She was always talking about her ex, and I really felt in a competition with someone evil that I've never met.. So happy that it has finished 5 moths ago, live the single peaceful life 🙌
Right? After almost a year of our relationship out of the blue he said- think over if you want to be with me because I used to like someone else. Like- WTF?! 4 months since I’m free. He tried to call yesterday but nope, I have him blocked!
Yes they move on way before they tell you or you find out. Lies after lies. In fact they move on years before you may find out. It’s unfortunate that us people who are trusting think we are going through a rough spot in a marriage and keep on trying , to find out they gave up along time ago and kept on lieing. They Started messing around meanwhile you kept on working on it. It’s very sad that the damaged person we loved was like that.
@@nicky9148 me too…26 yrs “it” stole from me. First year was rough but it gets better bc you get your self worth and happiness back! You could of moved mountains and it would of been the same outcome. It’s not you it’s the beast within them. Stay positive!!! You got this!
We were together for 2 years! I ended it due to feeling drained, exhausted and always needing to jump through hoops to keep them happy. Nothing I did was ever enough so instead of being around, I would run; leave. After a few months of finally ending it (radio silent, they had no way of contacting me) I did snoop and look back to see what they were doing. Noticed they moved on within 4 weeks of us breaking up. I didn’t think it would hurt or effect me as much as it did. But it did, because here am I healing and have been for the past 5 months and they are madly in love with someone new within 4 weeks. I feel disrespected and offended.
Hello, i have similar situation. He moved on in marriage while i was still inventing on marriage and giving my best to be the good one. He left me after 10 years, 7 years were married. I think i was the one seeing things beatiful enough. After saying he stopped loving me, he still stayed at home for 5 months. I waited him come to his senses. Nope, he left the house. He found another job other then our mutual workplace lately. Then he had courage to file for divorce. He came to mu door and knocked. He just stared at my with a dead look, checked me casually with careless look in the eye, if i am allright due to covid i caught, then gave me divorcing papers to sign, then all he could say, -bye then! . He said this with a childish attitude like going for playground to play with other kids. I am still thinking i wad mothering him, caring him and he just overlooked on my beautiful heart. Today, after long time, i am going to see him at work, he will quit soon. What i see is, complete froud! I am not waiting my soul come back any more. My soul and happiness gonna find me somehow, somewhere. He, the avoider of a good life, stayed in his delisional mind. With a non ending arrogance. Not feeling offended anymore, i am not caring his ideas or choices anymore. Hope this numbing feeling stays long to forget him. I dont wanna remember his cold fish eyes, saying silently “there is nobody here” anymore. Wishing you the best, and beauty in life.
It takes time to heal. They not in loved he's trying to hurt you. It gets better just focus on healing. I promise it will get better. Stay no contact and trust God through it all. I went no contact a year and a half now. I'm more happy than I've ever been. You're be fine, I promise. God bless you 🙏
They are madly in love with supply, not the person, they have the exact same relationship with everyone. My step-daughter is starting to realize this now. Its hard to watch.
Infatuated... and the other person is falling in love with a lie. Someone that doesn't exist. Feel bad for them, truly. No one should go through this crap
This happened to me. Same story. We divorced in august. I looked on his Instagram and his in another relationship. Instantly cried. Than I prayed for her because she has no idea.
This one is played on repeat whenever I need to be grounded again. I know all of this in my logical brain but the part of me that starts getting sad here and there needs to hear this again.
With the covert I was dealing with, it was “all my exes were such jealous women” and my intuition said “what were you doing to cause a jealous reaction in all these women?” But the fantasy image that I had overrode my instincts. Hard lesson, But I learned.
Ah, yes. They like to use that one so hopefully you'll fall all over yourself trying to act like you're not jealous or bothered...like their exes. Then you find out the hard way. Best wishes to you on your path to healing and learning.
@@lisarodriguez6966 and that’s exactly what I did. Breaking that trauma bond (and my fantasy image) was rough but almost 2 years learning to love, validate and know myself is worth it. I finally have inner peace again. Thanks Lisa.
when you said they were together four years and broke up yesterday I laughed out loud. 😂😂 my ex and I were together four years. he broke up with me and already had another girl lined up. everything you said is so true.
My ex always replaces with a new girl before he gets rid of the old girl completely he makes sure to monkey branch as tightly as he can. The only thing is it's kind of hard to replace your own daughter and she's walking away too she has distanced herself greatly after him being imprisoned on and off most of her life and then leaving her life when she was about 16 into another prison sentence that lasted She almost 8 years and then he comes back into her life about the time the relationship started About a year later things started getting really crazy I mean my ex would even tell me that when things get too overwhelming he will just leave he cannot stand the pressure he cannot do holidays he cannot do any kind of constricture on him he feels controlled and that's a rigid structure within him. He was definitely an abuser he was on to the new girl and left me like an empty soda can. The thing is I knew it was coming for about 3 years and during that time we had a car accident and then the pandemic hit during the pandemic I used all of my resources and now I have left the situation except me and His daughter and grandson are closer and he is in another state now pursuing His career. The craziest part is that he made it clear that He just needed a place to stay and all of the dots make it clear that hes just using her for her place he told me On many different occasions exactly how he operates which is really unsettling. Anyways towards the end he got vicious and I got a restraining order he told me not to tell his daughter bad things about him but he has been so out of control with his behaviors for the last 3 years that she is done. However I know that because she is his daughter it is very difficult for her not to oscillate between knowing the truth and malignant hope, we strengthen each other though.
I know it can be hard BUT if you can close your eyes and for a minute imagine being stricken with a horrible deadly disease thats killing you and causing you great pain ...NOW imagine being free of that disease and passing it to someone else ...would you feel sorry for the dreaded disease OR the poor person that now has to deal with it please write down all the bad shit and read it back to yourself every morning or every time you get sentimental THE devil is a lie and so is a NARC ijs BE strong girl pain endure for a night but JOY comes in the morning
Narcissism is a trauma response. They treat others how they were treated by close loved ones. They find it hard to be vulnerable with the fear of being hurt so they do all the hurting to feel like they have the control. In turn hurting themselves and others constantly whilst depriving themselves of the love and intimacy they’ve always craved by continuing these toxic behaviors and unwillingness to take the time to heal
I want to take that backpack and beat him with it. I'm trying to work through my anger, but as days go by and I'm processing just how bad everything was, the anger grows and grows. This is going to take a while! Thank you, Lee, for the work you're doing. I've learned so much since I discovered you.
Anger is not bad its natural a step to go throug since he ripped you of something very valurable. He hurt you , took away so much. Of course you are angry. Its like a grieving process. There are some steps to go through to heal to finally let go and moove on. ....wiser, with some scars but stronger, He was not what you believed he was, but you grieve what you thought you had, you grieve the loss of the man you thought you loved and who said to love you. He did not excist, but you still feel the loss. So you go through this process we do whenever we loose some loved one. Its important though to realize and come to terms with the fact he was not the person you thought, it was not what it seemed so what you grieve is not him and he can never give it to you. You grieve what you believed you had , the person you thought you fell in love with. When this sink in you begin to heal
I was trying to get my head around this concept- it's easy to understand but hurts to accept certain events and mainly their intentions/emotions and thought process in the relationship. My reality was fictitious.
Same here, after no contact for over 8 yrs I thought he matured not knowing or understanding this mental illness. Thanks to this channel for the information. I accepted the offer of friendship. Whoa! He would try to ask me intrusive questions about my current relationship HOPING I WOULD ASK HIM TOO, I never did so he took it up to try and make me jealous talking about his escapades with different women lol. I kept calm and said " that God I moved on long before we broke because I discovered you were mentally underdeveloped " I'm glad I have a perfect gentleman who don't have time for immature games,,,, the face time went silence, then disconnected. Since last November no hoover anymore.
I told my ex “ Go back with your baby momma then” he said “ I already did” while making a evil face while we broke up. They will really try to hurt you anyway they can.
The person I dated a long time ago always had some one else. And was always cheating and lieing. He could have gotten an award for the lies he would tell. Sometimes I would be wondering is he really telling the truth and my mind was going in circles trying to figure him out. Wow. Glad that nightmare is over.
They really could win academy awards for the acting they do. My mind was blown when I discovered he was lying in a discussion that seemed so sincere. I learned, though, that when there’s that strange word or whatever it is that makes you think “huh?” that’s when bs is occurring. I actually had begun to think maybe he was on the low end of the autism spectrum because sometimes he would say or do something that just seemed out of sync but I now know that’s when he was lying or mixing some word salad in which he was revealing some of the underhanded games he was playing and getting some sadistic pleasure in my confusion because I didn’t realize what he was doing.
The confirmation definitely hurts 💔 like no other pain in the world. I sometimes wonder if I will EVER get over this man!! Been educating myself on narcissist behavior for going on almost 6 years and even with all I know, it's still hard af to move on regardless!
I say the same thing every single day! I don’t know if I’ll ever heal! It’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced and I’ve been through a lot in my lifetime!
@@ashleyg4299 when I moved into my place almost 6 years ago ( in April ) I would have never thought I'd be in the same damn place emotionally. He's caused me even more pain in the time I've been here than the many years we spent together. I am learning to accept that I allowed it. I allowed him in to cause this hurt. Every time I think about him which is daily , even several times a day, I try to remind myself how bad it hurts. I never want to be hurt like that again. Sad truth is I need to move away. We are just to close ( towns ) for me to feel comfortable. But we have to accept what's happened and just try to get thru one day at a time. Hell, one moment at a time. I get in my head ALOT believe me and it's not healthy, so I'm currently trying to figure out how to change this shit. I'm tired girl. I'm tired of being miserable on a daily. I'm just tired of being tired. I'm sorry you are also having to be stuck like me, believe me when I tell you, I feel your pain. Just keep swimming. I am trying dammit , that is all we can do. Bc the dark places I've been in my head aren't a good place to be and I'd wish this shit on no one! Best of luck to you and just don't give up. We are worth so much more!
@@timekeepsonslipn I agree that we allowed it, but they play the game well and they want you to become trauma bonded to them so you can never move on. I’ve beat myself up about it a lot. I see myself as an intelligent person and this whole fiasco makes me feel like a fool. I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this too. Maybe there’s some comfort in knowing that I’m not alone in this, but it sure as hell doesn’t make it hurt any less! Tired is an understatement. It’s pure exhaustion and for me it has not only affected me mentally but physically as well. You can only take so much before it manifests physically too! I can’t lie, I feel like I’m trying desperately to keep from drowning. The grief (and it is grief), is just too heavy sometimes. I don’t know what else to do to make it better. Nothing seems to help and I’ve tried it all. I think acceptance is key, but it’s hard to accept that someone could have such a deceitful heart and actually sleep at night.
Holy moly. Mine would always say “I hate being alone” and literally if there was any inkling that I may not be able to make a catch up (if I was sick etc.) he would tell me to hurry up and decide so that he could find someone else to hang out with so that he wouldn’t be alone. Every second of his day was spent with someone. He could never be alone. Mostly with an audience. He loved having an audience and being the centre of attention. That’s probably why most times he caught up with me last minute late at night (I was a last option) and why he cancelled so much at the beginning - he probably was spinning many plates (or with someone else that whole time) which is what my gut told me. He “lost” his phone the first time, then the next time he gave this long story that someone took his phone to work and returned it (I didn’t believe it), then he was so inconsistent with texting I wouldn’t hear from him for like a full day… If I didn’t text him within an hour because I was at dinner he would get mad at me. But he could go full days and nights leaving me on read.
Omg mine was the exact same behaviours always in a hurry. I would leave and before the end of the day someone else. Or he would say come tomorrow am tired and always late nights. I remember the neighbour once said to me he’s not answering while calling him to open the door and said it with a smirk . I was so lost but God has brought me to my senses. Glad I have left him to the streets.
While with narc I didn't know. Post narc I have learned so much about NPD and fitting it all together has been mind blowing! 8 months strong, still healing. Once the initial blow of betrayal wore off it has been a blessing. I am no longer a believer of words, to say the least. I see people much more clearly now. Thanks for the insight. Crazy how it all makes sense now, our entire relationship. I see every move and I fell for it. Then!!!
I’m right there with you. Almost 2 years healing for me and I’m in a better place than I was prior. Words and actions must line up and promises must be kept among other things.
Thank you Lee. Your videos are healing my broken heart and giving me hope to continue the journey of self love and healing. I believe one day this pain will fade away.
You're absolutely right we have to heal before moving on! Just want to point out that time doesn't heal. I was single for 3 years, thinking that just being single was the key. I didn't work on personal growth, and I didn't have a good look at why I kept falling into the same patterns.... then I went and married a narc. Now I'm taking time to dissect my brain before I even look at anyone else.
It has taken me 5 months to get it through my head that my narc was not who his mask was… it’s unbelievable how he changed once he wanted to leave. Night and day.
That is exactly what I’m doing. I feel like I’m going crazy wondering why I wasn’t good enough. I can’t get the thoughts and visions out of my mind of him with the new supply. It’s awful! The logical side of me knows it will likely be the same with the new supply, but right now it seems like she’s getting everything I never got! It’s a real mindf*ck! I did feel like I was competing with the ex, because he created that narrative, and then he would ask why I was so obsessed with her! It was insane!
Trick of the Devil...You were enough trust me...Let her find out on her owns...And she will...Trust me....So sit back and enjoy the show...You got this gurl!
@@baldwincynthia8455 thanks for the words of encouragement! I think it just makes it that much more hurtful when I know I gave him everything and then some and it meant nothing. I think I just struggle trying to wrap my head around the fact that people can really be this way! I try to remind myself that although he may look happy on the outside, on the inside it has to be a living hell!
"more hurtful when I know I gave him everything and then some and it meant nothing" yes, this is EXACTLY what I've been experiencing! She treated me with contempt, was mean as hell at the end, and now i realize this was to get me to finally give up all hope on us (she was in a new relationship already but couldn't say this because it wouldn't look good to our family, friends etc as we have 2 kids).
Yes it hurts, we tried so damn hard, giving them the benefit of the doubt and staying optimistic. Been a tough pill to realize thats not healthy! Yes, we should be our loving kind selves but overlooking bad treatment isn't healthy. People in our boat need reflection on who deserves benefit of the doubt, and in what situations. Other wise, we WILL get taken advantage of again as our loving nature is too easy to breach. Your comment "that people can really be this way" hit me hard as well. Yes, this is what I'm coming to terms with. Never dealt with this before, or seen it from this viewpoint but I know I've experienced it and was just not wise enough. Now the challenge is putting up boundaries, learning to spot these "red flags" (and thank you to Mental Healness for highlighting moving too fast means less opportunities to discover red flags) Discovering red flags should be a big part of the beginning of relationship -- yes its to have fun together but also discover the depth of how dark things could potentially get in the future and how they will treat you when things are "normal" or when life gets tough. It sounds like you had viewed people as mostly good and humanity as mostly good intentions, so these revelations hav been spirit crushing to realize no, that is not the case. But have faith, there are many people like you and I out there, and though sparks may not fly between us as we would in the yin yang narc partner, now we are evolved enough to see those sparks are not a fire that can be sustained. They are pine needles and will blow out in the first few minutes of the relationship. Yes is sucks to find out we have been duped, but as we heal, its wonderful to know that our empathy and energy will be able to be used with the right partner they will cherish us back and give the same. We do need time to heal as he says in the video. One idea that has helped me get over the "new partner is getting the better version while I got shit on" feeling, is to know yes the start of our flame was bright too....there is only one gear she has and their relationship will eventually move into that speed when she feels comfortable enough the hooks are in deep enough. They are not getting a new improved partner! Our new partner, on the other hand, will be getting the new improved version (if we took time to have introspection and heal). We do not carry the trauma bookbag. In short, the way to let go of our trauma (cptsd or trauma bond or whatever you want to call it) is to stop reliving the past, what we could've done better, why they treated us so poorly, etc. This was not a normal relationship! Motivation to move forward is knowing in our heart that we are indeed lovable, kind, caring and that someone will cherish our love that we have to give. Put this knowledge on the backburner while we heal (though daily affirmations help to let go and cut the trauma bond) and just enjoy simple small details like cooking great meals, reading, listening to music, playing sports, getting outdoors, renewing friendships, laughing, and other hobbies we may have neglected. Remember our passion and zest for life! Us doing well is the truest and healthiest way forward. Us doing well is the only answer. When we start feeling sad about the ex and see them "happy", switch gears to focus back on us doing well. Us doing well is what prepares us for our next phase in life and new relationship. As a bonus, us doing well is also our ex narcissists kryptonite. For me, I will always feel some love for her. Deep down I know there is a child who deserves that. There is no joy in seeing her hurt (even though karma would say she is deserving), I do hope shes eventually able to get therapy, find some form of healing from her childhood traumas, and that psychology itself does not give up on finding new ways to help narcissistc heal (ego, id, and their sadistic superego which they do not deserve). But there is joy in knowing that as I heal, the world understands I am living my best life and doing well. There is joy in knowing that, as she becomes a stranger who I no longer rely on or reserve any energy for (though will need to interact with logistically), she understands deep down that I am doing well and living my best life (without her). It is unnecessary to highlight that her time with me was one of the best relationships she'll ever know, and now it's over and she'll repeat the same patterns and be searching for my replacement of someone with high love energy, stability, and tremendous capacity for love. This will all go unspoken, but it will be there clear as day. We were together 16 years, she understands my traits on a deep level, and knows on a spirit level that I was the best "supply" shell ever get. I am irreplacable. You are irreplaceable. The irony is, as we move forward in our new life and eventually find a fully loving partner, those old narcs are very replaceable. They know it and its what all the games and crazy was all about (trying to get us not to realize we are so much better off without them). We are capable of full spectrum of feelings, full spectrum of giving and receiving love, and our relationships no longer need the undercurrent of daily superficial hassles like "refilling supply". We can just be. Ourselves. That is enough. These revelations have helped me tremendously in the past few months. They have helped me reset anytime I start getting into backward thinking. There is no changing the past, only learning what will help us in the future. That is US DOING WELL! We were capabale of that (its likely what attracted them to us in first place) before the narcissist slowly leached our energy, but we can and do need to rebuild. We are totally capable of doing this, we just need to include this new information that we've learned. I am nearing the end of my own therapy. Yes, its been painful to understand my life and this relationship has been a complete fiction, that I was at fault for having blinders on, and now I understand I can no longer do that. The world is different than what I thought. But, when we find the right person, we will be able to have that safety where we can give benefit of the doubt, cherish and be cherished. It all comes down to our ability to detect and see reality for what it is however. I wish you the best and I know we can do this. And thank you again for the vulnerable to make these videos, you have been life-changing. Hopefully, you will also encourage other narcissistic people that they too can live a fuller existence.
He almost immediately began reaching out to women. I shouldn't be surprised because the entire relationship he entertained a plethora of other "options". His ego was soooo incredibly fragile it's as if he just constantly needed validation....the same validation I so desperately needed at the end of the relationship after years and years of being gaslit. I'm not kidding, he would literally thrive on the attention of women. Looking back I realize how pitiful it actually was. It used to be one of the major things he did that damaged my own self esteem and at the time it hurt. Bad. But it really is pathetic how a person must rely on that constant reinforcement and doesn't possess much of an ability to self soothe. It's honestly sad. Just as I did before I entered the relationship, I'll be healing my heart and empowering my soul. While he's out there desperately seeking that female attention from anyone and everyone to fill the massive void, I'll be working on myself, looking forward to becoming the best version of me I can be and when I finally reach that goal, I'll give this loyalty......this attention, this comfort and care, to a worthy partner who will love me as much as I love them.
Narcissist really rush everything and if you're not regulated you'll end up dying. I will have to say that your platform has really helped me heal within this last year and healing from my narcissistic mother/brother and I have to tell you that even though you may be "like them" I don't feel any pain or that I think you deserve horrible things. It's like you said you're a human being and there are reasons why people become Narcs and I listened to your story and also my mothers and others and I thank you for your honesty and love to save lives and redirect our time to things and folks who love us. I wish you so much more progress in your healing and I want to to know I'm proud of you for getting help and wanting to end these cycles.
"Comfort zone will kill you" is a reminder. The ex and I were off and on for 7+ years. We broke up because they'd ruin almost every holiday and had severe, severe anger issues. They turned my family members against me. They traumatized me on the 3rd date, then asked for more chances. Bible verse about "make NO friendship with an angry person, lest it become a trap for YOU" proverb is STILL where I can see it. It reminded me of them. I kept praying for them to change. They said they would/did. They did NOT change. They only tried to hide their true character. Then, each time they hurt me, it got WORSE. I then prayed for God's will. That's when the FINAL BLOW/ breakup happened. I had enough. I had enough of them only being the ones who could express THEIR anger, while I had to "stuff" mine, because they never once ever tried to deescalate a situation. They never held in their anger, but I always did. I finally snapped. I truly stood up for myself and their anger was FIERCE, even worse than usual. Look guys, a person who's not in habit of controlling their emotions (like anger) WILL NOT suddenly start when things get bad. Instead, they fall back on old habits. If they blow up over little things, they'll CERTAINLY blow up over large ones. And then, suddenly you find them with an undressed significant other when you thought you were still working through things. That's how they deal. Do not blame yourself! But, DO NOT BE AFRAID TO MOVE ON, BE ALONE, OR WHATEVER IT TAKES TO STOP ALLOWING A PERSON (WHO'S IN HABIT OF DOING THINGS THAT HURT YOU OR THE CHILDREN) TO BE IN A POSITION OR LOCATION TO KEEP HURTING YOU! THIS IS THE FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE!! DON'T THINK IT'S NOT! My friends all saw the signs, years of red flags, but the relief from the make-ups after the person's blow-ups is what kept me there so long. I can't to believe I couldn't survive without the person's (whatever kind of) "support". THAT'S WHERE THEY GET YOU! God showed me after that 3rd date in a dream that the person would KILL ME IF I LET THEM KEEP COMING CLOSER!! I told myself it must've meant something else, because I didn't see how they could be so mean. WELL, THEY WERE!! WHEN YOU TELL A PERSON TO STOP HURTING YOU AND THEY DON'T, FOR 👏 ANY 👏 REASON, OR REFUSE TO SEEK HELP FOR THEIR ISSUES REPEATEDLY, OR **ESPECIALLY** BLAME **YOU** - RUNNNNN LIKE YOU OR YOUR KIDS' LIVES DEPENDS ON IT! Their NARCISSISM KILLS you SLOWLY, NOT FAST! THAT'S WHY YOU DON'T SEE IT UNTIL IT'S OFTEN TOO LATE! It's designed to make you doubt the idea of running! RUN, NOW! Ask God to help YOU, and be willing to follow God's prompting. Their narcissism attacks you way more like a cancer than a volcano! It's easy to run from a volcano with no regrets, doubts, or looking back. Not the same with something close to you or even inside you!! You often don't want to run from something that feels good most of the time! But DON'T GAMBLE WITH YOUR HEART, SANITY, OR LIFE! I BARELY GOT OUT ALIVE AND I 100% MEAN THAT!
Absolutely powerful and true your comment. I am a survivor myself. You are so correct. God saved me and granted me salvation to escape. They are evil and destructive. In hindsight it was always there just subtle and not as bad until the mask started to drop when his agenda no longer served. I was warned in a dream too about him. In very beginning.Foolish me 2 dreams and I had rose colored glasses on. I was actually being warned. These Narcs are filled with all the evils. Especially anger. Deceit,greed,pride,lust,jealousy ect. They refused to change or be held accountable. Blame everyone else but themselves. So comforting to read your comment.Thank you.
The thing about most narcissist too is a lot of them are actually really funny and likeable at the beginning also and reel you in. They can be the most charming and magnetic people too. I have to keep reminding myself of this when I watch your videos cause you are one too but you are so funny xD
Damn, Lee. You saying he was waiting those two weeks to see if she’d take him back is exactly what my future ex husband is doing. He’s holding on til the last day to discard me even though I discarded him. 😂 but I ain’t stupid or delusional because I recorded our very last conversations and since I know the tactics he uses, I can see past the bullshit and watch him tell on himself. It’s wonderful to see how he thinks he’s outsmarting me like he used to all while I still proceed with my divorce! To him that’s very definite. I can tell that’s hurting the little boy he is, inside. Oh well.. his “feelings” ain’t my problem no more 🤷🏻♀️ they were for 8 years though! 😂 that F@cker! 😂
This may sounds insensitive and I don’t mean it to be. I recently found out my abusive, narcissistic ex just got engaged after dating his new bf for 4 months. After learning about narcism from your channel and others I was not surprised he moved on so quickly, I did laugh a little (you guys called it exactly how it’s unfolding) . I know my worth and believe with every fiber of my being that it wasn’t me…yes I wasn’t perfect but nobody deserves to be abused. I’m dating myself and loving every minute of it. You can heal and live your best life! :-)
They definitely are a bad roller coaster of emotions. The guy I dated was never happy - Glad it's over! He said his ex-wife cheated but he was telling stories about girls he liked and they overlapped with the time range they were together. Narcs are so dumb, just pay attention!
Yesss my ex is the same way!! We were working towards getting back together at one point, but he was talking about other women and the dates were way off. Then he ended it with me when I called him out saying it’s a no win situation with me and I’ll never be happy because I hold onto the past. 🤣🤣🤣🤦♀️ That worked for me for years, but not anymore. I see exactly what and who I’m dealing with. No more.
Thank you so much. You have really helped me to finally block my bf on all socials and cut off contact. After being love bombed for 3 weeks. Was friends with a lot of exes. A little if him went a long way. He just went cold and distance. Stopped all affection. He even said he felt empty. That just made me realize something is not right. 3 months later finally realized he could be a narcissist.
Yup! He moved on while still laying in my bed! 😂... Than after stalking my social media he says: "Other people tell me you make it sound like we're still together"....Sorry I didn't realize that we never were! Every time they do you wrong they move on so they don't have to deal with themselves! You're never really broken up but you're never together! They will never be there when you need them...but they will expect you to wait for them!
Okay, this is insane! You sound just like me and my ex situation, but enough was enough! I filed for divorce 2 weeks ago😁. Losing me will be his Karma! I never knew evil existed like that, but I thank God that he rescued me from that incredible torture and pain!
Ten years together, living together went out separate ways four months ago....he is now married and just bought a house with her. Harsh reality but I'm free now...thank goodness.
U have deep inner STRENGTH to keep going. No strong arming any person. No one deserves to be taken advantage of harshly. Stop hurting others, just because you feel miserable. Take time out to work on your personal injuries. Get healed. Let go of your PAST, YOUR LOSSES. SLOW DOWN. BE PATIENT. SELF CONTROL. DARK BAD THINGS FRIGHTENING.
I liked the bookbag analogy and find your perspectives informative...however many are wondering why you are doing this podcast. I know you are getting supply from the praise and adoration from commenters. Win win 😉
After going no contact for a long time he texted me from a different number and asked to talk. I felt cocky, felt I was in a good place. Met him for dinner. He’s in love and getting married after 2mths. She’s so kind and sweet. It broke me. I cried for 16 hours and feel like crap all over again.
He did you a HUGE FAVOR! Too bad you couldn't warn the next victim. You got out of a long lasting journey of pain dealing with these 😈 demons. Consider yourself blessed. You are beautiful and don't deserve the treatment narcs dish out!
I watch everything this guy says with a mind of study, respect and sincerity, but once he starts talking about the clip clappity clappin the clapiest of cheeks, I always start laughing 😂😄🤣
Great video and right on time as usual! My ex Narc just reached out again and I came right to your channel to be reminded to stay strong because it ain’t nothing but a game! Side Note: You saying “you know what I mean?” makes your videos more personable and conversational, rather than a boring lecture. I know I’m not the only one who answers when listening to you like “Facts!!!!! That’s exactlyyyy what he did!!” 😂😂 I’m from NY so I say “you feel me!?!” a lottttt when I get passionate about a topic 😂😅, so I understand! Keep up the great work!
Your content is always so good. It’s so different from an NPD perspective. Mine was more subtle but did the same things. It’s just taken a lot to untangle because he didn’t say things outright, it was very subtle.
I know exactly what you mean. If mine had been more direct and outright, it wouldn’t have gone on as long as it did. Even though he was lying and sneaking, it was still very important for everyone, including me, to think he was a great guy.
I am so thankful for you! I wish I would of found you a long time ago. I hope your channel grows even bigger. And I wish you all the happiness and success in the world. You are truly a angel. 😇
We had been together for 9 years, on and off. The last time I saw him was in August this year, he walked out on me in May 2021, he came back this year and wanted to be friends. I told him we could not be friends and I will never forgive him for walking away the way he did. It is now October and I have found out he is engaged to be married and is going to move to another city to live. Two and a half months since I last saw him because he wanted to be 'friends', it hurts, not because it's not me but the quickness with which he has moved on is hurtful. However, this is exactly the same pattern he tried with me, I took the engagement ring he brought me when I left. I am so glad I Iistened to my intuition the last time I saw him, I have a feeling she was receiving a silent treatment and he needed me to be in his life as part of the 'harem' so he would have somewhere to go.
I wish I saw this 2 years ago. In that time, his ex had a better body, his other ex meant more, a third ex was the best girlfriend he ever had, and the college ex he had sex with multiple times per day I can't even calculate all the ways the exes were better than me. Beyond crazy doesn't say enough.
The being compared to the ex in every possible way.. is excruciatingly painful. It creates such a horrible insecurity inside of you that you just can’t shake. I’ve been going through it for 5 years now, no matter how Amazing I treat him. I brought him a birthday cake made from scratch with the candles lit and singing happy birthday, a dozen gifts, had a fun dinner reservation planned, maybe 10 minutes after he opened his gifts, he proceeded to tell me at his age when he pictures getting married, it’s to her(his ex) that everyone wants him with her. Then tells me every mean comment in the world. Things I’d never even imagine thinking or saying to someone. It’s a struggle. Just have to take it every situation at a time and realize, what thing he is comparing you to, is really what he’s lacking, and you actually have! They just can’t let you know, that you’re really all the great things. Because then you’ll be above them in their eyes. And that can’t happen. Keep your head up.
I went through my Dark Night of The Soul through this,at first felt totally duped,that life would end and everyone was fake with motives.He had a backup,grass is greener sidepiece already when I finally got him out last summer..Ive spent months scrambling to get my finances back in order and unscrambling my brain.I came back to the coaches of You Tube and listened some more . Im alone now half a year later,still.And very selective now.The narc did me a favor..he prepared me for a True King when the time is right and gave me clues on how to decipher the Posers ,the Frauds..And just today..I was enjoying my freedom..the quietness,the stillness of my mind as I putter around my empty home.Content..im actually ..well.. CONTENT ❤️ ( with several suitors to pick from 😜😂) I'm doing me..and they have standards to meet in the meantime👑
I say" you know what I mean" alot too.. it's for validation and to relate . I have thought too that I need to stop then say F I why stop. Your relatable.. it's a good thing
Mine made me homeless which caused a nervous break. I was to busy going to therapy while trying to find a place to live. Infidelity was never something I was concerned about. I still don’t understand since he discarded me in such a way, why he keeps attempting contact. It would be awesome if he forgot about me lol
Dang I needed this video this is soooo true!!!!!!👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 I went in head over hills but deep down inside my gut never settled with him but I ignored it and went in head first. He was the “all my ex’s is crazy” type of dude coming to find out he never held himself accountable for anything!!!!! THE BIGGEST LESSON I LEARNED IN THAT RELATIONSHIP IS LISTEN VERY WELL AND TAKE MY TIME😮💨 sorry for the all caps I’m just so overwhelmed, emotional and disappointed.
My cousin isn’t going too fast with her narcissist husband but she ruminates about everything he says and does. Literally he moved out with another women and is STILL convincing her he isn’t doing anything ! It’s literally crazy how much he has a spell on her . Your videos have helped me be able to respond to her but she refused to believe he’s a narcissist because she doesn’t want to believe
Oooh wee, this guy I was dating said “he healed during the break down of his marriage after the wife filed for divorce”, hmmm. I never felt settled with him, I knew something was off.
3 month ago I commented on this video when I felt myself getting slightky stronger. Lee's accurate explanations gave me relief from how down I had been, wondering why I was never good enough for my ex. Here I am once again because I very foolishly allowed him back into my life when he inserted himself in mine. I stupidly, stupidly, stupidly thought he missed me. I thought he was getting help and waking up and that intense hope I had always held flooded in, drowning my rationality and I was right back to falling head over heels again. Unfortunately it was all a lie. It was simply more manipulation. The woman he is desperately trying to date told me she knew she would never date him again when he essentially told him the breakdown of the relationship was soley my fault. She told me he painted me as a jealous crazy person. Thank God she was smart enough to see through that fable. What's ironic is that she, too, was in a long-term relationship with a narcissist and identified with what I had suffered through. She noticed from the very few interactions they had that he was judgmental and controlling....her words. Apparently he began buying her expensive gifts right away and contacting her incessantly. He even sent a text that said he missed her which she was uncomfortable with and deemed a red flag. He's in a state of delusion, desperate to find new supply who can bring him that distraction and comfort he's craving. As you said, he can not be alone. He's incapable. What's so sad to me is that fact that more than likely he will never even reach the point where he even realizes that he's essentially pushed the only people who truly, genuinely loved him, away. Although in a consistent state of fallacy and knowing that he mentally abused me with his gaslighting and manipulation for years and years, I do still love him. I love that side of him that was vulnerable. Well, if it ever truly even existed. Long back I believe I was simply a tool in his life, a placeholder. I believe he does not know what love is. I already know he does not know how to love a ood woman, he just wants anyone who will fill that deep void he has always had. I feel very used. Sadly, stupidly, I still love him. However, he will never again be allowed the chance to hurt me because after finally having another person there to see the manipulation and gaslighting unfold in front of their eyes as well, he wasn't able to get away with calling me crazy or jealous and blaming me. I had a witness this time and knowing that the woman he was pining for saw the very same things I was seeing, gave me renewed strength to stand up to him and call him out. Not only did he lie to me, he lied to her and FINALLYhe couldn't weasel his way out of accountability. Thank God for strong, decent women with the ability to recognize bullshit when it comes knocking. I really am grateful for her honesty, she helped me steer clear from an all too familiar path to nowhere.
Thank you so much This helps, more than you know It's a learning process that comes after the damage has been done, sadly - but hopefully it's not too late for some When you see the red flags ... pay attention!
He had been in a few relationships and moved on with at least one of them by the time he discarded me. I received my divorce papers and was finally able to put THE END on that part of my life. Pretty sure he'll be married again soon. No longer my circus. No longer my monkeys. :-)
Before my divorce was finalized, my Ex Husband of 14 years "started" dating one of his "clients" that I always had suspected. During that time he also moved on to plenty of others. By the time our divorce was finalized 1-5 months later, he got 1-2 women pregnant. They had their children 2-5 weeks apart 😊 Then 9 months later he got the one that just had a boy pregnant again & a new one pregnant 🥳 So in other words he has 2 sets of ghetto twins 💃🏽💃🏽💃🏽💃🏽 Now aged 2 & 3 years old. He always said that "I held him back"😂😭 It damn near destroyed me at how fast he did this but now I'm great 😂👍 He always tries to come back. He ever tried to triangulate me with Baby Mom that has 2 children by flirting. He even tried to rub my hand in front of her, I giggled & slapped his hand & told him "Be good"😑🙄😒
@@MentalHealness Yup, my name & face are even tatted on him. I am glad that they all live across the country. Over the last year or so he even tried to offer me a new baby, since our youngest is 13 years old😒🤦🏽♀️🙄🙆🏽♀️🤣 ..... 📵🏃🏽♀️ 💨💨 💨 💨 💨 💨
After the control and mistrust I endured from my narcissistic ex, and how drained and voiceless I feel, we broke up because he wanted to put another restriction on me and I told him I wasn't going to accept it (going to the gym or not). I was too tired of how many things he made me give up on. He micromanaged everything. I left. He moved on a new girl in two days and in a month called her "his girlfriend" and told me he loved her. Literally a week before he was telling me he loved me and wanted to restore our relationship (even if he was dating the new girl). I had to bail. It was too damaging.
This is literally my ex. We started seeing few months after he moved out from his wife, and when I brought up that it's bit early,he said that for last year they not even sleeping in the same bed anymore. During our relationship he by mistake slip up that actually he was "trying to fix things with her" and already talking to me. He discarded her when he had me secured.... When he left me,two weeks after our baby was born, after really bad pregnancy,two miscarriages, with depression (now I know that timing was not accident). Week later he already have been working on new victim. I have let him hoover me back and when we were "trying to work things out" in the same time he has been seeing someone else,he was planning to discard me, but she finished things first. He's literally going from girl to girl telling them all that I am crazy, and funny but he used to say that about his wife too when we started dating...
OMG! 😂 I laughed so hard at "slow motion Snoopy dance"! Got the visual in my head now of all the Peanuts gang dancing around the piano! Thanks... I needed that today! 😉👍
I got over the first one praying the second one i can overcome...during my pregnancy he wasnt good to me at all. Always about him..no matter how hard i worked no matter how tired i was it was always about what he needed. When she was born i was completely shut out the kids and i were numbed out.. threatened me with violence over asking for help with our daughter at night when i had to work and he was off the next day. I had to pay a sitter to work do he could sit on his butt at home and do nothing all while his kids were there with a sitter...emotionally abused verbally abused violence breaking anything he could over a small upset such as me dropping a cup and it making noise...kids and i left. He still keeps my ass hooked uses my empathy against me and the kids to keep me hooked.....
I was dealing with one for a very long time I'm just now letting go moving on in my life when I first left him the first time he moved on so fast and turned around and said he can't live without me I was a fool I took him back but God reveal him to me told me what I was dealing with now I am running for my life I cannot get rid of him they are liars they are cheaters manipulators gaslighters can't be trusted I feel free I feel like I got oxygen now I am running for my life
I keep telling people the new supply, it always looks like they happy at first, but, whatever the EX did to you, the new supply is gonna get the FULL FIRE TREATMENT AS THEY GOT IT. You are 100 percent correct, they start off to a smooth drive, then the ruff rider kicks in, LMAO 🤣
Brother, the codependent empath love starved victim will also do the same with the narcissist. The Narcissist will coax that information of our previous n horrible ex out of us, so we speak about our trials and tribulations about our former partner w the next narc. This way the narcissist gets to know our vulnerabilities and weak spots n what destroyed us previously so they can be smarter or more cunning. I would have never spoken about my ex with the new guy I ended up marrying. But he pretended he was so patient, and wanting nothing but to be a good supportive friend. 3 months later we were madly in love, I sold my own home, moved away, and married him. Only for 20 years of bizarre mind games. His family tribal gaslighting.. Him using those stories of my ex n my vulnerabilities against me. I nearly died surviving 3 NDEs bc my value was nothing more than money, a 4 br home, n a couple of badass cars n trucks. I was love starved and desperate getting into a fast relationship ouuta a previous bad one being coaxed to tell him my woes if my ex. I lost everything bro. But.... I'm now almost four full years narc free, and finally out on the dating scene again. Happy healthy. Staying in recovery w my team of help. Thanks for all your help along the way brother. You're a badass.
Makes sense. I sent you an email about my situation. Still waiting on your response, but I plan on having an one on one with you soon. Thanks for this info you’re helping me with my anxiety and anger that I have from my previous relationship.🙏
They’re usually in the next relationship before they leave the previous one. They overlap.
🤯🤯
Yup! Happened to me. They just put you in gray area or pull away and go hunting for their next prey
Yup.
Yup. They are usually talking to someone on the side to get them lined up before they break up with you or make them break up with them.
@@Gigi-rg7xy and probably having sex with them, unfortunately
If you watch a narcissist close enough they will tell on themselves. Sooo true!!
🎯
She was always talking about her ex, and I really felt in a competition with someone evil that I've never met.. So happy that it has finished 5 moths ago, live the single peaceful life 🙌
I feel you man
Right? After almost a year of our relationship out of the blue he said- think over if you want to be with me because I used to like someone else.
Like- WTF?!
4 months since I’m free.
He tried to call yesterday but nope, I have him blocked!
Same thing happened to me. That was one of the worst things I ever felt.
Yes they move on way before they tell you or you find out. Lies after lies. In fact they move on years before you may find out. It’s unfortunate that us people who are trusting think we are going through a rough spot in a marriage and keep on trying , to find out they gave up along time ago and kept on lieing. They Started messing around meanwhile you kept on working on it. It’s very sad that the damaged person we loved was like that.
😔
Yup..found out that my marriage was a complete lie
My therapist kept telling me “you have enough seeing the tip of the iceberg. You don’t need to see what’s down below.”
@@nicky9148 me too…26 yrs “it” stole from me. First year was rough but it gets better bc you get your self worth and happiness back! You could of moved mountains and it would of been the same outcome. It’s not you it’s the beast within them. Stay positive!!! You got this!
@@nicky9148 me to but i am moveing on
We were together for 2 years! I ended it due to feeling drained, exhausted and always needing to jump through hoops to keep them happy. Nothing I did was ever enough so instead of being around, I would run; leave. After a few months of finally ending it (radio silent, they had no way of contacting me) I did snoop and look back to see what they were doing. Noticed they moved on within 4 weeks of us breaking up.
I didn’t think it would hurt or effect me as much as it did. But it did, because here am I healing and have been for the past 5 months and they are madly in love with someone new within 4 weeks. I feel disrespected and offended.
Hello, i have similar situation. He moved on in marriage while i was still inventing on marriage and giving my best to be the good one. He left me after 10 years, 7 years were married. I think i was the one seeing things beatiful enough. After saying he stopped loving me, he still stayed at home for 5 months. I waited him come to his senses. Nope, he left the house. He found another job other then our mutual workplace lately. Then he had courage to file for divorce. He came to mu door and knocked. He just stared at my with a dead look, checked me casually with careless look in the eye, if i am allright due to covid i caught, then gave me divorcing papers to sign, then all he could say, -bye then! . He said this with a childish attitude like going for playground to play with other kids.
I am still thinking i wad mothering him, caring him and he just overlooked on my beautiful heart.
Today, after long time, i am going to see him at work, he will quit soon. What i see is, complete froud! I am not waiting my soul come back any more. My soul and happiness gonna find me somehow, somewhere. He, the avoider of a good life, stayed in his delisional mind. With a non ending arrogance.
Not feeling offended anymore, i am not caring his ideas or choices anymore. Hope this numbing feeling stays long to forget him. I dont wanna remember his cold fish eyes, saying silently “there is nobody here” anymore.
Wishing you the best, and beauty in life.
It takes time to heal. They not in loved he's trying to hurt you. It gets better just focus on healing. I promise it will get better. Stay no contact and trust God through it all. I went no contact a year and a half now. I'm more happy than I've ever been. You're be fine, I promise. God bless you 🙏
They are madly in love with supply, not the person, they have the exact same relationship with everyone. My step-daughter is starting to realize this now. Its hard to watch.
Infatuated... and the other person is falling in love with a lie. Someone that doesn't exist. Feel bad for them, truly. No one should go through this crap
This happened to me. Same story. We divorced in august. I looked on his Instagram and his in another relationship. Instantly cried. Than I prayed for her because she has no idea.
This one is played on repeat whenever I need to be grounded again. I know all of this in my logical brain but the part of me that starts getting sad here and there needs to hear this again.
Absolutely. I said I would replay too
SAME! I was like “damn I miss him…time to watch Mental Healness!!!”
Hope you are feeling strong a year later 🙏🏾
I really miss him
I get sad too
With the covert I was dealing with, it was “all my exes were such jealous women” and my intuition said “what were you doing to cause a jealous reaction in all these women?” But the fantasy image that I had overrode my instincts. Hard lesson, But I learned.
Lesson learned
Ah, yes. They like to use that one so hopefully you'll fall all over yourself trying to act like you're not jealous or bothered...like their exes. Then you find out the hard way. Best wishes to you on your path to healing and learning.
@@lisarodriguez6966 and that’s exactly what I did. Breaking that trauma bond (and my fantasy image) was rough but almost 2 years learning to love, validate and know myself is worth it. I finally have inner peace again.
Thanks Lisa.
@@pdoll96 that's wonderful! Inner peace for yourself and indifference for them is the best gift to give yourself. It's not easy but very deserved.
Also, it is a 💩test, to get some emotional reaction or explanation which they use to determine your boundaries.
when you said they were together four years and broke up yesterday I laughed out loud. 😂😂 my ex and I were together four years. he broke up with me and already had another girl lined up. everything you said is so true.
It’s sick how fast they get new supply. They’re just a never ending pit you can’t fill up
My ex always replaces with a new girl before he gets rid of the old girl completely he makes sure to monkey branch as tightly as he can. The only thing is it's kind of hard to replace your own daughter and she's walking away too she has distanced herself greatly after him being imprisoned on and off most of her life and then leaving her life when she was about 16 into another prison sentence that lasted She almost 8 years and then he comes back into her life about the time the relationship started About a year later things started getting really crazy I mean my ex would even tell me that when things get too overwhelming he will just leave he cannot stand the pressure he cannot do holidays he cannot do any kind of constricture on him he feels controlled and that's a rigid structure within him. He was definitely an abuser he was on to the new girl and left me like an empty soda can. The thing is I knew it was coming for about 3 years and during that time we had a car accident and then the pandemic hit during the pandemic I used all of my resources and now I have left the situation except me and His daughter and grandson are closer and he is in another state now pursuing His career. The craziest part is that he made it clear that He just needed a place to stay and all of the dots make it clear that hes just using her for her place he told me On many different occasions exactly how he operates which is really unsettling. Anyways towards the end he got vicious and I got a restraining order he told me not to tell his daughter bad things about him but he has been so out of control with his behaviors for the last 3 years that she is done. However I know that because she is his daughter it is very difficult for her not to oscillate between knowing the truth and malignant hope, we strengthen each other though.
@@robertataylor5794 k
That 4 year part had me howling too 😂😂 10:15
That’s because he was cheating
I know I don’t want to go back to the trauma he put me through, but the idea of him moving on with someone is so incredibly painful….
I know it can be hard BUT if you can close your eyes and for a minute imagine being stricken with a horrible deadly disease thats killing you and causing you great pain ...NOW imagine being free of that disease and passing it to someone else ...would you feel sorry for the dreaded disease OR the poor person that now has to deal with it please write down all the bad shit and read it back to yourself every morning or every time you get sentimental THE devil is a lie and so is a NARC ijs BE strong girl pain endure for a night but JOY comes in the morning
It should not pain its their fault not your own..... Its a decision they make.
They are someone else's problem now that's how you've got to look at it.
Seeing the truth helped set me free.
Narcs always have several people on their radar just in case they break up with the one they're with
“I hate being alone” or “I need someone to split my living costs”, the poor girl he’s moved on with has no idea what she’s in for!
Straight truth sounds soooo familiar🤦🏿♀️
Narcissism is a trauma response. They treat others how they were treated by close loved ones. They find it hard to be vulnerable with the fear of being hurt so they do all the hurting to feel like they have the control. In turn hurting themselves and others constantly whilst depriving themselves of the love and intimacy they’ve always craved by continuing these toxic behaviors and unwillingness to take the time to heal
Boom. Dead on
I went no contact I don't miss him at all. I was a blessing to him
You know your worth 😌 keep it moving 💯
💪🏼
It hurts to go no contact at first and then you just start to see with 20/20 vision again and see the slime they are and were and always will be
I've been struggling with my abuser moving on and this has helped - Thanks once again for your valuable content.
Praying for you 💕
I know the pain.
It takes time but you will get through it. Pray,God will see you through. Trust him
You’re welcome. Stay strong
Same for me
They always have 2-5 People on the Back Burner 🤣
Remember who you were before someone tried to break you ❤
Yes!
I want to take that backpack and beat him with it.
I'm trying to work through my anger, but as days go by and I'm processing just how bad everything was, the anger grows and grows. This is going to take a while!
Thank you, Lee, for the work you're doing. I've learned so much since I discovered you.
You’re welcome. Stay strong
Anger is not bad its natural a step to go throug since he ripped you of something very valurable. He hurt you , took away so much. Of course you are angry. Its like a grieving process. There are some steps to go through to heal to finally let go and moove on. ....wiser, with some scars but stronger,
He was not what you believed he was, but you grieve what you thought you had, you grieve the loss of the man you thought you loved and who said to love you. He did not excist, but you still feel the loss. So you go through this process we do whenever we loose some loved one. Its important though to realize and come to terms with the fact he was not the person you thought, it was not what it seemed so what you grieve is not him and he can never give it to you. You grieve what you believed you had , the person you thought you fell in love with. When this sink in you begin to heal
Lol 😆 🤣 😂
@@lottesrensen8004 so true
I was trying to get my head around this concept- it's easy to understand but hurts to accept certain events and mainly their intentions/emotions and thought process in the relationship. My reality was fictitious.
Time heals if you allow it
Same here, after no contact for over 8 yrs I thought he matured not knowing or understanding this mental illness. Thanks to this channel for the information. I accepted the offer of friendship. Whoa! He would try to ask me intrusive questions about my current relationship HOPING I WOULD ASK HIM TOO, I never did so he took it up to try and make me jealous talking about his escapades with different women lol. I kept calm and said " that God I moved on long before we broke because I discovered you were mentally underdeveloped " I'm glad I have a perfect gentleman who don't have time for immature games,,,, the face time went silence, then disconnected. Since last November no hoover anymore.
I told my ex “ Go back with your baby momma then” he said “ I already did” while making a evil face while we broke up. They will really try to hurt you anyway they can.
😩😩 stop the back and forth
The person I dated a long time ago always had some one else. And was always cheating and lieing. He could have gotten an award for the lies he would tell. Sometimes I would be wondering is he really telling the truth and my mind was going in circles trying to figure him out. Wow. Glad that nightmare is over.
Stay strong
Yup. Those are the ones with some psychopathic traits.
They really could win academy awards for the acting they do. My mind was blown when I discovered he was lying in a discussion that seemed so sincere.
I learned, though, that when there’s that strange word or whatever it is that makes you think “huh?” that’s when bs is occurring.
I actually had begun to think maybe he was on the low end of the autism spectrum because sometimes he would say or do something that just seemed out of sync but I now know that’s when he was lying or mixing some word salad in which he was revealing some of the underhanded games he was playing and getting some sadistic pleasure in my confusion because I didn’t realize what he was doing.
The ex narc has already been through 4-5 situationships since me. I'm NOT the problem. 💯✔
Same ex narc has been through three in 10 months and just moved in with the recent one lmao
The confirmation definitely hurts 💔 like no other pain in the world. I sometimes wonder if I will EVER get over this man!! Been educating myself on narcissist behavior for going on almost 6 years and even with all I know, it's still hard af to move on regardless!
I say the same thing every single day! I don’t know if I’ll ever heal! It’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced and I’ve been through a lot in my lifetime!
Girrrllll. I left 2 years ago. I see him soon in court. Testifying. I'm gonna be re traumatized 😂😂 and hes threatening me...pls😫 I just wanna let go
@@Bo00si33 that’s the worst part. You want so desperately to let go, but it’s just so hard!
@@ashleyg4299 when I moved into my place almost 6 years ago ( in April ) I would have never thought I'd be in the same damn place emotionally. He's caused me even more pain in the time I've been here than the many years we spent together. I am learning to accept that I allowed it. I allowed him in to cause this hurt. Every time I think about him which is daily , even several times a day, I try to remind myself how bad it hurts. I never want to be hurt like that again. Sad truth is I need to move away. We are just to close ( towns ) for me to feel comfortable. But we have to accept what's happened and just try to get thru one day at a time. Hell, one moment at a time. I get in my head ALOT believe me and it's not healthy, so I'm currently trying to figure out how to change this shit. I'm tired girl. I'm tired of being miserable on a daily. I'm just tired of being tired. I'm sorry you are also having to be stuck like me, believe me when I tell you, I feel your pain. Just keep swimming. I am trying dammit , that is all we can do. Bc the dark places I've been in my head aren't a good place to be and I'd wish this shit on no one! Best of luck to you and just don't give up. We are worth so much more!
@@timekeepsonslipn I agree that we allowed it, but they play the game well and they want you to become trauma bonded to them so you can never move on. I’ve beat myself up about it a lot. I see myself as an intelligent person and this whole fiasco makes me feel like a fool. I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this too. Maybe there’s some comfort in knowing that I’m not alone in this, but it sure as hell doesn’t make it hurt any less! Tired is an understatement. It’s pure exhaustion and for me it has not only affected me mentally but physically as well. You can only take so much before it manifests physically too! I can’t lie, I feel like I’m trying desperately to keep from drowning. The grief (and it is grief), is just too heavy sometimes. I don’t know what else to do to make it better. Nothing seems to help and I’ve tried it all. I think acceptance is key, but it’s hard to accept that someone could have such a deceitful heart and actually sleep at night.
He was a know it all too. Every time I said something he always contradicted me. I was never right at anything. He was a know it all
Holy moly. Mine would always say “I hate being alone” and literally if there was any inkling that I may not be able to make a catch up (if I was sick etc.) he would tell me to hurry up and decide so that he could find someone else to hang out with so that he wouldn’t be alone.
Every second of his day was spent with someone. He could never be alone. Mostly with an audience. He loved having an audience and being the centre of attention.
That’s probably why most times he caught up with me last minute late at night (I was a last option) and why he cancelled so much at the beginning - he probably was spinning many plates (or with someone else that whole time) which is what my gut told me. He “lost” his phone the first time, then the next time he gave this long story that someone took his phone to work and returned it (I didn’t believe it), then he was so inconsistent with texting I wouldn’t hear from him for like a full day…
If I didn’t text him within an hour because I was at dinner he would get mad at me. But he could go full days and nights leaving me on read.
😔
Omg wow this is familiar, option, ick
Oh my gosh! So similar to my story!
They can't stand being alone with themselves.. ruminating..
Omg mine was the exact same behaviours always in a hurry. I would leave and before the end of the day someone else. Or he would say come tomorrow am tired and always late nights.
I remember the neighbour once said to me he’s not answering while calling him to open the door and said it with a smirk . I was so lost but God has brought me to my senses. Glad I have left him to the streets.
While with narc I didn't know. Post narc I have learned so much about NPD and fitting it all together has been mind blowing! 8 months strong, still healing. Once the initial blow of betrayal wore off it has been a blessing. I am no longer a believer of words, to say the least. I see people much more clearly now. Thanks for the insight. Crazy how it all makes sense now, our entire relationship. I see every move and I fell for it. Then!!!
I’m right there with you. Almost 2 years healing for me and I’m in a better place than I was prior.
Words and actions must line up and promises must be kept among other things.
Thank you Lee. Your videos are healing my broken heart and giving me hope to continue the journey of self love and healing. I believe one day this pain will fade away.
It will
We in the same boat. We got this 🙏🏼
You're absolutely right we have to heal before moving on! Just want to point out that time doesn't heal. I was single for 3 years, thinking that just being single was the key. I didn't work on personal growth, and I didn't have a good look at why I kept falling into the same patterns.... then I went and married a narc. Now I'm taking time to dissect my brain before I even look at anyone else.
It has taken me 5 months to get it through my head that my narc was not who his mask was… it’s unbelievable how he changed once he wanted to leave. Night and day.
Same for all of us! It is pathetic!
That is exactly what I’m doing. I feel like I’m going crazy wondering why I wasn’t good enough. I can’t get the thoughts and visions out of my mind of him with the new supply. It’s awful! The logical side of me knows it will likely be the same with the new supply, but right now it seems like she’s getting everything I never got! It’s a real mindf*ck! I did feel like I was competing with the ex, because he created that narrative, and then he would ask why I was so obsessed with her! It was insane!
Trick of the Devil...You were enough trust me...Let her find out on her owns...And she will...Trust me....So sit back and enjoy the show...You got this gurl!
@@baldwincynthia8455 thanks for the words of encouragement! I think it just makes it that much more hurtful when I know I gave him everything and then some and it meant nothing. I think I just struggle trying to wrap my head around the fact that people can really be this way! I try to remind myself that although he may look happy on the outside, on the inside it has to be a living hell!
Can’t watch it. He has patterns
"more hurtful when I know I gave him everything and then some and it meant nothing" yes, this is EXACTLY what I've been experiencing! She treated me with contempt, was mean as hell at the end, and now i realize this was to get me to finally give up all hope on us (she was in a new relationship already but couldn't say this because it wouldn't look good to our family, friends etc as we have 2 kids).
Yes it hurts, we tried so damn hard, giving them the benefit of the doubt and staying optimistic. Been a tough pill to realize thats not healthy! Yes, we should be our loving kind selves but overlooking bad treatment isn't healthy. People in our boat need reflection on who deserves benefit of the doubt, and in what situations. Other wise, we WILL get taken advantage of again as our loving nature is too easy to breach.
Your comment "that people can really be this way" hit me hard as well. Yes, this is what I'm coming to terms with. Never dealt with this before, or seen it from this viewpoint but I know I've experienced it and was just not wise enough. Now the challenge is putting up boundaries, learning to spot these "red flags" (and thank you to Mental Healness for highlighting moving too fast means less opportunities to discover red flags) Discovering red flags should be a big part of the beginning of relationship -- yes its to have fun together but also discover the depth of how dark things could potentially get in the future and how they will treat you when things are "normal" or when life gets tough.
It sounds like you had viewed people as mostly good and humanity as mostly good intentions, so these revelations hav been spirit crushing to realize no, that is not the case. But have faith, there are many people like you and I out there, and though sparks may not fly between us as we would in the yin yang narc partner, now we are evolved enough to see those sparks are not a fire that can be sustained. They are pine needles and will blow out in the first few minutes of the relationship. Yes is sucks to find out we have been duped, but as we heal, its wonderful to know that our empathy and energy will be able to be used with the right partner they will cherish us back and give the same.
We do need time to heal as he says in the video. One idea that has helped me get over the "new partner is getting the better version while I got shit on" feeling, is to know yes the start of our flame was bright too....there is only one gear she has and their relationship will eventually move into that speed when she feels comfortable enough the hooks are in deep enough. They are not getting a new improved partner! Our new partner, on the other hand, will be getting the new improved version (if we took time to have introspection and heal). We do not carry the trauma bookbag.
In short, the way to let go of our trauma (cptsd or trauma bond or whatever you want to call it) is to stop reliving the past, what we could've done better, why they treated us so poorly, etc. This was not a normal relationship! Motivation to move forward is knowing in our heart that we are indeed lovable, kind, caring and that someone will cherish our love that we have to give. Put this knowledge on the backburner while we heal (though daily affirmations help to let go and cut the trauma bond) and just enjoy simple small details like cooking great meals, reading, listening to music, playing sports, getting outdoors, renewing friendships, laughing, and other hobbies we may have neglected. Remember our passion and zest for life!
Us doing well is the truest and healthiest way forward. Us doing well is the only answer. When we start feeling sad about the ex and see them "happy", switch gears to focus back on us doing well. Us doing well is what prepares us for our next phase in life and new relationship. As a bonus, us doing well is also our ex narcissists kryptonite. For me, I will always feel some love for her. Deep down I know there is a child who deserves that. There is no joy in seeing her hurt (even though karma would say she is deserving), I do hope shes eventually able to get therapy, find some form of healing from her childhood traumas, and that psychology itself does not give up on finding new ways to help narcissistc heal (ego, id, and their sadistic superego which they do not deserve).
But there is joy in knowing that as I heal, the world understands I am living my best life and doing well. There is joy in knowing that, as she becomes a stranger who I no longer rely on or reserve any energy for (though will need to interact with logistically), she understands deep down that I am doing well and living my best life (without her).
It is unnecessary to highlight that her time with me was one of the best relationships she'll ever know, and now it's over and she'll repeat the same patterns and be searching for my replacement of someone with high love energy, stability, and tremendous capacity for love. This will all go unspoken, but it will be there clear as day. We were together 16 years, she understands my traits on a deep level, and knows on a spirit level that I was the best "supply" shell ever get. I am irreplacable. You are irreplaceable.
The irony is, as we move forward in our new life and eventually find a fully loving partner, those old narcs are very replaceable. They know it and its what all the games and crazy was all about (trying to get us not to realize we are so much better off without them). We are capable of full spectrum of feelings, full spectrum of giving and receiving love, and our relationships no longer need the undercurrent of daily superficial hassles like "refilling supply". We can just be. Ourselves. That is enough.
These revelations have helped me tremendously in the past few months. They have helped me reset anytime I start getting into backward thinking. There is no changing the past, only learning what will help us in the future. That is US DOING WELL! We were capabale of that (its likely what attracted them to us in first place) before the narcissist slowly leached our energy, but we can and do need to rebuild. We are totally capable of doing this, we just need to include this new information that we've learned.
I am nearing the end of my own therapy. Yes, its been painful to understand my life and this relationship has been a complete fiction, that I was at fault for having blinders on, and now I understand I can no longer do that. The world is different than what I thought. But, when we find the right person, we will be able to have that safety where we can give benefit of the doubt, cherish and be cherished. It all comes down to our ability to detect and see reality for what it is however. I wish you the best and I know we can do this. And thank you again for the vulnerable to make these videos, you have been life-changing. Hopefully, you will also encourage other narcissistic people that they too can live a fuller existence.
@@baldwincynthia8455 for real
He almost immediately began reaching out to women. I shouldn't be surprised because the entire relationship he entertained a plethora of other "options". His ego was soooo incredibly fragile it's as if he just constantly needed validation....the same validation I so desperately needed at the end of the relationship after years and years of being gaslit.
I'm not kidding, he would literally thrive on the attention of women. Looking back I realize how pitiful it actually was. It used to be one of the major things he did that damaged my own self esteem and at the time it hurt. Bad. But it really is pathetic how a person must rely on that constant reinforcement and doesn't possess much of an ability to self soothe. It's honestly sad.
Just as I did before I entered the relationship, I'll be healing my heart and empowering my soul. While he's out there desperately seeking that female attention from anyone and everyone to fill the massive void, I'll be working on myself, looking forward to becoming the best version of me I can be and when I finally reach that goal, I'll give this loyalty......this attention, this comfort and care, to a worthy partner who will love me as much as I love them.
Me: "So you used me."
Her: "It was not my intention to use you."
Some of the last things that were said. 🙄
Wow
sounds about right
Always a twist on words, used with sincerity so they can suck you dry before they’ve gotten what they wanted and leave
Narcissist really rush everything and if you're not regulated you'll end up dying. I will have to say that your platform has really helped me heal within this last year and healing from my narcissistic mother/brother and I have to tell you that even though you may be "like them" I don't feel any pain or that I think you deserve horrible things. It's like you said you're a human being and there are reasons why people become Narcs and I listened to your story and also my mothers and others and I thank you for your honesty and love to save lives and redirect our time to things and folks who love us. I wish you so much more progress in your healing and I want to to know I'm proud of you for getting help and wanting to end these cycles.
😩😩
Don’t stop saying “you know what I mean”… that’s your trademark !!! I was just thinking that earlier. & thank you for this video.
Thank you 🙏🏽
yep. love the way he says it!
"Comfort zone will kill you" is a reminder. The ex and I were off and on for 7+ years. We broke up because they'd ruin almost every holiday and had severe, severe anger issues. They turned my family members against me. They traumatized me on the 3rd date, then asked for more chances. Bible verse about "make NO friendship with an angry person, lest it become a trap for YOU" proverb is STILL where I can see it. It reminded me of them. I kept praying for them to change. They said they would/did. They did NOT change. They only tried to hide their true character. Then, each time they hurt me, it got WORSE. I then prayed for God's will. That's when the FINAL BLOW/ breakup happened. I had enough. I had enough of them only being the ones who could express THEIR anger, while I had to "stuff" mine, because they never once ever tried to deescalate a situation. They never held in their anger, but I always did. I finally snapped. I truly stood up for myself and their anger was FIERCE, even worse than usual. Look guys, a person who's not in habit of controlling their emotions (like anger) WILL NOT suddenly start when things get bad. Instead, they fall back on old habits. If they blow up over little things, they'll CERTAINLY blow up over large ones. And then, suddenly you find them with an undressed significant other when you thought you were still working through things. That's how they deal. Do not blame yourself! But, DO NOT BE AFRAID TO MOVE ON, BE ALONE, OR WHATEVER IT TAKES TO STOP ALLOWING A PERSON (WHO'S IN HABIT OF DOING THINGS THAT HURT YOU OR THE CHILDREN) TO BE IN A POSITION OR LOCATION TO KEEP HURTING YOU! THIS IS THE FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE!! DON'T THINK IT'S NOT! My friends all saw the signs, years of red flags, but the relief from the make-ups after the person's blow-ups is what kept me there so long. I can't to believe I couldn't survive without the person's (whatever kind of) "support". THAT'S WHERE THEY GET YOU! God showed me after that 3rd date in a dream that the person would KILL ME IF I LET THEM KEEP COMING CLOSER!! I told myself it must've meant something else, because I didn't see how they could be so mean. WELL, THEY WERE!! WHEN YOU TELL A PERSON TO STOP HURTING YOU AND THEY DON'T, FOR 👏 ANY 👏 REASON, OR REFUSE TO SEEK HELP FOR THEIR ISSUES REPEATEDLY, OR **ESPECIALLY** BLAME **YOU** - RUNNNNN LIKE YOU OR YOUR KIDS' LIVES DEPENDS ON IT! Their NARCISSISM KILLS you SLOWLY, NOT FAST! THAT'S WHY YOU DON'T SEE IT UNTIL IT'S OFTEN TOO LATE! It's designed to make you doubt the idea of running! RUN, NOW! Ask God to help YOU, and be willing to follow God's prompting. Their narcissism attacks you way more like a cancer than a volcano! It's easy to run from a volcano with no regrets, doubts, or looking back. Not the same with something close to you or even inside you!! You often don't want to run from something that feels good most of the time! But DON'T GAMBLE WITH YOUR HEART, SANITY, OR LIFE! I BARELY GOT OUT ALIVE AND I 100% MEAN THAT!
Alllll facts! Wow!
Absolutely powerful and true your comment. I am a survivor myself. You are so correct. God saved me and granted me salvation to escape. They are evil and destructive. In hindsight it was always there just subtle and not as bad until the mask started to drop when his agenda no longer served. I was warned in a dream too about him. In very beginning.Foolish me 2 dreams and I had rose colored glasses on. I was actually being warned. These Narcs are filled with all the evils. Especially anger. Deceit,greed,pride,lust,jealousy ect. They refused to change or be held accountable. Blame everyone else but themselves. So comforting to read your comment.Thank you.
The thing about most narcissist too is a lot of them are actually really funny and likeable at the beginning also and reel you in. They can be the most charming and magnetic people too. I have to keep reminding myself of this when I watch your videos cause you are one too but you are so funny xD
Damn, Lee. You saying he was waiting those two weeks to see if she’d take him back is exactly what my future ex husband is doing. He’s holding on til the last day to discard me even though I discarded him. 😂 but I ain’t stupid or delusional because I recorded our very last conversations and since I know the tactics he uses, I can see past the bullshit and watch him tell on himself. It’s wonderful to see how he thinks he’s outsmarting me like he used to all while I still proceed with my divorce! To him that’s very definite. I can tell that’s hurting the little boy he is, inside. Oh well.. his “feelings” ain’t my problem no more 🤷🏻♀️ they were for 8 years though! 😂 that F@cker! 😂
Stay empowered
😁💯👍👍✅
I'm in the same boat, and you go girl!...happy for you sis
To understand makes hell of a difference to me. It gives me so much more peace in mind. It helps me heal
Especially hearing it from a narcissist it makes you understand it’s not you!!!!!!
I just got out of a toxic relationship with a narcissist.
Bless u… be greet stand strong
This may sounds insensitive and I don’t mean it to be. I recently found out my abusive, narcissistic ex just got engaged after dating his new bf for 4 months. After learning about narcism from your channel and others I was not surprised he moved on so quickly, I did laugh a little (you guys called it exactly how it’s unfolding) . I know my worth and believe with every fiber of my being that it wasn’t me…yes I wasn’t perfect but nobody deserves to be abused. I’m dating myself and loving every minute of it. You can heal and live your best life! :-)
They definitely are a bad roller coaster of emotions. The guy I dated was never happy - Glad it's over! He said his ex-wife cheated but he was telling stories about girls he liked and they overlapped with the time range they were together. Narcs are so dumb, just pay attention!
Yesss my ex is the same way!! We were working towards getting back together at one point, but he was talking about other women and the dates were way off. Then he ended it with me when I called him out saying it’s a no win situation with me and I’ll never be happy because I hold onto the past. 🤣🤣🤣🤦♀️ That worked for me for years, but not anymore. I see exactly what and who I’m dealing with. No more.
Thank you so much. You have really helped me to finally block my bf on all socials and cut off contact. After being love bombed for 3 weeks. Was friends with a lot of exes. A little if him went a long way. He just went cold and distance. Stopped all affection. He even said he felt empty. That just made me realize something is not right. 3 months later finally realized he could be a narcissist.
Your self awareness and total honesty is beautiful. Another wonderful vidoe Lee. Thankyou so much. God bless you ❤️
God bless you as well
@Mental Healness thankyou 🙂
Good! You should be happy these disordered people move on and don't come back. They can go use and abuse elsewhere.
Yup! He moved on while still laying in my bed! 😂... Than after stalking my social media he says: "Other people tell me you make it sound like we're still together"....Sorry I didn't realize that we never were! Every time they do you wrong they move on so they don't have to deal with themselves! You're never really broken up but you're never together! They will never be there when you need them...but they will expect you to wait for them!
protect yourself
@@MentalHealness Thank you... I will!
#Facts
Okay, this is insane! You sound just like me and my ex situation, but enough was enough! I filed for divorce 2 weeks ago😁. Losing me will be his Karma!
I never knew evil existed like that, but I thank God that he rescued me from that incredible torture and pain!
Yes I missed it been married 5 years and now I see. He blamed his ex for everything
I love this video 💜
Ten years together, living together went out separate ways four months ago....he is now married and just bought a house with her. Harsh reality but I'm free now...thank goodness.
bro i have been on dozens of these channels you are SO resourceful. literally like chills down my spine man, your a goat. thank you for these videos.
When somebody shows you who they are, BELIEVE THEM the FIRST TIME
U have deep inner STRENGTH to keep going.
No strong arming any person. No one deserves to be taken advantage of harshly. Stop hurting others, just because you feel miserable. Take time out to work on your personal injuries. Get healed. Let go of your PAST, YOUR LOSSES. SLOW DOWN. BE PATIENT. SELF CONTROL.
DARK BAD THINGS FRIGHTENING.
Stay empowered
All my exes were crazy is exactly what my narc said!!! Word for word!! I just never thought I would be the next one. So damaging
I liked the bookbag analogy and find your perspectives informative...however many are wondering why you are doing this podcast.
I know you are getting supply from the praise and adoration from commenters.
Win win 😉
Yeah he may get some supply from praise but you can see he does genuinely want to help people win
After going no contact for a long time he texted me from a different number and asked to talk. I felt cocky, felt I was in a good place. Met him for dinner. He’s in love and getting married after 2mths. She’s so kind and sweet. It broke me. I cried for 16 hours and feel like crap all over again.
He did you a HUGE FAVOR! Too bad you couldn't warn the next victim. You got out of a long lasting journey of pain dealing with these 😈 demons. Consider yourself blessed. You are beautiful and don't deserve the treatment narcs dish out!
He did that on purpose
This describes my ex-husband to the tee. I'm so thankful for my FREEDOM and a STRESS-FREE LIFE!!!!
Nothing more valuable. No man is worth more than your peace of mind.
I watch everything this guy says with a mind of study, respect and sincerity, but once he starts talking about the clip clappity clappin the clapiest of cheeks, I always start laughing 😂😄🤣
Great video and right on time as usual! My ex Narc just reached out again and I came right to your channel to be reminded to stay strong because it ain’t nothing but a game!
Side Note: You saying “you know what I mean?” makes your videos more personable and conversational, rather than a boring lecture. I know I’m not the only one who answers when listening to you like “Facts!!!!! That’s exactlyyyy what he did!!” 😂😂 I’m from NY so I say “you feel me!?!” a lottttt when I get passionate about a topic 😂😅, so I understand!
Keep up the great work!
"You know wh'I mean" is a hallmark phrase. Don't lose it.
Thanks for your videos, very helpful. Appreciated
I appreciate it
Your content is always so good. It’s so different from an NPD perspective. Mine was more subtle but did the same things. It’s just taken a lot to untangle because he didn’t say things outright, it was very subtle.
I know exactly what you mean. If mine had been more direct and outright, it wouldn’t have gone on as long as it did. Even though he was lying and sneaking, it was still very important for everyone, including me, to think he was a great guy.
I am so thankful for you! I wish I would of found you a long time ago. I hope your channel grows even bigger. And I wish you all the happiness and success in the world. You are truly a angel. 😇
Thank you so much. Stay strong
@@MentalHealness Growing stronger every day, you have helped me a lot. 🙂
We had been together for 9 years, on and off. The last time I saw him was in August this year, he walked out on me in May 2021, he came back this year and wanted to be friends. I told him we could not be friends and I will never forgive him for walking away the way he did. It is now October and I have found out he is engaged to be married and is going to move to another city to live. Two and a half months since I last saw him because he wanted to be 'friends', it hurts, not because it's not me but the quickness with which he has moved on is hurtful. However, this is exactly the same pattern he tried with me, I took the engagement ring he brought me when I left. I am so glad I Iistened to my intuition the last time I saw him, I have a feeling she was receiving a silent treatment and he needed me to be in his life as part of the 'harem' so he would have somewhere to go.
I wish I saw this 2 years ago. In that time, his ex had a better body, his other ex meant more, a third ex was the best girlfriend he ever had, and the college ex he had sex with multiple times per day
I can't even calculate all the ways the exes were better than me. Beyond crazy doesn't say enough.
The being compared to the ex in every possible way.. is excruciatingly painful. It creates such a horrible insecurity inside of you that you just can’t shake. I’ve been going through it for 5 years now, no matter how Amazing I treat him. I brought him a birthday cake made from scratch with the candles lit and singing happy birthday, a dozen gifts, had a fun dinner reservation planned, maybe 10 minutes after he opened his gifts, he proceeded to tell me at his age when he pictures getting married, it’s to her(his ex) that everyone wants him with her. Then tells me every mean comment in the world. Things I’d never even imagine thinking or saying to someone. It’s a struggle. Just have to take it every situation at a time and realize, what thing he is comparing you to, is really what he’s lacking, and you actually have! They just can’t let you know, that you’re really all the great things. Because then you’ll be above them in their eyes. And that can’t happen. Keep your head up.
Wow
I went through my Dark Night of The Soul through this,at first felt totally duped,that life would end and everyone was fake with motives.He had a backup,grass is greener sidepiece already when I finally got him out last summer..Ive spent months scrambling to get my finances back in order and unscrambling my brain.I came back to the coaches of You Tube and listened some more . Im alone now half a year later,still.And very selective now.The narc did me a favor..he prepared me for a True King when the time is right and gave me clues on how to decipher the Posers ,the Frauds..And just today..I was enjoying my freedom..the quietness,the stillness of my mind as I putter around my empty home.Content..im actually ..well.. CONTENT ❤️ ( with several suitors to pick from 😜😂) I'm doing me..and they have standards to meet in the meantime👑
I say" you know what I mean" alot too.. it's for validation and to relate . I have thought too that I need to stop then say F I why stop. Your relatable.. it's a good thing
🙏🏽🙏🏽 appreciate it
Mine made me homeless which caused a nervous break. I was to busy going to therapy while trying to find a place to live. Infidelity was never something I was concerned about. I still don’t understand since he discarded me in such a way, why he keeps attempting contact. It would be awesome if he forgot about me lol
Dang I needed this video this is soooo true!!!!!!👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 I went in head over hills but deep down inside my gut never settled with him but I ignored it and went in head first. He was the “all my ex’s is crazy” type of dude coming to find out he never held himself accountable for anything!!!!! THE BIGGEST LESSON I LEARNED IN THAT RELATIONSHIP IS LISTEN VERY WELL AND TAKE MY TIME😮💨 sorry for the all caps I’m just so overwhelmed, emotional and disappointed.
My cousin isn’t going too fast with her narcissist husband but she ruminates about everything he says and does. Literally he moved out with another women and is STILL convincing her he isn’t doing anything ! It’s literally crazy how much he has a spell on her . Your videos have helped me be able to respond to her but she refused to believe he’s a narcissist because she doesn’t want to believe
"She's going to traumatize him even more too!💯
Oooh wee, this guy I was dating said “he healed during the break down of his marriage after the wife filed for divorce”, hmmm. I never felt settled with him, I knew something was off.
😯
3 month ago I commented on this video when I felt myself getting slightky stronger. Lee's accurate explanations gave me relief from how down I had been, wondering why I was never good enough for my ex.
Here I am once again because I very foolishly allowed him back into my life when he inserted himself in mine. I stupidly, stupidly, stupidly thought he missed me. I thought he was getting help and waking up and that intense hope I had always held flooded in, drowning my rationality and I was right back to falling head over heels again.
Unfortunately it was all a lie. It was simply more manipulation. The woman he is desperately trying to date told me she knew she would never date him again when he essentially told him the breakdown of the relationship was soley my fault. She told me he painted me as a jealous crazy person. Thank God she was smart enough to see through that fable. What's ironic is that she, too, was in a long-term relationship with a narcissist and identified with what I had suffered through. She noticed from the very few interactions they had that he was judgmental and controlling....her words.
Apparently he began buying her expensive gifts right away and contacting her incessantly. He even sent a text that said he missed her which she was uncomfortable with and deemed a red flag.
He's in a state of delusion, desperate to find new supply who can bring him that distraction and comfort he's craving. As you said, he can not be alone. He's incapable.
What's so sad to me is that fact that more than likely he will never even reach the point where he even realizes that he's essentially pushed the only people who truly, genuinely loved him, away.
Although in a consistent state of fallacy and knowing that he mentally abused me with his gaslighting and manipulation for years and years, I do still love him. I love that side of him that was vulnerable. Well, if it ever truly even existed. Long back I believe I was simply a tool in his life, a placeholder. I believe he does not know what love is. I already know he does not know how to love a ood woman, he just wants anyone who will fill that deep void he has always had. I feel very used.
Sadly, stupidly, I still love him.
However, he will never again be allowed the chance to hurt me because after finally having another person there to see the manipulation and gaslighting unfold in front of their eyes as well, he wasn't able to get away with calling me crazy or jealous and blaming me. I had a witness this time and knowing that the woman he was pining for saw the very same things I was seeing, gave me renewed strength to stand up to him and call him out. Not only did he lie to me, he lied to her and FINALLYhe couldn't weasel his way out of accountability.
Thank God for strong, decent women with the ability to recognize bullshit when it comes knocking.
I really am grateful for her honesty, she helped me steer clear from an all too familiar path to nowhere.
😂😂He said "I hate people that can't be alone!"
HE WAS NEVER ALONE!!😒
They move on all the while they with you..
Insatiable Demons..
Absolutely 💯
They do and they enjoy using people.. they’re addicted to people.x
The healing series is important, thanks. My nar likes to call every two weeks after I broke up with him; so had to block a 50yr old 😒..
Sounds about right
I'm 37m my narc was 48f....she acted like a little girl
Thank you so much
This helps, more than you know
It's a learning process that comes after the damage has been done, sadly - but hopefully it's not too late for some
When you see the red flags ... pay attention!
Bookbag of trauma.....sooo true
🎯
the book bag reference was hilarious, torn zipper broken strap, literally
He had been in a few relationships and moved on with at least one of them by the time he discarded me. I received my divorce papers and was finally able to put THE END on that part of my life. Pretty sure he'll be married again soon. No longer my circus. No longer my monkeys. :-)
🏃🏽♀️
Not all codependents are narcs but all narcs are codependents!
This is exactly what I needed! Thank you!!!! 🙌🏽
Before my divorce was finalized, my Ex Husband of 14 years "started" dating one of his "clients" that I always had suspected. During that time he also moved on to plenty of others. By the time our divorce was finalized 1-5 months later, he got 1-2 women pregnant. They had their children 2-5 weeks apart 😊
Then 9 months later he got the one that just had a boy pregnant again & a new one pregnant 🥳
So in other words he has 2 sets of ghetto twins 💃🏽💃🏽💃🏽💃🏽
Now aged 2 & 3 years old.
He always said that "I held him back"😂😭
It damn near destroyed me at how fast he did this but now I'm great 😂👍 He always tries to come back. He ever tried to triangulate me with Baby Mom that has 2 children by flirting. He even tried to rub my hand in front of her, I giggled & slapped his hand & told him "Be good"😑🙄😒
Wow
@@MentalHealness Yup, my name & face are even tatted on him.
I am glad that they all live across the country.
Over the last year or so he even tried to offer me a new baby, since our youngest is 13 years old😒🤦🏽♀️🙄🙆🏽♀️🤣 .....
📵🏃🏽♀️ 💨💨 💨 💨 💨 💨
Gross
After the control and mistrust I endured from my narcissistic ex, and how drained and voiceless I feel, we broke up because he wanted to put another restriction on me and I told him I wasn't going to accept it (going to the gym or not). I was too tired of how many things he made me give up on. He micromanaged everything. I left. He moved on a new girl in two days and in a month called her "his girlfriend" and told me he loved her. Literally a week before he was telling me he loved me and wanted to restore our relationship (even if he was dating the new girl). I had to bail. It was too damaging.
Well if ever there was a wonder, it has been confirmed.
🎯
I was married over 15yrs,he moved on very quickly as well ,that one didn't last now he is in another one .I worked on me .
This is literally my ex. We started seeing few months after he moved out from his wife, and when I brought up that it's bit early,he said that for last year they not even sleeping in the same bed anymore. During our relationship he by mistake slip up that actually he was "trying to fix things with her" and already talking to me. He discarded her when he had me secured.... When he left me,two weeks after our baby was born, after really bad pregnancy,two miscarriages, with depression (now I know that timing was not accident). Week later he already have been working on new victim. I have let him hoover me back and when we were "trying to work things out" in the same time he has been seeing someone else,he was planning to discard me, but she finished things first. He's literally going from girl to girl telling them all that I am crazy, and funny but he used to say that about his wife too when we started dating...
Literally you break up and boom, they’re onto the next one. Textbook
@@kkeiter exactly
I most definitely agree about slowing down 😊
And take a slow motion "Snoopy dance" while watching for the red flags
OMG! 😂 I laughed so hard at "slow motion Snoopy dance"! Got the visual in my head now of all the Peanuts gang dancing around the piano! Thanks... I needed that today! 😉👍
Sure, SLOW DOWN. Don't go into a relationship with someone who has been with someone else till short time ago, if not want to get in trouble...☝️
🎯
I got over the first one praying the second one i can overcome...during my pregnancy he wasnt good to me at all. Always about him..no matter how hard i worked no matter how tired i was it was always about what he needed. When she was born i was completely shut out the kids and i were numbed out.. threatened me with violence over asking for help with our daughter at night when i had to work and he was off the next day. I had to pay a sitter to work do he could sit on his butt at home and do nothing all while his kids were there with a sitter...emotionally abused verbally abused violence breaking anything he could over a small upset such as me dropping a cup and it making noise...kids and i left. He still keeps my ass hooked uses my empathy against me and the kids to keep me hooked.....
Bro, I want you on my podcast. I just started watching your videos and it’s crazy how everything you say is literally me! 😩😩😩
I was dealing with one for a very long time I'm just now letting go moving on in my life when I first left him the first time he moved on so fast and turned around and said he can't live without me I was a fool I took him back but God reveal him to me told me what I was dealing with now I am running for my life I cannot get rid of him they are liars they are cheaters manipulators gaslighters can't be trusted I feel free I feel like I got oxygen now I am running for my life
I keep telling people the new supply, it always looks like they happy at first, but, whatever the EX did to you, the new supply is gonna get the FULL FIRE TREATMENT AS THEY GOT IT. You are 100 percent correct, they start off to a smooth drive, then the ruff rider kicks in, LMAO 🤣
Thank you soooooo much for giving me clarity Lee!
you’re welcome
I've been watching your videos for a while now, but this one is the best by far. All the info is spot on!
He was very very convincing sometimes. Then people would tell on him too.
😌
They were probably already cheating with the new person.
Exactly What happen with my marriage . A new soul mate before the divorce papers hit the court house. Bless her soul 🙏
Brother, the codependent empath love starved victim will also do the same with the narcissist.
The Narcissist will coax that information of our previous n horrible ex out of us, so we speak about our trials and tribulations about our former partner w the next narc.
This way the narcissist gets to know our vulnerabilities and weak spots n what destroyed us previously so they can be smarter or more cunning.
I would have never spoken about my ex with the new guy I ended up marrying. But he pretended he was so patient, and wanting nothing but to be a good supportive friend.
3 months later we were madly in love,
I sold my own home, moved away, and married him.
Only for 20 years of bizarre mind games. His family tribal gaslighting..
Him using those stories of my ex n my vulnerabilities against me.
I nearly died surviving 3 NDEs bc my value was nothing more than money, a 4 br home, n a couple of badass cars n trucks.
I was love starved and desperate getting into a fast relationship ouuta a previous bad one being coaxed to tell him my woes if my ex.
I lost everything bro.
But....
I'm now almost four full years narc free, and finally out on the dating scene again.
Happy healthy.
Staying in recovery w my team of help.
Thanks for all your help along the way brother.
You're a badass.
THIS IS SO DAMN TRUE✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨
💯
We love, “You know what I mean, clapping cheeks, a bobitty bleep, bleep, bleep!!” Don’t change☺️
I don’t care what you do with yo new boo just make sure my alimony is paid on time
😱
I think narcissists move on quickly because they were cheating in the first place?
Makes sense. I sent you an email about my situation. Still waiting on your response, but I plan on having an one on one with you soon. Thanks for this info you’re helping me with my anxiety and anger that I have from my previous relationship.🙏
I’m not sure if this helps but he had one and one sessions and maybe you can set up time with him. I hope that y’all can connect soon
I am very hurt. I felt like he had new supply before we broke up. 4 years of loving someone really hurts