Things White Belts Say 5 | Jean Machado
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- Опубликовано: 9 фев 2025
- Here are SOME MORE things beginners (whitebelts) say in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, Did I miss any? Comment below!
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CAST
Written, Directed, Edited by
Jean Machado
About Jean Machado: A Jiu-Jitsu expert sharing his passion for comedy and acting on RUclips
I'm honestly starting to take these personally
I literally will not talk at bjj because of these videos.
If I had started sooner I'd be a Black Belt by now.
yes,I hear that a lot!
Professor, can we drill flying arm bars today? *turns to training partner* I think that's gonna be my move. 😂
I was grinning like an idiot till he mentioned something I've said
LOL, me too. "I love this so much..." "did you guys catch the UFC PPV..." seriously though, I think those are pretty normal things to say, IMO. But what do I know I'm just a whitebelt.
“Dude, I don’t need to drill this. I already watched it on RUclips like 10 times already.”
DownWithTheViper 10 times? What a noob I watch it 2 times and I’m ready to lead the class. You pfft. What a try hard.
"Yo, what are you weighing in at"?
"Dude, I'm trying to flow roll"
"Are you going to weight cut for the tournament"?
"I'd never have to roll with him anyway, he's not in my weight class"
As a "third degree" white belt... these make me cry laughing. Genius.
I don't need guard, I'll just always be on top
"I just learned this move, let me show you how it's done properly ''
Can i buy a black gi or is that for black belts only
@Djmusty its what white belts say lmao
Oh man, I definitely said that. Now black is all I wear. #slimming
Joseph Shaw It’s all I wear because it hides the stains, and will eventually fade to an awesome blue color
I think my cardio makes me at least a purple belt.
"Dude, I already know how to do this takedown."
"Yea?"
"Yea. I do Krav Maga."
I feel attacked...
I heard this one white belt ask me "How long does it take to get a black belt" I'm a blue belt with a couple stripes and I told him there really isn't a time limit on how long. He said he could get his in 3 years
As a 46 year old white belt I have never said any of these - I‘m always too tired to speak :-)
Something to do with Joe Rogan
Mounts 1st stripe white belt* - white belt: *bridges 1 time, doesn't work.. Then crosses arms between neck to protect himself and does absolutely nothing for the rest 4 minutes while the other white belt doesn't know what to do and gets shocked by the impenetrable flawless defense*
white belt: "so how do you pronounce/what is (omoplata)"
really are you seriously gonna try and copy my idea
Jean is just so funny 😂.
bjj is the involuntary Yoga
"Guillotines don't work on me" Bloody killed me, I don't think anyone who faced a good guillotiner ever said that.
“Guillotines don’t work on me”
Oh man, I almost submitted this purple and brown belt today in class; I mean, they pretty much weren't able to do anything against me. I was getting them with the X-choke we learned today - I must really be good at collar chokes.
Who would win in a fight between (insert teammate) and (insert teammate)
"Ey, you subscribed to pewdiepie?" 😂
Skipping class tomorrow because you roasted me on the "what if they do this". Lol see you tomorrow -Blake
“Why do you pronounce the R’s like that”
One of the best comments I’ve heard wasn’t a white belt:
“I don’t need to go to fundamentals class. I’m a blue belt”
I'm the "I'm loving this" guy.
these are amazing man! im hooked. great production!
“That totally wouldn’t work in a street fight”
“Stop muscle’ing me dude I’m trying to practice technique”
“I’m just gonna try to survive as long as possible”
“That won’t work”
“Isn’t it this way?”
“Yeah I used to wrestle”
“When’s my first stripe?”
My 7 year old son (white/grey belt) said once to his sparring partner during submission (kimura).
"It will never work on me, I am too flexible for you."😂
White belt pants keep falling- “Is this right?” (GI PANTS LOOPS ON BACKWARDS)
Guilty🤣🤣🤣 I’m not saying another word at my gym ever again 😂😂😂
[stumbling on people when walking around the demonstration of a technique]
whats the no gi version?
Thing white belt say: you can’t do that it is a blue belt move.
I did a little mma and karate so i know a little something
"Crossing my feet when I have someone's back gives me better control"
Don't you dare tell a white belt otherwise. Then need to learn this one themselves.
@@fleimlehner That's true. I was told not to do it when I first started but after 2-3 foot locks I learned my lesson and haven't gotta caught in it since.
We got a blue belt at my gym and everyone says he got his blue belt out of pity and I didn’t understand why until he crossed his legs when he took my back
@@Flacama-ty3rk That does happen. I trained at 2 different places and pity belts are awarded in both gyms. In the last place I trained I seen 2 pity purple belts. These guys gets smashed by white belts on a daily.
The ''the class start yet?'' part... I always say it in my mind every time even if I'm 3rd to the last belt (purple/red belt)
Going around "oss, oss, oss," after class "what's oss mean?" Lol
I'm undefeated in Street Fighting
I don't even do BJJ but I still love your vids. I have been binge watching the channel for a week now
Come train!
I don’t know if I’ll have time for BJJ and Kyokushin but this summer I am definitely planning on clearing my schedule and checking BJJ out
"PORRADA" ahahahahaha fuck that is hilarious
“Dude, check out my spats.”
Had a 40 minute roll on open mats, so I laughed spitefully at the "I lasted a whole minute"
I know i always say “thanks for the roll”
lol I’m guilty! I said “I’m a second degree white belt” the other day 😂🤦🏽♂️
“I’ve started using CBD for recovery...shits amazing” 😂
Lmao i hate that i have said a number of these things 😆.
Where do you train? I’m tryna come teach some ultimate white belt takedowns
Second week white belt: when are we learning flying armbars?
2nd degree white belt 😩😂😂😂
Yesss been waiting for this! Do a "Things blue belts say"
Made my day!
I love this videos
What’s absolutely funny is when you teach a move and a little while later they’re like all that move doesn’t work! you say I would like to have you show me why it doesn’t work, and they do it exactly the worst and wrong way.
Hey Jean I really like your channel and I was wondering if you could do a video on sprawling
I'm gonna memorize these so I know what to say.
“Dude, I can literally roll all day long and I’ll be happy”
"Could you also do it this way?"
Things white belt says: “ele só me finalizou porque eu deixei.” Hahaha
Being a brazilian white belt, this is kinda funny for me. Didn't know USA white belts were into brazilian culture, food, etc. But it makes sense, I almost learned chinese back when I trained kung fu...
"Check out my new G-I, I have like 10 now......I need some ooss patches for them"
"I could probably coach the class."
UFC one hit me bro, hit me deep.
When is no gi? I have my spandex gear ready to go 😂😂 When do we spar?!?!?! Hahaha
Yes!!!
Yo, I mastered THAT move!
So true
I'm a white belt, no stripe, and I say this a lot.
1. Ahh what the hell...
2. Sh!t, sh!t, SH!T !!!!
3. Well, that didn't work, I don't know what I was thinking.
4. I don't know what I'm trying to do, but I'm doing something that's not working.
5. Do you want to buy me dinner after all of that?
Hey Professor, Am I doing this right?
I feel attacked.
*HOW'D YOU GET YOUR BLUE BELT* ???? 😆😆😆😆😆
you can make a what-black-belts-say vid so we know how to act
Is it pronounced Kron or Kron?
Its actually Kron.
bbq seitan no dude it’s kron
I wanna go train in Brazil
"Not how we did armbars in Army.."
"dude, let me show you this berimbolo thing"
I'm going to try leglocks today
Like they say, :"Just shut up and train."
when the 120kg guy says lets roll light
Sort of funny. Yet another video aimed at making fun beginners.Althogh,this video is aimed a little more at people who are way too cocky and disrespectful. Of course, there are some high level black belts who have incorporated yoga training into their game and have been successful with that aproach to their training . I just want you to make 1 video where you make fun of black belts, and really try to make it funny.
ropongi100 I’m a white belt and I find this video funny as hell..because there’s a couple of things that I’ve genuinely said.. if anything it’ll teach new white belts what not to say😂
@@EddyVegasMMA I didn't say it wasn't funny, just kind of stale because this isn't the first time he has made this type of video. Listen, I'm no comedian, but how many times can you repeat a joke, and still keep it fresh. It would be funnier if he at least attempted to make fun of EVERYBODY though, and not just beginners. At least try to change it up and not be so predictable with the skits.Some of his material is ok though, I'll give him that. Also, it sort of gets to the point to where you shouldn't say anything at all, because anything you say could be made mocked and made fun of.
To me (a small female blue belt and college wrestler) as they spaz out going live trying not to let me do anything: "Oh, I let you have that takedown, submission" position. didn't want to use all my strength/weight on you"
The shoyoroll one is so true
That's my go to
that purple belt got a can opener on me, only cause i was using technique
Most of these things I say 😂
i cant wait to get my black belt
When someone teach white belts something there will say ,,but i could ....“
Are you connected to the Machado family
Can we do berimbolo?
A 5th video, i thought it was too good to be true
Are neck cranks legal?
Vitality Bowls Frisco on El Dorado has good acai bowls. 😎
I'm only here to get in shape.
I broke the belt loop on my GI pants and blamed my "crappy" Gi brand.
i feel like im at a blue belts level
Do you guys train UFC here?
Can I please get a comedy show with Bravo and Machado and than a JRE fight companion......please....
At my academy the blue belts and above train together and the white belts have to go in the corner and train by themselves. They just go over there and flop around and do what white belts do lol.