Yep. To the narc ex it was my fault he went and started a long-term affair with an old girlfriend of his. All the while, he and I were having regular sex as always, and he had the nerve to tell me that I “quit” after we got married. What a piece of sh*t, that’s all I can say.
This describes my ex-N perfectly. He pretended to be monogamous in the beginning because he was mirroring what he read in me...but it turned out he is a serial cheater to the Nth degree, because to him, a monogamous relationship is "average" and "boring". The sad thing is, he will never know the trust and joy that a lifetime relationship could give him. My revenge is, that I will someday. 8)
Ditto! My story to a T. Mine loved pretending he was monogamous and couldn’t STAND adultery. He also was the biggest cheater ever! Acted as if movies with an adulterous theme were disgusting and refused to watch them. All part of his grooming process with me to get me to believe he could never do that. Found out he had cheated on every girlfriend, three previous wives, and major porn addiction! So sick, I could hardly stand to look at him. They’re nasty, lying, pigs. I’ll add….one unfaithful incident was his first cousin! Nothing is taboo for these low lives! Ugh!
Same here. He pretended being faithful until he couldn’t hold himself anymore. Porn, prostitutes, occasional affairs.😢 I never imagined he could turn into that. I hope after 10 years of your comment you really found the relationship you dreamed of.
Parting gift from the narcissist I left recently: Having STD tests because of his having casual sex with strangers. Finally, I see him as nothing but a disgusting coward for whom I no longer have an ounce of respect.
My ex of our 25 year marriage refused to be intimate with me yet had multiple weekly affairs. His actions caused such a feeling of inadequesy in me. I just couldn't understand why he viewed me as so unworthy, until one day he confessed he views women as meat. That was the remark that set me free!
killerstress , I’m so sorry you had to endure the torture for such a long time 😞. I’m in the same situation as you but 9 y married. MyGod, I have days when I pray to die, but I know I must stay and endure this life for my children. I can’t leave him, tried, but the Hell was nothing compared with what he did. And although I’m living, I’m like a dad person walking and existing. I’m so happy for you that you went out! I wish you all the best.
Marriage is a contract, an agreement both verbal and on paper. We vow and promise things to each other. However, when any of the vows or promises are broken, that marriage is VOID! Staying together and being miserable, cheating or disrespecting the other until you die is for fools only.
Just realised I was engaged to a somatic narc (covert though). He was cheating all this time and he ruthlessly discarded me and married her instead within weeks of breaking the engagement. All the time pretending to “love” me. I don’t even know what the fate of this marriage would be. No normal person can lie and have zero empathy towards their ex. It’s all a facade.
Narcissists are very boring, no depth or humour,, they tend toward a rigid routine socially, it's a dull mind numbing routine which the spouse is subjected to, they have a secret life online or at work but that is also boring
Yes and not that smart. Unless they specialize is one thing. Mine read 1 book in his entire life and had dropped out of HS at 15. Looking back, I'm embarrassed at how little ,I settled for. Ugh!!! I haven't watched TV since I kicked the narc out because that's all we did for 5 years! I can't figure out who's the bigger loser sometimes, him or me?
Very true. All those legends about the exciting creatures called narcissists, those greater beings and brilliant predators make me laugh, mine was an outlandishly boring predicatble control freak behind all zur bragging and bluster. Looking back i am actually embarrased for having put up with it and having swallowed all the grandiose bullshit spoon fed to me.
I know people like that and their spouses are so blind. They think they are married to someone wonderful although everyone else knows that the other spouse is cheating. I think the narcissistic cheater uses the other spouse as a prop to maintain their facade of normality to the outside world. I know many narcissists are abusive to their spouses but I know others who treat their spouses like gold but cheat and abuse others in their lives and are otherwise horrible people.
Yes. I can say that is correct. At first i did not understand her, we were not married, but we had a relation. She needed the facade, because she knew what she was doing, and i was the perfect fool. I trusted her completely. Eventually it lasted 7 years. Devaluing began slowly, at the end of 2nd year, alternatting with lovebombing phases, and, before ending, after some heated arguments, with questions left unanswered, and much gaslighting, even narc rage..the discard came. Ditched like nothing. Slowly after reading a lot, i begin to understand. Still the trauma bond is so strong. Even now i am still thinking of her, and thinking about some of the good moments , when i imagine that she had still some feelings for me. BUT, in the discard phase..surely, NO FEELINGS. Only RAGE. And i am thinking, that when she was effectively cheating, surely she did not have any fellings..for me. Very sad, very cruel, very..... i did not think something like this could be possible. But It is. A very valuable and cruel lesson for life. Perhaps i am lucky that i am not suicidal and my health is still in parameters. Best of luck for you also .
I can honestly say that my ex had me bawling like a baby by the way I was treated by her, dismissed by her, devalued by her, I never knew someone could make me feel So small
Mine didn’t think about the far reaching consequences of cheating, I divorced her right away and exposed her of tax evasion and children neglect. Financially she’s in trouble, I caught her by surprise, she underestimated me, I keep no contact with her while our divorce is being processed. She tried to triangulate me, I pulled off she’s now confused knowing that she’s losing her primary source of supply and children. She evaded tax for 7 years, government is coming hard on her, she might owe the tax man up to $100,000 . I am out of this trouble
Good job!!!! Mine tried to triangulate me with a coworker so while he was at work...i got a Uhaul and loaded it myself...he still can't find me...tries to reach out asking about his stuff... I pulled the ultimate him on him...he left abruptly one day I was at work but then came days later saying he needed to call down....yea right... Karma...so sweet
@@fatiss8595 Good for you! While in the thick of things, when I was being horribly devalued, I often fantasized about doing just that - disappearing one day while he was at work. I never did, but it's cool to hear from someone who had the balls to actually pull it off!!
Thats how it is. I had 12 years of this. Thanks god we are getting divorced finally. I will run with my children far away from this covert narc who speaks and behaves like a little helpless charming kitten but ruined me emotionally and financially. I just want peace.
The content of my Web site is based on correspondence since 1996 With hundreds of people suffering from the Narcissistic Personality Disorder (narcissists) and with thousands of their family members, friends, therapists, and colleagues.
He cheated on me. When I confronted him, he just said:” I cheated on you to humiliate you, in order to see if you gain any shame and you leave this place”.
My narc used to flaunt his women at me, and relished watching me get jealous, have tears etc. He'd stay and watch my misery, and refuse to stop seeing the other women. No matter how much it hurt me.
I decided to end a budding love affair (lust affair more like it) thanks to your videos. All the red flags are there. No excuses to ignore them. Cut the cord with him and move on. Avoid the pain and heartache.
Yes, as Sam says, he said he felt trapped/controlled when he was in a normal monogamous relationship. He didn't think he should be subject to the same rules as anyone else. As Sam says, he was above that and wanted lots of variety.
I was married to a man who lied to me. He married me behaved in a wa y that would make me think he adored me. I never thought he would hurt me the way he did. He just turned one year and began having affairs. He is now pursuing the woman who was his last affair he said he now loves her. He sias he is changing his behaviour . Who knows what he is doing. I am working on getting over the whole terrible betrayal and humiliation.
"They don't care or have a clue the carnage they leave behind" Amen to that. I was with a highly narcissistic girl for 5 years and now 3 years later I still have lingering mental issues, and herpes. Beyond that I feel some of the narcissistic qualities have been instilled in me... =( EXTREMELY difficult to right it in my mind and move ---> w/ my life Your not alone friend.
DAMN that's MESSED UP. I'm so sorry, I can't imagine how devastating that must have been to go through. Wishing you so much peace of mind, strength, happiness, and freedom moving forward. ❤️
This explains and describes the epitome of a narcissistic person - I would know, I have lived with one for 9 yeas and went round and round trying to understand him and blaming myself
The right thing for narcissists to do, would be up front with us from the start, that way we could refuse and they could find a partner who is polyamorous, or into a relationship which allowed casual sex on the side. But oh no, that wouldn't work for the narcissist! Because they Fully expect for their partner to be 100% monogamous and completely loyal to death, while They, Themselves, get to flirt, screw around, and cross All sorts of other sacred boundaries. Very selfish people. "Do as I say, not as I do." That seems to be their motto!!
But why not be forthcoming? Madonna /whore syndrome? I agree with your reasoning. It's my experience he had fidelity ground rules while dating 26 years ago. In the last 2 years of our 24 yr marriage I've found out he broke every single rule he made for us as a monogamous couple, and then some. Outright lies and deception. Lies of omission were the biggest kind of lies. Got caught in his 60th year of age...just when I thought we were maybe growing up and appreciating one another after all his drug abuse, shoddy work history, etc. Nope, still playing middle school age dating games and fucking around on the internet...i offered open marriage, threesomes, etc...took others up on it and verbally physically financially emotionally abused me for years. I recently woke up and am terrified of him, life, love, the future, the past... Horrific stuff to say the very least.
You could not have said that better! That articulates my experience with my cheating SO perfectly; HE was unfaithful but expected and demanded complete, unwavering fidelity and devotion from me. He described himself as a man of integrity and principle but disrespected the commitment we made to each other, only coming clean when he was busted and confronted with irrefutable evidence of his dishonesty. He broke my heart... I try to remember it's not a reflection on any inadequacy of mine, but a damaged part of him... Easier said than done though.😢
@@ColinSkateFilms he frantically tried to shift blame on to me, tried to justify and minimize, over and over. When he literally couldn't find a way out of the hot seat, he began the tears-begging for forgiveness-you're my world- I can't live without you routine... The groveling lasted for a day, maybe? Then the defensive, exasperated, gaslighting revved back up. A brief round of apologies and empty promises to change followed, and then the cycle repeated ad nauseam. 😔🤦♀️
I had a lover once who was like this. The damage he did to one of the girls he knew that believed his lies. My first partner had been one so I saw right through him. But remember you are not an idiot for being fooled. Proves you are good person actually. He knows the carnage he left behind, he simply does not care. It doesn't mean anything to him. The best way to move on is to acknowledge this and embrace your mistake. I wish you best luck in future with seeing through this facade xoxo
"She trapped me, now I am such a good and moral person that I will stay for my kids, but deserve to screw around elsewhere...". oh yeah. That sounds familiar.
@@josie12350 13 years here. It hurts so bad. All my attempts 2 have the perfect marriage were in vain and mocked. He preferred porn pver me, as soon as I left the room the porn was on and low enough 2 were I could here it. Called him out, was deemed crazy and told I heard voices, and he continued. Im so humiliated.
@@laurenmorgan3939 better off without the Narc, I know that saying that does not help but time will tell. Thinking of you xx. There are some evil people in the world and you are not one.
I am a victim of a narcissist, I left him, but still very very devastated with all the mind games he played with me. lived with him almost 4 yrs. half way trough the relationship, he was starting to change, I guess now he was bored with me, anyway, I am still suffering and can't it out of my mind the hurt and abuse I got, anyway he just only likes older much older woman and heavy he was 20 yrs younger then me, he can't have relationships with younger woman and I always wondered about that, and I appreciate your videos Couse people have to learn about this problem, and by the way, no matter what you never win with them its always your fault, and remember they will never never change they are stuck there and even counseling can't help, and they are loners, and take your loved ones away from you to. Thank you thank you for putting these videos out there my friend. it helped me a bit more, and must free myself from this awful pain I have gone trough
Even though it sounds cookie-cutter, getting married and having kids still elevates their social status and they milk it for all its worth by being condescending towards singles and childless.
atlasstargazer yes bc everyone loves children no matter how they were brought into this world (unmarried parents, babies born while married, etc). The narcissist male and female have kids for admiration and attention. Your right they will definitely throw it into Childless married ppl or childless partners trying for children
thank you... you help me make sense of the nonsensical... we broke up [many times] a few months ago ...still can't get him out of my head and heart but I have finally let go, and happier since doing so... but he still has a magnetic pull...I distract myself to avoid thinking about him [did that already...doesn't help my sanity...the cycle...] ...no matter how much I read I always learn more from Sam Vaknin... much appreciation.
I was cheated on. It was denied at first but when I mentioned that I had read the proof in his emails he was more angry that I found out more than me feeling hurt and very upset. I was scared of letting go so I gave anither chance. He made a point of telling me how lucky he was that I gave him another chance, but it happened again. This was 2006. I have still not moved on. I am codependant
I have been trying to get over it for 5 years now - humiliation, abandonment, devaluation, and tromped on self-esteem with not one bit of genuine remorse, regret, shame, or guilt and not one memory of anything good. A double standard of behavior and incredible ability to rationalize and blame so that he was never accountable for any of the chaos and damage he invoked. The one day he just turns off any feelings, left, and hes sailing through life while I still flounder and clinically depressed.
@@victoriahajdini8291 I'm still there 7 years post cheating, 5 years post relationship end. I actually got better last year, and she JUST HAPPENED to re hoover and ruin everything by triggering me so bad and it brought out so much emotions and trauma I almost went insane. Therapy is coming for me. She's evil 😂
@@victoriahajdini8291 in triggered a bit rn, but tbh it's always something you keep with you forever. Even if you move on and really do, the trust issues and people you meet always bring it back to you 😭
My ex is now 63 and picking up women half his age o boost his ego, these poor young women are drug addicts who would go with anyone for the little bit of money he gives them he keeps telling people he's so fit these women chase him.Everyone in town is laughing at him and he delights in telling me of his new young conquest,since i started watching your videos i know he would love me to be hurt but i actually just pity him and the love and happy life he could have if he was able to feel and return real love.
+The Narcissist's Scapegoat Your right she used him by taking his money,then dumped him and is now saying she never wanted sex with him she thought he was too old to want it,considering he thinks he's gods gift to women he is crushed and now trying to snake his way back in with me. No chance of that as i now see him for what he is ..empty of any feelings.
Anna McKenzie : That sounds like my father. He was married three times and has a GF, now. Each woman was ten years younger than the last. His latest GF is the same age as me (54) and he is 84. My father never met a woman that was his equal. But how hard is it to hook up with a desperate homeless woman if you tell them lies? That is who he has a supply, now. Homeless women. The sad reality is there are lots of homeless women in their fifties willing to believe the lies my father tells them in Southern California. He was a predator. He is still a predator.
I know a guy who is a narcissist. He has dated quite a few of my girlfriends over the years and has mentally & physically abused most of them. He broke one of my girlfriends arms. He later married a cousin of mine and everyone tried to tell her but she wouldn't listen. Oddly, he treats her like gold and always has. We think it is because she fits in with his mold of the perfect family-the cute wife, 2 cute kids, white-picket-fence, perfect-life facade but he is horrible to everyone else.
Sounds more like a ASPD type and you're a stalking, tab taking, scapegoating Narcissist yourself. Glad he finally found live and you're just sitting their stewing in jealousy 😘
I really appreciate your video's; they have given me great insight to my soon to be ex-husband. I have been married to him for 15 years and never understood who he was because his behavior toward me was contrary to how he presented himself to others. I now completely understand and can make since of it.
Feeling stil the repercussion of my relationship, and still cry. I just still don't get it and my mind keeps saying. Why did he do this to me after I was so good, and loving to him. He is still trying to get in touch with me, but i just ignore it, even tough its hard to do. I hope this will end soon, and want to go back to a normal life, but i sure learned a lot, and have my antenna up for everyone i meet. Thank you for listening. Sincerely Tina
Martina Jones Hi Tina, how are you doing now, 3 yrs later? Has it gotten easier for you? I just broke up with my narcissistic BF over the weekend. Luckily for me, I realized what he was a month into the relationship and tried to make it work another couple of months but I just couldn’t so I finally decided to go no contact. Even though it’s only been 3 months, it’s hard. Hope all is well with you!
@@jessicam3373 hey Jess, hope you’re doing well. I too am leaving a situation that was only a few Months. More stress than I think I’ve ever felt in my life, and it kept getting worse. Love to you, you’re gorgeous!!!
@@jessicam3373 don't diagnose people, that's a literal sign of severe pathology on your part. If someone is t good for you, if you don't match up, or there's toxicity and abuse, that's one thing. Claiming you know the person's whole pathology is mentally deranged behaviour lol
By reading the commentaries of Sam Vaknins videos I can start to see the devistation narcissists have done to peoples lives, one thing Ive noticed about woman who have had a narcissistic partner is they teach themselves to feel satisfaction by thinking that thier partner might feel guilty of the things he does to her...I have to tell you honestly..he doesnt!.
2 timothy 3-5, This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.For men shall be lovers of thier own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy.Without natural effection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, dispisers of those who are good.Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasure more than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying the power thereof, of such have nothing to do with
Thank you for that. I was just thinking of going to the Bible for answers and it came to me God is awesome. He will see me through this I know he will.
It's funny after watching most of samvaknin's vids, I can now spot these psycho's everywhere! It is very empowering and now I tell them, no thanks, you're a narcissist! Thank you Sam!
I know a man who has cheated on his wife for all 32 years of marriage.He meets a women,creates a story line...He tells them hes divorced or long termed separated. He would profess extreme love. He tells them he will marry them,buy a house...It goes on for about 6 months and then picks a fight to end the relationship. He goes home and plays super husband. His wife is very insecure,very self loathing. He has done this to many women. He creates fantasy worlds with these women...And then he ends the affair after the women start expecting him to move in or commit....Any ideas on whats wrong with him,or if this is Narcissists behavior or something worse...He also lies about former careers. He told one women a entire life story,that actual belonged to another friend of ours. With complete stories.
My brother cheated on his wife ( and confided in me) years ago with a girl he bicycled with. He justified the cheating episode by saying that it was uncomfortable for his wife to have sex because of being overweight.
I googled people who brag a lot and narcissist came up for one of my results. I read about it, and watched this video, which is very good btw. All the characteristics that you described sounds just like the girl that I started dating. I never felt so worthless in my life. Lol
If my narc husband of 13 years (porn addict, drug addict, abuser who broke my nose, and predator), knew how many of his actual friends I fucked bc he abused me so intensely. Let's just say I got 6 of them all 5 of them only one time, and one specific friend pf his I fucked 50 times and carried long term relationship with. Im not sorry. He's mean.
@@laurenmorgan3939 I didn't dare. My ex would have chopped us into pieces with his machete. I'm not kidding. While a terrible cheater who hardly bothered to hide it, he was maniacally jealous and if any man even looked at me........
The content of this Web site is based on correspondence since 1996 With hundreds of people suffering from the Narcissistic Personality Disorder (narcissists) And with thousands of their family members, friends, therapists, and colleagues.
I've discarded my narc abuser husband he's experience Erectal dysfunction (ED) that was his pride and joy he braged so much about. what happens now to his ego.
Cubbie Smith that’s funny you say that .my husband to has the same penis problem lol .the doctor told him it was from using it to much .As my husband showing me is penis just about everyday panicking about its changing I would be sitting there with a 😳 face dying on the inside 😂 thinking sucked in you piece of 💩 .Thats called karma 😉😂.And same with mine pride and joy lmao. That’s what they get .i said to my husband one day.i said oh yeah didn’t you know women leave men over over that . I said not all but they do .he says really .i than cracked up laughing and said yep. I’ve just worked out after 20 years of marriage my husband is a covert narcissists I can’t believe it .it explains a lot .i never had a affair .
My ex was literally a mirroring machine who did this to me. I've contemplated removing her entire family tree from existence, I probably have BPD and ASPD, so not a narc LMAO. This is how you know you're an evil human being and such 🤷
My NPD estranged wife thinks that unfaithfulness should not encompass Her "marriage" to Her kids. They are Her 'supply'. I will never play second fiddle in Our all but over marriage again.
The person that I was involved with is text book. He loved having the facade of having the beautiful younger spouse in public, with neighbors, family and friends. He was abusive behind doors, secretly (not so secretly) use drugs and have affairs. He adopted my family as his. His previous wife and grown children refused any relationship with him. I am in the difficult "No Contact" phase. His attempts to contact are elevating going between "Prince Charming" to very abusive text and emails. I blocked his emails today and plan on changing my number this week. Best wish's to all and please stay safe.
Its for support!..and ur their support system!..that when supply runs out..or cycles end & begin..ur there for them to run back to!.. Its the Image of the man/woman who wants to present himself/herself to the outside world as the great husband/wife and/or father/mother!.. Bcoz Narcs, hate to be exposed for who they really are!! The false self hidden behind the mask!.. and bcoz they make u feel like ur not important in their life!.. you suffer from feelings of inadequecy and unworthiness!...'why am i not good enough!...Ur actually 1000 times better than he/she will ever be my darling..its them who are empty and know they are worthless!..their supply they have external to you.. is to fill the big empty hole/void they have inside!..where they have to fill it constantly to make them selves feelBetter/ worthy!.. in other words validated!!..They are absolute Attention Whores!! Its a mental disorder!!.. sO sad..but the misery & endless suffering they project onto their victims..is soul destroying isnt it!!.. I know!.. I was with one of the monsters for 20 yrs..got narc free for 5 years..and in a very stupid weak moment..he used the triangulation method through my daughter to get me back!..i fell for it!..accepted a holiday which he paid for of course!..flew out to meet him..being very nervous and very guarded!...of course!...and he turned up the volume on the charm.. and the love bombing.. of how he,s changed! Lol..i was to find out it was of course a pack of lies!.. bcoz they CANNOT CHANGE! and most dont want too anyway!...but i gt lucky i suppose lol...cos the love bombing stage lasted 7 years!...its usually weeks or months if ur lucky! then it started all over again..the 5 yr old drama rages! The verbal abuse..bla bla!..Bcoz of their lack of Empathy & no Compassion!!.its very easy for them to be emotionless!... They are Control Freaks too! And they love to see u hurt & in pain! The Only solution is to Get Out! and Stay Out! Keep running as far away as possible!..coz if they know ur around them..they will be back with their gaslighting b.s... and Love bombing to hoover u back in!! especially if u have children 2gether to use triangulation!! (In other words! We want to see the kids..bla bla..like suddenly they care Lol) Distance! is the only way!!! To stay Narc free! From these monsters!.. No matter how much it hurts!.. They are robbing you of a decent life with someone else who isnt Toxic!!!!.. Good Luck!! Godbless!!
I wish to God I had've watched this three yrs ago! It completely described my last partner and all scenarios! I knew he was sick all along but the SOB turned it all on me and my child!
My ex was a full blown narcissist. She had affairs and she ended up leaving me for a married man who then decided to stay with his wife after I told her about his cheatingLOL. He is also a Narcissist. Spends 10's of thousands on his clothes ,drives a new mercedes but stayed with his wife and I am sure by now has a new mistress or may in fact be still having an affair with the ex. Once she started her affairs my Ex started blowing money we didnt have on botox ,a new BMW and clothes etc.etc.
Everything seemed normal until we had kids and she became the most insecure, pathologically jealous, narcissistic individual around...it was all about money, greed, power, and her. Disagree with her and she would accuse you of being negative and blame you for everything. She never uttered the word "sorry" one time. Myself and the kids woke up one day and realized we had no friends, she would not allow it. She was a control freak professional and all she wanted was in the board room, after sh
SO WHAT DOES THE NARC DO WITH HIS WIFE? IVE BEEN MARRIED 12 YRS N ITS BAD, I BELIEVE HE IS SEEING A WOMAN AT HIS JOB. I AM THE ONE WHO TAKES CARE OF THE BILLS AS HE IS IRRESPONSIBLE. HE DECEIVED ME WHEN I FIRST MET HIM. NOW HE TREATS ME HORRIBLE AND I AM SICK N HAVE NOWHERE TO GO ITS A NIGHTMARE WE HAVE NO RELATIONSHIP.
Why does the narcissist demand fidelity when he himself is not faithful? Why are they not open to just having an open relationship that is mutually beneficial and would rather resort to cheating?
Stephanie: that's the million dollar question. I've asked for an open relationship so I can have sex just like he has. No go. Wtf? Even agreed to a threesome- 25 YEARS AGO AND STILL WAITING. Called his bluff but nada happened. I'm sure he's had them since with me. He admitted to group gropes and cluster fu$?’s in the past. Piece of shit.
I really would like to thank you for getting me not feel so lonely as the victim of a narcissist pathological. Your work helping me to continue living. I from Brazil, here, there are few people who approach the narsissist as something capable of killing the victim for real or metaphorically. Tks.
I get bored easily but I’m not insecure or need validation or attention from nobody ...I do what pleases me 😁makin money and playing bball clothes shopping and laying in the ☀️...I’m not no narcissist tho ...but some of these describes what a narcissist has also normal non narcissist have so wtf🤔.
Sam- Any advice for abandoning a Narc that is the father of your child? Is there a way to prove Narcissism to the courts were he to try to take me to court to establish custody? Do you think a Narc is capable of being a good father (I am inclined to think not- especially considering the reality of what a true Narc is). He has not been diagnosed of course, but meets all of the criteria- and he was certainly the Somatic type. Oddly enough- his name is also Sam.
I was with a guy, I didn't know he is married. He was hiding stuffs, and then blaming me and devaluing me etc. I still can't confirm he is a narcissist but looking at all his traits I think he is a narcissist
I was cheated on. For 12 years. Not at all at once. The fist time was 3 years. the second time was 6 years in. The third time was at 9 years. By year 12 I could tell she had the itch again. I would call her on it and actually told her I don't even care. Go ahead. Sleep with some one. In months she took my kids in the middle of the night and relocated 3000 miles away.
Nothing like having to get HIV testing amd and STD testing after a 12 year marriage where you are exposed to their reckless sex w everyone and now have to worry about your own health status after what you thought was a 12 years monogamous relationship in a marriage. Stay safe everyone
mine was continually looking for the female work buddy. someone whod indulge him in his racing but not require him to be responsible to buy a home ( ours went into foreclosure 3 times) And someone whod follow him round to races and b his biggest fan.. not a mother to his kids that had other adult responsibilities like keeping the car pymts made.
Oh yes, my dear..they can be such charmers...and something in me just loves that charm...so I have suffered greatly in my life for falling for N men..until and there is always a Until'..it ends and I feel sad for awhile OR he starts stalking in some way...I call it, Crazy Love...and Love don't hurt so the sooner you learn that, you're more discerning before going through the door.
SV, i hv to agree with you more & more. i used to hv such spouse. I did my homeword & educate myself just to understand more. i did my study on her history during her childhood. negligence and abuse were present. its was a cruel game of survival for her. i felt sorry. i hope i was there to defend her. but who am i kidding? i dont have a time machine. So unfortunate that the effect was permanent.
My lady friend exhibits narcissistic traits. Or, she could be solidly narcissistic, in which case the previous sentence is inaccurate. I am not a professional therapist or psychologist. She seems to be a mix. But her normal may well be a facade, but I'm not convinced of this. I care for her and would like to help, without entanglement into long commitment that would be premature, at this point. The kind of adaptation to PTSD resulting in a narcissist structure would be best treated by trauma therapy, but I do not know where to find out sources in the US.
Apparently the borderline personality disorder people are more prevalent in society realizes I'm seeing a team of team of therapists and they knew absolutely nothing about it. Thanks Eric.
Are there a lot of narcissists in academia? Professors who sleep around with their students while wifey is at home rearing kids and presenting the front of the "perfect family" when the professor is stalking or creeping on certain students?
It's only one anecdote, but my narcissist ex-boyfriend whom I didn't know was married, does have temporary sessions as a guest lecturer a multiple universities.
@@samvaknin You described my narcissistic ex-boss quite accurately. He would get excited about new employees and then later find fault with them. Especially the part about his sources becoming weary and rebellious, then he becomes OCD. When I started to become weary and rebellious, he became very OCD with the location of my purse, and it just caused more inconvenience not just for myself but for other employees as well.
The narc I’ve been married to for over 30 years always put our kids on the same level as me. Never supported me or my attempts at discipline. I stayed for financial needs. Last two years more obsessed with his appearance even now at age 60+. He is a bore to be around hyper regimented in “his” routines O impulsiveness. Always talks about himself. Narcs get worse with age.
Hi Sam, I wondered, i read in a comment of a lady who said her narcissist man just wanted older woman, my now ex narcissist husband also slept with much older (not good looking for their age) kind of woman (i found out lather) why do they do that? While he can get younger too.. but it's all about himself of course, not about the partner..
I guess that most be it, my ex is a good looking man but empty and disgusting inside. Did it for the money and having it whenever he wanted. Selfish to the bone.
Several things I noticed: about my ex-N that makes me uncertain still whether he is more on the psychopathic side?? never self-examined, never considered his own motives or intentions, his damage control was focused on maintaining the image other people had of him, his lies and denial were not to protect me but to save himself the trouble of dealing with my reaction, he seemed to enjoy the deception - it was a game, he wasnt oblivious to how he impacted me he just pretended to be. N or psycho?
I wonder if dyslexia has something to do with it? I've survived being with two narcissists and they were both dyslexic. Super geniuses when it came to their work--engineering, design, mechanical... but socially a total dud and the only "stability" they had in life was me holding down the household and paying all the bills.
Three A's, regulate their Unstable sense of self worth! Sexual conquest, name of the game for most. They thrive on chaos, drama, causing emotional trauma to their Partner because they feel they have been slighted by their partner
Thank you Prof Vaknin. My question for you is the following: why a narcissist would choose to cheat instead of being openly polyamorous? it would be so much easier to manage and he would get all the supply that he needs. the somatic narcissist i had a relationship with (for about 6 months) is 60 years old and has no wife or living-in partner, but several parallel relationships. He treated each of us as if we were the only one, as if he were faithfull. And he has been doing this with dozens of women in the past 20 years, always pretending to be monogamous with each of them. Before, he had been married for 20 years, alway cheating on his wife. I feel that the lying necessary to hold the show together is very demanding in terms of energy and time. Why doesn't he go for open relationships or polyamory?
@samvaknin I did search the channel but was not able to find a clear answer to the question on why am unmarried narcissist does not choose to be open with partners about having multiple relationships. Could you please suggest search words? obviously I am not using the right ones and don't get why he prefers cheating to open relationships🤔
@@simappto4684 I think it's because they look for romantic and sexual exclusivity from others. They want to be "the one". Not one of many. They can't be honest because honesty won't get them partners who would be devoted to only them.
True, narcissists don't suffer from guilt, they will always place the blame on others!, it's never their fault!
carolyn zapedzki. Yes, they always put the blame on you.
carolyn zapedzki excatly
Yep. To the narc ex it was my fault he went and started a long-term affair with an old girlfriend of his. All the while, he and I were having regular sex as always, and he had the nerve to tell me that I “quit” after we got married. What a piece of sh*t, that’s all I can say.
Very impulsive, no moral compass, no boundaries. ..
Truer words were never spoken. God help you if you have a conscience because they will put you through hell.
cos caA Absolutely NO respect for morals NO respect for others' boundaries.
He flirted with my family member but wants me to believe it was a joke💔😯
This describes my ex-N perfectly. He pretended to be monogamous in the beginning because he was mirroring what he read in me...but it turned out he is a serial cheater to the Nth degree, because to him, a monogamous relationship is "average" and "boring".
The sad thing is, he will never know the trust and joy that a lifetime relationship could give him.
My revenge is, that I will someday. 8)
Ditto! My story to a T. Mine loved pretending he was monogamous and couldn’t STAND adultery. He also was the biggest cheater ever! Acted as if movies with an adulterous theme were disgusting and refused to watch them. All part of his grooming process with me to get me to believe he could never do that. Found out he had cheated on every girlfriend, three previous wives, and major porn addiction! So sick, I could hardly stand to look at him. They’re nasty, lying, pigs. I’ll add….one unfaithful incident was his first cousin! Nothing is taboo for these low lives! Ugh!
Indeed you will know JOY. 🙏🏾💯
❤️ Exactly! 🙏🏼🌈🕊
Do the cats count?
Same here. He pretended being faithful until he couldn’t hold himself anymore. Porn, prostitutes, occasional affairs.😢 I never imagined he could turn into that.
I hope after 10 years of your comment you really found the relationship you dreamed of.
Parting gift from the narcissist I left recently: Having STD tests because of his having casual sex with strangers. Finally, I see him as nothing but a disgusting coward for whom I no longer have an ounce of respect.
Truth
My ex of our 25 year marriage refused to be intimate with me yet had multiple weekly affairs. His actions caused such a feeling of inadequesy in me. I just couldn't understand why he viewed me as so unworthy, until one day he confessed he views women as meat. That was the remark that set me free!
@donald johnson right?!
that is so f*cking nasty. Glad you made it out of that horrible relationship.
killerstress , I’m so sorry you had to endure the torture for such a long time 😞.
I’m in the same situation as you but 9 y married. MyGod, I have days when I pray to die, but I know I must stay and endure this life for my children. I can’t leave him, tried, but the Hell was nothing compared with what he did. And although I’m living, I’m like a dad person walking and existing.
I’m so happy for you that you went out! I wish you all the best.
Same here! :'(
6 yrs in total though
Marriage is a contract, an agreement both verbal and on paper. We vow and promise things to each other. However, when any of the vows or promises are broken, that marriage is VOID! Staying together and being miserable, cheating or disrespecting the other until you die is for fools only.
Exactly. I’m all for honesty&loyalty. I respect open marriages also because that too is an open contract. But cheating: no!
Just realised I was engaged to a somatic narc (covert though). He was cheating all this time and he ruthlessly discarded me and married her instead within weeks of breaking the engagement. All the time pretending to “love” me. I don’t even know what the fate of this marriage would be. No normal person can lie and have zero empathy towards their ex. It’s all a facade.
Narcissists are very boring, no depth or humour,, they tend toward a rigid routine socially, it's a dull mind numbing routine which the spouse is subjected to, they have a secret life online or at work but that is also boring
hahaha perfect
they r sooooooooo fing far beyond boring. ugh.
Yes and not that smart. Unless they specialize is one thing. Mine read 1 book in his entire life and had dropped out of HS at 15. Looking back, I'm embarrassed at how little ,I settled for. Ugh!!! I haven't watched TV since I kicked the narc out because that's all we did for 5 years! I can't figure out who's the bigger loser sometimes, him or me?
So true
Very true. All those legends about the exciting creatures called narcissists, those greater beings and brilliant predators make me laugh, mine was an outlandishly boring predicatble control freak behind all zur bragging and bluster. Looking back i am actually embarrased for having put up with it and having swallowed all the grandiose bullshit spoon fed to me.
I know people like that and their spouses are so blind. They think they are married to someone wonderful although everyone else knows that the other spouse is cheating. I think the narcissistic cheater uses the other spouse as a prop to maintain their facade of normality to the outside world. I know many narcissists are abusive to their spouses but I know others who treat their spouses like gold but cheat and abuse others in their lives and are otherwise horrible people.
Yes. I can say that is correct. At first i did not understand her, we were not married, but we had a relation. She needed the facade, because she knew what she was doing, and i was the perfect fool. I trusted her completely. Eventually it lasted 7 years. Devaluing began slowly, at the end of 2nd year, alternatting with lovebombing phases, and, before ending, after some heated arguments, with questions left unanswered, and much gaslighting, even narc rage..the discard came. Ditched like nothing. Slowly after reading a lot, i begin to understand. Still the trauma bond is so strong. Even now i am still thinking of her, and thinking about some of the good moments , when i imagine that she had still some feelings for me. BUT, in the discard phase..surely, NO FEELINGS. Only RAGE. And i am thinking, that when she was effectively cheating, surely she did not have any fellings..for me. Very sad, very cruel, very..... i did not think something like this could be possible. But It is. A very valuable and cruel lesson for life. Perhaps i am lucky that i am not suicidal and my health is still in parameters. Best of luck for you also .
I can honestly say that my ex had me bawling like a baby by the way I was treated by her, dismissed by her, devalued by her, I never knew someone could make me feel So small
Mine didn’t think about the far reaching consequences of cheating, I divorced her right away and exposed her of tax evasion and children neglect. Financially she’s in trouble, I caught her by surprise, she underestimated me, I keep no contact with her while our divorce is being processed. She tried to triangulate me, I pulled off she’s now confused knowing that she’s losing her primary source of supply and children. She evaded tax for 7 years, government is coming hard on her, she might owe the tax man up to $100,000 . I am out of this trouble
Good job!!!! Mine tried to triangulate me with a coworker so while he was at work...i got a Uhaul and loaded it myself...he still can't find me...tries to reach out asking about his stuff...
I pulled the ultimate him on him...he left abruptly one day I was at work but then came days later saying he needed to call down....yea right...
Karma...so sweet
That's what she gets.
@@fatiss8595 Good for you! While in the thick of things, when I was being horribly devalued, I often fantasized about doing just that - disappearing one day while he was at work. I never did, but it's cool to hear from someone who had the balls to actually pull it off!!
Thats how it is. I had 12 years of this. Thanks god we are getting divorced finally. I will run with my children far away from this covert narc who speaks and behaves like a little helpless charming kitten but ruined me emotionally and financially. I just want peace.
The content of my Web site is based on correspondence since 1996
With hundreds of people suffering from the Narcissistic Personality Disorder (narcissists) and with thousands of their family members, friends, therapists, and colleagues.
He cheated on me. When I confronted him, he just said:” I cheated on you to humiliate you, in order to see if you gain any shame and you leave this place”.
My narc used to flaunt his women at me, and relished watching me get jealous, have tears etc. He'd stay and watch my misery, and refuse to stop seeing the other women. No matter how much it hurt me.
Same here!
Same here. He enjoyed me being jealous and laughed. He never stopped. The worst pain I ever felt in my life.
I decided to end a budding love affair (lust affair more like it) thanks to your videos. All the red flags are there. No excuses to ignore them. Cut the cord with him and move on. Avoid the pain and heartache.
Narrsist are a blessing in your life, they give you a perfect roadmap of how not to be.
Probably the best comment on this entire youtube channel 🖤
Yes, as Sam says, he said he felt trapped/controlled when he was in a normal monogamous relationship. He didn't think he should be subject to the same rules as anyone else. As Sam says, he was above that and wanted lots of variety.
I'm walking away now I'm not taking this 🎭 drama
Very good Sam. This is him. Drama all the time. So happy I'm off that train wreck! Almost 2 yrs free & NC!
I was married to a man who lied to me. He married me behaved in a wa y that would make me think he adored me. I never thought he would hurt me the way he did. He just turned one year and began having affairs. He is now pursuing the woman who was his last affair he said he now loves her. He sias he is changing his behaviour . Who knows what he is doing. I am working on getting over the whole terrible betrayal and humiliation.
"They don't care or have a clue the carnage they leave behind"
Amen to that. I was with a highly narcissistic girl for 5 years and now 3 years later I still have lingering mental issues, and herpes. Beyond that I feel some of the narcissistic qualities have been instilled in me... =(
EXTREMELY difficult to right it in my mind and move ---> w/ my life
Your not alone friend.
I'm sorry for your losses but congratulations on your escape. Your life can only get better!
DAMN that's MESSED UP. I'm so sorry, I can't imagine how devastating that must have been to go through. Wishing you so much peace of mind, strength, happiness, and freedom moving forward. ❤️
This explains and describes the epitome of a narcissistic person - I would know, I have lived with one for 9 yeas and went round and round trying to understand him and blaming myself
The right thing for narcissists to do, would be up front with us from the start, that way we could refuse and they could find a partner who is polyamorous, or into a relationship which allowed casual sex on the side.
But oh no, that wouldn't work for the narcissist! Because they Fully expect for their partner to be 100% monogamous and completely loyal to death, while They, Themselves, get to flirt, screw around, and cross All sorts of other sacred boundaries.
Very selfish people. "Do as I say, not as I do." That seems to be their motto!!
But why not be forthcoming? Madonna /whore syndrome? I agree with your reasoning. It's my experience he had fidelity ground rules while dating 26 years ago. In the last 2 years of our 24 yr marriage I've found out he broke every single rule he made for us as a monogamous couple, and then some. Outright lies and deception. Lies of omission were the biggest kind of lies. Got caught in his 60th year of age...just when I thought we were maybe growing up and appreciating one another after all his drug abuse, shoddy work history, etc. Nope, still playing middle school age dating games and fucking around on the internet...i offered open marriage, threesomes, etc...took others up on it and verbally physically financially emotionally abused me for years. I recently woke up and am terrified of him, life, love, the future, the past... Horrific stuff to say the very least.
You could not have said that better! That articulates my experience with my cheating SO perfectly; HE was unfaithful but expected and demanded complete, unwavering fidelity and devotion from me. He described himself as a man of integrity and principle but disrespected the commitment we made to each other, only coming clean when he was busted and confronted with irrefutable evidence of his dishonesty. He broke my heart... I try to remember it's not a reflection on any inadequacy of mine, but a damaged part of him... Easier said than done though.😢
@@miss_whipps you got this love!!! You are not responsible for the actions of other people!!! I love you !!!
@@Kellyyy44 I love you too! Thank you for the support ❤️❤️
@@ColinSkateFilms he frantically tried to shift blame on to me, tried to justify and minimize, over and over. When he literally couldn't find a way out of the hot seat, he began the tears-begging for forgiveness-you're my world- I can't live without you routine... The groveling lasted for a day, maybe? Then the defensive, exasperated, gaslighting revved back up. A brief round of apologies and empty promises to change followed, and then the cycle repeated ad nauseam. 😔🤦♀️
I had a lover once who was like this. The damage he did to one of the girls he knew that believed his lies. My first partner had been one so I saw right through him. But remember you are not an idiot for being fooled. Proves you are good person actually.
He knows the carnage he left behind, he simply does not care. It doesn't mean anything to him. The best way to move on is to acknowledge this and embrace your mistake.
I wish you best luck in future with seeing through this facade xoxo
"She trapped me, now I am such a good and moral person that I will stay for my kids, but deserve to screw around elsewhere...". oh yeah. That sounds familiar.
This is exactly what happened to me. I'm overwhelmed at how much was hidden for 22 years. My eyes are wide open now.
@@josie12350 13 years here. It hurts so bad. All my attempts 2 have the perfect marriage were in vain and mocked. He preferred porn pver me, as soon as I left the room the porn was on and low enough 2 were I could here it. Called him out, was deemed crazy and told I heard voices, and he continued. Im so humiliated.
@@laurenmorgan3939 better off without the Narc, I know that saying that does not help but time will tell. Thinking of you xx. There are some evil people in the world and you are not one.
I am a victim of a narcissist, I left him, but still very very devastated with all the mind games he played with me. lived with him almost 4 yrs. half way trough the relationship, he was starting to change, I guess now he was bored with me, anyway, I am still suffering and can't it out of my mind the hurt and abuse I got, anyway he just only likes older much older woman and heavy he was 20 yrs younger then me, he can't have relationships with younger woman and I always wondered about that, and I appreciate your videos Couse people have to learn about this problem, and by the way, no matter what you never win with them its always your fault, and remember they will never never change they are stuck there and even counseling can't help, and they are loners, and take your loved ones away from you to. Thank you thank you for putting these videos out there my friend. it helped me a bit more, and must free myself from this awful pain I have gone trough
Even though it sounds cookie-cutter, getting married and having kids still elevates their social status and they milk it for all its worth by being condescending towards singles and childless.
atlasstargazer yes bc everyone loves children no matter how they were brought into this world (unmarried parents, babies born while married, etc). The narcissist male and female have kids for admiration and attention. Your right they will definitely throw it into Childless married ppl or childless partners trying for children
thank you... you help me make sense of the nonsensical... we broke up [many times] a few months ago ...still can't get him out of my head and heart but I have finally let go, and happier since doing so... but he still has a magnetic pull...I distract myself to avoid thinking about him [did that already...doesn't help my sanity...the cycle...] ...no matter how much I read I always learn more from Sam Vaknin... much appreciation.
I was cheated on. It was denied at first but when I mentioned that I had read the proof in his emails he was more angry that I found out more than me feeling hurt and very upset. I was scared of letting go so I gave anither chance. He made a point of telling me how lucky he was that I gave him another chance, but it happened again. This was 2006. I have still not moved on. I am codependant
I have been trying to get over it for 5 years now - humiliation, abandonment, devaluation, and tromped on self-esteem with not one bit of genuine remorse, regret, shame, or guilt and not one memory of anything good. A double standard of behavior and incredible ability to rationalize and blame so that he was never accountable for any of the chaos and damage he invoked. The one day he just turns off any feelings, left, and hes sailing through life while I still flounder and clinically depressed.
What about now..?
@@victoriahajdini8291 I'm still there 7 years post cheating, 5 years post relationship end. I actually got better last year, and she JUST HAPPENED to re hoover and ruin everything by triggering me so bad and it brought out so much emotions and trauma I almost went insane.
Therapy is coming for me. She's evil 😂
@@victoriahajdini8291 in triggered a bit rn, but tbh it's always something you keep with you forever. Even if you move on and really do, the trust issues and people you meet always bring it back to you 😭
My ex is now 63 and picking up women half his age o boost his ego, these poor young women are drug addicts who would go with anyone for the little bit of money he gives them he keeps telling people he's so fit these women chase him.Everyone in town is laughing at him and he delights in telling me of his new young conquest,since i started watching your videos i know he would love me to be hurt but i actually just pity him and the love and happy life he could have if he was able to feel and return real love.
+The Narcissist's Scapegoat Your right she used him by taking his money,then dumped him and is now saying she never wanted sex with him she thought he was too old to want it,considering he thinks he's gods gift to women he is crushed and now trying to snake his way back in with me. No chance of that as i now see him for what he is ..empty of any feelings.
Anna McKenzie : That sounds like my father. He was married three times and has a GF, now. Each woman was ten years younger than the last. His latest GF is the same age as me (54) and he is 84. My father never met a woman that was his equal. But how hard is it to hook up with a desperate homeless woman if you tell them lies? That is who he has a supply, now. Homeless women. The sad reality is there are lots of homeless women in their fifties willing to believe the lies my father tells them in Southern California.
He was a predator. He is still a predator.
Pr
Lopt
Even old dogs chase cars they can't drive.
I know a guy who is a narcissist. He has dated quite a few of my girlfriends over the years and has mentally & physically abused most of them. He broke one of my girlfriends arms. He later married a cousin of mine and everyone tried to tell her but she wouldn't listen. Oddly, he treats her like gold and always has. We think it is because she fits in with his mold of the perfect family-the cute wife, 2 cute kids, white-picket-fence, perfect-life facade but he is horrible to everyone else.
Oh no hes definitely horrible to her too in private.
Sounds more like a ASPD type and you're a stalking, tab taking, scapegoating Narcissist yourself.
Glad he finally found live and you're just sitting their stewing in jealousy 😘
I really appreciate your video's; they have given me great insight to my soon to be ex-husband. I have been married to him for 15 years and never understood who he was because his behavior toward me was contrary to how he presented himself to others. I now completely understand and can make since of it.
Feeling stil the repercussion of my relationship, and still cry.
I just still don't get it and my mind keeps saying. Why did he do this to me after I was so good, and loving to him.
He is still trying to get in touch with me, but i just ignore it, even tough its hard to do.
I hope this will end soon, and want to go back to a normal life, but i sure learned a lot, and have my antenna up for everyone i meet.
Thank you for listening. Sincerely Tina
Martina Jones Hi Tina, how are you doing now, 3 yrs later? Has it gotten easier for you? I just broke up with my narcissistic BF over the weekend. Luckily for me, I realized what he was a month into the relationship and tried to make it work another couple of months but I just couldn’t so I finally decided to go no contact. Even though it’s only been 3 months, it’s hard. Hope all is well with you!
Yeah, me too
@@jessicam3373 hey Jess, hope you’re doing well. I too am leaving a situation that was only a few Months. More stress than I think I’ve ever felt in my life, and it kept getting worse. Love to you, you’re gorgeous!!!
@@jessicam3373 don't diagnose people, that's a literal sign of severe pathology on your part.
If someone is t good for you, if you don't match up, or there's toxicity and abuse, that's one thing.
Claiming you know the person's whole pathology is mentally deranged behaviour lol
SnapChat is their playground
Whats app too
Don’t forget the escort websites and Facebook
Right on ! They love a dick pic
and dating sites.... oh goodness... is a narcissist playground.
By reading the commentaries of Sam Vaknins videos I can start to see the devistation narcissists have done to peoples lives, one thing Ive noticed about woman who have had a narcissistic partner is they teach themselves to feel satisfaction by thinking that thier partner might feel guilty of the things he does to her...I have to tell you honestly..he doesnt!.
2 timothy 3-5, This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.For men shall be lovers of thier own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy.Without natural effection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, dispisers of those who are good.Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasure more than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying the power thereof, of such have nothing to do with
Thank you for that. I was just thinking of going to the Bible for answers and it came to me God is awesome. He will see me through this I know he will.
Cause they love it! Pleasure is great, but hurting others is better
It's funny after watching most of samvaknin's vids, I can now spot these psycho's everywhere! It is very empowering and now I tell them, no thanks, you're a narcissist! Thank you Sam!
I know a man who has cheated on his wife for all 32 years of marriage.He meets a women,creates a story line...He tells them hes divorced or long termed separated. He would profess extreme love. He tells them he will marry them,buy a house...It goes on for about 6 months and then picks a fight to end the relationship. He goes home and plays super husband. His wife is very insecure,very self loathing. He has done this to many women. He creates fantasy worlds with these women...And then he ends the affair after the women start expecting him to move in or commit....Any ideas on whats wrong with him,or if this is Narcissists behavior or something worse...He also lies about former careers. He told one women a entire life story,that actual belonged to another friend of ours. With complete stories.
Just happened to me , I’m 2 weeks fresh suffering couldn’t possibly describe this.
My brother cheated on his wife ( and confided in me) years ago with a girl he bicycled with. He justified the cheating episode by saying that it was uncomfortable for his wife to have sex because of being overweight.
I googled people who brag a lot and narcissist came up for one of my results. I read about it, and watched this video, which is very good btw. All the characteristics that you described sounds just like the girl that I started dating. I never felt so worthless in my life. Lol
Another masterpiece Sam!
they should live with their peers:"similar heal similar"...the world must be a better place and everyone would be happy! : ) thx👍
If my cheating ex narc only knew how many of his friends came onto me behind his back. .....
If my narc husband of 13 years (porn addict, drug addict, abuser who broke my nose, and predator), knew how many of his actual friends I fucked bc he abused me so intensely. Let's just say I got 6 of them all 5 of them only one time, and one specific friend pf his I fucked 50 times and carried long term relationship with. Im not sorry. He's mean.
@@laurenmorgan3939 I didn't dare. My ex would have chopped us into pieces with his machete. I'm not kidding. While a terrible cheater who hardly bothered to hide it, he was maniacally jealous and if any man even looked at me........
Wow, best description of my ex-husband I have ever heard! Thank you!
The content of this Web site is based on correspondence since 1996
With hundreds of people suffering from the Narcissistic Personality Disorder (narcissists) And with thousands of their family members, friends, therapists, and colleagues.
I've discarded my narc abuser husband he's experience Erectal dysfunction (ED) that was his pride and joy he braged so much about. what happens now to his ego.
Cubbie Smith that’s funny you say that .my husband to has the same penis problem lol .the doctor told him it was from using it to much .As my husband showing me is penis just about everyday panicking about its changing I would be sitting there with a 😳 face dying on the inside 😂 thinking sucked in you piece of 💩 .Thats called karma 😉😂.And same with mine pride and joy lmao. That’s what they get .i said to my husband one day.i said oh yeah didn’t you know women leave men over over that . I said not all but they do .he says really .i than cracked up laughing and said yep. I’ve just worked out after 20 years of marriage my husband is a covert narcissists I can’t believe it .it explains a lot .i never had a affair .
@@michelleg5371 love it! Turn those tables!
My ex was literally a mirroring machine who did this to me.
I've contemplated removing her entire family tree from existence, I probably have BPD and ASPD, so not a narc LMAO. This is how you know you're an evil human being and such 🤷
My NPD estranged wife thinks that unfaithfulness should not encompass Her "marriage" to Her kids. They are Her 'supply'. I will never play second fiddle in Our all but over marriage again.
So I suppose narcissists get married in the first place so they have a steady supply on tap? Or is it to maintain their image of normalcy?
Both.
As I suspected...Thank you for the reply.
The person that I was involved with is text book. He loved having the facade of having the beautiful younger spouse in public, with neighbors, family and friends. He was abusive behind doors, secretly (not so secretly) use drugs and have affairs. He adopted my family as his. His previous wife and grown children refused any relationship with him. I am in the difficult "No Contact" phase. His attempts to contact are elevating going between "Prince Charming" to very abusive text and emails. I blocked his emails today and plan on changing my number this week. Best wish's to all and please stay safe.
Its for support!..and ur their support system!..that when supply runs out..or cycles end & begin..ur there for them to run back to!.. Its the Image of the man/woman who wants to present himself/herself to the outside world as the great husband/wife and/or father/mother!.. Bcoz Narcs, hate to be exposed for who they really are!! The false self hidden behind the mask!.. and bcoz they make u feel like ur not important in their life!.. you suffer from feelings of inadequecy and unworthiness!...'why am i not good enough!...Ur actually 1000 times better than he/she will ever be my darling..its them who are empty and know they are worthless!..their supply they have external to you.. is to fill the big empty hole/void they have inside!..where they have to fill it constantly to make them selves feelBetter/ worthy!.. in other words validated!!..They are absolute Attention Whores!! Its a mental disorder!!.. sO sad..but the misery & endless suffering they project onto their victims..is soul destroying isnt it!!.. I know!.. I was with one of the monsters for 20 yrs..got narc free for 5 years..and in a very stupid weak moment..he used the triangulation method through my daughter to get me back!..i fell for it!..accepted a holiday which he paid for of course!..flew out to meet him..being very nervous and very guarded!...of course!...and he turned up the volume on the charm.. and the love bombing.. of how he,s changed! Lol..i was to find out it was of course a pack of lies!.. bcoz they CANNOT CHANGE! and most dont want too anyway!...but i gt lucky i suppose lol...cos the love bombing stage lasted 7 years!...its usually weeks or months if ur lucky! then it started all over again..the 5 yr old drama rages! The verbal abuse..bla bla!..Bcoz of their lack of Empathy & no Compassion!!.its very easy for them to be emotionless!... They are Control Freaks too! And they love to see u hurt & in pain! The Only solution is to Get Out! and Stay Out! Keep running as far away as possible!..coz if they know ur around them..they will be back with their gaslighting b.s... and Love bombing to hoover u back in!! especially if u have children 2gether to use triangulation!! (In other words! We want to see the kids..bla bla..like suddenly they care Lol) Distance! is the only way!!! To stay Narc free! From these monsters!.. No matter how much it hurts!.. They are robbing you of a decent life with someone else who isnt Toxic!!!!.. Good Luck!! Godbless!!
For sex and a cover story..,that’s it. No real emotions/bond/love.
I wish to God I had've watched this three yrs ago! It completely described my last partner and all scenarios! I knew he was sick all along but the SOB turned it all on me and my child!
My ex was a full blown narcissist. She had affairs and she ended up leaving me for a married man who then decided to stay with his wife after I told her about his cheatingLOL.
He is also a Narcissist. Spends 10's of thousands on his clothes ,drives a new mercedes but stayed with his wife and I am sure by now has a new mistress or may in fact be still having an affair with the ex.
Once she started her affairs my Ex started blowing money we didnt have on botox ,a new BMW and clothes etc.etc.
Everything seemed normal until we had kids and she became the most insecure, pathologically jealous, narcissistic individual around...it was all about money, greed, power, and her. Disagree with her and she would accuse you of being negative and blame you for everything. She never uttered the word "sorry" one time. Myself and the kids woke up one day and realized we had no friends, she would not allow it. She was a control freak professional and all she wanted was in the board room, after sh
SO WHAT DOES THE NARC DO WITH HIS WIFE? IVE BEEN MARRIED 12 YRS N ITS BAD, I BELIEVE HE IS SEEING A WOMAN AT HIS JOB. I AM THE ONE WHO TAKES CARE OF THE BILLS AS HE IS IRRESPONSIBLE. HE DECEIVED ME WHEN I FIRST MET HIM. NOW HE TREATS ME HORRIBLE AND I AM SICK N HAVE NOWHERE TO GO ITS A NIGHTMARE WE HAVE NO RELATIONSHIP.
Why does the narcissist demand fidelity when he himself is not faithful? Why are they not open to just having an open relationship that is mutually beneficial and would rather resort to cheating?
Stephanie: that's the million dollar question. I've asked for an open relationship so I can have sex just like he has. No go. Wtf? Even agreed to a threesome- 25 YEARS AGO AND STILL WAITING. Called his bluff but nada happened. I'm sure he's had them since with me. He admitted to group gropes and cluster fu$?’s in the past. Piece of shit.
Egos...its all about attention.
@@luckyeneduwe8623 😱
No he interviewed and studied my ex. He is Spot on!
I really would like to thank you for getting me not feel so lonely as the victim of a narcissist pathological. Your work helping me to continue living. I from Brazil, here, there are few people who approach the narsissist as something capable of killing the victim for real or metaphorically. Tks.
I get bored easily but I’m not insecure or need validation or attention from nobody ...I do what pleases me 😁makin money and playing bball clothes shopping and laying in the ☀️...I’m not no narcissist tho ...but some of these describes what a narcissist has also normal non narcissist have so wtf🤔.
Sam- Any advice for abandoning a Narc that is the father of your child? Is there a way to prove Narcissism to the courts were he to try to take me to court to establish custody? Do you think a Narc is capable of being a good father (I am inclined to think not- especially considering the reality of what a true Narc is). He has not been diagnosed of course, but meets all of the criteria- and he was certainly the Somatic type. Oddly enough- his name is also Sam.
Thank you so much for sharing this complex information in a simple manner that we can all understand.
I was with a guy, I didn't know he is married. He was hiding stuffs, and then blaming me and devaluing me etc. I still can't confirm he is a narcissist but looking at all his traits I think he is a narcissist
Thank you really beautifully explained so interesting much appreciated important information blessings Jane
I was cheated on. For 12 years. Not at all at once. The fist time was 3 years. the second time was 6 years in. The third time was at 9 years. By year 12 I could tell she had the itch again. I would call her on it and actually told her I don't even care. Go ahead. Sleep with some one. In months she took my kids in the middle of the night and relocated 3000 miles away.
Loved this video. And as usual you hit the nail in the head sort of Doran ! With everything yiu said !
@frankg3rd yes, mine had no empathy what so ever.. he actually seemed to enjoy hurting me, like it's what I deserved!
The Narc has no integrity.
The poster child of morality (Not)
yep im the island of stability, and he cheats constantly
Leo I believe when he uses "he" it's in reference to both male and female.
Then you would use 'they.'
Nothing like having to get HIV testing amd and STD testing after a 12 year marriage where you are exposed to their reckless sex w everyone and now have to worry about your own health status after what you thought was a 12 years monogamous relationship in a marriage. Stay safe everyone
mine was continually looking for the female work buddy. someone whod indulge him in his racing but not require him to be responsible to buy a home ( ours went into foreclosure 3 times) And someone whod follow him round to races and b his biggest fan.. not a mother to his kids that had other adult responsibilities like keeping the car pymts made.
as I tell myself on occasion....'better anybody than me'.
Oh yes, my dear..they can be such charmers...and something in me just loves that charm...so I have suffered greatly in my life for falling for N men..until and there is always a Until'..it ends and I feel sad for awhile OR he starts stalking in some way...I call it, Crazy Love...and Love don't hurt so the sooner you learn that, you're more discerning before going through the door.
What about the person who is married to a narc who gets no physical, sexual or emotional intimacy. They feel trapped and seek it elsewhere?
Probably a covert.
Boundaries and immorality aren't ever breached by normal people or people with an understanding of how this effects you yourself
O.K why do I ATTRACT narcissists? I kid you not, I have married and divorced 2 and dated many. Does that mean I am a narcissist?
In your video it sounds like you are describing my ex Narcissistic wife
Mine was triangulating at the end!
I agree with a lot of what you say here but also disagree with some of it. Still some great points!
SV, i hv to agree with you more & more. i used to hv such spouse. I did my homeword & educate myself just to understand more. i did my study on her history during her childhood. negligence and abuse were present. its was a cruel game of survival for her. i felt sorry. i hope i was there to defend her. but who am i kidding? i dont have a time machine. So unfortunate that the effect was permanent.
My lady friend exhibits narcissistic traits. Or, she could be solidly narcissistic, in which case the previous sentence is inaccurate. I am not a professional therapist or psychologist. She seems to be a mix. But her normal may well be a facade, but I'm not convinced of this. I care for her and would like to help, without entanglement into long commitment that would be premature, at this point. The kind of adaptation to PTSD resulting in a narcissist structure would be best treated by trauma therapy, but I do not know where to find out sources in the US.
I LOVE your comment. This is something that all needs to heed.
Wow...this def. describes a guy I know in Johnstown PA! Of course, I won't mention any names!
Is his name Michael?
No, it's Corey
Apparently the borderline personality disorder people are more prevalent in society realizes I'm seeing a team of team of therapists and they knew absolutely nothing about it. Thanks Eric.
Can't turn down that supply of any kind they won't no matter how or who hurts from their egotistic world that's their kind of love👎
Are there a lot of narcissists in academia? Professors who sleep around with their students while wifey is at home rearing kids and presenting the front of the "perfect family" when the professor is stalking or creeping on certain students?
+John Smith The Professions of the Narcissist samvak.tripod.com/journal70.html
It's only one anecdote, but my narcissist ex-boyfriend whom I didn't know was married, does have temporary sessions as a guest lecturer a multiple universities.
@@samvaknin You described my narcissistic ex-boss quite accurately. He would get excited about new employees and then later find fault with them. Especially the part about his sources becoming weary and rebellious, then he becomes OCD. When I started to become weary and rebellious, he became very OCD with the location of my purse, and it just caused more inconvenience not just for myself but for other employees as well.
Id like to know were u got all the info?is it all from ur own mind/issues or have u also interviewed a bunch of narcassists?
The narc I’ve been married to for over 30 years always put our kids on the same level as me. Never supported me or my attempts at discipline. I stayed for financial needs. Last two years more obsessed with his appearance even now at age 60+. He is a bore to be around hyper regimented in “his” routines O impulsiveness. Always talks about himself. Narcs get worse with age.
Hi Sam,
I wondered, i read in a comment of a lady who said her narcissist man just wanted older woman, my now ex narcissist husband also slept with much older (not good looking for their age) kind of woman (i found out lather) why do they do that? While he can get younger too.. but it's all about himself of course, not about the partner..
I guess that most be it, my ex is a good looking man but empty and disgusting inside. Did it for the money and having it whenever he wanted. Selfish to the bone.
older,not good looking,super grateful,perfect supply
Good info. Glad I have found it. So much resonates with what I was married to. Donna
You can't wait for your life to be over because the person in your life is messed up?
Several things I noticed: about my ex-N that makes me uncertain still whether he is more on the psychopathic side?? never self-examined, never considered his own motives or intentions, his damage control was focused on maintaining the image other people had of him, his lies and denial were not to protect me but to save himself the trouble of dealing with my reaction, he seemed to enjoy the deception - it was a game, he wasnt oblivious to how he impacted me he just pretended to be. N or psycho?
Fits Jack Hamilton to a tee
I wonder if dyslexia has something to do with it? I've survived being with two narcissists and they were both dyslexic. Super geniuses when it came to their work--engineering, design, mechanical... but socially a total dud and the only "stability" they had in life was me holding down the household and paying all the bills.
I'm a bit dyslexic but not narcissistic.
Mine was a porn addict. Cheated w/ mostly women, but a couple men. I didn't realize it 4 years; years when he was calling me a slut!
Yeah they are the unfaithful whores who call us sluts. Amazing. WTF?
Three A's, regulate their Unstable sense of self worth! Sexual conquest, name of the game for most. They thrive on chaos, drama, causing emotional trauma to their Partner because they feel they have been slighted by their partner
Thank you Prof Vaknin. My question for you is the following: why a narcissist would choose to cheat instead of being openly polyamorous? it would be so much easier to manage and he would get all the supply that he needs.
the somatic narcissist i had a relationship with (for about 6 months) is 60 years old and has no wife or living-in partner, but several parallel relationships. He treated each of us as if we were the only one, as if he were faithfull. And he has been doing this with dozens of women in the past 20 years, always pretending to be monogamous with each of them. Before, he had been married for 20 years, alway cheating on his wife. I feel that the lying necessary to hold the show together is very demanding in terms of energy and time. Why doesn't he go for open relationships or polyamory?
Search the channel.
@samvaknin I did search the channel but was not able to find a clear answer to the question on why am unmarried narcissist does not choose to be open with partners about having multiple relationships. Could you please suggest search words? obviously I am not using the right ones and don't get why he prefers cheating to open relationships🤔
@@simappto4684 I think it's because they look for romantic and sexual exclusivity from others. They want to be "the one". Not one of many. They can't be honest because honesty won't get them partners who would be devoted to only them.
this is not what i want or deserve so sayonara j
True. See the video about narcissistic women on my channel.
I will check out his commentary on codependents. I just hate to admit I am.
Can I just find a husband like Sr. Sam Vaknin?
Sam, there you go-next video
Tell us how to find deep, smart, well rounded men like you! 😂
You are so right