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Fear of Commitment Due to Trauma
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- Опубликовано: 15 авг 2024
- Fear of Commitment Due to Trauma #MarriedToATherapist //
Do you have a fear of commitment due to trauma? What does that look like for you? No one wants to live in fear for their whole lives. Watch this video to learn how to recognize trauma and how to start the healing process.
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I was anxiously attached in previous relationships. Then once I started to work on healing my traumas, I swung hard the other way to avoidance. So now I’m working on getting closer to being open to commitment.
Gosh, I was the exact opposite. Severely avoidant, then suddenly became very anxiously attached, which disgusted me because I’d promised myself I’d never be “one of those people.” Now, I’m severely avoidant again to protect myself. I’m too scared to open up and do this “right.”
I literally could have written this
Same!
Thank you for stating that trauma affects our bodies. My anxiety and other PTSD symptoms cause me physical pain sometimes. And the day after a flare of symptoms can make me feel like I'm ill (aches/pain, stomach issues, etc.) So many people discount what your mind can do to your body.
This topic reminds me of Kate & Anthony from the second season of Bridgerton and myself. I grew up in an abusive environment and I'm still working on moving away from the people who abused me; I really fear romantic commitment because my parents' horrible relationship and put me between their arguments.
When I finally broke down i was also diagnosed with Sjogren syndrome. The connection between mind and body is incredible.
Okay, when you mentioned trauma leading to the idea that you don't have a choice, I freaked out.
This applies to me and I didn't even know. I've had people get frustrated with me because I actually see a fixable situation as an unfixable, no-choice problem. I had never drawn the connection between this habit and trauma before.
I was half paying attention because i was replying to texts at the same time.. but the second an angry parent was mentioned i got brought into this talk and couldn't be distracted by anything else until the end. I cried, but it's such a helpful thing to listen to. "How can i show myself love?" well damn. Moving on will be hard but i'll try hard. Thank you for that
Yep, angry parent and not being safe caught my attention in a big way.
I'm and LPCA and I'm currently reading "The Body Keeps the Score." My supervisor and I are reading it for work. It's been very enlightening. Through reading this book I have grown really interested in EMDR and I'm actually going to take a training on it.
really helpfull, my mother didnt want me as i was a girl, the continuous emotional neglect has left me crippled realating to people, its getting better, but i still dont quite get that most people really like me
The concept of "shame" and fear of judgement is something that brings up a lot of intrusive thoughts for me. I've tried various techniques to explain to my Dad, that it does feel like I'm stuck. Recently have been trying to get help for him as he gets older but he's very stubborn and stuck in his ways. Additionally, I have trauma related to older men, so when my father pushes certain boundaries it puts me back in a fight/flight response where I'm reliving trauma.
Great video once again! I just wanted to mention how much I appreciate your "Keep shining. We need your light". It is such a sweet thing to say and so meaningful since we impact each other probably more than we know. Thank you for saying that. I love your videos on this channel or on Cinema Therapy so much because it helps me to understand myself and the people around me better (and I love movies). You guys are really making a difference, thank you!
Hey, gret video, very elucidative. I'd just change the title to "What is trauma and how it can come up as fear of commitment". Because everyone in the world needs sooooo much to understand what is trauma.
Love this topic! Excited to watch the video. Just gotta say that the volume mixing startled me again 😅 intro song is way too loud,,
Yes, either up the speaking volume or lower the intro volume. Greatly appreciate this video and topic help. Thank you.
Thank you so much lady, you made me tear up
Thank you so much for posting this
It has helped me alot
A book I recommend is The Divided Mind: The Epidemic of Mindbody Disorders by John E. Sarno, M.D..
The book expands upon the fact that trauma is held in the body and its tissues, and further details what physical impacts trauma has.
Yes!!! He called it "TMS" disorder and said that targeted therapy can help reduce symptoms of physical pain in people with repressed trauma. His books certainly helped me out a decade ago. Someone runs a RUclips channel, Pain Free You, that talks about Sarno's teachings.
@@Vhagaryen That's really good to know, thank you. Congrats on finding relief.
Oh hi thank you for knowing exactly what my childhood was like
This was absolutely beautiful I hope you guys continue to do this. When you spoke about the angry parent I related so much you described it perfectly.
It's interesting because when you mentioned the question "Is this coping mechanism serving you?" I automatically thought "No." But then you mentioned that we often feel like we don't have a choice and it's like yeah.... It's actually possible that those coping mechanisms *are* serving me.
I just started therapy yet again because I still have not gotten over the toxic messaging I received through the Purity culture of the early 2000s, along with other trauma. I am also reading "The Great Sex Rescue", which is a Christian book designed to de-program that messaging. Although I only just restarted therapy, both the book and my therapy homework have helped me to realize where all my fear of commitment and intimacy stems from, and how it has been downloaded to my body.
Wow, that hit close to home (literally, actually). Lots to talk about in my next therapy sessions…
3:50 This scenario that runs throughout the video resonates so strongly and deeply with myself. Thank you for this video, it spoke to me on a very personal level ❤️
Same here
Didn't go through any trauma, but I feel I have commitment issues too.
wow 😔 i didnt know what caused my commitment issues. but thanks 🙏🏽 now i have an idea of the cause and what to do .. thank you
I saw the thumbnail and it spoke to me immediately.
The Body Keeps the Score is amazing!
Can you do a video how to still be happy or at least at peace when you feel emotionally drained, sad and hopeless about your future. Or a video how to stop overthinking…
It's quite screwed up how healing from trauma (so suggest recent research) usually requires to be safe. Meaning you need to secure yourself first and then start the healing work.
When the trauma or outside situation affects areas, though, that directly impact your means to get yourself to safety or receive help for that, then the impact is massive.
I have not been safe for a lifetime. And have developed amazing skills of resilience, to "fly under the radar". Which secured me safe spaces and times to do healing work. And it's been triple the work, in a sense. Healing comes along with understanding what's going on. Doing so while impacted, means to take more damage and having more healing work to do. The result so far can be very much compared to healing spells and resurrections. As the only way is to reduce the triggering of damaging behaviours, support the healing of the person who causes the damage and to up speed and efficiency of self-healing.
Surprisingly it works. But it also meets an interesting limit. There is sth. like a glass ceiling. A point at which none of the previous can be applied and extended (or progress versus effort stops paying off). It's like knowing, that from here on, any further work can really only take place in a safe space and presence of safe people.
It's a time when frustration starts to build up and conflicts tend to erupt more frequently. Everything is kicking in the gears to built up the energy that will set everything into rapid motion. With the outcome being more than unclear and survival chances having a lot to do with the efficiency and accessibility of external support systems (can look like friends, organisations, safe spaces or opportunities)
One thing I can say for sure is: Living in social structures that aren't truly, unconditionally supportive (within their means. Some things take organisational time in real life!) doesn't pay off (literally in money value) and doesn't make sense. For noone participating in it. Not even the "rich & powerful" ppl. They're as void as anyone all the way below. If not more. Just in very different areas.
It really really really pays off if we invest into good, safe, unconditional social structures and education on it, especially in good times.
It's unpredictable who and when will need it and how (long). It's quite amazing though what can become of ppl who get to have exactly that! It's a huge win, that is frequently not accounted for, when we consider what makes sense, what not and what "pays off".
Thank you! I needed to hear this!
Fear of abandonment 🙋🏾♀️ Don't know why though. I had a pretty normal childhood 🤷🏾♀️
Can you make a video about sharing your trauma with a new partner? I've recently started dating someone and I have a lot of triggers and ill cry or hide. I know I need to talk to him about it I just don't know how to help him understand me.
I loved this video! It was soooo good!!!
I have CPTSD and I'm crawling out of it slowly, but some of my mechanisms are very difficult to break. Could I please ask you to mind your sound levels while doing these videos - you're very quiet, but the intro went full blast, and I'm not sure you want to start your video with a jumpscare.
Divorce can be used while in abusive relationship then the relatives cause trauma for being divorcee and have to hear criticizing from society while leaving criticising inlaws
Lol me..called out
Okay let’s do this 🍿
thank you this helped
Great video but your opening music was way too loud, I had it turned up to be able to hear you speak and then got a little blasted out by the intro... Anyway, thanks for the video!!!
Please please please bring up your voice volume and lower the music volume! It can be hard for me to refocus after being startled by an unexpected loud noise
Completely off topic, but girl needs to drop a tutorial on that HAIR. I mean, the VOLUME.
❤️
Anyone really love someone but when the idea of commitment or getting close comes, you totally ghost and block them?
Sorry to reply to an old comment. You might want to look into Attachment Theory. Under this theory, the behavior you describe may mean you have an avoidant attachment style. There are tons of YT videos about Attachment Theory as well as many books. Good luck going forward!
I was diagnosed with (C)PTSD and 2 autoimmune conditions and dysautonomia (POTS). Since trauma messes with the nervous system, could it be a cause of dysautonomia? I've been to EMDR therapy and trauma talk therapy, but I still have dysautonomia 😣
You desperately need to balance the loudness. Your title screen is 10x louder than the rest
I hate how little views this get
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Thank you so much lady, you made me tear up
thank you for talking about the fact that there is not any safe space to return to. that is the most difficult, it is to discover and re-invent safety from scratch. I find that to help my body relax has been one of the major things that has helped my healing.
I've never seen some of these personality traits that I hate/reset about myself as "coping mechanisms" from my body trying to protect myself. That context really helped my identify some of the beliefs and behaviors that I've always felt hopeless to change. Excited about how this could reboot my therapy efforts, but definitely scared I'm not strong enough!