I feel like I need to "light myself on fire " to keep everyone else warm, wife, family, coworkers, friends. I have a great job but I've been ignoring health issues to make sure everyone else's needs are met. I work through pain but feel so guilty just needing a break to fix myself.
I also struggle to find a balance between challenging myself in social situations and doing too much, but I'm slowly learning the difference during the events, so when I'm already there. When I start feeling overwhelmed, I leave. That really helps me so that a healthy challenge doesn't slip into a bad experience.
I just found you. I’m 65. I’ve left a narcissist partner 2 months ago. And moved to another city where I only know family. My spouse and I were together 18 yrs, married 15. I Recently filed for divorce. My spouse once said “ nothing will make you happy” and I question that as it may be true. I am having a hard time “getting out there” and my family expects me to. It’s hard to get out there and keep my mind busy. I’m experiencing Trauma Bonding in the worst way. I hope to find my groove and find happiness.
Excellent! I beat myself up when I just freeze and panic and “can’t do it” (social situations) however it’s challenging to know when I should push myself or TAKE CARE OF MYSELF! Difficult to explain to ppl who haven’t gone through this. I appreciate the support!
Exactly, I understand exactly what you’re saying. It doesn’t even have to be strictly social either, it can be with anything. This has happened to me a few times even though I was making some very good progress. It’s not until I reach that “I can’t” moment where everything falls apart. I honestly think if you didn’t have the best upbringing pushing yourself is much better than not pushing yourself bc most of the times it’s your own mind getting in the way not you actually doing anything wrong.
This was the most helpful info I've gotten from a therapist..thank you!😁 My biggest struggle is that the goals I'm working on I enjoy doing them, the problem is with depression I sometimes struggle with VERY low energy and I get really frustrated with myself to have to stop being as active on my goals for a while. It's SO HARD to find a balance of pushing myself and not let depression take over or knowing to slow down.🤔
Thanks. I've been trying to grow recently by pushing myself into stressful situations (quitting 2 jobs in a few months) and trying to move countries. I find myself struggling to stay positive and happy. This vidso helped me remeber that I am drawn to causing myself pain ti feel alive and that I'm moving in a direction. I don't know how to feel that way without this.
Thank You for this video, Katie! It came at the perfect timing for me. I recently left my job working in ABA because of the constant stress of my job and how irritable I was becoming. Deep down, I know I'll miss that job, to some degree, but as someone that's being treated for symptoms of BPD and the mini-buffet of comorbidies that come with them, I admit that I struggle to know the different between taking a break and quitting. My pattern, so I've learned, has been: Please others as much as humanly possible, get upset when I can't, share those insecurities with someone who doesn't see it the same way I do, feel misunderstood, bottle it in, then dump it out when it's least appropiate. Rinse. Lather. Repeat. It scares me how much knowing my own cycle of behavior doesn't relieve me from giving into the same impulses. But I'm trying to do better.
This is like when I wanna continue to play competitive video games cause I hate losing, but it's actually not something I truly enjoy doing, I just feel obligated to play cause I wanna be cool or whatever, but at the end of the day it's actually miserable.
This video explains why my first try at CBT failed. I was set "homework" of pushing myself, to go outside and socialise at a café 3 times a week and encouraged to ignore my boundaries. Back then I couldn't even go near the windows of my house not alone go outside. I don't know why but I've never thought of it through the perspective of this video. That "therapy" laid the foundation for my mental health now. I often go out, do things, be with people that burn me out and wonder why I feel worse. Note: I'm now in a different form of therapy and a lot of the time I link things back to the start of my recovery. It's important to listen to yourself. I'm slowly learning that
This was incredible, such great advice! Thank you very much. I’m someone who can be truly hard on myself putting others before my own wellness. I do always lose the sense of wether I’m doing what‘s best for me or what’s best for future. I’m always lost in my head and lose track of now.
I used to try so hard in life that I left little time for anything else outside of work, and learning more about everything I could. I noticed that no matter how hard I was tying in life, I was not getting anywhere that everyone could not get to it. Thus, I just started coasting through life. The results are the same as when I worked very had to get ahead in life. It is likely I will never try hard, in life, again. It is pointless.
I keep having constant break down because of disappointment and from lots of unknown complicated feeling sometimes I have no idea what to feel anymore. I have to force myself to go to work on a job that they recommended and was force to take and at night I come home exhausted. Small things leaves me in tears, and simple choices is so hard for me. People around me always reminds me that I am wasting my time when really it is so hard to leave my bed and leave the house.
Ironic how I'm seeing this after a breakdown 💀 I realize that the situation I'm in is unhealthy. I know I'm pushing myself too hard and expecting too much from myself but I can't make the changes I need to because the support around me hold the same expectations for me. Their expectations became mine x2. And I'm not the best at communicating with them. I can't bring myself to tell them that this is killing me.
Small steps! I experience the same. If you are not at your best for whatever reason that day don't push way beyond your comfort zone. If you are push a little harder. I think it's like a muscle, try using it regularly. If you over train for something, it leads to injury. Think of that with this. Gradually build up so you don't shock or discourage yourself.
Do what I did. I quit being social and all the troubles associated with being social and trying to be accepted, vanished. The loneliness I feel is way easier to deal with it than the rejection, lies, abuse, stress, and hate, I dealt with when I was social. Forget being social. The rewards of being social are dwarfed by the massive negatives of being social. I will never try it again.
Getting familiar with that sense of choice can be so tough. I'm thinking of people dealing with religious trauma who are perhaps already stepping over their own natural boundaries for the sake of their religion or deity, forgetting their own agency in the process.
While tracking the things that stir up anxiety - maybe avoid areas of disscusion or topic or environments that may lead toward that path to the feelings we don't like getting or having. I found this Greek word I really like the meaning behind - Euthymia and remember how much n progress you've already made.
Hi Kati, I like your comment that our goals have to line up with our values. Too often I seem to make compromises that dampens either my goal(s) or lessens a value (eg. morals or rules) to please others.
This is definitely part of what caused my current burnout that feels impossible to get out at this moment. I'm only noticing things when it's too late, I guess it's better than not noticing at all? I guess I'll improve at it with time. That workshop sounds like a good thing to do for me.
Because most social situations require relationships. Relationships are difficult and cause anxiety. Anxiety seems unavoidable unless you avoid relationships.
Great video! Thank you. I experienced smthn like this with my go-to pub. I was very uncomfortable with going there and wanted to Go for a walk instead. But the fear of missing out and the reasonable voice that I could always leave won in the end. I did not leave early enough to avoid getting triggered by a friend I Had a crush on now having a boyfriend. I was emvious and simmeringly angry but I was even less comfortable with taking the effort of going home. Now, since I have holidays fortunately, I just spend my days staying home and caring for myself, as well as preparing some career stuff. PS. I am always surprised when I get antsy or anxious at home and meditation with Podcast just works wonders. Highly recommend.
This happens too often, both at work and with family 😞so many work cultures have unhealthy and toxic ways to set goals, masked under the label of challenges. So sad corporate culture...
I'm extremelly thorough about some things so when I have to put myself through difficult things I even supress my feeling of wanting to isolate or not do the thing I'm doing. Afterwards I get extremelly upset and I don't even know why... But it was because I put myself through situations I hate, or people I hate, etc.
Thankyou so much Katti :) I cannot express how much support and strength I seek from your words :) may you continue what you do with more power , abundance and zeal Ameen sum Ameen...lots of regards🎉🎉and yes there's a difference between growth and agony ... Let yourself be challenged and let yourself have your space but donot do or let anyone make a decision for you that doesnot defines your personality ❤
It hurt when you said you only had 4 friends,I’m 54 and I have 1 friend,I really try but making friends at my age is extremely difficult .everyone already has their lives ,family and friends in their lives and don’t have time or space for someone else.it’s my birthday today,my friend is not well…so unable to celebrate with me 😢I’ve been triggered really badly recently and I’ve been unable to get out of bed😢
I just got back from a trip to NYC where I didn't talk to anyone at all. I was like, "should I go to a bar and mingle? Nah, I'll just embarrass myself." It doesn't help that alcohol does literally nothing to loosen me up anymore, in fact, it does the opposite.
Well, I think I embarrass myself a lot, and even very visibly sometimes, when travelling - then people will try to help me, and we have something to talk and laugh about! Never really thought about it before, but I guess I make myself a bit vulnerable, and then I meet people. (I don’t drink.) Why is it so tough to be embarrassed? The way I see it, it happens all the time anyway.
With my autism-based sensory processing issues, basically everything is uncomfortable (or runs the risk of it, since other people can make a certain type of noise or interruption that dysregulates me out of nowhere). Were I to follow my understanding of this video's advice to the letter, then I would sit in dark silence my whole life. And since that doesn't work as a life, I tend toward burnout all the time. (Well, that and hypervigilance.) When the world has the power, *at any time,* to hurt me terribly without even interacting - just by laughing at a pitch that hurts me - it makes it hard to implement this otherwise good advice.
I have social anxiety. In 2017, I went on an app knowing they knew nothing about me to contact me outside of ME deciding to be there and could leave easily. We ended up on Skype as a group, mistake. I was a bit better bc I had someone who would be with me in calls that knew my body language and tone of voice when I got anxiety and he would make an excuse to talk to me alone so I had an out. Time passed not doing it anymore. I ended up getting on Discord in 2020 through a Twitch streamer. I was feeling great at first, I thought I was comfortable. As months went by, I realized that as VC had more people in it, I was worse. I met my best friend there, though. I told him why I couldn't get in public VC anymore. We have our own to hang out where only a few people are allowed in. I'm very social when I'm comfortable with someone. In hindsight, I was always a 1 on 1 friend. It makes sense now why I would get sick or cry in group activities, especially camp or trips (I was overwhelmed and having anxiety attacks). I've been able to learn when I'm uncomfortable and took control of being social. It also helped me understand my daughter better as she got older and is the same way. It saved her from feeling pressured like I did.
I love your content, thank you for putting it out here for all of us♥️ I have to say, you always wear the cutest tops but please tell me you don’t have life so together and your actually wear pj bottoms with a cute top like the rest of us do😂
I suffer 8/10 times I go outside. I have anxiety but on the other hand I won’t be able to do anything in my life if I don’t push myself. There’s not a single situation where I feel just slightly uncomfortable, only extremely uncomfortable and close to panic attacks. So yeah if I don’t go through that I would just stay home 24/7
I always keep hearing people that I have to blame myself if I don’t succeed, but pushing myself when my brain isn’t working well never goes over well, I now learned not to focus on the word blame itself, you expect me to make a million dollars when I sometimes literally function like a drunk person who is recovering from a brain injury when I am burnt out? I feel terrible in competitive situations if I am not competing with myself and have to content with peoples dumb judgements, so now I have quit my job, am studying neuroscience and bio psycho immunology and starting to make videos online and I feel way better.
@Katie Morton I thought I saw you on an online add for a teeth whitening product. Maybe it wasn't you. They showed you when they said social media had mentioned the product.
Heyy ms Katie you should do zoom or go live on RUclips one day so we all can interact and talk to you But I just wanted to let you know my anxiety and depression been getting a little better but I’m still not ok I feel like my mom let so much happen to me like she gave me up So she can run behind a man that sexually assaulted me he walk in the bathroom with me when I told him someone was in there and he took advantage of me but I was wondering how can I overcome those things like I’m scared to sleep at night and I’m scared to go to the store without thinking he after me
I have been bullying myself to work 12 hours every single day. At first, it was fun and I enjoyed it. But now it has got to a point where I am unable to sleep, I get heart palpitations, I get anxiety when I see my work and am just anxious in general. I feel like I can't focus on anything. I still don't know if I am pushing too hard.
You are pushing yourself too hard! 😆 I soo empathise that despite all the symptoms, we still can’t see it, we always think we should do more.. Try get an overview of your work and see if you can be more efficient, and plan in regular breaks..
What if my job feels like a constant breath out? I cant simply change that? Im only 21 so I just started working. I wonder if every job feels like a breath out? Recently I thught its suppoesed to feel that way
@Lewis here's a definition I found. "Fawning is a trauma response that uses people-pleasing behavior to appease or supplicate an aggressor, avoid conflict, and ensure safety." It used to be fight or flight, then they added freeze and then later they added fawn. These additions help describe how a person has to learn to survive in a chronic bad situation. Hope this clarifies🙂
Okay just putting this out there (yes this was my ONLY takeaway! kidding) if that buffet is all cheese-based, yeah this is going to harm me. But it will also, about 30-90 minutes later, also do considerable harm to others. My digestive system's dislike of lactose could best be described as extravagant, ostentatious, flamboyant, and involves the vigorous emission of things that are probably banned by the UN as life-threatening
have heard several versions of that anon boundaries quote. they are all good. what matters is people remember the idea and bring it to mind when they need it. Like when someone offers them 'food' and it turns out to be lumps of congealed milk solids. Blech. ;-)
You trip so hard you don't even know that you push yourself. You forget because your memories are imaginary. You could have conversations with friends that you knew from high school and you can sit there for two hours having a conversation with this good friend of yours from high school, only to realize two hours later that you never even knew this person and that this person never even was in your room. You were just talking to the wall but you were hallucinating an entire human being with whom you had an intelligent conversation.
If it wasn't for your videos I wouldn't have therapy. Seriously, they all want my credit card and not my insurance card whis is totally not how I plan to budget Healthcare...
More info & videos in the description!
Without discomfort there's no growth. But that doesn't mean you should go out of your way to suffer.
Agreed!! xoxo
@@Katimorton You can happily quote me on that 😊
AMEN!!😊😊
@@anonymousavatar6144 awesome!! Me too!!, like sharing a experience w/ a friend. 😊
I'm at a dark place right now, & this was very helpful. Thank you for your wonderful video.
I feel like I need to "light myself on fire " to keep everyone else warm, wife, family, coworkers, friends. I have a great job but I've been ignoring health issues to make sure everyone else's needs are met. I work through pain but feel so guilty just needing a break to fix myself.
This was helpful Kati! I like how you compared it to stretching and knowing when to stop when it hurts.
Aww yay!! I am so glad you found it helpful :) xoxo
I also struggle to find a balance between challenging myself in social situations and doing too much, but I'm slowly learning the difference during the events, so when I'm already there. When I start feeling overwhelmed, I leave. That really helps me so that a healthy challenge doesn't slip into a bad experience.
I just found you. I’m 65. I’ve left a narcissist partner 2 months ago. And moved to another city where I only know family. My spouse and I were together 18 yrs, married 15. I Recently filed for divorce. My spouse once said “ nothing will make you happy” and I question that as it may be true. I am having a hard time “getting out there” and my family expects me to. It’s hard to get out there and keep my mind busy. I’m experiencing Trauma Bonding in the worst way. I hope to find my groove and find happiness.
What is "Trauma bonding"?
Excellent! I beat myself up when I just freeze and panic and “can’t do it” (social situations) however it’s challenging to know when I should push myself or TAKE CARE OF MYSELF! Difficult to explain to ppl who haven’t gone through this. I appreciate the support!
Exactly, I understand exactly what you’re saying. It doesn’t even have to be strictly social either, it can be with anything. This has happened to me a few times even though I was making some very good progress. It’s not until I reach that “I can’t” moment where everything falls apart. I honestly think if you didn’t have the best upbringing pushing yourself is much better than not pushing yourself bc most of the times it’s your own mind getting in the way not you actually doing anything wrong.
her comment about speaking and holding boundaries really hit home for me. Thank you for voicing that.
This was the most helpful info I've gotten from a therapist..thank you!😁 My biggest struggle is that the goals I'm working on I enjoy doing them, the problem is with depression I sometimes struggle with VERY low energy and I get really frustrated with myself to have to stop being as active on my goals for a while. It's SO HARD to find a balance of pushing myself and not let depression take over or knowing to slow down.🤔
Thanks. I've been trying to grow recently by pushing myself into stressful situations (quitting 2 jobs in a few months) and trying to move countries. I find myself struggling to stay positive and happy. This vidso helped me remeber that I am drawn to causing myself pain ti feel alive and that I'm moving in a direction. I don't know how to feel that way without this.
Prepare yourself by leaving yourself an out…a graceful way to exit an uncomfortable situation without a needed explanation…
Thank You for this video, Katie! It came at the perfect timing for me.
I recently left my job working in ABA because of the constant stress of my job and how irritable I was becoming.
Deep down, I know I'll miss that job, to some degree, but as someone that's being treated for symptoms of BPD and the mini-buffet of comorbidies that come with them, I admit that I struggle to know the different between taking a break and quitting.
My pattern, so I've learned, has been: Please others as much as humanly possible, get upset when I can't, share those insecurities with someone who doesn't see it the same way I do, feel misunderstood, bottle it in, then dump it out when it's least appropiate.
Rinse. Lather. Repeat.
It scares me how much knowing my own cycle of behavior doesn't relieve me from giving into the same impulses. But I'm trying to do better.
This couldn't have been timed any better if you were my own personal therapist. Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge and experience. 🙂
This is like when I wanna continue to play competitive video games cause I hate losing, but it's actually not something I truly enjoy doing, I just feel obligated to play cause I wanna be cool or whatever, but at the end of the day it's actually miserable.
The key is to push in bursts to get ahead in life and then know when to take time off and chill and enjoy life
This video explains why my first try at CBT failed. I was set "homework" of pushing myself, to go outside and socialise at a café 3 times a week and encouraged to ignore my boundaries. Back then I couldn't even go near the windows of my house not alone go outside. I don't know why but I've never thought of it through the perspective of this video. That "therapy" laid the foundation for my mental health now. I often go out, do things, be with people that burn me out and wonder why I feel worse.
Note: I'm now in a different form of therapy and a lot of the time I link things back to the start of my recovery. It's important to listen to yourself. I'm slowly learning that
I was thinking about how I’ve been looking for a new job lately. I’m ready for one that I feel good about. It’s time 🙂.
This is very interesting. Makes me think. Thanks Kati!
This was incredible, such great advice! Thank you very much. I’m someone who can be truly hard on myself putting others before my own wellness. I do always lose the sense of wether I’m doing what‘s best for me or what’s best for future. I’m always lost in my head and lose track of now.
Thank you, Kati. It's good to see you still going strong. You are an encouragement to so many people.
I used to try so hard in life that I left little time for anything else outside of work, and learning more about everything I could. I noticed that no matter how hard I was tying in life, I was not getting anywhere that everyone could not get to it. Thus, I just started coasting through life. The results are the same as when I worked very had to get ahead in life. It is likely I will never try hard, in life, again. It is pointless.
I keep having constant break down because of disappointment and from lots of unknown complicated feeling sometimes I have no idea what to feel anymore. I have to force myself to go to work on a job that they recommended and was force to take and at night I come home exhausted. Small things leaves me in tears, and simple choices is so hard for me. People around me always reminds me that I am wasting my time when really it is so hard to leave my bed and leave the house.
Ironic how I'm seeing this after a breakdown 💀
I realize that the situation I'm in is unhealthy. I know I'm pushing myself too hard and expecting too much from myself but I can't make the changes I need to because the support around me hold the same expectations for me. Their expectations became mine x2. And I'm not the best at communicating with them. I can't bring myself to tell them that this is killing me.
My problem is I have both social anxiety and loneliness. If I overdo the socializing I get a backlash and feel even more lonely.
Same!
Same with me
Same!!
Small steps! I experience the same. If you are not at your best for whatever reason that day don't push way beyond your comfort zone. If you are push a little harder. I think it's like a muscle, try using it regularly. If you over train for something, it leads to injury. Think of that with this. Gradually build up so you don't shock or discourage yourself.
Do what I did. I quit being social and all the troubles associated with being social and trying to be accepted, vanished. The loneliness I feel is way easier to deal with it than the rejection, lies, abuse, stress, and hate, I dealt with when I was social. Forget being social. The rewards of being social are dwarfed by the massive negatives of being social. I will never try it again.
Getting familiar with that sense of choice can be so tough. I'm thinking of people dealing with religious trauma who are perhaps already stepping over their own natural boundaries for the sake of their religion or deity, forgetting their own agency in the process.
You’re the best Katie thanks for being there four me always
The same thanks from me to Kati
you have helped me so much to heal
I am a perfectionnist i can relate so much to this THANK YOU !
You're so welcome!
You're great. This helped a ton. You have such a sincere way of talking
You have no idea how much this has helped me! I am putting this on my Favourites playlist. Thank you.
While tracking the things that stir up anxiety - maybe avoid areas of disscusion or topic or environments that may lead toward that path to the feelings we don't like getting or having. I found this Greek word I really like the meaning behind - Euthymia and remember how much n progress you've already made.
Thank you for posting this video. - it’s really great. - thank you.
I feel like I’m stuck in a state of not being able to do anything. Like I’m stuck in the opposite of not being able to do enough
So true and clearly said.
Hi Kati, I like your comment that our goals have to line up with our values. Too often I seem to make compromises that dampens either my goal(s) or lessens a value (eg. morals or rules) to please others.
This is definitely part of what caused my current burnout that feels impossible to get out at this moment. I'm only noticing things when it's too late, I guess it's better than not noticing at all? I guess I'll improve at it with time. That workshop sounds like a good thing to do for me.
Thank you for this video. I really needed to hear this! ❤
This one kinda reframed so much for me. Thank you!
Thanks for your tips, Kati, they're always useful, no matter the situation! 😘♥️
I needed to hear this a long time ago, but never too late. 🤘🖤
I try to remember the goal is to create a sustainable, better life - not to change everything at once and burn both ends of the candle.
Because most social situations require relationships. Relationships are difficult and cause anxiety. Anxiety seems unavoidable unless you avoid relationships.
This came at a great time
Hey Kati, I am pursuing Bachelor's in Psychology and in my first year, have Psychology paper on 17th April.
Lots of Love from Mumbai, India 💞💕
Hello Zaid good luck with that psychology is lotsa fun. I know you'll do great
Great video! Thank you.
I experienced smthn like this with my go-to pub. I was very uncomfortable with going there and wanted to Go for a walk instead. But the fear of missing out and the reasonable voice that I could always leave won in the end. I did not leave early enough to avoid getting triggered by a friend I Had a crush on now having a boyfriend.
I was emvious and simmeringly angry but I was even less comfortable with taking the effort of going home.
Now, since I have holidays fortunately, I just spend my days staying home and caring for myself, as well as preparing some career stuff.
PS. I am always surprised when I get antsy or anxious at home and meditation with Podcast just works wonders. Highly recommend.
Recently I've noticed that I've been totally burned out just because some of my family is not well and im helping them out, im totally exhausted.
This happens too often, both at work and with family 😞so many work cultures have unhealthy and toxic ways to set goals, masked under the label of challenges. So sad corporate culture...
I'm extremelly thorough about some things so when I have to put myself through difficult things I even supress my feeling of wanting to isolate or not do the thing I'm doing.
Afterwards I get extremelly upset and I don't even know why... But it was because I put myself through situations I hate, or people I hate, etc.
Awesome self questions!!🙋😊😊
🎉🎉🤔👏👏👏
Yes!!,ex.
if we wanted to meet people, or get to know people.. 🤔
Thankyou so much Katti :) I cannot express how much support and strength I seek from your words :) may you continue what you do with more power , abundance and zeal Ameen sum Ameen...lots of regards🎉🎉and yes there's a difference between growth and agony ... Let yourself be challenged and let yourself have your space but donot do or let anyone make a decision for you that doesnot defines your personality ❤
I always feel like I’m don’t push myself too hard. I’m always like I could do better and I be so hard at myself. But maybe because it’s true
Thank you 🙏 😊
It hurt when you said you only had 4 friends,I’m 54 and I have 1 friend,I really try but making friends at my age is extremely difficult .everyone already has their lives ,family and friends in their lives and don’t have time or space for someone else.it’s my birthday today,my friend is not well…so unable to celebrate with me 😢I’ve been triggered really badly recently and I’ve been unable to get out of bed😢
Saving this video. Need to remind myself of building boundaries and not pushing myself too hard. Thank you.
I just got back from a trip to NYC where I didn't talk to anyone at all. I was like, "should I go to a bar and mingle? Nah, I'll just embarrass myself." It doesn't help that alcohol does literally nothing to loosen me up anymore, in fact, it does the opposite.
Well, I think I embarrass myself a lot, and even very visibly sometimes, when travelling - then people will try to help me, and we have something to talk and laugh about! Never really thought about it before, but I guess I make myself a bit vulnerable, and then I meet people. (I don’t drink.) Why is it so tough to be embarrassed? The way I see it, it happens all the time anyway.
4:27 Your stretchy sound is so funny, Kati! 😂
I hope that's okay to say. 🙊🙈
I like the comparison to a stretch!
With my autism-based sensory processing issues, basically everything is uncomfortable (or runs the risk of it, since other people can make a certain type of noise or interruption that dysregulates me out of nowhere). Were I to follow my understanding of this video's advice to the letter, then I would sit in dark silence my whole life.
And since that doesn't work as a life, I tend toward burnout all the time. (Well, that and hypervigilance.) When the world has the power, *at any time,* to hurt me terribly without even interacting - just by laughing at a pitch that hurts me - it makes it hard to implement this otherwise good advice.
I so needed this ❤
Thank you Kati 💜
This is so true.
I have social anxiety. In 2017, I went on an app knowing they knew nothing about me to contact me outside of ME deciding to be there and could leave easily. We ended up on Skype as a group, mistake. I was a bit better bc I had someone who would be with me in calls that knew my body language and tone of voice when I got anxiety and he would make an excuse to talk to me alone so I had an out.
Time passed not doing it anymore. I ended up getting on Discord in 2020 through a Twitch streamer. I was feeling great at first, I thought I was comfortable. As months went by, I realized that as VC had more people in it, I was worse. I met my best friend there, though. I told him why I couldn't get in public VC anymore. We have our own to hang out where only a few people are allowed in.
I'm very social when I'm comfortable with someone. In hindsight, I was always a 1 on 1 friend. It makes sense now why I would get sick or cry in group activities, especially camp or trips (I was overwhelmed and having anxiety attacks). I've been able to learn when I'm uncomfortable and took control of being social.
It also helped me understand my daughter better as she got older and is the same way. It saved her from feeling pressured like I did.
Reminds me of Vygotsky's zone of proximal development and being at the right level of challenge, just a little above your own current ability
I love your content, thank you for putting it out here for all of us♥️ I have to say, you always wear the cutest tops but please tell me you don’t have life so together and your actually wear pj bottoms with a cute top like the rest of us do😂
The idea that if we don’t establish our own boundaries others will establish them for us sounds very much like Henry Cloud.
Henry Cloud?
I love you.
Ok.. excellent job
Loner life is the BEST,everyone should try it. 62 years💪
Know I am not pushing myself enough.
I suffer 8/10 times I go outside. I have anxiety but on the other hand I won’t be able to do anything in my life if I don’t push myself. There’s not a single situation where I feel just slightly uncomfortable, only extremely uncomfortable and close to panic attacks. So yeah if I don’t go through that I would just stay home 24/7
What if you have no choice? What if you have to do it anyway?
Ex: you live in abusive home, taking care of an abuser, otherwise you're homeless.
Is it better than to be homeless?
What's a boundary? 😢
Great psychologist
I always keep hearing people that I have to blame myself if I don’t succeed, but pushing myself when my brain isn’t working well never goes over well, I now learned not to focus on the word blame itself, you expect me to make a million dollars when I sometimes literally function like a drunk person who is recovering from a brain injury when I am burnt out? I feel terrible in competitive situations if I am not competing with myself and have to content with peoples dumb judgements, so now I have quit my job, am studying neuroscience and bio psycho immunology and starting to make videos online and I feel way better.
@Katie Morton I thought I saw you on an online add for a teeth whitening product. Maybe it wasn't you. They showed you when they said social media had mentioned the product.
Heyy ms Katie you should do zoom or go live on RUclips one day so we all can interact and talk to you
But I just wanted to let you know my anxiety and depression been getting a little better but I’m still not ok I feel like my mom let so much happen to me like she gave me up
So she can run behind a man that sexually assaulted me he walk in the bathroom with me when I told him someone was in there and he took advantage of me but I was wondering how can I overcome those things like I’m scared to sleep at night and I’m scared to go to the store without thinking he after me
My breath in is walking in the woods
If it burns you out, it wasn't helpful.
If it stretched you and showed you that you can push through a perceived barrier, then hurray!
I mean, it feels like I’m pushing myself too hard….but I’m also barely doing enough to survive so IDFK
I have been bullying myself to work 12 hours every single day. At first, it was fun and I enjoyed it. But now it has got to a point where I am unable to sleep, I get heart palpitations, I get anxiety when I see my work and am just anxious in general. I feel like I can't focus on anything. I still don't know if I am pushing too hard.
You are pushing yourself too hard! 😆 I soo empathise that despite all the symptoms, we still can’t see it, we always think we should do more.. Try get an overview of your work and see if you can be more efficient, and plan in regular breaks..
It's unhealthy to be afraid of trying too hard.
I'm pretty sure it is Marsha Linahan who said that.
I WISH YOU WERE MY COUNSELOR.
Unfortunately the people who have been leaving my life might be right… sigh. 😢
What if my job feels like a constant breath out? I cant simply change that? Im only 21 so I just started working. I wonder if every job feels like a breath out? Recently I thught its suppoesed to feel that way
Socially anxious?
I had to make the choice of abortion!! The other was adoption. It was sooo hard but I did kind of light my self on fire just to please my family tbh
Sad
fight flight freeze fun ? what do you mean by "fun" ?
Not fun, "fawn"
@@danettesoukup7395 ok. i read it in the transcript. but still a question... what does fawn mean?
@Lewis here's a definition I found. "Fawning is a trauma response that uses people-pleasing behavior to appease or supplicate an aggressor, avoid conflict, and ensure safety." It used to be fight or flight, then they added freeze and then later they added fawn. These additions help describe how a person has to learn to survive in a chronic bad situation. Hope this clarifies🙂
Okay just putting this out there (yes this was my ONLY takeaway! kidding) if that buffet is all cheese-based, yeah this is going to harm me. But it will also, about 30-90 minutes later, also do considerable harm to others. My digestive system's dislike of lactose could best be described as extravagant, ostentatious, flamboyant, and involves the vigorous emission of things that are probably banned by the UN as life-threatening
have heard several versions of that anon boundaries quote. they are all good. what matters is people remember the idea and bring it to mind when they need it. Like when someone offers them 'food' and it turns out to be lumps of congealed milk solids. Blech. ;-)
You trip so hard you don't even know that you push yourself. You forget because your memories are imaginary. You could have conversations with friends that you knew from high school and you can sit there for two hours having a conversation with this good friend of yours from high school, only to realize two hours later that you never even knew this person and that this person never even was in your room. You were just talking to the wall but you were hallucinating an entire human being with whom you had an intelligent conversation.
I HAVE CLINICAL DEPRESSION.
muko na pesa yamaana or ni upuzi mtupu or nikuchezeana my dia kati morton🎉
Is healthfully an actual word? 🤔
Yeah its an adverb
@@Pazuzu82 Okay. 👍
1:49 i wanted to be the best person ever?
If it wasn't for your videos I wouldn't have therapy.
Seriously, they all want my credit card and not my insurance card whis is totally not how I plan to budget Healthcare...
Wrong. Its called will power. You're just soft.