확실히 미니멀하니까는 깔꼼하다 순백의 인테리어가 연수님처럼 수수하고 뭔가 고급져유!!!!!!!아 큰 티비 토이스토리 극강의 행복이다....뭔가 바로 앞에서 집 소개해주시는 기분이라 조타ㅠㅠ 아이템들도 탐난다구요!!!!!토이스토리 향수존이 진짜 뽀인트야 연수님이 증말 향기나는 아름다운 사람이라는걸 보여주는거 같다구요♥️
Oink Oink.. I am looking at the Tree.. standing and it is so Hot.. I see the Sun above me and It is so Hot out here.. sometimes I wonder why do I come to this Tree when it is in the Middle of the day.. when it is the Most hottest of the day.. But.. I have Your Picture with me.. I just love looking at YOU.. the Most Beautiful.. and before I came to this Tree.. I saw a field.. full of flowers and I would stop by to see this One Flower.. the Sun Flower.. and I remember I had to go and grab it.. before someone else can grab this Flower.. walking down.. I would start to sing.. I don't know where the song comes from but as I was walking.. holding the Sun Flower.. holding the Empty Glass Jar.. and I was told that there is a Big Heart.. it is sitting on the Top of a branch.. and told me to go and see it.. I wonder whose Big Heart it is.. but.. I received a Picture of YOU.. and it was a Drawing on a Piece of paper of a Big Heart sitting on top of the Branch.. I received it on the mail box and when someone told me about the Big Heart sitting on the Top of a tree on the Branch.. I smiled and knew whose Heart it is.. SO I would come to this Tree.. Before I was stopped by the Tree.. the field and the Sun Flower.. in the Room I had to go and grab the Empty Glass Jar.. just in case if The Big Heart falls off.. I want to use this Empty Glass Jar to catch Your Heart.. I have placed soft cottons.. many many around.. so fluffy and so soft so that the Heart will not get hurt.. I have come to this Tree.. I know if someone has spotted the Big Heart.. I am sure more people are able to see this Big Heart.. I don't want any one to take Your Heart.. But.. I can't believe it.. I see few people surrounding the Tree.. Cameras are flashing.. finger points at the Big Heart and I would hear some boys talking about getting to that Big Heart.. I am wondering.. there is a large numbers of people here and more people are coming to this Tree.. I turn and next to me is another man.. He has a empty Glass jar and turns and looks at me.. I am holding the same glass jar.. I smile big because I have placed a SUN FLOWER inside the Glass Jar.. so I know that when your Big Heart is able to look.. YOU can look at the Head of the Sun Flower.. so that YOU will know that it is me.. I want to give YOU this Flower.. in the middle of the day.. more people comes to this tree.. but many just stand around and complains it is so hot.. and starts to leave.. I am waiting for the people to leave.. I just want to be here alone and I will wait until all People goes.. people are talking.. and hungry.. I am waiting still.. as I am waiting for the time for all these people.. fifty people.. and I see the numbers goes down.. and It becomes Night.. I see the Moon comes UP.. and I see the stars shine.. I can't believe it.. the Man with the empty glass jar is still here with me.. I think He does not want to leave.. what am I suppose to do.. He keeps on looking up.. waving the Empty Glass jar around.. I smile because the Big Heart.. YOUR Big Heart is still sitting on the TOP of that Branch.. He be waving all through the day.. and I see that He is tired.. and he looks at me.. puts his head down and starts to walk off.. I am so glad.. so happy that everyone is gone.. I am able to take out the Picture of YOU.. Paste it and stick it on the Tree.. I am able to look at your picture.. do I get inspired by your Beauty.. I do love that YOU are so Beautiful.. I am Not going to lie to you that YOU are so amazingly Beautiful.. so Beautiful that I would walk close.. and press my lip on the Picture of YOU.. I will say.. MY MY.. YOU are so Beautiful.. WHY do you have to be this Beautiful.. what if my eyes decides to leave me.. my eyes can cry looking at your picture and will ask my Hand to open wide and both eyes can fall off crying because when I look at YOU through the Picture.. my Heart catches on fire.. it burns me from the inside.. I feel so Hot suddenly because my eyes look at your picture and I would say MY MY.. YOU are so Beautiful.. and I would be looking at Your Picture.. I would place the Glass Jar down.. PULLING out the Sun Flower and I would be looking at you through the Picture.. I want to give you this flower.. How can I give you this Flower.. Please tell me How.. I been waiting out here.. I been waiting where it be YOU and I alone.. in the middle of the Day.. it was pretty crowded.. and many people were waiting too like myself.. wanted to see Your Big Heart.. wanted to get close to Your Big Heart.. I know that Your Heart is sitting way up on the Top of the branch of this Tree.. I would look around.. I saw many people come.. even people would be leaving.. another group of people comes.. every time I wanted to pull out Your Picture and paste it on this tree.. I would hear group of people.. voices talking.. I would grab Your Picture pulling back to the pocket.. and I had to just stand here all day.. the SUN had to go down because people still came around.. and at last.. all of the people are gone.. but.. all the eyes were looking at.. It is Your Big Heart.. I even brought the empty Glass jar.. do YOU see it on the ground.. when I received a Picture of YOU.. and also a sketch drawing of Your Big Heart sitting on the top branch of the Tree.. I was so excited because I knew that YOU were telling something.. I would be standing by the window of my room in the House.. asking for Your Heart.. I be asking and asking.. begging for Your Heart.. I been praying if I can have Your Big Heart.. of course I would always ask.. never stopped asking.. keep asking until the answer would be answered.. so I would keep on trying.. asking.. give me a sign.. send me a miracle and I guess YOU must heard me.. I am here by this Tree.. and you gave me the answer.. telling me where Your Heart is.. but Why did you choose on this tree.. this tree is so Big.. I am so small compared to the size of this Big Tree.. I am thankful you gave me a sign.. But look at how tall this Tree is and how short I am compared.. I don't want to just stand here and look UP.. just wondering how I can get to that Big Heart.. as I am looking at your Picture pasted on this Tree.. I am holding the Sun Flower.. I want to give YOU this Flower.. But How.. if YOU are not here.. but Your Big Heart is way UP sitting on the branch of this Tree.. I want to give you this flower.. Tell me How can I give You this flower.. this SUN FLOWER first.. My next is.. I want to touch Your Big Heart.. is there a way I can touch and Hold your Heart.. my hands wants to touch and feel.. the warmth of Your Big Heart.. and My Arms wants to wrap around Your Big Heart.. I want to put my ear next to your Heart.. can I please listen to the beating of Your Big Heart.. I want to hear How Your Heart.. Your Big Heart sound.. I am here so I can ask YOU.. I want to get close to YOU.. I want YOU to know that I really want to get closer to YOU.. but Your Big Heart is sitting on the top of the Branch.. it is on the Highest Branch way UP there.. and YOU know that I am way down here on the ground.. so How do I get to that Big Heart.. It looks so beautiful.. I needs to Hear YOU.. I needs to tell YOU.. I want to talk to Your Heart.. but if Your Big Heart cannot hear me because I am way down here to the ground.. and Your Big Heart way UP on the top.. the highest branch of the Tree.. when I am looking UP.. do you know that my neck hurts.. that is How High it is for me to LOOK at Your Big Heart and yes.. I do see Your Big Heart.. it is so Big.. I am spreading my arms wide.. I want to hold Your big Heart.. and Hug Your Heart and say to Your Heart.. I been waiting for this day for a very long time.. to tell Your Heart How much I love YOU.. I want to bring Your Big Heart closer so that I can tell Your Heart.. speak to Your Heart and tell Your Heart.. I love YOU.. I wonder will you accept my words.. am I allowed to tell YOU this to Your Heart.. that I do love YOU.. what would happen if I get Your Big Heart closer to my lip and I can whisper to Your Big Heart.. I love YOU.. I know for me.. on my part to able to tell you these words.. I am going to be hopping around like a big kid.. because to able to tell YOU these words.. It is a miracle for me.. How can a person like myself be able to tell YOU.. that I love YOU.. the I love YOUR BIG HEART.. will you allowed me to speak these words to Your Heart.. that is why I am here.. I am here at the bottom.. at the ground.. I am looking UP.. but I am able to look at your picture because it is pasted on the tree.. showing Your Picture I am holding something in my hand.. a Flower which I want to say it came from the Middle of the day at the hottest.. the SUN.. can I please give YOU this Flower.. I want to give you to tell you where my Heart is.. why I am giving this flower to YOU.. I know that when I do give you this Sun flower.. I know I be at the most happiest place.. and for YOU to receive it.. the JOY that YOU give me just to give it away.. as I am looking at you through this Picture.. why can't you answer me.. I needs to hear you say something.. but I am not hearing anything right now.. I needs to know.. I want to know.. so Please tell me.. I wants to hear YOU.. and as I am looking at the picture of YOU pasted on this tree.. I would look UP.. at the top branch of the tree.. YOUR BIG Heart still sitting there.. I want that Heart.. I want Your Heart.. NO matter how many times I tell YOU and ask your Picture.. YOU don't answer me.. I look UP at Your Big Heart.. is it because Your Big Heart just can't hear me what I am saying by looking at your picture pasted on this tree.. But I know that I am Not too far.. of course there is a distance.. but I am able to stand here and look UP.. I can see Your Big Heart.. I know that Your Big Heart can here me right.. I been asking and asking.. looking at your picture..
MAH MAH.. I am taking you to the Garden.. I want to show YOU something.. and I am walking.. my hand on the Strings of the Horse.. and YOU are sitting on the Top of the Horse.. with Your White Dress.. as I am walking.. hand grabbing unto the strings and the Horse is walking next to me.. I see the Garden.. and Closer and closer we are getting.. I would turn my Head looking UP toward YOU.. CONG JU NIM.. MAH MAH.. YOU know that YOU did not have to do this.. YOU are in the Royal Blood Line.. and I am a son of a servant.. but why do you want to go with me here.. you know that I am a low Born.. from the lowest clan.. but tell me Why.. all you need to say is one word and I can just die in the streets.. and No one would know my Name.. would ever recognize me.. but why do you want me to take YOU back to this Garden.. and I would turn my Head looking straight and I went into the Garden.. hand grabbing unto the strings of the Horse.. I don't hear any words from YOU.. as YOU are sitting.. with a Crown on top of Your Head.. with the most beautiful white Dress.. My eyes.. which I just can't keep it still.. My eyes just kept on looking at YOU.. YOU are so Beautiful.. MAH MAH.. My Princess.. CONG JU MAH MAH.. why are you asking me to take YOU back to this Garden.. I told you that my Heart left this Garden long ago.. the day I left was when I saw YOU with another MAN.. the royal Prince.. it hurts me when I come back to this Garden.. it hurts me of the bad memories I had when My Heart would torn into pieces.. knowing that I am so little.. I am so lost.. I was so confused.. even though I knew that I could never be with YOU.. but still.. my Heart was torn when I saw YOU standing with the Royal Prince.. How small and little I felt when I saw YOU holding his Hand.. I would stop.. the Horse stops.. and I am looking at the Bed of flowers.. and I am not sure why you wanted to come to this Flower.. as I would stand next to YOU.. two guards also came.. and they would help YOU to get Out of the Horse.. and I am looking at the Bed of Flowers.. and this is where my Father is buried.. of course YOU don't know it.. but I have taken you to his Grave.. as YOU were standing next to me.. and I wanted to tell YOU something.. which I had Not before.. and I turn my Head on the side to look at YOU.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. do YOU know what this Is.. and I would look at YOU.. turning your head to look at me.. and I would turn my Head to look at the bed of Flowers.. I know that YOU wanted to come to the Garden but before we can go further down.. I wanted to stop by my Father's grave.. this is where My Father is buried.. When he died.. I did not know where to put His Body.. but I wanted his Grave to be close where I am able to find and to go.. my Father may not be here.. but I know his spirit is with me.. I wanted to remember my Father.. and wanted to be close to HIM.. so I remember this would be the best place to bury his Body.. so with the grave diggers.. I would be standing here.. crying as my Father's body would be laid to rest.. I remember I would be crying for him.. days after days would go by.. I still could Not believe that My Father would be gone.. and I wanted to show YOU.. this is my Father's Grave.. when times are rough.. when times are tough.. and I feel like pouring out my tears.. I would come to my Father's grave.. I remember when I would be sad.. when I be hurt.. He would be next to me.. I would be crying as he would tell me all things be okay in the end.. Now MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. I know that YOU may not remember my Father.. He was close to you Once.. and yes.. he was your servant.. the King.. PEH HA would put my father in charge to look after YOU.. I am not sure if YOU ever remember my Father.. of course something happened that my father went into the prison.. and he was sentence to death.. I saw HIM in the prison bars.. a carriage with bars.. and he told me.. never to Love YOU.. Never to love the Princess.. and I saw the carriage with bars leave off.. that was the last thing.. I think YOU were young back then.. because I was Young too when he died.. MAH MAH.. do you remember the Man who was your servant.. and I see YOU turn your head to look at me.. I see your head moving Up and down.. means YOU do remember my Father.. I think he told me YOU were so bright.. very bold and courageous.. Loves to shoot bows and arrows.. told me that YOU love riding Horses and loves to Hunt wild games.. has never seen any one like YOU before.. that My father believes if YOU were a Prince.. YOU be a Mighty warrior Prince is what he told me.. but YOU are a Princess instead.. I don't know why and I don't know how this happened to me.. why would I love a Mighty Warrior Princess.. my father told me before He was going to prison.. Never Love the Princess.. Because something Horrible can happen to me in the end.. and Now.. I have brought YOU to the Man.. the one who use to serve YOU as a servant.. this is my Father's Grave.. this is the bed of Flowers I was talking to YOU about for a long time.. and now you were wondering how come I am telling YOU this HUH.. MAH MAH.. I know its be long years since then.. and many years has passed by.. there was No chance where I was able to tell YOU.. everything happened so fast.. I know that I should of never met YOU.. then I am sure I would never fall in love.. but what good is all that talk about the past when I am here in the present with YOU.. I told YOU that I am Not afraid to Die.. if I die because of loving YOU is a sin.. then Please.. Kill me for my Sin.. but I did not mean to love YOU this Long.. I did not mean to love YOU.. it just happened out of nowhere.. I remember it was the day my Father came from work.. serving YOU.. and He brought a Picture.. he brought the Sketch paper.. the Picture of YOU.. he told me when he came Home late into the night.. I was Not sleeping.. and showed me the Sketch paper.. the Picture of YOU.. My father was smiling when He gave me the Picture.. the sketch paper.. telling me an Artist drew this Picture of CONG JU NIM.. I would be asking How YOU.. MAH MAH was like.. I was very curious because my Father who served YOU would always be smiling.. and He was very happy to be there as Your Servant.. of course.. I took the Sketch Paper.. the Picture of YOU into my hands and I looked.. when my eyes first saw this Picture.. I would feel something was wrong with my Heart.. it would burn and kept on burning with me.. I would place my hand on the chest.. I don't know but something is wrong with me.. what is happening to My Heart.. it burns like fire within me.. and my Father would stand there and He looks.. He told me it should not be.. that this is Wrong.. and I would be looking at the Picture of YOU.. the Art sketch paper.. My Father looks.. and he grabs the Sketch Paper and snatches off my Hands.. and He turns and walks off.. I remember I started to cry.. crying loud and loud.. asking for the Sketch Art Paper.. the Picture of YOU.. I want to see the Picture.. I want to see YOU.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. MAH MAH.. I want to see YOU.. I would be looking for it.. my father would tell me Not to love YOU.. I just can't.. I should Not.. because If the King knows that I do.. even he can die because of Me.. if the words get out.. and someone finds Out.. I can be executed with my Father and he tells me never to Love YOU.. I remember my father was sleeping in his room.. and I came into my father's room.. I see the Art Sketch paper laying next to HIM.. I went over and I grabbed the Art sketch paper.. walking into my room.. I would unfold and find myself looking at the Picture of YOU.. my hand goes across the paper.. and I just wanted to see YOU.. I wanted to see MAH MAH.. can I ever see CONG JU MAH MAH.. would I get the chance to see YOU.. and I would sit by myself.. looking at the Art sketch Paper.. the Picture of YOU.. my Hands.. my arms.. putting the Picture of YOU.. the Art sketch Paper to my chest.. I want to see YOU but I want to love YOU.. I saw my Father looking at me.. he stands in the room.. He sees my arms.. the Art sketch paper.. the picture of YOU close to my Chest.. close to my Heart and I turn too look up.. I want to see CONG JU NIM.. CAN I SEE MAH MAH.. Father.. can I please see how CONG JU NIM is like.. Please Father.. and He gets very angry at me and grabs.. snatches it off.. take the Art Sketch Paper.. the Picture and tears it into the pieces and tosses it out side.. and He walks off the house.. and I would look out side.. I see the Art sketch paper torn into pieces.. and I would cry.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. and I would go out and sit.. picking UP the pieces toward.. trying to find each torn pieces of papers.. and the light rain would not help me at all.. as it became soak and wet over the rain fall.. I would try to put the pieces together but the rain and I would sit in the rain crying.. crying for YOU.. wanting to see the Picture of YOU and It torn my heart into pieces.. As I am now with YOU MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. it was such a long ago when I first saw your Picture.. I wanted to glue it back.. some way and some how I wanted the Art sketch Paper.. I started to miss looking at you through the Picture.. asking My Father.. begging HIM to get an Artist to draw another picture.. from the Sketch paper.. I wanted to see MAH MAH.. I wanted to see the Princess.. I wanted to see CONG JU NIM.. my Father kept on telling me that If I keep on doing this.. I will die sooner.. if the Word breaks Out.. I can be executed and told me to forget you.. and as I am now looking at the bed of Flowers..
MAH MAH.. I am standing next to you and I would show YOU.. this is my Father's grave.. I wanted to bring YOU to this Bed of flowers because this is where My Father is buried.. it has been a long time since I visited him.. but I wanted to tell YOU this.. my Father wanted me Not to Love YOU.. told me that YOU were so dangerous to Me.. that my life has to be on the line if I cross this Line and yes.. I have crossed the line for a long time.. but the Word never got out until now.. I have been loving YOU the day I saw Your Picture.. I have never met YOU in my life but knew that one day something has to happened.. I wanted to tell my Father.. I am at his grave with YOU next to Me.. of course he is right because I am on the verge of facing my own death.. but I want to tell my Father.. I will go down with HIM.. and I turn to you.. MAH MAH.. I loved YOU then.. I loved you when I never met YOU.. I started to love you when I met YOU the first time.. I love you much more because I still have life in me.. if I am given me a new day.. I am so thankful that this day is made so that I can love YOU MORE.. Now.. I am able to show you my Father's grave.. I was warned and been warned for a long time.. not to cross the line.. Not to love YOU.. but My Heart.. I just could not let YOU go MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. I guess I wanted to tell YOU.. whatever happens to me in the future.. at least YOU get to see my Father's grave.. in the bed of flowers where he is buried.. I am Not sure if this was the main reason why you wanted to come to this Garden.. is it too meet my Father's grave.. because this is where My Father was buried.. after he died.. His Body.. his Bones are here now.. as long as I still have life in me for a day.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. PRINCESS.. I will always love YOU.. even then.. even now and forever I will love YOU..I am looking at the Horse.. I would be grabbing unto the string and I would pull the Horse Out of the Barn.. and I would look at the Horse.. this Horse.. It has been here for a Long time.. I was told that my Father is the One who raised the Horse.. the same Horse that My Father would pull out of this Barn.. telling me when I was young.. my Father would father MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. he would sit the Princess.. MAH MAH on the TOP of this Horse.. as he would lead the Horse walking.. I remember my father told me to go to the Barn.. the same Horse.. if I am able to go to the Palace.. and able to get close and serve the princess.. MAH MAH.. to go into the Barn.. and to Sit the Princess.. on top of this Horse.. as I am looking at this Horse.. My Father use to Pull this string.. Now.. his SON.. as grown Now.. I am also able to pull the same String of this Horse.. as I would pull the string and lead the Horse.. I would stop by the Back of the Gate.. I would see the Palace Guard.. he is guarding the back Gate.. leading to the Chamber ROOM of the Princess.. the Palace Guard of the Gate looks at me.. and He knows me.. my friend.. and Opens the Door.. I would pull the strings of the Horse as I would go into the outer court and I would wait.. a Message came to me asking to Bring the Horse.. I would wait.. I just can't believe I am able to do this for YOU.. and I would wait.. there is a servant boy who sees me and I ask HIM.. can YOU call for the Princess.. she told me to come here with the Horse.. would you please call the princess for me.. and the servant Boy walks into and I see HIM coming out.. and I see YOU walking out of the Chamber ROOM.. and I say.. CONG JU NIM.. Can YOU please come on Over.. I have brought you this Horse.. as I am grabbing unto the string.. and I watch YOU coming Out of your Chamber.. as YOU are wearing the white Dress.. My Heart.. WHY do you have to look so Beautiful.. I can feel my Heart beating so Fast as I would watch YOU.. WHY are you so Beautiful.. Look at YOU.. can you feel my Heart CONG JU NIM.. and I am standing by the Horse.. I see two Special Guards guiding YOU and I see you walking closer.. and YOU stop.. Can I tell YOU something.. what I wanted to say for a Long time.. That YOU are so Beautiful.. I love when YOU wear that White Dress.. says YOU are a true Princess.. and I would go down.. and I be on my fours.. the two Guards who are standing next to YOU.. One takes you by your hand.. Your Legs gets Up as I can feel your feet getting up on my back and Unto the Horse.. the other Special Guard tells me to Get UP.. so I stand UP.. I see you sitting on the top of the Horse.. I am wondering.. How is this Possible.. I am suppose to die.. But.. How am I to be here.. I would turn to Look up at YOU.. MAH MAH.. WHY am I here.. What am I doing here.. and I would look Up at YOU.. I know that I can't be here.. But.. YOU are the One who find out a way for me to be here.. Can I ask YOU why.. YOU know that My life has no value compared to YOU.. and I see you Smile.. and you give me a sign to go.. SO I would be walking on the side.. hand grabbing unto the string of the Horse.. as I would start walking.. the Horse begins to walk next to me.. I start to feel the tears rolling Down.. I am so touched.. I was in the prison.. just waiting for my time to die.. and I was ready to die.. and I am very confused.. and How is it possible.. that a Low Born like myself is able to be set Free like this.. I know that I shouldn't be alive.. as I would walk on the side.. next to the Horse.. and pulling the string.. I would look UP.. YOU are sitting on top of this Horse.. I have never seen such a Big Smile.. I am still wondering.. How is this possible.. and YOU told me that in few Days I have to stand before the King and share about the BOOK I wrote about.. and had to share why I wrote it.. if everything I shared was true or had lies.. as I would listen to your Words I would say.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. why would I make up a story like that.. I am sure the day I stand before and share to the King.. PEH HA.. I want to speak truth before I die.. It be better that way.. but.. I know that I am suppose to be in Prison.. How can this Be.. I know that I am not allowed to Love YOU.. the King.. PEH HA knows my Heart.. and I would hear that YOU wanted to go back to the Garden.. I am Not sure why YOU keep on wanting to that Garden.. I am trying to go far as much as I can.. and I would say.. why do YOU want to go to this Garden so Bad.. YOU know that for me.. I just want it to be the Past and leave it behind.. too many sad memories I had to go through in that Place.. but of course.. I would listen and just do what YOU say.. as I would be next to the Horse.. pulling on the String.. the Back of the gates Open wide and I would look at my friend guarding.. and I would leave the Palace.. and as I would be walking down the dirty road.. I would hear.. YOU wanted me to tell YOU a story.. and I would say.. I have never thought that this day would come.. I remember my father told me.. How he felt when He would get this Horse.. and How he would sit YOU on top of the Horse.. My Father would tell me a lot of stories as He would pull on this string.. he enjoyed guiding YOU through different places.. when My father saw YOU.. and He tells me.. it is the Smile.. the greatest pleasure he got is when He saw YOU smile.. walking was Nothing.. Nothing he ever felt any pain because it was Your smile that truly healed all his wounds and scars.. Now.. I am here.. even though my father is gone.. I have never thought that I be able to do this for YOU.. I know that this is Not much.. YOU have so many servants who can pulls on the strings of this Horse.. But.. Now.. I don't know why.. it is Your smile.. when YOU smile.. I want to smile along with YOU.. taking me on a journey which is impossible.. as I would be walking on the side.. next to the Horse.. Pulling on the string.. I would watch the big trees which was surrounding over the Place.. the leaves and branches giving the shades from the SUN.. and I would turn on the side to look across.. I would see waters.. I see your Head.. turning too look over.. MAH MAH.. Please tell me why are you looking over by the waters.. Do you want to stop there and to get some rest.. and I would watch your head.. giving me the yes.. so I would turn on the side.. and start to walk.. pulling on the strings of the Horse.. and I would walk.. the Horse would walk along side and we stop.. I been here many times.. and I would look at the waters.. and I would say.. CONG JU NIM.. MAH MAH.. I came here a lot.. especially when I could Not see YOU.. When I started to miss YOU more and More.. I would stop here.. looking at the waters would give me some relieve.. I don't like to look at the waters.. but it does brings YOU peace.. I be missing YOU crazy.. I even wanted to jump into the waters.. maybe drowning.. and No more feeling this Kind of Pain in my heart.. no more crying in the nights.. asking for YOU.. I just could not stop crying.. the day YOU had to leave.. when the King called for YOU.. PEH HA.. and I was arrested.. in chains.. I member I would ask the guards who was with me.. if I can come to this waters.. and They would allow me to come..
MAH MAH.. And I was so hurt.. and I knew.. either way I am going to die.. so I began to run towards the waters.. in chains and I was able to go into the shallows of waters but the Guards were too fast and caught up to me.. and told me not to ever run like that.. I stood alone.. in chains.. I would hear the waters coming in.. I wanted to try again but.. they did caught up to me again.. I just didn't want to live any more.. why live if I am going to die anyways.. but.. the guards did brought me in.. I remember the night came.. and I would stand still.. and the guards gave me some space to be alone.. and I would be looking at the waters and I would say.. WHY can't I love YOU.. why is it so hard for YOU to accept my love.. what must I do to be with YOU.. I know that I can't be close to you.. what is the point of me living anyways if I can't get close and to love YOU and to tell you how much I love YOU.. I don't want to live if I can't love YOU and be with YOU.. I remember I would be crying.. looking at the waters.. and I told myself to run into the waters.. this is the time.. But right when I wanted to run into the waters.. One of the Guards came close and told me it was time to leave this place.. so I just did NOT.. I would walk with the two guards.. with chains.. I wanted to be with YOU.. I don't care about the chains.. but for you to know How much I love you.. for you to allow me and just accept me just as I am.. as I would walk and follow the guards.. as I am looking at the SUN setting.. I would turn my Head to look UP.. MAH MAH.. do YOU see that the SUN is going down.. CONG JU NIM.. I think we should go by now.. it is going to be dark soon.. and I would see your Head turning to look down.. I wanted to go but YOU telling me to stay.. I am looking at YOU.. if I stay here long enough.. just Loving YOU will kill me.. it will kill me more as I stand by looking at the waters because here is where I come to tell My Heart about YOU.. I would speak and share.. pour out my Heart when I see the MOON comes UP.. YOU know that MOON has been hearing my words.. sharing my Heart all about YOU.. I just don't want to see that MOON arrive.. I will start pouring Out from my Heart.. about How much I love YOU.. I don't think you want to hear my Heart.. because I will say a lot about How much I do really Love YOU.. and soon.. YOU know that I am not going to be here.. so Please.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. I am looking at You.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. and we are both standing by the Tree.. as I am looking.. I see five Guards approaching.. and I turn to look at YOU.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. Please stand Back.. Go behind Me.. MAH MAH.. I am ready.. and I am holding the Sword in my hand.. and I see one of the Guards.. looks and points at me.. and He pulls out his sword and runs.. I turn too look back.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. do you trust Me.. I know that I can handle this.. and as the One of the Guards comes up.. I turn too look.. and I run and I jump into the air.. I would swing my Sword.. Both the blades hits together.. and I land on the ground.. He swings and I swings.. I would jump back and I would swing the sword.. the Four Guards comes and circles around me.. I would turn back.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. Please Go back.. and I see the Five Guards holding the Swords.. and I would walk forward.. Swing my sword.. and I can Hear the words Stop.. and the Five Guards would stop.. and they would drop the swords on the Ground.. and they would all kneel on the ground.. and I see you walking forward.. and I grab Your Arm.. MAH MAH.. PRINCESS.. what are you doing.. I asked of YOU to step back.. I wanted to protect YOU.. if Harm would come.. YOU know that I will fight for YOU.. on your Behalf.. I was ready to strike back.. ready to die if I have to here.. But.. why did you stop the fight.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. and I grabbed unto your wrist.. Please.. don't go.. and Be here with me.. and I see YOU turn your head looking at me.. telling me that YOU needs to go.. I would hold unto your wrist.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. I know that once I let this Wrist Go.. I may never be able to Hold unto this wrist ever again.. WHY are you doing this to Me.. why did YOU even bring me to this Place if YOU are going to let go.. YOU are the one who wanted to bring me here.. I was standing by the Gates.. YOU know that I was happy just being in the palace.. just being close to your Chamber.. just watching your figure.. even from the distance.. as long as I get to see YOU.. it made me the most happiest place.. then.. why did YOU tell me to come.. YOU are the one who got the Horse for me.. YOU are the one who asked me to come and follow YOU.. I only agreed too because YOU asked me.. and Now.. why are you changing your Mind.. if I let YOU go.. YOU should just let me Die here.. I don't want to go if I can't be with YOU.. if I can Not hold unto your wrist.. what is the point if I let it go now.. Let me just die here.. Let me fight these Guards.. if they win.. I will die here.. Bury me next to my Father.. Bury me here.. if I win this fight.. then you can be with me forever.. How about that.. and I see you turn your Head looking at me.. and I would fall on my knees.. kneeling with the five Guards.. I even drop my sword on the floor.. WHY do I have to let go.. I can't let your wrist go.. do YOU not remember How I got here.. ever since YOU came to the garden.. I would also take you to this Tree.. the reason why I have brought you to this tree.. my Mother is buried next to this Tree.. My Mother died giving me birth.. so I never met my Mother.. MAH MAH.. I have never met my mother.. so I have never seen her.. never heard the voice.. but My Father told me that she was very beautiful and was very bold.. had the Heart like a lion and would fight even in battles.. but giving birth to me was hard and gave her last breathe after I came into this world.. I remember my Father told me as He was watching YOU growing UP.. some reason YOU reminded of My Mother.. and told me a lot about her.. I remember when I was young boy.. I would follow my Father.. did not know where he was taking me and would take me to this Tree.. I would ask my Father.. what is this tree all about.. it must have a meaning because.. My Father would come nights.. He would be talking to this Tree.. and crying.. and told Me.. My mother is buried next to this Tree.. a little bed of flowers.. this is where.. and told me that MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM is so much like Your Mother and One day.. he tells me that I am going to love YOU.. that is why my father would tell me never get too close to YOU.. I would laugh at those words.. but Now.. I realize that He is truly right.. because my father tells me I am so much like him.. and Now.. I do see myself more like my Father as time goes by.. Now.. I do miss my mother who I never seen before.. but when I look at YOU MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. what my father said is so True.. I love YOU because YOU are so Strong and YOU are so bold.. courageous.. which I never met my Mother before.. I wanted to take you to this Tree.. so that I can introduce YOU to my Mother who is buried by this Bed of flowers.. but.. I did not want to tell YOU who.. but just wanted to show YOU there is someone very special and dear to me.. I believe my mother's spirit is here.. and I just wanted to tell my Mother.. her spirit.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM is the One who I love.. I don't know why it has to be you.. if you are asking me.. WHY DO I LOVE YOU.. what am I suppose to say.. How am I suppose to answer if it is just because Y O U.. DO I needs to explain why or How much I love YOU.. isn't just enough to tell you that I love YOU.. MAH MAH.. and Now you are wondering why DO I tell you this Now.. I just had to know for sure if YOU are the One who I truly Love.. I wanted to know for sure.. is it really CONG JU NIM.. is it really MAH MAH.. the princess.. and I had to hold it for years.. do you know how many years it had to cross.. how many times I had to ask myself if this is real.. if this is true and had to ask thousand times.. maybe even million times I had to ask myself before I would accept the truth.. and yes.. Like I said to YOU.. I have never felt like this way before.. because I just love YOU.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. I just had to tell myself.. it can't be.. I would ponder on this for a long time.. my Father would look at me when I was young.. what am I suppose to do with his Son.. knowing that I was going to love YOU.. he told me.. I don't want me to love YOU.. but He knows that I was going to love you anyways.. my Father when he was alive.. looked at me.. told me never to get close to YOU.. it is going to hurt me more when I do.. it is going to tear my heart into pieces if I do.. Now.. Look at me.. I can't help but just fall in love with YOU.. I am holding unto your wrist.. I just can't let go.. but I see that YOU want me to let it go.. if I do let Go.. would you let me hold unto your wrist again and next time I do.. that you.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. I am not going to let It go.. Please don't put my hand away.. because I won't let it go any more.. as I would look at you.. I open my hand and I release your wrist.. My Chest pains.. it comes and hits me Hard and I can feel this Pain growing stronger.. I just can't.. I see you walking forward.. CONG JU NIM.. MAH MAH.. Will you please come back.. I am going to wait for YOU.. you know where to find me.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. Please don't Go..
MAH MAH.. WHY do you have to go.. if you love me.. if YOU really really Love me.. would you not stay here with Me.. and as I would watch YOU keep walking.. I see the Five Guards getting UP.. and I see them also walking and they would follow You.. and I am here by the Tree.. my Heart.. and I would Open my Mouth Wide yelling.. WHY do you have to Go.. why do I have to let Your wrist Go.. my hand hits My chest.. I can't let YOU go.. and I get UP.. and I look.. my tears just falling from my eyes.. I grab the sword on the ground.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. WHY do YOU have to go and One of the Guard looks back.. and He has a sword.. and I grab the sword and I would start to run forward.. the Other Guards would turn too look back.. running and holding the sword.. the One Guard.. we both swings the swords at each other.. and the Blades hits and Hits together.. I see you turn around and YOU look.. I would jump UP.. yelling and screaming.. swinging the sword.. and the Guard swings back and I am jumping swinging the sword at the Guard.. another Guard runs up and Plunges the Sword into me.. and He pulls the sword Out and I drop the Sword.. and I am yelling.. I see you telling to Stop.. the five Guards stops and pulls back.. and I can feel.. I am dying inside.. I can feel the chills in my body as I would kneel.. and I know that I am going to die soon.. my tears.. my blood on the side.. my hand holding the side.. I see you running.. and as I am feeling like.. I am just like my father.. I am also losing YOU.. But I love YOU.. I love you so much.. I can feel this Ache MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. WHY do I have to die like this without fully able to love YOU.. I want to love YOU and love you well.. but I think that I just can't.. Look at me and I would lay on the ground.. Bury me next to my Father.. or you can bury me next to my mother.. I am dying because I love YOU so much.. it hurts.. and I would cough blood.. and it is so hard to move.. and I see you next too me.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. if I hold unto your wrist.. I asked you.. if you come back.. can I hold to your wrist and this time.. Please don't go.. I am not going to let the wrist go.. as I would lay my head on your lap.. I can feel the wind blowing.. I see the grey clouds gathering.. and I see the sky darkens and I know it is about to rain.. I know this time.. when it rains.. I can go gone with the Wind.. I would ask YOU.. MAH MAH.. Send my ashes away.. to the waters that I love.. put my ashes into the waters where I can go as far.. I will be with YOU.. because I will still love you then.. I will love YOU forever.. and as I would close my eyes.. my eyes open.. And I am AT THE Outer Court.. Looking at YOU and the King.. and I cry Out.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. and I get your attention.. DO you remember the Tree incident.. and I see the King.. PEH HA and he sits on the Chair.. and YOU are next to Him.. Do you remember what happened at the Tree.. WHY did you save me.. I was close to death.. I was very close to dying.. why did YOU save me back there.. I asked of YOU to release me.. and I look at YOU.. CONG JU NIM.. if you just let me Go.. I would not be here.. Please tell the King.. PEH HA what happened.. and I see the King turns too look at YOU.. and you just stoop there speechless.. PEH HA.. CONG JU NIM is the one who saved me.. I closed my both eyes and sword plunged into the side.. and I knew that I was going to die that day.. but MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM saved my Life.. what does this Means.. and the King LOOKS at me.. and He turns too look at You.. if the ROYAL Family saves a Life.. there is a rule.. that I become a slave in that family.. and the King looks at me.. Am I not to be a Slave for the Princess.. I am Now a Servant for the CONG JU NIM.. and I would look at the ground.. and the King turns too look at YOU.. He gets UP and He leaves the chair.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. MAH MAH.. I am your Slave Now.. My father told me that he had to give me everything before he goes and knew that something was going to happen to him.. so my father passed down the knowledge and I started to study and learn very hard under his guidance.. and I wanted to give YOU these letters.. I had no other ways to send but.. my Heart.. My Heart kept on telling me to tell YOU.. to tell YOU what is really going inside.. I rather die right now then go through this Pain.. this pain of loving YOU is killing me more.. that is why I am just waiting.. I am asking YOU.. when YOU see my body laying on this prison cell.. please.. take my body beside.. you know the garden.. please put my body next to my father.. He gave me everything so I want to be with my father.. I been writing all these letters soon I was sentenced to death.. and knowing my time is coming near.. so I wanted to tell YOU.. at least you know how I feel about you.. when I am gone.. and long ways apart.. at least these letters is going to tell YOU a story.. about a MAN.. a Low born.. from a slave family.. what hurts me the most is that I can't be with YOU.. I want to be with YOU.. I want to be the one who loves YOU.. I just wish that I can.. but it seems like it won't work out.. I wanted to focus on loving YOU.. but only way is to tell you through these letters that I write.. too tell YOU I will never stop loving YOU.. even if I die.. I still will love YOU.. even if my body goes into the grave.. my spirit will be with you.. I be loving you then.. but you have to promise me.. take my body back to the garden.. bury me next to my father.. without my father.. I wouldn't be able to write.. How can I come this very.. my father is the one who taught me.. and that is why I am able to tell you this very day.. I could of sat in the prison cell silent.. but.. I knew.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. I have this urgency to tell YOU.. I love YOU.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. I LOVE YOU.. My grandfather served the King.. PEH HA.. He became the CHIEF GENERAL and became the Noble for Your Father.. PEH HA.. the King.. my father told me that I could dream like my grandfather.. because He was unable too do.. and that is why he started to teach me.. until I saw YOU.. and I just couldn't stop dreaming.. but dreaming to be with YOU.. to love YOU more and more.. I wanted you to know that is How much I love YOU MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. YOU are the only One who I love.. I have written a lot of letters.. LOOK at the letters.. see how much I have written because I wanted to tell YOU.. my heart is that much filled.. of course there is a part of History of what I been through.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. as I would look at YOU through the Bars.. I see you turn around.. and there was a Messenger for the King.. and I see you giving the Letters to the Messenger for the King.. PEH HA and he bows his head and turns and walks off and I see you turn to look at me.. and YOU tell me to raise Up.. but I would just stay on my fours.. CONG JU NIM.. MAH MAH.. PLEASE.. when I die.. take my body and take it to the garden.. the bed of flowers.. and next to my father.. I want to be close to my father when I die.. but if I am able to go on.. I want to be near YOU.. too love YOU.. even this Prison Cell.. YOU may thing am I holding anything against.. NO.. because at least I am near YOU.. I am still inside the King's palace.. I know that I could of been thrown outside.. but still being a part of the King's palace.. just wanting to see YOU is all I had in mind.. all I had in my heart.. of course I asked myself.. I was doubting about you ever show up.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. thank you so much for the visit.. just your presence.. your smile is all I wanted to see from YOU.. on this very night.. it is cold.. so please.. YOU should go back to the chambers.. CONG JU NIM.. Did YOU not tell me that YOU were never going to come Back.. YOU told me to Leave.. that YOU wish not to see me Any More.. YOU told me that YOU were never going to come back to see Me.. and those words left Bruises in My Heart.. YOU told me when I stood by this Tree.. You were with the Prince.. and YOU looked at my eyes.. telling me to Leave and that YOU wish that YOU would not see me again.. It really torn My Heart.. it really Hurt me deep inside when YOU told me.. YOU never loved Me and that YOU wished Never to see me again.. and TOLD me to Leave.. I just could Not help it.. as I would turn the Other way.. I looked down on the Hill TOP.. started to walk down this Hill.. My Heart just could not take it any more.. as I was walking down.. I felt heavy in My Chest.. My tears just could Not help but come down very fast and very Hard.. I just could Not believe the Words I had to hear.. WHY did YOU say in a Harsh Way.. that My Heart had to fall off.. I remember as I sat in the Room.. I just kept on crying.. sitting on the Bed.. I just could Not stop.. I felt so Bad.. Unfolding.. LOOKING at the sketch Paper.. the Picture of YOU.. and I begin to think.. why was I still having this Sketch Paper.. the Picture of YOU.. after hearing Your Words.. that YOU wanted me to Leave and Never wanted to see me again.. and How I had to linger on those words.. I was still holding unto the Sketch Paper.. I just could Not throw it away even though I knew that YOU never Loved me.. My hand pressing onto my Chest..
MAH MAH.. I would Unfold the sketch Paper.. My eyes would close.. Hand presses down on my chest.. feeling my Heart.. weeping inside and crying with Me.. I would say.. CONG JU NIM.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. WHY.. WHY don't you love me the way I love YOU.. is it because I am a Lowly Person.. just a servant.. is it because I don't fit Your Standards to be Your Man.. Princess.. CONG JU NIM.. I really needed to know why couldn't YOU love Me.. is there a reason WHY you chose to Not.. DID I do something wrong.. Have I said something that Made YOU change Your Mind or YOU never felt anything for Me in Your Heart.. Then How about My Heart.. WHY can't you accept the fact that I love YOU.. I am Not expecting anything back.. but just to know How much I love YOU and that I just can't stop loving YOU.. WHY tell me YOU do not want to see me anything.. Is it really that WHAT you want.. is that the real reason WHY.. as I would be looking at the Sketch Paper.. the Picture of YOU.. I would be wiping the tears from my eyes.. and Now I grabbed Your Wrist.. MAH MAH.. do you not remember what YOU said to Me.. it was right here.. I was standing by this Tree.. YOU told me Never to come Back.. Never to come see YOU.. and TO Leave.. WHY can't you look me in the eyes and tell me why did you say those words to Me.. I still remember.. It hurts so bad when I think about that TIME you told me.. WHY would you say that to me and WHY would you bring me back to this Same spot where I was Hurt the Most.. And Now.. why can't YOU face me.. why are you looking at the other way.. Please.. CONG JU NIM.. Please.. turn Your Head and please look at me in the eyes.. I need the answers why.. I am still lingered of that thought because I cried all Night thinking of YOU.. is it because I am Not the prince.. Am I suppose to be the Prince.. is that WHAT YOU want.. a Prince.. but I am Not the prince.. I am now a Palace Guard.. but was a Lowly servant when YOU told me those words.. Please.. MAH MAH.. Princess.. MAH MAH tell me why.. I am trying to get YOU to look at me.. It seems like YOU did not want to answer.. I guess then I am Not going to ask YOU about it anymore.. But.. this Place.. gives me such a bad taste of memories.. I felt my Happiest but also the Worst in my Life when I was told.. YOU never loved Me.. and to Go.. as YOU can see.. I am still hurt of the Past.. don't know why because much Time has passed by.. maybe because I never let YOU go.. I always loved YOU here.. always wanted you to be Near.. always I would turn to look at the Big Palace.. asking if I can see YOU.. but.. No matter how many calling Out your name.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. PRINCESS.. I would say here.. I would Not here YOU respond Back.. it would be Me always standing.. yelling Out.. calling Out to YOU to come.. that I would be missing YOU.. and just wish that YOU would stop by to at least to say HELLO.. but many times I stand here calling Out.. I would wait with silent.. it is because I love YOU.. and Have never left that thought.. But I do remember after I left this Behind.. I did not know where to Go.. I just wanted to Die.. WHY do I have to live if there is NO way for me to Love YOU.. So I tried to end my Life.. I drank something with Poison.. and ALL I remember I fell on the Floor.. on the ground.. but for some reason.. a MAN found me laying on the street.. on the ground.. and some way.. some how.. He took me In.. older MAN and I remember I woke UP.. the Older MAN looks at me and told me why I wanted to Die.. I got better with Time and I told the Older man.. why would you save my Life.. I did Not want to live.. and He showed me something.. unfolded the Sketch paper.. the Picture of YOU.. and He looks at me.. is this the reason WHY I wanted to Die.. I told him the truth.. Yes.. and He looks at me.. THIS IS the Princess.. CONG JU NIM.. this is a Picture of MAH MAH.. and I told the Older Man.. yes.. THIS is the princess.. CONG JU NIM.. He smiles.. I have great Dreams and Vision.. but also asking for a Death.. He tells Me.. I told him How I met YOU.. and the Older man started to show Me what it means to Practice with a Sword.. started to teach Me the way of the Warrior.. told me that He worked in the palace.. was the Chief General.. and ranked up to the Commander Position.. I am sitting by the bed of sun flowers.. I am wiping my tears as I am looking at the little Ones.. the Sun flowers growing.. I just can't believe.. The Princess.. CONG JU NIM just stopped by the garden and left.. as I am on the post.. watching the Night.. by the gates.. I look UP.. I see the Moon.. Do you hear Me tonight.. as I raise up the arm.. hand holding the Sun Flower.. the Little Ones has grown UP.. matured.. I wonder if I can meet the Princess again.. I am missing YOU my Princess.. I am missing YOU CONG JU NIM.. I wonder if I can see YOU again.. will you ever come Out of the gates of this Palace.. I want to see You again.. that day.. at the Garden.. I was young.. did Not know any better.. but Now.. I am more of a man who can truly love YOU.. My Princess.. Where are YOU.. Do you know that I am so Close.. But.. I feel like YOU are so Far.. I am trying to get close to YOU.. but the more closer I want to come.. seems like the further YOU are going.. that is WHY I am just going to wait for YOU.. I am here by the Gates of your Palace.. I want to see YOU.. I want to be near YOU.. I want you to know how much I love YOU.. that I am missing YOU crazy.. but adore YOU.. I admire YOU because YOU are so Great.. as I am looking at the Sun Flower.. and I turn to look at the Sky.. the Moon seems like watching over me.. How am I suppose to get close.. How am I suppose to enter your heart.. I want to see Your Heart.. I want to see YOU my Princess.. CONG JU NIM.. I want to see YOU again.. But.. tell me.. where Are YOU.. if you tell me where YOU at.. I can go to find YOU there.. as I wait through the Night.. standing by the Post.. I just want to say.. I love YOU.. I am waiting for YOU.. YOU know how much I love YOU.. I came this far so that I can be with YOU and never let you go.. Can we please leave this place.. I know that it was me who mentioned about this waters.. it is because I would cry Out.. pouring out my Heart about How much I missed YOU.. How much I wanted to get close to YOU.. that I wanted you near me.. that I love YOU.. but.. on this very night.. I don't have to say about missing YOU.. I see that YOU are very close to me.. but.. I do want to say that I love YOU.. I been loving you for a long time Now.. what am I suppose to do if I loves you this Much.. How much more can I tell YOU that I love YOU.. I just can't stop but keep on loving YOU.. I just want to tell YOU.. I love YOU.. MAH MAH.. standing on the Hill top.. underneath the Shades of leaves.. saying I will Not stop until YOU COME.. DO you hear Me.. YOU know that I am Hear.. Just waiting for YOU.. if YOU do not COME.. just remember that One day I will go to YOU.. I will show you that I too can go.. But YOU have to know that it is because I love YOU.. I will Not stop until YOU LOVE ME.. But Princess.. CONG JU NIM.. HELP ME to know that if I do come.. WILL you make a ROOM for me.. Give me a chance.. make a room for me too.. at least what I can do is just Love YOU.. from Far.. I would stand on the Hill top calling out your Name.. Princess.. CONG JU NIM.. MAH MAH.. I love YOU.. I want to be gone with the Wind with YOU.. and from Near.. I still would like to tell YOU I love YOU.. and as the Private Guard holding the Helmet.. and I am forced to LOOK UP at YOU.. I see YOU.. and I say.. CONG JU NIM.. I am sorry that I did NOT listen.. But.. I just did Not want you to see Myself.. Because I am a coward of running away.. I know that I should not.. After I heard you getting Married.. My Heart was shattered.. I just could not stay at the Garden.. I did not know this was your Palace.. I heard the News you Got married.. But.. I don't know.. As I look at YOU.. I asked.. CONG JU NIM.. MAH MAH.. Where are YOU going.. Are you going somewhere Far.. Because I stay here now.. I am the Guard at the back Gate.. I wanted to grab Your Hand.. I wanted to Pull your Arm.. pull you out of that White Horse and close to me.. I want to hold YOU tight.. My Princess.. CONG JU NIM.. the Private Guard backs UP.. I see you giving HIM a sign Not to harm Me.. I also have a sword too.. the private Guard Pulls Out his Sword.. and I pull out the Sword as well.. ready to Fight this Guard.. but I see YOU giving that Guard to back Off.. so He goes back.. Lowers.. Bows on Knee.. and I too go back.. Bows to Knee.. I am wondering.. Is Not Princess leaving somewhere.. I look on the Floor.. I see another Horse.. Next to Me.. I am wondering.. What is this.. as I lift up to LOOK.. YOU are telling me to get on this Brown Horse.. Is this really happening.. WHAT AM I suppose to say.. WHY am I riding this Horse..
Oink Oink.. Heart.. to bring this Big Heart under my arms and I would to LOOK at your Heart as I am Looking at your Picture.. if YOU can hear me.. Please tell me where are YOU.. I been missing YOU and suddenly this aching of the Pain inside of Me just won't go away.. I feel like I am suffering because I want to touch Your Big Heart.. I want to hold in my arms YOUR BIG HEART.. and when I turn to LOOK at your Big Heart.. start asking you Questions that has been in my Mind.. in my Heart for a Long Time.. when I look down as my arms around your BIG HEART.. I would say.. WHY am I missing you so Much lately.. what is it about this Big Heart.. your BIG HEART I want so Bad.. I know to get close to YOU.. it is working with Your Big Heart.. and I would say.. CAN YOU Hear me.. does YOUR Heart.. your Big Heart understands what it means when a Man like myself Loves YOU.. do you know How much I miss you and also want to tell YOU HOW MUCH I Love you.. would you let me Please speak to YOUR Heart to tell YOU for a Long time.. I wanted to say this to YOU.. when I have your Big Heart in my arms.. when My arms able to reach and touch but to HOLD your Big Heart in my arms.. I will bring your BIG HEART closer to my Lip and I will say to YOUR BIG HEART looking down.. I been looking at your Picture for a Long time.. I don't know what it is about your Picture.. why my eyes can't help it but to LOOK at you.. I know that it sounds so crazy.. YOU would say that I don't know you in Person.. but how can I just love you by looking at your Picture right.. in my hands is NOT just any picture.. I don't just look for any but YOU must Have a BIG HEART.. without your Heart being so Big.. my arms cannot hold and wrap.. it needs to be able to hold like it is a PILLOW size.. and YOU would say.. just by looking at your Picture.. how do I know that YOU have a Big Heart.. I believe that it starts with Just loving YOU as YOU are.. it has nothing to do with having but IT becomes a BIG HEART.. when I started to Love YOU.. I only thought of just HOW far can I love YOU.. HOW far can I go.. HOW far can I commit to Love YOU.. How much time MUST pass for me to see YOU.. to see the Change of Your Heart.. to see YOU change.. and started to notice that YOU do have a BIG HEART.. I don't know if you have a Big Heart or NOT but I always dreamed to Love YOU who has a BIG HEART.. when I started to see myself Loving YOU little step at a time.. it took these little baby steps to get where I am at today and it is because ALL I needed was a TIME.. I needed the TIME so that I can tell YOU that I really Love YOU.. of course when I am thinking of YOU.. I thought of just telling YOU I love YOU.. closing my eyes and just dreaming.. imagining that I can love YOU and YOU be Mine Forever.. when a MAN starts to dream of Love.. that dream starts very small but even dreams can come true when YOU never let go of YOUR Dreams.. that I always wanted to Love YOU and to let YOU know how much I can love YOU.. it was Hard and weird.. kind of strange at first because I was Not sure can I love you like this.. can I even go very far to tell YOU like this.. am I going to miss you in the process.. I was Not sure because I could not envision.. when I looked at your Picture.. My Heart started to groan inside of Me.. I would say How can I love YOU.. and I know that YOU have a Heart.. I would ask myself.. I wonder How big is your Heart.. is it BIG ENOUGH for me to share love to YOU for many weeks.. many months.. can it go as far as many years I would ask myself.. is it that BIG.. is your Heart so Big that I can write you thousands of Letters and give you thousands of Messages of HOW MUCH I Love you that It is Still Not enough.. that YOU will not get tired of me asking.. telling YOU Over and Over How much I love YOU because I really wanted it to work OUT for me.. I don't want to fail.. I don't think any one with the right MIND thinks about failing when they want to do something More or give Much More.. I do not tell myself and say.. Let me see HOW I am going to fail by trying.. NO.. I want to win.. I want to succeed you know and I don't want to do something that I will end UP giving UP or showing YOU that I am a Loser who gives UP easily or who wants to Lose.. I want to WIN.. I want your BIG HEART.. in my hands.. IN MY ARMS I want to hold your BIG HEART so that WHEN I PULL your BIG HEART close to my Chest.. YOU can hear the Sound that comes from the Inside.. MY Heart telling YOUR Heart.. your BIG HEART.. when My Heart comes close to Your Big Heart.. I can feel.. I can hear my Heart beating and IT can only comes alive when I am able to touch and reach and hold YOUR BIG HEART in my Arms again.. I would look at your Picture.. Glass cup fills UP with a Liquor.. and I would be asking your Picture even though I know clearly that YOU will NOT speak back through the Picture.. it is hard to Love YOU like this because.. the More I tell you through this.. I know I be missing YOU and also when I am sharing.. I be thinking of YOU a lot.. a lot of how much more can I love YOU.. and wondering HOW big is your Heart.. I know that I started to believe that YOU do have a BIG Heart.. because if you are able to receive it this Far.. it shows that YOUR HEART is BIG Enough to take it all IN.. that your BIG HEART has room and space to grow MORE to BLOOM.. I want to see you the Most Prettiest.. the Most Beautiful.. and when YOUR Heart starts to grow Big.. I think your Beauty.. Your Fashion in taste of design.. your Beauty will change.. YOU will become More Beautiful than ever.. More Prettier than ever and YOUR HEART keeps on growing bigger as YOU continue to receive that I love YOU.. as I would look at the Piece of Paper.. and I am holding onto the Pencil in my hand.. I am LOOKING down.. LOOKING at the Big Heart I drew as the Picture.. I want it More and More.. I want it more and More as I continue to Love you More and More.. as I would look at this Picture.. it hurts my Heart.. because Now when I am looking at the Shape of this Heart I drew.. drawing of your BIG HEART.. I would say.. How can I have this Big Heart in my Hands.. In my Arms I want to Hold your Big Heart.. so that I am able to Bring it close.. closer to my Lips.. before I would be sharing through writings and letters.. I wish I can speak to Your Big Heart.. let my voice be heard and let me speak to Your Big Heart.. this way will it bring you much closer than the letters I send to YOU.. with the Letters it seems like it be taking a lot more Longer.. Not asking for the fastest way.. but Let the Words be more clear and be Heard.. I can Open my Mouth and tell Your Big Heart.. I am struggling.. I am Hurt.. I can feel like of pains.. I also suffer so nights.. and even some mornings because I need YOU.. I need your BIG HEART.. I want to hold YOUR BIG HEART in my Arms.. and I would say Oh Please.. my arms are wide open.. PLEASE tell your BIG HEART that My Arms are wide open to hold it still in my arms.. as I am sitting on the chair by the desk.. One arm be holding Your Big Heart as it lays in my One arm.. with the Other hand.. ONE finger tip.. I would LOOK at the Big Heart of Yours and Lightly I would touch the Center of your Big Heart and write.. I.. L O V E.. Y O U.. and I would open my mouth and say to your Big Heart.. DO you know what I wrote in your BIG HEART and say it to YOU.. I wrote and Now I want to tell YOU my Heart that I love you.. and I would be looking at your Picture sitting on top of the desk and start to cry.. my tears would fall because I feel it in my Heart.. the Pain that comes of loving YOU because I am missing you at the Same time.. mixed emotions all around me.. I want you Close.. can YOU Hear me.. I want you close.. is it wrong with me if I am asking you this that I want you Close.. that I want you near.. that my arms wants to Hold YOU.. to Hold you can only come with Your Big Heart in my arms.. I cannot love you without Loving Your Big Heart first.. and I be hitting my Chest.. filling UP the glass CUP with the strong liquor.. and when YOU drink that Hard Liquor.. and I would be looking at the Piece of the paper.. the drawing of your Big Heart and Next to it is your Picture and when I can feel the Hard Liquor hitting me.. I just would say.. It hurts.. why do My Heart Hurts.. it keeps on hurting because I am Missing YOU.. is it wrong that I want to Love YOU.. am I wrong that I have to go through all this kind of Pain.. It hurts because I want to be with YOU.. what is wrong with me.. is it wrong that I want to be with YOU.. WHY can't I be with YOU.. why can't my Arms be holding your Big Heart.. so that I can finally tell you that for a Long time I wanted to say this to YOU.. I been waiting for YOU.. I would watch many Suns comes UP.. I would watch Many stars and Moon at Night.. I would see the Light rain falls and Heavy rain falls.. I saw even the snow flakes falling from the sky.. when you needed the coat to PUT on to walk Out side.. even the changing of the Leaves on the trees.. on the Hottest days and on the most coldest days and I would Not stop but kept on thinking of ways of Loving YOU.. and It only started with LOOKING at your Picture.. and asking this One question.. IS your Heart Big.. Do you have a Big Heart.. if I just stood there and sat by the desk and Only looked at your Picture but did NOTHING.. only thing that I could do is stare and LOOK at your Picture.. I think it would only drive me More insane because I would say to myself.. I will Never found OUT because I would not be able to tell you the truth.. I would never of known but just suffer for Nothing.. even though I am going through a lot of struggles and like a FLU.. my Heart feels so sick because I love you to death.. and My Heart feels so sick.. but at the same time.. I feel the Most happiest because I am allowed to tell YOU.. to receive the Permission means everything that I know I am NOT SICK.. my Heart is NOT just
I am looking at the Empty Vase.. and I am thinking this Must be what I am thinking because.. I know that it was a gift that YOU gave me.. of course I still don't remember Much.. trying to remember has been so Hard for me lately.. but just little Piece by Piece.. the Clues in this Cabin Log Home.. I can feel that something happened between Us.. and I can see that One piece of the Puzzle.. the Clue must be this Empty Vase in the second ROOM.. I take the Flower Out and Pour out the water that was half filled and I would take it to the Living Room.. what hurts me the Most is that I am starting to Miss YOU.. is it because this Cabin Log home.. to be this Size of its own and I am here all by myself and maybe it is walking in this House with out YOU.. and How you also left the Pictures in the two Rooms.. and even going to the clinic talking to the doctor and I even showed the Doctor one of the Pictures that was in the two Rooms.. I had two Pictures both rooms.. the third Picture was under this Empty Vase.. and I am trying to figure Out why is this the Only One that brings something into My Heart.. I would stand in the Second ROOM.. Looking at the Sun Flower.. it was inside the half filled water of this Vase which is NOW an empty Vase I am holding in my Hands.. the Sun Flower is left on the top of the desk of the second ROOM and I am still wondering WHY was it there like YOU have placed the Flower like Yesterday.. as I was holding this Empty Vase.. what is the Behind story of this and why placed here.. and I remember I took it to the doctor.. I know that the Doctor must know something because He tells me to bring what was in the Cabin's Log Home because He can tell me something that only He knows and maybe can Help me to remember all about YOU.. SO I made an appointment to go see the Doctor.. when I heard who the Doctor was to YOU.. the relationship.. the Doctor is Your Father.. and I just could Not believe that what does it Means.. does it means that I loved YOU just too Much.. or how is it possible for me to be with YOU.. YOUR father is a Doctor and He is specialized and Operates in a way that Only the Best Doctor can.. I would.. I remember sitting and waiting for my Name to be called to meet the Doctor.. Your Father and I am looking at the Walls of many awards of winning as the Doctor.. who is specialized in surgery but also treats people who can't remember.. who lost in coma and loses memories.. and I am thinking at this Point.. How can a Person Like myself be loving someone like YOU if your Father is this Good at what He does and I am just a Nobody.. and I am holding the Empty Vase and the Sun Flower and three pictures of YOU.. and I know that I don't deserve to be with YOU.. as I am waiting.. My name is called to the Office.. and I get UP from the sitting Down.. and I walk into the Office.. Your Father who has a big Office sits and I go into the Office room.. and I would go and sit on the chair on the Other side of the Desk.. I place the Empty Vase and I put the Sun Flower next and put three pictures on the top of the desk and telling your Father.. the Doctor.. that I found these in the two rooms of the Cabin Log Home after I purchased the Home.. and the Doctor smiles.. Your Father looks at me.. and He starts to share a sad Story.. which it breaks my Heart but of course.. In a state I am In.. knowing myself More of where I stand in life.. I know that I would too.. and Yes.. I should of Never loved YOU because I never knew.. Your Father.. the Best Doctor who won many Awards by the state tells me.. Your Father would refused and did Not want me Near you which is His Daughter and Yes.. many nights.. YOU would fight and argue with Your Father because he did Not want to be a Part.. or take part because of Where Your Father is in life.. that He was known to be close to the Mayor and the Governor of the State.. won many prices and awards and Building many clinics and had dreams of establishing and EMPIRE as the TOP TIER DOCTOR.. and He wanted the Best for YOU.. he wanted someone WHO is highly skilled and talented.. very well educated and some one who can take his Place as the Next Doctor who can RUN the Clinics and When he saw Me which I never knew Of.. I did Not even know that Your Father would be this Big.. had Great Dreams to go further in Life and wanted to establish something so that HE can raise someone like HIMSELF to take over when He dies and of course.. YOU have never told me anything.. I did Not even know that YOUR Father was a Doctor.. IN FACT he is an Award Winning Doctor who won prizes and close to the Mayor and Governor of the state.. which I am sure in due time HE can run for the president.. Your Father tells me that YOU are just Like him in many ways.. very determined and Full of Will.. when YOU wanted something.. what ever it takes.. YOU WILL go get it done.. very Fierce is what HE called YOU and I guess many times the argument was that HE knows many YOUNG MEN.. like the NOBLE MEN he can introduce to YOU.. that YOU can have a Better Life and be Much more happier that He wanted to pass everything down to YOU.. but someone who can take His Place and When He saw a Picture of Me. and saw the way I dressed.. He was shocked and Angry because I am a Low Life Person.. seems Like I was going Nowhere.. had NO DREAMS or AMBITIONS and even asked about the education and training programs and I guess there was NO WORDS you can share in that senses and It drove Your Father.. the Best Doctor angry.. But of course I was a great appointed to Your Father the Doctor when He saw the Picture of me you have taken and It was with YOU.. I am standing next to you.. YOU are holding the Giant Teddy Bear.. and your Father points at the Picture of the third that THIS is the picture he saw of the first time.. the day when HE was so angry at YOU and just could Not believe that WHY choose someone Like me and I would Look at the Doctor and I told your Father.. the Doctor.. I am so sorry for being such great disappointment.. because If I knew this ahead of time.. How can I dare to do this to YOU.. and I would never do anything to Hurt YOU.. but of course.. I never knew about this until the Phone rang.. it was the Number of the Doctor and the Doctor tells me on the Phone that HE has something to Tell me.. and that I needed to come to his Office.. and he told me this.. that HE is your Father.. when I heard that the Doctor was a relative was your Father.. My Heart felt like it wanted to stop.. and Now I am wondering why did YOU NOT ever tell me about this.. you know this is very important to Me.. Your Father has worked so MUCH to come this Very to accomplish this Much in his Life.. to be the Best is NOT easy.. YOU know that YOUR FATHER wants the Best of YOU.. why Hurt your Father's Heart.. because I know that I am Lowly and Poor.. Not much I can give YOU.. you know that the CABIN LOG HOME is Not even My Home.. YOU are the One who purchased it and Now I see why.. I even heard from the Doctor.. that YOU are also going into the Medical school.. and Your Father is going to be teaching YOU SOON.. that YOU are going to learn all things UNDER his Care and Love.. and that HE is so proud of YOU.. YOU graduated and Now.. you are going to the clinic as YOU are going into more classes to learn.. when I heard all of these things.. I just could not say a word because I knew what I had to do.. I can't be with someone who has a Larger than Life.. YOU know that I am so small in many ways.. just that my Heart gave it all to YOU.. that I can only Love YOU.. I can't do much more with that is what is hurting me so much.. I want to do and show you more.. but HOW when YOU are going so Big in this Life.. and as I would look at your Father.. the Best Doctor and I am Looking at him smiling.. all I feel was this Tears.. I just ran down my cheeks and He knows that My Heart hurts Now.. of course.. I asked your Father.. the doctor.. I know that I needs to stop Now but what happens if I can't.. I know that I needs to let you Go.. but what happens the more I try to let go but I can't.. and I would sit on this chair.. in the Big Doctor's Office and I would just be in silent crying out.. because I know what he meant and I should respect His WILL.. and as I would get UP to Turn away.. I see you standing by the Door of the Office.. and I would look at you just standing still.. Looking at your Father.. who is the Best Doctor sitting on the Other side and looking at me as I get UP and turned to face the Door.. and I would keep crying as I would look at YOU.. Do you know that It hurts me More than if hurts YOU.. why do YOU have to be so Kind to Me.. why do you have to be so nice.. and Now knowing this Much of the truth hurts me one hundred times.. this Pain I feel deep inside.. if I never knew.. and If you just left me at the accident.. and if I was just lying on the hospital Bed and all you could do is drop me there and make it all unknown.. I could of been better because It seems like NOW I am coming back.. slowly this Memory and fitting into Pieces together.. but what GOOD is it if I do remember all of it but I can't be with YOU.. if I can't love you NO MORE.. what good is the memories for Me.. I rather be someone else then Myself if this Pain of Losing YOU Hurts me the Most.. as I would walk out of the doctor's Office room and I would leave.. I can hear your Voice screaming and shouting at your Father.. which it stops Me.. It is NOT his fault.. How is it Your Father's Fault.. Your Father Loves YOU TOO MUCH that is why HE is doing to for Us and I would start to cry More.. Because it hurts me.. WHY.. why do you have to be Like a Princess and LOOK at me.. and as I am wiping my tears I would walk away from the Clinic.. I know that I must.. but I forgot the Empty Vase.. I need the Three Pictures of YOU and I need that SUN FLOWER.. I need all those things and I would stop
To turn around.. I see you walking OUT of the Office with those in your Arms.. and YOU would stop and I would say to YOU.. WHY does Love have to hurt this Much.. WHY did you Not tell me this SOONER.. if I knew about this SOONER.. I don't think it would hurt me this Much because I would of been preparing my Heart for something like this to Happen.. and WHEN It does.. since I had the pain long ago.. I be used to the Pain that I can carry for a Long time.. but when it all Happen Now.. do you know that IT is killing me Now.. It is Hurting me Now and I just can't go on.. WHY DOES the LOVE HURTS so Much.. why Loving YOU HURTS me so Much.. that I rather.. and I see you giving me these things and YOU telling me to go back to the CABIN LOG HOME.. and that YOU WILL call me in later time.. as I am holding the things that I brought from the Cabin LOG HOME. I would turn to look the Other way and I would listen to YOUR WORDS and I leave the Clinic.. Thinking about WHY am I here.. and why am I looking at this Empty Vase.. what am I suppose to do with this Empty Vase.. I did received the Note in the first room.. and also got the chance to look at you through the Picture you have left behind.. I know that I am not suppose to have this Picture.. but why do MY hand keeps on holding onto the picture for.. I am trying to leave the Picture behind.. I should of left it in the first room.. on the top of the desk.. but for some reason.. My hand just could NOT let go.. it grabbed onto the Picture.. telling myself.. Just let it go.. I needs to let it go but My Heart says.. telling my Mind.. I know my hand will not let your picture go.. so I have decided to take the Picture with me to the second room.. I am standing here by another Desk.. Now I am very confused about this desk.. why does it look a like.. is it the same desk because I did NOT buy any desk.. I do remember.. when I was talking to YOU on the Phone.. YOU have mention to me that YOU are leaving something behind.. and I am wondering.. if it belongs to YOU.. why don't you just take it with YOU.. why do you want to leave something behind.. and if it is something precious.. something precious to YOU.. I do truly understand that IF YOU MUST need to take it.. Please take it with YOU.. it won't hurt me or bother me if YOU DO.. but.. listening to your Voice on the Other line.. YOU telling me that IT is a bonus for buying.. purchasing this Lovely home.. so I did tell YOU.. thank YOU.. if it is a gift from YOUR Heart to me.. then Yes.. I will receive it.. I will take this gift.. of course YOU never told me that it is going to be two desks.. a Picture with a Note.. and an empty Vase.. But.. I want to know.. what is the Use of this Empty Vase.. why did you not put a note what comes with this Empty Vase.. am I suppose to put flowers inside this Vase.. but it has half filled water.. so.. I guess you should of told me because.. I am looking at this Vase.. not completely empty but has half filled waters.. so I am looking at the CELL PHONE and I do dial your Number.. and I am waiting as I am hearing it ring.. I wait and I hear a Hello on the Other side.. and I tell YOU.. I am the One who just bought this Log Cabin Home from YOU.. and just wanted to ask YOU one simple question.. there are two desks.. one each in the room.. I have a picture of YOU.. am I suppose to have it.. can I please have this Picture because NOW I am the New Home Owner.. the Other Question is this.. what am I suppose to do with the Empty Vase.. it is half filled.. and I am waiting for you to answer.. and I hear your voice telling me.. It was not YOU who put the two desks.. and Yes.. the Picture is Yours.. and the Vase.. Not sure what that is.. but the vase Means Love.. I am just standing there.. thinking.. the Vase means Love.. what does that Means if it is Love.. YOU know that I am Not sure what YOU are talking about.. and I am waiting for YOU to answer.. and I don't hear anything.. and I hear.. DO I not remember.. I pause thinking.. remember what?? am I suppose to remember something.. and I hear.. I don't remember YOU.. and the Phone hangs UP.. It made me jump because you asked me do I remember YOU.. which am I suppose to remember some one and I am thinking.. I am holding a Picture of YOU In my hand.. why is it so hard for me to Let go of Your Picture.. and YOU are the One who left the Picture for me to see it.. and I am thinking.. was I suppose to stand still until I remember you.. until I do know who YOU are.. and then I was suppose to call YOU on the Phone to tell YOU that NOW I know.. and with this Vase.. I know that it must means something.. YOU have left it behind so that I can remember.. But.. why do I feel like my Mind is stuck.. I want to know.. I want to remember.. if YOU are telling me that this Vase means Love.. it has to do with me and this Empty half water vase.. I am suppose to know YOU.. the person YOU.. the One I am looking at this Picture.. I can't remember though.. on the Note it did say I got into an accident.. I was hit by a car so I must went to the Hospital and Blacked Out.. because I was told that some of the memories I won't remember.. How can I lost YOU.. How can I lose someone like you.. and I am looking at the Picture.. I was close to face my own death.. I do remember laying on the Hospital bed.. one of the doctors would say that I be calling Out your name.. of course the Doctor did Not know who I was calling Out too.. But I do remember when I woke UP from the coma.. the Doctor tells me some one came to visit me.. and was crying while I was sleeping.. in a deep coma.. holding my hand.. asking the doctor to save me.. to save my life and begging the doctor.. the doctors all came to help out.. of course the doctor who was the main care taker told YOU.. that I am going to have a loss of memory and I would not remember much.. I do remember sitting UP on the Hospital Bed.. the doctor tells Me.. I was very close to death.. and he did all he can and for some reason.. I would be calling out your Name.. and that is HOW I got UP.. the doctor would look at me asking me.. who is the lady I keep on calling out too.. I was saying a Name.. but I sat there just puzzled.. a NAME?? the doctor said.. because of her Name I was able to get UP.. able to open my eyes.. able to come back to Life.. to breathe again.. if I did not call Out your Name.. I think what this doctor means.. I would of been dead.. I am wondering.. the Name.. I keep on calling Out your Name.. for the longest.. I am here trying to figure OUT who you are.. because I know that I loved YOU.. I keep on looking at your picture and I would say to the Picture.. Is your name I LOVE YOU.. because that is the only Name I can think of.. to tell you from my Heart How much I love you.. what am I suppose to say.. I want to know too.. but I am going through some hard times and that part is trying to figure OUT about Us.. this mystery about what happened.. I want to know because I came to this New Home.. with two desks.. YOU told me that it was not Yours.. then whose desks are these if it is Not Yours.. if I bought this Home from YOU.. how come the desks are here.. and it looks so familiar too me.. as I would look at the vase.. I am not sure if I should keep this.. the Phone rings and I pick it UP.. and I hear your voice.. it feels like I heard your voice before.. I think even before I called to buy this New Home.. from the Log Cabin house.. and I hear you asking me do I remember.. and I am standing here in the second room.. I want to remember.. But.. it is even harder for me because I do not remember.. only YOU can help me to remember because I sure have no clue.. I have No idea at this point.. please help me to remember YOU.. I want to remember.. can I ask YOU this.. DID I love YOU very much.. Is it me who loved YOU.. can you please tell me the answer and I hear.. Yes.. that I loved YOU.. and My Heart starts to pound hard.. I am thinking.. then why can't I remember YOU if I loved YOU so Much.. but One thing for sure is this.. My hand can't put your Picture down.. I feel like I want to cry because I keep on holding to Your Picture.. what am I suppose to do.. that is why I am asking YOU.. if I loved YOU.. I feel something in my Heart.. and How about this.. can I throw this Vase away.. since I don't know what is the use for.. what am I suppose to do.. put fish.. How about goldfish inside.. I don't even like fish.. and I hear your voice.. it is Love.. and I should not get rid of it because in due time YOU be telling me I will remember.. that One day.. some day soon.. if I love YOU very much I will remember.. and I stood there.. speechless.. my words did Not want to say no more because I know that YOU are right.. yes.. I will remember YOU because I know that My Heart really really Loves YOU.. How much if YOU asked.. I don't know because I have lost count.. when YOU go outside in the Night and count the stars.. and if YOU can't count no more.. I know that it is more than those Numbers you counted and lost counted.. that is How much I love YOU.. I would try to count the stars.. I did lost the count.. just too much.. too much to count.. as I would stay on the Phone.. I would hear you telling me.. the House is a nice place to live.. and that YOU loved it.. and I would ask.. WHY did YOU sell this House.. if YOU really loved it.. and not much YOU would say so there is a true mystery about this Place.. about this Vase.. about YOU.. about the picture.. and I don't remember much.. as I am looking at your picture.. I would say.. will YOU allow me to see YOU.. will you give me the permission so that I can know YOU in person.. will you give me the chance to remember YOU.. because right Now.. I don't remember anything at all.. all I do remember is your Voice.. YOUR voice sounds to familiar like I have known you for a Very long time.. that is the only feeling or thought I am getting when I listen to Your Voice.. it moves My Heart where I want to see YOU.
YOU live very far.. and that right now is Not the good time.. and it breaks my Heart.. because I want to see YOU.. I want to know YOU.. so that YOU can help me to remember How much I loved YOU.. will you let me stay a little longer on the line.. I know that YOU are going to tell me something.. that YOU needs to go.. but what If My Heart does Not want to let go.. just like my hand.. holding to YOUR picture.. it just will not let it go.. I think because I know why.. it is like looking at this vase.. it is love.. loving YOU still.. just loving YOU because My Heart remembers loving YOU.. even though I don't my Heart just knows.. Please.. tell me.. give me a clue.. give me a Hint.. and I would put the picture face down on top of the desk.. I open the door.. comes into the House.. I see large boxes.. two Large boxes enter the first room.. and another two Large Boxes places in the second room.. I see couch.. I see tables chairs.. More boxes comes into the Log Cabin home.. on the Diner room and the living room.. into the kitchen.. I see the Movers walking in and Out of the home.. as I watch the movers walks.. they enter the truck and it goes.. I would be out side.. it feels so good when it is cold.. with my jacket.. I am standing out.. I watch the SUN goes down.. still the SNOW on the ground and I am looking UP to the Sky.. Night Comes and I am looking at the Moon.. I don't know why I think of YOU the most.. especially when I see the Night.. when I look at the MOON.. I start to think of YOU.. do I miss YOU.. I am thinking right Now.. Do you think that I miss YOU.. if you ask Me this question.. standing Out here in the cold.. watching the SUN setting.. as the Wind starts to blow.. the wind chill makes me shiver.. that is how I feel when I think of you.. I get these cold chills.. sending shivers down my spine because I do miss YOU.. feels like when I walk Out.. and I look Up at the Sky.. looking at the MOON.. it is how I feel when I miss YOU.. that I want to see that MOON because I know that down in my Heart.. I think of you the most when I do see that MOON.. do I smile.. I want to smile.. because all I do is smile when I know that YOU are in my Heart.. that you are IN MY MIND and in my soul.. just can't stop think of YOU.. I would look at that MOON.. I am trying to think of the past.. when was the last time I seen YOU.. that I do miss YOU.. I miss YOU more and more.. as I turn to the direction.. I am looking at the door of this Cabin Log Home.. my hand grabs on the door knob and I am wondering.. I have lost my memory.. but I want to know.. I want to know how much did I loved YOU.. YOU would not tell me how much.. if YOU knew me before I lost my memory.. would you not tell me because I asked YOU.. I asked you on the Phone.. How much did I love YOU.. I would wait for your answer.. I just don't remember because I do want to remember.. I asked YOU.. but why can't YOU answer me.. YOU told me that I did Love YOU.. I asked you the question.. DID I love YOU?? there was a short paused.. and a breathing I heard.. I asked YOU the second time.. DID I love YOU?? Please tell me that I loved YOU well.. did I love YOU the way YOU should be loved.. I wanted to know.. I kept on pressing to ask and asking YOU.. I was holding onto the phone.. just waiting for YOU to answer.. there was a short pause and I heard you telling me.. I did love YOU.. and I do remember I just could not say another word.. My Heart.. for some reason it started to Beat faster.. Like I would be running and slowing down trying to catch my breathe and when I stop for a break.. My Heart would beat as like the beat ran faster.. that is HOW My Heart felt when I heard YOU telling me that I did Love YOU.. of course I want to love YOU.. I want to keep on loving YOU.. and I asked again.. How much did I love YOU.. can YOU please tell me.. if YOU answered the first question.. I know for sure you can answer this One.. Please tell me so that I can hear my Heart beat faster when YOU give me the answer.. I heard YOU not say a word.. but why.. YOU told me that I did love YOU.. why couldn't you tell me More.. I want to know.. if YOU can remind me.. maybe I can know.. maybe my memories can come back to Me because I did hear my Heart beat faster when YOU answered the first question.. I really Really want to know.. as I am standing by the door.. MY Hand grab hold unto the Door Knob.. ALL I need to do is turn it and open the door.. I can go into this Log Cabin House.. this New Home that I brought.. before the Movers came.. I do remember One large Box came before the Movers brought many boxes.. smaller and larger into this New Home.. One Large box.. I placed into the ROOM.. the first room.. I do remember opening the top of the Box.. I saw a Picture frame.. it was YOU inside the picture frame.. YOU were sitting on the Couch that just came into this New Home.. I don't remember YOU sitting on that couch.. but YOU were holding the vase.. placing on top of YOUR Lap.. the same Vase that was in the Second room.. but there was a Stem of a Flower.. YOU were smiling and I looked at it.. I don't remember any of it but tears.. there were two lines of tears falling down from my eyes.. as I would look at the picture frame.. inside the picture of YOU siting on the Couch.. I felt so sad because I.. I want to know when was this taken.. I want to know who has taken this Picture.. was it me who was holding the camera.. It must be me because I do know that I loved YOU.. and if that couch came as the Movers brought them into this New Home.. it must been a previous time.. which Home.. whose apartment.. if that Couch belongs to me.. then was it at the old apartment.. was it at a Home.. I just can't remember.. Please help me to remember where and when.. from WHO.. I know that it must be me.. because this One Large Box came yesterday night.. and I brought it into the First ROOM and I opened it to see.. So I know that it belongs to me.. I started to cry when I saw the Picture Frame.. My Heart was shattered because I want to remember.. I want to know when and where it happened.. I know that It was me who took this picture.. why would the Picture frame with YOUR Picture comes inside this Box.. but who had this is the Question on my mind.. was this Box with YOU.. are you the one who send this Box to me so that I can remember.. I did Not want to call YOU.. I knew that YOU wanted to know something but right Now.. I just can't tell YOU because I don't remember.. as I would reach.. my Hands grab onto the Picture Frame.. I am looking at it.. my tears kept running down my cheeks.. I want to remember.. I want to know.. But I do not want to tell YOU anything because if I don't know.. the way My Heart is breaking right Now.. you can feel the say way too.. I looked at the Phone.. I wanted to dial.. but I told myself I am not going to call YOU.. if I don't remember and has NO answers.. I just can't.. if Tears are flowing down my eyes.. I don't want to imagine Your eyes with tears.. If I loved YOU and My Heart still loves YOU.. I just don't want to hurt YOU.. I rather be the one who is hurting.. I want my Heart to be breaking and shattering instead.. SO I decided not to call YOU.. I rather be the One to be hurt.. and feeling hurt by myself.. it is because I love YOU.. that is the only answer I can tell YOU.. that I love YOU.. My hand turns and opens the Door.. and I walk inside the Log Cabin Home.. it feels more alive with stuff inside the house Now.. felt so empty when Nothing has arrived in this Home.. I would walk to the second room.. as I am standing by the Door.. I am looking at the Vase.. in the Picture of the picture frame.. a Flower was inside.. it was a Sun Flower inside the vase.. maybe that is what is missing.. maybe I should put a SUN FLOWER inside the Vase.. is that what was empty in that vase.. maybe that is the answer YOU want to hear.. But.. what if that is NOT it.. I think there is something more deeper than just a Flower.. what do I want.. what do I need from YOU.. why did YOU leave this Empty Vase.. why do I have to question myself if I can just ask YOU.. But I did end UP asking YOU.. YOU told me that YOU are NOT going to give me any answers because it is ALL UP to me to figure that OUT.. WHY would you put this Vase.. an empty Vase in this room.. why not in the first room.. why the second ROOM.. have I been here before.. so much un answered questions I must know.. But YOU would not tell me.. as I am looking next to the Vase.. I put the Picture Frame next.. beside it.. and ALL I am looking at is Your Beautiful Face.. Your Smile.. how this same Vase sitting on top of Your Lap.. with a SUN FLOWER inside.. I want to know.. when and where.. that Couch is in the living room of this House.. I just can't remember.. I want to remember.. why don't you call me.. I don't want to call YOU because YOU are going to wonder do I remember anything yet.. because right Now.. I just don't remember anything at all.. but I do wish I knew.. I wish I know now.. but right Now.. all I can think of is when and where.. I know that I must loved YOU.. the more I keep on looking at the picture in the picture frame.. I want to love YOU more.. I want to tell YOU that I love YOU.. but How.. How can I tell YOU that I love you if I don't remember but my Heart is burning within me to tell YOU that I do.. only thing that I want to tell YOU.. I do still love YOU.. but I don't think you would believe anything at all.. because YOU do know that I don't remember.. but something in me tells me that I do.. How am I suppose to express this Love.. the word and to transfer the word to YOU.. that Even though I may not remember.. and has a memory loss.. something keeps on telling me that I do still.. that YOU did not lose any hope because I never stopped loving YOU.. WOULD YOU believe me.. I want YOU to believe these words of mine
Loved YOU a lot.. or More.. that Love will never just leave without a trace.. I know that if I loved YOU.. I will never stop loving YOU.. but.. would YOU believe in this truth.. would you believe me at all.. I am afraid that YOU would Not believe because I am at lost.. BUT Please.. know that I never stopped loving YOU.. YOU are only going to hurt me if YOU just don't believe my words because ALL I can say is that I do.. I just bought a New Home.. Leaving the City life into the Country side.. I am walking over the Mountains.. into the Hills and to the valley.. a Small Log House in the woods.. as I am walking through the Snow.. I stop to see.. the Flakes are falling from the Sky.. I am very close to the Log Cabin House.. Finally.. I have been waiting to get Out of the city life.. as I stop.. I am able to see the Snow flakes falling from the Sky.. as I unlock the Door.. and I enter the Small Log Cabin Home.. as I look into the Small Two bed room Home.. I am wondering.. why did I even buy a House with two rooms.. I have no one coming over.. but I know that If I prepare the place.. Maybe.. some one will show Up.. I have never met the person who use to Live in this Small Log Cabin house.. as I walk into One of the rooms.. There is a Desk.. I wonder why someone has left this Desk Behind.. something stops me before I turn to walk away.. I see something on the TOP of the Desk.. what is It.. I am wondering.. what is It.. SO I would walk closer to the Desk.. there is a Written Note.. and Next to the Note is a Picture.. of course I can only see the back of the Picture.. I am wondering.. maybe it must be the Picture of the Person who use to live in this Small Log Cabin House.. But why would some one leave a precious Gift behind.. if I lived in this House.. I know for sure I will Not leave anything special.. or Precious to me behind.. But.. should I turn the Picture over to see who this Person is.. I am standing there.. thinking of.. but I know that this is Not my picture.. WHY would I turn it over to look if it is Not for Me.. I am sure.. maybe the Person was in a rush.. and has forgotten to take this Picture.. but.. WHY would YOU write a Note for me.. I know that the written Note.. it is telling me.. giving me an instruction.. but why would you tell me something.. I can just live whatever I want.. I see the Note Next to the Picture.. Both are facing where I cannot see.. as I would stop.. maybe I should take a Look.. must be very important if YOU have written for the New Home Owner.. which I have purchased this Small Log Cabin Home from YOU.. I have never met YOU.. but Of course I do remember before the Contract.. YOU called me on the Phone.. and Got a chance to listen to Your Beautiful Voice.. Now.. I am very curious.. YOUR voice.. truly felt like I was listening to an Angel.. I know that If you sang a SONG.. I bet it would melt my Heart like the Snow Flakes.. I would stand Out side.. before I came to the DOOR.. to Unlock.. I would LOOK Up to the sky.. My hand opens.. I would watch the Falling snow flakes.. when It touched my hand.. it just melted and maybe Your Voice.. if YOU sang to Me.. My Heart can melt the way the Snow Flakes can melt into my hands.. I was smiling because I been living in apartment for a Long time.. just paying rent to rent monthly.. But.. Now.. able to purchase a new Home.. Out here in the Country side.. walking and climbing on the mountains.. just enjoying the fresh cold air as I would be walking through the Snow.. never felt so Alive in my life.. But Now.. I am here.. inside this Small Log Cabin Home.. and I just walked into a ROOM.. YOU did not take the desk.. there is a Picture laying on the TOP of the desk face down.. with a written Note facing down.. I am just wondering.. I remember when I picked UP the Phone.. and hearing your voice on the Other side.. on the Other line.. Your Voice.. it truly touched my Heart.. I begin to wonder more about YOU because of this Sensational touch.. Your Voice moved my Heart.. I felt it kick inside of Me.. and never felt that way before.. so I would start wondering.. I wonder How YOU would look.. as YOU were so happy to sell the House and even telling me Congratulation on the purchase of the New Home.. as I would share with YOU how I lived in rents all my Life.. but able to get a house means everything to me.. giving me a great deal in the purchase.. of course I wanted to ask YOU.. if YOU can sing.. because I wanted to know if YOU can sing.. can YOU sing a song so that I can listen to Your voice with my Heart opened.. but of course I never asked.. YOU probably think I am a crazy person.. as I am standing by the desk.. My hand grabs the Picture.. I wanted to turn it over.. I wanted to see the person who I just spoke with ON the Phone.. YOUR voice.. I just want to hear again.. can I listen to Your Voice.. would you let me call you on the Phone so that I can listen.. My Heart wants to listen to Your Voice again.. before I want to ask YOU.. I want to know how you look.. why are you so Nice.. why are you so kind to me.. I want to know who YOU are.. WHY would you leave this Picture behind if YOU have never met me.. if YOU have never seen me in person.. why leave me Your Precious gift.. Your Special gift.. I am nothing but a stranger to YOU.. what if I am a weird person.. some crazy person.. would YOU not be afraid of Me.. As I grab the Picture and turn to LOOK at it.. I see YOU sitting.. and My Heart jumps.. My Heart skips missing that Beat.. Just like Your Voice.. soft and beautiful.. I see your picture.. I see YOU.. YOU are so Beautiful too.. YOU are so Lovely.. feels like YOU can take my breathe way.. then what happens to my Breathe if you take it from Me.. what are you doing to me Now.. WHY leave this Picture behind and when I see this Picture.. I can feel my Breathe.. it wants to be released from Me.. I can't breathe.. my eyes wants to say I can't breathe because YOU are so Beautiful.. as I am looking at the Picture of YOU.. YOU are sitting down.. and I am wondering what is it that YOU are holding.. Why are you holding a Vase.. is it a vase for flowers.. I am not sure why YOU are leaving this Picture with Me.. what does it means.. why are you showing me this Picture for.. I have no clue.. I have no idea.. but why are you letting me see this picture.. and making my Heart to say I want to cry.. I have never met you before.. But How is this possible for Me.. why do I feel like I want to love YOU.. please tell me how can this be true because I have never met you before.. as I am looking at your arms holding this vase.. why is it empty.. are YOU not suppose to put something into that Vase.. it is an empty Vase Your hands are holding.. Please.. OH Please tell me what is the meaning of this because I want to know.. I have no clue.. I have no idea why you are showing me this.. I don't see any empty Vase.. but only this Picture.. with a Note.. so I would go over.. my hand grabs the Note and flips to look.. and YOU have written to me about the Picture.. and telling me about the Vase.. an Empty Vase.. and YOU have left it on the Other Room.. and I am not sure why YOU would tell me this.. what am I suppose to do with the Empty Vase.. I don't have any flowers.. and all it tells me to take good care of the Empty Vase.. and Now.. YOU are letting me to keep it.. so I am standing in this room wondering.. YOU are giving me this Empty Vase.. but I have no flowers to put in it.. so what am I suppose to do with this.. SO I would turn around walking out of this room.. the Other room is next on the right.. as I enter the second room.. There is another Desk.. and ON top of the Desk is the Vase.. an empty Vase sitting on the top of the Desk.. am I suppose to tell you something about this vase.. am I suppose to share with YOU what I want to do because it is Not making any sense with me a this Point.. I feel like I am Not the Owner of this House anymore.. since YOU are leaving things behind for me to take care of It.. I am not a male servant.. and NO.. I am not here to clean this House either.. I just purchased this House from YOU.. but WHY do I feel like there is a person who Owns it and maybe I am just renting this Place.. that is how I am feeling because.. I have to watch over things that does Not belongs to me.. I have brought my own bags and luggage so that NOW I can live in this house.. and I stand on the second room.. Looking at the Vase.. has water inside this Vase so it is Not completely empty.. but still looks empty to Me.. so I walk over to the second Desk.. I see a Picture with the Face Down.. so is it a Prank.. is this a joke because I am not feeling it at this Point.. my hand grabs and I turn to look at the front.. I see a Picture of a Heart.. as I am looking at the picture closer.. YOU have taken a picture of a Heart shape.. it is a Pillow I can see.. but why are you showing me this Picture.. I know that I love Heart.. but what does it means.. why are you doing this to Me.. are you playing games with me.. saying there is a Picture in the second room.. maybe YOU love pillows with Heart shape.. are you trying to tell me something through the two pictures YOU have put face down.. and there is a Number written on the corner of this Picture.. and I know that It is Your Number.. Looking at my phone.. I would check if this NUMBER is the same Number you called me on the phone.. and It matches correctly.. I am very confused.. I am so Confused because why would you show me these things if YOU don't know me.. and there is a Note also.. it was next to the Picture.. My hand goes over to grab the Note and I turn it over to take a LOOK.. and I would read it.. it says.. Do you remember Me.. when we were YOUNG.. because NOW I remember YOU is what the Note been written ON.. and I am thinking.. Have we ever met before.. DID I see you when we were YOUNG.. I don't really remember meeting any one when we were Young.. but it seems like YOU know me.. why would you tell me this
Another person.. but then knowing that it is I who just purchased this House.. It has to be for Me.. who else lives in this House.. I am the only one who bought this House from YOU.. so I know that we met before.. and telling me when were young.. HOW long was this.. How old was I when I met YOU.. Please tell me.. and I am thinking about calling YOU on the Phone.. But.. I am Not just going to call YOU and say I don't remember YOU.. so How am I suppose to answer this question because I don't remember.. I am trying to go back.. way way way back to see if I do remember you.. I am closing both eyes.. Both.. Nothing I can see back then.. why.. when did we ever meet before.. I am looking at Your Picture.. the Picture of YOU holding.. arms around the Empty Vase.. and I would look at the Picture.. WHEN was it that we meet.. I have No clue.. Please give me a Hint.. I feel like I am a crazy person.. LOOKING at the Picture of YOU and just talking.. knowing YOU are Not going to answer back from It.. that is How crazy I am becoming because Now.. I am wondering.. when and where.. what age.. what school.. was it in the apartments.. NOT sure.. but Please tell me when because I truly want to know now.. I hate it when things are so mysterious.. I want to know.. YOU are the only one who knows that is why YOU are asking me.. what am I suppose to do and how do I say this to you if I tell YOU I don't know.. it can hurt you as much it will hurt me not knowing.. Please.. tell me.. give me a clue.. give me a Hint.. and I would put the picture face down on top of the desk.. I am looking at the Moon.. I am waiting for YOU.. just thinking about YOU.. Looking at the Moon.. I feel like I am starting to Miss YOU.. when can I see YOU.. can I hear Your Heart.. Can I see your Heart.. Please let me touch Your Heart.. because I need YOU.. I truly need YOU to love me Back.. only wish.. Only hope.. only dreaming if YOU can show me your Heart.. as I am looking UP toward the Moon.. I can picture in that Moon.. the Shape of Your Heart.. I want to see Your Heart.. My arm stretches Out.. my hand opens Wide.. my Other arm reaches.. stretches Out.. My Other Hand opens Wide.. if YOU can hear Me.. If YOU are able to hear.. Please listen with Your Ears.. Hear my words because I am talking to that MOON.. can YOU Hear through that Moon.. I want to know.. If YOU are Unable to hear my words.. If YOU are Unable to Hear my Voice.. On the Other side.. Is it Night.. because at this Point.. the Sun has went down and Now.. it is the Moon's Turn to get UP.. and I am looking at this Moon.. Hoping that It is Night on that Other side.. if it is.. Can YOU please come Out.. If YOU are able to see that MOON.. Please come Out from the Place YOU are.. I want to tell YOU something.. I want to speak and tell YOU something.. my hands are both open wide.. asking.. Can YOU Please give me Your Heart.. I will be standing still.. Until you give me Your Heart.. I been asking YOU for a long time.. Did you not forget.. ever since I first laid my eyes On you.. all I ever wanted is Your Heart.. All I ever talked about and asking YOU is for that Heart.. Please give me Your Heart.. Please Open your Heart.. I do not want anything else but Just for YOU to show me Your Heart and Please.. let me have Your Heart.. My Heart has been breaking.. It has been shattered into Pieces.. I am trying to put the Pieces of my Heart together.. without YOU.. I know that the Pieces of my Heart cannot come together.. that is why I am asking for Your Heart.. Only if YOU can show Me.. so that I can see the Shape of Your Heart.. and I can open my chest.. and Put your Heart inside the Chamber.. which been waiting for your Heart.. I need Your Heart.. I want to have YOUR HEART and Put close to my chest.. to see How can I live without YOU.. I know that I can't unless I have Your Heart.. I told YOU already.. How is my Heart be broken and How was it torn into Pieces and Cannot put it back together.. I broke my Own Heart.. So that I can put Your Heart instead of Mine.. that is How close I want to feel Your Heart.. to Feel the Beating of Your Heart.. to hear the Beating.. to hear the sound of Your Heart.. I want YOU very close.. SO close that I can hear Your Heart inside of Me.. so that I can see YOU close.. I am truly missing YOU.. I don't know why.. because it is so Hard to explain at this Point.. if YOU are asking me.. WHY do I miss YOU so Much.. I just saw your Picture.. which I would have it close to Me.. I would take a Look at your Picture.. and only Wish.. Only Hope when can I see YOU close.. will you ever come close to Me.. because the More away YOU are.. the More I want to see YOU close.. the More I miss YOU.. the More My Heart breaks.. breaking and hearing the sound of my Heart.. just breaking into pieces.. and I want to know.. Does Love hurts.. does it hurt you.. because for Me.. it hurts to Love YOU.. it hurts me so much that I can feel the breaking of my Heart.. I want to cry.. I want to cry a lot because it Hurts me more when I don't see YOU.. when I miss YOU.. when I step out side.. and I stand still in silent.. and I look UP.. toward the Moon.. I want to shout at the Moon and Cry when looking at the Moon.. I would say.. Can YOU please come Out tonight.. I wonder if it is Day.. Or is it Night.. If I am able to see the Moon tonight.. can YOU Please step Out side.. On the Other side.. do YOU see the Moon appear before Your eyes.. Look UP at the dark skies.. do you see the stars.. do you see the Moon.. if YOU can see the Moon appear before YOU.. Can YOU Hear me.. Can YOU Hear my voice.. Listen to my words because there is something very Important that I would like to say.. to tell YOU.. and I know for sure you know this and maybe heard it more than thousand times by Now.. But I never get tired of telling you this.. I just hope that YOU never get tired too.. If you do please tell Me so that I can stop.. if YOU hear me.. Please LOOK at the Moon.. can YOU see that MOON.. the same Moon that we can see together.. as I am standing still alone.. I am here by myself.. Looking at that Moon.. I been coming here.. from time to time.. when I think of YOU a lot and my Mind.. it gets very busy because I am thinking of YOU.. before I came Out side.. I saw Your Picture.. I saw the Picture of YOU smiling.. when I saw Your Picture.. My Heart was touched.. I put my hand on the Chest.. and I can feel the Beating of My Heart.. and I would tell Your Picture looking at YOU.. I love YOU.. YOU do not know How much I love YOU.. I am still here.. I am still able to tell YOU.. I am able to write to YOU still.. that shows that I have never lost the touch.. that I think of YOU always.. when I saw Your Picture.. it felt Like I got drunk.. I wanted to fall.. and sit on the floor.. I felt dizzy and my knees got weak when I saw YOUR picture.. I told myself.. I should Not keep on looking at your Picture.. because once I start to look.. I would miss YOU.. Missing YOU leads me to walk Out side.. Missing YOU leads me to Look at the Moon.. and my eyes would wander looking UP at the sky.. Looking for the stars.. and Looking for the Moon.. I would close my eyes.. Both eyes shut closed as I would put YOU in my Head.. a Picture pops in my Mind as I would think of YOU.. and envision YOU.. wanting to see YOU.. I would open my eyes.. as I am staring at the Moon.. I would look at the Moon.. and I would open my mouth and say.. Do you know why I am here tonight.. Do you know why I am lead here.. I saw YOUR Picture.. I saw your Beautiful Picture.. saw Your Beautiful Face.. Now Look what YOU have made me do.. I am asking YOU if YOU can hear me.. Please say something back.. Please tell me something because My Heart is listening.. say something because My Heart is opened to listen.. Say something because my ears wants to hear Your Voice and Your Words.. Please say something because tonight is the Night I really want to hear YOU.. that this very Night.. for some reason I am missing YOU much more.. even though every night I miss YOU.. and I want to see YOU every day.. But on this very Night.. I really really want to hear from YOU.. I want you to Know that I love YOU.. I really really Love YOU.. Why can't I hear from YOU on the Other side.. is it because YOU can't hear me at all.. YOU know that every time I come Out.. every time I look UP at the sky and Look towards the Moon.. I am always expecting to hear from YOU.. but every night.. I would be the One who is speaking.. saying something as I am looking toward the Moon.. after I am done speaking as I am looking UP at the Moon.. I would be so sad.. My Heart be broken.. My Heart be breaking.. My Heart be crying as I would go inside back to the House.. because I would come Out side on this Night just to hear something.. Your Words and Your Voice but I don't hear anything from YOU.. I would be Looking UP towards the Moon.. asking YOU.. if You can Hear me.. if YOU want to hear my Voice.. to hear my words.. I am here this very Night.. I am standing here All alone.. Just waiting for YOU to show Up on the Other side.. if YOU can see the Moon.. If you can hear Me Out.. Please say something so that I know I am speaking to YOU as I am here On the Other side.. I want My words to be Heard.. I want my Voice to be Heard.. if I say the Word I miss YOU.. I am telling YOU from My Heart.. that Means I really Miss YOU.. if I say the Word I love YOU.. it comes from the Deep within expressing my Heart felt to tell YOU that it is what it is.. that I am telling YOU this because I do.. But I am not sure if My Words are being heard.. if My Voice is being heard on the Other side.. What If YOU are Not there.. What if It is Night there.. and yes.. the Moon has come UP.. but YOU are Not standing Out side where YOU can see that Moon.. I want my Voice to be heard for YOU.. I want my Words to be Heard to YOU.. because None of it is empty words.. it is Words that comes from My Heart and My
![Room Tour | Turning thirty alone, my home reflecting my taste [SUB]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/_D6Y9czYRbc/mqdefault.jpg)
![Room Tour | Turning thirty alone, my home reflecting my taste [SUB]](/img/tr.png)
![[#티전드] 화장대? 없어요! 트로피? 버렸어요😅 극한의 미니멀리스트 정리 고수 신애라 집ㄷㄷ | #신박한정리](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/eEdSdzi32ak/mqdefault.jpg)
확실히 미니멀하니까는 깔꼼하다 순백의 인테리어가 연수님처럼 수수하고 뭔가 고급져유!!!!!!!아 큰 티비 토이스토리 극강의 행복이다....뭔가 바로 앞에서 집 소개해주시는 기분이라 조타ㅠㅠ 아이템들도 탐난다구요!!!!!토이스토리 향수존이 진짜 뽀인트야 연수님이 증말 향기나는 아름다운 사람이라는걸 보여주는거 같다구요♥️
누구나 꿈꿔왔던 여자들의 로망 집…
오늘 첨으로 웅니영상보고 헉 룸투어영상 보고싶다 했는데 바로 올라오다니 체고..
미니멀 라이프가 진짜 좋아요 이사갈때 머리 아프더라구요 짐이 많으니까;;😢 진짜 깔끔 하고 딱 언니 이미지랑 잘 어울린당 ❤ J인게 확 느껴짐…! 이사갈집 괜히 기대 너무 된다 ❤️🔥
이거 정말 기다렸던 컨텐츠… 💓 공유해주셔서 감사해요 글구 리본테일 짱귀세요,,😛💓
제가 딱 이렇게 사는게 꿈이예요ㅠㅠㅠ 물건 없고 하얗고 햇빛 잘 들어오는 미니멀한 신축 아파트.. 오늘 처음 보는데 구독하고 갑니다.
화이트를 좋아하시는 수수 언니 ㅋㅋㅋㅋ 옷도 화이트인게 ㅋㅋㅋ 킬포에용 재밌어서 다 봐떠요 🤍
00:30 ahdi모야!!! 언니 ㅠㅠㅠㅠ 오늘 이렇게나 천사 가튼데 왜 썸네일에 언니사진을 달지않은거야.....언니.... 사랑해..
진짜 너무 깔끔해..미니멀 본좌
드뎌ㅕㅕ!! 기다렸어요!! ❤❤ 정리정돈 잘하는 방법! 미니멀리스트가 되는 방법도 알려주세용
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집이 그냥 연수언니 그 자첸데요 ??
집마저 취향저격 시키면 저 기절이에요 기절
이사가는 집도 어떨지 너무너무 궁금하고 천천히 정리되면 꼭 옥수수들에게 보여주세요 🤍
안녕하세요 ~ 혹시 도장 어디서 제작하신건지 정보 알수있을까요? 너무 고급져요 !!
와 진짜 주방에 아무것도 없는게 제일 신기해요!!! 글구 플리마켓 기대할게요,,,❤
어쩜 집도 연수님 처럼 깔끔하고 정리정돈이 된 느낌이 너무 좋아요❤️
4월22일 존버...중 입니다ㅜ
꺄 룸투어라니 이렇게 보니깐 또 새롭자냐 😗 수수연수네 쇼파 장점 한개더 있어요 ~~~ 누워잇으면 잠이잘온다 .. ㅎㅎ
언니 룸투어 영상도 너무 좋고 꿀떡이 개인기 타임에서 꿀떡이도 너무 귀엽고 ㅠㅅㅠ 주말에 언니 영상보니까 너무 힐링되고 좋아요🤍🤍
꺄 드디어❤❤❤
넘 예쁘시고 고급지게 생기셨는데 말투는 친구말투여서 너무 좋은거같아용ㅋㅋㅋ
슈프림모자 옆에 있는 갈색모자는 어느 브랜드에요???아시는분 제발 알려주세요ㅠㅠ
헐헐 언니 집 디게 궁금했었는데 이렇게 영상으로 나오다뉘..😮❤❤❤😢❤❤❤
혹시 코는 어디서 했어요??? 너무 이쁘게 되서 소개 좀 시켜주세요😢
ㅣ꿀떠기이이이 핵귀💚💚💚
나듀 저 신지모루 쓰는데!!!
얼른보댜아아❤
축하해요❤️🎊🎉💐
넘예뻐요.. 블러셔랑 립 손민수 하고싶은데 정보 알려주실수있나용😳🤍
꿀떡이 시강이에여😂 아푸지 말구 건강하쟈 꿀떡앙🥰
진짜 내 워너비 하우스.. 부러워요ㅜㅜ
저도 저 충전기 완전 추천 ㅎㅎㅎ 침대에 누어서 충전하면서 보면 넘좋앙ㅎㅎ 미니멀 라이프 너무 부럽당
강아지 귀엽당 ㅎㅎ
거실 커텐이랑 좋네요 ㅎㅎ 화이트있으니 레드나 핑크 섞으면 좋을듯 ㅎㅎ 퍼플핑크? ㅎㅎ
너무너무 예뻐요 수수연수 ❤
4:57 ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ😂ㅜㅜㅜㅜㅜㅜㅜ귀야우ㅜㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ
넘 예뻐 ㅜㅜ 잘 볼게요!
우왕 심플+화이트+깔끔한게 언니 집 확실하다! 완전 언니 그자체! 언니 이사가서 좋은 일만 생기길 바래용☺️ 새집 룸투어도 기다릴게요😘
꿀떡이 너무 귀엽다❤😮
언니처럼 집이 엄청 깔꼼 따뜻 🤎🥰
깔끔이~✨✨🤩😍🤩
언니 상의는 어디거에요???
진짜...깔끔하당 ㅋㅋㅋㅋ지금 더러운 저의 책상 현타오지만 ..ㅎ 이것이 J인것인가!!?! 신발장 열자마자 놀라써요
역시 화이트연수언니 ㅋㅋㅋㅋ모든게 화이트 그잡채다...
집이 깔끔 넘 좋네요~~
차렵이불 색상알수있을까요?
댓글보니 이사예정이시라는데 전 이사 간 집인 줄 알앗네요
집도 넘 깔끔하고 넘나 이뿌네요
피부는 또 왜케 조으신감요
오렌지 자연스런 수채화 블러셔 정보 좀 부탁드려용~😅
감사합니다 히히
블러셔는 Mac - 웜소울 입니다:)🐶
@@seoyeonsu 정보 감사드려요~^^
대박 미모 대박 센쓰 수수님~
자주 놀러 와서 감명 받고 갈께요~☆♤♧😁
티비는 서서보시나요?
시스템 행거 맞춘곳 정보 궁금해용!
아 꿀떡이 넘 귀여워ㅠㅠ🤍
와 너무 깔끔해요 ㅜㅠ 제 로망
다음엔 화장대도 보여주세여 ! 화장대 깔끔하게 하기는 진짜 어려운 거 같아요 ㅜㅜ 😢
집마저 연수럽다
연수님도 10만돼서 실버버튼을 받아으면 좋았었는데 실버버튼을 받았었네요. 일단 연수님 유튜버10만 축하해요🎉^~^ 근데 집이 와~~ 넘 깔끔하니 좋네요.^^ 궁금한 것이 있긴한데 집이 전세아니면 월세 인가요?
수수연수님 집이 너무 좋아요
1등할래여!! 요즘 맨날 병원으로 실습하러 나가서 바빠서 영상은 버스타러 가면서 보는데 댓글은 제댜로 못 달아서 쉬는 토요일에 영상올라와서 댓글 달아여!!!!
집이 깔끔하고 이뻐요
화이트 성애자 연수 언니😍저도 화이트 보면 환장해요❤
Unnieee plese insert Eng subtittles soon!! Btw love your room decoration so much!!
앜 계란 장난감 저희 강아지 최애 장난감인데 꿀떡이도 좋아하능구만요 가벼워서 좋아하는거갵아요 ㅎ
미니멀❤❤❤
옷이 참 미니멀 해서 좋네연
와 보석 갖고 있는 미니멀리스트 첨 봄 ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ
너무 깔끔해서...호텔같아요.. ㅠㅠ 너무 깔끔해서 집이 울리네요.
지리네~ 물론 집이요
Plzzz make a video on it how we can get slim and skinny legs with English info and subtitle plzzz🤗🤗😍😍
짐이 너무 없어서 울려요 대박 너무신기
완~~전 미니멀스~~^^
I want english captions 😭
冷蔵庫の中のアイス美味しそう
💘🏠👑👍❤️
미니멀리스트 ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ
Oink Oink.. I am looking at the Tree.. standing and it is so Hot.. I see the Sun above me and It is so Hot out here.. sometimes I wonder why do I come to this Tree when it is in the Middle of the day.. when it is the Most hottest of the day.. But.. I have Your Picture with me.. I just love looking at YOU.. the Most Beautiful.. and before I came to this Tree.. I saw a field.. full of flowers and I would stop by to see this One Flower.. the Sun Flower.. and I remember I had to go and grab it.. before someone else can grab this Flower.. walking down.. I would start to sing.. I don't know where the song comes from but as I was walking.. holding the Sun Flower.. holding the Empty Glass Jar.. and I was told that there is a Big Heart.. it is sitting on the Top of a branch.. and told me to go and see it.. I wonder whose Big Heart it is.. but.. I received a Picture of YOU.. and it was a Drawing on a Piece of paper of a Big Heart sitting on top of the Branch.. I received it on the mail box and when someone told me about the Big Heart sitting on the Top of a tree on the Branch.. I smiled and knew whose Heart it is.. SO I would come to this Tree.. Before I was stopped by the Tree.. the field and the Sun Flower.. in the Room I had to go and grab the Empty Glass Jar.. just in case if The Big Heart falls off.. I want to use this Empty Glass Jar to catch Your Heart.. I have placed soft cottons.. many many around.. so fluffy and so soft so that the Heart will not get hurt.. I have come to this Tree.. I know if someone has spotted the Big Heart.. I am sure more people are able to see this Big Heart.. I don't want any one to take Your Heart.. But.. I can't believe it.. I see few people surrounding the Tree.. Cameras are flashing.. finger points at the Big Heart and I would hear some boys talking about getting to that Big Heart.. I am wondering.. there is a large numbers of people here and more people are coming to this Tree.. I turn and next to me is another man.. He has a empty Glass jar and turns and looks at me.. I am holding the same glass jar.. I smile big because I have placed a SUN FLOWER inside the Glass Jar.. so I know that when your Big Heart is able to look.. YOU can look at the Head of the Sun Flower.. so that YOU will know that it is me.. I want to give YOU this Flower.. in the middle of the day.. more people comes to this tree.. but many just stand around and complains it is so hot.. and starts to leave.. I am waiting for the people to leave.. I just want to be here alone and I will wait until all People goes.. people are talking.. and hungry.. I am waiting still.. as I am waiting for the time for all these people.. fifty people.. and I see the numbers goes down.. and It becomes Night.. I see the Moon comes UP.. and I see the stars shine.. I can't believe it.. the Man with the empty glass jar is still here with me.. I think He does not want to leave.. what am I suppose to do.. He keeps on looking up.. waving the Empty Glass jar around.. I smile because the Big Heart.. YOUR Big Heart is still sitting on the TOP of that Branch.. He be waving all through the day.. and I see that He is tired.. and he looks at me.. puts his head down and starts to walk off.. I am so glad.. so happy that everyone is gone.. I am able to take out the Picture of YOU.. Paste it and stick it on the Tree.. I am able to look at your picture.. do I get inspired by your Beauty.. I do love that YOU are so Beautiful.. I am Not going to lie to you that YOU are so amazingly Beautiful.. so Beautiful that I would walk close.. and press my lip on the Picture of YOU.. I will say.. MY MY.. YOU are so Beautiful.. WHY do you have to be this Beautiful.. what if my eyes decides to leave me.. my eyes can cry looking at your picture and will ask my Hand to open wide and both eyes can fall off crying because when I look at YOU through the Picture.. my Heart catches on fire.. it burns me from the inside.. I feel so Hot suddenly because my eyes look at your picture and I would say MY MY.. YOU are so Beautiful.. and I would be looking at Your Picture.. I would place the Glass Jar down.. PULLING out the Sun Flower and I would be looking at you through the Picture.. I want to give you this flower.. How can I give you this Flower.. Please tell me How.. I been waiting out here.. I been waiting where it be YOU and I alone.. in the middle of the Day.. it was pretty crowded.. and many people were waiting too like myself.. wanted to see Your Big Heart.. wanted to get close to Your Big Heart.. I know that Your Heart is sitting way up on the Top of the branch of this Tree.. I would look around.. I saw many people come.. even people would be leaving.. another group of people comes.. every time I wanted to pull out Your Picture and paste it on this tree.. I would hear group of people.. voices talking.. I would grab Your Picture pulling back to the pocket.. and I had to just stand here all day.. the SUN had to go down because people still came around.. and at last.. all of the people are gone.. but.. all the eyes were looking at.. It is Your Big Heart.. I even brought the empty Glass jar.. do YOU see it on the ground.. when I received a Picture of YOU.. and also a sketch drawing of Your Big Heart sitting on the top branch of the Tree.. I was so excited because I knew that YOU were telling something.. I would be standing by the window of my room in the House.. asking for Your Heart.. I be asking and asking.. begging for Your Heart.. I been praying if I can have Your Big Heart.. of course I would always ask.. never stopped asking.. keep asking until the answer would be answered.. so I would keep on trying.. asking.. give me a sign.. send me a miracle and I guess YOU must heard me.. I am here by this Tree.. and you gave me the answer.. telling me where Your Heart is.. but Why did you choose on this tree.. this tree is so Big.. I am so small compared to the size of this Big Tree.. I am thankful you gave me a sign.. But look at how tall this Tree is and how short I am compared.. I don't want to just stand here and look UP.. just wondering how I can get to that Big Heart.. as I am looking at your Picture pasted on this Tree.. I am holding the Sun Flower.. I want to give YOU this Flower.. But How.. if YOU are not here.. but Your Big Heart is way UP sitting on the branch of this Tree.. I want to give you this flower.. Tell me How can I give You this flower.. this SUN FLOWER first.. My next is.. I want to touch Your Big Heart.. is there a way I can touch and Hold your Heart.. my hands wants to touch and feel.. the warmth of Your Big Heart.. and My Arms wants to wrap around Your Big Heart.. I want to put my ear next to your Heart.. can I please listen to the beating of Your Big Heart.. I want to hear How Your Heart.. Your Big Heart sound.. I am here so I can ask YOU.. I want to get close to YOU.. I want YOU to know that I really want to get closer to YOU.. but Your Big Heart is sitting on the top of the Branch.. it is on the Highest Branch way UP there.. and YOU know that I am way down here on the ground.. so How do I get to that Big Heart.. It looks so beautiful.. I needs to Hear YOU.. I needs to tell YOU.. I want to talk to Your Heart.. but if Your Big Heart cannot hear me because I am way down here to the ground.. and Your Big Heart way UP on the top.. the highest branch of the Tree.. when I am looking UP.. do you know that my neck hurts.. that is How High it is for me to LOOK at Your Big Heart and yes.. I do see Your Big Heart.. it is so Big.. I am spreading my arms wide.. I want to hold Your big Heart.. and Hug Your Heart and say to Your Heart.. I been waiting for this day for a very long time.. to tell Your Heart How much I love YOU.. I want to bring Your Big Heart closer so that I can tell Your Heart.. speak to Your Heart and tell Your Heart.. I love YOU.. I wonder will you accept my words.. am I allowed to tell YOU this to Your Heart.. that I do love YOU.. what would happen if I get Your Big Heart closer to my lip and I can whisper to Your Big Heart.. I love YOU.. I know for me.. on my part to able to tell you these words.. I am going to be hopping around like a big kid.. because to able to tell YOU these words.. It is a miracle for me.. How can a person like myself be able to tell YOU.. that I love YOU.. the I love YOUR BIG HEART.. will you allowed me to speak these words to Your Heart.. that is why I am here.. I am here at the bottom.. at the ground.. I am looking UP.. but I am able to look at your picture because it is pasted on the tree.. showing Your Picture I am holding something in my hand.. a Flower which I want to say it came from the Middle of the day at the hottest.. the SUN.. can I please give YOU this Flower.. I want to give you to tell you where my Heart is.. why I am giving this flower to YOU.. I know that when I do give you this Sun flower.. I know I be at the most happiest place.. and for YOU to receive it.. the JOY that YOU give me just to give it away.. as I am looking at you through this Picture.. why can't you answer me.. I needs to hear you say something.. but I am not hearing anything right now.. I needs to know.. I want to know.. so Please tell me.. I wants to hear YOU.. and as I am looking at the picture of YOU pasted on this tree.. I would look UP.. at the top branch of the tree.. YOUR BIG Heart still sitting there.. I want that Heart.. I want Your Heart.. NO matter how many times I tell YOU and ask your Picture.. YOU don't answer me.. I look UP at Your Big Heart.. is it because Your Big Heart just can't hear me what I am saying by looking at your picture pasted on this tree.. But I know that I am Not too far.. of course there is a distance.. but I am able to stand here and look UP.. I can see Your Big Heart.. I know that Your Big Heart can here me right.. I been asking and asking.. looking at your picture..
MAH MAH.. I am taking you to the Garden.. I want to show YOU something.. and I am walking.. my hand on the Strings of the Horse.. and YOU are sitting on the Top of the Horse.. with Your White Dress.. as I am walking.. hand grabbing unto the strings and the Horse is walking next to me.. I see the Garden.. and Closer and closer we are getting.. I would turn my Head looking UP toward YOU.. CONG JU NIM.. MAH MAH.. YOU know that YOU did not have to do this.. YOU are in the Royal Blood Line.. and I am a son of a servant.. but why do you want to go with me here.. you know that I am a low Born.. from the lowest clan.. but tell me Why.. all you need to say is one word and I can just die in the streets.. and No one would know my Name.. would ever recognize me.. but why do you want me to take YOU back to this Garden.. and I would turn my Head looking straight and I went into the Garden.. hand grabbing unto the strings of the Horse.. I don't hear any words from YOU.. as YOU are sitting.. with a Crown on top of Your Head.. with the most beautiful white Dress.. My eyes.. which I just can't keep it still.. My eyes just kept on looking at YOU.. YOU are so Beautiful.. MAH MAH.. My Princess.. CONG JU MAH MAH.. why are you asking me to take YOU back to this Garden.. I told you that my Heart left this Garden long ago.. the day I left was when I saw YOU with another MAN.. the royal Prince.. it hurts me when I come back to this Garden.. it hurts me of the bad memories I had when My Heart would torn into pieces.. knowing that I am so little.. I am so lost.. I was so confused.. even though I knew that I could never be with YOU.. but still.. my Heart was torn when I saw YOU standing with the Royal Prince.. How small and little I felt when I saw YOU holding his Hand.. I would stop.. the Horse stops.. and I am looking at the Bed of flowers.. and I am not sure why you wanted to come to this Flower.. as I would stand next to YOU.. two guards also came.. and they would help YOU to get Out of the Horse.. and I am looking at the Bed of Flowers.. and this is where my Father is buried.. of course YOU don't know it.. but I have taken you to his Grave.. as YOU were standing next to me.. and I wanted to tell YOU something.. which I had Not before.. and I turn my Head on the side to look at YOU.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. do YOU know what this Is.. and I would look at YOU.. turning your head to look at me.. and I would turn my Head to look at the bed of Flowers.. I know that YOU wanted to come to the Garden but before we can go further down.. I wanted to stop by my Father's grave.. this is where My Father is buried.. When he died.. I did not know where to put His Body.. but I wanted his Grave to be close where I am able to find and to go.. my Father may not be here.. but I know his spirit is with me.. I wanted to remember my Father.. and wanted to be close to HIM.. so I remember this would be the best place to bury his Body.. so with the grave diggers.. I would be standing here.. crying as my Father's body would be laid to rest.. I remember I would be crying for him.. days after days would go by.. I still could Not believe that My Father would be gone.. and I wanted to show YOU.. this is my Father's Grave.. when times are rough.. when times are tough.. and I feel like pouring out my tears.. I would come to my Father's grave.. I remember when I would be sad.. when I be hurt.. He would be next to me.. I would be crying as he would tell me all things be okay in the end.. Now MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. I know that YOU may not remember my Father.. He was close to you Once.. and yes.. he was your servant.. the King.. PEH HA would put my father in charge to look after YOU.. I am not sure if YOU ever remember my Father.. of course something happened that my father went into the prison.. and he was sentence to death.. I saw HIM in the prison bars.. a carriage with bars.. and he told me.. never to Love YOU.. Never to love the Princess.. and I saw the carriage with bars leave off.. that was the last thing.. I think YOU were young back then.. because I was Young too when he died.. MAH MAH.. do you remember the Man who was your servant.. and I see YOU turn your head to look at me.. I see your head moving Up and down.. means YOU do remember my Father.. I think he told me YOU were so bright.. very bold and courageous.. Loves to shoot bows and arrows.. told me that YOU love riding Horses and loves to Hunt wild games.. has never seen any one like YOU before.. that My father believes if YOU were a Prince.. YOU be a Mighty warrior Prince is what he told me.. but YOU are a Princess instead.. I don't know why and I don't know how this happened to me.. why would I love a Mighty Warrior Princess.. my father told me before He was going to prison.. Never Love the Princess.. Because something Horrible can happen to me in the end.. and Now.. I have brought YOU to the Man.. the one who use to serve YOU as a servant.. this is my Father's Grave.. this is the bed of Flowers I was talking to YOU about for a long time.. and now you were wondering how come I am telling YOU this HUH.. MAH MAH.. I know its be long years since then.. and many years has passed by.. there was No chance where I was able to tell YOU.. everything happened so fast.. I know that I should of never met YOU.. then I am sure I would never fall in love.. but what good is all that talk about the past when I am here in the present with YOU.. I told YOU that I am Not afraid to Die.. if I die because of loving YOU is a sin.. then Please.. Kill me for my Sin.. but I did not mean to love YOU this Long.. I did not mean to love YOU.. it just happened out of nowhere.. I remember it was the day my Father came from work.. serving YOU.. and He brought a Picture.. he brought the Sketch paper.. the Picture of YOU.. he told me when he came Home late into the night.. I was Not sleeping.. and showed me the Sketch paper.. the Picture of YOU.. My father was smiling when He gave me the Picture.. the sketch paper.. telling me an Artist drew this Picture of CONG JU NIM.. I would be asking How YOU.. MAH MAH was like.. I was very curious because my Father who served YOU would always be smiling.. and He was very happy to be there as Your Servant.. of course.. I took the Sketch Paper.. the Picture of YOU into my hands and I looked.. when my eyes first saw this Picture.. I would feel something was wrong with my Heart.. it would burn and kept on burning with me.. I would place my hand on the chest.. I don't know but something is wrong with me.. what is happening to My Heart.. it burns like fire within me.. and my Father would stand there and He looks.. He told me it should not be.. that this is Wrong.. and I would be looking at the Picture of YOU.. the Art sketch paper.. My Father looks.. and he grabs the Sketch Paper and snatches off my Hands.. and He turns and walks off.. I remember I started to cry.. crying loud and loud.. asking for the Sketch Art Paper.. the Picture of YOU.. I want to see the Picture.. I want to see YOU.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. MAH MAH.. I want to see YOU.. I would be looking for it.. my father would tell me Not to love YOU.. I just can't.. I should Not.. because If the King knows that I do.. even he can die because of Me.. if the words get out.. and someone finds Out.. I can be executed with my Father and he tells me never to Love YOU.. I remember my father was sleeping in his room.. and I came into my father's room.. I see the Art Sketch paper laying next to HIM.. I went over and I grabbed the Art sketch paper.. walking into my room.. I would unfold and find myself looking at the Picture of YOU.. my hand goes across the paper.. and I just wanted to see YOU.. I wanted to see MAH MAH.. can I ever see CONG JU MAH MAH.. would I get the chance to see YOU.. and I would sit by myself.. looking at the Art sketch Paper.. the Picture of YOU.. my Hands.. my arms.. putting the Picture of YOU.. the Art sketch Paper to my chest.. I want to see YOU but I want to love YOU.. I saw my Father looking at me.. he stands in the room.. He sees my arms.. the Art sketch paper.. the picture of YOU close to my Chest.. close to my Heart and I turn too look up.. I want to see CONG JU NIM.. CAN I SEE MAH MAH.. Father.. can I please see how CONG JU NIM is like.. Please Father.. and He gets very angry at me and grabs.. snatches it off.. take the Art Sketch Paper.. the Picture and tears it into the pieces and tosses it out side.. and He walks off the house.. and I would look out side.. I see the Art sketch paper torn into pieces.. and I would cry.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. and I would go out and sit.. picking UP the pieces toward.. trying to find each torn pieces of papers.. and the light rain would not help me at all.. as it became soak and wet over the rain fall.. I would try to put the pieces together but the rain and I would sit in the rain crying.. crying for YOU.. wanting to see the Picture of YOU and It torn my heart into pieces.. As I am now with YOU MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. it was such a long ago when I first saw your Picture.. I wanted to glue it back.. some way and some how I wanted the Art sketch Paper.. I started to miss looking at you through the Picture.. asking My Father.. begging HIM to get an Artist to draw another picture.. from the Sketch paper.. I wanted to see MAH MAH.. I wanted to see the Princess.. I wanted to see CONG JU NIM.. my Father kept on telling me that If I keep on doing this.. I will die sooner.. if the Word breaks Out.. I can be executed and told me to forget you.. and as I am now looking at the bed of Flowers..
MAH MAH.. I am standing next to you and I would show YOU.. this is my Father's grave.. I wanted to bring YOU to this Bed of flowers because this is where My Father is buried.. it has been a long time since I visited him.. but I wanted to tell YOU this.. my Father wanted me Not to Love YOU.. told me that YOU were so dangerous to Me.. that my life has to be on the line if I cross this Line and yes.. I have crossed the line for a long time.. but the Word never got out until now.. I have been loving YOU the day I saw Your Picture.. I have never met YOU in my life but knew that one day something has to happened.. I wanted to tell my Father.. I am at his grave with YOU next to Me.. of course he is right because I am on the verge of facing my own death.. but I want to tell my Father.. I will go down with HIM.. and I turn to you.. MAH MAH.. I loved YOU then.. I loved you when I never met YOU.. I started to love you when I met YOU the first time.. I love you much more because I still have life in me.. if I am given me a new day.. I am so thankful that this day is made so that I can love YOU MORE.. Now.. I am able to show you my Father's grave.. I was warned and been warned for a long time.. not to cross the line.. Not to love YOU.. but My Heart.. I just could not let YOU go MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. I guess I wanted to tell YOU.. whatever happens to me in the future.. at least YOU get to see my Father's grave.. in the bed of flowers where he is buried.. I am Not sure if this was the main reason why you wanted to come to this Garden.. is it too meet my Father's grave.. because this is where My Father was buried.. after he died.. His Body.. his Bones are here now.. as long as I still have life in me for a day.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. PRINCESS.. I will always love YOU.. even then.. even now and forever I will love YOU..I am looking at the Horse.. I would be grabbing unto the string and I would pull the Horse Out of the Barn.. and I would look at the Horse.. this Horse.. It has been here for a Long time.. I was told that my Father is the One who raised the Horse.. the same Horse that My Father would pull out of this Barn.. telling me when I was young.. my Father would father MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. he would sit the Princess.. MAH MAH on the TOP of this Horse.. as he would lead the Horse walking.. I remember my father told me to go to the Barn.. the same Horse.. if I am able to go to the Palace.. and able to get close and serve the princess.. MAH MAH.. to go into the Barn.. and to Sit the Princess.. on top of this Horse.. as I am looking at this Horse.. My Father use to Pull this string.. Now.. his SON.. as grown Now.. I am also able to pull the same String of this Horse.. as I would pull the string and lead the Horse.. I would stop by the Back of the Gate.. I would see the Palace Guard.. he is guarding the back Gate.. leading to the Chamber ROOM of the Princess.. the Palace Guard of the Gate looks at me.. and He knows me.. my friend.. and Opens the Door.. I would pull the strings of the Horse as I would go into the outer court and I would wait.. a Message came to me asking to Bring the Horse.. I would wait.. I just can't believe I am able to do this for YOU.. and I would wait.. there is a servant boy who sees me and I ask HIM.. can YOU call for the Princess.. she told me to come here with the Horse.. would you please call the princess for me.. and the servant Boy walks into and I see HIM coming out.. and I see YOU walking out of the Chamber ROOM.. and I say.. CONG JU NIM.. Can YOU please come on Over.. I have brought you this Horse.. as I am grabbing unto the string.. and I watch YOU coming Out of your Chamber.. as YOU are wearing the white Dress.. My Heart.. WHY do you have to look so Beautiful.. I can feel my Heart beating so Fast as I would watch YOU.. WHY are you so Beautiful.. Look at YOU.. can you feel my Heart CONG JU NIM.. and I am standing by the Horse.. I see two Special Guards guiding YOU and I see you walking closer.. and YOU stop.. Can I tell YOU something.. what I wanted to say for a Long time.. That YOU are so Beautiful.. I love when YOU wear that White Dress.. says YOU are a true Princess.. and I would go down.. and I be on my fours.. the two Guards who are standing next to YOU.. One takes you by your hand.. Your Legs gets Up as I can feel your feet getting up on my back and Unto the Horse.. the other Special Guard tells me to Get UP.. so I stand UP.. I see you sitting on the top of the Horse.. I am wondering.. How is this Possible.. I am suppose to die.. But.. How am I to be here.. I would turn to Look up at YOU.. MAH MAH.. WHY am I here.. What am I doing here.. and I would look Up at YOU.. I know that I can't be here.. But.. YOU are the One who find out a way for me to be here.. Can I ask YOU why.. YOU know that My life has no value compared to YOU.. and I see you Smile.. and you give me a sign to go.. SO I would be walking on the side.. hand grabbing unto the string of the Horse.. as I would start walking.. the Horse begins to walk next to me.. I start to feel the tears rolling Down.. I am so touched.. I was in the prison.. just waiting for my time to die.. and I was ready to die.. and I am very confused.. and How is it possible.. that a Low Born like myself is able to be set Free like this.. I know that I shouldn't be alive.. as I would walk on the side.. next to the Horse.. and pulling the string.. I would look UP.. YOU are sitting on top of this Horse.. I have never seen such a Big Smile.. I am still wondering.. How is this possible.. and YOU told me that in few Days I have to stand before the King and share about the BOOK I wrote about.. and had to share why I wrote it.. if everything I shared was true or had lies.. as I would listen to your Words I would say.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. why would I make up a story like that.. I am sure the day I stand before and share to the King.. PEH HA.. I want to speak truth before I die.. It be better that way.. but.. I know that I am suppose to be in Prison.. How can this Be.. I know that I am not allowed to Love YOU.. the King.. PEH HA knows my Heart.. and I would hear that YOU wanted to go back to the Garden.. I am Not sure why YOU keep on wanting to that Garden.. I am trying to go far as much as I can.. and I would say.. why do YOU want to go to this Garden so Bad.. YOU know that for me.. I just want it to be the Past and leave it behind.. too many sad memories I had to go through in that Place.. but of course.. I would listen and just do what YOU say.. as I would be next to the Horse.. pulling on the String.. the Back of the gates Open wide and I would look at my friend guarding.. and I would leave the Palace.. and as I would be walking down the dirty road.. I would hear.. YOU wanted me to tell YOU a story.. and I would say.. I have never thought that this day would come.. I remember my father told me.. How he felt when He would get this Horse.. and How he would sit YOU on top of the Horse.. My Father would tell me a lot of stories as He would pull on this string.. he enjoyed guiding YOU through different places.. when My father saw YOU.. and He tells me.. it is the Smile.. the greatest pleasure he got is when He saw YOU smile.. walking was Nothing.. Nothing he ever felt any pain because it was Your smile that truly healed all his wounds and scars.. Now.. I am here.. even though my father is gone.. I have never thought that I be able to do this for YOU.. I know that this is Not much.. YOU have so many servants who can pulls on the strings of this Horse.. But.. Now.. I don't know why.. it is Your smile.. when YOU smile.. I want to smile along with YOU.. taking me on a journey which is impossible.. as I would be walking on the side.. next to the Horse.. Pulling on the string.. I would watch the big trees which was surrounding over the Place.. the leaves and branches giving the shades from the SUN.. and I would turn on the side to look across.. I would see waters.. I see your Head.. turning too look over.. MAH MAH.. Please tell me why are you looking over by the waters.. Do you want to stop there and to get some rest.. and I would watch your head.. giving me the yes.. so I would turn on the side.. and start to walk.. pulling on the strings of the Horse.. and I would walk.. the Horse would walk along side and we stop.. I been here many times.. and I would look at the waters.. and I would say.. CONG JU NIM.. MAH MAH.. I came here a lot.. especially when I could Not see YOU.. When I started to miss YOU more and More.. I would stop here.. looking at the waters would give me some relieve.. I don't like to look at the waters.. but it does brings YOU peace.. I be missing YOU crazy.. I even wanted to jump into the waters.. maybe drowning.. and No more feeling this Kind of Pain in my heart.. no more crying in the nights.. asking for YOU.. I just could not stop crying.. the day YOU had to leave.. when the King called for YOU.. PEH HA.. and I was arrested.. in chains.. I member I would ask the guards who was with me.. if I can come to this waters.. and They would allow me to come..
MAH MAH.. And I was so hurt.. and I knew.. either way I am going to die.. so I began to run towards the waters.. in chains and I was able to go into the shallows of waters but the Guards were too fast and caught up to me.. and told me not to ever run like that.. I stood alone.. in chains.. I would hear the waters coming in.. I wanted to try again but.. they did caught up to me again.. I just didn't want to live any more.. why live if I am going to die anyways.. but.. the guards did brought me in.. I remember the night came.. and I would stand still.. and the guards gave me some space to be alone.. and I would be looking at the waters and I would say.. WHY can't I love YOU.. why is it so hard for YOU to accept my love.. what must I do to be with YOU.. I know that I can't be close to you.. what is the point of me living anyways if I can't get close and to love YOU and to tell you how much I love YOU.. I don't want to live if I can't love YOU and be with YOU.. I remember I would be crying.. looking at the waters.. and I told myself to run into the waters.. this is the time.. But right when I wanted to run into the waters.. One of the Guards came close and told me it was time to leave this place.. so I just did NOT.. I would walk with the two guards.. with chains.. I wanted to be with YOU.. I don't care about the chains.. but for you to know How much I love you.. for you to allow me and just accept me just as I am.. as I would walk and follow the guards.. as I am looking at the SUN setting.. I would turn my Head to look UP.. MAH MAH.. do YOU see that the SUN is going down.. CONG JU NIM.. I think we should go by now.. it is going to be dark soon.. and I would see your Head turning to look down.. I wanted to go but YOU telling me to stay.. I am looking at YOU.. if I stay here long enough.. just Loving YOU will kill me.. it will kill me more as I stand by looking at the waters because here is where I come to tell My Heart about YOU.. I would speak and share.. pour out my Heart when I see the MOON comes UP.. YOU know that MOON has been hearing my words.. sharing my Heart all about YOU.. I just don't want to see that MOON arrive.. I will start pouring Out from my Heart.. about How much I love YOU.. I don't think you want to hear my Heart.. because I will say a lot about How much I do really Love YOU.. and soon.. YOU know that I am not going to be here.. so Please.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. I am looking at You.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. and we are both standing by the Tree.. as I am looking.. I see five Guards approaching.. and I turn to look at YOU.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. Please stand Back.. Go behind Me.. MAH MAH.. I am ready.. and I am holding the Sword in my hand.. and I see one of the Guards.. looks and points at me.. and He pulls out his sword and runs.. I turn too look back.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. do you trust Me.. I know that I can handle this.. and as the One of the Guards comes up.. I turn too look.. and I run and I jump into the air.. I would swing my Sword.. Both the blades hits together.. and I land on the ground.. He swings and I swings.. I would jump back and I would swing the sword.. the Four Guards comes and circles around me.. I would turn back.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. Please Go back.. and I see the Five Guards holding the Swords.. and I would walk forward.. Swing my sword.. and I can Hear the words Stop.. and the Five Guards would stop.. and they would drop the swords on the Ground.. and they would all kneel on the ground.. and I see you walking forward.. and I grab Your Arm.. MAH MAH.. PRINCESS.. what are you doing.. I asked of YOU to step back.. I wanted to protect YOU.. if Harm would come.. YOU know that I will fight for YOU.. on your Behalf.. I was ready to strike back.. ready to die if I have to here.. But.. why did you stop the fight.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. and I grabbed unto your wrist.. Please.. don't go.. and Be here with me.. and I see YOU turn your head looking at me.. telling me that YOU needs to go.. I would hold unto your wrist.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. I know that once I let this Wrist Go.. I may never be able to Hold unto this wrist ever again.. WHY are you doing this to Me.. why did YOU even bring me to this Place if YOU are going to let go.. YOU are the one who wanted to bring me here.. I was standing by the Gates.. YOU know that I was happy just being in the palace.. just being close to your Chamber.. just watching your figure.. even from the distance.. as long as I get to see YOU.. it made me the most happiest place.. then.. why did YOU tell me to come.. YOU are the one who got the Horse for me.. YOU are the one who asked me to come and follow YOU.. I only agreed too because YOU asked me.. and Now.. why are you changing your Mind.. if I let YOU go.. YOU should just let me Die here.. I don't want to go if I can't be with YOU.. if I can Not hold unto your wrist.. what is the point if I let it go now.. Let me just die here.. Let me fight these Guards.. if they win.. I will die here.. Bury me next to my Father.. Bury me here.. if I win this fight.. then you can be with me forever.. How about that.. and I see you turn your Head looking at me.. and I would fall on my knees.. kneeling with the five Guards.. I even drop my sword on the floor.. WHY do I have to let go.. I can't let your wrist go.. do YOU not remember How I got here.. ever since YOU came to the garden.. I would also take you to this Tree.. the reason why I have brought you to this tree.. my Mother is buried next to this Tree.. My Mother died giving me birth.. so I never met my Mother.. MAH MAH.. I have never met my mother.. so I have never seen her.. never heard the voice.. but My Father told me that she was very beautiful and was very bold.. had the Heart like a lion and would fight even in battles.. but giving birth to me was hard and gave her last breathe after I came into this world.. I remember my Father told me as He was watching YOU growing UP.. some reason YOU reminded of My Mother.. and told me a lot about her.. I remember when I was young boy.. I would follow my Father.. did not know where he was taking me and would take me to this Tree.. I would ask my Father.. what is this tree all about.. it must have a meaning because.. My Father would come nights.. He would be talking to this Tree.. and crying.. and told Me.. My mother is buried next to this Tree.. a little bed of flowers.. this is where.. and told me that MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM is so much like Your Mother and One day.. he tells me that I am going to love YOU.. that is why my father would tell me never get too close to YOU.. I would laugh at those words.. but Now.. I realize that He is truly right.. because my father tells me I am so much like him.. and Now.. I do see myself more like my Father as time goes by.. Now.. I do miss my mother who I never seen before.. but when I look at YOU MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. what my father said is so True.. I love YOU because YOU are so Strong and YOU are so bold.. courageous.. which I never met my Mother before.. I wanted to take you to this Tree.. so that I can introduce YOU to my Mother who is buried by this Bed of flowers.. but.. I did not want to tell YOU who.. but just wanted to show YOU there is someone very special and dear to me.. I believe my mother's spirit is here.. and I just wanted to tell my Mother.. her spirit.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM is the One who I love.. I don't know why it has to be you.. if you are asking me.. WHY DO I LOVE YOU.. what am I suppose to say.. How am I suppose to answer if it is just because Y O U.. DO I needs to explain why or How much I love YOU.. isn't just enough to tell you that I love YOU.. MAH MAH.. and Now you are wondering why DO I tell you this Now.. I just had to know for sure if YOU are the One who I truly Love.. I wanted to know for sure.. is it really CONG JU NIM.. is it really MAH MAH.. the princess.. and I had to hold it for years.. do you know how many years it had to cross.. how many times I had to ask myself if this is real.. if this is true and had to ask thousand times.. maybe even million times I had to ask myself before I would accept the truth.. and yes.. Like I said to YOU.. I have never felt like this way before.. because I just love YOU.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. I just had to tell myself.. it can't be.. I would ponder on this for a long time.. my Father would look at me when I was young.. what am I suppose to do with his Son.. knowing that I was going to love YOU.. he told me.. I don't want me to love YOU.. but He knows that I was going to love you anyways.. my Father when he was alive.. looked at me.. told me never to get close to YOU.. it is going to hurt me more when I do.. it is going to tear my heart into pieces if I do.. Now.. Look at me.. I can't help but just fall in love with YOU.. I am holding unto your wrist.. I just can't let go.. but I see that YOU want me to let it go.. if I do let Go.. would you let me hold unto your wrist again and next time I do.. that you.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. I am not going to let It go.. Please don't put my hand away.. because I won't let it go any more.. as I would look at you.. I open my hand and I release your wrist.. My Chest pains.. it comes and hits me Hard and I can feel this Pain growing stronger.. I just can't.. I see you walking forward.. CONG JU NIM.. MAH MAH.. Will you please come back.. I am going to wait for YOU.. you know where to find me.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. Please don't Go..
MAH MAH.. WHY do you have to go.. if you love me.. if YOU really really Love me.. would you not stay here with Me.. and as I would watch YOU keep walking.. I see the Five Guards getting UP.. and I see them also walking and they would follow You.. and I am here by the Tree.. my Heart.. and I would Open my Mouth Wide yelling.. WHY do you have to Go.. why do I have to let Your wrist Go.. my hand hits My chest.. I can't let YOU go.. and I get UP.. and I look.. my tears just falling from my eyes.. I grab the sword on the ground.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. WHY do YOU have to go and One of the Guard looks back.. and He has a sword.. and I grab the sword and I would start to run forward.. the Other Guards would turn too look back.. running and holding the sword.. the One Guard.. we both swings the swords at each other.. and the Blades hits and Hits together.. I see you turn around and YOU look.. I would jump UP.. yelling and screaming.. swinging the sword.. and the Guard swings back and I am jumping swinging the sword at the Guard.. another Guard runs up and Plunges the Sword into me.. and He pulls the sword Out and I drop the Sword.. and I am yelling.. I see you telling to Stop.. the five Guards stops and pulls back.. and I can feel.. I am dying inside.. I can feel the chills in my body as I would kneel.. and I know that I am going to die soon.. my tears.. my blood on the side.. my hand holding the side.. I see you running.. and as I am feeling like.. I am just like my father.. I am also losing YOU.. But I love YOU.. I love you so much.. I can feel this Ache MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. WHY do I have to die like this without fully able to love YOU.. I want to love YOU and love you well.. but I think that I just can't.. Look at me and I would lay on the ground.. Bury me next to my Father.. or you can bury me next to my mother.. I am dying because I love YOU so much.. it hurts.. and I would cough blood.. and it is so hard to move.. and I see you next too me.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. if I hold unto your wrist.. I asked you.. if you come back.. can I hold to your wrist and this time.. Please don't go.. I am not going to let the wrist go.. as I would lay my head on your lap.. I can feel the wind blowing.. I see the grey clouds gathering.. and I see the sky darkens and I know it is about to rain.. I know this time.. when it rains.. I can go gone with the Wind.. I would ask YOU.. MAH MAH.. Send my ashes away.. to the waters that I love.. put my ashes into the waters where I can go as far.. I will be with YOU.. because I will still love you then.. I will love YOU forever.. and as I would close my eyes.. my eyes open.. And I am AT THE Outer Court.. Looking at YOU and the King.. and I cry Out.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. and I get your attention.. DO you remember the Tree incident.. and I see the King.. PEH HA and he sits on the Chair.. and YOU are next to Him.. Do you remember what happened at the Tree.. WHY did you save me.. I was close to death.. I was very close to dying.. why did YOU save me back there.. I asked of YOU to release me.. and I look at YOU.. CONG JU NIM.. if you just let me Go.. I would not be here.. Please tell the King.. PEH HA what happened.. and I see the King turns too look at YOU.. and you just stoop there speechless.. PEH HA.. CONG JU NIM is the one who saved me.. I closed my both eyes and sword plunged into the side.. and I knew that I was going to die that day.. but MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM saved my Life.. what does this Means.. and the King LOOKS at me.. and He turns too look at You.. if the ROYAL Family saves a Life.. there is a rule.. that I become a slave in that family.. and the King looks at me.. Am I not to be a Slave for the Princess.. I am Now a Servant for the CONG JU NIM.. and I would look at the ground.. and the King turns too look at YOU.. He gets UP and He leaves the chair.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. MAH MAH.. I am your Slave Now.. My father told me that he had to give me everything before he goes and knew that something was going to happen to him.. so my father passed down the knowledge and I started to study and learn very hard under his guidance.. and I wanted to give YOU these letters.. I had no other ways to send but.. my Heart.. My Heart kept on telling me to tell YOU.. to tell YOU what is really going inside.. I rather die right now then go through this Pain.. this pain of loving YOU is killing me more.. that is why I am just waiting.. I am asking YOU.. when YOU see my body laying on this prison cell.. please.. take my body beside.. you know the garden.. please put my body next to my father.. He gave me everything so I want to be with my father.. I been writing all these letters soon I was sentenced to death.. and knowing my time is coming near.. so I wanted to tell YOU.. at least you know how I feel about you.. when I am gone.. and long ways apart.. at least these letters is going to tell YOU a story.. about a MAN.. a Low born.. from a slave family.. what hurts me the most is that I can't be with YOU.. I want to be with YOU.. I want to be the one who loves YOU.. I just wish that I can.. but it seems like it won't work out.. I wanted to focus on loving YOU.. but only way is to tell you through these letters that I write.. too tell YOU I will never stop loving YOU.. even if I die.. I still will love YOU.. even if my body goes into the grave.. my spirit will be with you.. I be loving you then.. but you have to promise me.. take my body back to the garden.. bury me next to my father.. without my father.. I wouldn't be able to write.. How can I come this very.. my father is the one who taught me.. and that is why I am able to tell you this very day.. I could of sat in the prison cell silent.. but.. I knew.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. I have this urgency to tell YOU.. I love YOU.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. I LOVE YOU.. My grandfather served the King.. PEH HA.. He became the CHIEF GENERAL and became the Noble for Your Father.. PEH HA.. the King.. my father told me that I could dream like my grandfather.. because He was unable too do.. and that is why he started to teach me.. until I saw YOU.. and I just couldn't stop dreaming.. but dreaming to be with YOU.. to love YOU more and more.. I wanted you to know that is How much I love YOU MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. YOU are the only One who I love.. I have written a lot of letters.. LOOK at the letters.. see how much I have written because I wanted to tell YOU.. my heart is that much filled.. of course there is a part of History of what I been through.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. as I would look at YOU through the Bars.. I see you turn around.. and there was a Messenger for the King.. and I see you giving the Letters to the Messenger for the King.. PEH HA and he bows his head and turns and walks off and I see you turn to look at me.. and YOU tell me to raise Up.. but I would just stay on my fours.. CONG JU NIM.. MAH MAH.. PLEASE.. when I die.. take my body and take it to the garden.. the bed of flowers.. and next to my father.. I want to be close to my father when I die.. but if I am able to go on.. I want to be near YOU.. too love YOU.. even this Prison Cell.. YOU may thing am I holding anything against.. NO.. because at least I am near YOU.. I am still inside the King's palace.. I know that I could of been thrown outside.. but still being a part of the King's palace.. just wanting to see YOU is all I had in mind.. all I had in my heart.. of course I asked myself.. I was doubting about you ever show up.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. thank you so much for the visit.. just your presence.. your smile is all I wanted to see from YOU.. on this very night.. it is cold.. so please.. YOU should go back to the chambers.. CONG JU NIM.. Did YOU not tell me that YOU were never going to come Back.. YOU told me to Leave.. that YOU wish not to see me Any More.. YOU told me that YOU were never going to come back to see Me.. and those words left Bruises in My Heart.. YOU told me when I stood by this Tree.. You were with the Prince.. and YOU looked at my eyes.. telling me to Leave and that YOU wish that YOU would not see me again.. It really torn My Heart.. it really Hurt me deep inside when YOU told me.. YOU never loved Me and that YOU wished Never to see me again.. and TOLD me to Leave.. I just could Not help it.. as I would turn the Other way.. I looked down on the Hill TOP.. started to walk down this Hill.. My Heart just could not take it any more.. as I was walking down.. I felt heavy in My Chest.. My tears just could Not help but come down very fast and very Hard.. I just could Not believe the Words I had to hear.. WHY did YOU say in a Harsh Way.. that My Heart had to fall off.. I remember as I sat in the Room.. I just kept on crying.. sitting on the Bed.. I just could Not stop.. I felt so Bad.. Unfolding.. LOOKING at the sketch Paper.. the Picture of YOU.. and I begin to think.. why was I still having this Sketch Paper.. the Picture of YOU.. after hearing Your Words.. that YOU wanted me to Leave and Never wanted to see me again.. and How I had to linger on those words.. I was still holding unto the Sketch Paper.. I just could Not throw it away even though I knew that YOU never Loved me.. My hand pressing onto my Chest..
MAH MAH.. I would Unfold the sketch Paper.. My eyes would close.. Hand presses down on my chest.. feeling my Heart.. weeping inside and crying with Me.. I would say.. CONG JU NIM.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. WHY.. WHY don't you love me the way I love YOU.. is it because I am a Lowly Person.. just a servant.. is it because I don't fit Your Standards to be Your Man.. Princess.. CONG JU NIM.. I really needed to know why couldn't YOU love Me.. is there a reason WHY you chose to Not.. DID I do something wrong.. Have I said something that Made YOU change Your Mind or YOU never felt anything for Me in Your Heart.. Then How about My Heart.. WHY can't you accept the fact that I love YOU.. I am Not expecting anything back.. but just to know How much I love YOU and that I just can't stop loving YOU.. WHY tell me YOU do not want to see me anything.. Is it really that WHAT you want.. is that the real reason WHY.. as I would be looking at the Sketch Paper.. the Picture of YOU.. I would be wiping the tears from my eyes.. and Now I grabbed Your Wrist.. MAH MAH.. do you not remember what YOU said to Me.. it was right here.. I was standing by this Tree.. YOU told me Never to come Back.. Never to come see YOU.. and TO Leave.. WHY can't you look me in the eyes and tell me why did you say those words to Me.. I still remember.. It hurts so bad when I think about that TIME you told me.. WHY would you say that to me and WHY would you bring me back to this Same spot where I was Hurt the Most.. And Now.. why can't YOU face me.. why are you looking at the other way.. Please.. CONG JU NIM.. Please.. turn Your Head and please look at me in the eyes.. I need the answers why.. I am still lingered of that thought because I cried all Night thinking of YOU.. is it because I am Not the prince.. Am I suppose to be the Prince.. is that WHAT YOU want.. a Prince.. but I am Not the prince.. I am now a Palace Guard.. but was a Lowly servant when YOU told me those words.. Please.. MAH MAH.. Princess.. MAH MAH tell me why.. I am trying to get YOU to look at me.. It seems like YOU did not want to answer.. I guess then I am Not going to ask YOU about it anymore.. But.. this Place.. gives me such a bad taste of memories.. I felt my Happiest but also the Worst in my Life when I was told.. YOU never loved Me.. and to Go.. as YOU can see.. I am still hurt of the Past.. don't know why because much Time has passed by.. maybe because I never let YOU go.. I always loved YOU here.. always wanted you to be Near.. always I would turn to look at the Big Palace.. asking if I can see YOU.. but.. No matter how many calling Out your name.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. PRINCESS.. I would say here.. I would Not here YOU respond Back.. it would be Me always standing.. yelling Out.. calling Out to YOU to come.. that I would be missing YOU.. and just wish that YOU would stop by to at least to say HELLO.. but many times I stand here calling Out.. I would wait with silent.. it is because I love YOU.. and Have never left that thought.. But I do remember after I left this Behind.. I did not know where to Go.. I just wanted to Die.. WHY do I have to live if there is NO way for me to Love YOU.. So I tried to end my Life.. I drank something with Poison.. and ALL I remember I fell on the Floor.. on the ground.. but for some reason.. a MAN found me laying on the street.. on the ground.. and some way.. some how.. He took me In.. older MAN and I remember I woke UP.. the Older MAN looks at me and told me why I wanted to Die.. I got better with Time and I told the Older man.. why would you save my Life.. I did Not want to live.. and He showed me something.. unfolded the Sketch paper.. the Picture of YOU.. and He looks at me.. is this the reason WHY I wanted to Die.. I told him the truth.. Yes.. and He looks at me.. THIS IS the Princess.. CONG JU NIM.. this is a Picture of MAH MAH.. and I told the Older Man.. yes.. THIS is the princess.. CONG JU NIM.. He smiles.. I have great Dreams and Vision.. but also asking for a Death.. He tells Me.. I told him How I met YOU.. and the Older man started to show Me what it means to Practice with a Sword.. started to teach Me the way of the Warrior.. told me that He worked in the palace.. was the Chief General.. and ranked up to the Commander Position.. I am sitting by the bed of sun flowers.. I am wiping my tears as I am looking at the little Ones.. the Sun flowers growing.. I just can't believe.. The Princess.. CONG JU NIM just stopped by the garden and left.. as I am on the post.. watching the Night.. by the gates.. I look UP.. I see the Moon.. Do you hear Me tonight.. as I raise up the arm.. hand holding the Sun Flower.. the Little Ones has grown UP.. matured.. I wonder if I can meet the Princess again.. I am missing YOU my Princess.. I am missing YOU CONG JU NIM.. I wonder if I can see YOU again.. will you ever come Out of the gates of this Palace.. I want to see You again.. that day.. at the Garden.. I was young.. did Not know any better.. but Now.. I am more of a man who can truly love YOU.. My Princess.. Where are YOU.. Do you know that I am so Close.. But.. I feel like YOU are so Far.. I am trying to get close to YOU.. but the more closer I want to come.. seems like the further YOU are going.. that is WHY I am just going to wait for YOU.. I am here by the Gates of your Palace.. I want to see YOU.. I want to be near YOU.. I want you to know how much I love YOU.. that I am missing YOU crazy.. but adore YOU.. I admire YOU because YOU are so Great.. as I am looking at the Sun Flower.. and I turn to look at the Sky.. the Moon seems like watching over me.. How am I suppose to get close.. How am I suppose to enter your heart.. I want to see Your Heart.. I want to see YOU my Princess.. CONG JU NIM.. I want to see YOU again.. But.. tell me.. where Are YOU.. if you tell me where YOU at.. I can go to find YOU there.. as I wait through the Night.. standing by the Post.. I just want to say.. I love YOU.. I am waiting for YOU.. YOU know how much I love YOU.. I came this far so that I can be with YOU and never let you go.. Can we please leave this place.. I know that it was me who mentioned about this waters.. it is because I would cry Out.. pouring out my Heart about How much I missed YOU.. How much I wanted to get close to YOU.. that I wanted you near me.. that I love YOU.. but.. on this very night.. I don't have to say about missing YOU.. I see that YOU are very close to me.. but.. I do want to say that I love YOU.. I been loving you for a long time Now.. what am I suppose to do if I loves you this Much.. How much more can I tell YOU that I love YOU.. I just can't stop but keep on loving YOU.. I just want to tell YOU.. I love YOU.. MAH MAH.. standing on the Hill top.. underneath the Shades of leaves.. saying I will Not stop until YOU COME.. DO you hear Me.. YOU know that I am Hear.. Just waiting for YOU.. if YOU do not COME.. just remember that One day I will go to YOU.. I will show you that I too can go.. But YOU have to know that it is because I love YOU.. I will Not stop until YOU LOVE ME.. But Princess.. CONG JU NIM.. HELP ME to know that if I do come.. WILL you make a ROOM for me.. Give me a chance.. make a room for me too.. at least what I can do is just Love YOU.. from Far.. I would stand on the Hill top calling out your Name.. Princess.. CONG JU NIM.. MAH MAH.. I love YOU.. I want to be gone with the Wind with YOU.. and from Near.. I still would like to tell YOU I love YOU.. and as the Private Guard holding the Helmet.. and I am forced to LOOK UP at YOU.. I see YOU.. and I say.. CONG JU NIM.. I am sorry that I did NOT listen.. But.. I just did Not want you to see Myself.. Because I am a coward of running away.. I know that I should not.. After I heard you getting Married.. My Heart was shattered.. I just could not stay at the Garden.. I did not know this was your Palace.. I heard the News you Got married.. But.. I don't know.. As I look at YOU.. I asked.. CONG JU NIM.. MAH MAH.. Where are YOU going.. Are you going somewhere Far.. Because I stay here now.. I am the Guard at the back Gate.. I wanted to grab Your Hand.. I wanted to Pull your Arm.. pull you out of that White Horse and close to me.. I want to hold YOU tight.. My Princess.. CONG JU NIM.. the Private Guard backs UP.. I see you giving HIM a sign Not to harm Me.. I also have a sword too.. the private Guard Pulls Out his Sword.. and I pull out the Sword as well.. ready to Fight this Guard.. but I see YOU giving that Guard to back Off.. so He goes back.. Lowers.. Bows on Knee.. and I too go back.. Bows to Knee.. I am wondering.. Is Not Princess leaving somewhere.. I look on the Floor.. I see another Horse.. Next to Me.. I am wondering.. What is this.. as I lift up to LOOK.. YOU are telling me to get on this Brown Horse.. Is this really happening.. WHAT AM I suppose to say.. WHY am I riding this Horse..
Oink Oink.. Heart.. to bring this Big Heart under my arms and I would to LOOK at your Heart as I am Looking at your Picture.. if YOU can hear me.. Please tell me where are YOU.. I been missing YOU and suddenly this aching of the Pain inside of Me just won't go away.. I feel like I am suffering because I want to touch Your Big Heart.. I want to hold in my arms YOUR BIG HEART.. and when I turn to LOOK at your Big Heart.. start asking you Questions that has been in my Mind.. in my Heart for a Long Time.. when I look down as my arms around your BIG HEART.. I would say.. WHY am I missing you so Much lately.. what is it about this Big Heart.. your BIG HEART I want so Bad.. I know to get close to YOU.. it is working with Your Big Heart.. and I would say.. CAN YOU Hear me.. does YOUR Heart.. your Big Heart understands what it means when a Man like myself Loves YOU.. do you know How much I miss you and also want to tell YOU HOW MUCH I Love you.. would you let me Please speak to YOUR Heart to tell YOU for a Long time.. I wanted to say this to YOU.. when I have your Big Heart in my arms.. when My arms able to reach and touch but to HOLD your Big Heart in my arms.. I will bring your BIG HEART closer to my Lip and I will say to YOUR BIG HEART looking down.. I been looking at your Picture for a Long time.. I don't know what it is about your Picture.. why my eyes can't help it but to LOOK at you.. I know that it sounds so crazy.. YOU would say that I don't know you in Person.. but how can I just love you by looking at your Picture right.. in my hands is NOT just any picture.. I don't just look for any but YOU must Have a BIG HEART.. without your Heart being so Big.. my arms cannot hold and wrap.. it needs to be able to hold like it is a PILLOW size.. and YOU would say.. just by looking at your Picture.. how do I know that YOU have a Big Heart.. I believe that it starts with Just loving YOU as YOU are.. it has nothing to do with having but IT becomes a BIG HEART.. when I started to Love YOU.. I only thought of just HOW far can I love YOU.. HOW far can I go.. HOW far can I commit to Love YOU.. How much time MUST pass for me to see YOU.. to see the Change of Your Heart.. to see YOU change.. and started to notice that YOU do have a BIG HEART.. I don't know if you have a Big Heart or NOT but I always dreamed to Love YOU who has a BIG HEART.. when I started to see myself Loving YOU little step at a time.. it took these little baby steps to get where I am at today and it is because ALL I needed was a TIME.. I needed the TIME so that I can tell YOU that I really Love YOU.. of course when I am thinking of YOU.. I thought of just telling YOU I love YOU.. closing my eyes and just dreaming.. imagining that I can love YOU and YOU be Mine Forever.. when a MAN starts to dream of Love.. that dream starts very small but even dreams can come true when YOU never let go of YOUR Dreams.. that I always wanted to Love YOU and to let YOU know how much I can love YOU.. it was Hard and weird.. kind of strange at first because I was Not sure can I love you like this.. can I even go very far to tell YOU like this.. am I going to miss you in the process.. I was Not sure because I could not envision.. when I looked at your Picture.. My Heart started to groan inside of Me.. I would say How can I love YOU.. and I know that YOU have a Heart.. I would ask myself.. I wonder How big is your Heart.. is it BIG ENOUGH for me to share love to YOU for many weeks.. many months.. can it go as far as many years I would ask myself.. is it that BIG.. is your Heart so Big that I can write you thousands of Letters and give you thousands of Messages of HOW MUCH I Love you that It is Still Not enough.. that YOU will not get tired of me asking.. telling YOU Over and Over How much I love YOU because I really wanted it to work OUT for me.. I don't want to fail.. I don't think any one with the right MIND thinks about failing when they want to do something More or give Much More.. I do not tell myself and say.. Let me see HOW I am going to fail by trying.. NO.. I want to win.. I want to succeed you know and I don't want to do something that I will end UP giving UP or showing YOU that I am a Loser who gives UP easily or who wants to Lose.. I want to WIN.. I want your BIG HEART.. in my hands.. IN MY ARMS I want to hold your BIG HEART so that WHEN I PULL your BIG HEART close to my Chest.. YOU can hear the Sound that comes from the Inside.. MY Heart telling YOUR Heart.. your BIG HEART.. when My Heart comes close to Your Big Heart.. I can feel.. I can hear my Heart beating and IT can only comes alive when I am able to touch and reach and hold YOUR BIG HEART in my Arms again.. I would look at your Picture.. Glass cup fills UP with a Liquor.. and I would be asking your Picture even though I know clearly that YOU will NOT speak back through the Picture.. it is hard to Love YOU like this because.. the More I tell you through this.. I know I be missing YOU and also when I am sharing.. I be thinking of YOU a lot.. a lot of how much more can I love YOU.. and wondering HOW big is your Heart.. I know that I started to believe that YOU do have a BIG Heart.. because if you are able to receive it this Far.. it shows that YOUR HEART is BIG Enough to take it all IN.. that your BIG HEART has room and space to grow MORE to BLOOM.. I want to see you the Most Prettiest.. the Most Beautiful.. and when YOUR Heart starts to grow Big.. I think your Beauty.. Your Fashion in taste of design.. your Beauty will change.. YOU will become More Beautiful than ever.. More Prettier than ever and YOUR HEART keeps on growing bigger as YOU continue to receive that I love YOU.. as I would look at the Piece of Paper.. and I am holding onto the Pencil in my hand.. I am LOOKING down.. LOOKING at the Big Heart I drew as the Picture.. I want it More and More.. I want it more and More as I continue to Love you More and More.. as I would look at this Picture.. it hurts my Heart.. because Now when I am looking at the Shape of this Heart I drew.. drawing of your BIG HEART.. I would say.. How can I have this Big Heart in my Hands.. In my Arms I want to Hold your Big Heart.. so that I am able to Bring it close.. closer to my Lips.. before I would be sharing through writings and letters.. I wish I can speak to Your Big Heart.. let my voice be heard and let me speak to Your Big Heart.. this way will it bring you much closer than the letters I send to YOU.. with the Letters it seems like it be taking a lot more Longer.. Not asking for the fastest way.. but Let the Words be more clear and be Heard.. I can Open my Mouth and tell Your Big Heart.. I am struggling.. I am Hurt.. I can feel like of pains.. I also suffer so nights.. and even some mornings because I need YOU.. I need your BIG HEART.. I want to hold YOUR BIG HEART in my Arms.. and I would say Oh Please.. my arms are wide open.. PLEASE tell your BIG HEART that My Arms are wide open to hold it still in my arms.. as I am sitting on the chair by the desk.. One arm be holding Your Big Heart as it lays in my One arm.. with the Other hand.. ONE finger tip.. I would LOOK at the Big Heart of Yours and Lightly I would touch the Center of your Big Heart and write.. I.. L O V E.. Y O U.. and I would open my mouth and say to your Big Heart.. DO you know what I wrote in your BIG HEART and say it to YOU.. I wrote and Now I want to tell YOU my Heart that I love you.. and I would be looking at your Picture sitting on top of the desk and start to cry.. my tears would fall because I feel it in my Heart.. the Pain that comes of loving YOU because I am missing you at the Same time.. mixed emotions all around me.. I want you Close.. can YOU Hear me.. I want you close.. is it wrong with me if I am asking you this that I want you Close.. that I want you near.. that my arms wants to Hold YOU.. to Hold you can only come with Your Big Heart in my arms.. I cannot love you without Loving Your Big Heart first.. and I be hitting my Chest.. filling UP the glass CUP with the strong liquor.. and when YOU drink that Hard Liquor.. and I would be looking at the Piece of the paper.. the drawing of your Big Heart and Next to it is your Picture and when I can feel the Hard Liquor hitting me.. I just would say.. It hurts.. why do My Heart Hurts.. it keeps on hurting because I am Missing YOU.. is it wrong that I want to Love YOU.. am I wrong that I have to go through all this kind of Pain.. It hurts because I want to be with YOU.. what is wrong with me.. is it wrong that I want to be with YOU.. WHY can't I be with YOU.. why can't my Arms be holding your Big Heart.. so that I can finally tell you that for a Long time I wanted to say this to YOU.. I been waiting for YOU.. I would watch many Suns comes UP.. I would watch Many stars and Moon at Night.. I would see the Light rain falls and Heavy rain falls.. I saw even the snow flakes falling from the sky.. when you needed the coat to PUT on to walk Out side.. even the changing of the Leaves on the trees.. on the Hottest days and on the most coldest days and I would Not stop but kept on thinking of ways of Loving YOU.. and It only started with LOOKING at your Picture.. and asking this One question.. IS your Heart Big.. Do you have a Big Heart.. if I just stood there and sat by the desk and Only looked at your Picture but did NOTHING.. only thing that I could do is stare and LOOK at your Picture.. I think it would only drive me More insane because I would say to myself.. I will Never found OUT because I would not be able to tell you the truth.. I would never of known but just suffer for Nothing.. even though I am going through a lot of struggles and like a FLU.. my Heart feels so sick because I love you to death.. and My Heart feels so sick.. but at the same time.. I feel the Most happiest because I am allowed to tell YOU.. to receive the Permission means everything that I know I am NOT SICK.. my Heart is NOT just
I am looking at the Empty Vase.. and I am thinking this Must be what I am thinking because.. I know that it was a gift that YOU gave me.. of course I still don't remember Much.. trying to remember has been so Hard for me lately.. but just little Piece by Piece.. the Clues in this Cabin Log Home.. I can feel that something happened between Us.. and I can see that One piece of the Puzzle.. the Clue must be this Empty Vase in the second ROOM.. I take the Flower Out and Pour out the water that was half filled and I would take it to the Living Room.. what hurts me the Most is that I am starting to Miss YOU.. is it because this Cabin Log home.. to be this Size of its own and I am here all by myself and maybe it is walking in this House with out YOU.. and How you also left the Pictures in the two Rooms.. and even going to the clinic talking to the doctor and I even showed the Doctor one of the Pictures that was in the two Rooms.. I had two Pictures both rooms.. the third Picture was under this Empty Vase.. and I am trying to figure Out why is this the Only One that brings something into My Heart.. I would stand in the Second ROOM.. Looking at the Sun Flower.. it was inside the half filled water of this Vase which is NOW an empty Vase I am holding in my Hands.. the Sun Flower is left on the top of the desk of the second ROOM and I am still wondering WHY was it there like YOU have placed the Flower like Yesterday.. as I was holding this Empty Vase.. what is the Behind story of this and why placed here.. and I remember I took it to the doctor.. I know that the Doctor must know something because He tells me to bring what was in the Cabin's Log Home because He can tell me something that only He knows and maybe can Help me to remember all about YOU.. SO I made an appointment to go see the Doctor.. when I heard who the Doctor was to YOU.. the relationship.. the Doctor is Your Father.. and I just could Not believe that what does it Means.. does it means that I loved YOU just too Much.. or how is it possible for me to be with YOU.. YOUR father is a Doctor and He is specialized and Operates in a way that Only the Best Doctor can.. I would.. I remember sitting and waiting for my Name to be called to meet the Doctor.. Your Father and I am looking at the Walls of many awards of winning as the Doctor.. who is specialized in surgery but also treats people who can't remember.. who lost in coma and loses memories.. and I am thinking at this Point.. How can a Person Like myself be loving someone like YOU if your Father is this Good at what He does and I am just a Nobody.. and I am holding the Empty Vase and the Sun Flower and three pictures of YOU.. and I know that I don't deserve to be with YOU.. as I am waiting.. My name is called to the Office.. and I get UP from the sitting Down.. and I walk into the Office.. Your Father who has a big Office sits and I go into the Office room.. and I would go and sit on the chair on the Other side of the Desk.. I place the Empty Vase and I put the Sun Flower next and put three pictures on the top of the desk and telling your Father.. the Doctor.. that I found these in the two rooms of the Cabin Log Home after I purchased the Home.. and the Doctor smiles.. Your Father looks at me.. and He starts to share a sad Story.. which it breaks my Heart but of course.. In a state I am In.. knowing myself More of where I stand in life.. I know that I would too.. and Yes.. I should of Never loved YOU because I never knew.. Your Father.. the Best Doctor who won many Awards by the state tells me.. Your Father would refused and did Not want me Near you which is His Daughter and Yes.. many nights.. YOU would fight and argue with Your Father because he did Not want to be a Part.. or take part because of Where Your Father is in life.. that He was known to be close to the Mayor and the Governor of the State.. won many prices and awards and Building many clinics and had dreams of establishing and EMPIRE as the TOP TIER DOCTOR.. and He wanted the Best for YOU.. he wanted someone WHO is highly skilled and talented.. very well educated and some one who can take his Place as the Next Doctor who can RUN the Clinics and When he saw Me which I never knew Of.. I did Not even know that Your Father would be this Big.. had Great Dreams to go further in Life and wanted to establish something so that HE can raise someone like HIMSELF to take over when He dies and of course.. YOU have never told me anything.. I did Not even know that YOUR Father was a Doctor.. IN FACT he is an Award Winning Doctor who won prizes and close to the Mayor and Governor of the state.. which I am sure in due time HE can run for the president.. Your Father tells me that YOU are just Like him in many ways.. very determined and Full of Will.. when YOU wanted something.. what ever it takes.. YOU WILL go get it done.. very Fierce is what HE called YOU and I guess many times the argument was that HE knows many YOUNG MEN.. like the NOBLE MEN he can introduce to YOU.. that YOU can have a Better Life and be Much more happier that He wanted to pass everything down to YOU.. but someone who can take His Place and When He saw a Picture of Me. and saw the way I dressed.. He was shocked and Angry because I am a Low Life Person.. seems Like I was going Nowhere.. had NO DREAMS or AMBITIONS and even asked about the education and training programs and I guess there was NO WORDS you can share in that senses and It drove Your Father.. the Best Doctor angry.. But of course I was a great appointed to Your Father the Doctor when He saw the Picture of me you have taken and It was with YOU.. I am standing next to you.. YOU are holding the Giant Teddy Bear.. and your Father points at the Picture of the third that THIS is the picture he saw of the first time.. the day when HE was so angry at YOU and just could Not believe that WHY choose someone Like me and I would Look at the Doctor and I told your Father.. the Doctor.. I am so sorry for being such great disappointment.. because If I knew this ahead of time.. How can I dare to do this to YOU.. and I would never do anything to Hurt YOU.. but of course.. I never knew about this until the Phone rang.. it was the Number of the Doctor and the Doctor tells me on the Phone that HE has something to Tell me.. and that I needed to come to his Office.. and he told me this.. that HE is your Father.. when I heard that the Doctor was a relative was your Father.. My Heart felt like it wanted to stop.. and Now I am wondering why did YOU NOT ever tell me about this.. you know this is very important to Me.. Your Father has worked so MUCH to come this Very to accomplish this Much in his Life.. to be the Best is NOT easy.. YOU know that YOUR FATHER wants the Best of YOU.. why Hurt your Father's Heart.. because I know that I am Lowly and Poor.. Not much I can give YOU.. you know that the CABIN LOG HOME is Not even My Home.. YOU are the One who purchased it and Now I see why.. I even heard from the Doctor.. that YOU are also going into the Medical school.. and Your Father is going to be teaching YOU SOON.. that YOU are going to learn all things UNDER his Care and Love.. and that HE is so proud of YOU.. YOU graduated and Now.. you are going to the clinic as YOU are going into more classes to learn.. when I heard all of these things.. I just could not say a word because I knew what I had to do.. I can't be with someone who has a Larger than Life.. YOU know that I am so small in many ways.. just that my Heart gave it all to YOU.. that I can only Love YOU.. I can't do much more with that is what is hurting me so much.. I want to do and show you more.. but HOW when YOU are going so Big in this Life.. and as I would look at your Father.. the Best Doctor and I am Looking at him smiling.. all I feel was this Tears.. I just ran down my cheeks and He knows that My Heart hurts Now.. of course.. I asked your Father.. the doctor.. I know that I needs to stop Now but what happens if I can't.. I know that I needs to let you Go.. but what happens the more I try to let go but I can't.. and I would sit on this chair.. in the Big Doctor's Office and I would just be in silent crying out.. because I know what he meant and I should respect His WILL.. and as I would get UP to Turn away.. I see you standing by the Door of the Office.. and I would look at you just standing still.. Looking at your Father.. who is the Best Doctor sitting on the Other side and looking at me as I get UP and turned to face the Door.. and I would keep crying as I would look at YOU.. Do you know that It hurts me More than if hurts YOU.. why do YOU have to be so Kind to Me.. why do you have to be so nice.. and Now knowing this Much of the truth hurts me one hundred times.. this Pain I feel deep inside.. if I never knew.. and If you just left me at the accident.. and if I was just lying on the hospital Bed and all you could do is drop me there and make it all unknown.. I could of been better because It seems like NOW I am coming back.. slowly this Memory and fitting into Pieces together.. but what GOOD is it if I do remember all of it but I can't be with YOU.. if I can't love you NO MORE.. what good is the memories for Me.. I rather be someone else then Myself if this Pain of Losing YOU Hurts me the Most.. as I would walk out of the doctor's Office room and I would leave.. I can hear your Voice screaming and shouting at your Father.. which it stops Me.. It is NOT his fault.. How is it Your Father's Fault.. Your Father Loves YOU TOO MUCH that is why HE is doing to for Us and I would start to cry More.. Because it hurts me.. WHY.. why do you have to be Like a Princess and LOOK at me.. and as I am wiping my tears I would walk away from the Clinic.. I know that I must.. but I forgot the Empty Vase.. I need the Three Pictures of YOU and I need that SUN FLOWER.. I need all those things and I would stop
To turn around.. I see you walking OUT of the Office with those in your Arms.. and YOU would stop and I would say to YOU.. WHY does Love have to hurt this Much.. WHY did you Not tell me this SOONER.. if I knew about this SOONER.. I don't think it would hurt me this Much because I would of been preparing my Heart for something like this to Happen.. and WHEN It does.. since I had the pain long ago.. I be used to the Pain that I can carry for a Long time.. but when it all Happen Now.. do you know that IT is killing me Now.. It is Hurting me Now and I just can't go on.. WHY DOES the LOVE HURTS so Much.. why Loving YOU HURTS me so Much.. that I rather.. and I see you giving me these things and YOU telling me to go back to the CABIN LOG HOME.. and that YOU WILL call me in later time.. as I am holding the things that I brought from the Cabin LOG HOME. I would turn to look the Other way and I would listen to YOUR WORDS and I leave the Clinic.. Thinking about WHY am I here.. and why am I looking at this Empty Vase.. what am I suppose to do with this Empty Vase.. I did received the Note in the first room.. and also got the chance to look at you through the Picture you have left behind.. I know that I am not suppose to have this Picture.. but why do MY hand keeps on holding onto the picture for.. I am trying to leave the Picture behind.. I should of left it in the first room.. on the top of the desk.. but for some reason.. My hand just could NOT let go.. it grabbed onto the Picture.. telling myself.. Just let it go.. I needs to let it go but My Heart says.. telling my Mind.. I know my hand will not let your picture go.. so I have decided to take the Picture with me to the second room.. I am standing here by another Desk.. Now I am very confused about this desk.. why does it look a like.. is it the same desk because I did NOT buy any desk.. I do remember.. when I was talking to YOU on the Phone.. YOU have mention to me that YOU are leaving something behind.. and I am wondering.. if it belongs to YOU.. why don't you just take it with YOU.. why do you want to leave something behind.. and if it is something precious.. something precious to YOU.. I do truly understand that IF YOU MUST need to take it.. Please take it with YOU.. it won't hurt me or bother me if YOU DO.. but.. listening to your Voice on the Other line.. YOU telling me that IT is a bonus for buying.. purchasing this Lovely home.. so I did tell YOU.. thank YOU.. if it is a gift from YOUR Heart to me.. then Yes.. I will receive it.. I will take this gift.. of course YOU never told me that it is going to be two desks.. a Picture with a Note.. and an empty Vase.. But.. I want to know.. what is the Use of this Empty Vase.. why did you not put a note what comes with this Empty Vase.. am I suppose to put flowers inside this Vase.. but it has half filled water.. so.. I guess you should of told me because.. I am looking at this Vase.. not completely empty but has half filled waters.. so I am looking at the CELL PHONE and I do dial your Number.. and I am waiting as I am hearing it ring.. I wait and I hear a Hello on the Other side.. and I tell YOU.. I am the One who just bought this Log Cabin Home from YOU.. and just wanted to ask YOU one simple question.. there are two desks.. one each in the room.. I have a picture of YOU.. am I suppose to have it.. can I please have this Picture because NOW I am the New Home Owner.. the Other Question is this.. what am I suppose to do with the Empty Vase.. it is half filled.. and I am waiting for you to answer.. and I hear your voice telling me.. It was not YOU who put the two desks.. and Yes.. the Picture is Yours.. and the Vase.. Not sure what that is.. but the vase Means Love.. I am just standing there.. thinking.. the Vase means Love.. what does that Means if it is Love.. YOU know that I am Not sure what YOU are talking about.. and I am waiting for YOU to answer.. and I don't hear anything.. and I hear.. DO I not remember.. I pause thinking.. remember what?? am I suppose to remember something.. and I hear.. I don't remember YOU.. and the Phone hangs UP.. It made me jump because you asked me do I remember YOU.. which am I suppose to remember some one and I am thinking.. I am holding a Picture of YOU In my hand.. why is it so hard for me to Let go of Your Picture.. and YOU are the One who left the Picture for me to see it.. and I am thinking.. was I suppose to stand still until I remember you.. until I do know who YOU are.. and then I was suppose to call YOU on the Phone to tell YOU that NOW I know.. and with this Vase.. I know that it must means something.. YOU have left it behind so that I can remember.. But.. why do I feel like my Mind is stuck.. I want to know.. I want to remember.. if YOU are telling me that this Vase means Love.. it has to do with me and this Empty half water vase.. I am suppose to know YOU.. the person YOU.. the One I am looking at this Picture.. I can't remember though.. on the Note it did say I got into an accident.. I was hit by a car so I must went to the Hospital and Blacked Out.. because I was told that some of the memories I won't remember.. How can I lost YOU.. How can I lose someone like you.. and I am looking at the Picture.. I was close to face my own death.. I do remember laying on the Hospital bed.. one of the doctors would say that I be calling Out your name.. of course the Doctor did Not know who I was calling Out too.. But I do remember when I woke UP from the coma.. the Doctor tells me some one came to visit me.. and was crying while I was sleeping.. in a deep coma.. holding my hand.. asking the doctor to save me.. to save my life and begging the doctor.. the doctors all came to help out.. of course the doctor who was the main care taker told YOU.. that I am going to have a loss of memory and I would not remember much.. I do remember sitting UP on the Hospital Bed.. the doctor tells Me.. I was very close to death.. and he did all he can and for some reason.. I would be calling out your Name.. and that is HOW I got UP.. the doctor would look at me asking me.. who is the lady I keep on calling out too.. I was saying a Name.. but I sat there just puzzled.. a NAME?? the doctor said.. because of her Name I was able to get UP.. able to open my eyes.. able to come back to Life.. to breathe again.. if I did not call Out your Name.. I think what this doctor means.. I would of been dead.. I am wondering.. the Name.. I keep on calling Out your Name.. for the longest.. I am here trying to figure OUT who you are.. because I know that I loved YOU.. I keep on looking at your picture and I would say to the Picture.. Is your name I LOVE YOU.. because that is the only Name I can think of.. to tell you from my Heart How much I love you.. what am I suppose to say.. I want to know too.. but I am going through some hard times and that part is trying to figure OUT about Us.. this mystery about what happened.. I want to know because I came to this New Home.. with two desks.. YOU told me that it was not Yours.. then whose desks are these if it is Not Yours.. if I bought this Home from YOU.. how come the desks are here.. and it looks so familiar too me.. as I would look at the vase.. I am not sure if I should keep this.. the Phone rings and I pick it UP.. and I hear your voice.. it feels like I heard your voice before.. I think even before I called to buy this New Home.. from the Log Cabin house.. and I hear you asking me do I remember.. and I am standing here in the second room.. I want to remember.. But.. it is even harder for me because I do not remember.. only YOU can help me to remember because I sure have no clue.. I have No idea at this point.. please help me to remember YOU.. I want to remember.. can I ask YOU this.. DID I love YOU very much.. Is it me who loved YOU.. can you please tell me the answer and I hear.. Yes.. that I loved YOU.. and My Heart starts to pound hard.. I am thinking.. then why can't I remember YOU if I loved YOU so Much.. but One thing for sure is this.. My hand can't put your Picture down.. I feel like I want to cry because I keep on holding to Your Picture.. what am I suppose to do.. that is why I am asking YOU.. if I loved YOU.. I feel something in my Heart.. and How about this.. can I throw this Vase away.. since I don't know what is the use for.. what am I suppose to do.. put fish.. How about goldfish inside.. I don't even like fish.. and I hear your voice.. it is Love.. and I should not get rid of it because in due time YOU be telling me I will remember.. that One day.. some day soon.. if I love YOU very much I will remember.. and I stood there.. speechless.. my words did Not want to say no more because I know that YOU are right.. yes.. I will remember YOU because I know that My Heart really really Loves YOU.. How much if YOU asked.. I don't know because I have lost count.. when YOU go outside in the Night and count the stars.. and if YOU can't count no more.. I know that it is more than those Numbers you counted and lost counted.. that is How much I love YOU.. I would try to count the stars.. I did lost the count.. just too much.. too much to count.. as I would stay on the Phone.. I would hear you telling me.. the House is a nice place to live.. and that YOU loved it.. and I would ask.. WHY did YOU sell this House.. if YOU really loved it.. and not much YOU would say so there is a true mystery about this Place.. about this Vase.. about YOU.. about the picture.. and I don't remember much.. as I am looking at your picture.. I would say.. will YOU allow me to see YOU.. will you give me the permission so that I can know YOU in person.. will you give me the chance to remember YOU.. because right Now.. I don't remember anything at all.. all I do remember is your Voice.. YOUR voice sounds to familiar like I have known you for a Very long time.. that is the only feeling or thought I am getting when I listen to Your Voice.. it moves My Heart where I want to see YOU.
YOU live very far.. and that right now is Not the good time.. and it breaks my Heart.. because I want to see YOU.. I want to know YOU.. so that YOU can help me to remember How much I loved YOU.. will you let me stay a little longer on the line.. I know that YOU are going to tell me something.. that YOU needs to go.. but what If My Heart does Not want to let go.. just like my hand.. holding to YOUR picture.. it just will not let it go.. I think because I know why.. it is like looking at this vase.. it is love.. loving YOU still.. just loving YOU because My Heart remembers loving YOU.. even though I don't my Heart just knows.. Please.. tell me.. give me a clue.. give me a Hint.. and I would put the picture face down on top of the desk.. I open the door.. comes into the House.. I see large boxes.. two Large boxes enter the first room.. and another two Large Boxes places in the second room.. I see couch.. I see tables chairs.. More boxes comes into the Log Cabin home.. on the Diner room and the living room.. into the kitchen.. I see the Movers walking in and Out of the home.. as I watch the movers walks.. they enter the truck and it goes.. I would be out side.. it feels so good when it is cold.. with my jacket.. I am standing out.. I watch the SUN goes down.. still the SNOW on the ground and I am looking UP to the Sky.. Night Comes and I am looking at the Moon.. I don't know why I think of YOU the most.. especially when I see the Night.. when I look at the MOON.. I start to think of YOU.. do I miss YOU.. I am thinking right Now.. Do you think that I miss YOU.. if you ask Me this question.. standing Out here in the cold.. watching the SUN setting.. as the Wind starts to blow.. the wind chill makes me shiver.. that is how I feel when I think of you.. I get these cold chills.. sending shivers down my spine because I do miss YOU.. feels like when I walk Out.. and I look Up at the Sky.. looking at the MOON.. it is how I feel when I miss YOU.. that I want to see that MOON because I know that down in my Heart.. I think of you the most when I do see that MOON.. do I smile.. I want to smile.. because all I do is smile when I know that YOU are in my Heart.. that you are IN MY MIND and in my soul.. just can't stop think of YOU.. I would look at that MOON.. I am trying to think of the past.. when was the last time I seen YOU.. that I do miss YOU.. I miss YOU more and more.. as I turn to the direction.. I am looking at the door of this Cabin Log Home.. my hand grabs on the door knob and I am wondering.. I have lost my memory.. but I want to know.. I want to know how much did I loved YOU.. YOU would not tell me how much.. if YOU knew me before I lost my memory.. would you not tell me because I asked YOU.. I asked you on the Phone.. How much did I love YOU.. I would wait for your answer.. I just don't remember because I do want to remember.. I asked YOU.. but why can't YOU answer me.. YOU told me that I did Love YOU.. I asked you the question.. DID I love YOU?? there was a short paused.. and a breathing I heard.. I asked YOU the second time.. DID I love YOU?? Please tell me that I loved YOU well.. did I love YOU the way YOU should be loved.. I wanted to know.. I kept on pressing to ask and asking YOU.. I was holding onto the phone.. just waiting for YOU to answer.. there was a short pause and I heard you telling me.. I did love YOU.. and I do remember I just could not say another word.. My Heart.. for some reason it started to Beat faster.. Like I would be running and slowing down trying to catch my breathe and when I stop for a break.. My Heart would beat as like the beat ran faster.. that is HOW My Heart felt when I heard YOU telling me that I did Love YOU.. of course I want to love YOU.. I want to keep on loving YOU.. and I asked again.. How much did I love YOU.. can YOU please tell me.. if YOU answered the first question.. I know for sure you can answer this One.. Please tell me so that I can hear my Heart beat faster when YOU give me the answer.. I heard YOU not say a word.. but why.. YOU told me that I did love YOU.. why couldn't you tell me More.. I want to know.. if YOU can remind me.. maybe I can know.. maybe my memories can come back to Me because I did hear my Heart beat faster when YOU answered the first question.. I really Really want to know.. as I am standing by the door.. MY Hand grab hold unto the Door Knob.. ALL I need to do is turn it and open the door.. I can go into this Log Cabin House.. this New Home that I brought.. before the Movers came.. I do remember One large Box came before the Movers brought many boxes.. smaller and larger into this New Home.. One Large box.. I placed into the ROOM.. the first room.. I do remember opening the top of the Box.. I saw a Picture frame.. it was YOU inside the picture frame.. YOU were sitting on the Couch that just came into this New Home.. I don't remember YOU sitting on that couch.. but YOU were holding the vase.. placing on top of YOUR Lap.. the same Vase that was in the Second room.. but there was a Stem of a Flower.. YOU were smiling and I looked at it.. I don't remember any of it but tears.. there were two lines of tears falling down from my eyes.. as I would look at the picture frame.. inside the picture of YOU siting on the Couch.. I felt so sad because I.. I want to know when was this taken.. I want to know who has taken this Picture.. was it me who was holding the camera.. It must be me because I do know that I loved YOU.. and if that couch came as the Movers brought them into this New Home.. it must been a previous time.. which Home.. whose apartment.. if that Couch belongs to me.. then was it at the old apartment.. was it at a Home.. I just can't remember.. Please help me to remember where and when.. from WHO.. I know that it must be me.. because this One Large Box came yesterday night.. and I brought it into the First ROOM and I opened it to see.. So I know that it belongs to me.. I started to cry when I saw the Picture Frame.. My Heart was shattered because I want to remember.. I want to know when and where it happened.. I know that It was me who took this picture.. why would the Picture frame with YOUR Picture comes inside this Box.. but who had this is the Question on my mind.. was this Box with YOU.. are you the one who send this Box to me so that I can remember.. I did Not want to call YOU.. I knew that YOU wanted to know something but right Now.. I just can't tell YOU because I don't remember.. as I would reach.. my Hands grab onto the Picture Frame.. I am looking at it.. my tears kept running down my cheeks.. I want to remember.. I want to know.. But I do not want to tell YOU anything because if I don't know.. the way My Heart is breaking right Now.. you can feel the say way too.. I looked at the Phone.. I wanted to dial.. but I told myself I am not going to call YOU.. if I don't remember and has NO answers.. I just can't.. if Tears are flowing down my eyes.. I don't want to imagine Your eyes with tears.. If I loved YOU and My Heart still loves YOU.. I just don't want to hurt YOU.. I rather be the one who is hurting.. I want my Heart to be breaking and shattering instead.. SO I decided not to call YOU.. I rather be the One to be hurt.. and feeling hurt by myself.. it is because I love YOU.. that is the only answer I can tell YOU.. that I love YOU.. My hand turns and opens the Door.. and I walk inside the Log Cabin Home.. it feels more alive with stuff inside the house Now.. felt so empty when Nothing has arrived in this Home.. I would walk to the second room.. as I am standing by the Door.. I am looking at the Vase.. in the Picture of the picture frame.. a Flower was inside.. it was a Sun Flower inside the vase.. maybe that is what is missing.. maybe I should put a SUN FLOWER inside the Vase.. is that what was empty in that vase.. maybe that is the answer YOU want to hear.. But.. what if that is NOT it.. I think there is something more deeper than just a Flower.. what do I want.. what do I need from YOU.. why did YOU leave this Empty Vase.. why do I have to question myself if I can just ask YOU.. But I did end UP asking YOU.. YOU told me that YOU are NOT going to give me any answers because it is ALL UP to me to figure that OUT.. WHY would you put this Vase.. an empty Vase in this room.. why not in the first room.. why the second ROOM.. have I been here before.. so much un answered questions I must know.. But YOU would not tell me.. as I am looking next to the Vase.. I put the Picture Frame next.. beside it.. and ALL I am looking at is Your Beautiful Face.. Your Smile.. how this same Vase sitting on top of Your Lap.. with a SUN FLOWER inside.. I want to know.. when and where.. that Couch is in the living room of this House.. I just can't remember.. I want to remember.. why don't you call me.. I don't want to call YOU because YOU are going to wonder do I remember anything yet.. because right Now.. I just don't remember anything at all.. but I do wish I knew.. I wish I know now.. but right Now.. all I can think of is when and where.. I know that I must loved YOU.. the more I keep on looking at the picture in the picture frame.. I want to love YOU more.. I want to tell YOU that I love YOU.. but How.. How can I tell YOU that I love you if I don't remember but my Heart is burning within me to tell YOU that I do.. only thing that I want to tell YOU.. I do still love YOU.. but I don't think you would believe anything at all.. because YOU do know that I don't remember.. but something in me tells me that I do.. How am I suppose to express this Love.. the word and to transfer the word to YOU.. that Even though I may not remember.. and has a memory loss.. something keeps on telling me that I do still.. that YOU did not lose any hope because I never stopped loving YOU.. WOULD YOU believe me.. I want YOU to believe these words of mine
Loved YOU a lot.. or More.. that Love will never just leave without a trace.. I know that if I loved YOU.. I will never stop loving YOU.. but.. would YOU believe in this truth.. would you believe me at all.. I am afraid that YOU would Not believe because I am at lost.. BUT Please.. know that I never stopped loving YOU.. YOU are only going to hurt me if YOU just don't believe my words because ALL I can say is that I do.. I just bought a New Home.. Leaving the City life into the Country side.. I am walking over the Mountains.. into the Hills and to the valley.. a Small Log House in the woods.. as I am walking through the Snow.. I stop to see.. the Flakes are falling from the Sky.. I am very close to the Log Cabin House.. Finally.. I have been waiting to get Out of the city life.. as I stop.. I am able to see the Snow flakes falling from the Sky.. as I unlock the Door.. and I enter the Small Log Cabin Home.. as I look into the Small Two bed room Home.. I am wondering.. why did I even buy a House with two rooms.. I have no one coming over.. but I know that If I prepare the place.. Maybe.. some one will show Up.. I have never met the person who use to Live in this Small Log Cabin house.. as I walk into One of the rooms.. There is a Desk.. I wonder why someone has left this Desk Behind.. something stops me before I turn to walk away.. I see something on the TOP of the Desk.. what is It.. I am wondering.. what is It.. SO I would walk closer to the Desk.. there is a Written Note.. and Next to the Note is a Picture.. of course I can only see the back of the Picture.. I am wondering.. maybe it must be the Picture of the Person who use to live in this Small Log Cabin House.. But why would some one leave a precious Gift behind.. if I lived in this House.. I know for sure I will Not leave anything special.. or Precious to me behind.. But.. should I turn the Picture over to see who this Person is.. I am standing there.. thinking of.. but I know that this is Not my picture.. WHY would I turn it over to look if it is Not for Me.. I am sure.. maybe the Person was in a rush.. and has forgotten to take this Picture.. but.. WHY would YOU write a Note for me.. I know that the written Note.. it is telling me.. giving me an instruction.. but why would you tell me something.. I can just live whatever I want.. I see the Note Next to the Picture.. Both are facing where I cannot see.. as I would stop.. maybe I should take a Look.. must be very important if YOU have written for the New Home Owner.. which I have purchased this Small Log Cabin Home from YOU.. I have never met YOU.. but Of course I do remember before the Contract.. YOU called me on the Phone.. and Got a chance to listen to Your Beautiful Voice.. Now.. I am very curious.. YOUR voice.. truly felt like I was listening to an Angel.. I know that If you sang a SONG.. I bet it would melt my Heart like the Snow Flakes.. I would stand Out side.. before I came to the DOOR.. to Unlock.. I would LOOK Up to the sky.. My hand opens.. I would watch the Falling snow flakes.. when It touched my hand.. it just melted and maybe Your Voice.. if YOU sang to Me.. My Heart can melt the way the Snow Flakes can melt into my hands.. I was smiling because I been living in apartment for a Long time.. just paying rent to rent monthly.. But.. Now.. able to purchase a new Home.. Out here in the Country side.. walking and climbing on the mountains.. just enjoying the fresh cold air as I would be walking through the Snow.. never felt so Alive in my life.. But Now.. I am here.. inside this Small Log Cabin Home.. and I just walked into a ROOM.. YOU did not take the desk.. there is a Picture laying on the TOP of the desk face down.. with a written Note facing down.. I am just wondering.. I remember when I picked UP the Phone.. and hearing your voice on the Other side.. on the Other line.. Your Voice.. it truly touched my Heart.. I begin to wonder more about YOU because of this Sensational touch.. Your Voice moved my Heart.. I felt it kick inside of Me.. and never felt that way before.. so I would start wondering.. I wonder How YOU would look.. as YOU were so happy to sell the House and even telling me Congratulation on the purchase of the New Home.. as I would share with YOU how I lived in rents all my Life.. but able to get a house means everything to me.. giving me a great deal in the purchase.. of course I wanted to ask YOU.. if YOU can sing.. because I wanted to know if YOU can sing.. can YOU sing a song so that I can listen to Your voice with my Heart opened.. but of course I never asked.. YOU probably think I am a crazy person.. as I am standing by the desk.. My hand grabs the Picture.. I wanted to turn it over.. I wanted to see the person who I just spoke with ON the Phone.. YOUR voice.. I just want to hear again.. can I listen to Your Voice.. would you let me call you on the Phone so that I can listen.. My Heart wants to listen to Your Voice again.. before I want to ask YOU.. I want to know how you look.. why are you so Nice.. why are you so kind to me.. I want to know who YOU are.. WHY would you leave this Picture behind if YOU have never met me.. if YOU have never seen me in person.. why leave me Your Precious gift.. Your Special gift.. I am nothing but a stranger to YOU.. what if I am a weird person.. some crazy person.. would YOU not be afraid of Me.. As I grab the Picture and turn to LOOK at it.. I see YOU sitting.. and My Heart jumps.. My Heart skips missing that Beat.. Just like Your Voice.. soft and beautiful.. I see your picture.. I see YOU.. YOU are so Beautiful too.. YOU are so Lovely.. feels like YOU can take my breathe way.. then what happens to my Breathe if you take it from Me.. what are you doing to me Now.. WHY leave this Picture behind and when I see this Picture.. I can feel my Breathe.. it wants to be released from Me.. I can't breathe.. my eyes wants to say I can't breathe because YOU are so Beautiful.. as I am looking at the Picture of YOU.. YOU are sitting down.. and I am wondering what is it that YOU are holding.. Why are you holding a Vase.. is it a vase for flowers.. I am not sure why YOU are leaving this Picture with Me.. what does it means.. why are you showing me this Picture for.. I have no clue.. I have no idea.. but why are you letting me see this picture.. and making my Heart to say I want to cry.. I have never met you before.. But How is this possible for Me.. why do I feel like I want to love YOU.. please tell me how can this be true because I have never met you before.. as I am looking at your arms holding this vase.. why is it empty.. are YOU not suppose to put something into that Vase.. it is an empty Vase Your hands are holding.. Please.. OH Please tell me what is the meaning of this because I want to know.. I have no clue.. I have no idea why you are showing me this.. I don't see any empty Vase.. but only this Picture.. with a Note.. so I would go over.. my hand grabs the Note and flips to look.. and YOU have written to me about the Picture.. and telling me about the Vase.. an Empty Vase.. and YOU have left it on the Other Room.. and I am not sure why YOU would tell me this.. what am I suppose to do with the Empty Vase.. I don't have any flowers.. and all it tells me to take good care of the Empty Vase.. and Now.. YOU are letting me to keep it.. so I am standing in this room wondering.. YOU are giving me this Empty Vase.. but I have no flowers to put in it.. so what am I suppose to do with this.. SO I would turn around walking out of this room.. the Other room is next on the right.. as I enter the second room.. There is another Desk.. and ON top of the Desk is the Vase.. an empty Vase sitting on the top of the Desk.. am I suppose to tell you something about this vase.. am I suppose to share with YOU what I want to do because it is Not making any sense with me a this Point.. I feel like I am Not the Owner of this House anymore.. since YOU are leaving things behind for me to take care of It.. I am not a male servant.. and NO.. I am not here to clean this House either.. I just purchased this House from YOU.. but WHY do I feel like there is a person who Owns it and maybe I am just renting this Place.. that is how I am feeling because.. I have to watch over things that does Not belongs to me.. I have brought my own bags and luggage so that NOW I can live in this house.. and I stand on the second room.. Looking at the Vase.. has water inside this Vase so it is Not completely empty.. but still looks empty to Me.. so I walk over to the second Desk.. I see a Picture with the Face Down.. so is it a Prank.. is this a joke because I am not feeling it at this Point.. my hand grabs and I turn to look at the front.. I see a Picture of a Heart.. as I am looking at the picture closer.. YOU have taken a picture of a Heart shape.. it is a Pillow I can see.. but why are you showing me this Picture.. I know that I love Heart.. but what does it means.. why are you doing this to Me.. are you playing games with me.. saying there is a Picture in the second room.. maybe YOU love pillows with Heart shape.. are you trying to tell me something through the two pictures YOU have put face down.. and there is a Number written on the corner of this Picture.. and I know that It is Your Number.. Looking at my phone.. I would check if this NUMBER is the same Number you called me on the phone.. and It matches correctly.. I am very confused.. I am so Confused because why would you show me these things if YOU don't know me.. and there is a Note also.. it was next to the Picture.. My hand goes over to grab the Note and I turn it over to take a LOOK.. and I would read it.. it says.. Do you remember Me.. when we were YOUNG.. because NOW I remember YOU is what the Note been written ON.. and I am thinking.. Have we ever met before.. DID I see you when we were YOUNG.. I don't really remember meeting any one when we were Young.. but it seems like YOU know me.. why would you tell me this
Another person.. but then knowing that it is I who just purchased this House.. It has to be for Me.. who else lives in this House.. I am the only one who bought this House from YOU.. so I know that we met before.. and telling me when were young.. HOW long was this.. How old was I when I met YOU.. Please tell me.. and I am thinking about calling YOU on the Phone.. But.. I am Not just going to call YOU and say I don't remember YOU.. so How am I suppose to answer this question because I don't remember.. I am trying to go back.. way way way back to see if I do remember you.. I am closing both eyes.. Both.. Nothing I can see back then.. why.. when did we ever meet before.. I am looking at Your Picture.. the Picture of YOU holding.. arms around the Empty Vase.. and I would look at the Picture.. WHEN was it that we meet.. I have No clue.. Please give me a Hint.. I feel like I am a crazy person.. LOOKING at the Picture of YOU and just talking.. knowing YOU are Not going to answer back from It.. that is How crazy I am becoming because Now.. I am wondering.. when and where.. what age.. what school.. was it in the apartments.. NOT sure.. but Please tell me when because I truly want to know now.. I hate it when things are so mysterious.. I want to know.. YOU are the only one who knows that is why YOU are asking me.. what am I suppose to do and how do I say this to you if I tell YOU I don't know.. it can hurt you as much it will hurt me not knowing.. Please.. tell me.. give me a clue.. give me a Hint.. and I would put the picture face down on top of the desk.. I am looking at the Moon.. I am waiting for YOU.. just thinking about YOU.. Looking at the Moon.. I feel like I am starting to Miss YOU.. when can I see YOU.. can I hear Your Heart.. Can I see your Heart.. Please let me touch Your Heart.. because I need YOU.. I truly need YOU to love me Back.. only wish.. Only hope.. only dreaming if YOU can show me your Heart.. as I am looking UP toward the Moon.. I can picture in that Moon.. the Shape of Your Heart.. I want to see Your Heart.. My arm stretches Out.. my hand opens Wide.. my Other arm reaches.. stretches Out.. My Other Hand opens Wide.. if YOU can hear Me.. If YOU are able to hear.. Please listen with Your Ears.. Hear my words because I am talking to that MOON.. can YOU Hear through that Moon.. I want to know.. If YOU are Unable to hear my words.. If YOU are Unable to Hear my Voice.. On the Other side.. Is it Night.. because at this Point.. the Sun has went down and Now.. it is the Moon's Turn to get UP.. and I am looking at this Moon.. Hoping that It is Night on that Other side.. if it is.. Can YOU please come Out.. If YOU are able to see that MOON.. Please come Out from the Place YOU are.. I want to tell YOU something.. I want to speak and tell YOU something.. my hands are both open wide.. asking.. Can YOU Please give me Your Heart.. I will be standing still.. Until you give me Your Heart.. I been asking YOU for a long time.. Did you not forget.. ever since I first laid my eyes On you.. all I ever wanted is Your Heart.. All I ever talked about and asking YOU is for that Heart.. Please give me Your Heart.. Please Open your Heart.. I do not want anything else but Just for YOU to show me Your Heart and Please.. let me have Your Heart.. My Heart has been breaking.. It has been shattered into Pieces.. I am trying to put the Pieces of my Heart together.. without YOU.. I know that the Pieces of my Heart cannot come together.. that is why I am asking for Your Heart.. Only if YOU can show Me.. so that I can see the Shape of Your Heart.. and I can open my chest.. and Put your Heart inside the Chamber.. which been waiting for your Heart.. I need Your Heart.. I want to have YOUR HEART and Put close to my chest.. to see How can I live without YOU.. I know that I can't unless I have Your Heart.. I told YOU already.. How is my Heart be broken and How was it torn into Pieces and Cannot put it back together.. I broke my Own Heart.. So that I can put Your Heart instead of Mine.. that is How close I want to feel Your Heart.. to Feel the Beating of Your Heart.. to hear the Beating.. to hear the sound of Your Heart.. I want YOU very close.. SO close that I can hear Your Heart inside of Me.. so that I can see YOU close.. I am truly missing YOU.. I don't know why.. because it is so Hard to explain at this Point.. if YOU are asking me.. WHY do I miss YOU so Much.. I just saw your Picture.. which I would have it close to Me.. I would take a Look at your Picture.. and only Wish.. Only Hope when can I see YOU close.. will you ever come close to Me.. because the More away YOU are.. the More I want to see YOU close.. the More I miss YOU.. the More My Heart breaks.. breaking and hearing the sound of my Heart.. just breaking into pieces.. and I want to know.. Does Love hurts.. does it hurt you.. because for Me.. it hurts to Love YOU.. it hurts me so much that I can feel the breaking of my Heart.. I want to cry.. I want to cry a lot because it Hurts me more when I don't see YOU.. when I miss YOU.. when I step out side.. and I stand still in silent.. and I look UP.. toward the Moon.. I want to shout at the Moon and Cry when looking at the Moon.. I would say.. Can YOU please come Out tonight.. I wonder if it is Day.. Or is it Night.. If I am able to see the Moon tonight.. can YOU Please step Out side.. On the Other side.. do YOU see the Moon appear before Your eyes.. Look UP at the dark skies.. do you see the stars.. do you see the Moon.. if YOU can see the Moon appear before YOU.. Can YOU Hear me.. Can YOU Hear my voice.. Listen to my words because there is something very Important that I would like to say.. to tell YOU.. and I know for sure you know this and maybe heard it more than thousand times by Now.. But I never get tired of telling you this.. I just hope that YOU never get tired too.. If you do please tell Me so that I can stop.. if YOU hear me.. Please LOOK at the Moon.. can YOU see that MOON.. the same Moon that we can see together.. as I am standing still alone.. I am here by myself.. Looking at that Moon.. I been coming here.. from time to time.. when I think of YOU a lot and my Mind.. it gets very busy because I am thinking of YOU.. before I came Out side.. I saw Your Picture.. I saw the Picture of YOU smiling.. when I saw Your Picture.. My Heart was touched.. I put my hand on the Chest.. and I can feel the Beating of My Heart.. and I would tell Your Picture looking at YOU.. I love YOU.. YOU do not know How much I love YOU.. I am still here.. I am still able to tell YOU.. I am able to write to YOU still.. that shows that I have never lost the touch.. that I think of YOU always.. when I saw Your Picture.. it felt Like I got drunk.. I wanted to fall.. and sit on the floor.. I felt dizzy and my knees got weak when I saw YOUR picture.. I told myself.. I should Not keep on looking at your Picture.. because once I start to look.. I would miss YOU.. Missing YOU leads me to walk Out side.. Missing YOU leads me to Look at the Moon.. and my eyes would wander looking UP at the sky.. Looking for the stars.. and Looking for the Moon.. I would close my eyes.. Both eyes shut closed as I would put YOU in my Head.. a Picture pops in my Mind as I would think of YOU.. and envision YOU.. wanting to see YOU.. I would open my eyes.. as I am staring at the Moon.. I would look at the Moon.. and I would open my mouth and say.. Do you know why I am here tonight.. Do you know why I am lead here.. I saw YOUR Picture.. I saw your Beautiful Picture.. saw Your Beautiful Face.. Now Look what YOU have made me do.. I am asking YOU if YOU can hear me.. Please say something back.. Please tell me something because My Heart is listening.. say something because My Heart is opened to listen.. Say something because my ears wants to hear Your Voice and Your Words.. Please say something because tonight is the Night I really want to hear YOU.. that this very Night.. for some reason I am missing YOU much more.. even though every night I miss YOU.. and I want to see YOU every day.. But on this very Night.. I really really want to hear from YOU.. I want you to Know that I love YOU.. I really really Love YOU.. Why can't I hear from YOU on the Other side.. is it because YOU can't hear me at all.. YOU know that every time I come Out.. every time I look UP at the sky and Look towards the Moon.. I am always expecting to hear from YOU.. but every night.. I would be the One who is speaking.. saying something as I am looking toward the Moon.. after I am done speaking as I am looking UP at the Moon.. I would be so sad.. My Heart be broken.. My Heart be breaking.. My Heart be crying as I would go inside back to the House.. because I would come Out side on this Night just to hear something.. Your Words and Your Voice but I don't hear anything from YOU.. I would be Looking UP towards the Moon.. asking YOU.. if You can Hear me.. if YOU want to hear my Voice.. to hear my words.. I am here this very Night.. I am standing here All alone.. Just waiting for YOU to show Up on the Other side.. if YOU can see the Moon.. If you can hear Me Out.. Please say something so that I know I am speaking to YOU as I am here On the Other side.. I want My words to be Heard.. I want my Voice to be Heard.. if I say the Word I miss YOU.. I am telling YOU from My Heart.. that Means I really Miss YOU.. if I say the Word I love YOU.. it comes from the Deep within expressing my Heart felt to tell YOU that it is what it is.. that I am telling YOU this because I do.. But I am not sure if My Words are being heard.. if My Voice is being heard on the Other side.. What If YOU are Not there.. What if It is Night there.. and yes.. the Moon has come UP.. but YOU are Not standing Out side where YOU can see that Moon.. I want my Voice to be heard for YOU.. I want my Words to be Heard to YOU.. because None of it is empty words.. it is Words that comes from My Heart and My
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