For me it’s the lack of priorities. I’d feel differently if the mom hadn’t abandoned him and had no support system. But she did abandon him and has her bf-he should be home with his wife and son. OP is better off alone then with this guy
Something to note: 'I'm sorry you feel that way' is *not* an apology but is side-stepping any responsibility for *their actions* that are the cause of you feeling that way and putting on the person, it's like saying she's being unreasonable without outright saying it. The fact he's pretty much putting his wife and infant son as 2nd priority to the woman who abandoned him for *17 YEARS* shows he isn't going to prioritise them in the future unless the mum leaves again and then he'll act like he's the victim and look at his ex-wife and son he barely knows because he prioritised his mother and their relationship at the cost of *his* relationship with his wife and child.
No, she's in the right. He's an adult. Adults take care of their wives and newborn children. Seriously, there was trouble conceiving this child and now he wants to ditch it for his deadbeat mom? He needs to get his priorities straight.
Right, but he probably is mostly just using his mom back, and as an excuse to be absent in his baby and wife’s life obviously, like he’s probably just chilling escaping most of the work easily lolz. He thinks he can use his mom as a regular excuse to avoid being more of a father and husband.
Apple doesn't fall far from the tree? I gues...smth around that like the saying hoes atleast... A dead beat mother is the reason he is a dead beat and neglects his own child...ironic...
@SeanShimamoto, except OP said he was extremely attentive and helpful for the first 3.5 months until his mother moved back. So it's just weird. He has unresolved issues from when she abandoned him at 13, he needs to get into therapy. He's acting as if he he has guilt for her originally leaving and abandoning the family.
not just that but baby has a fever. something so scary for newborns. honestly for that i do suggest she shower with that baby (so her and baby at same time) in cold-warm water so fever isnt as bad...
Wow... the husband was with his wife for 9 years go through multiple treatments and miscarriages to have a kid just to drop it for a mom that abandon him for about half his life maybe even longer than it. He has severe unresolved issues and he literally torturing Op with them. Honestly make him pay child support with limited visitation siting abandonment and child endangerment (judges will not like hearing he left a very sick child alone with a sleep deprived spouse.)
“I’m sorry you feel that way,” is not an apology. It’s a way to deflect blame on someone else for the actions that were committed by the one giving this fake apology. NTA. At best, hubby needs serious therapy so he can learn to get past any abandonment issues he may have from mommy leaving, learn that he shouldn’t be dropping everything else just to run to her in the hopes of winning her approval (something he probably will never achieve), and that all he’s doing is abandoning his own wife and child the way his mother abandoned him. At worst, you need to take your child and divorce him since he has already decided that mommy is more important. But however things pan out, unless he goes to a therapist and puts in real effort with the above issues, maybe even adding some marriage counseling, I’d still suggest separation, at least until he shows some remarkable progress. Even if you both want to fix this marriage. I am wondering though, what mom is after. Either any money he may have (or that she thinks he has), a kidney (or some other body part), or an upcoming inheritance that he knows nothing about, from a relative that cut her out of the will when she abandoned OP’s husband. Otherwise, no matter how much she hates OP, she wouldn’t also be that cold the the baby.
Spoke to my boyfriend about this (we like to listen to these kind of stories and converse about them afterwards) we both came to the conclusion that she is doing the best thing by leaving. Would you fuck chose your mum over your child. It doesn’t matter if they have stayed in your life the whole time or not, your child ALWAYS comes before anything. Fuck, my daughter comes before my partner and I love him more than life itself, but my daughter comes first always.
Unfortunately no update yet, story is less than 24 hours old and op hasn't updated since saying her MIL was due to be discharged within the hour. She did however say that MIL hasn't been in contact with her daughters only her son since she returned.
Full story: I've been with my husband for 9 years now. I just gave birth to our son 5 months after years of infertility. We underwent 3 rounds of IVF before we had a pregnancy that "stuck" (4 miscarriages). This was such a a big turning point in our marriage. We got unbelievably closer, despite all the grief, and for the first 3.5 months of our sons life he was easily the most attentive and helpful man I have ever in my life met. Life was happy. Well, his mom all the sudden came back in to his life when our son was 3.5 months old. She moved back to our state (she moved to Canada without him when he was 13 and has barely seen him or his siblings for 17 years). There have been multiple occasions where her presence has made me incredibly uncomfortable. Like she has come here a good 5-6 times since our son was 3.5 months old, never held the baby either. When my husband says "look, it's grammie", his mom will raise her eyebrows and say "hi" before looking away. 99% of the time that she comes here, she asks my husband to go outside with her (away from me and the baby) and she's started to ask my husband A LOT to go to her place and needless to say, me and the baby are never invited. He says that she's "just trying to catch up" with him and make up for lost time but I'm honestly just done with it. Today was his only day off this week. The baby has a spiked fever and is super cranky. I had to call out of work for the past 3 days due to this (I work from home). The house is an absolute mess. I haven't showered in 4 days. I can't put the baby down without him screaming. I need help. Well, around 10am his mom calls and says she "needs" him because she has a surgery and needs a ride to and from. So, he leaves. There was no prior notice. Well, he called me and hour ago and told me that her boyfriend is there too so I asked him why he is still there when she clearly has a ride and a support system? He says that she just asked him to be there and he wanted to be there for her. Well, he just called me again 10 minutes ago and tells me that she's in recovery and asked him not to leave. I told him that I really needed his help and that ever since his mother has popped back up, he's been MIA and I feel like I'm doing everything alone. He told me he's sorry I feel that way and that he "wants" to be home with us but his mother needs him. I guess something inside me just broke when he said that. Because I'm telling him I need him and his mom "needing" him is more important. So I told him if he didn't come home I was done. I would file for divorce. I'm not playing second to a 'mother' who ditched her kids off 17 years ago and has seen them all of twice since. Me needing his help is more important than his mother wanting him there when she already has support with her. He says "are you fucking serious?" And I just hung up. I hardly see this man any more because of this woman and I don't want to live a life like this anymore, even though it's only been a month and a half since this started happening. AITA? The hospital is only 15 minutes from us so if he's not back in 30 minutes, I'm packing my stuff. ETA: I own a property that I rent out for AirBNB. That's where I will be going. No, I don't have a support system. I grew up in foster care. My biological mother died during child birth and my dad didn't want me. I was never adopted out. My best friend moved 2 years ago. It's just me, and used to be my husband. Edit: on my way to the AirBNB now. The last phone call I received was him telling me his mother would be discharged within the hour and he would be home after dropping her off. Her boyfriend (who lives with her) is still at the hospital. He could drive her. But mommy wants her precious son to. So, I'm leaving. Thank you everyone who took the time to comment. I will update as the night progresses. No updates were posted.
It looks like she deleted her post and her profile. Someone found another account created. They posted their husband came home and brought a 3-4 week old kitten home. She said she never cared for a cat this young and needed advice. It was posted around the same time the original post was made.
Good I would’ve done the same thing his mother abandoned him years ago and now she’s finally back in his life when she’s getting old and sickly, and then he just decides to ditch you and the kid and put her first after she abandoned him all those years. No freaking way he’s mama’s boy. You are always gonna come second to him. If you keep letting stuff slide you already gave him an ultimatum and that’s what he did tell him to go marry his mom then. She already has a man by her side he doesn’t needto be there.
Ditch that deadbeat Momma’s boy! You & your child deserve to have a man who prioritizes his wife & child, not his deadbeat Mom. Even if she weren’t a deadbeat, the hubby wasn’t needed if she had her bf. Your wife & child actually needs you! Grow a pair & be a man, a husband & a father. Also - I think the Mom is purposely trying to split them up!
His mother popping up just exposed how selfish and irresponsible of a man he is, she should prepare for her exit but needs to take her time with it as she has a baby now and no family, so she does need all the support that she can get from this selfish man
Her feelings are legit however she needs to know that she is not dealing with her grown husbands but with the child that was abandoned. Giving an ultimatum won’t work and telling him what to do won’t either. The best thing to do is to sit down and properly talk and make him realized that he is doing to her and their kids what his mother did to him.
Sadly Mom is still playing the abuse cycle. Many people don't see it for what it is until it's too late. I really hope he gets the wake up call sooner than later. Son needs to let her go and let her be an adult on her own.
This mans ''mother'' literaly LEFT him when he was 13, thats still a CHILD barely a teen...a child! He has been without her for 17 years meaning LOONGER then he was with her! He marryed and now has a NEW family...a wife and his OWN CHILD!! And now he neglects his child like his mother did him...amazing!! I mean he didn't ''run away'' but he isn't there when needed, he isn't there when the child is literaly SICK, thats PATHETIC! He doesn't have his prioritys correctly!! Like...blood isn't everything, I wouldn't even consider that ''mother'' of his, his mother! She left you!! And more the 50% of your live you went without her!! You are an Adult now, you have and build your own family!! Some things are simply too late!! Yet he choses to neglect his current family (his TRUE family) bc of some clearly unresolved childhood trauma... Eventually the ''mother'' might just leave him again...she did it once, she can and likely will repeat! Eddit: not to excuse his behavior but only EXPLAIN I actually do quite confidently think he has some unresolved issues! Running behind his mother that ''finaly wants him'', its likely a sad wish he always had...understandably tbh!! Someone maybe needs to give him a reality check? He should KNOW what its like to be alone!! He just doesn't relaize he does that to his own family. And he literaly leaves his child and wive alone! He is as much as a ''dead beat'' like his dead beat mother that left him all those years ago! Maybe OP should have actually told him that? Make him realize what he is doing bc he is likely in delusions/denial of his own actions and what the consequences are. Not saying OP isn't in the right to divorce, go gurl if you want! But just IF she truly wants to give him another chance...make him reflect, maybe then he realizes and actually fixes his own mistake? Compair him to his own mother! No ''sugar coding'' be direct, call him out as hurtfull as you can!
I bet once the wife and child are out of his life, his mother will leave again. He just needs to ask himself was it worth it to put your wife and child on hold for a person that does not care about you.
Even if you're not abandoned i feel that he still had to set some boundaries with his mother but he acts like q lost puppy then shelter is open for him😂
Okay. So there’s actually more going on here than it initially seems. So she is correct, he is not doing a good job of supporting his wife and newborn child right now BUT he still craves his mother’s approval who abandoned him. He’s not a bad person, he just has more things to work through than he thought. They need couples counseling and he needs help as well to establish healthy boundaries with his mother. She can choose to divorce if she wants to but I think just a month of a problem like this is jumping the gun a bit too soon. Also, this may be hard for her to understand because she hasn’t been through the same trauma as he has, you know?
Sounds like hubby has some serious abandonment issues, and has regressed to the boy who got dumped by his mother and is now trying to win her approval. Mommy dearest sounds like a vile human being who is playing this guy like a fiddle. Yes, he needs therapy all right. And to figure out what's important to him: chasing mommy's apron strings, or being there for his wife and child.
Regardless if she abandoned him or if she didn’t, the husband is still wrong. Your wife and child ALWAYS comes first and the mom had her boyfriend as a support system there!!! She didn’t need her son at all and I wouldn’t be surprised if she was separating him from his wife on purpose.
Story is less than 24 hours old and op hasn't updated since saying her MIL was due to be discharged within the hour. She did however say that MIL hasn't been in touch with her daughters only her son since she returned.
Stop 👏🏼 marrying👏🏼 a👏🏼 partner 👏🏼 who 👏🏼 hasnt 👏🏼 proven 👏🏼 their 👏🏼 loyalty 👏🏼 to 👏🏼 you! You are number one, family and friends are number two in a partnership and marriage. How is this not something you dont verify and talk about intensely before marriage...nonetheless, I am sorry for this poor woman. I hope she has a great support system and that the husband gets his sh*t together
Divorce is maybe drastic. Are you sure the hormones didn’t make her make a rash decision? She said the mom left 17 years ago and the husband has only had her back for a lil over a month…obviously he’s being taken advantage of and needs some counseling
I mean, he left his ill child with his already stressed wife who has no support and no one, for a woman that abandoned him for 17 years and already has a boyfriend as support
@@Bibo_boo you don’t think him being abandoned contributes to this psychological problem he has where he wants to make someone who’s never cared for him happy
No I don’t think she is ij the right, I kinda feel like she’s over reacting. I mean like you leave him because he was at his moms surgery?! Yes his mom sounds rude but leaving him? After he helped you out!
While some of her feelings are valid, parental abandonment leaves holes and the dude is going to have complex feelings. I think there is more than a little bit of jealousy there given she has not parents or support system.
Why can’t wives put themselves in the place of the husband’s mother. Can’t the wife imagine herself and her son in that situation. If her son left her or told her off or ignored her. Karma is great at revenge. I could never imagine my son not being in my life or there when I need him. That is why I push my husband to be with his mother more and do things for her.
Yta because the mom is trying to reconnect with her son. Also isn't she supposed to commit to him even though hard times? Yeah she needs to put up with it.
I get what you're saying but you're not understanding that their son that they worked so hard to have has a spiked fever and she's having a hard time taking care of the baby alone and dealing with everything that's going on and she needs her support system and he's abandoning them for the mother that abandoned him and yes she is supposed to be there through hard times but he's also supposed to be there through hard times, the mother did not need her son there when she already had someone else yes she wanted him there and that's understandable but his wife the person he committed to being with for the rest of his life needs him because their baby had a high fever. Even if the mom is trying to reconcile and connect she needs to understand that he should have a priority to his family that he wanted and created not the one who abandoned him and it's even trying to get to know his wife and his child. I understand your point of view but please try and understand it from the wife's point of view what she is seeing is her husband is not giving a s*** about her and their child the family that he helped create. I hope you reconsider your standing and try and see this from her view. No hate on your opinion sorry if I offended you in any way.
The wife is acting like the husband is cheating on her and is picking his mistress over their sick kid. The baby has a fever just take it to the hospital so they can give him medication. Taking care of a baby is not that hard. You can sit them down and let them cry it out for 5 minutes while you take a quick body shower. You can literally wear the baby and clean your house. I get wanting emotional support from your partner but sounds like her husband just got an opportunity to ask his mother why she left him for almost 20 years. Sounds like he is seeking closure so he can be a better father to his child in the future. Op also doesn't have a family so she doesnt really under stand the dynamics. Closest thing she had to it was a father who gave her away to the system because he didn't want to raise her. Sounds like she thinks her mother in law leaving her family as she didn't want them either. Its a projection because the mother has no interest in her sons wife or new child, making the wife feel like when she was a child when nobody wanted her then
The only family op has is her husband and now the not so sorry mil ass came to wreck it too and the husband is a d bag too carrying child is no joke and if he couldn't be there for her child isn't he also same as his mother an understanding parent
Having a baby with a spiking fever is a stressfull situation. Especially if it's your first. Even more so when she already lost more than 1 baby during pregnancy. Your nerves are fried while you wait and sponge with water and check the temp every 5 min. And you can't give more medication because the baby had a dose less than 3hrs ago so you sit and wait and worry. I don't think you should make light of this ladies struggles and not all babies are the same and would be comfortable in a wrap or holster. She needed her partner, if not for physical support then for emotional support. His mother did not. In fact, his mother had her own support already present. OP is nta. Her expectations of her husband is more than reasonable. The ultimatum however, was probably a rash decision on her part caused by her being emotionally compromised, but that's for them to work on. Communication and clear boundaries need to be set and this couple has some childhood trauma to work through individually. Hopefully everything works out.
It doesn't matter if he chose his mother, a job, or even a male best friend over her. His wife and child should always be first. This isn't about the man wanting closure, it's been a month, he could have asked his mother why she left already. This is about him wanting his mother in his life forever to make up for lost time, and I would be willing to bet money he won't ever do anything to upset her for fear she'll leave again. OP is right to leave her husband. She's lost him forever now, his mother will always come first. Also, this isn't about OP not understanding a family dynamic because that mother wasn't even a real mother to her husband. If he were acting this way with his other parent that raised him his whole life, then that would be a bit different. His mother does not deserve the title of mother and for her to act that way with the baby is truly disturbing. I hope OP finds a real man who will make her a priority and not someone so broken he will drop her the second the source of all his trauma comes back into his life. Oh, and to say taking care of a baby is not that hard, is just hilarious!
*OP’s husband is gonna wake up one day and realize he picked a woman who abandoned him for 17 years over the mother of his first born son smh
Op is the woman
@@Milk-ck1wv my bad
@stillscrimmaging283 😅 no. You're right. I think the other person misread your comment.
@@dreamiet no I edited my comment after they pointed out my error!
For me it’s the lack of priorities. I’d feel differently if the mom hadn’t abandoned him and had no support system. But she did abandon him and has her bf-he should be home with his wife and son. OP is better off alone then with this guy
Something to note: 'I'm sorry you feel that way' is *not* an apology but is side-stepping any responsibility for *their actions* that are the cause of you feeling that way and putting on the person, it's like saying she's being unreasonable without outright saying it. The fact he's pretty much putting his wife and infant son as 2nd priority to the woman who abandoned him for *17 YEARS* shows he isn't going to prioritise them in the future unless the mum leaves again and then he'll act like he's the victim and look at his ex-wife and son he barely knows because he prioritised his mother and their relationship at the cost of *his* relationship with his wife and child.
That's what I thought too "I am sorry you felt that way" and "I am sorry I made you feel that way" are totally different things
My psychologist called this "a narcissists apology"
No, she's in the right. He's an adult. Adults take care of their wives and newborn children. Seriously, there was trouble conceiving this child and now he wants to ditch it for his deadbeat mom? He needs to get his priorities straight.
Right, but he probably is mostly just using his mom back, and as an excuse to be absent in his baby and wife’s life obviously, like he’s probably just chilling escaping most of the work easily lolz. He thinks he can use his mom as a regular excuse to avoid being more of a father and husband.
Apple doesn't fall far from the tree? I gues...smth around that like the saying hoes atleast...
A dead beat mother is the reason he is a dead beat and neglects his own child...ironic...
I disagree…he sounds like a child.
@SeanShimamoto, except OP said he was extremely attentive and helpful for the first 3.5 months until his mother moved back. So it's just weird. He has unresolved issues from when she abandoned him at 13, he needs to get into therapy. He's acting as if he he has guilt for her originally leaving and abandoning the family.
not just that but baby has a fever. something so scary for newborns.
honestly for that i do suggest she shower with that baby (so her and baby at same time) in cold-warm water so fever isnt as bad...
NTA, your husband really needed this dose of reality in this time, but we need an update on this please
Wow... the husband was with his wife for 9 years go through multiple treatments and miscarriages to have a kid just to drop it for a mom that abandon him for about half his life maybe even longer than it. He has severe unresolved issues and he literally torturing Op with them. Honestly make him pay child support with limited visitation siting abandonment and child endangerment (judges will not like hearing he left a very sick child alone with a sleep deprived spouse.)
“I’m sorry you feel that way,” is not an apology. It’s a way to deflect blame on someone else for the actions that were committed by the one giving this fake apology. NTA.
At best, hubby needs serious therapy so he can learn to get past any abandonment issues he may have from mommy leaving, learn that he shouldn’t be dropping everything else just to run to her in the hopes of winning her approval (something he probably will never achieve), and that all he’s doing is abandoning his own wife and child the way his mother abandoned him.
At worst, you need to take your child and divorce him since he has already decided that mommy is more important.
But however things pan out, unless he goes to a therapist and puts in real effort with the above issues, maybe even adding some marriage counseling, I’d still suggest separation, at least until he shows some remarkable progress. Even if you both want to fix this marriage.
I am wondering though, what mom is after. Either any money he may have (or that she thinks he has), a kidney (or some other body part), or an upcoming inheritance that he knows nothing about, from a relative that cut her out of the will when she abandoned OP’s husband.
Otherwise, no matter how much she hates OP, she wouldn’t also be that cold the the baby.
Spoke to my boyfriend about this (we like to listen to these kind of stories and converse about them afterwards) we both came to the conclusion that she is doing the best thing by leaving. Would you fuck chose your mum over your child. It doesn’t matter if they have stayed in your life the whole time or not, your child ALWAYS comes before anything. Fuck, my daughter comes before my partner and I love him more than life itself, but my daughter comes first always.
We need the update
Unfortunately no update yet, story is less than 24 hours old and op hasn't updated since saying her MIL was due to be discharged within the hour. She did however say that MIL hasn't been in contact with her daughters only her son since she returned.
it just dropped today so probably no update for a while
@@crazytimewithmissieandsara9083Do you know the Username? I can't find the story on reddit
@@crazytimewithmissieandsara9083I'm waiting for the update too
@________ag680 that's reddit for you.suspending every account for no reason.
"I am sorry you feel that way...." Words that end jt.
Full story: I've been with my husband for 9 years now. I just gave birth to our son 5 months after years of infertility. We underwent 3 rounds of IVF before we had a pregnancy that "stuck" (4 miscarriages). This was such a a big turning point in our marriage. We got unbelievably closer, despite all the grief, and for the first 3.5 months of our sons life he was easily the most attentive and helpful man I have ever in my life met. Life was happy.
Well, his mom all the sudden came back in to his life when our son was 3.5 months old. She moved back to our state (she moved to Canada without him when he was 13 and has barely seen him or his siblings for 17 years). There have been multiple occasions where her presence has made me incredibly uncomfortable. Like she has come here a good 5-6 times since our son was 3.5 months old, never held the baby either. When my husband says "look, it's grammie", his mom will raise her eyebrows and say "hi" before looking away. 99% of the time that she comes here, she asks my husband to go outside with her (away from me and the baby) and she's started to ask my husband A LOT to go to her place and needless to say, me and the baby are never invited. He says that she's "just trying to catch up" with him and make up for lost time but I'm honestly just done with it.
Today was his only day off this week. The baby has a spiked fever and is super cranky. I had to call out of work for the past 3 days due to this (I work from home). The house is an absolute mess. I haven't showered in 4 days. I can't put the baby down without him screaming. I need help. Well, around 10am his mom calls and says she "needs" him because she has a surgery and needs a ride to and from. So, he leaves. There was no prior notice. Well, he called me and hour ago and told me that her boyfriend is there too so I asked him why he is still there when she clearly has a ride and a support system? He says that she just asked him to be there and he wanted to be there for her. Well, he just called me again 10 minutes ago and tells me that she's in recovery and asked him not to leave. I told him that I really needed his help and that ever since his mother has popped back up, he's been MIA and I feel like I'm doing everything alone. He told me he's sorry I feel that way and that he "wants" to be home with us but his mother needs him. I guess something inside me just broke when he said that. Because I'm telling him I need him and his mom "needing" him is more important. So I told him if he didn't come home I was done. I would file for divorce. I'm not playing second to a 'mother' who ditched her kids off 17 years ago and has seen them all of twice since. Me needing his help is more important than his mother wanting him there when she already has support with her. He says "are you fucking serious?" And I just hung up. I hardly see this man any more because of this woman and I don't want to live a life like this anymore, even though it's only been a month and a half since this started happening. AITA? The hospital is only 15 minutes from us so if he's not back in 30 minutes, I'm packing my stuff.
ETA: I own a property that I rent out for AirBNB. That's where I will be going. No, I don't have a support system. I grew up in foster care. My biological mother died during child birth and my dad didn't want me. I was never adopted out. My best friend moved 2 years ago. It's just me, and used to be my husband.
Edit: on my way to the AirBNB now. The last phone call I received was him telling me his mother would be discharged within the hour and he would be home after dropping her off. Her boyfriend (who lives with her) is still at the hospital. He could drive her. But mommy wants her precious son to. So, I'm leaving. Thank you everyone who took the time to comment. I will update as the night progresses. No updates were posted.
Replying to this incase an update is posted here
@@chopmoosey17haha same
I need to know
It looks like she deleted her post and her profile. Someone found another account created. They posted their husband came home and brought a 3-4 week old kitten home. She said she never cared for a cat this young and needed advice. It was posted around the same time the original post was made.
yeah it's weird. OP's account was suspended.
Good I would’ve done the same thing his mother abandoned him years ago and now she’s finally back in his life when she’s getting old and sickly, and then he just decides to ditch you and the kid and put her first after she abandoned him all those years. No freaking way he’s mama’s boy. You are always gonna come second to him. If you keep letting stuff slide you already gave him an ultimatum and that’s what he did tell him to go marry his mom then. She already has a man by her side he doesn’t needto be there.
NTA that guy is a TERRIBLE husband/father more like absent father
What does mommy dearest even want? For her son to abandon his child too so she doesn’t have to feel guilty for leaving him? Jesus Christ
Ditch that deadbeat Momma’s boy! You & your child deserve to have a man who prioritizes his wife & child, not his deadbeat Mom. Even if she weren’t a deadbeat, the hubby wasn’t needed if she had her bf. Your wife & child actually needs you! Grow a pair & be a man, a husband & a father.
Also - I think the Mom is purposely trying to split them up!
His mother popping up just exposed how selfish and irresponsible of a man he is, she should prepare for her exit but needs to take her time with it as she has a baby now and no family, so she does need all the support that she can get from this selfish man
0:57 for those coming from the short
Thanks
She’s going to convince him to leave his kid too.
Her feelings are legit however she needs to know that she is not dealing with her grown husbands but with the child that was abandoned. Giving an ultimatum won’t work and telling him what to do won’t either. The best thing to do is to sit down and properly talk and make him realized that he is doing to her and their kids what his mother did to him.
Or she could just move on and deal with her own kid not his inner child. She was abandoned too.
Nah, you are doing the right thing. She abandoned him and now he wants to kiss her ass lol
Sadly Mom is still playing the abuse cycle. Many people don't see it for what it is until it's too late. I really hope he gets the wake up call sooner than later.
Son needs to let her go and let her be an adult on her own.
Atleast he prove one thing he carries a behaviour of abandonment like his mother. 😂
This mans ''mother'' literaly LEFT him when he was 13, thats still a CHILD barely a teen...a child!
He has been without her for 17 years meaning LOONGER then he was with her!
He marryed and now has a NEW family...a wife and his OWN CHILD!!
And now he neglects his child like his mother did him...amazing!! I mean he didn't ''run away'' but he isn't there when needed, he isn't there when the child is literaly SICK, thats PATHETIC! He doesn't have his prioritys correctly!!
Like...blood isn't everything, I wouldn't even consider that ''mother'' of his, his mother! She left you!! And more the 50% of your live you went without her!! You are an Adult now, you have and build your own family!!
Some things are simply too late!! Yet he choses to neglect his current family (his TRUE family) bc of some clearly unresolved childhood trauma...
Eventually the ''mother'' might just leave him again...she did it once, she can and likely will repeat!
Eddit: not to excuse his behavior but only EXPLAIN
I actually do quite confidently think he has some unresolved issues! Running behind his mother that ''finaly wants him'', its likely a sad wish he always had...understandably tbh!!
Someone maybe needs to give him a reality check?
He should KNOW what its like to be alone!! He just doesn't relaize he does that to his own family.
And he literaly leaves his child and wive alone!
He is as much as a ''dead beat'' like his dead beat mother that left him all those years ago!
Maybe OP should have actually told him that? Make him realize what he is doing bc he is likely in delusions/denial of his own actions and what the consequences are.
Not saying OP isn't in the right to divorce, go gurl if you want!
But just IF she truly wants to give him another chance...make him reflect, maybe then he realizes and actually fixes his own mistake? Compair him to his own mother! No ''sugar coding'' be direct, call him out as hurtfull as you can!
I bet once the wife and child are out of his life, his mother will leave again. He just needs to ask himself was it worth it to put your wife and child on hold for a person that does not care about you.
Let me know when there's an update, please
Even if you're not abandoned i feel that he still had to set some boundaries with his mother but he acts like q lost puppy then shelter is open for him😂
Where's the paragraph guy? I need the update
it just dropped today so probably no update for a while
It's been 3 days
@@54kitten the post got removed and the account suspended. i guess we will never know
Okay.
So there’s actually more going on here than it initially seems.
So she is correct, he is not doing a good job of supporting his wife and newborn child right now BUT he still craves his mother’s approval who abandoned him.
He’s not a bad person, he just has more things to work through than he thought. They need couples counseling and he needs help as well to establish healthy boundaries with his mother.
She can choose to divorce if she wants to but I think just a month of a problem like this is jumping the gun a bit too soon.
Also, this may be hard for her to understand because she hasn’t been through the same trauma as he has, you know?
0:57 for people from the short
Sounds like hubby has some serious abandonment issues, and has regressed to the boy who got dumped by his mother and is now trying to win her approval. Mommy dearest sounds like a vile human being who is playing this guy like a fiddle. Yes, he needs therapy all right. And to figure out what's important to him: chasing mommy's apron strings, or being there for his wife and child.
I need the update
I would have done the same as the husband, if she didnt abandon him for 17 FUCKING YEARS!!!
Regardless if she abandoned him or if she didn’t, the husband is still wrong. Your wife and child ALWAYS comes first and the mom had her boyfriend as a support system there!!! She didn’t need her son at all and I wouldn’t be surprised if she was separating him from his wife on purpose.
@@NoizuWilhelm nah my mother comes before my wife, but my child is my first priority
@@user-pt2tu7ej4b then I hope you never get married. No woman would accept being second to mommy in a committed relationship
NTA, imo.
Update
Story is less than 24 hours old and op hasn't updated since saying her MIL was due to be discharged within the hour. She did however say that MIL hasn't been in touch with her daughters only her son since she returned.
OP's reddit acc was suspended and I'm pretty sure the OG post was taken down. Very sad😔@@crazytimewithmissieandsara9083
0:57
We need a update plssss
Update please
Stop 👏🏼 marrying👏🏼 a👏🏼 partner 👏🏼 who 👏🏼 hasnt 👏🏼 proven 👏🏼 their 👏🏼 loyalty 👏🏼 to 👏🏼 you! You are number one, family and friends are number two in a partnership and marriage. How is this not something you dont verify and talk about intensely before marriage...nonetheless, I am sorry for this poor woman. I hope she has a great support system and that the husband gets his sh*t together
Id love an update
does anyone know the username on reddit?
BusinessZombie2411
This is why the bible advised that a man leaves his father and mother to cleeve unto his wife.
Mama’s boys are pathetic red flags. He clearly has abandonment issues with his mom and is gunna ruin his life.
I want to know what happened after that.
NTA
Sadly, this account looks like a karma farm, and is currently suspended. Shame, because I was invested in it too.
Updated???
visit favorite stories
Idk about an update the account got suspended
Divorce is maybe drastic. Are you sure the hormones didn’t make her make a rash decision? She said the mom left 17 years ago and the husband has only had her back for a lil over a month…obviously he’s being taken advantage of and needs some counseling
I mean, he left his ill child with his already stressed wife who has no support and no one, for a woman that abandoned him for 17 years and already has a boyfriend as support
@@Bibo_boo you don’t think him being abandoned contributes to this psychological problem he has where he wants to make someone who’s never cared for him happy
Well congratulations, you're a single mother now 😂
No I don’t think she is ij the right, I kinda feel like she’s over reacting. I mean like you leave him because he was at his moms surgery?! Yes his mom sounds rude but leaving him? After he helped you out!
What happens after this?
She deleted her reddit account
While some of her feelings are valid, parental abandonment leaves holes and the dude is going to have complex feelings. I think there is more than a little bit of jealousy there given she has not parents or support system.
No one can replace your mother. But your mother can replace anyone.
Why can’t wives put themselves in the place of the husband’s mother. Can’t the wife imagine herself and her son in that situation. If her son left her or told her off or ignored her. Karma is great at revenge. I could never imagine my son not being in my life or there when I need him. That is why I push my husband to be with his mother more and do things for her.
Yta because the mom is trying to reconnect with her son. Also isn't she supposed to commit to him even though hard times? Yeah she needs to put up with it.
I get what you're saying but you're not understanding that their son that they worked so hard to have has a spiked fever and she's having a hard time taking care of the baby alone and dealing with everything that's going on and she needs her support system and he's abandoning them for the mother that abandoned him and yes she is supposed to be there through hard times but he's also supposed to be there through hard times, the mother did not need her son there when she already had someone else yes she wanted him there and that's understandable but his wife the person he committed to being with for the rest of his life needs him because their baby had a high fever. Even if the mom is trying to reconcile and connect she needs to understand that he should have a priority to his family that he wanted and created not the one who abandoned him and it's even trying to get to know his wife and his child. I understand your point of view but please try and understand it from the wife's point of view what she is seeing is her husband is not giving a s*** about her and their child the family that he helped create. I hope you reconsider your standing and try and see this from her view. No hate on your opinion sorry if I offended you in any way.
The wife is acting like the husband is cheating on her and is picking his mistress over their sick kid. The baby has a fever just take it to the hospital so they can give him medication. Taking care of a baby is not that hard. You can sit them down and let them cry it out for 5 minutes while you take a quick body shower. You can literally wear the baby and clean your house. I get wanting emotional support from your partner but sounds like her husband just got an opportunity to ask his mother why she left him for almost 20 years. Sounds like he is seeking closure so he can be a better father to his child in the future. Op also doesn't have a family so she doesnt really under stand the dynamics. Closest thing she had to it was a father who gave her away to the system because he didn't want to raise her. Sounds like she thinks her mother in law leaving her family as she didn't want them either. Its a projection because the mother has no interest in her sons wife or new child, making the wife feel like when she was a child when nobody wanted her then
The only family op has is her husband and now the not so sorry mil ass came to wreck it too and the husband is a d bag too carrying child is no joke and if he couldn't be there for her child isn't he also same as his mother an understanding parent
Having a baby with a spiking fever is a stressfull situation. Especially if it's your first. Even more so when she already lost more than 1 baby during pregnancy. Your nerves are fried while you wait and sponge with water and check the temp every 5 min. And you can't give more medication because the baby had a dose less than 3hrs ago so you sit and wait and worry. I don't think you should make light of this ladies struggles and not all babies are the same and would be comfortable in a wrap or holster. She needed her partner, if not for physical support then for emotional support. His mother did not. In fact, his mother had her own support already present. OP is nta. Her expectations of her husband is more than reasonable. The ultimatum however, was probably a rash decision on her part caused by her being emotionally compromised, but that's for them to work on. Communication and clear boundaries need to be set and this couple has some childhood trauma to work through individually. Hopefully everything works out.
Are you a parent? Because you sound like an awful parent
It doesn't matter if he chose his mother, a job, or even a male best friend over her. His wife and child should always be first. This isn't about the man wanting closure, it's been a month, he could have asked his mother why she left already. This is about him wanting his mother in his life forever to make up for lost time, and I would be willing to bet money he won't ever do anything to upset her for fear she'll leave again. OP is right to leave her husband. She's lost him forever now, his mother will always come first. Also, this isn't about OP not understanding a family dynamic because that mother wasn't even a real mother to her husband. If he were acting this way with his other parent that raised him his whole life, then that would be a bit different. His mother does not deserve the title of mother and for her to act that way with the baby is truly disturbing. I hope OP finds a real man who will make her a priority and not someone so broken he will drop her the second the source of all his trauma comes back into his life. Oh, and to say taking care of a baby is not that hard, is just hilarious!
“Taking care of a baby is not that hard” - so why isn’t her husband doing it? Why did her MIL run from that responsibility? 🥴