Manage dementia caregiver stress: 4 tips to cope with difficult dementia behaviors
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- Опубликовано: 25 июн 2024
- Welcome to the place where I share dementia tips, strategies, and information for family members caring for a loved one with any type of dementia (such as Alzheimer's disease, Lewy Body dementia, vascular dementia, frontotemporal dementia, etc.)
Today’s video discusses the dangers you face simply for caring for someone with dementia. Dementia caregivers are at higher risk of death, sickness, depression, and anxiety. Listen to hear about my 4 tips you can use to help calm down and deal with stress when you are in the middle of a difficult dementia caregiving situation.
If you love someone with any type of dementia, such as Alzheimer's disease, Lewy Body dementia, or vascular dementia, then chances are high that you feel stressed out and frustrated from time to time.
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CHECK OUT MY POPULAR PLAYLISTS
Managing Stress and Burnout: • DEMENTIA SELF-CARE AND...
Dealing with Challenging Behaviors:
• DIFFICULT DEMENTIA BEH...
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OTHER VIDEOS MENTIONED IN THIS VIDEO:
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• Why it's okay to lie t...
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In case you haven’t met me, my name is Natali Edmonds and I am a board certified geropsychologist. That means that I am a clinical psychologist who specializes in working with older adults. One day, while hiking a trail, I came up with the idea for Careblazers and I decided to see if posting videos online could provide help to the many other Careblazers in the world who don’t get to have help come directly to them in their homes. I hope that this work helps you in some way on your caregiving journey.
#careblazer #dementia #dementiacaregiver
So very helpful. My wife just came home from the hospital after a severe stroke. There is only me to take care of her. I'm 73 and she is 69. Our lives were turned upside down. I am a disabled veteran myself BUT I am filling the gap as best that I can. She gets angry and irrational at times. They are the hardest for me to deal with. The physical demands along with everything else that a 100% caregiver has to do is nothing compared to the emotional part. BUT, I found your videos and am learning a lot. So THANK YOU VERY MUCH for these videos and know they are helping people like me. God provides. Blessings to you and yours.
I live in a very rural area. We are lacking in services for dementia. My father had dementia before his death, so I am aware of the challenges I can face. Your podcasts have helped me in innumerable ways. I felt frightened & overwhelmed
Your instructions & insights now reassure me I will be able to live with my much-loved husband in productive ways for both of us. Thank you for your insightful help!
Thank you for the 4-Coping skills. It’s interesting when I was listening today, these coping skills that you’re sharing I’ve done each one of these after my husband passed away, we learn these in grief class. Thank you for sharing them with your listeners and I pray that it’s helpful for everyone.
Your videos are a big help to me. Thank you for making them. I finally found someone to help me by staying with my sister 5 days a week about 35 hours. What a relief. I can see and feel the change it is giving me.
Just listening to you being caring helps
Thank you for everything you do to help support caregivers with invaluable tools to assist ourselves and our loved ones through, often times unbelievably, difficult life situations.
Having cPTSD, I deal a lot with stress and anxiety. So I must say that having an animal, especially a dog, is of great help. Not only will a dog help your loved one with dementia, but also you as caregiver. The dog must not even be a service dog or therapy dog, just a dog, maybe from a rescue center.
In addition I can tell you that any creative activity will help you deal with undesired emotions. I found out that especially watercolor helped me very much. Also watercolor in combination with neurographica is of great help to calm down, to let go of stress and / or anxiety, to organize thoughts and focus on certain things like for example decision making.
I am quite convinced that neurographica can be of help for people suffering from dementia too. It's just simple, totally random lines to be put on paper, and then get rid of sharp corners by rounding everything. Then you can either doodle within the different forms you just created, or you color them first with watercolor or colored pencils, before doodleing. But this last step must not be done if you don't want to.
On RUclips you can find various channels by creative people or artists, showcasing neurographica or neurographic art. It's simple, easy understandable steps make neurographic art so practical for releasing stress or anxiety, and for clearing the mind when making decisions.
Have fun being creative together. 😊
Cheers from Germany to all careblazers all over the world. 😉
My hubby has dementia I love him dearly. He has progressed to the point where he has forgotten our 3 grown children name as well as mine most often. He is very loving and kind to me and I am so happy he is easy to get along with. However I have not been away from him in over 3 years and he loves me so much he wants to be with me all the time. I need time alone and as well away for few days. I never leave the condo without him, he comes everywhere with me. I'm so tired depressed and he cries if he sees me unhappy. Help me please.
Did anyone get back with you or offer help?!? I hope so!!
Hi. I live in Canada and my husband has been diagnosed with dementia since August 2020. My life ended then and I’ve been struggling ever since. Just wondering how you cope
@@kyokopuffs You've got to ask for help from others or hire a caregiver to give you some relief. That is how we cope with caring for my mother in law. It is not easy. You can do this! :)
Hey I am new to dementia, I took a job working security at a nursing home. YOUR VIDEO really helping :)!
I stopped smoking yrs ago but I really wish I did again it would make this Soo much easier!
I'm anticipating a future need in care giving for my spouse. This video is a start in under standing what I need to prepare.
i love to cook and make bread..i make lots of bread and way to much food but it does help i pray a lot and thank God for all my many other blessings..thank you so much for time you take to help us..
C: God is in Control… I can go with the flow
A: is for the fresh Air I get as I do my yard work and especially take pleasure in my gardening efforts
L: is for Leave the room… gotta use the commode or do the dishes or laundry (practical escape, justified)
M: is for Me, Meandering through the park when I take my daily walk with my neighbor, as we compare our day
I am having trouble sleeping now it’s odd I could always sleep. Never had any trouble in that area. I have been resting and giving myself a non determined time to do nothing. I picked up a lamp to read my Bible now that I cannot be stopped and what a joy this is. I am not lonely at all. I love a quiet house
🥰 hugs to you!
Thank you very much for sharing your expertise so freely with us who have the privilege and responsibility of caregiving. I’m so grateful for having heard these 4 tips, and actually started implementing your recommendations before the video was even finished!
Thankyou, i'me caring for a father who was a molester and a mother who didn't see anything! They live in our home however they have there own living room bathroom And bedrooms. You have given me good pointers. But,I feel angry......... I feel guilty but I feel proud, it's such a roller coaster. Thankyou for your fine information. L xox.
Be sure to take care of yourself.
you are a better person than me...I couldn't do it. I wish you well. I know it's been awhile hope all is better for you
Paul was my Husband. The House is so peaceful now. He was a screamer all night long.
God bless you! ❤️
Good one Dr. Natali. Very helpful! I happened upon "C" myself one day. My mom's dementia mix includes vascular, caused by atrial fibrillation of her heart. If she doesn't take the med for it, she will, not might, but will have another major stroke, only this time it could leave her in a hospital bed as a vegetable until she dies. That thought used to freak me out, so I did anything humanly possible to get her to take that med. When she refused, I would sweat, my heart would palpitate, my jugular veins would pump, until finally I just said "F... it. Who cares? Let her be a vegetable." And I'd just leave the med with a glass of water near her and walk away. Ironically, she began taking the med!!! So my "C" statement is "Who cares?" And now my own body is no longer on a quick path toward death. No matter what "could" happen or even "will" happen to cause my mom massive pain or setbacks, I just don't care. How would caring about it so much help her anyway?
We had a similar revelation with my mom and her pills, especially her mood calming pill and hypertension meds. She fights taking them every single time. My sister and I, who share care giving, both said we just can’t keep fighting her about this, since she needs meds three times a day. It was stressing us out and her anger sometimes escalates and the whole day becomes a struggle. We also wondered if her refusal might be her signaling that she wants to go. So we just tell her ‘take them or don’t. We wish you would, because you need them and we love you.’ Most times she does go ahead and takes them.
@@Catmoore60 there is a gel for applying meds to deal with agitation. My mom was recently prescribed the gel, and doesn’t always need it, but it’s helped tremendously!
Thank God for you helping so many people because I hear quite a few errors that a caregiver does .of course your tips were put into practice.
This really help me after visiting my Mother in the nursing home. I didn't wanna go back to listening to the horrible things she says to me about me
Glad it helped!
Thank you. My husband and I are just embarking on this journey for his parents. He is so overwhelmed, I'm fine, and do what I can to help, and guide him to know what legal things he needs to handle. But this is so hard on him. Your advise is helpful. I do worry about him. I know things are going to get tougher soon.
I really love your sessions and it makes me feel better. I'm really trying to calm myself down, had got very I'll, visiting my mom(believed I caught it from her)and trying to get well. I'm saying silent prayers for myself, sometimes I start crying & wonder what I'm gonna do, if she leaves me. I'm thinking of visiting a psychiatrist!
Do seek help.
I hope you did seek help. Caregivers are under a lot of stress and you deserve to take care of yourself!
I can relate to this, was taking care of my sister and went thru so many difficulties, lost a great deal of weight and was concered about my health, at 72 I had to remove myself and let others take over. Thank you so much, your tips are very helpful, wish I had known them before.
Myra Ramkeesoon thanks for sharing. It's so difficult, but I'm glad you were able to step back and let others help. Sending love.
I’m 76 and I also have been taking care of a sister. After 3 years I have been blessed with help 5 days a week. I’m still involved but not 24/7. I can see the difference in myself.
Natali, I watch and listen to your videos daily. You have been a tremendous source of information to me. I advise other caregivers to listen to you videos as well. Thank you so much for what you do.
When I was having prob with a family member with mild cognitive impairment and it was really changing I told my PA back in the spring of 2020 and he told me it was no big deal most people have that. I told him no this is a big deal. I got no hep until this spring of 2022 by searching constantly! It’s so exhausting! Thankful that I found you and others now but it would have helped if it could have been when they were diagnoised at the beginning! They said nothing. Thankful now but hard tried to learn everything so fast !
I'm so glad you found what works best for your loved one! 💖
My husband has destroyed my health! Having had perfect BP my entire life I suffered a Stroke & have BP thru the roof!! The Nurses who come to my home to help care for me have even noticed this. If he’s sleeping? 130/70! If he’s in the room? 180/100! I live in fear of my life & denying my grandbaby ME! She has no other grandparents. 😪
It’s really important for you to get support from your local Alzheimer’s Society. You may also want to ask your doctor about mindfulness training. Blood pressures surges like that are unsafe.
I took care of a person for over a year that I was with for 25 years.I am permanently scarred and still traumatized 3 yrs later.The violence,verbal abuse , destruction,,pushed all the love out!!!How can anyone give up a minute of their lives for lost causes!!!There is no love strong enough to go through this for ANYONE!!!!Don't put yourself or your family through any of this .
This as ever so helpful in my thoughts that were raging re using the boot on my wife’s broken ankle. I yelled more than once in these 5 days. I went out for 45 min walk today. I could have done that sooner as I felt the pressure rising!!!❤
Our pleasure!
Thank you so much for making this video dear! I know that you made this a while ago but I just wanted to let you know that truly appreciate this chat and it is helping me to care for my grandma
Thank you for this video. I needed this today very much. You have such a soothing calming voice too.
Thank you Natali, you give so much practical and useful advice. I find pet therapy wonderful, plus you can always take the dog for a walk (exercise and fresh air, listen to the birds singing, observe nature). I love reading and a good book is a great form of escape from the cares of everyday life. My father is in early to mid stage dementia and I have a long road ahead of me yet. It's so sad to see the deterioration taking effect in him.
Hi Sharyn! Yes, pet therapy is wonderful! I am a huge animal lover and see the benefits pet therapy provides. Thank you for your comments. It sounds like you have many things to help you manage caregiver stress. Try to keep up all of those things as the disease deteriorates, that is when it will be most important to take care of yourself!
Thank you so much for you support and knowledge and sharing you information. It was so helpful and needed in this time of our lives as our father in these continuous stages of dementia. You have definitely helped in increasing our knowledge in coping with this horrendous disease.
Thanks, very helpful. It was what I need at this time.
Gracias. You have made caregiving for my father manageable. Bless you.
Thank you Dr Natali for the reminder of CALM! I had to go back to the video on shadowing and you reminded me about my coping statements. I’m not sure why I can’t keep all these nuggets of wisdom banked up in my minds toolbox! So thank you for them being available.
You could write them down and make flashcards
Your videos are so helpful. I look forward to every one of them,
An excellent guide to caring for a loved one with dementia. Thank you so much,
Thanks for the tips.
Thanks, this is just what I needed.
This video helps me a lot, thank you so much mam Natalie I'm continuous watching your videos God bless you😍
Thank you for this video
Thank you, very helpful!
I’m finding myself manifesting all these things. This is one of your many gems Doc. Here’s a question for you. How does one deal with feelings of guilt that you did not or are not caring for your LOWD properly? Watching my mom get weaker and more dependent has me wondering if I’m doing things right. In an aside note, what if there is zero opportunity to get personal relief/break?
If only this kind of information had been available while I was taking care of my Grandma. She passed away in 2009. People keep asking me to help them with their loved ones' care but it is such a terrible world to have to keep revisiting. I have not been able to get back into the kind of work I used to do before caregiving but I keep thinking I need to find a "real" job that does not involve so much pain. But I also know how desperately the people I help need that support I didn't get when I needed it.
It can be so emotional, especially with your personal history. In the end, you have to do what is best for you. Thank you for what you did for your Grandma. You were a Careblazer before Careblazers even existed :)
Thank you so much really needed this
This tips are very helpful thanks🙏🏻
Thank you!
Thank you soooo much!
My loved one loves Vera Lynn music from WWII.its great I hum it all the time a d it also helps!
Thank you. Those strategies will help a lot. I make them as a habit.
Thank you so much glad it helped a lot!
Thank you so much!
Daniel W Isrite, you are so welcome!
Wow!!!!! Good stuff.
Thank You ❤️❤️❤️
Love this video, great ideas!!!
Thankyou, Jayne!
Thanks so much ❤
thank you helpfull tips everything
Thankyou as always you help me a lot 😄😁
I wish you were filming outside, as in the video with the link to this!
thank you!
This video was great and l know it will help me as l care for my both parents (thanks so much)love,Susan
You are wonderful You helped me alot
Thank you, Janet!
Thx u very helpful
I start each day with about a half hour of Bible study and a few games of Solitaire on my phone.
Awesome video
Thank you for this. It is a great help. Most of the time I am happy to be taken. I keep the finances in order so they are easy to sort out and as I have had a useful and full life can go now. My only problem is leaving the care of my wife to family. I accept responsibility for caring for her but, just sometimes, I would happily die.
Welcome I'm glad it was helpful
Worksheet please!! Very helpful.
Thank you. Yah I’m scared my patient is destroying my health.
Take care of yourself. Do a little bit everyday just for you. I know it's hard, but it is absolutely necessary.
I do sincerely wish L would work for me.
Have you noticed any changes in your overall health? What are you doing to help take care of yourself?
I've gained 15 lbs since my mother in law moved in with us. I'm trying to get back into my walking/workout routine. Its hard tho because Im so tired, ugh
Thank you for your help.......May the lord JESUS bless you...
Thank you, Anselmo!
this is a great video prior to my grandmothers prognosis I was very stressed being I spent of the majority of the summer cleaning her house because she was hoarding and the visits to the nursing home were tough I put my activities on the side which was going to the gym and doing photography when im not working. but one day on my visit to the nursing home it was a unbearable day I broke down in front of the one doctor. the social worker came and talked with me that I was gonna have a nervous breakdown and to take some time for yourself it helps
Christopher o neal I’m glad someone was there to help give you the push to things that make you feel good.
its a tough road ahead being im on my own with this my mom has passed on years ago other family has their own problems
I am beginning to feel a lot of stress dealing with my mom who is 95 with dementia. She is having a lot of anger issues wanting to leave and hollering out the door help, call the police. Not sure how to deal with this behavior! I do have lots of help, don’t know if I could do this alone like many of you on here!
Another awesome resource for de-escalating situations is Teepa Snow on RUclips. She even demonstrates de-escalation.
Medically, my mom started getting a gel of calming meds that helped tremendously.
She also needs a regular routine that includes morning and afternoon naps and regular mealtimes.
Hospice has been a great help for personal care like bathing.
Music helps some also.
When she’s doing things that we just don’t do but aren’t dangerous, I try to acknowledge her “thoughtfulness” 😏
If your mom qualifies for hospice, you can have some time for a break or two.
A visiting doctor relieves stress of trying to get out the door.
On top of all, prayers help!
🤗 hugs to you!
Why is it that caregivers are all consider to be the same.?
There is an obvious difference between being a caregiver as a paid lifestyle choice and as a husband /wife of 50 years, who doesnt leave at the end of the working day./night. When a patient passes away the paid caregiver moves on to another patient, a hisband or wife only has the memory of what was
I take care of my 85 year old mother I had to take her to the emergency room because I knew she had a UTI she keeps having them but what I have learned and wanted to share is the most important thing to do is get her urine in a cup before we go because trying to get urine from someone who has dementia is extremely difficult especially because she is urinating in her
" Depends" and every doctor needs this urine to test for a UTI so they can treat it.....Just wanted to share
GOD BLESS EVERY CAREGIVER OUT THERE...I feel your pain.🙏🙏💚🌞😇😊
That is such a helpful tip! Thank you so much for sharing and keep up the great work in caring for your mother!
Thank you Natalie, you are a great help to me, my husband has frontal lobe dementia,
he has to get up at 7am each day, in a rush, Breakfast , 9am lunch, 11:30 am evening meal,
then straight to Bed .....his timing is all out.... comes back in room to to see what’s on TV, channel hopping, every now and then,
For the rest of the day, won’t get dressed again , and won’t leave the house,
I am learning to let go, and let him be... it takes practice....at least at the moment he sleeps all night.....and I can walk the dog
Sam W
Learning to let go and let him be is a great strategy. I know it can be difficult, you just do the best you can do and let the rest be. Enjoy your walks with the dog
Thank You Lord Paul went to Heaven On March 29th at 3:00. It was all of those but I am free. Hospice was here for the Last 3 weeks. It was extremely serious and Very Hard.
Kathy Fann I pray for your comfort and peace.
To those reading after 2021, hospice can really help. It’s not just for the last few days or weeks. It’s to help the one you love finish the final chapter of their life with dignity! Don’t wait, if your doctor has talked about hospice. It’s not just for the patient, but also for YOU to have a moment without demands upon your time.
how do you get time ...when there is no one but you to do it all !
💜
Wanda that's the exact same situation I'm in...no escape whatsoever!
@@marymalone7256 I know, We just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other, I guess. I know it probably want to long...so, I just think how I'll be glad to know I did all I could. But, if this biopsy on my breast doesn't turn out good I don't know what will happen. I wish I could talk to you, it helps to be able to have someone to talk to. But, after my friend died there isn't anyone I can talk to either. I wish you all the best and I send you love and prayers for you to be strengthened and that someone will help you ! I will be thinking of you !
@@wandalanders8700 Ohhhh Wanda I wish we lived closer together...that was silly to say I guess I don't know where you live but my VERY small circle of friends live really far away or an hour or 5 hours.
It's so tough because if you don't live in a neighborhood where you can just run next door or call someone who lives just a mile or two away it sucks!
Let me know what happens with your examination.
I was diagnosed with breast cancer 2 months before our wedding day and my husband could have bolted right then and there but he didn't he loved me and took care of me, emptying my drainage tube walking me to the bathroom...that's why even with him being in stage 6 he's always been there for me and I'm going to walk with him throughout this bloody sad journey but I'm starting to feel weak.
but we can absolutely be there for each other..
@@marymalone7256 I went today to see surgeon and he said we would do biopsy Friday. I have 2 lumps and I didn't know what would happen. I have to go by myself. Hope, they will do it since I have no one to be there with me. I just don't know what will happen if he says, cancer. I can't do all I have to do and be sick. How are you now? I hope all goes well and I will pray everyday for you and all of us dealing with this awful thing called dementia ! As one human to another I send you love and wish you health and happiness. I live in Alabama.
I have Lymphoma, but I am all by myself here in a foreign country taking care of my mother who has dementia and is a very difficult person. When I try to do something for myself to relax or get a little extra sleep or even get better from the flu, she needs me.
I am so sorry to hear about your situation, Annamaria. Perhaps there are some neighbors, friends, family, or local organizations willing to give you a a break every now and then. It is so important to make sure you are taking good care of yourself during this difficult time.
It is tough especially since my dad has mild almost moderate dementia and he almost talks in code like “a thing, for the place” he can be asking me where something goes or asking me if I’m going to work that night (both of my parents need help differently, I have my own medical stuff and can only work part time).
Re: cuddling a pet. I read that there is an electronic/robot ‘lap
cat’ on the market.
Sincere care givers also end up having to cope with the children of senior clients. Often that in itself is enough to push you to the point of complete exhaustion . To the point where your patience for your actual client ware thin. You are set up for blame & accusations from those same kids who scarcely ever show up to help. It's a nightmare .
My wife has APHSIA (Non-Verbal, cannot talk)
That makes communicating with my wife (MUCH MORE DIFFICULT)
helpful thank you - where is the PDF please?
Leave? She follows me everywhere. I’m not alone in the toilet.
Dealing with the same
This is called “shadowing”. It’s because they are losing their sensory abilities and ability to be oriented. You are their ‘safe person’. ❤️
@@echase416 yes that is what's happening with my husband.
My husband does this! To me & my adult daughter but most especially to our son! He has been very stressed out by this, most especially because there is always a series of questions that are always the same within a few minutes time.
One thing that has been helpful to me is that I got a Birthday Card last year that says edifying things about myself: “intelligent, funny, creative, thoughtful etc...” I put this on the wall where I can easily see it whenever I walk by it! Even sometimes when nothing disruptive is going on, it’s helpful! I can still positively reinforce myself.
On the other hand I see what you’re saying about our own health! I have a Physical Therapist come to my home & after one verbally abusiveness episode, the PT happened to come to my home & my BP was 188/110! Yet whenever my husband isn’t around BC he’s sleeping or somewhere else? Textbook normal!! 110/60 and better. I need to be more aware of this! LOVE your site! Thanks sooo much!
Please note that the previous comment logged 10 months ago under my name is not and never would be a comment made by me.
In fact exactly the opposite would apply.
❤
My care person almost every day says that she doesn't feel well. When I ask, is it your head, stomach, where, how don't you feel well, she can't describe anything that is wrong she just says she just doesn't feel right. She also feel dizzy several times a day. I think all of these feelings stem from her dementia. Could you give your opinion on my situation and what might I do to help or change the situation.
""May the Lord Jesus bless you !!!!
As the son of "GOD", (the god ,who blessed us with the dementia and AD disease), maybe at the next, (first coming) jesus might bring the cure!!!
I'm living all this with my mother.
What a pity, what a shame.
I'm so sorry Mario. It is a sad disease. Sending you all the best for you and your mother.
Mario Rossi Hi Mario, I'm going through the same. The Mother I knew and loved is gradually leaving me and being replaced by a stranger. I try to take it all a day at the time, some days are bad others are better. I want to try and cope for as long as possible...
He has Sundowners extremely
Whenever I visit my mom in memory care, even on a good day, I need to go home and sleep for two hours. I am so exhausted. I’m in good health. Is this emotional/physical exhaustion normal??
For many caregivers, this is what they experience. Sometimes, the act of visiting a loved one in a nursing home brings up so much emotion that it can be draining. Some caregivers try to have something relaxing and nice for themselves planned after a visit. Maybe a bath, nice cup of tea, calming music, etc. when they get home. If you feel that your exhaustion lasts into the next day or is stopping you from doing the things you need to do, you may want to bring it up with your healthcare provider. Sending you all the best!
Careblazers: dementia care heroes The nurse administrator is so caring. She always asks me how I’m doing. She suggested I take a week off from visiting to take care of myself. Mom is well taken care of there so I have no worries about that. I feel guilty, though. But I’m a nurse and I’m always caring for others so I am heeding her advice for this week because I’m asleep within an hour of getting home from work. Thank you for your reply ♥️
missnurseygurl what a wonderful administrator! Please remember this, in order to give the best care to others, you have to give the best care for yourself. It’s not selfish, it’s necessary to continue to be around and healthy enough to visit your mom. 💕
I hope this video might help with your feelings of guilt ruclips.net/video/cJK2SxGFv5Q/видео.html
@@RegisteredNurseL.A. from my experience with my mom, I have to tell you that when I recently had opportunity to acknowledge her efforts to be thoughtful (even if she wasn’t quite), she connected with me and that made a HUGE -amazing- difference in our visit.
They are still in there, trying to communicate with us, but must be frustrated when we don’t understand…
Is tunnel vision something dementia patients have to deal with?
We didn’t have a quite place at all.
What do you do when your 80 year old husband, with Parkinson’s and dementia starts the disgusting habit of porn and masturbation? I was disgusted when he was doing it early in our 52 year old marriage. He is literally killing me with his behavior. I don’t want to live..
Thank you!