How AuDHD Impacts my Relationship to Money
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- Опубликовано: 10 мар 2024
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For anyone whos watching with adhd (not diagnosed with autism but tbh it resonates with me)
-Turn finances into a game.
-Good way is cash envelope challenges
-There are digital ways too
But money challenges keep me saving!
-Or use a bank where they round up your money and accumulate it
I also always store my money in either stocks or another bank account where i cannot see the numbers. If i see that I have money i WILL and HAVE spent it.
-So my chequing will always be super low
-I have 1k in savings and it stays like that forever
-And then rest of the money goes into a different bank account where I cannot see it but its in a HISA.
Love this! 🙌 I’ve taken a similar approach to my finances.
Adding to this, I am FAR from financially literate, but I have an automatic monthly deposit set up to move funds from my checking account into an investment portfolio. Like automatic bill pay, but hopefully earning interest for me!
Cash envelope challenges really helped me but you should invest in a good, fireproof lockbox if you’re going to be saving up any large amount of money.
So many things are starting to make sense in my life ever since I started listening to your channel.
I also have AuDHD and lots of the things you said resonate with me. I always prefer to use my debit card over my credit card because it just feels intuitive to do so. Personally I was able to become financially independent around 23 (I'm 26 now). except I'm still on my family's phone plan although I've been looking to switch. I was fortunate enough to achieve this primarily because I have a high demand degree and get paid quite well. I always make sure to put aside some money into my savings account each month when I get my paycheck, and immediately pay the main bills like Rent ASAP. I only ever dip into my savings account for major expenses like moving/big medical bill/large one time purchase. I also sometimes put a little money into some stocks, but I don't really keep up with those a lot, it's just another buffer should I need to dip into more emergency funds.
I've lived my whole life in a bad area so I jumped on a credit card as soon as possible. If someone robs you or steals your debit information, that's YOUR money that's gone. If they steal the credit card, that's the banks money they're stealing.
C/cs are generally easy now, you can just use an app to pay the next day and don't need to worry about paying things off in time or any weird charges.
This video was so so good. It's crazy how one's history can impact the present, both negative and positive.
I related to so much of this. I appreciate you being open about your struggles. After years of being made to feel like a failure about how I approach money (even though I've always saved and am not in debt), I am only starting to understand what's behind many of my decisions and feelings toward my finances. I still have work to do but I'm making progress year by year. I'm glad you're furthering this conversation, thank you!
I feel like you are describing my life. All throughout my school years I was an IEP kid in math. I was super smart and good art science, history, music and art. I picked up information from those other subjects fast. I also taught myself english fluently at age 7. But numbers/math was always hard for me, but science/physics made sense to me somehow? I don't know. Its been such a difficult time dealing with unspecified Audhd. ugh.
A joint bank account doesn’t make sense unless you’re married or in a committed lifelong-intending partnership. No one who is just dating should have a joint bank account.
It totally depends! A joint account can be a great way to budget together and build trust. You also don't need to put more into the joint account than you're OK with losing id something were to go wrong like a breach of trust or a financial mistake. Not much downside to it in my opinion.
@@CyFi6 you don’t need a joint account to budget together.
I almost quit my bachelors program because I needed to work to pay rent and was sick of nearly being homeless because it is challenging to work full time while in school full time. Thanks for confirming as a third gen American im literally living the life of a first generation immigrant. Women were completely neglected in my family (me). My brother was raised with everything financially and college. Me I was left to fend for myself. The financial abuse was severe to say the least. Ive never had a dime beyond rent. Ha, I save my paper towels every day to this day. You can use one at least three times if it is not dirty just wet.
Thats a covert narcissistic family. Leave them alone.they will always be happy you flounder with finances
Thank you for covering this topic. I have struggled with money my whole life. I'm a person who can't create a budget. But if my parents do it for me then I can stick to it. I go from being super strict with my money for a while and then my ADHD kicks in and I start dopamine purchases. I've maxed out credit cards 3 times in my life. I've never been able to buy a car without help from my parents. I'm currently living with them again because I can't seem to hold a job right now. I'm 40 years old and I feel like a child when it comes to money. I bought the book you suggested with a gift card. I can't wait to read it.
Thank you for sharing 💛
I recommend She's On The Money (there's a book that absolutely changed my life for the better, but also a podcast if you don't have access to any money to purchase / library with the book available).
@@ellebannana thanks. I'll check it out.
Similar background here, minus the card stuff. I grew up with my parents constantly talking about credit card debt and being warned off them. So I never touched them. Fast forward to now, and doing what I thought was responsible (not living beyond my means) turns out to have made me a financial pariah because debt is now ingrained in our economy. I feel like a second class citizen as far as purchasing power, cause I know my credit rating has to be trash. The one time I interacted with debt, I paid off my student loans in one big chunk, which I've found out was also the exact wrong thing to do.
Personally, I think the whole debt/credit thing is yet another scam by the financial sector. Ionno about you, but before 2000 I'd literally never heard the term 'credit score'. And then suddenly those commercials for free credit reports were all over the place.
@@obscillesk I got my first credit card when I was in college. It was just for gas for my car to build some credit. But when I had to cut my hours at work so I could attend school, I didn't have enough cash to pay my bills. And then my impulsive shopping kicked in. It's a terrible thing. My credit is terrible. And I'm probably never gonna get my student loans paid off because I don't make enough money to pay them.
You’re so caring, and you’re willing to be vulnerable so that you deepen one’s understanding of what you’re discussing. I really do love that. I’m thankful that you learned so much from your partners over the years, and you learned from yourself as well. Talking, the way you do, really does help enlighten the listener
I’m somebody who is unfortunately, still in an abusive relationship, living with my parents. I do have a good grip on how to spend money, but most of the time I’m not allowed to implement cost-effective measures and my parents continue to make bad decisions with money. But I’m always thankful when I interact with people like you because you strengthen my common sense and help fight off the gaslighting.
You’re doing a very great job, I hope more people are able to catch this episode, love you ☺️💛🙏🏾
American banking is nuts. In the UK, as far as I can tell, and I do have a credit card, minimum spend is not a thing. No wonder you were confused. You don't have to use them if you don't want to here and you won't get charged. The minimum payment on a balance is easy to understand. But it's kind of nuts if they're also charging you for NOT borrowing money. That's deeply predatory to be honest.
I'm not sure about what kind of credit card she has that has a "minimum spending requirement"? I've had credit cards since I was in my early 20s (I'm 60 now), and I've never had one that had that requirement. If I don't use it, I don't owe anything.
@@christinelamb1167 okay that's interesting. I do know that a lot of American bank accounts have charges on them unless you keep a certain minimum balance. Again that's not something that happens much at all in the UK. But yeah maybe her bank is a weird one.
Great topic, thank you! ….also, I think you actually perfectly understood the credit card and the true reality of it, which is that it doesn’t make sense and is only a vehicle for the company to make money off of you in interest payments, as well as it is a vehicle for putting people into a lot of debt. I think you saw that and it didn’t square with what the bank was trying to sell to you as if a credit card was a good thing.
Wow !!! “Shame for being alive” - somehow that resonates w me 😥💔💞👊🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
I relate to so much of this and I am making a note to myself to request this book from my library. For myself money and finance has always caused me to be nervous or immediately call myself stupid and be discouraged. I still struggle with impulse shopping either from an emotional reaction like being sad or stressed to being frustrated and overwhelmed by the numbers that I throw an internal tantrum and just spend on my special interests. This year and last year I’ve had a lot of medical things come up and diagnosis pop up and being more questions. I’m definitely feeling out of touch and more so embarrassed by myself not knowing things such as be potentially being autistic or the roots of my chronic pain etc. so I know I also shopped in order to try to rewrite myself and almost try to use things the change my current reality. This gave me lots to think about as I move forward with my finance and health. Thank you for taking the time to share your experiences and make such great content.
Same is happening to me, I’ve had 3 diagnoses in less than 6 months that are really hard to process and I’m doing the same!
Can you do a skincare routine? And maybe talk abt neurodivergence and skincare? I have adhd and hate skincare so i get super lazy vs my friend needs a set routine for it. Might be a reach but i feel like there is a relation and connection idk
SENSORY PROBLEMS!!! I found using tools is the only way I can do skincare. Orbs, sticks, rollers, pads, etc. can’t stand the feeling of gunk in my fingers. If you hate the feeling of moisture on skin idk what to do 😂 for me I hate stickiness so anytime I have a product like that I will either use only during day and wipe off before bed or not use it. I have a channel around beauty, you can see if the “sensory friendly” vids I have there, they’re labeled.
I found your videos accidentally while I was researching autism after I found out that I have ASD, and it is crazy to listen to your experiences from every aspect, because I had and have the same ones. It is scary and nice at the same time to feel this “understood”. Now I am in the “mourning” phase, looking back to my life who I was and why… suddenly everything makes sense! 😁 So thank you very much for sharing, it really helps! ☺️
I have a lot of stress around money. Telling him to just do the thing and let it go is definitely a kindness. I can get trapped in it for a while if I don't stay mindful. I definitely hold onto things I don't need and am constantly going through stashes in my closet to donate or put into the recycling bin. Learning to let go of things is a whole thing.
It can be terribly traumatic to live through financial stress without support, and growing from that is difficult work. We're all just trying our best with what we have.
Super interesting to hear other people talk about, especially as it relates to neurodivergency.
I am suspected autistic and I have always been good with money. And I love talking about money as personal finance is a big interest of mine.
As a kid, I had the privilege of getting allowance (starting at 5 cents per week and gradually increasing to about $2 per week) and we could also earn money by helping with big chores (going out with my dad to cut down dead trees, wood-stacking, shovelling our really long driveway, etc.). I loved watching my money grow and at least once a week, I would count and sort all the money in my piggy bank.
I had a lot of rules around my money, both enforced by me and by my parents. For example, money in my bank account was strictly for saving and not spending (enforced by parents), or whenever I saved $100, I would put it in a plastic bag and take it to the bank with my dad where the poor bank teller had to count it all out (my own rule). Whenever I wanted to buy something (my siblings and I loved Playmobil and would pool our money to buy big sets), I would put aside a set amount of money each time I got some so I could save up to buy thay thing I wanted while also still saving money for the bank.
As an adult, I obsessively track my money. I have several spreadsheets where I track my income, expenses, any interest from my accounts, and my investments. Those spreadsheets also collect and calculate different data and stats about my money. It helps me think about what I spend my money on but also allows me the peace of mind to spend money on non-essential things because I have all the data to show I have that wiggle room.
You have really good skin! Can you tell me what you use on your face? 😊 makeup skincare routine? It's so lovely
Guys pay for stuff usually because they earn more
Yes please!! I would love to know too 😊
Yess
Yes we need a skincare routine vid!
That thing about multiple streams of income gives me anxiety because you have to have several of them and every one demands 100% attention to work so... how many X% I need to have to get by? D:
I resent the previous generation and the lie behind "single job and you're set for life" and all that comes with that
I'm so thankful that you are talking about money. My greatest regret has always been that I wasn't able to learn to manage my money sooner. Now that I know I'm ND I understand WHY I struggled so much to understand. So many aspects of being ND impact our managing money. I am looking forward to reading the book! 💜
I'm the daughter of Cuban refugees and reusing a paper towel is something you see in Latin migrant communities, too. My family had the money by the time I was born, but they were still very much influenced by the poverty and scarcity they experienced earlier in life. I tend to throw a paper towels away after a single use, but I sometimes feel guilty about not reusing them - like I'm being wasteful. It was so wild to hear you bring up that example, I had no idea other migrant groups did it, too!
We were a poor Jewish family on lower east side NYC and also reused everything.
Native born Americans also do that. We say, “waste not, want not”.
I can't get over how much I relate to every bit of this.
Dear Irene, thank you for sharing your struggles so opendly. I'm 27 and suspect audhd.. especially coming from you, I feel relieved. I get envious and shame myself when I see people having side hustles and multiple income streams bc I want to become wealthy one day, but I'm feeling like I literally have no clue. That's not absolutely the case, but when I compare myself to my girlfriends buying and building houses with their partners while I literally am just finishing my education it's dragging.
Thank you for this video!! My partner and I share a similar dynamic to you and your partner, except she's the ADHD and I'm AuDHD, but I think we both tend to stress about money that can't avoid being spent. We're currently in the stage where we have enough to cover bills and some fun, but it's gotten much easier now that we've started sharing finances. I've struggled with finances my whole life due to my parents being immigrants and never really teaching me about money. I used to hold this against them until I realized that they didn't teach me anything because they didn't know how to manage money either. It sucks having to learn everything from the ground up, but having people around me that I can pass my knowledge onto has been a major positive in my life.
I am 42 and realize how much my bad financial discipline is affecting my life negatively. I have a home remodeling business and my income fluctuates, but seems like the more I make, the more I spend and don't save enough at all...
Your skin is literally glowing omg I could not help but click to ask for your skincare routine!! But also this is a topic I’m trying to become more educated on since finances have been a slight struggle as a neurodivergent person
To me something like going shopping feels like having to climb my way through Himalaya.
I always thought I was just spectacularly lazy but now that I know I'm autistic it makes more sense.
Overspending isn't a thing for me because I rarely ever buy anything at all.
I live with my family so I don't pay bills or anything but I also never just go to a store and purchase something I like.
Even things I'd really like. I just can't find enough motivation to get ready, leave the house, make my way to a store, browse through the articles, get what I want and go back home.
I used to have that motivation years ago but it's just gone now and I don't know why.
I get thoughts like "what if the stores are closed?" "what if they don't have wht I wan't to buy?" "what do Ieven want to buy?".
It just feels easier to do as little as possible as rarely as possible. Eat only when I'm absolutely starving. Only leave the house when someone else sais I have to. All my hobbies are things that require very few steps to be accomplished, like playing music or maybe reading something, or writing. It's all stuff where I have to do just one thing and then it's over.
I honestly don't know what I'm gonna do to make a living. Finance is such a complicated set of rules and ideas and I feel like I can only tackle a small fraction of it at a time.
I probably have dyscalculia too, becasue I feel very anxious whenever I have to perform even simple aritmetics and everytime I add something the outcome is different. I can remember pairs of numbers better than rows of numbers and I also have spatial sequence synesthesia so dates aren't a problem for me to remember, but money has always felt to me like a distant thing rather than a part of everyday life. My family also isn't exactly rich so I've heard a lot "money talk" as well.
Things like, "you got to study hard, otherwise you won't get a job and then you'll have no money and you'll live in the streets".
But I've never been able to care for money. When I spend money I just care for what I get in return.
I'm terrible at bargaining because I simply don't give a damn about giving my money away.
I don't think this is just me being irresponsable. I think it has to do with how I think.
I'd like to be more mindful about my money but I literally couldn't care less.
The only thing I like about money is how it feels to the touch, but I don't think that'll be much help.
My childhood with money was pretty overbearing. 3 kids with a dad that barely covers the expanses (even tho he has enough capacity to do so). Mom ended up divorcing him cause at that point everything is coming out of her paycheck while he uses his for his own enjoyment. We knew from our mom that our dad didnt have the best childhood (his mom is very abusive/manipulative). He has problem with money and apparently its in the genes cause I have problems with money too 😅
To be honest, if I didnt have a house to pay, my financial wouldnt even be this bad. But due to persuasion from my mom (and to make her worry less), I bought a house and now is suffering from it 😅 To make matters worse, I dont have a car so commuting to work from that house is down right impossible 😭 I refuse to rent it because of my posessiveness to the things I own (idk if its an autistic thing cause Im ADHD or cause of my past with money)
Plus it does not help to the fact that I am very dependent on food delivery cause I could never stomach my own cooking (like, I rather starve than cook bad)
thank you for talking about it. i’m really struggling financially and really hoping to be doing better soon
Yet another example where I have gone ~32 years where NO ONE seems to understand what I also think is Dyscalculia for me where I JUST CANNOT. REMEMBER. NUMBERS. Period, ever. Details like that are just BLURRY in my mind even while absolutely everything else is extremely sharp and clear, and I've found that so many people think I'm very, very dumb for this. So anyway, hearing YOU say this in an AuDHD video specifically is SO validating. I NEVER hear this talked about, not in many ADHD communities or Autism communities, but this is like the 4th AuDHD person who IS talking about this! So thank you for mentioning this whenever it affects you, and I love how you said "A little money that only lasts a short time", that is EXACTLY how I remember "takeaways" from data like this too. I remember THAT clearly, but the idea I can just remember the number $350 for years and years just makse me feel like everyone else must be out of their mind to expect I can do that, but then so many people seem to be able to and I'm left 😵💫
Thank you for this content I find it really helpful and in some way reassuring. I struggled with numbers and counting all of my life and recently discovered my autism. Money for me was a real pain and causes me a lot of stress and anxiety. I try writing down all of my expenses and fixing a maximum I can spend on special interests for a month and put them in a card I use only for that purpose and that limits my binge shopping a little. Marie Kondo and Minimalism helps me keep with me only the things I need and want in my life but I agree with you that letting go certain things it's a real struggle sometimes...
Love this ❤This is almost It’s as if you know me lol and put into words exactly how I felt about money
I felt different and shameful and guilty, my parents were exactly the same. In some way they helped me but they also wanted to control my bank account. I went shopping 🛍️ like a crazy person as a result to assert my identity. But I have become much more responsible with money now. I live with my boyfriend now and we share our expenses
My parents is a story in itself 😢were even angry with me for buying my own phone for my own money at the age of 36… they still treat me like a child. Still hang it over my head that they helped me out once or twice when I was younger. In a sense my parents used my Inattentive ADHD diagnosis against me to treat me like a kid. I still to this day like to spend money on books 📚
Honestly, it's so healing to hear a fellow neurodivergent human openly discuss money. It's a very taboo subject but it affects everyone differently, on all levels of our lives. It's so important to talk about it and share ways to better manage money and navigate capitalism.
Thank you also for sharing that stuff about your dad, my mother gave me a very similar education when it comes to money, I think it created a lot of trauma and guilt surrounding money on my side. So it's definitely very healing to hear you talk about it.
Take care
Growing up in a single mother household, money was scarce. Now when I make money I spend it right away and really have to do better with saving
Thank you so much for your vulnerability and teaching us things 💜 I’m going to get the book you suggested and try and figure some stuff out! I’m 38 and I have always been terrible with money, I have debts, I struggle to save, pay bills, I’m a compulsive buyer and have hoarding tendencies also. I am a child of immigrant parents also and the trauma with that with being autistic and probably ADHD too is a lot of deal with.
I wish someone would explain credit cards in an autistic friendly manner. I still don’t understand it fully
Thank you for sharing this! It helped me feel less guilty about struggling with similar issues.
Sounds like my childhood.
I'm glad folks are learning this stuff young. You hear platitudes like "don't spend your money on junk!" but I didn't know what that meant because I didn't have money anyways. I had nothing to compare it to.
I didn't have financial safety until my late 30s, like turning 40, so I made some mistakes with money.
It's been difficult dealing with the mental emotional side of my mistakes. My middle class American friends they don't understand my guilt at all.
Thank you for this video. It gives me hope ❤
This is honestly something I heavily resonate with! I'm 25 years old and autistic. My mum, who's also a parent who immigrated, has continually been banging the drum about finances and "save save save" for bigger plans therefore struggles to understand that I struggle with finances. Based on this, I actually don't like talking about it with her because I know it will turn into a lecture... I also don't feel like I can talk about it with anyone else because I'm probably gonna hear the same advice that didn't work for me last time.
While I was in uni, she had to monitor my accounts because my mum thought I couldn't handle it myself while I was studying (honestly, this was probably true because I was all over the place). It's only when I started working and earning income a couple years that I had a hold of my own accounts and even then it is actually a tad overwhelming to deal with it, hence I actually don't think about it (probably unhealthy).
Anyway I appreciate that this video has been made, I truly feel seen after watching that!
Really great perspective and loved the advice you were sharing towards the end. Thank you for this channel and your content- your voice is so important!!
Debit cards are more common in the eu or at least in my country and make more sense indeed
debit cards [laughs like jak jak] it doesn't help when you haven't set yourself a daily budget
Alot of autistic people (including myself) are light workers. Sometimes we also go thru phases of high earnings versus almost no earnings. As long as I can keep myself at float is what matter. I know I will never be rich in life, I just keep moving along in life with my finances in order, where I can be independent and have some savings too, but also take time for myself to be alone and rest as much as I need in order to go back out there and work some more. I’m currently transitioning careers and it has been really hard for me. I’m giving myself time and patience for what is coming next but all my bills are paid now, when I’m currently not making anything for the time being.
Do you have Dyscalculia? I have it as well as audhd and really struggle with understanding financies and handling money. I also forget often how old I am. Its all to do with numerical information not being processed well. I always needed a advocate when i went to the bank because i understood nothing.
I have dyscalculia as well :( definitely part of the problem for me. Just got fucked over by my financial aid department because they told me one, very incorrect thing, and I couldn’t understand the charts and paperwork to realize they were wrong.
@@EttieSpagheti Oh wow yes
I just did all the taxes for my family and I am dissociating really really hard because of all the dyscalculia and associated trauma. It's pretty tough out there.
I love this! Thank you!!
I’m in my 40’s and financially stable, but I share your take on debit versus credit cards. To this day, I use my debit card for almost everything. I’ve never handled credit cards the right way.
This is awesome and so relatable! I've also had to set boundaries with some family members because our priorities can be so different.
Thank you for sharing this journey and insight . I appreciate you.
Thank you so much for this video and your channel overall!! Very helpful and important discussions
I’ve been through an exceptionally similar situation. I’m struggling right now trying to act “normal” around money.
loved this🖤
my brain just does not work w budgeting. i think i understand the concept but putting the actual budget in action just evades me. does anyone else relate?
Yes! I took personal finance in high school to try and figure it out but it kept telling me I had to end up with no money at the end of the month. “Budget down to zero” okay but why??
hey i'm feeling paralyzed by accounting debt - can you make a video on financial lessons?
Pay it of asap or it will only get bigger 😊
Thank u for this video 🙏🏻
❤ the topic!
Growing up in poverty/ on the borderline of it gave me a scarcity mindset. I live as though I have no money & spend as little as possible. I'm debt-averse because I'm risk-averse & in my brain debt = risk. I did have a credit card for a while, but I set it up to pay the full amount every month, so I never built up a debt on it. There should be better financial education from a young age for everyone, because it's not intuitive for so many of us!!
I'm undiagnosed AuDHD and there was a period of time when I also didn't know that you get charged interest if you only make minimum payments on your credit card!! I never learned about finances in school and my parents never taught me so how was I supposed to know?! Lol
Does society expect us to research finances in our free time or ?
Wow that sucks so hard
I relate to this so much
I can’t even talk to people. How are y’all getting consistent relationships?
This sounds very similar to my dad who was brought up with a dad who was a kid to an immigrant single father
I now see $$$ as a bridge to having better aids for my mental health… and not my self worth or value in the world which is how my dad sees it…. His dad tho didn’t care about superficial stuff to like a point of not caring for himself so it was more of need a lot out of fear
Yes the shared accounts!!! Absolutely no! But I am for a shared account to both put in money to for food and joint bills only
Irene.
I would be completely interested in future videos on simple investment strategies.
I am a great saver but always been passed over in job promotions and raises because I'm quiet and keep to myself.
I have a chunk of money but have no idea on how to invest it to make life less fearful.
Loved this video and the last.😊
Thankyou
Sweetie you had a covert narcissistic father. They always dangle money & downplay your confidence. Trust.
I use the 50/30/20 method for my 22 year old with adhd
I'm so glad credit cards are an anomaly in my country. They sound like a scam.
They're not a scam but they have very specific uses that are actually helpful and mostly exist as a way to get people trapped in debt :(
Your father's behavior with regards to money and using purchased items is similar to that of people who lived through the Great Depression in the USA in the 1930's. PTSD?
💜✨
😊❤❤
What do u call the part of autism that makes u feel incompetent to do things like send mail, or even drop clothes off to a thrift store to donate. Im not sure why i feel like this and avoid doing them. I know how to do it and im sure I could look up how but I dont know why it seems like a grand task that I cant be trusted to do.
this is something that an Occupational Therapist would be able to help us with
honestly I believe every Autistic person would need an OT regardless of levels, but having access to one is another question.