Personally, I like leaving my labels as sparse as possible. I identify with FTM even though I dont feel entirely male. The term demiboy makes me uncomfortable and you know what, thats okay! I'm fine with leaving my label as just binary male.
As a GNC trans guy, I feel you. Sometimes I don't feel 'male' and I may even feel strange calling myself 'man' or 'a man' but I realize it's due to toxic masculinity (ironically presenting masc at times; fem other times), strict cis men standards which extend to trans men, internalized transphobia + homophobia (being gay + fem at times), being socialized as something other than a male (while also missing out on many important factors to being a boy/guy), being uncertain with medically transitioning (I'm on and off about top surgery due to many factors, mostly how stressful the surgery is, but I'm not interested in the rest despite having dysphoria that I'm sure T or bottom surgery may alleviate but my dysphoria isn't too bad), etc. In other words, I have a long journey ahead of me. I believe it's normal for us to feel like this because not everyone will respond, think, or behave the same despite being a trans guy for example. But I suppose if you've already tried looking into why you may feel this way and come up empty, there may be room for something else (this comment is more for the confused individuals rather than OP).
The reason i choose to use pansexual instead of bisexual, is just that it feels more specific. Bisexual is more general, right? It is an umbrella label (and a totally valid label) because it means attraction to two or more genders. I totally fit that label! But I like pansexual more because it makes it inherently clear that I am attracted to people outside the gender binary. If someone is bi, they could be attracted to men and agender people, or men and women, or gender fluid people, men, and women. So for me, it feels like bisexuality requires more clarification than pansexuality. But, if I'm talking to a cishet I will probably use bisexual because that is what they are more familiar with, and it is still correct, pansexual just feels more comfy, ya know? But if other people, like you, want to use bisexual, I think that is super rad, and I'm really happy for you!
that’s sick, and it’s also part of why i identify as bi!! i like that it’s less specific and therefore less restrictive, i feel free to exist in my bisexuality and my pansexuality and my queerness etc. and i don’t feel like i have a responsibility to be attracted to every gender a mathematically equal amount at all times. (I am very much attracted to all genders tho, i just like free, unrestrictive labels.) pan people are so cool i love hearing about the ways that different people experience and explain their sexuality !!
I just came out as nonbinary👀 im am also ace and pan i had alot of trouble with the whole "fantasies" thing bc it doesnt really apply to me very well. Also i had the same problem but the opposite way! I didnt want to associate with pan bc there was this association with transphobia. Im also comfortable with bi i just feel more comfortable with pan and im not actually sure why? I just do. And ive thought about just using bi bc its more widely used and i do feel like i fit that but even tho lean girls and enbys pan just works better for me amd even after 4ish years i still dont know why?
I get what you mean. Sometimes a term just clicks in your brain even though you're not sure why. I consider myself bisexual even though I could just as accurately call myself pan or omni because it just feels right.
As a poly(am)pan enby, Look at the bi and trans Pride Flags... They both have three colours for a v good reason...!! ❤️ Love your vid' as always, Ashton Edit: No I don't see trans gender as a third gender, nor do I believe in a gender "trilogy" ofc not
@Mia Smith bi doesn't mean only two genders, Bi is an umbrella term and it means being attracted to more than one gender. Pansexuality is a subcategory of bisexuality and it means that sexual attraction equal to all genders, there are other subcategories of bisexuality like (I think it's called omnisexuality) being attracted to all genders but not equally attracted to every gender, like having gender preferences.
i can also relate!! i was on tumblr alot when i was younger and started having internalized biphobia. i would see alot of people saying pan means all and bi ONLY means two and i already kinda refused to identify as bi at the time so i identified as pan for a couple of months till after many sexuality label changes later, i read up on the bisexual manifesto and i was like wow so i can be attracted to everyone and still identify as bi?? and here i am 👍🏾 i feel so comfy identifying as bi now
hi i’m an afab femme genderfluid lesbian (oh god,,,,, i used to be homophobic and seeing all those words apply to me for the first time written out i’m screeching) and just wanted to say ur super inspirational to me ily
I really appreciated this video. I found the way you talked about the role gender identity plays for you taking prominence over sexuality for you to verbalize the way I have personally felt but not been able to formally communicate to myself.
I can relate to you in a different way. It was the same way with me. I always knew I was a boy (way later to find out that I wasn't crazy, that it was physically possible, etc.) but my sexuality confused me (like how you knew you were queer, I knew I wasn't a straight cis girl). I knew I liked guys but it never feel straight to me. I used to joke in my head that I was a gay guy trapped in a girl's body....and that's exactly what I was/am. However, I had a lot of extreme internalized homophobia and homophobia towards cis gay guys due to my internalized transphobia + being trans. It was to the point that I identified as pansexual (as you said, it made you feel comfortable because of the trans/nb aspect, same for me) despite being closeted gay (it's how you said you didn't associate gay to transphobia because you had internalized biphobia so you associated bi to transphobia instead) because it wasn't 'for me', I can't be 'gay and trans', etc. And man was I hateful towards cis gay guys and the existence of trans/trans guys (especially if they were a gay trans guy), whew. I def understood this entire video.
Hey Ashton I love this video! I relate a lot to what you were saying and I think my asexuality has made it more difficult to pin down my sexuality labels because I don’t fantasize much and I do it in the sense of non sexual comforting closeness? Like cuddling. Also I do have a hard time imagining stuff like that with a hypothetical person. For me I usually say switch between pan romantic and gay just cause I mostly find myself crushing on other nonbinary people and that’s how I see most of my attraction I guess? But at the same time i find men and women attractive and find myself imagining the possibility of the same relationships with them? Idk like you were saying I always feel like I’m not explaining it well enough but it makes sense to me and I’m still thinking of labels. Like because I feel like I lean towards non-binary people I really like nonbinary loving nonbinary terms even if I still find men and women attractive (aesthetically & romantically).
It was also hard for me to understand my asexuality as I had no feeling to analyse, you know what I mean? I always thought that sex was overrated, gross (applied to me) and I never wanted it but I didn't knew that asexuality was an "option" so I just assumed I was a late bloomer and pansexual. When I stumbled upon "asexuality" for the first time my internalized aphobia went like "no there's no way I'm ace, I'm not 'broken' I'm not a weirdo". Then a few months later I questioned again and made peace with my asexuality. Now I identify as panromantic asexual (apothisexual) but yeah it took me quite some time as I realized it a few months ago at 18.
And I feel validation in this ace comment thread tonight. 😌 The ace label feels very comfy for me because even when I try to fantasize, it feels mechanical and forced, regardless of the gender of the other person. I've identified as aro for several years, too, but I'm starting to gravitate to just "queer" because I'm not sure how to describe the attraction I feel that's kind of halfway between platonic and romantic? Although I guess aro-spec people can feel that, too. 'Tis complex.
Omg I just found your channel and I’m so happy because I use so many labels and I’ve always thought I was weird for it because people were always against it??? But OMG!!!
If anyone has an idea on how to help me with the problem listed below please reply Question: My parents are very transphobic and I am nonbinary. I rly want a pixie cut and to bind. I know binding won't happen but if y'all have any ideas on how to ask them to let me get a pixie cut to make me feel more comfortable without them thinking I'm nonbinary or trans (which I am but they can't know) please help me out 😰
I’m pretty sure that they wouldn’t suspect anything, there are plenty of cis women who get pixie cuts. Maybe you can look up a pixie cut online that a really feminine female presenting person is wearing and show it to your parents to relieve suspicion? Best of luck to you 🖤
@@charlieb6362 thanks for the advice. My parents don't seem to want me to get a haircut but I'm going to keep trying and maybe that would work. Thanks again 🖤
I went through the same thing (trying to get a hair cut), and plenty of cis women have pixie cuts. Just make sure to be clear with how short you want, because if you go to a hair dresser that specialises in women haircuts they might cut it longer, or more feminine than you want.
a day in which ashton uploads a video is always a good day :^) seriously ty, your vids have helped me a lot with figuring out my identity as a queer (and probably autistic?) person and im really thankful for you
I can relate to that internalized biphobia. I started identifying as pan instead of bi because of biphobia, and now that I look back on it, it was just my trans ass trying to find a place to fit in, and I was taught that the bi community wasn't a place for nb people. To this day I self identify as pansexual, and I think I would eventually start using pan for myself even without that internalized biphobia of mine, It's just sad that I entered the pan community for that reason in the first place.
I'm personally not big on labels and putting myself in a box. But then I'm very nonconformist. I'm me. And you're you. When friends have told me they're transitioning to female, to me they are them & they are their new name. Can terms be empowering for people? Cos I actually don't know. I think gender is whatever someone feels comfortable with. I don't fall in love with someone for their gender. I love them for who they are as a person. In the same way society assigns people either male or female. What does that even mean. People should get to choose what they identify as, its your body, your mind, and you can love who ever the hell you want. Why is that so hard for people with prejudices to understand....
I'm asexual (somewhere between demisexual and fully asexual) and a lesbian, and it took me soooo long to figure out that I'm a lesbian because, aside from the internalized homophobia, I could never imagine myself being sexual with a woman/non binary person. I KNEW I didn't want anything with a man and the idea of sharing my life with a woman/nb person was 100% amazing, but the sexual stuff was super hard to figure out. Years later, when I finally realized that I'm asexual I was so done with having an identity crisis that I decided to just roll with it.
I'm a biromantic asexual enby, and I see bisexual as I'm attracted to binary and nonbianry. Gender doesnt matter much to me with who I'm attrached to but pan still doesnt fit me that well
Welcome to the nonBInary ranks! This is honestly so interesting to me to hear you talk about this, bc while you and I share a lot of labels (bisexual nonbinary transmale), it's like... odd (in a neutral/good way) to hear the gender part came first to you. I probably started labeling myself as bisexual around the same time that you came out with you gender identity (early teens), but always felt like... the core "idc what gender I end up loving" feeling of bisexuality myself since I was really little. In contrast, I didn't think about my identity in relation to gender until I was in my early 20s, and at 27 am still working on coming out about my gender identity and transition to people around me. - Reis
Thank you for this video! 🦇 I'm still trying to find the right label for myself and I think this made it a little bit easier. 🦇 (also I'm going to pride for the first time this weekend and I'm really scared but excited)
this came out right as i had been questioning my own sexuality label and falling back towards being comfortable with using bi again! literally my same thoughts about straying away from it bc of the trans exclusion, great to hear someone has been going thru a similar process rn 💗💜💙
Hello fellow bi comrade! I first came out as bi when I was 15 (it was 2011 and I didn’t know what pan was). After I joined Tumblr, I started saying I was pan because I didn’t want to exclude trans people, but I didn’t know what non-binary was, so uneducated 17-year-old me thought pan was being attracted to cis men, cis women, trans men, and trans women. After one too many jokes about being attracted to cookware, I went back to IDing as bi, especially after learning more about how the definition of bi has evolved to be more inclusive. Saying I’m bi is comfy for me, and I like saying that I’m attracted to people with my gender and people with genders different than me.
great video! also i'm making a youtube playlist to help my mom understand me being non-binary, wheres the video where you talk about how you like when your friends go out of their way ot use he and they interchangeably? sorry!
ruclips.net/video/Wvjecpwipi0/видео.html This video talks about it I'm pretty sure (I haven't watched it in a while, but even if it doesn't have that it might have something that could help)! :)
this video was so insightful! im gay but i used to id as bi in the past and during that time i used to have those similar connotations associated with the label because of tumblr/the internet. these days im more aware of the history and ive met many bi trans people so i have a different and more positive feeling towards it. so happy for you that you've found a label you can be comfortable with and that you're proud to be bi!
So then what is the "difference" between pan and bi? People can say "pan means all, bi means two" like that whole argument, but obviously there are bi people who are attracted to enbies who don't identify as pan : / so like. what is the difference? i still dont get it. they are the same thing.
bi is an umbrella term and it means being attracted to more than one gender. Pansexuality is a subcategory of bisexuality and it means that sexual attraction equal to all gender, there are other subcategories of bisexuality like (I think it's called omnisexuality) being attracted to all genders but not equally attracted to every gender, like having gender preferences.
I think I've come up with an analogy for the 'transphobia in bisexuality' bit. If a friend introduces you to a song, every time you think of that song you'll think of them. You know that there is more to the song than your friend, for example the band who created it, but the 2 things are inextricably tied together due to experience.
I think there’s a valid difference between pansexuality and bisexuality that is neither indicative of transphobia nor invalidating of one or the other, which led me to identify as pansexual rather than bisexual. I could also be wrong, but the way that I always understood it was that bisexuals are attracted to more than one gender, i.e. gender plays a part in their feelings of attraction, whether they’re attracted to two or three or any and all genders, while pansexuals feel attraction that isn’t really influenced by gender, hence why we could be said to be attracted to all genders, even if that isn’t teeeechnically accurate. My attractions towards people just isn’t really gendered at all, so I felt like pansexual describes me better. Does that make sense/do people agree? I’m curious to get feedback from bisexuals and other pansexuals :)
I'm nonbinary and bi, I like to define being bi as attraction to more than one gender (and that's enough for me at the moment). I do see a difference between bi and pan and there's also an overlap on how bi and pan people define their labels.
I vibe with this so hard as a panromantic demisexual fella and that’s why I separated the wording like that- using romantic orientation to describe my attraction is much easier and more flexible imo
Not quite bc lesbians, gay men, and straight can all be attracted to nonbinary people. Unfortunately that definition of bisexuality is frequently used against (non-binary) lesbians like myself who date nb people. Lesbians have always dated enbies and always will.
well, i identify as bi and i like people regardless of gender. i think we shouldn't try to give each multisexual label a set in stone meaning. there will always be people who don't agree with certain definitions.
I used to be biphobic and I know this went from a misunderstanding of the term and because I always was told “bi people are attracted to the two genders” and I thought “Oh so bi people are people who believe there’s two genders”. I’m trying my best to be careful because while I don’t quite yet understand the distinction between bi and pan, I really want to know what it means for people to identify as bi. I identify as pansexual and I never really felt like bi was right for me but maybe it’s because I don’t understand the difference yet.
part of the confusion comes from the fact that the way people define bi and pan can sometimes overlap. i've seen some people say that pan means no preference between genders and bi means preference, and i've seen some people say that pan means attracted to all genders and bi means attracted to some but still more than one. in general, the loosest definitions i've found are that pan means attracted to all genders and bi means attracted to more than one gender, though i usually hear people use bi when they're attracted to both of the binary genders (as well as possibly other genders), and many people that are attracted to more than one gender but only one of the binary genders use gay/lesbian as an umbrella term or use microlabels that more specifically describe their experience, since bi still carries the connotation of "attracted to men and women"
hey! as someone who's fluctuated between the bi and pan labels, just go with what you're comfortable with! and it's okay to not have a label, you're still the amazing you and that's all that matters :))
@@butterknifepatten4455 one clarification to this is that a lot of people can use bi as an unbrella term because they don't want to further specify their attraction. like i fit the exact definition of pan yet i feel more comfortable and also happen to with bisexuality too, so i go with the latter instead. and another thing to note is that most people who are bi don't see it as attraction to the two binary genders, rather that they have a preference for a gender or that they feel more comfortable with the label. tldr: just use whatever makes you happy, pan and bi can mean the same thing sometimes. bi is a loose label that can mean whatever you want it to if you don't resonate with microlabels
Congrats on coming out as bi!! Ever since I’ve discovered your channel I’ve started to more and more think about maybe learning how to do makeup, your makeup skills are incredibly good and the results always look so cool!!
(nothing against u, you're living your best life and i just want to point this out to the ppl in the comments) ah i see how it is he can be bisexual and gay but i can't be bisexual and a lesbian hm okay yes ty
@Emmerson Drayton sorry, my identity is not based on who hates me but who i am and who i love also, 1) you can, dumbass, the violence/hatred against lesbians and bi sapphics BROADLY overlaps, 2) but if that's not true in your opinion, is the opposite true for achileans? can you experience homophobia and biphobia at the same time when you're a man/achilean bi? what a double standard
gay is often used as an umbrella term; so yeah, you can be both bi and gay. lesbian is not an umbrella term, however, so you cannot be both bi and lesbian.
@@dianacutie99 he isn't using it as an umbrella term tough. there's gay the umbrella term and gay as in homosexual. also lesbian can also be an umbrella term and historically it was, b4 lesbian separation and bisexual becoming a more popular term
@@shinypaintf588 he totally is using gay as an unbrella term, especially because they're in a relationship with someone who presents as a man. sapphic is usually the umbrella term that people say that means wlw and isn't lesbian because lesbian is a pretty specific term. i don't mind you saying that you're bisexual and lesbian as i understand how you're using it, but i wouldn't come at it at this angry perspective under ashton's video which is talking about their identity, not discourse around labels.
@@graveyardpansy okay... Cool. I am a mother of a 16 yr old who is exploring all these different avenues and I support her 100%! Your channel was recommended by RUclips and I think you're very informative and articulate. Just trying to gain more knowledge! 😊
Sorry this comment is off-topic to the video, but do you have any book recommendations that talk about queer history (pretty much any period or topic-- preferably stonewall but anything's good)? :)
i read stonewall by David Carter a while back i believe and it was pretty good! ive also read two city-focused books that I liked, Queer City by Peter ackroyd, which focuses on London, and Gay Berlin by Robert beachy. Another stonewall-related thing I’d definitely recommend is an interview Leslie Feinberg did with Sylvia Rivera!! let me see if i can find it online
me everyday to every person: read the bisexual manifesto
Lol same
@Mia Smith it's super short but if a reading would help, there's a reading of it done by luxander here on youtube.
I love "gender label hoarder" cuz s a m e
Dude VAMPIRE AS A GENDER LABEL??? FUCKING POGGERS AS HELL MY MAN!
Ashton: I’m bi and Demi
Nobody:
Me: Demi boy Demi bi
I love that and I’m going to use it to describe myseöf
@Mia Smith o o i know what you are :))
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you're *.+yourself*.+ 😽✌️
🦵🦵
uhh i don't know if it sounds nice but just know that it's supposed to be :D)
Personally, I like leaving my labels as sparse as possible. I identify with FTM even though I dont feel entirely male. The term demiboy makes me uncomfortable and you know what, thats okay! I'm fine with leaving my label as just binary male.
bro same kshsjjdc
As a GNC trans guy, I feel you. Sometimes I don't feel 'male' and I may even feel strange calling myself 'man' or 'a man' but I realize it's due to toxic masculinity (ironically presenting masc at times; fem other times), strict cis men standards which extend to trans men, internalized transphobia + homophobia (being gay + fem at times), being socialized as something other than a male (while also missing out on many important factors to being a boy/guy), being uncertain with medically transitioning (I'm on and off about top surgery due to many factors, mostly how stressful the surgery is, but I'm not interested in the rest despite having dysphoria that I'm sure T or bottom surgery may alleviate but my dysphoria isn't too bad), etc. In other words, I have a long journey ahead of me. I believe it's normal for us to feel like this because not everyone will respond, think, or behave the same despite being a trans guy for example. But I suppose if you've already tried looking into why you may feel this way and come up empty, there may be room for something else (this comment is more for the confused individuals rather than OP).
Bi trans girl here! Much love Ash! Keep it up!
Hello Darth Sidious
The reason i choose to use pansexual instead of bisexual, is just that it feels more specific. Bisexual is more general, right? It is an umbrella label (and a totally valid label) because it means attraction to two or more genders. I totally fit that label! But I like pansexual more because it makes it inherently clear that I am attracted to people outside the gender binary. If someone is bi, they could be attracted to men and agender people, or men and women, or gender fluid people, men, and women. So for me, it feels like bisexuality requires more clarification than pansexuality. But, if I'm talking to a cishet I will probably use bisexual because that is what they are more familiar with, and it is still correct, pansexual just feels more comfy, ya know? But if other people, like you, want to use bisexual, I think that is super rad, and I'm really happy for you!
bisexual is literally that lmao. its not explicitly two genders… it has never been
that’s sick, and it’s also part of why i identify as bi!! i like that it’s less specific and therefore less restrictive, i feel free to exist in my bisexuality and my pansexuality and my queerness etc. and i don’t feel like i have a responsibility to be attracted to every gender a mathematically equal amount at all times. (I am very much attracted to all genders tho, i just like free, unrestrictive labels.) pan people are so cool i love hearing about the ways that different people experience and explain their sexuality !!
I also the have the same (but reverse) experience- pansexual is technically correct but bi feels more comfy!
seeing you come out as bi makes me feel like it's a win for the bi community lmao. as a bi trans dude myself this rocks
Hi I was told you are trans I'm only 11 but I'm trans so could you make another video about helping trans people or advice for young trans? Thanks
oh rad! I'm glad u figured out that ur trans as a younger person so you get more time to explore so yuh moment! Umm mm m ur valid and i love u 😻
Congrats on finding out!
I just came out as nonbinary👀 im am also ace and pan i had alot of trouble with the whole "fantasies" thing bc it doesnt really apply to me very well. Also i had the same problem but the opposite way! I didnt want to associate with pan bc there was this association with transphobia. Im also comfortable with bi i just feel more comfortable with pan and im not actually sure why? I just do. And ive thought about just using bi bc its more widely used and i do feel like i fit that but even tho lean girls and enbys pan just works better for me amd even after 4ish years i still dont know why?
Yooo I'm also a pan ace enbyyyy
@@Hi-vf9wx Oh awesome!
I get what you mean.
Sometimes a term just clicks in your brain even though you're not sure why.
I consider myself bisexual even though I could just as accurately call myself pan or omni because it just feels right.
The NB and Biphobia on Tumblr is insane. I was called transphobic/enbyphobic for identifying as Bi, despite that I am nonbinary.
As a poly(am)pan enby,
Look at the bi and trans Pride Flags...
They both have three colours for a v good reason...!!
❤️
Love your vid' as always, Ashton
Edit: No I don't see trans gender as a third gender, nor do I believe in a gender "trilogy" ofc not
@Mia Smith bi doesn't mean only two genders, Bi is an umbrella term and it means being attracted to more than one gender. Pansexuality is a subcategory of bisexuality and it means that sexual attraction equal to all genders, there are other subcategories of bisexuality like (I think it's called omnisexuality) being attracted to all genders but not equally attracted to every gender, like having gender preferences.
i can also relate!! i was on tumblr alot when i was younger and started having internalized biphobia. i would see alot of people saying pan means all and bi ONLY means two and i already kinda refused to identify as bi at the time so i identified as pan for a couple of months till after many sexuality label changes later, i read up on the bisexual manifesto and i was like wow so i can be attracted to everyone and still identify as bi?? and here i am 👍🏾 i feel so comfy identifying as bi now
hi i’m an afab femme genderfluid lesbian (oh god,,,,, i used to be homophobic and seeing all those words apply to me for the first time written out i’m screeching) and just wanted to say ur super inspirational to me ily
THIS MADE ME REALIZE I AM DEMISEXUAL, THAT EXPLAINS A LOT! THANK YOU
Love this video a lot. I love hearing more about labels and seeing if I could fit with them. And also really love your hair.
I love how professionally and simultaneously casually cover these topics 😭😭💖
I really appreciated this video. I found the way you talked about the role gender identity plays for you taking prominence over sexuality for you to verbalize the way I have personally felt but not been able to formally communicate to myself.
I can relate to you in a different way. It was the same way with me. I always knew I was a boy (way later to find out that I wasn't crazy, that it was physically possible, etc.) but my sexuality confused me (like how you knew you were queer, I knew I wasn't a straight cis girl). I knew I liked guys but it never feel straight to me. I used to joke in my head that I was a gay guy trapped in a girl's body....and that's exactly what I was/am. However, I had a lot of extreme internalized homophobia and homophobia towards cis gay guys due to my internalized transphobia + being trans. It was to the point that I identified as pansexual (as you said, it made you feel comfortable because of the trans/nb aspect, same for me) despite being closeted gay (it's how you said you didn't associate gay to transphobia because you had internalized biphobia so you associated bi to transphobia instead) because it wasn't 'for me', I can't be 'gay and trans', etc. And man was I hateful towards cis gay guys and the existence of trans/trans guys (especially if they were a gay trans guy), whew. I def understood this entire video.
Hey Ashton I love this video! I relate a lot to what you were saying and I think my asexuality has made it more difficult to pin down my sexuality labels because I don’t fantasize much and I do it in the sense of non sexual comforting closeness? Like cuddling. Also I do have a hard time imagining stuff like that with a hypothetical person. For me I usually say switch between pan romantic and gay just cause I mostly find myself crushing on other nonbinary people and that’s how I see most of my attraction I guess? But at the same time i find men and women attractive and find myself imagining the possibility of the same relationships with them? Idk like you were saying I always feel like I’m not explaining it well enough but it makes sense to me and I’m still thinking of labels. Like because I feel like I lean towards non-binary people I really like nonbinary loving nonbinary terms even if I still find men and women attractive (aesthetically & romantically).
It was also hard for me to understand my asexuality as I had no feeling to analyse, you know what I mean? I always thought that sex was overrated, gross (applied to me) and I never wanted it but I didn't knew that asexuality was an "option" so I just assumed I was a late bloomer and pansexual. When I stumbled upon "asexuality" for the first time my internalized aphobia went like "no there's no way I'm ace, I'm not 'broken' I'm not a weirdo". Then a few months later I questioned again and made peace with my asexuality. Now I identify as panromantic asexual (apothisexual) but yeah it took me quite some time as I realized it a few months ago at 18.
And I feel validation in this ace comment thread tonight. 😌 The ace label feels very comfy for me because even when I try to fantasize, it feels mechanical and forced, regardless of the gender of the other person. I've identified as aro for several years, too, but I'm starting to gravitate to just "queer" because I'm not sure how to describe the attraction I feel that's kind of halfway between platonic and romantic? Although I guess aro-spec people can feel that, too. 'Tis complex.
Omg I just found your channel and I’m so happy because I use so many labels and I’ve always thought I was weird for it because people were always against it??? But OMG!!!
If anyone has an idea on how to help me with the problem listed below please reply
Question: My parents are very transphobic and I am nonbinary. I rly want a pixie cut and to bind. I know binding won't happen but if y'all have any ideas on how to ask them to let me get a pixie cut to make me feel more comfortable without them thinking I'm nonbinary or trans (which I am but they can't know) please help me out 😰
I’m pretty sure that they wouldn’t suspect anything, there are plenty of cis women who get pixie cuts. Maybe you can look up a pixie cut online that a really feminine female presenting person is wearing and show it to your parents to relieve suspicion? Best of luck to you 🖤
@@charlieb6362 thanks for the advice. My parents don't seem to want me to get a haircut but I'm going to keep trying and maybe that would work. Thanks again 🖤
idk if this will work but maybe say you wanna donate your hair
I went through the same thing (trying to get a hair cut), and plenty of cis women have pixie cuts. Just make sure to be clear with how short you want, because if you go to a hair dresser that specialises in women haircuts they might cut it longer, or more feminine than you want.
I'm bi
Good for you? I'm Lesbian 🏳️🌈
Welcome James!
congrats!!!!
maybe we should all stop to put labels on people, and just be our self's =)
I came from a video of you 3 years ago and WOW man your voice📉 I almost thought you were a different person. Also love the shaved eyebrows👑
Hi I just wanted to pop in and say that I really appreciate your videos and I’ve been watching them for a long time and I’m happy you posted :)
Sir, I just found you, this is the first video of yours I've ever seen. I just need to ask. May I hold your hand?
a day in which ashton uploads a video is always a good day :^) seriously ty, your vids have helped me a lot with figuring out my identity as a queer (and probably autistic?) person and im really thankful for you
me!! too!!
ur hair is lookin dope
I can relate to that internalized biphobia. I started identifying as pan instead of bi because of biphobia, and now that I look back on it, it was just my trans ass trying to find a place to fit in, and I was taught that the bi community wasn't a place for nb people.
To this day I self identify as pansexual, and I think I would eventually start using pan for myself even without that internalized biphobia of mine, It's just sad that I entered the pan community for that reason in the first place.
i love ur look in this video. ur hair, ur makeup, ur attitude, everything is so soothing. i love this 💕
Your videos always inspire me to do my makeup!
I'm personally not big on labels and putting myself in a box. But then I'm very nonconformist. I'm me. And you're you. When friends have told me they're transitioning to female, to me they are them & they are their new name.
Can terms be empowering for people? Cos I actually don't know. I think gender is whatever someone feels comfortable with. I don't fall in love with someone for their gender. I love them for who they are as a person.
In the same way society assigns people either male or female. What does that even mean. People should get to choose what they identify as, its your body, your mind, and you can love who ever the hell you want. Why is that so hard for people with prejudices to understand....
I'm asexual (somewhere between demisexual and fully asexual) and a lesbian, and it took me soooo long to figure out that I'm a lesbian because, aside from the internalized homophobia, I could never imagine myself being sexual with a woman/non binary person. I KNEW I didn't want anything with a man and the idea of sharing my life with a woman/nb person was 100% amazing, but the sexual stuff was super hard to figure out. Years later, when I finally realized that I'm asexual I was so done with having an identity crisis that I decided to just roll with it.
Why am i watching this
Damn are those side burns nicee
I'm a biromantic asexual enby, and I see bisexual as I'm attracted to binary and nonbianry. Gender doesnt matter much to me with who I'm attrached to but pan still doesnt fit me that well
Great Video Ashton! Also you rock a man bun look!
Welcome to the nonBInary ranks!
This is honestly so interesting to me to hear you talk about this, bc while you and I share a lot of labels (bisexual nonbinary transmale), it's like... odd (in a neutral/good way) to hear the gender part came first to you.
I probably started labeling myself as bisexual around the same time that you came out with you gender identity (early teens), but always felt like... the core "idc what gender I end up loving" feeling of bisexuality myself since I was really little. In contrast, I didn't think about my identity in relation to gender until I was in my early 20s, and at 27 am still working on coming out about my gender identity and transition to people around me.
- Reis
Thank you for this video! 🦇 I'm still trying to find the right label for myself and I think this made it a little bit easier. 🦇
(also I'm going to pride for the first time this weekend and I'm really scared but excited)
this came out right as i had been questioning my own sexuality label and falling back towards being comfortable with using bi again! literally my same thoughts about straying away from it bc of the trans exclusion, great to hear someone has been going thru a similar process rn 💗💜💙
why even have a label, just do what you want yk?
Hello fellow bi comrade! I first came out as bi when I was 15 (it was 2011 and I didn’t know what pan was). After I joined Tumblr, I started saying I was pan because I didn’t want to exclude trans people, but I didn’t know what non-binary was, so uneducated 17-year-old me thought pan was being attracted to cis men, cis women, trans men, and trans women. After one too many jokes about being attracted to cookware, I went back to IDing as bi, especially after learning more about how the definition of bi has evolved to be more inclusive. Saying I’m bi is comfy for me, and I like saying that I’m attracted to people with my gender and people with genders different than me.
great video! also i'm making a youtube playlist to help my mom understand me being non-binary, wheres the video where you talk about how you like when your friends go out of their way ot use he and they interchangeably? sorry!
I think it's the video about gender euphoria, don't quote me on that tho
@@Oliver-vp1pc thanks! I'll go check!
It's mentioned there, and in the video with A, and I think in the second one with Ollie. I hope that helps!
ruclips.net/video/Wvjecpwipi0/видео.html This video talks about it I'm pretty sure (I haven't watched it in a while, but even if it doesn't have that it might have something that could help)! :)
Hey Ashton I haven’t watch one if your videos for a while but I love your hair and bean brows ☺️
this video was so insightful! im gay but i used to id as bi in the past and during that time i used to have those similar connotations associated with the label because of tumblr/the internet. these days im more aware of the history and ive met many bi trans people so i have a different and more positive feeling towards it.
so happy for you that you've found a label you can be comfortable with and that you're proud to be bi!
update.... turns out im still bi!
Hello nice meeting you
First time here love your voice very soothing ❤
Much success in your journey
I’m sorry, but this gross and I can’t support you.
No one should be eating seed vegan oatmeal bites! Oatmeal and seeds are gross.
If you dyed your hair purple, you would look like PURPLE GUY
This video was very insightful thank you
So then what is the "difference" between pan and bi? People can say "pan means all, bi means two" like that whole argument, but obviously there are bi people who are attracted to enbies who don't identify as pan : / so like. what is the difference? i still dont get it. they are the same thing.
it's a matter of personal preference.
There is no difference, bi has always meant all
bi is an umbrella term and it means being attracted to more than one gender. Pansexuality is a subcategory of bisexuality and it means that sexual attraction equal to all gender, there are other subcategories of bisexuality like (I think it's called omnisexuality) being attracted to all genders but not equally attracted to every gender, like having gender preferences.
I think I've come up with an analogy for the 'transphobia in bisexuality' bit. If a friend introduces you to a song, every time you think of that song you'll think of them. You know that there is more to the song than your friend, for example the band who created it, but the 2 things are inextricably tied together due to experience.
I think there’s a valid difference between pansexuality and bisexuality that is neither indicative of transphobia nor invalidating of one or the other, which led me to identify as pansexual rather than bisexual. I could also be wrong, but the way that I always understood it was that bisexuals are attracted to more than one gender, i.e. gender plays a part in their feelings of attraction, whether they’re attracted to two or three or any and all genders, while pansexuals feel attraction that isn’t really influenced by gender, hence why we could be said to be attracted to all genders, even if that isn’t teeeechnically accurate. My attractions towards people just isn’t really gendered at all, so I felt like pansexual describes me better. Does that make sense/do people agree? I’m curious to get feedback from bisexuals and other pansexuals :)
I'm nonbinary and bi, I like to define being bi as attraction to more than one gender (and that's enough for me at the moment). I do see a difference between bi and pan and there's also an overlap on how bi and pan people define their labels.
Are u still dating that guy jack
Yeah he is.
I vibe with this so hard as a panromantic demisexual fella and that’s why I separated the wording like that- using romantic orientation to describe my attraction is much easier and more flexible imo
woah i just found ur channel and i love you wtf!! you're so cool
The way I always thought of bi/pan is
Bi = attraction to two or more genders
Pan = attraction regardless of gender
Not quite bc lesbians, gay men, and straight can all be attracted to nonbinary people. Unfortunately that definition of bisexuality is frequently used against (non-binary) lesbians like myself who date nb people. Lesbians have always dated enbies and always will.
@@justwhy9427 Yeah that's true. Sexuality isn't cut and dry, it's super complex
well, i identify as bi and i like people regardless of gender. i think we shouldn't try to give each multisexual label a set in stone meaning. there will always be people who don't agree with certain definitions.
@@cmlkhf oh absolutely! Sexuality is a very fluid thing!
same
I love this video. I can relate a lot. I'm bi and can like any gender. Bi is just a loose word I use to to express my fluid sexuality
Where should I go to learn the history of bisexuality?
I used to be biphobic and I know this went from a misunderstanding of the term and because I always was told “bi people are attracted to the two genders” and I thought “Oh so bi people are people who believe there’s two genders”. I’m trying my best to be careful because while I don’t quite yet understand the distinction between bi and pan, I really want to know what it means for people to identify as bi. I identify as pansexual and I never really felt like bi was right for me but maybe it’s because I don’t understand the difference yet.
part of the confusion comes from the fact that the way people define bi and pan can sometimes overlap. i've seen some people say that pan means no preference between genders and bi means preference, and i've seen some people say that pan means attracted to all genders and bi means attracted to some but still more than one. in general, the loosest definitions i've found are that pan means attracted to all genders and bi means attracted to more than one gender, though i usually hear people use bi when they're attracted to both of the binary genders (as well as possibly other genders), and many people that are attracted to more than one gender but only one of the binary genders use gay/lesbian as an umbrella term or use microlabels that more specifically describe their experience, since bi still carries the connotation of "attracted to men and women"
hey! as someone who's fluctuated between the bi and pan labels, just go with what you're comfortable with! and it's okay to not have a label, you're still the amazing you and that's all that matters :))
@@butterknifepatten4455 one clarification to this is that a lot of people can use bi as an unbrella term because they don't want to further specify their attraction. like i fit the exact definition of pan yet i feel more comfortable and also happen to with bisexuality too, so i go with the latter instead. and another thing to note is that most people who are bi don't see it as attraction to the two binary genders, rather that they have a preference for a gender or that they feel more comfortable with the label.
tldr: just use whatever makes you happy, pan and bi can mean the same thing sometimes. bi is a loose label that can mean whatever you want it to if you don't resonate with microlabels
Congrats on coming out as bi!!
Ever since I’ve discovered your channel I’ve started to more and more think about maybe learning how to do makeup, your makeup skills are incredibly good and the results always look so cool!!
Loving your hair Ashton hope your well and keeping safe in this crazy chaotic world ☺️
❤️💞
Is that your room? Did you give it a makeover?
Im demisexual and omnisexual :D
im really happy i found this account
wait did your room get painted?
Medic gaming,
Hi I’m new here. You’re so smart I love listening to you talk
Yooo i'm early lmao
♥️🙃
I always like your videos before I watch them because I know it’s going to be great :)
(nothing against u, you're living your best life and i just want to point this out to the ppl in the comments) ah i see how it is he can be bisexual and gay but i can't be bisexual and a lesbian hm okay yes ty
@Emmerson Drayton sorry, my identity is not based on who hates me but who i am and who i love
also, 1) you can, dumbass, the violence/hatred against lesbians and bi sapphics BROADLY overlaps, 2) but if that's not true in your opinion, is the opposite true for achileans? can you experience homophobia and biphobia at the same time when you're a man/achilean bi? what a double standard
gay is often used as an umbrella term; so yeah, you can be both bi and gay. lesbian is not an umbrella term, however, so you cannot be both bi and lesbian.
@@dianacutie99 he isn't using it as an umbrella term tough. there's gay the umbrella term and gay as in homosexual. also lesbian can also be an umbrella term and historically it was, b4 lesbian separation and bisexual becoming a more popular term
@@shinypaintf588 he totally is using gay as an unbrella term, especially because they're in a relationship with someone who presents as a man. sapphic is usually the umbrella term that people say that means wlw and isn't lesbian because lesbian is a pretty specific term. i don't mind you saying that you're bisexual and lesbian as i understand how you're using it, but i wouldn't come at it at this angry perspective under ashton's video which is talking about their identity, not discourse around labels.
You are so awesome love your videos. Love this cute look.
Can I ask why you ultimately went with bi instead of pan?
Is this the new goth/emo? What’s next?
Me: *comes across their diy stim toy video*
Me: looks at the description
*reads DEMI and flappy hands go woo*
Too many labels. What's wrong with just being? And doing what you like? Young people put so much emphasis on the wrong things .
i am being and doing what i like! i just also happen to enjoy language that helps me describe that.
@@graveyardpansy okay... Cool. I am a mother of a 16 yr old who is exploring all these different avenues and I support her 100%! Your channel was recommended by RUclips and I think you're very informative and articulate. Just trying to gain more knowledge! 😊
Sorry this comment is off-topic to the video, but do you have any book recommendations that talk about queer history (pretty much any period or topic-- preferably stonewall but anything's good)? :)
i read stonewall by David Carter a while back i believe and it was pretty good! ive also read two city-focused books that I liked, Queer City by Peter ackroyd, which focuses on London, and Gay Berlin by Robert beachy. Another stonewall-related thing I’d definitely recommend is an interview Leslie Feinberg did with Sylvia Rivera!! let me see if i can find it online
www.queerbible.com/queerbible/2017/10/8/interview-sylvia-rivera-by-leslie-feinberg here it is !!
@@graveyardpansy Thank you!! :D (I'm really geeking out about the fact you responded heh)
what ab MAPs?
HELL NO!! KILL MAPS!!