One thing that is hitting me just now is that you are that rare person people want to like even when you are thriving, so you don’t even need your worst life to be molded in to an authentic person. It doesn’t seem fair, but you are definitely helping so many people.
This is absolutely beautiful. In your grief you have created this wonderful safe space for others to be authentically themselves, as they are. I’ve been having a hard time in motherhood, feeling very stuck, very small- this video made me feel less alone and less small. I wish so much goodness in store for you. I wish all the comforting signs from your sister that she is all around you. Much love ❤
That’s the kindest message ever - thank you so so much. It’s made me feel so much stronger too - I felt worried to make my channel maybe a sad place but then I know how many of us struggle and it’s so so important to hear it from each other xxxxx
Wow, I never comment on videos, however I feel compelled to on this occasion. Having experienced my own grief when our daughter died 9 years ago, I am in awe of your highly insightful perspective here. Your level of emotional intelligence and ability to offer such sage and pragmatic advice, particularly early on when grief is at its irrational worst is inspiring. It has taken me years of trial and error to validate every single great suggestion you have made here. It couldn’t be more perfect. I hope it brings comfort in me saying I think you’re going to be ok - someone who is able to sit with their grief in such a positive way when it is at its worst will also embrace the sun when it shines again - and it will x
I can imagine losing your daughter must be a pain unlike any other. I'm so happy you found this video and I hope 9 years on I do feel the sun shine again. thanks for messaging - it is so hard to share painful times but I'm just thankful when I meet others grieving as it makes our feelings more normal xxx
I love the thought that if you only have 10% to give you are giving 100% of what you have to give. That really helps with my mom guilt. Thank you for sharing.
I really needed this message! It's been a tough few years, my Mum passed away in 2020 (not from covid) and my own health conditions got much worse to the point where I had to stop working. I had been her carer and I worked full time. Now my life is one of grief, constant pain and little else. But I just turned 40 and I'm trying to be hopeful that there will still be some joy for me to find somewhere! Sending lots of love and positivity 💜
I ended up paying to see a physciatrist because i got so ill with anxiety and depression my gp was just not specialist in that area I'm on the road to recovery he's sorted out my meds because I was struggling functioning 😢
I hope that you can get some help with what you are going through. Please look for the help that you need. Little steps will turn into larger steps. Look for a starting point. The grief will make your pain feel even worse than it is. I'll cross my fingers for you. 🤞
This is such great advice for any difficult, shitty situation we can be in. You said something in your new video about we need to rest so we can do what we want and that resonated with me as I live with Chronic illness every single day which consists of Chronic pain, fatigue, anxiety, insomnia etc and I have tried to cling on to my old way of life for 5 years and I now have finally realised I'm doing this Chronic illness shitty thing all wrong as there's no way I can sustain living like that anymore. Time for changes in my life so I can enjoy different things. Thank you for chatting as you are so relatable. ❤❤
Thank you so much for sharing this, SJ. My dad passed away at the end of 2020 with unexplained stage 4 lung cancer right before he was set to retire. Since then I've been dealing with an unfolding of my life with grief, really bad post-partum depression after my 5th was born, marriage struggles, fatigue, overwhelm from having 5 young kids, house buying regret, money struggles-basically a midlife crisis that has led me to having stress-related digestion issues. I'm always trying to hold my head above water, but always dipping back under. This year alone, I had a surprise pregnancy, a very badly sprained ankle, very sad miscarriage, have to get two root canals, my spine is twisting from carrying babies with diastasis recti, and i just had a month and a half of very bad sickness. But I have to just keep moving forward and surviving. I normally curl up into a ball and shrink. Thank you very much for this. I love all of your advice.
Life sometimes makes no sense - and when people say 'everything happens for a reason' sometimes we know that's not true. There's no reason, and sometimes no lessons to take from loss. We just simply bear it and live for the good times and that's hard at times. I really truly hope you find brighter days and can wake up knowing how loved you are. xxx
I lost my Mum at 25 and my Dad last year both in very traumatic circumstances (all loss is traumatic) but both passings were very sudden and with lots of sadness. I’ve been riding the waves of trauma and loss for the past 6 years. Big feelings, struggling with a stressful career, feeling angry & resentful of most people. The grief has moved from my throat to my chest. Still there but it doesn’t have me in a headlock. Sending love to all ❤
That's the best analogy - the headlock is crippling - the pain; we can carry and find the joy. I was listening to a podcast lately (how to fail) about a dad who lost his son and he said 'if I truly love my son - I would love his mum and brothers with all of that joy' and it's been playing around in my head. xxxxx
Wow SJ! This was an incredibly helpful video and not only for real intense grief (so sorry for all that you are grieving through right now. Sending so much aloha from HI) but also life in general. Thank you so much for taking the time even though there isn’t much in your tank right now. You are a blessing!
SJ, these coping mechanisms and grace you are giving yourself is so beautiful. One mantra I love is “Come to Me, all you who are heavy laden and I will Give you rest.” In context, this mantra is talking about coming to Jesus and it has been really helpful for me. You are doing great and I am rooting for you!
This is so amazingly helpful. I’m so sorry for your loss. It is so beautiful to have seen your relationship with your sister. I love that she was not just your sister but your best friend. I suffer from major depression after a back injury that changed my whole life 9 years ago, and these tips are going in my toolbox for those “even though” days that come along. Thank you for turning your grief into something positive that can help others.
I'm not actually grieving, but my life is still very difficult at times and has been for many years. I felt so validated by your kind words and was reminded to be kind to myself too. The part about the grief always being with you in the room as this huge presence reminded me of the music video to Ed Sheeran's song "Eyes closed", which shows this very well in my opinion. We were all rooting for Naomi and now, we're rooting for you, SJ, and we're with you every step of the way. Sending lots of love and strength ❤️ P.S. You can add to your list "even though today was a total shit show, I recorded and uploaded a video and helped so many people out there to feel seen and validated. While going through my own pain, I've still managed to think of strangers." That is one hell of an achievement! We're all so very proud of you! 🤗
SJ this is phenomenal. Sometimes it does feel like we are all traipsing along up the toxic positivity path (especially as social media is generally a highlight reel for most users!) but this is so refreshing. I really really feel for you & send so much love & light ❤️ xx
This is the first of these videos that has ever made an impact on me. Thank you for this SJ, one of the most important things to do when you’re living your worst life I find is to pour kindness and goodness into the things and the people around you and this is what you have done with this video. You have given your viewers a solidarity that is a rare bird. Thank you for that xx
That's so true - sometimes just living and giving that love you've lost in new ways helps so much with the grieving. Thank you for your lovely message x
It did help me. It is hard to find grief being covered without depressing myself further on RUclips. But with you, I feel like it helped. A lot. I watch your videos anyways for baby names, you are so good at naming - I love your vids... But this. Thank you ❤️
I have DID (multiple personalities) caused by childhood trauma, and also chronic pain and fatigue, these tips felt relevant to me too, they're so amazing, thanks so much for sharing!
Oh I’m so happy it helped - learning to cope through bad times is sometimes a bit flippant or out of reach so I’m super happy you could feel the same as me and these can help x
My mum has been told she has a terminal disease this last year and I know exactly how you feel... i feel very alone and scared and like im living in a nightmare that I cant wake up from... sometimes i forget how bad things are until i remember and my world comes crashing down again.... its so awful and i dont know if it will ever get better
Love this video so helpful! ❤ Me and my husband had a very difficult year last year. First we lost my father in law then I had a miscarriage. We were both so incredibly sad and wanting to shrink like you mentioned. There were times when we lashed out at each other, which wasn't helpful at all and just made us feel even worse. Even though we didn't want to, it did us both so much good to individually reach out to close friends who were willing to listen. Although we both still have down days, things are so mucn better this year and I can be grateful for that now, but at the time our focus had to be to just get through each day one at a time. Definitely important to remember that sometimes you can be doing well just to get through the day x
You are such a special person, anyone would support their sister but you absolutely poured everything you had into her. That will be a comfort to you in the future.
Most of us go through tough times, in certain periods in our life. Nothing can be done but to get through them. Personally, I and my siblings went through about 4 very tough years as my parents experienced their end of life declines. It was awful, but my main coping mechanism was to just keep putting one foot in front of the other. I could not change what was happening to them - I could just be there as best as I could, do what I could, support and love them, through the doctors' appts, the changes, the bad news, the worse news.....if I thought too much about it day to day, the enormity of what was happening to them, I would have stopped functioning, at times, anyway. It is so important not to be too hard on yourself - we can all only do what we can do. Thank you for your videos. ❤
Absolutely agree with this,I lost my mum last year and am still trying to deal with it.I wish I had done some things differently but then my other voice says you did all you could and you were there for her,But it’s still hard
@@shirleyvalentine2794 Yes, very hard. especially, when they are "not doing what they are supposed to..."! ;-) You advocate for them, you want them to have the best possible outcomes... but they also need/want to assert themselves, make their own choices still, as we all do. Difficult balancing act.... I'm sure your mum knew how much she was loved and that you were doing your best. ❤
This was really beautiful SJ. Thank you for being so real with us. It sounds like you are finding space to be gentle with yourself right now which is so meaningful. I'm saving this video for the hard days because there is so much real wisdom and solid advice here. 💛🙏
Thank you so much for this video ❤️ Usually, such videos are aimed at being able to do more and be better than you are right now. You give me the feeling that you are okay, just the way you are right now. Thank you for this message. ❤️
You helped me tremendously and I’ll pay it forward when given the chance. Especially love when you said that we give 100% of what we have to give. That hit home. Thanks so much SJ. Sending you a big hug right now. Hope you can feel it🤗💕
Hey, you are so beautiful :). I am 42 now, but lost my big sister when I was 18 to a car crash. This was in the 90ties, I had not support from family or anybody. My friends did not know what to do (they were teens as well) and my parents would not even talk to me about that (I don't blame them anymore). I know how devastating this is, especially in the beginning, and it does get better with time. I was just finishing school and did not have many responsibilities, but felt this enormous grief, sadness and emptiness with no one to share. I now visit a therapist ..25 years later, because in my country therapy is a shameful act, as many people consider you are "crazy" if you do it. So I am feeling you, or I get back to the moments I was in the first years in my grief. It will get better, still nothing to do to skip it unfortunately. My sister was a part of me and you die a little be as well...
I also do the even though concept. Now I think..... ok even though I didn't get out of the house today I sat and watched the birds in my garden and had a lovely warm shower. Its the little things in life that I never take for granted. ❤
Yes I too am having a shit life! ….surviving but my life is not what I want or thought it would be! My husband passed away at work he wasn’t unwell 55 and gone! That was 7 years ago and I am still angry devastated and so so sad!
Thank you. Exactly, I have had difficult periods in my life. Be kind to your soul. Slowly brighten times start coming in. Your sister was then and is now your Angel.
omg lol...Yes, I'm right there with you living a shit show right now. I needed a laugh, and you provided one for me so thanks. :-) I have my own business and really need to get a job for extra income over the summer and I don't think I have it in me. I have so many things going on around me with family that it drains me daily to where I don't want to do anything. Everything I have wanted to do I can't do and feel like a caged animal. I wanted my dual citizenship so I can be a British American and had to put that on hold due to family issues. I need to somehow make me happy without hurting other people. It's just hard. Thanks for the video. By the way the Memory Picture of Naomi behind you is beautiful.💔❤
What i needed to hear right now. Sending you all the vibes you need in the moment you need them. Thankyou for being a beacon when you are struggling yourself.
Wow I love this so much!! Going to rewatch it several times and make use of the techniques on those days where the grief just feels too overwhelming! ❤
Thanks for sharing some great tips and advice in the midst of your grief for Naomi. In 2012 my life fell apart as I was going through a divorce and move away from my home of 20 years when my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer and passed away four months later. I was a single parent to a very challenging teenager, couldn't count on my ex for anything and then got severely ill myself and needed surgery. Through it all I took a deep dive into therapy and took classes on stress management. Slowly I worked through the grief and loss and rebuilt my life. I am now the happiest I have ever been and am much stronger and more resilient to handle all the things that life tends to throw at us. Blessings to you and your family.
Wow this is so inspiring to hear and I'm so amazed you found the strength to build up vs falling apart. Single parenting is hard in very stable circumstances so I can imagine it was sink or swim; and I'm so hoping I get to swim too. xxx
This it the video I needed - I lost my baby at 20 + 6weeks pregnant due to a severe heart defect - I'm grieving so heavily my life was turned upside down following our 20 week scan. I'm trying so hard to cope as I have a 2 year old. Today I only have about 10% to give - I feel rubbish for my toddler who just wants to play with me - I just can't do more than the basics. So thankyou for this the 10% I have to give is 100% of what I can give. Not everyday is like this. Stay strong ❤
Not everyday; but it's so helpful to understand our feelings during. I hope this eases our trauma and I'm truly sorry for your loss. I can imagine it must have been a unbearable time having to tell people too and that grief of a life that would have been xxxx
I lost my mum to bowel cancer last February, 4 months after her diagnosis and 8 days after I gave birth to her first granddaughter. This video is explaining exactly how I have been coping this past year, just surviving and acknowledging that life is a bit of a shit show at the moment but I can't change anything and I will be able to get through this. Sending lots of love, SJ. X
That is so much to bear - 8 days. I can imagine you felt the unfairness of life so much. It just feels surreal most days but if we all cope together we can live on and love them in new ways. Please give your daughter a hug from me xxxx
I'm gutted for you - I've lived the same with my second pregnancy and it was the saddest time. I loved a song 'How' by Regina Specktor to articulate some feelings I couldn't if you felt like listening xxxxxxxxxxx
Hi SJ that vlog was truly awesome, in so many aspects of my life. I lost my beautiful brave sister a few years ago, she was my world. I really really wish I had seen your thoughts and feelings then because they are spot on. Thank you because now I understand it's ok, The percentage points were so simple the way you explained them, and to think I had never looked at it that way. I can now use it to help as I've just lost my father. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Lynne Xx
Thanks SJ, this was so helpful. You're a natural, ever thought about being a counsellor or something similar? I agree about the gratitude thing, there's a time and place, sending love X
@@SJ_Strum Definitely I'd say, you have the loveliest way about you and seem very authentic, empathic and most importantly, kind. Doing these videos when you feel at your worst says so much about you X
SJ! This is such a wonderful, true, helpful video. I lost my mom on Jan 29 and my dad March 14 of this year to cancer. Truly, fu*k cancer. And everyday I feel differently. My mind is in a different place. But these were such helpful tips. Thank you for sharing. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Always beautifully articulated. Need to save this and watch on all the tough days. Thank you for sharing your experiences in order to help us your viewers. I am so guilty of numbing my day with dross on RUclips but this video was worth every second of my time. Thank you again. Sending all the love to you and your family
Thank you so much for making this video SJ, everything you said makes so much sense especially the giving 20% but really giving 100% example., we often put too much pressure on ourselves when we should be much kinder to ourselves!.You are a beautiful soul sending you lots of love and positive thoughts xx
Thank you for still putting out these videos lovely lady. Its so so hard isn't it? I understand the grief all too well and it's just about taking each day at your own pace. It must be extremely hard when you also have young children as you are so in demand as a mum eh? You only have so much energy as a human being so please don't dream of being hard on yourself. You are doing amazing my sweet. sending big hugs. xx
My sister killed herself in November she was just 23... just getting up and washing is an achievement. Greif life is a huge roller-coaster and it's okay to say life absolutely sucks atm thank you for sharing and being honest ❤xxx
Relate to getting up & washing is an achievement. I’m so sorry if this triggers you & you don’t have to finish reading this, but I’m 23 as well & have seriously been thinking of killing myself by the year’s end. No one, not even myself, has given me any reason nor realistic hope as to why I should be alive. Just felt the need to say something to you to show love/relatability.
@myangimeowgi2600 hello love I did read your message and I very much have time for you. I totally understand that you feel like that and I am so sorry you feel so awful. my heart breaks for you. I do have hope and I hope I can give you some to keep going. I'd love to chat to you privately 😘 can I message you my number some how if you feel like talking xxx
Always keeping it real. You just keep proving to me why you're my favourite youtuber to follow. Started following you when my son was born, he's 5 next week 🙈 so youve been a real association with motherhood for me 💞 Can i just say im so sorry youre living your worst life❤im so sorry. Thank you so much for all the great content you've always shared - entertaining, inspiring, informative - i always feel like your videos are like getting a message from a best friend 😊 you're brilliant, and im so grateful for you. ❤
That's so lovely to hear - thanks so much for taking the time to message. I don't want to be a sad place on RUclips but grief is my life at the moment and I'm so happy it's turned into something positive people can hear xxx
This is such a important video SJ and I have so much respect for you. The joy will come back more often but it will be different than before I am sure. All my love and I am sure this video will help so many people. x
Grieving is so hard I’m still going through it also my friend lost her 22 year old son to lymphoma so I try to be stronger for her. We talk about how we feel ect it really does help it’s not that it gets easier we just adapt to living with it. Just be your best you can be l kind to yourself to remember your dear sister lives on in you forever Sending love and hugs love Faye 🩵🧚♀️⭐️
@@SJ_Strum 100% like when my dad died from mesothelioma my mums way of coping was to go out every day and put some music on or a audible book she would park up near the beach just to breath! We are lucky we have some beautiful beaches here in Cornwall. Also I believe in after life & spirits being around us as we have experienced it , my son is also in to science and said to me we are made up of energy and we are atoms as we are energy we can never leave the planet spirits are all around us I loved that thought Sj such a nice thought its goes with feeling when there near doesn't it xxfaye xx
My dad died unexpectedly at 58 from a sudden heart attack. I wish I could have articulated my grief as well as you and know what I needed and was able to verbalise it. I hope each day gets less painful for you x
Thankyou for this, I need this right now, going through some bad times right now. I hope you're feeling in a better place soon. Take care of yourself .xxx
You are so welcome - it’s a long road to get coping strategies or be able to support ourselves through hard times without needing to rely on others - I’m so glad they resonated with you xxxxx
Thanks for sharing this. My Dad was diagnosed with cancer in 2020 and we thought he was recovered. Last September his back pain turned out to be advanced cancer and he died 8 weeks later. I felt changed to the core when he was first diagnosed and since he died I feel like I'm on a different planet. I dont know who I am anymore but I go back to basics. I get up, eat well, exercise and know how to survive despite the sadness. It's so tough though, I don't like this new "life". Please keep discussing grief if and when you feel able, its such a lonely experience. Its eight months on since losing my Dad and I still feel so lost.
I'm so sorry; what a shock - 8 weeks. It's actually crazy isn't it looking back at the photos to realise they've gone so fast. Thanks for sharing with me; grief is going to be here forever so back to basics is the best/only way. rebuilding a new life in so many ways x
Thanks so much I have a baby and a two year old and also a stepson. I am a wife and a teacher and I sometimes have such feelings of sadness and depression about things that have happened to me in my life/ trauma and my self worth/ self esteem sometimes I will have a week where I can show up where I need to and put my makeup on but inside I am dying and even thinking how much peace I would feel if I just wasn’t here anymore. These feelings make me feel so guilty but it’s helpful to use the even though phrase. Even though I feel worthless and disgusting I still managed to teach great lessons. Even though I am blaming myself for my mistakes , I still smiled and got my children ready for the day. Even though I sometimes feel so awful I worry about the future, I have tried my best to make the most of today. Some really helpful reframing strategies thank you Also I think you helped me to feel like it is ok to just get through the days sometimes and not feel this pressure to live your best life. I also agree the rock and puddle idea is helpful for trying to not make the anxieties/ trauma the center of your universe but to attempt to build other things into your life. When I am struggling mentally I shrink and shrivel and only do the bare minimum levels of interaction because I feel like I have so much personal stuff in my head and my head is trying to work through and resolve these things alongside other mandatory tasks that i have nothing left to give to social events.I will no doubt replay this as I really relate to so much of what you discuss with the mental struggles and how hard it is to make space for much else x
I’m so happy you will find this helpful; it’s so hard not to believe everything our brain tells us in dark times - but I can tell how lovely you are and please do keep me in mind tomorrow and know we’re both walking out proud of ourselves xxxxxxx we can get through anything and we are so loved xxxx
You and your sister are helping others in ways you probably never even knew. I love my own two sisters even more and want to be a better sister to them all for knowing the both of you and the love you share❤️ x
You can be living ur worst life and still helping others. Just take that in for a minute. Part of being in depression is sometimes u can be selfish but if u can still be there for others then u can truly live with depression, in ur worst life and get out the other side
Very true; it’s like a need to share so we don’t feel alone and then it reaches people feeling the same even though they might never cross your path in real life xxxx
What podcasts would you recommend that have helped you? I also think you should consider doing a podcast on this topic, you articulate things so well ❤
I’ve been listening a lot to 10% Happier, Terrible Thanks For Asking and This Is Really Happening - which is all sorts of real life tough stories that make you realise how people get through so much xxx
Hi darling I will save this video to watch when I am able to . For what lies ahead is a similar story to yourself xxx I love your way and your kindness and beautiful love of your dear dear sister xxx love from Ireland
I'm a psychotherapist, and I feel this is such an important video and incredibly helpful! Thank you for all the wise thoughts and words!❤
Oh thank you!!! I’m so glad to hear it from a psychotherapist! Xxxxxx
Such helpful suggestions? Thanks for sharing. I hope your days get better real soon ❤ Much love Tess 🇦🇺🥰🩷💜💙💚🤎
One thing that is hitting me just now is that you are that rare person people want to like even when you are thriving, so you don’t even need your worst life to be molded in to an authentic person. It doesn’t seem fair, but you are definitely helping so many people.
This is absolutely beautiful. In your grief you have created this wonderful safe space for others to be authentically themselves, as they are. I’ve been having a hard time in motherhood, feeling very stuck, very small- this video made me feel less alone and less small.
I wish so much goodness in store for you. I wish all the comforting signs from your sister that she is all around you. Much love ❤
That’s the kindest message ever - thank you so so much. It’s made me feel so much stronger too - I felt worried to make my channel maybe a sad place but then I know how many of us struggle and it’s so so important to hear it from each other xxxxx
I'm very moved by this video and this perspective. I think of you and your family often ❤
Oh I’m so happy and hope some of the techniques come useful if you ever need them xxx
Wow, I never comment on videos, however I feel compelled to on this occasion. Having experienced my own grief when our daughter died 9 years ago, I am in awe of your highly insightful perspective here. Your level of emotional intelligence and ability to offer such sage and pragmatic advice, particularly early on when grief is at its irrational worst is inspiring. It has taken me years of trial and error to validate every single great suggestion you have made here. It couldn’t be more perfect. I hope it brings comfort in me saying I think you’re going to be ok - someone who is able to sit with their grief in such a positive way when it is at its worst will also embrace the sun when it shines again - and it will x
I can imagine losing your daughter must be a pain unlike any other. I'm so happy you found this video and I hope 9 years on I do feel the sun shine again. thanks for messaging - it is so hard to share painful times but I'm just thankful when I meet others grieving as it makes our feelings more normal xxx
Thank you for this video. My dad was diagnosed with cancer in December 2022 and died in May. I appreciate this
I love the thought that if you only have 10% to give you are giving 100% of what you have to give. That really helps with my mom guilt. Thank you for sharing.
I really needed this message! It's been a tough few years, my Mum passed away in 2020 (not from covid) and my own health conditions got much worse to the point where I had to stop working. I had been her carer and I worked full time. Now my life is one of grief, constant pain and little else. But I just turned 40 and I'm trying to be hopeful that there will still be some joy for me to find somewhere!
Sending lots of love and positivity 💜
There will be for sure ❤❤ you’ll find it and I hope even more this week xxxx
I ended up paying to see a physciatrist because i got so ill with anxiety and depression my gp was just not specialist in that area I'm on the road to recovery he's sorted out my meds because I was struggling functioning 😢
Im so sorry to read this Mirily. You have really been through it bless you. We are expected to cope with so much arent we. sending hugs xx
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I hope that you can get some help with what you are going through. Please look for the help that you need. Little steps will turn into larger steps. Look for a starting point. The grief will make your pain feel even worse than it is. I'll cross my fingers for you. 🤞
This video meant so much to me. Thank you for talking about loneliness and grief and how to cope during. ❤
I’m so happy it got to you when it was helpful ❤
This is such great advice for any difficult, shitty situation we can be in. You said something in your new video about we need to rest so we can do what we want and that resonated with me as I live with Chronic illness every single day which consists of Chronic pain, fatigue, anxiety, insomnia etc and I have tried to cling on to my old way of life for 5 years and I now have finally realised I'm doing this Chronic illness shitty thing all wrong as there's no way I can sustain living like that anymore. Time for changes in my life so I can enjoy different things. Thank you for chatting as you are so relatable. ❤❤
Thank you so much for sharing this, SJ. My dad passed away at the end of 2020 with unexplained stage 4 lung cancer right before he was set to retire. Since then I've been dealing with an unfolding of my life with grief, really bad post-partum depression after my 5th was born, marriage struggles, fatigue, overwhelm from having 5 young kids, house buying regret, money struggles-basically a midlife crisis that has led me to having stress-related digestion issues. I'm always trying to hold my head above water, but always dipping back under. This year alone, I had a surprise pregnancy, a very badly sprained ankle, very sad miscarriage, have to get two root canals, my spine is twisting from carrying babies with diastasis recti, and i just had a month and a half of very bad sickness. But I have to just keep moving forward and surviving. I normally curl up into a ball and shrink. Thank you very much for this. I love all of your advice.
Life sometimes makes no sense - and when people say 'everything happens for a reason' sometimes we know that's not true. There's no reason, and sometimes no lessons to take from loss. We just simply bear it and live for the good times and that's hard at times. I really truly hope you find brighter days and can wake up knowing how loved you are. xxx
I lost my Mum at 25 and my Dad last year both in very traumatic circumstances (all loss is traumatic) but both passings were very sudden and with lots of sadness.
I’ve been riding the waves of trauma and loss for the past 6 years. Big feelings, struggling with a stressful career, feeling angry & resentful of most people.
The grief has moved from my throat to my chest. Still there but it doesn’t have me in a headlock.
Sending love to all ❤
That's the best analogy - the headlock is crippling - the pain; we can carry and find the joy. I was listening to a podcast lately (how to fail) about a dad who lost his son and he said 'if I truly love my son - I would love his mum and brothers with all of that joy' and it's been playing around in my head. xxxxx
Wow SJ! This was an incredibly helpful video and not only for real intense grief (so sorry for all that you are grieving through right now. Sending so much aloha from HI) but also life in general. Thank you so much for taking the time even though there isn’t much in your tank right now. You are a blessing!
Thank you so much - I feel like we all need coping strategies even for the little tough moments; I’m so so happy you found it relatable xxxxx
The even though has brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing this video. It applies to so many life situations.
That “even though” tip is so helpful. Thank you
SJ, these coping mechanisms and grace you are giving yourself is so beautiful. One mantra I love is “Come to Me, all you who are heavy laden and I will Give you rest.” In context, this mantra is talking about coming to Jesus and it has been really helpful for me. You are doing great and I am rooting for you!
Here is a video that might be helpful too. ruclips.net/video/VeUiuSK81-0/видео.html sending lots of love to you!
This is THE best thing I’ve seen in a very long time. Thank you SJ. Thank you 🥰
I'm so happy to hear that - thanks so much for letting me know xxxxx
This is so amazingly helpful. I’m so sorry for your loss. It is so beautiful to have seen your relationship with your sister. I love that she was not just your sister but your best friend. I suffer from major depression after a back injury that changed my whole life 9 years ago, and these tips are going in my toolbox for those “even though” days that come along. Thank you for turning your grief into something positive that can help others.
I'm not actually grieving, but my life is still very difficult at times and has been for many years. I felt so validated by your kind words and was reminded to be kind to myself too.
The part about the grief always being with you in the room as this huge presence reminded me of the music video to Ed Sheeran's song "Eyes closed", which shows this very well in my opinion.
We were all rooting for Naomi and now, we're rooting for you, SJ, and we're with you every step of the way. Sending lots of love and strength ❤️
P.S. You can add to your list "even though today was a total shit show, I recorded and uploaded a video and helped so many people out there to feel seen and validated. While going through my own pain, I've still managed to think of strangers." That is one hell of an achievement! We're all so very proud of you! 🤗
SJ this is phenomenal. Sometimes it does feel like we are all traipsing along up the toxic positivity path (especially as social media is generally a highlight reel for most users!) but this is so refreshing. I really really feel for you & send so much love & light ❤️ xx
Thank you Isabel x
This is the first of these videos that has ever made an impact on me. Thank you for this SJ, one of the most important things to do when you’re living your worst life I find is to pour kindness and goodness into the things and the people around you and this is what you have done with this video. You have given your viewers a solidarity that is a rare bird. Thank you for that xx
That's so true - sometimes just living and giving that love you've lost in new ways helps so much with the grieving. Thank you for your lovely message x
It did help me. It is hard to find grief being covered without depressing myself further on RUclips. But with you, I feel like it helped. A lot. I watch your videos anyways for baby names, you are so good at naming - I love your vids... But this. Thank you ❤️
I have DID (multiple personalities) caused by childhood trauma, and also chronic pain and fatigue, these tips felt relevant to me too, they're so amazing, thanks so much for sharing!
Oh I’m so happy it helped - learning to cope through bad times is sometimes a bit flippant or out of reach so I’m super happy you could feel the same as me and these can help x
My mum has been told she has a terminal disease this last year and I know exactly how you feel... i feel very alone and scared and like im living in a nightmare that I cant wake up from... sometimes i forget how bad things are until i remember and my world comes crashing down again.... its so awful and i dont know if it will ever get better
Love this video so helpful! ❤ Me and my husband had a very difficult year last year. First we lost my father in law then I had a miscarriage. We were both so incredibly sad and wanting to shrink like you mentioned. There were times when we lashed out at each other, which wasn't helpful at all and just made us feel even worse. Even though we didn't want to, it did us both so much good to individually reach out to close friends who were willing to listen. Although we both still have down days, things are so mucn better this year and I can be grateful for that now, but at the time our focus had to be to just get through each day one at a time. Definitely important to remember that sometimes you can be doing well just to get through the day x
This has helped me so so much. Thank you, SJ. Love from South Africa
Sometimes I don't have the energy to even try to thrive, but surviving is still worth celebrating
So true xxx
You are such a special person, anyone would support their sister but you absolutely poured everything you had into her. That will be a comfort to you in the future.
It will I hope and thank you for saying that xxxxxx
The title is so spot on. My worst life was since my sis passed. My treading water lasted a long time.
Most of us go through tough times, in certain periods in our life. Nothing can be done but to get through them. Personally, I and my siblings went through about 4 very tough years as my parents experienced their end of life declines. It was awful, but my main coping mechanism was to just keep putting one foot in front of the other. I could not change what was happening to them - I could just be there as best as I could, do what I could, support and love them, through the doctors' appts, the changes, the bad news, the worse news.....if I thought too much about it day to day, the enormity of what was happening to them, I would have stopped functioning, at times, anyway. It is so important not to be too hard on yourself - we can all only do what we can do. Thank you for your videos. ❤
Absolutely agree with this,I lost my mum last year and am still trying to deal with it.I wish I had done some things differently but then my other voice says you did all you could and you were there for her,But it’s still hard
@@shirleyvalentine2794 Yes, very hard. especially, when they are "not doing what they are supposed to..."! ;-) You advocate for them, you want them to have the best possible outcomes... but they also need/want to assert themselves, make their own choices still, as we all do. Difficult balancing act.... I'm sure your mum knew how much she was loved and that you were doing your best. ❤
This was really beautiful SJ. Thank you for being so real with us. It sounds like you are finding space to be gentle with yourself right now which is so meaningful. I'm saving this video for the hard days because there is so much real wisdom and solid advice here. 💛🙏
Thanks Hannah - I do hope it comes to use when you need it xxxx
Thank you so much for this video ❤️ Usually, such videos are aimed at being able to do more and be better than you are right now. You give me the feeling that you are okay, just the way you are right now. Thank you for this message. ❤️
You helped me tremendously and I’ll pay it forward when given the chance. Especially love when you said that we give 100% of what we have to give. That hit home. Thanks so much SJ. Sending you a big hug right now. Hope you can feel it🤗💕
This was so validating to hear and beautifully said. Thank you so much SJ. Sending you and your family so much love 💛
Hey, you are so beautiful :). I am 42 now, but lost my big sister when I was 18 to a car crash. This was in the 90ties, I had not support from family or anybody. My friends did not know what to do (they were teens as well) and my parents would not even talk to me about that (I don't blame them anymore). I know how devastating this is, especially in the beginning, and it does get better with time. I was just finishing school and did not have many responsibilities, but felt this enormous grief, sadness and emptiness with no one to share. I now visit a therapist ..25 years later, because in my country therapy is a shameful act, as many people consider you are "crazy" if you do it. So I am feeling you, or I get back to the moments I was in the first years in my grief. It will get better, still nothing to do to skip it unfortunately. My sister was a part of me and you die a little be as well...
This was an incredible video. What wonderful insight. I’m sure your words will help so many.
I also do the even though concept. Now I think..... ok even though I didn't get out of the house today I sat and watched the birds in my garden and had a lovely warm shower. Its the little things in life that I never take for granted. ❤
It’s so true; each day there’s moments to be glad we managed to make peaceful x
So helpful thank you beautiful 🌻 sending you and your family so much love and strength 💜
Yes I too am having a shit life! ….surviving but my life is not what I want or thought it would be! My husband passed away at work he wasn’t unwell 55 and gone! That was 7 years ago and I am still angry devastated and so so sad!
Thank you. Exactly, I have had difficult periods in my life. Be kind to your soul. Slowly brighten times start coming in. Your sister was then and is now your Angel.
She is I hope so much xxxxxx
omg lol...Yes, I'm right there with you living a shit show right now. I needed a laugh, and you provided one for me so thanks. :-) I have my own business and really need to get a job for extra income over the summer and I don't think I have it in me. I have so many things going on around me with family that it drains me daily to where I don't want to do anything. Everything I have wanted to do I can't do and feel like a caged animal. I wanted my dual citizenship so I can be a British American and had to put that on hold due to family issues. I need to somehow make me happy without hurting other people. It's just hard. Thanks for the video. By the way the Memory Picture of Naomi behind you is beautiful.💔❤
What i needed to hear right now. Sending you all the vibes you need in the moment you need them. Thankyou for being a beacon when you are struggling yourself.
Thanks so much x
Wow I love this so much!! Going to rewatch it several times and make use of the techniques on those days where the grief just feels too overwhelming! ❤
Thanks for sharing some great tips and advice in the midst of your grief for Naomi. In 2012 my life fell apart as I was going through a divorce and move away from my home of 20 years when my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer and passed away four months later. I was a single parent to a very challenging teenager, couldn't count on my ex for anything and then got severely ill myself and needed surgery. Through it all I took a deep dive into therapy and took classes on stress management. Slowly I worked through the grief and loss and rebuilt my life. I am now the happiest I have ever been and am much stronger and more resilient to handle all the things that life tends to throw at us. Blessings to you and your family.
Wow this is so inspiring to hear and I'm so amazed you found the strength to build up vs falling apart. Single parenting is hard in very stable circumstances so I can imagine it was sink or swim; and I'm so hoping I get to swim too. xxx
These is all incredibly useful advice. Possibly one of the most useful RUclips videos on surviving difficult times I’ve seen… Thank you X
I'm so happy to hear that x
You did say “new mums” and I’m a mother of two you g kids and immediately knew this would help me too. I’m definitely JUST SURVIVING right now.
This it the video I needed - I lost my baby at 20 + 6weeks pregnant due to a severe heart defect - I'm grieving so heavily my life was turned upside down following our 20 week scan. I'm trying so hard to cope as I have a 2 year old.
Today I only have about 10% to give - I feel rubbish for my toddler who just wants to play with me - I just can't do more than the basics. So thankyou for this the 10% I have to give is 100% of what I can give. Not everyday is like this.
Stay strong ❤
Not everyday; but it's so helpful to understand our feelings during. I hope this eases our trauma and I'm truly sorry for your loss. I can imagine it must have been a unbearable time having to tell people too and that grief of a life that would have been xxxx
I lost my mum to bowel cancer last February, 4 months after her diagnosis and 8 days after I gave birth to her first granddaughter. This video is explaining exactly how I have been coping this past year, just surviving and acknowledging that life is a bit of a shit show at the moment but I can't change anything and I will be able to get through this. Sending lots of love, SJ. X
That is so much to bear - 8 days. I can imagine you felt the unfairness of life so much. It just feels surreal most days but if we all cope together we can live on and love them in new ways. Please give your daughter a hug from me xxxx
Such good advice as I suffer with depression it makes alot of sense I will be using this in my life thank you 😊
This video came out the same day I found out my unborn child doesn't have a heartbeat... I am living my worst life. Thank you for this video. 😢❤
We lost our first baby last year and it's the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. Sending you so much love 💕 x
I'm gutted for you - I've lived the same with my second pregnancy and it was the saddest time. I loved a song 'How' by Regina Specktor to articulate some feelings I couldn't if you felt like listening xxxxxxxxxxx
Thank you for your sympathy and support ❤️
Hi SJ that vlog was truly awesome, in so many aspects of my life.
I lost my beautiful brave sister a few years ago, she was my world.
I really really wish I had seen your thoughts and feelings then because
they are spot on. Thank you because now I understand it's ok, The
percentage points were so simple the way you explained them, and to
think I had never looked at it that way. I can now use it to help as
I've just lost my father.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Lynne
Xx
I'm so sorry Lynne xxxxxxxx
Thanks SJ, this was so helpful. You're a natural, ever thought about being a counsellor or something similar? I agree about the gratitude thing, there's a time and place, sending love X
Ah no I haven’t ❤😂 but I always get told at spiritual things that I’m a natural healer!!!! So maybe something I need to explore more of ❤
@@SJ_Strum Definitely I'd say, you have the loveliest way about you and seem very authentic, empathic and most importantly, kind. Doing these videos when you feel at your worst says so much about you X
I absolutely love the term “Even Though”. I will start using it rather than be critical of myself. Thanks from Texas
I really needed this today SJ 😓thank you
I loved this SJ ❤ as someone who has depression, I found this really very helpful.
SJ! This is such a wonderful, true, helpful video. I lost my mom on Jan 29 and my dad March 14 of this year to cancer. Truly, fu*k cancer. And everyday I feel differently. My mind is in a different place. But these were such helpful tips. Thank you for sharing. I'm so sorry for your loss.
f88k cancer
Always beautifully articulated. Need to save this and watch on all the tough days. Thank you for sharing your experiences in order to help us your viewers. I am so guilty of numbing my day with dross on RUclips but this video was worth every second of my time. Thank you again. Sending all the love to you and your family
I love this video, it’s exactly what I needed to hear and those coping strategies are brilliant, thank you❤
Thank you so much for making this video SJ, everything you said makes so much sense especially the giving 20% but really giving 100% example., we often put too much pressure on ourselves when we should be much kinder to ourselves!.You are a beautiful soul sending you lots of love and positive thoughts xx
You are so brave and a big inspiration. I think of you often and how strong you are x
Ah thanks janine; not that strong at all but I try to keep going as much as I can ❤❤❤❤
@@SJ_Strum you really do you show up for your kids that's amazing
Thank you for still putting out these videos lovely lady. Its so so hard isn't it? I understand the grief all too well and it's just about taking each day at your own pace. It must be extremely hard when you also have young children as you are so in demand as a mum eh? You only have so much energy as a human being so please don't dream of being hard on yourself. You are doing amazing my sweet. sending big hugs. xx
My sister killed herself in November she was just 23... just getting up and washing is an achievement. Greif life is a huge roller-coaster and it's okay to say life absolutely sucks atm thank you for sharing and being honest ❤xxx
I can imagine that just totally floored you - sending so so much love xxxx
Relate to getting up & washing is an achievement. I’m so sorry if this triggers you & you don’t have to finish reading this, but I’m 23 as well & have seriously been thinking of killing myself by the year’s end. No one, not even myself, has given me any reason nor realistic hope as to why I should be alive. Just felt the need to say something to you to show love/relatability.
@myangimeowgi2600 hello love I did read your message and I very much have time for you. I totally understand that you feel like that and I am so sorry you feel so awful. my heart breaks for you. I do have hope and I hope I can give you some to keep going. I'd love to chat to you privately 😘 can I message you my number some how if you feel like talking xxx
Always keeping it real. You just keep proving to me why you're my favourite youtuber to follow. Started following you when my son was born, he's 5 next week 🙈 so youve been a real association with motherhood for me 💞
Can i just say im so sorry youre living your worst life❤im so sorry. Thank you so much for all the great content you've always shared - entertaining, inspiring, informative - i always feel like your videos are like getting a message from a best friend 😊 you're brilliant, and im so grateful for you. ❤
That's so lovely to hear - thanks so much for taking the time to message. I don't want to be a sad place on RUclips but grief is my life at the moment and I'm so happy it's turned into something positive people can hear xxx
This is such a important video SJ and I have so much respect for you. The joy will come back more often but it will be different than before I am sure. All my love and I am sure this video will help so many people. x
Wow this video rings so true! Such a kind thing to share SJ - thank you! 💚
Thanks so much Emily / I’m so happy you liked it! I was nervous to post it xxx
Grieving is so hard I’m still going through it also my friend lost her 22 year old son to lymphoma so I try to be stronger for her. We talk about how we feel ect it really does help it’s not that it gets easier we just adapt to living with it. Just be your best you can be l kind to yourself to remember your dear sister lives on in you forever Sending love and hugs love Faye 🩵🧚♀️⭐️
Oh that’s so so sad; it’s just as hard being the supporter in a tragedy like that xxxx
Not just as hard but you know what I mean! Xxxxx
@@SJ_Strum yes devastating for her as it was her son xx
@@SJ_Strum 100% like when my dad died from mesothelioma my mums way of coping was to go out every day and put some music on or a audible book she would park up near the beach just to breath! We are lucky we have some beautiful beaches here in Cornwall. Also I believe in after life & spirits being around us as we have experienced it , my son is also in to science and said to me we are made up of energy and we are atoms as we are energy we can never leave the planet spirits are all around us I loved that thought Sj such a nice thought its goes with feeling when there near doesn't it xxfaye xx
Thank you SJ. This is just what I needed. Sending so much Love 💓
My dad died unexpectedly at 58 from a sudden heart attack. I wish I could have articulated my grief as well as you and know what I needed and was able to verbalise it. I hope each day gets less painful for you x
I absolutely agree 💯
I became disabled three years ago and most days I'm just winging it.
Wow that must be such a huge challenge for your mood and mental health as well - I’m so so glad you found this helpful xxxxxxx
@@SJ_Strum very helpful, thank you 😊 🙏
Yes!!!!! An honest video!!!!!!! Thank you!!!
Thank you SJ, what you’re putting out on here is so important and helpful and you’re always relatable. Ps you should totally pitch a Ted talk ❤️🩹
ha ha - yes maybe!!! I'm sure there are great ones on grief - I should listen to a few too xxxx
Thankyou for this, I need this right now, going through some bad times right now. I hope you're feeling in a better place soon. Take care of yourself .xxx
Take care of yourself too - we are both very loved and need to remember that sometimes xxxxx
Thankyou for answering❤xx
You are truly amazing.
Extremely helpful no matter what you have going on in your life. Thank you!!!
I really needed this today. Thank you SJ.
Oh wow SJ 😄 I simply live those tips… really? How I need to incorporate those in my life in all honesty … 💯. Thank you sweetheart for this 😘
You are so welcome - it’s a long road to get coping strategies or be able to support ourselves through hard times without needing to rely on others - I’m so glad they resonated with you xxxxx
Love this. So helpful in so many ways x
Thank you SJ, this has helped so much xYou have such a lovely soul x
This is a beautiful and VERY helpful video
Ah amazing thank you!!! I’m thrilled to hear it as I didn’t want it to be a downer but more a helpful video xxxxxx
Sending you lots of hugs and ❤❤❤
It did help. A lot! And I thank you.
Thanks for sharing this. My Dad was diagnosed with cancer in 2020 and we thought he was recovered. Last September his back pain turned out to be advanced cancer and he died 8 weeks later. I felt changed to the core when he was first diagnosed and since he died I feel like I'm on a different planet. I dont know who I am anymore but I go back to basics. I get up, eat well, exercise and know how to survive despite the sadness. It's so tough though, I don't like this new "life". Please keep discussing grief if and when you feel able, its such a lonely experience. Its eight months on since losing my Dad and I still feel so lost.
I'm so sorry; what a shock - 8 weeks. It's actually crazy isn't it looking back at the photos to realise they've gone so fast. Thanks for sharing with me; grief is going to be here forever so back to basics is the best/only way. rebuilding a new life in so many ways x
Hi, SJ. I'm so sorry for your loss. I just wanted you to know that I just followed on Pinterest; I hope you & your family are doing well
this was very helpful. thank you so much for filming and putting in the effort ❤
Thanks so much - I really hope it reaches people when they need it xxxxx
Thanks so much I have a baby and a two year old and also a stepson. I am a wife and a teacher and I sometimes have such feelings of sadness and depression about things that have happened to me in my life/ trauma and my self worth/ self esteem sometimes I will have a week where I can show up where I need to and put my makeup on but inside I am dying and even thinking how much peace I would feel if I just wasn’t here anymore. These feelings make me feel so guilty but it’s helpful to use the even though phrase. Even though I feel worthless and disgusting I still managed to teach great lessons. Even though I am blaming myself for my mistakes , I still smiled and got my children ready for the day. Even though I sometimes feel so awful I worry about the future, I have tried my best to make the most of today. Some really helpful reframing strategies thank you
Also I think you helped me to feel like it is ok to just get through the days sometimes and not feel this pressure to live your best life. I also agree the rock and puddle idea is helpful for trying to not make the anxieties/ trauma the center of your universe but to attempt to build other things into your life. When I am struggling mentally I shrink and shrivel and only do the bare minimum levels of interaction because I feel like I have so much personal stuff in my head and my head is trying to work through and resolve these things alongside other mandatory tasks that i have nothing left to give to social events.I will no doubt replay this as I really relate to so much of what you discuss with the mental struggles and how hard it is to make space for much else x
I’m so happy you will find this helpful; it’s so hard not to believe everything our brain tells us in dark times - but I can tell how lovely you are and please do keep me in mind tomorrow and know we’re both walking out proud of ourselves xxxxxxx we can get through anything and we are so loved xxxx
You and your sister are helping others in ways you probably never even knew. I love my own two sisters even more and want to be a better sister to them all for knowing the both of you and the love you share❤️ x
You can be living ur worst life and still helping others. Just take that in for a minute. Part of being in depression is sometimes u can be selfish but if u can still be there for others then u can truly live with depression, in ur worst life and get out the other side
Very true; it’s like a need to share so we don’t feel alone and then it reaches people feeling the same even though they might never cross your path in real life xxxx
Sending luv n hugs to you.❤❤
I really needed to hear this. Thank you❤
I’m so happy you found it Sophia xxxx
So true. Thank you SJ
I feel like that for last year, just paddling along ❤
What podcasts would you recommend that have helped you? I also think you should consider doing a podcast on this topic, you articulate things so well ❤
I’ve been listening a lot to 10% Happier, Terrible Thanks For Asking and This Is Really Happening - which is all sorts of real life tough stories that make you realise how people get through so much xxx
You are such an inspiration❤keep being u and keep being strong!! Lovevyour vlogs so many wise words!!❤❤❤ sending u loads of love😘😘😘xxxx
Hi darling I will save this video to watch when I am able to . For what lies ahead is a similar story to yourself xxx I love your way and your kindness and beautiful love of your dear dear sister xxx love from Ireland
Love Back - sending all the solidarity your way xxxxx
Your incredible xxx ❤ I resonate with so much with what your saying
I’m so happy to hear that; it’s so hard sometimes to talk about bad times but then not doing it is even worse xxxxxx
Your video helped me so much thank you x
I am just so proud of you.
Thank you
You are so wise darlin! ❤
Thank you😢
It's ok not to be ok
Thanks for sharing