I want to warn everyone that step kids once they are past a certain age WILL be challenging and I’m sorry to say this but it’s not worth it. You can come in with the best of intentions and it doesn’t matter.
You are so right. I’m dealing with my 19 year old stepson that refuse to listen to me. My husband is a truck driver so I stuck with this monster. I husband doesn’t like confrontations so this young man get away with a lot. He refuse to kick him out.
@@anatachasimeon2529that’s when you say your an adult, here’s your notice. Disrespect then get out. Unless they have a disability then don’t enable it. Your equal in the marriage and he is too old to be living at home to treat you like that.
Ya I’m living this right now. I’ve tried so damn hard with my boyfriend’s oldest daughter. She’s 14 and we found out she’s been stealing from me. Clothes and what not. I’ve done everything I could for this kid. Coke to find out she’s been bashing me to her momma and her aunt. I feel so bullied and hurt. I thought this kid and I had bonded and had fun together. But she’s been stabbing me in the back.
I’m on the verge of divorce right now because my husband’s son lies, sneaks, steals, and he has now successfully gotten his dad to think I’m the problem… I’m trying real hard to give time and space for healing and growth. My husband is so easy on his kids and so hard on me…
It can be hard if your spouse isn't on the same page as you. If he's willing to be more self-governed and help his children be more self-governed as well, I would recommend you both do my online TSG Parenting Course. And, if you have older children (12yrs+), you can have them take the course with you, which is nice! teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/ I hope this helps!
I want to comment about this. But being a step parent is really hard! It’s a position I believe not a lot of people truly understand how difficult it is. Your not only dealing with the step child but everyone else, everyone has a say, feels like everyone judges you for what you are or aren’t doing, just so much mental pressure. But from being a step mom for 4 years I will tell you I never used to be involved with my step daughters life. It was her dad that mainly did everything for her, and I just did my own thing. I didn’t discipline, nothing. I will tell u that me not saying anything made it so much worse. I realized that both her dad and I had to start working together when it came to consequences, talking things out with her, expectations, etc because it’s more in unity. Now being a parent to my own child, I had to set an example to not only my step daughter but to my own daughter when she gets older too showing that there’s not sense of favoritism, it’s just about what are the expectations in this household and how we can all work together.
I think language has a huge roel in how we guide our children and hve them come up with appropriate rewards and consequenses, or lifes lessons too. We can 'correct' all we like.. but if we speak form the heart nad use NON VIOLENT communictaion and traning methods too, this allows us to speak more from the heart. When I was a teen and I was 'corrected'... I rebeeled... When I was heard, validated and teh guided, taht made all the difference...
I know I need to disengage from my stepchildren but I don’t know to without hurting their feels and constantly saying no. Although my children’s behavior isn’t perfect they actually wanna be around me. They’ll follow me around the house and talk to me all day which is one of the problems. At This point I’m more invested in them and their behavior then their father. IIt’s become a main focus in a negative way of me and my husband’s conversation. It actually makes me very unhappy about being a stepmom. I just keep telling myself to tread lightly lol I’m: 27 Stepson:11 Stepdaughter: 8 Yes. My husband has custody so we all live together
Geez mine is a gigantic pain 16 and can’t wait for her to leave. You are lucky they actually want to be around you. Your issue can be fixed so easily. Mine will be better when she turns 18 and I can move her out
My boyfriends son used to like me and wanted to be around me until he turned 13. Now hes miserable, rude, pouty. Throws fits when i show up to family events. Ignores me and leaves the room when i speak to him. I miss when he used to like me. 🫤
I want to vent. I’m tired of these kids. They do not even say hi to me. They do not respect me and all bc of the mother. She’s a slob. She talks to them like they are homies. She shares thing about her previous relationship with their dad and she bashes him even calling him names that honestly can land you in jail for wrongfully accusing someone of these things. She brings so many dudes around them and it’s just something I find imposible to even deal with. I stay in my room. I don’t even eat in my dinner table bc they make it to a whole trash can. They can’t pick up anything they do. They do not flush toilets but they have sex? Lol at this point I’m fighting with my bf bc he gets mad that I have minimum requirements to ask for help around the house. Since he’s always out and working. The minute I stopped picking up and cleaning. This house looked like those on hoarders. They will walk over trash. Even paper with poop on it. It’s sad as hell. I’m about to have my first child. And it just sucks that he even complains about wanting to raise this kid different. But he gets scared at the idea of asking them to clean up after themselves. I beg God to give me strength. Bc at this point the minute I can stop asking for help bc this pregnancy is beating me up, I’m going to become independent and leave. That’s a sad way to start a pregnancy
I'm so sorry to hear this! It sounds like you definitely have a lot on your plate and on your mind. I don't know enough about your situation (family culture, social culture, etc.) to give you specific advice, but I can tell you one thing: the only person you can control is yourself, which means you can choose calmness and maturity. You can choose to show love for someone, even if they are choosing not to show it to you. You can decide that you aren't going to continue with the same behaviors that you're surrounded with if they don't match what you feel is best for you and your family. You can choose to improve yourself by deliberately learning skills and principles that will help you become a better, more well-rounded person. There are lots of options, even if it seems like there aren't. This option that I offer for free has been a huge blessing for many people, whether they have children or not: teachingselfgovernment.com/calm-parenting-toolkit/ I hope that helps some! Also, you're at the perfect place to start learning skills and principles for yourself and your baby. You've got this! teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/ teachingselfgovernment.com/store/parenting-a-house-united/
Deal with the entitled bio parent... I have no bio kids and my step son's mother won't deal with him. Both bio parents have messed him up and I'm paying the price while trying to put him back together. Totally burnt out now. Dad just neglects and indulges, mum could not care less.
My bf gives his daughter whatever. No consequences for her bad actions! Temper tantrum! Momma is a bum! Won’t comb her hair for weeks! Then when i do! And she cries! Here he comes! Let her up she needs a break. You can’t say anything to her! I put her in time out he takes her out. Whatever she says goes. She sneaks in the bed with us, and I’m like no she’s a big girl she needs to be in her own room. Talking to her is like talking to a ghost. She doesn’t listen. Walk by like you’re not even talking. When i speak on these things we argue so bad. He’s been single for about a week now. I care but i don’t, and our daughter will be here next month.
You deserve a husband/man who takes your side FIRST. Do you pay bills at the house? Do you do chores? If so, it is just as much your household as it is his. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Best of luck with your new little one.
That's so hard. Especially if there isn't a space set aside to talk about these things logically without emotions getting in the way. I would recommend getting my online TSG Parenting Course and starting it for yourself and your new little one. If he would like to try again with you, you can set some new boundaries and expectations, one of which could be getting on the same page with parenting. teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/ I hope this helps!
I have a baby girl with a woman with a 10 year old daughter. Her daughter is acrually quite respectful and polite to me most of the time, but she's awful to her Mum. Calls her names, refuses to do anyrhing, tells her to fk off etc she used to be violent hut since my baby girls birth, i haven't seen her lash out physically which is a relief. And she actually seems to really care for her little sister. Me and this child have a decent enough relationship, we play games together. Joke together. But our bonding is sometimes interupted and halted when shes horrible to her Mum/Nan/Dad or other kids. I cant help but feel resentment for her when she does this. Its her Mums fault for letting her get away with it, but thks behaviour at times makes me really dislike the kid. And im torn because shes a child, but i see her turning into an abusive adult as shes never corrected by her Mum. Or sometimes her Mum complains about her behaviour to her but never offers any consequences.... anyways. Not even looking for asnwers. Just venting. But i do think the relationship between me and her Mum is unsustainable...
I cooked, I teach, I correct them, I gave them confidence, I fed them for 11years, and now they are questioning my contribution to the family after a rift and worse part is their mom choose to correct me for trying to correct them. Imagine their 50yo mom after a day work got to do all the washing and cleaning and as a 21yo they just walk by without lifting a finger to help and now dare to question my contribution. I feels great that I can walk out of this toxic relationship with my heads held high. I just treat that I'm teaching under privilege children and now that they've grown up and capable, my job is done. I move on. But I wil never walk into another RS where my partner has children
My stepdaughter said she is going to kick me out of the house just because I said to her mom that I love her. And then the next day she began to blame her mom for not spending time with her. Her mom never goes out of the house however. She shifted the blame when my girl confronted her. Totally sucks.
I'm sorry you're having struggles! It sounds like some roles might need to be discussed and put into place. If you'd like more advice on this, please submit a question to my Support Group. I'd be happy to answer this on my weekly call! Here's the link: teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/ I hope this helps!
I'm a widow with 4 children of My own. Our family was a military family until the passing of my husband. I'm also a Vet.. Our family has always had structure and consistency, even after my husband's passing. I am now with someone who is divorced with 4 children of their own and a very self involved ex wife who uses the kids as commodities in their parenting. Laissez-faire has been their style. The children can be incredibly entitled, self involved and lack empathy and moral integrity. They use their parents against each other. I've gotten to the point where I rather disengage and not deal with their drama and disrespect. And I'm always the bad guy for bringing up these issues. What can I do to actually help this frustrating situation?
what if my husband tells me im not allowed to correct them? that when i do, it makes them not want to come back and visit their dad? in the meantime, my own children pack up and leave because thet do not want to be around my step boys. theyre very disrespectful, entitled and are rude. ive had this ongoing problem for four years. please help me. ( p.s . their dad moved into my house with me two years ago, we got married. its now our house but ive lived here 11 years and have worked very hard on this house. theyre destructive and my husband turns a blind i to it and pretty much doesnt care. leaving me to fix everything.)
If you are the mother and they are with you, you have rights to correct them. A mother’s role is to teach and nurture. Correcting them is teaching. If you don’t reach them, then you are neglecting them and not honoring their roles as learners.
@@TeachingSelfGovernment they are my step children. I have 3 grown daughters of my own who come to visit me but when the boys are here, they refuse to come over
My eldest stepson when he was 12 told me, “Mom says you’re suppose to be a maid for us” His mom lost custody of the kids years prior to me. Lost all access due to her increasingly unhinged behavior to a point of criminal conviction. He never got better and only got worse, to a point he committed crimes against others. All the years of therapy did not help or influence a healthy mindset for him.
My boyfriend of five years has a daughter that he’s been raising most of her life. She’s struggled with having me around and we’ve had a few arguments. She’s made it very clear that she doesn’t want a relationship with me nor will I ever be her mom. We live in separate households until my daughter graduates high school in the spring. At that time we plan on selling both of our houses to buy one together. His daughter is having her 20th birthday next week and I really don’t want to be a part of her birthday dinner at a restaurant. I am torn because I truly love her but traumatized by public humiliation from her a couple months ago. I don’t know how to tell her I don’t want to go without being hurtful like I’m holding a grudge. Please help me find the words to tell her in a healthy mature way.
This is definitely a difficult situation. I see where your boyfriend's daughter is coming from. However, there are ways to address this. First off, his daughter is an adult. I would have a discussion about roles and explain that your role in your relationship with the daughter is to give advice and provide wisdom and experience. You're not there to tell her what to do or who to be. But, you're there if she needs you. I think it's important that you let her know that you're not going to try and replace/be her mother, but a resource if need be. One of the skills I teach is Disagreeing Appropriately. This skill can definitely be used in this situation. When it comes to her party: Tell her what you understand about her desires and wishes, then explain your position and point of view. Then, accept whatever answer she gives you. Hopefully this helps! Feel free to visit my website and look up topics that could be similar to yours. teachingselfgovernment.com
Well you have to understand she has every right to feel that way by telling you the obvious truth, that you're NOT Mom and I can tell she probably is the type that Doesn't waste time sugarcoating the truth. Good for her! 👍
See, steps often need to understand that if you Aren't MOM then Exactly, you can't think it's ok to try to force that on a child expecting them to want a relationship with you, expecting them to call you mom, so forth and so on...
Dont feel guilty. I am going through something similar. Once my stepson turned 12-13 he began acting horribley to me. I gradually backed away from trying to have a relationship with him. His mother may be saying things about me to him as he got older. I felt guilty for years about how upset he was with me. But hes not my child. if shes going to treat you like that its not worth the humiliation.
I'm a child of two parents who got divorced later on in my childhood. They were so awful and hateful... It was almost the exact opposite. I wasn't entitled, I was neglected by both of them. My dad ended up with a DUI and a CPS case for driving drunk with us, and my mother got married secretly 3 months after the divorce was finalized. She didn't tell anyone and she just recently kicked me out of the house because her husband and I don't get along. I don't consider him my step dad because of all the nasty stuff he's said to me. I really wish I had a step parent come in who would try to help the situation and possibly stop the verbal abuse. Ironically, I am now the step parent to a beautiful baby boy (who is turning 6 soon!), but his bio mother hates me. She's always turning him against me and his father, unfortunately. When he comes to visit, we have to work with him on a few things and after a day or so he's much happier and easier to handle attitude wise. I love my step son and I wouldn't trade him for the world, he's one of the greatest gifts I've ever received. I love his father so much, and that little bundle of chaos and joy was a delightful addition!
I am stepfather to a girl of 15 since she was 6. I tried my best as I knew, but it's hard because you are not taught to how to be a stepfather. You obviously make mistakes, so as the mother. It is a problem even to be any kind of father figure. Mother is always overprotective, even to a degree of child a controlling her Mother because Mother is afraid that child will love her real father more than her and that she will eventually leave her and go to her real father. So child got no punishment for bad things. If she don't like to go to school, Mother calls and says that her daughter is sick, which is a lie. If she got bad grades, there is no punishment. It's the teachers fault, they are bad, they don't like her, which is a lie. If she has a fight with her friends, it's their fault. If she is rude towards me, it's my fault. If she have cigarettes, they are not theirs...etc. She is the center of family and everyone should please her which is way out of normality. Her real father is not against me, or against my wife, his former first wife. He married couple of times and have several children. He is reserved and live in another country. It's the child itself and the Mother. I should add that my wife's family were never supporting of our relationship. They were always suspicious and distant because of I never really made a good connection with them. So I would say they are the part of problem. The Grandparents even said to my stepdaughter that she doesn't need to listen me. How stupid and fucked is that? What good can come out of it? The most what hurts me is the fact that no one appreciate what I have done for them. I gave them home, security, love, money, understanding, support etc. They lived really poor in a shitty basement flat, that horrified me. I was glad to gave a better life to a child. But it really doesn't matter what I did or what I sacrificed. I have no right to say anything because I'm not the "Father". I don't like the way this girls is taking or how she is being raised. But every time I tried to interfere, I was rejected. I got no affection or love, just hate, provocations and lies. And when I asked my wife, why is she allowing this; she said that she cannot do anything about it. So, what's the point? How to have a good life with a such spoiled child, almost entitled to do what she wants? Little princess. Nobody disciplines her, nobody at all about anything. She is destroying my marriage and it's breaking my heart. But this relationship is now extremely toxic and I unfortunately need to get out. I just don't want to hurt them in any way. I try to be a good man but I feel trapped. She doesn't have to behave like this, she wants to because it's allowed to her. Her father even said the she is misbehaving, but she only laughed.
Sorry for the late reply! That is quite the situation! The full response to your comment is too long to type up here, but I'd love to learn more about your situation and have the opportunity to answer your questions on one of my weekly Support Group calls that happen Wednesday mornings at 8am MST. That way, other people that have similar questions and concerns to yours can hear the answer too! If you’re interested in talking with me more about it, check out the link for more information: teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/ I hope this helps!
Bro you literally are living my life! It’s a no win situation I promise! I’ve tried and tried and tired, the damage is done thanks to the extended family and lack of support from my wife over the years, my daughter is 16, can do what she wants when she wants, cussing nonestop, back talks, she does go to school and works a full time job, that’s great but after that she does nothing, doesn’t help, gets to do what she wants, doesn’t follow the rules, mom thinks she’s an angel still ( I don’t understand how) I’m at a loss, I’ve done so much for her over the year’s, I’m completely disconnected with her at this point and can’t wait for her to move out, I actually joke about it with her and her mom but I don’t think she understands how serious I am about wanting her out after she graduates, then it’s off to Florida with just her mom, 😂 I CAN’T WAIT!
My stepdaughters don't know what consequences are. They always get what they want and if they don't get it when they want it, automatically makes my partner the bad parent and they don't hold back in saying it loud and clear regardless of who's around. I always tell him they need to have consequences for their bad actions or behavior but he's a softy he lacks all sorts of authority when it comes to his daughters and they both know this, being in this situation is exhausting. The mom insists in saying she does whatever those girls want and there's the problem that we have absolutely no say in.
I hate my husband and I would like to leave. We have no children and his "daughter" is not his but she hates me and I can't stand her. She is not even adopted but she views him as a father since he was her guardian, only selectively. They have a very close relationship and I hate it.
That is a great question! I'd love to answer that on my weekly Support Group calls that happen Wednesday mornings at 8am MST. Here's a link for more information, if you're interested in getting my details answer to this question: teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/ I hope this helps!
How to deal with step children? Stay in your lane. It's the parents job to deal with their children, nobody else's. If you don't like it? Don't be in a relationship with someone who has kids.
Some of these comments are outlandish... I think that if ur a single parent and u decide to get in a relationship... Marriage to be specific ur wife comes first becuz shes the one also taking care of ur kid ..and if u have q kid that is entitled..that needs ro be talked about between adults and the chils does need to be corrected .... Im dealing with an entitled 6yr old that im watching .... I make it very clear what my boundaries are and what i can and will put up with... 😂But i find the frustration come when her real mom tries to be hee friend instead of her parent letting her getring away with so many things i think arent appropriate for her age .. i grew up in a step household and my parents did there best to make us feel accepted... Equal and didnt give special treatment.... 😑 We shared everything.... And even if as a kid i thought it was annoying..now as an adult i see how beneficial it was .i appreciate everything..big and small ... Rather than being coddled ... If the adults cant come and have that conversation that the kids dont run the household...it will never work
I was in 2 marriages where step children were present. The first ended in large part because of my ex wife putting her daughter above all. It created a lot of tension. She felt guilty for splitting from her daughter’s father. The second time around (I should have learned from the first), she had a daughter (12) and son (9). Got along great with the son but the daughter was entitled. As they got older, the daughter resented me and we had many disagreements. My ex did nothing to make that relationship work. We split after WWIII took place. I blamed myself for a lot of it but now I’m realizing the dynamic with her kids was the crux of all of it. Had she tried harder to mend that, it may have worked but I just couldn’t take it anymore.
Im thinking about starting a channel How to Deal With Entitled Step Parents, to help kids who are dealing with their world getting turned upside down by a new parent that has an agenda of parenting that requires the kid to accommodate them and lose themselves. The more you demand "respect", the less you command respect. If you feel entitled to set the agenda, proceed with caution.
That's an interesting topic! I think the biggest thing to remember here is roles. A parental role is one of teaching, leading, and guiding. A child role is one of learning. While some parents can definitely take advantage of a step parent role, others really struggle to put the roles in their proper place. No matter if a parent is the biological one or not, it's important to keep the roles intact and prioritized.
@@TeachingSelfGovernment never mind. And there is something else: you should give consideration to the possibility that your clientele might contain a big percentage of narcissists. Watch out!
I don't think a stepparent is entitled to tell a child that is not biologically there's anything... the only exception is if the child's life is in imminent danger. All this "playing house" with children who are not biologically yours is creating mass chaos. How about this idea... WAIT until the children are no longer minors and then do what you wish after they've turned 18 years old. That'd be what a responsible loving parent does. 👏
You are correct. As a step father you have to sacrifice, even though kids are difficult. You can't keep score just as you cannot with a biological child. It is your obligation. Sorry. Reality.
Oh so step parents also shouldn't have to feed them, take them to school, help with homework, make sure they're doing chores and just care about them? So when the bio parent isn't around what would be your suggestions, especially for younger children? Ignore them and wait for the bio parent to return? Honest question.
Hmmm well that doesn't work. If as a step parent you are left to be responsible for said children then how can you do that without the ability to correct them? I'm not saying to go to far but you need to teach them right from wrong. This nonsense and children waawaa bout anything and parents defend them even when ridiculously wrong. So how's that working out? Kids are off the hook crazy entitled full of self and basically heartless unless there's something in it for them. So please think b4 you spout dumb shit like that because you are "The Problem "
I want to warn everyone that step kids once they are past a certain age WILL be challenging and I’m sorry to say this but it’s not worth it. You can come in with the best of intentions and it doesn’t matter.
You are so right. I’m dealing with my 19 year old stepson that refuse to listen to me. My husband is a truck driver so I stuck with this monster. I husband doesn’t like confrontations so this young man get away with a lot. He refuse to kick him out.
It’s really difficult to care about a step child who is sneaky, manipulative and entitled.
@@anatachasimeon2529that’s when you say your an adult, here’s your notice. Disrespect then get out. Unless they have a disability then don’t enable it. Your equal in the marriage and he is too old to be living at home to treat you like that.
Ya I’m living this right now. I’ve tried so damn hard with my boyfriend’s oldest daughter. She’s 14 and we found out she’s been stealing from me. Clothes and what not. I’ve done everything I could for this kid. Coke to find out she’s been bashing me to her momma and her aunt. I feel so bullied and hurt. I thought this kid and I had bonded and had fun together. But she’s been stabbing me in the back.
@@pamelagarrett3754 boom
I’m on the verge of divorce right now because my husband’s son lies, sneaks, steals, and he has now successfully gotten his dad to think I’m the problem… I’m trying real hard to give time and space for healing and growth. My husband is so easy on his kids and so hard on me…
It can be hard if your spouse isn't on the same page as you. If he's willing to be more self-governed and help his children be more self-governed as well, I would recommend you both do my online TSG Parenting Course. And, if you have older children (12yrs+), you can have them take the course with you, which is nice!
teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/
I hope this helps!
I want to comment about this. But being a step parent is really hard! It’s a position I believe not a lot of people truly understand how difficult it is. Your not only dealing with the step child but everyone else, everyone has a say, feels like everyone judges you for what you are or aren’t doing, just so much mental pressure. But from being a step mom for 4 years I will tell you I never used to be involved with my step daughters life. It was her dad that mainly did everything for her, and I just did my own thing. I didn’t discipline, nothing. I will tell u that me not saying anything made it so much worse. I realized that both her dad and I had to start working together when it came to consequences, talking things out with her, expectations, etc because it’s more in unity. Now being a parent to my own child, I had to set an example to not only my step daughter but to my own daughter when she gets older too showing that there’s not sense of favoritism, it’s just about what are the expectations in this household and how we can all work together.
Wow! Great analysis here! I'm so glad you've seen that you and your husband BOTH have to live your roles to make things run smoothly. You've got this!
How to deal with stepchildren? Simple...
YOU DONT.
That can be tempting, can't it... :)
Finding that out. Get them nothing and just don’t engage
I disengaged from the beginning. I’m not taking responsibility over step children lolol.
I just learned this as he got older. I just avoid him now. Every interaction with him is horrible anymore.
I think language has a huge roel in how we guide our children and hve them come up with appropriate rewards and consequenses, or lifes lessons too. We can 'correct' all we like.. but if we speak form the heart nad use NON VIOLENT communictaion and traning methods too, this allows us to speak more from the heart. When I was a teen and I was 'corrected'... I rebeeled... When I was heard, validated and teh guided, taht made all the difference...
I know I need to disengage from my stepchildren but I don’t know to without hurting their feels and constantly saying no. Although my children’s behavior isn’t perfect they actually wanna be around me. They’ll follow me around the house and talk to me all day which is one of the problems. At This point I’m more invested in them and their behavior then their father. IIt’s become a main focus in a negative way of me and my husband’s conversation. It actually makes me very unhappy about being a stepmom. I just keep telling myself to tread lightly lol
I’m: 27
Stepson:11
Stepdaughter: 8
Yes. My husband has custody so we all live together
Geez mine is a gigantic pain 16 and can’t wait for her to leave. You are lucky they actually want to be around you. Your issue can be fixed so easily. Mine will be better when she turns 18 and I can move her out
My boyfriends son used to like me and wanted to be around me until he turned 13. Now hes miserable, rude, pouty. Throws fits when i show up to family events. Ignores me and leaves the room when i speak to him. I miss when he used to like me. 🫤
I want to vent. I’m tired of these kids. They do not even say hi to me. They do not respect me and all bc of the mother. She’s a slob. She talks to them like they are homies. She shares thing about her previous relationship with their dad and she bashes him even calling him names that honestly can land you in jail for wrongfully accusing someone of these things. She brings so many dudes around them and it’s just something I find imposible to even deal with.
I stay in my room. I don’t even eat in my dinner table bc they make it to a whole trash can. They can’t pick up anything they do. They do not flush toilets but they have sex? Lol at this point I’m fighting with my bf bc he gets mad that I have minimum requirements to ask for help around the house. Since he’s always out and working. The minute I stopped picking up and cleaning. This house looked like those on hoarders. They will walk over trash. Even paper with poop on it. It’s sad as hell. I’m about to have my first child. And it just sucks that he even complains about wanting to raise this kid different. But he gets scared at the idea of asking them to clean up after themselves. I beg God to give me strength. Bc at this point the minute I can stop asking for help bc this pregnancy is beating me up, I’m going to become independent and leave. That’s a sad way to start a pregnancy
I'm so sorry to hear this! It sounds like you definitely have a lot on your plate and on your mind.
I don't know enough about your situation (family culture, social culture, etc.) to give you specific advice, but I can tell you one thing: the only person you can control is yourself, which means you can choose calmness and maturity. You can choose to show love for someone, even if they are choosing not to show it to you. You can decide that you aren't going to continue with the same behaviors that you're surrounded with if they don't match what you feel is best for you and your family. You can choose to improve yourself by deliberately learning skills and principles that will help you become a better, more well-rounded person. There are lots of options, even if it seems like there aren't. This option that I offer for free has been a huge blessing for many people, whether they have children or not:
teachingselfgovernment.com/calm-parenting-toolkit/
I hope that helps some! Also, you're at the perfect place to start learning skills and principles for yourself and your baby. You've got this!
teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/
teachingselfgovernment.com/store/parenting-a-house-united/
Deal with the entitled bio parent... I have no bio kids and my step son's mother won't deal with him. Both bio parents have messed him up and I'm paying the price while trying to put him back together. Totally burnt out now. Dad just neglects and indulges, mum could not care less.
Wow step kids can be nearly impossible. My step kids nearly ruined my marriage on purpose. Thank you for this message!!!
Wow! I'm glad they didn't!
You're very welcome.
I'm on the verge of divorce now because of her kids
Same here with my current situation. His daughter is horrid and entitled.
@@antonioharris9956 same. His kids are the worst. 💔
Stay strong, have healthy boundaries and avoid fights at all costs.
OML!!!!! This is my lifeline. I’m crying Tysm!!!!!
I'm glad this was so helpful for you!
My bf gives his daughter whatever. No consequences for her bad actions! Temper tantrum! Momma is a bum! Won’t comb her hair for weeks! Then when i do! And she cries! Here he comes! Let her up she needs a break. You can’t say anything to her! I put her in time out he takes her out. Whatever she says goes. She sneaks in the bed with us, and I’m like no she’s a big girl she needs to be in her own room. Talking to her is like talking to a ghost. She doesn’t listen. Walk by like you’re not even talking. When i speak on these things we argue so bad. He’s been single for about a week now. I care but i don’t, and our daughter will be here next month.
You deserve a husband/man who takes your side FIRST. Do you pay bills at the house? Do you do chores? If so, it is just as much your household as it is his. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Best of luck with your new little one.
That's so hard. Especially if there isn't a space set aside to talk about these things logically without emotions getting in the way. I would recommend getting my online TSG Parenting Course and starting it for yourself and your new little one. If he would like to try again with you, you can set some new boundaries and expectations, one of which could be getting on the same page with parenting.
teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/
I hope this helps!
I have a baby girl with a woman with a 10 year old daughter. Her daughter is acrually quite respectful and polite to me most of the time, but she's awful to her Mum. Calls her names, refuses to do anyrhing, tells her to fk off etc she used to be violent hut since my baby girls birth, i haven't seen her lash out physically which is a relief. And she actually seems to really care for her little sister. Me and this child have a decent enough relationship, we play games together. Joke together. But our bonding is sometimes interupted and halted when shes horrible to her Mum/Nan/Dad or other kids. I cant help but feel resentment for her when she does this. Its her Mums fault for letting her get away with it, but thks behaviour at times makes me really dislike the kid. And im torn because shes a child, but i see her turning into an abusive adult as shes never corrected by her Mum. Or sometimes her Mum complains about her behaviour to her but never offers any consequences.... anyways. Not even looking for asnwers. Just venting. But i do think the relationship between me and her Mum is unsustainable...
Incredible video-recently my adopted step daughter said to me “my dad” (was not referring to me) hurt a bit-however the truth-i let it go!
Thank u me being a new stepdad is hard. Just needed some help
Sorry for the late response! You're most welcome!
I cooked, I teach, I correct them, I gave them confidence, I fed them for 11years, and now they are questioning my contribution to the family after a rift and worse part is their mom choose to correct me for trying to correct them. Imagine their 50yo mom after a day work got to do all the washing and cleaning and as a 21yo they just walk by without lifting a finger to help and now dare to question my contribution. I feels great that I can walk out of this toxic relationship with my heads held high. I just treat that I'm teaching under privilege children and now that they've grown up and capable, my job is done. I move on. But I wil never walk into another RS where my partner has children
My stepdaughter said she is going to kick me out of the house just because I said to her mom that I love her. And then the next day she began to blame her mom for not spending time with her. Her mom never goes out of the house however. She shifted the blame when my girl confronted her. Totally sucks.
I'm sorry you're having struggles! It sounds like some roles might need to be discussed and put into place. If you'd like more advice on this, please submit a question to my Support Group. I'd be happy to answer this on my weekly call!
Here's the link: teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/
I hope this helps!
I'm a widow with 4 children of My own. Our family was a military family until the passing of my husband. I'm also a Vet.. Our family has always had structure and consistency, even after my husband's passing. I am now with someone who is divorced with 4 children of their own and a very self involved ex wife who uses the kids as commodities in their parenting. Laissez-faire has been their style. The children can be incredibly entitled, self involved and lack empathy and moral integrity. They use their parents against each other. I've gotten to the point where I rather disengage and not deal with their drama and disrespect. And I'm always the bad guy for bringing up these issues. What can I do to actually help this frustrating situation?
what if my husband tells me im not allowed to correct them? that when i do, it makes them not want to come back and visit their dad? in the meantime, my own children pack up and leave because thet do not want to be around my step boys. theyre very disrespectful, entitled and are rude. ive had this ongoing problem for four years. please help me.
( p.s . their dad moved into my house with me two years ago, we got married. its now our house but ive lived here 11 years and have worked very hard on this house. theyre destructive and my husband turns a blind i to it and pretty much doesnt care. leaving me to fix everything.)
If you are the mother and they are with you, you have rights to correct them. A mother’s role is to teach and nurture. Correcting them is teaching. If you don’t reach them, then you are neglecting them and not honoring their roles as learners.
@@TeachingSelfGovernment I took your tips & laid down a few rules. With consequences. It worked.
@@TeachingSelfGovernment they are my step children. I have 3 grown daughters of my own who come to visit me but when the boys are here, they refuse to come over
My eldest stepson when he was 12 told me, “Mom says you’re suppose to be a maid for us” His mom lost custody of the kids years prior to me. Lost all access due to her increasingly unhinged behavior to a point of criminal conviction. He never got better and only got worse, to a point he committed crimes against others. All the years of therapy did not help or influence a healthy mindset for him.
MEN DONT STAY AWAY FROM SINGLE MOTHERS
My boyfriend of five years has a daughter that he’s been raising most of her life. She’s struggled with having me around and we’ve had a few arguments. She’s made it very clear that she doesn’t want a relationship with me nor will I ever be her mom. We live in separate households until my daughter graduates high school in the spring. At that time we plan on selling both of our houses to buy one together. His daughter is having her 20th birthday next week and I really don’t want to be a part of her birthday dinner at a restaurant. I am torn because I truly love her but traumatized by public humiliation from her a couple months ago. I don’t know how to tell her I don’t want to go without being hurtful like I’m holding a grudge. Please help me find the words to tell her in a healthy mature way.
This is definitely a difficult situation. I see where your boyfriend's daughter is coming from. However, there are ways to address this. First off, his daughter is an adult. I would have a discussion about roles and explain that your role in your relationship with the daughter is to give advice and provide wisdom and experience. You're not there to tell her what to do or who to be. But, you're there if she needs you. I think it's important that you let her know that you're not going to try and replace/be her mother, but a resource if need be.
One of the skills I teach is Disagreeing Appropriately. This skill can definitely be used in this situation. When it comes to her party: Tell her what you understand about her desires and wishes, then explain your position and point of view. Then, accept whatever answer she gives you.
Hopefully this helps! Feel free to visit my website and look up topics that could be similar to yours.
teachingselfgovernment.com
Well you have to understand she has every right to feel that way by telling you the obvious truth, that you're NOT Mom and I can tell she probably is the type that Doesn't waste time sugarcoating the truth. Good for her! 👍
See, steps often need to understand that if you Aren't MOM then Exactly, you can't think it's ok to try to force that on a child expecting them to want a relationship with you, expecting them to call you mom, so forth and so on...
If they Don't want to they Don't have to. And You can't and SHOULDN'T Force it.
Dont feel guilty. I am going through something similar. Once my stepson turned 12-13 he began acting horribley to me. I gradually backed away from trying to have a relationship with him. His mother may be saying things about me to him as he got older. I felt guilty for years about how upset he was with me. But hes not my child. if shes going to treat you like that its not worth the humiliation.
I'm a child of two parents who got divorced later on in my childhood. They were so awful and hateful... It was almost the exact opposite. I wasn't entitled, I was neglected by both of them. My dad ended up with a DUI and a CPS case for driving drunk with us, and my mother got married secretly 3 months after the divorce was finalized. She didn't tell anyone and she just recently kicked me out of the house because her husband and I don't get along. I don't consider him my step dad because of all the nasty stuff he's said to me. I really wish I had a step parent come in who would try to help the situation and possibly stop the verbal abuse.
Ironically, I am now the step parent to a beautiful baby boy (who is turning 6 soon!), but his bio mother hates me. She's always turning him against me and his father, unfortunately. When he comes to visit, we have to work with him on a few things and after a day or so he's much happier and easier to handle attitude wise. I love my step son and I wouldn't trade him for the world, he's one of the greatest gifts I've ever received. I love his father so much, and that little bundle of chaos and joy was a delightful addition!
I am stepfather to a girl of 15 since she was 6. I tried my best as I knew, but it's hard because you are not taught to how to be a stepfather. You obviously make mistakes, so as the mother. It is a problem even to be any kind of father figure. Mother is always overprotective, even to a degree of child a controlling her Mother because Mother is afraid that child will love her real father more than her and that she will eventually leave her and go to her real father. So child got no punishment for bad things. If she don't like to go to school, Mother calls and says that her daughter is sick, which is a lie. If she got bad grades, there is no punishment. It's the teachers fault, they are bad, they don't like her, which is a lie. If she has a fight with her friends, it's their fault. If she is rude towards me, it's my fault. If she have cigarettes, they are not theirs...etc.
She is the center of family and everyone should please her which is way out of normality.
Her real father is not against me, or against my wife, his former first wife. He married couple of times and have several children. He is reserved and live in another country.
It's the child itself and the Mother. I should add that my wife's family were never supporting of our relationship. They were always suspicious and distant because of I never really made a good connection with them. So I would say they are the part of problem. The Grandparents even said to my stepdaughter that she doesn't need to listen me. How stupid and fucked is that? What good can come out of it?
The most what hurts me is the fact that no one appreciate what I have done for them. I gave them home, security, love, money, understanding, support etc. They lived really poor in a shitty basement flat, that horrified me. I was glad to gave a better life to a child. But it really doesn't matter what I did or what I sacrificed. I have no right to say anything because I'm not the "Father". I don't like the way this girls is taking or how she is being raised. But every time I tried to interfere, I was rejected. I got no affection or love, just hate, provocations and lies. And when I asked my wife, why is she allowing this; she said that she cannot do anything about it.
So, what's the point? How to have a good life with a such spoiled child, almost entitled to do what she wants? Little princess. Nobody disciplines her, nobody at all about anything. She is destroying my marriage and it's breaking my heart. But this relationship is now extremely toxic and I unfortunately need to get out. I just don't want to hurt them in any way. I try to be a good man but I feel trapped.
She doesn't have to behave like this, she wants to because it's allowed to her. Her father even said the she is misbehaving, but she only laughed.
Sorry for the late reply! That is quite the situation! The full response to your comment is too long to type up here, but I'd love to learn more about your situation and have the opportunity to answer your questions on one of my weekly Support Group calls that happen Wednesday mornings at 8am MST. That way, other people that have similar questions and concerns to yours can hear the answer too!
If you’re interested in talking with me more about it, check out the link for more information:
teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/
I hope this helps!
Bro you literally are living my life! It’s a no win situation I promise! I’ve tried and tried and tired, the damage is done thanks to the extended family and lack of support from my wife over the years, my daughter is 16, can do what she wants when she wants, cussing nonestop, back talks, she does go to school and works a full time job, that’s great but after that she does nothing, doesn’t help, gets to do what she wants, doesn’t follow the rules, mom thinks she’s an angel still ( I don’t understand how)
I’m at a loss, I’ve done so much for her over the year’s, I’m completely disconnected with her at this point and can’t wait for her to move out, I actually joke about it with her and her mom but I don’t think she understands how serious I am about wanting her out after she graduates, then it’s off to Florida with just her mom, 😂
I CAN’T WAIT!
It should not be my job to do my husband’s dirty parenting work I feel .
It's more like "how to cut off narcissistic/entitled grown ups"
My stepdaughters don't know what consequences are. They always get what they want and if they don't get it when they want it, automatically makes my partner the bad parent and they don't hold back in saying it loud and clear regardless of who's around. I always tell him they need to have consequences for their bad actions or behavior but he's a softy he lacks all sorts of authority when it comes to his daughters and they both know this, being in this situation is exhausting. The mom insists in saying she does whatever those girls want and there's the problem that we have absolutely no say in.
I hate my husband and I would like to leave. We have no children and his "daughter" is not his but she hates me and I can't stand her. She is not even adopted but she views him as a father since he was her guardian, only selectively. They have a very close relationship and I hate it.
You're out of line saying the step parent has a obligation NO THEY DON'T
What about an entitled live-in nineteen-year-old stepdaughter that came out of nowhere after I've been with her dad for four years
That is a great question! I'd love to answer that on my weekly Support Group calls that happen Wednesday mornings at 8am MST. Here's a link for more information, if you're interested in getting my details answer to this question:
teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/
I hope this helps!
How to deal with step children? Stay in your lane. It's the parents job to deal with their children, nobody else's.
If you don't like it? Don't be in a relationship with someone who has kids.
How do you deal with adult children borrowing everything?
Some of these comments are outlandish... I think that if ur a single parent and u decide to get in a relationship... Marriage to be specific ur wife comes first becuz shes the one also taking care of ur kid ..and if u have q kid that is entitled..that needs ro be talked about between adults and the chils does need to be corrected .... Im dealing with an entitled 6yr old that im watching .... I make it very clear what my boundaries are and what i can and will put up with... 😂But i find the frustration come when her real mom tries to be hee friend instead of her parent letting her getring away with so many things i think arent appropriate for her age .. i grew up in a step household and my parents did there best to make us feel accepted... Equal and didnt give special treatment.... 😑 We shared everything.... And even if as a kid i thought it was annoying..now as an adult i see how beneficial it was .i appreciate everything..big and small ... Rather than being coddled ... If the adults cant come and have that conversation that the kids dont run the household...it will never work
I was in 2 marriages where step children were present. The first ended in large part because of my ex wife putting her daughter above all. It created a lot of tension. She felt guilty for splitting from her daughter’s father. The second time around (I should have learned from the first), she had a daughter (12) and son (9). Got along great with the son but the daughter was entitled. As they got older, the daughter resented me and we had many disagreements. My ex did nothing to make that relationship work. We split after WWIII took place. I blamed myself for a lot of it but now I’m realizing the dynamic with her kids was the crux of all of it. Had she tried harder to mend that, it may have worked but I just couldn’t take it anymore.
Im thinking about starting a channel How to Deal With Entitled Step Parents, to help kids who are dealing with their world getting turned upside down by a new parent that has an agenda of parenting that requires the kid to accommodate them and lose themselves. The more you demand "respect", the less you command respect. If you feel entitled to set the agenda, proceed with caution.
That's an interesting topic! I think the biggest thing to remember here is roles. A parental role is one of teaching, leading, and guiding. A child role is one of learning. While some parents can definitely take advantage of a step parent role, others really struggle to put the roles in their proper place. No matter if a parent is the biological one or not, it's important to keep the roles intact and prioritized.
Dead beat dad's......ruin little girls
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
NEVER get with a single mom......
This is so funny! These crazy people invade families and expect the children to play by their rules.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
@@TeachingSelfGovernment never mind. And there is something else: you should give consideration to the possibility that your clientele might contain a big percentage of narcissists. Watch out!
Someone have step daddy issues 😂
Nobody is invading. The parents with children shouldn't be dating anybody then 🤷♀️
It's probably more of a you problem than the kids if I had to guess.
I don't think a stepparent is entitled to tell a child that is not biologically there's anything... the only exception is if the child's life is in imminent danger. All this "playing house" with children who are not biologically yours is creating mass chaos. How about this idea... WAIT until the children are no longer minors and then do what you wish after they've turned 18 years old. That'd be what a responsible loving parent does. 👏
Might work if they never come to your home. But if they do, you will have house rules. Especially if there are other kids living in that home.
What an ignorant statement.
You are correct. As a step father you have to sacrifice, even though kids are difficult. You can't keep score just as you cannot with a biological child. It is your obligation. Sorry. Reality.
Oh so step parents also shouldn't have to feed them, take them to school, help with homework, make sure they're doing chores and just care about them? So when the bio parent isn't around what would be your suggestions, especially for younger children? Ignore them and wait for the bio parent to return? Honest question.
Hmmm well that doesn't work. If as a step parent you are left to be responsible for said children then how can you do that without the ability to correct them? I'm not saying to go to far but you need to teach them right from wrong. This nonsense and children waawaa bout anything and parents defend them even when ridiculously wrong. So how's that working out? Kids are off the hook crazy entitled full of self and basically heartless unless there's something in it for them. So please think b4 you spout dumb shit like that because you are "The Problem "