Enmeshment and Healthy Boundaries ft. So My Moms a Therapist -- Two Hot Takes || Full Ep
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- Опубликовано: 30 ноя 2024
- Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest Lisa Smith aka So My Moms A Therapist and Justin! This episode features a variety of stories that explore enmeshment (about time right?!) and healthy boundaries. And be stick around till the end for a pop in from Lauren for a story that hit a little close to home and has questionable boundaries...
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I’m really enjoying these episodes with professional therapist. They’re respectful and never fully blame the one who is in the wrong.
I didn’t like the last one for this and people that stay in a grey zone and don’t definitively make a decision annoy me but I like the analogies in this one but yh I fully understand disagreements make for better dialogue
@@faithelson I’m studying psychology and one thing we are thought is that, in sessions, we cannot judge our clients. We have to hear them out, even when we think they are wrong and try to figure out why did they feel they have to act that way. So in some way, when your in this field the gray zone is our best friend hahaha. In real life I agree with you that being in that zone can be very damaging but in this perspective is very needed. I hope that i explained myself well♥️
btw: not trying to be mean, i’m just trying to explain why so often we hear this professionals stay in the gray zone and don’t straight up say you’re wrong, you’re right
I agree. They ABSOLUTELY take the time to truly evaluate all aspects in the situations that may seem very one-sided to us. I love it.
It’s not exactly they don’t completely blame the person in the wrong it’s they way they are phrasing it. So to avoid conflict in my family my therapist taught me “i” statements that say “I feel this when you say this and this is why” it “shifts” the blame and decreases the need to be defensive and start a fight (doesn’t always work) but she’s looking for what’s the problem and not really who is right or wrong
@@faithelson is the you
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I've been loving binging these. This is my favorite guest ever. I love her. Thank you so much for bringing her on. I know this was 2 years ago, but I am struggling in my relationship so much right now, and her calmness and collectedness have really made an imprint on me.
I think when people disrespect my significant other, it is an insult to me personally, doesnt matter if it is family or friends, a dig at my partner is a dig at me
I agree
The friend and wedding one, that text was so blatantly disrespectful. That should absolutely be enough for him. To tell his fiancé “he doesn’t respect you as much as me” should piss him off beyond words and the fact it doesn’t is beyond alarming
I'm also doubtful that the fiancée is actually going to write her off. I hope I'm wrong but I can 100% see him going the "secret friend" route. Or even if he does write her off, the fact that he didn't see how bad it all was tells me it could happen again.
At the end of the day, you just can't let someone treat your SO like that, any more than you can let your SO treat one of your other loved ones like that. Bottom line, people who love you should respect the other people you love.
@@test-kf2zv yeah I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, like maybe he was too used to the situation and couldn't see it from an outsider's pov, but also I started thinking, was the friend right? Did he actually prioritize the friend over the fiancee, maybe knowingly? It's totally possible that he felt like this friend would always be in his life no matter what, but the fiancee might not.
I agree! When I get married, if I ever do, one of the most important things to me is that this person is 100% loyal, and has our best interest at heart first and foremost! I want that person to be eager and excited to look out for our interests first. To have somebody so uninterested in defending me would really hurt me, and I couldn’t go forward with the wedding.
@@inkeriananas I think that you might be right! And in my mind, that’s enough to call off the wedding! If he’s not 100% sure about his fiancé in every way, in the ways that matter, then he’s not ready to get married.
While I like the previous therapist, I like her more. He was a bit too technical/professional for me, I like that she's more laid back.
this is true yeah sometimes the stories don’t need psychological technical analysis’ but just professional opinionated commentary which this woman does so well!
Pretty sure he was a doctor and she's not
I agree though
I disagree, he was great
@@aliciaolvera4265 I liked how he didn't take the stories at face value and knew more than likely the person writing the story was writing it in their own favour
I actually prefer him over her for that reason.
“You’re going to resent that you spent 3 years waiting around when in actuality it was your responsibility not theirs” - this one really got me I’m in a situationship where he has been so clear on his wants and they don’t line up with mine and I’m hoping they change it’s been 2 years and I’ve been refusing to ask myself “am I okay with this” - this is my favorite episode and my favorite non regular guest! Love the insight - deff have her on again
Hot take - I have so much compassion for the wife who had to take care of the husband who wouldn’t wear diapers. I’ve been taking care of my mom for the past 19 months, and at first she didn’t want to wear diapers so there were a lot of messed beds. The exhaustion is real, and, while I’m glad to care for her, having her add an avoidable task to my workload was really, really hard. She finally accepted that it wasn’t a decision only affecting her (she couldn’t change the sheets) and wore her diapers. I was so grateful. When someone is caretaking it’s important for the cared-for person to manage whatever they can to help so that the situation is maintainable.
Timestamps
6:23- AITA for getting mad at wife's sign
15:55 - AITA for getting mad at wife's sign *(update)*
_22:51__- Obe Fitness sponsor_
24:53- Girlfriend's single mom imposes on relationship
_40:35__- Athena Club sponsor_
42:27- AITA fiance's girl best friend
55:08- AITA fiance's girl best friend *(update)*
_1:04:45__- ZocDoc sponsor_
1:06:57- AITA bedwetting husband
_1:27:34__- Manscaped sponsor_
1:29:19- Listener write-in
1:37:27- Not letting gf share bed
thank you for this
Ur the goat cause i wanna speed through a few stories before a lecture🤣💀
You're a blessing
Amazing talented pretty hot awsome perfection
You’re a hero!!
Lol Justin walking in shirtless checking in on Morgan during the ad break 🤣
Lmao I noticed that too!!!
I was trying to find someone that noticed as well 🤣 hilarious
wait when was that??
@@bekahjohn4762 around 23:02 😂
that was so funny
i’m latina & it’s so hard trying to set boundaries & have my family actually respect them. also for me personally, there’s so much guilt around everything my parents have given up for my sibling & me. the guilt really do be eating me alive lmao i’ve been trying to stand up more for my boundaries though lol.
Glad to see your comment. If there's one thing missing from the podcast it's the recognition that culture plays a role in this.
@@deborahavery3012 the therapist did mention the culture aspect. That's why she let's her clients explain what is "normal" or "expected". And then she can make an observation of the situation
Fellow Latina here and I feel your pain girl. I moved out of town, about 6 hours away from my mom and step-dad to live with my biodad. They didn't guilt trip me until my mom got really sick and almost died. And I didn't hear about that until I came back to visit. And I was told "how would you have felt if your mom did die and you couldn't be here to say goodbye. You'd rather be off somewhere else" and ever since that moment I called my biodad and told him I was staying. And now I'm 32 stuck in this hole of a town. Because I'm a single mom and I get a lot of help from my mother. I don't have anyone else for help. And I even get guilt tripped for going into work. And I know even if I got established enough to leave again, it would just be another guilt trip. It's a lot of pressure.
I did literally say that different culture impacts these issues but maybe you missed it.
Thank you so much for sharing. I imagine if your parents were immigrants the guilt you feel can be so much more than others who have non-immigrant parents. Proud of you for implementing little boundaries ❤️😊
My mom and i took care of my grandmother while she was in hospice. We changed her, cleaned her, while she was bedridden and wearing diapers, taking turns throughout the day. Incredibly hard and devastating but i am truly glad that my grandmother was able to see how much we cared about her, keeping her clean and healthy as she passed away. It was a terrible 6 months for EVERYONE, including her. She kept a lot to herself and would constantly apologize while we changed her. I can’t imagine what her thoughts were like having her child and grandchild take care of her while she was incapable of taking care of herself. But i honestly learned so much about myself, what I’m capable of, the lengths i would go to take care of a loved one, and the hardships i was able to handle, especially caring for a loved one in a way that many western families simply don’t (i see more the outsourcing of reproductive labor instead of taking it on themselves, also family is immigrants). Love you, love this episode. Excellent guest. Thank you!
Your family sounds beautiful and so lucky to have one another. And love that you highlight how much it taught you about yourself. Thank you so much for sharing ❤️
Am I the only one who thought at the beginning that she was Morgan’s mom when she said, “my mom is a therapist”
Is no one going to talk about how Morgan and Justin have the same movements like they are both so in-tune together lol I love it 😂❤️
She’s is by far one of the best guests the podcast has ever had along with Sarah Schuer (sorry if I messed that up)
Bring back Sarah Schauer! She was awesome
She’s the funniest guest
Again with story 1, I'm sure this isn't always the case, but her coming to their bedroom at right about bedtime just to talk sets off my manipulation detecter. She was married for forty years. She knows what couples do in their bed at night.
Her being bothered by the sign implies that she didn't know or didn't think about the possibility that her son might be wanting to have sex with his wife. I thinks he knows and has a problem with it, because inmeshed parents seem to do this.
well considering the mum admitted she was coming into the bedroom at night to stop them from getting pregnant, i think you were correct in that assessment hahaha
Sadly, there is a big percentage of "boys moms" that are so manipulating with their boys, that are jealous on their girlfriends/boyfriends, or wife/husbands. I don't understand, and i hope i will not be like this if i will have a boy. My mom's boyfriend is the same, luckly, my boyfriend doesn't get fooled by her, but his little brother OMG he does everything she says, her girlfriend is always on the 2nd place, and they live together, he even beated her for raising her voice at his mom..
My aunt was enmeshed with my grandmother. She never got married, drove two hours nearly every weekend to spend time with her, became her primary caregiver when my grandma developed dementia. My aunt is totally lost now that my grandma is dead; single, no kids, and few friends. It's rough
Ugh you just feel for her :/
My uncle is doing this exact same thing with my grandmother. It became worse after grandfather passed years ago. Now he’s isolated himself from everyone else except my grandmother.
the same thing happened to my aunt, my grandma died in November and now she's alone
So, my husband and I are living with his parents for the mean time since we are still saving up to buy our own place. We’ve been married for a year and for that whole year I discovered a lot about his relationship with his mom. I researched about it and also asked my therapist about it and it is definitely an enmmeshment. Because of this, my MIL always picks on everything I do and compares me to herself, one time I overheard her comparing her boobs to my boobs to my husband and that completely weirded me out. Well she compares herself to me from physical things to anything about me under the sun. And tell it to my husband how better she is in about everything. And also, she would constantly ask my husband about decisions around the house, when she could ask her husband about it since they own the house and THEY ARE MARRIED. She would prefer MY husband’s (her son’s) decision over my Father-in-law and would always do that in almost every aspect. And, one time she commented about us closing our bedroom door all the time when we are inside, which is I guess a form of privacy for us?? But she is totally against it and say “Why do you always close your door???!!” Like hey ofc we are a married couple and we need ou privacy in our own bedroom. One time, I discovered she goes through our closet when we are gone. I put some objects in our closet door like a bobby pin on the rollers or anything just to mark that if it was moved then definitely the door was opened. I did that for several weeks and everytime, whatever I put there is moved or out of place. And then one time she tried to check our bank account by hacking into it, how did i know about this? Because when my husband told her about it, she didnt over react (which she does all the time esp if it is abt banking) she just kept auiet and said “oh yeah? Really?” (We used my husband’s old bank account which she set up before so she knows the password online but we changed it when my husband added me on his account) so I guess she tried to open it with the old pssword
Anyways i dont know if im making sense with whatever im typingbhere my mind is just so full of whatever my MIL is doing and o cant keep up with my brain and my fingers typing it.i just wanted ti share. 😭😭
Like she literally said to mg husband “Isn’t it I have bigger boobs than your wife?”
I am a very petite girl, I am 32B size. i weigh about 100lbs and 5’3 in height. I dont really have much of boobies!!! It is just weird my MIL would even think of saying that to my husbandddd
I’m sorry to hear you’re dealing with this situation. It’s such an invasion of your privacy and your personal boundaries. I’ve been there unfortunately. Comparing your body to hers that is pretty sick and inappropriate. Sounds like she wants her son to look at her the way he looks at you… she’s icky. Have you tried talking to your husband about it?
Oh my god girl I’m so sorry, i hope you and your husband are able to move out soon or he steps up and puts his mom in her place because this is absolutely insane behavior and honestly super concerning she tried to access your bank account. I would immediately set up a new one and transfer everything just in case. I hope everything works out for you 😩🙏🏻
Also the boob thing is just a HUGE NO. That’s absolutely disgusting and i would lose my mind. You’re a far better and kinder person than me 💀
Oh wow I’m sorry you’ve been dealing with this and hope you and your husband can move out soon. 🤍
She is a amazing guest! She explained everything she was saying so so well. Like when she was explaining the mother with the chain around her son. And as always, Morgan and Justin are amazing (as always!) Love your podcast soooo much. :)
The comment about the real definition of a best friend, really is so important. My bff(m) and I (w) have been friends since we were 15, (29 now), it’s my responsibility as HIS BEST FRIEND to be happy if he is happy, his gf right now is a blessing in his life, and I know that while i’m still his best friend she takes priority over me, but that doesn’t stop our friendship or the amount of time we are in each others lives. We’ll be by each other through good and bad for as long as we can. Your bff is supposed to be there for you, not for themselves.
her explanation of resentment being your responsibility at 38:38 felt like a personal call out, but it made so many things click for me 😭
33:33 Morgan and Justin are so adorable and in sync, they leaned their heads to the right at the same time 😭
I’m a nurse and for the story about the husband with the incontinence issue I think a possible option could be using a condom catheter. A condom cath isn’t as invasive as a traditional Foley catheter because it is not inserted into the urethra. Maybe he would be more open to that idea because it is a medical device and helps him to feel like he still has his dignity. Also his wife should change her verbiage and stop calling them “diapers” because he is not a child. Those of us in healthcare call them briefs cause it helps to preserve the dignity of a patient. Idk if he’s incontinent of stool as well and in that cause the brief would help to make clean up easier but if it’s just urine there are other solutions that don’t require you to belittle the very prevalent issue he’s having with being able to cope with his loss of independence.
I am a nurse too and thought the same thing about a condom cath being an option.
I loved your comment! You were focused on practicality, dignity, conflict resolution and I loved it.💛
I'm not sure that the OP would be aware of that term. You know about the terminology because you're a nurse. The average Joe probably does not. I, for example, am not in the medical field and had no idea that adult diapers are called briefs. To me, briefs are a type of cloth underwear, not disposable ones 🤷🏻♀️. I think it's important to recognize where people are when giving technical advice like this.
i’ve already sent this episode to so many people and i’m not even halfway done! absolutely obsessed with the conversations in this episode. so many points she made hit me so hard. keep ‘em coming!!!
I loved how you pointed out that enmeshment can happen between mothers and daughters! When my husband and I were dating, my mom displayed some extremely narcissistic, abusive, and enmeshment-type behaviors. We’ve mostly resolved our issues and we get along now, but it is still a traumatic experience for me.
Even though I’ve never been in a relationship, this podcast has taught me a lot. And if I ever do get into a relationship with someone, I hope to be able to communicate effectively, create/respect reasonable boundaries, and be able to recognize when breaking up is really the best solution.
Was listening/ watching this whenever the ad came on and noticed Justin peek through your ad read. Haha made me laugh. Such a good episode
I thought i was the only one who saw it lol 😂 glad to know i didn’t imagine it 😂
That made me giggle! I like that Morgan just kept that in. haha
This episode was like a wake up call for me recognising the enmeshment with my own mum. I don’t think it’s to the level of these stories but when me and my boyfriend started getting serious she definitely made a joke about me leaving her for him 🥴
23:03 with Justin peaking out 😂😂😂
Another spotting at 1:04:50. 😂😂
Hahahah was looking for this comment
I was cracking up 😂😂😂
I wish I could be a fly on the wall and see Rachel's relationship when she was kicked out of the wedding.
Wow this episode (particularly the discussion after the second story) has made realize that my MIL is enmeshed with my husband. My MIL can be a little wacky at times, but for the most part she’s not too bad. My husband‘s dad left the family when he was 12 leaving just him, his mom, and 3 sisters behind. His mom always forced him to take over the role of “man of the house” even though he was just a kid, but that meant that he was always in charge of things such as yard work, repairs, and even helping with bills. 3 years into us dating he moves out of his moms house and we move in together and she FLIPS OUT! (It was very over dramatic) Eventually things settle and are fine, but a few years later we get engaged and she has another break down over it. Its just now hitting me that she was seeing him as her “spouse” and I was “stealing” him from her! Thankfully he doesnt really play into her antics and we live in a different state now so we dont hardly see her, but this has definitely been eye-opening!
I have a similar story. We went no contact in 2018 and it has been the best decision we have made for our marriage. 🙌🏻
I’m so grateful for the perspective of frustration being openly expressed. My parents once had a fight where my dad left for three days. My mom said nothing and I had no idea what was going on. They always had a “picture perfect” marriage and it was so scary at the time.
Justin during the AD haha 🧍
Unpopular opinion:
Why do we always feel like we owe our parents something?
Personally, my parents CHOSE to have me, I was a planned baby that they made because they wanted a child, it was a purely selfish choice on their part.
They then had the obligation to look after me, because they chose to bring me into this world. Sure, they could’ve been terrible parents and they weren’t… but it was still their choice not mine.
I love my parents, but honestly, I don’t feel like I owe them anything. Anything I do for them is simply because I love them and I want to.
Further… I wonder how many humans there would be if we each got to choose… Say if I were given the choice between being human - who likely has to work most of their life for a pay check, and a House-cat - who’s only worry is that my bowl is half empty… I’m just saying…
I agree with you. I say this all the time and I will go no contact as soon as possible.
This is just my take, but you said your parents weren’t terrible. Mine were pretty bad. As an adult it took a lot to establish boundaries because part of me was always waiting for the apology or sign that they love me. Just my two cents.
That’s why I love r/raisedbynarcissists and r/entitledparents you see A LOT and more of these examples where the parents think their children are their property and they must (CERTAINLY NOT) return everything that was provided to them and live their lives for their parents when older
I agree. I want to help my parents out if I’m able to but they understand that it’s their responsibility to prepare for retirement.
I think for me it's because I have immigrant parents , and they sacrificed so much for me that I feel like I need to give back for everything they gave me and every struggle they went through financially, and with language barriers and racism
I’m a single mom of two year old twins and they are my entire existence - which for now is ok because we’re in the shit, but man do I hope by the time they’re big kids I can build myself something great beyond them. I have always been shut down and feel like I was reborn when my girls were born, I used to obsess on people to insane degrees because, like she said, my book was EMPTY - I had weed and work and naps to make time pass between work days. Now my book may be all about my girls, but we’re starting over at chapter 1 so we have time to flesh it out ❤️
You guys are the best!!
You are a QUEEN 👸 I too have a two year old son and was a single mother for about a year and it was ROUGH. Can't imagine two. Much respect, love and strength to you lady! ☺
Watching this podcast has become a Friday night routine at home with my fiancé. We hear all these stories and gives us a chance to sit back and review what we would (or have done) in similar situations. We can share stories from our past that perhaps they wouldn’t come up some other way, and gets us to know each other better.
On this particular episode, I saw myself on the shoes of the writer of the story of the pregnant woman and her estranged parents. It’s comforting to know that it’s okay to have different circles for people and family can fit into them as well.
I love how Justin wanted you to talk positively about yourself! ❤
Adding onto the analogy from the first story about the book. The mother would be able to fill more pages if she allowed the wife into her life. She would have more people. Also, that future child would be her flesh and blood. It wouldn’t just be the son anymore.
The irony of the MIL saying he was all she has and being upset about having no one in her life and at the same time actively trying to prevent having any other "flesh and blood" enter her life by interfering with the possibility of grandchildren is just legitimately crazy.
"Borrow My Hope", damn, I love that expression, I surely do. Even hearing those words gave my heart an unexpected lift during a difficult time. There's a reason I return, again and again, to THT.
Awwww how adorable is Laurens reaction to Justin explaining how excited he would have been to have Morgan over the first night! Just like so incredibly happy and touched that a man could think that way about anyone let alone one of her best friends.. like just kinda proud and teary eyed.
And her looking over to see Morgan's reactions...friendship and couple goals
Thank you for this episode. My mom was just diagnosed with Cancer and I have stepped in since I am the oldest sister of 3 girls. It has been a lot on me and it has changed my daily routine and routine with my boyfriend. I have spoken with my boyfriend about feeling bad for us not being together and making sure he doesn't feel like I am forgetting about him. He said I am doing a good job but i wasn't sure. Thank you for talking about the healthy boundaries and unhealthy boundaries. It has made me feel better about the way I'm dealing with this situation. Thank you guys for getting educated people on to talk on important topics!❤️
I absolutely love when you have other professionals on. It’s really nice to get their perspective and you’ve chosen really great guests in the field
I'm DYING at 23:01 when Justin pops his head in during the ad 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
My grandma tried to emesh my mother and her siblings, especially my mum, since she is the most responsible one of three siblings. She is still not amused that we moved away from China to Austria and that my mum decided to stay in Austria when she got divorced, because the Chinese enviroment is not good for my personality. I am highly sensitive, so I don´t do well in hectic and competitive enviroments. When we visit our family, three weeks is the maximum I can stay in China. My grandma loves to berate all of us. She has the mentality of everyone needs to respect her because she is the elderly, but she doesn´t respect the younger generation. She is very demanding. My mum and I usually do a bit traveling on our own before we head into the family drama and in my early 20s, we went to Suzhou for a few days. We told my granny, so she is prepared. Oh boy, she was not happy! She was mad at us for half a year, because we didn´t come straight to her.
Her argument was: "You are here to visit me! I should be your priority."
I laughed, because this was ridiculous. We are here to visit family, which means my uncle and my aunt included not only her. And I told her to cut the crap, because my mum is her daughter not her personal nurse. She is here to help you, because she has a big heart and happens to be a health care worker (dental technician) not because she owes it to you. I know that my mum is not going to stand up for herself and let my granny use her. So, if she doesn´t do it, I am gonna do it. Then my granny said that I am disrespectful, and told my mum that she raised me badly. I straight up told her, that my mum raised me just fine, since I am able to speak out when injustice happens. I went through hell in High School due to racist bullying, so my grandma´s enmeshment attempt is a piece of cake! The icing on the cake was when my grandma talked crap about me behind my back and my back then 11 year old cousin heard that. That was in April, 2019. My little cousin is my baby, and I am very protective over him. I know that she didn´t like the fact that I think for myself. One time she even said that I am not womanly enough, because I am that independent. So, I called her out for being pathetic that she can´t tell it in my face. She told me that I am still a kid and she is trying to tell my mum how to raise me. I was 24 back then and yet again, my mum raised me just fine! She started to berate my uncle that my cousin was misbehaving, because he told me about my granny´s backstabbing behaviour. My uncle has a bad temperament. Her berating really got to him, that he slapped my cousin infront of the whole family in the public. I was the first one to react, immediately dragging my cousin behind me and called both of them out.
I said: "You don´t get to hurt your son, just because you can´t control your anger. With your age, it´s pathetic! If you are angry, go out and let it out of something else, but not on your son! And you grandma, the fact that you even encourage that tells a lot about how much of an entitled, aggrogant and crappy person you are. You don´t like my personality, because I am one of the few people in this family who can stand up for myself. I am the way, I am and I am going to stay the way I am. If you don´t like it, because you can´t control me? Suck it up, because I love my personality. My mum and I are here to visit all of you and not just you. So, don´t you ever try to use us ever again."
Well, that was the last time she saw me and also the last time she was that crappy to me, even over the phone.
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
When the guest said the thing about either leaning in or leaning out of hard situations and hopes that her child would lean in, I immediately started crying. My aunt had ALS and my mom was her primary caregiver so I really related to her story about her family member passing from that similar disease. It’s a horrible situation but like she said, there are silver linings that come out of it. I don’t know why her saying to lean into the hard made me burst into tears but it struck a chord with me. This episode has given me so many ideas to think about and digest, thank you so much for this episode and bringing on this amazing guest. One of the most impactful episodes I’ve watched. Thank you thank you thank you❤️
I love this idea of how ‘this is how their table was set’, addressing peoples mental framework on how life is supposed to go. I have a four month old baby, and always wanted my parents to live close, and pitch in sometimes to help when I had a baby. I’m lucky enough to have that situation, I live fifteen minutes from them with my husband, and they do help.
But I honestly was hoping they’d help once a week for like half a day or something, with just them watching baby (my mom works part time), and that hasn’t happened, though I did express this wish when I was pregnant, and my mom said we will see. I do see them at least once a week, but it’s a social thing, rather than a drop baby off situation.
But her table was set such that she had no help (her dad wasn’t the best, though, and her mom was very sick), and they lived too far from my dad’s parents. So I am lucky they help at all. It helps knowing that this is her mental framework.
Just a reminder to fellow fans of the podcast to please remember to be kind and respectful. I saw a number of pretty rude comments over on their tiktok and I think some people may have forgotten that we don't personally know the TwoHotTakes crew and aren't in the position to make the jokes we might make with our friends and be understood in the same way. Be careful of falling into a parasocial relationship since it could lead to some unintentional rudeness and discomfort. We're all here to have fun, after all so rememember to be mindful of your words. ❤
Yep! Agreed. :)
Yep, about that Minnesota home town feeling. Grandma grew up with 11 siblings in a small town in Minnesota, and flashforward decades and most of them, the children, and the grandchildren are STILL THERE. We're the weird Californians that left and never moved back.
Still in Minnesota here but I live near Minneapolis so I’m used to city life. Feels like everyone around me is moving to Kentucky or Colorado and I’m actually pretty pleased staying in MN for now. I would considering relocating if a good enough opportunity arose though.
I’m in Kansas but relate all the same. My brother and I are the only ones of the cousins/other family that moved out of the 20 minute radius. We both live about 2 hours opposite ways.
Same! My Grandma was from a small town in Minnesota with 5 siblings. She and her two sisters left and married military men, and they all ended up in California. We are kind of considered the outcast because my grandma never moved back with my mom and uncle.
I would like to hear the "couples counseling with my bf gf" can it be a bonus in next week's episode?😅 loved this episode!!
Morgan please keep having therapist on the pod, I’m obsessed!!! Also I love the Justin and Lauren episodes too these are the best dynamic all together 🥰
This was so comforting ❤️ I love listening to you and Justin, you and Lauren, you and dad, you and Alejandra, etc., and these professional mental health care workers are so amazing to listen to and so soothing. It’s been a very mentally straining week for me, I’ve been re-listening to THT episodes 24/7 and was so excited there was a new one this morning. Thank you for being my comfort podcast ❤️
Called it!! I KNEW the mom was choosing to talk so late for a reason. Despicable. When I first got married, we told to in-laws not to call after 7 under the guise that we were having a sit-down dinner together… oh you bet they did still call though. They were highly attached and hated respecting any boundaries that prioritized me as ‘in-laws aren’t familyyy’… bro my husband is not going to put mommy and daddy above his wife. They literally told him that he ‘switched up’ on them once.. lol
For the story with the husband that wet the bed- I absolutely understand caregiver burn out and frustration. I have had to care for several family members and it is *hard,* especially when they are doing things that you grow to resent because you feel they are being unreasonable. But that woman is still the asshole because for all that I totally understand the urge, she stripped her husband of his dignity.
This man's body is betraying him and I'm not surprised he is not taking the news of needing diapers well. He needs kindness while he mourns that lack of autonomy- maybe that isn't a role his wife can fill, but they need to get someone in there that can help him process those feelings. He isn't peeing the bed because he *wants to* and I'm SURE he feels shame over it without his wife airing it out in front of his KIDS, who are already traumatized by watching their dad's health suffer.
i'm still listening to the second story but i really appreciate the thing lisa said about single parents and keeping up that boundary with their kids. my mom got divorced when i was really young (my sister even younger) and while i don't remember her saying it a lot, my extended family who helped watch us always made a big deal about us "being so good for mom" and "make sure you help mom out extra because you know it's so hard being a single mom". it has become such an issue even now because i never fully grasped what was actually necessary to share with my mom for me to grow versus what i (as a six year old) assumed was too much for her to handle. just really appreciate that mention because it is so easy for everyone in a family unit to completely devolve into enmeshment even when they are trying to help.
great episode so far as always morgan thanks for all you do❤️
If you're looking for another therapist to have on, Micky Adkins on RUclips is absolutely wonderful and has done AITA content in the past. I'd love to see you two collab!
Yes!
I loved the therapists perspective and this was a great video but I mostly wanted to comment to say that the last story you guys mention how sleeping next to someone is super important to a relationship/ maybe more important than sex even and I completely agree!!! I have many people in my life (many of my siblings) that don’t think that that is the case but I think that sleeping near someone is casual intimacy at it’s finest. It’s a small way of learning how to work with someone, whether it’s stealing blankets or pillows or dealing with snoring or sharing space that really builds communication and problem solving skills without it being a super high stakes environment. Also the more time you spend hugging/cuddling or the longer u are in the same space with a person the closer you get and sleeping near someone is a great way of doing that. It’s ALWAYS a red flag to me when I found out a couple doesn’t sleep in the same bed, even if they say everything is fine with their relationship. But my love language is physical touch so I love for the ability to casually easily be able to touch even when I’m asleep so maybe I’m biased but it’s nice to hear that I’m not alone in thinking it’s important
I’m just fascinated with how comfortable Morgan and Justin are with talking ab their past sexual experiences
I have a ton of issues with my lower spine and it has caused me to lose control of my bladder at times. It is so embarrassing for that to happen as an adult. It makes you feel so much shame. He feels like his pride and dignity are completely compromised. You need to treat him wirh dignity, respect and be gentle when you explain that theres no shame in wearing an adult diaper while we figure out what's going on. Shaming him is only going to make him have a harder time with this
I'm disabled and I was so triggered by the OP was talking to her husband. And then bringing the kids into it and also talking to her sister about it. I think it was cruel. Every time someone uses the word diaper with me I am so embarrassed. Also saying something to the affect of he needs to stop wetting the bed "like a child". Also I know from personal experience that just because you wear a brief that there is still a chance that he is still gonna wet the bed. What is OP gonna do then? Yell at him some more? Maybe bring the neighbors over to see so that he has absolutely no dignity left? I think maybe OP should have been one of those people that omitted "in sickness" from her vows too. Sorry....this one just really pissed me off.
@Amber Gerber It came off incredibly cruel. He's not doing it for fun or to bother her. It's a medical issue. You can't choose what medical issues you have. It really bothered me as well. My boyfriend has dealt with many bowel/bladder issues due to my health. He held my hand while I cried on the toilet (my medicine made me so constipated I couldn't go for a week and it hurt so bad). He has never, not once to this day, made a comment about it being gross or childish. It's really not that hard to treat someone respectfully, even if you don't necessarily like every symptom someone has
Not the Father’s Day ad after talking about her father passing 😂 in all seriousness, awesome episode. I love having you and Justin with an expert on the subject. We get two “normal” opinions, and then get to hear from someone who knows how to help from a professional stand point. Loved this.
This is my favourite episode of THT by far!! Looooved this guest!
To speak on Hispanic families : my family personally we all think it’s our duties to be right at our parents or grandparents doorstep when they need help. With that said my grandma uses this concept and expects me to be there all the time. Her excuse is “you don’t have kids , I raised you and you owe me everything” so yeah. It sucks and I hate being stuck in this cycle. A lot of Hispanics include this behavior but in a very toxic way Instead of something positive.
Yup, guilt trips galore.
I can’t imagine how tough this is. Thank you for sharing and adding another perspective to this!
I grew up being raise by my great grandma and grandma, and would drop anything to help my grandma, no questions asked. But it would be quite exhausting if she used that language on me.
@@TwoHotTakes omg you replied to my comment🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 but yeah it really takes a toll on my mental with my Hispanic family overstepping boundaries
@@freehugs9890 literally
Love the professional guests!! The recent episodes have been educational but still within the fun context of THT
On the whole “can you be friends if you’re attracted to them”, I think I have a unique perspective as a pansexual polyamorous person. I am very much attracted to or even in love with many of my my friends, but not in a romantic or sexual relationship with most of them. I’ve been monogamous and was able to manage those feelings to be fully loyal, it can be done. I prefer being in a polyamorous relationship like I am now, but that doesn’t automatically mean all my friends will suddenly date me. Most of my friends are monogamous or simply don’t feel the same way about me, and I respect that. It’s not that hard to respect boundaries.
great episode, loved it, cant stop laughing at justin peeking in during the add break lmao
thought i was listening to woody allen for a sec…
she’s for sure on stimulants. She is flyin ✈️
I didn’t know the Spotify episodes came out before the RUclips! I was just listening to the episode and wanted to stop by and check out the “magic graphics” near the end haha
Haha omg Lauren is going to be so sad I forgot to put them in 😭
I’m in desperate need of a GREAT therapist and listening to someone who clearly is trustworthy and knowledgeable soothed my soul a bit. Thanks for this one ❤️
The one with the female friend boggles my mind. Like this girl is your bestfriends girlfriend and so she's most likely great - probably someone the friend would've gotten along with if she's acted right. Her insecurity is cutting her off from making another friend and strengthening her circle which is just sad
I love this episode and I think it was really the only way to approach this one, having a professional on. It is a dynamic relationship and it gives credit and lack of where it is due. I'm a big believer in knowing the why behind something and suddenly it makes a lot of sense and makes connections.
What you said about being a bobblehead just listening, it reminds me of The Comments Take Care of It because really there's nothing left to say. She answers it great.
Thank you!!! This is how I felt. Needed a professional to explore this complex topic as so much psychology is apart of it.
For the bedwetting dad story, one thing they missed was “they always accuse me of yelling at their dad for no reason” it sounds like the dead weaponizes the kids with things like “your mother….” Which is very detrimental to the kids. They heard her yelling, she should have explained the situation, and said “so me and your father are arguing over this and I am very frustrated with him” it seemed he used the kids and she tried to fight fire with fire, leave the kids burnt by two of the people that should love and protect them.
How on earth I went one year without watching this episode? Most of what she said was something I already talked about with my therapist, and some were some great analogies to think about. Amazing episode
This was so eye opening to me, I had all this information that I already knew but listening to this everything clicked in place. I've seen how trying to race onto someone else's boat has hurt my hubby and I definitely am going to stop that and set better boundaries and definitely love on my hubby even more. Thank you!
Idk I like these vids a lot but also lowkey the ones the therapists always talk too much🥲 the reason I love this show so much is bc of Morgan and Justin
I NEED a therapist exactly like her omg
I love Lauren…I wasn’t looking at the screen and just listening for a sec and got so excited when Justin said “and Laura appears
Thank goodness for a long episode today! Just had my tonsils taken out and it has been torture. Really needed the pick-me-up and some long content to watch. Loving these collabs so so so much, appreciate all the hardwork everyone on THT is doing, and once again thank you.
The first one really hits home, as I have experienced a family death earlier in the year. A lot of the times we can dismiss poor behavior because the person is greiving, and I know i've done the same. Someone's reaction to your boundaries shouldn't change the boundary, and I'm glad OP stood strong in their boundaries, it's not always easy
Damn, I love this women and the way she articulates things! Thanks for introducing Lisa to a new audience, guys!
YES! IM SO OBSESSED WITH THIS TOPIC! I love all the stories involving this phenomenon and am so curious!
First story (mom against the son’s wife) reminds me of the movie “monster in law” with Jennifer Lopez.
As a child of an addict, it’s very tough. I carry and remember all the pain of childhood. But I had to re meet my parent as an adult and accept them where they are now and then address the past and the affects.
I love this episode. This woman reminds me so much of my mom! My mom is a LMHC and she has so much insight; especially on families and children. She doesn’t have a following but she’s a very sought out after therapist. If you ever want to explore that type of dynamic- I’m SURE she’d love to be a source of professional advice.
Can you please do an episode on religion?! I recently read a r/trueoffmychest story about hating being a pastor’s wife and I’d love to hear y’all do an episode on it
No one wants to be a pastor's wife. I once knew a pastor who refused to get married precisely because of all the horror stories he heard.
“Dr. Morgan” 😎
Me liking this video before the content begins. I love that this woman is a therapist!
I’ve been following Lisa on TikTok for a while now, but it was so cool seeing her on this podcast! Love her! She’s so wise!
I'm almost 27 and I still live with my mom. The thing is, she's disabled and needs a live in caregiver. My brothers and I work together to take care of her, but I'm the main one that's been doing it for years. The difference is that my mom understands I'm an adult and I'm going to do what I want to do. I spend most of the week at home and 2-3 days I stay with my boyfriend. I appreciate it so much when I hear these stories
This is one of my favorite episodes yet!!! And yes Morgan I love her analogies you’re so great and I can picture them perfectly it just totally makes sense awesome episode have a great day guys love watching and tuning it😃❤️❤️
Loved when the therapist talked about postraumatic growth 1:25
I think one thing that was overlooked in the first story is that the husband also lost his dad. Sex may have been the last thing on his mind. The wife could have also been a bit more patient considering her husband was grieving as well. Not just the mother in law.
I was thinking this too!
Good point
How did « You are my only flesh and blood 😭 » turn into « I don’t want you to have a baby » 🤔
Happy Friday!!! Love listening to THT on my hour long drive to work.
Please keep this therapist series going!! Kati Morton or Elizabeth Kupferman would be great guests. so fascinating having "professional opinions" sprinkled in with your normal content
It's sort of nice to see people be actually excited about being like human and living... While im only excited about pizza. Or cats. Or books. Or Jurassic park/world... Also cats 🐈🐈
I'm a psychology student (master's) and I'm really enjoying these episodes with a professional point of view. Feels like I'm a sponge, absorbing all this info. I still love episodes with family, friends and partner.
Every story that reads like the best friends one makes me think they are living "You belong w me" n believe they will win
I hate how the wife described him wetting the bed as well She made it sound like he was able to control it but still doing it and I'm pretty sure she called him a child. It's sick
Just watched this episode today but it’s SO GOOD I love the guest
Me getting ready for bed just listening. Finally sit down and look at my phone. Morgan and Justin nodding excessively.
Me "man..they are nodding a lot"
5 seconds later
Morgan "I feel like bobble heads"
😂 I lost it!!!
Absolutely love this guest!! Shes so super down to earth and has great insight. Would love to see her back
the second story hit really close to home.