Relationships are my high risk situations 😐 no wonder I always freak out when I'm done hanging out with ppl. "Do they hate me? Guess I suck" *crawls back into BPD hole*
I am really grateful for the way you "get" BPD. As a patient seeking wellness for, gosh, 30 years (?) I've been in a pronounced state of progress for the last 6-7. I watch you choose your words according to what a borderline individual would be receptive to, counter thoughts before they happen in your dialogue... Just wonderful, your insight is truly appreciated!
@@rosshopkins2063 First of all, I am a woman. Born a woman, cis. Secondly, I don't understand how/where you assume I serve anyone, I am pretty isolated, I don't interact with the world at large, generally. Finally, I don't work for anyone, I do not work at all, am not married, I am recently widowed, so I am not sure what you mean by "build their world of machines". If it matters at all to have your message received, I'd like better explanation.
"give yourself reason to not fall into maladaptive behaviours " I feel and check in with myself for a moment.. Even if it means checking in as if I'm an outsider. I feel/ask myself "how does this look" "what is driving this, what feeling" "what am I chasing" "what are my costs/ what are my gains" "how am I going to feel afterwards "
Check out psychology today. It’s a great site to help you find a therapist and some of the therapists have sliding scales and you only pay per how much you make. My meetings are only 10$!!!
Hi, Dr Fox, have you done a video on the overlap between BPD and C-PTSD? It seems that these "high risk" situations are very much like the triggers of C-PTSD. Thanks for the work you do. Nobody does BPD info better than you.
Hello there Dr Fox, i just wanted to say that i really love this format, the delivery and the back drop worked really well for me.....easy on the eye and didnt pull me away from what you were saying.....Packed full of healthy alternative ways to respond when triggered....Thank you for the time you take to make these videos, so very helpful....Thank you xxx
One of my favourite things about Dr. Fox is when he stutters :D each time you find a brilliant way to get out of the situation! We love you doc. Un abrazo from Barcelona.
I never realized that others had problems with Holidays. I am so out of control and I have hurt me adult children . I am definitely going to really put my all into this . I want to be seen as enjoying vs negative. Thank you 🙏
OMG yes... holidays are a SUPER trigger for me....thanks in part to the enormous damage Martha Stewart has inflicted on women everywhere! Screw those expectations of perfection! But I still wish her the best with Snoop Dog 🐶
I have become so Numb I cannot even cry to release some of the pain...I cannot understand what happened to Me or How I got like this but the pain is so grinding....I just want to be free already...
For me it is the persons in close personal family/personal relationships who blatantly devalue me with insults/yelling/choosing to take advantage of my generosity. I am working on boundaries and reinforcing them with boundary crashers.
And absolutely love all of your videos and consider you a father to BPD management. Thank you for everything you do and for being such a helpful human being.
I love your videos and your compassion,and kindness so much..you have honestly been helping me so much!!! Thank you thank you! For just trying&believing we were more than what the original diagnosis' once thought we were& just being different enough to put this content out there that doesn't slander and hate on us!
We have a situation after moving out of the USA with finances, indeed food. This has been a MAJOR trigger and after 7 years, I drank. Fell down. Hurt my rib. Doctor visit unaffordable but necessary! Guess what I am doing, Dr. Fox? I made audio tapes suggesting to myself all the alternatives! Deep breathing in your recent video is a HUGE help, at any point in my upset. Then I listened to Dr. Bruce Lipton and made audio recordings via Audacity wherein I told myself via headphones "I am calm" - "I am relaxed" - "everything is okay, and will work out" - not perfect yet, audio needs more work, but just taking these steps has altered my views 75% over my last trigger..... as a vain woman my breathing was all wrong, by the way. Maybe some other ladies do the suck-in-the-gut maneuver all day; well that is chest breathing, not belly breathing... took me a few hours to make my tummy go out, instead of my chest. Just FYI. And dude, you are saving lives....Muchas gracias......
I was feeling a lot while listening to this video.. I have a love/hate with my bpd. I know it’s destructive and it’s so painful and I want it to stop but it also feels comforting and very uncomfortable to not do it when I feel urges
Nobodies Perfect, I'm sure for all the quantites you imagine that are negative you more than enough make up for it with positives 💓 love yourself because everything happens for a reason and your alot smarter than most 💓💓💓
Another of Foxy's vids says (And I'm paraphrasing here): "Once you've calmed down, you will face pressure from friends and family to return to your old (drama-filled) persona. When you change, your interpersonal circle will have to change (unless you can change your role within that circle." It seems to me that the prospect of upending lifestyles and social/work circles - causes a lot of folks to cling to the familiar rather than launch themselves into the great unknown. I was never able to change my thinking when I was younger (teens, 20s, 30s) - I would have screamed at anyone who even suggested it.
Ty Dr Fox. My mother recently died. You're video about grief and BPD I think will help me immensely and I will check out the book you recommended in it. 💙
Excellent vid! One of the things about BPD that makes it so confusing for other people is that BPD is a disorder that presents only under distressing circumstances. This means that the person/behaviors that an intimate partner, family members observe are *very* different than the person/behaviors that non-intimate partners, e.g., friends, etc., observe. Because BPD presents only in distressing circumstances people with BPD have friends who have no idea that their friend has BPD. Unfortunately, this allows the person with BPD to smear and blame their partners to their friends and the friends believe them b/c the friends never see the BPD traits.
Sean Millard This is just patently untrue. True bpd results in life dysfunction across environments. If your partner is only showing symptoms around you then perhaps you are a toxic influence in their life that is causing that.
@@hoperising7373Of course people who have BPD have symptoms even when they are alone and even when they aren't distressed. But BPD is often defined in interpersonal terms, e.g., "unstable relationships", "fear of abandonment", etc. I've never had other partners behave in ways that my ex with BPD did, e.g., love-bombing, lying, paranoia, distrust, blame-shifting (not taking responsibility), threats, etc. All of these things are typical BPD traits and almost all of these things are interpersonal.
@@srmillard I hear you. I just can't find anything in the videos about lying but the person I love, does it to a big extent. I'd like to understand the context of lying and BPD. I think I.noticed that this guy lies more or stays closer to the truth about the same subject depending on stress or the day or something... Its very confusing because no asking helps .. I just have to take a step back every time but I do get things wrong or there are misunderstandings we clear up weeks later....
I’ve just been diagnosed with BD and BPD. I never would’ve known how to describe what I was going through to the doctor without your videos. You’ve changed my life. I watch all your videos and I thank you very much for the info. Now I know what my issues are and I can learn from you how to help myself. Ty so much!!
Thank you very much for your videos. This one was beautiful. Yes "maladaptive behaviours "... I feel like I want to climb out of the pain with the same "material" that got me into distress and...... .....i end up "chasing my own ghost" I end up chasing the thought of feeling that if only I do "x, y or z" that I will be helped, loved or saved..... Thank you for covering feelings of around emotional- freeze and dialectically/intellectually frozen . RE Terror/fear
I am 44 but a child inside--emotionally stunted and paralyzed....My life passed Me by and I see absolutely no reason to continue----I died before I died...God Please Help Me see some hope
I was made fun of when I was younger nd grew up to have several strange eating habits sometimes not eating for days obsessing over being perfect not being patient wanting immediate results pushes u into depression u fail like at everything else it’s horrible please do a video
I think you are probably helping a lot of people. Kudos for using the word salient. I am sharing this in the hopes it will help someone I am friended with. So tired of seeing dumbed down fluff pieces with no real content and running into pseudo intellectuals.
you seem like such a nice Dr and person. I enjoy your videos . Im pretty sure someone i know has this but they keep getting diagnosed as something different. Your videos help.
Wow, you nailed all of the ones I'm struggling with - I think about three of them right now. I'm grateful for the adaptive strategies you suggested. Thank you!
I'm so thankful for your videos, you're so interesting, informative encouraging enthusiastic honest and kind. My only regret is I don't live in Texas 😊 to have you as my therapist 🙂 I have BPD. But I've brought you workbook and working on it. God 🙏 Bless You
"your bpd wants you to keep driving" I want this TATOOED on me. Any artists out there. This was it for me. This is the gold. Truth heals. This line held me. Thank you..... and I felt like I could hold myself. Thank you Dtr
@@kamilmirza6782 how I'm doing so much better . I started some new meds ....your welcome to message me ...pm through Facebook , it's been a miracle worker for me .x
THANK YOU FOR FOLLOWING YOUR DREAMS MAN, YOUVE MADE A DIFFERENCE IN MY LIFE 💓💓💓💓 I lit watch all your videos and they help so much, your so compassionate and friendly 💓💓💓
Thank you so much for this video...it is extremely relevant right now in so many ways. You really do explain things so well and so accurately. I can feel myself inwardly nodding in agreement. You really have saved my sanity. Thank you Dr Fox.
My former therapist who I no longer see never told me she diagnosed me BPD. She just kept saying I have PTSD with complex trauma when I asked her point blank for her diagnosis during one of our sessions. I felt kind of gaslighted by her several times so ended sessions with her. In any event, I was very open with her and contacted he because I truly want to be well. Can you imagine? I already have trust issues, lol. After ended sessions, I requested the medical record and she ghosted me so I pressed her to tell me her "final diagnosis" which she then provided the BPD. I had never heard of it before. I wrote her back and said I felt it was unprofessional that she did not provide this diagnosis while we were in session. It was weird and it felt like she had some control issues, which is scary. I contacted her as I want to feel better and then had to deal with that. Bad therapists can really take advantage of a person with BPD or other life situations with mental health and it left me feeling as if this person would "twist" the diagnosis if she could and make me less than independent. The trust issues I have can tend to be a bit over reactive so I am breathing through it while I continue to have to correspond with her until I can resolve the medical record issue -which she now tied to a past due bill that she had previously told me she would "write off' because my insurance didn't cover a few sessions we had early on. She threw this back in my face when I requested the medical record from her.) any advice would be appreciated.
They don't disclose it for two reasons- when a bpd person goes online and looks up stuff about their disorder, it doesn't end well, and- bpd on the record vs.ptsd doesn't allow you to have social benefits. You have control issues,actually, and think everybody is working against you.
super good insight here ... suprizingly i started to this work around 30 when i met my partner ...... I've always been a monagamist person ...but my BPD was making it impossible to not question my partners love of me do to thoughts of him loving someone if they have sex ... or more so that sex means love .... he hi,self in non monagamist so at 30 i wanted to push agesnt my BPD and not let this kinda thing control me any more so i got into the relationship and even though its taken 6 years to really get a hold of my reactions to the feelings that sex means love and how it connects to our security of the relationship I've really had a lot of eye chnageing moments during this journey..... by allowing myself to have to deal with the unhealthy negative feelings i have when my partner haveing sex with someoneelse.... I've been able to realize how much i truly have connected my self image and the security of the relationship to sex ..... and over the years a lot of serfus things have changed .... i no longer panic when he stays up later then me and more so no longer need to investigate what he did while i was asleep ill admit sometimes the BPD pops up cuz i noticed somethings far from connecting any real issue and I'm now able to actually recenter my self and not obssess over needing to know ..... I've come to a place now where sex in the relationship has no major connection to my self image or how i feel secure in the relationship .... really love how you really remind people to push agenst there BPD triggers ..... after doing this with sex and relationships I've also now reloazed how its needed to push agest it not run from it or stone wall other into making accommodations for my BPD ......change is passable
This is good. The reassurance that there are ways to move beyond BPD is a comfort. I guess on some level I created these patterns of perception about myself and others, I can recreate them. My God it's a lot of work but I can see some progress.
Can a death in the family trigger/cause BPD? My ex lost a loved one and completely changed. As I done research on how to help with her depression I found articles and videos like yours that lead me to believe she has BPD. She has always struggled with anxiety. But as I see the BPD info and look back on our entire 2.5 year relationship, I see that BPD correlates with her behavior. I’m trying to find understanding for peace. I’ve done all I can to help, but her depression from the death turned to anger towards me and blaming me for her depression. Which turned into her leaving me and blocking me out of unexplainable anger & and made up stories.
I have three people in my life with bpd stylings - what I appreciate about you is how factual you are to help address these disorders without demonizing the folks with these personality differences. Lately I shared a healthy boundary I need to one of these individuals and the bpd individual devalued (said now I I can’t share and have to not communicate e fears of “triggering” me. Very dismissive in the importance of my healthy boundary what can I do to help person understand it’s to help me find peace and hoping their escalation from frustration to anger be minimized?
I have a hard time distinguishing between when I should let things go and when I should face them. Sometimes it feels like blocking and not looking back is the best way to avoid further triggers, but listing to this video makes me wonder if I should reconsider it in case I'm feeding more into the core content. Don't know how to proceed... I still have a lot to learn!
BPD is wearing Me down and aging Me by the hour...I am on a path to suicide I just don't know how to get off...4 years of therapy and no progress....Don't You feel some people are just past the point of being able to live a worthwhile life?
Keep trying - just like Dr. Fox says, your BPD wants to keep driving with those thoughts. But those thoughts aren't you. Like anyone who suffers from BPD, we're more than just our diagnosis, and we're capable of living fulfilled lives. I can empathize because I was once where you are, but medication and therapy has helped tremendously. Please let your therapist know that you're concerned about your thought patterns getting worse and are potentially worried about your safety.
It took me 24 years to really improve. I'm 40 and just starting to live strong. 24 years ago there wasn't as much available on BPD though. Hang in there.
get a hobby yk some sport for example or Think about when you made someone Smile, laughed or look out the window and take a deep breath. Nature always heals even only air.
Hi Dr. Fox, I'm sure this has been asked before, and I couldn't find a video about it, but would you have any things to say to someone in a relationship with someone that lives with BPD? It's tough, and I'd appreciate any input.
Im definitely in a triggered mood tonight. Ive been being quite the jerk to people, my wife is mad at me (and i dont care) but i get what you're saying but im afraid i dont totally understand all of my core content. The main things that have me set off tonight is no gas in my vehicles to go to work tomorrow and there was something that i wanted today and didnt get so that has me going and my habits in these situations is to be an ass and shoot down peoples suggestions or refuse to help someone in need, its like a "f___ the world" kind of mentality but i agree with what you are saying. I just have this problem where when im calm and things are going alright then i can be all intellectual and come uo with new habits and patterns but when im mad like this, it turns upside down for me and then i just continue with my maladaptive behaviors. I some times think maybe there is no hope for me and i shouldn't bother to change because i worry about the next time something isnt going my way and then i undo all of the good ideas and behaviors or i simply forget. I feel like i wanna just cry and break things right now. What the hell is wrong withmr Dr Fox? I cant take much more of this crao in my head and some times it scares me....like now.
Hi, the fact that you have reached out to find and watch this video and then write a comment is incredible! Your not in denial and you have an insight into your 'bad' behaviours. I think that's the first step to change. Your triggers you wrote of, would stress the hell out of anyone, no fuel to get to work, that's very stressful. Your only human. It's ok to feel upset and out of control, but you are your boss, your driving your life. Your mind can do anything you want it to do, remember your in control even when you feel you're not. Step back from your negative emotions when they're triggered and remind yourself how amazing you are! Obstacles are always going to arise in life, try taking a deep breath and remind yourself everything will be ok. Well done for admitting to your faults, that in itself speaks volumes to the person you are. Don't be so hard on yourself
Dr Fox what triggers me alot is bullying people being mean and condescending like bullies and narcs. I have been bullied constantly at work places I'm at a point of being tired of moving from jon to Job. This job I have now I really like bit the girls are 20 years old and snooty. They are clicky and bully. I'm a the point of something happens again as much as I don't want to I will end my life. bored with people treating me like I'm worthless and a waste of skin. The counselors around my area stink. When it comes to BPD. DBT they use but doesn't work with me at times because I know most of the answers. Sometimes I leave them speechless with nothing to say. I been through the same cycle most of my life. It got worse after I had my son. I stand alone, and most people would have shot themselves by now if they were me.
I am frozen inside--committed spiritual suicide and am just drifting along waiting to die...dead inside,hopeless,filled with despair,anxiety no purpose no reason to wake up...time just keeps marching on ....why should I stay here in this endless numb empty pain?I have been sucidal now for almost 4 years....what's the point of existing?why is God so cruel?
God is not doing this to you dear....this world is under the control of Satan. God has promised to restore the world to the paradise it was before Adam and Eve rebelled and satan was given time to prove his claim that people do not need God. God helps everyone who truly seeks him out, often by strengthening us to endure our struggles. There is relief on the horizon for everyone who builds faith in truth.
@@barb7124Here We go...... But those that fail God's test because they can't find their way out of the maze of mental illness will burn in a fiery pit for all eternity......sounds like a loving God to Me
I understand you I feel you I was the same way in my teen years, I even lost my teen years to depression, now I’m 22 years old and feel so much better It’s not easy, but it gets better Just hang on , try to find a good therapist, try praying, try reading the Bible, try getting to know God more and grow a strong relationship with him, the suffering is temporary , everything will be okay Believe, fight, stay strong, don’t give up. Lots of love to you♥️
I keep cutting narcissistic people who remind me of my relationship dynamic with my father. Is it a right thing to do or I am just a coward? I can't stand any abuse in humans and it made me lonley. I feel like I'm running away.
I love youre videos, because you explain everything about BPD wich is difficult. And I know that I avoid some places that triggers my emotional pain that I suffered. And I would like to go in places that triggers me a lot and being ok with that. Thats the spot that I want to catch. I just have one thing about thing that you call negative emotions. They are not negative at all, they are just unpleasant.
I niece has BPD and possibly OCPD. I bet it is horrible for her to be a city bus driver. All those mentally ill and drug abusing passengers. They are so abusive verbally and many times physically. I have been on the bus. It's just gotta be so hard for her.
Was in a car wreck this week. I hit my head. I did everything I had to do but by the time I got picked up I was emotionally gone, I fucking checked out, biggest disassociation event of my life I can remember. My dad sent me to bed, I woke up and was still confused, yes I had a concussion and that causes this too, but my point is, big events are so apt to disassociate
I'm currently in a STEPPS program and the negative emotion part kind of stuck with me, I'm in the process of learning emotions are just information of our current situation. They can not be positive or negative, but they do cause us to feel that way. Is that correct? It's hard to differentiate the feelings of them being good or bad.
Alcohol is my enemy! My symptoms get worse when I drink, Also narc men and now I’ve discovered men with ADHD AND AUTISM trigger me to!!! I need to stay away from both until I’ve finished therapy
I need help, I just found out I have this and I am isolated and alone in a foreign country. I've burnt all my relationships long ago. I've had the worst year of my life and I feel I've lost touch of reality, I have extreme paranoid thoughts and distrust others. The list goes on and on but it appears I have 7 of the 9 traits but extreme on all 7 they are so extreme
I went to a very toxic environment to work for less than a week and it brought up all my horrible high-school memories, it was so toxic. I got out at first chance. But now I have high anxiety levels and don't know how to calm down :((. I know my reaction doesn't fit the situation but my core is triggered.
Hehe I thought so too that facing the people that can creating high risk situations is the way to go. But I find it a bit difficult, the kind of person I truly end up having a problems with usually have some narcissistic traits and tendencies, meaning they often view themselves as superior, too good to be the source of the problem, even find the idea ridiculous and is not even willing to discuss it. Maybe even laugh it off as they walk away from the discussion. Random people I suddenly meet in my life that are like that I will easily push away to not get triggered. It is much more difficult when there is a close family member. Also I think it is kind of funny, avoiding this kind of people, pushing them away and showing them I don't want to be around them, triggers them making them really mad and even confront me and demands an answer why I don't want to be around them, trying to force me to like them. 😂
Relationships are my high risk situations 😐 no wonder I always freak out when I'm done hanging out with ppl. "Do they hate me? Guess I suck" *crawls back into BPD hole*
Fight that voice and urge.
Same !!
K Norway 💔
I feel the same! It makes me feel so anxious, I just want to hide and never come back out into the world. But I am a mom, and that îs not an option...
I've learned to never presume what people think, for all you know they're hoping you just like them.
I am really grateful for the way you "get" BPD. As a patient seeking wellness for, gosh, 30 years (?) I've been in a pronounced state of progress for the last 6-7. I watch you choose your words according to what a borderline individual would be receptive to, counter thoughts before they happen in your dialogue... Just wonderful, your insight is truly appreciated!
I completely agree with you, Lori DaFuque.
Spot on !! I'm subscribing!!!!!!!
@@rosshopkins2063 I don't care what "they" think. I get it, some others do too. The world will burn itself, no need for my intervention.
@@rosshopkins2063 First of all, I am a woman. Born a woman, cis. Secondly, I don't understand how/where you assume I serve anyone, I am pretty isolated, I don't interact with the world at large, generally. Finally, I don't work for anyone, I do not work at all, am not married, I am recently widowed, so I am not sure what you mean by "build their world of machines". If it matters at all to have your message received, I'd like better explanation.
"give yourself reason to not fall into maladaptive behaviours "
I feel and check in with myself for a moment..
Even if it means checking in as if I'm an outsider.
I feel/ask myself
"how does this look"
"what is driving this, what feeling"
"what am I chasing"
"what are my costs/ what are my gains"
"how am I going to feel afterwards "
I'm going to write that down and memorize it!😊
I can't afford therapy so thank you so much for your workbook! Love it so far!
Check out psychology today. It’s a great site to help you find a therapist and some of the therapists have sliding scales and you only pay per how much you make. My meetings are only 10$!!!
I don't have good therapists here mental health is still a new topic here . can you share the link to the workbook
@@freefalling1440 look in the description
Hi, Dr Fox, have you done a video on the overlap between BPD and C-PTSD? It seems that these "high risk" situations are very much like the triggers of C-PTSD. Thanks for the work you do. Nobody does BPD info better than you.
when you say I’m not going anywhere. This video’s not going anywhere. There’s this incredible healing power...
You're so patient and kind, oh my goodness. I almost cried when you said we could pause the video, come back when we're ready, and that it's _okay._
Hello there Dr Fox, i just wanted to say that i really love this format, the delivery and the back drop worked really well for me.....easy on the eye and didnt pull me away from what you were saying.....Packed full of healthy alternative ways to respond when triggered....Thank you for the time you take to make these videos, so very helpful....Thank you xxx
One of my favourite things about Dr. Fox is when he stutters :D each time you find a brilliant way to get out of the situation! We love you doc. Un abrazo from Barcelona.
+Alla Kitaeva 🦊👍
i have to agree! :)
I never realized that others had problems with Holidays. I am so out of control and I have hurt me adult children . I am definitely going to really put my all into this . I want to be seen as enjoying vs negative. Thank you 🙏
OMG yes... holidays are a SUPER trigger for me....thanks in part to the enormous damage Martha Stewart has inflicted on women everywhere! Screw those expectations of perfection! But I still wish her the best with Snoop Dog 🐶
I have become so Numb I cannot even cry to release some of the pain...I cannot understand what happened to Me or How I got like this but the pain is so grinding....I just want to be free already...
SCAN IMAL im so sorry you’re going through this. I hope things get better for you ❤️
For me it is the persons in close personal family/personal relationships who blatantly devalue me with insults/yelling/choosing to take advantage of my generosity. I am working on boundaries and reinforcing them with boundary crashers.
And absolutely love all of your videos and consider you a father to BPD management. Thank you for everything you do and for being such a helpful human being.
I love your videos and your compassion,and kindness so much..you have honestly been helping me so much!!! Thank you thank you! For just trying&believing we were more than what the original diagnosis' once thought we were& just being different enough to put this content out there that doesn't slander and hate on us!
So generous of you to share some strategies with people who suffer from BPD. So many don't have the resources to help themselves.
We have a situation after moving out of the USA with finances, indeed food. This has been a MAJOR trigger and after 7 years, I drank. Fell down. Hurt my rib. Doctor visit unaffordable but necessary! Guess what I am doing, Dr. Fox? I made audio tapes suggesting to myself all the alternatives! Deep breathing in your recent video is a HUGE help, at any point in my upset. Then I listened to Dr. Bruce Lipton and made audio recordings via Audacity wherein I told myself via headphones "I am calm" - "I am relaxed" - "everything is okay, and will work out" - not perfect yet, audio needs more work, but just taking these steps has altered my views 75% over my last trigger..... as a vain woman my breathing was all wrong, by the way. Maybe some other ladies do the suck-in-the-gut maneuver all day; well that is chest breathing, not belly breathing... took me a few hours to make my tummy go out, instead of my chest. Just FYI. And dude, you are saving lives....Muchas gracias......
I was feeling a lot while listening to this video.. I have a love/hate with my bpd. I know it’s destructive and it’s so painful and I want it to stop but it also feels comforting and very uncomfortable to not do it when I feel urges
Nobodies Perfect, I'm sure for all the quantites you imagine that are negative you more than enough make up for it with positives 💓 love yourself because everything happens for a reason and your alot smarter than most 💓💓💓
Another of Foxy's vids says (And I'm paraphrasing here): "Once you've calmed down, you will face pressure from friends and family to return to your old (drama-filled) persona. When you change, your interpersonal circle will have to change (unless you can change your role within that circle."
It seems to me that the prospect of upending lifestyles and social/work circles - causes a lot of folks to cling to the familiar rather than launch themselves into the great unknown. I was never able to change my thinking when I was younger (teens, 20s, 30s) - I would have screamed at anyone who even suggested it.
Ty Dr Fox. My mother recently died. You're video about grief and BPD I think will help me immensely and I will check out the book you recommended in it. 💙
Excellent vid! One of the things about BPD that makes it so confusing for other people is that BPD is a disorder that presents only under distressing circumstances. This means that the person/behaviors that an intimate partner, family members observe are *very* different than the person/behaviors that non-intimate partners, e.g., friends, etc., observe. Because BPD presents only in distressing circumstances people with BPD have friends who have no idea that their friend has BPD. Unfortunately, this allows the person with BPD to smear and blame their partners to their friends and the friends believe them b/c the friends never see the BPD traits.
Sean Millard This is just patently untrue. True bpd results in life dysfunction across environments. If your partner is only showing symptoms around you then perhaps you are a toxic influence in their life that is causing that.
@@hoperising7373Of course people who have BPD have symptoms even when they are alone and even when they aren't distressed. But BPD is often defined in interpersonal terms, e.g., "unstable relationships", "fear of abandonment", etc. I've never had other partners behave in ways that my ex with BPD did, e.g., love-bombing, lying, paranoia, distrust, blame-shifting (not taking responsibility), threats, etc. All of these things are typical BPD traits and almost all of these things are interpersonal.
@@srmillard I hear you. I just can't find anything in the videos about lying but the person I love, does it to a big extent. I'd like to understand the context of lying and BPD. I think I.noticed that this guy lies more or stays closer to the truth about the same subject depending on stress or the day or something... Its very confusing because no asking helps .. I just have to take a step back every time but I do get things wrong or there are misunderstandings we clear up weeks later....
I’ve just been diagnosed with BD and BPD. I never would’ve known how to describe what I was going through to the doctor without your videos. You’ve changed my life. I watch all your videos and I thank you very much for the info. Now I know what my issues are and I can learn from you how to help myself. Ty so much!!
Thank you very much for your videos.
This one was beautiful.
Yes "maladaptive behaviours "...
I feel like I want to climb out of the pain with the same "material" that got me into distress and......
.....i end up "chasing my own ghost"
I end up chasing the thought of feeling that if only I do "x, y or z" that I will be helped, loved or saved.....
Thank you for covering feelings of around emotional- freeze and dialectically/intellectually frozen .
RE Terror/fear
cheryl farrington I too feel stuck . I wish they had groups however, this Dr is amazing !! All things are possible!! We got this
Thanks hun, feeling so fragile ATM. X
I am 44 but a child inside--emotionally stunted and paralyzed....My life passed Me by and I see absolutely no reason to continue----I died before I died...God Please Help Me see some hope
SCAN IMAL Prayers and love coming your way💕💕 Strength and Comfort my dear💕
Keep viewing Doctor Fox.
Can you please do a BPD and eating disorders..? I havent found many videos about this
foreal i have BPD and Binge eating hardcore
I was made fun of when I was younger nd grew up to have several strange eating habits sometimes not eating for days obsessing over being perfect not being patient wanting immediate results pushes u into depression u fail like at everything else it’s horrible please do a video
Thank you for explaining BPD in such a kind and informative way, and also providing some solutions and ways to move forward. 💙
You are so welcome!
You really get me. Thank you so much for putting this content out there, and helping us with BPD
You’re very welcome and I wish you all the best.
I think you are probably helping a lot of people. Kudos for using the word salient. I am sharing this in the hopes it will help someone I am friended with. So tired of seeing dumbed down fluff pieces with no real content and running into pseudo intellectuals.
you seem like such a nice Dr and person. I enjoy your videos . Im pretty sure someone i know has this but they keep getting diagnosed as something different. Your videos help.
Wow, you nailed all of the ones I'm struggling with - I think about three of them right now. I'm grateful for the adaptive strategies you suggested. Thank you!
Glad it was helpful!
I'm so thankful for your videos, you're so interesting, informative encouraging enthusiastic honest and kind. My only regret is I don't live in Texas 😊 to have you as my therapist 🙂 I have BPD. But I've brought you workbook and working on it. God 🙏 Bless You
Wow, thank you!
Thank you for your videos.
"your bpd wants you to keep driving"
I want this TATOOED on me.
Any artists out there.
This was it for me.
This is the gold.
Truth heals.
This line held me.
Thank you..... and I felt like I could hold myself.
Thank you
Dtr
I found that line to be incredibly impactful too.
Dont get stupid shit tattooed idiot
True Tattoos St Marks Fl! Come on!
Hi Cheryl, how are you doing? Are you holding on to this phase still? Any advice for other BPD ? Thanks
@@kamilmirza6782 how I'm doing so much better . I started some new meds ....your welcome to message me ...pm through Facebook , it's been a miracle worker for me .x
This covered everything I have going on right now. Needed outside perspective thank u so much
THANK YOU FOR FOLLOWING YOUR DREAMS MAN, YOUVE MADE A DIFFERENCE IN MY LIFE 💓💓💓💓 I lit watch all your videos and they help so much, your so compassionate and friendly 💓💓💓
Thank you so much for this video...it is extremely relevant right now in so many ways. You really do explain things so well and so accurately. I can feel myself inwardly nodding in agreement. You really have saved my sanity. Thank you Dr Fox.
I hope this helps people. You really care. There is no hope for me.
My former therapist who I no longer see never told me she diagnosed me BPD. She just kept saying I have PTSD with complex trauma when I asked her point blank for her diagnosis during one of our sessions. I felt kind of gaslighted by her several times so ended sessions with her. In any event, I was very open with her and contacted he because I truly want to be well. Can you imagine? I already have trust issues, lol. After ended sessions, I requested the medical record and she ghosted me so I pressed her to tell me her "final diagnosis" which she then provided the BPD. I had never heard of it before. I wrote her back and said I felt it was unprofessional that she did not provide this diagnosis while we were in session. It was weird and it felt like she had some control issues, which is scary. I contacted her as I want to feel better and then had to deal with that. Bad therapists can really take advantage of a person with BPD or other life situations with mental health and it left me feeling as if this person would "twist" the diagnosis if she could and make me less than independent. The trust issues I have can tend to be a bit over reactive so I am breathing through it while I continue to have to correspond with her until I can resolve the medical record issue -which she now tied to a past due bill that she had previously told me she would "write off' because my insurance didn't cover a few sessions we had early on. She threw this back in my face when I requested the medical record from her.) any advice would be appreciated.
They don't disclose it for two reasons- when a bpd person goes online and looks up stuff about their disorder, it doesn't end well, and- bpd on the record vs.ptsd doesn't allow you to have social benefits. You have control issues,actually, and think everybody is working against you.
They sell little lockets that you can keep essential oils in. That would be good for someone on the go.
Seems a lot in life are high risk, 🙈
super good insight here ... suprizingly i started to this work around 30 when i met my partner ...... I've always been a monagamist person ...but my BPD was making it impossible to not question my partners love of me do to thoughts of him loving someone if they have sex ... or more so that sex means love .... he hi,self in non monagamist so at 30 i wanted to push agesnt my BPD and not let this kinda thing control me any more so i got into the relationship and even though its taken 6 years to really get a hold of my reactions to the feelings that sex means love and how it connects to our security of the relationship I've really had a lot of eye chnageing moments during this journey..... by allowing myself to have to deal with the unhealthy negative feelings i have when my partner haveing sex with someoneelse.... I've been able to realize how much i truly have connected my self image and the security of the relationship to sex ..... and over the years a lot of serfus things have changed .... i no longer panic when he stays up later then me and more so no longer need to investigate what he did while i was asleep ill admit sometimes the BPD pops up cuz i noticed somethings far from connecting any real issue and I'm now able to actually recenter my self and not obssess over needing to know ..... I've come to a place now where sex in the relationship has no major connection to my self image or how i feel secure in the relationship .... really love how you really remind people to push agenst there BPD triggers ..... after doing this with sex and relationships I've also now reloazed how its needed to push agest it not run from it or stone wall other into making accommodations for my BPD ......change is passable
This is good. The reassurance that there are ways to move beyond BPD is a comfort. I guess on some level I created these patterns of perception about myself and others, I can recreate them. My God it's a lot of work but I can see some progress.
Can a death in the family trigger/cause BPD? My ex lost a loved one and completely changed. As I done research on how to help with her depression I found articles and videos like yours that lead me to believe she has BPD. She has always struggled with anxiety. But as I see the BPD info and look back on our entire 2.5 year relationship, I see that BPD correlates with her behavior. I’m trying to find understanding for peace. I’ve done all I can to help, but her depression from the death turned to anger towards me and blaming me for her depression. Which turned into her leaving me and blocking me out of unexplainable anger & and made up stories.
I've been listening to this fucking guy everyday for a while now, he think he really helps me. Thanks Dr
You’re welcome and glad the videos are helpful. Be well.
@@DrDanielFox they really are
....wow you get "it"..
I have three people in my life with bpd stylings - what I appreciate about you is how factual you are to help address these disorders without demonizing the folks with these personality differences. Lately I shared a healthy boundary I need to one of these individuals and the bpd individual devalued (said now I I can’t share and have to not communicate e fears of “triggering” me. Very dismissive in the importance of my healthy boundary what can I do to help person understand it’s to help me find peace and hoping their escalation from frustration to anger be minimized?
Such a clever guy. ❤️
Thank you as usual for this videos, Doctor!
I have a hard time distinguishing between when I should let things go and when I should face them. Sometimes it feels like blocking and not looking back is the best way to avoid further triggers, but listing to this video makes me wonder if I should reconsider it in case I'm feeding more into the core content. Don't know how to proceed... I still have a lot to learn!
It is a process of growth for everyone.
Thankyou Daniel your talks are so very helpful
Glad you like them!
BPD is wearing Me down and aging Me by the hour...I am on a path to suicide I just don't know how to get off...4 years of therapy and no progress....Don't You feel some people are just past the point of being able to live a worthwhile life?
DBT is helping me
Keep trying - just like Dr. Fox says, your BPD wants to keep driving with those thoughts. But those thoughts aren't you. Like anyone who suffers from BPD, we're more than just our diagnosis, and we're capable of living fulfilled lives. I can empathize because I was once where you are, but medication and therapy has helped tremendously. Please let your therapist know that you're concerned about your thought patterns getting worse and are potentially worried about your safety.
It took me 24 years to really improve. I'm 40 and just starting to live strong. 24 years ago there wasn't as much available on BPD though. Hang in there.
get a hobby yk some sport for example or Think about when you made someone Smile, laughed or look out the window and take a deep breath. Nature always heals even only air.
I got bpd :/ sucks when people pop up in my mind that hurt me or even people who done others wrong I just boil
Hi Dr. Fox, I'm sure this has been asked before, and I couldn't find a video about it, but would you have any things to say to someone in a relationship with someone that lives with BPD? It's tough, and I'd appreciate any input.
I do have several relationship and BPD videos. I hope they help.
Im definitely in a triggered mood tonight. Ive been being quite the jerk to people, my wife is mad at me (and i dont care) but i get what you're saying but im afraid i dont totally understand all of my core content. The main things that have me set off tonight is no gas in my vehicles to go to work tomorrow and there was something that i wanted today and didnt get so that has me going and my habits in these situations is to be an ass and shoot down peoples suggestions or refuse to help someone in need, its like a "f___ the world" kind of mentality but i agree with what you are saying. I just have this problem where when im calm and things are going alright then i can be all intellectual and come uo with new habits and patterns but when im mad like this, it turns upside down for me and then i just continue with my maladaptive behaviors. I some times think maybe there is no hope for me and i shouldn't bother to change because i worry about the next time something isnt going my way and then i undo all of the good ideas and behaviors or i simply forget. I feel like i wanna just cry and break things right now. What the hell is wrong withmr Dr Fox? I cant take much more of this crao in my head and some times it scares me....like now.
Hi, the fact that you have reached out to find and watch this video and then write a comment is incredible! Your not in denial and you have an insight into your 'bad' behaviours. I think that's the first step to change. Your triggers you wrote of, would stress the hell out of anyone, no fuel to get to work, that's very stressful. Your only human. It's ok to feel upset and out of control, but you are your boss, your driving your life. Your mind can do anything you want it to do, remember your in control even when you feel you're not. Step back from your negative emotions when they're triggered and remind yourself how amazing you are! Obstacles are always going to arise in life, try taking a deep breath and remind yourself everything will be ok. Well done for admitting to your faults, that in itself speaks volumes to the person you are. Don't be so hard on yourself
Dr
Fox what triggers me alot is bullying people being mean and condescending like bullies and narcs. I have been bullied constantly at work places
I'm at a point of being tired of moving from jon to Job. This job I have now I really like bit the girls are 20 years old and snooty. They are clicky and bully. I'm a the point of something happens again as much as I don't want to I will end my life. bored with people treating me like I'm worthless and a waste of skin. The counselors around my area stink. When it comes to BPD. DBT they use but doesn't work with me at times because I know most of the answers. Sometimes I leave them speechless with nothing to say. I been through the same cycle most of my life. It got worse after I had my son. I stand alone, and most people would have shot themselves by now if they were me.
I am frozen inside--committed spiritual suicide and am just drifting along waiting to die...dead inside,hopeless,filled with despair,anxiety no purpose no reason to wake up...time just keeps marching on ....why should I stay here in this endless numb empty pain?I have been sucidal now for almost 4 years....what's the point of existing?why is God so cruel?
God is not doing this to you dear....this world is under the control of Satan. God has promised to restore the world to the paradise it was before Adam and Eve rebelled and satan was given time to prove his claim that people do not need God. God helps everyone who truly seeks him out, often by strengthening us to endure our struggles. There is relief on the horizon for everyone who builds faith in truth.
@@barb7124Here We go...... But those that fail God's test because they can't find their way out of the maze of mental illness will burn in a fiery pit for all eternity......sounds like a loving God to Me
@@savedbyhismercyandlove there is no fiery hell. Lies made up by the church to frighten people away from sin.
@@barb7124 Ok so where do You stand exactly?You believe certain parts some not?
I understand you
I feel you
I was the same way in my teen years, I even lost my teen years to depression, now I’m 22 years old and feel so much better
It’s not easy, but it gets better
Just hang on , try to find a good therapist, try praying, try reading the Bible, try getting to know God more and grow a strong relationship with him, the suffering is temporary , everything will be okay
Believe, fight, stay strong, don’t give up.
Lots of love to you♥️
Listening to you gives me hope.
I’m so glad. I wish you well.
I keep cutting narcissistic people who remind me of my relationship dynamic with my father. Is it a right thing to do or I am just a coward? I can't stand any abuse in humans and it made me lonley. I feel like I'm running away.
I love youre videos, because you explain everything about BPD wich is difficult. And I know that I avoid some places that triggers my emotional pain that I suffered. And I would like to go in places that triggers me a lot and being ok with that. Thats the spot that I want to catch. I just have one thing about thing that you call negative emotions. They are not negative at all, they are just unpleasant.
I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.
I niece has BPD and possibly OCPD. I bet it is horrible for her to be a city bus driver. All those mentally ill and drug abusing passengers. They are so abusive verbally and many times physically. I have been on the bus. It's just gotta be so hard for her.
Was in a car wreck this week. I hit my head. I did everything I had to do but by the time I got picked up I was emotionally gone, I fucking checked out, biggest disassociation event of my life I can remember. My dad sent me to bed, I woke up and was still confused, yes I had a concussion and that causes this too, but my point is, big events are so apt to disassociate
I'm currently in a STEPPS program and the negative emotion part kind of stuck with me, I'm in the process of learning emotions are just information of our current situation. They can not be positive or negative, but they do cause us to feel that way. Is that correct? It's hard to differentiate the feelings of them being good or bad.
When I was six years old my stepmother left me in a doorway with a note saying not wanted...
..
I’m so sorry 😢 that happened to you.
Thanks!
You're so welcome and thank you for your kind support of the channel. Thank you and be well.
Alcohol is my enemy! My symptoms get worse when I drink, Also narc men and now I’ve discovered men with ADHD AND AUTISM trigger me to!!! I need to stay away from both until I’ve finished therapy
Here I am
Yep
Yeah I just suck at life.
I need help, I just found out I have this and I am isolated and alone in a foreign country. I've burnt all my relationships long ago. I've had the worst year of my life and I feel I've lost touch of reality, I have extreme paranoid thoughts and distrust others.
The list goes on and on but it appears I have 7 of the 9 traits but extreme on all 7 they are so extreme
Hope you're well
Thank You !
You're welcome!
I feet all the criteria
I went to a very toxic environment to work for less than a week and it brought up all my horrible high-school memories, it was so toxic. I got out at first chance. But now I have high anxiety levels and don't know how to calm down :((. I know my reaction doesn't fit the situation but my core is triggered.
I had panic attack after three years. And my family made me miserable during this one week process cause they are sick.
life is such an inconvenience for us
High risk situations ... include therapy and the therapist. Take care of yourself .. maybe you are too Nice..
Returning to family of origin and having them abandon you again.
My BPD sister has made my life hell. And she does not want help.
This is a hard situation. I wish you well and hopefully your sister will see the help she needs.
Hehe I thought so too that facing the people that can creating high risk situations is the way to go. But I find it a bit difficult, the kind of person I truly end up having a problems with usually have some narcissistic traits and tendencies, meaning they often view themselves as superior, too good to be the source of the problem, even find the idea ridiculous and is not even willing to discuss it. Maybe even laugh it off as they walk away from the discussion. Random people I suddenly meet in my life that are like that I will easily push away to not get triggered. It is much more difficult when there is a close family member.
Also I think it is kind of funny, avoiding this kind of people, pushing them away and showing them I don't want to be around them, triggers them making them really mad and even confront me and demands an answer why I don't want to be around them, trying to force me to like them. 😂
I'm new to this n idk what to do😞
Is someone's bpd symptoms worsen after moving in a new city and in their first buy house?Thanks for the support!
@Dr. Daniel Fox I would like to know if a moving can be a part of high risk situation?
It could be. Depends on specifics and what lead you there.
May I ask about .. when u lose someone to … death…
Just because you're triggered, doesn't mean you have bullets. And if you do have bullets, you can aim elsewhere.
Dr fox is my FP haha
Not being able to afford a therapist who knows anything about borderline disorder is a high risk situation.
My BPD hates this video.
My BPD hates everyone right now, because in my head they all hate me.
Can u help me?
retirement!
Please ,help me
Please?
My dogs love me but are real little cowards.
I'll show u hold my tea
🙏🏻😊
♥️
Thanks 😊
🧑⚕️🦊❤
would i be able to buy your workbook in june or is the supply like extremely limited?
+Jon B. It’s mass produced. Just go to amazon and it’s all yours. Thank you for your support.