Boarding School Syndrome Explained: Find Recovery & Hope with Joy Schaverien - AEM #10 | Piers Cross
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- Опубликовано: 25 мар 2021
- Join us as we delve into an enlightening conversation with Joy Schaverien, the esteemed author of "Boarding School Syndrome." Visit my website for more: www.piers-cross.com/
Discover the profound impact of boarding school life from a psychotherapeutic perspective. Joy, with her vast experience as a Jungian psychoanalyst and art psychotherapist, sheds light on the intricate journey of recovery and the role of psychotherapy in healing. A must-watch for anyone interested in the psychological ramifications of residential schooling.
Some of the questions she answered were:
1. What in your definition is Boarding School Syndrome?
2. I would love to hear how you started working in the area of boarding school syndrome. What drew you into working in this field?
3. I am fascinated by art therapy having used it myself to great affect. Could you explain why you find art therapy works so well for ex-boarders?
4. “I find that when I am at my most in need i.e. ill or struggling with something really difficult, I will shut out everyone around me and just put my head down and get through it. Friends and family feel pushed away, but it’s the only way I know how to deal with hard situations. I then feel so alone and tired. How can I let people back in at my moments of need?”
5. “I would love to know more about the split self that happens when you go to boarding school at a young age. How does it manifest through life? How can we recognise its there? What healing work can a person do to reunite all aspects of themselves?”
6. “Should boarding in pre-teens be defined as child abuse?- Should the multiple financial incentives via reduced rates, subsidy from government via gift aid to private schools which board etc, be curtailed?- Do boarders suffer similarly to refugees, despite the status differences?
7. “What is Joy’s point of view on what ‘recovery’ looks like after boarding school?”
To find out more about Joy's work please visit: www.joyschaverien.com/
For the Boarding School Survivors Support: www.bss-support.org.uk/
The video is about "Boarding School Syndrome Explained: Find Recovery & Hope with Joy Schaverien - AEM #10" but also tries to cover the following subjects:
Healing from Trauma
Psychotherapy Explained
Life After Boarding
TITLE: Boarding School Syndrome Explained: Find Recovery & Hope with Joy Schaverien - AEM #10 | Piers Cross
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✅ About Piers Cross:
Piers is a men's transformational coach and therapist who works mainly with trauma, complex PTSD, boarding school syndrome, addictions and relationship problems. He also runs online men's groups and runs a podcast called An Evolving Man.
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📩 Email: piers@piers-cross.com
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A is for Anxiety that I have suffered for 60 years since BS at 5 yrs young. B is for Betrayal by the people who had responsibility to protect you and care for you(your parents). C is for crying at night after lights out; D is for Depression for 60 years along with Anxiety; E is for Education etc etc love this video.
Thank you for sharing Speedy Pete...
🦋🦋🦋
Thank-you Piers for that excellent interview, and thank you too Joy, I could listen to her for hours.
The "ABCD" that Joy mentions also has an "E" - ETERNITY - she mentions it 22 minutes in, how a term, or a year, is an eternity to a boarding school child.
I spent 10 years in two boarding schools and it was a life sentence.
And at 48 minutes she says "you're separated from your family and you never find them again in the same way......when you go home home you've had experiences you can't convey to them". That is exactly my experience. I used to "go home" on holiday, but I didn't live there and I didn't know my family, I was just a guest staying for a couple of weeks, and I didn't fit in.
😢I felt the same since I have been 10 I have been in boarding school in Kenya. I don't remember a year that i spent with my parents. After high school I was shipped away to Australia.
Thank you so much.
I remember my first hours of boarding school vividly. I was in a school that was heavily Russian-influenced.
I used to watch a movie over and over again in my free time at school. It was about a man who escaped a gulag and then survived in Siberia. I remember wishing I was in that situation instead of my own. I understand that better now, and why that movie imprinted so profoundly upon me...he was escaping prison!! I would have done anything to escape. My home life was not good but boarding school was worse. I went into it thinking it would be better. From one prison to another.
Hi C. Guinevere, thank you for your comment and reflections. For so many of us, our boarding schools were prisons. We were captive as Joy says. Thank you for your insights 🙏
At boarding school in NZ we read a book called "The long march". about escaping the Russian country. I then escaped by pushbike and biked over 100miles to get home. I was a bad boy, That is now 49yrs ago, My mother has now died , I was always bad in her eyes and in my fathers eyes as well. The headmaster was going to cane me but I cryed and he let me go. I wrote a story about it at the time, Just shown it to my daughter.
Excellent point about politicians externalising the internalised feeling of imprisonment / captivity / suffering, Piers. Really enjoyed the whole chat. Thank you for doing the work you do!
Hi @Anya Bukshi, thank you for your comment. Really glad that you enjoyed the interview. Yes, I too really enjoyed interviewing her and watching the replay... Thank you for your support. Many blessings, Piers
i had nightmares about being prison for years and I never connected it to boarding school, but it makes total sense.
Hi @Simon Raven, thanks for your comment. Interesting about your nightmares. I too had nightmares for months post school and also didn't associate it with what happened. Take care, Piers
@@pierscross nightmares about 'being prison' is an interesting Freudian slip!
@@ravenorama LMAO
Boarding school syndrome has trickled down into British culture even for those who never attended a boarding school or knew someone who had. It's in the Government, in the state school education system, the church, the military and the mainstream media and entertainment business.
Supertramp wrote and recorded a song called The Logical Song to describe boarding school syndrome. It was on the Breakfast In America album. I think Peter Gabriel spoke up against them too. Phil Collins who only attended day schools wrote about the dynamics in Genesis caused by three of them being ex boarders after he and Steve Hackett had joined the band. I think they were the first members of the band who weren't ex boarders.
I never liked Harry Potter novels and films and only saw one film in the cinema. I much preferred His Dark Materials. But even the main character Lyra grows up believing she is an orphan and is raised at first by nuns and then the scholars and housekeepers of one college in Oxford University. Who she believes is her uncle is actually her father and she was born to a married woman her father had an affair with. That woman comes into her life when she is older and steals her away. Will on the other hand lives with his mother but his father is an explorer and has been missing for years. He later finds his father when he enters Lyra's universe as his father went missing there. But as a child growing up I would read stories about children who in boarding schools.
Amazing how deeply one's feelings from boarding can be buried. You don't realize it's happening at the time.
I grew up in boarding school after being sent at 8. I identify with what youre saying and realise that many of my emotional problems are a direct result.
I grew up thinking rampant homophobia was a logical and ethical inevitability. It was a bewildering revelation after I left to discover that there were actually people out there who were not homophobic. Being gay was more difficult I the 80s and 90s for anyone but I am sure my experiences there were acidic for the soul.
Sexuality aside, I am at a loss to understand how any sane adult, let alone a parent, can think this institution is anything less than abhorrent. My parents knew I hated it - the local secondary school was framed as a scary awful place to keep me where I was. Ironically, I learnt since how much better the local state education was in all the ways that count - learning about your local community, your emotional life, your family and where you fit etc - and very often including, academically.
At boarding school you learn that Latin is valued over happiness or empathy. It fosters the institutional psychopathy which is so evident in British politics, our history and the shame we inherit for Britain's abominable empire.
Hi Johnny, thanks for your comment and for sharing some of your boarding school journey. I am sorry to hear the impact for you. You might be interested in this podcast with Marcus Gottlieb ruclips.net/video/SaRS3PbGFcc/видео.htmlsi=uV-D7AhF1mhZgbb6
@pierscross Hi Piers. Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. And for sending the link. I've already watched it ... this and all your videos I've watched so far have been excellent. Such a relief to find validation and understanding. It's only now in my 40s that I am finally recognising that my mental health challenges are so interlinked with my school experience.
For years, I have looked for answers and had various 'diagnoses', tried CBT, counselling, psychotherapy - and all the home remedies from less healthy drugs and alcohol to the more virtuous yoga and jogging. I have made a life of sorts and have some good friends, so it's far from all bad. But when my foundations are wobbled, all the issues come crashing back to the fore as has recently happened. And suddenly, I feel rage, loneliness, resentment, sadness etc, but it all feels so anachronistic - as though I am 8 years old. The sun will come out again soon and I am forging on with my campervan renovation, so keeping out of trouble.
I am in awe of your journey and how superbly you have made sense of things in your videos. Kudos to you for helping others. I hope you are well and finding peace
Incredibly helpful interview: brilliant questions, detailed answers.
Good afternoon @Ben Greatorex, thank you for your comments. Glad that you liked the interview - many of the questions came from ex-boarders - I have many more yet to ask her. Hopefully in Summer I will interview her again, warm regards, Piers
I am married to a man that was sent to boarding school at the age of 8 until 18 as the only one of three siblings (not sure why the other two were not sent).
I am only starting now to understand how this has affected my husband - I always thought that it is a "privilige" to be sent to a private school and couldn't understand why my husband is so insecure and emotionally "frozen"..........all of a sudden it makes sense and I want to support my husband to acknowledge his trauma.
Any advice?
😭😭😭😭
Hi @jackomile1838, thanks for your comment and for sharing some of your experiences. I have created a playlist of videos for partners about boarding school syndrome here: ruclips.net/p/PLc8DzH2Z1rJiCCDJ3cuZl0KhwhzCsrlIS I hope that this helps, take care, Piers
Alice Miller calls it being an “enlightened witness” thank you Joy for being such a compassionate caring witness.
Hi Speedy Pete, thanks for your comment. I love the comment enlightened witness which I have not heard before. Take care, Piers
Thank you Piers and Joy. Well done.
Thanks, that was excellent and emotional. I have found Pier's mens group helpful and recommend them, if anyone is interested. Chaz
Thanks Chaz for recommending my men's group - been great having you there. See you this evening, many blessings, Piers
Very interesting. I went to boarding school
Such great content again Piers. Thank you Joy too for all you work.
One point that you touched on was the question of "is sending children to board, child abuse?". The idea of home life being so bad that boarding may be "ok" is, in my view, forgetting that if home life is that bad, the care system exists to place that child with a good enough family. Class difference again in the UK. I think we should move to call it out as abuse.
Having said that, I do wonder about weekly boarding and would be interested to know both your views on this. Do weekly boarders present for therapy?
Hi, thank you for your thoughtful comments. In answer to your question. Yes, people who were weekly boarders present all the time for therapy. As Joy says in her book, "Exile is the state of being for many in boarding school. The children are effectively homeless no longer fully belonging at home nor at school." I feel that it is as hard because we don't belong at home and so it can be quite depressing.
Thank you, Piers
Amazing interview!
Thank you @Ollie Hutchinson, glad that you enjoyed it...
amazing!!
Thank you @h3arty, glad that you enjoyed it...
You didn't talk about the refugees and if they experience similar things psychologically. Or did I miss it? Are there any resources that talk about that?
Hi Nedim, thanks for your message. Great question. I would say it is very much similar to this condition of boarding school syndrome - the breaking of attachment, you lose everything when you leave your home, you can't go back (as Joy Schaverien says in her book, Boarding School Syndrome - "The children are effectively homeless, no longer fully belonging at home nor at school." I would say that refugees, in my opinion, would struggle with the same thing but with "school" being substituted for the new country.
What a great question. And a deeper psychological question would be if the leaders who are causing this refugee crisis went to boarding school, how might that impact their decision making. Might someone who was made "effectively homeless" as a child project this homelessness onto others. As Peter Levine PhD says, "In an insidious way, trauma contribute to the motives and drives of our behaviour. That is to say that the man who was hit as a child will feel compelled to hit as an adult." If you substitute 'hit' with 'homeless' you start asking some powerful questions...
Thank you Nedim, this is a great area of research...Piers
@@pierscross Thank you for your reply! I didn't see it until now.
I was asking because I was a refugee myself, came to Sweden from war torn Bosnia and Herzegovina in late 1992 (second day in Sweden, I turned twelve). Actually, I recognized and could relate to a lot of things there, so this whole issue intrigued me.
There's a ddr. Servelence. System in Denmark. Obtain missing persons, to they go cold.
please explain what you mean