Will I Hurt My Narcissist if I Cheat on Him?
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- Опубликовано: 16 июн 2020
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Cheating - even with the same man - with no intent to exit the shared fantasy does not provoke romantic jealousy.
Actually, cheating with the same man preserves the idealized version of the woman, while casual, sluttish sex challenges or destroys it.
So, the narcissist prefers the former: if she has a stable, long-term, intimate lover or if she has sex with someone she has known for along time - but only someone who does not threaten the shared fantasy with him.
The shared fantasy demands presence and availability. If the narcissist is busy (not available) or absent, the woman is free to do as she wishes (object inconstancy). But if he is available and present, she should be all his, exclusively. If she then spends time with other men, he perceives it as a rejection of the shared fantasy and it provokes abandonment anxiety and romantic jealousy.
Cheating which challenges or destroys her idealized version (drunk one night stand) and is intended to facilitate an exit from the shared fantasy (prefers to spend time with other men) provokes extreme romantic jealousy focused on both the sex and the intimacy with the other man (=the substitute shared fantasy).
Cheating that is intended to mortify leads to a breakup without romantic jealousy.
The narcissist doesn’t have sex (except sadistic despoiling) or real intimacy with his woman, so he does not mind if she has both with other men. He has a shared fantasy with an idealized version of his woman, so he feels excruciating hurt and intense romantic jealousy ONLY when the woman replaces the shared fantasy she has with him with a shared fantasy (=intimacy) with another man and, in the process, as she exits the shared fantasy she had with him, destroys the idealized version that I am interacting with.
No, just leave them. Cheating will be used to validate their treatment of you.
💯
I don't consider it cheating, it's all a con job ...... bullshit fake marriage....
No such thing as cheating in an f'n con job
I agree!!
@@maryannslatteryburrows7228 That is EXACTLY how I describe my so called " marriage" of thankfully the past.
No one understand why the hell I say that. It's nice to see some other people who not only get it but totally put it in CORRECT terms.
If I could have succeeded in it, I would have had it annulled as it should have been!
A con job done by an imposter, is what it essentially was!
He actually "tried it" 👀with me, and then had the nerve get resentful (to put it very very mildly) on me when I told him this stops here!
How dare I...
He tried everything to keep the upper hand in his con job. He even asked me if I had slept with other men thus cheated on him (I had already achieved legal separation but by law I had to wait for two years here in Europe ) he had his hands behind his back. I answered him no, and even if I were, we are separated and he needs to gtfo my life already.
He started to INSIST that I was....this idiocy went back and forth until he had nothing left to argue about.
He finally said "ok" turned to leave but didn't turn all the way, but just enough that I saw the head of a hammer sticking out behind his back. He later boasted that he was going to use that to kill me right then and there, had I said "yes". I'm guessing his plan afterwards was to then just plead "insanity" as that did seem to be the storyline he was gradually building up for himself.
The thing is, I actually wish I had been seeing someone else by then.but I probably would have just landed another narcissist anyway...
Having to deal with them is a rigged game you can't win. Or so they desperately want you to believe. Their tenacity to "win" the upper hand no matter what it brings them, will send them into tyrannical rages you can't believe.
They can't figure out why you cheated on them after 10 years of abuse and no love.
10 years of them cheating on you first
"The narcissist doesn’t make love to his intimate partner, the narcissist dismantles her, like a toy. He treats her like a toy, he breaks her apart to see what’s inside. He despoils her, he degrades her, he humiliates her. He gets off, he is aroused by breaking his intimate partner, disintegrating her, dismantling her. It’s not sex. It’s not sex by any definition." Thank you for your words about that act of "sex."
No,because we'll be stooping to their level,just leave and go no contact.
My ex narc gf withheld affection unless she got something she wanted.
This man is healing me deeply. Thank you.
Same for me.
this is sad, They want love, but are so shitty to us that they push us away
they want power and control. no such thing as love. they CANNOT LOVE !!!!!!!
They DON'T WANT LOVE.
*They wanted love as children but didn't get it, now they're incapable of feeling it, it's about domination.... and LOTS of attention.... to the point you could call it worship.
I truly loved my husband so much, but after 30 years of marriage I have learned about narcissism and realized he is a covert one, he was never the abusive or aggressive type but he managed to ruin my life in every aspect, he was a cheater, I want to leave him for good because I do not want to waste the last few years of my life on him. My life is too precious. Sam says that everybody cheats but I actually never did.
I was his Madonna. He never touched me. He told me if I cheated on him, he would forgive me. After a 20 yr marriage I left. I never cheated, I just couldn’t. He is livid I left. He had scores of affairs. It was all so sick. Why did I allow this. Thank God I left and saved myself.
Sharon, I caught him making dates online. As soon as I discovered it, he began the discard. I recollect that he probably cheated throughout those 20 years. I suspected something wrong at times.
Sam explains it. His work is meticulously accurate.
I would never allow a sexless monogamous relationship. Its okay for THEM to go out and get sex with someone else but me? I don't have idiot printed on my forehead. Hell no!
@@LimitlessThinker Same here. it sucks. wasted my life on a cheating sob
@@mrtwister9002 They do it behind your back and start starving you sexually slowly. It can not always be avoided.
@@Efalonda
This is why you leave immediately the moment you figure it out.
My sister ended her miserable marriage of 21 years by doing a -blow-up-the-marriage-cheat. EVERYTHING you just listed happened. In the correct order. It had to occurred EXACTLY the way you specified so narc hubby would just go away. He would be of no danger to her anymore.
Wow!
Respect
Is exactly spot on, after l cheated with another man, l realised lm free from his bondage and didn't care so much. This is because, the other guy gave me everything l was lacking in my life. He was extremely jealous. I was discreet but he suspected and seems to grow up. When l stop the cheating he goes back to his childhood self
18 years with this man, he came and went like the wind. I tried to leave he would find me an force me to come back.. Now it's been 8 months since I seen him, only see him driving by with his new supply
The narc seems to always keep there ex’s or relationships in there mind forever as if they can manipulate back in there lives they don’t just move on
Sam, thanks for explaining. Everything you said is exactly what it seems like my narcissist expected out of me. Its been a year and your right. The same cycle every other month. I'm tired, I just blocked the last line he had to Hoover me. I need intimacy and it was twice a month, with no real relationship.
I Dealt with same issues I told her what am I a menstrual cycle sex with me only comes once a month ?!!!
She was good at mind games manipulative gas lighting control it was horrible.
I feared her cheating on me but no clue she was good at covering it up
How are you now?
I cheated on my ex narc because he constantly cheated on me and tried to turn me into his mother..that wierded me out so I discarded him and he is still hoovering with future faking after 3 years but I know he only wants to get me back for revenge lol cause narcs don't change
@@imalwaysme4332 🤔mmmm maybe
its not a real relationship. its a lying hostage situation cheating does not apply here as a term or action. would you say you cheated on your the man who basically abducted and brainwashed you, used and raped you, exploited you, etc....cmon...its not cheating when it involves these devious deviant soul crushers. really, we need to WAKE UP!!!!!!THINK AMY SMART, THIS IS NO DIFFERENT. WOLVES IN SHEEPS CLOTHING!!!!
Candia Blacktina I feel regret everyday for it! That’s cause he constantly made me feel bad about it! He contacts me 5 days have been the longest that he’s waited to contact me and he’ll ask if I’m busy or want to talk! He already moved in with someone! He can’t live on his own!
@@tabithatierney6512 don't ever feel regret he deserved it much more their.bottom feeders for fuel and will hurt anyone trying to get it...(empaths are their special delicacy😋)
@@imalwaysme4332 hmmm..maybe he was
Cheating aside... can you undermine the shared fantasy by refusing to "remain friends" after he decides to entertain another female? (This was a command made by him to me. "You will be my friend." ) He demanded I be "cordial with him" and I refused... neither was I nasty. Just indifferent. This was extremly difficult for me. I walked away from every think he expected me to participate in.
Does actively ignoring him in close social circles and never acknowledging his existance even when in his presence, while giving all my energy to anyone else in the room cause mortification enough to retraumatise him? Does this cause him to "grow up" like promiscuous cheating would have?
This is a communal narcissist.
He was not able to slander me to our community. He could not erase me, but he can no longer engage me I will not allow it.
Our mutual friends were told I would happily tolerate him if he came to me and apologized told me why what he did was wrong. I know he is not capable of this.
I thought that the only way I could truly help him is if I was the only one in his life to not give him what he demands, and push his nose in his bad business.
The only way to help myself was to refuse to accept him if he came to me like a snake.
This is the most candid, no holes barred video I have seen on narcissism...thank you
No holds barred. But in the context of the video, no HOLES barred may indeed be much more appropriate.
@@samvaknin No truer words have been spoken.
@@samvaknin hahaha
Initially I did the cheating to preserve. The second (final time) I cheated was done to EXIT the relationship. So I did both!!
YEP, Its a survival mechanism. Only those that have f
gone through it understand this twisted realty of these DEVIANT MONSTERS!!!!!!
Absaloutely understand THIS
I went through the exact same thing
Did he ever come back. He found out i was liking someone else. Has discarded me and now smearing my name
Thank You Dr Sam!
This makes so much sense when looking at my relationship with the narcissist
Thank you for being so blunt and spot on, I might add. All these other sight are just trying to be my friend and all they end up doing, is building a community of bitter people.
All I need are the facts and let God do the rest🙏🏼
I’ve been listening to you for several years on utube now and I think this is one of your best videos that clarifies some of your terms that now I understand. You explained perfectly the narcissist that I am with. I have such a better understanding of these dynamics with him that usually is so difficult and confusing to wrap my head around . Thank you so very much! All your videos are so enlightening.
Thank you so much,you help me to understand alot...i love your details ❤
I don't understand. My husband is the one who cheated on me for years. I found out last year and it was devastating. He became clingy and was scared I would cheat on him. But yet, while I was devastated, depressed in bed when I first found out, he was at work flirting and wanting to have sex with 2 women at his work, he talked about me, laughed at me with those women and called me crazy. Then came home with flowers pretending to be sorry for his cheating ( that I had just learned about) and concerned about my broken heart, thinking I didn't know what he had been doing at work that day. I couldn't believe he was acting like that when he had ripped out my heart by cheating for years.
Maybe he's different because he's also threatened to kill me. He also goes through phases of treating me like his enemy and is out to get me.
He is sick. What other proof do you need? I've been there. It's not easy to accept but they could drive you over the edge. Be careful. Your husband does not n love you
Tell the police.narc are very weak people....be happy y r not with him anymore
please run
Damn did we have the same man lol
Honestly speaking, im ashamed of it but i get out with the relationship after 8 years of being abused emotionally and physically by cheating. I can’t get out of the relationship if their is no one who had help me. I thought I can’t live without him in my life. My self esteem is so down. I look down to myself until someone adored me and give my self esteem back.
First start loving you self not him
The narc be good at saying in a argument you don’t love yourself or words of saying basically you have a low self esteem because the narc knows you wouldn’t be with him or her if you loved yourself over the narc
Great....thank you so much for this...!
Thanks Sam!
Thank you Sam!!!
I had an on and off relationship with a married man I met at work over a span of 10 years in my 24 year old marriage. I broke it off 5 years before leaving the man-child. I just lost myself and became so depressed. I've spent months beating myself up in guilt, after thinking I was a horrible person because he literally erased me from his life while married. Now I understand. Your videos have helped me with my healing more than you know. Thank you.
Thank god for this vudeo, I cheated on my narcissist with a couple of randoms just to get my needs met, he said when he found out "I would of rather you have fallen in love with someone and cheated that way than go with pointless randoms"...this video has made me understand this concept because I was baffled by it. I thought that falling in love with someone else would have been worse than just a quick meet with randoms.
Wow this was so we'll explained, now I understand my parent's dynamics
This just opened my eyes
So even though we are mentally tormented, by the narcissist, and often know and feel their hatred,
They still have these illusions, about us? Iv witnessed a narcissist, put their arms around me in a loving manner, making loving type sounds, and at the same time saw that in his shadow, which was cast across the floor, he was giving me the two finger salute. ???
I cheated on mine to exit, showed him pics and he said he appreciates me and was glad i was getting taken care of 😂
Lol, they are so crazy
The ex would treat me like crap and really value women who belonged to other men.
Mine said. I hope u have fun. I didn't cheat. I went on a date and sent a sound clip. After four years of being cheated on, lied to, these mf is nuts
Professor Sam..... I agree with you strongly!!! All the senerio that you used were absolutely TRUE!! THANK YOU for the clarification!!!!!!
POINT ON... Thanks! 🌀❤️🌀
Good morning. It depends how you feel
We need women who are not codependent, and self sufficiency
And then you want to turn us into codependent,why?unbelievable.
You are excellent 👏
This is DEEP.
Ty 4 this
Thank you, I always wondered why several times he told me not to chat to men at work. Which I found ridiculous as my work people are definitely not flirtatious. Other from that he didn't seem to care. Never could understand that.
So that's the reason that when he introduced me to his "friends" he would refer to me as, "Ma"....
alisha, I was always "My old lady."
@@judywhittlesey4010 Yeah, me too, at age 20. WTF?????
Hahaha, he would refer to me as the madam. I was like wdh is this about?
I cheated on my narc.
I didn't actually cheat all the way but I went online and talked to a few women and discussed meeting up. I could have met them but I didn't go through with it because some part of me didn't want to.
This was after 8 months of abusive behaviour from her. I didn't even know she was a narc at that point. But when she found out, all hell broke loose. She was ANGRY like I've never seen anyone raging before. She slapped me across my face.
She decided to break up with me immediately. At the time I was feeling guilty so I tried to make it up to her. She came back but then there was a 2.5 month period of back and forth. Some days she would act like we were together and started discussing the future, but then suddenly decided to ghost me. It was pure torture for me until I came across Sam's videos. Only after watching hours and hours of his videos did I finally realize the true nature of my ex. I still feel guilty about my action but I realized I did it subconsciously to revolt against the abuse. I have trouble expressing my feelings in a relationship and every time I tried to tell her she was being abusive she would dismiss it.
Even now after everything is out in the open, she refuses to even apologize for hitting me. She actually blamed me for her abuse by telling me "When will you take responsibility for what you did to me during the relationship? You didn't fulfill my needs so I REACTED to it." Basically, she thinks I deserved to be yelled at, cursed and pushed around physically because I didn't treat her special THE WAY SHE DESERVED TO BE TREATED.
My entire last year has been so surreal. I'm still struggling to make sense of it. I have trauma from the relationship and I still find it difficult to let it go because of the mindfuck I went through.
Did you just describe the relationship i left last night?
Wow.... That last line.....
If they have no empathy how can they be hurt? Pain is their supply right? An emotion they lack and one that gives them power over the one who feels
The narc I was with cheated constantly and was always looking for an excuse to accuse me. It's just a game with a narc
Definitely all game !!!
Hi Sam. How does stalking after a relationship ends fit in to this? Is there a possibility that after mortification is inflicted stalking may occur?
Cheating is more about you THEN NPD . Get yourself right ! I consider cheat my ex girlfriend. But I didn't I end my relationship, then move on . Cheating speakers more about cheater so yes, dont do it, it is not right
@Crucibelle so you think it is okey?
Ohhhh I have never heard this title before lolll
Idk how people have open relationships, I'd just be angry all the time
Same here. It would have to be don't ask don't tell. Lmao
So if you tell them you want a break and go to Vegas for the weekend does that count? He takes it as I wanted a break to hook up with another man for the weekend 🤦🏽♀️
they will lie twist and turn the narrative to suit their sick twisted perverted needs/desires/kink to their advantage. ALL
marriages / relationships should be NULL AND VOID, IT WAS ALL SMOKE AND MIRRORS-nothing was
real, so therefore cheating is a dumb way to describe this kind of relationshit.
Wow!
thank you
SMH,,, Crazy hammer wheel. No more time dealing with someone who doesn't give a S**t about me anyway. My life is too short. I agree with @karen lee
and @
Laura McAllister..,. " Walk on by " Written by Burt Bacharach, best sung by Isaac Hayes.
Which one suffers more? A relationship between a narcissist and a pscychopath? Is this relationship will survive seems like they’re feeding each other’s disorder?
This is so true
This video..👌👌👌
I'm looking at these videos after going no contact with the covert ex.
Anyone else is blown away by the depths of the narcs insanity?
It all makes sense now
I hope that nobody privy to this information is still trying to make such a dysfunctional dynamic work
To me this is confirmation that the best thing to do is to run
My narcissistic pathological liar husband cheated on me five times long term affairs and I forgave him and cheated on him
But he was crazy and abused me
Verbally and physically and emotionally
We were married 39 years with four children and grandchildren
He started cheating again
I left, and I miss his playfulness.... is it possible to find this fun playfulness in someone who isn't a Narcissist?
Yes, of course: the narcissist is always childISH - mature adults are sometimes childLIKE (=fun).
@@samvaknin thank you, I do so appreciate your reply 🦋 it gives me hope ( haha even though you say hope is malignant, although I suppose this can be understood in different ways too)
I cheated on the narcissist but not physically it was txting and flirting with male friends ...we had been dating months and he didnt want commitment ...so we dated had passinate sex etc but once i left my phone at his place he went thru it and from that point he insulted me left me 4 months ...then he reached out 4 months later and we agreed to see each other from that point we were again as a couple but he was different and i started to research his FB and found he had a second page with hundreds of women it was a page from years until that day so i realized he had been doing the cheating before i ever did ...but he just got back with me to punish me i had not seen that ...he was taking my love my time my money and i ended it ...then he hoovered he drew me back in ...the last time he was cruel mean by saying im with another also and we will never be nothing ...it was devastating i thought there was hope he kept feeding ...he returned just to destroy me ..then i researched this and i found exactly what i was living ...i always gave everythinggg all i did was give...
They actually don't want casual relationships. They want to be casual while you are are being monogamous.
She can Toss My Salad as a Parting Gift…
Greetings! Might the majority of this particular teaching also apply to somatic Narcissists? With my somatic narcissist, was I envisioned as his mother figure also during sex, or was he simply masturbating with my body? I am more curious then devastated anymore, mostly because of your teachings, thank you Sam.
My NEX found out about an affair I had and he brought it up over and over... And over . I was discreet , it was wrong of me Narcissist or not... It made me realize how immature and childish he really was . I was mostly starving of intellectual stimulation... I enjoyed myself and have no regrets.
“It was wrong of me” “I have no regrets”. Can you make up your mind?
Totally contradicting myself ... Thank you for pointing that out.
I do regret the fact that I inflicted pain on someone but do not regret the fact that it help me to address my own issues
It was wrong because you suffer much more later with the narc knowing it and you have no regrets because in a way you did it for your self .
Idk if he’s the narc based on this comment.. how can u be mad that he brought it up over and over? Cheating is something that really messes somebody up and isnt easy to get over. If you weren’t stimulated mentally you should have just left instead of you blaming your cheating actions on him.
Why should anyone allow a spoilt child trapped in adult body manipulate them to cheat?
Just leave if you can't tolerate their behaviour anymore, and get the police/authorities involved if they stalk you.
To some extent, I think we pamper the narcissist too much.
I found this very interesting. Explains a lot regarding “object constancy”. I have a question. My ex discarded me for his mother. Is this normal? He appears to be alone....all the time!! He lets her call all the shots. Is this normal for a narcissist? Maybe he is collapsed since mom controls?? It is highly confusing.
My narc husband is leaving me for his mom. I went no contact with her now he wants no contact with me.
Ayesha 13. This is so confusing to me how and why they do this. Why do you think your did this??
Renee Kelly more likely You are a middle person in between for his unresolved issues with his mom.
bambi Lerio it certainly felt that way. I felt like I was being triangulated between people.
bambi Lerio no offense. I do realize now after being out of this relationship that his entire family seems to be narcissist. I felt like I was just a pawn in their game. The mom is the one controlling all the pieces.
Sam, am I mistaken in thinking that it's not useful for me to refer to others as narcissists, to the person, or to another person when talking about them? This doesent mean that I don't acknowledge issues or recommend a qualified professional. I just try not to do things that don't help.
How does someone know if they are in a "shared fantasy" verses just a relationship??
I was with him for 4 yrs. Married and divorced. He did not want to have sex with me in 2.5 yrs. Always on dating sites and talking to other women. I never understood this.
They cant get an erection when feelings are involved. Too embarassed to admit this to you. So he pushes his ego with strangers. Doesn't realize anyone can do that and he isn't special just weak and damaged.
Going through this right now it’s a messy situation and my narcissistic husband he still wants to stay together I filed divorce this other man is such a nice guy it’s a breathe of fresh air I like him a lot but I still love my narc ugh I’m in therapy cuz I feel all confused don’t know what to do
So your saying we cause them to grow up. When we choose to exit. I never cheated but he though it did. Well he had a hidden wife, my question is “ they change” because we decided to do that? Or am I misunderstanding. Thank you.
Been through this
So what is the shared fantasy with the side chick? So hes having the same shared fantasy with all his side chick's as long as there is constancy?
He actually told me he wouldn’t blame me for cheating on him. When I finally did after 16 yrs of his constant cheating he went psycho and blamed me for wrecking our marriage. Or his idealization I should say.
Why won’t the narcissist just get help? You could not have put it any better. Why won’t he just go to therapy with me and get help for his shortcomings instead of staying a narcissist?
Everything you stated it's me in a loveless, NO intimacy no respect, no affection etc. for 20 years. While he's out having sex, getting love, getting affection etc! He wanted me to be like his mom, cooked, cleaned, take care of the kids, MAKE SURE FOOD ON THE TABLE 2X A DAY! etc etc... Two weeks ago I caught him cheating for the 3rd time (Like I said could be more but I just have proof 3 times). He didn't denied it, of curse NOR WILL HE GIVE ME ANY INFORMATION SUCH AS HOW LONG HAS THIS BEEN GOING ON, HOW OLD IS SHE, WHERE DID YOU MEET HER ETC ETC.. NOTHING! HE REFUSES TO DISCLOSE ANY INFO ABOUT HER AND HIS AFFAIRS! He said he doesn't want to hurt me any more and if he tells me.. WHAT A FKIN COWARD!
I WANT ANSWERS!!
WTF is wrong w/ me! I know it's co-dependence, low self esteem after 20 years of loveless marriage. I feel very alone these 20 years! I have been deprived and denied of love, intimacy and affection for almost 2 decades Yet why can't I divorce his sorry arse? Am I asking for gluttony for punishment? What will it take for me to leave a narcissistic pathological cheating husband? Who has so empathy or compassion when he pulls his pants down or intentionally looking for a lady outside of this marriage? I question myself these two weeks over and over like a movie playing in my mind.
HELP HELP HELP
OMG . Watch more videos. You are not the only one who suffers. You will find the help you need and the courage to leave him!
Mine has said sex is just sex and would always call some others she’s a sex toy, wow this is crazy!
Sex to a narc is like them masterbating your just a toy for them to release themselves when there done they don’t care about your needs or climax in the bedroom it’s all about them.
They only care about there sexual needs never yours never when you want it there in control remember
( HOW ABOUT THIS ) MY NARCISSIST BROTHER HAS BEN HIDING THE FACT AND DOES NOT ADMIT OR DENY THAT HE HAS PUT LIFE INSURANCE ON OUR LITTLE BROTHER LIFE WHO HAS A MIND OF A 10 YEAR OLD , WHO I'M TAKING CARE OF FOR THE LAST 5 YEARS , SINCE MY MOTHER DIED , AND HE HAS NEVER ACCEPTED HIM IN ALL HIS LIFE , AND HAS NEVER SPENT 1 HOUR ALONE WITH HIM TO DO THINGS TOGETHER , AND AFTER YEARS OF AVOIDING HIS LITTLE BROTHER DECIDED TO TAKE HIM FOR TEN DAYS , JUST TO FIND OUT THAT MY NARCISSIST BROTHER GAVE HIM A LOT OF ALCOHOL AFTER MY LITTLE BROTHER TOOK HIS BLOOD PRESSURE MEDS , AND THREATENING HIM IF HE EVER TOLD HIS WIFE OR ANYBODY ELS ABOUT IT , THAT HE WOULD BE BAN FROM HIS LIFE FOREVER , I THINK HE WAS TESTING THE WATER TO COLLECT THE LIFE INSURANCE IN THE FUTURE, AND YES MY NARCISSIST BROTHER HAS STOLEN $10.000 OF LIFE INSURANCE OF OUR MOTHER THAT WAS SUPPOSE TO GO TO MY LITTLE BROTHER AND KEPT IT FOR HIM SELF CAUSE HE THINKS THAT HE'S ENTITLE TO IT . AND I HAVE SACRIFICE MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY WIFE OF 22 GREAT YEARS TOGETHER , TO FULL FILL THE PROMISE THAT I MADE TO MY MOTHER EVER SINCE I WAS 12 YEARS OLD THAT I WOULD ALWAYS BE THERE FOR HIM NO MATTER WHAT ( SO WHAT DO YOU THINK. )TO HAVE A BROTHER LIKE THAT. WELL.
Your comment made me cry. i wish you a good luck
Dr .Sam has said that we have to make sure that the narc believes that we “adore “ him in order to keep him. Play a role and accept that he doesn’t feel love like you do. He act sneaky so you must be the eagle watching from above . I wish you good luck!
@Prof. Sam Vaknin, is a one-time beating (physically abuse) episode sufficient for the narcisist to take into cosideration a brake-up/divorce ? My ex-narc girlfriend told me about her husband who was "cheating' on her for the past 2 years, with the same women, a work-colleague. She didn't filed for divorce until this beating-up episode, where she was the victim. She told me that she wanted to end the relationship but was waiting for a sign.... The beating came up after a verbal fighting when she called the husband: "you are not a man" - discarding/devaluation phase.
It allows her to assume the victim role.
@@samvaknin thank you ! It makes sense because she devaluted him in public by requesting a restraint order. Every member of her family hates him and don't want to see him, but now (after 1 year) she doesn't "understand" why her family is being so "abusive" with her ex-husband. She is pretending that she has moved on and doesn't understand why people could carry out hateful for so long time.
PS: they have a child together and need to cooperate : school, after-school, etc... too much "cooperation" from my point of view because they are talking every-day, even at 11 PM, but that's another subject.
Thank you for your lectures ! I couldn't imagine the depth of this personality disorder.
Sam I would rather just give up on the narcissist & walk away asap, than cheating
Dr. Vaknin. Can destroying the Shared Fantasy provoke the narcissist to do physical harm to his significant other in the relationship? Especially when the significant other is helpless (sleeping for example). ...or would something like that mean they're more of a psychopath?
Very unlikely. Only psychopathic (malignant) narcissists are physically violent at times: samvak.tripod.com/9.html
@@samvaknin thank you...I was afraid of that. I could tell you a story but I would rather not share it publicly.
That’s exactly the question I had, so thanks for asking it. When I tried to leave, it was a year-long+ separation process during which he became violent doing things I’d never share publicly. My sister said, “Kentucky Blue, he’s a psychopath.” But hearing Sam himself say it, wow. Thank you so much for these videos.
He seemed to have formed the view the first time I cheated WAS in order to hurt him, so he reacted to it that way.. despite my attempts to convince him it was to preserve (which it was).. so what im asking about is what impact does HIS OWN BELIEF have on why he thinks the woman cheated, as opposed to her real/actual reason for cheating. Thank you.
Wow
Speachless
Why did my ex NPD bf get a prostitute pregnant? Why did he make an ex gf a prostitute but tells me she’s like family? Why doesn’t he want me to preform oral sex on him, but he says he loves it?
exactly
My narccisisst got caught by me cheating on me with other woman, 1 woman 2 years all the time. I sayed after 2 years THATS ALL! If i see her, if i see you even speak with her I WILL LEAVE YOU AND THATS MY LAST WORD!!! The narcissist was shocked but never ever saw this woman again or other women.
Our relationship is sexless 1 or 3 times in a year.
But I got a man, younger from me 17 Years with whom i had sex relationship. He stayed at me and the narcissist didn't care about 1 month at all. But when i chouted to the face of my narc that the man is BETTER IN BED IN ANY WAY, HE MAKES ME FEEL LIKE A WOMAN... Then it all ended for me pretty fast. He was devastated for weeks, months. Sayed YOU CHEATED ME WITH A YOUNGER MAN, WHO IS BETTER THAN ME!? BETTER!!!!He even trank alcohol what he never does. And i heard the BETTER THAN ME a loooong time after that.
It ended only then when i realised i have to say NOOO YOU WERE MUCH BETTER🙄
So no we are, Mother and Child again....
Why would you want to be an adult man’s mother in a sexless relationship and then cheat? Do you find such a relationship and such a life fulfilling and acceptable? Do you have any idea how you sound? Like a psychopathic narcissist!
@@samvaknin No ofcoors not. I quess because of the pain what i had to go through ower the years I am scared of a REAL relationship : fear to feel the exact horrofying pain again. I am even not sure if i am capable to be in a relationship. And every man who tryies to speak to me i am afraid him (use me, or only wants sex). I say i am a Lesbian so then they leave me alone. So it goes 3 years. Exactly why, i am not sure. I only quess on what i have been throuhg.
@@samvaknin i ended cheating right after 3 times because it made me feel empty. Worthless.
Can we just fucking find someone normal please .. if we are all broken, now what.. we find ourselves settling with narcs? What do we do 😩😩
My ex was definitely a man-child!
I had struggled for years feeling like a horrible person because I had cheated. I couldn't understand how I allowed myself to be pulled into that. I realized after a lot of therapy that 1. There is such thing as a death of a marriage that happens in the emotional level. 2. He used sex and affection as control, withholding it a lot. 3. I was beat down so much that I was susceptible to other manipulators that targeted me.
I definitely connect with his description of the 3rd form of cheating.
welcome to most mens world. sexless marriage for years, but if you cheat, everything is your fault
And wat about if you cheated with intentions of exiting but it made you realise you want to stay.. wat does that do
And also to get back at him for cheating first 😬😬😬🙏🙏🙏
How would he take all 3 basically
In my case he was literally changing then he came back to the same shit (porn addiction in secret ) and honestly I left. But if I watch porn with him he does not want to lol (I mean I tried to suggest it to see his reaction). Yes sex is kinky and full of fetishes. I’m kinda tired of being a sexual toy. Never experienced making love, but good sexual chemistry. But I am ready to find someone to connect in all levels. What sucks is I found someone and I let him go, cuz I was in this relationship. I regret so much.
This is crazyness 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮 go no contact ASAP seems best choice........
bruh they need therapy nothing else fr
🤣🤣🤣when you cheat he grew up and he become man lol !! We need Thoses bustards demons to grew up and be man so let s all victims start cheating ...kidding what crazy narc world .. !!!!
And the best accent
This makes perfect sense now. Wow the light bulb just lite up. Is that the reason they think it's okay for them to cheat over and over and it should be forgiven.
exactly