Good! I don't want a servile man! A female cannot respect a man that does not lead, and lead well. Key point being, a man must be a good leader... Not a dumbass.
I wasn't aware of the quote, but I had the same visualisation while I was trying to imagine a possible future with a girl. And it didn't look to me as a lovers relationship then, but rather that of a brother and a sister. Maybe I was wrong.
@@meryuk thats actually the ultimate goal for married ppl in Bible. After forming family, hopefully with kids, husband and wife should live in love like best friends, brothers and sisters. Helping each other in life and also preparing for after.. This is just my poorly summarised point, but i wanted to tell you that you arent wrong for thinking like that. And i wish you good luck with finding such person to create special bond with :)
@coreycox2345 Only Marxist feminist social justice warriors & mainstream media think Professor Peterson is controversial. Common sense people enjoy listening & learning from this intelligent, articulate man.
I tend to avoid being on the Left or the Right, and I don't agree with everything Dr. Peterson says (especially in regards to religion/faith), but I think he has a valuable perspective for us all to consider, and use it to rethink and reshape our own. For example, I've long held the belief that religion has too many drawbacks compared to benefits to offer society, and that we should seek to remove it from ourselves. However, I've come to adopt a more tolerant outlook. I still think it's mostly superstitious tribalism mixed in with far too much distorted history, but I can appreciate that some people anchor their sense of decency and human goodness around it, and those people have motivation to improve themselves based upon those beliefs. If the difference between such people being remorseless criminals or upstanding citizens is their faith, I say let them have it so long as they don't try to impose it on those who don't want it. It doesn't persuade me to believe in God, but it has granted me more respect for others' belief in it.
HydeWars fuck you. I love you and hate you. Perhaps they are the same. Goodbye. Or let's meet someday. Nobody bothers to go online to say I don't care unless they do. It has been an adventure that helped me through a time that could have been the end of me and left better than I was before. I was right that romance would never work out for me unless I met the person. If I am bad at reading people in general, I find it impossible online. It may have been that simple. Live and learn. Thank you for everything. Fuck you.
You want to be controversial. If you are not controversial, think of a movie that’s missing the plot and everything in it is goodie goodie. I believe one cannot be famous unless there is some controversy around one’s name.
It's because Peterson is not controversial that rabble rousers have to make up straw men to attack the fellow. Watch, and it's actually very funny to see. This is very consistently the case.
"the outstanding moral quality of my wife who I am also extraordinarily attracted to". Is there a greater compliment from any man to his wife!? What a lovely thing to say.
transwomen aresexistmen, But the moral parts covers all character traits and good morals and personality...etc so that's a part. The attraction covers the looks part as well. So that's pretty much most of the stuff that you can compliment in a person. Unless you are looking for a detailed list or something
I knew my lady-friend's dad long before we dated, and we became such good friends. It was awesome. I don't know if I could live up to Peterson's standards, though.
I am in my mid-sixties. I have found that the best reason to be married is as follows: When one comes upon something that one finds very funny, it is essential to have someone else with whom one can share the joke. (For this reason, I believe that it is important to marry someone who is more-or-less the same intelligence as oneself, and someone who shares the same political/religious/cultural values as oneself. Otherwise, they won't be able to get the joke.)
Sense of humour helps. I married one with none. So I tried to compensate for his seriousness by seeing the humour in serious situations. I have to be able to laugh at these sometimes, to avoid crying. But he wasn't amused and it only made things worse! "What's so funny?!?" he'd scowl.And I couldn't stop laughing in the middle of serious arguments about trivialities. One particularly stormy day, weather-wise ie wild winds blowing etc, "stormy boy" younger man husband got mad about me forgetting to leave a welcome home light on one night for when he came home from work. I tried to apologise and explain how I forgot and I was singing some silly song "Long As I See The Light" as I stirred a lot on the stove and promised hima good hot home cooked meal. It wasn't enough. Be wanted to argue. About the light and my singing stupid songs about the light and his mumalways left the light on for his dad tocomehome to,blah, blah and then he stormed off into thedarkness and slammed the front door, soI went behind itto make sure it was locked as I was alone and scared of other I truders, not my angry bad tempered dearest beloved "sunny boy" husband. Unexpectedly, a wild vust of wind pushed door back against my outstretched hand behind it and then he burst back in shouting "And another thing about you and all this stuff blah, blah, blah" (typical orderly control freak talk). But my hand had been seriously injured by the force of the door hitting it and it required medical attention and a splint etc. He was in a panicstate, tryi g to bandage my damaged hand a d the medicos wanted to report it as"domestic violence", which I suppose it could have beenbut I never saw it that way. It was just a genuine, unfortunate accident. Evidenced by the fact that he was sorry for his temper tantrum and tried to fix my painful damaged hand. And I took responsibility for being a funny smartarse, joking about, singing silly songs, when I should have know that, to a serious, depressed type like him, leaving the light on had some sort of symbolic deep meaning I could not understand, because I am accustomed to always standing in the light and it shining for me. I am Abit olderand wiser now and think I understand certain personality types different from mine a little better than then. Humour is fine, but you need to be careful who you use it onand what situations. Some can't see the funny side of things and laugh about it, to ease the tension, and thus make way for a solution to be found to differences, problems etc.
This is a brilliant man. I can't believe they tried to kick him out of University of Toronto just because he denies that there are more than 2 genders. He is a man of reason.
@Thea Mjohlnir Professor Peterson's intelligent, thoughtful & common sense perspective on human behavior scares the hell out of Marxist feminists because they know deep in their hearts that their own dogma is just plain wrong...
You should not spread misinformation. He never denied there's more than 2 genders, no he should be respected because he spoke against government legislated compelled speech which is an abominable violation of the right to free speech.
@@stretchopotomus2385 you think sexual attraction is the highest of those three??? how are you supposed to have any marriage with anyone lasting past the age of 40 if it's based primarily on sexual attraction
I'd ask grandpa Peterson where and how to find a suitable wife and how to keep myself accountable after that... I feel encouraged to translate his last book and spread his wisdom!
Knew she would be my wife when I met her. Smart cute and different than the other girls at our dinner table. Became her friend first. asked her out 6 months later and we've been together ever since. 23 years. We maintain each other
@@monikag6108 I have the same issue, it fades over time, but a good routine with someone will surpass the sexual tension, if the couple always tell the truth to each other (accepting each other's sexual fantasies, trying to adapt new likes, etc).
"I have a good marriage ... due to my wife ... who I'm extraordinarily attracted to." Haha wow, I've never heard anyone say that they are "extraordinarily attracted" to their wife. What an academic way of saying "my wife is smoking hot."
I took it as yes of course there's attraction, but the inner core of his wife- her spiritually, morality, integrity, etc. when you have a partner who is hot and smart and loyal then there's no need for worry when trouble brews. The happiness factor goes up tremendously in your future.
shamtown84 long lasting attraction isn’t completely physical, why do you think lots of young people who get married in two months end up divorced? Their attraction was purely shallow lust.
Rule Set 1: 1. Mutually important. 2. Mutually interesting. 3. Enjoying each other sexually. (“Love” - Netflix series) Rule Set 2: 1. Emotional Unity. 2. Intellectual Unity. 3. Social Unity. 4. Spiritual Unity. (From 5 Love Languages) Rule Set 3: 1. Chose the woman who choses you. 2. Chose the woman who is looking after herself. 3. Chose a woman who is intellectually developed. 4. Chose a woman who has a sense of humor. 5. Chose a woman who is sexually active with you and enjoys you sexually. 5. Be a grown up: a professional, tactful, solid, decisive, generous, have boundaries and deep appreciation for the miracle of life. (From my psychologist friend) Feel free to pick the one you like.
1. Chose the woman who choses you. THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE, dont chase ANYONE who doesnt want you in their life, YOU are way too important to be begging anyone.
I think he is right, but I think in the modern society it’s just hard to find someone! I think this video helps with that ruclips.net/video/Vl1ZYlvo2DY/видео.html
Siren Watcher the problem is that women should be the one picking. It’s always been like that. It’s in our nature. We pick the guy who WE feel like can protect us! When they do the picking, that’s when it gets nowhwre
I set up four questions I had to say yes to regarding my future wife: 1. Do we have common interests 2. Do we have common values? 3. Do we have common goals? 4. And lastly, can I see myself growing old with this person? I said yes to all of these questions regarding my wife of 39 years. So far so good, lol.
I married my husband when we were 23. We dated for six months, then got married. We’ve been together 8 years. 😊 we’ve struggled together, cried together, laughed together, grew up together. We have built a business together. He is my best friend.
This is so right. As a young guy, whenever I mention that people need to use logic and reason when choosing to be in a relationship or get married, people tell me I'm wrong and stupid and that's it's all about love and emotions. And that's wrong. They're immature people who think this. Sure, that's half of the equation, but the other half is using maturity, logic, and planning just like Jordan Peterson explained. People who don't understand this are doomed to end up unsatisfied with their relationships.
Barry A. Lots if guys are what you describe too. Also do not make the mistake I did of choosing someone with no prior relationship experience thinking he would have less baggage instead he had no prior understanding of how to treat a partner. I also have to disagree about asking family for advice unless you are sure they would not want to sabotage your happiness or just join in enabling you to be abusive.
I think you're paranoid and you have trust issues. the concerns you have may be a reflection of you than any potential spouse that you've rejected previously.
*"KNOW SOMEONE WELL ENOUGH TO KNOW WHETHER YOU CAN NEGOTIATE WITH THEM"* I have never thought about this, but I'll bee gotdayumed if that sht ain't true!!!!!
ObscurityIsBest My wife is extremely reasonable. Instead of blaming all women for your inability to get laid, try step 1 and look within at what you may be doing wrong. The problem with a lot of women nowadays is they lack discipline. They’re told from day 1 they can do no wrong and any problem they deal with is created by men. They’re basically told that the world would be a perfect happy-go-lucky utopia if it weren’t for men. That isn’t women’s fault, that’s other men’s fault for allowing society to brainwash them. Just like we discipline boys how to deal with their aggression, disobedience & energy in a productive way...we must also discipline girls to handle their emotions, insecurities & passive aggression more productively. What we must NOT do is blame women and say they’re unreasonable for being taught accountability.
@@jaredschmidt8013: I'm legitimately happy for you that you have an "extremely reasonable" wife. Cherish her with gratitude. If she's as reasonable as you say she is, then she is a rare jewel indeed. (Call me overly skeptical, but I'm interested to know how recently you married her.) If I were merely seeking to "get laid," I could have done so numerous times over with countless women. I chose not to. (Perhaps your comment was meant more as a hyperbole, a stand-in for "marriage" with a hint of sarcasm for humor's sake. If so, fair enough.) You're right about women lacking discipline. Discipline is scarce amongst both of the sexes. You mentioned that the brainwashing of women is ultimately the fault of men who allowed for the brainwashing to occur. I agree with this in part. If fathers (specifically fathers) were to actually invest time in their daughters--training them and instructing them with wisdom and insight until they grew into mature, adult women--society as a whole would be much better off. The utter breakdown of the family has been a major catalyst for catastrophic failures at every level of society. That said, women are not so easily let off the hook. They are still responsible for their own decisions/actions; they are still responsible for seeking truth in spite of their circumstances. If anyone seeks truth long and hard enough, he/she *will* find it. It is much easier to instruct, discipline, and guide a child into truth than it is to rehabilitate a broken, deceived, pride-filled adult. When an adult male is seeking a female to marry, he should by no means approach the relationship with anticipation of having to "parent" his fiancé until she is adequately mature enough for marriage. It is not a husband's job to parent his wife. Such a strategy, when employed, rarely ends in anything other than disaster. I cannot make up for what a father didn't instill into his daughter. There's a reason why many women are said to have "daddy issues."
That idea of "knowing" when you've found the right person is absolutely true. If you have to convince yourself they are "the one," then they're not. The right person won't just feel like a magnet, it feels like an unlocked sector of yourself that you can finally understand, right before your eyes.
I felt what you said he still wasnt the one 🤣 i did improve myself in the process but he basically also destroyed a lot of my life in his passage. We were engaged and he became more an more of a pig an asshole as time went by. A bloody tyrant. I couldnt even recognize him anymore. Scary
I wish I had heard this before I got married. Be very sure that you're compatible with and intrinsically attracted to that person. Practice negotiating with them and make sure that person is as willing to negotiate with you as you are with them. Dig into their childhood and upbringing and be aware of any type of abuse that they received and consider how that might effect you and effect your potential future children.
Wise advice. My ex had a lot of childhood trauma and BPD. I still love him but it's a hard reminder that marriage or the future I wanted wouldn't have been possible with him.
@@NaeK188 Dang that’s tough. My marriage didn’t work out. We got divorced and although it was the hardest time of my life, I can say I’ve never been happier or more content.
My father told me about the whole living together thing, and at the time, I didn't believe him. "Oh I know what I'm doing! It's exaggerated!" Well after touching the hot stove when I was 20, I soon realized why living together before marriage or serious commitment is a relatively bad idea. My next girlfriend at the time wanted the same thing, to play house after 6 months. The relationship was doomed after I said no. Word to anyone thinking about it... you are the only person who knows who you are and for some people it works wonderfully, but if you're young, please live by yourself for a bit and take things slow. You'll appreciate it in the long run that you maintained that level of privacy and space until you get married. Just a bit of unwarranted advice. - a 28 year old man who's learned a few hard lessons.
Can you get into that a little bit more? I was actually curious about that point but Jordan Peterson didn't explain it. Why is it a bad idea to live together with someone that you think you want to marry in the future? I'm looking forward to your answer
@@Steve3lack Yea I'm confused as well - so get married and NOT live together? Sounds kinda awesome as a guy hahaha but weird at the same time - if someone could explain that, that'll be awesome!
From what ive read- successful couples only live together if they are both on the same page about marriage and kids beforehand/have a timeline of when they are getting married. So if you’re engaged and put down deposits for the wedding, then moving in together isnt a bad idea.
Yeah I hope Tammy is ok I think her becoming ill pushed him over the edge somewhat himself. We all love to love and give all of ourselves but if that is endangered it destroys people so I wish them both the best. I have not been married but even long term friends or lovers being unwell upsets an empathetic person.
An easy way to know if your partner is right for you, is try to even talk to them about this subject. If they flip out and start yapping about you being negative and stiff, then you know.
I don't think that the idea of not enjoying or simply liking marriage means the other person is not right for you, marriage is paperwork, love is much more complicated than that, and some simply do not like it for several reasons or none, but that doesn't mean you don't love each other or something
Except that you have it exactly backwards. That does not at all tell you if your partner is right for you, is MERELY one of hundreds of ways to find out that the person is NOT right for you. You think backwards and illogically so if you try to apply standards of finding someone who isn't backwards and illogical then it definitely won't be someone right for you.
Yes. Definitely. Refusing to discuss such awkward but important subjects is a sure red flag. Imagine what they would be like in marriage, when the inevitable differences and disagreements arise. I would not go there with such an individual. Too risky. Most men seem to hate talking to resolve issues of concern to the female. The bad choice of male partner will say there is no problem, just in your own crazy head. Any women spoken to in this way, even quietly and politely needs to see this as a red flag. He obviously thinks what you are suffering is unimportant, because you are unimportant to him. Or not important enough to try to ease your emotional pain, by trying to talk to resolve problems causing it. Which he may be inadvertantly contributing to. Other types of better men who may also struggle with talking might try to show good intentions by things such men typically do eg buy bunches of flowers, take you out on the town, or a holiday etc, where you can have a good time and escape your female misery for a while, but as soon as you return, the same old problems are still there because they were never discussed and killed off, once and for all, to clear the way for some real man/woman love stuff... But, at least these types mean well. They just go about solving such problems the wrong way. Like the abuser type, these "nice but inarticulate" types will be following a formula passed down by their fathers and grandfather's etc for "dealing with women". They never question it's relevance to this era or whether it is effective or, if it is "effective" eg " shuts her up so a man can get a bit of peace", the irreparable, lasting damage this does to their relationship, though she may keep smiling and pretending everything is OK, when it is not, just to keep the peace, as many traditional wen do, which they also learned from their mothers and grandmother's etc. Fact is, the woman's feelings of great love she once feltfor you will have changed forever, never to return, as her intense resentment of your presence in her life at all, now that she knows what you are really like, will eat away and corrode the relationship until it just falls apart. But not every women will make a big show and drama of it, complete with dramatic effects, like tears, hysterical screaming etc, like most younger ones now do.But the damage will have been silently done. No use trying to talk with a partner who is unresponsive, like a brick wall, no matter how eloquent, gentle, kindly etc you may be as a woman who genuinely loved the man and wants to save the relationship. So, such women simply go cold and distant, tune out emotionally, act polite and respectful, but all the while, they are secretly plotting how to leave such a male they see as robbing them of the chance to have a far better, happier life, either alone or with a better man. One who can and will talk to resolve inevitable problems that arise when together. Communication skills in personal relationships are something most guys fail at, though they may be excellent communicators in business eg I sales and marketing, as scammers and pimps, anything that involves "powers of persuasion". The bad male communicator males when problems arise in personal relationships, I observe, will typically have brilliant communication skills at the outset eg the meeting and courting stage, where they are trying to get you to accept them as sex partners, marriage partners or whatever guys want from women. But they suddenly lose these skills when problems, which they may be causing, at least in part, need to be discussed to resolve them. Is it because the men feel guilty? Or is it because they fear the angry female reaction ie women need to clean up their own communication techniques so the guys might be more conducive to trying to talk about it, which is hard for many of the men? Women tend to get very emotional and irrational over some issue bothering them and this can put men off talking because they fear intense female shows of emotion, especially tears, for some reason... But, tears are perfectly normal and OK and guys are allowed to cry, too. Forget what your mother told you about how "big boys don't cry" or your dad and other me ridiculing you as a boy in pain who cried, with macho Man statements like "real men aren't scared and don't cry". Fact is, real men are sometimes scared and they do sometimes feel very sad and do cry, often in secret. If genuine loving, honest women I their lives saw these tears and fears sometimes in the men they love, they would not think less of them. They would "understand" men better, on a deeper emotional level as women can, intuitively, even if the guys find words too hard to do...At least it shows they feel something... Warning,though, do not let your male defences down if you are dealing with an untrustworthy female manipulative type or if you suspect your once loyal, honest, but dumb easily led sheep like partner has had her mind worked on, by feminists. This is a lot like the "radicalization" certain terrorist sects subject their recruits to. Pretty full on, intensive, with offers of rewards, sense if belonging to something big and powerful, protective, chance to shine etc etc. How can you tell if she has been? Just study changes in her behaviour eghow she reacts to things you say and do eg she becomes assertive, more independent, questions things you say, is out more often than at home, wants to start some new study course or get a job when she was previously happy as a normal stay home wife and mother. Also study her changes of appearance eg cuts her long hair short, dyes it some weird or "power" colour, red being a favourite one among feminists because of certain famous red headed female power figures eg queens etc and because redheads have a reputation for the sort of feistiness feminism encourages... Or she may be a natural blonde but suddenly dyes her hair a dark shade, to appear more intelligent and seriously career minded etc, since blo Des are often associated with being just some pretty but dumb airhead type who is likely to be a housewife or dizzy dumb movie star type, sex symbol etc.Also her style of fashion. Certain styles eg clear cut, no trimmings, straight lines, solid colours, non flounces skirts will scream "feminist" and "millennial feminist". If she never wore such minimalist, clear cut styles but suddenly starts, you know she has crossed over and you need to be very alert and watch her every move from thence on, to ensure you protect your own financial and other interests as a man in a partnership with such a changing female because it will be downhill all the way from now on, for you. But not for her, if you let her exploit you as nearly every feminist and also some traditional women will, when a relationship begins to disin tegrate.
My husband and I dated 2 years. No sex until marriage. This way we really got to know each other and our families and friends. We also went through church marriage counseling. We both agreed to assume traditional gender roles. We have been happily married for 16 years. People who first meet us often assume we’ve just gotten together because we are still very fond of each other. That’s my 2 cents Best of luck
Currently dating a girl, I’m Muslim however. I’ve also agreed upon the no sex idea until marriage, we’ve also spoken about our future, kids etc and things like that. Would you recommend any tips for Me? We’re both 21. :) thank you and I hope you have a blessed marriage
Mo Haroon hi brother, try doing an istikhara first to make sure she is the one for you so its all clear from Allah’s side, and marry her or get your nikkah done asap so its acceptable religiously as well. I hope everything goes well inshallah. Take care
@@lollollipop8743 yes brother I have done istikhara multiple times, it’s been positive so far, I’ve also told her to maintain a boundary until we can get married which is next year as her mum would ask her to get rid of me if she asked to get married between her studies, any suggestions? But she’s onboard she told her aunts about me and I’ve asked her multiple times if she wants to go ahead with this next year and she said yes she would.
Mo Haroon so does her mum and aunts agree for her to marry you? If so thats good. Parents will always want yhe best decision for you so it might be the reason why her mum is not letting her now, i’d say if u love her a lot, give it time. Tell her to do an istikhara as well and if Allah has given you positive dreams then it will happen inshallah. Just wait for it to come to you :)
@@lollollipop8743 She hasnt told her mum yet, her mother has a bad temper and if she tells her that she wants to get married in the middle of her medical degree she will say no and she will not allow her to leave the house fearing that she will meet me. she has told me that she is ready to get married next year and she has also done isitkhara.
@@chapter7149 Neither of us settled. We rally around our faith in Jesus and his selfless example. And we didn't get married so that the other person could make us happy-but so that we would find our joy in serving one another. Those are the big ones. Plus we just laugh at the small stuff and make it a point to be best friends.
3:50 "Unless you’ve really made a commitment to someone, like a lifetime commitment, that’s a serious commitment, one that you are not going to back out of, you are not going to take the relationship with the seriousness that’s necessary to make it of the highest possible quality and sustainability across the course of your life."
For me the most important thing are the last five word. You need to be able to negotiate. Look for someone with whom you can solve problems rather than someone with whom you do not have problems. The reason being: you will change and he/she will change. What is a fundament today, will sease to exist. You will find yourself with a completly different person in ten years, so you better be able to negotiate and find common ground with that person.
My fiance and I moved in together a month ago and the negotiation of responsibilities(financial, food, home improvement, and chores) happened months before we even started looking for a house. Everything has been going insanely good since we've moved. Very good advice by Dr. Peterson.
Basically you can sum up the video in two points: - design a plan for the future together in detail that you look forward to and corresponds to your interests and values - you know him/her enough to negotiate with them regarding the everyday responsibilities of two adult members of a family and/or discuss constructively and can make peace with at the end
One of my main things I look at is "how do we fight". Meaning while we usually people do have debates/arguments/fights... and if you both can successfully navigate through it to a acceptable solution (for both of you). On the other hand, if in these situations cannot be successfully solved (and just ignoring the disagreement is not a successful resolution) and/or if you boy/girlfriend starts throwing insults... or bringing up past arguments... should be a big red flag. The courting phase as the say ... "It is as good as it gets" ... after getting married the events the cause disagreements will only increase in number. And if you cannot "fight nicely" with each other... building a life together will be very difficult. Just my two cents... take it for what it's worth.
Kevin vanderPoole that's actually really good to look at. That's how I've been with my partner for over three years without any past argument making a reappearance to make a present argument even more unbearable and toxic to our relationship through time. We are getting married soon now, and what you said is spot on, imo, lol.
That is fantastic advice, dude. How a couple fights indicates how well they'll work together as people. If they can compromise, good. If not, maybe look elsewhere for love and harmony.
Marriage and child rearing get a bad wrap because folks don't know how to do it correctly. SO many people out there divorced, with kids they never planned to have, etc. I'm anti-child/marriage but Peterson makes a convincing argument and so I'm loosening my stance.
Glad to hear you are opening your mind. After all, human life is either a self-evidently, inherently valuable thing or it is just another fungible commodity. I want to live in a world that believes and acts to bring about the former.
If I could be half the man Peterson is and have even half the quality of a life he has when I'm his age, I would be more than a happy man. I follow his advice in the hopes that one day, even if it takes me decades, I will be as enlightened, intelligent and content as he is.
Okay then mr. scientist... Explain to me exactly what the flaw is in idolizing someone because they repeatedly tell you to think for yourself? And more importantly, how is psychology not a science? Last I checked, there have been people that have died from stress induced heart attacks (Sudden Cardiac Arrest Syndrome), that were brought on entirely by their psychology. I'd love a response, because from where I'm sitting you seem to be full of shit. PS @Golden Wizard... Juuust so you see my question/ response.
Dankus Maximus I won't defend Golden Wizard but I do understand why some wish to dismiss Psychology as a science. A few are the DSM such as version 5, it's based mostly on consensus than actual research. Some wish to lump the study of psychology in with the other social sciences that unfortunately have leaned more toward feminist agendas then factual studies. There is some long term factual articles in Psy such as David Buss in evolutionary Psy that are amazing to read, google him and first link at U of texas will get you to what he has published for free. I have been studying Psy for years and can see what is science and what is more point of view. As for the flaw in idolizing someone. If you do, your going to place them on a unrealistic pedestal they never would want to be placed on to begin with and it is impossible for them to remain there. Since you idolize them, your special treatment towards them will cause them not to respect you then leave you. How would you feel if someone especially a love partner idolized you? Google "Why don't woman want to be with a nice guy" or Nice Guy Oneitis" you will find idolizing someone will cause you to slack off on what the other originally found attractive about you along with a loss of self.
Perhaps I didn't articulate myself correctly. I'm not saying that Psychology isn't a science, I'm saying the exact opposite. I'm in direct contrast with those, such as Golden Wizard, who are quick to either A) Condescend the study of Human Psychology; or B) Deny the study of Human Psychology. And while I understand that there are some people out there with ideologies about Psychology and the effect it has on people. But I'm coming from a standpoint that Jordan Peterson isn't an ideologue. Also, I feel as though I failed to articulate myself on the point of idolization. You see, I guess what I was trying to say is not necessarily that I idolize Jordan Peterson, as I wouldn't hesitate to call him on what he says. Rather, I respect him to such a degree that I feel that he wouldn't intentionally tell me something false. But either way, my original post/ point stands, and I do expect a response from Golden Wizard at some point.
I thought that if you truly loved each other you could make it work. But after 25 years and lots of pain I discovered I was with a Narcissist and everything fell into place. He was a master of manipulation and I fell for it hook line and sinker. I trusted him completely which cost me dearly emotionally and financially. One Day I woke up and realised he couldn't and wouldn't change even if he wanted to. I tried so, so hard to make it work but came to the conclusion finally that it didn't make any difference what I did, he was never going to be satisfied, never going to be happy and the deep level of denial he was in. When you meet someone trust your deep instincts, they are always right...Always! Trying to pick up the pieces now in my 50's is hard, I wish I had trusted and acted upon my instincts years ago.
Alternate ending: she cheated on him, blamed him for not being there (was working too hard) took his house, he looks after the kids, she got a boob job a Mercedes and tells people different online. Who knows 😂
Parents who didn't spank their kids but did not find suitable replacement punishments so they grew entitled and narcissistic. A continuously growing and mutating SJW monster that is already beginning to eat itself with minorities trying to win the oppression olympics. It's to the point of people deluding themselves into denying basic biology and claiming they are not male or female just to get a few more oppression points. Depressed bitter college teachers with degrees that are worthless teaching the next generation worthless information so they can be in the same depressed bitter trap they find themselves in. Modern atheists tossing out the good messages and lessons within religion despite they're being secular values worth understanding and appreciating. (I'm an atheist and this is so true, if you want to meet a hollow hearted person meet a bandwagon atheist who just nods along and doesn't think for themselves) Corporatism(not capitalism) ruining 1st world society for the benefit of literally less than 500 people at the cost of millions. Idk lots of reasons.
*"Why are such perverse ideas taking control of peoples lives."* Many reasons: A rise in 3rd wave feminism ripping apart the traditional family structure; a form of feminism aimed solely at spitefully destroying males and teaching young women that men are worthless; A decline in religious values (Atheist or not, your argument for morality comes from a religious foundation western countries have had for thousands of years wether you realise it or not), A rise in obsession of self and jealousy of others, hatred of humanity correlating with the obsessive love of technology, corporate greed which helps to spread insecurity in subtle ways across both sexes resulting in people spending even more on useless sh*t than they already do, creating a rise in low self worth when said expenditure does nothing to satisfy their dopamine intake in the long term and that doesn't even scratch the surface of the problems facing humanity.
Interestingly, my boyfriend and I clashed hugely in the beginning. We had different beliefs and ideas about things but there was clearly an undeniable connection between us, in the sense that we were very comfortable around one another very quickly. We had huge conflicts and huge outbursts of anger, but now after 3 years, we have learnt how to communicate and understand one another. I know he is a good man and perhaps the kindest person I will ever meet. Everyday I strive to be as kind as him. And I am so thankful that I remained patient, in order for me to see this clearly. I am glad I gave us the time, for me to be able to discover what a wonderful person he is. I believe many people would have simply walked away faced with the challenge.
Thank you for sharing. That's an interesting experience and perspective you don't typically hear. Typically I think people would doubt a relationship if you're fighting like crazy, but it just goes to show that even if you're situation isn't necessarily healthy in the moment, as humans we can learn from our mistakes and we can change for our partners if we really do care about them and are invested in the relatioship.
@@pault9544 Now we understand each other well, we hardly ever argue and when we do we remain calm. I believe this is something you learn... I often think about how many wonderful relationships could have been if people were able to give one another time :-)
"You have to be able to tell the truth and the truth is generally a horrible thing." Absolutely. People pay lip-service to honesty and the truth but when it comes down to it people are far more likely to engender the illusory side of life rather than the stark reality. Connecting with people who are not only interested in honesty and the truth but who also walk-that-walk is perhaps the most important aspect of a healthy, life-long relationship. And no more so than a life-partner. Without absolute honest about absolutely everything with your life-partner will inevitably lead to and uneven keel and the boat of your life will tip over.
Giving each other space, and not feeling neglected or insulted when you partner asks for it, is SO important. So I would add that if you live together, you need a place that is big enough to give each of you a private retreat, whether to work or just be by yourself for a bit. You don't have to be around each other every moment. You don't have to go to bed at the same time. We need space to ourselves occasionally, especially the introverts among us, who need alone time to re-energise. I would never want to be with someone who does not understand this. My current partner even acknowledged that she knows married couples who live separately very successfully. This was reassuring to hear, not because we don't want to live together, but because it shows she understands that space apart can be just as important to marital success as being together.
What he is saying you should really understand and know your partner before you believe you love them. You can't say you love someone you don't know or understand. My husband is the person i can really be honest to the only one I can really pour all my feelings to and he is the same with me I'm his best friend. We are not perfect but to know someone knows you deeply and loves you for it is such a comfort and it always feel like through any kind of day everything will be okay.
Truth is so important. I recently realized if I ever told my ex some of the things I truly believed either morally, philosophically or politically, that our relationship wouldn’t have stood the test of time anyways, and raising a family together would have been extremely difficult. To go on living in such an inauthentic nature just for the sake of a relationship is also perhaps even more heartbreaking then the heartbreak I endured when she broke up with me after 5 years. Now, realizing this truth, with some prayer, my heart is truly healing and feels freer by the day. Truth really does set you free.
My wife and I have been together 49 years, lived together 3 years, married for 3 years before we had 2 kids. Live through losing our farm in the 80's restarted career's and now retired with 4 grandsons to imprint on. Turning 69 years old soon, too many stories to tell about man hunting, outlaw trucking, disaster management in hurricanes and tornado's for a career. Life is what you make it, that's all he is trying to tell you.
A soul connection is a resonance between two people who respond to the essential beauty of each other's individual natures, behind their facades, and who connect on this deeper level. This kind of mutual recognition provides the catalyst for a potent alchemy. It is a sacred alliance whose purpose is to help both partners discover and realize their deepest potentials. While a heart connection lets us appreciate those we love just as they are, a soul connection opens up a further dimension -- seeing and loving them for who they could be, and for who we could become under their influence. This means recognizing that we both have an important part to play in helping each other become more fully who we are....A soul connection not only inspires us to expand, but also forces us to confront whatever stands in the way of that expansion.
Unless you make your own self-awareness and becoming highly conscious a top priority, you won't experience anything other than dysfunction and/or delusions accurately proportionate to your state of (un)consciousness.
I’ve tried my whole adult life to obtain this type of relationship, I am a sensitive, sensible woman but the men I have put my precious time into have let me down by dismissing my needs. I’m now 43 with no partner, no children and I’m still putting my best foot forward to dating but at this age it is brutal. More lies than ever before now and at the exact time I am at my most honest and confident about who I am. I certainly don’t go on dates and open with ‘I want children etc etc’ because I know it’s too late for that and deep down I don’t hold much hope for the men I meet in their 40s & 50s. They are incredibly unrealistic about life. I would still like to look after a man and still hope to get married but this gets further and further away from me everyday. Some of it is dating fatigue but most of it is spending lots of time & energy on a relationship that only ever last 6 months. I’m very tired of being used and thrown away. It has shaped me unfortunately and unfairly. I also wish the love of my life had not taken my best years (my whole 20s) then left me to marry another 6 months later.
I hear what you are saying. But here what helped me to find the best partner ever. *know your value* know your worth. Love yourself, first and foremost. Men don't like women that are pleasing, they like to win women. Don't make them feel like kings by babysitting and pleasing them, make them feel like kings because they have won You & your heart. Also listen to Sadhguru, he has some interesting topics also. Wish u best of luck ,♥️.
I sympathize, but if you're 43 years old & you being single is entirely the fault of the men? If nothing else you are responsible for choosing unwisely.
Keep going, even if you end up alone. Honesty and truthful with faith in what's right is the best. A lot might say the biological clock is ticking but i always say "It is more important not to lose yourself than to have everything else." - translating to it's never worth losing yourself to obtain something. Well, i'm not a women but i guess if worst comes to worst you could always have a child with an attractive stranger and put your energy into the child? Interesting how you changed your name from Funny White Girl to Gone Girl. Us men, we can always become monks if things don't work out..
I used to think from his other more famous videos he was a pretty closed off, cold man. I always admired him for his ability to communicate his ideas perfectly, and use reason. But from this video he comes off as a deeply compassionate person, seems like a genuinely honest, great guy who enjoys life.
Relationships have two legs: The contract of relationship and living daily life, and the feeling of love and attraction. Most people have a contract with their culture and work that damages the most satisfying relationships.
The "crush" phase can last up to 2 years, according to science. So you should wait until that "Your partner can do no wrong" emotional high wears off and you get to know the real person, not the fantasy you've constructed. I'd say 3 years.
@@shanonsnyder9450 Do you know what "anecdotal evidence" is? If you gathered thousands of people who waited vs those who didn't, and interviewed them, that would be closer to actually addressing the hypothesis.
You're dead right. Although there are cases, rarely, where people have been together for decades after the three years. But for the common Joe/everybody else. Three years tell you exactly who they are. Sometimes before three. I think it's my cue to leave, goodluck to me.
I always feel uncomfortable in the "crush" phase. Can't wait until it's over because I know it's nearly impossible to look at the person clearly and rationally, or to really know who they are, until it is.
He is captain obvious with his relationship advice. I can't believe that people don't do this. Marrying someone is the most important decision you will make in your life.
Could the fact that people who live together before marriage are getting divorced more frequently because they’re already so willing to live with someone before marriage, that they could also just be more willing to leave? As in people who jump into a relationship easier than others are also going to jump out of the relationship easier? Just thinking out loud.
This is absolutely right. Only one tiny problem: there’s no way you can negotiate division of labor in any detail, especially with possible future kids in picture. And lots of people marry too young to even know what adult life entails, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But the attempt to negotiate serious things will show you how you communicate, and if there’s no maturity there even when the going is relatively easy, the pain in store for you if you ignore that.
This all sounds very nicely thought out and rational. The only problem is, most people, especially young ones of marriage age, are anything but. Instead of reason, they are motivated almost exclusively by passion and lust. No one thinks at all clearly under those conditions, I'm afraid. The result: it becomes a crap shoot on whether the one you're physically attracted to is also someone you are evenly remotely compatible with otherwise.
I find it quite sad that these ideals are completely rejected in today's society. My parents weren't happy together and ended up in divorce after 27 years of marriage, and now I'm living with my mother and my relationship with my stepfather isn't good either. That's why for so many years I thought that the idea of marriage was bullshit, since I had a bad example for my entire life... I'm 18 now and I hope I'll find the right person. Thank you for your wisdom, Mr. Peterson.
Right!! No wonder I am yet to meet tht right spouse for me because my perspective is tht relationships are to be conducted from the start like a business plan. And, it takes true maturity to do this. Like talk about everything: decide who does what and how often or how much than negotiate on things like you would in everyday life. No assumptions, no preconceived notions intended. Just pure, raw honest discussion about your beliefs or relationship expectations. Share responsibilities etc., Than work real hard to achieve this because without hard work, ain’t nothing good is going to come out of it. Ofcourse have fun in the process, however, be an adult. Face the stuff
On having children and grandchildren: "...what you've produced is an unbreakable bond between two beings that makes both of them better in every way: IF it's a relationship that's based on trust and genuine communication. That's a very difficult thing to attain..." ...brilliant. I wish more people were honest and truthful. That's what messed up my childhood- secrets
I’ve been following Dr. Peterson for a several years now on RUclips and have read two of his books and although I don’t entirely agree with certain positions he takes (i.e. views on post-modernism) - I think he’s an outstanding human being , much less an intellectual that freely offers practical wisdom and advice on relevant day-to-day realities.. really, I don’t fully understand the controversy that surrounds him, but I’m thankful that he continues to make these videos and continues to guide those of us who seek greater insights..
My boyfriend and I both are very emotional people, he gets upset and aggressive easily, I get depressed and discouraged easily. Whenever we fight it feels like hell, but he always manages to set his ego aside, listen to me and care for me. I'm so incredibly thankful for that and hope that I'll learn through him how I can achieve the same. After fighting we can talk so well, just honest truth, because during the fight we used up all of our emotions and afterwards we are just... zen somehow for a lack of a better word. I knew I loved him the first moment I interacted with him and I knew I will stay with him for the rest of my life and do ANYTHING I have to do to keep this man at my side. Relationships take work, but they take even more understanding and willingness to accept that you are sometimes a shitty person.
I had one such person, until we separated 6 months ago. Last week I heard she died and we were both 23. It’s unbelievable how lucky I was because I felt we were bonded on so many levels she became my everything. I don’t know if I’ll ever have anybody as special in my life as she was to the point I don’t know how to live now.
I don't agree with everything Jordan Peterson says, but this I agree with 100%!! People just sleep-walk into relationships/marriages without thinking carefully about whether that person is a PRACTICAL partner for both their futures. I loved when he said he's looking forward to having grandkids; I'm the same although my son's just 15. I miss the days he was a little tot and I'm not sure I'll be having any more kids myself. Great video; thank you!
I am going through a break up at this very moment and the things Jordan says about relationships, commitment and love are so true and inspiring. Sometimes I ask myself why I never realised these things before. Listening to Jordan makes me want to improve myself and learn from the mistakes I've made.
I was sitting in the company cafeteria as a young Engineer when I saw my future wife walk in; Blonde, blue, tall and with a body that just wouldn't quit, plus just the way she carried herself and interacted with others I could tell she was a good person. I asked the Manager I was sitting with, Who is that? He replied, If you are going after her you better tighten your chin strap. Wow was he right...it took me 5 years to finally get her to say Yes, but I always knew she was the one. Now we've been married 25 years in April and have two great boys and are even getting better with retirement nearing. Sometimes love at first sight is hard to beat.
I still have a really hard time buying this. I've seen couples that had things VERY well planned and were very commited and it all went down the drain because people don't like seeing or telling the truth. I've been lied to and hidden things from in a way that felt humilliating in my own relationships, and it wasn't even cheating, although you never really know. And I always was extremely open and honest. People tend to look for stability in marriage and in stable couples as a whole but there is always one side that doesn't commit as much, or doesn't care as much, or that takes it more as an adventure and once the adventure aspect fades away, they have nothing else going for it. And the worst part is that I've seen that happen with idiots in their 20, which you would expect to do idiotic things, as well as much bigger idiots in their 40s and 50s, when by then you would expect them to be above certain things. I say that's the worst part because, as a 26 yo, you can say "Well shit, I'll just wait for people to mature a little bit" and it sounds good because you're supposing people will be more mature later, only until you remember the older idiots that you have already seen that never matured after so much time.
It sounds like you misunderstood what Dr. Peterson is saying. Everything he shares, here and elsewhere, is based on his foundational principles as outlined in 12 Rules For Life.
@@MaryBarranti perhaps, but I agree with both his and your comments. El Libertoso responded realistically to what he's observed from others. Of course not all people are immature still at 50 obviously as well..
I am a woman and I come from this school of thought. Unfortunately I am deemed too practical but hey ho... I have done the whole romantic love thing and I believe we can grow to love people because of their character and how they make us feel.
Recommend: Men Can’t Continue to be Obsequious to Our Women
ruclips.net/video/OPxM4-se--g/видео.html
Good! I don't want a servile man! A female cannot respect a man that does not lead, and lead well. Key point being, a man must be a good leader... Not a dumbass.
Yo
"Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction. "
Antoine de Saint-Exupery
That's lovely :)
I wasn't aware of the quote, but I had the same visualisation while I was trying to imagine a possible future with a girl. And it didn't look to me as a lovers relationship then, but rather that of a brother and a sister. Maybe I was wrong.
@@meryuk thats actually the ultimate goal for married ppl in Bible. After forming family, hopefully with kids, husband and wife should live in love like best friends, brothers and sisters. Helping each other in life and also preparing for after.. This is just my poorly summarised point, but i wanted to tell you that you arent wrong for thinking like that. And i wish you good luck with finding such person to create special bond with :)
Perfect.
Beautifully, Brilliantly, & Absolutely Perfect.
Thanks for sharing!
@@piano.music88 Thank you. Yes, I can understand that.
I have heard that this man is controversial, yet everything he says sounds sensible.
@coreycox2345 Only Marxist feminist social justice warriors & mainstream media think Professor Peterson is controversial. Common sense people enjoy listening & learning from this intelligent, articulate man.
I tend to avoid being on the Left or the Right, and I don't agree with everything Dr. Peterson says (especially in regards to religion/faith), but I think he has a valuable perspective for us all to consider, and use it to rethink and reshape our own.
For example, I've long held the belief that religion has too many drawbacks compared to benefits to offer society, and that we should seek to remove it from ourselves. However, I've come to adopt a more tolerant outlook. I still think it's mostly superstitious tribalism mixed in with far too much distorted history, but I can appreciate that some people anchor their sense of decency and human goodness around it, and those people have motivation to improve themselves based upon those beliefs. If the difference between such people being remorseless criminals or upstanding citizens is their faith, I say let them have it so long as they don't try to impose it on those who don't want it. It doesn't persuade me to believe in God, but it has granted me more respect for others' belief in it.
HydeWars fuck you. I love you and hate you. Perhaps they are the same. Goodbye. Or let's meet someday. Nobody bothers to go online to say I don't care unless they do. It has been an adventure that helped me through a time that could have been the end of me and left better than I was before. I was right that romance would never work out for me unless I met the person. If I am bad at reading people in general, I find it impossible online. It may have been that simple. Live and learn. Thank you for everything. Fuck you.
You want to be controversial. If you are not controversial, think of a movie that’s missing the plot and everything in it is goodie goodie. I believe one cannot be famous unless there is some controversy around one’s name.
It's because Peterson is not controversial that rabble rousers have to make up straw men to attack the fellow.
Watch, and it's actually very funny to see. This is very consistently the case.
"the outstanding moral quality of my wife who I am also extraordinarily attracted to". Is there a greater compliment from any man to his wife!? What a lovely thing to say.
transwomen aresexistmen,
But the moral parts covers all character traits and good morals and personality...etc so that's a part.
The attraction covers the looks part as well.
So that's pretty much most of the stuff that you can compliment in a person. Unless you are looking for a detailed list or something
Yeeesss!!! That was brilliant , and beautiful.
@transwomen aresexistmen your bruuuuh shows youre not mature enough to understand how profound this statement actually is
If your wife have a hight morals, you can be Safe and confident , she wont cheat you :)
She must be amazing to be one step ahead of this man.
Imagine dating a girl and finding out her dad is Jordan Peterson.
Ted Williams I know right? Time for gay marriage
"Can I call you daddy too?"
That's one of those times where you just go around high fiveing random people on the street for days on end.
I knew my lady-friend's dad long before we dated, and we became such good friends. It was awesome. I don't know if I could live up to Peterson's standards, though.
Lol! Oh my god
I am in my mid-sixties. I have found that the best reason to be married is as follows: When one comes upon something that one finds very funny, it is essential to have someone else with whom one can share the joke. (For this reason, I believe that it is important to marry someone who is more-or-less the same intelligence as oneself, and someone who shares the same political/religious/cultural values as oneself. Otherwise, they won't be able to get the joke.)
Sallie Skakel thats interesting..thank you!
This is perhaps the wisest RUclips comment I have read. And perhaps the most honest.
This is the most important comment in this comment section
Sense of humour helps. I married one with none. So I tried to compensate for his seriousness by seeing the humour in serious situations. I have to be able to laugh at these sometimes, to avoid crying. But he wasn't amused and it only made things worse! "What's so funny?!?" he'd scowl.And I couldn't stop laughing in the middle of serious arguments about trivialities. One particularly stormy day, weather-wise ie wild winds blowing etc, "stormy boy" younger man husband got mad about me forgetting to leave a welcome home light on one night for when he came home from work. I tried to apologise and explain how I forgot and I was singing some silly song "Long As I See The Light" as I stirred a lot on the stove and promised hima good hot home cooked meal. It wasn't enough. Be wanted to argue. About the light and my singing stupid songs about the light and his mumalways left the light on for his dad tocomehome to,blah, blah and then he stormed off into thedarkness and slammed the front door, soI went behind itto make sure it was locked as I was alone and scared of other I truders, not my angry bad tempered dearest beloved "sunny boy" husband. Unexpectedly, a wild vust of wind pushed door back against my outstretched hand behind it and then he burst back in shouting "And another thing about you and all this stuff blah, blah, blah" (typical orderly control freak talk). But my hand had been seriously injured by the force of the door hitting it and it required medical attention and a splint etc. He was in a panicstate, tryi g to bandage my damaged hand a d the medicos wanted to report it as"domestic violence", which I suppose it could have beenbut I never saw it that way. It was just a genuine, unfortunate accident. Evidenced by the fact that he was sorry for his temper tantrum and tried to fix my painful damaged hand. And I took responsibility for being a funny smartarse, joking about, singing silly songs, when I should have know that, to a serious, depressed type like him, leaving the light on had some sort of symbolic deep meaning I could not understand, because I am accustomed to always standing in the light and it shining for me. I am Abit olderand wiser now and think I understand certain personality types different from mine a little better than then. Humour is fine, but you need to be careful who you use it onand what situations. Some can't see the funny side of things and laugh about it, to ease the tension, and thus make way for a solution to be found to differences, problems etc.
in that case sending memes to your crush is a good tactic
I really like how he says how much he loves his wife and children
Pear ce hes lying
HydeWars not really suprised to see you here sam
Y do you think hes lying?
He's lying because he's a niggah
@@themayqueen666 I'm black, and you made me snicker thanks for that
I think it’s lovely
This is a brilliant man. I can't believe they tried to kick him out of University of Toronto just because he denies that there are more than 2 genders. He is a man of reason.
@Thea Mjohlnir Professor Peterson's intelligent, thoughtful & common sense perspective on human behavior scares the hell out of Marxist feminists because they know deep in their hearts that their own dogma is just plain wrong...
Seriously.
He's got to be one of the best teachers and in the top 10% if not 1%
They've also banned his youtube account.
He never denied that there are more than 2 genders tho
You should not spread misinformation. He never denied there's more than 2 genders, no he should be respected because he spoke against government legislated compelled speech which is an abominable violation of the right to free speech.
1. Sexual attraction
2. Emotional compatibility
3. Set of agreements
Without any order.
Moral/ethical compatibility too
@@FDJUwe Oh, yes. Absolutely.
Sad that in most marriages, none of the three things last
nope, I think you nailed the order.
@@stretchopotomus2385 you think sexual attraction is the highest of those three??? how are you supposed to have any marriage with anyone lasting past the age of 40 if it's based primarily on sexual attraction
Imagine Jordan Peterson being your grandpa. Ultimate source of wisdom
I'd ask grandpa Peterson where and how to find a suitable wife and how to keep myself accountable after that... I feel encouraged to translate his last book and spread his wisdom!
@Tainted Taliyah Whats the matter with you?
I wish
yess haha 💜😆
This guy is a complete sexist. Don't be fooled.
Jordan Peterson’s wife when he gets home: “Ah yes, the negotiator.”
This joke is under appreciated
Ahahaha xD
Bro. Legit. This one is gold
We've been waiting for you. That wasn't much of a rescue
LMFAO
Knew she would be my wife when I met her. Smart cute and different than the other girls at our dinner table. Became her friend first. asked her out 6 months later and we've been together ever since. 23 years. We maintain each other
aww 💜
Does the sexual attraction fade?
@@monikag6108 I have the same issue, it fades over time, but a good routine with someone will surpass the sexual tension, if the couple always tell the truth to each other (accepting each other's sexual fantasies, trying to adapt new likes, etc).
@@eikementira1604 try karezza
@nataliepalilla this is amazing
"I have a good marriage ... due to my wife ... who I'm extraordinarily attracted to." Haha wow, I've never heard anyone say that they are "extraordinarily attracted" to their wife. What an academic way of saying "my wife is smoking hot."
... or an academic way of saying, "I've got a hard on and need a release." ... and with a PhD.
There are girls who I am extraordinary attracted to who aren't smoking hot
Sometimes it's not them, it's me
I took it as yes of course there's attraction, but the inner core of his wife- her spiritually, morality, integrity, etc. when you have a partner who is hot and smart and loyal then there's no need for worry when trouble brews. The happiness factor goes up tremendously in your future.
shamtown84 long lasting attraction isn’t completely physical, why do you think lots of young people who get married in two months end up divorced? Their attraction was purely shallow lust.
@@ItsHollowfied of course you're right. I'm not sure why I even wrote that... I just think his way of talking is pompous and overbearing.
Rule Set 1:
1. Mutually important.
2. Mutually interesting.
3. Enjoying each other sexually.
(“Love” - Netflix series)
Rule Set 2:
1. Emotional Unity.
2. Intellectual Unity.
3. Social Unity.
4. Spiritual Unity.
(From 5 Love Languages)
Rule Set 3:
1. Chose the woman who choses you.
2. Chose the woman who is looking after herself.
3. Chose a woman who is intellectually developed.
4. Chose a woman who has a sense of humor.
5. Chose a woman who is sexually active with you and enjoys you sexually.
5. Be a grown up: a professional, tactful, solid, decisive, generous, have boundaries and deep appreciation for the miracle of life.
(From my psychologist friend)
Feel free to pick the one you like.
Thanks man
1. Chose the woman who choses you. THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE, dont chase ANYONE who doesnt want you in their life, YOU are way too important to be begging anyone.
I think he is right, but I think in the modern society it’s just hard to find someone! I think this video helps with that ruclips.net/video/Vl1ZYlvo2DY/видео.html
Siren Watcher the problem is that women should be the one picking. It’s always been like that. It’s in our nature. We pick the guy who WE feel like can protect us! When they do the picking, that’s when it gets nowhwre
sometime its good to wait for sex instead of expecting it from women right away.
Now, I agree with everything he says - HOWEVER!
You should first clean your room.
Соɾу ℛ. Got me
Funny!
Jajaja its true. What a comment.
Than i can slay the dragon?
great minds think alike but simple minds rarely differ, which one applies to you?
I set up four questions I had to say yes to regarding my future wife:
1. Do we have common interests
2. Do we have common values?
3. Do we have common goals?
4. And lastly, can I see myself growing old with this person?
I said yes to all of these questions regarding my wife of 39 years. So far so good, lol.
I'm happy for you and hope to have the same with my spouse
Lll
I love hearing Peterson brag about his kids. It's so adorable.
cobby407 I'd do the same thing
id fucking peee on your toy cactus
I just got to that bit, it's awesome, and very reasonable advice as well
Too bad his daughter is a bimbo now
you should know someone long enough, to figure out that you can communicate, tell the truth, and negotiate
>tell the truth
I'd say if you can't do that, then you're not ready at all.
That was an amazing off the cuff sentence
What if you do all that with strangers?
DocsWorld wise words 👏🏽🤗👍🏽
that's false ..
I married my husband when we were 23. We dated for six months, then got married. We’ve been together 8 years. 😊 we’ve struggled together, cried together, laughed together, grew up together. We have built a business together. He is my best friend.
This Man is a Man’s man and a Woman’s man. Old school sensibilities, real world advice.
So hard to find a partner these days who is willing to do that! I wanted to talk about that here ruclips.net/video/Vl1ZYlvo2DY/видео.html
Very well put
I agree!!
This is so right. As a young guy, whenever I mention that people need to use logic and reason when choosing to be in a relationship or get married, people tell me I'm wrong and stupid and that's it's all about love and emotions. And that's wrong. They're immature people who think this. Sure, that's half of the equation, but the other half is using maturity, logic, and planning just like Jordan Peterson explained. People who don't understand this are doomed to end up unsatisfied with their relationships.
They will be doomed if there's no love and emotions either.
nofy bn nobody is telling someone to stay with someone who you dont love
I cant even use logic to figure out how to get myself anywhere let alone form a relationship 😂. Its not my strongpoint thats for sure.
MrElculver2424 yes ideally we should save the love and emotions for after establishing with logic if they are a suitable partner.
Barry A. Lots if guys are what you describe too. Also do not make the mistake I did of choosing someone with no prior relationship experience thinking he would have less baggage instead he had no prior understanding of how to treat a partner. I also have to disagree about asking family for advice unless you are sure they would not want to sabotage your happiness or just join in enabling you to be abusive.
The problem is not finding someone to spend the rest of your life with, it's finding someone who you can trust.
It's not easy nowadays...
👍
I think you're paranoid and you have trust issues. the concerns you have may be a reflection of you than any potential spouse that you've rejected previously.
@@mdogzino
Watching Dr. Peterson's videos doesn't automatically make you a shrink.
My comment is based on what I've seen happening to my friends.
True! Trust in what sense? With your feelings? Physically or secrets?
Nowadays? So what do you mean by that? When were things better?
*"KNOW SOMEONE WELL ENOUGH TO KNOW WHETHER YOU CAN NEGOTIATE WITH THEM"*
I have never thought about this, but I'll bee gotdayumed if that sht ain't true!!!!!
@Vale Sauce: I'm convinced from experience they don't exist. (One might as well hope for a unicorn.) But I won't settle for less.
ObscurityIsBest My wife is extremely reasonable. Instead of blaming all women for your inability to get laid, try step 1 and look within at what you may be doing wrong.
The problem with a lot of women nowadays is they lack discipline. They’re told from day 1 they can do no wrong and any problem they deal with is created by men. They’re basically told that the world would be a perfect happy-go-lucky utopia if it weren’t for men. That isn’t women’s fault, that’s other men’s fault for allowing society to brainwash them.
Just like we discipline boys how to deal with their aggression, disobedience & energy in a productive way...we must also discipline girls to handle their emotions, insecurities & passive aggression more productively. What we must NOT do is blame women and say they’re unreasonable for being taught accountability.
@@jaredschmidt8013: I'm legitimately happy for you that you have an "extremely reasonable" wife. Cherish her with gratitude. If she's as reasonable as you say she is, then she is a rare jewel indeed. (Call me overly skeptical, but I'm interested to know how recently you married her.)
If I were merely seeking to "get laid," I could have done so numerous times over with countless women. I chose not to. (Perhaps your comment was meant more as a hyperbole, a stand-in for "marriage" with a hint of sarcasm for humor's sake. If so, fair enough.)
You're right about women lacking discipline. Discipline is scarce amongst both of the sexes. You mentioned that the brainwashing of women is ultimately the fault of men who allowed for the brainwashing to occur. I agree with this in part. If fathers (specifically fathers) were to actually invest time in their daughters--training them and instructing them with wisdom and insight until they grew into mature, adult women--society as a whole would be much better off. The utter breakdown of the family has been a major catalyst for catastrophic failures at every level of society. That said, women are not so easily let off the hook. They are still responsible for their own decisions/actions; they are still responsible for seeking truth in spite of their circumstances. If anyone seeks truth long and hard enough, he/she *will* find it.
It is much easier to instruct, discipline, and guide a child into truth than it is to rehabilitate a broken, deceived, pride-filled adult. When an adult male is seeking a female to marry, he should by no means approach the relationship with anticipation of having to "parent" his fiancé until she is adequately mature enough for marriage. It is not a husband's job to parent his wife. Such a strategy, when employed, rarely ends in anything other than disaster. I cannot make up for what a father didn't instill into his daughter. There's a reason why many women are said to have "daddy issues."
That idea of "knowing" when you've found the right person is absolutely true. If you have to convince yourself they are "the one," then they're not. The right person won't just feel like a magnet, it feels like an unlocked sector of yourself that you can finally understand, right before your eyes.
I felt what you said he still wasnt the one 🤣 i did improve myself in the process but he basically also destroyed a lot of my life in his passage. We were engaged and he became more an more of a pig an asshole as time went by. A bloody tyrant. I couldnt even recognize him anymore. Scary
I wish I had heard this before I got married. Be very sure that you're compatible with and intrinsically attracted to that person. Practice negotiating with them and make sure that person is as willing to negotiate with you as you are with them. Dig into their childhood and upbringing and be aware of any type of abuse that they received and consider how that might effect you and effect your potential future children.
Upbringing definitely reveals a lot. This is good advice.
Wise advice. My ex had a lot of childhood trauma and BPD. I still love him but it's a hard reminder that marriage or the future I wanted wouldn't have been possible with him.
@@NaeK188 Dang that’s tough. My marriage didn’t work out. We got divorced and although it was the hardest time of my life, I can say I’ve never been happier or more content.
@@tomhines3404 sorry to hear that friend.
@@NaeK188 I can relate with that. You don’t want to commit any further then just boyfriend girlfriend.
Tell the truth, communicate, and negotiate. Got it. Thank you.
@MICHAEL WILLIAMSON: And what do you get for that (?) You get the best chance. Which is different than a guarantee . . .
Relationships are much more complicated than 1+1=2. There are no guarantees in any kind of relationship.
@@sethhansen4454 life. There are no garuntees in lifr
@@QED_ well if you want a guarantee... I suppose you have to be a magician or something.
Exactly, this is from the video, and missing from several of the comments here.
My father told me about the whole living together thing, and at the time, I didn't believe him. "Oh I know what I'm doing! It's exaggerated!" Well after touching the hot stove when I was 20, I soon realized why living together before marriage or serious commitment is a relatively bad idea. My next girlfriend at the time wanted the same thing, to play house after 6 months. The relationship was doomed after I said no. Word to anyone thinking about it... you are the only person who knows who you are and for some people it works wonderfully, but if you're young, please live by yourself for a bit and take things slow. You'll appreciate it in the long run that you maintained that level of privacy and space until you get married. Just a bit of unwarranted advice. - a 28 year old man who's learned a few hard lessons.
I'm going to wait till I'm married before I live with my husband :)
Agreed!
Can you get into that a little bit more? I was actually curious about that point but Jordan Peterson didn't explain it.
Why is it a bad idea to live together with someone that you think you want to marry in the future?
I'm looking forward to your answer
@@Steve3lack Yea I'm confused as well - so get married and NOT live together? Sounds kinda awesome as a guy hahaha but weird at the same time - if someone could explain that, that'll be awesome!
From what ive read- successful couples only live together if they are both on the same page about marriage and kids beforehand/have a timeline of when they are getting married. So if you’re engaged and put down deposits for the wedding, then moving in together isnt a bad idea.
In love with the freudian slip of calling his wife his life ❤
Poetry in its truest form
Yeah I hope Tammy is ok I think her becoming ill pushed him over the edge somewhat himself. We all love to love and give all of ourselves but if that is endangered it destroys people so I wish them both the best. I have not been married but even long term friends or lovers being unwell upsets an empathetic person.
Happy wife, happy life
Oh i loved it when he did that! ☺
An easy way to know if your partner is right for you, is try to even talk to them about this subject. If they flip out and start yapping about you being negative and stiff, then you know.
AtrumMixer sound alike you tried it before ahaha
I don't think that the idea of not enjoying or simply liking marriage means the other person is not right for you, marriage is paperwork, love is much more complicated than that, and some simply do not like it for several reasons or none, but that doesn't mean you don't love each other or something
Except that you have it exactly backwards. That does not at all tell you if your partner is right for you, is MERELY one of hundreds of ways to find out that the person is NOT right for you. You think backwards and illogically so if you try to apply standards of finding someone who isn't backwards and illogical then it definitely won't be someone right for you.
What subject?
Yes. Definitely. Refusing to discuss such awkward but important subjects is a sure red flag. Imagine what they would be like in marriage, when the inevitable differences and disagreements arise. I would not go there with such an individual. Too risky. Most men seem to hate talking to resolve issues of concern to the female. The bad choice of male partner will say there is no problem, just in your own crazy head. Any women spoken to in this way, even quietly and politely needs to see this as a red flag. He obviously thinks what you are suffering is unimportant, because you are unimportant to him. Or not important enough to try to ease your emotional pain, by trying to talk to resolve problems causing it. Which he may be inadvertantly contributing to. Other types of better men who may also struggle with talking might try to show good intentions by things such men typically do eg buy bunches of flowers, take you out on the town, or a holiday etc, where you can have a good time and escape your female misery for a while, but as soon as you return, the same old problems are still there because they were never discussed and killed off, once and for all, to clear the way for some real man/woman love stuff... But, at least these types mean well. They just go about solving such problems the wrong way. Like the abuser type, these "nice but inarticulate" types will be following a formula passed down by their fathers and grandfather's etc for "dealing with women". They never question it's relevance to this era or whether it is effective or, if it is "effective" eg " shuts her up so a man can get a bit of peace", the irreparable, lasting damage this does to their relationship, though she may keep smiling and pretending everything is OK, when it is not, just to keep the peace, as many traditional wen do, which they also learned from their mothers and grandmother's etc. Fact is, the woman's feelings of great love she once feltfor you will have changed forever, never to return, as her intense resentment of your presence in her life at all, now that she knows what you are really like, will eat away and corrode the relationship until it just falls apart. But not every women will make a big show and drama of it, complete with dramatic effects, like tears, hysterical screaming etc, like most younger ones now do.But the damage will have been silently done. No use trying to talk with a partner who is unresponsive, like a brick wall, no matter how eloquent, gentle, kindly etc you may be as a woman who genuinely loved the man and wants to save the relationship. So, such women simply go cold and distant, tune out emotionally, act polite and respectful, but all the while, they are secretly plotting how to leave such a male they see as robbing them of the chance to have a far better, happier life, either alone or with a better man. One who can and will talk to resolve inevitable problems that arise when together. Communication skills in personal relationships are something most guys fail at, though they may be excellent communicators in business eg I sales and marketing, as scammers and pimps, anything that involves "powers of persuasion". The bad male communicator males when problems arise in personal relationships, I observe, will typically have brilliant communication skills at the outset eg the meeting and courting stage, where they are trying to get you to accept them as sex partners, marriage partners or whatever guys want from women. But they suddenly lose these skills when problems, which they may be causing, at least in part, need to be discussed to resolve them. Is it because the men feel guilty? Or is it because they fear the angry female reaction ie women need to clean up their own communication techniques so the guys might be more conducive to trying to talk about it, which is hard for many of the men? Women tend to get very emotional and irrational over some issue bothering them and this can put men off talking because they fear intense female shows of emotion, especially tears, for some reason... But, tears are perfectly normal and OK and guys are allowed to cry, too. Forget what your mother told you about how "big boys don't cry" or your dad and other me ridiculing you as a boy in pain who cried, with macho Man statements like "real men aren't scared and don't cry". Fact is, real men are sometimes scared and they do sometimes feel very sad and do cry, often in secret. If genuine loving, honest women I their lives saw these tears and fears sometimes in the men they love, they would not think less of them. They would "understand" men better, on a deeper emotional level as women can, intuitively, even if the guys find words too hard to do...At least it shows they feel something... Warning,though, do not let your male defences down if you are dealing with an untrustworthy female manipulative type or if you suspect your once loyal, honest, but dumb easily led sheep like partner has had her mind worked on, by feminists. This is a lot like the "radicalization" certain terrorist sects subject their recruits to. Pretty full on, intensive, with offers of rewards, sense if belonging to something big and powerful, protective, chance to shine etc etc. How can you tell if she has been? Just study changes in her behaviour eghow she reacts to things you say and do eg she becomes assertive, more independent, questions things you say, is out more often than at home, wants to start some new study course or get a job when she was previously happy as a normal stay home wife and mother. Also study her changes of appearance eg cuts her long hair short, dyes it some weird or "power" colour, red being a favourite one among feminists because of certain famous red headed female power figures eg queens etc and because redheads have a reputation for the sort of feistiness feminism encourages... Or she may be a natural blonde but suddenly dyes her hair a dark shade, to appear more intelligent and seriously career minded etc, since blo Des are often associated with being just some pretty but dumb airhead type who is likely to be a housewife or dizzy dumb movie star type, sex symbol etc.Also her style of fashion. Certain styles eg clear cut, no trimmings, straight lines, solid colours, non flounces skirts will scream "feminist" and "millennial feminist". If she never wore such minimalist, clear cut styles but suddenly starts, you know she has crossed over and you need to be very alert and watch her every move from thence on, to ensure you protect your own financial and other interests as a man in a partnership with such a changing female because it will be downhill all the way from now on, for you. But not for her, if you let her exploit you as nearly every feminist and also some traditional women will, when a relationship begins to disin tegrate.
My husband and I dated 2 years. No sex until marriage. This way we really got to know each other and our families and friends. We also went through church marriage counseling. We both agreed to assume traditional gender roles. We have been happily married for 16 years. People who first meet us often assume we’ve just gotten together because we are still very fond of each other. That’s my 2 cents Best of luck
Currently dating a girl, I’m Muslim however. I’ve also agreed upon the no sex idea until marriage, we’ve also spoken about our future, kids etc and things like that. Would you recommend any tips for Me? We’re both 21. :) thank you and I hope you have a blessed marriage
Mo Haroon hi brother, try doing an istikhara first to make sure she is the one for you so its all clear from Allah’s side, and marry her or get your nikkah done asap so its acceptable religiously as well. I hope everything goes well inshallah. Take care
@@lollollipop8743 yes brother I have done istikhara multiple times, it’s been positive so far, I’ve also told her to maintain a boundary until we can get married which is next year as her mum would ask her to get rid of me if she asked to get married between her studies, any suggestions? But she’s onboard she told her aunts about me and I’ve asked her multiple times if she wants to go ahead with this next year and she said yes she would.
Mo Haroon so does her mum and aunts agree for her to marry you? If so thats good. Parents will always want yhe best decision for you so it might be the reason why her mum is not letting her now, i’d say if u love her a lot, give it time. Tell her to do an istikhara as well and if Allah has given you positive dreams then it will happen inshallah. Just wait for it to come to you :)
@@lollollipop8743 She hasnt told her mum yet, her mother has a bad temper and if she tells her that she wants to get married in the middle of her medical degree she will say no and she will not allow her to leave the house fearing that she will meet me. she has told me that she is ready to get married next year and she has also done isitkhara.
I love marriage so much. Because we did it right.
Score!
howd you do it?
@@chapter7149 Neither of us settled. We rally around our faith in Jesus and his selfless example. And we didn't get married so that the other person could make us happy-but so that we would find our joy in serving one another. Those are the big ones. Plus we just laugh at the small stuff and make it a point to be best friends.
The Inroad ohhh nice!..thanks!
@@TheInroad Wait so you didn't marry even though it is biblical to be wedded with your wife? The entire bible revolves around marriage you know?
0:16 *extreme knowledge L O A D I N G*
There is nothing so profound and satisfying as living with a man you deeply love.
!
3:50 "Unless you’ve really made a commitment to someone, like a lifetime commitment, that’s a serious commitment, one that you are not going to back out of, you are not going to take the relationship with the seriousness that’s necessary to make it of the highest possible quality and sustainability across the course of your life."
“You have to be willing to tell the truth”. . . this man delights my spirit...
He almost said "life" instead of "wife". Thats love.
For me the most important thing are the last five word. You need to be able to negotiate. Look for someone with whom you can solve problems rather than someone with whom you do not have problems. The reason being: you will change and he/she will change. What is a fundament today, will sease to exist. You will find yourself with a completly different person in ten years, so you better be able to negotiate and find common ground with that person.
My fiance and I moved in together a month ago and the negotiation of responsibilities(financial, food, home improvement, and chores) happened months before we even started looking for a house. Everything has been going insanely good since we've moved. Very good advice by Dr. Peterson.
That’s awesome
How are you guys doing? Share some enlightment for these times :)
Yeah man, your post is from 4 years back.. even i wanna know, did all the planning work out? Did u get married? Are u happy in it?
can we get an update?
Basically you can sum up the video in two points:
- design a plan for the future together in detail that you look forward to and corresponds to your interests and values
- you know him/her enough to negotiate with them regarding the everyday responsibilities of two adult members of a family and/or discuss constructively and can make peace with at the end
One of my main things I look at is "how do we fight". Meaning while we usually people do have debates/arguments/fights... and if you both can successfully navigate through it to a acceptable solution (for both of you). On the other hand, if in these situations cannot be successfully solved (and just ignoring the disagreement is not a successful resolution) and/or if you boy/girlfriend starts throwing insults... or bringing up past arguments... should be a big red flag. The courting phase as the say ... "It is as good as it gets" ... after getting married the events the cause disagreements will only increase in number. And if you cannot "fight nicely" with each other... building a life together will be very difficult. Just my two cents... take it for what it's worth.
Kevin vanderPoole that's actually really good to look at. That's how I've been with my partner for over three years without any past argument making a reappearance to make a present argument even more unbearable and toxic to our relationship through time. We are getting married soon now, and what you said is spot on, imo, lol.
Kevin vanderPoole this is great advice👍🏼
Kevin vanderPoole
Why doesn't this have more likes, that's the god damn nail on the head.
That is fantastic advice, dude. How a couple fights indicates how well they'll work together as people. If they can compromise, good. If not, maybe look elsewhere for love and harmony.
Thanks... the only sad part was I learned that the hard way... :-)
DONT DO IT MORTY, FOCUS ON SCIENCE
Nick Carbaugh lol I know right
Break the cycle! lmao
R&M really does have a cynical view of marriage, but it's not hard to see why more and more people do.
HydeWars lmao what the fuck
break the cycle Morty, rise above, focus on science!
Nick Carbaugh When did Rick say that?
Marriage and child rearing get a bad wrap because folks don't know how to do it correctly. SO many people out there divorced, with kids they never planned to have, etc. I'm anti-child/marriage but Peterson makes a convincing argument and so I'm loosening my stance.
Anti child sounds evil 😂
Someone's been listening to too much Infant Annihilator
\m/
Please go into more detail
Glad to hear you are opening your mind. After all, human life is either a self-evidently, inherently valuable thing or it is just another fungible commodity. I want to live in a world that believes and acts to bring about the former.
If I could be half the man Peterson is and have even half the quality of a life he has when I'm his age, I would be more than a happy man. I follow his advice in the hopes that one day, even if it takes me decades, I will be as enlightened, intelligent and content as he is.
+Kojima World Order I'm loving having this hero in my life to inspire me
Golden Wizard lol, ok thanks Mr scientist.
Okay then mr. scientist... Explain to me exactly what the flaw is in idolizing someone because they repeatedly tell you to think for yourself? And more importantly, how is psychology not a science? Last I checked, there have been people that have died from stress induced heart attacks (Sudden Cardiac Arrest Syndrome), that were brought on entirely by their psychology. I'd love a response, because from where I'm sitting you seem to be full of shit. PS @Golden Wizard... Juuust so you see my question/ response.
Dankus Maximus I won't defend Golden Wizard but I do understand why some wish to dismiss Psychology as a science. A few are the DSM such as version 5, it's based mostly on consensus than actual research. Some wish to lump the study of psychology in with the other social sciences that unfortunately have leaned more toward feminist agendas then factual studies. There is some long term factual articles in Psy such as David Buss in evolutionary Psy that are amazing to read, google him and first link at U of texas will get you to what he has published for free. I have been studying Psy for years and can see what is science and what is more point of view. As for the flaw in idolizing someone. If you do, your going to place them on a unrealistic pedestal they never would want to be placed on to begin with and it is impossible for them to remain there. Since you idolize them, your special treatment towards them will cause them not to respect you then leave you. How would you feel if someone especially a love partner idolized you? Google "Why don't woman want to be with a nice guy" or Nice Guy Oneitis" you will find idolizing someone will cause you to slack off on what the other originally found attractive about you along with a loss of self.
Perhaps I didn't articulate myself correctly. I'm not saying that Psychology isn't a science, I'm saying the exact opposite. I'm in direct contrast with those, such as Golden Wizard, who are quick to either A) Condescend the study of Human Psychology; or B) Deny the study of Human Psychology. And while I understand that there are some people out there with ideologies about Psychology and the effect it has on people. But I'm coming from a standpoint that Jordan Peterson isn't an ideologue. Also, I feel as though I failed to articulate myself on the point of idolization. You see, I guess what I was trying to say is not necessarily that I idolize Jordan Peterson, as I wouldn't hesitate to call him on what he says. Rather, I respect him to such a degree that I feel that he wouldn't intentionally tell me something false. But either way, my original post/ point stands, and I do expect a response from Golden Wizard at some point.
I thought that if you truly loved each other you could make it work. But after 25 years and lots of pain I discovered I was with a Narcissist and everything fell into place. He was a master of manipulation and I fell for it hook line and sinker. I trusted him completely which cost me dearly emotionally and financially. One Day I woke up and realised he couldn't and wouldn't change even if he wanted to. I tried so, so hard to make it work but came to the conclusion finally that it didn't make any difference what I did, he was never going to be satisfied, never going to be happy and the deep level of denial he was in. When you meet someone trust your deep instincts, they are always right...Always!
Trying to pick up the pieces now in my 50's is hard, I wish I had trusted and acted upon my instincts years ago.
You thought you could change him. You messed up right there.
At least you did realise and got out. I wish you all the very best of luck for the rest of your life....
I read this and it's like I'm looking at myself in the future. It's scarry, I can't leave him
Been there done that got the t shirt. Best to you...
Alternate ending: she cheated on him, blamed him for not being there (was working too hard) took his house, he looks after the kids, she got a boob job a Mercedes and tells people different online. Who knows 😂
why are you one of the few voices, who remind us how life should be lived....why are such perverse ideas taking control of peoples lives...
Stephen Tovey 👌👌👌
"Why are such perverse ideas taking control of people's lives?" that's a good question. Where does all this depravation come from?
I would exclude religious ideology because if Westerners were devout Christians we wouldn't talk about divorces.
Parents who didn't spank their kids but did not find suitable replacement punishments so they grew entitled and narcissistic. A continuously growing and mutating SJW monster that is already beginning to eat itself with minorities trying to win the oppression olympics. It's to the point of people deluding themselves into denying basic biology and claiming they are not male or female just to get a few more oppression points. Depressed bitter college teachers with degrees that are worthless teaching the next generation worthless information so they can be in the same depressed bitter trap they find themselves in. Modern atheists tossing out the good messages and lessons within religion despite they're being secular values worth understanding and appreciating. (I'm an atheist and this is so true, if you want to meet a hollow hearted person meet a bandwagon atheist who just nods along and doesn't think for themselves) Corporatism(not capitalism) ruining 1st world society for the benefit of literally less than 500 people at the cost of millions. Idk lots of reasons.
*"Why are such perverse ideas taking control of peoples lives."* Many reasons: A rise in 3rd wave feminism ripping apart the traditional family structure; a form of feminism aimed solely at spitefully destroying males and teaching young women that men are worthless; A decline in religious values (Atheist or not, your argument for morality comes from a religious foundation western countries have had for thousands of years wether you realise it or not), A rise in obsession of self and jealousy of others, hatred of humanity correlating with the obsessive love of technology, corporate greed which helps to spread insecurity in subtle ways across both sexes resulting in people spending even more on useless sh*t than they already do, creating a rise in low self worth when said expenditure does nothing to satisfy their dopamine intake in the long term and that doesn't even scratch the surface of the problems facing humanity.
Interestingly, my boyfriend and I clashed hugely in the beginning. We had different beliefs and ideas about things but there was clearly an undeniable connection between us, in the sense that we were very comfortable around one another very quickly. We had huge conflicts and huge outbursts of anger, but now after 3 years, we have learnt how to communicate and understand one another. I know he is a good man and perhaps the kindest person I will ever meet. Everyday I strive to be as kind as him. And I am so thankful that I remained patient, in order for me to see this clearly. I am glad I gave us the time, for me to be able to discover what a wonderful person he is. I believe many people would have simply walked away faced with the challenge.
Thank you for sharing. That's an interesting experience and perspective you don't typically hear. Typically I think people would doubt a relationship if you're fighting like crazy, but it just goes to show that even if you're situation isn't necessarily healthy in the moment, as humans we can learn from our mistakes and we can change for our partners if we really do care about them and are invested in the relatioship.
@@pault9544 Now we understand each other well, we hardly ever argue and when we do we remain calm. I believe this is something you learn... I often think about how many wonderful relationships could have been if people were able to give one another time :-)
@@pault9544 update: now we are married! :-)
congratulations!!!
I look forward to talking about my future family in the same way that JP does someday
Naz Zan not likely for you
u look like pewdiepie's girlfriend
"You have to be able to tell the truth and the truth is generally a horrible thing."
Absolutely. People pay lip-service to honesty and the truth but when it comes down to it people are far more likely to engender the illusory side of life rather than the stark reality. Connecting with people who are not only interested in honesty and the truth but who also walk-that-walk is perhaps the most important aspect of a healthy, life-long relationship. And no more so than a life-partner. Without absolute honest about absolutely everything with your life-partner will inevitably lead to and uneven keel and the boat of your life will tip over.
Giving each other space, and not feeling neglected or insulted when you partner asks for it, is SO important. So I would add that if you live together, you need a place that is big enough to give each of you a private retreat, whether to work or just be by yourself for a bit. You don't have to be around each other every moment. You don't have to go to bed at the same time. We need space to ourselves occasionally, especially the introverts among us, who need alone time to re-energise. I would never want to be with someone who does not understand this. My current partner even acknowledged that she knows married couples who live separately very successfully. This was reassuring to hear, not because we don't want to live together, but because it shows she understands that space apart can be just as important to marital success as being together.
This is an ignorant recipe for a bad marriage.
Put as much priority in that relationship that you can afford while simultaneously comprehending the destruction it may cause you.
He’s the GOD of common senseeee! I’m so in love with his mind.
What he is saying you should really understand and know your partner before you believe you love them. You can't say you love someone you don't know or understand. My husband is the person i can really be honest to the only one I can really pour all my feelings to and he is the same with me I'm his best friend. We are not perfect but to know someone knows you deeply and loves you for it is such a comfort and it always feel like through any kind of day everything will be okay.
I could listen to this guy all day.
I did.
Now I have to clean my room...
@@kerriwilson7732 'clean your room' should be a connotation meme or his 'Ha' a singular laugh.
I am running out of superlatives for this guy.^^ Carry on, my good man!
Daniel Glaubitz how about "flubbergubulous!!!" Lol I'm pickle rich
HydeWars holy shit
I'm glad to meet someone on the internet who also knows what a superlative is.
Whoever asked this question did all of us a huge favor. Can’t wait to share this with my kids!
Truth is so important. I recently realized if I ever told my ex some of the things I truly believed either morally, philosophically or politically, that our relationship wouldn’t have stood the test of time anyways, and raising a family together would have been extremely difficult. To go on living in such an inauthentic nature just for the sake of a relationship is also perhaps even more heartbreaking then the heartbreak I endured when she broke up with me after 5 years. Now, realizing this truth, with some prayer, my heart is truly healing and feels freer by the day. Truth really does set you free.
I love hearing the shift in his energy when he began talking about his family. Such a great guy
My wife and I have been together 49 years, lived together 3 years, married for 3 years before we had 2 kids. Live through losing our farm in the 80's restarted career's and now retired with 4 grandsons to imprint on. Turning 69 years old soon, too many stories to tell about man hunting, outlaw trucking, disaster management in hurricanes and tornado's for a career. Life is what you make it, that's all he is trying to tell you.
A soul connection is a resonance between two people who respond to the essential beauty of each other's individual natures, behind their facades, and who connect on this deeper level. This kind of mutual recognition provides the catalyst for a potent alchemy. It is a sacred alliance whose purpose is to help both partners discover and realize their deepest potentials. While a heart connection lets us appreciate those we love just as they are, a soul connection opens up a further dimension -- seeing and loving them for who they could be, and for who we could become under their influence. This means recognizing that we both have an important part to play in helping each other become more fully who we are....A soul connection not only inspires us to expand, but also forces us to confront whatever stands in the way of that expansion.
I love this so much. Wonderful advice.
People change so “knowing someone “ is a risk we all take . And some persons don’t show their true self until you’re deep in already .
Having a good friendship background imho is a game changer.
Unless you make your own self-awareness and becoming highly conscious a top priority, you won't experience anything other than dysfunction and/or delusions accurately proportionate to your state of (un)consciousness.
Beautiful
agreed. Ive been on the self improvement/awareness journey since 18, when my eyes were opened
Word!
PRAY your future lifetime housemate. 😊
"A person cannot receive even one thing unless it is given him from heaven."
I’ve tried my whole adult life to obtain this type of relationship, I am a sensitive, sensible woman but the men I have put my precious time into have let me down by dismissing my needs. I’m now 43 with no partner, no children and I’m still putting my best foot forward to dating but at this age it is brutal.
More lies than ever before now and at the exact time I am at my most honest and confident about who I am. I certainly don’t go on dates and open with ‘I want children etc etc’ because I know it’s too late for that and deep down I don’t hold much hope for the men I meet in their 40s & 50s. They are incredibly unrealistic about life. I would still like to look after a man and still hope to get married but this gets further and further away from me everyday.
Some of it is dating fatigue but most of it is spending lots of time & energy on a relationship that only ever last 6 months.
I’m very tired of being used and thrown away. It has shaped me unfortunately and unfairly.
I also wish the love of my life had not taken my best years (my whole 20s) then left me to marry another 6 months later.
I hear what you are saying. But here what helped me to find the best partner ever. *know your value* know your worth. Love yourself, first and foremost. Men don't like women that are pleasing, they like to win women. Don't make them feel like kings by babysitting and pleasing them, make them feel like kings because they have won You & your heart.
Also listen to Sadhguru, he has some interesting topics also.
Wish u best of luck ,♥️.
@sonia achieng I've found that too.
Is it possible that men who are attentive to your needs turn you off? This seems to be common.
I sympathize, but if you're 43 years old & you being single is entirely the fault of the men?
If nothing else you are responsible for choosing unwisely.
Keep going, even if you end up alone. Honesty and truthful with faith in what's right is the best. A lot might say the biological clock is ticking but i always say "It is more important not to lose yourself than to have everything else." - translating to it's never worth losing yourself to obtain something. Well, i'm not a women but i guess if worst comes to worst you could always have a child with an attractive stranger and put your energy into the child? Interesting how you changed your name from Funny White Girl to Gone Girl.
Us men, we can always become monks if things don't work out..
This pragmatic approach to such a complex and emotionally driven topic is astounding.
I used to think from his other more famous videos he was a pretty closed off, cold man. I always admired him for his ability to communicate his ideas perfectly, and use reason. But from this video he comes off as a deeply compassionate person, seems like a genuinely honest, great guy who enjoys life.
@william davies and kyle karwan: Good observations . . .
Wisdom and psychological insight ultimately stem from compassion.
Relationships have two legs: The contract of relationship and living daily life, and the feeling of love and attraction. Most people have a contract with their culture and work that damages the most satisfying relationships.
extremely high moral quality of my life, I mean my wife
5:45, up you go mate
JP would make a tough father-in-law. Helpful, but tough.
Im around his age and I have been married for decades. Im going to take a nap now.
The "crush" phase can last up to 2 years, according to science. So you should wait until that "Your partner can do no wrong" emotional high wears off and you get to know the real person, not the fantasy you've constructed. I'd say 3 years.
Absolutely! Really get to know them and see if there is any reasonableness....
I’ve known people who got married in a matter of a few months and have been happily married for decades, so I’m not sure this is actually true
@@shanonsnyder9450 Do you know what "anecdotal evidence" is? If you gathered thousands of people who waited vs those who didn't, and interviewed them, that would be closer to actually addressing the hypothesis.
You're dead right. Although there are cases, rarely, where people have been together for decades after the three years. But for the common Joe/everybody else. Three years tell you exactly who they are. Sometimes before three. I think it's my cue to leave, goodluck to me.
I always feel uncomfortable in the "crush" phase. Can't wait until it's over because I know it's nearly impossible to look at the person clearly and rationally, or to really know who they are, until it is.
I love when he talked about his family. It’s so adorable
Imagine having a man like this as a partner who actually understands women
He is captain obvious with his relationship advice. I can't believe that people don't do this. Marrying someone is the most important decision you will make in your life.
Could the fact that people who live together before marriage are getting divorced more frequently because they’re already so willing to live with someone before marriage, that they could also just be more willing to leave? As in people who jump into a relationship easier than others are also going to jump out of the relationship easier?
Just thinking out loud.
This is absolutely right. Only one tiny problem: there’s no way you can negotiate division of labor in any detail, especially with possible future kids in picture. And lots of people marry too young to even know what adult life entails, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But the attempt to negotiate serious things will show you how you communicate, and if there’s no maturity there even when the going is relatively easy, the pain in store for you if you ignore that.
This all sounds very nicely thought out and rational. The only problem is, most people, especially young ones of marriage age, are anything but. Instead of reason, they are motivated almost exclusively by passion and lust. No one thinks at all clearly under those conditions, I'm afraid. The result: it becomes a crap shoot on whether the one you're physically attracted to is also someone you are evenly remotely compatible with otherwise.
Yeah the most attractive people tend to have traits that are not in good parents
I find it quite sad that these ideals are completely rejected in today's society. My parents weren't happy together and ended up in divorce after 27 years of marriage, and now I'm living with my mother and my relationship with my stepfather isn't good either. That's why for so many years I thought that the idea of marriage was bullshit, since I had a bad example for my entire life... I'm 18 now and I hope I'll find the right person. Thank you for your wisdom, Mr. Peterson.
Right!! No wonder I am yet to meet tht right spouse for me because my perspective is tht relationships are to be conducted from the start like a business plan. And, it takes true maturity to do this. Like talk about everything: decide who does what and how often or how much than negotiate on things like you would in everyday life. No assumptions, no preconceived notions intended. Just pure, raw honest discussion about your beliefs or relationship expectations. Share responsibilities etc., Than work real hard to achieve this because without hard work, ain’t nothing good is going to come out of it. Ofcourse have fun in the process, however, be an adult. Face the stuff
On having children and grandchildren:
"...what you've produced is an unbreakable bond between two beings that makes both of them better in every way: IF it's a relationship that's based on trust and genuine communication. That's a very difficult thing to attain..." ...brilliant. I wish more people were honest and truthful. That's what messed up my childhood- secrets
He’s so articulate, imagine him as a politician
I’ve been following Dr. Peterson for a several years now on RUclips and have read two of his books and although I don’t entirely agree with certain positions he takes (i.e. views on post-modernism) - I think he’s an outstanding human being , much less an intellectual that freely offers practical wisdom and advice on relevant day-to-day realities.. really, I don’t fully understand the controversy that surrounds him, but I’m thankful that he continues to make these videos and continues to guide those of us who seek greater insights..
My boyfriend and I both are very emotional people, he gets upset and aggressive easily, I get depressed and discouraged easily. Whenever we fight it feels like hell, but he always manages to set his ego aside, listen to me and care for me. I'm so incredibly thankful for that and hope that I'll learn through him how I can achieve the same.
After fighting we can talk so well, just honest truth, because during the fight we used up all of our emotions and afterwards we are just... zen somehow for a lack of a better word.
I knew I loved him the first moment I interacted with him and I knew I will stay with him for the rest of my life and do ANYTHING I have to do to keep this man at my side. Relationships take work, but they take even more understanding and willingness to accept that you are sometimes a shitty person.
How are you guys doing now, if you don't mind me asking?
This man knows how to say what I have long held as truth better than I can.
Enjoyed this immensely! Relationships and raising kids are hard work and they take thought and planning and honesty! Enjoying it along the way is key.
I had one such person, until we separated 6 months ago. Last week I heard she died and we were both 23. It’s unbelievable how lucky I was because I felt we were bonded on so many levels she became my everything. I don’t know if I’ll ever have anybody as special in my life as she was to the point I don’t know how to live now.
Sorry to read that .. keep your head up .. time will make it easier some day
I’m very happy for you, Dr. Peterson. Go ahead & enjoy the rest of ur life, you’re the best!
I don't agree with everything Jordan Peterson says, but this I agree with 100%!! People just sleep-walk into relationships/marriages without thinking carefully about whether that person is a PRACTICAL partner for both their futures.
I loved when he said he's looking forward to having grandkids; I'm the same although my son's just 15. I miss the days he was a little tot and I'm not sure I'll be having any more kids myself.
Great video; thank you!
I am going through a break up at this very moment and the things Jordan says about relationships, commitment and love are so true and inspiring. Sometimes I ask myself why I never realised these things before. Listening to Jordan makes me want to improve myself and learn from the mistakes I've made.
Same here and it’s crazy how I feel that I made all the mistakes he describes 😅😅
Prof is a modern philosopher and has taught me a lot
Wow, this put some more concrete into my relationship. (: Good to know we're on the right track, haha.
big papa divorce
Yup. We only moved in together when we were sure we would be able to LIVE with each other, you know.
I was sitting in the company cafeteria as a young Engineer when I saw my future wife walk in; Blonde, blue, tall and with a body that just wouldn't quit, plus just the way she carried herself and interacted with others I could tell she was a good person. I asked the Manager I was sitting with, Who is that? He replied, If you are going after her you better tighten your chin strap. Wow was he right...it took me 5 years to finally get her to say Yes, but I always knew she was the one. Now we've been married 25 years in April and have two great boys and are even getting better with retirement nearing. Sometimes love at first sight is hard to beat.
Congrats:) How did you keep the persistence after 5 years?? Did you just remain friends for awhile, curious to hear your story
You must appreciate this mans candidness toward someone whom he doesn’t even know. He likes the word “idea.” Try that idea sometime.
this man is unreal! out of this world giftedness! love him! thank GOD for him😊
every time he gives GOD thanks; I smile. such a blessing to know that not only is he a deep philosophical thinker but also a GODFEARING one🙏💕🎶💯
Love him
I still have a really hard time buying this. I've seen couples that had things VERY well planned and were very commited and it all went down the drain because people don't like seeing or telling the truth. I've been lied to and hidden things from in a way that felt humilliating in my own relationships, and it wasn't even cheating, although you never really know. And I always was extremely open and honest. People tend to look for stability in marriage and in stable couples as a whole but there is always one side that doesn't commit as much, or doesn't care as much, or that takes it more as an adventure and once the adventure aspect fades away, they have nothing else going for it. And the worst part is that I've seen that happen with idiots in their 20, which you would expect to do idiotic things, as well as much bigger idiots in their 40s and 50s, when by then you would expect them to be above certain things. I say that's the worst part because, as a 26 yo, you can say "Well shit, I'll just wait for people to mature a little bit" and it sounds good because you're supposing people will be more mature later, only until you remember the older idiots that you have already seen that never matured after so much time.
Time never matured anyone; remorse, contrition and honest introspection incorporated into actions have.
It sounds like you misunderstood what Dr. Peterson is saying. Everything he shares, here and elsewhere, is based on his foundational principles as outlined in 12 Rules For Life.
@@MaryBarranti
perhaps, but I agree with both his and your comments. El Libertoso responded realistically to what he's observed from others. Of course not all people are immature still at 50 obviously as well..
Minus the common flaw of referring to the subconscious as "unconscious", this man is brilliant and incredibly respectable.
He uses common Jungian language
But the subconscious is SO POWERFUL.
Yes *t a,* so powerful it obstructs him from seeing the flaw in pretending "unconscious" is a worthy synonym for it.
I am a woman and I come from this school of thought. Unfortunately I am deemed too practical but hey ho... I have done the whole romantic love thing and I believe we can grow to love people because of their character and how they make us feel.
He's so intense and passionate about life. Congratulations Dr Peterson and family.