These magic items COULDN'T POSSIBLY help you on your quest.
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- Опубликовано: 24 фев 2023
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Here's a few more useless RPG magic items you might need to purchase for your video game and or dungeons and dragons arsenal:
The Hat of Hair Growth: This enchanted hat causes hair to grow at an incredibly fast rate on anyone who wears it, granting them a luxurious mane. Unfortunately, the hat only works when you wear it, and covers almost all the new hair.
The Ring of Sneeze: Once per day, the wearer can sneeze with incredible force, blasting enemies away from them. However, this is more of a party trick than a useful combat ability.
The Boots of Slippery Walking: These boots grant the wearer the ability to glide along any surface, but they also make it incredibly difficult to stop or change direction, making them more of a hindrance than a help.
The Amulet of Awkward Silence: This amulet causes everyone in a 10-foot radius to suddenly become quiet and awkward, making it difficult to communicate or work together effectively.
The Cloak of Invisibility... Sometimes: This cloak grants the wearer the ability to turn invisible, but only when they're standing perfectly still and not doing anything.
The Wand of Stubbornness: This wand causes the target to become incredibly stubborn, making them unwilling to change their mind or let go of the wand.
The Belt of Unintelligible Speech: This belt causes the wearer's speech to become completely unintelligible, making it impossible for anyone to understand them.
Music:
Lord of the Land - Kevin Macleod
Written and Directed by:
Frank St. John & Michael Romaniello
Cinematography by:
Mitchell Nance
#rpg #comedy #sketchcomedy 
Приколы
"somehow its absence is more horrific than its presence" is the only good thing my friends ever say about me
My wedding vows someday.
no lol
Like a spider
Same
Just put some gold around it, you’ll be fine!
DO NOT RELEASE SQUEENO! HE IS IN THERE FOR A REASON, OK. JUST DON'T.
What if i already released squeeno and now my entire world has become a box
solve the puzzle@@benflightart
@@benflightart i hate to surprise you- youve been Squeeno all along
FREE MY MAN SQUEENO!!!!!! HE INNOCENT!!!!!
“Liar” - Squeeno
a small price to pay for double swim speed
It sounded like "squim speed" to me, which I'm sure is a completely different (and possibly dangerous) type of movement
Money-wise? Absolutely, and that's just one of the effects it grants you! Activation-wise... well, I suppose different people are going to have different thoughts on that, depending on how much they want or don't want certain things.
@@DarthOmelette The activation method is the selling point, the rest is set dressing 😎
I just want to double my jump speed. Not even the height or distance.
@@elijahthompson1120 didn't even realise XD
Having the host begin calling the shrunken wizards teriyaki and honey while the listing says it has an aura of confusion is so great.
That was definitely a reference to a show, but I can't remember which one!
@@morguenmorguen6862 Futurama, I believe
@@hghpodcast9284 YES! Professor Farnsworth said it! They were the little alien mummies!
He forgot what one of them did in his life too
I did not notice that and now it is splitting my sides. 🤣🤣
Guys don’t call in, total scam, my witches broom ended up being A WIZARDS broom. Ridiculous.
Same thing happened to me but with the drum, it turns out when you beat it, the drum only reveals its own location.
@@themecoptera9258 My drum just summons a random Black Skull with Ruby Eyes. Don't know were it goes when I stop drumming?
Its not about what kind of broom you have, its how you use it.
Did it still give you magical orgasms?
Does it still do the thing when you sweep?
This scratches such a good niche for me, throwing out details that get the mind racing about worldbuilding while also being so absurd and bizarre I have to pause to laugh every few items.
Also there is a *lot* of gnomeskin...
Gnome skin is very versatile
Gnome skin is also edible and can be used as a garnish
clearly you havent been to the valley of gnomes with plentiful skin
Looootta gnome skin
Predictably, live gnomes are getting harder and harder to find
I like how you made lose my patience with the broom and wonder why he was sweeping so many times, only to have one of the best punch lines.
"Tugs drum allows you to find any drum in the world. Can be used to find a better drum."
Cinema Gold!
Hey, Tug's drum isn't that bad. It is actually surprisingly valuable. There's a surprising amount of niche uses for such a tool.
Finding other drums could help provide a source of income, to an extent. Particularly if you get into archeology. Just go to a digging site, and dig up some ancient drums you can sell for a decent amount of money. It practically pays for itself.
Additionally, if you can use it to identify a large collection of drums- specifically, a large collection of drums steadily moving in the same direction, that can help you identify what is either a parade... or an army, beating their wardrums as they march forth.
And, if you know there is no parade anytime soon... It will provide you a lot of forewarning. Allowing you to potentially save a lot of lives, if you can warn everyone.
And, if you ever get lost, perhaps in the middle of the wilderness... Just, head to any large, general grouping of drums. That will lead you to civilization. After all, where there are drums, there are probably people.
It's far from great, mind you. A magical item that could locate hidden treasure would be better for money, weapons would be better for warning against an army~ especially since there's a chance that an army might just... not have any war drums. Especially if they learn that you and Tug's drum is what is warning everyone about them ~and something that can just... directly detect civilization, or people, or whatever, would be preferable for making your way out of there. But, for someone who can't afford more useful magical tools that would each be designed for such a task, Tug's drum seems like a good, cheap alternative for a less than wealthy adventurer until they can acquire an upgrade. I would certainly recommend it for any adventurer just starting out, who is tight on funds.
If your character's ultimate ambition is to find the world's best drum then it's invaluable
@@asagoldsmith3328 you just can't beat that
@@youngjung161 and at an unbeatable value!
Yall just didnt know about Nemo drum, a drum that would give you infinite stamina in bed.
About time i'm finally able to find it. This drum would help a ton
Never thought about how many things are actually made out of gnome skin.
Kobolds, orcs, or goblins made them.
Halfling as well.
I like the idea that an item they are trying to push on you goes unlisted because the host wanted it.
You know what’s strange is that Tug’s Drum has a military application; If an enemy army is moving with drummers then you can see where the forces are moving using drumsight. I think it’s a steal at this price.
This is so well acted.
Many thanks 🙏
Fully belly laughed for a solid minute at the delivery of "come to think of it, that's actually some pretty devastating news"
That skull appearing and disappearing was absolutely hilarious!
Thank you :)
I was laughing at the skull for like 1 minute, it was so damn funny to me
Haha! Glad to see this become a series! The original is one of the best videos you’ve put out!
Hearing there's another one is such great news and I'm not even wearing bracers!
The line “trinkets and scrolls” lives in my head rent free for some reason 😂
I just hope Squeeno's okay.
Squeeno the gnome was sealed away for his own protection and to safeguard his precious skin.
Squeeno is not okay and that is a good thing. Do NOT let him out.
@@jameson8314 What can I say, I'm a bleeding heart.
@@jameson8314 in*
@a.p.2019 you will be if squeeno escapes
The casual "and to activate it, you just push into your pee hole" kills me everytime
Finally a broom that's both practical and pleasurable!
What’s the LEAST useful, and/or MOST frustrating magical item in your inventory?
None 😑, prefer nukes ☢️😂🤣
vandrax's opalescent thimble of saltiness. makes things you eat taste a little salty
Cactus of intrusive thoughts. It massively increases the users abilities but only while you are biting down on its thorns full force. It also makes any pain 10x as intense while in effect.
An 8 ball. It's constantly making me lose games. It's inaudible and won't answer any of my questions. Good for throwing at enemies tho.
Invisible wandering blade.
Really useful in combat because your opponents can't see it coming, less so when it goes missing and you can't find it. Luckily(or unluckily) it likes to go to soft places like chairs and beds, just be careful whenever you sit or lie down. Also strongly recommend not having any excitable fluffy pets, that's how the last owner died.
👍 I'm certain that Gnomes shed their skin constantly in that universe, and you pretty much HAVE to use it for as many items as possible, or it would fill up all available disposal sites.
I guess it's better than gnome genocide 🤷
The fact he sweeped it so many times.
😂😂
The first magic item shopping channel video was one of my favorites, I'm so happy there's a new one. Your videos are some of my favorite on RUclips for sure. Classic internet sketch comedy vibes in the best way possible. Keep up the good work!
Ugh, Tome was not a book that gained sentience, he was a wizard whose scribed his soul into his own spell book on the eve of his corporeal death, in hopes that another wizard would seek it out and transfer it into a new body, preferably one with t!ts. Unfortunately, the spell book was found by a bard, during second edition play, who had no use for a spell book. He bleached the pages, and wrote down his epic poem ABOUT a book that gained sentience.
The bard was eventually set on fire.
let's take a moment to appreciate how good the thumbnail is for this video
"Has Anyone seen a Weird Scary Ass Haunted but Cool Looking Skull anywhere? It appears out of nowhere then disappears? Anyone? Man I'm never gonna hear the end of this from my wife if I don't get it back and put it in this box."
Sounds like gnomes are not having a good year. Someone should really ge-OH MY GOD LOOK AT THE GOOFY LITTLE GUYS
Looks like a real rough day for the gnomes watching.
These items remind me of useless/quirky items we used to make for our homebrew games. My favourite was the Boot of Mismatch. You put it on, and a completely different secondary boot appears on the other foot. Sometimes mundane, but sometimes a very powerful boot; and you don't know what it is till you activate it. The secondary boot you summoned would disappear at midnight and be replaced by a new secondary boot the next time you put the original boot of mismatch on.
"I'm not sure what he did exactly, but he's honey BBQ."
That is freaking hilarious.
The orginial one was the first video of you guys I ever saw, it made me binge watch all of your videos, love you guys, best comedy in youtube
Yes!! Thank you so very much 😀
@@Wizards_with_Guns also can I have my wallet back? the wizard stole it
FYI: Make sure you are properly attuned to that witches broom before you start sweeping. Things have been very awkward around the hovel lately.
Whoever is making these items hate or love gnomes uncontrollably
When I was listening to the throne shard part I was think, fire resistence, strength, immunity, sounds great. "Activate by pushing into peehole.."
Ah there it is. Love this, you should make it into a series
the little bullet points for each item are great, "new orc times bestseller"
word of advice: do NOT try to take Squeeno's box through TSA screening. just put it in your checked baggage like a normal person. will save you lots of time and hassle.
And to think some people out there would willingly sound a throne shard without gaining double jump speed
Do you think it increases just speed or distance too?
Love ancient history being brought back to the forefront. Hope to see some relics from the Battle of Broken Tusks, such as the actual artifacts that caused the fight, the evil and vile dragon Abbadon's magical Bad Dragon collection. I'm told just seeing it sends you into a hysterical rage followed by deep, dark sadness, unless you're of mixed planar heritage. In which case, they're just normal dildos.
I'm SOLD on the totem of goofy guys, I will pay any price
Bought from these guys a while back. My peehole still hasn't recovered.
I'm not sure how 'real' that dagger on the right is, but it is making me weirdly secondhand anxious watching this.
I want to just put this on in a waiting room and see how people react when they realize wtf they're watching. Hilarious as always I could watch hours of this!
I could see an entire QVC channel based off RUclips bits, add toilet gernade and shit for commercials...
This is probably one of my favorite videos, watched it like 3 times now. The subtle humor is just so fucking funny to me man, like why the fuck is everything made out of gnome skin. "New Orc Times" had me dying. So much good in one video, I love it so much.
“This ones not for sale, I’m gonna have that”😅 LMFAO
The moment when he pauses and has a chuckle at it, and then the line delivery is so funny
This is, without a doubt my favorite skit that I have ever seen, ever. The world building is amazing
Man, that throne shard…with that hindsight, it’s at least worth $20.20. 😅
Fascinated how gnomes fit into this world. My theories are 1) gnomes are herd animals and are slaughtered for their hides when they can no longer craft magical items and/or produce milk. 2) Brigan the gnomelord of Thistlewood was pushed into a tanning vat by his treacherous half-brother who coveted the stolen Throne Shard of V'thellious. 3) gnomes shed their skin like snakes.
Hornos hole. Now that's a bar I'd check out
the sequel we all wanted
If Frank is looking to sell off some more magic items, I know a guy who can get you a deal on a bulk of Gnome skin. Just don’t ask how or from whom we got it from.
The Throne Shard joke made me laugh for between five and seven minuets.
Was glad to hear that the gnome skin was ethically sourced.
But was a bit conflicted to hear that the ethic was “killing gnomes is fun”.
I am dictating this comment to my Google Pixel, the skull is in my house floating 7ft in the air staring at me.
I am completely paralyzed and cannot break eye contact with the skull
This is definitely one of the best videos I'll watch for the year. Absolutely hilarious and very well done!
They even got the delayed item descriptions right 😂😂
These are all going into my D&D campaign
A subplot about a king or general who is unknowingly wearing the bracers of defeat and makes terrible decisions as a result would be funny.
"Your Majesty, our forces were utterly defeated at the crucial battle of Athenheim"
"Wow, what splendid news! Now I don't have to send them supplies or pay for their wages."
@@CrizzyEyes I read this as Altenheim (German for retirement home) - What a battle to lose!
This mans acting is amazing. It's a crime that these guys don't have the gold plaque.
I love that it upgrades jump speed. Not jump height, or distance, just jump speed.
The first Horno's Magic Item Hole was my favorite sketch from you guys bar none. Please do more of these, you guys rock!
The Joel haver collab got me here. Happy I subscribed
This is why people don't let me make items in our tabletop games anymore. They particularly hated the ring of slipperiness and the inverted cleats where the spikes were on the inside.
You're just a terrible artificer.
Tug's drum is actually surprisingly valuable. There's a surprising amount of niche uses for such a tool.
Finding other drums could help provide a source of income, to an extent. Particularly if you get into archeology. Just go to a digging site, and dig up some ancient drums you can sell for a decent amount of money. It practically pays for itself.
Additionally, if you can use it to identify a large collection of drums- specifically, a large collection of drums steadily moving in the same direction, that can help you identify what is either a parade... or an army, beating their wardrums as they march forth.
And, if you know there is no parade anytime soon... It will provide you a lot of forewarning. Allowing you to potentially save a lot of lives, if you can warn everyone.
And, if you ever get lost, perhaps in the middle of the wilderness... Just, head to any large, general grouping of drums. That will lead you to civilization. After all, where there are drums, there are probably people.
It's far from great, mind you. A magical item that could locate hidden treasure would be better for money, weapons would be better for warning against an army~ especially since there's a chance that an army might just... not have any war drums. Especially if they learn that you and Tug's drum is what is warning everyone about them ~and something that can just... directly detect civilization, or people, or whatever, would be preferable for making your way out of there. But, for someone who can't afford more useful magical tools that would each be designed for such a task, Tug's drum seems like a good, cheap alternative for a less than wealthy adventurer until they can acquire an upgrade. I would certainly recommend it for any adventurer just starting out, who is tight on funds.
Shrunken wizard remains are a MUST at cocktail parties
So much gnome skin I’m worried for sneeko
Once sold a player the
"Tinted Glasses of Guile"
Gives a bonus to persuasion, but while wearing the glasses you truely believe you are the coolest person alive.
That's genuine stag horn right there
The Throne shard of V’thellious KellQ’neth had me in the first half not gonna lie.
Me laying in bed to look at my shelf where the same damn drum is sitting… I didn’t know I had a magic drum!
"This was stolen by brigands. Then stolen by Brigand, gnome-lord of the thistlewood." I'm deaaaaad lol
I just randomly found this channel, and this is the first video. Best freakin thing I’ve seen all week. Looking forward to what else this channel has
The entire video is gold but the puzzle cube has to be my favorite bit, the delivery was golden.
I want a sequel to this please. This is amazing!
ILL TAKE THE WHOLE LOT
Almost pissed my self laughing at the Futurama reference
I'm crying laughing just from how "Tug's drum" sounds
Sounds like Horno's hole isn't doing so well 🔆
The Throne Shard Was Worth it, But Now I seek to collect them all
cant wait for the next episode! I NEED MORE MAGICAL ITEMS!
I like the idea that the crown lets you cast feather fall at will...but only on the crown itself
Horno's magic item Hole is officially my favorite skit series of all time. I don't know if I even like regular shows anymore.
Shame... he didn't tell me what happens if i make the mummies kiss.
Please for the love of every deity across all planes of existence do more of these
Yea boi best channel on youtube
I love watching these kinds of things, it’s the presentation for me. The look like the seller is seeing these things for the first time and they have an entire inventory of just crap.
This feels like something that I would have accidentally seen on adult swim when staying up too late at a hotel as a child.
This is my favorite sketch series you guys do. Awesome job. Love the sheer amount of props you have on hand for this!
2:23
*Be'At Thuump'elBath, Bogs of Percussion* [Bard/Tank Class]
Has one of those torso-"held" drum sets, using Tugs Drum on the occasion to find Imbued (and or) Emboldened Percussion Instruments to bolster their near cosmic power- to the point so some claim the background static of the universe are just long lost drums resonation, waiting for a new set of hands to set the drumming again.
The last flinch looks so real. Very well done
I love the touch of how everything is made of gnome skin
*Furiously scribbles down notes* This is fantastic lore
I'm loving the names of these items, so fantasy sounding, it's genuinely impressive
I had to pause it at "he's honey barbecue and this one's teriyaki"; that just about knocked me out of my chair 🤣
Orgasm broom is useful as a distraction tool. Replace the broom of a maid who is going to be in a vital spot in the lords chamber and then when she is distracted, sneak past her and kill her boss. The drum could be used to find other magical drums. The throne shard thing is definitely someone's fetish, so I fail to see how it is useless
"New orc times bestseller" was way too good!
Not your best skit for like watching as a humorous time but w great skit to get inspired as a dm for a magic items vendor and in that it has value. Thank you
I love how almost everything is made of Gnome Skin
binging these magic items videos, every single one is absolute gold. great work guys!
i don't know why his reaction to the skull reappearing got me so good lmaooo
2:06 "and to activate it you just push it into your pee-hole." In what universe would that not totally still be worth it?
this made me laugh heartily like a middle aged man
Glad they could re-use those Halloween knick-knacks