Projection (The Narcissists' Weapon that Can Be Used Against Them)
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 1 окт 2024
- This video is about projection, how the narcissist uses it as a weapon and how you can use this weapon against them. Stay tuned for some helpful tips at the end.
☀️WEBSITE & BLOG: www.innerintegr...
📚 QUICK START GUIDE: Narcissistic Abuse Recovery | Get the 3 most essential steps to start moving forward now - a.co/d/1JGvTuV
📚 THE JOURNEY: A Roadmap for Self-healing After Narcissistic Abuse - a.co/d/guqmEJv
💡Get to the NEXT LEVEL of your recovery with the 12-WEEK SANA (Self-healing After Narcissistic Abuse) course bit.ly/12-WeekSANA
💎 Create a whole NEW RELATIONSHIP with yourself and eradicate your people-pleasing patterns with the SELF-CARE MASTERY COURSE bit.ly/TheSCMC
🎧SUBSCRIBE TO THE INNER INTEGRATION PODCAST🎧
- iTunes (Apple) itunes.apple.c...
- Spotify open.spotify.c...
📚INNER INTEGRATION’S RECOMMENDED READING LIST: www.amazon.com...
🧘♀️INNER INTEGRATION MERCHANDISE: teespring.com/...
NOTE: Meredith Miller is not a therapist or counselor. She is a holistic integration coach, helping you to self-heal and transform your life after narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships. Meredith teaches the mindsets and tactical skills to help with recovery. She works with a mind-body-spirit approach to wellness that is a valuable complement to traditional psychotherapy. Meredith recommends that you also seek out a licensed therapist who has experience with narcissistic abuse and relational trauma in order to help you with the complex-PTSD symptoms. Thank you for taking responsibility for yourself!
“When you don’t take it personally, that’s when you can see the reveal.” YES! Spot on.
This whole video is 👌.
Anna but what if there IS a glimmer of truth in what they’re saying.. ? My problem is I stay open - too open apparently... just wondering if there’s a kernel of something valuable for me in what they’re saying. If that makes sense
a crookedline I hope someone else jumps in and responds, but I want to let you know that i think what you ask makes perfect sense. I’m very new to this narc stuff (like just started watching inner integration this week), but I see codependency as the flip-side of the same coin as “narcissism”. We all are suffering some wounding and we all are trying to get some need/s met the only way we subconsciously learned how as children: through manipulation. Most of the time I can recognize these “darker” elements in myself - but I also think they’re possibly part of the human condition and if I can be aware of them and accept them, I can work with them in a healthier manner rather than judging them and pushing them down or pretending they don’t exist which in turn tends to being controlled by them. I *think* it’s called “shadow work” but I’m not really certain. Anyway - long answer short: yes I understand your question and also hope someone else has some insight. I don’t think everything is quite so black and white - that seems like staying in a victim role and assigning blame to others instead of accepting responsibility for the self.
a crookedline also I just this year learned how my people-pleasing and trying to rescue others is sometimes how I do codependency and just how manipulative that is! It was quite a shock for me to see that being a “martyr” is manipulative!
@@MS-bs8dd this is a standard narc tactic - to take a grain of truth, and add to it a ton of falsehood. Even if the grain of truth is something good in you, they will twist it till it sounds like a drawback.
jrhodee this makes good sense, there’s much depth here. I have co-dependent traits..is the flip side of narcissism...yes.. and is way I maneuvered to get my needs met. “Are you ok? Everyone ok? Who needs what?” I wasn’t seen as a person with her own needs. So makes sense the narc vibe was familiar. Well stated again. I think shadow work is where it’s at - and I’m willing to go there. At the same time what she says about projective identification is spot on. I’m unwilling to own a blatant projection. In my rlshp it keeps going and growing.
So basically, when we project our good qualities onto the narcissist, and love them for those qualities, we are essentially in love with ourselves. And when we are disgusted with ourselves because of the bad qualities the narcissist is projecting onto us, we are essentially disgusted with them. We just need to realize that 😍
It might be also, that narcissists will try to appropriate (steal) to themselves those good qualities (your potential, or those qualities you hope and strive to develop in yourself) they were able to recognise in you and which made them feel jealous and insecure .So they will act (show off) themselves as if they are their qualities. They will compete by manifesting those qualities in their own ostentatiously grandiose but at the same time superficial and shallow manner. That can bring a lot of cognitive dissonance, confusion and jealousy in their victim. If the victim will identify with narcissists jealousy and insecurity due to his own qualities/potential. It’s quite funny to see and recognise, how this play actually arranged. But it was really painful for me in the moment. It’s now time for me to learn, how to reclaim ownership of those qualities 😅
❤... I used this when I knew..really embraced and loved the starved Me😅❤...it felt like I gave revenge on him by it.. and ooh.. did I need it😢. But only until I could safely go and stay gone🎉
I’ve been accused of being narcissistic by a narcissist when I’m trying to stand up for myself. They constantly contradict themselves and always avoid getting to the truth.
Stop caring for the opinion of a wicked people. Put on some teflon.
My parents accuse me of being defensive, over-sensitive and over-reactive and say they have to walk on eggshells around me, whereas they are the ones who get triggered into narcissistic rages at any perceived slight! They really had me confused for years and years with this tactic, because I do act like that around them due the constant tension and the endless random verbal attacks. Clever old narcs, they not only projected, they got me to act out their crazy behaviour and believe it was my own!
I am not like this around normal sane people.
This is a great example of projective identification where their accusations get internalized/believed by the target.
Same here. Both my narcissistic ex husband and narc parents(clearly unconscious wounds needing to be healed when I picked my husband). Except they only claim they are walking on eggshells after I either confront them on an issue(my mom smoking around my son), them being cruel and insensitive towards me and silly old me opens my mouth and says that it’s hurtful. Then they get angry at me, I get angry they they invalidate and flip it back on me, it’s a cycle. everything is projection. My life coach, who literally saved my life and woke me up to this nightmare said that I only appear “overly sensitive” because they incredibly insensitive. She says overcompensation is common, if someone is treating you that way.
I don't think I was in the exact same situation, but I relate to the confusion very much. It must be common amongst us who had at least one narcissistic parent. Even with some distance, I still feel confused. :(
Karen Kessi - same here
"What did I ever do for you to treat me so badly?" When she was the one treating me badly.
LivingAndLearning OMG, this- yes.
That's a typical tactic. I never had that situation, but, yes that's a clear sign when all the proof is that their the one that is negative party.
Thanks for adding the issues with empaths projecting their good qualities, too. Another trap in the way of healing. Great video, very helpful to the child of a narcissist.
That's probably why they love the empaths something. I heard narcissist hate us because they want what we have. So if an empath keeps talking about how awesome a narcissist is it'll make them feel good about themselves.
Good advice. They have no life, so they have to destroy someone else’s. They are sick, not us. They are the self righteous hypocrites, not us. I am almost free from these demons.
It’s insane isn’t it!? The constant destroying of others lives and projecting that someone else is doing the destroying. It’s absolutely nuts.
Yeah, once you call them out and say if that's true why don't you go to the appropriate service then, I.e police, social services, etc they begin another subject so that let's you and others know who's listening and watching their actions and yours, tell yourself and others they wouldn't speak out if something really bad happened to another human being.
A colleague of mine always blamed others and told me how many problems she has. When I offered her some solutions, she told me I was the problem. Never ever give advice to narcissists. You´ll end up being a problem.
My mom :(
Agree.
It´s not your fault! Always remember that.
My daughter 🙁☹.
Carlotta Venti What I learnt is not to give any advice to people who don't ask me for it. In the past I often gave advice to others and I ended up being hurt and misunderstood. As you said I heard that I was the problem or the person tried to humiliate me - who am I to give the advice? Now, if I am not asked, I stay silent and say nothing even if I know what could help the person.
Be aware when they say "I don't wanna... (to you)" I don't want to bring you into trouble/hurt you/whatever. In that case it means "I am going to..."
blossomkitty yes my exnarc used to say..I dont want to hurt you anymore...now I get it!
blossomkitty “I don’t want to make you feel guilty” is used on me a lot and then I feel guilty
AH yes. I remember in the first month or two of my relationship with my narc husband, he said to me one night, out of the blue, in a kind of urgent tone: "I'd never hurt you you know". He had already done a few other things that had set alarm bells ringing for me, and I have to say this set the bells off again. I was in my 30's at this point, divorced, and had a child in middle school, so had had a bit of experience in life, and I found that disturbing, something very wrong about it, didn't fit the situation. There were so many other warning signs before and after that, that I ended up breaking up with him. And I would never have looked back..... but for the pregnancy test a few weeks later. Yep, I got back together with him. And then broke up with him AGAIN a few weeks later (he was that bad - it was his emotional immaturity that really freaked me out). And then got back together with him AGAIN a few months later, just a month or so before the baby was born..... and then I gaslighted my own self from then on, for 20+ years. I KNEW there was something wrong with him, he did not fool me. And I've been paying for my one stupid mistake for a loooooong time. My kids are so messed up, for one thing.
SO YES, I second this: Be VERY WARY when they say "I would never hurt you" or "I would never do (blank) to you", and so on. THAT'S YOUR CUE.... to pick yourself up, wipe yourself off, and RUN RUN RUN as FAR AWAY as you can! Even if you're married to them!
Beautiful Dayzee i second that👏😡smdh....bastard told me yrs ago..I'd never hurt u on purpose". HA...LYING ASS NARC DEVIL! Exactly what happened...scuffed up for life but still a Survivor!!! You hear any of those bs phrases..RUN FOR UR LIFE! The devil IS VERY REAL FOLKS..and he has a Legion of demonic helpers! Not a game.
Lyndie X - Amen! Over and over again!
And oh my goodness, yes, they all do seem to be able to gather together their 'legions of demonic helpers'. Their 'Flying Monkeys'. I can't keep count of the number of people (friends/acquaintances of the narc) who, on first meeting with me, gave me the 'evil eye' or spoke tersely to me (as though i was supposed to know WHY they - people I'd never met before - were speaking like that to me). Others would look at me strangely and intently, sometimes even puzzeled-ly, and in hindsight I realised they were trying to reconcile the picture my husband had painted of me to them (you can guess what that picture looked like, haha. Evil (w)itch, etc...) with what they were witnessing of me in person. I could tell some very (again, only in hindsight, certainly NOT at the time) FUNNY stories, in fact, about some of these first encounters.
Stay strong!!
Quote:" Look at you, what a horrible person you are. I would be so unhappy if I shared my life with you". This made me feel desperate, but then I learned about projection.
Sonja Müller I have heard this quote so many times. I'm learning that I'm loveable and not that horrible person my narc want me to believe that I am. I'm learning to know myself and to be assertive.
Right after I separated from the ex narc, we had a meeting in a public place to discuss a temporary custody plan, we have four children. At the end, he said something about suing me. I said "What would you sue me for? That is ridiculous!" He said, "What if I find out you were out banging 85 guys?" I luckily had the foresight to audio tape this whole bizarre conversation, it is legal in my state.
I also got his rage on tape and it was very useful when I had to call the police after asking him to leave and he refused. I had played the tape the night before for the police and they came as soon as I called them.
Always take steps to protect your safety.
JM my ex Narc accuses me of hiring a private investigator and then said him and his family were going to sue me, ha ha... I told numb-nuts that he’s violated enough court orders and put our child health in danger and admitted to physically violent behavior while n writing… He’s done enough damage that I did not need to hire a private investigator. And then I reminded the idiot that even if I did hire private investigator it’s completely permissible in court! My Narc is so enmashed with his family he likes to say the words “we“ or “me and my family”when he keeps threatening that he’s going to sue me, but it’s like he doesn’t have enough brainpower to actually tell me exactly what he would be suing me for.
Funny thing is technically I was suing him for child support which is technically what you’re doing when you file for child support. Well I got my child support! And I didn’t even have to go to court = mediation
lol I had an ex once exclaim "I'm suing you for emotional distress over the breakup!!" I just laughed.
Yes. Good!
Absolutely... They hate police and human fights organizations, or judges in court like the peste... I totally removed some of them from my life by mentioning the p word...
Here was her weapon used against me, after 18 months of dating and what I thought was deep love... She started a course on psychoanalysis and one day told me she had figured out what the problem was: that I had narcissistic personality disorder and she wouldn't talk to me till I saw a therapist (which she is). I did bc as an empath I care about bringing the best version of me to the world and also because I forgave her in that moment. The therapist said to me: who do YOU think is the narcissist here? And my eyes were opened. Just by the fact she had said that and that I had been willing to consider it to be true... Was clear that this was her own projection. She returned once to my place a few months later and during a conversation told me she's glad she's not one to therapize significant others. I kept to myself at that comment bc my eyes had started to open by then. As I became unperturbed by her tactics she began to fade away. Proof that it wasn't.... Love. Not as I define it anyway.
To me it happened the opposite, i told my ex to look for help or i quit... And he insulted me and gold me i needed the help... Luckily at that time i was already reading books, so he didn t harmed me as much... We never spoke again after divorce... But i even had to change cities, as he threatened me to explode the balls of my new boyfriend... I was terrified... Left him and the new one🏃♀️🏃♀️⚡
Also, what isn't mentioned here is when the narcisstic goes to therapy at the request of the partner, then returns to the partner, and says, "I went to therapy, I'm done. I'm good. " Basically they go to therapy, and are not invested in treatment, but do it, just so they can say they did it. And only God knows how they will twist the therapists words to support their perspective of life.
Looking back every name he called me, what he accused me of he was doing..one example was..he said I didnt deserve one asset in our divorce because I never made the same wage he made..he said I was a leech the last 26 years..at the time he called me a leech he was not working and was not planning on it and was letting a woman support him..lol
Very good video! the biggest mistake i made was projecting my own goodness on others indeed.
Thank you Meredith *big hug* to you!
Indira van Beijnum ♡♡♡ Hugs!
Mine too! Accepting their projection on to me and projecting my goodness on the them..
Thank god we are soulful beings ❤️ DANKE, Meredith❣️ some kind of WONDERWOMAN you are - BIG HUG💝
Took me 40yrs to see that everyone is not 'a good person'. There are also variations of good.
It´s a long way ... I know. I needed these 40 years also .... I thought - that we are all the same ....... *FALSCH*
Omg omg Omg! My ex always accused me of cheating & I never did. He would check my grocery receipts for the times & ask me to repeat where I was at what times in the order I ran my errands to try & trip me up in my recollection so he could accuse me of having a boyfriend on the side. For 17 years I tried to convince him I wasn't cheating. That's just not who I am as a person. I divorced him 5 years ago & have since discovered HE WAS THE ONE WHO CHEATED! I blamed myself the whole time thinking maybe I dressed too provocative or did something wrong to make him think that! Thank you Merideth your videos have helped me so much. Big hugs back to you! :)
Same here. But he was humping the entire college.
If he said you were cheating you probably were cheating narcissists are very clever people they read people and clues really well and there's no fire without smoke
@@fasiahmedkhan9837 "It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak up and remove all doubt."
-Abraham Lincoln
@@VikkiLynn so that means you cheated him right??😂
I experienced a series of projections onto me by text from a friendly acquaintance whom I met on a writing course. I was aware that during the course she was pushing my personal boundaries and trying to get me to talk about deeply personal stuff from my past. She wouldn’t stop asking even though I went like a stuck record saying “I don’t want to talk about my past.” She then escalated this by saying that I might need psychological help because she thought I was stuck. I said I didn’t agree and just repeated that I’d asked her not to keep asking me.
She stuck to me like a parasite and I couldn’t wait to get away from her, but we had a gap in the course where it was expected that course members would meet up to discuss the coursework that had been set for us. I knew from experience of her by now that the course and the writing was just a hook to draw some unsuspecting empath in. I’m a retired mental health nurse and the daughter of a narcissist mother, I can spot the narcissist from a mile off.
So here’s how I set up the parting before the last part of the course resumed. I knew that I would need to minimise my contact with her (we had been paired together by the tutor). There was a 5 week gap in which we needed to do some writing, on our own, and then meet up to discuss and share our work before returning to the course. So I told this woman that I would not be available to meet up or discuss any writing because I had other studies I was attending to and I also had piano exams during the following 4 weeks, and that I’d contact her during the 5th week to arrange to meet up and go through what we had both written.
I went home and noticed that she kept sending me texts saying only hi 👋. I didn’t respond so she started sending messages saying “I’m missing you 😘 “. I didn’t respond.
Then she sent this message saying “I don’t know when your piano exam is. I’m feeling really like shit. I have had bad week. My moods have gone down, you know what I mean, the moods I told you about when we were on the course, any way I’m feeling really depressed and I’m worried and anxious all the time. I’m worried I can’t keep myself safe? How are you?”
OK - so now I can see what I’m dealing with. I’d made the mistake of telling this woman that I am a retired mental health nurse. She took that to mean that I was available to her for free therapy. Most people misunderstand my former profession - I am a nurse who worked in mental health and yes I’m a good listener and an empath - BUT I AM NOT A TRAINED THERAPIST and I most certainly was not on a writing course as a therapist.
But she had also told me previously that she was seeing a psychotherapist and this enabled me to set a healthy boundary with her even though the stuff she was disclosing to me would scare the pants off most people.
The first thing to notice is that she ignored my boundary around my time availability.
The second thing to notice is that she is using a half hearted attempt to sound interested in my piano exams.
The third thing to notice is that we don’t really know one another, and yet she is disclosing deeply personal problems to a virtual stranger. Always a red flag 🚩 for me. What was acceptable in a mental health setting is not acceptable in my private life.
I had to respond to this because she was hinting at a possible risk of harm to herself, and I couldn’t ignore this.
So I responded like this - this was a long, well thought through text response that said, “I’m sorry I didn’t respond immediately but I had to think carefully about how I was going to respond. Your message confused me and gave me cause for concern about how you are feeling right now. I’m not sure what you were getting at about the piano thing but I don’t think that’s what you really wanted to focus on. I’m sorry to hear you’re mood has fallen, it’s good that you have noticed this, and I am glad that you are seeing your therapist. It is important to tell your therapist about the concern you have about feeling you might not be able to keep yourself safe. Please can I ask that you don’t send messages like this to me. You see, I’m not your therapist, I am just someone that you met on a writing course, and though I can see from what you are telling me that you are struggling, I cannot be there for you in the way that I think you want me to be. I hope that you understand what I’m saying here.
She reacted angrily as I expected she would. There were three messages she deleted so I don’t know what she said in those messages, probably she was furious with me. But the text she did send a day or two later, whilst not overtly angry, was very revealing. She said, “all my texts were just about wanting to wish you the best of luck in your piano exams (I didn’t see those words anywhere in her text messages), I can’t believe you used the word therapist, that was so rude. I am feeling so down and almost suicidal and you respond like this! I think you’re heartless.”
I responded with a very clear message, “though I’ve retired from mental health I need to you to understand how I will respond to any claim from anyone who tells me they are feeling suicidal - if you, or anyone else ever tells me that you are suicidal, I will call the Police telling them my concerns about your mental state, and I will ask them to undertake an emergency welfare check on you - this is not a idle threat, if you tell me things like this I WILL respond by calling the Police.”
In the the U.K. the Police have certain legal powers whereby they can use the mental health act to detain someone to a place of safety if they believe a person is at risk of harm to either themselves or other people. It’s called Section 136 of the U.K. Mental Health Act.
She responded by saying that I was overreacting and she didn’t mean this suicidal stuff and ended the text with a cheery looking forward to seeing you in a few weeks time to discuss our writing.
Needless to say my boundaries were well and truly up when we did meet up. We finished the course. And she asked if we could keep in touch. I politely declined.
When the girl I was dating did this, I would question it because I would feel the statements weren't accurate representations of my character. So I told her I feel like the things she was saying were a reflection of herself.
Needless to say, she got pretty defensive. Very grateful for the relationship it taught me how important communication, empathy, and self-reflections are.
Interestingly, the narcissist in my life actually told me that I "project good qualities onto other people" because I am "so desperate to see people as good". He regularly projects his issues onto me, too. He's a psych major. It's been especially confusing for me because he is very aware of his own psychology and uses it to his advantage. At first it was so hard, but now that I know what's going on, I am secretly using the situation to my own advantage. To learn. It's a front row seat into his mind. He's become a great teacher without even knowing it.
there are two games that i used to play with narcs that really got on their nerves. #1 anything they said about me to me, id reply "im not who you think you are." #2 whatever theyd say about me id reply "yes you are" or "yes, you are. i agree.".
brilliant!
But what if the narc is saying this stuff behind your back to their friends and family, how do you defend yourself?
Lololol ~ Excellent.
I started looking at my narc's projection like this: if someone said I was a good looking, purple man man...I would laugh. I wouldn't even argue with them. I don't even identify with being a man or purple. to argue is absolutely ridiculous. so when my narc introduces a shift in my perception that is outside of my innate understanding, I am working on laughing about it. I am keeping a journal of what my narc says that could possible trigger me. I call it' "What 'his name' said today". I am treating this like a game of poke'mon and trying to catch them all...all his little digs and zingers. This so far has taken me out of casual listening mode, where subconsciously we zone out and absorb the shit that is said. now I am a more active listener. Also cause I am "catching them all", at least trying to, I am less likely to react. I hear myself saying, "Oh. that's interesting". It is because, I am recognizing that pattern that actually triggers him. I am going to start including a column of how his dig reflects his state of being. this will be interesting.
Yeap... Projection and Blame Shifting are the two I have to fight every single day. Detachment and Grey Rock are the solutions. Keep starving those demons of a reaction and eventually they do go away for a better source. Tedious work but it does work. For example, an antagonist will observe my detachment and project their own hate and discontent by making the accusation "You Don't Like Us"!!! My response is a non-response like "Oh... I don't ??? Ok... I didn't know that... thanks" and just move off to something else. By not getting defensive it gives them no where to go but to chew on their own bitterness. Mind you a truly benevolent person does not make belligerent and condescending accusations as if they are speaking for whole groups of people. To stay out of the Blame Shifting I use Grey Rock. Meaning I'm just a dim wit who doesn't know anything... I'm not the go-to-guy... I can't perform any miracles... move on nothing to see here... assign your blame someplace else. The amazing part is that most problems will go away by simply ignoring them. What I've consistently noticed over the years is just that. By staying out of the BS, the Drama and the Negativity it all goes away by itself. And the people that generate these problems fade out of the picture too.
cybrotius just brilliant👏Ignore the hellspawns...i usually do!
cybrotius love it
They sure hate it when their former source of entertainment is not taking the bait anymore!
How do you handle narcissitic bosses and their negative projections?
Same way now as I said 5 years ago... Don't take the bait... Don't react... Don't get defense... Narcissist are highly insecure... They are in constant need of adoration and praise while thy perceive everyone around them as a potential threat to their greatness... So they feel they have to control every situation and every person to negate those fears but that become counter productive to whatever operation they are boss of... When people start to reset the over control, contentions arise, blame shifting begins... The narc will target the ones who express anger or dissatisfaction with them... Don't be that guy... It's just a job... You just work there... Be the boring dude who is not a primary threat... Don't get defensive when the blame shifting begins... Let the knuckle heads who do fight it out... Eventually the boss of the boss will figure out where the real problem is and it will go away by itself... I've been through these cycles so many times the patterns become recognizable from a distance... Anyone who jumps into a management position at the first opportunity is going to be a problem child and not last very long... Steer clear of these Wonder Breads right from the get go and the chances of surviving their downfall are very good... @@askask7468
Know myself and be assertive in my sense of self----so very, very helpful. Thank you.
Treat the Narc the same way that you'd deal with a Two Year Old Toddler who's having an all out Temper Tantrum, screaming that they hate you, or calling you names like "you're bad" etc. Not easy to do when they are taller and bigger then you are and when we expect an Adult to behave like a responsible adult. But it does help with not taking what they are saying, personally or to heart. It does get a bit easier with time, once you realize what you're dealing with. I do my best to tell myself that my Daughter is 31 plus 2 (just turned 33 years old a couple days ago). Man, it's been a rough go. I needed to go "no contact" after realizing what was happening to me and my physical health as well, not to mention my mental health or sanity, and well being. I cringe when I think of my Grand Children being raised by her. It's taken a LOT of Counselling for me to feel well enough to begin searching here on RUclips, once I finally realized that she inherited her birth fathers NDP, and I came to accept that I could not control DNA she was destine to receive.
Meredith, you explain things so very well. I was with my Nex for 5 years before I discovered narcissism and escaped. He projected every vile thing he did onto me. He constantly accused me of cheating. I never cheated on anyone in my life... And I would say to him "you know, people who accuse others of something are usually guilty of it themselves". And he'd laugh and swear up and down he wasn't cheating. That's a laugh, because at the end I uncovered 3 other girlfriends, a trans sexual person, 3 prostitutes, strippers... He would say " I swear on the lives of my children". There's a "tell" right there... I'm 13 months psychopath free. Just finished Pete Walker's CPTSD book. What a journey to wellness. Your vids are some of the best out there. Thank you for your insight and terrific work!
Be aware when swear: they are always lying!! It's overly pathetic...they usually swear by the life of their mother, or children. It's trying too hard to convince you and to swallow their lie.
A normal honest person would simply say: No- when asked about something they didn't do.
Try the little Shaman on YT. she's help me too.
Peaceful 283 Same here. My ex always called me gay but he was online and had sex with many men and women. His family doesn't know and in not gonna tell them but I really hope that one of his gay lovers"Outs" him the same way he accused and embarrassed me!
OMG my ex used to swear on the lives of his children as well! Stupidly I believed him.
I had a lot of “phone paranoia”.
“Whos texting you?” “Whats on your phone?” “Let me see your phone”
I never had anything of value on it. Come to find out she was the one getting all the nude pics, dirty texts etc.
It’s a dance of blame and like a ‘double bind’ there’s a third option and that is don’t play the game. Gregory the Great was quoted as saying ‘each time a preoccupation pulls us out of ourselves we are no longer within ourselves.
Interesting. I had not thought about projection as an insight into the narc’s issues. Here’s a scenario: When I was clinically depressed and pretty withdrawn, my husband had a long emotional affair with an old girlfriend. After I found out, one of the excuses he tried was, “I didn’t know you were depressed. I just thought you were done with me.” So it’s possible that he was thinking HE was done with ME but just couldn’t quite face that realization. That resonates for me. Thank you.
This was a great video - projection explained perfectly. Thank you Meredith. Wish I'd seen this decades ago. Thank you for all you do! ♡♡♡
WISH I UNDERSTOOD THIS DECADES YRS AGO AS WELL,.... NPD..... KILLS.....
Clare.... it would be really great to be born knowing everything...... but that’s not how it works. We’re here to learn... the universe puts difficulties in our paths precisely because we need to learn a specific lesson. Tuition is expensive.... it will cost you money or pain or both! You’re older and much wiser now.... pain is the teacher... never run from it, because in it is a jewel of great value. Move on and be content.
Clare Logue Me too
Me too at leas 20 yag.
Am struggling with the loss of a previously strong friendship following projection. This was a very helpful video. Thank you.
She accuses me of being critical and judgmental, but that’s her. She says she has to walk on eggshells around me when that’s what everyone else has to do with her; meanwhile she gets away with massive destruction.
Tawny Tuppence I read this comment and I thought maybe I wrote this comment and forgot that i did lol. But yes, I feel the same as you stated. I feel less and less crazy each day!
Yep yep. To a T. Just from my own experience, the female covert Narc versions have a much easier time getting away with ANYTHING! She can do whatever she wants, and justify it because she’s a “weak and abused” woman, on stand and in front of others. Until the doors are shut and no one else is looking. Then the monster comes out. The worst part is, women like this aren’t only hurting their targets, they discredit women who truly are suffering at the hands of others!
Tips
3:56 Don’t identity with it (don’t internalize/don’t take it personally)
5:00 Don’t project your good qualities at anyone else
5:30 Know yourself (Be assertive of your sense of self)
Such a good & useful video, thank you Meredith! 😃 The worse projection my narc mom accused me for "using psychological torture"on both her and my son "for years". That's when I truly saw her sickness. I was the master of rationallisating ppl's behaviours but not even I could make an excuse for that. I actually think that those words she used, speaks volume as to how evil she really is. 😐
Ex narc accused me of cheating, went around that merry go round for so long I was exhausted. The worst projection in hindsight was when he said to me that he wasn’t a liar, he wasn’t a cheater and wasn’t a pervert, all said in one sentence! .... wow wish I’d known then what I know now! Yes he was a liar, cheater and pervert, actually I’d call him more of a predator ...
It’s great you explained how we project our good qualities onto others only how do we know when we’re doing that?
Is there a way we can tell before finding out the hard way?
For example I’d spent my entire life feeling bad for familial narcs as the blameless victim martyrs
never knowing from birth I’d been brainwashed to project sympathy,pity and care sacrificially
I like this question. When I went through the start of my divorce, I was heavily projecting (but not telling those around me- it was just written in my notebook) because I wasn't able to process my heavy emotions, but as time settled, I began to feel again and started realizing what my projections were. I think we all project to a degree. I think though when we become aware though we can better easily heal our unresolved issues within.
I really think it’s hard to see unfortunately because they hide ☹️ so sad so you will only find out the hard way..and it doesn’t matter what you think or how they look they try to portray theirselves as well mannered it’s so hard the only one who can help is the Lord seriously
@@c.s5606 well said.It still would’ve been great to have my question answered for the many of us
When I was dating this guy, we went out for coffee one day at a Coffee Bean I had never been to where you have to pay 5 cents more if you have your drinks inside instead of taking them to go. Apparently, most people just tell the cashier they’re taking their coffee to go to save 5 cents. The guy told me about it and I laughed. When it was almost our turn to order, he got all uncomfortable and asked me to order because he “just can’t lie”, then ran to the bathroom. He was a naive guy, very gullible as well as religious, so I just figured he had a weird hang up and although I thought “yikes”, I ignored the red flag. 4 months later, I found out he’s a serial cheater. He had 3 girlfriends- at least those were the ones I found out about. I also discovered his work has super unethical practices where they teach their employees how to lie to potential clients and this guy was a big part of it. The company gets in trouble the the SEC every few years, disbands, and then forms a new one with a new name and slightly different practices to fly under the radar.
Keke Sounds like he wanted to stick you with the bill also. Glad you got away from him.
Loved this video!! It is so easy to understand, and makes so much sense! Thank you so much!!
Luckily once you understand projection - you get a pretty good glimpse into a person's motivations and internal state.
I've just left my partner and he texted me that he'd been reading articles about narcissism and I was exhibiting narcissist behaviour! I had to laugh because his previous ex had warned me he was a narcissist- I wish I'd listened and saved myself so much hurt and traumatic drama.
My narc discarded me before I knew what covert narcissism was. His breakup text to me (we were together for 4 years and lived together) stated that he was concerned about how I was always in denial and blaming others (that's not me) and he didn't want to hear my selfish, self-serving narrative... again... not me, totally him.
This is so helpful! Thank you. I've gotten a lot of help from your channel, especially when it comes to dealing with my mother. Her behavior continues to baffle and upset the rest of the family, and I'm slowly going no contact. Thank you for sharing.
AmyJoyStudios Same here ,narc abused and gaslighted in my whole life af my narc mother.
Hugs from Trondheim Norway💜
❤️
Brief, and quite brilliant. Immediately this helps go into the past and bury some damage.
When there's a worldwide wicked conspiracy, the culprits smear critical thinkers as conspiracy 'theorists'. This is a text book example of projection.
Among all videos explaining what "projection" is yours was the best. Thank you!
Narcissists are horrible bullies, they can crush a human spirit.. or even entirely..
Thank you so much for your advice & knowledge!
Wow!! Just WOW!!
I Learn SO MUCH FROM YOU!
THANK YOU! :)
My example of projection was an instance when my fiancé and I were having a disagreement. I had calmly brought up to him some concerns I had about him cheating (there were hints of it on the phone bill). He got defensive. While he was raising his voice and yelling at me he said he wasn’t going to sit there and take “my angry accusations”! I was literally sitting there crossed legged and calm just nodding my head quietly saying ok. In no way was I hostile or angry but it was him that got so heated! Oh it pissed me off so bad but I still sat there and nicely pointed he was the one standing there yelling. Didn’t change a thing tho bc he never acknowledges any error on his part!
Nikki Draper don't let crazy poke you
My last two arguments with my ex were exactly the same way; she started yelling and telling me to not be mad, while I calmly said, "I haven't raised my voice at all, nor am I mad. You're the one who's yelling and getting visibly upset." Sadly, you're dead on in that it doesn't change a thing. Unless they miraculously one day choose to be aware of their sickness and seek professional help, they'll forever be blind, and will be vehicles of suffering for anyone in their path.
Narcisstic people they are best at doing that! They will scream, shout at you, raise their voice and their faces will turn red out of anger and yet they will tell you : Calm down, why are you so angry,why are you so agressive
There is no error.you just dnt get it.they dnt see their own error.
I wish I could have seen this video when I was a terrified child -- and then also a confused, self-hating adolescent -- trying to grow up with a destructive narcissist of a mother. It's taken me fifty years to fight my way through the layers of self-loathing and lies with which she coated me. I'm clear now, but ohhhh, the wasted years......! And what could I have been, without her narcissistic shredding of my early self.
Ditto ❤
same
Meredith an excellent video on Narcissists' Projection! ❤ During the projection they reveal their true self - Are they aware of projecting their BS on others or it's 100% unconscious? Thanks ✿
According to Freud projection is an unconscious defense mechanism. However I believe in the case of the “greater” narcissists (HG Tudor’s term) they are probably aware of a lot of it.
Thanks dear for your quick reply! ❤ That makes sense - the greater narcissists know exactly what they are doing for the rest it seems to be unconscious
I'd even say a midrange narc is aware although HG Tudor disagrees and I don't want to give him challenge fuel to prove him wrong. So it depends on the Narc.
@New Worldlander so true! And yeah don't provide him challenge fuel :))
@@InnerIntegration Is projection usually always accompanied by lying?
My mother used to always accuse me of lying, even about tiny, everyday things. I told her I stubbed my toe on the front porch once, and she said, "I don't believe you," and walked off. She was a horrendous liar herself. I knew about this aspect of narcissism, but I did not realize that I had projected good characteristics onto the people around me--even onto my mother. I talked myself into thinking that she genuinely cared about me, even with all the evidence to the contrary, simply because she WAS my mother.
angelina pirkle I can totally relate. Your mother sounds exactly like my mother.
You have my sympathy. Hang in there.
Mine too. I hadn’t realized I was projecting my goodness onto her until this video. It makes so much sense and explains why I’ve been involved with her as long as I have. She won’t change.
angelina pirkle, yes, that's the difficulty with parents. Learn to be aware and to distinguish what's yours and what's hers as Meredith told us so clear and precisely. With my mother it only helped to just say nothing on her accusations or to change the subject.
I have travelled the world and have friends from all walks of life and all nationalities yet my Narc called me a racist. At the time I was devastated because it hurt me so much . 9 months NC later I completely understand what this was all about. Every single day of our marriage I had to listen to his vile language about people of colour. I never called him a racist although I did think he was. Something I never saw before we were married. He called me a lot of things in our marriage but that one hurt the most. I know now someone had called him a racist or questioned if he was and he was using it against me to see what my response was so then he could use that same response to defend himself. I remember him watching my reaction closely when I said that I did not care what colour a persons skin was and that there were good and bad people every where. Pure projection! Thank you for the up load. My eyes have been opened.
Jennifer Ierace Awesome message thanks for sharing. Yes they try to bounce shit off you and yes I hear mine pretending that she is the author of many of our conversations with other people.
My mother always used to accuse me of being a liar especially when it came to money matters. Because I would always say I don't have enough money to spare her whenever she'd ask me for some, (which was true, I didn't have her in mind when I'm budgeting for my family). And I've noticed on countless times whenever she'd have money she'd keep it to herself and buy whatever she wants just to show people that she's doing really well. Keeping up appearances.
Honey Eduque ha i notice a pattern here.
You go no contact but they dont!!!!
Divine Time so true!
Divine Time yes, he still calls my phone even though he on the block list..smh
T.Michele H, you can threaten him to sew him as a stalker in case he doesn't stop calling you. Be hard and don't give any information about your life. Better change your phone number. Good luck!
Just before Christmas I was asked by my friend's friend to come to their house for the day. Although I'd been before and enjoyed it, I decided not to this time because there were going to be a lot of people there, which I'm really not comfortable with; I'm a lot more comfortable being at home and celebrating it my own way, plus I also enjoy phone calls and skyping with far away close friends and family on Christmas morning. Anyway, my friend visited and just before leaving she asked me if I was going to the meal at her friend's. When I said I wouldn't this time, she replied "Oh, so you're just going to be miserable and feel sorry for yourself, then!" I was really hurt at first because it was obvious she didn't know me at all. Then I thought about it and I realised that for a year or more she'd had me convinced that other people see me as unfriendly and stand-offish, which I'm really not, but it had actually made me feel a bit morose and serious. I'm glad she showed herself that day as I'd had niggly feelings about her for some time and all her horrible little covert tactics suddenly clicked into place. She's got a really bad 'poor me' attitude and it's obvious that feeling sorry for herself is something that she'd do, whereas I had a great Christmas day.
Interestingly, I was really ill for the first few months of this year and I eventually realised that I had CPTSD symptoms. It took quite awhile but eventually the feeling that I'm morose left and my usual sunny nature took over again. Bliss! :)
FoxyDevonLady i had a very traumatic moment where everything clicked into place. But it was just, boom, everything started to make sense. I didnt want to spend time with this person bc it was so much work. They made me feel bad about it and i always felt i was having to defend myself or explain something. Now i know i should have walked away long b4 then.
I know exactly how you feel, Shelley. I knew something had gone wrong for quite a while too and I was very unhappy, but I kept ignoring the signs as I didn't want to get her wrong. I should have gone much sooner too. :)
TRUTH!!! Step sister used to call me selfish, or assumed I was "posturing" for position in the family. Nothing was further from the truth. Once I was a little child but grew into a responsible giving adult, still, she clung to her opinion. Once caring for my own family well, next reached out to care for an aging parent only to be accused of posturing. Step sister had a pattern of leaving the aging parent unexpectedly and abandoning the team of the family. Sad that some unhappy people try to tear others down to make themselves feel better.
They always tell on the self even if its bragging because they think their winning!
My narc husband agreed to follow our financial goals and not use the credit card. He immediately opened a new account, charged up $4,000.00 and said it was my fault because I was ill last spring. Even if that was true, my deductible would have been $1,000.00. He couldn’t own his inability to keep a budget. Keeping us in debt is one of his hooks that “prevents” me from getting out! “There’s no money!”
There are few valid reasons for not leaving a destructive, hurtful and financially troubling relationship. Blaming it on finances is going to keep you where you are indefinitely. Many stay as long as they can stand it, and when they finally can't, they leave. But in the meantime, much time and emotional damage is done.
Thanks Meredith, this is spot on and very timely...I was just trying to explain to friends of mine how these narcissists work and how I was affected by doing the very thing they wanted me to do which was to absorb what they were projecting. Anyhow I just wanted to say I’ve dealt with two of them, it’s been months, I have healed, still healing when some of the things that were projected bubble up to the top like repressed thoughts. Fortunately I am very strong, and actually quite stubborn ha ha Ha which comes in handy. I just wanted to say thank you because going through the worst of it back then, I don’t know that I would’ve come through it as well I did without your thoughts and expertise on the subject… A real boon at a dark time...keep fighting the good fight ❤️😘
This is a very practical video. Thank you!
It’s been two months that I’m free from this kind of criature. Thank God!
While sitting at a picnic table overlooking the Pacific Ocean, my N said a few insulting things, then followed those with "and while we're on the subject, one of your flaws is you interrupt me. That is annoying." I was so stunned, as I hardly ever got a word into the conversation since he was always talking about himself and telling his stories.
Lemme tell u my case..
Finally in proper NC for 1 month (earlier I was in limited contact for 1-2 months after she discarded me).
She projected me saying "you act childish , you are not mature. Why u always react." Whereas I always tried to maintain my calm for certain topic for some days and then when my anxiety level reaches hearing this BS , i burst off and yes I accept I went out of emotions. I think that's what she wanted , some sort of negative points of me ,so that she can blame me(blame shifting) for all those toxic fights and finally discard me.
I live my half relationship on fears , how she would feel , how she would react. And silent treatment was her favourite , she just ghosts me by saying "I am not in good mood and I need space" from out of the blue. N I just keep texting her and was stuck in this loop to make her happy , make her feel good , and finally say sorry for the thing even I don't know. N she never explained her why ?..
She never gave me a perfect closure after discard for almost 2 months. And finally one month before I get some sort of closure. That "U are wise enough. Either cry for me or move on. However u like.." so after that I finally choosed to move on. I banged 2 sluts after that 😅. I kinda moving forward emotionally. Living my life to fulliest..
#Noo more BS
Went to see a narc family member recently for the first time in a long time- I was amazed at the projections Me- "I might be interested to get involved in politics at some point" Narc- "Oh it's very manipulative- you're manipulative, you know how to manipulate people". Kind of staggered to hear it- I go out of my way to make sure people know where they stand, have their personal space and NOT manipulate them!!(as much as I humanly can). Also heard the blatant projection and brain washings Narc-"family is the most important thing of all. Family means everything. Etc etc". I was sitting there thinking (as was my partner)- actually- members of
Our families are destructive negative awful people and we feel so much better limiting and cutting contact. The old "family first" thing is another rope which they want to hold you down with.
Anyway- always remember- CPTSD- don't let the messages and projections get to you! It's all CPTSD, just let it wash right over you and don't hold on to it for one moment.
My narc Mom told me I’m not normal 😂
I wish I had come up with a clever comeback but I just got exacerbated and walked away.
I went no contact several months ago. A person can only take so much. The guilt of not helping her any longer in her old age (I did it for many years) and the pain of losing a Mom are diminishing. Making progress. Feeling much better. Yayyyyy
Stephanie Bynum I'm in a similar situation caring for my elderly mom. My siblings are projecting all their 💩 onto me and when I tell her she doesn't believe me. It's so exhausting that she cant see how they're treating me.
Even when she's on her death bed and may try to get a message to you to go and see her, don't. If you do she'll deliver the final knockout blow.
@@Pattie-o7fShe knows but won't accept to see the truth at her age..
So well explained! Now I know exactly what are the issues of my ex narc husband. He called me: egoistic, boring, no body- coordination, not capalistic enough, sleeping-pill, thinking with my pussy, too much german.... some examples.
All of this accusations doesn't fit me at all. They all tell a lot about his fears and issues.
Do not mortify the narcissist (i.e put a really realistic mirror in front of them). It will get you nowhere as they WILL NOT own there role and default to blame or worse. They will make you regret it 💯% ! Have boundaries but placating can be actually useful in the short term. Before you leave them forever. 🙏🏻 Heal and get away
I was in a 3 year relationship with the girl of my dreams (on paper). But I remember the first few red flags and blatantly choosing to over look them. She yelled at me once for not fixing the tv quick enough, and though it was a joking tone, I can now recognize it really wasn’t. She lied about her closeness to her ex and then began to entertain her ex, waving her in my face at times and calling me sensitive, jealous, and crazy when I called her out on it or shared my discomfort at the idea of her hanging out with her. She would project onto me alllll the time and blamed her eating disorder/over eating, stemming from childhood, for it. Every time there was an argument surrounding her misbehavior- she would find a way to twist it where I was feeling bad for her and she would say, “I don’t mean to act like a victim.” She told me once she got angry when people called her out on the reality of her behavior. If I went into long speeches about her behavior and the obvious reasons they weren’t okay and went against a relationship, she would shut down, turn emotionless, or simply say, “this is just who I am.” She would get on me about my weight (I’m average/fit-ish where as she was, at the time, “not-in-shape” , which I was completely okay with as I genuinely loved her). Get on me about my job (I was 23), health, fashion, hair, etc. while she ignored everything that bothered her about herself. Anytime I tried to show support- she’d grow angry with me. Anytime I tried to plan a trip- she would find a way to sabotage it as she did on my last 2 birthdays together. I tried to leave her 3 separate times after awful nights of her blacking out and unleashing complete emotional abuse, but she would manipulate me to say each time, gaslighting the situation and fishing for sympathy. She withheld from me one night that she was also hanging with her ex while with other friends, who had caused many issues in the past. I was okay with it so long as she let me know when her ex was there, but it was like she intentionally never did and would say she was “forgetful”. I tried leaving her when she pulled a reverse and dumped me implying she couldn’t go longer with me, afraid she would’ve let more years go by and been unhappy. This was a week after she called me her soulmate, after inviting me to move in 3 times before saying “never mind”. She begged me to remain her friend, so I tried. We hooked up off and on for 2 more years, in which she would gaslight the situation if I tried to hang out more or go on a hiking trip with her. Last time I saw her, she got drunk and verbally commented on all the women passing us. I found out months later, 3 days before the matter, that she was moving to a different city. She also got healthy via surgery and now, 3 months later, has a girlfriend that she smears alll over social media where as she always told me, “I hate social media- it’s so stupid when people post their business and relationship stuff on their,” whenever id beg for a birthday post. Needless to say, I can now see her for the psychopath she is. I’m so thankful I found this channel and Jackson Mackenzie’s books so I finally understand what the hell happened and why it happened. To anyone feeling lower than the deepest levels of depression- just know there is a way out
So great to hear this. The narc I knew said some extremely messed up things about how I may have gotten my disability rating as a veteran (note: I did Special Forces work), and would sometimes bring it up - that I "got money". Meanwhile, this moron received funds from a trust while also being on his parents cell phone and healthcare plans as he lived in a home for which they held the mortgage.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU
Great video 👍 Thank you so much for making Projections very understandable and eyeopening. 😊🤗💕
Today, My narcissist accused me of doing , drugs, gambling, having a girlfriend on the side and moving money to hidden accounts . I don't do drugs, gamble, have a girlfriend on the side nor move money to hidden accounts. I do have knowledge of Narcissism and know Narcissist's project what they are doing to you. They basically tell on themselves.
It's very frustrating to fully wrap my head around the entire scenario that the narcissist in my life created. So complicated, it once seemed brilliant. But my tortured mind now has a deeper understanding of how maniacal pervasive, evil and unchangeable the truth really is.
Only in this circumstance is it completely appropriate to remove, no rescue (yes, you were held there against your will) yourself from the narcassist. Expose yourself to kindness, love and learn self care. Learn who you are. Do not imagine resolve. Use that energy to live a happy existance. You have the rest of your life.
My narc had serious issues with money and spending. Whenever I spent or bought something in front of the narc, the narc would make a comment on how gluttonous I was or superficial or how I care too much about money and objects. She was always manipulating me into buying her things and was...no surprise constantly broke. This was one really obvious sign that I am both incredibly horrified by but thankful for because it led me to meridith and no contact. I was then able to identify all the emotional abuse....
Projection, deflection, dissonance, utter lack of self awareness, and eternal victim status.
Nothing is ever their fault. That person they see in the mirror is not them, its always others. And when they destroy your life, they're convinced they're doing you a favor.
I do envy their psyches sometimes.
A woman that was jealous of me used a man to get back at me. She knew she was controlling him and it became a domestic violence situation with me being assaulted and hurt. They both are narcs and planned the entire thing. She projects on me what she is and that's crazy. I'm a PhD student straight A"s and get stalked by both of them. I have moved on but they still harass, and try to gas light every situation. Her insecurities of me drives her to commiting crimes against me through street people she controls.
I find that people who lie a lot like to accuse others of lying. I don't lie. I may forget I said I would do something occasionally, but that is my memory, not any tendency to lie. I cannot lie, as I would not be able to remember them! Yet, a couple of acquaintances have accused me of it. I find it intolerable, so stay away as much as I can. Narcissists are rarely just that. They mostly have other diagnoses mixed in, which makes it harder to see the narcissist with the say, borderline personality, or the bi-polar person. But I think the important thing to remember is that these people cannot change, will not change, and do not wish to change. So, if we can recognize this early in the game, without trying to fix it somehow, or analyze it to death at 2am after a particularly nasty exchange, we can see the road ahead and get out before we actually lose our minds and a huge amount of time.
So what is the difference between gaslighting and projection? My ex used to start sentences with "You're crazy". I thought that was gaslighting, but is it projecting? Very good video. I did try to project my goodness on to him. Never again.
Convincing you either directly or indirectly that you’re crazy is the motive behind gaslighting. Projection is when they can’t own their emotions, characteristics, acts etc. so they tell you that you are whatever they deny in themselves.
You are the best. Thank you!
Me too. Sister starts saying I'm crazy when I launch a logical argument or defense against her irrational attacks & behavior. I don't bother to defend anymore, don't care to waste my energy.
@@InnerIntegration But what if they don't tell you directly, but instead they're telling all their friends instead. Is it still projection?
He told me he was tired of arguing with me and didn’t want to deal with me anymore because I get on his nerves. It took me a while to realize that I said those exact same words to him months ago. It was very strange watching someone all the sudden become the “victim” of the very thing that they were doing to you and accusing you of doing and saying what they did or said. It’s a total mind phuck. Those poor people are so messed up and so mentally ill. You are constantly questioning reality.
I met a man online who seemed very interested in me and so on (the usual stuff). After a few weeks he started to accuse me of being secretive and "only being after a fling" and having my "own agenda". He said that I can get back in contact with him if i can convince him otherwise. Well, I tried but he withdrew, and after trying to meet up with him another time he just asked me to start a conversation via messenger, and confessed that he had been in prison and was in sexual offenders register for sex with a minor. Therefore could not come to see me (in another country).
Btw, this 15-year old was a daughter of another woman that he had met online. Still chocked, even though this happened many years ago. Thank you so much for your channel Meredith!
Always be prepared for a very bad reaction if you mirror their projection expose them show them to their peers. You will see pure hate their revenge total most will stop at nothing until your utter destruction. Thats especially true if you go against a really evil narcissist. I speak from bitter experience. Best to slip away quietly and run and don't look back
This is exactly what my soon-to-be ex-wife does and has been doing it for years. I just never really looked at it until I was able to step back for a moment. Spot on...
My ex narc used to accuse me of being annoyed with him all the time when I was just relaxed and fine. Then I would get anxious and try to fix it. Accused me of hating men and being confused about my role as a woman because I was feminist. When I would try to understand and learn how to please men, he would say ' its helping a bit'. He would be nice sometimes and then start to blast me about talking too much. I never knew whether he liked me even though he constantly said how much he loved me. He said he was the best man for me. Said I had a death wish and I would die alone. Who says these things! Other times he would gush and affirm me. It was a horrid game to him.
Your explanation is too simplistic- It does not work that way. Projection is not what you are describing.
I honestly don't know how this happens, it's like they get inside your brain and replace your thoughts with their thoughts. We are in lockdown just now and I go out to preserve my mental health yet somehow its in my mind that me going out is to one up the other person who can't go out because of ill health, I know that when they are allowed to go out they are going to flip it like I have been going out to prove that I can and they can't, even though I know wholeheartedly that that is not the case, it feels like a constant game of one upmanship that I don't want any part of, it's like you say, I feel I have to disown that in my mind as I know it's not mine, it's like being set up to fail for another round of games and one upmanship when they are allowed out and how I was so terrible for going out. Its like they enmesh you to play games that you don't want to play or be part of, it's scary how they can put themselves in you and you feel stuck. I hope I've made sense, thank you so much for all you do xxx
I get total narcissistic strangers at the local park they have to walk up and inform me that I'm doing everything wrong whether it's some type of sports or any activity I'm doing they have to put a stop to it.... I feel like they're very existence depends on it that I'm such a threat
Meredith My Narc she would call me a stalker and then one night i came out of my house to bring out the recycling and there her car was at the entrance of my Road....My light was off and i was just starring at her car and was like holy shit holy shit.. I didn't know how to react and so i just went back in my house...One of my big regrets until recently was that i didn't go over to her car because i at the time pushed her a way from a fight and falling out 2 weeks earlier ...The rest of the night i just kept saying holy shit holy shit i couldn't believe she was stalking me..She was just sooooo Busted....I said it was one of my biggest regets until recently cause I didn't talk to her for almost 2 years after this... I know who and what she is now and now that regret is no longer a regret...I'm glad i didn't go over to her car......The guy she was with during this time got destroyed....I mean she beat him to the ground emotionally... I realize now that could have been me... Your videos are Heaven sent
❤️
These people are insane. If they feel bad about their lack of accomplishments in life they will call u a loser and tell u u are nothing and never will be anything. If theY are insecure cause they have a large forehead they will call u big head. if they are insecure about their weight they will call u fat etc.
The best explanation of proyección identificativa projective identification I have ever heard! Excellent!!!
Gracias por aclarar la palabra correcta 👍 creo que la dije mal en el video
Inner Integration hi! Im sorry I made a mistake in Spanish is identificación proyectiva. Un beso grande desde Argentina!
When the narc reveals: "I never got together with him while we were together". "You have been here before"... but you know you never have. "You have nothing to be worried about, that text from an ex (supply) doesn't say I love you or anything, I'm just trying to help him not commit suicide". "I'm just preparing you that If anyone comes up to me at this restaurant we are at and acts like they know me, .......". I can see pretty good now Meredith. Thank you.
Yes! Do not project your good qualities on them. Do not give people positive characteristics they dont posses.
why is it always said that they are "unable" to cope w/their feelings and faults? they are able they just dont want to because they never really had to since they were children. no offense to u meredith, but psychology always makes it seems like "poor them, they cant handle it" and it makes them look like the victim. i babysat a narcissistic child once and i always confronted them w/ their BS, and of course he hated it and wanted me gone. but i saw an older cousin of his confront him on his BS and he was able to handle it. he didnt like it and out his head down but i guess since he really respected his cousin he accepted the criticism and didnt try to have him maligned like he did to me(to my knowledge at least). i think that since he didnt respect me he wanted to put me down but he didnt do it to his cousin who he looked up to. i think they are not used to it if they are not corrected as young children and when they finally grow up they are extremely spoiled in that way and then its said they "cant" handle it. but they can, its just that people coddle them too much.
corsican lulu I agree
Me too. We have to handle all their crap and violence, not just them but several family members, for decades. Ok I will now do what I have to, to protect myself, let them think I am their adoring sister. But feel sorry for them. No way. I am giving that pity (for want of a better word) to myself cos after 5 decades I have earned it!
corsican lulu, I so agree. They are unable to. No. They refuse to, because they choose not to accept any responsibility or accountability for their actions. They feel it is justified to react in the way as they do. They love and thrive on power and control, and will do anything and everything to maintain it. They hate you when you set a limit and boundary and they will act out. They feel you are taking away their control, and they do not want that to happen, so their vengence will heighten against you and they will become more out of control, because you are diminishing their power. They will say and do anything to keep it.
My Narcissist ex told me this story that as a kid he shot his neighbor's dog and his parents never punished or reprimanded him. That they compensated the neighbors somehow. He told me he was brought up lovingly. His mother proclaimed "just love each other" and his family did just that. I was shocked. Whether this story is true or not (l suspect it's not) but at the time l did. If you had a child who did that, what would you do? l said "I'm shocked. If l had a child who did that, l would take lead him by the hand and make him take a good hard look at what he had done. Did you you do this? This is what death looks like. The neighbors loved this dog. How do you think they will feel if they find out you did this? He is no more. Well you will have to tell them the news. We are going to them to apologize. That's the way to teach the child the consequences of his actions." And he should care!
If this story is true, nobody bothered to do that. He was a spoiled brat through and through. Of course he told me this story to shut me up and stop me from holding him accountable for his actions. As if.
Peppi Boudreau - yes, I’ve personally been going through this. I have been ousted by his family because he went on a smear and backstabbing campaign against me. Thing was, things had been going well and were running smoothly. He needed to give everyone the impression that I’m a bad person just so he could have control over members of his own family. Who knows what he’s doing to them at this moment with what lies he’s created. No one there, seems to be realistic, logical or level headed. All I know is that they let him get away with everything and now he can’t manage relationships with others in the outside world. Nothing is best but serving, honesty, assertiveness and logic to these types because they really operate by trying to provoke by getting you emotional. Be yourself because they really struggle with that. They can’t manage your personality because they need you to fit their idea, in order for the manipulation to work.
Wow, I've had so much projection thrown on me by different people! Called a liar constantly growing up; accused of cheating if I even looked in the general direction of another man; called malicious and selfish with absolutely no basis for it. And I worried about all of it, wondering why they could see that in me, thinking it must be there somewhere... Luckily I've learned a lot over the last few years. I still attract narcs like a magnet but can spot them now. They're everywhere though!
I've been called everything while being Stalked & Harassed! Great video thank you❤
That’s how it is 🙄
Tag, you’re it - Nope, it never made sense (or even came close.)
Projection was prevalent - amazing how insane this was!!!
‘All your lies & deceit, you’re selfish, it’s all about you, get help’
Need I say more ...
This was HIM - absolute proof of what HE was all about (and will continue to be.)
Nice try tho.
My commentary: YOU’RE steeped in denial, shame, regret, irresponsibility, avoidance, unaccountability, blame, all-inclusive abuse etc etc etc
When you experience this first-hand, it feels diabolical, b/c it is!
Thankfully I was able to escape and end the cycle!!
Viewed as ‘a nice guy’ by some, but in reality, an extremely dangerous abusive thug.
In summary: No! Tag, YOU’RE it!
This was extremely helpful!
THANK YOU!!!! ❤🤗
Meredith, I like your direct and pragmatic approach. I called out my ex girlfriend who's a covert narcissist. After we split, she said she was going to be alone and used to it (playing the victim). The next day I saw her with her new supply. I called her out on her lying with just one sentence. She said, "What's wrong with you! Leave me alone!" A month later she started hoovering.
I had an ex-girlfriend tell me to come over at 5am. Only to scream at me, "WHY ARE YOU CHASING ME?!" I laughed and just walked out of the apartment complex without even giving her the bait. Funny how her door was held half-open as she said that! (Seems like a transparent triangulation shows she was trying to put on.. we weren't exclusive so I wouldn't have cared if she was dating someone else.. but I don't like being used his jealousy bait for some other dude and having my time wasted when I took a bus that took an hour from a few miles south.
Good thing you CALLED HER OUT on her lying, by the way, fellow dude! I know that lots in the anti-narc community say that is SUPPOSEDLY giving them "negative supply," "taking the bait" or something like that.
I THINK THE AMOUNT OF "GREY ROCKING" ADVICE THAT THEY GIVE TO NARC SURVIVORS IN OUR COMMUNITIES CAN BE FLAT-OUT DANGEROUS TO US TARGETS. It's like inadvertently training us to be a semi-doormat. Don't get me wrong, grey-rocking is so good in so many situations.
But SOMETIMES--you have to do just what you did or what I've done myself before and call a spade a SPADE. Well played! (ironically in a game that you are not trying to play in the first place that she sprung upon you).
PS--With an alias like yours I'm gonna have to listen to "Abbey Road" tonight in the Gile Martin 2019 remix version of the album is so awesome... Ironically John Lennon probably would have divorced Yoko if he was not shot. He was already breaking free in so many ways
I keep projecting my own feelings of trust and care to others. I can’t believe people can intentionally hurt others. But because of this I’ve been hurt many times. Actually some people get angry and upset that I stop their abuse after putting up with it once or twice. One even threatened me!
My favorite in hindsight was how my abuser accused me of "playing games". I've been away from them since 2017 and I've been in a relationship for over a year and haven't been accused of that once.😏
Thank You for this.
I've been called a narcissist by someone for almost 15 years.
It's pretty much driven me next to crazy.
Thank you for really great insights. Experienced all of the above with a work bully in my prior job. I wish I'd known more back then as I took all she did personally and she came out on top at the time. Now I see what a sad character she actually is. Big hug back to you.
Excellent video.and very helpful just went through projection. The Narc at work has just projected on me to my boss l am hovering harassing him no proof of it but all the things he has been doing to me. I have gone grey rock for a while now and it is obviously working. I asked my boss how are you going to deal with this he said l am not probably because this is the very thing l complained about sometime ago, he knows what is going on. I simply put it in his file and never reacted or responded. I now know what his intentions are and so does my boss. We do not work directly so l will go no contact for the time being
Well it worked after 3 weeks the narc resigned l was off Friday he resigned on Friday. Came in today to find out. I kept it professional and just said oh ok and continued with my work. My boss said try not to shed a tear l said , k won t. It's too bad he could not work his things out. Hope l handled that part right. So relieved I don't have to deal with him anymore.
My boyfriend is always tattling on himself. He accuses me of being with someone else when I don’t call him at night, or when he doesn’t hear from me, yet when I don’t hear from
him. He says he passed out from drinking at home.
He also tattles on himself when I ask if he has heard about a certain woman he had been texting one day we were together and we ended up in a huge fight because he tried to hide that from me. He says, “no, I don’t have any relations with her” I never asked if he was having relations with her. I asked if he heard from her. SMH
I escaped a year ago and recall a LOT of projection. Knowing now what that meant, holy hell, was she more devious than I tho't. Thank you for your amazing insight and knowledge.