I HAVE TO REMIND MYSELF EVERY WEEK I WON'T MAKE PEOPLE HAPPY, OR TRY TO FIX OR CARETAKE A PERSON. I GREW UP AS A CARETAKER AND FIXER. PEOPLE NEED TO SEEK HELP FOR THEMSELVES. WHILE I NEED MY BOUNDARIES AND CARE FOR MYSELF. TREE LOVER-USA.
When one is raised in a certain way, we know that as “normal” or what we think is normal. I never felt like a damsel in distress. Rather, I felt like Cinderella: evil grandmother, mother, half sister in my situation. My 2 younger brothers were “victims,” and my Dad was the abused and devalued male. I had to view and analyze this scenario. Fine with me. I made a success of my life and family I created. I understand now, at age 70. It took a lifetime, but it’s good. Not “ALL GOOD,” but mostly. 😉🙏🏼❤️👍🏼👍🏼
She told me her ex was abusive. She would cry on the phone with me for hours. She said they had an open relationship. When I showed up he was upset with her. Things got physical when she tried to take his phone. I stepped in and she got his phone and started deleteing everything on it. It was evidence of her abusive behavior. Later I learned that all her exes were "abusive". by the end of it I learned that I was "abusive, just like all the other guys". I also learned that almost everything she said about her ex was applicable to herself. She said he had drinking and gambling problems, wouldnt you know, she has gambling and drinking problems! what a conincidence.
Holy shit… I’m dealing with this right now… she blames me for everything. Her depression and anxiety. How she’s broken, no self image.. She has told me blamed me for the same exact stuff she told me her ex did to her.. this is confusing and exhausting. The stuff she says makes ZERO sense. Even the drinking problem she has. This is SO relatable. Wow.
My ex narcissist left me and our 2 daughters after watching and enjoying theatre together. He left my car, as I was driving. He lashed out that I did not have cash on me to buy refreshments during interval between performances. Theatre building accepted only cash no cards.I did not know this prior going to the Theatre. This was not the only occasion he left us. David, thank you so much for making this video! 🌻
When you get out of the fog of a toxic relationship and get emotionally healthy, you can really start to realize your part in this toxic dance. Accountability (not blame) is the most satisfying part of the healing journey. You are able to spot personally disordered individuals from a distance and keep them at a distance without any hesitation.
Thank you for saying these insightful things to help remind me to keep this in perspective. Currently have someone trying hard to win my heart and I am kindly declining..saying I just want friendship. What you said about them maybe not being the abuser but still damaged from a recent toxic relationship ..and not ready to date really spoke to me. I needed to hear that today. So thank you for your hard work and dedication to helping others. God Bless
Thank you Adara for sharing your experience. I am dating a new man currently for 7 months and I kind of realised that I need to back off, too. How do you tell your boyfriend that you want to be only friends? Thanks a lot! 🌼
The borderline I knew said she wouldn't ever go to therapy because one therapist tried to screw her and the other tried to hangout with her and be best friends. I later found out she lied about everything.
@@musicseamus1231 Borderlines are masters of projection. It's important to remember that. All of the horrendous, vile things they say to you, especially when they're splitting, are are actually how they feel about themselves. So never take it personally.
Sometimes I felt I was being kind to someone by helping them, but after a while they have to stand on their own two feet, otherwise I guess I’d be helping them stay in the same place they are. I learned from this financially myself. I can’t help everyone to the point I can’t help myself. But I can listen and have a heart! Often wonder if I will ever heal from this, if I’m on the right track, if I will ever have a meaningful relationship, and beside all of the other things you look for, honesty, fairness, security, I think truly caring for each other, knowing when each of us is hurting and not running from that, offering the warmth of just being there, the kindness, compassion, that’s it for me. That’s what I ache for, I yearn for! To share that would be amazing.
Very good discussion. They are looking for Captain Save-a-Ho, as it was called on another channel. But even after they are "saved" they are like a prideful child, won't change and become an Adult. Want, want want, but won't put in any effort. So they get dumped. They call it abuse, but who can live like " The Ant and the Grasshopper" forever?
Hi David! It’s great to be back at my own home! No place like home! Wanted to listen to this video again cuz I felt It hit close to home! I’m finding out that I don’t think I ever had a healthy relationship, so maybe I don’t know what one should be or feel like. I’m trying to learn. Thanks David!
She started on the 1st date telling me all the bad things her ex husband did to her. Basically as time continued this pattern continued with all her exes. Now I am the bad guy just like them. Lesson learned.
Another amazing video David I guess it took me 4 decades to finally understand the women I've been in relationships with.... Yep all dealing with BPD due to sexual abuse issues, childhood and teen years They all were incredibly beautiful and sexy women.... Literally dripping with sexualality So sad they all had to endure the sexual abuse and how it definitely effected future romantic relationships I now gave to own my own stuff being recently aware that I deal with co dependency issues Wish I was informed about my own own unresolved childhood trauma as well as BPD..NPD Oh well, better late than never Working on myself after recent 2 year ldr with qbpd girlfriend . I thought All my love and everything I tried to help her with with make a difference.... Sad to say my love just wasn't enough Had to walk away August 29, 2021 Damn how I love this precious woman We were both just another relational statistic So very sad Keep on helping others David Youre a good man A godsend for sure God bless you 🙏🙏🙏❤
AJ from California. That is EXACTLY how I first fell in love with my ex-wife! I even thought to myself from the 2nd date, that she was a DID...Then...I "did" everything for her for over 20 years!😱 Holy...cr*p!!
Spot on. Having just come out of a horrendous relationship with one of these, I can say with bitter experience you have nailed this!
I HAVE TO REMIND MYSELF EVERY WEEK I WON'T MAKE PEOPLE HAPPY, OR TRY TO FIX OR CARETAKE A PERSON. I GREW UP AS A CARETAKER AND FIXER. PEOPLE NEED TO SEEK HELP FOR THEMSELVES. WHILE I NEED MY BOUNDARIES AND CARE FOR MYSELF. TREE LOVER-USA.
We are the most important person to care for so we must always come first.
And another angle is the bpd and the covert is like the raven. Tap tap tapping, rap rap rapping at my door. Nevermore.
Very nice!
When one is raised in a certain way, we know that as “normal” or what we think is normal. I never felt like a damsel in distress. Rather, I felt like Cinderella: evil grandmother, mother, half sister in my situation. My 2 younger brothers were “victims,” and my Dad was the abused and devalued male. I had to view and analyze this scenario. Fine with me. I made a success of my life and family I created. I understand now, at age 70. It took a lifetime, but it’s good. Not “ALL GOOD,” but mostly. 😉🙏🏼❤️👍🏼👍🏼
Great story, thank you for sharing Christina.
A called my ex a male damsel in distress. 😆
Lol. I should call my ex the same thing.
Me too with mine 😂🤣
Thats funny and embarrassing.
@@daviddemars right😂🤣🤗
She told me her ex was abusive. She would cry on the phone with me for hours. She said they had an open relationship. When I showed up he was upset with her. Things got physical when she tried to take his phone. I stepped in and she got his phone and started deleteing everything on it. It was evidence of her abusive behavior. Later I learned that all her exes were "abusive". by the end of it I learned that I was "abusive, just like all the other guys". I also learned that almost everything she said about her ex was applicable to herself. She said he had drinking and gambling problems, wouldnt you know, she has gambling and drinking problems! what a conincidence.
J From Atlanta
Holy shit… I’m dealing with this right now… she blames me for everything. Her depression and anxiety. How she’s broken, no self image.. She has told me blamed me for the same exact stuff she told me her ex did to her.. this is confusing and exhausting. The stuff she says makes ZERO sense. Even the drinking problem she has. This is SO relatable. Wow.
My ex narcissist left me and our 2 daughters after watching and enjoying theatre together. He left my car, as I was driving. He lashed out that I did not have cash on me to buy refreshments during interval between performances. Theatre building accepted only cash no cards.I did not know this prior going to the Theatre. This was not the only occasion he left us. David, thank you so much for making this video! 🌻
Excellent video David 🎀
Thank you Willa!!
My Achilles Heel - those damn damsels in distress ! 🤦♂️
Lol I used to fall for it too but now I love myself so thats impossible.
When you get out of the fog of a toxic relationship and get emotionally healthy, you can really start to realize your part in this toxic dance. Accountability (not blame) is the most satisfying part of the healing journey. You are able to spot personally disordered individuals from a distance and keep them at a distance without any hesitation.
Thank you for saying these insightful things to help remind me to keep this in perspective. Currently have someone trying hard to win my heart and I am kindly declining..saying I just want friendship. What you said about them maybe not being the abuser but still damaged from a recent toxic relationship ..and not ready to date really spoke to me. I needed to hear that today. So thank you for your hard work and dedication to helping others. God Bless
Hi Adara, thank you for telling me, that is nice to hear and good luck with your friend.
Thank you Adara for sharing your experience. I am dating a new man currently for 7 months and I kind of realised that I need to back off, too. How do you tell your boyfriend that you want to be only friends? Thanks a lot! 🌼
Thank you, David! I've much to consider. Kansas
Thank you very much.
Keep up the great work! So helpful🙏🏽
Thank you Mara.
@@daviddemars You're welcome Demars🙏🏽🙏🏽 Love it💕
The borderline I knew said she wouldn't ever go to therapy because one therapist tried to screw her and the other tried to hangout with her and be best friends. I later found out she lied about everything.
They will ruin lives with their words.
@@daviddemars very true. They will literally say anything that could destroy a person and deliver it without empathy.
@@musicseamus1231 Totally lacking awareness of how it effects you.
@@musicseamus1231 Borderlines are masters of projection. It's important to remember that. All of the horrendous, vile things they say to you, especially when they're splitting, are are actually how they feel about themselves. So never take it personally.
Would love to have a one on one talk with you David. Keep up the great work. Love from Ireland.
Hi Robby, thank you for asking. We can schedule a session if you like. You can contact me here, thank you again Robby.
daviddemars.com
Sometimes I felt I was being kind to someone by helping them, but after a while they have to stand on their own two feet, otherwise I guess I’d be helping them stay in the same place they are. I learned from this financially myself. I can’t help everyone to the point I can’t help myself. But I can listen and have a heart! Often wonder if I will ever heal from this, if I’m on the right track, if I will ever have a meaningful relationship, and beside all of the other things you look for, honesty, fairness, security, I think truly caring for each other, knowing when each of us is hurting and not running from that, offering the warmth of just being there, the kindness, compassion, that’s it for me. That’s what I ache for, I yearn for! To share that would be amazing.
That is great you want all of that, really good and positive. Maybe ask yourself what you are doing to achieve it?
@@daviddemars Not enough, or I would be further. Maybe listening to too much that gets me confused.
@@rorywright5692 Maybe talk more than listen?
@@daviddemars Talk sounds so simple but on some level, it’s reliving what you thought you wanted to forget.
According to Sam Vaknin. For every Narcisistic human, is a borderline partner.
I found very interesting. "Shared fantasy"
🤔🤔😜🤘
It is a profound relationship.
Very good discussion. They are looking for Captain Save-a-Ho, as it was called on another channel.
But even after they are "saved" they are like a prideful child, won't change and become an Adult. Want, want want, but won't put in any effort.
So they get dumped. They call it abuse, but who can live like " The Ant and the Grasshopper" forever?
Thank you, I have used that phrase in older videos and thought it would be best to refrain this time but its exactly what it is.
Hi David! It’s great to be back at my own home! No place like home! Wanted to listen to this video again cuz I felt It hit close to home! I’m finding out that I don’t think I ever had a healthy relationship, so maybe I don’t know what one should be or feel like. I’m trying to learn. Thanks David!
Welcome home Rory. Maybe I can focus on healthy relationships for a few videos.
@@daviddemars That would be great. So many things I thought I knew, which seem so easy for others. How could I not know by now?
Thank you David for explained perfect description of these people.
She started on the 1st date telling me all the bad things her ex husband did to her. Basically as time continued this pattern continued with all her exes. Now I am the bad guy just like them. Lesson learned.
Another amazing video David
I guess it took me 4 decades to finally understand the women I've been in relationships with....
Yep all dealing with BPD due to sexual abuse issues, childhood and teen years
They all were incredibly beautiful and sexy women....
Literally dripping with sexualality
So sad they all had to endure the sexual abuse and how it definitely effected future romantic relationships
I now gave to own my own stuff being recently aware that I deal with co dependency issues
Wish I was informed about my own own unresolved childhood trauma as well as BPD..NPD
Oh well, better late than never
Working on myself after recent 2 year ldr with qbpd girlfriend .
I thought All my love and everything I tried to help her with with make a difference....
Sad to say my love just wasn't enough
Had to walk away August 29, 2021
Damn how I love this precious woman
We were both just another relational statistic
So very sad
Keep on helping others David
Youre a good man
A godsend for sure
God bless you 🙏🙏🙏❤
Thank you very much and I'm sorry for your loss.
not all hhave bpd some have cptsd so be careful with labels
My damsel in distress was a man. He is married but he 'cant get out of the marriage.' Its bs.
An Infinite Number of Abusers.
AJ from California.
That is EXACTLY how I first fell in love with my ex-wife! I even thought to myself from the 2nd date, that she was a DID...Then...I "did" everything for her for over 20 years!😱
Holy...cr*p!!
He Said, She Said, Then the Audio and Video files are presented. How's ''THAT'' for the ''TRUTH?''
Rory from Ohio!
Helllooooo Rory!
Helloooo David D!