Oh my word. This is so me. When I'm in a relationship I get so destructive and pick up bad habits. When I'm alone I feel empowered and less drained but the break up hurts. I never want to put myself through that ever again. 😭. I'm staying away from men, I feel trapped and monitored. This is an unhealthy pattern. I honestly hurt myself more.
I love when she talked about being emotionally available because of how you were brought up. I wasn’t raised by my parents so I was detached emotionally from the people who raised me and caused some behavioral issues and anxiety. I am now with someone who is very emotionally available as he was raised by loving parents, but it has been difficult to meet him halfway because he is very affectionate and I am not, but I really am trying to break that cycle and become more emotionally available. However I do struggle with commitment. He wants a future with me and I’ve been very independent throughout my whole life and I get anxious and fear I might be choosing the wrong guy because he is too attached to me emotionally and I am not used to receiving this much love. I like it but it makes me anxious to know that he loves me so much and want to give me the world, but I’ve never been 100% emotionally available with anyone and don’t know how to handle it and commit to him.
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Make sure you don't act out on your anxiety when it comes. This is the problem because when it comes, it's like a reflex. It's like saying, don't raise your hands to defend yourself when someone is obviously trying to hit you. So yeah, the advice is true, but it is so so hard... and the more you try the harder it gets.
This is a really great video. I watched a few b4 this one and she was the only one who resonated with me. I'm trying to understand myself more. Why do I do the things I do? The desire to grow past these places in my life where I always seem to regress or fall off and truly being empowered to overcome these challenges next time around has led me to seek answers. I definitely am all that she described in pertaining to ppl who have a FOC. I knew that I always pick ppl who are emotionally unavailable in some regard which always throws me into the same energy of on again off again, I'm the one who's in and out. Me not feeling obligated to open up in the relationship because since I've allowed myself to be with someone who is emotionally unavailable I don't feel "SECURE" enough in this relationship to be vulnerable. Yet, this is the same thing I accuse them of but it's me. Wow, thank you God for this video.
Actually people who are emotionally available are not attracted to the avoidant or anxious partners and that is why when avoidant and anxious meet it's a living nightmare.
i am very emotionally available and also a very secure person but my partner is avoidant and is commitment phobe. He has come so far with showing me inside his deep dark thoughts but his anxious behaviours always get the best of him and he acts out and that sabotages our relationship. He still hasn't accepted me fully.
I realize I never explored why he didn't want to commit to me. I should have put my feelings aside and played psychologist to ask him why. I would say that's the biggest thing I have to change about myself - dare to probe people as to why they say and do what they do.
anxiety is due to want of control. Why do we want control? cuz we fear something will happen. Why do we have that fear? Cuz at one point in our lives when we needed protection, we couldnt get it.
Commitment phobia don't exist it's just not being interested in that person enough to want to settle down when a person who blows you away comes along you will settle down with them
Gavin Payne - for a secure attachment style person, yes. But 50% of the population are anxious / avoidant. The right person could come along and they will fear them, thus running from the thought of commitment.
Oh my word. This is so me. When I'm in a relationship I get so destructive and pick up bad habits. When I'm alone I feel empowered and less drained but the break up hurts. I never want to put myself through that ever again. 😭. I'm staying away from men, I feel trapped and monitored. This is an unhealthy pattern. I honestly hurt myself more.
I love when she talked about being emotionally available because of how you were brought up. I wasn’t raised by my parents so I was detached emotionally from the people who raised me and caused some behavioral issues and anxiety. I am now with someone who is very emotionally available as he was raised by loving parents, but it has been difficult to meet him halfway because he is very affectionate and I am not, but I really am trying to break that cycle and become more emotionally available. However I do struggle with commitment. He wants a future with me and I’ve been very independent throughout my whole life and I get anxious and fear I might be choosing the wrong guy because he is too attached to me emotionally and I am not used to receiving this much love. I like it but it makes me anxious to know that he loves me so much and want to give me the world, but I’ve never been 100% emotionally available with anyone and don’t know how to handle it and commit to him.
Thank you for your comment, we can offer you a free 15 minute phone call with one of our therapists? Please email info@privatetherapyclinic.com to book your free call
Personal development school is another great resource.
Spot on for me
I can relate to this so much.
This is my story..plz share an update
Make sure you don't act out on your anxiety when it comes. This is the problem because when it comes, it's like a reflex. It's like saying, don't raise your hands to defend yourself when someone is obviously trying to hit you. So yeah, the advice is true, but it is so so hard... and the more you try the harder it gets.
Thank you so much. Dr. Becky is spot on. I appreciate the empathy she gives here.
You are very welcome Jim.
This is a really great video. I watched a few b4 this one and she was the only one who resonated with me. I'm trying to understand myself more. Why do I do the things I do? The desire to grow past these places in my life where I always seem to regress or fall off and truly being empowered to overcome these challenges next time around has led me to seek answers. I definitely am all that she described in pertaining to ppl who have a FOC. I knew that I always pick ppl who are emotionally unavailable in some regard which always throws me into the same energy of on again off again, I'm the one who's in and out. Me not feeling obligated to open up in the relationship because since I've allowed myself to be with someone who is emotionally unavailable I don't feel "SECURE" enough in this relationship to be vulnerable. Yet, this is the same thing I accuse them of but it's me. Wow, thank you God for this video.
Dr Becky knows what she’s talking about. Good discussion
Thank you so much Todd.
She definitely does. Very experienced with attachment theory 👍
Yikes 😬. I hope this can be truly changed....
I dated a committmentphobe. He started to be verbally abusive and neglectful. So I broke it off with him.
Sorry to hear you experienced this, thank you for sharing
@Christ in Shades Not really. After 2 months he begged to meet with me to talk.
@@rebeccajones8628 I'm a commitment phobe, and I love my ex but I always ran away from her. It's torture. I'm having therapy now...
Haha that toaster thing might be the most useless analogy I've ever heard ;P
Well, say what you want about commitment phobic. But I like my safe space and I don't want anybody else in it. Sue me lol
Actually people who are emotionally available are not attracted to the avoidant or anxious partners and that is why when avoidant and anxious meet it's a living nightmare.
i am very emotionally available and also a very secure person but my partner is avoidant and is commitment phobe. He has come so far with showing me inside his deep dark thoughts but his anxious behaviours always get the best of him and he acts out and that sabotages our relationship. He still hasn't accepted me fully.
I realize I never explored why he didn't want to commit to me. I should have put my feelings aside and played psychologist to ask him why. I would say that's the biggest thing I have to change about myself - dare to probe people as to why they say and do what they do.
Anxiety is the WINNER!!! 🏆✨️
anxiety is due to want of control. Why do we want control? cuz we fear something will happen. Why do we have that fear? Cuz at one point in our lives when we needed protection, we couldnt get it.
@@A22208 very interesting 🤔
Being a non commitment phobe made me a commitment phobe.
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Get comfortable with anxiety? If you're experiencing anxiety, by definition, you aren't comfortable.
Okay, I see someone and have a conversation with her, how do I know she is emotionally available or not before even conversing?
I think u can't know if a person is emotionally available or not without talking to them.
This woman is like the hottest woman with a PhD I've seen
Commitment phobia don't exist it's just not being interested in that person enough to want to settle down when a person who blows you away comes along you will settle down with them
Gavin Payne - for a secure attachment style person, yes. But 50% of the population are anxious / avoidant. The right person could come along and they will fear them, thus running from the thought of commitment.
@Isabella Davison that's basic psychology
Google attachment theory lol
Please educate yourself on attachment theory people. You will learn alot.
I didn't believe this till I met them.