pull through despite it. This is also the same mum who used to shame my dad for his orderly job because it did not size up to his labouring aristocrat brothers in pharmacy, medicine and law for its respectability and financial gain.
It's excruciatingly complex trying to explain complex subject matters to a migrant who doesn't read books or doesn't consume media outside of TV dramas. There are a spectrum of South Asian personalities in my country Aotearoa New Zealand. According to one locate Green Party candidate running for my local electorate, a disappointingly overwhelming number of them vote for either centre-right parties National or Act who more often than not, are Islamophobic Hindu nationalists. She lamented the dearth of South Asian lefties and Green Party voters in my country and was grateful that I was a rare example. Being a touted as a model minority is a bitch. Weaponizing South Asiannness to nefarious ends is another bitch - I can see this exemplified in none other than the persona of Vivek Ramiswammy over there in the states.
"I'm not racist. I don't even see colour. Why are you mad?"
"They were drowning and I didn't help. But I didn't actively push them deeper into the water, either. Why are you mad?"
A ridiculous equivocation.
@@jordanthompson8268 I: What's so ridiculous about it?
@@iamnohere This person likened someone stating they aren't racist to watching someone drown. That's ridiculous. It only sounds appealing to the lefty, slam poetry crowd. Give it a moment's thought and realize just how goofy of a comparison it is.
@@jordanthompson8268 I: They compared someone _not helping protect black people and their rights as they face systemic violence,_ and claiming they aren't racist because they _choose not to see_ these systemic issues, to watching someone drown and not helping
@@jordanthompson8268 Now explain it without being insulting. In fact, I'll do just that myself because I don't trust you not to be offended.
The PIerre reference is very appreciated 10/10
This sounds very much like Innuendo Studios’ videos about what conservatives believe, specifically “Always a bigger fish”. So informative
The alt right playbook is perhaps the greatest resource on how racism and conservatism works
You should be a therapist. This was such a well thought out and insightful message. I have really struggled to understand a lot of my family members, who I know are good people, but are seeing things so differently, I no longer know how to connect or speak with them. This was very interesting.
Thank you for your very calm, measured speech.
aw thank you!
When individuals that have a philosophy of individualism have worked through their traumas, really worked through them and a clue that they haven't is when they say "I did this so they....", then there is a chance. Unfortunately, working through trauma means being able to grieve and recognize when the grief process is necessary and happening.
You know what dealing with trauma means, you communicate about it, with other people.
Its impossible or night imposible and i thing anyone ever worked through that alone, ever.
Because it involves aklways communication, with others, to do so. Aka other people.
Colorblindness sounds nice in theory, but it's the same with all center-type beliefs.
"We must take sides, being silent only helps the oppressors." - Elie Wiesel
Sir or ma'am, as a black man, we make a trade in society; we choose charity to people's thoughts regardless of how we disagree with another's opinion. We live in a gray society, a society of indifference.
Holy sh•t! This video, was genuinely formative in terms of my perspective.
I'd built a very similar view on account of my watching of Innuendo Studio's 'The Alt-Right Playbook' _(highly recommend_ if you haven't watched that already), but this was an *excellent* deconstruction of these concepts as they apply to moderates.
Very well communicated, and very well moderated as well.
(I've alienated moderates in discussion before by too quickly associating their apparent apathy towards alt-right, as permissive endorsement.
You've demonstrated clearly how their incidental harm, can in fact be a _side effect_ of well intentioned [albiet misinformed] beliefs. Thank you for that.)
I’ve been trying to find something I could show to my dad on the lefty tube and god dang you did a good job
The Dad Whisperer
My dad is weird politically. He’s a union man and a lot of economic issues he’s so far left he’s practically a socialist while for other social and economic issues he’s like your dad and is fairly conservative. Though he hates trump and calls him “Dumb Donald.” He introduced me to George Carlin, metal, Rage against the machine, and the clash. Now he’s surprised that I became a libertarian socialist and practically an anarchist lmao.
your insight about approach to systems is fantastic.
Yeah, trying to discuss social justice with someone who has been coddled by structural privilege and mythologised notions of individual choice and behaviour is always tough. My dad is the same. If you benefit from structural privilege, it's easy to become solipsistic, and to presume that your own experiences are universal.
Great video
this isn't deradicalization, this is radicalization
fart
I remember in my last job at one point we had a training session that was supposed to be doing one of those 'customer service mind sets'. The only question I remember was one that read "I believe that most of my problems are caused by: a) Myself, b) Other people." I was just starting to have a critical lens and I was relatively secure in that job (I did a daily 'fun fact' email for the entire department which gave me some leeway to be a bit more political in the guise of history facts, though I probably could have done more). I ended up writing in 'c) Large systems that operate irrespective of any individuals specific control'.
I always thought that question was a really good example of these kind of blinders because of course the majority of most problems aren't caused by individuals. They're part of power system that the individuals operate within.
I think you're right on the money with the individuals vs. systems distinction as the difference that often determines whether people end up leaning left or right (outside of more outright bigotry). That's why, I think, most sociologists are pretty left-leaning. Another thing to consider, if one is trying out some lefty-inducing thought exercises, is to try to put moral judgments of people's actions in parenthesis in order to try to just understand their actions as meaningful from their perspective - in short trying to empathize with them.
Anyway, I recently found your channel and I like it a lot.
22:25 I don't think it matters if it's technically the "right strategy" or not. What matters more is the what its *effect* is. If it ends up with them understanding what you're trying to say and no longer supporting something harmful (or even, hopefully, actively opposing it), then it *is* the right strategy.
Plus, people in general, no mater where they stand politically, find it much easier to make connections with stories than numbers because emotions are stronger than reason. Like, stats are an abstract way to look at repercussions while personal anecdotes are a direct impact of those repercussions. Sure the stats may be more accurate, and they should be used when drafting policy etc., but, it's much easier for people to understand a story than to analyze numbers. Everyone goes on about "facts and logic", but we tend to forget it doesn't matter how accurate they are if they're only going to be overwritten by what feelings you have towards it.
(This is something conservatives/reactionaries have understood very well. Ben Shapiro's "facts and logic" are just pathos arguments wrapped in a veneer of logos)
Also, 1:14 Lolll. That's a mood.
Pretty sure studies have shown that the slow, anecdotal way is effective and "facts and logic" approach backfires
@@kimberlydrennon4982 Yeah the science does say that. I just didn't know any of those studies/stats I could refer to off the top of my head that support that lol. But that's definitely the case.
It also has to do with the fact that stats are sometimes so wildlly diferent to what we would have expected them to be, (reality is crazier than anything) that we cant easilly accept them as truth or something, even when they are peer reviewed
Most often the elders in my life will say i am right but thats not how the system works and i just need to get over it. Im in KY too.
"Sigh....A Calvinist." 😂
I felt that, man.
iykyk
There are so many ideas in this video ive never been able to distill into words. Legend
I wonder if Beau's videos would help him understand some of what you've been saying? He's so damn good at getting points across to conservative people it's insane.
I love bumping into Beau peeps in the wild. He has certainly helped worse cases than this, so it could definitely be worth a shot IMO.
wait who's Beau?
@@LoverOfMuchbeau of the fifth column
@@RevShifty Pretty sure some of it is just how he doesn't dress himself up. He looks like just the guy in a garage (or the guy on a road trip when he can afford it) that could exist either in rural communities or on the outer edges of the suburb where the DIY handymen all lair at.
He's also smart enough to dumb it all down (seriously, the best educators are the ones who can take academics and break it down to "get it through to a dude at the bar" levels, it takes a lot of intelligence to translate Academian to laypersons' words).
Omfg i am soooo glad i found your channel. Im an actual 'radical' dad, like you 💙 And in the South even my loving family dont realize why i dont NOT do the things that my symptoms result in: getting arrested bc cops read my symptoms wrongly, using drugs bc i was undiagnosed for so long that my 'self-medication' became habits... thanks for reminding me not all southerners are like my neighbors.
Sending a very big appreciate for this one 💜
My dad is of an old liberal bent, trying to understand experiences outside his own, even reminding his white (often conservative) friends that "we need to change who we're listening to." He defaults to queer-friendly when in doubt, with only the occasional (unintended) microaggression. It's just that much more frustrating in those situations where he doesn't get it & digs in 😞
My wife's dad is like that. Good guy at heart, but has a really rough "tradesman's" personality. I doubt he would have come around to any of the current contemporary social issues if his only children weren't daughters.
Aren't microaggressions unintentional by definition? Otherwise, it's just open hostility.
@@DomR1997 that does make sense
13:22 that part about systems is exactly how I was raised put really well. thanks for making this video as I'm in a similar situation
I watched 3 of your videos back to back. Let’s hope it boosts the algorithm. What you have to say is important for people to hear.
nah letting insane criminals run rampant is a terrible idea
@@brolybroly4485 your response has nothing to do with what I wrote. Might as well have told me you like pizza with anchovies. No one has advocated the strawman you are proposing. I’m certain there’s windmills you can tilt at elsewhere.