Did Chastity Make Our Wedding Night Awkward?
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- Опубликовано: 29 апр 2019
- Many people may think living a chaste life before marriage will make their wedding night awkward, but Jackie and Bobby explain how their experience proved quite the opposite. They offer a refreshing, liberating, relieving, revolutionary vision of intimacy with your spouse, or future spouse, if you are married or plan to be someday.
They say when love is taken away, sex becomes all about the “mechanics” and techniques. But when love is at the center of the conjugal act, the enjoyment and fulfillment spouses receive from it just grows more and more over the years.
In presenting God’s plan for marriage and love between spouses, Jackie and Bobby dismantle the superficial lies our pornified culture tells us about sex.
They show how sex can once again be about love and life.
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Chastity made our wedding night the most powerful, pure, and imprinting moment for me in our marriage. I was so glad we waited. Not only did it build trust and respect, but it made our vows actually mean something. Boyfriends and fiancés do not get husband privileges. You have to man up and commit in word before she commits in deed. That night my soul bonded to my wife, and I will never be with another woman while we both are alive.
What a beautiful testament.
Thank you for sharing. This is beautiful!!💛
Wow, what a great witness, Richard! Thank you for sharing.
Amen brother! Thanks be to God for the virtuous man that you are!
Question, did you both abstain from sex just in your relationship or did you both wait until the wedding to have sex at all, like in your whole life?
It's becoming increasingly difficult to not have sex before marriage. Please pray for chastity before marriage.
Does chaste me pure/ virgin
@@davidbydefault6333
Heres the thing,chastity is usually a conduct in order to reverse your primitive sexual instints and start to see sex as a reproductive process with love and care instead of an act of selfish self pleasure in order to get or shame others irresponsibly.Of course this is that generation.
St Benito is a great example.
He is known as the patriarch of purity.
He THREW himself to a bush of spines in order to obtain chastity.
When he saw temptation after 3 years of loneliness and prayer.
But you dont have to do so.😅
Both prayer,concentration and confidence can GET you started.
Because is very dificult.
Search for Patricia Sandoval testimony and sensus fidelium.
joseph jackson
I don’t have that problem. LOL
If you are feeling pressured, you should probably date holier women. Not to say that temptation between two holy people wouldn't exist, but the culture shouldn't be influencing you in that case.
Just a reminder: You don't have to be a virgin to choose to be chaste. Past mistakes don't define you. You can start fresh with a person and commit yourself to chastity before marriage. You aren't any less worthy of love. This is the grace of Christ's merciful love for us all.
Thank you! I needed this. 💕
Patrick Bateman Sin certainly has its long term effects on us, there is no question. I believe that Ann is making a point that just because you have faltered in the past, does not mean you cannot start now to live the ways of Christ. Ann’s message is one against despair and is great for old and new catholics alike. I understand your concern for the “oh well I can commit to chastity whenever I want so let me just go on sinning!!” So its definitely important to stress the long lasting effects of sin. But the message that we can be redeemed rings true throughout our faith. Hope this helps? thanks.
@Patrick Bateman Amen
@Patrick Bateman is that like hit'em and quit'em?
so another thing that doesn't work out well and is a psychological hit, when your single and (A) sexual for 20 -30 years and the day you get married your suppose to be a freak in the sheets = frustration and pain haunting your marriage.
Waiting isn't necessarily the problem its christian culture being silent on sexual education in the church is.
@Patrick Bateman I'm sorry hate has such a strong hold on you.
Great video. It's not easy to be chaste in our sexually crazed culture.
I agree!
It's not, but when you fall, you just have to get up again and recommit yourself to doing what's right for you in the eyes of God. The thing to remember is that your body is the temple of the Holy spirit and as such should be used to give glory to God. Sex within marriage is beautiful and sacred and something worth waiting for.
It actualité becomes easier. ...you're more sélective
It's difficult but not impossible 😉
Say it again, it's a challenge 😭
17 year old guy here, I've been saving for marriage for while and it's been a wild journey. I'm so glad I havent lost it yet.
19 year old girl here, and same ! Big respect to you, I don’t know any guys who want to save themselves for marriage.
@@erravi I feel the same, keep on working;)
You are an amazing young man ! God Bless you! Keep the faith! 👍🏻🙏😊✝️
@@erravi I'm 19 now turning 20 thanks I feel the pain
God bless you and protect you xoxo
It's kind of a silly question. Even if it were awkward on the wedding night, how would doing it before the wedding night make it less awkward? You would still be awkward during the first time either way, whether before or after the wedding. These sorts of objections are often red herrings.
These are foolish arguments published by satan to mislead millions of youth. Thats way satan destroyed millions of relationships from forming marriage. What you said is correct and simple logic. Marriage is not a competition to do the rehearsal
Preach it, man! 🙌
I suppose the “You don’t buy a pair of shoes before trying them on” phrase my now wife and I heard during our pre-engagement and engagement aren’t red herrings though...
#doublestandard
@@PraisingWithFriends The idea of comparing a human being to trying on a shoe is not even subtle in showing that they see people as objects to be used and thrown away. However, even if we gave them the benefit of the doubt for their silly phrase, it would still fall apart. Because when we take someone out a date and spend time with them, we are in a sense trying them out. So the idea that one has to try out sex before settling down is ridiculous. Such people leave their marriage partner as soon as they are no longer able to 'perform' to their standards.
Jeremy McKinney shoes wear out.
The world needs more people like you two!!💕💕💕
And what exactly is that.
Sex is intuitive; people who brag about “experience” are delusional
not everyone is sexually compatible, just saying
Intuitive in what sense?
@@SenorCinema I'd hate ending up married to a woman I wasn't sexually compatible with.
@@karlkopnisky6939 never thought about infertility from a guy's perspective. ..huh... men really think about that?
I almost didn't listen to this one...thinking that this is reserved for "non social media" venues...some of the comments though. ...
Very right, hubby and I waited until the wedding night, and it was the best decision ever. Great video you guys, would be great if these vids were way longer 👍🏻🙂
My wife and I have been married for 18 years this may 19th. It is SO TRUE that the longer you are married the better the sex is! I am excited for the next 18 years with her! :)
Congrats on your upcoming anniversary!
I don't understand. Isn't she fat and ugly now? How can what you said be true unless she was obese and 16 years old when you married her, and became a fitness freak and now she's 34 and lean and fit? That describes maybe 0.001% of marriages.
@@paulcosta8297 shut up
@@blonde.angelk I won't shut up but will continue to speak the truth. Do you have any actual arguments to share?
T.M.I.
Great video
I am a man, My wife and I were virgins on our wedding night
There were some awkwardness during our first time
But we find it to be a truly bonding experience
Sort of an inside joke just between the two of us, Only two people in this whole world that knows what we mean when we joke amongst ourselves
We grow together sexually, and can honestly say that like most things in life, practice makes perfect
To go through it all together from scratch, I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world
Everyone here keeps saying, practice makes perfect. Now I'm SCARED. I'm single n have no exp. Just how complex is this thing???? Slip in n slip out rt? I must be the dumbest in this section.😞
@@melissafeds1344 From what I've heard practice really does make perfect, once you're married be honest and communicate and all will be fine!
@@melissafeds1344 How old are you?
@@melissafeds1344Lol don’t worry! You won’t know what you’re missing until you’ve been married a while. Sex was never *bad* but I didn’t know it could be better. Just takes a few months of getting to know your spouse and even yourself!
To all those who still have they're virginity think how beautiful it will be to tell the man/woman you love "I will love you and no other, i have waited and saved myself for you and no other, I give to you a spotless gift".
This is one of the beautiful thing i read today
@@hussainfatmi9566 may Almighty God reward you for your kindness, but please have Mercy on my humility!:) but remember to guard this precious gift that God has given to you. Once you give it away you won't get back! Give it to the church as a religious or to your spouse in holy wedlock, but make sure you know which our Lord calls you to! May Almighty God bless and keep you, I will do my rosery for you tonight. Godspeed.
@@toompyfloyd4074 thanks for ur prayers and kind words may Almighty bless you and always shower His blessings on you ameen
Hold on, please do not use the word "spotted" as if it made the person dirty or less pure. Some people were violated and they should NEVER think for a second they are tarnished in any way. Some people could also have made the mistake of having sex before believing in God or whatever but if they decide to wait until marriage and love that one person for the rest of their life, please don't make them think their "gift", as you call it, is less valuable.
immaculate love … so beautiful! 💕
"Shame is swallowed up by love"
@UCXaRIzSBlYSCumlNM0vxciQ 5:20
Giggity
@@lemasteraustin12 I literally clicked to say that. 😅
There is no shame in love, it's open, vulnerable and liberating. If there is shame, there is no true love only lust
Not always. Especially in purity culture. The mindset of shame around sex doesn't just magically go away just cause you now have a ring on your finger.
Just so great to hear that from you.
I am in my 20s and people of my age are so indoctrinated by current trends (books like 50 shades of grey or the magazines you mentioned). Seeing intimacy as a sort of sport or leisure activity. Trying to tease out the last bit of excitment but feeling empty afterwards.
God bless who follow the doctrines of his church and experience the true and deep love between man and woman in marriage.
🙏💖🙏💖🙏
Great video, thank you. I often remember the episode of Big Bang Theory where Penny and Leonard have been sleeping together for years but when Leonard says "I love you" then things get weird and they break up. The culture today really is messed up. Thank you for your testimony. God bless!
I unfortunately didn’t wait until marriage. I really regret that and wish I had done differently.
It's not about the past - it's about the way you choose to live now and in the future! :)
I know God forgives, his mercy is greater than our sins when we truly repent. But the consequences can’t be avoid. The problems that I may be going through my marriage now, started way before I got married.
And to piggyback off of Corina, don't forget to be patient with yourself, too. I understand and can sympathize with you...but as the old song goes, "Love the One You're With." Our past shapes us but does not have to conform us. Learn, live, and do not repeat mistakes....
m.ruclips.net/video/EF39O_OQm6M/видео.html
There is no failure and shame for those who confess and sacrifice their sins and vices on the wood of the cross. We are forgiven in love and grace. Entrust yourself and your marriage to Jesus Christ each day and invite Him to be at the center of your marriage. The problems of the past can not win. "If God is with us, who can be against us?" And don't forget to forgive yourself....
Has your wife needed a lot of healing too?
Also, don't act on anger or yell at your spouse or make them feel bad. Remember that you both are going through a lot so always remind eachother that you love another.
Do some fun activities to get your mind off of that topic as well! Maybe watch a Saint movie, pray your favorite Novena or litany together, make a playlist of your favorite songs, express grattitude and encouragement when your spouse does something nice or charitable, always listen to how their day went, take their favorite fruit then make it into a jam! Remember to give lots of attention, affection and love to your spouse!❤❤😄
I'm glad you guys tackled this topic. I have been told that very thing by multiple people; close friends who know that I am saving myself for marriage and feel that they're simply looking out for me, hoping I don't feel disappointed on my eventual wedding night. I don't pay much attention to comments like those - no matter how well-intended they may be - because they come from people who don't know what being a virgin on their wedding nights is actually like. Perhaps the shared experience in a secular, sex-obsessed world is that the first time is awkward, but no one seems to want to talk about what Jackie says in this video. Perhaps the first time is viewed as awkward because it happens between two people making a promise with their bodies that they never did. When you save sex for a person who has made a covenant with you and with God before God and all of your loved ones that he/she will love, honor, cherish, be faithful to you until death, how can the physical expression be anything but emotionally comfortable?
You are a human being, not a car. You don't need to be test driven to make sure you "work" properly.
Well written! Another point is if you BOTH wait till marriage you don't compare them to other people and their performance. You both get to learn together and get to discover the joys of sex together. I'm really happy for you that you chose to wait. You are blessed!
@@morriscat3 well, no, nothing magical but it shows you were obedient to God. And THAT is special ♡
I have never been married but I always thought the notion that two virgins on their wedding night can't figure out what to do was ridiculous. You don't need a Ph.D. in advanced physics to figure out how to have sex. It's not rocket science.
Sexual affective education is essential for all human beings, especially for Catholics. The Theology of the Body of Saint John Paul II is the beginning, but it is also necessary to have anatomical and physiological knowledge of our own body and the body of the opposite sex.
Thanks Jackie and Bobby! Really hitting what our culture needs to hear!
Thank you both for your willingness to discuss a difficult topic!
Great video and chastity before marriage benefited us tremendously. Marriage is freedom indeed.
I love that you both talked about this! Especially that you went to confession before your wedding day. I’m getting married this July and cannot WAIT to receive that reconciliation before making my vows (me and my fiancé both have made mistakes in the past 😅) Y’all are an inspiration to me 😊
Necessary topic to cover. Thanks for sharing the wisdom of the Church in a digestible way!
Thanks for sharing!! Someone said the exact same thing to me recently about "oh at least one of you knows more" 🤦🤦. Thanks for offering this perspective!!
These videos are amazing. God has given you two an incredible ministry.
Please pray for me, I could definitely use some healing in the purity department. God bless.
Beautiful beautiful beautiful conversation. Gods love to you both 🙏🏻
pornified culture - good description!
I love you guys, you do a great job with your talks!
That's a beautiful picture of Mary and the child Jesus in the background.
That's the first thing I saw when seeing this for the first time. And I thought it. Love, love being Roman Catholic.
I noticed and admired that beautiful picture as well. Could you share where you got it, please?
God Bless you both for having the courage talk about the way it was intended and maintaining the sanctity of the “ holy” family! So beautiful! Thank you!
"101 tips to blow his mind that we discovered this month, and we'll discover more next month."
I'm literally tearing up I'm laughing so hard
It’s just silly.
This is so beautiful. I went to catholic school for 13 years and never was I taught any of this. :(
Thank you guys so much! Love Y’all!
❤️🙏🙌
Great explanation. God bless you both and your witness to the fullness of marriage.
Love this! Thank you for sharing & God bless! May we all have the courage and strength to treat sex the way God intended it to be treated.
You two are so great ! This is beautiful.
Great video ! Thanks for doing this.
My hats off to you guys and I wish you both a wonderful life altogether -God bless! I wish this was a gift my wife and I could have given each other but we married each other for us, including our imperfections and it seems to be working out a-okay.
Idk how I found this, but thank you from the bottom of my heart
Great video. Concur with EVERYTHING you are saying.
Excuse me, when I got married, I was chaste. And I said to my hubby, "You're going to put that where??? TRUE...We never talked about sex around my home. My Mom and Dad were strict. Now, I'm a Grandmother and thank you for helping people spiritually.
And do you think it was a good decision your parents made not to educate their child/children about sex?
@@michaelanderson4849 Back then, those were the times. I never thought it was.
@@iamabeliever4life Personally I think it is a horrendous thing to actively withold essential information to a child as a parent. And I'd say that straight to the face of anyone guilty of it.
Where did he want to put it?
I appreciate your honesty. Thank you and God bless you.
Jackie, I would have punched that person asking that question. Well, maybe not, but I would have been very angry. I also hate those magazines and certain men's talks about sex mechanics. And you're completely right: sex gets better in marriage with love and communication. It's a real gift from the Lord. Awesome video. I loved it. This topic is very important and your video is perfect. We need more of this. Thanks guys!!! God bless you.
Good testimony guys. God bless your marriage
I love your videos. You two are being obedient to God. Speaking the truth in way the church hasn’t been teaching.
I plan on using this video in a future Youth Group lesson.
I have been learning about Obedience and the concept of The Fear of the Lord (read Proberbs) and it has changed my life. I have been following God for 30 years and this is the most powerful concept about God.
Obedience is our response to the God of the millions of miracles it took to create each of us.
It seems that when you decide to “wait” on sex you are say - I will prove to you that I can be obedient to you and our wedding vows by being Obedient to God.
God Bless Us All
Best to wait. It is no good luck charm though. A good start but chastity is an everyday thing for life.
"you made a commitment you never ever made"....that is so true!
Wonderful messages ❤️
May God have mercy on us and world. Amen
🇮🇩💓🇮🇩
Big thanks for your good, holy and sincere as well as inspiring words.
God bless you both, my wife and I are converts to the Catholic Church and celebrating our 35th anniversary she is truly my bride, and I love the church’s teaching on Theology of the body. I wish I would have been raised with Catholic teaching made many mistakes! But tanks be too God His timing is perfect
These videos help me renew my faith in true love, and to reasure that love is only truly found in Christ
Every time I watch one of your videos, all I can think of is how I wish I could have had a conversation with my ex wife like the conversations Jacky and Bobby have with each other.
Most married couples are exhausted by the end of their wedding, I imagine it would be the last thing on many couples' minds haha
Thank you. No other words necessary. ❤️
this is so true; Love and sex get better with time. Testing the waters doesn't help either because people tend to compare their past and their present. this could lead to unmet expectations. When the Couple wades the uncharted waters of sexual intercourse together, there is an assurance that both are committed to their vows and are in this journey all the way.
thanks, Jackie and bobby
Awesome video! Could you guys make a video on how you guys use NFP? Thanks!
YES! We need more videos on the growing closer as couples and loving each other more with NFP!!!
It’s sad how our culture is becoming so sex obsessed. We are human beings and have the capacity of saying no to sex.
Well said! I was not as chaste as I should have been before marriage but every single bit of chastity I could present to my wife on my wedding night was worth it... and I still feel that way more than ten years later! She blows my mind because she knows who I am and still gives herself freely. What a gift!
was she a virgin and you were not?
Beautiful! Thank you. 🙏.
Love these videos....I was wondering if we could hear from Jackie and Bobby about different ways to talk to young children about having babies outside of marriage, homosexuality and other tough topics. My 4yr old daughter asked me why my friend was having a baby but wasn’t married...I wasn’t exactly sure how to talk to her about that.
Excellent video! Thanks! God bless! 💞
Love your videos! U both make such a cute couple!
I love you girl
You keep it so real
Absolutely on Point!
Awesome video.
God bless you guys and thanks for sharing from God and sharing a good example God ess you all amen
I often hear from those claiming that how is a couple going to tell if they are sexually compatible with each other if you don’t have sex before getting married? But my grandmother has always said, if you have sex before getting married, then you have nothing to look forward when you get married.
Best 1st minute of a video ever! #selfcontrol I feel like we could be best friends!🤣
Chastity , provides a strong root in you're marriage, congratulations to both
Jackie always finna punch somebody in the face...lol! I love you guys!
God Bless your Marriage until death do you part. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Funny timing for this video. One of my best Catholic friends is about to get engaged (he's done the entire traditional Catholic courtship process, so his marriage is already assured by both sides) and he and his fiance haven't even held hands yet, so he's pretty nervous and excited now about this stuff.
Quite funny and cheerful. Seriously PLEASE go forth and help tamp down the sex craze in our culture. It's gone from very bad to MUCH WORSE. GB!
My husband and I are just like you guys! I was a Virgin but my husband was not. And tbh our wedding night was so amazing because we loved each other so much and we love God above all else. It was not awkward or weird. It was beautiful and amazing! The best! Literally better than I ever expected. And I'm proud we saved sex for marriage. He loved me enough he wanted to wait. That's love.
BratKatUzar
Whatever works for you is fine
Hehe. Thanks for sharing.
It's cool to be chaste.
God bless, Proverbs 31
thanks for your videos.
More young people should practice Chastity! Let’s keep praying so God can guide us into keeping this promise.
Bobby looks so awkwardly sometimes. A true gentleman!
aww this is so nice.. hehe if a guy waits for you, it is love.. true love.. 😍❤️ #totustuusmaria
The first time with any partner is always awkward, but your best friend will always be patient and tender and understanding with you. You have to "figure it out" b/c its all about learning how to provide each other with pleasure and not just the mechanics of physical pleasure. That is why God made this bond so special in marriage. Its more about the emotional, spiritual, intellectual connection you have w/ your partner and learning their love language. I love Jeff Foxworthy's take on this how he says it took him a while but now he has his wife's "combination" that no one else has. As your marriage grows and changes and you go through seasons of your life things will change, but your best friend will always be there to understand.
Excellent
More videos please!
Power to this couple. I failed at chastity before I had my first driver's license.
Adam Santo Doesn’t mean you can’t be chaste now of course.
It takes practice for anything to be great.
@Matt Blaise who said it was?
Help to now that I’m not the only one who lost there Chasity can still be reborn thanks bobby
Kinky. I love it!
Amen💕😃so awesome!
You both are best couple. May Jesus Christ bless you married life.
I always thought there are no perfect families (anymore), I think I was wrong.
there are no perfect families. there never was any. there is only one exception -- the holy family
@@SenorCinema Well, as humans, Mary and Joseph still sinned, if that's what you're implying. Giving birth to "God in flesh" didn't give them the free sin pass or have a "God-only" sin restraint. That's how I see the topic. God Bless!🙏
Catholicism teaches that Mary never sinned. However, you’re right about Joseph.
@@MouthwashTyphoon Me?
How beautiful.
Bobby what’s the bracelet you have on?
I know it seems out of place, and not to put down non virgins before marriage, but the chaste before marriage are heroes to me.
I didn’t know Fred and Serena Waterford had a RUclips Channel.
Its huge myth in west. Its not a deal at all. You never need to teach a fish to swim. Think about your ancestors they never had wikihows and those who waited how they gave birth to so many babies. You can keep it for marriage. If those people cant wait untill they gift their experience to your life partner please dont push other people
An infant will hold its breath by reflex when put under the surface of water. Yet this does not eliminate the need to learn how to swim. Fish does not have sex.
@@michaelanderson4849 Fish do have sex (they reproduce sexually, therefore...), although few if any have sex in anything like the way we do. You're quite right that the analogy is limited, however.
Still, the Western emphasis on sex education is really overblown. Yes, it helps to know what goes where, and it *definitely* helps for a girl to know that her period doesn't mean she's bleeding to death. On the other hand, there's a *whole* lot of information in our sex-ed classes that's either unnecessary to know (I could have lived a long and happy life without a lot of the information I got about various sexual practices, for example) or pretty obvious once you encounter the reality. The biggest problem with our sex-ed curriculum is that it tries to be value-neutral, which results in focusing on the plumbing at the expense of the mutual self-gift that gives meaning to the plumbing. And yes, I know *why* our curriculum tries to be value-neutral, but that doesn't make a plumbing-centered approach to sex any less of a distortion.
@@brownpcsuncedu I wholeheartedly agree that the focus in sex education is way off. Yet the one we have does less damage than not having one at all which a frightingly large proportion of people tend to prefer (mostly because their personal discomfort teaching their offspring).
Fish reproduce sexually but they do not have sex in a way that resebles our. And you know very well what I mean.
*Can y’all do a video or someone you know On couples who struggle with infertility?*
*Not everyone has the picture perfect fertility and it’s difficult finding/sharing videos with couples that are in line with the Catholic Church.*
Look into clomid. It can work for men and women. Doesn't violate our faith either.
Ninja Master You need to watch this. It’s about what not to say to infertile Catholic couples.... ruclips.net/video/srpalpdUrUc/видео.html
Look up NAPRO and Creighton Model... husband and I have been struggling for almost 4 yrs but this method has taught us so much. Theres is hundreds of testimonies of people that have been able to conceive. ..and yes I know what you mean hard to find something in line with our faith. 🙏
I always pray to God for the husband he has chosen for me because I feel that I am called for marriage but I do get impatient sometimes but if kept my virginity :)
If this tops 75,000 views, it'll be their most popular video so far.
its hard for us on several days after the wedding day...I still support chastity, please pray for us
One can learn basic anatomy in order to know how to have sex. They don't need to experience it in order to know what goes in the bedroom. I would have gotten pissed at that lady too haha.
'Ask for the healing of memories' - how about healing of virgins who have to deal with their spouse's sexual past? Any testimonies?
Dorothy O Yes, please!!
They did a good video about handling your spouse's sexual past. I enjoyed it.
Jason Evert also has a video on this topic
I think that would be none of the spouses business to feel bad about their partners past sins, if that partner has already asked for forgiveness from God.
There's nothing to "deal" with if the spouse has repented of their past sins and has confessed them
I'm afraid it might be kind of painful, because I've had some bad experiences in the past and, though I'm still a virgin, I got close to not being anymore, but didn't do it because it would hurt and cause pain. So I'm afraid it won't be very pleasant or comfortable, and that I'll feel a lot of pain
You two are perfect for each other!
Don't know about others but to be honest I don't care much for the first night. If it's God's will, I hope to get married and I think after such an exciting day I'll probably fall asleep before anything ..lol I'm 31 and virgin and still waiting for the right man. Sometimes though I feel as if something is wrong with me because there are no decent guys around...but that is another subject.
Nothing is wrong with you, you have chosen right, renounce the words when they come to you, trust God, pray and Continue to grow. Don't give up. It may be hard to see but God may be preparing you for something great. God bless
@@jane4822 Thank you!! God bless you :)
If you're catholic have you thought of using a Catholic dating site to find a catholic man?
Unfortunately it will be difficult in our culture but that is more about them having an issue and not being good men that's not on you. If popularity or custom made something good then chattel slavery of black people was good. If you were alive in 1780 and opposed it as an intrinsic evil you would have had to struggle as many would have disagreed. You may have at times though there was something wrong with you.