The gift and power of emotional courage | Susan David
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- Опубликовано: 19 фев 2018
- Psychologist Susan David shares how the way we deal with our emotions shapes everything that matters: our actions, careers, relationships, health and happiness. In this deeply moving, humorous and potentially life-changing talk, she challenges a culture that prizes positivity over emotional truth and discusses the powerful strategies of emotional agility. A talk to share.
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this one struck me. "But when we push aside normal emotions to embrace false positivity,we lose our capacity to develop skills to deal with the world as it is, not as we wish it to be"
Thank you for sharing! XO
This will be my forever mantra Doc ^^
hi
When we push aside normal emotions we are ruled by shame and guilt. We give away our life energy and feed those who profit from our weaknesses
♥
“Courage is not the absence of fear，courage is fear walking”
reminds me of a pretty much same sentece ''courage is not the absence of fear , but rather the fact we value that something is greater than fear''
Batman...💪
Love is the absence of fear.
Like.... Fear the walking dead 😊
Wei Keat Yew write it everyday I think I might get a tattoo
Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life 🙏🏽
I loved that too!!
9:45 The advice at the end is basically, "Fake it 'til you make it but when you make it don't forget you faked it"
I cried when watching this video. Currently dealing with hard time, but thanks to this great talk, I know that it's ok to feel down.
Big hugs to you. Thank you for watching and taking the time to comment.
I hope things will get better or has.
It is ok to feel down. It took me 4 yrs to finally accept that!! I hope you are Ok now!
It is okay indeed :)
same! I cried, too. This is an eye-opener!
A psychologist who is also a poet is a rare thing (though it shouldn't be). Excellent, moving, inspiring, profound, and well articulated with not a superfluous word.
True
She studied English with Psychology ….same as I did …..I love literature and the meaning of our emotions ….at 60 I still work with literature teaching children how to express their feelings as they show up. I truly love what I do. Children are our future
And the space in the presentation. So well done.
When emotions are denied or ignored, they get strongeŕ. Wow, this is wisdom 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾🇿🇦
Tyranny of positivity. That's the phrase I was looking for. It amazes me how we are prepared to lie to ourselves to look good in front of others...
"Diversity isn't just people, it's what's inside people. Including diversity of emotion."
“The opposite of courage in our society isn’t cowardice- it’s compliance.”
- Rollo May
Which much of the world turned out to be over these past 3 years.
I did not comply and have suffered devastation and trauma, with waves of emotions beyond anything I have encountered in 55 years
@@noremac4807 Same. I don't think we'll ever here an apology for the wrongs done in the name "safety" and lies pushed during the pandemic, not to mention the political tribalism and dehumanization of opposition, all by the people that were show to have hid the source of the outbreak, obfuscated the issues with mRNA vaccine, and otherwise just imposed their will on millions. They really should be brought to justice, but chances of that happening are slim.
"The radical acceptance of all our emotions - is the cornerstone to resilience, thriving, and true authentic happiness." 👌
10:17, "Tough emotions are part of our contract with life." Strong!
We need leaders who speak like this. Her message is crucial.
Discomfort is your price of admission to life!
This is HANDS DOWN the best TED talk or any self empowerment speech /video /audio I have EVER experienced!
100% agree
Excellent Ted Talk! I get a bit annoyed with all the "Good Vibes Only" signs people have. LIFE IS NOT GOOD VIBES ONLY. "Good vibes only" suggests that if I'm rightfully feeling angry or sad or stressed out, then I'll be rejected for my "bad" vibes. What a disservice that is to everyone.
I cannot agree more. It literally gives out the message please stay away if you are feeling anything but happy... And ppl who do this think they are being so right. They are so wrong
shush
That's exactly the ppl I swipe left on on Tinder 😅😂
If you are rightfully feeling angry or stressed about would probably find compassion. If you're being miserable for the sake of being miserable then you deserve to be rejected. That is not the topic of this Talk. The video is about staying grounded; it's about how not to live in delusion to avoid pain.
@@aparajita1in thats not what this is about. There is nothing good about being a crybaby.
"Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life." This is what I've learned from my best friend and the most important catalyst of my emotional health/strength journey: don't avoid discomfort, cultivate a resilience to it. Like on a popular Netflix show about royals (I don't want to spoil anything so I'll be vague) the avoidant part of a couple, who is shutting-down and avoiding dealing with the issue keeping them at odds, says "I don't want to fight!", the non-avoidant part responds with "I WANT to fight! Fight WITH me! Fight FOR me." This is, for me, a prime example of how only by embracing discomfort can we have resilient and sustainable relationships.
*"We own our emotions. They don't own us."*
"When we push aside normal emotions to embrace false positivity, we lose our capacity to develop skills to deal with the world as it is." Best sentence i heard all day.
I watch this whenever my own feelings are a little to hard to handle, to remind myself that it's okay to feel this way, that I'm not alone and that my feelings should not be part of my identity and neither should my illness.
Some of the most valuable content ever created on RUclips. We should memorize this. People have forgotten how to live!
I couldn't agree more with the statement that says if we ignore what we are feeling, we are not going to be able to develop the skills to overcome that emotion.
I agree with her. Emotions are normal but we are too hard on ourselves. We can listen to it but it doesn’t have to define us.
"Tyranny of positivity. " My family does not allow sadness or anger. We must always be cheerful and have a joke at the ready. I just realized that I have withdrawn from them because subconsciously I feel - if you cannot accept my sadness, you cannot have my full pleasure either.
This is SO on point. I was raised in a narcissistic and alcohol famiily that generated a lot of emotional pain in me and my siblings. Yet we were not given the skills to deal with emotions. Talk about a setup for addiction and mental illness. Thanks to good therapists and the love and forgiveness of Jesus in my life I’m learning to deal with and overcome this legacy of hurt.
“The view of emotions as good or bad, positive or negative is rigid - and rigidity in the face of complexity is toxic” - Susan David
I love this! So good!
Right? Wholly agree.
There’s so much knowledge exhibited from this woman and she speaks so truthful to the human heart and soul. I’m sure we can all relate in some way to certain points she makes in this presentation.
Listening to this lecture, I realized how important my expression of emotion was to me. I also realized that negative emotions such as sad or angry play a big role in my growth.I also think that I want to be a leader and a person who can give everyone confidence by controlling myself better through expressing emotions while going forward.
*Diversity isn't just people, it's also what's inside people.* Great talk! Thank you so much!
Kerwin C Of course! That's right! Singularity can come with choice, it will just require a lot of time and patience!
Thank you Susan for this talk. This is one of the best ted talks that I have seen in my life. I know this will turn out to be a life-changer for me. Thank you for making me realize that rigidity is not a solution to live a happy life. The line which struck me hards is, "Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life".
Thank you once again
It was a wonderful video. Majority of us are so apprehensive to even think of our emotions, rather have been shamed and put down since our childhood for displaying any kind of emotions. Even at times being "too happy" is also not appreciated. A very good thought being presented by Ms.Susan. great work. Really liked it a lot
“You have dead people’s goals”. Oh my goodness what a golden line!!!
What an amazing speech! Brought tears to my eyes :3 Such a powerful truth she spoke, and what in need is our world in hearing it. Bless you all, have a good life
Sawubona!!😊Thank you for your lecture.
I've been depressed for quite a while, and I've denied my feelings.
I always said when I was depressed that I should hide my feelings deeper.
But at some point, I felt that I should understand my feelings.
I tried to take time to understand my feelings.
I've been trying to understand myself.
After that effort, I was able to understand other people's feelings more than before, not just my feelings.
It took me quite a long time to understand my feelings.If I had seen your lecture, I would have realized sooner. I could sympathize with your lecture more deeply.I counsel my friends a lot.But before I saw your lecture, I put solutions first rather than understanding negative feelings when I was consulting my friends.I felt that my behavior was wrong after your lecture.It's my feelings, thoughts and you that made me grow up.
I really enjoyed your lecture.
"Pain and discomfort, are the price of admission, to a meaningful life."
"No one knew (about my grief and pain), and in a culture that values relentless positivity, I thought that no one wnted to know."
This lady know what she's talking about .. intelligent and I think she is spot on. Thank you .
This is a valuable lesson to learn here. How to be with and express your “negative” emotions, not try to fix or push them away.
"it is a tyranny of positivity" - I've been waiting years for someone to say this, thank you.
I was lead to this presentation by Dr. Susan David when checking for a quote about ... Many people die with their music still inside of them. What a find - seeing ourselves, diversity, denial, emotional agility, human freedom, resiliency, rediscovering & focusing on my values, telling my truth ... without judging, rigidity, false positivity ... discomfort & stress is the price of admission to a meaningful life.
Thank you.
Such a courageous talk to deal with "Fake Positivity". Thank you!
Thank you, Benia!
Truly a moving TedTalk that sheds light on the true nature of our emotions. Susan shows vulnerabililty and shares what is deep in her heart and soul. Her beautiful stories touch you deep in your soul. This is a must for all to watch.
Susan David speaks very clear. I like it. And I will remember: Courage is fear by foot....When we use our inner emotional guide we will live in a better world. Why? When we live it, we are authentic. And to be authentic, it will strengthens the connectedness of over all.
Awesome. I try so hard to articulate this to the stressed, the sick snd the dying. You have given me a whole new vocabulary. Thank you so much. Incredible insight beautifully explained. Wow!
Lady you are the most inspiring person i have ever seen in my entire life
Amazing and inspirational Talk. loved the concept: Emotions are Data.. If you feel rage when you read the news, that rage is a signpost, perhaps, that you value equity and fairness -- and an opportunity to take active steps to shape your life in that direction... Thank you
I came here from the short 2 min video on Facebook... I wondered if she was from South Africa... Im from So. Africa too. I now live in the 🇺🇸 USA. I so needed to hear these words today. ❤❤❤ South Africa will always be in my heart, mind and soul that is who I am. So grateful to be a Safa.
I cannot think of a single person in my life who could not benefit from this beautiful wisdom.
"Life's beauty is inseparable from its fragility" - wow... this is overwhelming!
Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.
Tell that to people trapped in abusive relationships, oppressive governments, or imprisoned. Tell slaves, including women in patriarchal societies, that courage will expand their life. Positivism is a luxury of people with privilege.
Tim Newton Have you talked to any of them? Sulking in a pit of negative emotions is no benefit. Resigning yourself to bad circumstances is of no benefit. The point of what the speaker is saying is that you need to express what you're really feeling, and others need to be empathetic to it. Otherwise there is no progress.
Do you disagree?
Love that! I’ve personally found that to be true too.
It is inherent in any relationship with a largely unequal distribution of power that one may be in danger when they express what they are feeling. This can be especially true if they are expecting empathy or anything else from their oppressor. Empathy is not an easy thing to accomplish, try as hard as you might. It is especially difficult when it would endanger your privilege. I realize that you can only understand this in the context of YOUR personal experience of oppression. Think of a time when you were powerless because someone else had the upper hand. Now imagine that combined with no option to escape. Are you getting defensive about your viewpoint? Try to eradicate that defensiveness and you may get closer to empathy.
So, I agree that there is no progress (for the oppressed) in a relationship where the person/group with the power is unable/unwilling to understand the person/group which is being oppressed. I am skeptical, though, of your assertion that any extra blame or responsibility lies on the oppressed to change.
@2much 2think Couldn't agree more, however as an individual who has lived in Egypt all of my life, i can tell you that courage is the only solution viable to overcome the oppression, racism and atrocities committed by the Egyptian governmental system and others.
Yes it costs lives , people get detained, threatened and in some cases killed! for just speaking their minds..
we are ruled by fear in these parts of the world, worst nightmare for a dictatorial system is people having the courage to speak up. we are fed bullshit everyday so we can stay numb, ignorant, unaware and helpless.
only by collective courage and persistence can underprivileged socities have a chance to be free.
its like small streams of water flowing in the desert , eventually they dry out because they dont connect.
its the same with people, in order to create real change you need a powerful force and a war of ideas has to take place in order to create that change; other wise we become herds of sheep that obeys their tyrant who leads them right into the slaughter house.
I lost my emotional connection to my father when I was four. He beat me to a pulp for snacking on baby aspirins with my little sister. He was not watching us, he was sleeping late with a hangover. I so often wish he'd left our family. By the time I was fifteen I thoroughly despised him. I can't even imagine the ocean of love she received from her father. The South African greeting is beautiful, and really captures what human beings yearn to receive from each other. It's tragic that so few human beings have the caring and awareness to give their fellow humans that recognition and acceptance. I strive to give it through my work. I've only ever received it from my dearest friends.
In Islam, the obligatory greeting is "May Peace Be Upon You!". Here Peace means Peace in all matters of Life and the Hereafter, including mind, body, property, children, aspirations, etc.
"courage is not absence of fear courage is fear walking" damn
I am reading her book Emotional Agility and loving it. Loved this so much to think and reflect and learn from.
Fantastic talk and relevant to everyone at some point in their life.
Also, the South African accent has to be one of the most beautiful in the world. It makes what is a truly weighty topic sound soothing.
Jenn Eiland I never thought anyone would think that of my accent, haha
I love your heart. This talk is overflowing with reason and compassion. Thank you!!!
The wisdom in these few minutes is astounding. Many people talk about emotional intelligence and few go on to the ability part. I think we must get to this part to be able to gain mastery. Mastery is accepting and making the best out of it.
It is not '1 am sad' but 'i notice that am feeling sad.' Emotional distancing---while remaining connected. So that the compassionate Self can feel the weight of the pains of life while remaining authentic and true to the real nature of life. The speaker kept it real for her presentation to be believable!!
One of the most amazing messages that the world could receive. I wish everybody watch this to have a better life. Amazing, each word, each message, I was fascinated all the time watching like a child 😊💜😊💜
This was an amazing speech! The point made about positivity becoming the new form of moral correctedness, so much so I ran into a pole whilst trying to make a note of this and run at the same time. I believe we do have a culture where we don’t accept negative emotions which could lead to people brooding or using a form of addiction to deal with this pain.
Great speech. The one you want to share. Not just for the "sharing" via FB. But for people to hear it. Thank you. Biggest thank you ever.
There is a bit of overlap between this and what i learnt in DBT. About radical acceptance, values and facing things that scare us, head on. I am an emotionally sensitive person. I don't deal well with change, but through therapy, I'm getting better in many ways. This talk made me want to know more about having emotional agility and minimising my fragility. Thank you Susan.
I keep coming back to this so many times, in times of utter sadness
This will remain my favorite TED talk ❤️❤️
It's my favorite now as well
I learned from this Ted talk to use the word “ I notice “ do not use the words “ I am “ I noticed I’m sad not i am sad. thank you for this great reminder!!! ❤️🙏🏼❤️
This was also a great reminder for me. "I notice I'm -feeling- sad." 💓
This actually made me cry! Really really good!
Best TED Talk I’ve heard so far.
I agree with what she says and like how she puts it across, and you have to be absolutely honest with yourself first of all. But there is something that follows which is so very tough... it's what you have to face in life if you are true to yourself. If you are genuine, true, and for real, you will probably suffer. Susan touches upon this, without going into depth. In many aspects of society these qualities are treated as some kind of threat and are not valued. This is why it takes courage. Because of the way society is, very often you may feel like you've been kicked in the face for being this way, and it seems your only reward is your own integrity.
Such an important message for each of us to hear! Emotions are completely normal and a inseparable part of life. 💛
I’m a South African woman and I heavily relate to your story, you’re inspiring thank you so much 🌸💗
When everything seems to fall apart and I don't know how to handle my emotions, I just come here and watch it again and again. It makes me feel powerful for the emotions I feel and accept myself as I am. I have to thank this woman for explaining this in such a beautiful way
Ditto & that is not a capricious response. I am attempting to gain the courage to say "Goodbye" & feel as if I will fall into pieces. I pray, that after the fall, I can put these pieces back together & be useful for something greater than the grief I shall certainly feel.
Thank You so much Susan for this excellent reminder of how we are not our emotions ... that we feel our emotions and that there is a reason we feel what we do and it is not good to ignore them (in ourselves or in others). I lost my father when I was 11 (a sudden accident). I had no one in my life who knew how to help me with all my pain (no one even tried). I'm Nearing 60 now and have only in the past few years been able to sort through how his death effected me then and how the ignoring (or attempting to ignore) my emotions had an adverse effect on my whole life. Children especially need (wise loving folks) to help them accept what they cannot change and to change what they can. Love & Peace to All
LoveAndPeaceOccurs you wrote: 'Children especially need (wise loving folks) to help them accept what they cannot change and to change what they can' = I totally agree: my mum died when I was 7 and my dad died when I was 12 and I was so lucky to have many good people around me who loved me and helped me grow so my adult years (until my accident) were (mostly!) full of happiness and fun. Lots of kids aren't so lucky.
Thank you! you inspired me. Your TED talk came to me out of nowhere a day before a Facebook Live about Emotional Intelligence and even though I resisted to listen to it because I thought I have enough material, my inner voice persisted and I have learned not to resist anymore
This message is great, let's begin to feel without fear of what they will say. Thanks for sharing.
Brilliant video on emotions. Beautiful person inside n out. Really mind opening i can understand my emotions better and can deal with them better watching this video certainly helps
One the the greatest talks i have listened to. Bless the speaker Susan David thank you for sharing your ideas & thoughts on such a crucial topic called Emotional Agility !
You cannot ignore or bottle up emotions.
You need to deal with them, but not to be overwhelmed by them.
How to do that?
@@julies570 Understand that what happens today, does not have to, and should not change who you are and what you do in the future.
I watched her give this exact speech this year and it was so empowering
One of the best talks I’ve ever heard, and I’ve listened to hundreds of these now. As someone who struggles with their own emotional intellect, the fact that I have too much of it. This really helped me. Thank you.
Thank you! Thank you so much, Susan! I was listening to you with my heart beating and an inspiration growing in my soul. Inspiration and the strength to do what I want to do and to feel what I want to feel. Life is full of disappointments and unjustice but that is life, that is the only thing we have in this world for sure. And we have to live it. We can make mistakes but always to climb up and go on living. Only he who does nothing makes a mistake.
Thank you again!
Excellent topic. An extremely well thought out talk, Thank you, Susan David.
This is the best TED talk I’ve listened to on RUclips. Absolutely brilliant.
Probably the best introduction into Susan David's work and likely to stimulate you to investigate more. Powerful, personal and universal.
This is incredible! I am amazed, honestly.
Thankyou Susan for your beautiful and super important message... totally spot on!
Powerful, inspiring, straight talking & beautifully delivered with compassion. Wow! Thank you for your work I admire & respect your passion 🙏
Thank you, you have helped me see that emotions are real and need to be expressed to overcome the negative.
What a powerful talk. Thank you for sharing Susan David.
Wow thats an amazing, beautiful speech that is so hard to describe the feelings it gave me and inspiration...the best way to explain it is with magnetic dialogue, and that it felt like I am now finally dancing with life to the symphony of my heartbeats sound.. Thank you Susan and what a contribute you are to this world.
What a wonderful educational video, this should definitely be taught all over the world. Thank you Susan and all who made this possible. 🙏❤️
Wonderful talk. The psychologist is the light house when you sail in the sea of your life. No matter what situations you encounter, the light house is always there. Thanks.
I didn't know I needed this. Thank you.
She's a really good speaker. She voices out influential, memorable lines or creating adages like breathing
Entrou pra um dos melhores TED que eu já vi. Excelente o conteúdo e uma oratória invejável.
Beautiful story, beautiful person, beautiful message...great for us who have been suffering for so long. Acknowledgement so we can move forward...
Powerful stuff! The most impactful Ted talk I have listened to.
This talk empowered me so much!
Thank you - thank you, thank you, thank you so much for putting this out there
thank you for sharing this TED talk. I very approciated it.
Thank you so much!!! Thank you for speaking the truth. Must be the best talk I have ever heard. Thank you for the honesty. Don't know how many times I have been turned away coz i was not being happy and joyful, when I was simply not in a state to be so. For showing my honest emotion at that point. Been told you are always sad, so negative. False positivity is a disease. I loved the movie "inside out". It teaches us how every emotion has a purpose and actually protects us.
SOOO many go-to quotes in this presentation, that can be applied in our everyday lives.
She is a beautiful soul with a beautiful soul.
Very similar to my story. Spot on. Totally relate to this. Thank you! 🙏🏼 “The Guesthouse” by Rumi really captures this sentiment too.
Acceptance of all emotions, including tough one, is the key.
We can't run away from strong emotions. Running will only bring more of that emotion. Acceptance is the solution.
Understand what that emotions is trying to say. Decode the data, and take value based steps. This can be done by analysing and talking with yur emotion.
Dealing with strong emition will make you strong.