The reality of being a step-parent
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- Опубликовано: 23 июл 2019
- Being a step-Dad is no easy task. Hear what its really like from Matt, father of four/step dad of two.
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Being a stepdad is like paying a note on a car you're never going to drive!
Have you been a step dad before?
@@taraishot100 Have you? If so can you briefly share a little of your experience ?...just curious
@@taraishot100, you have, I have for over 12 years.
STFU.
What I have learned as a step-father: You will never be the dad. Why? Because you aren't. There is a real dad and you. This is not to say you cannot love your step-child, but stop listening to those who say, "They are yours, as your own flesh and blood." Uh, no. If the real dad is a loser, you are buying into lots of problems. As a step-father, you have all the responsibilities of a "dad" but no benefits. Any benefit is what the mom allows you. If you think you're that special step-dad, let's talk around Father's Day. You will find out real fast, who the real father is. Yes, you are the money-bags even if the step-child does not show love. If your step-child loves you and wants to be your child, so mush the better. Be ready when the real dad pops his head up, because you know why he does that? Because he's the father. Be ready to hear stories that are not about your family but the child's old family. Oh, and don't even mention the in-laws. Your step-child is used to Christmas at grand ma's' house and that grand ma, she ain't your mother. Being a step-father is a selfless job. Be ready, or be sorry. The true meaning is when that child grows up. Did that child become someone that is worthy of all the sacrifice? My selfishness says, I would not do that again. It brings too much turmoil into a new marriage. Not to mention coming home and finding the 'ex' standing in your living room when picking up the kid. Talk about violating the sanctity of YOUR home. The topper of all is when the 'ex' and your new bride start arguing and then she tells you to keep out of it. You will wish you'd stayed a single man. I know it is too tempting to hook up because you love that child so much. It's like anything else, it seems better on the times you meet up. Like renting a room at a resort. It's different when you buy it and are in it full time. Look, I would not have taken my own advice, so I don;t expect anyone else to. You might want to clip this comment and keep it in a secret place and read it in five, ten years so you can add it to your own experience.
How long have you been a step father? What age was the child/children when they came into your life?
Well, you also have women who were raped and impregnated. And hated the kids and bashed the baby's head in... Biology isnt everything. A women can love a child that has come out anouther womens chut. I will however draw the line when say when the step parent is only viewed as a baby sitter then fuck it it aint worth it😒
My stepsons dad will never come close to my house, that's the last place he'd stand, idk how allowed that but that woman would've been out the door brother... Sorry for your bad experience.
I don't see how she could be okay. There is no way I would allow my ex to be anywhere near our home. I will meet him at a store before I ever let him into our.
@@christianmosley5573
Nine years. She was 11. She is a beautiful woman now and loves me dearly. Sounds mean, but if I could go into a time machine, I would have passed this relationship and kept going. Although the daughter is a blessing, the marriage was a mistake. I saw the signs but did not realize how important those signs would be. Listen to your heart. It tells you what to do. It really does.
Been there. Done That. Wish I had never done it. Will Never Do It Again.
Nice to see this stuff bc my generation ain't going for that I personally put a female on the 90 day rule before we met and sure enough it got weird with her kids
@@toxicity6629 facts
@@toxicity6629 and this is why 60% of you are single😂😂
Why lie? majority of "you" are not present in homes. B l k
@@toxicity6629, WTF are you doing!?
Stop looking for chicks with kids!!!
It's FOOLISH, especially if you're being a step father when you don't have any kids of your own.
My biological father has his own children, but he is also a step dad.
He spent my childhood with his step daughter.
It is actually worse
💯💯
Being a step parent really sucks! I have to step kids, I raised from children and as adults they don’t even acknowledge my existence.
Damnnn!! 😔😔
Then you didn’t do a good enough job mate. And if you think you did, then ask them if they think you did a good enough job, see what they say.
Imagine someone telling you you didn't do a good enough job step parenting ! Fuck that
@@Gen7486 its not his job to do anything for them. They arent his kids. They should be thankful that anyone was even there
@@Gen7486 thats a good point because I know some step dads who get a lot of love but... its something they did for the children as they where growing up!
I'm relieved to hear step dads feel the same way I do as a step mom. I always feel like a bad person for how I feel. It helps knowing I'm not alone in these struggles!
I'm a step mom too and it's been a challenge! I work on our relationship everyday to build a bond..... I hope one day it will all be worth it 🤔
@@Bella-ly6cm it’s so hard. My daughter is 19 today and she went to spend it with her mother. Her whole life all she wanted was a good relationship with her. Her mother has hurt her so much but she still got her first steps, her birthdays, her story of that first kiss, prom dress shopping, every Christmas morning, and the first call when something special happens in her life. Now I’m sitting here broken hearted because she is not here but texted me to tell me that her mom forgot to make the reservations for her birthday dinner and then gave her errands to run. I wish she was here but I will always be second as long as she keeps chasing her mothers love. I’ll always be here waiting no matter what to pick up the broken pieces her mother has left in her heart. Being a step mother is the hardest thing emotionally I’ve ever done and continue to do.
Yes I’m pretty sure is hard as a step mom to provide a roof over children that aren’t yours .
The situation I stepped into has my head spinning today. I married a man knowing he had 5 kids. 3 of these kids are not blood to my husband. Their mom passed away. I thought since I had lost my husband I could help with the ill effects of losing a parent to death. The oldest does not like me and the siblings follow suit. Rightfully so, siblings do this. How do I fit into this when the kids don't want me around and use their dad as a bank?
ur not people expect too much from step parents , ppl expect them to fill the void and fix things that were messed up by the bio parents .. just have boundaries and try and maintain yourself
As a stepchild who was raised by my mom and stepfather I will tell you this. My biological donor was never a father. When I was on going in to raspatory failure he couldn't be bothered. My stepdad is my real dad, He came around when I was 6 years old, now I am 37. I have so much respect for this man and care about him more than anything. He was amazing as a father and always was very kind to our family. A lot of people say it is not worth it and being a stepdad is a pain. Yes it can be but please do not give up on us, Even though my stepdad is not blood we are very similar. Actually I heard a study that someone does not have to be blood and if you raise them there genes adapt to who is around you. It takes a real man to be a role model and stepfather. Don't give up on a relationship and do not rob yourself of the pride that comes with affecting a child in a positive way.
You give me hope, I’m 21 getting ready to be a stepdad to two twins, they’re both two years old (male)
@@SmokeyBear0999 You take care of them they are your kids. I stepped in to take care of my nephew for the past few years, he will turn out to be a very good man.
@@ApastronRetroyea honestly I don’t understand people. Like I got adapted by my mom she is my mom.
Stepmom is worse for the kid. No kid wants to see their dad with another family
They need to warn women to not sign up to be a stepmom.
It's not even a step father's day..............let that sink in 💯💯💯💯💯💯💯
💯
There are so many problems associated with being a stepfather that it is the main reason many men avoid dating single mothers.
and mos tingle mothers stay single nowadays till they find the right man who doesnt discriminate her for being a single mum,girls are alot smarter then us born in the 60's 70's ,they now get carreers and take car eof there own child and so it makes them a much stronger woman ,so ,i guess the guy has to look in the mirror
Exactly
This is the kind of judgemental attitude that is wrong with our society. One day your child’s mother might end up a single mum or even an orphan or your child might a single mum rejected by men like yourself.
My mum passed away when we were small and our step dad raised us on his own. No one would even know he’s not our biological father. We even use his name, and he loves us dearly. He will always have our back, when the emotionally unintelligent/immature men who were busy looking down on women like our mum are lonely in a nursing home !!!
@@Zazezoo it's not worth it. Good that it worked out for u. But from the stories I have seen myself. U will burden urself and its not best choice a man can make. Especially if he has no kids of his own and has never been married. Single parents should date each other.
I have seen dad's have no disciplinary authority over the kids, especially if the kids father is around, and the kids know who the father is and have formed a relationship with him.
Why go into a relationship with extra hurdles to go over when relationships are hard enough as is.
Why should a man put in so much more work when he can find another good woman with no kids and start a family of his own.
I'm never doing that because I have seen with my own eyes what that does to dudes. I never want that for myself.
@@Zazezoo its because your mom allowed it....
It’s the feeling of being a substitute teacher,and the kid feels like you did in school when he/she walks into class and sees a substitute teacher
Except the substitute teacher is getting paid to be a substitute teacher. Step parents are not paid to be step parents.
It's wack
They think it's a free day and you're temporary so u deserve no respect
@@proudatheist2042who signs up for a headache what a strong mental mfer 😂😂😅
No fcking way bro. Who needs this drama
Woman with kids is a deal breaker I would have fun with you but that’s it. Not trying to raised another guys seed.
I wouldn't even have fun with her.
Same with being a stepmom. Everyone will step on and walk all over you.
Wow. This conversation. Its so needed. So proud of these guys
I'll never do it again if my marriage doesn't work out.hardest thing to be in a family dynamic is the step parent
Same here i was a stepfather its horrible i will never do it again there is lany singles out there
Disagree. Being the stepchild completely abandoned by your dad after he remarries is the hardest part.
Went from having a whole family to none once my stepmom came into our lives. She came in and overhauled everything while my dad was apparently wrapped around her finger.
Being abandoned by both parents through no choice of your own is a worse fate than introducing yourself knowingly as an adult into a preexisting family structure.
Well were you at today? Your comment hits home so hard it’s insane. If it wasn’t for my daughter I’d be gone
I tried and ended up leaving my partner because there was no respect for me as a step dad. I’m happy, only worrying about my biological child, hopefully someone has a better experience than me.
Same here pal. The level of disrispect is absurd. I took a single mother and her two daughters out of poverty. A big shit sandwich is what I've gotten in return for a thank you.
Ive been with my partner for 15 years been in her sons life for 14 years we have one daughter whos 8 and shes pregnant again. And i cant stand the kid.. Hes a little prick and i just want to slap him. Ive had to leave because he tests me all the time. sad story.
Oh wow, sad stories 😢 I'm actually going thru the similar issue right now. My son who is 12, my husband who is his step-dad for 6 years and my son still does not seem to accept him. I tried everything. Not giving up but I feel like if something does not change we will end 😢
Sad stories. I am about to leave my partner and her son cause her and my views on disciplining her son are different. She can say 6-7 times to her son something he should do or stop doing, without consequences after all. I can't stand that. No wonder such kids end up without boundaries and later in jail. Damn
@@RottenProfitsTell him his dad's a fuckin' loser and tell him he can go to live with him if he wants
It’s Hit-Or-Miss….
Some kids will crave a father, and love you just as much as they would love a biological father..
However, some kids don’t want you-or need you-to be a part of their lives.. at brag point, it’s less about raising them , and more about just getting along..
how much do you love their mom?
How much can you tolerate the BS?
Do you ‘love’ the kids?
Do the kids ‘love’ you?
It’s usually not black-&-white..
Great way of explaining the complexities of step parenting.
Advise for being a step father: Don't do it.
I agree ☝🏻
Fella’s you do have a choice.
Advice
Welp! This doesn’t help me since I am going to be the dad to a kid who’s biological father denied the kid from the point of conception.
@@surreptitioustv Just don't give the woman your all and you'll be fine..No emotions. Love them but don't be in love with them if u understand.
Well said
Only be a step dad if you have kids of your own too, cuz then the playing field is the same.
Being a step dad is for men that either don’t value themselves or don’t think they can do or deserve any better. Men that value themselves don’t willingly cuckold themselves. It’s never in your best interest to date a single mother, never go against what is in your best interest.
Tbh, if you’re living in western society in the year of 2023, messing with women all together is not in ur best interest, but here we are right 🤷🏾♂️😂
@@Damonarch7327 Can’t argue with that
❤ I don't agree with you 💯 percent, because I believe "and I have also seen "many couples very much in love," and men/women loving taking the responsibility of being in a child's life to be a father figure of sorts and a friend, to give them love...etc...
I agree with you on the facts of many though, the couples I just mentioned are few and far between.
My stepfather, is and was from day one disgusting and mean to me?
I was only 17 years old when my mother and my stepfather started dating, my entire life changed, I was used to it being just me and my mother, me being an only child. I was very fortunate in my life as far as I never saw my mother and father together, they had split before I was born and my father was always in my life "It was the way things should have been." Anyhow, again my mother and stepfather started dating when I was 17 and she was 45, I met him and right off he was off-putting. We were all in a little town where everyone knew everyone. I heard rumors that Joe "my stepdad" was riding around town on his motorcycle with another female on the back of it. I remember asking my mother about this and got no answers....it's her life right? Ughhhhh, so, they ended up getting married, I had asked my mother to have an actual wedding because I wanted to see her getting married for the first time, Joe was on his 3rd marriage. Joe didn't want to have a big wedding I'm guessing due to the previous marriages and not wanting to have another big one I just don't understand if you love my mother why wouldn't you give her her first marriage and everything she wants? They eloped in Vegas...
So I know you're right that he didn't value himself and he didn't value my mother. I'm now 43, and he just passed away back in March from dementia. I helped care for him with my mother. I felt horrible watching him lose everything he was until his death, yet he still hated mee!¡!
Well my friend the person who doesn't value himself do you think any women gonna look at him even single mother she not gonna accept him believe me
This is exactly why I don’t wanna date a man with kids I’ve already done it three times and it was never something that I felt comfortable with.
If I could do it all over...🤦🏾♂️🤦🏾♂️🤦🏾♂️
👊🏻
I think the problem is that too many females are going after the wrong dudes, and end up getting pregnant and expecting the next man to step forward to be a father to her kids. Teach your child to be respectful then maybe it would not be as difficult as it is.
Period
Why would a man date a woman with a "respectful" kid when he can meet a childless woman and have and raise his own respectful kids
This is why I am still single lol. Then as men get older they stay single for so long they tell themselves that they are happier being single, which in most cases they are.
Not my seed, not my problem
@@rally_chroniclesbeen with a woman witu 3 kids most of the times she will not be happy for what you do
Being a step dad is a thankless job, which is why I've always said No Thank You to dating single mothers.
@DeAngelo Mathis I know why many men make that mistake, trying to be a nice guy and because many single mothers are beautiful and will bend over backwards to make you marry them. A child less woman was non negotiable for me however. It was so important to me that I was willing to be with a 6/7 with an unoccupied womb over a 9/10 with a used one.
Smart man
This is a fact
Why do you think you SHOULD be thanked? Doing the right thing is virtuous and doing virtuous things makes you a good person.
Joseph, Amphitryon, 616 John Howlett Sr.(Step father of James Howlett/ Wolverine): 😑
Please... Don't be a step anything... Your are asking for a stessfull life, disrespect, stepped over , overlooked and expected to be ok with it... Don't do it... Don't believe those stories on t. V... About how amazing step kids are... It's just t. V.. not real life..
I honestly love it, sure it’s hard at times but I was already a dad before with my own three girls. She had two boys who never had a father figure around and when I came in the picture, they loved me from off the bat and treat me very well. I treat them like my own and don’t hold back when they fuck up just like my girls. But hey Every one has different experiences and I understand that. Sucks and sad to see a lot of people don’t have good experiences like myself
it's a gift but it takes a real adult to recognize this
Thank you, I needed to hear this.
I hate being a step mom. Thankless and stressful.
Then leave!
@@ErtuğrulBeySonyou complain about divorce though😂
Being a stepdad is seriously a risk and legal liability to a man today especially if there is a female child. God forbid you are accused of looking at that kid wrong you could loose your freedom. You just don’t know what can happen. Don’t do it. If she can give the highest honor which is her womb to another man and don’t marry, don’t mess with her and raise another man’s legacy.
Dont be a stepdad... just dont do it. Thank me later
Listen to this person!!!!!!!!
Thank you hahaha
Is it better to sacrifice the love you have for the kids mom for your peace of mind of avoiding being the step dad??
@@maishafreddy2322 if you're smart enough, yes.
This man knows what he is talking about and so do I. (12 years with SKIDS)
If the parent you're replacing isn't out of the kids life completely, you're in for a shitty ride.
The problem is with today's women. I had great stepfather. Though he eventually was divorced by my mother, he took me in and taught me to be an adult. I always respected him and he always helped me. My mother told me he feared losing my allegiance to my bio dad that taunted him while I was growing up. She told him that was never happen and it didn't! So you see; 50 and 60's era stepdads were something totally different from stepdads of today. Many sons and daughters back then appreciated what was given to then. NoT so much, today. I tried to be a stepfather...my ex destroyed my relationship with her kids. Again, it's on the woman if it's gonna work or not. She don't have any man but her daughter's husbands have kids with other women, but still are in the home. Go figure!
Joseph succeeded to be a step father.
@Jennifer Bey you get it 👍
Man he took you in and she still divorced him. That’s wild
@@Topgear.filmerand
Wait until you give 10 plus years, give everything, the mother has an affair, breaks up and stops the child from talking to you. No thanks, no rights, just heartache, think twice!
The father's who don't won't no one calling someone else dad. Is normally the ones who do absolutely nothing
Same as step mom
Women have a history of nursing and raising kids that aren't theirs...it natural
Young boys will never respect a man other then their father and it just has no hope.
The only time I would except someone becoming a step father is if the child is an infant. But even then that shit is a stretch. Men don’t want to take care of another mans young it’s human biology.
Actually it isn’t human biology at all. And “men don’t want to take care of another man’s child?“, Who elected you President of the male sex? My uncle was a stepdad to my cousins and he was the best thing that ever happened to them. To this day he is their father in their mind.
@antmagor he speaks for the majority of us. There a reason lions do away with cubs when they take over a pride
My step dad gave his youngest son a boat and me his step son a hard lesson in don't speak when others are speaking, the next day me and my Mom came to the conclusion it would be best if I didn't come around the family anymore, she said she is sorry but my niece and nephew are being raised by them it would destroy their lives. Sometimes it's best to except the hill get behind the rock and start pushing for a never ending struggle alone that is life.
You had it rough my friend. But you are strong and all these made you even stronger.
@@pedrocoentro2009 exactly you should see me now
And where is your father? I feel always double standard. When both of parents are there step parent have nothing to say.
Why you are angry on step parent? He doesnt owe you anything.
Lololol your mom picked a strange man over her child and then cast you out. What a POS your mother is
In another words, don’t call another man child yours!
I'm a step dad to an ADHD kid who I've been in his life since he was 9. I'm struggling now that he's 14 and he makes promises like will. Knowing our unique situation and him not and taking it for granted the broken promises hurt.
Leave
Probably most would leave and I wouldn't blame you if you did myself. However speaking as someone who does have ADD, people with ADHD and ADD need two things in spades, discipline and consistency. He has trouble keeping promises because he can't stay focused. You either need to put him on medication or set up a regimen that will help learn to focus his mind. For most it's some kind of schedule or excerise regiment. Going with him daily or weekly to the gym might help to excerise together.
Being a stepdad is a long-term investment. My stepdad entered me and my brother's life when I was 12 and it took around 8 years for me to realize that he is my Dad. If you do it right, kids will grow up and recognize the sacrifice and extra work that it takes.
I've recently met my paternal father and he really showed what a good Dad my stepdad is. I appreciate him today more than ever and tell him anytime I can how much he means to me.
All that still sounds like he got a terrible deal
yea so i’ve been saying this. It’s going to be very difficult as a step parent ESPECIALLY if the real parent is the picture still. children have loyalty to their real parents, & depending on the child it could be seen as disrespectful for the parent to get remarried and like I said children have loyalty to their real parents. The only way for a child to really really get close to a step parent is if their weren’t really in their life to begin with.
I used to have a stepmother and two step siblings. It was awful. We all lived together from when I was 11 years old up until I was about 18. My entire teenage life was ruined.
My step mother would majorly favor her own two children. They basically had no rules while on the other hand I really wasn't even free in my own house.
I remember being a kid. And just literally walking around the house I live in, that MY FATHER bought... he would be gone at work so she'd be in charge. And I remember I would for example maybe walk into one room, and my stepmother would be like "what do you need in here? Get out. There's nothing in here for you" or I'd maybe come downstairs and try to sit on the couch and it would be "her spot" etc... or I'd come downstairs for something to eat and my step sister would ask me "what im doing" as if it's strange for me to get something to eat in my own living space etc... anytime I really did anytbing.. go to open a droor to see what's inside and "hey get out of there, there's nothing in there you need"
They have been gone for about ten years now. And even still it feels like a privilege to come out of my bedroom and do something as simple as just sit on the couch and watch television. Before I would get told that that couch is "her couch" etc etc or something.
That wasn't even the worst part. She played major favoritism toward her kids. They had no rules. They didn't even need to go to school if they didn't want, wheres I was forced no matter what. I remember me and my step brother had to share a bedroom for a while.... my step mother would come wake us up for school every morning. We were two teenage boys so of course it was hard to get us up. Neither of us really moved when she'd wake us. Anyways......she would then say out loud "okay, if you two don't wake up ill take your computer chord" (wich made it so we couldn't use our computer, wich was really my only escape from all this...) anyways... like I said, neither of us would move when she came to woke us...she would then start counting down from three, and apparently if we didn't get up by then, she would take our computer privileges (by taking the chord out) Anyways. Neither of us would move....she'd count down from 3....and then she would ONLY TAKE MINE. Her son would then continue laying there, and id jump up to try begging for my cord back, and he would continue laying there and never even get his taken. Then he would proceed to stay home all day and play on his computer while I went to school and had no computer after. It was insane. I could go on all day and list examples of this woman showing favoritism toward her two kids.
Another thing that would happen is if I ever didn't want to eat the dinner she made, like if I thought it was gross, she would cry and make my father force me to eat it. There were countless nights I'd sit there for hours infront of a plate of food I didn't want, taking small discusting bites until it was gone, while her two children went through no such thing. I rememebr also the other rule was that we had to scrape our plate off in the garbage.... anytime I didn't do it she'd instantly tell me to go back and do it...but I recall plenty of times her son would put his plate back and there would still be food on it, and she would casually get up and scrape it off for him pretending like no one notices the blatant difference in treatment.
Like I said I could go on all day long..... these people completely ruined my teenage years, gave me the worst PTSD my doctor has ever seen, thus ruining a good portion of the rest of my life too.
Another thing that happened.... my step sister was a huge slut. She was having different boys sleep over every weekend etc, there were zero rules. No one said a word to her about anything.. so anyways. There was one nigjt I decided to have my girlfriend sleep over. Of course despite my step sister always doing this, of course it ended up being an issue when I did it.
So long story short, they start screaming some shit at me, and im like 19 at this point, dealt with their shit for so many years, and was so fed up. I exploded, started screaming shit back at them, and they whipped out their phone and instantly dialed 911. They claimed I was coming at them trying to hurt them when in fact I was simply yelling things at them, just like they were yelling at me. Anyways, they pretty much told the police that I was attempting to hurt them, and it didn't help that my father jumped in the way holding me back, because then it really made it look like I was trying to hurt them. When in fact I was just yelling things at them lkke they were with me. Anyways, since it was 3 stories against one, the police took me away. I spent the entire night, naked, in a jail cell with not one bite to eat the entire time. I'm pretty sure it's because they told the police I was "suicidal" so that way they had to take my clothes etc.
So basically. I'm not too big on the whole step parent thing. I think it can go very very wrong. I believe my step mother was jelous of me because I was very fit and in shape and her 2 kids were always fat and sloppy. So I do believe that contributed to them not liking me and wanting to bring me down. Wich it worked.
I feel heartbroken reading this and I’m glad you pulled through. I have 3 stepkids that their mother abandoned and I try my best to make a connection and bond with them. At times it hurts when my husband makes me feel like the third wheel but I swallow my pride. I cook and clean. I am polite to the kids. I want to make sure that the kids don’t suffer more trauma and that they are treated with respect. But I do fear at times they could be capable of using me or abuse me if their mother was to manipulate them into doing it. I watch my back …
I don't have my real dad he's dead but my stepdad is there for me more than my real dad was and ever will be
“Ever will be”… well yeah. 😑
I raised 3 kids for 11 years. Being a stepdad is awful. Now they are all over 18 and they are thankless young adults. Worst decision I have ever made.
I wish I never signed up for this.Fellas you have to think about this how is it fair to us that we take care of a person who has two parents that are alive and well
Yes i come from a broken home with step parents Ive seen what terrible choice that is stay alone in the dark die alone ia a better option
@@Chuck9852 between her legs is only value she knows
Buffmybag pipe- you work hard for your money, why should you be paying another person kid(s)?
@@TheDudeAbides1998 yes why iam a helping somebody else raise there child when that keep has a parent that alive a well.This is the dumb shit I seen my mother and pops do help raise there sister kids after she passed away,iam not even doing that shit
@@Chuck9852 I sure
I been the step father to a 26 yr old since he was 3. My only kids are 15 and 16 to his mother
Ignore single moms period
Wow... good luck when your a single dad... hope all the women judge and look past you too
@melodywebster4076 your assuming he'll male that same dumb mistake.
And you should judge them. It's only right.
As a guy who’s parents got divorced at 8. My stepdad wasn’t particularly bad in any way other than being judgmental and just insensitive to circumstances and never trying to actually making an effort to spend time with me to gain any type of relationship until it was too late. My bio dad was abusive and he knew that. I already grew resentment and animosity towards him growing up because I had a bad image of a “dad” figure already. he didn’t make any effort until I was like 20. If you’re a stepdad to young kids, put your pride aside and do what they want. If they’re a hermit and they wanna play video games, play video games with them. If they wanna go outside and play, play with them outside. If I were a stepdad and I saw my step kid in the backyard playing by himself I would go out and at least make an effort to try to do something with him. Bring out a football. Buy him a baseball glove and baseball and play catch with him. Something. Instead, I was constantly judged and made fun of by him (I would listen to my mom and him talk in the living room). If I stay inside to play games I’m a hermit. If I go outside and just play with no friends I’m not doing enough. Let your kid know they are enough and be there for them no matter what. At least make the effort. Don’t be afraid to be rejected by a kid. It takes time. Trying too hard is better than not trying at all.
I will never be a stepdad..IDC how much I like a female..
A fathers roll is important because they are the one who mostly encourage their kids to do things that may be more risky or rough. And the kids respond with confidence in themselves because of that encouragement. The reason your step kids don't feel too comfortable with that type of rough play is not because they are more like their mother, its because, with no disrespect at all, your not the biological father. Biological connection is significant because it means that you have intrinsic best interest in not actually damaging your kids so they can accept true rough encouragement. But as to your step kids, it can just be a grown man challenging their will. And this is not meant as a show of disrespect from the step kids, but very likely just an evolutionary/involuntary response.
The problem starts with a bad foundation. Parents. You have to communicate. Both parties have to sacrifice for each other. I’m a father of 3 and 2, which are not biologically mine, but I treat them the same. When I first met my wife, we both talked about how we should raise the kids. I told her if she wants this just as bad as me, a family, then I will treat them the same, and we will both parent them. I told her she would have to let me parent them, or else this will not work. I’m lucky, but I’m not saying it’s easy by all means. I don’t believe it’s a step-down, but you do sacrifice a lot more.
Adding to this being a step-parent is not easy. You do have to deal with a lot. Mentally and physically. You will endure a lot of happiness and a lot of frustration, possibly. The outcome? If you set aside and focus on being a father instead of “step” father, then you will see that your children will respect you profoundly. I think a lot of people say you have boundaries when your the step-parent, but its a misconception in society that being a step-parent, you don’t get to set rules. Still, your wrong thinking that way will only cause a divided household and possibly cost you your family.
It’s all about your spouse and the foundation you want to build for your family. I can say that being step father is really being just a father to your kids. It’s a great experience but it’s not for everyone.
Cherry Blossom Totally can if you communicate with the biological parent. Most certainly can work. Just because their not biological mine doesn’t mean I can’t teach them. I believe you’re thinking that this is about replacing biological fathers which again is why a lot of relationship fail. I’m not to replace my non biological kids father but doesn’t mean I can’t be a father to them or help guide them. Step fathers and mothers have that right. It’s not a one way street.
I love this so much! I agree with everything you said. I have been in a relationship for 19 months now and I always ask my bf what he thinks of things regarding the kids. Most of the time he will say "idk" or "its not my place" and I'm like no! If we are going to be together he has much of a say as I do. My kids dad also has a gf. And she has the right to voice what she thinks is best for the kids. The goal is that we are all raising little humans so they can go off and be well on their own in the world as well as having a deep connection with all of us. I often ask my bf if he is ready for this. It is not his job to take care of my children. He has the right to leave or not be involved with a woman with kids. But if he does want to continue a relationship with me, there are two little people involve . If he is going to be apart of our family he is going to be our family! There fore he is not just moms bf. He is much more important then that. And when fathers day comes around my kids will celebrate and appreciate that they have another man in their lifes who is willing to raise them knowing he doesnt have to.
Johnathan- stop being a beta provider simp. You are not doing out of pure of love, this is an act because you are turned on by her.LOL
If you want to take care of kids out of pure love- adopt them with no female in the picture.
@@vegone8894 because that's not his kids. DUH
I am in a similar situation and I am trying to treat my partners daughter as if she’s my own but she holds her dad on such a high pedestal! My father wasn’t around so I absolutely want her to have a solid relationship with her bio dad, but because of that she struggles to let me in and as a result often treats me as less of an authority than her mother. My partner is gentle and kind, so naturally she isn’t incredibly authoritative towards her daughter. This is beginning to cause a rift between us because we don’t currently share the same values as you and your partner do. I simply expect respect from my stepdaughter since everything I am doing is for her own personal benefit! My question is, how can I try and explain this to my partner without her seeing it as “my way or the highway”? Because ultimately I just want the most harmonious household we can achieve as a family, I don’t want us to be broken and it seems we’re heading that way sometimes. I don’t have a friendship group to talk to so advice online from strangers is my best hope. I refuse to give up, I just want to make our lives easier.
I would admit as I have a step dad I want him to be like he is my actual father but I was a problem, I don't want him to get mad but some how I keep doing bad stuff, I am such a problem I should have just stayed with my grandparents, I feel so bad about him he works all day while I get in trouble because I keep making problems that I didn't intend like I didn't know the bed was wet cause of my brother and I just tried tell him its not fair to say I'm a brain dead idiot but he wouldn't listen and says what do you think of me, I wanted to tell him like a real father but I just couldn't, I wish to tell him sorry but I don't know how, please help
My step dad has been around since I was 2, and I just called him dad too. My father passed away about 18 months ago, and we’ve talked about life and everything with us. My stepdad only disciplined me once, and he’d said because he wasn’t sure if or when he could. I started seeing someone with a child who honesty needs a male figure in his life, but I’m not sure if I’m willing to fulfill that role. Life is weird and complicated eh?
2 and up is fine because he's building you up not your mother or biological father I think there talking about when there grown or like 7 and up
Life is indeed strange. If the child is young enough and a very serious talk with the mother about respect, it may be worth a shot.
@@averythomas8485 best advice I can give… don’t try and be something that you just aren’t.. especially if the bio father is still on the scene. At the end of the day you’ve fallen in love with the woman, not the kid.. don’t force yourself on to him/her in any way. Just let nature take it course.. the kid will either love you or hate you. What will be WILL BE… but I honestly think that’s the issue a lot of these guys have (especially with older children) they come storming into a home and instantly demand respect and acknowledgment etc, lol not going to happen that way unfortunately… initially to them YOUR an intruder, YOUR the bad guy.. and the best way to show them that your not is to keep a step back, know your place and let them come to you
No its not. Don't get involved with single mothers
So what if the step-parent won’t allow you to have a relationship with your biological parent. For example, there always seems to be problem with me having a private conversation with my mom.
It is a long game. Gotta serve and protect, guys. You may or may not be appreciated for this right away but it doesn't matter.
Lol. Okay. GI Joe. Good luck with that.
Or ever
Uhhh yeah it does matter. You have very low self esteem. You're a good mule.
So the basically the man has to have a suffering fetish? Okay I think we got it. 😐
Being a stepdad is a thankless job.
you have all the bills of dad but no say so nor respect as a dad .. i would never lmao
Listening to this topic, I am in a relationship with a woman with 3 kids, the hardest part for this relationship was figuring she didn't know how to me affection with hurting the kids fellings.
Juan, I know you may truly love this woman, but if I could go back in time, I would have passed my wedding day. It is years later where the pain will start to find its way into your whole life. Take the short time of pain right now, rather than a lifetime of regret. A broken heart heals pretty quick. A marriage of regret is a lifetime of torture. There's only one thing worse than being single: being married and wishing you were single
We've been going through that too it's the mom's job to lay down the line. They are the child and you are her partner. Yet again most women end up putting their children over their partner and that's not ok. You can't be a couple of you don't save time for it. Just the other day my son threw a hissy fit because I gave my guy a romantic kiss. I told him he can stay in his room and spent time with my fella till he ended up caving and getting pizza ( he's sweet like that) but I showed him no baby I got your back. I love my son but I give just a pinch more attention to my guy. However, woman have that issue even with the biological father when they are together they put the child above everything then you have entitled pieces of shit thinking they are more important than you and everyone else. Ah look at me rambling. the point is she should lay down the law that you are her partner they are the child and if they don't like it they can go to their room.
Ur the first woman I have has ever seen it that way..excellent wife u are.👍
That must be hard...I have to deal with that n I seriously say I don't need this drama in my life
@@MoonlightRose1000 you are a shitty mom
If you have to explain it like that...
....it's not worth it
I’m step dad my goal help them to get there. Like It or not 😂 those kids stuck with me
I'm a dad. I've raised a great son. ..but that's with an ex wife and I'm a good dad. But I just became a stepfather. With 4 and it is a challenge. But I love my wife and I want to be the father they never had. It's very challenging
😢
Yall the worst type of man, a jester playing king in another mans court, thinking himself a lord.
That part about the end where he says he'll go off and have his nerf wars with the boys and then come back and do an activity that everyone can enjoy was really nice to hear.
It all depends on when you come into the child’s life. If the child is just about to be an adult, all of that dad stuff is out the window. Now it’s all about establishing some line of respect.
There is no such thing as a "step-parent." You are a boyfriend, or a husband, or a legal-guardian, or a mentor.
If it ain’t on paper
Don’t beleive it 😂 if I’m a legal guardian ima need proof
😂
Hey guys so I just started and it’s hard she says I don’t help I play with him try and make a bond than I get in trouble what should I do it’s fucking hard please give me advise it’s only new so I can leave before it’s too late
Its already too late for you brother
I just became a step dad of a 13 year old teenager. However, he lives in Asia, and I am living in Canada. We got well connected when I got married with his mother. Other day I told him to help his mother to clean the house and he got pissed off at me. Most importantly, his mother is spoiling him up. I don't know what to do?
My step dad has nearly completely ignored me for over 10 years. He got with my mom when I was 8. It has always been weird and confusing. I’ve never been a difficult child. I mostly kept to myself. So to all step-parents: Please don’t be like my step dad. Try to make a connection.
To all the step fathers don’t be
My children’s stepmother is the same way. It’s strange to Me. But I believe it’s just a her self protecting?
That's your mom's fault for bringing him around...blame her not him
@@Hsteel I blame both. If you're an ADULT who consciously chooses to enter a relationship with a person that has a child, then you should feel a sense of responsibility to try to connect with that child. If you don't feel a responsibility to that, then you're a trash adult. Simply and plain.
Why are you suggesting that I should only blame my mother and not my step dad too? Are you perhaps one of those people who would ignore the presence of your partner's child for over 10 years?
@simsmachop that's understandable, he made the choice to step in, on a different note did you have a relationship with your biological father growing up?
My mother married not once or twice, which made me start not wanting to make connections, now my mother married a man who turned out to be not good, he only used my mother as a satisfier,He already has a family but chose to remarry without her knowledge, which disgusts me i was so scared when i approached him,and my mom too that made me scared of marriage,i felt like she liked my stepdad more than me,idk if marriage was like this,To be honest, I was stressed until one day when I was diagnosed with high blood pressure, my mother was suddenly very gentle on me, which made me think, will me dying make her love me even more?, I just hope I won't die that fast
Sorry for the grammar English is my second language
And btw my mother leave me for works when i was a baby,i Miss her so much and all i can think when she come back just to spent time with her,but To my surprise she got married without my knowledge, and when I asked her she said "you're just to young to know"and just that,my Bond with my mother just broken.and i need some Opinion am i being selfish for this?
Your mother is horrible
My father was a sucky dad when he was married to my mom.
Our neighbor was the coolest guy in the neighborhood,
He would buy lollipops for all the kids on our block.
My mom decided she had had enough of my father ( which was fair,
I mean… he was a real jerk when they were married. He did a lot
Of really stupid stuff, and wasn’t there for us at all. )
So she divorced him, and started dating our neighbor.
I’ve known him since I was 3 and he started dating my mom
When I was around 7. My step dad actually makes my mom happy.
And whilst I still love my dad… I’d rather, when I get married,
My step-dad walk me down the aisle. Of course… it’s gonna be
Hard to ask him that… and just as hard to not ask my dad…
I wish they both could, but they hate each other…
Luckily, I won’t be getting married for a LOOOOONG time.
( seen as I’m still a minor ) but it’s really hard
To think about how I feel about that…
Who knows, I may change my mind…
I doubt it… I don’t want my dad to get
Mad, but I don’t want my step-dad to be sad…
( Dr.Seuss? )
At home I call him ( my step-dad ) either by his name, or
Dad. I only really call him dad when I am leaving the house.
Gosh… sometimes I just want to give my
Dad ( step-dad ) a hug and tell him how I feel.
But you know us minors. Bad Feelings are for nerds.
Sleep is for the weak. And happiness is not
An option.
Ignore that last bit, T’was a joke.
Good afternoon/day/night
So your mom banged the neighbor and got a divorce keeping you and the house....
Cant imagine why your dad hates them lol notice how you hold your dad accountable for his attitude and worship the 2 that were actually doing the wrong.
Women are amazing.....blame all day not one ounce of responsibility
my step-dad: I DAD I IN CHARGE ME RULE EVERYTHING I NO CARE YOU BUT ONLY CARE ME LOVE NOT!
being a step parent is embarrassing
and thats a factual statement
In my situation, her dad is nowhere in her life and in all honesty he hasn't been in her life ever since she was born, she's 13 btw. I will never be her dad because she never calls me her dad. I'm just a man who is stepping up in being a father figure to her. Most of the time she never shows her appreciation towards me when it comes to me taking her to school, buying her clothes, taking her out to fun events, none of that. It's always the mom reminding her to tell her thank you to me.
Why are y’all wanting so bad to be known as a dad. Dude be a husband and be a great role model. They have a dad. Doesn’t mean you can’t change their lives and help them. And when you play games with them, just be a person having fun. There should be no need to feel like, I’m playing games with my son, this is so great.
I think looking for that is the issue
What. There dad is there role model.
@@bmoreravensjr5937thanks for this comment lol I’ve never asked myself this and it’s relieving to hear it
I think this goes for step moms as well. I’m in a same sex marriage and of course she had her father. But he’s still on control power trip. If the child doesn’t answer her phone he blows up my wife’s phone with countless calls and texts. And it is true…you may love them as urs but when the holidays come around you’ll see who the main parents are. I see on Mother’s Days. I never get a card or anything. Which is fine. But I have to deal with the other shit. He hurts her feelings over something then it’s crying time and I gotta step up and comfort her. When it’s his time to have her, I’m non existent. It’s definitely a hard role to play. Cuz you have to know your place… I can voice my opinions and concerns, but will she ever block the man from her phone? No. Why? Cuz he’s her father. If ur not emotionally and mentally strong, being a step parent (man or woman) you will face so many hard obstacles.
My mom broke up with my dad when i was about 1 and half years old. I never had a close relationship with my father. I barely saw him because he was always too busy. When i was 3, my moms boyfriend moved in. He never played with me. For example, if he wanted to be my father, he could have done that, but no. When i was 3 and came home from kindergarten, i watched cartoons on tv. When he came home, he just pushed me out of the couch and put his series on. Then when I was 15, they broke up, as a reason he didn't want to break up, he said that my mom have to think about their children. He never spend time even with my little sister, and she is his biological daughter. I was happy when they broke up.
Thanks for your comment. I think i can pick up a thing or 2. For one i struggle to play with the boy. He's turning 5 this year. I'll see how to go about that. Your stepdad had serious issues if he couldn't even make time for his daughter.
Yo! I’m 18, recently I got involved with this one chick that has a kid. Never done it before but this one is different. She’s 21 and ima be honest I don’t know what to think.. I know if things get serious down the line with her I’m gonna end up playing step dad and I never wanted that. But I care ab this girl so.. any pointers?
Going through the same deal I’m 25 my girl is older she has a 3 yr old son it’s hard to commit to this but I sure do care about her hope it’s going well for you
Same situation.. was my middle school sweetheart I guess and we took our own ways in high school . she back now with 2 kids pretty young and idk wtf to do I feel like I can’t commit to that . But I fucking dig this chick smh
Rum and find another one
You will regret it
@@john-michael422run away
@eduardosaldana6472 yeah she respects you so much she's knows her little goofball will bail her out of anything. Run away
as a 13 year old and my step dad how is not nice
, reading thes comments hurts
Dont worry kid everything will be okay, just ignore everyone else’s opinion
Try showing him some respect.
@@johnnyd5687 I do
There's bad and good to every situation take what you can from the video but it's only an opinion at the end of the day
the thing that bothers me about any adult is the abuse. like even as an adult my life doesnt belong to me my parents still seem to think they control me. and step parents are narcs and even worse like seriously its crazy
Maybe you need structure. Kids need a foundation before they are set free at 18
Advice. I am a step mom it has been a long road. You are not a parent. They will have warm feelings for you, sometimes. I am mainly my husbands back up. Sometimes I back up the step kids when dad is being an ass. I offer advice when they ask. I don’t get in their business I never talk bad about their mom. It has been a long dark road but we are seeing the light by being consistent and a team.
Nothing like hearing you aren’t my dad a few times a year if you’re lucky. Ahhh
I had a step parent. Well my mom wasn’t married but He showed how a stepfather should be. Gave us anything we wanted , spent so much time with us! Always told us he loved us, everything! Now I have a toddler (boy-age 3) and I’m married. He is the stepfather! We do have a child together , she’s five months. I come to the comments to see how do step parents think, not saying that my husband thinks this way. Just curious. My experience as a child with my step father has made me realize that you can love children like they are your own. He taught me how a dad should be. No, they will never be the actual biological dad but can show love like Jesus did. I am a bit afraid for my toddler. Have went through the favoritism with biological dad and never want him to experience it. Worst feeling ever 🤦🏽♀️
It’s not just about the step parent. It’s about the child too. It’s hard to accept the “new parent” you have to be a very understanding, patient person who has a heart for children. And if not then simply , don’t date or get married to someone with children.
My adopted step daughter said to me-“my dad” wasn’t referring to me-finally let it go-
So true be with a woman that loves u first and wants your kids
I'm engaged to a single mom of 4. Somebody pray for me
I gotchu my brother 🙏🏾😭
Better cut that shit off! Bro, 4? You Wildin
Oh goodness man, I hope you trolling 😂 but if not I'll pray for you cus you're going to need it 🙏🏿
What about being a the son and you feel your dad cares about step kids more and helps them more with life ?
It’s easier to be a stepdad than a stepmom.
My step daugthers father has never bothered with for 13 years a year after her birth. Today her mother found out she contacted her father. My misses came to me today to tell me this, and in the term of an American, i have never had such a shit curve ball sent my way. Smashed me so deeply and i have no idea on how to comprehend it. I am so fucking broken it is unreal!!!
Well my girlfriend has a two boys, 3 year old and 6 year old…. There dad was never around for the mothers pregnancy. I started dating her, she’s amazing, I have no kids but he kids appreciate me because there dad was never there, the 3 year old dosent know who his dad is ‘I’m stepping up being there for my girlfriend, everything is good my guy, if you love someone you’ll always find a way
i he wasnt around for the first kid why have a second kid with him? this doesnt look good. my advice is get out of there while you can. alfa fuck beta bucks.
Blue pill written all over you
Blue pill written all over you
Blue pill written all over you
We should be dead😂😂😂😂
I have to say that I agree 130% with 90% of the men in here it's a very thankless job and to know that if you are married to that woman for more than 10 years if you're in a state of Florida you have to continue paying for this woman lifestyle even though she has maybe moved up and got a better man she's still gets a check from you and you don't even have the benefits of having that relationship with those children anymore especially if he raised the child or children from birth to 10 years old-it's like a waste of 10 years of your life!
One thing I told my wife early in our relationship and I stressed in heavly that you had your kid before you met me with another man your child should hold no weight over our relationship I will do my best to have a good healthy relationship with your son but when it comes to decisions for our future he will not be Factor just like your I wouldn't let our past relationships affect our future together why would you let your kid that you had with another man before you met me affect our future he is not the reason we met he is not the reason we got together he will not be the reason we get married he will not be the reason we start a family together and I will not play second fiddle to a child if this relationship is going to work then you will prioritize my needs I am not asking you to pick me over your child but when I need you I need you to be there because I will not go through this relationship knowing that my problems are never going to matter when it comes to him
At barely 17, I raised 3 kids belonging to my ex-husband who was 27 at the time. (His and my ages should tell you a LOT). When I got out of school for the day, I'd wait after to pick up my kids... I was ROBBED of my youth. I raised those kids for 4 years then had my own daughter with him. He physically and emotionally abused us every night and day.. When my daughter was 10 months old, I had to secretly escape with her in the middle of the night with our only possessions being the clothes we were wearing and her diaper bag. He chased me out of our home and my vehicle down the drive but we made it out.. One of the hardest things I have ever had to do was leave the other 3 behind. But I dont believe I would be here today if I hadn't. They haven't spoken a word to me in over a decade. That "man" traumatized me (us), stole my youth, robbed me of so much including my military career. And now 13 years later, my first born daughter.
L
It's normally the kids that are going through a hard time not having both of there biological parents around like most normal families do and anyways from my experience step parents are mean to there step kids anyways not nice people Ive had 3 step dad's all of them had something on common they were all mean all of them tried to take control over everything all of them abusive all of them criminal records and not just from my experiences of having step parents but alot of people have had horrible step parents as well it's hard for kids to have to go through getting separated from a parent then having to warm up to a new parental figure in there lives but then they have to Indore more trauma more neglect more abuse more bs from this practical stranger people got to know that no matter what it's always going to be hard for the kids
Right divorce can be the death of the kids childhood. A stepparent can only cause insult to injury. Divorce is also a lifelong struggle for the kid
Step parents aren't gonna be patient with children that aren't there's and children also like to take advantage of a step parents kindness.
The thing is many men who take on these responsibilities do it with an agenda, for example because the single mom is richer then him...
Here is my advice to potential step parents: Do not be surprised if your step child does not like you at first…..but do not be all sulky about it and say to yourself, “All right, I’ll show this bastards just how mean I can be as well”…… Be the adult you are in the relationship…… please try and realise that you are invading their personal space….. and basically taking over the father role or mother role that they don’t necessarily want you to take over …… give them time to get used to you…. just like they needed time to get over their parent’s divorce….. And please, just don’t ever be mean to them…. I know it can be trying…. but hey, you know what you got yourself into….. the children don’t always have a choice….. the just have to accept that oh….. mommy is getting a new husband….
I’m married I woman and I regret really her kids are evil and can’t stand it anymore what should I do. Did I should get divorce
Yes you should
Yes
Going through a similar situation, married her when she had a daughter, we now have 1 kid together.
Failing to bond with her child, It makes me feel out of place, like i dont know what am doing .
Cant find my peace .
Thinking of walking out
I honestly fucking hated it… mentally I believe I just simply was not cut out for it.
It takes a lot if maturity to be an effective parent or step parent. If you can’t joyfully put the kids first you’ll never be a family.
New Normal- that's not how relationship work. Maturity means to be. a sucker. when it comes to this. That's why they are called step parents. They get stepped on.
You put this kid on this planet. Both parties need to do their duty and step up to the plate. You don't force someone else to do that!
Males need to start acting like men and don't put up with this disrespect. Stop being simp beta providers.
You're obvious not a stepparent if you made that comment sounds to easy
@@TheDudeAbides1998coach gang!
It’s a tough deal. You think you and your step-kids are like your own but as soon as they are from they bail, no thank you or anything.
As a man i do not understand why u would wanna be called dad by another man's kid. This isnt a mentoring program to prove what a stand up guy u are.. U just fell in love with the childs mom