My Husband and I Still Keep Our Finances Separated
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- Опубликовано: 8 дек 2018
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One time I heard a lady say "I owe my husband $x" I almost choked on my drink, I still don't understand this concept.
IKR!!! 💯💕💕
But isn't that what the feminists fought for?
@@juniorgod321 nope!
juniorgod321 no who tf told you that
@@juniorgod321 it is. The modern day feminists anyway
I’ve always said; Dave is low key a therapist.
Natalia Gibbs Wrong, he’s high key a therapist!
He's a better therapist than finance advisor
candirockstar135 honestly, yes.
As a marriage therapist, there’s times I’ve used his videos in teaching...there’s no low key about it.
Fax
Great advice I tell youngsters don't marry people who don't share your values. It's a contract kids.
Good advice but many of us had nobody to share wisdom with us. That not just in money matter, but your words are sound.
Absolutely agree
Tell all this to the courts! This guy has every right and is stupid if he doesnt protect himself. You are all under the assumption that marriage is still a viable contract. He should have never married her. The contract of marriage is no longer viable for men. It says nothing since you can divorce. You all need to remove this religous BS from marriage because the courts will never see it, especially towards men...
I just tell them don’t get married
Vic A agreed
I realized too late in my marriage that even though it was an overall smart move to keep finances separate because otherwise he would have bankrupted me as well as himself, it also meant that we were never on the same page financially and I made a very poor choice in a husband.
Are you still married
@@ebi2412 that’s what I’m trying to find out 😳👀
@@ebi2412it’s implied they’re not married.
Ive heard Dave Ramsey OCCASIONALLY suggest keeping finances separate when one is completely irresponsible with money-“spending like Congress”-or mentally/emotionally too unstable to make wise decisions, etc. But the separate finances approach is only as a last resort. If the irresponsible spouse is willing to go through Financial Peace University and put the principles into practice, Dave often gives FPU to them as a gift. At any rate, combining finances requires both spouses to be on the same page. I don’t blame you for keeping them separate as long as the threat of bankruptcy was looming over your head. Sorry for what you’ve been through. I hope things are going better for you now.
So wait, this dude only pays the minimum payments on purpose? Does he not know how to do math or does he really like making rich people more rich?
But... the 5k in savings makes 5% interest! Why would you waste that 5k paying a 20% interest CC bill when it could be making you money! (/S incase it's needed)
We need more information, TBH, we can only speculate (on that note, maybe he is, as well...)
That is crazy
well . maybe he suspect that a divorce is coming so he doenst want she having all his financial info or minimize lost and hidding the money . its wise to do that in this days if you are not sure about the woman . probably there are some legal issue like having live togheter x years or kids or something like that or the marriage contract that warrrant her all the money .
@@terranox17 Unless he has a really good plan in place, that won’t help. These lawyers have people that will find everything if they think you’re hiding something. If he thinks keeping separate accounts will help in a divorce, he’s gonna be in for a rude awakening if it ever comes to that.
My wife and I had separate accounts and split everything 50-50. We didnt have any marital problems, but we weren't really making any financial progress either, pretty much were just treading water. We combined our accounts and have since cleared all debt except for our home and have a plan to have our home to be paid off in 9 years from now. Simplification is key. When all the money is in one spot, it's easy to see where it needs to go.
Congratulations!!!
I had a different experience. We have separate finances and invest independently--doing very well. We pay bills by funding a joint bill account. Our finances being separate keeps our investing styles our own and creates diversification. I think that this is more healthy for marriage than what Mr. Preacher Ramsey is giving. Been doing this for 28 years.
@@lidarman2 that works where both parties are involved with the finances. In our case, my wife doesn't really want anything to do with the finances. So I was trying to do everything with access to only half of our money.
why was there debt?
What happens when you have separated your finances and one party loses a job and becomes broke? Bound to happen to someone or many people. If it happens to the husband - it’s worse I think.
The separate accounts is one thing, the absolute polar opposite stance on debt is completely different.
Highly doubtful she will be able to withstand the pressure of being "half debt free". Eventually, they'll come to resent each other.
If he refuses to change, then she has no choice to begin the process of protecting herself. Dave is right, this type of relationship is doomed.
Love how you clearly pointed out the problem of these two people having separate accounts. So many people here are whining about what Dave said about the two accounts but they missed the point! The couple are on two different pages, she wants to be debt free he's not on board. They're going nowhere.
Whatever she chooses - they are not on the same page - and her husband will financially ruin them.
I always wonder with these kinds of scenarios what happens if one spouse loses their income and is no longer able to pay "their half" of the bills? Do they combine their finances temporarily and then separate them again if/when they land a new job, or do they kick the "non-paying spouse" out?
.
If your spouse has to pay the mortgage but gets laid off, injured, etc.....??? Or what if they pay for food? Do you starve for a month, or do you take over and buy food for yourself and "Share" it with them?
.
100 years ago people didn't debate stuff like this. You got married and combined your lives for a lifetime. The shack up culture of today has people trying to find the most complicated and least successful ways to manage a household. Note the word "household" is not plural: it means a single unit.
@@sidwhiting665 Couples stayed married at the time because there was no crazy, radical feminist culture of women who compete with their husbands in every realm. People must protect themselves nowadays, because a spouse can be used to pay off the debt before bailing. It's just too much risk involved.
@@sidwhiting665 I often wonder the same exact thing. Do they spouse who loses his/her owes the other half for covering the household expenses for the time being? One time I heard a lady said I owe my husband $xxl, I couldn't wrap my head around how you owe your danm spouse!
Sounds like he makes bad financial decisions with making minimum payments. I wouldn't want to share an account with him.
You shouldn’t share a room or a marriage contract with such a person either.
🤣🤣
My parents were separate accounts, my inlaws are all separate and they're all divorced. When people don't want to be team players, then the team breaks. It's truly that simple
Are you stating that as correlation or causation? Plenty of married people have joint accounts and they are divorced.
@@RenM908likely recognizing that in a capitalist society, separate accounts is a strong indicator of one foot out the, married joint accounts without shared values is just shoes by the door.
Everybody should do what THEY think is right BUT I dont think I'd ever marry someone if I didnt trust them enough to combine income/accounts. 🤷🏽♀️
In this day and age, when 80% of Americans are divorced, you should be upfront about keeping a sum of money just for protection. We are living in a modern time. Now, it seems that most marriages cannot survive for more than 2 years. If it survives, it is because of children. So both women and men have to keep some savings aside from their marriage for protection.
No Name whoosh that went right over your head. You keep commenting the same thing under every comment but you are wrong. You are basically saying money matters more than your relationship. Smh if you are trying to protect yourself against your spouse then you married the wrong person. They do not change they tell you who they were from the beginning.
Rethse N the thing is, people change over the years. The person that you marry today will be diffenrent 5 years ahead. Too much risk involved
@V A Bill Gate and Malinda Gate have everything together! They don't even have a prenup! Divorce after 27 years!
People don't expect divorce
If I don’t trust somebody with my money, then I can’t trust them with anything else either. Be careful who you marry. Don’t be in a hurry. You have to see how a person handles themselves through all seasons and all reasons.
I’ve told my husband more than once both when we had nothing and now when we are financially comfortable:
I’d rather be broke with you than rich with somebody else. He’s that special., and 41 years later I’d trust him with my life.
My wife and I both have separate and joint accounts but our goals are always the same. That does not mean we do not have our own money, we are entitled to a % of our payroll for our personal use (whatever it is). It works!
Absolutely agree!
Ok what if you lose your job! It's not gonna be 50/50 no more. Your wife will be paying everything. And bailing you out! . By law when your married it became conjugal property meaning yours is hers , hers is yours that's according to the law! Unless you have prenups!😁👍
SuperBinibini what exactly is the point of your response? even if he loses his job there is a such thing called and severance package and getting a new job. Just bc a person loses a job doesn’t mean they’ll be be jobless forever and they very well may have a pre-nup
Lone Star 89 A severance package is never guaranteed. Not sure how it is in all states, but the state I live in does not require severance packages in the event of a lay-off. It is completely up to the company.
@@kaitlyng.473
This is where savings come into play, which you should have.
Hopefully your spouse isn't such a dirtbag to let everything fail just because you unexpectedly lose your job.
The problem she runs into is if (when) they get divorced. She spent 10, 15, 20 years living debt free while he piled up debt, bought a boat (a hole in the water you pour money into) and never denied himself one thing that he couldn't throw onto the credit card. When they walk into divorce court, 99% of the time the Judge will divide the assets in half and the debts in half. That means she ends up paying off all of the debt she had in the marriage and the next few years after the divorce paying off half of the debt that he made.
Danny Garland yeah it sickens me that this happens.
Unless they have a written legal contract from the start. Then assets are divided according to that agreement. Like a prenuptial agreement. Protects both parties from potential stupidity down the line.
@@McWrisk Pre-nups are set aside regularly - the wife goes to court and turns on the waterworks and says, "I felt pressured to sign the agreement". Despite getting legal advice at the time. Of course there's some pressure - if she doesn't sign, he doesn't marry her.
@@spiritual2020 it sickens you because in that example 'she' would get left with the debt, if the example said 'he' would get left with the debt you wont not bother commenting, let be real.
Curiousnessify You do not know me at all. That may be real but not real as to how I think. I’m on the side for BOTH sexes when wrong is done. I’m quite aware females take advantage of men in the same ways men take advantage of women. I ain’t on a woman’s side just because she’s a woman.
My husband and I have always had a joint account. We both get an agreed upon set amount of money monthly that we can spend however we like. We take this out of the bank every month in cash. So when it’s gone it’s gone. Anything else one of us wants to buy (that was not budgeted for) and exceeds the cash, we discuss it with each other to see if it is something we should purchase or if it will affect our financial goals negatively. Discussing every purchase like this keeps the lines of communication open as well as our future dreams alive. It keeps us on track. And when one of us is weak and wants to splurge we have the courage to say to each other that this is going to hurt us financially and slow down our dream. Are we willing to spend money on this and if we are then we both agree to do it. There is never any hard feelings because someone spent too much. Because both of us agreed that yes this purchase was ok before it even happened. We are married and are one. This type of behavior with money really feels like we are team. And we don’t feel like we are limited in any way. We both get to spend our cash as we wish and we still have a sense of security knowing we will achieve our financial goals.
My wife and I each start with 20% of our income saved into personal retirement off the top. The remaining money is split 65% towards a joint account where we pay bills, save for common wants/needs, and take trips together or buy gifts for mutual friends/family. The other 35% is personal, which we can use for solo travel, giving to our own causes, personal wants and clothes/toys etc. It works well, we dont fight about money, nobody has any grounds to question anyone elses expenses so long as our personal savings and common savings are paid first.
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
I think this is my favourite so far
One, that sounds complicated.
Two, that’s not dissimilar to what DR says and advocates for. He encourages couples to each have “blow” money. And that amount is solely dependent on your income. Yours is 35%. (The only thing he would disagree with on your layout is clothes. That’s a four walls need and comes from the joint budget.)
You’re saying the same things.
Separate accounts works for me now over 2 decades
But not just separate checking and savings, everything separate? It's legally fraught. Hope it works for you both.
Most marriages fail and guess what most marriages share accounts. So your doing something right.
K
Thank you. I don't know why Dave pushes this on folks.
Sounds like financial advice mixed in with religious dogma
My wife and I have separate bank accounts. I pay everything and she saves for us and pays groceries and gas. Been married for 21 years and money arguments are nonexistent.
It works
NoKreativeUsername I agree
That's a different set up. You have agreed to pay off the bills and she saves. The caller, just pays the minimum balance on what they owe. It comes down to one person paying off the debt, not agreeing on the debt but is responsible to it. If they divorce and they decide to sell the house even if she paid it off she would only be able to get half. This is a legal partnership and they should have discussed this in advance. If he felt that guarded with his money he shouldn't have married.
Is it worth it to deal with someone like that, people put up with too much to get married.
@@cncgaming3457 most of the time, the man makes enough to support the family, and the woman makes a lot less, it makes sense to live off of one income and save the other. I'm hoping to get to that situation, except hopefully save the larger of our incomes, effectively saving more than half of our total income.
You pay for everything, why would she wanna complain lol
My friend and her husband do the same. They have 2 paid off houses, paid off cars and have put their son through school. They've been together since they were in high school, and they are in their 50s now.
This is one of the greatest advise for married couples! My husband and I are 27 and we were in a similar situation. We did everything separate/ 50/50 for 4 years and barely had any savings and had individual debt plus a mortgage together. The day we combine everything we were able to tackle our debt in 2 years. The only thing we own right now is our mortgage with almost 10k in savings. (We pay more than the minimum payment on the mortgage)
Janice Perez why do you pay more for your mortgage? Unless you plan to live in that home for the rest of your life and keep the same rate?
@@kittykat5204 theoretically they will get the extra payments they made back if they ever sell the house and depending how much extra they are paying, they could be saving themselves a lot of interest in the meantime.
The biggest challenge for most people to follow the baby steps is submitting to the plan. The plan works, and every time I considering doing something else I always tell myself that my way got me into debt in the first place.
Been married 11 years and I have worked on and off. My husband has been with the same employer and I currently stay at home with our kids. From the start we have had combined bank accounts! When we married I had$7k saved he had zero with a car loan. Now are only debt is our house but we are worth a good bit. I control the money and pay the bills.
This is exactly the problem is modern day relationships and marriage. People see it as a glorified roommate that you sleep with. There's a reason they say 'now you are one'. You guys should be working together on a budget every month. All financial decisions should be made together.
My wife and I did the same thing: lived together, got married, and have always had our own accounts. We've been married for 11 years and have been together 15 years. I grew up with my parents having a joint account and they ALWAYS argued over money. If it works for you you don't need stats cause you ARE the stat!
having a joint account is not agreeing on money. it is one piece of the puzzle
@@SuperBinibini No he is not. Most other people are just plain irresponsible with money.
@@nchinth pointless remark without any argument. Just accept it. Cheers!
@@tycondero1647 I'm not agreeing with James! I'm talking about Dave being genius.
So do you both still have debt? Have you paid off your house? Probably not...a house divided cannot stand
My ex was like that. One day I asked him what would he do if I ask for financial help from him in the future? His response was "Why don't you use your credit card?" That spoke so much and we're no longer together. He had a broken mindset about "togetherness". P.S. I'm an educated young lady with high financial responsibility =)
So true that finances can be a strong indicator if a couple is truly a couple, if they are really together. We for years were on a different page regarding how we make and manage money and it eventually became one of the major reasons for divorce.
Me and my wife keep ours separate, no debt and no dumb decisions.. tbh she won’t combine because she wants to have the option to make her own financial decision WHEN she wants to and we talk about everything else
It amazes me as to how many married couples wouldn't see the benefit of working together and joining finances to achieve goals.
One cause, out of many, is a person refusing to be held accountable and a lack of commitment.
@@mrjones4249 well for me it’s because we have different goals.. so no debt but just not on the same page
@@KimFirsttimemom I used to look at big homes and other elegant things and wonder how people could afford such things. I know understand many times it's simply people working together for common goals. I now understand what it means to be of one mind. Separate can work but together is better.
Mainly cuz you can't trust people. Your spouse may go out and spend money all the time out of your joint account and leave you in debt. That happens.
This 50/50 thing fails once someone gets sick
In this day and age, when 80% of Americans are divorced, you should be upfront about keeping a sum of money just for protection. We are living in a modern time. Now, it seems that most marriages cannot survive for more than 2 years. If it survives, it is because of children. So both women and men have to keep some savings aside from their marriage for protection.
@@coolhead8686 until your private savings gets legally snatched up by your wife's divorce attorney haha
@@djStens when combining accounts, one person abdicates their decisions on how they want their money used for (usually the man does to give the woman a sense of security). Once that happens the man becomes a mule for keeping up with what's needed for the "combined" finances. My significant other has a significant amount of money in savings, she doesn't pay the mortgage, the car loan, the insurance on both. I still manage to keep up with my bill's and still have a savings, not as significant as hers, but still a savings. She has no debt. I personally would go for the joint account once we get married for the mortgage, etc.
@@WRuiz10768you’re not married so you shouldn’t join accounts
Why do people think that having one account automatically means the wife will spend the husband's money for no reason? Thats so sexist. How about just dont marry a woman who overspends your money rather than assuming all women are gold diggers
That isn't all it is about. It is also about giving her the ability to watch your own spending like a hawk, and give you a hard time about insignificant things you bought without her approval.
My husband and I have two joint accounts, one checking one savings, and we both have our own separate account. I think the difference is that we both have communicated our goals and are committed to working on it together, we both want to be debt free ASAP and are a united front working towards that goal together
Just because you have separate finances doesn’t mean you didn’t do it together
Separate accounts are great, but you have to tackle common expenses together. You both have to agree on your joint expenditures (e.g. home, utilities, retirement, auto, student loans, etc.). The way it should work is as follows (if you make about the same): Pay all joint expenditures first and then split the funds for personal spending patterns (I.e. he likes many small frequent things versus you liking to save for occasional big things).
Hold the phone, it took him 11 years to get married? 🤨
Queen Evilene who said it took “him” 11 years? Maybe it was her? Hmmm lol
biggidaman777 because we know it was the guy. It’s just the way it work 9 out of 10 cases.
My husband & I got married after 11 years. Been together 17 now. What's wrong with that?
PRiLA 13 did you live together for 11 years before getting married? That’s a long time to decide lol
@@elkellenhabla I know someone who took several decades, still more successful relationships than most people.
When my husband and I were still boyfriend/girlfriend his married friends were having an argument about BORROWING $20 in front of us. I told him in private that if they don’t fix that, they’re not going to make it because that’s not a marriage. I was right. If your finances are separate as a married couple than it’s likely you have other areas of your life that will separate as well.
"If your finances are separate as a married couple than it’s likely you have other areas of your life that will separate as well."
Nothing wrong with that. You're still two individuals. Every couple defines their marriage and what it means to them. And if they're arguing about borrowing money from one another then it's probably more to do with one spouse making most of the money. If you both work and have a decent income it's not an issue.
@@epiphany55then what’s your solution to parents that stay home and take care of the kids?
Married couples should be working as a team. Not two individuals.
@@BlueDauntless That's what my parents did and it worked well, though they did argue about money a lot. It's difficult to have only one income these days. I was just saying the reason for the argument described above could have been caused by several factors, not just finances being separate.
This sounds like my relationship. All separate accounts, we share expenses. Her expenses are way higher than mine. She is not interested in finances etc, however, after a decade of dropping hints, it finally stuck and she had started investing about a year and half ago. She's got over 100k invested now. She sees the light and she now invests but I still keep things separated. I'm not in debt, she always has about 5-10k debt. She doesn't understand that she's servicing that debt monthly with payment while she could be zeroing out the thing bases on her income. And I've tried and failed to communicate that. So, I actually kind of appreciate that my stuff is not mixed with her. I act as if our (yes, our) retirement is dependant on me and I disregard what she is doinng/has financially in my projections. So, I am essentially overshooting my goal Net worth because in my book, I'm the only one doing this but that's also not really a negative. She also has an inheritance coming here way, which, again, I don't account for in my net worth projections, so...it ends up being a better deal for me where I work harder, am more motivated, and have the satisfaction of knowing that I'm driving my own wealth forward. Yes, ideally, it would be nice if she shared the exact goals and was completely on board but people aren't the same and as soon as I realized that you can't influence someone who is not interested, I just let it go. I'm much happier than if I kept trying to mold her thinking towards a common goal. In my case, she is just not as motivated, as driven as I am. And that's ok. The world is full of different people. To each their own.
Aman Bansil i think i am going to copy your comment and paste it unto my wall. Your approach to dealing with a significant other whose outlook on finances is different from yours can be applied to almost every area in interpersonal relationships. I love the fact that your focus is on what you can manage, namely you, while leaving the other person to deal with ( or not deal with) their personal deficits. I have almost driven myself crazy trying to manage other people and their shortcomings. At 42, it is starting to dawn on me that my approach has been an exercise in futility.
Your approach is realistic. Dave's is not. If two people share the same financial goals then great, they could combine assets and share accounts. But if they don't, you can't force someone to change their habits and opinions and it doesn't mean the marriage will fall apart over this. And I'm not Christian, but I highly doubt that is says in their Bible that you have to combine your finances when you get married.
@@libafried5840 but why married if not share the same goal on EVERYTHING specially something as important as finance?
@@positiveattitudemake People ALWAYS will be different in some way. No two people are exactly alike. In marriage it's important to compromise and work things out. It's not my way or the highway. This is why people can't stay married these days. It's important to work around the differences because there will be there.
@@ellencarter8459 it is the absolute truth at work and home.
34 year separate account marriage. No debt, no mortgage. Two advanced degree kids. Not rolling in it but comfortable. Looking forward to the next 34 years.
Ditto
When there is no need to worry, there is no need to not trust.
Here too.
Yeah I probably won't join accounts but we agree on basic debt crushing
It works until it doesn’t and you’re left holding the bag…
I hope you never give anyone marriage advice, the chances of yours surviving are low
Really eye opening to me as well, thank you Ramsey for your wise advise.
We have been married for 35 years. Before we got married we had to have premarital counseling with a priest. One of the things he discussed was having joint accts, joint debt,etc. These people didn't get married in the church.
Our bank accounts are 100% separate (we are both each other’s beneficiaries) My husband pays most of the bills and I pay a few utilities, we each pay our own car insurance. I would not ever want to have one joint account and pay for everything “together”. We have the same goals and we discuss our finances all of the time. I like having the independence and individuality of having my own account with my own money. I would never want that to change.
My wife and I are the same.,, you look younger in your picture, we are 32 and 30 ourselves. Unlike dave and some of the older couples where the wife didn't work its completely different today. I think it is important to still have some independence from your spouse and not just money related
Same here, I am 26 and we funnel the money to a shared account but we both have our own authority over our money.
Same here. Problem of the caller is not that they have separated finances, it is because they have separated ideas about finances. Me and my girlfriend keep our finances separated with a joined account for bills which we transfer money to based on ratio of our income. Besides that we agreed that we both maintain 5 month's emergency fund and put 2k away separately for holidays a year. We also agreed to save a certain percentage of our income for a down payment on a house. The rest we make is for us to do whatever we desire. Then again we don't have any debt.
We do exactly the same. The key is to communicate thoroughly
Never works! Been married for 29 years! It’s caused nothing but trouble!
XD " he pronounced you guys roommate's" XD
Grounded and spiritual counsel. Nicely done as usual. Thank You Dave Ramsey
I disagree to a point. Hubby and i have a joint checking and savings account and i have my OWN savings! We both work. My mom taught me to always have my own money. Divorces happen no matter how happy a couple is.
Absolutely. I have seen with my own eyes many many times.
Thank your mom for scarring you
My 2 cents have a joint BA and a personal bank acct Joint pays mutual home bills. Each person pays 50% Personal pays for what that person wants themselves. Seems the best way and avoids problems
Yankee Mockingbird each person pays according to the ratio of their incomes.
My wife and I put 80% of our individual incomes into a joint account. All the expenses (rent/mortgage, utilities, etc.) come out of the joint account. The 20% remaining goes towards our individual ‘wants’ (video games, clothes, etc.)
@@MrJoshuabacon you guys must have a lot of bills
@@foreverblessed6443 depends on the definition of a lot.
Rent, electric, cell phone, internet, Netflix/Hulu, insurance, student loans...
That’s not dissimilar to what DR says. He encourages each couple to have blow money to spend however they like. (We have separate accounts for blow money because it’s easier that way.) Everything else is joined
I can agree of man and wife working together, paying the bills,etc with a joint account,etc. But I also agree with my mother's advice that everyone should have a nest egg of their own squirreled away somewhere......just in case.
I understand why you would say that, but no. Not unless he knows about it. The best way for you to squirrel, is to enrichen yourself. Make sure that you're educated and that you have skills to contribute to the marriage. I know what you're thinking. I thought the same thing for years, but if he doesn't know about it, then you're like roadkill. Not committed. If he knows? And he agrees? Then yes. Absolutely! Savings is always good. But don't keep money he doesn't know about.
let me guess, your mother is divorced? If I was your dad, I found out my wife had a hidden account after 30 years of marriage, let's say there won't be peace in the home until that is changed
More like abandoned. She was committed, fully and shared everything with him. She even tried to work part time at night so the burden wouldn't fully be on dad shoulders. Then one day dad up and left for one of his female coworkers and he cleaned out the bank account. She had nothing when he left because she fully trusted her husband. When it came to finances. I know not every man will be like this, but she warned all of her girls to have nest egg so that history won't repeat itself with her children.
@@spellwatcher I'm sorry that happened to your mom. She married a loser. So, she married a loser, she tells everyone bad advice to get separate bank accounts in their marriage If I was her, I would just tell my children "don't marry a loser and choose your spouse wisely"
@@spellwatcher 💕 invest in yourself. I so feel for your mother, but Money Runs Out. The Nest Egg thing really does encourage divorce. Keep your skills fresh and invest in your family. Things do happen. Sometimes you lose your partner to illness or demise. It's not always a divorce. If you invest in yourself, there will always be something to fall back on. If you're fortunate enough to have a long and happy marriage, you can contribute with your skills. I'm a firm believer that every woman should go to college. You should have a Bachelors.
If I make 300k a year and my wife makes 50k.. and I want to buy a 50k car every year.. having joint accounts would make it pretty weird
well said Dave! this is my favorite advice....
I've seen married couples over draft their checking simply because of a lack of communication. For most couples, their method works because it puts financial responsibility on the individual. Image if your a man and your wife doesn't work. You come home to your wife purchased a whole bunch of things and your short on rent $300.00 because you didn't tell you hadn't paid it and she thought you did. For most people this is a huge problem. Around 70% of people are living paycheck to paycheck. Any lack of communication can destroy your wallet when your living close to that 0 balance. Though, if your not sharing those accounts It's easier to keep track of that money.
Ramsey's does have some points about building wealth and paying debt. It's easier to pool your money together and put it where it needs to go, paying off debt. In this particular situation. I think the clash between the two preferences is more important. He wants to save and she wants to pay off debt. Even if the money was pooled there would be an argument, focusing exclusively on the separate accounts in my opinion was the wrong way to go.
Wife and I just celebrated 43rd wedding anniversary. Have always had separate bank accounts. Both of us now retired and will never spend all the money we saved for retirement.
Occasionally people win the lottery. It doesn't mean it's a sound retirement strategy to pound the slots.
The exception doesn't disprove the rule.
Yeah, I don't think it's the separate accounts that are the problem. It's the lack of communication and common goal
@@colin1818 exactly my point
It is important to get an idea about whether or not you are on the same page with finances before you get married. We agreed that when the time came I would be a SAHM while the kids were little and that any money either of us made would be ours. We always set our monthly budget to his income, this prevented a financial shock when I stopped getting paid for my work. The money I had made was used as extra payments on student loans, a car, and the downpayment for the house. We get an equal percentage of windfalls like tax returns and bonuses to use how we want.
Marriage is a partnership, work together and find value in what your partner contributes no matter how little or much money is coming through in their name.
I've been married for 40 years, and I love my wife dearly. In the first few years, we had joint accounts, and she would spend whatever money accumulated as soon as it accumulated. So, I figured out we needed to separate our finances. And, frankly, it works great. I earn a lot more than she does and I handle the bigger expenses (mortgage, new car) she keeps her own money and spends all of it immediately and she's happy) I make sure we have savings for retirement. If she needs something that she can't afford, she asks me, and if I can afford it, I do. This system has allowed our two very different personalities to be happy together. I don't criticize her spending because it's all her own money. She knows that we'll be OK in the long run because I save save my money.
Also, my parents have kept their finances separate for over 30 years. They have a joint savings account, but each keep their own finances separate. It’s worked for them and it’s working for my husband and I🤷🏻♀️
Kyle D works for me too!!
And me too!
Y’all still have a joint account, and you agreed to split responsibility on the finances. I wouldn’t call that separate finances. You’re still going to have very big issues if one or the other of you goes deep into debt.
Separate finances can work. The key is that each person is responsible with the money and both agree on discussing purchase small to big. This obviously has to be discussed Clearly when dating that has the intent of ending in marriage. Set feelings aside. Money is a serious matter, take it lightly and watch problems pour in eventually.
Being straight and blunt with how you will handle money is important so the other person knows what they are signing up for. This must be used as Part of the decision on if one is going to proceed to engagement and marriage. Love is important but it will not conquer problems that you created out of being irresponsible with money. This goes for joint finances or separate ones in any marriage.
A good example is if a man clearly states to the woman that he will be managing the finances of the Whole house/family himself. If she is fully ok with it, they move on to marriage. If not, it is wise to break up and go onto finding someone that matches better.
Before anyone starts bashing, know that a well thought of plan is better than emotional plan. There is a place for emotions and a place for being wise. God gave you a brain and heat.....use each appropriately.
Same 32 years no issues.
100% truth. Love it.
Most people in northern countries have a personal account each and one joint account for regular bills and expenses. They can each put the amount they can afford or wish on it, that is their discretion. This can be a ratio, depending on the income or whatever. There are books on the matter or financial advisors or marriagecounsellors which can be very helpful to consider for advice. ( other tip :Always open a savingsaccount for each child immediately at birth.
So their moneyvstays separate.)
This way you always have proof that you paid your part of things. If you do not so, consider a written contract between the 2 of you, stating who is responsible for which expenses. Otherwise there is no proof one or the other contributed financially to the household. This might be mega important if you divorce and one of you is not on the deed of the house and has no home anymore but has paid maybe maintenance, mortgages, renovations. Blessings to y'all.
Wow thank u for this! I needed to really hear this advice 🙏 I've been given wrong advice all my life and have self taught myself to be financially successful independently. But I'm now entering into how to be successful with a spouse! Very hard so far but with this advice I think I'm good to go
No one is talking about the fact that this guy spends the bare minimum on credit cards so he can keep cash in the bank? Sounds like a smart cookie.
John Spry exactly what I was thinking!! Why in the world does he think this is a good idea? Does he just not pay attention to all that interest he's paying??
@@laurah6381 He doesn't care and won't pay it off
It’s stupid to pay bare minimum. Wonder how much he’s paying in fees due to this. At 22-25% fees if he has even $1000 on cc that’s $220-250 per month. His minimum payment is probably less than the fee. If he can’t pay it off every month he can’t afford whatever it is he’s buying. People who charge charge charge and don’t pay it off are only hurting themselves with more money going to the bank than in his pocket.
@Barbara Anne Ross. $220 - $250 annually not monthly I believe.
No. She didn't say he spends small on his credit cards and keeps the money in the bank, she said he makes the smallest payments. Pays the minimum.
Combined finances equates to accountability.
No, accountability comes from understanding the contract.
Thanks for this convo and scenario. How do we wake that partner up to realize this situation
I'm the same separate it. My ex spent to much
also resentment will kick in when you see your husband always having money to do things but your saving ...
Sunamer Z she works though.... so what are you even talking about? No one said anything about being taken care of. She pays half the bills from having a job...
I make 80k/year and my wife makes 120k/year. She is a pharmacist, and I am a high school teacher. We live in California with a $500k mortgage on a 15-year fix after putting 20% down ($100k, $30k from my personal savings, and $70k from my wife's savings) down on a 5 bedroom/3 bath in Northern California. Our home is worth $627k right now, we bought it in January 2018 for a closing cost of approximately $600k about 1.5 years ago. I am 26 years of age and my wife is 30 years of age. We got married in late 2017 and we both have no student loan debt, just the mortgage. Luckily I met my wife when she paid off all of her pharmacy school debt. I have a 403(b) retirement account through my employer with currently $30k, but my wife used up all her 401k and personal savings for the downpayment. She contributed 70% of the downpayment. We each still drive our own car we bought and paid off while in college. The cars are 5+ year old but we do not plan on replacing them unless we have a child or the cars break down. Our monthly take home pay is $12k/month. We have one checkings account for direct deposit and bills. Our monthly bills include $3k mortgage, $1k in utilities, internet, phone, gym, car insurance, life insurance, and $1k for food and transportation. Our total monthly expenses total $5k. We have one savings account as our emergency fund which we put $1k into every month. We have several brokerage accounts: 1) a college fund account which we put $1k/month, 2) a retirement account investing in good growth stock mutual fund where we put $2k/month, and 3) my own individual brokerage account where I put $1k into every month. Our total savings and investments total is $4k. We spend $1k/month on eating out and going on trips, $1k we give back to help others, and $1k is for clothes, toys, guilty indulgences, etc. Personal spending totals $3k. We manage to save and invest 33% of our take home pay and be completely debt free except for the mortgage. Our networth is $239k ($72k in savings and investments, $30k in my 403(b), $127k equity in our house since January 2018, and our 2 cars resale value is $10k). We save and invest $48k/year. We will be millionaires in less than 16 years at the current rate and we both will be under 40 years of age!!! We contribute our financial success to early financial literacy and being responsible and smart with money early on in our lives. We are winning!!!
KO Investing KO You still have to pay the 70K from the 401K back, or she’ll be taxed heavily on it. It happened to us. $34K in taxes.
Congrats!
Then 1 reckless driver crashing into you or cancer ends it all.
Be more humble.
That’s great!
awesome and proud of you both! any investing advice...I want to start so bad, but have no clue where to start or how to start..can you help?
I used to be on the what's-mine-is-yours bandwagon. Not anymore. I've been with my woman for years. Great person. She has the financial sense of a child. Credit card statements go in the trash, Bill collectors call her almost daily, has even had to make court appearances. There is NO WAY I'm signing up for that. Thankfully, my state doesn't recognize common law marriage so I dodged the bullet there too.
Mike C. I dont see how you are any more upstanding than she is. Youre sleeping with a mess. How does that grow either of you as people?
I think we have to talk about this before getting married.
I feel like this depends on each couple. We can have separate accounts but with good communication and maybe a third joint account you can work together towards goals. It just sounds like he’s bad with money.
Yeah, the issue seems that they have different attitudes to debt. I'd really hate sharing a checking account with anyone; not for lack of trust, just because I know I need the structure of an individual one in order to keep my own budget. The third joint account is a great setup imho.
No one's going to MAKE ME combine my accounts!!!! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Basically, If you actually thought about marriage and have a good marriage: combine.
If you married someone you see yourself divorcing or just rushed into a bad marriage side: keeping separate makes sense.
I would never have just a joint account if I get married again. My ex-wife took everything out of our account just before she told me she wanted a divorce. She never put any money into the account even though she was working that was very old-fashioned didn't have a problem taking care of my wife however in the end I literally had zero in my account when she decided she was ready to leave. If I ever get married again I would have my own checking and savings my wife would have her own checking and savings and then we would have a joint account that we both put money into solely for bills. Weathers the house payment or whatever the case may be but then again if we're debt-free there's no need to have a joint account
Sounds like your going to make your new wife pay. For what your ex did to you.
So the guy loses his shirt and you are judging him for protecting himself? You are such a beta simp.
@@e.castillo7763 it called learning from your mistakes.
Easier said than done when you meet someone later in life and come to the table with our own debts/assets!
Exactly...reading all of the comments making the basic judgement that combined accounts is the best option... Say you love someone to bits, who has previous marriage (s) & a pattern of terribly handling money...we may combine accounts, never. It's plenty possible to make wise decisions & grow financially, without incurring that situation. Just as the union can contribute to a win, it can also lead one in the other direction as well.
We met later in life and I know-my husband had debt issues due to health problems. It took 4 years-the bills are mostly paid, paid his truck off and have $400 left on 1 card!! We have 3 months emergency fund and now are saving to pay cash on a house
It’s all doable if you’re on the same page!!
He wants his money to be his money. He don’t want pay your debt 😂
But legally any debt originating with either spouse belongs to both spouses.
The house is THEIR debt. He lives there too.
@@MAjYQSammi Until things get rocky, at which point THEIR house will become HER house. She'll probably get his car, and half of his paycheck for the rest of his life too
Sounds to me like she doesn’t have any debt technically on her side aside from the house. She is responsible for his end too so it really makes it tough
@@NewNew-oe1hf depend on the state you live
Man I’m going to be by myself for a lonnnnnnnggggg time.
My wife and I have separate accounts, we have been married for 14+ years. We don't fight over money. I buy what I want . We have nothing in both of our names. The mortgage is in my name, with her on the deed, because she has a marital intrest in the home. This method works for us.
Same here. It works for us. Going on 24 years of marriage.
And when you divorce, she will keep the house while you pay the mortgage on it 😂. Time is the great teller of truth lol, in 10 years come back and read this comment.
They waited way too long to get married, especially after living together all of those years. I have a feeling they might not even really love each other but are just stuck in the pattern they’ve been living all these years. I could be wrong, but that’s just how I think it would feel if I was in that situation. Like Dave said, they’re roommates.
You can't assume that based on the info she gave. I'm in an 11 year common law relationship (and we do plan to get married - we just met really young). I think the fact that we're still together is more telling than if we had got married 2 years in. We CHOOSE to stay together - it's a lot harder to leave a marriage and so people stay when they might actually not be happy.
@angelicharmony thank you for that!! We are actually really happy and choose to be together. I believe we are stronger now than ever.
I feel that way too. What was being done in those 11 years?
@@robynjoy910 We put each other through school during that time :) We are very much in love with each other, we just were not raised with those values. We learned them as we matured.
@@angelicharmony The Divorce rate is higher for people who live together for a long time and don't have a wedding date. If you get married, you will most likely fall within that statistic. There is a reason you aren't heading to the altar. I think it's funny that you say you choose to stay together. It's the same with marriage. You choose to commit and make public vows. Much different than sharing a space - which is just convenience.
I say keep to it separate, you don't think you will lose everything to the one you trust till you lose everything to the one you trusted! Your spouse might have 0 common sense when it comes to money and they can destroy your life if you aren't careful. Sometimes they might not even mean to hurt you but people make idiot decisions and people can be stubborn. I regret helping my other half get a car. It has caused so many issues for me, especially when he got fired from his job of 5 years 2 months after getting the car!
I agree that if something works in your marriage, you should do that - split accounts or a joint account, either way. I'm just having trouble visualizing how separate accounts can work. I see so many logistical problems:
- what if your spouse never pays his bills on time out of his account and when you go to get a mortgage together, his bad payment history drags you down?
- what if he doesn't save for retirement? Will he live off of yours or will you just divorce at that point?
- what if he says he paid a bill but didn't and then you can't handle it because you don't have the account info?
- isn't it a pain to constantly transfer money back and forth as variable bills come in?
-do you save together? How many accounts then? Three checking and one or two savings? Doesn't that open a lot of security risk?
If it's about spending money, why not have a joint account and withdraw cash to spend? That's what my husband and I do
1:52- 2:02 is gold
Life With Steph its ok. Dont over hype it. Lol
This works beautifully for my marriage. We keep our spending accounts separate because we’re still individuals. We find freedom in this. That said: we also agree on money habits and goals. It can work. You just have to be on the same page and comfortable with what you have to work with.
We do it also, on the agreement that we do nothing that would bring financial harm to each other
@PJ The bible says a lot of stuff I don't do. We do what works for us and you can do what works for you
@PJ Yeah, why?
@PJ so you only obey The Bible when it ‘works’ for you? YES, just like 99.999999% of other Christians including Dave, I'm just not a hypocrite about it
@PJ Certainly not everything, and we all know what those are
That's the way it should be. All they need is to have a joint bill pay account. Your expenses are yours and his are his. Only your mortgage with both your names on it is "joint". Pay off all your debt and expenses and he should have his all paid as well then you can consider combining Finances. Or just break off the marriage. That's where it's headed. He's likely doing it because you have too much debt that he does not want to pay since he was not involved in creating that debt. I personally think he's being fair as he keeps paying his half of the mortgage and his half of house hold expenses. He should not be obligated to pay your debt and/or expenses you accumulated before ya'll got married and you should not be obligated to pay his.
My husband and I have separate accounts. We don’t have any financial issues. We don’t cry to spend money on each other either. We just have to budget our own accounts separately, which would be hard to do with our different career paths.
its very simple. you have ME bills and WE bills. the home, the electricity, the groceries are WE bills. find a way to split them. your car, your cell phone, your hobbies are ME bills. pay for that yourself. if you can't afford your car on your own then ITS TOO EXPENSIVE for you. i was driving a $2500 car while my ex wife was driving a $25,000 car. why would we split that?
Agreed, this is what I plan to do. The only exception is if a couple agrees that one person will not work/work significantly less to care for children. If a guy wants a stay at home wife, and drives a 30k car, she shouldnt be in a 2k car.
For some couples joint accounts work and others it doesn't. I will never do a joint account ever again. People have different spending habits...some make more than their partners. This can cause problems...just my opinion.
Mack 10 you work out your issues and make a budget together
Life was extremely tough for a very long time when my ex-partner walked out on me and our son for another woman. I didn't realise he'd been using his credit card when he went through a period of unemployment, and ran it up by 4k (which was, he told me, my fault) My name wasn't on the card so I couldn't have used it. Two months after he moved in with her- there was a significant overlap 😏 - I became aware he'd ran the card up by a further 2k. In 2 months. If we'd been married, I would have been liable for half of it. He was constantly calling and demanding I pay 'my half' of the mortgage.....no one could tell him that wasn't right. Now I just think how lucky I am that we didn't marry!! Hope he enjoys paying it off!
That’s why you have to do monthly budgets! You guys are straight up ignorant! That’s also a dumb answer. Some make more than the other ? I almost feel like you’re trying to say I make more so I should be able to spend more .
I believe it must be on the same level, even if one makes much more than the other. Kinda one family philosophy what actually makes two people a family not two individuals spending some time together. It also necessary or even absolutely necessary if there are kids growing - they can't grow in two parallel worlds in all meanings.
Grillidan many PEOPLE have no idea how to manage their finances. Don’t make this a gender issue. I know many woman who are more responsible with their money than their partners
This speaks to me so much. My wife and I have combined finances, but literally for 2 years of marriage she HATED when I said Dave Ramsey recommends "X" whatever it may be. To the point I started saying "The guys who've really studied this stuff say X". Of course now she's on board and it's all good, but for years I couldn't say the D word... "Dave says" hah. I'd love for her to take FPU though with me, perhaps soon.
My future wife and I have talked about finances and we both agree that it's important to have our own seperate accounts as well as a larger account together. I personally don't have any student loans but I plan on matching her loan payments in order to get rid of any debt once we graduate from college.
Dave your data seems to come from a bias point view. If you are bad with money then it doesn't matter if you have a joint or separate accounts. You are going to have relationship problems. That is why it so important to have a serious discussion about your finances with your partner.
The whole reason to have separate accounts is to avoid that serious discussion.
I'm not married, but I find these comments very interesting. I don't think one size fits all advice is best. Everyone has to do what works for them. There are people that have marriages that are unconventional and guess what, it works for them. Therefore, using the "The data says" approach is not always correct. What may be perfect for one may not suit another person. On another note, in the short time that I've learned about Dave Ramsey, I've watched enough horror videos of him counseling someone that fully trusted their spouse to do the right thing but they were ultimately done wrong, very wrong. One can go into a marriage, where both parties have the best intentions, and the spouse evolves into someone that the other spouse never knew. I'm all for a joint account where we pool our money, but I will absolutely have my own money. I will not start having to justify why I purchased shoes or anything of that sort, and I don't need to police my man on how he spends his money. As long as we're both building wealth in one account, me having a separate account and him having his separate account woks for me.
Jamella Swift with that mindset that’s probably why you’re still not MARRIED
Shoes would be a four wall budget line, meaning it’s joint. Unless it’s just pair after pair, that’s what blow money is for.
Thank you for sharing your videos!👍👍
I would never marry someone I didn't trust to handle our finances properly. That's just stupid.
Separate accounts it’s a good option, it works for me! 👍
Works for my wife and I too. We never argue about money either
Not biblical. It may work but its not as good as it could be.
Works for me too!!!
The most important thing is for both parties to be discussing everything together, which includes finances.
@@spiritual2020 I concur
Now we are one, yeah right... until they divorce and wife keeps everything...
Kelvin Feliciano or sometimes the husband is abusive and wants to keep everything and try’s to make his wife pay for everything when she was a full time mom! Like what my ex husband tried to do to me. Luckily for me his schemes didn’t work. But he sure tried. And THATS the reason why I will never combine the money I worked hard for with his. All the sweet talk means nothing without action behind words.
My dad kept a separate bank account from my mom and it has worked and they have been married since 1975. I will never have a joint bank account with a wife. Heard too many horror stories.
Her paying down her "share" still brings down the amount owed. The issue is that there is written evidence and if when her share is paid off, he understands she is done making payments. It would stink if she paid her half and than when the bill comes in he thinks she should pay 50% again.
Yup... 50/50 still after TEN YEARS???? No wayyyy
Followed everything in the steps. Thanks Dave, I won’t get married. Stack that money!
Combining finances doesn't fix the fact that her hubby has different views on debt and spending. This is an area where Dave gets it wrong. We keep separate accounts, but discuss every expediture over 300 bucks. As children of divorce, we know that money can be an issue. My mother had no idea how much was due on mortgage, how much dad's paycheck was, no credit.... every adult needs their own financial freedom. Divorce, illness, death -stuff happens. Now we did set up access upon death to each other on accounts. And wills, etc.
I am married 34 years to a spendthrift husband. 28 years into the marriage I had finally had ENOUGH. Enough of his spending every bit of savings I put aside, enough of his selfish wants being more important than my peace of mind, enough of his wasting my hard earned money along with his own, so I seperated my money from his. I now have an emergency fund Dave talks about. I now have paid down debt Dave talks about. I now have peace of mind Dave talks about, all because I became self preserving when it come to my money. I should have married better, but I married a really smart though very selfish man. Rather than smart, I should have gone for someone whose family comes before himself.
Marriage be like: “I love you so much.. I want the state and federal government to be involved. Also, all the money I’ve spent my life to earn is now yours. Please don’t divorce me!”
This!!!!!
.....Y'all don't know how to pick women, do you?
@@ispeaknonsense apparently not hard to find a woman like this, 50-60% divorce rate, 70-80% initiated by women. ( yes these are true stats, feel free to look them up)
It’s best to keep it separate. My wife and I have separate accounts for 14 years now and no issues.
My husband and I got a joint account when we got married. I was 19 and he was 25. Actually, a previous girlfriend of his had bounced so many checks on their joint account that the only way my husband was even allowed to have a checking account at any bank was if my name was on it. We set up a joint account out of necessity, but we never separated our finances. We have been married 18 years and our finances have always been combined. Our goals are similar though and we are debt free.
The data says? Where is this data? We have been split on finances for 20 years... zero issues and keeps my wife and I down to earth. My data shows nothing but divorce and hatred once one has a setback in a joint everything marriage. This position is kinda ironic for Dave... seeing as all he does is take calls about their partner setting them back.
I will never put my whole income in a joint account. Get your pay check, and then put some in a joint account for house expenses.
My husband & I have been married for 5 years, together 15. We have separate bank accounts and split our finances however, we do have an account together that we put money into to pay off debts and save. We don't argue over who puts how much in that account. In fact, we haven't ever had a money argument.
@GoodmorningDan Why would you just assume that he puts more money in there than I do? Because he's the man? Ha. Actually sir, I work 2 jobs and put more money into the account than he does. And, how can you be sure there would be an argument if it were in fact the other way around?
I think what UR doing is a creative and great way. Money with a purpose. And that is more important than a joint account.
I'd say you're not working at 100% capacity but if you're happy do your thing.
@@prila1368 what possibly could be the benefit of doing this? so that way you each can have "your" money that you don't need to account for in your marriage? That sounds like you want to hide what you are doing with your money, which is a trust issue, a way larger problem in the marriage than money.
In a marriage ALL money should be the families money and you should just have an agreed upon budget that you both stick by, anything not in the budget should be agreed upon by both partners before pulling the trigger. Its not about control, but about acting as a family unit, not separate entities with separate interests. otherwise you limit the synergy achievable in a family unit.
@@nickdipaolofan5948 Well considering you dont know me or the functionality of my marriage, your opinion doesn't matter to me. If you did in fact read my comment you noticed I said we've been together 15 years. We have only been married 5 of those (6 this September) We didn't jump into marriage without a lot of thought and discussion about how our marriage would function so for you to assume our marriage isn't a partnership and we don't work as "one entity" is an uninformed albeit ignorant statement based solely on one tiny detail about my life that I shared. However, you are entitled to your opinion and I respect that. Thank you and have a nice day.
Been there & done that! Never again!!
This is a personal choice, we keep out monies separate and it means we keep our financial independence. We have a split that we decided based on earnings and we are very open about our finances. I feel this way we aren't resentful about how the other one spends their money. Aslong as our saving goals are met and we pay our mortgage plus a bit extra, we are good. Maybe it's because we are areligious ;). Thanks Dave! I really do appreciate all your advice and definitely agree with you more than disagree. Keep up the great work and you do deserve to feel as good as you do.
We've followed the same process for over 21 yrs. and we don't argue about money or are overly concerned about the other's spending habits. Guess we are the minority, but quite honestly this is the peaceful route.
We have to adapt. In this new world you cant blend money. People are to quick to leave a relationship and leave you empty handed. There's no loyalty. Protect yourself first. Its just business!
relationship is just another business?
@@mysticsmoothie530 At the end of the day, yes. You're assessing what it's going to cost you to live with someone and what you get in return for that output. That in a nutshell is economics (ie, business).
Yes, your a business that's why you have a SSI # you file taxes single. when you marry you file you taxes jointly. Its to business married together. You have a lot to learn. Enter the matrix!