But what kind of cinema is he going to? The places I visit tend to be pretty clean. There isn't any crap beneath the seats. Then again, I don't tend to go to the type of cinemas that play 'Keith Lemon - The Movie'...
It reminds me of a quote in Empire Magazine about Parting Shots: there are British films that cannot find a distributor, young British directors and writers battling to get projects made - meanwhile, a restaurant critic who made Death Wish 25 years ago is allowed to foist a bloodless, unfunny comedy on the world. Except replace Winner with Lemon.
I agree. He is one of the best ever. Love his secrets of cinema, podcasts and books too. However I do disagree on his opinions on Eyes Wide Shut being Kubrick's worst. I also think that he gave Green Street too much hate. I think that movie is great. Also Pain and Gain is apparently worse than this. Bruh I found Pain & Gain enjoyable (not good but ok) however it got ranked the 2nd worst movie of the 2010's OVER THIS FILTH WTF!
@@velox5598 I love Eyes Wide Shut. Kermode is right about 9 times out of 10, and I love listening to/reading his reviews, but I wouldn't say I agree with him 100% of the time (for instance, I didn't like it when he said he could tell Michael Keaton 'wasn't a good Batman' because of his chin).
This is the only time I’ve ever heard Mark being genuinely upset- not merely irritated, not just angry- but truly saddened and dare I say hurt at having to watch a film. Fucking excellent content. The pause when the clip ends is my new favourite piece of aural media
The Entourage review. Never heard anyone as utterly depressed by a film (rightly so, by the way; everything about Entourage is vomit inducing) than in that review
I love the fact that this evoked such a strong reaction in Mark that he almost started an argument with Simon, and this is such an amiable relationship usually. Brilliant.
*Plot twist:* I made my original comment over 3 years ago (because I thought it would be funny) and I've only just now turned 40. *Double-plot twist:* I lied, I actually turn 80 this year... ...If Bill Gates doesn't get to me first!
The one part of this review which stood out to me is the great tradition of British comedy shows making awful movies. I had no idea how accurate this was until I saw the movies Mark listed off.
People slag off Carry On films, but the early ones especially were charming and genuinely funny. Carry On Up The Khyber is one of the best British farces ever, never mind the franchise. They did become a lot more smuttier in the 70’s, but they were never as filthy or vile as Keith Lemon.
This is what Kermode said during the review of A Serbian Film: "If you're going to be a film critic, you have to see *everything*. That is the job. If you're not doing it, you're just playing"
Looking at the screenshot of young Mark Kermode I'm like "ohhh I really wouldn't like that dude if I met him..." but in the last couple decades he's turned into a bloke who looks and sounds like someone I would really get along with. Funny how age changes our features and our smiles.
That first email, from A. Stanbury, was a great example of a professional trying to write criticism in as fair and constructive a way as they can, even if what they're reviewing is crap. Takes me back to reading my teacher's comments at school.
As it happens, I did see about ten minutes of the Keith Lemon film on TV once. Honestly, the only way it could have been less pleasant was if the TV occasionally squirted sulphuric acid in my eyes.
FilmMakerMovies Harry Enfield and Kathy Burke are great comedy talents, in a different universe to Keith Lemon. But the Kevin and Perry film wasn’t their finest hour.
An awful film, I laughed once, when he referred to a premature ejaculation as having 'blabbed up'. The ironic thing is Keith Lemon is fully ensconced in the vapid world of light entertainment celebrity gladhanding that was sent up so successfully in Bo Selecta (before it ran out of steam), a sad example of parody becoming pastiche, from a man with nothing left to say.
I watched this just to see how bad it was. I did manage to get through it all with a few breaks in between. I didn't laugh once, thoughI did smile at a couple moments (both of which came from people other than Keith Lemon). I groaned multiple times. It's just cheap, lazy entertainment.
I recently saw a few seconds of Keith Lemon’s show while scrolling through the channels, and it was funny for completely the wrong reason. One of the guests was singing “jing my balls” instead of “jingle bells” - as you’d expect, not funny in the slightest. But he wore the startled expression of a man who could see his career vanishing down the cludgie at breakneck speed right before his very eyes, with absolutely nothing he could do about it.
I used to think there was something wrong with me because I didn't like Bo Selecta or Keith Lemon, loads of people I know said they like it. I used to pretend and say 'oh right yeah I suppose its quite good', lying through my teeth the whole time, now I finally hear a review of someone this guy has done and it turns out perhaps my gut reaction was a sensible one.
I never have understood what was funny about anything Leigh Frances ever did. He seems to have got on for some reason playing these vile charaters that are basically all sex mad and perverted and say and do rude shit over and over. Avid Merrion, The Bear Charater, Bo Selecta & now Keith Lemon. I wouldn't care if he'd had his few minutes of fame, but no, He's been picked up by Itv2 and even moved on to itv1 prime time & starred in ads. He's been to USA with his own show and then had this movie that was a MAJOR FLOP showing him up for the purile unfunny tired piss poor piece of refried shitcake he is. Yet he still resides on our tv screens pumping out his unfunny crude and tired Keith Lemon character with minor celebs sticking to him like flies around a turd. I can imagine Lemon being funny to 10 or 11 year old boys who think swearing and sexually explicit stuff is edgy in that way you do in the early double didgits, but most grow out of it by 13 or 14. But anyway he is done now and has overstayed his welcome can he please leave now & hang up the Lemon coat & either move on or do something that is actually funny and not just dick & boobs, jokes.
@@nifralo2752 I'm not the biggest fan of Family Guy, Adam Sandler or South Park, but you can't honestly compare any of those to the cesspool that is Leigh Francis. Among the crudity and offensive stereotypes, Family Guy and South Park in particular occasionally make some astute cultural and political observations. And Adam Sandler has in fact made a few good films (even a few good comedies, like The Wedding Singer). But Leigh Francis is just vile.
I kind of like Ali G The Movie (it helps if you grew-up around Staines and know the references), and The League of Gentleman movie was okay (if not a patch on the TV series), but Kevin and Perry Go Large is absolutely vile. I couldn't sit through the second half.
I haven't seen this film. I do say though that I love fart gags and knob humour of Francis in his many guises. I also like more cerebral comedy. I hope the film isn't as bad as you say, because I do intend watching it. Maybe on TV when it is free though.
+Barbas the Daedra BeerGogglesReviews entered the cinema with his popcorn and drink in hand. He sat down, made himself comfortable and the movie began. Customers waiting for another movie claim that they never saw anyone leave that screening. Staff say that when they went inside, there was nobody to be found. BeersGogglesReviews was never seen again. The search continues.....
I've seen celebrity juice a couple of times and found it pretty funny. I couldn't watch it now because essentially it's like six year old children giggling whenever cocks, willies or 'bum bums' are mentioned. it's maybe funny once or twice but when every fucking 'joke' is simply an extremely thinly vieled reference to sex.. it's just incredibly tiresome.
It's unfair criticising a celeb for cameoing in a terrible movie - they were on set for a hour, did thick line and fucked off, they're not responsible.
![Eminem - Fuel (feat. JID) [Official Lyric Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/t5H_CewqpKA/mqdefault.jpg)
"Do the review"
"THIS IS THE REVIEW!"
The review is this!
"We have a clip."
"Oh, good."
"No. It's not good."
"There were six people in the audience, maybe seven. I think one of them went. Didn't come back"
🤣
The dropped fivepence story is maybe the funniest thing Mark has ever said. What a great review
But what kind of cinema is he going to? The places I visit tend to be pretty clean. There isn't any crap beneath the seats. Then again, I don't tend to go to the type of cinemas that play 'Keith Lemon - The Movie'...
He's used this story before. Only it was 50P.
"It's not as hateful as Sex Lives of the Potato Men"
- Mark Kermode
The Wild Woman of Wonga
A hate crime against British cinema
*****
Yup, even Hitchcock's best stuff was in the US.
It reminds me of a quote in Empire Magazine about Parting Shots: there are British films that cannot find a distributor, young British directors and writers battling to get projects made - meanwhile, a restaurant critic who made Death Wish 25 years ago is allowed to foist a bloodless, unfunny comedy on the world. Except replace Winner with Lemon.
Kenneth McCrindle Not a hate crime, just shite.
Mark kermode is such a Brilliant movie critic .
He is and Keith Lemon is unfit to breath the same air as him.
Indeed.
That movie from keith Lemon was just absolutely terrible !
He's the best. Funny, humble, decent, intelligent, eloquent. A great mind, a lover of film, and only harsh when it's deserved. I love Mark Kermode.
I agree. He is one of the best ever. Love his secrets of cinema, podcasts and books too. However I do disagree on his opinions on Eyes Wide Shut being Kubrick's worst. I also think that he gave Green Street too much hate. I think that movie is great. Also Pain and Gain is apparently worse than this. Bruh I found Pain & Gain enjoyable (not good but ok) however it got ranked the 2nd worst movie of the 2010's OVER THIS FILTH WTF!
@@velox5598 I love Eyes Wide Shut.
Kermode is right about 9 times out of 10, and I love listening to/reading his reviews, but I wouldn't say I agree with him 100% of the time (for instance, I didn't like it when he said he could tell Michael Keaton 'wasn't a good Batman' because of his chin).
Seriously I don’t think
The British realise what a national treasure Kermode is!
Used to be.
This is the only time I’ve ever heard Mark being genuinely upset- not merely irritated, not just angry- but truly saddened and dare I say hurt at having to watch a film. Fucking excellent content. The pause when the clip ends is my new favourite piece of aural media
Did you not hear his review for Dirty Grandpa?
@@hipsterelephant2660 and Little Man, he really hated that.
The Entourage review. Never heard anyone as utterly depressed by a film (rightly so, by the way; everything about Entourage is vomit inducing) than in that review
That excerpt was PERFECT. The ending left me dead-eyed and numb.
The silence after the clip was hilarious...
Here in 2020 and the phrase "Phillip Schofield in the closet with Gordon the Gopher" has never meant more to me lol
Very portentous.
Don't know whether the phrase is even funnier in 2023 or awkward as hell.
To be fair he said in the cupboard, not in the closet
This video came on while I was falling asleep and I jumped out of my skin when Mark raised his voice at “THIS IS THE REVIEW!”
Love that Beckettian-style pause by our heroes after the clip extract ends........
Heh, 'Waiting for Mayo'?🙂
I love the fact that this evoked such a strong reaction in Mark that he almost started an argument with Simon, and this is such an amiable relationship usually. Brilliant.
Listening to this 2013 review in June 2023 and hearing Mark say that he's disappointed in Phillip Schofield because of Keith Lemon: The Film? 😬
Phillip Schofield. This is why Gordon the Gopher wants nothing to do with you.
I think Mark is being a bit harsh on himself, saying he only appeals to the over-50s demographic. I like him and I'm only 49.
I'm half that age
@@mantistoboggan5171 I'm less than half that
I'm 29. Love listening to him!
I am of an age.
*Plot twist:* I made my original comment over 3 years ago (because I thought it would be funny) and I've only just now turned 40.
*Double-plot twist:* I lied, I actually turn 80 this year...
...If Bill Gates doesn't get to me first!
"Kevin and Perry is Citizen Kane compared to this" Oh God.
Mr. Veteran Kevin and Perry was great
Kevin and Perry is brilliantly funny
He says the funniest things the quickest.
“Do you have any messages from anyone who actually enjoyed it?”
“Alexander Stanbury on an email”
“Oh you’re kidding.”
Immediately thought of this seeing the news about Philip Schofield
So did I 😂
THat was a bit cryptic... I just wanted to know whether he liked it or not.
The sad thing is that since this video has a dislike, someone in some miserable corner of the universe liked Keith Lemon.
Impossible. I think it was Philip Schofield.
Walking barefoot on the corners of Lego pieces for a whole year non stop would probably be more pleasant than watching this movie.
AJA Ryan1994 I would rather step on a discarded chop bone in the garden.
The one part of this review which stood out to me is the great tradition of British comedy shows making awful movies. I had no idea how accurate this was until I saw the movies Mark listed off.
8:40 "Oh your kidding" is one of my favourite Mark Kermode moments.
you're
People slag off Carry On films, but the early ones especially were charming and genuinely funny. Carry On Up The Khyber is one of the best British farces ever, never mind the franchise. They did become a lot more smuttier in the 70’s, but they were never as filthy or vile as Keith Lemon.
True, even Carry On Emmanuelle or England which were appallingly awful; but the best ones were great fun, something Lemon will never be.
The carry on films were monty python compared to Keith lemon
This is what Kermode said during the review of A Serbian Film: "If you're going to be a film critic, you have to see *everything*. That is the job. If you're not doing it, you're just playing"
many years later- i can confirm this film does not age. avoid. at all cost.
'If I ever meet Philip Schofield, I am going to have to remonstrate with him'...
I want to slap him for the We Buy Any Car ad.
He's been outed as a PDF file since then. Awkward.
Looking at the screenshot of young Mark Kermode I'm like "ohhh I really wouldn't like that dude if I met him..." but in the last couple decades he's turned into a bloke who looks and sounds like someone I would really get along with. Funny how age changes our features and our smiles.
That first email, from A. Stanbury, was a great example of a professional trying to write criticism in as fair and constructive a way as they can, even if what they're reviewing is crap.
Takes me back to reading my teacher's comments at school.
And the Keith Lemon character is still going.
Holiday on the buses was a masterpiece that bit when Olive ended up with ice cream cones in her eyes was a masterclass of direction
THIS IS THE REVIEW!
Keith Lemon: The dead joke ITV continously pushes down our gullets!
And the bbc have mrs browns boys, comedy is as dead as music nowadays!
Keith Lemon is about as funny as watching paint dry.
One of the top 10 people I would like to punch
I think watching paint dry is actually considerably more humourous.
35 myself and although I enjoyed Bo Selecta, Leigh Francis hasn’t been funny since then to me. The character of Keith Lemon is pathetic...
I agree, he’s just annoying!
Bo selecta was hilarious
i was still in school when it was released, and i remember a couple mates saw it when it came out on dvd and said it was the funniest film since borat
So Kermode was absolutely spot on that you needed to be 13, or at least have the developmental age of a 13yr old, to find it funny? 😂
Playing that clip, jeezus! Made me want to pull out my eyes to have something to stuff in my ears.
"THE REVIEW IS THIS!"
As it happens, I did see about ten minutes of the Keith Lemon film on TV once.
Honestly, the only way it could have been less pleasant was if the TV occasionally squirted sulphuric acid in my eyes.
LOL, I like hearing Citizen Kane mentioned in the same sentence as Kevin & Perry. Both great films in their own right.
FilmMakerMovies Harry Enfield and Kathy Burke are great comedy talents, in a different universe to Keith Lemon. But the Kevin and Perry film wasn’t their finest hour.
THIS IS THE BEST AND FUNNIEST REVIEW, MR KERMODE! :)
That 5 penny piese rant was brilliant!
PHILLIP SCHOFIELD!!!
The person that plays Keith Lemon is a very good conman
Only made it to the part where he gets mugged in the subway, I could not take any more. Mind pain in the extreme!
'no it's not good' Classic
Well, I wouldn't be that disappointed in Phillip Schofield...
Kermode at his best.
That would be Leigh Francis. And his mum, dad, brother and sister.
bo selecta was very funny. Keith lemon is a comedic atrocity.
how come people like Bo selecta?
At the time it was the most surreal thing on TV.
Taking the piss out of egomaniacs like Craig David was funny.
4:44 This bit hasn't aged well...
An awful film, I laughed once, when he referred to a premature ejaculation as having 'blabbed up'. The ironic thing is Keith Lemon is fully ensconced in the vapid world of light entertainment celebrity gladhanding that was sent up so successfully in Bo Selecta (before it ran out of steam), a sad example of parody becoming pastiche, from a man with nothing left to say.
lol, finally someone got it. I've been blocked on the kermodeandmayo channel, for making the same comment :D
I watched this just to see how bad it was. I did manage to get through it all with a few breaks in between. I didn't laugh once, thoughI did smile at a couple moments (both of which came from people other than Keith Lemon). I groaned multiple times. It's just cheap, lazy entertainment.
@Bloodlovefreak That dislike probably is from Franchis.
I recently saw a few seconds of Keith Lemon’s show while scrolling through the channels, and it was funny for completely the wrong reason. One of the guests was singing “jing my balls” instead of “jingle bells” - as you’d expect, not funny in the slightest. But he wore the startled expression of a man who could see his career vanishing down the cludgie at breakneck speed right before his very eyes, with absolutely nothing he could do about it.
Was the guest under duress? I mean, presumably he had a choice, no?
I was horribly prejudiced against Keith Lemon. I still am.
I used to think there was something wrong with me because I didn't like Bo Selecta or Keith Lemon, loads of people I know said they like it. I used to pretend and say 'oh right yeah I suppose its quite good', lying through my teeth the whole time, now I finally hear a review of someone this guy has done and it turns out perhaps my gut reaction was a sensible one.
I think it's more a case of Kermode appealing to the 'people with a brain' demographic. :D
My Mrs hates Keith Lemon with a vengeance. My sister-in-law loves him. Guess who the more intelligent one of the two is.
...and on top of all that he had to go to Eastleigh, poor bastard
he lives there
@@jimisi7424 "he lives there"
Poor bastard.
Little did Simon know Philip Schofield came out of the cupboard lol
Philip Schofield probably disliked this video or an edgy teen who can't handle the bantz.
Nowadays, "Phillip Schofield" and "Teen" in the same sentence is ill-advised...
Hello Keith Lemon, how are you doing?
I think Philip Scofield might have made a cameo
Sex lives of the potato men was a laugh riot!
The Porridge film was great. Buck Tarbrush?
He's getting it mixed up with Rising Damp. Now that was an insult to Rising Damp.
Sex jokes and Celebrity gags: the two easiest ways to make people laugh.
If your IQ is around the 80 or below mark.
@@GregOrCreg ye
1:45 nice soundtrack
Tell us what you really think, Mark. Your Wiki page says you have opinions about this movie.
I find athlete's foot great fun. To scratch that dry skin feels so good, just got to know when to stop.
come on now mark!!!!!! i have been to all screens in eastleigh vue cinema and none of the seats are like that
You probably haven't gone to a screen showing Keith Lemon The Movie. I don't want to think of the type of people who pay money to watch that.
Do you stick your hands down the sides?
There are a lot of masochists in the UK.
Philip Schofield, Philip Schofield, Philip Schofield, etc......
"Philip Schofield"
"Philip Schofield!"
"Philip Schofield!"
"Philip Schofield!"
"Philip Schofield?"
He was when it was poking fun at simon jordan.
The whole review
I thought Alexander Stanbury pretty much had it right in his email.
Philip scofield?
I never have understood what was funny about anything Leigh Frances ever did. He seems to have got on for some reason playing these vile charaters that are basically all sex mad and perverted and say and do rude shit over and over. Avid Merrion, The Bear Charater, Bo Selecta & now Keith Lemon. I wouldn't care if he'd had his few minutes of fame, but no, He's been picked up by Itv2 and even moved on to itv1 prime time & starred in ads. He's been to USA with his own show and then had this movie that was a MAJOR FLOP showing him up for the purile unfunny tired piss poor piece of refried shitcake he is. Yet he still resides on our tv screens pumping out his unfunny crude and tired Keith Lemon character with minor celebs sticking to him like flies around a turd. I can imagine Lemon being funny to 10 or 11 year old boys who think swearing and sexually explicit stuff is edgy in that way you do in the early double didgits, but most grow out of it by 13 or 14. But anyway he is done now and has overstayed his welcome can he please leave now & hang up the Lemon coat & either move on or do something that is actually funny and not just dick & boobs, jokes.
Believe me many people still have age 10 humour by age 47. That's why Family Guy Adam Sandler South Park ect still make billions
@@nifralo2752 I'm not the biggest fan of Family Guy, Adam Sandler or South Park, but you can't honestly compare any of those to the cesspool that is Leigh Francis. Among the crudity and offensive stereotypes, Family Guy and South Park in particular occasionally make some astute cultural and political observations. And Adam Sandler has in fact made a few good films (even a few good comedies, like The Wedding Singer). But Leigh Francis is just vile.
I like the lemon 🍋 movie
I kind of like Ali G The Movie (it helps if you grew-up around Staines and know the references), and The League of Gentleman movie was okay (if not a patch on the TV series), but Kevin and Perry Go Large is absolutely vile. I couldn't sit through the second half.
I haven't seen this film. I do say though that I love fart gags and knob humour of Francis in his many guises. I also like more cerebral comedy. I hope the film isn't as bad as you say, because I do intend watching it. Maybe on TV when it is free though.
+BeerGogglesReviews Eight months is a long time. What was the film like?
+Barbas the Daedra BeerGogglesReviews entered the cinema with his popcorn and drink in hand. He sat down, made himself comfortable and the movie began. Customers waiting for another movie claim that they never saw anyone leave that screening. Staff say that when they went inside, there was nobody to be found. BeersGogglesReviews was never seen again. The search continues.....
lwaves What you just described would probably make for a better film than Keith Lemon. :D
Keith "Scrunge" Lemon
Turns out Keith Lemon the Film is no longer the worst thing Philip Schofield has done
The story is The Jerk steve martin
I've seen celebrity juice a couple of times and found it pretty funny. I couldn't watch it now because essentially it's like six year old children giggling whenever cocks, willies or 'bum bums' are mentioned. it's maybe funny once or twice but when every fucking 'joke' is simply an extremely thinly vieled reference to sex.. it's just incredibly tiresome.
I suppose it's a depressing indictment of today's comedic "talent".
You also forgot that the whole show gets its jokes from the two easiest ways to make people laugh: celebrity and pop culture, and sex jokes.
+AJA Ryan1994 Aren't those three things?
+Max Bennie There are some very talented comics today. Not Keith Lemon though.
Louise Ricketts True. A lot of the funniest ones have been going for a while though.
What is Look Northwest?
A local news programme.
How are cinemas surviving when they always have only about 6 people in according to Mark lol?
Mark "get the fuck off the" Kermode.
Re: Mark K's nasty comments : That's not specifically true...
Jimmy Carr was recently on the Keith lemon show.... why?
Phillip Scofield, Phillip Scofield,..
It's unfair criticising a celeb for cameoing in a terrible movie - they were on set for a hour, did thick line and fucked off, they're not responsible.
They're responsible for their cameo.
Philip schofield isn’t so well received now is he?
Kermode looks a bit creepy in that picture.
The Inbetweeners is funny, that's why
not seen the film but celeb juice is a funny show
Porridge the movie wasn't that bad was it?