Hi, I'm Necita
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- Опубликовано: 28 сен 2024
- hey guys, if you're watching this chances are you're my close friend and I sent you this video.
please watch it to the end before DMing me any questions.
DISCLAIMER: I'm not a mental health expert this channel is to explain our experience and how we handle things. its meant to track our journey. WE DO NOT HAVE DID NOR DO WE HAVE A FULL DIAGNOSIS PLEASE DO NOT TRY TO DIAGNOSE US.
please do not go around telling people about my mental health and don't ask us anything in a public area. PLEASE RESPECT OUR PRIVACY. Understand that just because we post these videos it does not mean you have the right to know everything about us. what we post is what we're comfortable sharing.
This is 100% me and I am in no way trying to fabricate or lie about going through this. This isn't something we're doing to get popular.
if you have any questions feel free to DM me on instagram:
/ kuso_kx
thanks for watching!
This video has haunted me for years. I have since lost access to this account and can not get into it. I’ve tried time and time again to get this video taken down not because I’m ashamed of who I am but because I don’t need the world to know these things.
I originally posted this as a video to myself and to explain to others with the means of taking it down after a few months maybe. The creation of this video is extremely hazy to me because I did not wish to make this video. I’ve gone through some scary shit and have since come clean to my family about everything. I have their support and have gone through my own self healing journey to mend the broken pieces of my identity together. As far as I know there’s only 9 of us as of right now but in the past it has gone up to at least 13. One of the past ones that I believe no longer exists was what I labeled as the Shadow. He was a terrifying slender man like creature that was pitch black and resembled a shadow, his fingers were long and while it looked almost see through towards the ends I knew that they were sharp enough to cause serious harm. I lived in fear of this part of myself for the better part of a year and had little to no help from my previous therapist regarding them. In fact I had almost no help from that therapist at all, any time I would bring up something traumatic or bad that I had gone through she’d simply say “so besides that I guess it’s ok to say you’ve had a relatively good week” that therapist actually set me back in my healing.
I want to take this video down because a part of me still believes I’m faking it, that the “trauma” I went through wasn’t all that bad and that the “people” in my head are just from my over active imagination. The feeling of being locked up while having to watch myself make terrible decisions and not being able to do a thing is just an excuse I’ve created and has never actually happened. But I also know that that’s exactly what happened. That the underage drinking and smoking and doing drugs at the age of 10 was both me and not me. It’s terrifying having to watch everything happen as if I’m watching a movie and not my own life playing out before me. My therapist at the time didn’t help me at all with coming to terms with these things and this video was my own way of trying to gain some sort of control over the situation.
I also want to take this down because of the current state of the world. The kids faking DID and alters on tiktok, I don’t want to be compared to them. I sometimes feel like I am one of them and that I’m faking this for attention and that it’d be better for me to shut up about it and just act ignorant about the whole situation as I had been doing for years. As I’ve said in the video, I’m not a mental health expert I haven’t been diagnosed with DID or OSDD, I don’t want to be diagnosed as of right now and I also am not claiming that that’s what’s going on with me. I have PTSD, that is one of my official diagnosis and that’s what I tell everyone. I don’t want to be diagnosed right now because I don’t think I can handle the severity of that, having it set in stone what exactly this is is just not something my mind can handle. I can barely grasp that this is real that I am sometimes a different person that is still a part of me so to have to understand a diagnosis and what that entails for me will just set me back instead of actually helping me.
This is simply an update on the situation and an explanation as to what this video is, the video was rushed and done within a few days so there was no actual thought put into it, it was an impulsive decision and one of the things I had to “sit back and watch” as it happened. I had even written a script in case I choked up while making this which is why you see me looking off to the side a lot. Now I’m facing the consequences of this video and it’s something I have to live with for the rest of my life. I hope the day when I can fully piece my personality and identity together is the day where I can look back on this video as a funny stepping stone towards my healing process.
Update number two, pretty sure half of this was faked, I know the “switch” was definitely not real. I can’t tell when I “switch” and I only recently came out about this so how tf did I have so much control over a “switch”. Ik I also scripted part of it because I wanted to explain in the best way possible without being a stuttering mess so while what I say is true it is scripted so I wouldn’t be surprised if the “switch” was scripted to kind of show people what two of us act like on the inside. I have since seen a really good therapist who validates what I’ve gone through and that even if in the end I decide that, yeah I was faking everything, that it’s ok because at least then I’d know I came clean about it and admit my faults.
Fully watched the “switch” totally faked, god that’s cringey. The end is stupid too. But it was also needed because it really set in stone that I was trying to get the healing and help that I needed. Might make a video on this account responding to this video and why it’s fucking stupid but yeah
Me again, totally faked, all of it, forget this video existed. I started going to therapy again for my issues. I stopped going a while back because my therapist wasn’t treating me seriously and I felt like she just wasn’t truly listening to me. Anyways younger me and me rn have a lot of issues. While I no longer fake things for attention I did do it a lot back then. I truly apologize to the community and those who are affected by this disorder. As someone who is diagnosed with a mental illness and has been for majority of my life I understand that having people fake it is invalidating and I was not thinking when I did this. Yes I do dissociate, no you don’t need to have DID or any dissociative disorder in order to dissociate. Yes I have “people” in my head, no they’re not alters, personalities or hallucinations (which means schizophrenia is also ruled out). I have tried to take down the video but have been unsuccessful. Once again I am sorry to those of you with a dissociative disorder and for falsely representing you or even mocking you with this video. It was stupid of me and I have since grown from that but I am still learning and healing so I ask for your patience and understanding. If in the future this comes back and people cancel me for it, fine I don’t care. I clearly have/had issues and my priority is to heal from them, not have the world like me. I hope I never revert back to that time and I’ve actually made a general rule for myself to not lie about myself or anything I’ve experienced. So far I’ve stuck to that rule for the past 7-8 months.