Defying Gender Roles || Father Knows Something Podcast
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 17 июл 2023
- Welcome back to Father Knows Something! Real People. Real Stories. Real Dad advice with a dash of ADHD, and maybe a couple of millennials chiming in from time to time to add their takes.
This week's episode has Jerry and Morgan responding to stories where listeners are trying to break the mold, go against the grain, or defy their "gender role". From proposing to your boyfriend to not wanting to be responsible for all the household tasks.. these write-ins could use your help too!
Our P.O. Box: Father Knows Something. 5042 Wilshire BLVD. #470. Los Angeles, CA. 90036
Follow up on Instagram @ Father Knows Something
Submit your write-in to dad & siblings! forms.gle/aSMAnkrLf8TJ35BAA
Give us an update! forms.gle/6CP9KoWvJ4NMKewa7
Be sure to subscribe and tell us what you would give for advice!
Full-length audio episodes are available on all podcast platforms!
jerry is a friend to my insomnia
Jerry is such a Winston you’re so right haha. His socks are like Winston’s colourful shirts
After I heard the prank he played on his brother, I was agreeing with Morgan 100% 😂
@@The6Wicked6Witch6 just want you to know Morgan prank me Huge last week. Yep she truly got me had me upset for at least an hour. In fact, I still think she was telling me the truth and it wasn’t a prank. That’s how good it was.
Also, I’ll add, I share this with my brother. He absolutely laughed ,, and commented: Morgan is now in the game..
Story 1: I definitely agree with the "if he wanted to he would". My husband is the personally that put being financially stable before any major decision. He also was never all in on marriage when we were dating. The only thing he ever said was vaguely saying he thought it was smart to own a home before having a wedding. All that being said, we bought our house in March 2021, he propose June of 2021. The moment he hit that check point he started ring shopping and planning because he WANTED to. I didn't have to push or convince him
Being financially stable before marriage is nice, but not necessary. I got married when me and my husband were young and broke. We figured it out together. It's about facing life as a team, because being married doesn't guarantee you financial success, either. "For richer or poorer", no matter what, being with your person is all that matters. Maybe that's idealistic, but it works for a lot of people.
I lived in a home where my brothers was treated like normal kids and I got treated as a second wife. I was always expected to clean and when I asked why my brothers didn't have to clean my step mom said because you do it right. So I said I was going to purposefully start doing it wrong too so I wouldn't have to do anything either. And they could leave the house and I never got to stay the night with friends, go outside to play or go to school events. When I asked why they treated me different they said I could get pregnant and my brothers couldn't and they said if I started taking birth control at 12 that I could go outside to play with my brothers. After I took it I asked to go play and they said it took a month for the pill to start working I counted down the days and when that one month came up they still said no so I told them I wouldn't be taking pills for no reason anymore. I was socially isolated and when I said I was happy to go to school because then I could get away from them My dad told me he would call in a bomb threat to the school so I couldn't go to school anymore either. They see her as property. That's why when you get married the father gives you away. Because they think they literally own you. Oh and I was bi sexual and had a gf at the time and my dad and step mom knew this when they said I'd get pregnant 🤔 so there is nothing you can do other then get emancipated or just leave at 15 like I did. And socially isolating your daughter isn't the way to do things because the first guy she talks to and says oh I love you I want to marry you she's going to believe them Bec she's never interacted with other kids before. You will set them up for failure. And you'll be wondering why your kid never comes to see you when they get older.
I’m so sorry you had to endure that
Jerry saying "why can't everyone just chill?" really tickled mt funny bone.
For Story #1- I as a female, proposed to my boyfriend. We both knew that we were each other's person, and had talked beforehand that no matter who proposed, we both wanted a trinket (ex: ring) to symbolized our commitment. I had gotten him a perfect ring and held onto it until the moment that felt right, I proposed and he said "Of course!" Then about 6 months later, he proposed to me so that I could have my own ring. We tell people that we are "super engaged" now, and we absolutely love our relationship and look forward to our upcoming wedding. I would never have wanted to "take the proposal" away from my boyfriend, but as an adult who has a say in their own future, I say to all the women out there to just go for it. If they say a definitive "no," well then you have your answer and can make a decision to wait it out or get out and stop wasting your own time. As romantic as engagements are, they start as conversations. To plan a future with another person takes just that, planning. Be honest, talk, and above all- love.
Story #1: I proposed to my fiancé. For me, it was similar to when we said I love you. When we first said I love you, I just blurted it out, I couldn’t keep it in anymore. I was worried I was going to say it accidentally, like when we were getting off the phone or something, so I just said it. When I proposed, I felt the same, like I couldn’t keep it in anymore, and I just asked one night, “Do you wanna get married?” It felt so natural. It just… happened. No plan, no fancy setting, and pretty non-traditional. It was like saying I love you for the first time again, but stronger.
I just don’t feel like it always needs to be so planned or traditional. But if the person writing in feels similarly to how I felt, like they just can’t hold it in anymore, I would propose to him. Proposing doesn’t mean you have to get married right away. You can have a long engagement and plan carefully for marriage-that’s what my fiancé and I are doing. Being engaged is really wonderful, there’s no rush!
Exactly I think if that’s what they truly want with you it will happen
When I got engaged 20 years ago. My husband asked his mother what she thought of my engagement ring. She said “I think you should’ve waited until you had more money.”
Story 4: The relationship isn't sustainable. Don't buy a house with him. He wants a mother, not a partner. You are being unfair to yourself as you're staying in a relationship where he doesn't respect you, as he would listen to you and make some changes. He is withholding affection unless it is oriented to him. As he doesn't want to do housework, he can go live with his mom or on his own where he has to do everything himself. You deserve better.
As Morgan once said: “💩 or get off the pot”
Men are stuck in the mentality of I have to have all my ducks in a row first and in these days you will be 50 before all “your ducks are in a row”. Whoever taught these men this are wild for that. Marriage is a partnership. The ducks in a row is a MUTUAL GOAL. I just don’t get it. I let my husband know early on my timeline and let him know if we weren’t married by a certain time I would move on so I think he understood I wasn’t the type who would wait around.
I say propose to your man. If he doesn’t want to marry you then that tells you everything you need to know. And if his ego is that bent out of shape because you’re initiating marriage talks then that’s a red flag and I’d get out anyways.
And I agree with Morgan. Sooo many people I know are okay with Moissanites and they are basically identical to diamonds and way cheaper. These men have a crazy idea of what we expect I guess.
Shit, I prefer moissanite! I have literally told my partner I don’t want a diamond. I travel too much and am too clumsy, I don’t want it getting lost/stolen/broken lol
Loved this episode, especially Jerry’s handcuffs suggestion had me laugh-crying 😂😂
Also I have to say this, Morgan and Jerry were amazing on this episode.
u can say “i haven’t met anyone who’s on my level academically/achievement wise” or something along those lines for the girl needing to redirect family members away from love life
ha! I love that!
Story 2: as a female with multiple levels of blackbelt in one martial arts and working towards one in a separate martial arts, a regular boxer and having completed multiple short courses in self defence and incident management. I can say it does not matter to your parents and grandparents that you could protect yourself as a female. they might say it does, they might joke about how you are the family protector. But they will still push back about where you are going, who with, how long you will be. I straight up face-palmed when they thought it would be safer for me to go on a singles tour across the state compared with visiting my friend’s widower one town over.
I had the double standard being the girl child. I hated it then. Now when I go out I realize that there is a difference in safety. And appreciate they tried to keep me as safe as possible. As parents that’s our biggest fear. And now from telling them where and when expecting to be back I tell my husband, not so he can keep tabs cuz he wouldn’t, but if I’m not back he knows where I was last and when to tell cops for an investigation if it were to come if that
Child of a toxic mom here 🙋🏻♀️ it would have been soooo much better if she would have just abandoned me. I completely identify with OP.
I went no contact for 3 years. My mom finally apologized for EVERYTHING which i never thought would happen. Now we have a good “relationship”.
Jerry’s face when Morgan said to say something cheeky 😂
I've actually stopped pursuing a relationship because he was so uncomfortable with me making more than he did, even with me being a couple years older. 😅 some guys just don't know to put aside the ego macho mentality.
I bought my boyfriend his wedding band, I want to surprise him in private the day or two after he proposes himself. I don’t want to take away from his moment, but because I told him he had to wait three years I’ve been carrying this thing in my purse for about a year now. We just bought a house which is why the proposal is on hold. 12:43
the story about gendered chores: everyone needs to learn all the chores and duties. people dont always get married like they used to. you will likely live singled and partnered at some point and you need to know and help with all the chores either way. he she they, it doesn't matter.
thanks for working so hard on all the podcasts! you guys keep me going❤️
"Favourite dad's day"🥺 TORONTO CANADA!?!?!
Would love to see you in Toronto, Jerry ! Safe travels, papito 💕
WE WANT GRANDMA MARGARET!
She coming! We shot the episode…. I think shes next weeks show
@@jerrysiegel3354 omg yay can’t wait!!!
Crazy that gender roles are still often like that when it comes to kids.. I'm 41. I'm the youngest
My sister is 5 years older she was always the rebel my brother and I altered taking out the trash but I had to help with everything else. Laundry (I could be on the playground and he sat in front of the TV my mum would yell for me to come in and hang up the laundry), and all other cleaning. He even played dumb when he was supposed to do the grocery shopping.
When I was a teen my mum was in the hospital for a while, my sister had moved out I told my brother and stepfather of you want food get it if you want your laundry done I show you how to use the washing machine. I still have fresh clothes. From then on my brother cleaned his room, did his laundry since his clothes were all black he washed them alone, he even cooked. He's very neat now. I despise cleaning and am a total mess
Story 4: This may sound petty but if you don't want to leave what if you stopped doing everything? Maybe that would open his eyes and he would finally see it.
This was my thought too. Just stop doing it and see what happens. See if he gets it. If not then it’s doomed
Fantastic episode, these always make my day brighter.
Winston never could tell when pranks were too far, even when being told lol
Dad please tell Morgan she needs to rest ! And that it’s okay to rest! Please know we love these episodes on both channels/podcasts but please don’t run ragged!! We love you and want you to take care of yourself!! 🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽
my favorite podcast ♥️ love you guys!
I feel like family. Morgan you either reply or like most of my comments. You work harder than most humans I have known. So impressed. Love you all, you have helped me set some changes in motion in my life. Thank you so much.
You are too kind
My boyfriend and I moved very quickly, but never once looked back. I know he’s my husband, he knows I’m his wife, but we’re pretty young. He said he wants to be more stable before we get married which I’m okay with, so I told him he has 5 years. I said I know what I want and I don’t want to be that couple that’s dating for 10 years before they get engaged. He has 5 years to stabilize himself and if, in 5 years he still isn’t stable enough we will get married anyway and stabilize our lives together. Technically, we’re already working together and building a life but in 5 years, that’s when we start thinking less of ourselves and more of our future and our future children. It’s not hard, but it also takes a certain level of courage and responsibility on the man’s side to let go of ego a little ❤
When I was in college my dad would always ask me if I was passing classes first and the rest of my life subsequently. I would say that I'm focused on doing well in college and hope to find a man who appreciates how smart and accomplished I am as I continue being successful in college and marrying after I graduate university! Definitely ties into modern women wanting modern men. 30:38
last story: def think OP needs to decide what kind of relationship dynamic she wants long term or express her feelings to her partner. some people do want a more traditional relationship which is totally ok! if she ignores these feelings, they can turn into resentment
Story 2 I think? I relate. When I was in film school I was top of my class, straight As, in the honor society but I also had a boyfriend I didn’t talk to my mom much about. The reason is because when she found out it’s all she would talk about. Absolutely nothing about my schooling or my life otherwise. So bad she’d interrupt me talking about my studies to ask how my boyfriend was doing.
HUGE FAN 🥰 love you guys especially my mooooogan 💓
"Who are you dating?
"Jane Austen! Have you read her books? They're amazing!" "Friedrich Nietzsche! Such an engaging read!", etc. Name off any of your favorite authors and talk about their works :D
12:17 2 years ago I was planning to propose to my partner & I had it all planned out but something told me maybe I shouldn’t, I know we’re going to be together forever anyways so why am I rushing when I know he wants to marry me anyways… fast forward to now I am recently engaged since April 🥳💕 and couldn’t be happier 💕
21:56
the difference here with OP's story and your grandmothers experience is that the men in OP's story arent farming or putting in really any physical effort into the household whereas the women are. In your grandmothers experience the men were still out working while the women were also working(I am not saying the stereotype is okay in any way, however there is that slight difference which makes the workload itself more unfair and more modernly sexist) just in a different place.
Lol the desk prank is genius!!!
Ooh first comment! Love you Jerry! ❤ can't wait to listen to the episode while my little girl sleeps next to me 🙂
Story 1: I’m sorry, how do we know he wants to be with her? Dump him, not cause he won’t propose, but because he said he’d refuse if she proposed. That says too much for me right there.
46:17 my dad wanted a boy so bad that I was a Tom boy my whole childhood through middle school. Now as an adult I love pink and sparkly but still have a soft spot for the dark and macabre🖤
COMMENT 100.🎉 listening to go to bed, you both have such calming voices🤍
Love seeing your faces:))
I enjoyed the last story about the woman being a bread winner. My boyfriend is six years older than me but throughout the majority of our 4 year relationship I have been the breadwinner, often significantly. I know it bothers him because he doesn’t feel like he’s “pulling his weight” so to speak and it’s hard. I often let him pay with a credit card in his name linked to my account when we go places just so he can feel like he’s getting the chance to pay or appear that way at places because of judgement when I pay for anything pricey. It sucks that it even has to matter.
Holy Shit I've never been this early. Thanks for the upload. AHHHHHH❤❤❤
Oh goodness. All that traveling is going to be exhausting. Flights make me so tired.
Story 1: my ex was also obsessed with being financially stable before marriage ..before actual legal marriage anyway. He was perfectly cool calling me his wife. To me it just showed an imcompatibility between us. Id rather have the commitment than the title and hed rather have the title than the commitment. What was important to me about marriage was the private promise and the time spent writing vows etc but to him it was the big ring and the status of being a put together family man. I guess if op is one of those white picket fence type of people then she can still stick around.
For me, when it comes to money and dates, it’s always been that whoever initiated the date will be the one paying, but I always offer to split/ pay for my half as a form of curtesy or if something goes wrong with the other’s card or something. Like for example if I initiate a dinner date I’ll be the one intending on paying since I was the one who invited them and vice versa- that’s just how it’s always been for me though and what my personal belief is.. everyone’s different and how I go about it isn’t right or wrong it’s just what’s worked out the best for me in the past 🤷♀️
For the last story, when my husband and started dating we where in high school, we originally tried to pay every other date. After a while we wouldn't care who paid saying that it will equal out eventually
Alexandria VA?! I was born there, say hi for me while you're there since I've been in TX since I was 6!
Hello from Alexandria, VA! Enjoy your trip
I was just there !!!
I’d love for your dad to get some socks that say Father Knows on the bottom, specifically for filming this podcast.
Story 1: What if he was already married?👀🤔
Morgan! What's the name of the book for children with emotionally immature parents?!
I don’t believe in the diamonds I believe in the commitment that represents what our marriage is going to be and grow into. My first ring was from Walmart and when my husband got a better paying job he upgraded to something better but also he could afford. I got my ring over half off. They are white sapphires which as long as you keep the maintenance up on them they look just like diamonds. I get my monthly cleanings and my yearly polish and redips and the deep cleans. And it still looks how I got it. My husband always talks about another upgrade and honestly I don’t want one I love the growth that came with the ring I have now.
Her rushing him to get married I think is what is making him wishy washy. If it happening why keep pushing for it? Just be patient and let it happen naturally so it will be more authentic and wanted and not forced or rushed.
Can someone please tell me how to write into the show?
28:21 responding to the parents asking questions- the same strategy applies! ‘Thanks for asking! You know, I’ve been thinking about th4 relationship I want. [insert information here re one sided relationships or abusive dynamics lead to divorce or acrimony]… and I have been thinking about personal goals for the type of partner I want, and I want to meet those standards before I look seriously. For example, I expect to meet someone with passion and ambition so most of my focus is on school rn, and also there are some family dynamics that have been troubling me a lot that I wanted to ask y’all about before we welcome someone new.” Talking points could include the goal of “I refuse to abuse my partner, and I refuse to tolerate abuse in the relationship.” - I think going righttt to the generation angle could be counterproductive- even though I agree and I would point that out if more subtle methods didn’t work.
Thank you for your wisdom Jerry 🩷 I hope you can come to Canada and do a live show one day!
What book was Morgan referring to about emotional immature parents? I’d like to buy it. ❤ 📚
"Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents" :)
Jerry is the dad I wish I had ❤
Wait, what’s the book?
pleaseee y’all need to do a whine tour jn Canada I begggg😭😭😭
24:34 boys are just more valued in Asian countries. The author didn't state where she's from, but what she described sounds like the Asian mindset. I had to have so many discussions with my parents about boundaries and respect. It's frustrating because they have a different definition of respect and they recognize no boundaries.
Let’s gooooo
Story number 3, if you're couple seems willing to change I suggest fairplay is a car game and a book that helps couples redistribute work. If your partner does not seem willing to work this out I suggest you stop doing your house Lee duties do not clean do not cook except for yourself do not take care of him do not give him rubs. He'll learn.
Ahhh I live in Maryland! Let me buy you the best breakfast in town!!
😢 I was there last week
@@jerrysiegel3354 next time!!
What’s a ruf? 😂
If they are making her clean cause “that’s the girls roll” then why aren’t the brothers working and giving her their paycheck? Isn’t that “their roll”?😏
Why are we always afraid to hurt someone’s feelings by pointing out they are hurting ours even if it’s unintentional. I agree the gma is most likely worried about ur love life cuz in her day if u didn’t get married by a certain age no one would want u. Maybe all she needs to be told that’s not how it is now so u can worry less and explain majority men now a days wants someone who has established a career. So ur getting urself where today’s society expects u to be before a proposal would happen
Guys how do I post n ask Jerry for advice when I already kno what he gonna say but I just wanna hear it lmao Reddit won’t let me post shit💀
It’s wild that some women will end a relationship if the man isn’t ready for marriage by a certain time. Like if you two are in love and together and monogamous who cares what title you have??
To the woman who is giving her man all the love and attention and he expects it but doesn’t give it back… women are know need that more than men. He’s voiced he expects it which is because he wants or needs it and expects u do it. Yet u have voiced ur wants and needs and they go dismissed. Even if u didn’t voice ur needs if he know he wants or needs it why isn’t he able to give u the same comfort or joy. He sounds selfish. And also unaware. I’m sure u love things about him, but is this truly love. And maybe if his lack of effort is what has u feeling like it’s love cuz u so badly want it from him. If he isn’t giving it and u have shared ur need for it and he continues to expect and not give ur not in a relationship, it takes two to have a relationship. And I can see doing some more chores cuz u work from home… but not all. Damn I’m a stay at home mom but work one day a week and I expect my husband to still help and he drives 1-2 hours one way depending on work location and sometimes more. And he will come home and still shower me with love and attention. He will help me knowing I will be able to give him more if I’m not tired. And for him to want u to do all this but he can’t be hot to cuddle…. Does he even like u or does he just like having a slave
Also, with out his help and affection and understanding I wouldn’t be able to be the amazing mom I am… or a good wife. Cuz it’s give and take
Metal is NOT a phase Jerry
did ya see my face ahahah
Gah what’s the book called? Ahhhhhg
I wonder if the guy proposed yet
is 40 minutes of commuting supposed to be difficult?
The first story is literally on the girl for not establishing boundaries in the first place if marriage is what you wanted in the first place then why not get that before buying houses with people I don’t get it
Same with Morgan
Guys want the house and kids but not a piece of paper ?!?
Can u do it without editing??like straightcandid ?
They edit too hehe
@TwoHotTakes hummmm awhhh 😁 they start the podcast they say they don't..I thought hahah hey well my bad xx
Ik we’re in a” destroy gender roles, anyone can be anything!” Kind of chapter but that doesn’t mean you can bash on people for having different values/views on things.. ALOT of people, women especially like being SAHMs, they enjoy the caretaker role, and there’s nothing “ass backwards “ about that! And it’s funny how Morgan is stumbling over how to describe women as weak/smaller/ more subject to danger without actually saying those words lmao ITS OK! Women are inherently smaller and weaker than men.. it’s just a fact.
Metal is just music. Not a huge metal head but how stupid to say it's acting out.