I have watched your videos for over a year now, and I have a small observation. You seem to be goal oriented, and expect the best from yourself. I think this mindset is part of your great success. You have set and achieved goals for almost 3 years--related to life changing weight loss. You have now finished the last step in attaining a "normal" body type. Your mind has been geared toward reaching goals. You worked hard, and remained living with your parents to save the funds to have the plastic surgery. Basically--you are at the end of the WLS rainbow. There can be many factors attributing to depression after reaching the end of a journey. You are so honest and inspirational. I hope you can soon enjoy the results that are clear to the rest of the world. Thank you for sharing. I'm two weeks post-op VSG, and I have used much of your advice to date. Good luck!
I think that's a great observation. I am definitely a goal oriented person, which is one of the reasons I am looking forward to going back to the gym- so I have something else to work towards! I wouldn't say I'm depressed, but I definitely have some things to work on. We are always a work in progress!
+Lauren Losing --you have gone through a major transformation. You rock. And yes--work in progress for me everyday! You look fantastic and I hope the dysmorphia subsides soon!
Lauren, I know what you mean. When I have the slightest gain or feel bloated it makes me feel like I am over 200 pounds again. Weird but true. I'm feeling this way right now with a 5 pound gain. I just want to cry.
Clothing sizes suck! Period. They are all over the place. You are better than a number on a tag. You are smarter than a number on a tag. You've got this! You recognize the issue. You're putting yourself out there and willing to get help. That's amazeballs! I have been binge watching your videos like a Netflix series :) You have educated me. Made me laugh. Made me cry. I am so grateful to have witnessed all the ups and downs you have shared. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I am 10 days post-op and down 21 lbs. And I know for a fact that if I had not stumbled upon your videos, I would not be where I am today.
So much yes. I totally get it. My eye can see that I am smaller (94lbs smaller) but but brain doesn't feel it. But My brain didn't feel 263lbs either and then I would see a picture and cry. I definitely don't understand it. Thanks for sharing your struggle. You are definitely not alone!
I just found your channel subscribed to you today. You seem to be very genuine & kind. Love how real you are. Love your attitude! Nice to see a RUclipsr not pretend to be perfect in every way. You are beautiful!
You are beautiful! I have seen a lot of your videos and I see a go getter. You have achieved so much. Know that you deserve all of this, do not downplay yourself. Focus on feeling healthy. You seem to be pretty healthy, you are at your goal weight so don't focus so much on a size, that changes from company to company. I truly admire you and the courage you have to fulfill your dreams.
Oh my gosh Lauren! I'm sorry you're going through this! It's hard to see because all I can see is everything I want when I look at you! I have not had surgery but saving up the cash for it! When I see myself I feel like I'm smaller and then I see a picture and I think that can't possibly be me, or that's a bad angle, or sometimes I realize it's me and it sucks! I don't know what else to say other than you look smokin' . I think I'm going to schedule a counseling session as I think you should too! Much love! 😘
I definitely saw myself as smaller than I was when I was heavy, but I also avoided looking in the mirror at all costs and wouldn't let other people take my picture so I thought that was the main reason, but maybe I'm wrong! There was definitely a time in this process where I felt like my head and my body were aligned and I saw myself the way I actually was, so I'm hoping that I will get there again.
Thank you so much for sharing. This is such a scary part of this process for me. I am 4 months post-op and still do not have a full length mirror in my house. I still avoid look in mirrors for fear of what I will see. I didn't realize how big I really was prior to surgery, and now I go back and forth between thinking I'm bigger than I really am and then back to thinking I'm smaller. It requires a lot of self talk on my part, and it can be really exhausting. Though the scale says I'm losing weight, I struggle weekly with thoughts of "OMG...am I gaining?"
Weirdly enough when I was bigger I had a fairly realistic view of myself. But now... As I get smaller I still feel big. I think things have been so instant with what has happened to your body since plastics, your mind has not caught up. It may take time for everything to catch up with itself. Hopefully as time goes on, your brain will learn what your new reality is. Hang in there! You are not alone now and will never be!! Wow a size zero must have been shocking to see!! Give yourself some time sweet girl!!! You may never get there fully but I think you'll ebb and flow with time!! Thanks for sharing!!! 💗💗💗💗😘😘😘😘
Lauren, I have watched your videos for some time and they have helped me in making my decision to have surgery and so on... I too do not see what i have lost this far (8 mts out and 80 + lbs ) I always had trouble with my weight and at my thinnest about 135, (many years ago) i saw myself fat. It was only when i was very overweight that i looked back at those photos and saw how thin i really was in comparison to my "heavy" days. I never knew that my heavy days would not leave me , even while they are leaving my body .they stay very vivid in my mind and eyes. I too take many photos .flood facebook not because i suddenly love myself, far from it I post those of today and when i was very heavy to try to compare and although i don't see myself as heavy as i was, it is a far stretch from those who don't even know who i am any longer because they are looking for the old, heavy lady that are in my other photos. It is a fucked up feeling. I hear you loud and clear as i am sure many others do. Not sure there is a answer or quick fix but i can tell you to Keep doing what you do. You are beautiful inside and out !! thanks for sharing all you do.
I've been feeling the exact same way recently. I'm 2years post vsg and struggle with binge eating and food addiction. I only recently found your channel (and Instagram!) and I absolutely love your personality. You're so beautiful and inspiring. 😘
I think it's great you know it's time to seek help. I also have a problem with how i look in clothing and what size I wear. The only time I actually notice how much I've lost is when I catch a glance of my reflection or when someone else does a side by side of my pictures. You are truly a inspiration & a positive female in the community keep up all the hard work!
Thanks for this video Lauren. It is something I am dealing with as well. I still have about 25 lbs. to lose, but I look in the mirror and it feels like much more. I'm 5'8" and went from 313 to 170. To me it just doesn't look like I've lost that much weight. I hope if I have skin surgery it helps. Judging by the many comments you received, it appears to be a widespread issue. You are a gorgeous young woman, and I have been enjoying your videos for the past year. Thanks again!
Thank you for making this. I had my VSG a little over a year ago. I know in my right mind that I don't look the same because people tell me "oh you look great!" "You're so small!" When I see pictures of myself now... I still see me from before, I still feel it's the same person. Clothing size has changed but I still feel the same.
Hey Lauren!! I get what you are talking about. When I was bigger, I used to see myself smaller...weird... But now that I am smaller(200 lbs lighter) I see a big guy. Going clothing shopping and looking at something and thinking that it is too small....until I try it on. From a guys perspective, I am right there with ya. The mind is a beautiful thing... and a scary one at the same time. Best of luck, Lauren! You have come so far with everything already. Keep up the good work.
You are not alone, I am the same. I have gone from size 24 jeans down to 8-10 yet I still can't grasp the fact that I am small. People tell me I am (I am the same height as you) but when I look in the mirror I just don't see it. I keep reaffirming that 'all' the clothe sizes can't be generous. It is a real mind game..I think we have told ourselves we are fat for so long we are now programmed that way.
It is definitely a mind game, and I have to do fact checking with myself a lot of the time, like "you are wearing a size XS, which means you are not big" and it seems to help.
Hey Lauren So I am almost 4 months out from VSG I am also almost 60lbs down. My starting weight was 285 day of surgery was 273 current weight 228 ish and I am about 5'3 and a half. There are days I look in the mirror and I see the weight loss and I am happy but still not satisfied with where I am. I still wish I was down more. I know it is only 4 months and I have so much more time to go but I get upset that I am not further along. Some weeks I lose about 3 to 4 pounds others only 1 or 2. The weeks I don't lose at least 3 pounds I get very upset but I know it is my body still adjusting doctor says it takes about a full year to recover. My skin is getting loose and it upsets me probably every day. But I know I am working to a healthy life and that was the goal here. Thank you for making the videos you make it lets me know there are other people who know what I am going through. Keep your head up you look great congrats on all that you have accomplished...
I'm right with you. I am 9 months post op, 110 lbs down and don't see it. I ran into someone the other day and she said she didn't recognize me. She had to look at me again. I said that it was because I had cut off my hair and she said it was because of the weightloss. She kind of got mad at me, like I am fully aware of it. People don't know what it like to suddenly getting attention when you have spent so many years trying not to be noticed. I don't see it in the mirror. I know that I am smaller, that I am super hard on myself. I still see the fat girl in the mirror. I'm my worst critic. e
I'm 3 years out VSG now and I still think of myself in my head as my bigger self. I think, for example trying to squeeze between two closely parked cars in a parking lot, "I can't fit through that gap", but I can with room to spare. My dietician said it's extremely common, especially when you've been big for most of your life. I still grab clothes at the store that I think will fit, only to find that they are a size or two too big in the fitting room. It takes your brain some time to catch up with your body's transformation. Other people will notice it, but you won't. Target is definitely vanity sized a lot, I wear a small there now but I am a pants/dress size 8-10 😂 I wonder what I'll do as I continue to lose more weight and where the truly skinny girls find clothes at stores like that.
No amount of make-up, weight loss, or plastic surgery will make you love yourself. That's something that has to come from inner work and realizing your true self worth. It's not easy and I'm not there yet but I think it's worth it to try.
First, I love your videos. You have been one of my inspirations during this journey. I struggle with not seeing the results and I think I self sabotage sometimes. I have yet to try on new clothes because I just know nothing has changed. So instead I walk around pulling up my pants lol. Idk about you but I cannot even fathom being 130. Like is that an option. I mean really even onederland seems unreal. I feel that with this journey and the milestones we never thought would happen it's hard to see them in reality. Keep up the good work. It's a daily thing mentally and physically.
I am an extremely emotional reaction to your post today. I have been watching your videos for the past 3 months, since I first scheduled my VSG consultation and you have become such an inspiration to me. It makes me sad for you that you are feeling this way, but at the same time I think it's probably very natural. Your body has changed so much and your brain needs time to catch up. I do think that seeing your therapist again will be helpful and will hopefully allow your brain time it needs to catch up with your body. Just remember that you are beautiful! Have fun at your cookout!
Thank you! Don't feel too bad for me- I feel amazing in general, and I am so grateful for my life now. I just wanted to share that it's not all unicorns and rainbows! We all have our struggles.
Hi. It's nice to hear someone else going through this. You look tiny tiny to me. It's a constant struggle for me. I am not quite at my goal but everyone tells me I am good where I am at and don't get me wrong I'm happy but I have a hard time seeing it. I always have an excuse. It's nice to not be alone in it. But you look amazing and I hope someday you really see it because it's an amazing transformation.
Wow, a size zero. Holy cow, lady. I am a few decades older than you, and a WLS patient. When I was in graduate school, I did a control group study on the effects of Dance/Movement therapy of the Body Image of young women with distorted body images (most specifically their sense of how big they are). None of my subjects were overweight or ever had been overweight. Most were in a normal BMI, but a couple were quite thin. All, of them had distorted senses of their own size and were obsessed with their weight. This is a subject pretty close to my heart. In my experience, when i weighed 212 pounds, I don't think i realized how big I was. Now, at 130 pounds, I am having trouble seeing how small I am. Yesterday, I fit into a a size 6 and it just blew my mind. To me, body dysmorphia is a very complex issue, but one of the things that comes into play, for people those of us who have lost a lot of weight, is something called the "phantom limb syndrome". Our consciousness is having a hard time catching up with our new dimensions. This video may seem way out there, but here is a video, which shows, energetically, what is going on in one's consciousness when this phenomena happens. Kirlean photograph photographs the energy (Life force, aura) emanating from people, places, and things. This video is from studies by Dr. Thelma Moss at UCLA. Start at, 1:38. ruclips.net/video/no0wI9ue9rw/видео.html
Thanks for sharing hun and I think there are many of us with this problem I used to see myself as not that big but then looking at a photo I would kid myself thinking oh they took that at a bad angle or Im not that big cameras add pounds but that was not the case so I think seeing your therapist is a great idea love because you are just beautiful now big hugs xox
Of course you deserve to enjoy it. You have stayed the course and you look fabulous!!! Gorgeous! I had my surgery 4-23-13. I was waiting to get into onderland. As soon as I saw 199 I've been putting back on the pounds! I've gained almost 50lbs. I'm not sure what makes me think that I don't deserve to be smaller or what scares me about it. I've been in and out of counseling. Definitely having problems with what I see in the mirror and all of the mediums in my closet that I can no longer fit :(
My highest size was 24 and I'm now a 12 and still in denial. It's really a hard realization when u have been a certain size for many many years. We're all a work in progress.
I get self-conscious when someone compliments the way I look because whatever part of me they're complimenting I've analyzed it in the mirror and determined it's flawed.
Thanks so much for making this video. I really needed to hear this I have lost 10 sizes and still have a long way to go but I hardly recognize my own shadow it is insane sometimes .
Thank you so much for posting this video. I have the same issues. 1 year out and I weigh 130. Everyone says I am small but I still feel fat. What a mind fuck this all is. Appreciate you for all you do. Thx. Adam from NYC.
I'm almost a year out post op rny and despite losing 125lbs I still see myself as fat. Then I look in the mirror and see the difference and take pics--like u said, and visually see the difference. You have come a long way Lauren, and perhaps a therapist would help. However, maybe journaling your feelings would too. I see a therapist and journal and find that it's very helpful in straightening out my thoughts.
I relate to this so much. I never had WLS, and I've only lost about 30 pounds, so I never got loose skin. But I've always had a distorted body image but now it's just so frustrating. For the first time in my life I am content with the number on the scale and the size of my jeans, but I can't see it in the mirror. I look at my clothes and wonder how the hell I fit my ass into them. And the feeling of constantly blaming vanity sizing. And wondering how a XS skirt is too big in the waist. It's so frustrating because I've been trying my whole life to get to this place but I still see myself as fat and constantly try to lose more and more weight but seeing no difference.
Lauren, maybe not think of yourself as "little," maybe think of yourself as "petite" now. It's going to take time for you're head to catch up with your body. If thinking about it makes you sad, confused, scared or frustrated, it's okay if you don't think about it. Try on clothes until you find something you love. And just like you're not obsessing over the number on the scale, don't obsess over the number on the tags. You're Lauren at Goal, not Lauren Lost!!🙃. I've list 80 lbs, and probably should lose 35 more.. At 5'9" and 204, I still consider myself BIG/Overweight. But the guys and some girlfriends friends are saying I'm "perfect." There's plenty of deflated lose skin on my arms, thighs, belly and neck/chin. I will never be small or petite. But it's totally clear that whatever your 'numbers,' you're meant to be petite (ta-tas notwithstanding). Just keep loving on yourself and your body/mind will balance itself out. You're wise and insightful. Relax. You'll get there.
I still pick up clothes that are way too big for me. I have noticed recently that I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around my body. I'm 18 mo out and this started over the last 3 or so months. I have a hunch that it started right around the time that I decided to go for my plastics. It's like I couldn't justify the surgeries in my mind because I was still "big" and had a lot to lose. I do what you do to combat it. I take lots of photos and try to see the real me.
It's so very real....and makes us feel sooo helpful, powerless and really just plain nuts. After a 150lb weightloss (skin has not been removed) I'm a 4/6 other than TOM when that extra 8-10 lbs hits and I go up a whole size. On top of fibroids which aids in my looking and feeling like a pot belly pig. Daily its like some cruel mental video game that someone is playing with us and were the character in the game. I've stopped weighing in thinking that would help however that has made me feel even worse. Listening to you was like listening to myself and it just helps to know that the situation is real, others are going through it...that helps me know that I'm not totally crazy.
Thanks for sharing. I do have similar feelings but then again I am still quite large. I'm only 5'2.5" and now weigh 190. I started 16 months ago at 324 so I'm happy to be at this weight but still I am obese ad know I have a long way to go. Maybe you should see someone about your body dysmorphia since you are already considering it. I think you know what's best for you. I wish you good luck. You look amazing.
Totally hearing you. Yes, yes, yes. 88 lb down and I still look at myself naked and can't see any difference. Clothed I can get it, my six week video has me in my old work clothes, that was an "ah ha" moment, I could see it then. But today, at my lowest adult weight, I feel fat. Very fat. I have watched you transform, go look at your first few videos, then your last. I think you'll see it. Yours is the transformation that I'm after. Well not quite the same as I'm 50. But similar anyway. I get you. I understand. I guess we are still catching up on ourselves.
I've been watching your vids for over a year now. I don't think I've ever commented until but you have the prettiest eyes! btw. Also, I think part of my weight gain/issue is that I was/am ashamed that I felt I had to resort to surgery and the fact that I've gained half of the weight back even with the help of rx pills.
I can relate to this video in a very strangely awkward way. I started losing weight on June 1st, 2018 and I NEVER look in the mirror, ever. When I started dropping a lot of weight in my face I felt like I didn’t recognize myself and it became awkward seeing myself. I’ve lost significant weight in the past, but this time it came so rapidly off my face that it’s sorta messing with me a little (I won’t even get into my bod, lol). Oddly, I never put on make-up because that would require looking at myself and yet when I have make-up on I look and feel more like myself, so I’m so,what trapped in this strange purgatory at the moment, lol.
I think it will take time for you to trust you can maintain this weight or weight range that you determine is right for you. A year ago you were larger...not large but larger than now and dealing with regain, if I remember. You had surgery at 125....that's the smallest you've ever been ...and it just happened recently. Enjoy your size...whatever it is. It's just going to take time.
You were a perfect size when you were bigger. You chose to get healthy, now you are a perfect size for the healthy you. I don't know if that makes any sense to anyone else, but it did in my head, lol. I guess my point is, love yourself no matter what size you wear.
Low good gut bacteria can affect the brain and cause anxiety so taking kefir is a good thing as stress reduces good gut bacteria. Hypothyroidism can also be a cause of obsessive thinking and candida too can have a huge affect on the mind as i had all these things. Candida spit test will test for candida, candida symptoms are white coating on tongue, bad breath, allergies, bad skin, fatigue etc.
I'm up a bit now, but when I first hit my goal weight for the first time in my life after 3 Bari surgeries, I remember saying, "I weigh 155...there is no way I am fat! After a lifetime of morbid obesity, the brain was having a hard time catching up! This is better now, but I still think I have trouble with a clear picture of what I look like. Even after plastics, the tire around my middle when I sit down STILL makes me FEEL fat! It does get better with time. Cheryl
I most definitely a struggle with body dysmorphia. I am 3 weeks from having my gastric sleeve surgery I have my surgery on July 20th. the entire time I had always seen myself smaller than what I really am. Lately seen myself as I actually am and it's really difficult. I don't know if that will change as I start to lose weight or if it will be reversed and I will think I am bigger than what I really am.
Hello Lauren, I get the inaccurate body shape perception or misperception part. I've lost 86 lbs and 54 inches. I had my sleeve done June 2013 so I'm 3 years out and I still don't know how big or small I really am. The numbers on my clothes confuse me and photos don't help me. The logical part of my brain says "hey you look great" the other half of my being isn't there yet and may never be. So on the hard day I default to the "I'm way healthier now than I was 3 years ago regardless of my actual shape or size." I hope this provides some perspective. In addition, I would venture to ask, could some of this be related to hormones? Your body just went through a MAJOR surgery and even though you feel great, your body hasn't completely healed yet and your mind hasn't caught up yet. Give it time and be kind to your bodys' slow healing process. :) Keep posting. I love your videos and I've been watching since before you're surgery. What a wild and crazy ride it's been. :)
love your videos btw...I do deal with body dysmophia. I'm only 2 weeks post op but ive dealt with it since being bigger. I can look in the mirror and see someone smaller but when I see myself in pics I'm disgusted. I'm hoping that will get better as I lose more weight and pants sizes but it is totally real and it sucks!
I don't believe we can go by clothing sizes because they alter so much brand to brand, country to country. I don't understand why in the U.S weight is measured higher as in 100 Pounds!!! Sounds like such a big number right?!! But in Australia it's only 45 Kilos Yet a size 4 in the U.S is a Size 8 in Australia....it's all bullshit. I think I will have to go by measurements and jump into my old fat jeans to remind me of how far I've come when I start to doubt myself. You look like a ballerina, sunshine. By the way, what is most important is that your soul and your heart, your compassion and your love is MASSIVE, all squished down into a teeny tiny gorgeous body. (Robin William's Jeanie moment) LOL Yes. A Psych is definitely gong to be of benefit, if only to help you consolidate your thoughts...I intend to see one throughout my entire WLS experience or so that's what I'm thinking of doing and I hope I stick with that idea because it's smart! Take care of you, you're body and hormones are still going through a lot! Wendy xx
Lauren!!!! First I want to say what an inspiration you are to me and others!!! Second, I'm just about six months postop now and I'm starting to struggle big with this. I just don't see the loss. When I was larger I never felt large and now that I'm losing I don't see or feel any different. People tell me all the time how great I look and how I don't need to lose anymore but I know different. I feel differently about it. My dr says I have 27 more to lose but I see that differently too. Any thoughts???? Just know your not alone!!!
Thank you!! It is an ongoing struggle. I would be open with your doctor about your feelings so the he or she is aware of it. Also, take pictures, do before and afters... It helps! Not always, but a lot of the time.
I totally understand, I haven't had skin removal yet, but when I put on clothes and look in the mirror I see the weight loss, but before I get dressed or see myself in the mirror while I am getting ready, I still see me big. It is a mind game and it does affect us. when the waist is to big, I just pullout the sewing machine and take it in or put stars in waist band of jeans.
Rhylee Jones it’s the same thing. BDD - body dysmorphic disorder -body dysmorphia There’s different levels tho. Severe or less severe. mj lvl or lower more mild
body dysmorphic disorder is the exact same as bdd and body dysmorpia so i guess being anorexic is not the same as anorexia btw do you know michael jackson personally? or just believe what you read in media.. also, being bulimic is NOT the same as bulimia??? dont claim you have a deadly disorder just because of 1 part of your body... you dont complain about your face it a loss weight issue that more in the eating disorder criteria.. xoxo
exactly like i struggle with body dysmorphic disorder because i’m obsessed with my nose, i have to contour it in order to leave the house. also extremely suicidal because of it ; i think people make so many generalizations about the mental disease. for instance, it’s very frustrating because i’ll see a tweet with 100k likes about having body dysmorphia and i’m just like ??? bro do not glamorize this shit, it’s absolute hell and you can’t concentrate on anything else besides the fixated perceived flaw
Don’t you just wish you can go into someone else’s body for a moment and see how you really look and judge yourself to see what u wanna change or if you fine and overreacting
I definitely see myself smaller than I am. Since I have gotten to my highest weight, I HATE to see pictures of myself because I can't believe that I am as big as I am. It also doesn't help that I have people telling me I'm not obese and that I carry my weight well. Hello??! I'm 5'5" and 260 lbs.. how am I wearing it well??? Thank you for letting us into your life! 😍
You need to go have some photo shots taken of you. Really until you see it you cant feel it. Make your mind wrap the photo into your mind and you will be able to see what we see. Try it...
Yes, I think this is a good idea, but my concern is you still may not be able to see it. That is, what you see in the pictures may not be what other people see. Never-the-less, i think that all "feedback" (from others, pictures, trying on clothes, moving around kinesthetic/proprioceptive sense, moving into tight spaces, etc..) is very informing and I think helps.
I am the opposite. I don't think I am as big as I am until I see myself in a picture or get on the scale. Still waiting for my surgery date. Likely to be July.
I do see myself as smaller than I am... I still see myself close to what I did at size 8 even though I could nevet wear those. also, I tried to add you on fb!
Kimberly they are the same but she is trying to make a distinction between dysmorphic feelings that don't rule your life and the devastation that is diagnosed bdd.
People just don't understand how hard it is to live with bdd.
I have watched your videos for over a year now, and I have a small observation. You seem to be goal oriented, and expect the best from yourself. I think this mindset is part of your great success. You have set and achieved goals for almost 3 years--related to life changing weight loss. You have now finished the last step in attaining a "normal" body type. Your mind has been geared toward reaching goals. You worked hard, and remained living with your parents to save the funds to have the plastic surgery. Basically--you are at the end of the WLS rainbow. There can be many factors attributing to depression after reaching the end of a journey. You are so honest and inspirational. I hope you can soon enjoy the results that are clear to the rest of the world. Thank you for sharing. I'm two weeks post-op VSG, and I have used much of your advice to date. Good luck!
I think that's a great observation. I am definitely a goal oriented person, which is one of the reasons I am looking forward to going back to the gym- so I have something else to work towards! I wouldn't say I'm depressed, but I definitely have some things to work on. We are always a work in progress!
+Lauren Losing --you have gone through a major transformation. You rock. And yes--work in progress for me everyday! You look fantastic and I hope the dysmorphia subsides soon!
Lauren, I know what you mean. When I have the slightest gain or feel bloated it makes me feel like I am over 200 pounds again. Weird but true. I'm feeling this way right now with a 5 pound gain. I just want to cry.
Don't cry! It'll drain away... Just keep doing the right thing.
Clothing sizes suck! Period. They are all over the place. You are better than a number on a tag. You are smarter than a number on a tag. You've got this! You recognize the issue. You're putting yourself out there and willing to get help. That's amazeballs!
I have been binge watching your videos like a Netflix series :) You have educated me. Made me laugh. Made me cry. I am so grateful to have witnessed all the ups and downs you have shared. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I am 10 days post-op and down 21 lbs. And I know for a fact that if I had not stumbled upon your videos, I would not be where I am today.
Thank you for the sweet comment! And congratulations!!
So much yes. I totally get it. My eye can see that I am smaller (94lbs smaller) but but brain doesn't feel it. But My brain didn't feel 263lbs either and then I would see a picture and cry. I definitely don't understand it. Thanks for sharing your struggle. You are definitely not alone!
Thank you!
I'm glad you're making these videos. They're helping.
I just found your channel subscribed to you today. You seem to be very genuine & kind. Love how real you are. Love your attitude! Nice to see a RUclipsr not pretend to be perfect in every way. You are beautiful!
Thank you!
You are beautiful! I have seen a lot of your videos and I see a go getter. You have achieved so much. Know that you deserve all of this, do not downplay yourself. Focus on feeling healthy. You seem to be pretty healthy, you are at your goal weight so don't focus so much on a size, that changes from company to company. I truly admire you and the courage you have to fulfill your dreams.
Oh my gosh Lauren! I'm sorry you're going through this! It's hard to see because all I can see is everything I want when I look at you! I have not had surgery but saving up the cash for it! When I see myself I feel like I'm smaller and then I see a picture and I think that can't possibly be me, or that's a bad angle, or sometimes I realize it's me and it sucks! I don't know what else to say other than you look smokin' . I think I'm going to schedule a counseling session as I think you should too! Much love! 😘
I definitely saw myself as smaller than I was when I was heavy, but I also avoided looking in the mirror at all costs and wouldn't let other people take my picture so I thought that was the main reason, but maybe I'm wrong! There was definitely a time in this process where I felt like my head and my body were aligned and I saw myself the way I actually was, so I'm hoping that I will get there again.
Thank you so much for sharing. This is such a scary part of this process for me. I am 4 months post-op and still do not have a full length mirror in my house. I still avoid look in mirrors for fear of what I will see. I didn't realize how big I really was prior to surgery, and now I go back and forth between thinking I'm bigger than I really am and then back to thinking I'm smaller. It requires a lot of self talk on my part, and it can be really exhausting. Though the scale says I'm losing weight, I struggle weekly with thoughts of "OMG...am I gaining?"
Weirdly enough when I was bigger I had a fairly realistic view of myself. But now... As I get smaller I still feel big. I think things have been so instant with what has happened to your body since plastics, your mind has not caught up. It may take time for everything to catch up with itself. Hopefully as time goes on, your brain will learn what your new reality is. Hang in there! You are not alone now and will never be!! Wow a size zero must have been shocking to see!! Give yourself some time sweet girl!!! You may never get there fully but I think you'll ebb and flow with time!! Thanks for sharing!!! 💗💗💗💗😘😘😘😘
Lauren, I have watched your videos for some time and they have helped me in making my decision to have surgery and so on... I too do not see what i have lost this far (8 mts out and 80 + lbs ) I always had trouble with my weight and at my thinnest about 135, (many years ago) i saw myself fat. It was only when i was very overweight that i looked back at those photos and saw how thin i really was in comparison to my "heavy" days. I never knew that my heavy days would not leave me , even while they are leaving my body .they stay very vivid in my mind and eyes. I too take many photos .flood facebook not because i suddenly love myself, far from it I post those of today and when i was very heavy to try to compare and although i don't see myself as heavy as i was, it is a far stretch from those who don't even know who i am any longer because they are looking for the old, heavy lady that are in my other photos. It is a fucked up feeling. I hear you loud and clear as i am sure many others do. Not sure there is a answer or quick fix but i can tell you to Keep doing what you do. You are beautiful inside and out !!
thanks for sharing all you do.
I've been feeling the exact same way recently. I'm 2years post vsg and struggle with binge eating and food addiction. I only recently found your channel (and Instagram!) and I absolutely love your personality. You're so beautiful and inspiring. 😘
I think it's great you know it's time to seek help. I also have a problem with how i look in clothing and what size I wear. The only time I actually notice how much I've lost is when I catch a glance of my reflection or when someone else does a side by side of my pictures. You are truly a inspiration & a positive female in the community keep up all the hard work!
Thanks for this video Lauren. It is something I am dealing with as well. I still have about 25 lbs. to lose, but I look in the mirror and it feels like much more. I'm 5'8" and went from 313 to 170. To me it just doesn't look like I've lost that much weight. I hope if I have skin surgery it helps. Judging by the many comments you received, it appears to be a widespread issue. You are a gorgeous young woman, and I have been enjoying your videos for the past year. Thanks again!
Thank you for making this. I had my VSG a little over a year ago. I know in my right mind that I don't look the same because people tell me "oh you look great!" "You're so small!" When I see pictures of myself now... I still see me from before, I still feel it's the same person. Clothing size has changed but I still feel the same.
Hey Lauren!! I get what you are talking about. When I was bigger, I used to see myself smaller...weird... But now that I am smaller(200 lbs lighter) I see a big guy. Going clothing shopping and looking at something and thinking that it is too small....until I try it on. From a guys perspective, I am right there with ya. The mind is a beautiful thing... and a scary one at the same time. Best of luck, Lauren! You have come so far with everything already. Keep up the good work.
You are not alone, I am the same. I have gone from size 24 jeans down to 8-10 yet I still can't grasp the fact that I am small. People tell me I am (I am the same height as you) but when I look in the mirror I just don't see it. I keep reaffirming that 'all' the clothe sizes can't be generous. It is a real mind game..I think we have told ourselves we are fat for so long we are now programmed that way.
It is definitely a mind game, and I have to do fact checking with myself a lot of the time, like "you are wearing a size XS, which means you are not big" and it seems to help.
Hey Lauren So I am almost 4 months out from VSG I am also almost 60lbs down. My starting weight was 285 day of surgery was 273 current weight 228 ish and I am about 5'3 and a half. There are days I look in the mirror and I see the weight loss and I am happy but still not satisfied with where I am. I still wish I was down more. I know it is only 4 months and I have so much more time to go but I get upset that I am not further along. Some weeks I lose about 3 to 4 pounds others only 1 or 2. The weeks I don't lose at least 3 pounds I get very upset but I know it is my body still adjusting doctor says it takes about a full year to recover. My skin is getting loose and it upsets me probably every day. But I know I am working to a healthy life and that was the goal here. Thank you for making the videos you make it lets me know there are other people who know what I am going through. Keep your head up you look great congrats on all that you have accomplished...
I'm right with you. I am 9 months post op, 110 lbs down and don't see it. I ran into someone the other day and she said she didn't recognize me. She had to look at me again. I said that it was because I had cut off my hair and she said it was because of the weightloss. She kind of got mad at me, like I am fully aware of it. People don't know what it like to suddenly getting attention when you have spent so many years trying not to be noticed. I don't see it in the mirror. I know that I am smaller, that I am super hard on myself. I still see the fat girl in the mirror. I'm my worst critic.
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I'm 3 years out VSG now and I still think of myself in my head as my bigger self. I think, for example trying to squeeze between two closely parked cars in a parking lot, "I can't fit through that gap", but I can with room to spare. My dietician said it's extremely common, especially when you've been big for most of your life. I still grab clothes at the store that I think will fit, only to find that they are a size or two too big in the fitting room. It takes your brain some time to catch up with your body's transformation. Other people will notice it, but you won't. Target is definitely vanity sized a lot, I wear a small there now but I am a pants/dress size 8-10 😂 I wonder what I'll do as I continue to lose more weight and where the truly skinny girls find clothes at stores like that.
No amount of make-up, weight loss, or plastic surgery will make you love yourself. That's something that has to come from inner work and realizing your true self worth. It's not easy and I'm not there yet but I think it's worth it to try.
Loving myself isn't the issue, although it used to be. I may not see myself accurately, but I have definitely learned to love myself.
First, I love your videos. You have been one of my inspirations during this journey. I struggle with not seeing the results and I think I self sabotage sometimes. I have yet to try on new clothes because I just know nothing has changed. So instead I walk around pulling up my pants lol. Idk about you but I cannot even fathom being 130. Like is that an option. I mean really even onederland seems unreal. I feel that with this journey and the milestones we never thought would happen it's hard to see them in reality. Keep up the good work. It's a daily thing mentally and physically.
I am an extremely emotional reaction to your post today. I have been watching your videos for the past 3 months, since I first scheduled my VSG consultation and you have become such an inspiration to me. It makes me sad for you that you are feeling this way, but at the same time I think it's probably very natural. Your body has changed so much and your brain needs time to catch up. I do think that seeing your therapist again will be helpful and will hopefully allow your brain time it needs to catch up with your body. Just remember that you are beautiful! Have fun at your cookout!
Ugh, I had an extremely emotional response...not I am...what a doofus!
Thank you! Don't feel too bad for me- I feel amazing in general, and I am so grateful for my life now. I just wanted to share that it's not all unicorns and rainbows! We all have our struggles.
+Lauren Losing I love that you are honest about everything. The good, the bad and the ugly!
It's funny...when I was bigger I always felt like I was smaller than I was and now that I'm smaller I feel bigger...
Hi. It's nice to hear someone else going through this. You look tiny tiny to me. It's a constant struggle for me. I am not quite at my goal but everyone tells me I am good where I am at and don't get me wrong I'm happy but I have a hard time seeing it. I always have an excuse. It's nice to not be alone in it. But you look amazing and I hope someday you really see it because it's an amazing transformation.
Wow, a size zero. Holy cow, lady. I am a few decades older than you, and a WLS patient. When I was in graduate school, I did a control group study on the effects of Dance/Movement therapy of the Body Image of young women with distorted body images (most specifically their sense of how big they are). None of my subjects were overweight or ever had been overweight. Most were in a normal BMI, but a couple were quite thin. All, of them had distorted senses of their own size and were obsessed with their weight. This is a subject pretty close to my heart. In my experience, when i weighed 212 pounds, I don't think i realized how big I was. Now, at 130 pounds, I am having trouble seeing how small I am. Yesterday, I fit into a a size 6 and it just blew my mind. To me, body dysmorphia is a very complex issue, but one of the things that comes into play, for people those of us who have lost a lot of weight, is something called the "phantom limb syndrome". Our consciousness is having a hard time catching up with our new dimensions. This video may seem way out there, but here is a video, which shows, energetically, what is going on in one's consciousness when this phenomena happens. Kirlean photograph photographs the energy (Life force, aura) emanating from people, places, and things. This video is from studies by Dr. Thelma Moss at UCLA. Start at, 1:38. ruclips.net/video/no0wI9ue9rw/видео.html
Thanks for sharing hun and I think there are many of us with this problem I used to see myself as not that big but then looking at a photo I would kid myself thinking oh they took that at a bad angle or Im not that big cameras add pounds but that was not the case so I think seeing your therapist is a great idea love because you are just beautiful now big hugs xox
Of course you deserve to enjoy it. You have stayed the course and you look fabulous!!! Gorgeous! I had my surgery 4-23-13. I was waiting to get into onderland. As soon as I saw 199 I've been putting back on the pounds! I've gained almost 50lbs. I'm not sure what makes me think that I don't deserve to be smaller or what scares me about it. I've been in and out of counseling. Definitely having problems with what I see in the mirror and all of the mediums in my closet that I can no longer fit :(
It's tough, and from someone who used to be a major self-sabotager, I feel you. Keep working on it, girl- the hustle is worth it ❤️
I'm really proud of you for bringing up this topic. Thank you for having the courage to share. I know it's not easy. Xx
My highest size was 24 and I'm now a 12 and still in denial. It's really a hard realization when u have been a certain size for many many years. We're all a work in progress.
I get self-conscious when someone compliments the way I look because whatever part of me they're complimenting I've analyzed it in the mirror and determined it's flawed.
Thanks so much for making this video. I really needed to hear this I have lost 10 sizes and still have a long way to go but I hardly recognize my own shadow it is insane sometimes .
Do therapists help BDD, body dysmorphia? I can't see myself being any less self conscious and insecure than I am now.
Thank you so much for posting this video. I have the same issues. 1 year out and I weigh 130. Everyone says I am small but I still feel fat. What a mind fuck this all is. Appreciate you for all you do. Thx. Adam from NYC.
It's a serious mind fuck. Thanks for the comment, Adam!
I'm almost a year out post op rny and despite losing 125lbs I still see myself as fat. Then I look in the mirror and see the difference and take pics--like u said, and visually see the difference. You have come a long way Lauren, and perhaps a therapist would help. However, maybe journaling your feelings would too. I see a therapist and journal and find that it's very helpful in straightening out my thoughts.
I relate to this so much. I never had WLS, and I've only lost about 30 pounds, so I never got loose skin. But I've always had a distorted body image but now it's just so frustrating. For the first time in my life I am content with the number on the scale and the size of my jeans, but I can't see it in the mirror. I look at my clothes and wonder how the hell I fit my ass into them. And the feeling of constantly blaming vanity sizing. And wondering how a XS skirt is too big in the waist. It's so frustrating because I've been trying my whole life to get to this place but I still see myself as fat and constantly try to lose more and more weight but seeing no difference.
Lauren, maybe not think of yourself as "little," maybe think of yourself as "petite" now. It's going to take time for you're head to catch up with your body. If thinking about it makes you sad, confused, scared or frustrated, it's okay if you don't think about it. Try on clothes until you find something you love. And just like you're not obsessing over the number on the scale, don't obsess over the number on the tags. You're Lauren at Goal, not Lauren Lost!!🙃. I've list 80 lbs, and probably should lose 35 more.. At 5'9" and 204, I still consider myself BIG/Overweight. But the guys and some girlfriends friends are saying I'm "perfect." There's plenty of deflated lose skin on my arms, thighs, belly and neck/chin. I will never be small or petite. But it's totally clear that whatever your 'numbers,' you're meant to be petite (ta-tas notwithstanding). Just keep loving on yourself and your body/mind will balance itself out. You're wise and insightful. Relax. You'll get there.
I still pick up clothes that are way too big for me. I have noticed recently that I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around my body. I'm 18 mo out and this started over the last 3 or so months. I have a hunch that it started right around the time that I decided to go for my plastics. It's like I couldn't justify the surgeries in my mind because I was still "big" and had a lot to lose. I do what you do to combat it. I take lots of photos and try to see the real me.
It's so very real....and makes us feel sooo helpful, powerless and really just plain nuts. After a 150lb weightloss (skin has not been removed) I'm a 4/6 other than TOM when that extra 8-10 lbs hits and I go up a whole size. On top of fibroids which aids in my looking and feeling like a pot belly pig. Daily its like some cruel mental video game that someone is playing with us and were the character in the game. I've stopped weighing in thinking that would help however that has made me feel even worse.
Listening to you was like listening to myself and it just helps to know that the situation is real, others are going through it...that helps me know that I'm not totally crazy.
Thanks for sharing. I do have similar feelings but then again I am still quite large. I'm only 5'2.5" and now weigh 190. I started 16 months ago at 324 so I'm happy to be at this weight but still I am obese ad know I have a long way to go. Maybe you should see someone about your body dysmorphia since you are already considering it. I think you know what's best for you. I wish you good luck. You look amazing.
Totally hearing you. Yes, yes, yes. 88 lb down and I still look at myself naked and can't see any difference. Clothed I can get it, my six week video has me in my old work clothes, that was an "ah ha" moment, I could see it then. But today, at my lowest adult weight, I feel fat. Very fat.
I have watched you transform, go look at your first few videos, then your last. I think you'll see it. Yours is the transformation that I'm after. Well not quite the same as I'm 50. But similar anyway.
I get you. I understand. I guess we are still catching up on ourselves.
I've been watching your vids for over a year now. I don't think I've ever commented until but you have the prettiest eyes! btw. Also, I think part of my weight gain/issue is that I was/am ashamed that I felt I had to resort to surgery and the fact that I've gained half of the weight back even with the help of rx pills.
Thank you for the compliment!
I can relate to this video in a very strangely awkward way. I started losing weight on June 1st, 2018 and I NEVER look in the mirror, ever. When I started dropping a lot of weight in my face I felt like I didn’t recognize myself and it became awkward seeing myself. I’ve lost significant weight in the past, but this time it came so rapidly off my face that it’s sorta messing with me a little (I won’t even get into my bod, lol). Oddly, I never put on make-up because that would require looking at myself and yet when I have make-up on I look and feel more like myself, so I’m so,what trapped in this strange purgatory at the moment, lol.
I think it will take time for you to trust you can maintain this weight or weight range that you determine is right for you. A year ago you were larger...not large but larger than now and dealing with regain, if I remember. You had surgery at 125....that's the smallest you've ever been ...and it just happened recently. Enjoy your size...whatever it is. It's just going to take time.
You were a perfect size when you were bigger. You chose to get healthy, now you are a perfect size for the healthy you. I don't know if that makes any sense to anyone else, but it did in my head, lol. I guess my point is, love yourself no matter what size you wear.
Low good gut bacteria can affect the brain and cause anxiety so taking kefir is a good thing as stress reduces good gut bacteria. Hypothyroidism can also be a cause of obsessive thinking and candida too can have a huge affect on the mind as i had all these things. Candida spit test will test for candida, candida symptoms are white coating on tongue, bad breath, allergies, bad skin, fatigue etc.
I'm up a bit now, but when I first hit my goal weight for the first time in my life after 3 Bari surgeries, I remember saying, "I weigh 155...there is no way I am fat! After a lifetime of morbid obesity, the brain was having a hard time catching up! This is better now, but I still think I have trouble with a clear picture of what I look like. Even after plastics, the tire around my middle when I sit down STILL makes me FEEL fat! It does get better with time. Cheryl
It's probably going to be something ongoing that we will have to work on.
I most definitely a struggle with body dysmorphia. I am 3 weeks from having my gastric sleeve surgery I have my surgery on July 20th. the entire time I had always seen myself smaller than what I really am. Lately seen myself as I actually am and it's really difficult. I don't know if that will change as I start to lose weight or if it will be reversed and I will think I am bigger than what I really am.
Hello Lauren, I get the inaccurate body shape perception or misperception part. I've lost 86 lbs and 54 inches. I had my sleeve done June 2013 so I'm 3 years out and I still don't know how big or small I really am. The numbers on my clothes confuse me and photos don't help me. The logical part of my brain says "hey you look great" the other half of my being isn't there yet and may never be. So on the hard day I default to the "I'm way healthier now than I was 3 years ago regardless of my actual shape or size." I hope this provides some perspective. In addition, I would venture to ask, could some of this be related to hormones? Your body just went through a MAJOR surgery and even though you feel great, your body hasn't completely healed yet and your mind hasn't caught up yet. Give it time and be kind to your bodys' slow healing process. :) Keep posting. I love your videos and I've been watching since before you're surgery. What a wild and crazy ride it's been. :)
love your videos btw...I do deal with body dysmophia. I'm only 2 weeks post op but ive dealt with it since being bigger. I can look in the mirror and see someone smaller but when I see myself in pics I'm disgusted. I'm hoping that will get better as I lose more weight and pants sizes but it is totally real and it sucks!
I don't believe we can go by clothing sizes because they alter so much brand to brand, country to country. I don't understand why in the U.S weight is measured higher as in 100 Pounds!!! Sounds like such a big number right?!! But in Australia it's only 45 Kilos
Yet a size 4 in the U.S is a Size 8 in Australia....it's all bullshit.
I think I will have to go by measurements and jump into my old fat jeans to remind me of how far I've come when I start to doubt myself.
You look like a ballerina, sunshine. By the way, what is most important is that your soul and your heart, your compassion and your love is MASSIVE, all squished down into a teeny tiny gorgeous body. (Robin William's Jeanie moment) LOL
Yes. A Psych is definitely gong to be of benefit, if only to help you consolidate your thoughts...I intend to see one throughout my entire WLS experience or so that's what I'm thinking of doing and I hope I stick with that idea because it's smart!
Take care of you, you're body and hormones are still going through a lot!
Wendy xx
Thank you for sharing, I definitely have these feelings. Everyone tells me how great I look, but I still see the heavy me when I look in the mirror.
You're welcome! The struggle is real.
Lauren!!!! First I want to say what an inspiration you are to me and others!!!
Second, I'm just about six months postop now and I'm starting to struggle big with this. I just don't see the loss. When I was larger I never felt large and now that I'm losing I don't see or feel any different. People tell me all the time how great I look and how I don't need to lose anymore but I know different. I feel differently about it. My dr says I have 27 more to lose but I see that differently too. Any thoughts???? Just know your not alone!!!
Thank you!! It is an ongoing struggle. I would be open with your doctor about your feelings so the he or she is aware of it. Also, take pictures, do before and afters... It helps! Not always, but a lot of the time.
I totally understand, I haven't had skin removal yet, but when I put on clothes and look in the mirror I see the weight loss, but before I get dressed or see myself in the mirror while I am getting ready, I still see me big. It is a mind game and it does affect us. when the waist is to big, I just pullout the sewing machine and take it in or put stars in waist band of jeans.
I used to think it was just because of my skin, but now I see it's more than that. I'm a work in progress! Stars in jeans, hmmm- what are those?
When you sew V's in the waistband and sew on machine.
what IS the difference between bdd and body dysmorphia?
Rhylee Jones it’s the same thing. BDD - body dysmorphic disorder -body dysmorphia
There’s different levels tho. Severe or less severe. mj lvl or lower more mild
I am 5.2 I consider myself being regular hight when some one asumes I'm little or short that mentallity has helped me cope🌹😘🌹😘🌹😘
YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL DONT LET YOUR MIND FOOL YOU INTO BELIEVING YOUR NOT X
body dysmorphic disorder is the exact same as bdd and body dysmorpia
so i guess being anorexic is not the same as anorexia
btw do you know michael jackson personally? or just believe what you read in media..
also, being bulimic is NOT the same as bulimia???
dont claim you have a deadly disorder just because of 1 part of your body... you dont complain about your face
it a loss weight issue that more in the eating disorder criteria..
xoxo
thank you exactly what i thought
exactly like i struggle with body dysmorphic disorder because i’m obsessed with my nose, i have to contour it in order to leave the house. also extremely suicidal because of it ; i think people make so many generalizations about the mental disease. for instance, it’s very frustrating because i’ll see a tweet with 100k likes about having body dysmorphia and i’m just like ??? bro do not glamorize this shit, it’s absolute hell and you can’t concentrate on anything else besides the fixated perceived flaw
I'm 1 day pre-op and see myself as smaller then I am. It'll be interesting to see how that changes after I have surgery and lose some weight.
Don’t you just wish you can go into someone else’s body for a moment and see how you really look and judge yourself to see what u wanna change or if you fine and overreacting
omg I love all of your video's lauren!!! I will be havung my sleeve surgery done in December and I have so many questions!!???
I definitely see myself smaller than I am. Since I have gotten to my highest weight, I HATE to see pictures of myself because I can't believe that I am as big as I am. It also doesn't help that I have people telling me I'm not obese and that I carry my weight well. Hello??! I'm 5'5" and 260 lbs.. how am I wearing it well??? Thank you for letting us into your life! 😍
Love this post and your honestly.
I have the same issue and I'm also 5'2" ft.....I'm 8 months out and down 95 lbs but have trouble seeing it lol.. Your not alone
You need to go have some photo shots taken of you. Really until you see it you cant feel it. Make your mind wrap the photo into your mind and you will be able to see what we see. Try it...
Yes, I think this is a good idea, but my concern is you still may not be able to see it. That is, what you see in the pictures may not be what other people see. Never-the-less, i think that all "feedback" (from others, pictures, trying on clothes, moving around kinesthetic/proprioceptive sense, moving into tight spaces, etc..) is very informing and I think helps.
I am the opposite. I don't think I am as big as I am until I see myself in a picture or get on the scale. Still waiting for my surgery date. Likely to be July.
I had the same issue before surgery. Good luck with your date!
Thank you! You look fantastic by the way.
I do see myself as smaller than I am... I still see myself close to what I did at size 8 even though I could nevet wear those. also, I tried to add you on fb!
my name is Misty Campbell on there if you want to accept! I am new on this journey, but you have been so inspiring!
Whats the difference between body dysmorphic disorder and body dysmorphia? I tried googling it but every website said they were the same thing
Kimberly they are the same but she is trying to make a distinction between dysmorphic feelings that don't rule your life and the devastation that is diagnosed bdd.
After all that weight loss and still not happy with your size, at this point of your journey need to see a professional
Sweetheart ...you might need to go an have your clothes altered. Clothing can not match every woman's body shape. You are beautiful!!
Omg u r attractive not average
I think you have Eating disorder Not Body dismorphia