Charles Spencer's Interview: Talking About Sexual Abuse at Boarding School - AEM #92 | Piers Cross
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 14 май 2024
- In this compelling episode, Charles Spencer shares his harrowing experiences of childhood sexual abuse at boarding school, the bullying he endured, and the profound impact it had on his life and that of his sister, Diana. Visit my website for more: www.piers-cross.com/
PLEASE NOTE: We talk about sexual abuse in this episode which some viewers may find triggering.
Drawing from his book, he highlights the dark legacy of boarding schools and discusses his path toward healing, including effective therapies and exercises. A powerful testament to resilience and recovery.
Charles Spencer is an author, a broadcaster, a podcaster, a British peer and the younger brother of the late Diana, Princess of Wales. He has recently published a memoir about his time at boarding school called, A Very Private School.
Questions for Charles:
1. I would love for you to share what drew you to write your memoir? Why now?
2. When did you first start to realise the impact that your boarding school experiences had had on you?
3. When you think of Maidwell, what's the one word that comes to mind?
4. In your interview with Laura Kuenssberg you mentioned how your sister, Diana, said to your father when she was left at boarding school, “If you loved me, you wouldn't leave me here” How did your sister leaving for boarding school impact you?
5. “What we suffered was not just a separation from all that we knew and loved, but an amputation. ...it lacked the most important quality of a home: it was without love.”(P.9) How did it impact you, to be without love?
6. The physical violence. What went on at Maidwell regarding physical violence and discipline? (P.68) (P.87)
7. “To keep his abusive system intact, Jack relied on concealment, collusion and cunning.” (P101) Could you please explain?
8. Bullying. Could you please talk us through some of the bullying you experienced and witnessed? (P.189-199)
9. Sexual abuse. If you feel comfortable to share, what happened when you were 11? (P.206-216)
10. The political ramifications. How might the decision making of leaders who have been to these schools be affected?
11. “Fascinating aberration” (P.6) What do you feel about boarding now? Do we need to open a debate into this practice? Do we need to abolish early boarding? What are your thoughts?
12. Other topics to talk about:
1. Homesickness (P.62)
2. Showing emotions or “blubbing” (P.62)
3. “I had been sent away because I had somehow fallen short as a son.” (P.107)
4. Making yourself sick in order to get an adult to show me warmth and sympathy (P.108)
The video is about "Charles Spencer's Interview: Talking About Sexual Abuse at Boarding School - AEM #92" but also tries to cover the following subjects:
Legacy of Boarding Schools
Paths to Healing
Overcoming Childhood Trauma
TITLE: Charles Spencer's Interview: Talking About Sexual Abuse at Boarding School - AEM #92 | Piers Cross
✅ Subscribe To My Channel For More Videos: / @pierscross
✅ Important Links:
👉 Website: www.piers-cross.com/
✅ Stay Connected With Me:
👉 Instagram: / anevolvingman
👉 (X)Twitter: / pierscross1
👉 Facebook: / pierscrosspublic
👉 Linkedin: / piers-cross
==============================
✅ Other Videos You Might Be Interested In Watching:
👉 Behind The Scenes with Bruce Parry: Unveiling BBC’s Tribe, Amazon, and Tawai - AEM #33 | Piers Cross
• Behind The Scenes with...
👉 Michael Maisey: Unbelievable Journey from Armed Robbery to Inspiring Mentor - AEM #29 | Piers Cross
• Michael Maisey: Unbeli...
👉 Boarding on Insanity With Dr. Gabor Maté: Childhood Trauma & Our Leaders: Full Trailer | Piers Cross
• Boarding on Insanity W...
=============================
✅ About Piers Cross:
Piers is a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, complex PTSD, boarding school syndrome, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups and runs a podcast called An Evolving Man.
🔔 Subscribe to my channel for more videos: / @pierscross
=====================
#charlesspencer #healingjourney #boardingschoolsurvivors #mentalhealth #bullyingawareness #traumarecovery
Disclaimer: We do not accept any liability for any loss or damage which is incurred from you acting or not acting as a result of reading any of our publications. You acknowledge that you use the information we provide at your own risk. Do your own research.
Copyright Disclaimer: Under Section 107 of the Copyright Act 1976, allowance is made for "fair use" for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship and research. Fair use is a use permitted by copyright statute that might otherwise be infringing. Non-profit, educational or personal use tips the balance in favor of fair use
© Piers Cross
I am bowled over by the courage of Charles Spencer in talking about his highly difficult and deeply shocking experience - especially his sexual abuse at the hands of a woman. Although we have evidence that women on boy sexual abuse is less common than man on girl it is often very dangerously misunderstood. This is in terms of the "lucky him" syndrome which is in denial of the way abuse works. Even if a boy enjoys some aspects of the abuse of an older woman it is still very very much abuse. The long term effects are still deeply appalling and confusing and mess up people for a very long period of time - in many ways for life. When young people are sexually abused in general it is quite possible for them to have feelings of love for their abuser. That just makes the web of the abuse more toxic and more deadly. That combined with the more straight forwardly deeply sadistic abuse of the headmaster makes Charles Spencer a very very courageous survivor and I admire him deeply. I am also just so so sorry that his beloved sister Diana was taken away from him. Although human like the rest of us the work she did in comforting people with AIDS and many other causes make her a remarkable woman. And also she too was someone struggling against sadistic abuse - this time from people like Murdoch and his press and others.
I remember at the time. I was fascinated by her and William in the early to mid. 80s, but after that, I felt she deserved her privacy more. Especially after her divorce.
I would buy newspapers because back then there was much less internet so newspapers were how you found out about the news in more depth than from a news broadcast and books were how you found out about the background and history to news events. Plus film, plays, and TV reviews. I didn't want to see paparazzi shots of Diana out shopping or returning from the gym. In those newspapers. I didn't care about who she was now dating. I hated how newspaper readers were blamed for the paparazzi hounding her in Paris. We were a captive audience.
Thanks Richard. Yes, what a powerful testimony from Charles. What courage knowing what horrors he went through with the physical violence and the sexual abuse. I can't believe that they had to fight each other every evening! What insanity. Take care, Piers
The business with all the boys carrying round knives and fighting is like something from one of those dystopian science fiction films where society has actually gone significantly backward. Only of course it is in this case reality and that is the crucial point. It is also an important reminder that although it is young black men from poor backgrounds who are stereotyped as carrying knives this is an image of bigotry and the truth is far more diverse and complicated and is not to do with colour. It is rather like yobs are stereotyped as coming from council houses and living in impoverished areas when in fact some yobs go to Oxford or Cambridge and work in the city of London.
Not a "privileged" childhood but a nightmare that should never have happened. God Bless You, your book will help the healing of a nation.
@@aprilsun8562 thank you for commenting. Yes, so true 🙏
I was so moved by this interview. I want to commend Charles for his warmth, eloquence and courage, especially as a public figure, to talk so openly about his experience of boarding school and how profoundly his willingness to do so is helping others to find healing.
I heard his story as a mother of two grown sons; one who struggled with the back then coming much too quickly brutality of the great gift of patriarchy for boys - the 'toughen 'em up' emotional castration that would steal their sweetness and their innocence and make them afraid to express some of their most beautiful, raw and eminently human characteristics from then on for fear of being thought weak, unmanly or worse.
Listening to Charles talk about what happened to him in childhood brought back all those feelings of fear and helplessness as an awake and aware mother who would have to surrender, at least to a scary degree if not totally, the preparation for life that would be visited on them from every direction before they were really ready to pull away from the safety of their mother's arms. For a child to have to face the horrors of cruelty discussed in this interview as well as being separated long term from their parents - effectively, to never come back as the sweet and trusting child they were before ie: forever changed - it's excruciating to think about and it just breaks my heart, though I feel this is such an important subject to bring into the light and I'm full of admiration for anyone who can navigate the thorny ground of talking about such formerly and for so long under the radar subjects of, well, the abuse of children as a very flawed method of teaching them about life!
My Dad suffered sexual abuse at the hands of a priest at his [catholic] school and I saw the deep and carefully masked wounding to his psyche and the damage it ultimately caused, or underpinned, in our family as I grew up. Along the years, I witnessed occasional moments where my proud Dad tried to hide tearfulness; anger; confusion; feelings of guilt, loss and a humiliation to his spirit when they slipped out in unguarded moments of vulnerability, in between his childlike and wonderful sense of fun and playfulness as a very engaged father and grandad; his immense capacity for compassion; his humility; his creativity and his intelligence.
He tried to talk to me about it as late as in his 70's but wasn't able to offload the way I sensed he was desperate to do. I imagine he felt I wasn't really the right person to talk to about what happened to him and he changed the subject. I know it tormented him. I believe his very religious family may have shut him down from talking about what happened. They were lovely people whom I adored, but I highly doubt they'd have believed a priest would do such a thing. It breaks my heart that he had to carry feelings of shame with him until his dying day.
For my Dad and for all whose load will be lightened by hearing Charles's story and your excellent podcast Piers - thank you.
Thank you Trish, for your words. I am really sorry to hear about your father's experiences. I have heard so many similar experiences just in the last week. Take care, Piers
I am so sorry your dear Dad had to go through such deeply dreadful experiences. He was lucky though to have a daughter like you who was and is so full of care and compassion.
❤@@pierscross
❤Thanks for your kind words Richard.@@richardrickford3028
Your beautiful and moving comment is full of insight and heartfelt knowledge. Thank you for sharing such an incisive response to Earl Spencer’s courageous exposure of what had been appallingly long standardized for the young of privileged Britain. 🙏
I praise Charles for speaking out🙏the truth must be told and these things must never happen again🙏
Thanks Georgie, yes the truth must be told and this must now change. Thanks to Charles for his courage. Thank you, Piers 🙏
But more so those hundreds and thousands who suffered and are reaping the terrible consequences need to be heard and understood.
My husband who also suffered at the hands of the boarding school bullies told a psychologist that he hid under a hedge the third day he was dumped at the school gates hoping he would never be found,aged 7. Utterly shocking that he never told anyone this until 50 years later. We need recognition that boarding school syndrome is real by all the therapists.
Charles Spencer ! May the lord heal your trauma this people has caused you! We are always with you , as a brother of Princess Diana and as an amazing man you are ! We love you❤
How wonderful that Charles Spencer has spoken up. Because of his position in British society his book and interview will have far-reaching effects. Congratulations Piers and Earl Spencer!
Thank you Gail, it really is great that Charles is speaking up and bring light to this 🙏
Brilliant interview - thank you both! I did not suffer the horrendous physical brutality but there are definately some things that resonate. I went aged 7 and Charles Spencer sharing his boarding school experience has helped me to open up about this to my husband and take some steps towards healing myself.
Thank you @demelzapenberthy9579 for your comment. I am glad that you found the interview to be useful and that it has opened the conversation with your husband. Yes, it is true, so much of the trauma of boarding school for me in my research is the neglect. You might find these interviews useful about neglect: ruclips.net/video/0cc-rwB54_c/видео.html and attachment theory: ruclips.net/video/1PN0QC9L3hw/видео.html Take care, Piers
@@pierscross thank you - will take a look at those.
I remember Charles as a firebrand during the aftermath of Diana’s death. The story is surprising but I’m not surprised that it’s him telling it. He seems a sensitive soul. It was lovely also hearing tidbits of his childhood with & love for his sister. Great interview.
Thanks @corrinadeluxe4141 for taking the time to comment. I too have gone back over Charles' interviews post Diana's death and I see a real man of courage. I also see that in the way he has courageously spoken up about his trauma of boarding school. Take care, Piers
Thank you so much for being so brave in writing about the elephant in the room im a retired psychiatric nurse and a huge percentage of my patients had been victims of CSA so you have put this subject out there for all to be aware of bless you fir your bravery you'll never know the magnitude of this
Again bless you and l hope you find peace if mind Charles
Super brave man
I hope he talks about his experience at Eton. I suspect he found it less traumatic at the time than Maidwell, because Maidwell had prepared him for the horror. I think pscyhologists warn that sending children to boarding school before the age of 16 is almost never justifiable. Children need parenting until AT LEAST that age. On blaming parents, it should be obvious to them that you can't be separated from your children, and everything should be done to make sure that does not happen. That does not mean you can't forgive. To get over this, you have to eventually be able to forgive. But part of that process is parents taking responsibility.
Unless they live in the Outer Hebrides or the Australian bush, and even then, only from the age of 13. But even on remote farms in Australia before the internet, they were educated through correspondence courses and over two-way radios.
@@lemsip207 I would say def not under 16. And anyway15 you are not really going to learn anything more going to a posh school than you would through distance learning. In fact distance learning may even be better. These and their curriclums are propertly regulated by educational authorities. For A-levels that may be different. But comparing the fact that a child needs all sorts of emotional support and guidance up until and including 15 and losing that against gaining something educational (supposedly) from boarding school education, its a no-brainer. The individual needs of one child are enormous for a parent. For hundreds, impossible. Boarding house masters and matrons cannot take the place of parents.
@simonsmatthew At 13 and over, it would depend on personality, and some children wouldn't even cope with it at 16 or 17. I know I couldn't even handle school trips lasting a week. In fact, some choose to live with parents beyond the age of 18 and commute to work or university rather than leave home.
@@lemsip207 I'm not convinced at 13. As I said the individual needs of one child in terms of all kinds of guidance and emotional support at such an age are great. For 200 shared among 5 masters that can't possibly be sufficient. Really it can only be done by a parent or someone who can assume the responsibility of a parent.
You can also see the danger when someone says "it seems to be OK for some". That is not a good starting position. The child will start blaming himself as npt being normal -not the system or the situation.
I think if parents are contemplating sending children at 13 they should get professional advice (independent of private schools who are very effective at marketing) from a child or adolescent psychologist.
@simonsmatthew I can see that as children go through puberty then. But to raise the minimum age to 13, it would be a start towards raising it to 16.
There are intentional eco communities in Wales where teens live apart from parents in a 'hostel' there. It would be better to give them their own yurt, teepee or roundhouse next door to their parents. It would be like a bedroom but reachable by going outside instead of upstairs.
Brilliant, a difficult one to listen to, but you paced it so well and he transmits a calmness and maturity about it all that adds to the healing - thank you.
Thanks Karen for commenting. Yes, Charles was so calm and mature about. I love the emotional intelligence he has. Take care, Piers 🙏
Thank you Piers and thank you Charles. Your sharing of these appalling experiences is very important and will no doubt have traction in the future regarding the abolition of separating children from families on the erroneous basis that it will be the making of them. I too experienced horror under the same system aged 8. It’s a particularly insidious form of child abuse.
Thank you @DevsAvocado for sharing. I am really sorry to hear that you too went through the horrors of the same system. Yes, there is legal case that is being explored at the moment about whether we can pass a law to abolish early boarding. Take care, Piers
Yes, a superb interview. Charles Spencer's honesty and openness about what he endured is impressive and inspiring to witness. Well done, Piers, too, for asking questions sensitively, then getting out of the way and allowing Charles to share.
Charles is totally right that once we start to open up about our experiences, it can be very powerful, lightening a load we may not have realised we've been carrying.
I went to the same boarding school as Piers, and was miserable. As the experts on Boarding School Syndrome such as Nick Duffell and Joy Schaverien point out, the trauma of being separated from your family at a young age is something that usually causes us to become dissociated from our emotions, as we live more or less without love from that day on.
I have always been open with friends and family about my very unhappy seven years boarding. But it was only last autumn, when a traumatic family event happened, that the real emotional weight of that trauma from four decades ago really made itself felt again. I then had about 20 sessions of therapy, and studied a bit about Boarding School Syndrome, and it has been enormously helpful.
I now feel far more fully myself, and although things will still come up from time to time, I know that I can face them, and that my frozen, teenage inner self is less in the driving seat now when I respond to situations.
We can all open up, understand and slowly accept what has happened to us. We can all become lighter and more whole human beings as a result.
If you struggle with old boarding school pain, I can really recommend finding a therapist who has been trained by Nick Duffell in working with boarding school trauma.
The past doesn't have to dictate the present and future.
Good afternoon Jon,
Thank you for your comment and for sharing some of your journey. It is very inspiring hearing you share how your life has transformed by looking at your boarding school time.
I so agree with you and Charles, that when we start to open up about our experiences it can be very powerful. Bless you for having the courage to look and to have found so much gold.
Take care Jon,
Piers
I think you make some incredibly valid points here - especially your last sentence which I feel very strongly like putting on my bedroom wall in bold print. Thank you so much.
@@richardrickford3028 Thanks, Richard! Yes, the whole process of dealing with trauma - of any kind - can really lighten our load, can't it?
So sad , although very financially privileged yet emotionally so deprived , I grew up in Ireland and never would have imagined this happened with people belonging to the aristocracy , he’s so courageous and brave coming forward with all this information
Hi Clare, yes, it is very sad and shocking to hear. I too feel that he is so courageous in speaking up - it is not an easy thing to do. Take care, Piers
@@pierscross It certainly isn’t especially the higher up you go in society, thanks 🙏 for replying
I'm looking forward to watching that!
Monumental work Piers!
Thank you Peter, take care, Piers
Thank you both. What brings tears to my eyes is the respect you have for each other. There's a tenderness there that of course was 100% missing in the brutal world of prep schools at that time. I know a lot of my story but listening to this brought back more. Particularly the MO of a sadist teacher setting us up to fail so that he could legitimise punishing sadistically. My perpertator carried that out on me for failing the English Kings and Queens test, which experience then meant I haven't engaged with history much since, to my loss. Excellent interview Piers.
Good morning Marcus, thank you for your comment. I am really sorry to hear your experiences at boarding school. I too started remembering different aspects as I read Charles' book. Take care, Piers
I have just opened up about my own childhood abuse and Charles' testimony has just confirmed that my abuser was definitely a predator as he came to my room and French kissed me! The hair stood on my neck! This is why we must speak out and expose them. Thank you Charles for speaking up 🙏🏻
Thank you @lindamckeown3198 for your courage in speaking up. I am sorry to hear about your experiences at school. Yes, it is so important that more and more of us tell our stories, take care, Piers
Piers - I just happened upon your interview here - you show such sensitivity whilst engaging in ground-breaking societal and personal declaration - your work really is an important part of history in the making -
It’s so touching throughout, how you thank Charles for sharing what he once felt he wasn’t able to put into print - this is a crucial discourse. (Especially as the “Comprehensive” Stare system - brutal in different ways - has been founded on decisions made for the majority by those who went to boarding schools … )
Yes , we say thankyou Charles Spenser for shining the light of truth into these shadows.
Thankyou too Piers for creating a powerful yet sensitive volume for these voices to be heard in the context of your valuable work.
Thanks Clara, I appreciate your kind words. I so agree I love that Charles shines the light of truth into these shadows, take care, Piers
I only wiish I heard Charles speak before I deliver my own Victim Impact Statement 5 weeks ago. He speaks with such raw emotion and understanding and learning how to forgive a parent is a tough one. The anger inside is explosive and we are often at war with ourselves, due to childhood trauma.
But we get to learn that, they done what society dictated at that time. I feel so privileged and level headed listening to him and understanding of everything that trauma is. I'm so sorry Charles internal pains have given me company. The courage and humility and strength. I am in awe of what he has just done for so many men and women for years to come.
I hope one day all the world will be good to our children 🙏
Thank you for sharing. Shelly 💝
Thanks Shelly for your words. Me too, I share that vision that one day all the world will be good to our children, take care, Piers 🙏
Well done Charles for this courageous and timely exploration of abuse in this system.
Thanks Rod, and bless you for being a big inspiration to me to start the podcast up. You were episode number 1 all those years ago! Thank you brother. Thanks for inspiring me to start having these conversations... Here is number 1 again...ruclips.net/video/P__mi7E91bw/видео.htmlsi=qjrkk5G-YyvU6o7k
I think the culture of beating children was quite common in boarding schools in the 70's very early 80's. I started at CH in 1982 and they had only just brought in a rule that children could not be hit with a gym shoe for punishment without parents permission. I remember being told by older children that until 1982 the gym shoe was often used for punishment for trivial matters instead of a house drill (run).
The use of a gym shoe for punishment still took place during my time but was fairly rare for serious punishment and only with parents permission. Even this seems shocking today.
Thank you Richard for your comment. I always wondered about corporal punishment at CH. It wasn't there to my knowledge when I arrived in 1986 although I have heard that certain teachers used to be very vicious in the 70s. Take care, Piers
One of the main ways in which corporal punishment is so appalling is that it consolidates whole generational cycles of violence. I was sexually abused in a violent way when I was at boarding school and one of the bullies (who bullied me violently at other times as well) we slippered by his father. He told me once it taught him some good lessons. I said to him your father shouldn't do that to you. He said to me say that again and I will punch your lights out.
Yes I agree. So sorry to hear about your experiences.
In the 60s in a state primary school I had a teacher who beat us with a leather strap , for failing times table questions and anything else she fancied .She screamed abuse at us , so loudly that adjoining classrooms had to stop lessons. She took every occasion to humiliate us and terrorised some into incontinence and mental health problems . Parents complaints were ignored . Abuse was not confined to boarding schools .
You raise a very valid and not to be forgotten point that abuse in schools - both past and present goes way beyond simply the boarding school phenomena hideous though the abuse in those places can be. I think in running a school and teaching in one there are two major pitfalls - the tyranny of the teacher and also the tyranny of the pupils. It is very easy to resolve one of these tyrannies by lurching into the other. What is needed is a middle ground with very firm non abusive boundaries. This is why being a teacher is such a difficult job and requires such advanced emotional intelligence and leadership skills. On the one hand it is utterly wrong for a teacher to rule the class room like a tin pot dictator especially if they dish out corporal punishment. But it is also wrong for a teacher to be over liberal and allow young people to usurp their authority. What is needed is someone who can make learning really exciting and fun (wherever possible) but at the same time make it clear to the class who ultimately is boss and is in control and that they will not put up with any nonsence. Teachers also need to be there for pupils emotionally though and know how to handle the disclosure of abuse because they might be the first person the pupil has told about something deeply wrong that is happening. This is why it takes a very special man or very special woman to be a really good teacher - without them being a superhero or heroine which no-one ultimately is.
Thank you for this interview. I had a similar experience at my school and now at the age of 43 I am processing the trauma. I recently watched the bbc documentary of the Making of Them and saw that it filmed at my school and I was in it. I now have 2 small boys and want to be a circuit breaker to stop the intergenerational trauma. It’s a slow and painful process but necessary.
Thanks Philip for your comment. I am sorry to hear that you had a similar experience as Charles at Maidwell. I found the documentary The Making of Them to be so powerful and tearful watching what the boys were going through. Here's to you breaking the circuit of this intergenerational trauma. Bless you for your courage, take care, Piers
@@pierscross do you offer any support networks for survivors of boarding school?
Hi Philip, yes, I do offer a men's circle for boarding school survivors which meets every month. The next one is 25th April 7-9pm. www.piers-cross.com/online-mens-circles You can join the mailing list at the bottom of the page to receive the notifications.
Or you could join a separate Facebook group which is run by 3 ex-boarders called Boarding School Survivors here: facebook.com/groups/143749179546597
Take care, Piers
Painful to listen to brings back experiences from another place but same era
Thank you for this Charles. You are a strong and courageous survivor.
Thank you for your comment @karensinclair4189. Yes, I so agree, Charles is a strong and courageous man. Take care, Piers
This interview was very moving. I found it difficult to listen to because the interviewer spoke too softly and Mr Spencer spoke out very clearly. It caused a constant adjustment of volume as well as running back the video to get what was being asked. I do admire Mr Spencer’s dedication to get this information out in the open. I believe it will be helpful to others to heal from their past and hopefully save children from living this dark, horrific life.
Thank you @sandstorm29 for your comments. I am sorry to hear that the audio was not loud enough for you. I will look to see if I can change that for the next episode.
I too feel that by Charles speaking up more and more will come forward and this system can start to change. I really honour his courage, take care, Piers
An enlightened , moving and necessary interview.
I worked as a teenager in the kitchen of a boarding school…the different atmosphere and food the day new parents came to take a look around. I knew inherently that even the basics were wrong. Now living with a partner who had the emotional wrench to be put in boarding school aged 7.
To have a Spartan, cold bedroom, poor food , be away from your family and pets…so cruel.
Thank you @arnicepernice8656. I remember how terribly we treated the kitchen staff at my boarding school. It must have been a very eye opening and difficult experience for the staff. Take care, Piers
Thank you so much for this conversation and the courage shown by Charles to open up about his experiences. You help some of us feel more normal and give us hope.
Thank you @andrewmills7117 for your comment. I so agree. By Charles having the courage to speak up enables the rest of us to do the same. Take care, Piers
How sad is this, how dare them do such horrible things to children..I am so lucky
that I went to a great school and went home to my loving family, nanna's food
(she lived with us) and my bed, every night. I cannot even imagine, I did the same
for my children, cuddles, love and warmth, always warning them of what evil could
do to them, I said to them,if any one does harm you in any way, specially sexual
that my hubby and I would deal with it. My hubby was a police man., Protect the
children, I am 77 now, so sad to hear such horrid stories, thank you Charles Spencer
Thanks for your comment @carmen47freixas96 and for sharing your journey. It sounds like you and your husband have been wonderful parents. Thank you, Piers
I suspect a lot of the very lonely men who visit prostitutes what they really need is not so much someone to have sex with but someone who will give them a cuddle and treat their feelings seriously and listen to them without judgement. It is what we all need as human beings - and yet so often physical contact is either very superficial like a handshake or a dry peck of a kiss or else it is full on sexual intercourse. What we often really need is the hug. And many people find it hard or scary to take their own feelings seriously so they find it hard to do that for other people.
@@richardrickford3028 So true Richard, thank you for sharing, take care, Piers
Piers, your podcast series is superb. Episodes like this one are gems. Bravo and well done!
Thank you Andrew, I am glad that you are enjoying the series. I really enjoyed your episode 🙏
Wonderful broadcast with a brave and very articulate interviewee and a great interviewer. Went straight to the heart. Truly well done both - and many thanks indeed!
Thank you @Magda-ji3lr for your kind words. I thought Charles was very articulate. Take care, Piers
I get Charles and experienced resentments as a child as well. I am proud of this guy for speaking out and I fully understand his feelings and issues when he was younger. Fr. Louis
Thank you Fr. Louis. It is great that Charles is speaking up and bringing this all to light, take care, Piers
@@pierscross I had never heard of you Piers, I thought you were so compassionate when interviewing Charles. Blessings. Fr. Louis
Thanks Fr. Louis, I appreciate your kind words, many blessings, Piers
As someone who works with our most incredibly vulnerable children, I find it utterly heartbreaking the experiences that Charles and probably hundreds, maybe thousands of children have suffered. Why such twisted adults would want to deliberately and knowingly hurt children when given nurture and love children are capable of incredible things and impart so much pleasure as a result, I love everyday at work and the things our children teach us and what they are capable of when loved. The dysfunction of our so called ruling class makes so much sense now, the have largely been made incapable of empathy and have ruined our country as a result. Bless Charles for his bravery and honesty and using his profile to raise this ugly story above the parapit. I wish him and other victims of abuse peace and solace.
@colintook3357 Thanks Colin, it sounds like you are doing wonderful work with children. Take care, Piers
Thank you very much!!!😇🙂
A pleasure, I am glad that you enjoyed - please do share it...
Cheers!!!@@pierscross
I'm not even halfway through, and I cannot believe what I am hearing. It's shocking and heartbreaking.
Hi @DrG79, thank you for sharing. Yes, it is a heart breaking listen. Take care, Piers
I completely agree that children should not be torn from their families at such a young age. I read that there was a debate between Prince George's parents (William and Catherine) about whether the boys should go to a boarding school or a boarding school. Do you have any influence on this decision?
Thanks @kikicica1. Yes, I too heard that there was a debate about Prince George and whether he would go to a single sex or co-ed school. I think they have decided with Oundle, a co-ed boarding school instead of Eton. Take care, Piers
Just to mention that here in New Zealand, TVNZ has recently aired a documentary called The lost Boys of Dilworth. It is about a boarding school for disadvantaged boys in Auckland. It covers bullying, physical and sexual abuse and I believe it would be of interest to folk on this channel. All the best 🌞
Hi @esmemacfarlane7665, thanks for sharing. I have heard about it from other people but am yet to watch it. I have just heard that the headteacher of Dilworth visited my boarding school in the UK and befriended my housemaster. Our school also had huge amounts of sexual abuse. Thank you, Piers
@@pierscross Thanks Piers, find your content interesting and helpful. While I did not attend boarding school, I am a SA survivor and was let down by those who should have protected me and got professional help for me. Keep up the good work. 💔
Hi @esmemacfarlane7665, thanks for your comment. I am sorry to hear of your experiences and that those in positions of power did not protect you. I am glad that you find this content helpful, take care, Piers
I was reminded of this routine we had at my prep school where the evening routine was that we would have to strip down to our y fronts and wash and brush our teeth while the matrons watched. You can imagine the implications if it had been female pupils and male matrons.
Thank you for sharing @pertuk...
The right to privacy - especially but not only around the areas of undressing and changing and any sexual activity (including masturbation) is a basic human right. This is regardless of age. Boarding school certainly in the past took absolutely no notice of this with devastating results for many. It is why I think the toilet cubicals could be such an important place for those who were chronically homesick and/or being deeply abused. But the bullies could get you in there of course too.
Elizabeth II didn’t realise how lucky she was having home tutors only. Even that was better than boarding school. William's children are still in day schools and will stay there until they are 13.
How far were these prep schools tolerated because they were feeders for the likes of Eton and Harrow? The regime was designed to frighten and intimidate the pupils academically and out-of-class into knuckling down and getting the exam results and attracting more rich parents to send their children there? After all, they are profit making institutions as well as educational ones. Today's boarding schools protest that things have changed and there is more pastoral care, but by definition there can still not be the unconditional tactile love of your parents. This is why today's social services departments try to find a foster family for a troubled child rather than an institution.
Thank you David, so true. Children need the love of their parents and that can't be done from a distance. Take care, Piers
I just have to ask this question although I don't think Charles has a tendency towards psychological speculation, but it does occur to me that the headmaster came from a much lower class than the boys and this was his way of venting his rage and his hate of the class system in England. Yes? AND the fact that he was beneath these boys now would increase exponentially when they became men as he would be so far beneath them that they probably wouldn't even consent to nod in his direction, even if he had not treated him badly. I'm just wondering because the class system was so endemic in England and I believe it still is as compared to America where for better or worse money talks.
Hi @LadyBug1967, thank you for your comment. From reading Charles' book I understood that the headmaster had been to a boarding school and also went on to Oxford or Cambridge. Whether he came from the same class I am not sure. As for his teacher "Goffe" Charles does mention came from a different class and that was the reason for his brutality towards him. Take care, Piers
Brilliant interview, thank you both. I went away to school from 7 and completely agree with both of your comments on how damaging going to boarding school at such a young age is.
Thank you @bigcrackerpants. What a powerful testimony from Charles. Take care, Piers
How do you break the cycle? Those with boarding school syndrome find it difficult to cope with raising their children, so farm them out, too. Many break the cycle by not having children. By banning boarding school except for teenagers, those parents would hire nannies instead even if their mother didn't work, but at least they would be at home, and there would be a better staff ratio.
Great question @lemsip207, I think that as you say if the schools are closed then those parents would find other ways or start to fund the state schools like they do in Finland, take care, Piers
@pierscross I am fine with private day schools, though, as long as there is VAT on school fees and they lose their charity status. I know of people who were sent to private day schools after failing their eleven plus exam and the school entrance exam to the private school or direct grant school was a bit easier for the children of fee paying parents.
There are also state schools that are effectively private schools as the parents of the children in then pay more to buy a house in the catchment area. So they either earn more and take out a bigger mortgage or they buy less house than they would for the same price in another catchment area with a less sought after school. I was sent to schools like that. My parents would complain about the house and back garden being too small, but it was all they could afford in the catchment area of the schools they wanted us to attend.
It is so hard. Unimaginable. My lovely husband is in Mh now. Boarding school …so much to answer for. Damages the person, partner, children and wider family and from.
Psychological abuse😢
It’s a very good book though ‘good’ isn’t really the word. Fascinating and horrible but so well told and so brutally honest
Hi @maggygwire, I so agree - what a powerful book by Charles. I love how honest and courageous he is in it. Take care, Piers
The Spencer children hated living in Althorp after they moved there from the Norfolk coast. It does look beautiful, but I wonder if there are horrible vibes left there from their ancestors. I grew up near there from the age of 6 to 12 but was unaware it existed as it wasn't open to the public then. We used to walk to Harlestone Firs a lot and a few times to the villlage of Harlestone near Althorp.
They moved there in 1975 when their father became Earl Spencer, and Charles became Viscount Spencer. Their parents were divorced long before then. Diana was 7 when her mother left.
Yet Charles lives there now after becoming Earl Spencer. I wonder how he feels about it. As Earl, he has more control than as Viscount from the age of 11
I thought my boarding school was bad!
All too common all this awfulness is coming out of the woidwork what gas been happening to children in nany settings, nany countries. Good thing the silence is being broken. Unacceptable events, any abuse, especially children, young adult.
Thanks @carlywright5127, yes, it is so good that it is coming out of the woodwork. Time for change...
Charles speaks like Diana... his little tells are just like his sisters.
♥️🙏♥️🙏👌👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
The parents conveniently place the blame on the boy by stating that if the boy had written one more letter he would have been taken out of that abusive school. They could have listened upon receiving the first letter.
Thanks @lloyannehurd, I often hear parents putting the blame on their child instead of taking responsibility, take care, Piers
@@pierscross This reminds me of writing a letter to my Father,after mustering a great courage(was frightened and in fear until the reply came), for taking me out of the appalling and worst place(my Boarding College). But he didn't listen to me. Thanks, Piers for these great healing podcasts.
@solitaryreaper77 Thanks for sharing SR. It's incredible that our parents could not listen or believe us. Hopefully this is starting to change with people like Charles, take care, Piers
Moving and powerful interview, however, could you please refrain from saying thank you after every response from the interviewee, It's extremely irritating.
What a horrible and absolutely shocking account!
But to me it is also quite astonishing that
Lord Spencer called his father a sweet man, as his sister Diana told in an Interview that she saw when their father was beating their mother.
Or is that what you call "repressed false memory"?
Thanks @hadrianmonk, yes it is a horrible and shocking account. Take care, Piers