How Does Limerence End? Stage Three Of Limerence Explained
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- Опубликовано: 1 авг 2024
- While limerence has three very distinct stages, the lines between them can be somewhat blurred. Stage one creates an infatuation with your new limerent object, while stage two crystallizes the feelings you have for each other. Stage three is called deterioration because the infatuation can start to wear off, and you can finally see their flaws.
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Stage three of limerence can often lead to regret and remorse for the relationship. But does this mean that your significant other will come running back to you? Can your relationship be healed? Dr. Joe Beam and Kimberly Beam Holmes talk about how limerence ends and give advice on the best way to get through it on this episode of Relationship Radio.
VIDEO CHAPTERS
0:00 Intro & Context
0:49 The Third Phase of Limerence
3:12 Defining What Limerence Is
4:45 Limerence Always Ends
6:20 How Limerence Ends
7:49 Why Someone In Limerence Doesn't Go Back To Their Marriage
11:35 Why People In Limerence Typically Don't Stay Together
12:53 How To End Limerence With Someone Else
15:29 Why Continuing Contact Hurts Everyone Involved
19:35 Dr. Joe Beam's Marriage Story
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Has this series on Limerence been helpful to you? Comment below. We'd love to hear from you! ❤️
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- Marriage Helper
One word, Yes!
My ex wife I believe was in Limerence in 2020. The guy dumped her shortly after I found out. She quickly found an old flame from high school. She divorced me. They got married last year. Do you think it’s still limerence? Will it still end eventually? He isn’t bad for her. But our kids don’t like him. I found marriage helper in 2020. I practice smart contact and do my pies but she has no interest in coming home to us. I have given up and have a gf now. But I still miss her dearly. Thankyou for your helpful programs and videos. I am a better person since finding your resources.
Please I need your help 🆘
The difficulty comes when the spouse is in limerance with a work colleague. One of them will need to walk away from their job which is an added layer of complication.
I left my job to get out of the space of the limerence.
My husband refuses and wants this woman as a friend forever :(
@@nisse6952 leave him
Go find your self a good future
@@nisse6952 then he will leave you. It happened to me.
For my wife's limerence partner the "fantasy" ended immediately after I let him know her, the kids, mortgage & car payments were all his. Nothing works like responsibility to scare off a beta male.
One of the necessary factors of bittersweet limerence is that there is a longing accentuated by someone who is unavailable or forbidden to you for some reason. We always want what we can't have. Forbidden fruit is always sweeter. We live in two different worlds. She's or he's out of your league. If there are no impediments to forming an intimate relationship, and there's no desperation, then chances are that limerence never develops. If you don't ever feel that you're on the verge of goodbyes, then that sense of exquisite longing and desire and fear never take over.
My husband's infidelity partner had no impediments keeping her from him, so what you're saying isn't always true.
@@deborahrouse5644 love this response no cap
@@deborahrouse5644 but your relationship was one of them
@@galator011
You mean because he's MY husband that was basically keeping him from her?
@@deborahrouse5644 Im thinking yes
it's surprising for me to learn that limerance also occures in the lives of people who already are in an existing relationship. so far, i've learned that limerance occures more in the lives of people with social difficulties (which are not to be taken lightly or looked down at) and in whose minds the narrative that they create around the object of their passion, relieves them in a way of the need to look for an actual relationship.
if anything, an actual relationship is the antidote to limerance.
while an infatuation with someone else during an existing relationship is common, sadly enough, it still makes sense to me that limerance is not the case, since at least one of the partners, if not both, already has some experience with actual relationships, a situation that teaches us that people are not perfect, and that we have to live with their imperfections.
In my world where my spouse causes so much emotional hurt and pain to myself and her child. Then there is you, people who don’t know all of us personally but people who genuinely care and who bring hope to families like mine. I watch all your videos and am working with Priscilla one of your coaches, who is fantastic. Thank you to all your team for all you do.
How is it going John?
@@mickboyce386 not sure! I’ve distanced myself from this mess and working on myself and taking care of my son. At times I believe he dumped her but I can’t be sure as she lives hundreds of miles away now. She answers the phone more now compared to ignoring me for weeks. She starts arguing with me now and blames me for all the world problems. Part of me thinks she is lashing out at me through guilt. Still slightly in the dark what’s going on with her.
@@user-has-left That's a typical response by unfaithful spouses. Always someone else's fault.
@@mickboyce386 are you in a similar position?
@@user-has-left not this bad. Just felt for you both. Looked into this a lot.
Thank you for making these videos. I do not even recognize the Man he is right now. It all makes so much more sense. I feel like I can have more grace for him now.
I don't recognize the man my husband is right now too but these videos put everything into perspective. Am shocked as to how they nailed my husband's behavior to a T right now. Now I can wake up tomorrow and be nice.
@@KayKaiwelman2123 I am suffering from limerence and I am letting you know that if they truly are experiencing limerence then it is true and real torture for them. It doesn’t look like it from the outside and it might hurt you a lot because it is understandable because it feels like you are being betrayed, but never ever think that their LO (obsession) is the love of their life because they are not. It is an extremely painful and agonizing condition. It has driven me mad for 10 years. Painful every single day. And I bet he feels added guilt of being married on top of that which I can not even imagine. This is not a normal infidelity problem, limerence is a true mental disorder that the person does not willingly want. I am so sorry you are going through this and I feel so sorry for him to be going through it too, I have empathy for both sides.
This is a great program. I'd love to hear more on the single person to single person. Those of us, where infidelity isnt an issue.
The most vivid example from iterature- infatuation of Claude Frollo with Esmeralda in " Notre Dame de Paris".
I want to know if you would do a video for older couple that have been married for 30 - 40 years the husband left for younger woman that is also married, I know he left with stars of " love " in his eyes but also pulled to woman because of drugs. Sorry got to much rambling, I just want to say older couples have these issues also
And what is the most likely outcome if the cheating spouse is caught and the one cheated on decides to divorce. Is it likely that the cheating spouse and the lover will last very long together? What path does this case tend to follow?
Wish u would have went deeper on this one
I'm pretty sure my marriage started out as limmerance and then we've just been hanging on for several years out of some sense of duty or another. But now he's in limmerance with his family and job and refuses to accept that he doesn't need to pit me and our marriage against those things. But since his family is highly dysfunctional & deep in codependency, I think the only way he can keep much of an attachment with them is by being in limmerance with them instead of having a healthy relationship with them. Same with his job. So he expects me to create the security or I'm not worth it. The more I see all this for what it is, the less motivated I am to stand.
Praise God for Alice.
The video between Alice and Kimberly on marriage helper is brilliant.
I still do not truly understand the difference between true love and limerence cause so many things seem similar.
Limerance is a feeling you have. True love is something you DO, continuously. You still have a feeling of love, but real love is something that you do.
Limerance is painful longing, you think about them 24/7 and unable to do anything else or find interest and joy in anything else. You can also stalk their social media and obsess over them dating other people even though you aren’t together, it is an extremely painful situation. Love is not thinking about them 24/7 because you feel secure with them, you think about them when you see something they like or when you miss them throughout the day. You trust them and don’t think they will leave. You feel a warm feeling in your heart of happiness with them. They reciprocate the love back.
My partner won't even reply to messages, I do not know how I can get him to the workshop.
I have did everything I shouldn't have, to push him away. It's very difficult as he doesn’t want to see his children much and when he does it's like he thinks I am punishing him.
It's like he is a totally different man with a hardened heart.
I don't know where to start 😕
My wife filed for divorce and vanished to Los Angeles to be with a guy a month ago. I get it that she wanted out of the marriage, but she abandoned her whole family here in the mid-west. She also just got a facelift and implants and she's 64 years old. The appearances are that she has lost her mind. I guess this might fall under the category of "limerence" ?
Did she ever get over limerence? Do you have an update on your marriage?
@@GTDpowah I've not heard from her in a while. Appears that she is still living with the little rich guy that she left me for. I still anticipate the inevitable end of the affair, but it hasn't happen yet.
@@ST-cy6we well, that's unfortunate, to say the least. Sorry to hear that. Hope you are doing fine and moving on with your life. 🤞
@@GTDpowah Thank you
@@ST-cy6wehow are you now? And deeply sorry for what you are going through
I’m sorry, but Alice is a wonderful person to take you back. I’m sure you know that.
What about when your spouse has limerence for another but the one they want chooses another so your spouse chooses to stay with you(denying the relationship was inappropriate because they were never caught doing anything beyond bring with out somewhere their ap but not having sex so they claim their ap is "just a friend ") so they continue contact still claiming just friends, do they ever go through this final stage or do they pine over what could have been forever?
I'm hoping professional help can bring it out. I'm in the same position.
If possible, I’d suggest reaching out to Marriage Helper and seeing if you can meet with a coach together, or better yet, attend the WorkShop.
Hey FranklyMe NoneYa, so sorry to hear you are going through this. Because of the complexity of this situation, we would strongly advise you reach out to us directly! You can call us at 1 (866) 903 0990 and be connected with one of our Client Representatives who will guide you to the best resources we have available for your situation. You can also schedule the call yourself for a time that works best for you by following this link: marriagehelper.com/marriage-strategy-call/
We look forward to speaking with you directly if you will allow it!
My days are best when my stalkers stay away and I feel free.....I really value my freedom....Being able to prospect is my innate right when it comes to mating and dating... So when my group stalkers use my ex crushes likeliness I feel like I cant escape him :(.... I want to start a new chapter in my life
What if they refuse to cut off contact and work with the person (and try to orchestrate times together. ) my husband claims I'm the wrong person for him because he found her and she's perfect for him. I can't win 😞
How are you doing now?
I want this group of Men stalking me to leave me alone....Im wondering if I should move to another state
Does limerence end faster when the LT and LO start to be/live with each other?
From what I remember from their other podcasts/videos, the answer is yes. If they are truly in limerence the clock really starts to count down once they can actually be together all the time. The stress of not being together actually makes the limerence more intense and keeps it going. It's a very painful thing to think about though, the want for them to not be together and stay apart but it must happen for the countdown to begin it seems.
So Limerence is the same as infatuation?
Sort of. Infatuation is the first stage. I'm thinking that limerence is a fog that takes over the person. My wife seems to be in this now. She has abandoned her whole family and life for a guy in LA. She's making decisions that make no sense at all. Seems to have lost her mind
I think of limerence as, Loving the feeling of being in love. Affairs are hormonal and a romanticized situation. A search for connection. It divides a person's marital needs when finding comfort outside of it. It's addictive as well. The feeling of being in love.
it can fade but can be activated if the person returns.
As all affairs can and same goes for regular romantic relationships.That is why it is important to cut off all contact.
What do I do if my husband works with this young woman he got infatuated with . They work remotely so don’t see each other . He’s here 24/7 with the exception of Saturday morning he goes out for a drive to get coffee and is gone a few hours he refuses to tell me where or what he does because I snooped a lot and said I got controlling and he said he needed time alone and not have to tell me everything or where he goes . He tells me everywhere else he goes but he seems to want to torture me to pay me back
I asked him if he meets her and he said he’s not . That he just needs time alone . I’m having a hard time believing him so now he’s sick of me not trusting him .
Hello friend, so sorry to hear you are going through this. It can be difficult when you suspect something is going on but can't get complete clarity as to what it may be. It can stem some anxiety and insecurity, but we HIGHLY recommend you IMMEDIATELY stop snooping on your spouse. This is the 4th rule in what we refer to as PUSH behaviors.
The H in push behaviors stands for H - Hovering, tracking or controlling.
This will only push your spouse away and cause him to want to move away from you, and if someone else is pulling him away from you, any push behaviors you do right now can only increase the chances of him wanting out.
Please watch the following videos that we have posted:
My Spouse Is Hiding Something From Me:
ruclips.net/video/BhkjyMyUihY/видео.html
What Is Emotional Cheating In Marriage?
ruclips.net/video/hVfB4RSPyIg/видео.html
What To Do When Feeling Neglected By Husband:
ruclips.net/video/f5bM9PZgnU0/видео.html
How To Win Back Your Spouse:
ruclips.net/video/10NlpIF67Qw/видео.html
PIES: The 4 Ways To Attract Your Spouse Back To You
ruclips.net/video/MoxFmmbSeRI/видео.html
Lastly, PLEASE SUBSCRIBE! We want to help you as much as we can! And please consider calling us if you want to speak with someone for free over the phone! 1 866 903 0990
How do you know what stage of limerence a spouse is in?
Great question! There's actually no real fool-proof way to identify which stage they are in. But perhaps a better question to ask would be:
"Does it help to know what stage of limerence my spouse is in?"
And the answer to that is... knowing doesn't actually help.
You need to continue working on your PIES! Keep practicing SMART Contact, and find the right support to help you through this time! That's the best thing you can do!
@@MarriageHelper thnks...its so hard to see what is really going on but I have been trying so hard to do the PIES & SMART Contact as well...gonna need more help & encouragement though coz my partner is so confusing to me & I'm so hurt to say the least
I don't know if it's funny or sad but it only took my wife 18 months to turn the other man (a single coworker) from limerence with her to not wanting anything to do with her.
@@joannguzzo185 Don’t believe what they tell you…ever. It’s what they do that reveals the truth.
I wish I had known all this I may still be married.
He recently told me, he needed space, and he doesn’t know what he wants? What does this mean?
My husband is the same - it’s been six months since I found out about affair. My personal therapist who specializes in limerence has opened my eyes to this, and we need to work on me. You need to make yourself your best version so they see that too. I’m struggling in the same boat as you, sending so much love.. it is so hard and no one understands.. especially when they are saying these things!!
@@ponerzzhow are you doing now?
But isn’t this just a normal human state of mind ..
Hi, do you think there is a correlation between limerence and maladaptive daydreaming?
@@majorthirds thank you 🙏🏼
Very good question!
I definitely think so!
Emotions can be chosen. You do not have to feel anything… this is apathy. So, you choose limerence/infatuation for another. You do not have to feel this way.
It sneaks up.. it's rarely a conscious decision to fall in love in this regard
@@hydraulics Yeah it is sneaky. Being self aware helps with choosing emotions. Also, if one is content with their partner no need to be intrigued by another.
@@shannonbest106 definitely, but let's use another word... I'd rather slit my wrists than go through a life long relationship where we could be described as simply "content" .. life's too short for that. Lol.
No way you can’t choose emotions, they happen. You choose only how you respond to them.
@@samia6888 ummmm… no … technically, choosing an emotion is an ancient philosophy… it is called stoicism… it is hard not to be in your feels… but once you think, then associate/chose a positive emotion with the experience… life is always good.
He won't tell you his story unless you come to a workshop and PAY for it.
You want to get over limerence treat it like what it is..addiction.
You know what? Everyone must make a living so why do you make it sound like something bad if you must pay for some of their workshops? All the things offered by Marriage Helper are time consuming to create. This is THEIR livelihood in life, and is certainly something both needed and worthy! They offer many free mini courses as well to get one started.
I just wonder if Alice was so great, why did you do it to her? Sounds like you went back because you were weak and needed someone strong. I'm also suspicious this is all a sales pitch.
I'm surprised at how many friends of mine divorced and then married each other again. So many have property and assets together, not to mention a community of family and friends. There was no escaping each other during gatherings! We joke with them that they had to get back together because no one else wanted them. 😂