"The story-maker proves a successful "sub-creator". he makes a secondary world which your mind can enter. Inside it, what he relates is "true": it accords with the laws of that world. You therefore believe it, while you are, as it were, inside. The moment disbelief arises, the spell is broken, the magic, or rather art, has failed". -J.R.R Tolkien
Yeah his version of re-write is way better than the original already XD. Not only his summary shows a good story telling but also already gives us more than enough character introductions and a sense of intrigue.
I'd like to point out that Anise and Aloe try to convince Sage to disregard her mother's advice about new versus old magic by telling her that the mother used to be a new magic enthusiast. The writers completely fail to recognize that this tidbit actually STRENGTHENS Mama Sage's case by explaining that she gave new magic a fair shake, only to become convinced that the old way was better.
Hey, just like people who had a " new wave phase" when young, then realize the "oldschool" way works for a reason (with some improvements that is) and embrace it, recognizing they just didnt know better. XD
It was intended to be some kind of jab at the idea that her mom fooled around being a lesbian like them when she was younger, but its extremely dumb to make the statement that "if you tried something and didnt like it, youre a hypocrite for not supporting it"
Not only that the creator failed to show or tell us why Sage's mum doesn't agree with new magic at all. Like at that point they are given a lot of possibilities of what truly is the reason on why Sage's mum prohibit Sage from learning new magic outside of traditions. Like them showing us the real reason why Sage's mum prohibit Sage to use new magic is interesting like at least give us a backstory on what Sage's mum know about New magic's secret that other mage didn't realised.
@@gaming1zanagi-1999 they can't it is a poorly thought out way of saying people are discovering themselves and now identify as ... they can't seem to think of any thing homophobes might say instead it is just I don't know no reason is needed.
@@gaming1zanagi-1999 If it was me doing it, I feel I'd say that Sage's mom had tried a big spell with new magic, but it backfired on her big time, leading her to be hurt somehow, so she wants to try to not let the same thing happen to Sage, besides keeping to traditions.
HGS team: *raises hand* Is gender a character trait? Literature Devil: No, HSG team, gender is not a character trait. HSG team: *raises hand* Literature Devil: Sexuality is not a character trait either.
Marvel: We just black-washed Kang. Me:Why? Isn’t Kang the future descendant of Reed Richards? Marvel: Um…He’s called He who remains, but he is a Kang. Me: He who remains is a completely different character, his creator was the One Above All, why did you crammed the two into one? Marvel: It will make Loki interesting because subverting expectations is always the right choice. Me: Rather than….I dunno making an interesting story with a threatening and compelling villain, instead of this goof who somehow got rid of free will and has control of the current universe, despite being human. Marvel:…..We also made Loki gender fluid. Me: That was a throwaway line, stop making a big deal over it and focus more on the writing and characterization, also stop with the comedic tone, it’s getting unprofessional like Yelena talking about her Castrated Uterus like it’s normal.
Character 'traits' are just character information, sex, age, race, faction, gender, etc. Character 'personalities' are who they actually are and why we give a shit about them as a person. Traits affect personality, but are *not* personality. *Making a trait a selling point is tokenization.* The writers didn't make people. They made commodities.
Wait, if the writing staff is 100% female, that could only mean either: a) Raye Rodriguez isn't a part of the writing staff of his own show, b) the lady misgendered Raye Rodriguez.
the saddest part? there were many very prominent female manga authors at least a decade before this cartoon network rainbow $#!7 pellet was even conceived. Rumiko Takahashi, Naoko Takeuchi, Yana Toboso, Hiromu Arakawa, CLAMP, Kazue Kato, Katsura Hoshino, Riyoko Ikeda, and many others i could blabber on about for a week straight, since they're responsible for some of the best written and most iconic anime of all time. it's like they deliberately ignored the existence of these women for the sake of pushing this hollow garbage
"Not every character has to be introduced in the first episode." Yes! Anime is amazing at this. Even with adding in characters that received more attention by the audience than expected, such as Hiei in Yu Yu Hakusho. They don't always add so many at once. I hate when stories try to force all their main characters into the first episode, especially with a large cast when they really don't need to. EDIT: 1k likes and a great conversation? Thanks y'all! 💖
Avengers Earth Mightiest Heroes introduced each character in separate episodes starting with Ironman before the breakout happened. Animated Justice League introduced Batman, Superman and Martian Manhunter in the first part of the first episode before the invasion began, until the other heroes like Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, Flash and Hawkgirl appear in the second part, and they’re come together to fight the invasion by the Imperium.
@@LegacyComics100 , One Piece is both the greatest Shonen/Shonen Jump anime series of all time doesn’t automatically introduce to all of the Strawhat Pirates, and it shows you the characters Luffy convinces to join his Pirate Crew through his actions alone, and the very first characters we’re introduced is Koby and the Alvida Pirates, and then Zoro being his first mate; Nami the navigator, etc etc, until in the current Wano Arc we’re introduced to Jinbe the helmsman, so yes even an anime series like One Piece that SJWS shits on endlessly doesn’t automatically introduce the audience to Luffy the Captain and all of his Pirate Crew because that’d make the Pirate King journey boring and confusing, so it seems writers like Oda and Lit Dev knows how to be perfect professional writers compared to writers that worked on High Guardian Spice.
@@RTDelete , Cowboy Bebop is also a late 90’s anime/manga series that’s great too, but I was just using an example I’m more well versed in than Cowboy Bebop, but you’re right Cowboy Bebop would also be another great example on what competent writing is compared to incompetent writing like the live action Cowboy Bebop and High Guardian Spice.
Beyblade also didn't show all the main characters in one episode. Tyson and Kenny appear in episode 1, Kai appeared at the end of episode 1. Max was introduced in episode 3, and Ray made his debut in episode 6!😶
HGS has the potential of a blank canvas because it's completely devoid of anything. They never explained what is a "Guardian" supposed to do other than being a generic RPG murderhobo fighting bad guys.
@@DonVigaDeFierro if it didn't have potential then a video like this one wouldn't exist. There are clearly things that CAN be done with these characters. It's just that the writing team it had didn't seem to have a lot of creativity.
I love how you break down the problems with HGS while also offering solutions in order to make the writing at least SOMEWHAT tolerable. Most people who talk about this series just shit on it (which is fine by me because this series is garbage) but your informative yet entertaining approach to critiquing it actually helps people learn! Great work LD. This video was well worth the 2 day wait.
my point of view is always disappointment if a show turns out bad, and if I'm intrigued enough by the good elements or just have some small tiny spark of interest I wanna see if it can be salvaged as I don't like to see a story and/or its characters beign wasted.
Yeah agree, I always prefer commentary that offers solution, but doesn't mean I disliking the commentary that did not. I just prefer it more because as a _(amateur)_ writer I watches these kind of videos to learn what works and what don't.
I appreciate how people are offering solutions to hgs instead of just saying it's bad. It's kinda disappointing that the show gives you the pieces to make a good story, but doesn't use them well. Clearly at least some of the writers had good ideas, that were unfortunately not followed through on.
Devil does to HGS what Celtic Phoenix does to RWBY. Nothing makes me happier seeing someone turn trash into something salvageable. It reassures me that there really is no such a thing as a “bad idea” only bad executions.
Precisely. Ideas are cheap to come by. I guarantee that 80% of this comment section has 1 or 2 actually brilliant pitches, but the Devil is in the details...
@@DonVigaDeFierro For real mate, I've had 2 or 3 ideas I thought were utterly brilliant, to the point I actually tried writing one of them out, spent a ton of time worldbuilding, before eventually realizing there was no reason for anyone but me to actually want to explore it. drafting a story is fairly easy. Actually writing one is a whole different beast, maybe some day I'll give it another shot. But not anytime soon.
Would you all stop saying RWBY is the worst thing ever!! It's really not all that bad and half the internet saying is more after two whole decades or less everyone being a broken record at this point. Come on people. It's not the worst thing ever made when compared to nonsense like High Guardian Spice. And I really wish everyone would stop treating it (Along with stuff I like like Mr. Enter and Nickelback) like it's the equivalent of Lord Voldemort. With everyone going mad everytime this series is brought up. If anything. The hate for RWBY (Which I don't even understand) is getting old very quickly (Am I the only who still loves it).
@@dylansmith5206 Ever heard of Gundam SEED? I know your feel, and because I know I can asure you: They wont stop, either you accept it and live with that or keep what you are doing on a loop; your choice. Then again try to listen to them, and give them a point where it actually matters, who knows it might help you understand more about what you like. Be it why you like it and why others dont, why It works in some areas and not in others. Given you are here, Im sure you do that already, and if not, you are still in a good road... With some luck and open mind.
@@freedomkirax1020a Never seen Gundam Seed once in my life. Since I have no interest in The Mecha Anime Genre. Is that supposed to be a quote from that show you just asked me about?
One thing I find interesting about Kurt's 8 Rules is #6: 'Be a sadist. No matter how sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them-in order that the reader may see what they are made of.' Whenever I write fiction, either in my head only are for tabletop play, often times I right it that really sad things happen to characters people love and based on whether or not it makes sense to me it can either be horrible suffering they endure or it changes them in ways that usually for the worse. I always wondered if I just like causing suffering for some weird reason, but after knowing a lot more about I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream, I realize that I do this because unconsciously it makes characters that much more engaging and interesting instead of just some personal torture porn.
There's a delicate balance when subjecting characters to horrible scenarios. Audiences will become apathetic if the series becomes too bleak, and the characters' only purpose is to be tortured and be miserable for no reason and with no hope of a resolution. On the flip side, audiences won't get invested if the resolutions come across as too easy, and the characters aren't challenged.
Audiences do get invested in a hero's journey type story. You don't need horrible suffering or great pain in order to write a good engaging character, especially if it's done in a way that tells a compelling story. Black Clover for instance tells a very interesting story about a magicless character's training (not sadistic torment) to become the Wizard King and protect the people of the land. He goes through struggles, as most good stories have for the MC or MC's. Some pains and setbacks, and more dedication or changing themselves towards a new goal. But you don't need your characters to become broken or tormented to write a good story. Ignore the sadist rule, it's not necessary. But if you do want to have a story of great suffering, remember why you're writing it. Always for your characters to fight against it and overcome, or die trying. Have them develop something good in the process. Don't be a sadist, be a realist.
@@valthiriansunstrider2540 Boy I was tired when I wrote this, I didn't even spellcheck it myself. Anyway, I appreciate the comments, but just to clarify: When I updated myself on No Mouth Must Scream, I realized that I've never gone that far, nor for the sole reason of torturing the characters...it always serves a purpose to further the story in interesting ways, and sometimes it just makes more narrative sense for a character to change in a more negative way in the face of certain events. For an example, in a modern day super hero setting, a group I had played as anti heroes, and they saved kids that were experimented on before the heroes of the world could take action. One of those kids is an adorable and well-behaved 4-5 -year-old girl who is very kind and just wants to help people. However, the results of her experiment gifted her with rapidly increasing intelligence without the maturity of being proper raised to go with it, and she was living in a house full of people who were extremely morally grey and did a lot of in the shadows work. When one of the players killed another player who was the one that saved her and became the father figure she never had before, I did research and it turns out she was primed for becoming a sociopath. Since no one else that was an adult invested in her enough beyond what they thought was necessary and her only mother figure takes her own life due to the trauma and effects of her own experience being experimented on, she slowly sacrifices everything she cares about in pursuit of revenge. By the time she reaches ten, she has left the group and become a threat to them via her superhuman intelligence and an acquired superpower. She's nothing like she was, transformed into what she keeps trying to destroy via revenge on those who hurt her, and yet her pain only gets worse. She has a final confrontation in which, by an unintended reaction, she is fatally wounded by the one person who never gave up on her: the boy she grew up with both in the orphanage and after they were rescued, who shared her trauma of experimentation, of which she was once inseparable from, for which she was always there for, and for whom she had developed feelings for. In her dying moments, and through the boy's words, she realizes that she tricked herself into believing she was always a horrible monster. She realizes that her path took her away from everything she wanted, because she chose to withdraw and give in to her pain instead of trying to open up and be try to be free of it. Even so, the pain and hurt she felt seems to flee from her in her finals moments and she dies perhaps not complete or happy, but at least in peace. It may seem dark and horrible to write that to happen to a character, but to me it just makes sense. All the players learn from this that it was their lack of being adults capable of giving young children what they need that lead to this result, which develops them. It also develops all the other children who used to be her friends who strayed from her as they grew older, realizing that any one of them could have potentially stopped this if they had been better friends to her. The boy who never gave up on her experiences growth through loss, learns about her feelings for him which leads him through his loss and through intense soul searching, dedicates himself to a major cause...something his loss helps form him into a man who wouldn't have been capable otherwise.
"Anise makes tea and cookies for them, while Aloe makes pancakes." Then they left. That short sentence from the wikipedia summary did sums up the whole show.
If you do another of these for episode two, I feel like a major point should be giving some actual weight to the “old magic versus new magic” scene. I could see it actually being narratively important it is presented in a way like, “old magic is indeed powerful, and can have much wider reaching effects in the moment it’s cast, but there is an inherent flaw in a high guardian relying primarily on hold magic. It takes time. A high guardian’s primary job is to protect those who cannot protect themselves, and every moment spent preparing old magic to be cast is another moment where an innocent is in danger, or worse. That is why I will only be teaching you new magic, but if you wish to study old magic feel free to do so on your own time. Just keep it out of my classroom.” A much better reason than “new magic is just better”; gives potential for an arc in which tries new magic but finds it less practical for due to her familiarity with old magic; and can set up a “prove the professor wrong” kind of ongoing theme for Sage.
Or setup a scenario where you need to use a combination of Old and New Magic to solve a problem that one cannot do without the other. Kind of like the concept of the Tao. But you see, that would require some thought and that is something a room full of female writing staff seem to be incapable of doing.
agreed, the harsh and uncompromising dismissal would raise questions as to what the exchange is, and the only information presented is Old Magic is slow and thats it
Or you could leave it as it is and use that to explore on how the "quick and easy" solution slowly corrupts those who seek it. Learning old magic isn't just about learning spells and rituals, old magic also teaches discipline and work ethic, the skipping of which has devastating consequences.
@@MGerdtell very true, or based on several videos on the series. New Magic seems to be more "user effecient" but in doing so it creates a destructive by-product that changes or destroys the local flora and fauna. like some kind of run-off or alchemical pollutant that the acts and rituals of old magic do not create because the caster effectively processes the raw magic to prevent such an eventuality from happening
there's a lot of directions you could take this that isn't 'Sage abandons her beliefs and jsut goes with the popular trend of new magic' like hell actually have a difference between the two whch BOTH have flaws and strengths!
I feel that broken locket thing could have been resolved way better, like; -why not have Sage surprise Rosemary at the end of the episode or in a later one with a picture frame. -why not have Rosemary take the two pieces and poorly tie them to a piece of string-this could create a more interesting introduction to Parsley-her perhaps seeing the broken locket at school and approaching Rose about it -Why not take the two pieces and make them into earrings-it sounds weird but hear me out- it would add more personality to Rose’s design as well as be subtle foreshadowing to her mother’s betrayal and split from her family There are also way more better ways this could’ve been done but they just had to go with the most awkward and obvious option
Personally I would’ve used the teachers’ preferences on New Magic as a way to set up the academy as the true villains. Maybe the people in the academy want others to rely on New Magic because they have the power to disable it. They could also be the ones behind The Rot (a bioweapon maybe?) that can supposedly only be beaten with New Magic. Olive could be part of an organization rebelling against the oppressive system along with Rosemary’s mom who used to be a peon that killed innocent Old Magic healers. Then Rosemary could learn to think critically about her heroes and know the truth about personal heroism.
I have a feeling that would hit too close to home for the creators. That is a fantastic idea. Would it be that the teachers are all in on it, or someone with administrative power manipulating the curriculum? Or maybe even a government official forcing that type of education?
I am sure the writers would be against it because the ones trying and some succeeding at changing the school and corporation systems to their advantage are the progressives.
@@jamess.8279 possibly those three ladies that run the school? Or maybe some overarching villain. Maybe make the teachers have arcs about breaking away from their oppressive system? Possibly have one of the teachers kill a student for knowing too much then wipe Rosemary’s mind. Eventually she would find out and get revenge on the teacher in some brutal fashion and then realize what she’s done.
I mean hell the academy straight up has a teacher outright trying to MURDER the students, why the fuck NOT make them the bad guys? the triumvirate can also be bad guys BAD GUYS FOR EVERYONE
That could be good but I feel like that would need multiple seasons to do properly. It would be a great twist but the audience would need to have become accustomed to the teachers and the academy. The idea of the magic being disabled would also be a great plot point and story arc. I imagine it would have a bit of a rescue arc in it, to get Sage back (though the idea of Sage turning to the dark side because she's become indoctrinated to new magic is quite compelling imo), and also would be a great way to redeem Lavender, as Rosemary has to get used to her mother, who has probably had drastic changes, in what is essentially a semi-apocalypse. Still, it wouldn't feel like a real reveal until a couple seasons in. Hints would be dropped throughout the first couple of seasons but if it's done too quickly it's hard to care about the twist.
High Guardian Spice is one of those shows that is so thoroughly bad that even small changes would be significant improvements. One such example from a novice in the field of writing: On the Journey to Lyngarth, when the girls get to the double decker cart (?) and present their tickets, this time 'round the conductor merely mentions the tickets not giving them assigned seats in passing and is about to let them onto the cart... until Rosemary brags about them being future Guardians who do not need seats; the conductor, annoyed by Rosemary's attitude and disrespect, has them thrown on top with the luggage, making that portion of the ride rather uncomfortable. And later on, when they are boarding the train, Rose & Sage try to cut the line to get onto the train sooner... but are caught, and have to stay in a non-passenger car -- after either being held until the end of the line, or simply thrown in there -- thus getting barely any rest on the long ride to Lyngarth. Extremely minor tweaks, but in these tweaks we have established Rosemary as having a consistent flaw of being a bit brash and reckless, and that this behavior will have consequences for her. Of course, in this case the consequences are relatively minor; the cart and train still took them to their destinations, just a bit less conveniently. But we can increase the stakes in later episodes, to the point that Rosemary is more or less forced to change for the better. But anyway, Beelzebook's rewrite is a significant step up. Well done, sir.
Also, if the bus was treated seperately as a civilian double decker, the bus tickets could turn out to be fake if they were bought instead of supplied by the school.A small bit of a lesson on being careful with Scams. Half off Tickets. They're just given the option to ride on the top in apology...sadly it's more like a punishment with how umcomftrable it is. Rosemary: Okay...maaaaybe you and Chicory were right about that salesmen... Sage: I told you so.. *Puffs out chest in vindication.*
It could also set-up Sage's blow up at Rosemary during the gorgon raid or however everyone became a statue. Showing us that Sage is basically dragged around by Rosemary and has to deal the consequences of someone elses actions
Y'all remember when Rosemary nearly died to the point of becoming delusional from bloodloss and that had absolutely 0 impact on her character and had absolutely 0 consequence moving forward? Remember how Sage dropped a giant monster on Rosemary that nearly lead to Rosemary dying and THAT had absolutely 0 impact on HER character and had absolutely 0 consequence moving forward?
When a possible conflict in the first episode was mentioned (to replace the boring slog we got), I started thinking up another idea. Granted, I like the idea presented in the video better, I just want to share the scenario that wormed its way into my head. Because Rosemary and Sage's village is pretty much in the middle of nowhere, they are not financially well-off. So they have to use their money to pay for a wagon ride into a nearby merchant town where there is a train station that can take them all the way to Lyngarth (but won't have the bus or rising elevator, and the only reason they need the wagon is that the village is nowhere near the train station, but the traders on the wagons go out from the merchant town to trade with all nearby villages, Pebble included. So the girls get a ride on one of the trade wagons). However, when they get to the train station, they don't have enough money to purchase tickets to Lyngarth (which turns out to be a lot more expensive than the girls originally thought, since it is such a major hub of activity in this world). My original thought of what could be the conflict (albeit it is kinda basic) comes into play here: the greedy ticket salesman suggests that maybe Rosemary could give her the fancy sword she has in lieu of payment, since it'd fetch a pretty penny on the market (approximately at least double or triple the money he would have made if they'd just bought the tickets). Obviously Rosemary is aghast at the offer, given that the sword is from her mother, so she turns him down, and they get subsequently turned away from the station. Rosemary and Sage end up having to ask around town for help finding anything valuable that will satisfy the greedy ticket salesman, but the only possible lead that comes up is a nearby crystal mine known for having magical crystals that can be crafted into Terraspheres (which happens to be why the town was built here in the first place) that has since been occupied by a dangerous beast. There is a bounty posted for slaying the monster, and the reward money plus the idea of giving the ticket salesman some Terrasphere crystals to cover the ticket costs causes Rosemary to rush off to the mine, with Sage trailing behind. The monster (don't really know what it would be atm) easily drives Rosemary and Sage into a corner, but Sage notices that one of the nearby crystals is slightly loose. So maybe Rosemary distracts the monster while Sage uses Old Magic to get the earth to disgorge the crystal. It is then that Sage realizes something they can do to kill the monster, so she has Rosemary lure it over the loose crystal, and just when it is in position, she uses Old Magic to shoot the raw Terrasphere crystal upward into the soft underbelly of the monster straight into its heart. But the lodging of the crystal in the heart causes a weird purple substance to spread rapidly throughout its veins - Rot. And while the monster dies, and they're able to get some more raw Terrasphere crystals to placate the ticket salesman along with the extra spending money from the bounty, Sage is left visibly disturbed by the whole ordeal. That crystal that caused the Rot to spread was the same crystal used in Terrasphere crafting, and Terraspheres are required for the casting of New Magic. So now Sage is aware that her parents forbade her from using New Magic for a damn good reason.
Also a good idea. I'd only make the detail about Sage making the conection between what happened to the dragon and the Rot happen in a later episode. This could, however, play into her hesitance to pick up new magic at school.
I don't like idea of that Rosemary and Sage beat monster in a first episode.It's just make them special.And this two girls go into academy for fighting monsters,but they alredy beat one,like what sense of it?And how teachers and students would react on this information?They would be praised by everyone?Sage and Rosemary would come up as Mary Sue's.But if not,everyone other in academy would look like blind,deaf idiots.I think better will be throw this two into the academy already in first episode and introduce Thyme and Amaryllis as they antagonistic figures and future members of PBGP team (or even love interests).Yep I replace Parsley with Amaryllis.
one interesting way to fix the new magic , is to allow it to be more practical, quicker and easier, anyone can just pick it up and use it like a master, *but* contains a price, a hefty cost that may seem light at first, but shows itself in the future to be too much, perhaps it comes from an outside source, that slowly corrodes you, perhaps it changes you without your notice into something you are not, something that will make you work for it, instead of have it work for you.
@@Reddotzebra They could expand that view by making it rot the natural magic of the world, an the rot could create monsters of its own or corrupt the ones that exist, heck it can even turn pople into rot abominations, now that would be conflict, i vote for the lesbians.
Final Fantasy 8 Junctioning Paramagic/Guardian Force It's not magic, just learn to Junction and Draw magic from a font/monster that don't kill you O_0 and you have spells! Or a cool Summon to protect you! BUT YOU LOSE YOUR MEMORIES
Interestingly, I like to compare High Guardian Spice with an actual good anime like Hunter x Hunter because Hunter x Hunter has a similar plot as High Guardian Spice, but done right. Some similarities that I can think of that they both have is that the concept of Guardian and Hunter is pretty similar, Gon and Rosemary are training to become what they want to become so they can search for their lost parent, then there is also one of the episodes of HGS testing students in a certain type of test to see if they are worthy. Of course, from what I saw of both shows, the reason why Hunter x Hunter works while High Guardian Spice doesn’t are for the obvious reasons like the occupation of Hunter has been defined while Guardian didn’t. In the beginning of Hunter x Hunter, Gon tried to get his aunt to register him into the Hunter exam by proving to her he is capable and does it, while Rosemary was already accepted in the beginning. Then comparing the Hunters exam with Disorientation day, I think what makes the Hunters exam work is that it tries to test its candidates by putting them in grueling tests to measure the endurance of the students, while in High Guardian Spice, one of the teachers literally tries to kill her own students by feeding them poison and they must find a cure for it. Although the Hunters exam can kill the candidates, I think part of the reason why it works is that the exam starts off with a series of tests that are so difficult that anyone who isn’t prepared for being a hunter would give up. I’m sure there are others and I would like to hear what others have got to say. On the side note, I saw this interesting video in which someone made an edit in which they replaced the original theme song in the opening with Hunter x Hunter’s opening “Departure” and the song somehow fits the opening more than the theme song
What makes the comparison even more interesting is that Hunter x Hunter also has a level of representation for 'genderqueer' characters without making it the only facet of their personalities.
I spend about 15 years working on my webcomic. I was an amateur, and made plenty of horrible mistakes, but I've learned from them. This isn't to say I'm great or even good right now. I'm better than I was back then. It feels headscratching to see people write stories and create real animated shows that are worse than my first comics in high-school, but even see them deflect all criticism as hatred towards them. ... I'm not above criticism. I improved a lot in the time that I was ironing out the flaws of my comic. My comic ends its run with just a few people reading it, but they're happy, and they're glad they were there for the journey. Meanwhile "High Guardian Spice" will fade away, and even its supposed current fans will at best only remember "fighting the haters" rather than the actual show...
@@icarue993 They may not be human but they have Personhood, and if they have the capacities given to them they should damn well be staffed by sapient, if not entirely rational, people
And at least The Animation is decent and isn't butt ugly looking like so many other poorly animated shows like Hammerman or garbage fire films like Where The Dead Go To Die or Anything made by Video Brenquelto. I'll give it that at least.
Your re-write reminded me of the first episode of the Little Witch Academia series (not the movies). LWA is pretty much HGS but actually a good anime. It even has some of the themes you mentioned, old magic vs new magic.
"...A narrative nightmare that I personally found delight in. Why? Because I can now pull examples from something besides Last Jedi when referring to nightmare scenario writing decisions." Brutal. Devistating. Hilarious.
I think it can be fixed, with better written episodes and characters... And different designs, plot, a better title and if it's an entirely different show about literally something else...
I am glad that I didn’t waste the labor of watching the garbage heap that is HGS. As soon as I had heard that one line about old magic vs. new magic, in my head, every single one of my mage characters would have wanted to slap Sage on the mouth. (And me now thinking that, I’m telling myself now that I should write my own anime.) But yeah, it’s really hard to say if this could be fixed. I like your synopsis on HGS and what could’ve been done and your version is INFINITELY better. I would put money on Literature Devil’s version of HGS than what actually happened.
Same. The old vs new magic is basically their way of saying Liberalism better than Conservativism, despite the fact that is not what Liberalism is about. It would have made more sense if the two magic schools were different but also still needed each other in some fashion or you shouldn't demonize the one you don't study but should still learn both methods, especially if you plan on making counterspells to the opposing school.
I've got mages and clerics and fighters alike who'd give her detention with extra homework. Absolutely baffling anyone thought this was passable, let alone a zinger.
@@littlebabyman8494 Because you don’t bash the old just because the new is “just better.” I would imagine from a more competent writer, the dilemma between old and new magic would be an interesting idea to explore, showing the clash of the two magics, why the new is better than the old, and what the flaws of the two each are and how they compliment each other would work. How Sage can just diss the ways of how her parents fundamentally learned mage and probably how she was taught; it comes off as just appealing to novelty fallacies at work- just because something is new, doesn’t mean it’s better. And getting a feel for how the writers of the show is handling progression, I sincerely doubt that any sort of comeuppance or humility will come of Sage’s throwaway line.
you know what makes it even WORSE... new magic seems to be the cause of what destroying the planet/environment, that could have been a great plot hook, but this would put the writers in a very tight spot as they set themselves to run against their own ideology, given this yea probably there was one good writer around, but god sidelines and buried under the ones wanting to do fanfics ships and propaganda
@@LiteratureDevil Dang it. Lol. Off to look at Spice and Herb lists then. Curious, can I have permission to use some of the train scene in my rewrite and credit your channel? It may take me a while to even get up to that scene, since I'm focusing on the beginning of HGS, trying o write out a Day of a type of entrance exam or placement test, with some early interaction between the Sage and Rosemary with Caroway and a small dev Arc for Sage.
What if the reason for rosemary waving her sword around like the idiot she is; rose got accepted in the school because her mother was highly respected by them, being the daughter of lavender, they thought that rosemary will have potential, so even when she fails the entrance exam she passes regardless, SO her main conflict will be everyone in the school comparing herself to her mother and saying how she's supposed to be so much better but instead she's a failure. Because of this, rosemary will be sad at first, questioning herself about her purpose, if she's just a shadow to her mother's image, but she'll be motivated and strive to prove them wrong, to become a better guardian that could be on par, or better than her mother. Just a thought though
13:51 a good example would be… Probably the original Cowboy Bebop, One Piece, MHA, and many others. We don’t always meet the whole cast from the first episode, chapter, volume, etc.,. That happens over the course of the ongoing story for most anime and manga. I’m pretty sure I’ll get snickered at for being captain obvious but, for newcomers on this channel, it’s probably helpful
When looking at character introduction, Persona 5 actually does good with this. We’re introduced to the main 4 we need to complete a party (Wildcard, Bruiser, Healer, and Glass Cannon/debuffer) and then get new characters for each major dungeon, sometimes not even that. And the way we get those characters for the most part is pretty organic from a writing standpoint.
I've commented on several videos about what I think the series big issue is, and it comes down t the purpose of the words material. The words material was a comic strip created by Raye Rodregiaz to vent thier emotional frustrations with being transgender, at it's core it's not a vehicle for story telling with emotional expression but fr emotional expression that happens to have a vague story. It is at the core about telling not showing. This is best exemplified by Professor Caroway, a character who looks like Raye Rodregiaz, is voiced by Raye Rodregiaz and is transgender like Raye Rodregiaz. In espisode 3 Rose damaging her sword serves only as excuse to allow Caroway to explain transgenderism in manner you might explain to a child, it's there so the Audience can be spoken to like they are children who need educate in simps terms what transgender is. Also find it interesting how Rodregiaz is a trans-man and a weird of the show yet that first trailer says the writers are 100% female, not ackowlageing Rodregiaz's trans identity. In the end the show is amature production set in a generic fantasy world that is concerned more with emotional validation and surface level represention.
So not only is there a self insert which is an automatic negative (possible to pull off; just automatically making things harder to pull off), it's also based on essentially someone's first draft of blasting feelings onto paper.
@@kazikek2674 Yes pretty much. A lot and I mean a LOT of Web comics are started as a way for the author to work though personal feelings, or create a version of some media they like based around a self insert. As a result the plot is the secondary focus, now take a series were plot is second to the writer's personal issues, give it to mostly amateurs writers who have lots of personal politics they want to cover and good story becomes 3rd priority. This show is the result of politics first story telling. Of telling your audience what to feel instead of letting them feel in by the context of the story events.
@Hecantonchire s every one has biases, Everyone. The makers of this show have lots of biases and use it in thier story. The show wears it's biases on it's sleeve and that damages the story. Ramming your politics into a show with out any subtlety makes for a crummy show that fails at it's own message.
Ouch my writing on a tablet needs work. Autocorrect changes words I mistype into completely different ones I often forget to fix, cause you know it corrects it into a real word, but not nessicarily the one I wanted.
Character 'traits' are just character information, sex, age, race, faction, gender, etc. Character 'personalities' are who they actually are and why we give a shit about them as a person. Traits affect personality, but are *not* personality. *Making a trait a selling point is tokenization.* The writers didn't make people. They made commodities.
Every time he does something like this, somewhere around halfway through it I will think to myself: "this actually sounds really good, I'll have to check this out." ... Then a couple seconds later I remember that I will never see this good I am hearing because he is fixing what is trash. And I am crushed by the realization. But I will still enjoy the story that the Devil is telling. Keep up the great work, my good sir! Can't wait for Doctor Alpha!
I would rewrite Aster to be more of a competitive friend (a friendly rival) towards Rosemary instead of a sexist. They both could've competed with each other. For example, who could be the first warrior to take down a monster faster, in which both of them would fail in their own ways, some pretty funny and wholesome stuff we could see between the 2 characters.
It’s videos like this that prove to me that even the worst possible stories (well, most of them) have at least some good ideas in them. However, it also proves to me that good ideas don’t make a story. It’s all about execution. A story with old ideas but flawless execution will always be better than a thought-provoking excuse for good writing.
I have a weird obsession with that series- Like, I never saw it, but I love the videos where they throw bad reviews. There is even a video where they redesign all the protagonists and I love it jHzhhx
I have a very imaginative mind and sometimes my mind goes off daydreaming. When you were telling the rewrite episode I was so focused that I forgot that you're talking about HGS... Bruh.
"Magus of the library" as an entire book dedicated to traveling to the library to begin the exam to enter. The journey is really good and knocks on into the exam. This shit ant that
I dont remember where i watched this critique but the reviewer made a quite hilarious remark on another of the biggest failures of the show is that the title doesnt makes any sense because most if not all of the characters are not named after spices but herbs and/or flowers and even showed a simple graphic showing the difference betwen them. This might sound like a little nitpick on the sea of flaws that the show has but it also shows that the creators didnt even bother to background check what they were making.
@Rellyali1987 Nope, herbs. I guess should have put the diference betwen herbs and spices. Herbs uses leaves, flowers or stems while spices uses seeds, fruits, roots or barks.
@@phyrexian_dude4645 And it doesn't get much better with the rest of the cast. "Anise" is yet another herb; "Mandrake" is a medicinal herb, as are "Aloe" and "Lavender"; "Olive" doesn't qualify as either herb or spice; "Redbud" is a type of tree that I don't even think has parts edible/useful to humans... The only times they get it right are Caraway (the Raye Rodriguez self-insert) and Fennel (Rosemary's Dad).
Good catch on the difference between adulthood and maturity. Facing hardship creates character and eventually maturity as we understand it. Men and society at large already act to shield women from hardship. So when you take the most coddled women in that society and give them a job in the writer's room (they didn't earn it) you get their immaturity quite literally writ large. Which if you've been paying attention is exactly what the person(s) responsible for hiring these infantile adults wanted to happen. They want a splinter culture that caters to this sort of immaturity and therein, creates a lasting want and need in that culture for an adult i.e. 'mommy and daddy' to relieve them of the burdens of their lives but more importantly, to shield them from the dangers of freedom and the obligations of personal responsibility. It creates people who want to be ruled, essentially. Which is why this show is political in its very creation irrespective of the content of the show itself. It's also why these same people are attacking Western ethos in the form of its venerated characters. They know you have no gods or modern-day heroes to rally around, given you're much too cynical for that. So now they're removing even your fantasy heroes such that there is no ideal man to rally around nor to compare yourselves too. This makes gathering a social force to resist them nigh impossible. it's also why they were so terrified of Trump and populism/nationalism, since the latter represents a worship of country and culture and the former represents an American avatar of the latter. There really are cool things happening right now but you wouldn't know that unless you assign intention to all the 'bad decisions' your leaders have been making for the last 50 years. Otherwise it just appears as a nebulous decline without direction albeit heading predictably to a singular outcome. Now for RUclips to block this post.
A lot of that post was interesting, and I agree with some of the points you make. I'd debate some of the others, mostly when it comes to assumptions about motivations, since I've actually debated the kind of people you're talking about. But the last part of the third paragraph was laughably bad. Like, that is such a bad straw man of critics of the previous U.S. president and the movement he helmed. And a pretty bad steel man of that same president/movement.
I personally dislike Trump because he's increasing political division in the US for his own gain, while doing nothing to change the quid-pro-quo status in Congress as he claims to work 'for the common man.' Not that he _can_ do much, but he sounds like the advertisers on TV; talk big, do little. Nationalism is fine, China all the way, lmao.
24:46 it would be good too if the black cat summon 2 monsters, one small and onother big, the blonde guy rescues Rose because she is fronzen of fear and defeat easily the small one but is defeated by the big one for being cocky and overconfident. Rose and sage defeat the big one and the blonde guy has envy to Rose, becoming rivals
All the nonexistent conflict sounds soo close to times when i roleplayed with my friend and always tried to bring in conflict for it to be interesting, but she just ditched it because she wanted to use rp to just live another more happy life. In this situation we have a meaningful reason why there’s no conflict, but in a literal cartoon you just can’t not have a conflict no matter what, it would be stupid.
Your rewrite was so much better and drew me into the story very effectively unlike the original that had wondering when the actual story would begin. Please continue as prefer your version over the bland original.
Toph, a beloved character from ATLA was introduced only on the second season (!!!) so rushing to showcase all the characters is a bit of a rush. Also, you wish they would summon a monster as cool as Cthulhu. But yeah... in the words of Robert Mckee: "Each writer's homework is first to identify his genre, then research its governing practices. And there's no escaping these tasks. We're all genre writers." (structure and genre) Even though anime is more a medium rather than a genre, it still follows its medium structure. Anime\Fantasy\Shojo is a very common sub-genre, and they could've easily just copied some plots from different shows, and workshop them (that's what I thought this series was about, TBH) until they had something new. But who am I kidding, that lesbian aunt is a groundbreaking writing technique, clearly.
If I remember correctly (I've only seen other reviews I haven't watched the show) Olive develops a soft spot for the girls later on, if Rose gave up her sword to save Sage and thus restoring their friendship, the episode could end on a mysterious note by having Rose walk into her room (clearly still sad over the lost sword) and sees the sword on her bed with a note saying "you dropped this." This would leave the characters wondering who helped them and if the writers make it Olive who returned it, we the audience would know and be able to speculate how the main group will turn Olive into a friend. Or they can leave it a mystery until later. In the Anime for Princess Connect: Re Dive one of the main characters, Carol is shown to be a bad guy who joins the main characters at the orders of the antagonist, and throughout the show it's shown how much their kindness affects her and struggles with the conflict of having to choose between her master and her friends. It's a great anime. Also Carol is a catgirl mage who summons monsters to attack the group...just like Olive. Glad to see this "completely original show" is very original.
I agree i with the potential of rosemary’s mom test her through the cat girl’s recon but i still wouldn’t show of rosemary mom as a bad guy yet Hints at it are great but not too direct by showing her off in her black amour Great vid btw 👍
I discovered your channel a few weeks ago from a friend, and I've now been binging them all and really soaking it in. It's such great work, and from the few hours I've watched of your content, I can't help but agree with pretty much every point. It's been incredibly helpful for me too. I've stepped up my writing a lot because of you. And I've started an RPG game's script and more, and this has really helped me stay on track. You've encouraged me a ton. Helping me see my strengths, boost my confidence, and recognize my flaws. So I really have to thank you for all this work you do!
I love your videos. I have yet to see any of High Guardian Spice, but it gives me the desire to watch Little Witch Academia or Harry Potter instead Hell, Kikki's Delivery Service has more conflict
It actually does and the book is a pretty ideal example of how to write a slice of life story starring a female character. Especially one that doesn't fight.
Actually we can still implement the multiple transport by using them as subtle visual aids for the pros and cons of new and old magic. the transportation of new magic is faster, but shows signs of it damaging the surrounding area in it's route. not too in your face. just a few dead plants soil patches here and there. Just subtle enough for people to notice. the the transpotation using old magic is much, MUCH slower. but it shows how the magic seems to have a symbiotic relationship with the land. The cousin uses the new magic transpo to meet with them. but, because of Sage's upbrining, they fight on which ride they use to travel. Eventually, with Rose's help, Sage wins the agument and they choose the old magic transportation. We can even show that the cousin did not notice some sort of beautiful land mark during the ride, due to the new magic transportation passing it so fast. that she missed it. it cans be a pretty short scene and make the visual story of the differences be a "blink if you miss it" moment. where the focus of the scene is mostly on establishing Sage and her cousin's different out looks in magic.
CAN it be fixed? Absolutely, with enough elbow grease you can make any story palatable. WILL it be fixed? Hell no, these people think its great, they don't think it needs to be fixed.
I think the reason all the characters were introduced in the first episode is one of the big differences between western/eastern tv shows. It came in with Cowboy Bebop where we had to get Feye in as well in the first episode when in the original she was introduced in the second episode. Basically not having the core cast in the first episode is viewed as "confusing" for western audiences, so they'll try to stick a little scene for every character in the first episode of a series just so that each character is introduced, at least up to a particular point. Course long running series tend to have some characters leave and new characters join, but that is usually done at the finale of a season or the start of a new season, and series with far too many characters may break this up a little bit in the first few episodes but only if they really do have too many characters for stupid western audiences to remember. or you might have a character who is only suppose to be in for one or two episodes but eventually joins the core cast.
Deadass, when you started talking about new magic vs old magic, my internet dropped for a sec right at the statement "which also plays a lar-" and I thought that was an intentional pause whilst reconsidering your wording on the statement.
You talk with the same cadence as that guy from extra credits. And I can't decide if you're from an alternate reality where he didn't become a hypothetical douche, or if he's your evil twin. Eh, who knows.
They named the stupid flying chest "Chompy"? You just ripped off The Luggage without even maintaining its massive amount of tiny feet. Besides, why would you create a flying magical construct for carrying stuff when a walking construct is more efficient for carrying a load in almost every way?
Wow, this was an intriguing watch! One of the best pieces of storytelling advice that I love is Andrew Stanton’s (a director at Pixar) statement of “make me care”. Make a promise to the viewer at the start of your story that you time is going to be worthwhile by planting seeds of intrigue. Your rewrite essentially planted an alluded to all the important seeds and payoffs that will happen and gave me nuggets of information to help me understand these characters in an organic manner. This already does a better job at getting me engaged in this world than the original where it took 5 or so episodes for the plot to actually start. Also, I never realized how lacklustre the conflict was through these episodes. It really makes a huge difference the moment you challenge these characters to make self-sacrifices to grow. I mean, the arguably do grow and learn later in the show dealing with the consequences of their actions, but it was more so a jarring tonal shift when the show started getting more violent. This would be a far more organic way to ease us into them changing rather than relying on some of the shock value the later episodes did. Definitely going to take notes on these points and apply them to my own writing!
Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, and Thyme, the initial traveling music is "Scarborough Fair", and the land/country is even named "Scarborough". Either this was the writers'/producers' most favorite song in the world...or they literally had NO original ideas for a "Medieval-themed setting" for their story to take place in.
If I were to write high gauardian spice, I would divide the the new magic and old magic into the Chao/Order dynamic. (I usually think the dynamic's overused but it fits in this case) Old magic would be easy to control and understand, each rune able to produce an expected and measured effect. While New magic is powerful, quick, and erratic, it is controlled more by the users intentions than the actions the user makes, it is also addictive and if the user isn't careful they could by consumed by the lust of power.
Seems to me they were too eager just getting them to the school and their first episode should have been a two parter. It seems to me the various modes of transportation were supposed to be world building, but nothing actually happens. We should have met some guardians along the way to flesh out what exactly a guardian is. Then, have the locket be taken by a monster that serves as a physical threat, possibly requiring a guardian's help after Rosemary and Sage fail to beat it on their own. Could have seen some interesting magic or fighting styles while building up the world and making it feel alive outside of the main cast.
If you decide to go forward, I definitely think a point should be made of how they handle old vs new magic with "New magic is just better!" actually undermines any message of actual diversity, and is part of its overall pattern of superficial diversity. Given how it's described? I might go with it being a "Speed vs efficiency" problem--new magic is fast but wastes a lot of power, while old magic is slow but is really efficient in its power use. Then give us something like "magicians vs a monster that has to be sealed back up," a nice basic conflict, and if you wanna keep the emotional content down you could go with one who is sealed up because it's merely cranky AF and not evil. But show us that New Magic's sealing spells just don't hold while Old Magic simply doesn't cut it when you need to knock something over fast. The solution? New Magic to knock it over, Old Magic to seal it, YAY DIVERSITY! Also, probably the laziest way to for them to get into the show a message about the importance of diversity in...
@@a.wadderphiltyr1559 With the accidental message of "Diversity BAD!" getting sent, and that the only truly acceptable diverse people are only cosmetically diverse. There is a reason one of the critiques of modern Progressivism is that it's poorly disguised White Supremacy. (Which admittedly is a change from the OG Progressive movement which was open and proud of it. YMMV how much this might be an improvement.)
While I would hate for yet another person to be subjected to it, I would love to see a video on the many, many failings of “Masters of the Universe: Revelation”. Particularly regarding it’s (false) promotion as a continuation from the original 1980s Filmation cartoon.
I think I have quote that nails the entire issue on the head with HGS... "Conflict of Interest? No, hehe. I got interest, in conflict." - Gen. Nick "Havok" Parker
new and old magic is very interesting to me. imagine if new magic is very easy to use and more practical, but sage as a character learns to harness old magic in a creative an interesting way that rivals new magic.
Don't forget the other villains, Mandrake and Olive. Otherwise known as "WORST EXPERT ASSASSIN IN HISTORY" and "High-speed Heel Turn." I wish I was joking, but even their more prominent villains suck harder than a Remora's headpad. Olive, for one, is so quick to turn on her master and so unbelievable in how she was the Triumvirate's spy of choice that it's laughably stupid. For one, she, as a SPY for the SECRET SHADOW GOVERNMENT VILLAINS, has RESERVATIONS about KILLING. For another, she was an official character by the end of Episode 7, meaning that her being an intimidating threat of any kind was neutered with her being a "surprise villain," and only barely counts as one because she was the black cat hanging around the girls in the past seven episodes for an allotted screen time that barely meets a fraction of time any one of those seven episodes had. She only commits ONE evil deed before the episode where she turns against her master, and she didn't even WANT to do it but did so under the vague threat of consequences. And then there's Mandrake, whom is the most hilariously botched villain in the series; primarily because there should really be no reason for him to suck as a master assassin on paper. Just list off the traits associated with his character: -Sadistic. -Shapeshifter. -uses magic that creates bladed weapon constructs made of fire, and uses pure flame. -Easily infiltrates the school. Sounds like the world's perfect assassin... ON PAPER. In execution, I've never seen a more befuddling, excruciating, frustrating, chest-slapping, lead paint chip-eating, pants-beshitting, SELF SABOTAGING, ABERRANT WASTE OF TIME, MONEY, ENERGY, AND SPACE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE! In his one episode, HIS ONLY EPISODE IN THE ENTIRE SHOW, the one that builds him up as this intimidating threat, he: -let's a target go because of an unknown variable that could be dealt with easier by killing the target that was CENTIMETERS AWAY!!! -changes into an inconspicuous staff member without taking out said staff member. -lures in the girls by taking their friends' voices and forms, but only uses that to draw them into corners instead of stabbing them after building up a sense of security among our leads; allowing the leads to Dodge his attacks like a videogame QTE. -HAS HIS REAL FACE REVEALED IN AN ALTERCATION, LITERALKY KILLING THE ASSASSIN'S BEST WEAPON: MYSTERY! -Trusts a compatriot that he knows has qualms about killing and suspects of betraying him to try to kill a captured lead. -And returns to the shadow government WHOM HE KNOWS WOULD KILL HIM FOR HIS FAILURE!!! It's like this dumbass was nursed on Fireball as a baby, which is the only in-universe way I can think of that explains the cavalcade of cock-eyed stupidity that happens in his ONE MAIN APPEARANCE IN THE WHOLE GODDAMN SHOW!!! Out-of-Universe, the writers didn't care because A.) They didn't care about the path between Point A and Point B, and only cared about getting to Point B, and B.) They didn't want to show their female leads as weak in any way, because Women are apparently not human enough to experience hardships, struggles and overcoming great adversity.
13:48 In Outlaw Star, we don't even MEET the final member of the crew until episode _SIX... as an ANTAGONIST._ And one of the characters who looks like she'll be a member DIES in the second episode. A lot of new "writers" Don understand that we don't have to meet everyone right away. Build the core team, flesh them out, THEN introduce new members.
How much money did Crunchyroll use-and yes, I know how they got it, but for some reason, no one sued them, so moving on- to pay for this show? I'm asking because I've been curious to see what would happen if you took an actual anime studio, paired them with several power metal bands, as well as an electric music artist like Stringstorm, and produced a fantasy Rock opera. Make the latter's fans' meme real, if you catch my drift. You could take the basics of this show: 1.Protagonist loses parent. 2. S/he wants to live up to parent's legacy as a warrior/hero, goes to school to do that. 3. S/he makes friends, fights bad guys, progresses and learns. 4. S/he eventually finds out parent became a bad guy and s/he has to fight them (and no, said parent is not brainwashed, lied to, and the good guys are not secretly the evil ones. They genuinely joined the bad guys of her own will. The reasoning could be sympathetic or not, but either way, not justified). *If I may offer a suggestion, go 40k and have it be to the death, not Star Wars with a redemption at the end. Let it be something tragic. This might sound cruel, but even sympathetic villains need to die every now and then. Alternatively, the parent could actually win and kill the kid, only to realize they've thrown everything they loved away for something that didn't really matter, so they off the bad guy and die doing so, yet no one knows, so their memory is vilified while her kid is lionized. If their reasoning for becoming a villain was a sense of being overlooked or held back, this could be a very poetic ending. Either way, if they want that "mature" rating, I'd suggest trying a mature story. And of course, at key moments, let the musicians and singers do their work. What would really be cool is if we could get these songs in covers of different languages like between Stringstorm and HMkids, with one doing English and the other doing Russian. The fans would have plenty of fun debating which version sounds better. Oh, and finally, make the women and girls look like women and girls, and the boys and men look like boys and men.
If the next two posts show up twice, this was originally one loooong comment, but I had to cut it up, and so I posted them as replies. For some reason, their not showing up again, so here goes: Part 1. Little followup, and I know it's a long one. In fact, there's a part 2 below. If you're not interested in reading writing ideas, you need proceed no further. On Aster, I like what LD suggested, but I thought I'd add some ideas, borrowing from Joab in the Bible and the Splatterface tournament from Kruggsmash's channel here on RUclips. Now to briefly explain said influences, Joab, David's nephew, was known as Joab, son of Zeruiah. This is strange to some because Zeruiah was his mother, and people in the Bible are usually referred to as the son/daughter of their father. Some commentators have speculated this means he was fatherless, and that growing up without a father and the possible hassle he, his mother, and his siblings might have endured because of it (and to those who've never read this, we don't know why his dad is never mentioned, hence why there's speculation) could explain why these men were not the...nicest character's in the Old Testament, and that's saying something. They were courageous, but they, especially Joab, were ruthless. As for the Splatterface tournament, it was a gladiator series were characters fought to the death in order to win glory, riches, and occasionally a chance for revenge or some special prize. Some of the best moments in the series come when characters elect to show mercy on their opponents rather than fighting to the death. With that in mind, let's give some of this to Aster, and use it to make him a foil to both Rosemary and Lavender. Let's say that while Rosemarry lost her mom, he lost his dad before he was even born (though it's implied rather than stated in the first episode). The difference? Blonde guy's dad was a soldier who, with his brother and friends, went off to fight the guys Lavender is working for now. Said dad and uncle never come back. I mention the brother for a specific reason. He and Aster's mother were sweet on each other when they were young, though for reasons said mom refuses to explain, they drifted apart and she married Aster's dad instead. Said father had red hair, while she had brown. The uncle, however, was blonde, and as Aster was growing up, he started overhearing whispers about who his dad might actually have been. He starts getting defensive as he's growing up and starts picking fights with people who suggest such things or insulting his mother, but it never goes away. Things get better for a few short years when his mother remarries, this time to a soldier/warrior/mercenary who treats him as his own son, and Aster reciprocates by loving him and any siblings he gives him. This guy can also train him as a fighter. Then said mercenary get's killed by a monster, and all the while the mockery and whispers never stop. Finally, with a poor and disgraced family, Aster snaps and decides to earn fame and fortune to cleanse his families name and provide for them. Not through becoming a guardian, mind... This is where the gladiator bit comes in. I realize this comment is already huge, so I'll make it short. He hears about a gladiatorial tournament that offers riches and lasting glory to any warriors who kill or die for the city's entertainment. Aster leaves his home village behind, and goes there, even if he know's he's only a novice. He does fairly well, though he get's beaten up on more than a few occasions, spared only because of his young age. Then the champion and a few other fighters reach out to him and not only train him further, but treat him as an actual person, giving him his first taste of untarnished dignity outside his own family. Eventually, a tournament year results in him losing all but said champion as they either die or are too worn down to go on, and he eventually rises-through killing both sentient and non-sentient opponents- to face down the champion himself. They stand in the ring, the crowd tense with anticipation. Aster looks upon the now-aging man who treated him decently when so many others hadn't, looks at the places where his friends used to watch the fights, all having died while this same crowd cheered. He takes off his helmet...and walks out the ring without a word. At no point in the series is it explicitly stated, but it's implied this is where he began his path to becoming a guardian. Though not explained in one sitting, and certainly not in the first scene, this is all explained through flashback and relevant discussion throughout the series. When he meets Rosemary, he seems more jaded and cold, though he perks up when analyzing her sword and shows sympathy when she mentions losing her mother. He also seems more materially interested, saying he joined cause he needed a job, and fighting was all he knew, and he could add a glib-sounding line about it "impressing the ladies." He would also seem eager to distance himself from any attempts by her to be his friend, getting uncomfortable and maybe a bit upset. This would be re-contextualized later as his backstory is revealed. He also fights more brutally, going for the monster LD mentions by going for fingers, eyes, and...other areas. This could be prompted by the monster insulting him and foreshadowing the reveal, by calling him "Aster, son of Cumin the wanton." When Rosemary and Sage incapacitate it, it could beg for mercy, only for Aster to slaughter it without pity, showing his ruthless side. On the flip side, he could also try to be helpful to both the girls and their friends as they each meet, offering some advice like "honor your mother, but don't try to be her. I got a lot better as a fighter when I learned to use what I was taught, but also stopped trying to do everything exactly like I thought my father and my teachers would." And he could encourage Sage when she tried some spells and messed up the first few times, noting everyone usually fails at something the first time around. This would all show him as ruthless and pragmatic, but not without humanity, humility, and a willingness to learn from others.
Part 2. see part 1 in the comment if this one shows up first for some reason. Here's how he could contrast and foil Rosemary and her mother throughout the series. For Rosemary, both he and she are warriors trying to honor lost parents, but whereas he's struggling with being defined by a family shame he had no control over, she wants to improve herself, but isn't bound by a sense of familial shame. Moreover, both she and the other girls see and treat him like his own person, slowly helping him overcome these ideas. On the other hand, while he might be too cynical at the start, he's more grounded in reason and the cruelty this world is capable of than she is, and he brings reason (and the occasional bailout followed by a deserved and accurate chewout) to balance her idealism and naivete. He's also more skilled and experience for the reasons discussed, but while not generally arrogant, sometimes underestimates the creativity of the other guardians, losing to them from time to time in fights and being surprised by just what their capable of, prompting him to ask for a chance to learn from each in turn (I admit this last one borrows a bit from Sigismund from 40k, and as this comment is way too long anyway, I'd recommend just typing up his name followed by "40k" on the search bar above, and watch a video by an Australian on the topic). Finally, the attitudes he and Rosemary have helps both to improve the other, yet sets up conflict that can drive episodes, with her idealism and a proclivity toward mercy clashing with his desire to just kill the enemy and remove the threat, with both coming to potentially tragic outcomes when they follow their proclivities to the point of error. Only in the latter half of the season, if not in a later season altogether (if this show got one), would viewers get hints that this could lead to something more than friendship. For Lavender, and I admit I'm inventing some reasons since we never find out why she actually joined the bad guys, let's say she did because, as described above, she felt overlooked, bitter at friends she lost in the line of duty, and ashamed over some scandal (let's say a politician embezzled money and killed Doyle, "the useless one" and a friend of hers, and she was kept from calling him out because it could risk setting the Guardians against the government, and the last group that did that ended up like the Knights Templar). She joins bad guys and later tempts both Rosemary and Aster to do the same, using her family ties and a chance to fight for "justice" on the former while drawing on her shared griefs and desires for fame and glory with the latter. The contrast could be seen when Rosemary- having long been balancing out her former ideals (the zeal for which might have drawn her to her mother's side at an earlier point) with Aster's understanding of how to live in and come to terms with existing in an imperfect world- decides her mother and said scandal aren't worth turning against the free world (or whatever the bad guys threaten) while Aster -having been influenced by Rosemary and others to value the people who actually care about him rather than offers for fame, while moving his family to whatever city the academy is based in, helping to provide for them with his earnings while her mother and his siblings get used to a new life helps him get over any financial temptation, so they both reject her. However this ends, he could be a foil that drives themes of not being defined by shame or regret over things you had no control over, not letting tragedy and hardship compromise your character or cause you to cut ties with other people, balancing idealism with realism. And whilst I cannot in good conscience call myself a feminist in Anno Domini 2021, his initial behavior- trying to mask shame with anger and aggression, internalizing pain while cutting others off, and looking for meaning and a sense of value in worldly advancement, are errors that, while all can fall to them, often plague men, and overcoming this with the help of both these girls and other, more mature men would provide an example of developing in a more healthy masculinity, one that mutually balances Rosemary as she develops into a more mature and developed feminine heroine. Of course, promoting healthy masculinity, treating it as something that balances out and compliments femininity, and all the themes discussed above require a level of maturity I doubt the writers were interested in. And I'm pretty sure If I came in with these ideas in tow, they'd have me thrown out for trying to use my "male privilege" to undercut their originality and voices, and for promoting outdated "patriarchal" notions of traditional heroism. Oh well. For anyone who read this far, I figured I could at least bounce some character ideas around for other people who are interested in becoming writers one day.
“ To write emotional depth, one must _have_ emotional depth”
-Corvus, 2021
Great episode, as usual; always love to hear the Devil’s take
"The story-maker proves a successful "sub-creator". he makes a secondary world which your mind can enter. Inside it, what he relates is "true": it accords with the laws of that world. You therefore believe it, while you are, as it were, inside. The moment disbelief arises, the spell is broken, the magic, or rather art, has failed".
-J.R.R Tolkien
Yeah his version of re-write is way better than the original already XD. Not only his summary shows a good story telling but also already gives us more than enough character introductions and a sense of intrigue.
@@gaming1zanagi-1999 Be V N C V V
@@SnowfairyX117 what is VNCVV ?
@@gaming1zanagi-1999 I think I made a comment accidentally with phone in pocket while listening.
I'd like to point out that Anise and Aloe try to convince Sage to disregard her mother's advice about new versus old magic by telling her that the mother used to be a new magic enthusiast. The writers completely fail to recognize that this tidbit actually STRENGTHENS Mama Sage's case by explaining that she gave new magic a fair shake, only to become convinced that the old way was better.
Hey, just like people who had a " new wave phase" when young, then realize the "oldschool" way works for a reason (with some improvements that is) and embrace it, recognizing they just didnt know better. XD
It was intended to be some kind of jab at the idea that her mom fooled around being a lesbian like them when she was younger, but its extremely dumb to make the statement that "if you tried something and didnt like it, youre a hypocrite for not supporting it"
Not only that the creator failed to show or tell us why Sage's mum doesn't agree with new magic at all. Like at that point they are given a lot of possibilities of what truly is the reason on why Sage's mum prohibit Sage from learning new magic outside of traditions. Like them showing us the real reason why Sage's mum prohibit Sage to use new magic is interesting like at least give us a backstory on what Sage's mum know about New magic's secret that other mage didn't realised.
@@gaming1zanagi-1999 they can't it is a poorly thought out way of saying people are discovering themselves and now identify as ... they can't seem to think of any thing homophobes might say instead it is just I don't know no reason is needed.
@@gaming1zanagi-1999 If it was me doing it, I feel I'd say that Sage's mom had tried a big spell with new magic, but it backfired on her big time, leading her to be hurt somehow, so she wants to try to not let the same thing happen to Sage, besides keeping to traditions.
HGS team: *raises hand* Is gender a character trait?
Literature Devil: No, HSG team, gender is not a character trait.
HSG team: *raises hand*
Literature Devil: Sexuality is not a character trait either.
Marvel: We just black-washed Kang.
Me:Why? Isn’t Kang the future descendant of Reed Richards?
Marvel: Um…He’s called He who remains, but he is a Kang.
Me: He who remains is a completely different character, his creator was the One Above All, why did you crammed the two into one?
Marvel: It will make Loki interesting because subverting expectations is always the right choice.
Me: Rather than….I dunno making an interesting story with a threatening and compelling villain, instead of this goof who somehow got rid of free will and has control of the current universe, despite being human.
Marvel:…..We also made Loki gender fluid.
Me: That was a throwaway line, stop making a big deal over it and focus more on the writing and characterization, also stop with the comedic tone, it’s getting unprofessional like Yelena talking about her Castrated Uterus like it’s normal.
well... sexuality is tecnically a character trait, but it should never be the most important one.
@@silverschmid4591 it's not no matter how you put it
Character 'traits' are just character information, sex, age, race, faction, gender, etc. Character 'personalities' are who they actually are and why we give a shit about them as a person. Traits affect personality, but are *not* personality.
*Making a trait a selling point is tokenization.*
The writers didn't make people. They made commodities.
@@lawgx9819 It is though... It just shouldn't be used as a whole character. You know the whole "someone is more than the sum of their parts" deal?
Wait, if the writing staff is 100% female, that could only mean either:
a) Raye Rodriguez isn't a part of the writing staff of his own show,
b) the lady misgendered Raye Rodriguez.
c) they don't consider him a person.
Erm, female is sex not gender(?)
Perhaps Raye didn't transition 100% yet or yeah she misgendered him
@@lightningpenguin8937 this would be an interessing plot twist dammit
It’s because he’s one of the “good men”
Or he's gay
I guess Megamind was right about the importance of a villain's presentation, because everytime you do one of these videos, I'm always entertained 🤣
Megamind knows how to be an amazing cartoon vilain.
the saddest part? there were many very prominent female manga authors at least a decade before this cartoon network rainbow $#!7 pellet was even conceived.
Rumiko Takahashi, Naoko Takeuchi, Yana Toboso, Hiromu Arakawa, CLAMP, Kazue Kato, Katsura Hoshino, Riyoko Ikeda, and many others i could blabber on about for a week straight, since they're responsible for some of the best written and most iconic anime of all time.
it's like they deliberately ignored the existence of these women for the sake of pushing this hollow garbage
When it comes to female manga authors, I think Kaworu Watashiya is my favorite.
It's amazing how often people pretend they're the first to do something when they know people will lap up that lie and run with it
CLAMP has diversity in sexualities in her characters, but also personality. She does a great job at it as well.
And don’t forget Koyoharu Gotoge!
@@Latency345 CLAMP is a group, but yes.
"Not every character has to be introduced in the first episode."
Yes! Anime is amazing at this. Even with adding in characters that received more attention by the audience than expected, such as Hiei in Yu Yu Hakusho. They don't always add so many at once. I hate when stories try to force all their main characters into the first episode, especially with a large cast when they really don't need to.
EDIT: 1k likes and a great conversation? Thanks y'all! 💖
Avengers Earth Mightiest Heroes introduced each character in separate episodes starting with Ironman before the breakout happened.
Animated Justice League introduced Batman, Superman and Martian Manhunter in the first part of the first episode before the invasion began, until the other heroes like Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, Flash and Hawkgirl appear in the second part, and they’re come together to fight the invasion by the Imperium.
@@LegacyComics100 , One Piece is both the greatest Shonen/Shonen Jump anime series of all time doesn’t automatically introduce to all of the Strawhat Pirates, and it shows you the characters Luffy convinces to join his Pirate Crew through his actions alone, and the very first characters we’re introduced is Koby and the Alvida Pirates, and then Zoro being his first mate; Nami the navigator, etc etc, until in the current Wano Arc we’re introduced to Jinbe the helmsman, so yes even an anime series like One Piece that SJWS shits on endlessly doesn’t automatically introduce the audience to Luffy the Captain and all of his Pirate Crew because that’d make the Pirate King journey boring and confusing, so it seems writers like Oda and Lit Dev knows how to be perfect professional writers compared to writers that worked on High Guardian Spice.
Oh no, he hasn't watched the show that introduced a full 34 characters in its first episode. Perhaps it's for the best.
@@RTDelete , Cowboy Bebop is also a late 90’s anime/manga series that’s great too, but I was just using an example I’m more well versed in than Cowboy Bebop, but you’re right Cowboy Bebop would also be another great example on what competent writing is compared to incompetent writing like the live action Cowboy Bebop and High Guardian Spice.
Beyblade also didn't show all the main characters in one episode. Tyson and Kenny appear in episode 1, Kai appeared at the end of episode 1. Max was introduced in episode 3, and Ray made his debut in episode 6!😶
There is no greater tragedy for a story than wasted potential.
So true.
Twice dead king: reign is a good example of this. It’s a good book, don’t get me wrong, but it could have been so much better
Except what potential was there with something set up to fail from the very start?
HGS has the potential of a blank canvas because it's completely devoid of anything.
They never explained what is a "Guardian" supposed to do other than being a generic RPG murderhobo fighting bad guys.
@@DonVigaDeFierro if it didn't have potential then a video like this one wouldn't exist. There are clearly things that CAN be done with these characters. It's just that the writing team it had didn't seem to have a lot of creativity.
"My mother taught me that old writing was sacred"
"New writing is easier, lol"
I love how you break down the problems with HGS while also offering solutions in order to make the writing at least SOMEWHAT tolerable. Most people who talk about this series just shit on it (which is fine by me because this series is garbage) but your informative yet entertaining approach to critiquing it actually helps people learn! Great work LD. This video was well worth the 2 day wait.
Thanks! Glad you enjoyed!
@@LiteratureDevil Good job tearing apart High Guardian Spice. You should do the same with Netflix's She-Ra and the Princesses of Power series.
my point of view is always disappointment if a show turns out bad, and if I'm intrigued enough by the good elements or just have some small tiny spark of interest I wanna see if it can be salvaged as I don't like to see a story and/or its characters beign wasted.
Yeah agree, I always prefer commentary that offers solution, but doesn't mean I disliking the commentary that did not. I just prefer it more because as a _(amateur)_ writer I watches these kind of videos to learn what works and what don't.
I appreciate how people are offering solutions to hgs instead of just saying it's bad.
It's kinda disappointing that the show gives you the pieces to make a good story, but doesn't use them well. Clearly at least some of the writers had good ideas, that were unfortunately not followed through on.
Devil does to HGS what Celtic Phoenix does to RWBY.
Nothing makes me happier seeing someone turn trash into something salvageable. It reassures me that there really is no such a thing as a “bad idea” only bad executions.
Precisely. Ideas are cheap to come by. I guarantee that 80% of this comment section has 1 or 2 actually brilliant pitches, but the Devil is in the details...
@@DonVigaDeFierro For real mate, I've had 2 or 3 ideas I thought were utterly brilliant, to the point I actually tried writing one of them out, spent a ton of time worldbuilding, before eventually realizing there was no reason for anyone but me to actually want to explore it. drafting a story is fairly easy. Actually writing one is a whole different beast, maybe some day I'll give it another shot. But not anytime soon.
Would you all stop saying RWBY is the worst thing ever!!
It's really not all that bad and half the internet saying is more after two whole decades or less everyone being a broken record at this point.
Come on people.
It's not the worst thing ever made when compared to nonsense like High Guardian Spice.
And I really wish everyone would stop treating it (Along with stuff I like like Mr. Enter and Nickelback) like it's the equivalent of Lord Voldemort.
With everyone going mad everytime this series is brought up.
If anything. The hate for RWBY (Which I don't even understand) is getting old very quickly (Am I the only who still loves it).
@@dylansmith5206 Ever heard of Gundam SEED?
I know your feel, and because I know I can asure you:
They wont stop, either you accept it and live with that or keep what you are doing on a loop; your choice.
Then again try to listen to them, and give them a point where it actually matters, who knows it might help you understand more about what you like.
Be it why you like it and why others dont, why It works in some areas and not in others.
Given you are here, Im sure you do that already, and if not, you are still in a good road... With some luck and open mind.
@@freedomkirax1020a Never seen Gundam Seed once in my life.
Since I have no interest in The Mecha Anime Genre.
Is that supposed to be a quote from that show you just asked me about?
"High Guardian Spice is like a children's show made for adults".
That's an insult to children's shows.
One thing I find interesting about Kurt's 8 Rules is #6: 'Be a sadist. No matter how sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them-in order that the reader may see what they are made of.'
Whenever I write fiction, either in my head only are for tabletop play, often times I right it that really sad things happen to characters people love and based on whether or not it makes sense to me it can either be horrible suffering they endure or it changes them in ways that usually for the worse. I always wondered if I just like causing suffering for some weird reason, but after knowing a lot more about I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream, I realize that I do this because unconsciously it makes characters that much more engaging and interesting instead of just some personal torture porn.
The author of Made In Abyss practically breathed this rule, holy hell
@@paigemosher8697 injected straight into the veins
There's a delicate balance when subjecting characters to horrible scenarios.
Audiences will become apathetic if the series becomes too bleak, and the characters' only purpose is to be tortured and be miserable for no reason and with no hope of a resolution. On the flip side, audiences won't get invested if the resolutions come across as too easy, and the characters aren't challenged.
Audiences do get invested in a hero's journey type story. You don't need horrible suffering or great pain in order to write a good engaging character, especially if it's done in a way that tells a compelling story. Black Clover for instance tells a very interesting story about a magicless character's training (not sadistic torment) to become the Wizard King and protect the people of the land. He goes through struggles, as most good stories have for the MC or MC's. Some pains and setbacks, and more dedication or changing themselves towards a new goal. But you don't need your characters to become broken or tormented to write a good story.
Ignore the sadist rule, it's not necessary. But if you do want to have a story of great suffering, remember why you're writing it. Always for your characters to fight against it and overcome, or die trying. Have them develop something good in the process. Don't be a sadist, be a realist.
@@valthiriansunstrider2540 Boy I was tired when I wrote this, I didn't even spellcheck it myself.
Anyway, I appreciate the comments, but just to clarify: When I updated myself on No Mouth Must Scream, I realized that I've never gone that far, nor for the sole reason of torturing the characters...it always serves a purpose to further the story in interesting ways, and sometimes it just makes more narrative sense for a character to change in a more negative way in the face of certain events.
For an example, in a modern day super hero setting, a group I had played as anti heroes, and they saved kids that were experimented on before the heroes of the world could take action. One of those kids is an adorable and well-behaved 4-5 -year-old girl who is very kind and just wants to help people. However, the results of her experiment gifted her with rapidly increasing intelligence without the maturity of being proper raised to go with it, and she was living in a house full of people who were extremely morally grey and did a lot of in the shadows work. When one of the players killed another player who was the one that saved her and became the father figure she never had before, I did research and it turns out she was primed for becoming a sociopath. Since no one else that was an adult invested in her enough beyond what they thought was necessary and her only mother figure takes her own life due to the trauma and effects of her own experience being experimented on, she slowly sacrifices everything she cares about in pursuit of revenge.
By the time she reaches ten, she has left the group and become a threat to them via her superhuman intelligence and an acquired superpower. She's nothing like she was, transformed into what she keeps trying to destroy via revenge on those who hurt her, and yet her pain only gets worse. She has a final confrontation in which, by an unintended reaction, she is fatally wounded by the one person who never gave up on her: the boy she grew up with both in the orphanage and after they were rescued, who shared her trauma of experimentation, of which she was once inseparable from, for which she was always there for, and for whom she had developed feelings for.
In her dying moments, and through the boy's words, she realizes that she tricked herself into believing she was always a horrible monster. She realizes that her path took her away from everything she wanted, because she chose to withdraw and give in to her pain instead of trying to open up and be try to be free of it. Even so, the pain and hurt she felt seems to flee from her in her finals moments and she dies perhaps not complete or happy, but at least in peace.
It may seem dark and horrible to write that to happen to a character, but to me it just makes sense. All the players learn from this that it was their lack of being adults capable of giving young children what they need that lead to this result, which develops them. It also develops all the other children who used to be her friends who strayed from her as they grew older, realizing that any one of them could have potentially stopped this if they had been better friends to her. The boy who never gave up on her experiences growth through loss, learns about her feelings for him which leads him through his loss and through intense soul searching, dedicates himself to a major cause...something his loss helps form him into a man who wouldn't have been capable otherwise.
"Anise makes tea and cookies for them, while Aloe makes pancakes." Then they left.
That short sentence from the wikipedia summary did sums up the whole show.
Freaking HELL
I read this at 2:54
SO FITTING
Making tea and cookies. Making pancakes. Leaving.
Freaking EPIC !
Who wants to eat cookies and pancakes? 🥞
If you do another of these for episode two, I feel like a major point should be giving some actual weight to the “old magic versus new magic” scene. I could see it actually being narratively important it is presented in a way like, “old magic is indeed powerful, and can have much wider reaching effects in the moment it’s cast, but there is an inherent flaw in a high guardian relying primarily on hold magic. It takes time. A high guardian’s primary job is to protect those who cannot protect themselves, and every moment spent preparing old magic to be cast is another moment where an innocent is in danger, or worse. That is why I will only be teaching you new magic, but if you wish to study old magic feel free to do so on your own time. Just keep it out of my classroom.” A much better reason than “new magic is just better”; gives potential for an arc in which tries new magic but finds it less practical for due to her familiarity with old magic; and can set up a “prove the professor wrong” kind of ongoing theme for Sage.
Or setup a scenario where you need to use a combination of Old and New Magic to solve a problem that one cannot do without the other. Kind of like the concept of the Tao.
But you see, that would require some thought and that is something a room full of female writing staff seem to be incapable of doing.
agreed, the harsh and uncompromising dismissal would raise questions as to what the exchange is, and the only information presented is Old Magic is slow and thats it
Or you could leave it as it is and use that to explore on how the "quick and easy" solution slowly corrupts those who seek it. Learning old magic isn't just about learning spells and rituals, old magic also teaches discipline and work ethic, the skipping of which has devastating consequences.
@@MGerdtell very true, or based on several videos on the series. New Magic seems to be more "user effecient" but in doing so it creates a destructive by-product that changes or destroys the local flora and fauna. like some kind of run-off or alchemical pollutant that the acts and rituals of old magic do not create because the caster effectively processes the raw magic to prevent such an eventuality from happening
there's a lot of directions you could take this that isn't 'Sage abandons her beliefs and jsut goes with the popular trend of new magic'
like hell actually have a difference between the two whch BOTH have flaws and strengths!
I feel that broken locket thing could have been resolved way better, like;
-why not have Sage surprise Rosemary at the end of the episode or in a later one with a picture frame.
-why not have Rosemary take the two pieces and poorly tie them to a piece of string-this could create a more interesting introduction to Parsley-her perhaps seeing the broken locket at school and approaching Rose about it
-Why not take the two pieces and make them into earrings-it sounds weird but hear me out- it would add more personality to Rose’s design as well as be subtle foreshadowing to her mother’s betrayal and split from her family
There are also way more better ways this could’ve been done but they just had to go with the most awkward and obvious option
it's easy to impress a child with an epic metal band poster, but a much harder task to explain to them the meaning behind it.
Personally I would’ve used the teachers’ preferences on New Magic as a way to set up the academy as the true villains. Maybe the people in the academy want others to rely on New Magic because they have the power to disable it.
They could also be the ones behind The Rot (a bioweapon maybe?) that can supposedly only be beaten with New Magic. Olive could be part of an organization rebelling against the oppressive system along with Rosemary’s mom who used to be a peon that killed innocent Old Magic healers. Then Rosemary could learn to think critically about her heroes and know the truth about personal heroism.
I have a feeling that would hit too close to home for the creators. That is a fantastic idea. Would it be that the teachers are all in on it, or someone with administrative power manipulating the curriculum? Or maybe even a government official forcing that type of education?
I am sure the writers would be against it because the ones trying and some succeeding at changing the school and corporation systems to their advantage are the progressives.
@@jamess.8279 possibly those three ladies that run the school? Or maybe some overarching villain. Maybe make the teachers have arcs about breaking away from their oppressive system? Possibly have one of the teachers kill a student for knowing too much then wipe Rosemary’s mind. Eventually she would find out and get revenge on the teacher in some brutal fashion and then realize what she’s done.
I mean hell the academy straight up has a teacher outright trying to MURDER the students, why the fuck NOT make them the bad guys?
the triumvirate can also be bad guys
BAD GUYS FOR EVERYONE
That could be good but I feel like that would need multiple seasons to do properly. It would be a great twist but the audience would need to have become accustomed to the teachers and the academy.
The idea of the magic being disabled would also be a great plot point and story arc. I imagine it would have a bit of a rescue arc in it, to get Sage back (though the idea of Sage turning to the dark side because she's become indoctrinated to new magic is quite compelling imo), and also would be a great way to redeem Lavender, as Rosemary has to get used to her mother, who has probably had drastic changes, in what is essentially a semi-apocalypse.
Still, it wouldn't feel like a real reveal until a couple seasons in. Hints would be dropped throughout the first couple of seasons but if it's done too quickly it's hard to care about the twist.
High Guardian Spice is one of those shows that is so thoroughly bad that even small changes would be significant improvements.
One such example from a novice in the field of writing:
On the Journey to Lyngarth, when the girls get to the double decker cart (?) and present their tickets, this time 'round the conductor merely mentions the tickets not giving them assigned seats in passing and is about to let them onto the cart... until Rosemary brags about them being future Guardians who do not need seats; the conductor, annoyed by Rosemary's attitude and disrespect, has them thrown on top with the luggage, making that portion of the ride rather uncomfortable. And later on, when they are boarding the train, Rose & Sage try to cut the line to get onto the train sooner... but are caught, and have to stay in a non-passenger car -- after either being held until the end of the line, or simply thrown in there -- thus getting barely any rest on the long ride to Lyngarth.
Extremely minor tweaks, but in these tweaks we have established Rosemary as having a consistent flaw of being a bit brash and reckless, and that this behavior will have consequences for her. Of course, in this case the consequences are relatively minor; the cart and train still took them to their destinations, just a bit less conveniently. But we can increase the stakes in later episodes, to the point that Rosemary is more or less forced to change for the better.
But anyway, Beelzebook's rewrite is a significant step up. Well done, sir.
Also, if the bus was treated seperately as a civilian double decker, the bus tickets could turn out to be fake if they were bought instead of supplied by the school.A small bit of a lesson on being careful with Scams.
Half off Tickets.
They're just given the option to ride on the top in apology...sadly it's more like a punishment with how umcomftrable it is.
Rosemary: Okay...maaaaybe you and Chicory were right about that salesmen...
Sage: I told you so.. *Puffs out chest in vindication.*
It could also set-up Sage's blow up at Rosemary during the gorgon raid or however everyone became a statue. Showing us that Sage is basically dragged around by Rosemary and has to deal the consequences of someone elses actions
Y'all remember when Rosemary nearly died to the point of becoming delusional from bloodloss and that had absolutely 0 impact on her character and had absolutely 0 consequence moving forward? Remember how Sage dropped a giant monster on Rosemary that nearly lead to Rosemary dying and THAT had absolutely 0 impact on HER character and had absolutely 0 consequence moving forward?
When a possible conflict in the first episode was mentioned (to replace the boring slog we got), I started thinking up another idea. Granted, I like the idea presented in the video better, I just want to share the scenario that wormed its way into my head.
Because Rosemary and Sage's village is pretty much in the middle of nowhere, they are not financially well-off. So they have to use their money to pay for a wagon ride into a nearby merchant town where there is a train station that can take them all the way to Lyngarth (but won't have the bus or rising elevator, and the only reason they need the wagon is that the village is nowhere near the train station, but the traders on the wagons go out from the merchant town to trade with all nearby villages, Pebble included. So the girls get a ride on one of the trade wagons).
However, when they get to the train station, they don't have enough money to purchase tickets to Lyngarth (which turns out to be a lot more expensive than the girls originally thought, since it is such a major hub of activity in this world). My original thought of what could be the conflict (albeit it is kinda basic) comes into play here: the greedy ticket salesman suggests that maybe Rosemary could give her the fancy sword she has in lieu of payment, since it'd fetch a pretty penny on the market (approximately at least double or triple the money he would have made if they'd just bought the tickets). Obviously Rosemary is aghast at the offer, given that the sword is from her mother, so she turns him down, and they get subsequently turned away from the station.
Rosemary and Sage end up having to ask around town for help finding anything valuable that will satisfy the greedy ticket salesman, but the only possible lead that comes up is a nearby crystal mine known for having magical crystals that can be crafted into Terraspheres (which happens to be why the town was built here in the first place) that has since been occupied by a dangerous beast. There is a bounty posted for slaying the monster, and the reward money plus the idea of giving the ticket salesman some Terrasphere crystals to cover the ticket costs causes Rosemary to rush off to the mine, with Sage trailing behind.
The monster (don't really know what it would be atm) easily drives Rosemary and Sage into a corner, but Sage notices that one of the nearby crystals is slightly loose. So maybe Rosemary distracts the monster while Sage uses Old Magic to get the earth to disgorge the crystal. It is then that Sage realizes something they can do to kill the monster, so she has Rosemary lure it over the loose crystal, and just when it is in position, she uses Old Magic to shoot the raw Terrasphere crystal upward into the soft underbelly of the monster straight into its heart. But the lodging of the crystal in the heart causes a weird purple substance to spread rapidly throughout its veins - Rot. And while the monster dies, and they're able to get some more raw Terrasphere crystals to placate the ticket salesman along with the extra spending money from the bounty, Sage is left visibly disturbed by the whole ordeal. That crystal that caused the Rot to spread was the same crystal used in Terrasphere crafting, and Terraspheres are required for the casting of New Magic. So now Sage is aware that her parents forbade her from using New Magic for a damn good reason.
Congratulations, it's pretty good!
Also a good idea. I'd only make the detail about Sage making the conection between what happened to the dragon and the Rot happen in a later episode. This could, however, play into her hesitance to pick up new magic at school.
I don't like idea of that Rosemary and Sage beat monster in a first episode.It's just make them special.And this two girls go into academy for fighting monsters,but they alredy beat one,like what sense of it?And how teachers and students would react on this information?They would be praised by everyone?Sage and Rosemary would come up as Mary Sue's.But if not,everyone other in academy would look like blind,deaf idiots.I think better will be throw this two into the academy already in first episode and introduce Thyme and Amaryllis as they antagonistic figures and future members of PBGP team (or even love interests).Yep I replace Parsley with Amaryllis.
Too bad the writers of HGS will be too prideful to accept any of these tips. It sounds like chompy is a behavior and not a name for someone.
These tips also come from a man.
Big no no for them.
@@hoominbeeing even if it came from a woman, that would be all whiny and saying that “she’s just another pawn of the patriarchy”.
Even if they took any of these advices, there's not much use of them now, when the show is ready :q
one interesting way to fix the new magic , is to allow it to be more practical, quicker and easier, anyone can just pick it up and use it like a master, *but* contains a price, a hefty cost that may seem light at first, but shows itself in the future to be too much, perhaps it comes from an outside source, that slowly corrodes you, perhaps it changes you without your notice into something you are not, something that will make you work for it, instead of have it work for you.
From what I just heard they basically just went with the Dark Sun environmental angle. If you use new magic you fuck up the ecosystem.
@@Reddotzebra They could expand that view by making it rot the natural magic of the world, an the rot could create monsters of its own or corrupt the ones that exist, heck it can even turn pople into rot abominations, now that would be conflict, i vote for the lesbians.
Final Fantasy 8
Junctioning Paramagic/Guardian Force
It's not magic, just learn to Junction and Draw magic from a font/monster that don't kill you O_0 and you have spells! Or a cool Summon to protect you!
BUT YOU LOSE YOUR MEMORIES
Interestingly, I like to compare High Guardian Spice with an actual good anime like Hunter x Hunter because Hunter x Hunter has a similar plot as High Guardian Spice, but done right. Some similarities that I can think of that they both have is that the concept of Guardian and Hunter is pretty similar, Gon and Rosemary are training to become what they want to become so they can search for their lost parent, then there is also one of the episodes of HGS testing students in a certain type of test to see if they are worthy. Of course, from what I saw of both shows, the reason why Hunter x Hunter works while High Guardian Spice doesn’t are for the obvious reasons like the occupation of Hunter has been defined while Guardian didn’t. In the beginning of Hunter x Hunter, Gon tried to get his aunt to register him into the Hunter exam by proving to her he is capable and does it, while Rosemary was already accepted in the beginning. Then comparing the Hunters exam with Disorientation day, I think what makes the Hunters exam work is that it tries to test its candidates by putting them in grueling tests to measure the endurance of the students, while in High Guardian Spice, one of the teachers literally tries to kill her own students by feeding them poison and they must find a cure for it. Although the Hunters exam can kill the candidates, I think part of the reason why it works is that the exam starts off with a series of tests that are so difficult that anyone who isn’t prepared for being a hunter would give up. I’m sure there are others and I would like to hear what others have got to say.
On the side note, I saw this interesting video in which someone made an edit in which they replaced the original theme song in the opening with Hunter x Hunter’s opening “Departure” and the song somehow fits the opening more than the theme song
SHEESH!!!! this show seems to have many problems.....(HIIIIIGH Guardian Spice, I mean)
Departure is just a perfect song. Every anime OP would be better with Departure.
What makes the comparison even more interesting is that Hunter x Hunter also has a level of representation for 'genderqueer' characters without making it the only facet of their personalities.
I spend about 15 years working on my webcomic. I was an amateur, and made plenty of horrible mistakes, but I've learned from them. This isn't to say I'm great or even good right now. I'm better than I was back then.
It feels headscratching to see people write stories and create real animated shows that are worse than my first comics in high-school, but even see them deflect all criticism as hatred towards them.
... I'm not above criticism. I improved a lot in the time that I was ironing out the flaws of my comic. My comic ends its run with just a few people reading it, but they're happy, and they're glad they were there for the journey. Meanwhile "High Guardian Spice" will fade away, and even its supposed current fans will at best only remember "fighting the haters" rather than the actual show...
So basically, no conflict, no story, no reason to watch. Gotcha.
High Guardian Spice succeeds at just one thing. It was the perfect inspiration for this video.
we do learn a lot from failure
@@icarue993 Tell that to Big Productions and the AAA game industry
@@gabrote42 That is assuming AAA companies are human. They are just money eating machines (made of human suffering)
@@icarue993 They may not be human but they have Personhood, and if they have the capacities given to them they should damn well be staffed by sapient, if not entirely rational, people
And at least The Animation is decent and isn't butt ugly looking like so many other poorly animated shows like Hammerman or garbage fire films like Where The Dead Go To Die or Anything made by Video Brenquelto.
I'll give it that at least.
Your re-write reminded me of the first episode of the Little Witch Academia series (not the movies). LWA is pretty much HGS but actually a good anime. It even has some of the themes you mentioned, old magic vs new magic.
ik this is an old comment but i wanna say im so happy im not the only one who thought hgs sounds like lwa if it was bad loll
"...A narrative nightmare that I personally found delight in. Why? Because I can now pull examples from something besides Last Jedi when referring to nightmare scenario writing decisions."
Brutal. Devistating. Hilarious.
I think it can be fixed, with better written episodes and characters... And different designs, plot, a better title and if it's an entirely different show about literally something else...
Wow, plenty if words to say "it's p0op".
TO THE FANFIC MOBILE!
I am glad that I didn’t waste the labor of watching the garbage heap that is HGS. As soon as I had heard that one line about old magic vs. new magic, in my head, every single one of my mage characters would have wanted to slap Sage on the mouth.
(And me now thinking that, I’m telling myself now that I should write my own anime.)
But yeah, it’s really hard to say if this could be fixed. I like your synopsis on HGS and what could’ve been done and your version is INFINITELY better. I would put money on Literature Devil’s version of HGS than what actually happened.
Same. The old vs new magic is basically their way of saying Liberalism better than Conservativism, despite the fact that is not what Liberalism is about.
It would have made more sense if the two magic schools were different but also still needed each other in some fashion or you shouldn't demonize the one you don't study but should still learn both methods, especially if you plan on making counterspells to the opposing school.
I've got mages and clerics and fighters alike who'd give her detention with extra homework. Absolutely baffling anyone thought this was passable, let alone a zinger.
And why is that? (For the first paragraph by the way.)
@@littlebabyman8494
To which of us are you asking? OP or the other guy with a paragraph response?
@@littlebabyman8494 Because you don’t bash the old just because the new is “just better.” I would imagine from a more competent writer, the dilemma between old and new magic would be an interesting idea to explore, showing the clash of the two magics, why the new is better than the old, and what the flaws of the two each are and how they compliment each other would work.
How Sage can just diss the ways of how her parents fundamentally learned mage and probably how she was taught; it comes off as just appealing to novelty fallacies at work- just because something is new, doesn’t mean it’s better. And getting a feel for how the writers of the show is handling progression, I sincerely doubt that any sort of comeuppance or humility will come of Sage’s throwaway line.
Give this man his own tv series already.
Am I the only one who wants to watch a full version of Literature Devil's High Guardian Spice?
you know what makes it even WORSE... new magic seems to be the cause of what destroying the planet/environment, that could have been a great plot hook, but this would put the writers in a very tight spot as they set themselves to run against their own ideology, given this yea probably there was one good writer around, but god sidelines and buried under the ones wanting to do fanfics ships and propaganda
Do Sages' parents have names? My brain hurts as I'm trying to do a rewrite, and I'm tired of calling them Smom and Sdad.
Not as far as I know. They're just Sage's Mom and Sage's Dad lol
@@LiteratureDevil Dang it. Lol. Off to look at Spice and Herb lists then.
Curious, can I have permission to use some of the train scene in my rewrite and credit your channel? It may take me a while to even get up to that scene, since I'm focusing on the beginning of HGS, trying o write out a Day of a type of entrance exam or placement test, with some early interaction between the Sage and Rosemary with Caroway and a small dev Arc for Sage.
What if the reason for rosemary waving her sword around like the idiot she is; rose got accepted in the school because her mother was highly respected by them, being the daughter of lavender, they thought that rosemary will have potential, so even when she fails the entrance exam she passes regardless, SO her main conflict will be everyone in the school comparing herself to her mother and saying how she's supposed to be so much better but instead she's a failure. Because of this, rosemary will be sad at first, questioning herself about her purpose, if she's just a shadow to her mother's image, but she'll be motivated and strive to prove them wrong, to become a better guardian that could be on par, or better than her mother. Just a thought though
I suppose it could be fixed. Like fixing up a leaky wooden rowboat and turning it into a first-class luxury cruise ship
I would just aim for a serviceable kajak
XD
13:51 a good example would be…
Probably the original Cowboy Bebop, One Piece, MHA, and many others. We don’t always meet the whole cast from the first episode, chapter, volume, etc.,. That happens over the course of the ongoing story for most anime and manga.
I’m pretty sure I’ll get snickered at for being captain obvious but, for newcomers on this channel, it’s probably helpful
When looking at character introduction, Persona 5 actually does good with this. We’re introduced to the main 4 we need to complete a party (Wildcard, Bruiser, Healer, and Glass Cannon/debuffer) and then get new characters for each major dungeon, sometimes not even that. And the way we get those characters for the most part is pretty organic from a writing standpoint.
I've commented on several videos about what I think the series big issue is, and it comes down t the purpose of the words material. The words material was a comic strip created by Raye Rodregiaz to vent thier emotional frustrations with being transgender, at it's core it's not a vehicle for story telling with emotional expression but fr emotional expression that happens to have a vague story. It is at the core about telling not showing. This is best exemplified by Professor Caroway, a character who looks like Raye Rodregiaz, is voiced by Raye Rodregiaz and is transgender like Raye Rodregiaz. In espisode 3 Rose damaging her sword serves only as excuse to allow Caroway to explain transgenderism in manner you might explain to a child, it's there so the Audience can be spoken to like they are children who need educate in simps terms what transgender is. Also find it interesting how Rodregiaz is a trans-man and a weird of the show yet that first trailer says the writers are 100% female, not ackowlageing Rodregiaz's trans identity. In the end the show is amature production set in a generic fantasy world that is concerned more with emotional validation and surface level represention.
This explains
SO
MANY
THINGS
So not only is there a self insert which is an automatic negative (possible to pull off; just automatically making things harder to pull off), it's also based on essentially someone's first draft of blasting feelings onto paper.
@@kazikek2674 Yes pretty much. A lot and I mean a LOT of Web comics are started as a way for the author to work though personal feelings, or create a version of some media they like based around a self insert. As a result the plot is the secondary focus, now take a series were plot is second to the writer's personal issues, give it to mostly amateurs writers who have lots of personal politics they want to cover and good story becomes 3rd priority. This show is the result of politics first story telling. Of telling your audience what to feel instead of letting them feel in by the context of the story events.
@Hecantonchire s every one has biases, Everyone. The makers of this show have lots of biases and use it in thier story. The show wears it's biases on it's sleeve and that damages the story. Ramming your politics into a show with out any subtlety makes for a crummy show that fails at it's own message.
Ouch my writing on a tablet needs work. Autocorrect changes words I mistype into completely different ones I often forget to fix, cause you know it corrects it into a real word, but not nessicarily the one I wanted.
In the words of Loki: "Easier to let it burn."
Best to abandon HGS and let it be dead and forgotten.
Character 'traits' are just character information, sex, age, race, faction, gender, etc. Character 'personalities' are who they actually are and why we give a shit about them as a person. Traits affect personality, but are *not* personality.
*Making a trait a selling point is tokenization.*
The writers didn't make people. They made commodities.
LD is such a chad that while making his own book he’s fixing others stories free of charge
DM: throws plot hook at the party
Party: attempts to seduce fish they found in a river
Every time he does something like this, somewhere around halfway through it I will think to myself: "this actually sounds really good, I'll have to check this out."
...
Then a couple seconds later I remember that I will never see this good I am hearing because he is fixing what is trash. And I am crushed by the realization. But I will still enjoy the story that the Devil is telling. Keep up the great work, my good sir! Can't wait for Doctor Alpha!
I would rewrite Aster to be more of a competitive friend (a friendly rival) towards Rosemary instead of a sexist. They both could've competed with each other. For example, who could be the first warrior to take down a monster faster, in which both of them would fail in their own ways, some pretty funny and wholesome stuff we could see between the 2 characters.
"Stories are lies we tell to highlight the truth" very big true
LitDev: Explaining the structure of a story
Me, working on a similar type of story: WRITE THAT DOWN WRITE THAT DOWN!
It’s videos like this that prove to me that even the worst possible stories (well, most of them) have at least some good ideas in them. However, it also proves to me that good ideas don’t make a story. It’s all about execution. A story with old ideas but flawless execution will always be better than a thought-provoking excuse for good writing.
This video needs to be shown to every young writer who's serious about becoming a professional.
I have a weird obsession with that series- Like, I never saw it, but I love the videos where they throw bad reviews.
There is even a video where they redesign all the protagonists and I love it jHzhhx
I have a very imaginative mind and sometimes my mind goes off daydreaming. When you were telling the rewrite episode I was so focused that I forgot that you're talking about HGS... Bruh.
"Magus of the library" as an entire book dedicated to traveling to the library to begin the exam to enter. The journey is really good and knocks on into the exam.
This shit ant that
I dont remember where i watched this critique but the reviewer made a quite hilarious remark on another of the biggest failures of the show is that the title doesnt makes any sense because most if not all of the characters are not named after spices but herbs and/or flowers and even showed a simple graphic showing the difference betwen them. This might sound like a little nitpick on the sea of flaws that the show has but it also shows that the creators didnt even bother to background check what they were making.
@Rellyali1987 Nope, herbs. I guess should have put the diference betwen herbs and spices. Herbs uses leaves, flowers or stems while spices uses seeds, fruits, roots or barks.
@@phyrexian_dude4645 And it doesn't get much better with the rest of the cast. "Anise" is yet another herb; "Mandrake" is a medicinal herb, as are "Aloe" and "Lavender"; "Olive" doesn't qualify as either herb or spice; "Redbud" is a type of tree that I don't even think has parts edible/useful to humans...
The only times they get it right are Caraway (the Raye Rodriguez self-insert) and Fennel (Rosemary's Dad).
Good catch on the difference between adulthood and maturity. Facing hardship creates character and eventually maturity as we understand it. Men and society at large already act to shield women from hardship. So when you take the most coddled women in that society and give them a job in the writer's room (they didn't earn it) you get their immaturity quite literally writ large.
Which if you've been paying attention is exactly what the person(s) responsible for hiring these infantile adults wanted to happen. They want a splinter culture that caters to this sort of immaturity and therein, creates a lasting want and need in that culture for an adult i.e. 'mommy and daddy' to relieve them of the burdens of their lives but more importantly, to shield them from the dangers of freedom and the obligations of personal responsibility. It creates people who want to be ruled, essentially.
Which is why this show is political in its very creation irrespective of the content of the show itself. It's also why these same people are attacking Western ethos in the form of its venerated characters. They know you have no gods or modern-day heroes to rally around, given you're much too cynical for that. So now they're removing even your fantasy heroes such that there is no ideal man to rally around nor to compare yourselves too. This makes gathering a social force to resist them nigh impossible. it's also why they were so terrified of Trump and populism/nationalism, since the latter represents a worship of country and culture and the former represents an American avatar of the latter.
There really are cool things happening right now but you wouldn't know that unless you assign intention to all the 'bad decisions' your leaders have been making for the last 50 years. Otherwise it just appears as a nebulous decline without direction albeit heading predictably to a singular outcome.
Now for RUclips to block this post.
Screencapped before that happened!
XD
A lot of that post was interesting, and I agree with some of the points you make. I'd debate some of the others, mostly when it comes to assumptions about motivations, since I've actually debated the kind of people you're talking about.
But the last part of the third paragraph was laughably bad. Like, that is such a bad straw man of critics of the previous U.S. president and the movement he helmed. And a pretty bad steel man of that same president/movement.
they cant really destroy fantasy heros becase box sets. collectors. archives. and so on.
and no. you dont fuck up this bad UNLESS its intentional.
I personally dislike Trump because he's increasing political division in the US for his own gain, while doing nothing to change the quid-pro-quo status in Congress as he claims to work 'for the common man.' Not that he _can_ do much, but he sounds like the advertisers on TV; talk big, do little.
Nationalism is fine, China all the way, lmao.
24:46 it would be good too if the black cat summon 2 monsters, one small and onother big, the blonde guy rescues Rose because she is fronzen of fear and defeat easily the small one but is defeated by the big one for being cocky and overconfident.
Rose and sage defeat the big one and the blonde guy has envy to Rose, becoming rivals
All the nonexistent conflict sounds soo close to times when i roleplayed with my friend and always tried to bring in conflict for it to be interesting, but she just ditched it because she wanted to use rp to just live another more happy life. In this situation we have a meaningful reason why there’s no conflict, but in a literal cartoon you just can’t not have a conflict no matter what, it would be stupid.
Y E S. The time of reckoning is here.
This is not an anime (at least the not fixed version). As Critical drinker would say, this is just... THA MESSAGE!
Your rewrite was so much better and drew me into the story very effectively unlike the original that had wondering when the actual story would begin. Please continue as prefer your version over the bland original.
Toph, a beloved character from ATLA was introduced only on the second season (!!!) so rushing to showcase all the characters is a bit of a rush. Also, you wish they would summon a monster as cool as Cthulhu. But yeah... in the words of Robert Mckee: "Each writer's homework is first to identify his genre, then research its governing practices. And there's no escaping these tasks. We're all genre writers." (structure and genre) Even though anime is more a medium rather than a genre, it still follows its medium structure. Anime\Fantasy\Shojo is a very common sub-genre, and they could've easily just copied some plots from different shows, and workshop them (that's what I thought this series was about, TBH) until they had something new. But who am I kidding, that lesbian aunt is a groundbreaking writing technique, clearly.
I would love to see this dapper fellow continue to break down and fix series like this one.
If I remember correctly (I've only seen other reviews I haven't watched the show) Olive develops a soft spot for the girls later on, if Rose gave up her sword to save Sage and thus restoring their friendship, the episode could end on a mysterious note by having Rose walk into her room (clearly still sad over the lost sword) and sees the sword on her bed with a note saying "you dropped this." This would leave the characters wondering who helped them and if the writers make it Olive who returned it, we the audience would know and be able to speculate how the main group will turn Olive into a friend. Or they can leave it a mystery until later. In the Anime for Princess Connect: Re Dive one of the main characters, Carol is shown to be a bad guy who joins the main characters at the orders of the antagonist, and throughout the show it's shown how much their kindness affects her and struggles with the conflict of having to choose between her master and her friends. It's a great anime. Also Carol is a catgirl mage who summons monsters to attack the group...just like Olive. Glad to see this "completely original show" is very original.
Something produced in bad faith cannot be fixed imo.
But, this can be fixed bc no character in the show have character, they all are tokens. So is easy to put some personality to them.
I agree i with the potential of rosemary’s mom test her through the cat girl’s recon but i still wouldn’t show of rosemary mom as a bad guy yet
Hints at it are great but not too direct by showing her off in her black amour
Great vid btw 👍
I discovered your channel a few weeks ago from a friend, and I've now been binging them all and really soaking it in. It's such great work, and from the few hours I've watched of your content, I can't help but agree with pretty much every point.
It's been incredibly helpful for me too. I've stepped up my writing a lot because of you. And I've started an RPG game's script and more, and this has really helped me stay on track.
You've encouraged me a ton. Helping me see my strengths, boost my confidence, and recognize my flaws. So I really have to thank you for all this work you do!
I love how much sarcasm you manage to fuse with your analysis. This had me laughing all the way through. Never even seen the show.
Even if the story was better, that art would completely turn me off.
I love your videos. I have yet to see any of High Guardian Spice, but it gives me the desire to watch Little Witch Academia or Harry Potter instead
Hell, Kikki's Delivery Service has more conflict
It actually does and the book is a pretty ideal example of how to write a slice of life story starring a female character. Especially one that doesn't fight.
This "anime" can't be fixed, it is broken on so many levels, I hope there is no season 2 of it
Actually we can still implement the multiple transport by using them as subtle visual aids for the pros and cons of new and old magic.
the transportation of new magic is faster, but shows signs of it damaging the surrounding area in it's route. not too in your face. just a few dead plants soil patches here and there.
Just subtle enough for people to notice.
the the transpotation using old magic is much, MUCH slower. but it shows how the magic seems to have a symbiotic relationship with the land.
The cousin uses the new magic transpo to meet with them. but, because of Sage's upbrining, they fight on which ride they use to travel.
Eventually, with Rose's help, Sage wins the agument and they choose the old magic transportation.
We can even show that the cousin did not notice some sort of beautiful land mark during the ride, due to the new magic transportation passing it so fast. that she missed it.
it cans be a pretty short scene and make the visual story of the differences be a "blink if you miss it" moment. where the focus of the scene is mostly on establishing Sage and her cousin's different out looks in magic.
CAN it be fixed? Absolutely, with enough elbow grease you can make any story palatable. WILL it be fixed? Hell no, these people think its great, they don't think it needs to be fixed.
"as nature intended"
with a picture of an anime with subtitles.
^ you make that a shirt i'd buy it.
You spent about 31 more minutes on how to make a coherent story for High Guardian Spice then the show creator did.
I think the reason all the characters were introduced in the first episode is one of the big differences between western/eastern tv shows. It came in with Cowboy Bebop where we had to get Feye in as well in the first episode when in the original she was introduced in the second episode. Basically not having the core cast in the first episode is viewed as "confusing" for western audiences, so they'll try to stick a little scene for every character in the first episode of a series just so that each character is introduced, at least up to a particular point.
Course long running series tend to have some characters leave and new characters join, but that is usually done at the finale of a season or the start of a new season, and series with far too many characters may break this up a little bit in the first few episodes but only if they really do have too many characters for stupid western audiences to remember. or you might have a character who is only suppose to be in for one or two episodes but eventually joins the core cast.
Deadass, when you started talking about new magic vs old magic, my internet dropped for a sec right at the statement "which also plays a lar-" and I thought that was an intentional pause whilst reconsidering your wording on the statement.
You talk with the same cadence as that guy from extra credits. And I can't decide if you're from an alternate reality where he didn't become a hypothetical douche, or if he's your evil twin.
Eh, who knows.
wait, while thinking "plot" on the train, i remember Demon Slayer Mugen Train lol
Short answer no, long answer: this video.
They named the stupid flying chest "Chompy"?
You just ripped off The Luggage without even maintaining its massive amount of tiny feet. Besides, why would you create a flying magical construct for carrying stuff when a walking construct is more efficient for carrying a load in almost every way?
Wow, this was an intriguing watch!
One of the best pieces of storytelling advice that I love is Andrew Stanton’s (a director at Pixar) statement of “make me care”. Make a promise to the viewer at the start of your story that you time is going to be worthwhile by planting seeds of intrigue. Your rewrite essentially planted an alluded to all the important seeds and payoffs that will happen and gave me nuggets of information to help me understand these characters in an organic manner. This already does a better job at getting me engaged in this world than the original where it took 5 or so episodes for the plot to actually start.
Also, I never realized how lacklustre the conflict was through these episodes. It really makes a huge difference the moment you challenge these characters to make self-sacrifices to grow. I mean, the arguably do grow and learn later in the show dealing with the consequences of their actions, but it was more so a jarring tonal shift when the show started getting more violent. This would be a far more organic way to ease us into them changing rather than relying on some of the shock value the later episodes did.
Definitely going to take notes on these points and apply them to my own writing!
Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, and Thyme, the initial traveling music is "Scarborough Fair", and the land/country is even named "Scarborough". Either this was the writers'/producers' most favorite song in the world...or they literally had NO original ideas for a "Medieval-themed setting" for their story to take place in.
Collects wealth to attract a mate.
"Capitalism for the win baby."
@1:11-.-My favorite part of this line is the implication that writing is _not_ considered a creative role.
If I were to write high gauardian spice, I would divide the the new magic and old magic into the Chao/Order dynamic. (I usually think the dynamic's overused but it fits in this case) Old magic would be easy to control and understand, each rune able to produce an expected and measured effect. While New magic is powerful, quick, and erratic, it is controlled more by the users intentions than the actions the user makes, it is also addictive and if the user isn't careful they could by consumed by the lust of power.
LOL this sounds like irl technological progression, perfect allegory
brave soul actually watched _High Guardian Spice_ so we don't have to
for a devil you sure are a blessing
Seems to me they were too eager just getting them to the school and their first episode should have been a two parter. It seems to me the various modes of transportation were supposed to be world building, but nothing actually happens. We should have met some guardians along the way to flesh out what exactly a guardian is. Then, have the locket be taken by a monster that serves as a physical threat, possibly requiring a guardian's help after Rosemary and Sage fail to beat it on their own. Could have seen some interesting magic or fighting styles while building up the world and making it feel alive outside of the main cast.
You should seriously do more of these types of videos, fixing bad and/or mediocre films/shows/games/etc.
If you decide to go forward, I definitely think a point should be made of how they handle old vs new magic with "New magic is just better!" actually undermines any message of actual diversity, and is part of its overall pattern of superficial diversity. Given how it's described? I might go with it being a "Speed vs efficiency" problem--new magic is fast but wastes a lot of power, while old magic is slow but is really efficient in its power use.
Then give us something like "magicians vs a monster that has to be sealed back up," a nice basic conflict, and if you wanna keep the emotional content down you could go with one who is sealed up because it's merely cranky AF and not evil. But show us that New Magic's sealing spells just don't hold while Old Magic simply doesn't cut it when you need to knock something over fast. The solution? New Magic to knock it over, Old Magic to seal it, YAY DIVERSITY! Also, probably the laziest way to for them to get into the show a message about the importance of diversity in...
@@a.wadderphiltyr1559 With the accidental message of "Diversity BAD!" getting sent, and that the only truly acceptable diverse people are only cosmetically diverse. There is a reason one of the critiques of modern Progressivism is that it's poorly disguised White Supremacy. (Which admittedly is a change from the OG Progressive movement which was open and proud of it. YMMV how much this might be an improvement.)
The team should have employed this guy as one of the voice actors like holy crap his voice is so soothing
While I would hate for yet another person to be subjected to it, I would love to see a video on the many, many failings of “Masters of the Universe: Revelation”. Particularly regarding it’s (false) promotion as a continuation from the original 1980s Filmation cartoon.
Great. Never seen the show and now I never need to!!!
I love how each persons rewrites are different and unique :)
I think I have quote that nails the entire issue on the head with HGS...
"Conflict of Interest? No, hehe. I got interest, in conflict."
- Gen. Nick "Havok" Parker
new and old magic is very interesting to me.
imagine if new magic is very easy to use and more practical, but sage as a character learns to harness old magic in a creative an interesting way that rivals new magic.
The rewrite sounds so good I want to get something that's similar to this
Don't forget the other villains, Mandrake and Olive. Otherwise known as "WORST EXPERT ASSASSIN IN HISTORY" and "High-speed Heel Turn."
I wish I was joking, but even their more prominent villains suck harder than a Remora's headpad. Olive, for one, is so quick to turn on her master and so unbelievable in how she was the Triumvirate's spy of choice that it's laughably stupid. For one, she, as a SPY for the SECRET SHADOW GOVERNMENT VILLAINS, has RESERVATIONS about KILLING. For another, she was an official character by the end of Episode 7, meaning that her being an intimidating threat of any kind was neutered with her being a "surprise villain," and only barely counts as one because she was the black cat hanging around the girls in the past seven episodes for an allotted screen time that barely meets a fraction of time any one of those seven episodes had. She only commits ONE evil deed before the episode where she turns against her master, and she didn't even WANT to do it but did so under the vague threat of consequences.
And then there's Mandrake, whom is the most hilariously botched villain in the series; primarily because there should really be no reason for him to suck as a master assassin on paper. Just list off the traits associated with his character:
-Sadistic.
-Shapeshifter.
-uses magic that creates bladed weapon constructs made of fire, and uses pure flame.
-Easily infiltrates the school.
Sounds like the world's perfect assassin... ON PAPER. In execution, I've never seen a more befuddling, excruciating, frustrating, chest-slapping, lead paint chip-eating, pants-beshitting, SELF SABOTAGING, ABERRANT WASTE OF TIME, MONEY, ENERGY, AND SPACE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE! In his one episode, HIS ONLY EPISODE IN THE ENTIRE SHOW, the one that builds him up as this intimidating threat, he:
-let's a target go because of an unknown variable that could be dealt with easier by killing the target that was CENTIMETERS AWAY!!!
-changes into an inconspicuous staff member without taking out said staff member.
-lures in the girls by taking their friends' voices and forms, but only uses that to draw them into corners instead of stabbing them after building up a sense of security among our leads; allowing the leads to Dodge his attacks like a videogame QTE.
-HAS HIS REAL FACE REVEALED IN AN ALTERCATION, LITERALKY KILLING THE ASSASSIN'S BEST WEAPON: MYSTERY!
-Trusts a compatriot that he knows has qualms about killing and suspects of betraying him to try to kill a captured lead.
-And returns to the shadow government WHOM HE KNOWS WOULD KILL HIM FOR HIS FAILURE!!!
It's like this dumbass was nursed on Fireball as a baby, which is the only in-universe way I can think of that explains the cavalcade of cock-eyed stupidity that happens in his ONE MAIN APPEARANCE IN THE WHOLE GODDAMN SHOW!!! Out-of-Universe, the writers didn't care because A.) They didn't care about the path between Point A and Point B, and only cared about getting to Point B, and B.) They didn't want to show their female leads as weak in any way, because Women are apparently not human enough to experience hardships, struggles and overcoming great adversity.
13:48
In Outlaw Star, we don't even MEET the final member of the crew until episode _SIX... as an ANTAGONIST._ And one of the characters who looks like she'll be a member DIES in the second episode.
A lot of new "writers" Don understand that we don't have to meet everyone right away. Build the core team, flesh them out, THEN introduce new members.
I really likes that you used the blonde bully in a better way than the show did
Aster deserves better.
I wish I could have your expertise reviewing my mid grade fantasy novel.
How much money did Crunchyroll use-and yes, I know how they got it, but for some reason, no one sued them, so moving on- to pay for this show?
I'm asking because I've been curious to see what would happen if you took an actual anime studio, paired them with several power metal bands, as well as an electric music artist like Stringstorm, and produced a fantasy Rock opera. Make the latter's fans' meme real, if you catch my drift.
You could take the basics of this show:
1.Protagonist loses parent.
2. S/he wants to live up to parent's legacy as a warrior/hero, goes to school to do that.
3. S/he makes friends, fights bad guys, progresses and learns.
4. S/he eventually finds out parent became a bad guy and s/he has to fight them (and no, said parent is not brainwashed, lied to, and the good guys are not secretly the evil ones. They genuinely joined the bad guys of her own will. The reasoning could be sympathetic or not, but either way, not justified).
*If I may offer a suggestion, go 40k and have it be to the death, not Star Wars with a redemption at the end. Let it be something tragic. This might sound cruel, but even sympathetic villains need to die every now and then. Alternatively, the parent could actually win and kill the kid, only to realize they've thrown everything they loved away for something that didn't really matter, so they off the bad guy and die doing so, yet no one knows, so their memory is vilified while her kid is lionized. If their reasoning for becoming a villain was a sense of being overlooked or held back, this could be a very poetic ending. Either way, if they want that "mature" rating, I'd suggest trying a mature story.
And of course, at key moments, let the musicians and singers do their work.
What would really be cool is if we could get these songs in covers of different languages like between Stringstorm and HMkids, with one doing English and the other doing Russian. The fans would have plenty of fun debating which version sounds better.
Oh, and finally, make the women and girls look like women and girls, and the boys and men look like boys and men.
If the next two posts show up twice, this was originally one loooong comment, but I had to cut it up, and so I posted them as replies. For some reason, their not showing up again, so here goes:
Part 1.
Little followup, and I know it's a long one. In fact, there's a part 2 below. If you're not interested in reading writing ideas, you need proceed no further.
On Aster, I like what LD suggested, but I thought I'd add some ideas, borrowing from Joab in the Bible and the Splatterface tournament from Kruggsmash's channel here on RUclips. Now to briefly explain said influences, Joab, David's nephew, was known as Joab, son of Zeruiah. This is strange to some because Zeruiah was his mother, and people in the Bible are usually referred to as the son/daughter of their father. Some commentators have speculated this means he was fatherless, and that growing up without a father and the possible hassle he, his mother, and his siblings might have endured because of it (and to those who've never read this, we don't know why his dad is never mentioned, hence why there's speculation) could explain why these men were not the...nicest character's in the Old Testament, and that's saying something. They were courageous, but they, especially Joab, were ruthless. As for the Splatterface tournament, it was a gladiator series were characters fought to the death in order to win glory, riches, and occasionally a chance for revenge or some special prize. Some of the best moments in the series come when characters elect to show mercy on their opponents rather than fighting to the death.
With that in mind, let's give some of this to Aster, and use it to make him a foil to both Rosemary and Lavender.
Let's say that while Rosemarry lost her mom, he lost his dad before he was even born (though it's implied rather than stated in the first episode). The difference? Blonde guy's dad was a soldier who, with his brother and friends, went off to fight the guys Lavender is working for now. Said dad and uncle never come back. I mention the brother for a specific reason. He and Aster's mother were sweet on each other when they were young, though for reasons said mom refuses to explain, they drifted apart and she married Aster's dad instead. Said father had red hair, while she had brown. The uncle, however, was blonde, and as Aster was growing up, he started overhearing whispers about who his dad might actually have been. He starts getting defensive as he's growing up and starts picking fights with people who suggest such things or insulting his mother, but it never goes away. Things get better for a few short years when his mother remarries, this time to a soldier/warrior/mercenary who treats him as his own son, and Aster reciprocates by loving him and any siblings he gives him. This guy can also train him as a fighter. Then said mercenary get's killed by a monster, and all the while the mockery and whispers never stop. Finally, with a poor and disgraced family, Aster snaps and decides to earn fame and fortune to cleanse his families name and provide for them. Not through becoming a guardian, mind...
This is where the gladiator bit comes in. I realize this comment is already huge, so I'll make it short. He hears about a gladiatorial tournament that offers riches and lasting glory to any warriors who kill or die for the city's entertainment. Aster leaves his home village behind, and goes there, even if he know's he's only a novice. He does fairly well, though he get's beaten up on more than a few occasions, spared only because of his young age. Then the champion and a few other fighters reach out to him and not only train him further, but treat him as an actual person, giving him his first taste of untarnished dignity outside his own family. Eventually, a tournament year results in him losing all but said champion as they either die or are too worn down to go on, and he eventually rises-through killing both sentient and non-sentient opponents- to face down the champion himself. They stand in the ring, the crowd tense with anticipation. Aster looks upon the now-aging man who treated him decently when so many others hadn't, looks at the places where his friends used to watch the fights, all having died while this same crowd cheered. He takes off his helmet...and walks out the ring without a word. At no point in the series is it explicitly stated, but it's implied this is where he began his path to becoming a guardian.
Though not explained in one sitting, and certainly not in the first scene, this is all explained through flashback and relevant discussion throughout the series. When he meets Rosemary, he seems more jaded and cold, though he perks up when analyzing her sword and shows sympathy when she mentions losing her mother. He also seems more materially interested, saying he joined cause he needed a job, and fighting was all he knew, and he could add a glib-sounding line about it "impressing the ladies." He would also seem eager to distance himself from any attempts by her to be his friend, getting uncomfortable and maybe a bit upset. This would be re-contextualized later as his backstory is revealed. He also fights more brutally, going for the monster LD mentions by going for fingers, eyes, and...other areas. This could be prompted by the monster insulting him and foreshadowing the reveal, by calling him "Aster, son of Cumin the wanton." When Rosemary and Sage incapacitate it, it could beg for mercy, only for Aster to slaughter it without pity, showing his ruthless side. On the flip side, he could also try to be helpful to both the girls and their friends as they each meet, offering some advice like "honor your mother, but don't try to be her. I got a lot better as a fighter when I learned to use what I was taught, but also stopped trying to do everything exactly like I thought my father and my teachers would." And he could encourage Sage when she tried some spells and messed up the first few times, noting everyone usually fails at something the first time around. This would all show him as ruthless and pragmatic, but not without humanity, humility, and a willingness to learn from others.
Part 2. see part 1 in the comment if this one shows up first for some reason.
Here's how he could contrast and foil Rosemary and her mother throughout the series.
For Rosemary, both he and she are warriors trying to honor lost parents, but whereas he's struggling with being defined by a family shame he had no control over, she wants to improve herself, but isn't bound by a sense of familial shame. Moreover, both she and the other girls see and treat him like his own person, slowly helping him overcome these ideas. On the other hand, while he might be too cynical at the start, he's more grounded in reason and the cruelty this world is capable of than she is, and he brings reason (and the occasional bailout followed by a deserved and accurate chewout) to balance her idealism and naivete. He's also more skilled and experience for the reasons discussed, but while not generally arrogant, sometimes underestimates the creativity of the other guardians, losing to them from time to time in fights and being surprised by just what their capable of, prompting him to ask for a chance to learn from each in turn (I admit this last one borrows a bit from Sigismund from 40k, and as this comment is way too long anyway, I'd recommend just typing up his name followed by "40k" on the search bar above, and watch a video by an Australian on the topic). Finally, the attitudes he and Rosemary have helps both to improve the other, yet sets up conflict that can drive episodes, with her idealism and a proclivity toward mercy clashing with his desire to just kill the enemy and remove the threat, with both coming to potentially tragic outcomes when they follow their proclivities to the point of error. Only in the latter half of the season, if not in a later season altogether (if this show got one), would viewers get hints
that this could lead to something more than friendship.
For Lavender, and I admit I'm inventing some reasons since we never find out why she actually joined the bad guys, let's say she did because, as described above, she felt overlooked, bitter at friends she lost in the line of duty, and ashamed over some scandal (let's say a politician embezzled money and killed Doyle, "the useless one" and a friend of hers, and she was kept from calling him out because it could risk setting the Guardians against the government, and the last group that did that ended up like the Knights Templar). She joins bad guys and later tempts both Rosemary and Aster to do the same, using her family ties and a chance to fight for "justice" on the former while drawing on her shared griefs and desires for fame and glory with the latter. The contrast could be seen when Rosemary- having long been balancing out her former ideals (the zeal for which might have drawn her to her mother's side at an earlier point) with Aster's understanding of how to live in and come to terms with existing in an imperfect world- decides her mother and said scandal aren't worth turning against the free world (or whatever the bad guys threaten) while Aster -having been influenced by Rosemary and others to value the people who actually care about him rather than offers for fame, while moving his family to whatever city the academy is based in, helping to provide for them with his earnings while her mother and his siblings get used to a new life helps him get over any financial temptation, so they both reject her.
However this ends, he could be a foil that drives themes of not being defined by shame or regret over things you had no control over, not letting tragedy and hardship compromise your character or cause you to cut ties with other people, balancing idealism with realism. And whilst I cannot in good conscience call myself a feminist in Anno Domini 2021, his initial behavior- trying to mask shame with anger and aggression, internalizing pain while cutting others off, and looking for meaning and a sense of value in worldly advancement, are errors that, while all can fall to them, often plague men, and overcoming this with the help of both these girls and other, more mature men would provide an example of developing in a more healthy masculinity, one that mutually balances Rosemary as she develops into a more mature and developed feminine heroine.
Of course, promoting healthy masculinity, treating it as something that balances out and compliments femininity, and all the themes discussed above require a level of maturity I doubt the writers were interested in. And I'm pretty sure If I came in with these ideas in tow, they'd have me thrown out for trying to use my "male privilege" to undercut their originality and voices, and for promoting outdated "patriarchal" notions of traditional heroism. Oh well. For anyone who read this far, I figured I could at least bounce some character ideas around for other people who are interested in becoming writers one day.