Why your partner doesn't appreciate you (and how to fix that)
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- Опубликовано: 31 июл 2024
- Have you made it easy for your partner to devalue your worth? If so, here’s what you did wrong and here’s how to make it right. Learn the inner workings of person who takes their partner for granted, and how the non-prioritized partner gets stuck in the loop of believing their false promises.
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This made me cry. Because I was partner B and I walked away but the pain still remains.
How you feel now
I’m envious you had the guts to walk away. I’m still stuck
Hugs. Hope you are doing good now. XXX
I'm partner b too 😔 we'll see if she comes around.
Helena A walk away. It will be the most painful thing you ever do. U r worth it
This is so on POINT in my relationship. I need to stop being lazy, afraid and comfortable. I deserve and worth more.
Wow that’s on point
Run like I did lol
You deserve nothing if u are lazy.
I´m such a partner B. Why can´t love just happen naturally without power struggles or taking the other for granted?...
yeah ☹️
Was wondering exactly the same today. Why is it so hard to find a good, basic and decent good person who just wants a healthy and happy relationship?
Men love women without power or do services and thats why i dont have no pride and dignity as a man idont give a F about my self my daddy told me back when i was younga that women aint gonna love you for you and this is one of the main reasons i want to get big money so i can let a bich use me im prepared to get used by a woman cuz all of care about is getting my D sckd and be able to bust me some nuts off i dont really care about anything else and i really want to say in the comments and express about how i feel! Ive been drinking some tucila i dont give a F about my self and i dont give a F about life it self and if i get rich tomorrow i gladly marry a gold digger and just let her use me
I found myself in one of those situations and I realised there is only one solution: stop giving. That is how you see people’s real colors. If you know your boundaries and speak up early in the relationship, you’ll be with a person who truly likes YOU
I am 1 month out of being with partner A. I know I will never find someone who values me as long as I keep A in my life. No contact - walking away. Thank you for the reminder!
Love you
The only way to fix a problem is realizing you have one....Good job and I wish you the best!! 🙂
Inspirational
The reason why it's so important to move on even when it hurts. Value and love yourself first before anyone else. 😉
Great comment!
You are one of the smartest, down to earth, loving and inspirational people I've ever seen. But the best part is that when You talk, I can feel your words and the connection. God bless you.
Thank you Isabella
@@SusanWinter i feels I losing my my lseabin panter she say i dont help out with house work or her kids we getting marry in this may how tell her I dont want lose her ?? and what I do for fix it ??.
i've let him go, it was too hard and tired, fighting all alone to fix this relationship...now i feel so much better, i just hope that i'll meet someone who will appreciate me :(
I have to watch this every day to get it into my head. Bizarre how someone can completely change the way you see or value yourself...
Almost 4 years of being a partner b and the only way I can fall asleep at night is crying myself to sleep. So much depends on us being together and we've built so much together. The thought of everything just being for nothing makes me just as upset and I just feel stuck.
Brilliant commentary. Until Partner B opens their eyes and kicks Partner A to the curb and doesn't EVER EVER look back, regardless of how hard Partner A tries or how many well crafted, flirty texts/emails Partner A sends. Did it; I walked away and never reply and now I'm free! So much stronger now.
Absolutely!
High five! That's how it should be!
Waaa Panda well it took far too long for me to finally walk away. I want to warn others to not waste so much time.
Sometimes that extra time is what it takes to make you appreciate the moment when you do choose to walk away.
I was a doormat in marriage for 18 years. Doing it again close to a year and a half with a guy I’m dating.
After the holidays I’m getting counseling to find out why I keep repeating the pattern.
Thanks Susan.
Ooh! I’m hearing one of the last things I said to my ex the night she broke up with me, “Babe, I’m not asking for a lot.” Ashamed now, because I realize that I had been asking to be appreciated and wanted her to put some effort and energy into maintaining the relationship for weeks. I went no contact from that moment on. No begging, crying or further devaluing behavior. Peace
I wasn't being appreciated. And I need to watch this a LOT of times, because the pain is still there. Thanks Susan. 😘
Hey. Same. But it wasn't always like this. How do you let them go? Especially knowing how big pure loving they were but trauma hard life ruined them. I guess it's more than you feel bad for them and want to help them a relationship but it's really sad I still want her happy and succeed
So hard to hear! I am definitely the B partner. I have been with my A partner for 35 years, since I was 15 years old! Time and time again I did not feel like a priority. It is very hard to let go after 35 years and two beautiful children and a beautiful grandchild. I finally asked him to leave but still prayed he would change, to which he responded, “I am not changing.“. I am healing but it is a slow and lonely process.
are you better now? It takes a lot of courage what you did
Hello, how are you now? Better i hope 💕
I’m here. And I hate it here. Deep down inside I know that I have not been happy and feel used and taken for granted yet a part of me routinely creates hope in hurt. Married since 19 and at 32 nothing has changed. This message was presented in a beautiful manner and has revealed the ugly truth of many unhealthy relationships, including my own. Thank you, Dr.
Wow, this was my story! I took him back multiple times. This went on for several years. I finally saw the light and said goodbye 2 yrs ago. He still tries to call me but I am not falling for it. I have grown and realized my worth.
That was me but I’ve worked on myself and never again. I deluded myself into thinking I was a good person for doing this when truly I was devaluing myself. It doesn’t help them either. Thanks for the lesson. I’ve wasted a lot of time but my time left will be quality whether alone or in partnership.
I'm bawling my eyes out in my car because I don't want to leave her. I've never loved anyone like this but it's so obvious that she's only gotten worse since the last time I watched this video. I was the happiest I had ever been with her and now I feel like I'm a servant, I don't feel desired or appreciated and it hurts so bad. I love this woman so much, she has been the center of my universe since the start, and it's because of that I am left miserable clinging to someone who I can't even tell if they really want me anymore.
brother i feel your pain ,i am in the exact place same scenario today...hurts like hell...
@lavshinder90dhillon18 In the last year, I have completely fixed my relationship. I realized the hard truth that it takes 100 effort points to maintain a relationship. And you can only expect your partner to contribute as much as you don't. When I wrote this original comment I was pouring 90 effort points and she was doing 10. I stopped inviting her to hang out or come over completely, after two weeks I went from asking her every day to hang and having a 10% success rate to having her ask every day and us hanging out all the time. If your partner cares about the relationship they will contribute more when you step on the brakes. If they don't and they let the relationship fizzle then they aren't interested in you the way you were in them. Now I live with my girlfriend and I've shifted to giving 40 effort points and her giving 60. Much more comfortable and happy now that I know how much she wants me because I gave her space to show that.
This lady is 100% spot on at first I didn't want to believe some of the things she said on the hot and cold videos but I'm sorry she's 100% right! so save yourself a lot of trouble and take her awesome advice cuz she knows what she's talking about
People very rarely ever change.
Almamater8888 so true.
They do... When you do
Jaime B. depends on the kind of change you have in mind..
Wow that hit my heart...that partner B has to lie to themselves--"you will never know until you express your needs" ...thank you
ouch... but its exactly what my heart needed to hear. i love myself more than the abuse. NO MORE
This made me cry. I wish I can walk away.
The story off my ex and me, for 22 years until i walked away. And today he is married to someone els and being the better husband, I should have walked away in the beginning, and my story would have been different. learned the hard way, that being the perfect wife, and a better person does not always pays off. I have a good life now, but had to work hard to rebuild and become the person i am today. A lot off doubt about my worth as a human. From him i learned that i was not good enough. Who payed the price!!! me and our kids.
What signs did he show in the beginning that you regret not listening to? Thank you for your comment as it is helpful to read...
Why I'd he being the better husband now? I wonder if he regrets treating you all so harshly.
Is this the person you want to keep shaking til they treat you as you deserve.? Gold advice. Thank you Susan.
YOu're welcome, Claire
I'm doing it. We'll see if she realizes. If not then oh well. I'm not bending over backwards to keep anyone in my life.
Her love comes with a price tag while she demands unconditional love. I almost fell in the loop that I am responsible to make her treat me better by devoting more. Thank you Susan!!
You are "right on the money"! I was always partner B,the giving one who tried & tried.What was interesting was that when I had enough & met someone else...BAM,partner A all of a sudden wants me back.Don't fall for that game cause they will just go back into the same pattern once they hook you back into their life.
Susan, I have watched practically every video you have made and somehow I just found this one. I wish you were around years ago to help me see the light. This video is spot on. I was partner B. I married my high school sweetheart after 6 years of dating. He was the best boyfriend anyone could ever have. I felt so lucky to find this wonderful guy at a young age. He always had my back. Everyone I knew loved him. After we got married, everything changed. The relationship was all about him. Everyone else became a priority and I was last on the list-work, school, his parents, brothers, the neighbors, friends, coworkers, etc. all came first. No matter what I said or did, A didn't get it until I finally left after being sick and tired of being sick and tired after 7 year being married. I felt like why did I get married? I should have stayed single. This is all about him. He acted like he was a Tom Cruise or rock star on tour and I was the faithful wife waiting for him to come home. On paper, we were a couple but not in reality. He had everyone else's back but mine. And he was still this wonderful, terriffic guy to everyone but me. No one knew I was miserable. We did counselling together at my insistence. He got better for about 2 months then back to his old ways. Then I went to counseling on my own for about 2+ years to find the strength to leave. It took me over 3 years to get the nerve to leave. My leaving was a great shock to those who knew us. We were the perfect couple. He was the perfect guy. The final time I walked out of my house, I felt tremendous relief because I knew my life of being last was over and I wish I found the strength to leave sooner. He told me during the divorce, "I thought no matter what I did, you would always be there. We were married." He didn't know how to be a husband. I hope this helps other B's out there......... It is years later now, dated different people. I find a common thread that most relationships I have been in start out nice and wonderful, then it's all about the guy. I now have zero tolerence for bs and have no problem getting up, walking out and not looking back. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
This is my story too, I am on his option list always! I out in so much to his career, it’s always him and his family is priority, he did once mentioned that “ it’s my duty to cook for his thankless family, so many negative words I have heard when I was living with his family in koi family system! It started from a kinda of dawry which my father could do his best! Everyday I heard comments “ what your mom has taught you? What quality your husband has seen in you? And plenty other insults! Walked out with my one year old kid 20 years ago, but it’s social pressure on my parents I have to come to him. My sixth sense/primoral response is alert after that, continuously updated my education just in case I need! My kids are grown ups now, I am gaining financial independence slowly but steadily! Carving my path out for 25 years!
This gives me hope I will get there once
TRUTH at 4:50... brought tears to my eyes
Jennifer Bang literally soon as I seen ur comment 4:50 played n I cried n cried
Wowww. In my current sunken state, and after watching soooo many videos and reading sooo many articles about this kind of "relationship" stuff. ..this is the first video that hit every single point the right way. Thank you, Susan.
I'm loving this video. It addresses both sides and is so easy to comprehend. Such practical and refreshing advice!
I admire you Susan. You radiate an energy through your words that can steer someone's thoughts and ways of looking at his life. Love you.
Wow. This is so on point in every unbalanced relationship.
Susan - you nailed it once again on this one! There are SO many 'partner B's' out there. I would love to see you do more videos geared toward 'partner B's' so we understand what's behind tolerating this bad treatment and how to repair it. Thanks for your incredible videos - best out there in my opinion!
Thank you Susan. I've been struggling with this very thing. I'm partner B and you right it will never change, I've been in it for 20 years and have only realized the cycle in the last year. I did live in a dream thinking it will get better. It's not. Walking away is the only answer, and rebuilding what I have for so long taught myself to accept. It felt good to here it put in words. Thank you, I do deserve better and there is a man out there that will appreciate what I am. ❤
You're the best. All your topics happen to people everyday. You explain it so well. I needed to hear your words. Thanks.
Thank you Susan!!!!You have given me the courage to finally stand up for myself and find and love the great woman that I am.I lost myself for way to long⚘
Thank you Susan!!! My husband whom am married for close to 11years have always made me feel low and hopeless... Our relation is so sour that nothing can mend it anymore. I have mastered courage to tell me on his face that no way am going to take this!! I am listening to you for quite some time. No matter what happens to me, I will not let this man in my life any more .. Thanks!! And keep inspiring!!!
I have spent the last 6 months watching your videos and a couple other relationship expert's... this is one of the most interesting AND eye opening videos I have ever watched. THANK YOU!!!
Dear Susan, your videos are amazing and so you are. This video reminds me of something I discover recently. Empaths vs Narcissists. I wonder if you ever made video on that topic? If not then I'd love to hear your views on that subject. Thanks
This just put it into perspective for me thank you. I had a feeling nothing would change but my Sunny disposition and the whole hope in humanity kind of thing has kept me taking losses for 25 years. Being blamed for everything wrong until my mental state started to falter and she's pointing at me saying I need to be when I'm telling her it's her behavior that is causing that exact thing. I needed this video thank you again.
I usually dont comment. But I really have to. Susan you're one of the best in your field! You're just too good.
It is Amazing why you can talk yourself into.
Thank you Susan I was partner B this video changed my life
Awww. Thank you!!
Your best video Susan (so far, am sure the best is yet to come)!
You certainly understand relationship nuances. Very clever and interesting perspectives miss Winter. Thank you
Thank you for the wise words. I'm currently a B in a relationship and I really related to your views on how I should disconnect from this unhealthy relationship
This lady really gets it! I hope there are more like her.
How do you know if you're partner A or partner B? Sometimes I feel like both ppl feel like they're partner b and the other person is partner a because of different perspective
Great video Susan! Thank You!
You’re a wonderful person for posting this. It’s helped me incredibly!!
So intuitive in this video!! Got my brain working and thinking, and I need that based on the situation I’m in. Thank you ♥️
Im partner B. I've been with my bf for over a yr. I've given given and given. We don't live in the same town but I ALWAYS came out to meet him. ALWAYS initiated everything. I've grown tired, so tired that I've stepped wayyyy back. I don't call, text, or do anything right now. Everyday he ignores me, doesn't reach out, spend time with me, I grow further and further away. It is now 2020.....a new yr and Im ready to let go and walk away. I was taken for granted heavily in my last relationship........Im not doing thid again. I refuse. Ty. I truly needed to hear this.
Good lesson for the unappreciated. Thank you Susan .
Susan, I learn something new everyday from your videos. I now can understand and accept the reality of my failed marriage in peace!
The best way to express how I really feel just now, like a partner B. @Susan Winter I appreciate your work for this clip. Thank you!
Susan you always help me out. Thank you so much I am so glad I found your channel 💕
Wow Susan, this hits home. Beautiful message.
Thanks Luvly
Susan, I just found your channel. I've watched 6-7 videos so far and they all address key questions and are hard but true and straight to the point.
I just subscribed. I wish I had found your channel before.
Thanks.
Greetings from Spain :-)
Amazing video! Thank you so much for sharing!
Just want to say thank you Susan.
You are such a great healer.
I m learning a lot from your videos this days and feel so much better and stronger :)))
Your content is amazing!! Makes me self reflect and see what a fool I’ve been. Love you for your fabulous videos!
Great content! I am partner B 😭. I referred to myself as being in a trance you described it as a dream state. It is so crazy how I continued to create this relationship that doesn’t exist because we latch on so hard. Yes I see your this is limited thinking 🤔
Thank you. I was going through the same thing.. I just didn't have the words for it. This is so helpful
This cut me straight to the core of being unappreciated of doing all that I can and getting nothing back. Hardest part is seeing reality of what it really is.
Trie
True
Thank you SO MUCH for your wonderful advice.
I love you, Susan, and thank you for your wisdom and kindness! "How to make human x love/appreciate/value/help/support you"? The answer is always, always the same: you can't. You can only change yourself, put up boundaries, express your needs and conditions in a calm manner, and walk away unless they prove by constant action they want to change themselves. Which in most cases, they won't.
My question is that how to not let the relationship get to the point where they even start taking you for granted at all?
Some people are just selfish and narcissists. They will treat you like that from the start. Even if you try at the beginning to point out their behavior they will try to convince you left, right and centre why you are wrong and that you are seeing things. The signs are always there even earlier on. Listen to your gut and run away as fast as you can.
A good person wouldn’t take you for granted period. If you feel they are starting to act in ways you don’t like, communicate. Talk to them about it. And if they don’t seem to care about you, then you leave. The right person will always care for you and want you around and will recognize how lucky they are to have you.
Another golden advice!
Thank you Susan
Great video Susan!
Thanks for that Susan, it's pretty relevant to me, and very encouraging. Thank you 🌌💕🌠
Happy to read this. Thanks!
Guilty on both counts and learned the hard way. Thanks.
I am in awe of your videos. You are sooooo right! I keep finding myself agreeing out loud, even though I'm at work :-) I'm trying to remember all this so I can write it all down later or maybe I'll just have to watch it again. Anyways I think you are freaking awesome!
Susan ,your remarks ! Wow ! Kudos 👏🏾👏🏾 it made so much sense to me, I’m most definitely partner B and so I afraid to make a move because of my kids.
Loved this ... Thank you Susan !!
Great advice Susan. TY!
Oh that truth is hurting. You are amazing!
I can’t stop re-watching this video - it’s SOOO spot on! I’m Partner B. I gave SOOO much and always maintained a happy disposition. I’m in so much pain now after I told her goodbye (together five years). Could you recommend a book I can read on this topic? Thank you!
Yes , I know this story . Thoughtlessness and lots of it with various empty promises .
Brilliant. As always. I walked away 4 days ago..... It was hard.
So so good, Thank you!
Well said. I have been a B door mat/people pleaser most of my life but that has recently come to a screeching halt.
You are amazing. Thank you Susan. ❤️
Needed to hear this your right to the point and I appreciate it
Susan you absolutely roasted me!! And I mean that in the best way possible. Your words here, and in your video about not being a priority, cut through my delusion like a knife. Wow, really needed that dose of reality, thank you
RT, sorry!! But if the upshot is that it helps you in the long run, then the truth is a very good thing!
Yes this has helped me ... thank you Susan, I’m a partner B unappreciated and under valued for years, time for a change and I don’t care if I lose her.. let’s see what happens ...
Sad. I was partner B. I gave my time, heart and sole, n was left broke emotionally n financially. He just used me constantly. I hated myself n lost all self worth.
What happened?
Amazing! I started watching yours videos and I loved every bit of it . I wish I knew few years before. Any way thank you
Simply brilliant.🌟
Thank you SO much for this!
Your loop gesture was the infinity symbol, lol ... Brilliant coach here!
Sometimes you perceive yourself to be Partner B only for Partner A to make you feel like you're actually Partner A .
Your videos are insightful and honest
Wow..I am partner B 😔. I have never been cherished or valued or appreciated. I have been told I'm too nice. Thank you for opening up my eyes.
This video will set you free.
Thank u... I needed this
Replace partner a/b with the corresponding names in your relationship and it really hits home.
Well put
This is exactly what I needed to hear
You are the Best Susan
This is SADLY FANTASTIC Susan.
Kinda wana cry but also jump with rejoice you are conceptualizing this & validating me. 🥰
A couple of my partner A’s exes turned into Junkies. Crazy Shit.